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♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
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00:00:04,821 --> 00:00:07,748
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:11,659
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,754 --> 00:00:14,662
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,757 --> 00:00:18,075
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:21,353
♪ Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Sothis is sports.
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Where's the hosiery?
12
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:45,377
Hi. I'm a 15-year-old
wild card, and...
13
00:00:45,529 --> 00:00:47,621
Well, let's get you
a gun already!
14
00:00:47,773 --> 00:00:50,215
Oh, Peter, I'm so glad
you're finally doing
15
00:00:50,442 --> 00:00:52,276
something positive
for your health.
16
00:00:52,294 --> 00:00:53,868
What do you think about
this treadmill?
17
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,220
Yeah, this one's good.
18
00:00:55,372 --> 00:00:58,282
Let me ask a salesperson
for help like a complete beta.
19
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,708
Excuse me, sir-Oh, oh,
you're helping someone else.
20
00:01:00,803 --> 00:01:01,968
I'll be with you in one second.
21
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,303
Yeah, no, no.
You're busy, I see.
22
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,305
Help him, then help her,
then whoever's after them.
23
00:01:05,457 --> 00:01:08,025
I'll just wait here
and feel the running shirts.
24
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:10,294
Sir, do you need help?
25
00:01:10,312 --> 00:01:12,196
I'm waiting for Josh.
26
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What the hell?
27
00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:21,229
Peter, what the hell is that?
28
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,082
It's my new pitching machine,
Lois.
29
00:01:23,309 --> 00:01:25,900
And look, it can turn our car
into a silly tank!
30
00:01:25,994 --> 00:01:28,145
Watch me nail Cleveland.
31
00:01:28,163 --> 00:01:30,380
I got one, too, bitch!
32
00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:35,243
All right, Chris,
time for your old man
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to teach you how to swing a bat.
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00:01:36,913 --> 00:01:39,506
But I've been playing
Little League since I was seven.
35
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,748
Oh, that's all right.
36
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,009
After all, this is
about father-son bonding
37
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and not about hitting you
in the nuts
38
00:01:44,513 --> 00:01:46,179
to get onAmerica'sFunniest Home Videos.
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00:01:46,332 --> 00:01:48,515
Wait, why are you pointing
the pitching machine
40
00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:50,500
at my crotch? Ah! Hey!
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00:01:50,519 --> 00:01:52,853
Come on, Chris.
You and me up there atAFV
42
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:55,021
in boxy, six-button suits.
43
00:01:55,174 --> 00:01:58,024
The kings of 1991,
just for one night.
44
00:01:58,177 --> 00:02:00,768
Or will it be
"Two Balls One Strike,"
45
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,123
submitted by Peter Griffinof Quahog, Rhode Island?
46
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And the winner is...
47
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:08,018
"Fainting Groom,"
48
00:02:08,111 --> 00:02:09,703
sent in by Kevinand Lisa Tarczynski
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00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,521
of Berkley, Michigan.
50
00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:13,340
51
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:20,288
"...but it turns out,
the real Dianetics was
52
00:02:20,382 --> 00:02:23,216
the friends he made
along the way."
53
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,796
Uh-oh.
54
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Stand back.
55
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,734
The pitching machine is
the only plumber we'll need.
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♪ ♪
57
00:03:01,423 --> 00:03:03,907
And... I'm waking up outside
again.
58
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,851
Got to sleep to grow, guys.
59
00:03:06,002 --> 00:03:07,686
Got to sleep to grow.
60
00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:13,767
Oh, thanks for letting us
stay here, Daddy.
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00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,420
We'll be out of your hair
as soon as the house dries out.
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00:03:16,513 --> 00:03:18,104
You know, Carter,
we don't mean to be a bother.
63
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,681
Why don't we just stay
at a hotel,
64
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,866
and you pay for the hotel
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and it should be
the LEGOLAND hotel?
