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1
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:18,218
Say what you will about
the Unites States of America,
2
00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,220
but we put a man on the moon,
3
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,321
and women play football
in their underwear.
4
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:25,858
We put a man on the moon?
That is awesome.
5
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:28,460
You know, I often wonder
why we talk at all.
6
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:31,730
Ben. Jessie! Jessie, hi.
Roman, this is Jessie.
7
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:33,366
Jessie is the star quarterback
8
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:36,202
of our arch rivals,
the Seattle Mist.
9
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,970
We've managed to put that
rivalry behind us three times.
10
00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:42,974
Well, two and a half times, but
I've rounded up. Hi, Roman.
11
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:45,644
Hunhwa. Roman says,
"it's nice to meet you."
12
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,746
He also says, "hunhwa."
13
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,315
So, Jessie, you wanna
hang out after the game?
14
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,851
You know, a little rubdown, hit
the showers, tape each other up?
15
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:54,585
Have a drink?
16
00:00:54,653 --> 00:00:57,221
Whoa, slow down.
Okay. One drink.
17
00:00:57,289 --> 00:00:59,857
Bye, Ben.
Hmm.
18
00:00:59,925 --> 00:01:01,859
See that?
She's gonna put her helmet on
19
00:01:01,927 --> 00:01:04,194
and then play football
for our enjoyment.
20
00:01:04,262 --> 00:01:06,196
Is this a great country
or what?
21
00:01:06,264 --> 00:01:09,233
Hey, how do you just talk
to a woman like that?
22
00:01:09,301 --> 00:01:12,201
Well, first of all, it helps
to use actual words.
23
00:01:12,269 --> 00:01:15,271
Yeah, I wish I could tell
Heather how I feel.
24
00:01:15,339 --> 00:01:18,308
I just get so scared.
Well, that's a healthy fear, Roman.
25
00:01:18,375 --> 00:01:21,745
She's tried to kill people.
She's layered. She is just so layered.
26
00:01:21,813 --> 00:01:23,880
Yeah.
27
00:01:23,948 --> 00:01:26,615
So here we
are, guys... the best suite in the house.
28
00:01:26,683 --> 00:01:28,116
Got your full bar,
29
00:01:28,184 --> 00:01:30,118
a 50-inch flat screen,
30
00:01:30,186 --> 00:01:32,087
wireless Internet,
courtesy of something
31
00:01:32,155 --> 00:01:34,924
you guys probably invented
when you were 12.
32
00:01:34,991 --> 00:01:38,727
Jimmy, check out the 1080p/24.
That's hilarious.
33
00:01:38,795 --> 00:01:41,129
Yeah, pinch me.
We're in the future.
34
00:01:41,197 --> 00:01:43,097
So if you guys want
35
00:01:43,165 --> 00:01:45,600
burgers, popcorn, candy,
it is all on the house.
36
00:01:45,668 --> 00:01:48,202
Really? It's all free?
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
37
00:01:48,270 --> 00:01:51,138
I just
made another million dollars,
38
00:01:51,206 --> 00:01:53,675
but free nut clusters...
39
00:01:53,742 --> 00:01:56,911
Uh-huh. Uh, hey.
40
00:01:56,979 --> 00:01:58,846
Hey.
Who are those jerks?
41
00:01:58,913 --> 00:02:00,948
Uh, the Wagner brothers.
42
00:02:01,015 --> 00:02:04,217
And they're not jerks. They're
dot-com billionaire jerks.
43
00:02:04,285 --> 00:02:07,020
I'm trying to get them to donate
a pile of dough to build
44
00:02:07,088 --> 00:02:10,190
a children's center. Oh. You want some help?
I'm pretty good at closing deals.
45
00:02:10,257 --> 00:02:13,226
And you did a great job with
the jolly pretzel negotiations,
46
00:02:13,294 --> 00:02:16,261
baby, but charity isn't sales.
I know, but I can...
47
00:02:16,329 --> 00:02:19,732
appreciate it, but I got this.
Let daddy drive the bus.
48
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,401
Let who drive the what?
What?
49
00:02:22,469 --> 00:02:26,438
Whoa! Who ordered hottie
with extra sexy?
50
00:02:28,942 --> 00:02:30,876
I just made another million...
51
00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:33,979
Or my mom is texting me again.
52
00:02:34,046 --> 00:02:36,381
Well...
53
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,884
Good luck with that, daddy.
54
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,886
...Steps around,and then gets the ball out...
55
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,954
I'm still driving the bus.
56
00:02:43,022 --> 00:02:45,990
Crystal, I got your urgent text.
What can I do for you?
57
00:02:46,057 --> 00:02:48,759
Look at my face, Benjamin.
Okay.
58
00:02:48,827 --> 00:02:51,428
Can you tell my expression
is oddly pensive? Sure.
