All language subtitles for The.Love.Boat.S04E20

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat
theme"]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it
floats back to you.

The love boat.

Soon we'll be
making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your
mind on a new romance, and love

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

[Music playing]

Hi, welcome aboard.

Names, please?

George creighton,
and miss Nancy atwell.

Mr. George creighton, Memphis,
Tennessee, you're in aloha 273.

Have a nice cruise.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

And Mr. Creighton, I
have a telegram for you.

Who'd be sending
me a telegram?

Maybe it's about
the divorce agreement.

How about that?

My wife bugged my office.

Oh, come on, George.

It could've been anybody.

No it was Sarah, all right.

She's pushing for a
larger settlement.

Sarah believes you can
get blood out of a stone.

She already got the blood, now
she's looking for the stone.

Drop dead, Sarah.

You'll never get me.

Your cruise brochure said
your cabins are newly renovated.

I hope you remembered
to pad the walls.

I think that might be
Cali reason the booking

office said to watch out for.

Ms. Reason.
- Yes.

Hi, how do you do?

I'm burle Smith, the
assistant purser.

I have your cabin
assignment for you.

No point telling
it to me, Mr. Smith.

I bump into too many
walls trying to find it.

You better give it to
my seeing eye lady,

if she's anywhere around.

I'm right here
and you know it.

I'm dora Haley.

How do you do, ma'am?

You're in promenade 346,
just through those doors.

Ms. Reason, if I can
do anything for you--

what I mean is, if there's
anything special that you want,

I'm Isaac Washington.

Yes, there's something
special I want.

I want you all to
just leave me alone.

And right now, dora, I
want to go to my cabin.

I don't know who
that young lady is,

but she does really mean
all of that, you know.

What do you mean?

Poor girl's just hitting out
at everybody in frustration.

Doesn't seem fair, does it?

I'm Alan christensen.

Isaac Washington.

Gopher Smith.

How do you do, sir?

Mr. Christensen, you are
on fiesta deck cabin 280.

Do you think you could
change that for me?

I think I'd prefer something
on the promenade deck.

Hello.

Hi, I'm Kathy somes.

Let's see.

Yes, Kathy somes, sunshine
gardens, New Jersey.

You're on aloha deck cabin 359.

Thanks.

Sunshine garden sounds
like a beautiful town.

Oh, it's not a town,
it's a nudist camp.

Hi.

Hello.

Carson.

Wendell Carson.

Oh yes, Mr. Carson.

Yes, welcome aboard.

You're on the aloha
deck, cabin 361.

Thank you.

Tell me, did I hear right?

Did that young lady just
say she was a nudist?

Oh well, no, not exactly.

She said that she came
here from a nudist camp.

Do you object to nudists?

Oh no.

I believe firmly in everybody's
right to self-expression.

[Ship horn]

[Music playing]

George?

George, you ready to
come out and play?

I know Sarah has
bugged this cabin,

but there are no
microphones in the bathroom.

Why would there be
a microphone in there?

- Ssh.
- No, I will not ssh.

George, you told me
that we were going

to have this wild and
wonderful time on this cruise.

We will, we will.

But we have to whisper.

No.

I will not whisper for
three days and two nights.

Ssh.

Ms. Atwell, my divorce
is not final yet.

Therefore, we must be
what we appear to be,

just very good friends enjoying
an innocent relationship.

Start being rational.

Why would your
wife bug our cabin?

Look.

I have a woman judge
trying my case.

She hates men.

Now, if my wife
ever gets evidence

that I've been having
an affair, I'll

be lucky to get
out with my shorts.

I'll see you on deck
when you finish your hunt.

Ah yes, anyone who
knows my little Sarah.

Hi.

Ms. Reason, I'm talking to you.

I'm blind, not deaf.

I heard you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Do you mind if I sit with you?

I'd rather you didn't.

Well, I just thought that--

well, look, Mr.
whatever your name is--

Alan, Alan christensen.

I'll make it short and
sweet, Mr. Christensen.

I'd like to be alone, ok.

I didn't mean to upset you.

I'm not upset.

I'm just not in the mood for
sympathetic conversation.

Do you mind?

Not at all.

I just want to be left alone.

I'm perfectly self-sufficient.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Good bye, Ms. Reason.

[Music playing]

The love boat strikes again.

Two margaritas and a [inaudible]

I'll have two margaritas.

Hi, guys.

Anybody ever hear the
expression "naked as a jaybird?"

Sure, not for a long time.

That's a misnomer, Julie.

A jaybird is not actually naked.

Oh, well then, there's
a misnomer "soaking

up the sun on the fantail."

Julie, is somebody
back there naked?

As a jaybird.

You mean zip?

Zip.

Captain, I'll straighten
this matter out.

Hold it.

Hold it.

I don't think you understand.

Isaac here is a bartender.

He handles the bar.

You're a doctor.

You handle the doctoring.

I'm the purser.

I handle the nudists,
right captain?

Gopher, just take care of
it quickly and tastefully.

Don't worry, sir.

