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1
00:00:03,750 --> 00:00:05,451
Morning, Ben.
2
00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:07,452
Listen to me...
You are a mascot.
3
00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:09,787
You're not even supposed to be
up here in the office.
4
00:00:09,855 --> 00:00:12,390
Your only job
is to rev up the crowd
5
00:00:12,458 --> 00:00:15,193
during sporting events.
The photocopier ran out of ink,
6
00:00:15,261 --> 00:00:18,396
so I put another toner cartridge in there.
Okay, great. Thanks.
7
00:00:18,464 --> 00:00:22,066
Hey, everyone! I got a bunch
of promotional stuff
8
00:00:22,134 --> 00:00:23,734
for Alonzo's
charity tennis event.
9
00:00:23,801 --> 00:00:26,403
Come and get it.
It's one size fits all.
10
00:00:26,471 --> 00:00:28,038
I'm not sure about that.
11
00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:29,940
It feels like nighttime
in my head.
12
00:00:30,008 --> 00:00:32,309
That's a wristband, Roman.
13
00:00:32,377 --> 00:00:35,613
Ohh. That is better.
14
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,448
What an improvement.
15
00:00:37,516 --> 00:00:40,049
"Rackets for R.M."?
Boy, Alonzo's really scraping
16
00:00:40,117 --> 00:00:42,452
the bottom of the charity
disease barrel on this one.
17
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,288
Rheumatoid Mylopenia
is a rare disorder
18
00:00:45,356 --> 00:00:47,357
that causes the joints
and connective tissue
19
00:00:47,424 --> 00:00:50,092
to overheat and melt
inside the body.
20
00:00:50,161 --> 00:00:52,262
No jokes there.
21
00:00:52,329 --> 00:00:55,464
It's more commonly known as "jello bones.
" Oh. They... they found one.
22
00:00:55,532 --> 00:00:58,233
You know, I think someone's
just jealous because Alonzo
23
00:00:58,301 --> 00:01:00,235
gets to play tennis against
Jimmy Connors.
24
00:01:00,303 --> 00:01:02,304
That's me...
The jealous someone is me!
25
00:01:02,372 --> 00:01:04,540
Good morning, beautiful people.
Honey, what's the matter?
26
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:06,808
Yeah, honey.
What's the matter?
27
00:01:06,876 --> 00:01:08,877
Did the choir of angels
who wake you up
28
00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:11,512
get in a fight with the fairies
who dress you? No, Ben.
29
00:01:11,580 --> 00:01:13,581
My tennis partner,
channel 7's Dusty Cruntler,
30
00:01:13,649 --> 00:01:16,551
got hit by a car this morning.
The Weatherwizard?
31
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:19,353
Oh! He always knows what the day's
gonna bring. I'm pretty sure he didn't know
32
00:01:19,421 --> 00:01:21,855
the day was gonna bring
a 2-ton luxury sedan
33
00:01:21,923 --> 00:01:24,225
onto the sidewalk
and ultimately, his pelvis.
34
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:27,260
I gotta find a replacement right away. Oh!
Pick me Pick me! I'm a great tennis player.
35
00:01:27,328 --> 00:01:29,429
I love Jimmy Connors,
and I love jelly kids.
36
00:01:29,497 --> 00:01:31,698
Jello. No, thanks.
I'm talking to Alonzo.
37
00:01:31,765 --> 00:01:33,700
Well, Ben, it's a celebrity
tennis tournament.
38
00:01:33,767 --> 00:01:35,868
And even in the loosest terms,
you're... you're just not a celebrity.
39
00:01:35,936 --> 00:01:38,838
I saw the list of players Alonzo,
Alan Thicke will be participating.
40
00:01:38,906 --> 00:01:40,975
Excellent point, Ben.
You can play.
41
00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:42,914
Yes! Team mates!
I play the backhand side,
42
00:01:42,981 --> 00:01:45,115
and I'm a grunter.
Let's do this.
43
00:01:45,183 --> 00:01:47,685
Hello, everyone! Big morning.
Yours truly finally learned
44
00:01:47,753 --> 00:01:50,254
how to do the Twitters
on her smartphone.
45
00:01:50,322 --> 00:01:52,990
I also had a car accident...
Completely unrelated.
46
00:01:53,058 --> 00:01:54,959
Meeting adjourned.
47
00:01:55,026 --> 00:01:58,695
Oh! Hey! My colorist, Julian,
is no longer my only follower
48
00:01:58,763 --> 00:02:00,129
on the Twitter device.
49
00:02:00,197 --> 00:02:02,198
Ben...
50
00:02:02,266 --> 00:02:04,534
"Driving in the rain
while watching a documentary
51
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,169
"on hummingbirds on my phone.