59
00:02:51,496 --> 00:02:54,131
We're gonna need to pull an all-nighter.
Oh, I can't. I can't.
60
00:02:54,198 --> 00:02:56,099
I'm having meaningless sex
with a quarterback tonight.
61
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,101
I've gotta prepare.
I've gotta get some tape
62
00:02:58,169 --> 00:03:00,604
and... basically, I just
have to get some tape.
63
00:03:00,672 --> 00:03:02,705
Well, I'm very sorry,
but I'm being audited,
64
00:03:02,773 --> 00:03:04,607
and I'm told
that's very ririous.
65
00:03:04,675 --> 00:03:06,910
I innocently mixed some
of my personal expenses
66
00:03:06,977 --> 00:03:09,345
with the arena's expenses.
I could lose everything.
67
00:03:09,413 --> 00:03:11,648
I'll order pies.
68
00:03:11,715 --> 00:03:14,483
I don't want pies.
You have to help, Benjamin.
69
00:03:14,552 --> 00:03:17,319
You can have sex with that man some other time.
It's a woman. It's a woman quarterback.
70
00:03:17,387 --> 00:03:19,888
Don't we have
a ton of accountants?
71
00:03:19,956 --> 00:03:22,558
Who are all those bald people upstairs who never say hello?
Our hairless accountants are excellent.
72
00:03:22,625 --> 00:03:26,161
The problem is, they have a very
strict legal sense of the law.
73
00:03:26,228 --> 00:03:28,931
We just have to go through these statements.
Well, I can't. I can't. I-I can't do it.
74
00:03:28,998 --> 00:03:31,466
I think it's so funny that
you think this is a request.
75
00:03:31,534 --> 00:03:33,401
You're like
a cute little button.
76
00:03:33,469 --> 00:03:35,570
A button on top of a bunch
77
00:03:35,637 --> 00:03:37,405
of other little buttons.
78
00:03:37,473 --> 00:03:39,474
Sit down!
79
00:03:41,577 --> 00:03:43,411
Touchdown Seattle,
80
00:03:43,479 --> 00:03:45,380
and Jessie Carvercelebrates with
81
00:03:45,448 --> 00:03:47,715
her signature and provocativeend zone pole dance.
82
00:03:47,783 --> 00:03:49,784
Hunhwa.
83
00:03:49,851 --> 00:03:52,652
Ohh.
84
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,155
♪ Mr. sunshine ♪
85
00:03:55,223 --> 00:03:57,724
♪ yay ♪
86
00:03:58,742 --> 00:04:01,610
Here's a big-ticket item
that has me a little confused.
87
00:04:01,678 --> 00:04:03,512
In 1997, you purchased Ecuador?
88
00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:06,481
It's a long story. I briefly dated a man
named Marcos. Put it under "travel."
89
00:04:06,548 --> 00:04:11,519
- Benjamin, are you comfortable here?
- I think you know that I'm not.
90
00:04:11,587 --> 00:04:15,223
You're right. Let's move into my
secret back office. Oh, God. No.
91
00:04:15,291 --> 00:04:18,827
You know you've always wanted to see it.
No, I specifically told you I never wanted to see it.
92
00:04:18,895 --> 00:04:21,561
I don't want the staff
to know we're in jeopardy.
93
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:24,165
We need to protect them.
I'm staff. Protect me.
94
00:04:24,232 --> 00:04:27,201
Come, Benjamin. Enter my special world.
Does that open the door?
95
00:04:27,269 --> 00:04:29,569
No.
96
00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:36,110
I'm sorry.
97
00:04:36,178 --> 00:04:38,411
This is just so much
to be frightened of
98
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,479
all at the same time.
99
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,949
This is good. We'll get
more work done here.
100
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:45,518
Benjamin, have you ever
loved and lost?
101
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:47,553
Is that the men's locker room?
102
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,588
I come back here to meditate,
103
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:52,625
get at peace with myself.
104
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:54,526
I think there's something
bothering you
105
00:04:54,593 --> 00:04:56,228
besides the audit.
106
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,763
No, just the audit...
you know, tax forms,
107
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,565
acquisition indebtedness,
capital expenditure.
108
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,202
Am I gonna die alone?
I don't know.
109
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:06,004
What's the longest amount of time
I could leave for? Ten minutes.
110
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:09,673
I'll see you in ten minutes.
Great. I'll put on a pot of rum.
111
00:05:09,741 --> 00:05:12,476
What's up?
112
00:05:12,544 --> 00:05:14,912
I'm writing to Franklin,
my pen pal in San Quentin.
113
00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:17,648
He shot a young nurse.
114
00:05:17,716 --> 00:05:20,017
Mm. Is that one
of Alonzo's charity things?