66
00:03:22,386 --> 00:03:23,610
I'm not giving you money
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00:03:23,762 --> 00:03:25,946
for almost drowning
my daughter and grandchildren.
68
00:03:26,098 --> 00:03:27,689
Besides, I have
to leave town for a couple days,
69
00:03:27,783 --> 00:03:30,042
and I need someone I can trust
to look after the place.
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00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,877
Where's Babs?
Why can't she do it?
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00:03:32,028 --> 00:03:34,046
I don't know.
The ransom note didn't say.
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00:03:34,197 --> 00:03:36,122
Daddy, I didn't know
you were leaving town.
73
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,275
Where are you going?
Ah, just some funeral.
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00:03:38,293 --> 00:03:39,943
I'll be back
in a couple of days.
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00:03:39,962 --> 00:03:41,386
I left food out for the butlers,
76
00:03:41,613 --> 00:03:43,780
just change their litter boxes
tomorrow if you think of it.
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00:03:43,873 --> 00:03:45,224
A funeral? Who died?
78
00:03:45,451 --> 00:03:46,967
Just a...
just an old family friend.
79
00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:48,285
Don't worry about it.
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00:03:48,378 --> 00:03:51,621
Oh, a family friend?
Was it someone I knew?
81
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,957
All right, look,
I didn't want to say anything,
82
00:03:53,976 --> 00:03:56,384
but it was Meredith,
your old nanny.
83
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,312
Meredith?
Oh, I loved that woman.
84
00:03:59,465 --> 00:04:01,406
I was so sad when she quit.
85
00:04:01,558 --> 00:04:03,742
Wow, Lois, you were lucky
to have a nanny.
86
00:04:03,893 --> 00:04:05,485
My mom just left me with a radio
87
00:04:05,637 --> 00:04:07,971
possessed by the former owner
of our home.
88
00:04:07,990 --> 00:04:09,414
Can I have a snack?
89
00:04:09,566 --> 00:04:12,976
You're sitting where I died.
90
00:04:12,995 --> 00:04:14,828
Why are you even going, Daddy?
91
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,422
People always want the richest
person they ever worked for
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00:04:17,649 --> 00:04:18,815
to attend their funeral.
93
00:04:18,908 --> 00:04:20,408
They'll be, like,
"Oh, my God, a rich person!
94
00:04:20,502 --> 00:04:22,669
I guess it's okay
he's talking on his phone."
95
00:04:22,821 --> 00:04:24,930
Well, I can't miss
Meredith's funeral.
96
00:04:25,081 --> 00:04:26,431
Yeah, I'd better go, too.
97
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:27,933
But I need you
to watch the house!
98
00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:29,935
Oh, Peter and the kids are
more than capable
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00:04:30,162 --> 00:04:31,511
of watching the house.
100
00:04:31,663 --> 00:04:32,938
Kids? They're staying?
101
00:04:33,089 --> 00:04:35,256
But they love funerals!
Peter, enough.
102
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,091
Daddy, I'm coming with you.
103
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:39,503
Fine.
Ass, gas, or grass?
104
00:04:39,521 --> 00:04:42,188
No one rides free.
I guess... gas?
105
00:04:42,341 --> 00:04:44,700
That's what all the prudes say.
106
00:04:47,696 --> 00:04:49,846
Did you know
this house is so large
107
00:04:49,865 --> 00:04:51,364
there's a 12-second echo?
108
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,791
What are you talking about?
109
00:04:52,942 --> 00:04:54,984
The acoustics are such
that it takes the human voice
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00:04:54,986 --> 00:04:57,129
12 seconds to bounce back
as an echo.
111
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,113
That's ridiculous. Not even
the Grand Canyon has a--
112
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,948
Did you know
this house is so large
113
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,359
there's a 12-second echo?
114
00:05:02,377 --> 00:05:04,528
Ridiculous, huh?
Okay, I'm hearing it now.