52
00:02:06,236 --> 00:02:08,939
Oops! Yes, I just had
a major car accident."
53
00:02:09,006 --> 00:02:10,674
You hit Weatherwizard
Dusty Cruntler.
54
00:02:10,741 --> 00:02:13,576
Now I gotta play tennis with this guy!
I'm very excited.
55
00:02:13,643 --> 00:02:15,478
The law clearly states,
if you're standing
56
00:02:15,545 --> 00:02:17,580
within 10 feet of the road,
57
00:02:17,647 --> 00:02:20,883
you must always wear
an orange cone as a hat.
58
00:02:20,951 --> 00:02:22,918
Or something like that.
59
00:02:22,986 --> 00:02:25,888
No, you're right.
That is the exact law.
60
00:02:25,956 --> 00:02:27,456
Oh, mom? Hey.
61
00:02:27,524 --> 00:02:29,324
I know you had a crazy morning,
62
00:02:29,392 --> 00:02:32,126
but, um, we were supposed
to meet for breakfast.
63
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:35,129
Oh! Gosh.
I'm terribly sorry, dear.
64
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:37,765
What can I possibly do
to make it up to you?
65
00:02:37,833 --> 00:02:40,768
Well, last time you missed it,
you said, "let's schedule it
66
00:02:40,836 --> 00:02:43,505
one week from today,
and I promise I won't miss it."
67
00:02:43,572 --> 00:02:47,474
That's perfect. Let's do it
one week from today, and I p...
68
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,076
And I promise I won't miss it.
And I promise I won't miss it.
69
00:02:53,781 --> 00:02:54,948
Go home.
70
00:02:55,016 --> 00:02:57,083
I made you some hot chocolate.
Oh. That's nice.
71
00:02:57,151 --> 00:02:58,820
Yeah, I put a couple
of marshmallows in there.
72
00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,754
Go home.
All right.
73
00:03:12,967 --> 00:03:17,336
So... you just started playing
tennis for this tournament?
74
00:03:17,404 --> 00:03:21,440
Oh, yeah. I just found this
tennis racket in my garage.
75
00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:24,343
Pretty easy game.
76
00:03:24,411 --> 00:03:26,078
How long you been playing?
77
00:03:26,146 --> 00:03:28,514
Oh, you know...
Four or five...
78
00:03:28,582 --> 00:03:32,284
Since I was 4 or 5.
79
00:03:33,819 --> 00:03:36,087
Roman, I appreciate the enthusiasm.
Little tip, though...
80
00:03:36,155 --> 00:03:38,991
Next time, wait for the point to be over
before you grab the ball.
81
00:03:39,359 --> 00:03:42,528
Third time I'm telling you.
82
00:03:42,595 --> 00:03:45,097
Where's the cigarette machine?
In the 1970s.
83
00:03:45,165 --> 00:03:47,199
Well, where can a lady find a long, thin,
sophisticated cigarette
84
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:50,170
that says she's arrived in a man's world?
Cigarettes are bad for you, Crystal.
85
00:03:50,737 --> 00:03:54,239
People should know this.
I'm gonna tweet about it.
86
00:03:55,475 --> 00:03:57,877
She's gonna tweet about it.
87
00:03:59,279 --> 00:04:01,180
Hey, guys, it's Alice.
88
00:04:01,247 --> 00:04:03,448
It's amazing how well you
and Alonzo are getting along.
89
00:04:03,515 --> 00:04:06,150
I mean, seeing how you dated
Alice right before him,
90
00:04:06,218 --> 00:04:08,119
and he's perfect,
and you're not.
91
00:04:08,187 --> 00:04:11,255
Shh! He doesn't know.
Of course he knows.
92
00:04:11,323 --> 00:04:13,658
He's dedicated his whole life
to helping others,
93
00:04:13,726 --> 00:04:16,127
and your flaws are pretty much
out here for everyone to see.
94
00:04:16,195 --> 00:04:18,463
I'm talking about Alice.
95
00:04:18,530 --> 00:04:21,632
Ben, he knows Alice.
She's his girlfriend.
96
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,166
Ball!
97
00:04:23,234 --> 00:04:24,167
On it.
98
00:04:24,235 --> 00:04:25,836
Okay.
99
00:04:25,904 --> 00:04:27,905
You too, sweetie.
100
00:04:27,973 --> 00:04:31,141
Ooh! She's got you
on a short leash, huh?
101
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:34,411
Well, I guess Alice likes
to touch base with me a lot
102
00:04:34,479 --> 00:04:36,879
because her last boyfriend
was such a jerk.
103
00:04:36,947 --> 00:04:39,315
Her last boyfriend before you?
104
00:04:39,382 --> 00:04:40,883
Yeah. He did a real
number on her.