115
00:05:20,085 --> 00:05:21,585
Nope. Just for fun.
116
00:05:21,653 --> 00:05:24,121
I look for convicts
in the Metro section
117
00:05:24,189 --> 00:05:27,257
and write to the ones
with the sweetest eyes.
118
00:05:27,325 --> 00:05:28,859
Or eye.
119
00:05:28,926 --> 00:05:32,195
Roman, I need you. Oh!
Say hi to Franklin for me.
120
00:05:34,130 --> 00:05:36,131
Okay, I'm stuck with your mom,
121
00:05:36,199 --> 00:05:38,568
but I'm gonna figure out
a way to escape.
122
00:05:38,635 --> 00:05:41,571
Now if Jessie shows up here
before I do, just keep her here.
123
00:05:41,638 --> 00:05:44,106
Will she expect sex from me?
124
00:05:44,174 --> 00:05:47,710
No, and this is very important... do
not expect sex from her. Got it. No sex.
125
00:05:47,778 --> 00:05:51,045
Just entertain her somehow.
Oh, maybe magic tricks or impressions?
126
00:05:51,113 --> 00:05:52,781
Yododo any magic tricks?
No.
127
00:05:52,849 --> 00:05:54,583
Do you know any impressions?
No.
128
00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:56,885
Just keep her here.
No. Yes.
129
00:05:59,154 --> 00:06:01,189
It says here under
"entertainment expenses"
130
00:06:01,257 --> 00:06:03,324
that you bought a cheetah.
131
00:06:03,393 --> 00:06:06,927
Yes. It was fun at first.
Now I never use it.
132
00:06:08,630 --> 00:06:11,098
I'm glad you're here, Ben.
133
00:06:11,165 --> 00:06:13,033
This is helping.
134
00:06:13,101 --> 00:06:14,902
Let's play all the old songs.
135
00:06:16,971 --> 00:06:18,572
All of them?
136
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,141
Touchdown!
137
00:06:21,209 --> 00:06:23,175
Is this great, fellas, or what?
138
00:06:23,243 --> 00:06:25,244
There's lolot
of pretty girls out there.
139
00:06:25,312 --> 00:06:28,147
Yeah, you know where there
aren't a lot of pretty girls?
140
00:06:28,215 --> 00:06:30,850
In here. I'm bored.
141
00:06:30,918 --> 00:06:33,986
They told us we'd be
hanging out with an nba star.
142
00:06:34,054 --> 00:06:37,490
That's me. I played in the NBA.
Yeah, I think it was the "star" part we were questioning.
143
00:06:37,558 --> 00:06:40,192
Well, I had
a couple good years.
144
00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:43,362
You have a ralphs club card on your key chain.
Hey, I played with Charles Barkley.
145
00:06:43,430 --> 00:06:45,597
The fat guy from
the phone commercials?
146
00:06:45,665 --> 00:06:48,901
All right, listen, thanks.
This has been a blast adolpho...
147
00:06:48,969 --> 00:06:51,070
Alonzo. Fun little room,
but we're gonna jet
148
00:06:51,138 --> 00:06:54,039
up to L.A. and see what Ashton Kutcher's up to.
Hey, where are you guys going?
149
00:06:54,106 --> 00:06:57,275
Alonzo has some people
that really want to meet you.
150
00:06:57,343 --> 00:06:59,877
We're done with
our series "a" investment.
151
00:06:59,946 --> 00:07:02,747
Have him call our CFO.
All right, but Jade and Brandi are gonna be
152
00:07:02,815 --> 00:07:04,316
really disappointed.
153
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:06,117
Sorry, girls.
154
00:07:06,185 --> 00:07:08,219
What are you doing?
Mama's driving the bus.
155
00:07:08,287 --> 00:07:10,988
Kutcher is kind of a tool,
right?
156
00:07:13,524 --> 00:07:16,126
Wanna see how long I can hold my breath?
Oh, I'm good.
157
00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:20,130
That's it. Ohh.
158
00:07:20,198 --> 00:07:21,932
When's Ben getting here?
159
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,302
This pie
is not making me feel better.
160
00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:27,903
Well, maybe you shouldn't
have eaten the last three
161
00:07:27,972 --> 00:07:30,873
with a shoehorn.
I thought I'd find a prize inside.
162
00:07:30,941 --> 00:07:33,242
You know how they have
prizes in pies?
163
00:07:33,310 --> 00:07:36,812
That's not a thing, Crystal. Well, it should be.
Now there's a moneymaker.
164
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,315
Speaking of money, I've been
going through these statements,
165
00:07:39,383 --> 00:07:41,817
and I've noticed some of
the more questionable items...
166
00:07:41,885 --> 00:07:44,652
the cheetah, the stunt plane,
Ross Perot's cord blood...