115
00:05:04,621 --> 00:05:06,046
Well, next time,
maybe don't doubt me
116
00:05:06,198 --> 00:05:07,622
when I tell you
the acoustics are such
117
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,975
that it takes 12 seconds
for the human voice to travel.
118
00:05:10,202 --> 00:05:12,369
I think we should hang
some blankets in the hallway.
119
00:05:12,387 --> 00:05:14,462
Ridiculous, huh?
Okay,
I'm hearing it now.
120
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,206
Guys, I have a great idea.
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00:05:17,709 --> 00:05:19,818
That's weird.
That fart was from yesterday.
122
00:05:19,969 --> 00:05:21,320
Great idea, Peter!
123
00:05:21,471 --> 00:05:23,897
Listen, I was thinking,
what if we make some extra cash
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00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,882
by turning this place
into a hotel?
125
00:05:25,901 --> 00:05:27,141
Great idea, Peter!
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00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:28,401
Awesome! We're all in!
127
00:05:28,554 --> 00:05:30,662
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go apologize
128
00:05:30,814 --> 00:05:33,557
to the hotel towels for
what's about to happen to 'em.
129
00:05:33,575 --> 00:05:36,743
Men, tonight you will have
one last night of peace.
130
00:05:36,895 --> 00:05:38,078
I won't lie to you,
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a hotel guest has no regard
for your life.
132
00:05:40,899 --> 00:05:42,841
That means some of you
will not be coming back.
133
00:05:43,068 --> 00:05:45,735
Those who do will never be
one color again.
134
00:05:45,829 --> 00:05:47,161
Now, here are your assignments:
135
00:05:47,255 --> 00:05:49,072
Anderson,
you're late-night vomit.
136
00:05:49,165 --> 00:05:50,574
Russo, you'll be
in the ladies' room.
137
00:05:50,592 --> 00:05:52,242
Ooh!
138
00:05:52,302 --> 00:05:54,001
All right,
knock it off, at ease.
139
00:05:54,096 --> 00:05:56,021
Edwards, you're gonna be folded
into a monkey
140
00:05:56,172 --> 00:05:57,839
at the foot of the bed,
and then on.
141
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,674
Look at Edwards,
he's into it!
142
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,526
Ooh!
At ease!
143
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:12,204
Well, it'll be nice to have
a little road trip together.
144
00:06:12,355 --> 00:06:14,206
Yeah, we never had a lot of
daddy-daughter time
145
00:06:14,433 --> 00:06:16,541
when I was young.
You were always so busy.
146
00:06:16,768 --> 00:06:18,435
Not now, kitten.
147
00:06:18,453 --> 00:06:20,453
Oh, look!
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00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:23,757
That's just like the pond
Meredith used to take me to.
149
00:06:26,128 --> 00:06:28,536
I miss her so much.
150
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,539
Yeah, I could always talk to her
when I was having a hard time.
151
00:06:33,969 --> 00:06:35,452
Lois, what's wrong?
152
00:06:35,545 --> 00:06:38,138
All the kids at school said
I'mMADtv funny
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00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,156
and notSNL funny.
154
00:06:40,158 --> 00:06:42,959
Oh, Lois,
kids can be so mean.
155
00:06:42,978 --> 00:06:44,719
Have you ever heard the story
156
00:06:44,813 --> 00:06:47,130
of "The Ugly Duckling?"
No.
157
00:06:47,149 --> 00:06:49,633
Well, there once was
a young duckling
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00:06:49,651 --> 00:06:52,652
who had a hard time fitting in,
just like you.
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00:06:52,804 --> 00:06:55,472
And one day, that duckling
went off to college
160
00:06:55,565 --> 00:06:58,083
and created a website
to rate women.
161
00:06:58,310 --> 00:07:00,493
Then he made $100 billion
162
00:07:00,646 --> 00:07:03,313
and mined user data
to rig an election.