105
00:04:40,951 --> 00:04:43,019
She said he had
commitment issues, selfish,
106
00:04:43,087 --> 00:04:45,989
so it really messed with her head.
Well, that is surprising to hear.
107
00:04:46,056 --> 00:04:48,491
Because it's new information
that I'm just taking in,
108
00:04:48,558 --> 00:04:51,526
and it surprises me.
Yeah, well, you know, sometimes
109
00:04:51,594 --> 00:04:54,529
a boyfriend has to fix
the damage the last guy did.
110
00:04:54,597 --> 00:04:56,765
You know what I'm talking
about, right? I do?
111
00:04:56,833 --> 00:04:59,234
I do. I do?
112
00:05:01,671 --> 00:05:04,106
Whoa! Listen, we're not gonna
get anywhere against Connors
113
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:06,407
just standing around
talking about our girlfriends.
114
00:05:06,475 --> 00:05:08,342
Let's play.
115
00:05:10,211 --> 00:05:12,980
Oh, sorry.
116
00:05:13,048 --> 00:05:16,483
It's all right. I got it.
My time to shine!
117
00:05:20,622 --> 00:05:23,222
Mom? Mom? Mom!
118
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,125
Aah!
119
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,325
Oh.
120
00:05:27,962 --> 00:05:29,963
Oops.
121
00:05:30,031 --> 00:05:32,331
♪ Mr. sunshine ♪
122
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:35,035
♪ yay ♪
123
00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:36,260
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com
124
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,634
yeah, he's gonna be okay.
125
00:05:41,702 --> 00:05:44,238
Just need a little info.
Is anyone here close to him?
126
00:05:44,305 --> 00:05:46,406
Not really.
This is the boy's mother.
127
00:05:46,574 --> 00:05:49,042
Sir, I am the boy's mother.
Great. Age?
128
00:05:49,109 --> 00:05:51,044
Like a fine wine,
I'm mellowing.
129
00:05:51,111 --> 00:05:52,646
He's talking about Roman's age.
130
00:05:52,714 --> 00:05:55,981
Wait. I know this.
It starts with a...
131
00:05:56,049 --> 00:05:57,483
Pass.
132
00:05:57,551 --> 00:05:59,485
Does he have any allergies
to medication?
133
00:05:59,553 --> 00:06:00,986
Play. None at all.
134
00:06:01,054 --> 00:06:02,421
Weight?
135
00:06:02,489 --> 00:06:06,559
My God.
I'm not a sideshow carny.
136
00:06:06,626 --> 00:06:08,894
Don't give him any medicine.
He's allergic to everything.
137
00:06:08,962 --> 00:06:11,865
And his blood type is o
positive, and it tastes salty.
138
00:06:12,632 --> 00:06:14,667
Don't cut your eyes
at me, young man.
139
00:06:14,735 --> 00:06:17,102
Who knows this stuff
about their children, anyway?
140
00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:19,839
We often find that parents do.
It's not her fault.
141
00:06:19,906 --> 00:06:21,841
She bounced
from husband to husband,
142
00:06:21,908 --> 00:06:23,843
spent all of her time
running this arena.
143
00:06:23,910 --> 00:06:25,910
Not to mention
the personal demons.
144
00:06:25,978 --> 00:06:29,146
This is a family thing.
I'm gonna step back.
145
00:06:29,214 --> 00:06:32,550
I have to talk to you,
and it's important.
146
00:06:32,618 --> 00:06:34,919
Oh, please don't let this be
about your hair again.
147
00:06:34,987 --> 00:06:38,322
Just get highlights or don't.
Have you told Alonzo about us?
148
00:06:38,391 --> 00:06:41,192
What? No. What are you
talking about?
149
00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:42,559
You haven't told him anything?
150
00:06:42,627 --> 00:06:44,895
I might have mentioned
the existence
151
00:06:44,962 --> 00:06:47,330
of a person like you,
in a general way.
152
00:06:47,399 --> 00:06:49,566
He knows some details
about ex-boyfriends,
153
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:52,436
but, uh, no. I haven't
told him about us.
154
00:06:52,504 --> 00:06:55,906
Okay. That's good. That's good. No.
No, wait. It... it's not good.
155
00:06:55,973 --> 00:06:58,073
Months have passed,
and I haven't told him.
156
00:06:58,141 --> 00:07:00,643
I'm afraid the window's closed,
and I feel so guilty about it.
157
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,213
I've tried to tell him a bunch
of times, but I always bail
158
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:06,016
and say something like,
"let's go take a pottery class."
159
00:07:06,083 --> 00:07:08,119
And then, you know...
We go take a pottery class.
160
00:07:08,186 --> 00:07:10,154
I don't think you should
tell Alonzo about us.
161
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:13,123
We were hanging out way before
you guys got serious.