167
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,588
good-bye, Lupus.
168
00:07:46,655 --> 00:07:48,590
Yes. My point is that
I'm noticing a pattern.
169
00:07:48,657 --> 00:07:51,426
All the more expensive items
were all bought
170
00:07:51,494 --> 00:07:54,229
on the same date... today's date.
That's not a pattern. That's just something
171
00:07:54,297 --> 00:07:56,698
that happens year after year
on the same date.
172
00:07:56,765 --> 00:07:58,832
Today you bought a motorcycle.
What's going on?
173
00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:02,136
What is the thing about tonight?
I don't have to answer that.
174
00:08:02,204 --> 00:08:05,906
You do if you want me to stay here.
Let's play the old songs.
175
00:08:05,974 --> 00:08:08,476
Okay, if you'll excuse me,
I have a date
176
00:08:08,543 --> 00:08:11,445
with a star quarterback, who, I'll remind
you, is a woman. There's no audit.
177
00:08:11,513 --> 00:08:13,814
I buy these things
to distract myself,
178
00:08:13,882 --> 00:08:15,915
but it never works.
179
00:08:15,983 --> 00:08:17,950
Today's my wedding anniversary.
180
00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:20,153
Which one?
You've been married six times.
181
00:08:20,221 --> 00:08:22,922
Only five of them were
consummated sexually,
182
00:08:22,990 --> 00:08:25,925
if you need to know.
I don't need to know almost all of this.
183
00:08:25,993 --> 00:08:28,294
I'm talking about
my third husband... Billy.
184
00:08:28,362 --> 00:08:30,429
We were so happy together,
and then one day
185
00:08:30,497 --> 00:08:32,731
I turned around,
and he was gone.
186
00:08:32,798 --> 00:08:35,134
It ended so suddenly.
I never saw him again.
187
00:08:35,201 --> 00:08:37,102
Now I guess I never will.
188
00:08:37,170 --> 00:08:39,004
Is he dead?
189
00:08:39,072 --> 00:08:42,107
In a way.
He lives in oceanside.
190
00:08:42,175 --> 00:08:45,010
I hear he hangs out in a bar
not too far from here.
191
00:08:45,078 --> 00:08:46,511
Our bar.
192
00:08:46,578 --> 00:08:49,113
Great fries. They're French.
193
00:08:49,181 --> 00:08:52,283
I've tried to stop by there
many times over the years,
194
00:08:52,351 --> 00:08:54,485
but I never got up the nerve.
195
00:08:54,553 --> 00:08:56,521
Please stay with me, Benjamin.
196
00:08:56,588 --> 00:08:59,557
I-I don't want to be alone.
I don't have anybody else.
197
00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:03,860
Ohh. The quarterback
sent me a picture.
198
00:09:03,928 --> 00:09:05,362
She's so...
199
00:09:05,430 --> 00:09:08,031
Smart.
200
00:09:08,099 --> 00:09:09,866
I'll be right back.
201
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,104
Jessie, I am so sorry.
Oh.
202
00:09:14,172 --> 00:09:16,339
My boss threw
some last-minute stuff at me.
203
00:09:16,407 --> 00:09:18,141
Just give me one more hour,
and I promise,
204
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:20,509
I will make this a night
you will always remember.
205
00:09:20,578 --> 00:09:22,912
If the sex doesn't do it,
we can steal a car
206
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,715
or blow something up, but we will remember this night.
You've got one hour, Ben Donovan,
207
00:09:25,783 --> 00:09:28,350
and then I'm outta here.
208
00:09:28,418 --> 00:09:31,621
Oh, and, Ben...
209
00:09:31,689 --> 00:09:34,656
Wow. In mine or in yours?
210
00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:36,558
You know what?
Don't answer that.
211
00:09:36,626 --> 00:09:38,093
Let's keep this romantic.
212
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:44,232
You have to keep her here.
213
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:47,302
Yeah. Hey, I realized I do
a pretty good Robert De Niro.
214
00:09:50,739 --> 00:09:53,474
I'll just
keep her here. Yeah.
215
00:09:55,210 --> 00:09:58,312
Okay, we're going to the bar
where Billy hangs out.
216
00:09:58,379 --> 00:10:01,849
No, Benjamin! I can't do that. Yes, you can.
You have to confront him and get answers
217
00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:04,852
to all the unanswered questions
that you two have together.
218
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,753
That way, you'll never
have to spend another night
219
00:10:06,821 --> 00:10:08,354
like this again.
220
00:10:08,422 --> 00:10:10,456
And nsnsequently,
neither will I.
221
00:10:10,524 --> 00:10:13,526
And we have to get all of that done in...
54 minutes. Benjamin, you're right.
222
00:10:13,594 --> 00:10:16,930
I need closure.
I have to have closure.