163
00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:07,484
Wow! So am I also gonna be
a billionaire making websites?
164
00:07:07,502 --> 00:07:10,837
No, but you'll use his site
to post pictures of wine
165
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,224
and passive-aggressively
body-shame other moms.
166
00:07:18,163 --> 00:07:20,439
All right, for this
hotel operation to work,
167
00:07:20,666 --> 00:07:22,441
we all got to pull our weight
around here.
168
00:07:22,668 --> 00:07:25,259
Chris, you'll be the affable
but dim bellhop.
169
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,612
When you say, "Help those people
with their bags,"
170
00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:29,781
I'll ask, "How high?"
171
00:07:29,933 --> 00:07:31,174
Brian, you'll tend the bar
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00:07:31,267 --> 00:07:33,285
and dole out snappy tidbits
of advice.
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00:07:33,512 --> 00:07:35,120
All right!
Stop by Brian's Bar
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00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:37,681
for some drinks,
thinks and winks.
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00:07:37,774 --> 00:07:39,941
We can...
we-we can pitch on it.
176
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,685
Uh, Meg, you'll handle
all the dish washing,
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00:07:41,703 --> 00:07:43,462
floor scrubbing, laundry,
and anything else
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00:07:43,613 --> 00:07:45,522
that involves
breathing in chemicals.
179
00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,874
And I'll be the concierge,
astutely learning
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00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,193
everything there is to know
about our guests.
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00:07:50,212 --> 00:07:51,878
That will be my one task.
182
00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:54,197
Well, that and looking out
for Dunstons.
183
00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,508
What?
Dunstons. They'll check in.
184
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,384
They'll check right in.
185
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,388
Ah, and here come
our guests now!
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00:08:02,541 --> 00:08:04,483
♪ ♪
187
00:08:08,714 --> 00:08:10,805
First to arrive is Tom Tucker,
188
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,140
here to celebratethe anniversary of his divorce
189
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,826
with his annual bender.
190
00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:16,995
Doctor Hartmanand his overbearing mother.
191
00:08:17,146 --> 00:08:18,312
They never travel apart.
192
00:08:18,406 --> 00:08:19,831
If he could just meetthe right woman,
193
00:08:20,058 --> 00:08:22,334
he'd find the independencehe needs.
194
00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:25,411
Ah, Principal Shepherd,newly single.
195
00:08:25,564 --> 00:08:27,714
Lost half the schoolin the divorce.
196
00:08:29,751 --> 00:08:32,736
The Librarian, never married.
197
00:08:32,754 --> 00:08:34,179
Adult Disney woman.
198
00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:35,997
First kiss was with a boyat theater camp
199
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,575
who would one day get beaten upby David Hyde Pierce
200
00:08:38,593 --> 00:08:40,426
for being too fancy.
201
00:08:40,579 --> 00:08:42,579
I say, Brian, do you know
what these guests need?
202
00:08:42,672 --> 00:08:44,430
First to arrive is Tom Tucker,
203
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,583
here to celebrate the
anniversary of his divorce...
204
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:48,342
Damn it, I guess
the blanket fell down.
205
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,011
Well, I've got 12 seconds.
206
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,363
What these guests need is
someone to arrange
207
00:08:51,514 --> 00:08:53,031
a little romance in their lives.
208
00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:54,758
And I'm the perfect man
for the job.
209
00:08:54,776 --> 00:08:57,351
After all, I do all
of Kevin Spacey's matchmaking.
210
00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:01,281
So, you're not interested in
having sex with Kevin Spacey?
211
00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:04,125
Oh, good,
Kevin's going to love that.
212
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:09,047
Hey, you know anything
about podcasts?
213
00:09:09,274 --> 00:09:10,882
I've been getting
into podcasts.
214
00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:13,701
That's great! I love podcasts.
215
00:09:13,795 --> 00:09:15,278
Which ones are you listening to?