162
00:07:13,190 --> 00:07:16,192
Why make it messy? Yeah.
I guess if I haven't told him by now...
163
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:18,528
Exactly. The window's closed.
Let's make a blood oath.
164
00:07:18,595 --> 00:07:21,497
I'll go get a knife from under Heather's
desk. No, I'm not taking a blood oath.
165
00:07:21,565 --> 00:07:24,634
Let's just promise each other
that what happened between us
166
00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:26,769
stays between us.
Yeah, fine.
167
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:29,972
By the way, what did you tell
him about me, in a general way?
168
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,107
Good things?
None of your business.
169
00:07:32,175 --> 00:07:34,609
Does he know about the move?
Because that is my move.
170
00:07:34,677 --> 00:07:37,746
I don't wanna hear on the street that he's
using my move. He doesn't need your move.
171
00:07:37,814 --> 00:07:40,449
Great. I'll see ya.
172
00:07:44,987 --> 00:07:46,654
Good.
There you are.
173
00:07:46,721 --> 00:07:48,789
You know my personal attorney,
Neil Dobrin.
174
00:07:48,857 --> 00:07:51,326
Uh, yes. I recognize you
from the side of buses.
175
00:07:51,393 --> 00:07:54,562
You grew a beard.
Well, I was in hiding for a while.
176
00:07:54,629 --> 00:07:56,331
Ah, that's nice.
177
00:07:56,398 --> 00:07:58,433
So, Ben, um, I'm gonna
need you to testify
178
00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:01,701
that Roman was sniffing glue
at the time of the accident.
179
00:08:01,769 --> 00:08:03,703
Crystal, you can't
possibly think
180
00:08:03,771 --> 00:08:05,638
that Roman is actually
going to sue you.
181
00:08:05,706 --> 00:08:08,475
He's angry about
years of neglect.
182
00:08:08,542 --> 00:08:11,478
You saw the rage he flew into
when I missed breakfast.
183
00:08:11,545 --> 00:08:13,213
He brought you a muffin.
184
00:08:13,281 --> 00:08:14,814
Roman is wildly
passive-aggressive.
185
00:08:14,882 --> 00:08:17,950
Besides, you don't know my
family. They're crazy litigious.
186
00:08:18,018 --> 00:08:20,253
I-it's not a racial term.
It means they sue a lot.
187
00:08:20,721 --> 00:08:22,822
You seem like
an excellent attorney, Neil.
188
00:08:22,890 --> 00:08:24,524
I may be the best.
189
00:08:24,592 --> 00:08:26,561
Well, I will draw up
the papers.
190
00:08:26,928 --> 00:08:28,362
Thank you, Neil.
191
00:08:28,429 --> 00:08:30,197
Whew.
192
00:08:30,264 --> 00:08:33,199
Crystal, the problem is that you
don't know your own family.
193
00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:35,668
If you knew Roman at all,
you'd know
194
00:08:35,736 --> 00:08:37,670
he would never try to sue you.
195
00:08:37,738 --> 00:08:40,206
So instead of trying
to build a case against him,
196
00:08:40,273 --> 00:08:43,409
why don't you just try to get to know him?
Ooh. Now I like that.
197
00:08:43,477 --> 00:08:45,912
Keep your enemies close,
your family closer.
198
00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:48,514
Jesus said that.
No, he didn't.
199
00:08:48,581 --> 00:08:50,482
Okay. How do we do
the get-to-know-you thing?
200
00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:52,417
Because Roman and I
have nothing to talk about,
201
00:08:52,485 --> 00:08:54,921
and it seems like he has a slight
difficulty grasping things,
202
00:08:54,988 --> 00:08:57,090
and let's face it, I can tend
to be a bit of a narciss...
203
00:08:57,158 --> 00:08:59,092
Hello, pretty lady.
204
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,360
Why don't you just invite Roman
to the tennis gala
205
00:09:01,428 --> 00:09:03,795
you're throwing for
Jimmy Connors?
206
00:09:03,863 --> 00:09:06,798
That's fantastic.
207
00:09:06,866 --> 00:09:09,801
I will give him
the night of his life.
208
00:09:09,869 --> 00:09:12,771
There's no way he'd sue me
after that.
209
00:09:12,839 --> 00:09:16,442
You sly boots you.
210
00:09:18,144 --> 00:09:21,479
I have no idea
what's happening.
211
00:09:21,547 --> 00:09:25,783
Roman, dear! Could you
come here a minute, please?
212
00:09:25,851 --> 00:09:27,952
Oh. Careful.
It's all right.
213
00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:30,822
First, I-I wanna say how deeply sorry
I am for what happened earlier,
214
00:09:31,790 --> 00:09:35,659
when I stopped my cart so close to you,
and you hurled yourself in front of it.