223
00:10:16,998 --> 00:10:19,599
Let's go. We'll take my car.
I'll drive.
224
00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:21,601
Oh, I don't think
that's a good idea.
225
00:10:21,669 --> 00:10:23,869
You seem emotionally unstable.
226
00:10:23,937 --> 00:10:26,805
You're right. Let's take my hog. You just slapped me.
You just slapped me in the face.
227
00:10:29,676 --> 00:10:31,644
How are you feeling?
228
00:10:31,711 --> 00:10:34,312
Emotionally unstable.
229
00:10:41,591 --> 00:10:43,792
All right. Blue, 42!
Hut. Hut. Hike!
230
00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:50,098
Lingerie football is not
the same.
231
00:10:50,165 --> 00:10:52,733
Since the league expanded,
I don't even know
232
00:10:52,801 --> 00:10:55,636
who to root for anymore.
Yeah, I guess we've all got problems.
233
00:10:55,704 --> 00:10:58,205
I don't think I could name
half the lineup
234
00:10:58,273 --> 00:11:01,442
for the Miami Caliente.
I don't want to be talking to you anymore.
235
00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:04,077
Yeah, okay. Y-you know, guys, uh,
if we don't get that funding,
236
00:11:04,145 --> 00:11:06,747
then we won't be able to build the center.
Okay, first down! Huddle up! Huddle up!
237
00:11:06,815 --> 00:11:08,748
And if they don't have
the center,
238
00:11:08,816 --> 00:11:11,651
the children will have
nowhere to go after school.
239
00:11:11,719 --> 00:11:13,920
Their mothers will lose
their jobs.
240
00:11:13,987 --> 00:11:17,791
Some of those kids will join gangs and carjack you.
Time-out!
241
00:11:17,858 --> 00:11:20,794
Will you please take it easy?
242
00:11:20,861 --> 00:11:23,797
You made poor Jade cry.
Oh, I'm the jerk?
243
00:11:23,864 --> 00:11:25,831
Those guys already made
an iPhone app about me
244
00:11:25,899 --> 00:11:27,833
called "alonzo sucks."
Ohh.
245
00:11:27,901 --> 00:11:30,201
It's actually kinda fun.
What are you doing?
246
00:11:30,269 --> 00:11:32,404
I could've gotten drunk
and done body shots with 'em.
247
00:11:32,472 --> 00:11:35,407
Will you chill out?
Have a drink.
248
00:11:35,475 --> 00:11:38,877
♪
249
00:11:38,945 --> 00:11:40,778
That's apple juice.
250
00:11:40,846 --> 00:11:43,414
♪ welcome to wherever you are ♪
251
00:11:43,482 --> 00:11:45,115
It's only apple juice.
252
00:11:45,183 --> 00:11:47,618
Oh, now you want to talk?
253
00:11:49,187 --> 00:11:51,989
There he is.
254
00:11:52,057 --> 00:11:54,024
The... the guy
with the guitar?
255
00:11:54,092 --> 00:11:56,060
Oh, we had
a great band together.
256
00:11:56,127 --> 00:11:58,027
Wait.
You were in a band?
257
00:11:58,095 --> 00:12:00,597
We were like
Ike and Tina Turner,
258
00:12:00,665 --> 00:12:03,500
but without the edge and with
none of the hitting. I see.
259
00:12:03,568 --> 00:12:05,635
Oh.
Billy, Crystal and friends.
260
00:12:05,703 --> 00:12:08,638
That well-placed comma saved us a lot of lawsuits.
261
00:12:08,706 --> 00:12:12,375
Oh, look, he's taking a break.
You can do this. Oh.
262
00:12:12,443 --> 00:12:15,478
What are you doing?
263
00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:19,214
I have a life, too. I thought you were
talking to Billy. Well, I couldn't do it.
264
00:12:19,282 --> 00:12:22,217
Well, you have to do it.
You have to do it right now.
265
00:12:22,285 --> 00:12:24,319
You have to confront him
for leaving you.
266
00:12:24,387 --> 00:12:26,856
Leaving me? Billy didn't
leave me. I left him.
267
00:12:26,923 --> 00:12:28,990
You said, you turned around,
and he was gone.
268
00:12:29,057 --> 00:12:32,026
No, I left the bar
with another man one night,
269
00:12:32,094 --> 00:12:35,029
and Billy chased after
our car for a few blocks,
270
00:12:35,097 --> 00:12:38,399
but eventually, I turned around, and he was gone.
I've mentioned to you that I could be sleeping with
271
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:41,168
a lingerie football player right now, right?
It was the classic story.
272
00:12:41,236 --> 00:12:43,671
Our career was just taking off,
when one night,
273
00:12:43,739 --> 00:12:46,439
Maurice Cohen, owner of
the sunshine center, walked in.