And gopher, use
some discretion.

I don't want a mob
scene on the fantail.

Now hear this.

No one follow me.

We are painting the fantail,
wet paint all over the deck.

I'm allowed because
these are old shoes.

[Music playing]

You're staring,
Mr. Christensen.

Haven't you ever seen someone
try and read braille before?

It's Alan, and how
did you know it was me?

You wear a very
distinctive Cologne.

Oh, that's quite
a nose you have.

Well, they like you to
believe that being blind

is supposed to sharpen
all your other senses.

Much fascinating.

Not from where I sit.

And if you're going
to say I'm sorry--

don't tell me you
can hear me think, too.

No, that doesn't come
with the territory.

Ms. Reason--

as long as we're
talking, the name is Cali.

Will you have dinner
with me tonight, Cali?

Hold it.

Did I say something wrong?

Just don't be a boy scout.

I've got all the help I need.

Oh, I wasn't
trying to be helpful.

You're a very beautiful
woman and I'd be honored.

I assume you do eat.

How about it?

Dinner?

Well, i--

Cali?

Are you all right, Cali?

Fine.

Alan, this is dora Haley.

Dora, this is Alan christensen.

How do you do?

How do you do, dora?

It's about time
to dress for dinner.

It's hard to convince her
that she's just a hired hand.

She thinks she's my mother.

What I think is I should have
a chain and whip to handle you

Alan, you've got
a date for dinner.

Oh, that's great.

Miss?

Yes, miss?

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

I'm Kathy.

Hi, Kathy.

Hi.

That's all right, don't get up.

What's the matter?

You look pale.

Well, I pale easily.

You're not
embarrassed, are you?

Oh no, I'm not embarrassed.

I'm having fun.

You know, my father founded
a nudist camp in the sunshine

gardens so that
people could get away

from the hypocrisy of clothes.

It's almost a religion with us.

Oh hey, me, too.

I'm devoutly in favor
of getting naked.

Well then, why
don't you join me?

I can't.

I freckle.

Kathy, you know what's sad?

Not everybody has the healthy
attitude that we do about how

religious it is to go starkers.

What are you trying to say?

Well, I hate to do it, but
I'm going to have to ask you

to put on at least a bikini.

I'd never wear one of those.

They're the most disgusting,
immoral garments ever made.

I mean, you have to
admit it yourself.

They don't hide sex,
they emphasize it.

Only if they're made right.

But please, really,
this is my job.

I don't like to do it,
but if I could just--

oh.

Oh, come on.

You must have seen a
female body before.

Thought I had,
but I was wrong.

I thought so.

I didn't touch her.

Forcing her to put clothes on.

Oh, well--

not really.

I had enough sun for the day.

Look, you are a fare-paying
passenger, just like

everybody else on this ship.

And you're entitled to
your share of deck space

to do with what you wish.

Now, you give them an inch.

That's all I'm asking
for, an inch, two tops.

You have your rights under
the first amendment, miss sue.

Kathy.

Right, Kathy.

And we'll take this to the
supreme court, if necessary.

Are you an attorney?

Well, as a matter of fact,
Wendell Carson, esquire,

freedom rights counsel.

Miss Kathy will be down here
tomorrow morning to sunbathe

without a robe, right Kathy?

Absolutely.

And if you try to stop
her, this ship, and you,

will be slapped with a
million dollar lawsuit.

[Music playing]

Isaac, give me
a double scotch.

Be ready for a refill.

Coming.

Is anything wrong?
- Sure is.

I've got to get out of my cabin.

What's wrong with your cabin?

There's a bug in it.

Well, Mr. Creighton, I see
that you are [inaudible]..

Why don't you make
the bug move out?

This is serious, Isaac.

My wife planted a
microphone in my room.

How much trouble do you think it
would be to get another cabin?

Impossible.

This cruise is all sold out.

Why don't you have someone
come to your cabin and scan it?

Hm?

Have someone scan your
cabin for listening devices.

Oh, it's very simple.

We're in the middle
of the pacific ocean.

It's a little difficult to
just send out for something.

Well, it just so
happens that there's

an electronics expert onboard,
and you're speaking to her.

You are?

Uh-huh.

You wouldn't have your
scanning equipment with you,

would you?

As a matter of fact, I do.

You see, I was supposed to do
this job when we stop mazatl n.

Yeah.

Could you go down to my
cabin right after dinner

and do whatever
you do with bugs?

Well, I don't think that--

come on, please.

Well, maybe I could.

Oh, thank you, Ms.--

vale, Marion vale.

You're saving my life.

Did you hear that, Sarah?

You're finished.

Finished, I tell you.

Finished.

Finished.

[Music playing]

It's a lovely ship, isn't it?

And everybody looks so
nice, even in clothes.

Incidentally, I haven't
had a chance to thank

you for coming to my defense.

I believe in a person's
right to self-expression.

Then you may have another
chance to defend me tomorrow.

It's my pleasure.

Good.

Now, how about a
little walk on deck?

Ok.