215
00:09:35,726 --> 00:09:37,394
Mm. Yeah, I'm sorry.
216
00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:39,896
Also, I'd like to ask you
to be the guest of honor
217
00:09:39,964 --> 00:09:42,099
at my tennis gala
tomorrow evening.
218
00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:43,833
Really?
219
00:09:43,901 --> 00:09:46,903
Yeah. And whatever you want
to eat, you shall eat.
220
00:09:46,971 --> 00:09:49,872
And whatever you want to do,
you shall do.
221
00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:52,841
All right. Um...
222
00:09:52,909 --> 00:09:55,578
Well, I'd like
mashed potatoes and tater tots.
223
00:09:55,645 --> 00:09:57,380
You better write this down.
I'll remember it.
224
00:09:57,448 --> 00:09:59,615
And, you know, just to
hang out with you.
225
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,951
Oh, no.
No, no, no. No, dear.
226
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:04,487
I said anything you want.
Yeah. That's it.
227
00:10:04,555 --> 00:10:08,923
Two types of potatoes
and my mom.
228
00:10:08,991 --> 00:10:11,193
Granted.
229
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:13,361
Oh, man!
230
00:10:13,429 --> 00:10:18,266
My first super-rare-disease
tennis gala held in my honor!
231
00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:21,535
What's his game, Benjamin?
What's he trying to get at?
232
00:10:21,603 --> 00:10:25,072
I really think he's just trying
to get at potatoes.
233
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,074
Just so you know,
I'm wearing a bathrobe
234
00:10:27,142 --> 00:10:29,042
because I'm not comfortable
being naked
235
00:10:29,111 --> 00:10:31,044
in front of a big group of people.
If it was just you and me, I'd be fine.
236
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:33,048
Let's talk about something else.
Yeah.
237
00:10:33,117 --> 00:10:35,717
Here's something... tell me more
about what Alice said
238
00:10:35,784 --> 00:10:38,552
about her ex-boyfriend.
Well, just that he's not a great guy.
239
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,554
Nah. Nah.
240
00:10:40,622 --> 00:10:42,456
Well, she did go out with him
for a while.
241
00:10:42,524 --> 00:10:44,358
Must be something
she liked about him.
242
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:47,561
I don't think so. She said
he was, uh, self-centered...
243
00:10:47,629 --> 00:10:49,430
Yeah.
Insensitive...
244
00:10:49,498 --> 00:10:51,398
Maybe.
A bad dresser.
245
00:10:51,466 --> 00:10:54,800
You wear ugg boots one time.
What are you mumbling about?
246
00:10:54,868 --> 00:10:57,170
I don't know. Maybe the guy was
just a little self-involved,
247
00:10:57,238 --> 00:10:59,038
but genuinely a decent person.
248
00:10:59,106 --> 00:11:01,841
Well, Alice said he was
an egotistical jerk.
249
00:11:01,908 --> 00:11:04,910
Well, there must have been some
reason she stayed with him.
250
00:11:04,978 --> 00:11:08,347
Maybe he was amazing in bed. Oh no, no, no.
She actually said he was awful in bed.
251
00:11:08,414 --> 00:11:11,716
I was not!
252
00:11:11,784 --> 00:11:13,152
What?
253
00:11:13,219 --> 00:11:18,089
He was not! This bad man
who is not me, who is me.
254
00:11:18,158 --> 00:11:21,926
You were with Alice?
Listen, if we're gonna get in a fight,
255
00:11:21,994 --> 00:11:24,262
I think I should put some pants on.
What?
256
00:11:24,329 --> 00:11:27,831
Well, someone could come in and
mistake it for angry love. Ben.
257
00:11:27,899 --> 00:11:31,335
Yes, we dated briefly.
It ended a few months ago.
258
00:11:31,403 --> 00:11:33,471
Alice and I were dating
a few months ago.
259
00:11:33,539 --> 00:11:35,406
Yes, it ended roughly
around the same time
260
00:11:35,474 --> 00:11:37,175
you guys started going out.
261
00:11:37,242 --> 00:11:39,810
How rough?
Pretty rough?
262
00:11:39,878 --> 00:11:42,379
I don't believe this.
263
00:11:42,446 --> 00:11:46,449
Well, the good news is, you and I
finally have something in common.
264
00:11:46,450 --> 00:11:48,452
Forget I said that.
265
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,562
Hello... son!
266
00:11:58,629 --> 00:12:02,131
Welcome to your night.
267
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:06,369
Aw, mom! This is
the best day ever!
268
00:12:06,437 --> 00:12:09,038
A tennis gala in my honor.
Mm-hmm.
269
00:12:09,106 --> 00:12:11,540
Oh! And I get to keep
my spleen.
270
00:12:11,608 --> 00:12:13,609
And I did it all for you, son.