216
00:09:15,371 --> 00:09:17,781
I really like this one
calledCereal.
217
00:09:17,874 --> 00:09:20,300
218
00:09:20,452 --> 00:09:22,452
That was corn flakes.
219
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:23,895
Or was it?
220
00:09:24,047 --> 00:09:25,955
The answerat the bottom of the bowl
221
00:09:25,974 --> 00:09:27,849
isn't always what you expect.
222
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,901
I'm Sarah Koenig,and this...
223
00:09:30,128 --> 00:09:33,963
-...is Cereal.
224
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:38,318
Dad! Dad!
225
00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:40,745
I-I think I mixed up
Mayor West's bags
226
00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:42,305
with Bruce and Jeffrey's!
227
00:09:42,324 --> 00:09:43,973
Leather chaps.
228
00:09:43,992 --> 00:09:45,917
Saddle. Bullwhip.
229
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:48,569
Rope. Sheriff's badges.
230
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:53,258
Saddlebags. Saddle soap.
Fancy boots.
231
00:09:53,485 --> 00:09:55,218
Yep, this is ours.
Yep, this is mine.
232
00:09:59,415 --> 00:10:01,658
All right, Brian,
I've devised a way
233
00:10:01,751 --> 00:10:04,085
to get the Librarian
and Doctor Hartman together.
234
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,662
You see,
I've prepared a batch
235
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,755
of Martha Stewart's
chokiest scones.
236
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,500
So when the Librarian eats one,
she'll start choking,
237
00:10:10,518 --> 00:10:12,593
and Doctor Hartman over there
will save her
238
00:10:12,687 --> 00:10:14,070
with the Heimlich maneuver.
239
00:10:14,764 --> 00:10:16,698
Here she comes!
240
00:10:18,176 --> 00:10:20,026
Oh, these are going to go
241
00:10:20,178 --> 00:10:22,195
straight to my thighs.
242
00:10:22,347 --> 00:10:24,956
Now if only I could find
a man to do the same.
243
00:10:27,610 --> 00:10:28,668
Oh.
244
00:10:29,779 --> 00:10:31,946
Ooh, these are a little...
245
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,115
These are a little dry.
246
00:10:40,715 --> 00:10:42,140
Okay, remain calm.
247
00:10:42,291 --> 00:10:44,625
I've done this before.
Stop, drop and roll.
248
00:10:46,888 --> 00:10:48,480
N-No, wait. No, wait.
I know this.
249
00:10:48,631 --> 00:10:50,464
Okay, remember
your medical training.
250
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:53,485
"If a patient chokes on food,
do the tummy-squeezy move."
251
00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:54,486
Yep, that-that-that's it!
252
00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:02,902
You-you saved my life!
253
00:11:03,054 --> 00:11:05,571
Oh, how can I ever repay you?
254
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,666
♪ ♪
255
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,575
Money?
256
00:11:09,728 --> 00:11:12,912
May I have your attention,
please?
257
00:11:13,064 --> 00:11:15,465
I believe you dropped this.
258
00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:19,660
The blueberries are
still intact.
259
00:11:19,754 --> 00:11:22,621
Shame to let something so sweet
go to waste.
260
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,849
Oh! Thank you, sir.
261
00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:26,333
Uh-oh, Brian,
looks like we've got
262
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,669
a love triangle on our hands.
263
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,413
I'll treasure this forever.
264
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:33,082
Well, don't wait too long.
265
00:11:33,101 --> 00:11:36,528
It'll liquefy from the enzymes
in your saliva.
266
00:11:43,686 --> 00:11:45,945
Okay, last load.
267
00:11:46,097 --> 00:11:48,264
Chris, will you help me
fold these sheets?
268
00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:51,209
Sure, sounds easy.
They're fitted.