274
00:12:46,508 --> 00:12:48,509
Sure, he was fat and old,
275
00:12:48,576 --> 00:12:50,544
and, okay, he couldn't
really walk, per se,
276
00:12:50,612 --> 00:12:52,546
but he tipped me 1,000 bucks,
277
00:12:52,614 --> 00:12:55,448
and I jumped in the back
of his town car,
278
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:58,919
took a hit off his oxygen tank,
and never looked back. Cute meet.
279
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:02,221
My insatiable need
for wealth and success
280
00:13:02,288 --> 00:13:05,758
made me walk away fr
the one true love of my life.
281
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,827
That's why this night
is so hard for me.
282
00:13:08,895 --> 00:13:11,830
That's why I have
this weird feeling.
283
00:13:11,898 --> 00:13:15,266
What weird feeling?
I don't know if there's a name for it.
284
00:13:15,334 --> 00:13:17,736
You know that crazy feeling
some people get
285
00:13:17,803 --> 00:13:20,438
when they don't approve
of their own behavior?
286
00:13:20,506 --> 00:13:23,408
Shame? (Sighs) Yes. That's it.
"Shame," as you call it.
287
00:13:23,475 --> 00:13:26,343
Well, I have to say,
I've never seen Crystal Cohen
288
00:13:26,411 --> 00:13:29,246
ashamed before, and I once saw you shoot a dolphin.
I was defending my yacht.
289
00:13:29,313 --> 00:13:31,649
What, I'm supposed
to give the animal a pass
290
00:13:31,716 --> 00:13:34,818
because he's beloved by little
children and fat secretaries?
291
00:13:36,487 --> 00:13:38,722
Look at him,
still singing
292
00:13:38,790 --> 00:13:41,624
in the same old dive
after all these years.
293
00:13:41,692 --> 00:13:43,560
It's so sad.
294
00:13:46,263 --> 00:13:47,931
Oh, my God, Jessie.
295
00:13:47,998 --> 00:13:50,366
Oh, just go back
to your strumpet.
296
00:13:50,434 --> 00:13:53,436
I'll be all right.
297
00:13:53,503 --> 00:13:56,404
Damn it, Crystal!
I'm staying with you!
298
00:13:56,472 --> 00:13:59,041
Well, you don't have to yell at me.
Yes, I do!
299
00:13:59,108 --> 00:14:02,711
Ben, go! This isn't your job!
I'm not staying as your employee!
300
00:14:02,779 --> 00:14:05,747
I'm staying as your friend!
Thank you, Benjamin.
301
00:14:05,815 --> 00:14:08,249
Well, you're very welcome!
It's really my pleasure!
302
00:14:10,053 --> 00:14:12,419
Okay.
I'm running out of time.
303
00:14:12,487 --> 00:14:15,189
Please don't make me take
another picture.
304
00:14:15,256 --> 00:14:17,191
There's really
no other place to go.
305
00:14:17,258 --> 00:14:19,493
Talent's not allowed
in the executive offices.
306
00:14:19,561 --> 00:14:21,428
I was invited, sweetie.
307
00:14:21,496 --> 00:14:24,498
Oh. Well, in that case,
I'll leave you two alone.
308
00:14:24,566 --> 00:14:27,167
I heard from Franklin.
309
00:14:27,235 --> 00:14:29,335
He sent me
a really sweet letter
310
00:14:29,403 --> 00:14:31,705
and the pp
of his cell mate's finger.
311
00:14:31,772 --> 00:14:33,773
No reason. Just 'cause.
312
00:14:41,082 --> 00:14:43,616
Someone's got
a crush on someone.
313
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:47,019
I know, and how am I supposed
to compete with that?
314
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,454
I can't cut off
a man's finger.
315
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,657
Franklin is too romantic.
316
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:55,227
Not Franklin. She's totally into you.
Oh, no.
317
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:58,296
Did you see her? She looked
like she wanted to kill me.
318
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,865
Yeah, she looks at everyone
that way.
319
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:04,335
Believe me, she digs you.
You could totally have her. Really?
320
00:15:04,402 --> 00:15:06,303
Yeah.
321
00:15:06,371 --> 00:15:09,607
I'd love to get her.
I just... I don't know how.
322
00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:12,610
Easy. Flash a wad of cash, fill
her up with some Malibu rum,
323
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:15,479
tell her you're already dating
somebody, and then boom!
324
00:15:15,547 --> 00:15:18,548
Oh. I didn't mean "get her"
like that. Jeez.
325
00:15:18,616 --> 00:15:21,084
I meant, uh, get her
to have lunch with me,
326
00:15:21,152 --> 00:15:24,154
get her to rely on me
to be there for her.