271
00:12:13,677 --> 00:12:15,678
Not at all because of
the golf cart thing,
272
00:12:15,745 --> 00:12:17,680
or breakfast,
or your teen years.
273
00:12:17,747 --> 00:12:20,349
And... and speaking of
completely unselfish acts,
274
00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:22,251
let me introduce you
to someone.
275
00:12:22,319 --> 00:12:23,852
Ow.
276
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:27,122
Legendary tennis champ
Jimmy Connors,
277
00:12:27,190 --> 00:12:28,823
I'd like you to meet...
278
00:12:28,890 --> 00:12:30,491
Just Roman.
279
00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:32,694
Hi, Jimmy.
280
00:12:32,761 --> 00:12:36,264
Hey, champ. It's an honor
to share this evening with you.
281
00:12:36,332 --> 00:12:38,799
You sad, boneless kids
282
00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:40,801
are an inspiration to us all.
283
00:12:40,869 --> 00:12:44,838
Ah, this isn't a big deal. I'll
be back to normal in no time.
284
00:12:44,905 --> 00:12:46,740
You really believe that,
don't you?
285
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,742
I mean,
of course I'd like to dance
286
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,711
and be able to
feed myself tonight.
287
00:12:50,778 --> 00:12:52,879
But eh. It's just
bad luck, I guess.
288
00:12:52,947 --> 00:12:55,382
I'll tell you what...
Just for tonight,
289
00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:57,984
let my body be your body.
290
00:12:58,052 --> 00:13:00,185
Fantastic!
291
00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:11,864
Do you know?
Know what?
292
00:13:11,931 --> 00:13:14,800
The... way to San Jose?
293
00:13:14,868 --> 00:13:16,802
W-what? I'll see ya.
294
00:13:18,905 --> 00:13:20,339
I've gotta talk to you.
295
00:13:20,407 --> 00:13:22,375
Hey, have you met
Jimmy Connors yet?
296
00:13:22,442 --> 00:13:25,878
He's my body tonight! Yeah.
He's already in line
297
00:13:25,945 --> 00:13:28,614
at the chocolate fountain
for me.
298
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:30,415
Come on. Out of the way,
pork chop.
299
00:13:33,552 --> 00:13:36,954
Question... who are you more
afraid of, Alonzo or Alice?
300
00:13:37,022 --> 00:13:39,924
Oh, man. Have I thought
about this. Okay, listen...
301
00:13:39,992 --> 00:13:43,161
Alonzo... oh! His athletic build
can be intimidating,
302
00:13:43,228 --> 00:13:45,997
but he's really a nice guy.
Alice, while a girl...
303
00:13:46,064 --> 00:13:49,333
Man, does she seem scrappy.
There's a wildcat inside there.
304
00:13:49,401 --> 00:13:52,202
I wouldn't wanna pull its tail.
You've got three seconds.
305
00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:55,105
Alice.
Me, too.
306
00:13:55,173 --> 00:13:56,774
Hey, pal. I know you're mad.
307
00:13:56,841 --> 00:13:59,576
I'm not mad you two went out, Ben.
I'm mad Alice didn't tell me.
308
00:13:59,644 --> 00:14:00,712
Here's an idea...
309
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,215
Why don't we keep our secret
from her? See how she likes it!
310
00:14:03,348 --> 00:14:06,383
That'll get her! Ha!
We're gonna handle this like adults.
311
00:14:06,451 --> 00:14:09,820
Right. Yes. We're adults.
312
00:14:09,887 --> 00:14:13,524
He knows about us.
He knows about us. What? How?
313
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:16,760
I told him! I told him!
314
00:14:16,828 --> 00:14:19,061
Oh. Oh.
315
00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:20,663
He knows. He knows.
316
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,001
Are you completely
out of your mind?
317
00:14:24,069 --> 00:14:26,637
Why did you tell Alonzo?
I thought we made a pact.
318
00:14:26,704 --> 00:14:28,639
I had to defend myself
after all the terrible things
319
00:14:28,706 --> 00:14:30,808
you said about me.
What do you mean?
320
00:14:30,876 --> 00:14:34,845
Insensitive, I'll give you.
Self-involved, sure. But bad in bed?
321
00:14:34,913 --> 00:14:37,546
I mean, yes, there were a couple
of times after big meals
322
00:14:37,614 --> 00:14:39,548
I wish I had waited
and taken a walk,
323
00:14:39,616 --> 00:14:41,717
but most of the time, I thought
it was pretty neat.
324
00:14:41,786 --> 00:14:43,486
That wasn't about you.
325
00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:46,256
That was about Greg,
my last real boyfriend.
326
00:14:46,323 --> 00:14:49,392
That was like a year and a half ago.
Greg? Who the hell was Greg?