269
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:52,711
♪ ♪
270
00:11:57,943 --> 00:12:00,093
♪ ♪
271
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,273
♪ ♪
272
00:12:23,726 --> 00:12:25,702
♪ ♪
273
00:12:29,398 --> 00:12:31,232
All right,
I got to find a bathroom
274
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,910
because that's mostly
what life is after 60.
275
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,245
Oh. Excuse me.
276
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,172
Oh, no, it's my fault, really.
277
00:12:46,324 --> 00:12:49,659
I have a brain thing where
I go blind every 45 seconds.
278
00:12:49,677 --> 00:12:52,437
Hi, I'm Jacqueline.
I'm Meredith's sister.
279
00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:55,348
Really?
Oh, it's so nice to meet you.
280
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:59,093
I'm Lois.
I-I'm so sorry for your loss.
281
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:02,188
Meredith was my nanny
a long time ago.
282
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:03,615
Oh, is that right?
283
00:13:03,842 --> 00:13:05,950
Oh, that-well, that's so
nice of you to make the trip.
284
00:13:06,177 --> 00:13:09,120
You see, Meredith--
Dark, darkness,
285
00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:11,848
darkness,
just ride it out.
286
00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:13,958
And... we're back!
287
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:16,110
Meredith loved her time
as a nanny.
288
00:13:16,204 --> 00:13:20,614
It's a shame she had to
give it up after the affair.
289
00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:22,375
Affair?
290
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:25,194
I know.
We try not to talk about it.
291
00:13:25,288 --> 00:13:27,472
Some rich guy
in Rhode Island.
292
00:13:27,699 --> 00:13:30,308
They were seeing each other,
but then his wife found out
293
00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:32,459
and forced him to fire her.
294
00:13:35,131 --> 00:13:37,390
Sothat's what happened.
295
00:13:37,542 --> 00:13:38,966
Tragic, isn't it?
296
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,319
She had nowhere to go,
so she came back here
297
00:13:41,546 --> 00:13:44,547
to our childhood home
of ThreeStatesAway.
298
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:46,157
I don't believe it.
299
00:13:46,384 --> 00:13:48,642
I don't believe the Earth
is round, so that's me.
300
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:51,645
Oh, excuse me,
the funeral director is here.
301
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,082
I'm trying to avoid paying him.
302
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,502
Daddy and Meredith had
an affair?
303
00:13:57,653 --> 00:13:59,153
That's why she left me!
304
00:13:59,247 --> 00:14:00,413
Oh, this is horrible.
305
00:14:00,565 --> 00:14:02,656
I have to call my husband.
306
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,843
Pewterschmidt Hotel,don't tell Lois.
307
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:07,070
Peter?!
I'll transfer you.
308
00:14:07,088 --> 00:14:08,738
309
00:14:08,831 --> 00:14:11,182
The Spa at Pewterschmidt Hotel,don't tell Mom.
310
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:13,184
Chris?!
I'll transfer you.
311
00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:16,354
312
00:14:16,581 --> 00:14:19,023
Pewterschmidt Hotel
laundry.
Meg?
313
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,692
Mom?
Yeah, I'll transfer you.
314
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,683
Daddy, you had an affair
with Meredith?
315
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,185
How could you?
316
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,020
Lois, honey,
you don't understand.
317
00:14:33,114 --> 00:14:34,764
The horn part in "Sussudio"
318
00:14:34,857 --> 00:14:37,283
gave your mother a headache
that lasted five years.
319
00:14:37,435 --> 00:14:38,710
What was I supposed to do?
320
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,119
Yeah, I don't want to hear it.
321
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,363
Do you have any idea
what that woman meant to me?
322
00:14:42,457 --> 00:14:46,050
While you were off working
or golfing or God knows what,
323
00:14:46,202 --> 00:14:48,111
she was at my piano recitals
324
00:14:48,129 --> 00:14:50,296
or-or teaching me
how to tie my shoes.
325
00:14:50,448 --> 00:14:52,298
She was the only person
in that house
326
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:55,226
who was really there for me,
and you took her away!