327
00:15:24,221 --> 00:15:27,124
Uh, to get her to do
any more without that,
328
00:15:27,191 --> 00:15:30,761
it just seems kinda empty.
I mean, don't ya think?
329
00:15:30,828 --> 00:15:32,562
You should tell her that.
330
00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:34,864
Ohh. I don't have the nerve.
331
00:15:34,931 --> 00:15:37,300
Turn around.
332
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:41,704
Oh, Roman.
333
00:15:41,772 --> 00:15:43,540
Heather.
334
00:15:43,607 --> 00:15:45,107
Ohh.
335
00:15:45,176 --> 00:15:48,910
I have made so many bad choices
in my life.
336
00:15:51,181 --> 00:15:53,815
Okay, okay.
Who's got the next round?
337
00:15:53,883 --> 00:15:55,250
I got it.
338
00:15:55,318 --> 00:15:57,653
Whoa.
Younger brother's buying, huh?
339
00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,954
That's not how it usually
works in my family.
340
00:16:00,022 --> 00:16:02,957
Hey, Alonzo, you should work
on Jimmy for the new center.
341
00:16:03,025 --> 00:16:05,359
He's the one with
the... Money!
342
00:16:05,427 --> 00:16:08,329
Uh, I have more money than he does.
O y yeah?
343
00:16:08,397 --> 00:16:10,764
Well, how much are you
donating to the center? W...
344
00:16:10,832 --> 00:16:13,033
$100,000. Wow.
Jimmy, you gonna put up
345
00:16:13,101 --> 00:16:15,703
with your older brother
showboating like that?
346
00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:18,806
Pfft. Typical
older brother crap, right?
347
00:16:18,873 --> 00:16:21,208
He's the big man, the
one in charge. $200,000!
348
00:16:21,242 --> 00:16:23,743
$500,000!
$750,000.
349
00:16:23,811 --> 00:16:25,278
$800,000!
$900,000.
350
00:16:25,346 --> 00:16:27,380
Have I ever told you
I love you?
351
00:16:27,448 --> 00:16:29,583
A million.
Yeah, but it's nice to hear.
352
00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:31,117
$1.3 million!
$1.5 million!
353
00:16:31,185 --> 00:16:33,086
All right! Boys, boys, boys.
That's enough.
354
00:16:33,153 --> 00:16:35,822
Let's put a stop to this
right now. Jimmy wins.
355
00:16:37,156 --> 00:16:41,059
What? No. $2 million!
Hike me the nuts!
356
00:16:41,127 --> 00:16:43,229
♪
357
00:16:43,296 --> 00:16:46,798
I ruined his life.
What can I say to him?
358
00:16:46,866 --> 00:16:48,834
Well, just tell him
you're sorry.
359
00:16:48,901 --> 00:16:50,703
Tell him how much
he meant to you.
360
00:16:50,770 --> 00:16:52,803
Oh, it's too complicated.
361
00:16:52,871 --> 00:16:54,472
Maybe I can help.
362
00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:56,974
No. Oh! No, no, no,
no, no. Benjamin!
363
00:16:58,910 --> 00:17:01,946
Hi. Hi. Do you...
do you take requests?
364
00:17:02,013 --> 00:17:04,048
No, but I have one.
365
00:17:04,116 --> 00:17:07,017
Uh, could you take
your money out of my drink?
366
00:17:07,085 --> 00:17:09,085
Oh. Yeah.
367
00:17:13,725 --> 00:17:15,592
Oh.
368
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:18,161
No, no, no, no!
369
00:17:18,229 --> 00:17:21,231
Okay. Come on. Here we go.
You can do this. No! Benjamin! I can't!
370
00:17:21,299 --> 00:17:23,267
Yes, you can.
No, I can't!
371
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:25,200
Come on.
Get on stage. Go, go.
372
00:17:25,269 --> 00:17:27,236
I... (Sighs) I... I... I...
373
00:17:27,304 --> 00:17:32,207
♪ I've been so many places ♪
374
00:17:32,276 --> 00:17:36,211
♪ in my life and time ♪
375
00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:40,982
♪ sung a lot of songs ♪
376
00:17:42,752 --> 00:17:46,988
♪ I've made some bad rhymes ♪
377
00:17:47,055 --> 00:17:50,858
♪ I've acted out my life
on stages ♪
378
00:17:50,926 --> 00:17:56,530
♪ with 10,000 people watching ♪
379
00:17:56,598 --> 00:17:58,666
♪ but we're alone now ♪
380
00:17:58,733 --> 00:18:03,804
♪ and I'm just singing this song
for you ♪
381
00:18:03,871 --> 00:18:07,007
♪ I know your image of me ♪
382
00:18:07,074 --> 00:18:11,978
♪ is all I hope to be ♪
383
00:18:12,046 --> 00:18:15,281
♪ I treated you unkindly ♪
384
00:18:15,349 --> 00:18:19,919
♪ but, Billy, can't you see ♪
385
00:18:19,986 --> 00:18:24,123
♪ there's no one
more important to me? ♪
386
00:18:24,191 --> 00:18:27,159
♪ darlin', can't you
please see through me? ♪
387
00:18:27,227 --> 00:18:28,893
♪ we were alone and... ♪
388
00:18:28,961 --> 00:18:30,495
♪ we were alone ♪
389
00:18:30,563 --> 00:18:35,133
♪ and I was singing
this song for you ♪
390
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:36,768
That's my boss.