327
00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:51,394
I thought I was
your last boyfriend.
328
00:14:51,461 --> 00:14:54,462
You? I didn't consider you
a boyfriend.
329
00:14:54,530 --> 00:14:56,431
In fact, I barely
considered you at all.
330
00:14:56,499 --> 00:14:57,666
Oh.
331
00:14:57,733 --> 00:14:59,802
Oh.
332
00:15:07,677 --> 00:15:08,943
Huh?
333
00:15:09,011 --> 00:15:11,645
Best meal ever.
334
00:15:11,713 --> 00:15:13,615
All my faves are here.
335
00:15:13,682 --> 00:15:15,583
Oh, man. This is a lot
of starch.
336
00:15:15,701 --> 00:15:18,436
It all looks so delicious, I
don't know what to have first...
337
00:15:18,504 --> 00:15:21,639
The mashed potatoes, tater tots?
Why don't you have both at the same time?
338
00:15:21,707 --> 00:15:24,508
You don't seem to have
a problem with that.
339
00:15:24,576 --> 00:15:27,644
Oh, yeah. You gotta
have 'em both at the same time.
340
00:15:27,712 --> 00:15:30,481
It's a texture high!
341
00:15:30,548 --> 00:15:32,449
I'm happy with mashed potatoes.
342
00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:35,652
When I had the tater tots,
I was in a dark place.
343
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,721
You would have to be in a dark place
to mess with the tater tots.
344
00:15:37,789 --> 00:15:39,856
The tater tots are right in front of you,
and they have feelings.
345
00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:42,192
The mashed potatoes
just wish the macaroni and tater tots
346
00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:43,760
had been more forthright.
347
00:15:43,828 --> 00:15:47,031
Look, the macaroni has
terrible guilt over this.
348
00:15:47,098 --> 00:15:50,067
And for your information,
the macaroni-tater tot pairing
349
00:15:50,135 --> 00:15:52,036
was hardly a romance
for the ages.
350
00:15:52,103 --> 00:15:55,071
See, I disagree with that.
I'm gonna tell you why...
351
00:15:55,139 --> 00:15:57,140
The tater tots
would like to be heard.
352
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:59,575
What's happening?
Why is the food alive?
353
00:15:59,643 --> 00:16:01,644
Oh!
354
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,079
I just got it.
355
00:16:05,649 --> 00:16:07,850
We all know the tater tots
are selfish and immature,
356
00:16:07,918 --> 00:16:09,718
but I expected more
from the macaroni.
357
00:16:09,786 --> 00:16:11,486
I did, too.
358
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,555
I blew it, okay?
I feel awful.
359
00:16:19,429 --> 00:16:22,964
You should go.
360
00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:26,568
Ben and Alice were an item
and Alonzo just found out?
361
00:16:26,635 --> 00:16:28,635
Yep.
362
00:16:28,703 --> 00:16:31,772
Wow! This is just so...
Messy? I know.
363
00:16:31,839 --> 00:16:35,309
Yay! Tell me everything,
son. Tell me everything.
364
00:16:35,377 --> 00:16:38,879
Does... does that make you
tater tots, then? Not now, Jimmy!
365
00:16:38,947 --> 00:16:40,814
Although I am very excited
to meet you.
366
00:16:40,882 --> 00:16:42,916
Cool.
367
00:16:48,055 --> 00:16:49,522
Hey.
Hey.
368
00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:52,592
She locked herself in,
so if you wanna talk to her,
369
00:16:52,659 --> 00:16:56,262
you gotta get in line. Well, actually,
I came out here to talk to you.
370
00:16:56,330 --> 00:17:01,266
Look, she wanted to tell you,
she just didn't know how.
371
00:17:01,334 --> 00:17:05,471
I think she feels like she's finally found
a good guy, and it scares her, you know?
372
00:17:05,939 --> 00:17:07,873
You have to remember,
she spent her entire life
373
00:17:07,941 --> 00:17:09,909
going out with morons
like me and Greg.
374
00:17:09,977 --> 00:17:13,246
Greg was the one who was
bad in bed, by the way.
375
00:17:13,314 --> 00:17:15,314
What's your point, Ben?
376
00:17:15,381 --> 00:17:19,518
My point is that
nobody's perfect, except you.
377
00:17:19,586 --> 00:17:22,020
And I don't mean that as a dig.
378
00:17:22,088 --> 00:17:24,289
I mean that literally.
379
00:17:24,357 --> 00:17:27,792
So... when she opens
that door,
380
00:17:27,860 --> 00:17:30,628
just remember
that she chose you.
381
00:17:30,695 --> 00:17:32,363
You got the girl,
382
00:17:32,431 --> 00:17:36,033
and a pretty great girl
at that.
383
00:17:36,101 --> 00:17:39,737
I guess you just
have to forgive and...