327
00:14:55,378 --> 00:14:57,044
Well,
what was I supposed to tell you,
328
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,155
how many Viagras
and what position?
329
00:14:59,157 --> 00:15:02,609
Six, and something I call
"The Old Pocketknife."
330
00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:08,222
Evening.
331
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,134
I'm looking forward
to the doctor being in.
332
00:15:11,152 --> 00:15:13,894
Oh.
333
00:15:13,988 --> 00:15:15,079
Hello, there.
334
00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:17,898
Maybe I could see you
between periods.
335
00:15:17,992 --> 00:15:20,159
Oh.
336
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,753
Looks like you've got
your hands full.
337
00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:23,588
You're telling me.
338
00:15:23,815 --> 00:15:25,239
I just don't know what to do.
339
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,241
Well, who do you think
I should choose?
340
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,260
Well, if it were me
in this situation,
341
00:15:29,412 --> 00:15:31,971
I'd just go along for the ride
and see what happens.
342
00:15:32,991 --> 00:15:34,991
That's it?
That's your advice?
343
00:15:35,009 --> 00:15:36,659
Well, it's just what I...
344
00:15:36,678 --> 00:15:39,345
You know, I'm trying to take
some agency in my life,
345
00:15:39,497 --> 00:15:42,348
and you're over here telling me
to just "see what happens."
346
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,776
That's not helpful.
Threesome?
347
00:15:45,003 --> 00:15:46,611
Excuse me?
348
00:15:46,762 --> 00:15:48,854
Uh, not with me!
349
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,406
With me?
350
00:15:52,343 --> 00:15:54,177
Before we begin our service,
351
00:15:54,270 --> 00:15:56,846
I'd like to remind everyone
that I became a priest
352
00:15:56,939 --> 00:16:00,516
after my divorce, so yes,
I have had intercourse.
353
00:16:00,535 --> 00:16:03,461
To start things off...
354
00:16:03,612 --> 00:16:06,872
Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight?
355
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,633
Oh, I misheard that completely.
356
00:16:08,784 --> 00:16:11,544
I've just been told that a
special friend of our Meredith
357
00:16:11,696 --> 00:16:14,472
has made a long trip
just to be here today.
358
00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:18,309
I'd like to ask Lois Griffin
to say a few words.
359
00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:21,721
That's the daughter
of the richest man
360
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,606
the dead lady ever worked for.
361
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,892
Hi, I'm Lois Griffin.
362
00:16:27,045 --> 00:16:29,562
I, uh, I-I just wanted to be
here today
363
00:16:29,714 --> 00:16:32,381
to say goodbye to Meredith
and thank you.
364
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,143
Thank you for raising me,
and-and-and for being there
365
00:16:36,237 --> 00:16:38,145
when no one else was.
366
00:16:38,239 --> 00:16:40,223
That's why I was so hurt
when you left,
367
00:16:40,241 --> 00:16:42,149
and I always held it
against you,
368
00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:45,394
but now I realize
i-it wasn't your fault.
369
00:16:45,529 --> 00:16:46,912
You know she can't hear you,
right?
370
00:16:47,065 --> 00:16:49,007
But no matter what happened,
Meredith,
371
00:16:49,158 --> 00:16:51,676
thank you for being my teacher.
372
00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:53,327
Even today, you're teaching me
373
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:57,348
that the people you love most
of all can still betray you.
374
00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:03,746
And now, a reading from Paul's
letter to the Corinthians.
375
00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:05,890
"Dear Corinthians,
camp is good.
376
00:17:06,042 --> 00:17:08,100
"Yesterday we had hot dogs.
377
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,528
"Please send strawberry
Big League Chew
378
00:17:10,679 --> 00:17:13,439
but wrap it in a towel because
we're not allowed to have it."
379
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,016
Amen.
Amen.