391
00:18:36,836 --> 00:18:39,070
Shh.
Okay.
392
00:18:39,138 --> 00:18:44,042
♪ I love you in a place
where there's no space or time ♪
393
00:18:44,109 --> 00:18:47,712
♪ I love you for my life ♪
394
00:18:47,779 --> 00:18:50,914
♪ you are a friend of mine ♪
395
00:18:52,751 --> 00:18:56,454
♪ And when my life is over ♪
396
00:18:56,521 --> 00:18:59,256
♪ remember
when we were together ♪
397
00:18:59,324 --> 00:19:01,491
♪ we were alone ♪
398
00:19:01,559 --> 00:19:03,092
♪ we were alone♪
399
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,996
♪ and I was singing
this song for you ♪
400
00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:09,532
♪ we were all alone ♪
401
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,133
♪ we were alone ♪
402
00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:15,538
♪ and I was singing this song ♪
403
00:19:15,606 --> 00:19:19,641
♪ for you ♪
404
00:19:28,485 --> 00:19:30,285
Can you ever forgive me?
405
00:19:30,353 --> 00:19:32,354
I've been fine since you left.
406
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:35,523
Oh, you're so brave.
No, seriously.
407
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,893
I got some of my best songs out of that heartbreak.
So you're doing well?
408
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,996
Spectacular.
I own this place now.
409
00:19:42,063 --> 00:19:43,798
Wow. That's great.
410
00:19:43,866 --> 00:19:46,000
Yep. It's great.
411
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:49,803
Losing you was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
412
00:19:49,871 --> 00:19:52,105
I'm just saying, I'm happy
now, Crystal. Uh-huh.
413
00:19:52,172 --> 00:19:54,541
I'm really, really happy.
Yeah. Yeah, I understand.
414
00:19:54,609 --> 00:19:57,143
I haven't had a lonely night
or a bad day since. I get it.
415
00:19:57,211 --> 00:19:59,446
Hey, I want you to meet
my wife Tammy.
416
00:19:59,514 --> 00:20:02,849
I'd like to punch you in
your fat face right about now.
417
00:20:02,917 --> 00:20:05,952
Okay, well, I think we have some closure.
How about that? Would you like that? You like that?
418
00:20:06,053 --> 00:20:07,887
Why don't you get offstage?
You like tha
419
00:20:07,955 --> 00:20:10,823
get offstage.
420
00:20:10,891 --> 00:20:12,825
Do you know any Cat Stevens?
421
00:20:12,893 --> 00:20:15,728
Oh, man.
422
00:20:17,264 --> 00:20:19,198
How are you feeling?
423
00:20:19,266 --> 00:20:21,300
Oddly at peace.
424
00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:24,403
I feel like I could die
right now.
425
00:20:27,129 --> 00:20:28,563
I made it.
I'm leaving.
426
00:20:28,630 --> 00:20:30,231
What? No! Why?
427
00:20:30,299 --> 00:20:32,266
Roman taught me something
tonight, Ben.
428
00:20:32,334 --> 00:20:35,070
Well, that doesn't seem
remotely possible.
429
00:20:35,137 --> 00:20:37,871
Sex means nothing without love.
Love?! How did that come up?
430
00:20:37,939 --> 00:20:40,974
He was just supposed
to babysit you... sit wi y you.
431
00:20:41,042 --> 00:20:43,911
I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm not
the woman that I thought I was.
432
00:20:43,978 --> 00:20:45,512
Of course you are.
433
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:47,748
You're this woman right here...
434
00:20:47,816 --> 00:20:50,784
And here... and... oh, God!
Don't look at that.
435
00:20:50,852 --> 00:20:52,552
Good night, Ben.
436
00:20:56,757 --> 00:20:59,584
What the hell is that?
437
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:03,993
What did you do?
438
00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:06,364
- What?
- Jessie, you gave her self esteem.
439
00:21:06,731 --> 00:21:08,197
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
440
00:21:15,922 --> 00:21:17,322
Haha... squidward
441
00:21:19,107 --> 00:21:22,007
Ben, you're killing me right now.
442
00:21:24,172 --> 00:21:27,272
Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com
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