384
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,041
Okay, well, I'm gonna
head back inside...
385
00:17:44,109 --> 00:17:46,876
Unless you guys want to...
I'll head back in.
386
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,014
You have to remember.
387
00:17:50,081 --> 00:17:52,583
Now divide that by 8, add a 3,
388
00:17:52,651 --> 00:17:54,918
and that's how
I remember I'm 27.
389
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:57,788
That's what I'm gonna do.
390
00:17:57,856 --> 00:18:00,324
Look at us. We've talked
the night away.
391
00:18:00,392 --> 00:18:03,026
It's been
an amazing night, mom.
392
00:18:03,093 --> 00:18:07,664
You know, if it all ended
tomorrow, I think I'd be okay.
393
00:18:07,731 --> 00:18:10,500
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I can't stand it.
394
00:18:10,568 --> 00:18:12,235
These freakin' people!
395
00:18:12,303 --> 00:18:15,071
I agree, son. It's been
a wonderful evening.
396
00:18:17,107 --> 00:18:19,408
I'm sorry to interrupt.
397
00:18:19,476 --> 00:18:21,810
But, Roman,
if you could just sign
398
00:18:21,878 --> 00:18:25,047
here, here, here, and initial here, you
release your mother...
399
00:18:25,114 --> 00:18:27,082
From all liability
related to the accident,
400
00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:30,286
and you receive
a generous gift certificate
401
00:18:30,353 --> 00:18:32,521
to San Diego suit barn.
402
00:18:32,589 --> 00:18:35,557
I don't understand.
403
00:18:35,624 --> 00:18:37,425
It's a discount clothing store.
404
00:18:37,493 --> 00:18:39,394
Leave us, Neil.
405
00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:48,969
Roman, this is a bad mistake,
a very bad mistake.
406
00:18:49,037 --> 00:18:51,938
You were just being nice to me
so I-I wouldn't sue you?
407
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,841
That was Ben's plan, but...
408
00:18:54,909 --> 00:18:57,544
Yes, and I feel terrible,
409
00:18:57,612 --> 00:19:00,214
particularly because
we connected tonight.
410
00:19:00,281 --> 00:19:02,250
Am I an awful mother?
411
00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:03,818
No.
412
00:19:03,885 --> 00:19:06,152
You just haven't perfected it yet.
Oh.
413
00:19:06,221 --> 00:19:09,923
I tell you what...
I'll sign your papers
414
00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:11,791
when you show up
for breakfast next week.
415
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,127
Ooh! Nicely done.
416
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:17,698
You are your mother's son.
I'll see you next Friday.
417
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:20,133
Wednesday.
I have something.
418
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,667
I'll change it.
419
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:29,676
Hi.
Hi.
420
00:19:29,744 --> 00:19:31,177
Do you play?
421
00:19:31,246 --> 00:19:32,379
Mm.
422
00:19:35,882 --> 00:19:37,717
No, I don't.
423
00:19:39,686 --> 00:19:43,389
Look, I'm sorry I said
that you didn't matter.
424
00:19:43,457 --> 00:19:45,924
The truth is, I didn't know
how to define you.
425
00:19:45,992 --> 00:19:48,761
You weren't a boyfriend.
You weren't not a boyfriend.
426
00:19:48,828 --> 00:19:51,196
You were something in between.
427
00:19:51,264 --> 00:19:54,332
But you were
definitely something.
428
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:58,303
Well, I'll... I'll take that.
429
00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:00,672
Hey, I'm just glad
the move is safe.
430
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:04,276
I gotta be honest with you.
I don't remember the move.
431
00:20:04,343 --> 00:20:05,410
What?
432
00:20:09,147 --> 00:20:12,082
What are you doing? Well, I think
at this stage in our relationship,
433
00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:14,652
it would be inappropriate
for me to show you the move,
434
00:20:14,719 --> 00:20:17,954
so I am going to draw it
for you.
435
00:20:20,325 --> 00:20:22,660
Oh, my God.
436
00:20:22,727 --> 00:20:24,927
Well, that's not to scale.
437
00:20:29,451 --> 00:20:30,851
Please welcome
438
00:20:30,919 --> 00:20:32,887
tennis legend Jimmy Connors!
439
00:20:35,556 --> 00:20:40,026
And his partner,
former boy actor, Fred Savage!
440
00:20:40,093 --> 00:20:45,665
Playing against NBA legend
Alonzo Pope!
441
00:20:45,733 --> 00:20:49,602
And his partner,
the guy in the red shirt.
442
00:20:54,407 --> 00:20:56,308
Omp!
443
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:58,043
We good now?
444
00:20:58,110 --> 00:20:59,978
Gettin' there.
445
00:21:02,381 --> 00:21:06,184
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com
34975
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