380
00:17:29,957 --> 00:17:32,133
♪ ♪
381
00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:46,230
♪ ♪
382
00:17:50,553 --> 00:17:52,295
Hey, it's Pewterschmidt.
383
00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:54,739
You still have that
all-night construction crew?
384
00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:56,240
I need a favor.
385
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,801
Hey, you owe me.
I picked you up from LAX.
386
00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:02,080
You have to do anything I ever
ask for the rest of time.
387
00:18:10,072 --> 00:18:12,315
Ah, there's our belle
of the ball.
388
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:14,467
And she's chosen a suitor!
389
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,674
Well, you two look happy.
390
00:18:21,826 --> 00:18:24,268
How'd you decide?
Money.
391
00:18:24,420 --> 00:18:28,331
But I do feel bad for leaving
Principal Shepherd all alone.
392
00:18:28,349 --> 00:18:30,182
Oh, you leave that to me.
393
00:18:30,335 --> 00:18:34,028
I may have one more clever
scheme hidden up my sleeve.
394
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,999
♪ ♪
395
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,113
Oh, my.
396
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,782
This may be one of
my ocular migraines talking,
397
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,618
but I see fireworks.
398
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,879
Can I ask, is that licorice
on your breath,
399
00:19:00,031 --> 00:19:01,955
or is that just
my licorice breath
400
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,957
bouncing out of your mouth?
401
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,126
Why don't you get in here
and find out?
402
00:19:16,898 --> 00:19:18,972
Wha-Oh, are we home?
403
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,549
Why aren't we going
up the driveway?
404
00:19:20,568 --> 00:19:23,411
Come on. I have to show you
something first.
405
00:19:26,574 --> 00:19:28,833
♪ ♪
406
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,091
♪ ♪
407
00:19:41,255 --> 00:19:43,497
Daddy, what is this?
It's yours.
408
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:47,727
I had to call in a favor or two,
but it's all for you.
409
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:53,708
I figured you can come here to
sit whenever you miss Meredith.
410
00:19:53,710 --> 00:19:56,101
Daddy, this is beautiful.
411
00:19:56,254 --> 00:19:57,586
I'm sorry, Lois.
412
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,681
You were right,
people you love can betray you.
413
00:20:00,775 --> 00:20:04,017
But if they're rich enough,
they can buy apology ponds.
414
00:20:04,111 --> 00:20:06,329
Thank you, Daddy.
415
00:20:10,693 --> 00:20:13,211
Oh, no, Rafael,
the old gardener, died.
416
00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:15,362
I have a story
I have to tell you
417
00:20:15,456 --> 00:20:17,423
and, spoiler alert,
you'll be getting another pond.
418
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:27,258
Well, Dad, I guess
our hotel worked out,
419
00:20:27,485 --> 00:20:29,376
and we actually made
a decent profit.
420
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:32,546
We sure did, son,
but we still got work to do.
421
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,048
Hi, everybody, I'm your
karaoke host, Peter Griffin.
422
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:37,309
I will be up here
far too many times tonight.
423
00:20:37,462 --> 00:20:38,903
Just a quick reminder
to all of you
424
00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:40,629
that even though
we haven't started yet,
425
00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:42,406
there's already
an hour and 45-minute wait.
426
00:20:42,558 --> 00:20:44,742
So go ahead and write
down the song you want to sing,
427
00:20:44,893 --> 00:20:46,077
hand it to me,
and I will let
428
00:20:46,304 --> 00:20:48,562
15 musical theater people
go before you.
429
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,730
Remember, no repeats.
430
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,490
We want to give everybody
a chance to sing,
431
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,735
although there will be the same
rotation of five people up here
432
00:20:54,829 --> 00:20:56,254
over and over doing duets.
433
00:20:56,481 --> 00:20:58,739
All right, who's ready
for me to kick things off
434
00:20:58,833 --> 00:21:01,133
and then go third and sixth?
32706
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