They tell me it's a great
place for self-expression

even at night.

Sir, she's getting
up over there.

Oh, so that's our nudist.

Very attractive young lady.

And you're seeing her
with her clothes on.

I want you to know,
gopher, that you

did an excellent job
handling a potentially

embarrassing situation.

Congratulations.

The captain thinks you have
everything under control.

It's an ugly situation.

If I don't stop her, captain
will come down on me.

And if I do, I get sued
for a million bucks.

A million bucks?

And I think I'm going
to tell you something

that I have never told anyone.

Ok.

Keep this in the
strictest confidence.

You've got it.

I don't have a million dollar.

Well, maybe you can raise it.

If she goes through
with the nudie bit,

you could sell tickets.

Somehow you don't
sound like a rancher.

Tell me about your place.

Right now, i'd
rather talk about you.

Well, up until 10 months
ago, I was a designer,

very high fashion, and--

mm, foods here.

Smells wonderful.

Steak is at 6
o'clock, potatoes at 3,

and there's a mess
that runs from 9 to 12.

I think it's succotash.

Oh, Alan, you're
something else.

Oh, that's a beautiful sound.

I was beginning to think I
was never going to hear it.

Well, I haven't had too
much to laugh at lately.

Well, we're going to have
to do something about that,

aren't we?

Everything looks so good.

What are you going
to have, darling?

What are you doing?

Sarah just might have had
somebody bug this flower vase.

I wouldn't put it past her.

Sarah, if you can
hear me, you're

not going to get one penny more
than our lawyers agreed on.

And you know why?

Because I'm innocent.

Miss atwell and I are
just very good friends.

Tell her.

George, there are
people staring at you.

I was just talking
to the ashes of

my poor, dearly departed wife.

Well, she was a
very small woman.

You're absolutely
ruining this cruise.

I thought it was
going to be romantic.

It will be romantic as
soon as we get the bugs out.

Good evening, Mr. Creighton.

Just the person
I was looking for.

I need this scanned.

Marion is an electronics expert.

I'm sure.

George, would you please come
and sit down at your own table?

Just a sec, hon.

Well, what do you
think of this olive?

The way they're making
transistors today,

there could be a
whole radio station

right there in that pimento.

Are you in there, Sarah?

Sarah, are you here?

Sarah?

Well, unless I start
spouting the 8 o'clock,

that was an innocent olive.

Now because of that, I feel
the freedom of expression

is one of the most important
issues of our time.

I feel very deeply about it.

You're fascinating, Wendell.

I love to hear you talk.

You do?

You're like a crusader, like
a knight on a white charger,

going around protecting people.

I've really enjoyed
this whole evening.

Yeah, me, too.

Ah, there you are.

I have the answer to
our problem, Kathy.

Look, a nice, little sunlamp.

Now you can bathe
right in your cabin,

get all that can you want.

No fuss, no muss, no problem.

No dice.

Nope.

We'll be on the sundeck at
11 o'clock tomorrow morning.

Good night, Kathy.

Good night.

Good night, Wendell.

It's really, very nice.

I like him a lot.

Do you really think he'd slap
a million dollar lawsuit on me?

Definitely.

Well, then won't you
reconsider, please?

Well, I'm sorry I can't
be more convincing.

It's just that
I've had absolutely

no training in how
to talk a pretty girl

into keeping her clothes on.

[Music playing]

George.

Just a minute, hon.

I'm waiting for you.

George, what are you doing?

I thought I'd found a
hidden microphone wire,

but it was only a
bump in the carpet.

[Knock on door]

What's that?

I ordered a
bottle of champagne.

Because even if you can't
remember to be romantic, I can.

[Knock on door]

George, the least you
can do is answer the door.

Hi.

Remember me?

Oh, am I glad to see you.

Now, why don't you
start behind the bed.

Would you mind getting out
of there just for a minute,

please?

No.

I will not get out of
here just for a minute.

I came on this cruise
with you because you said

we were going to have such
a lovely time together,

just the two of us.

And now, all of a sudden,
it's you, me, and an engineer.

I found it.

Aha.

I knew it.

I knew that money-hungry
Sarah would bug this cabin.

Ok, we found it.

The problem's over, right?

Wrong.

If there's one bug,
there's got to be more.

You're right, George.

There is another, and you're it.

You're crazy.

Look.

I have a solution.

Why don't the two of you
both trade cabins with me?

That way, if there is
another bug, it won't matter.

What a great idea.

No, it is not a great idea.

This is my cabin and I
am staying right here.

Why don't we start by
eliminating her as a suspect.

Nancy, I'm happy to
tell you, you're clean.

I'm getting out
of this asylum.

You're both crazy, and
first thing tomorrow,

I am leaving this ship and you.

[Music playing]

Alan, you're making
me feel guilty.

You should be out there dancing.

You're right, the two
of us should be out there.

Oh, I'm serious.

You've been very sweet, but
I don't expect you to babysit

me for the rest of the cruise.

Now go out there and enjoy.

Now Cali, you
can't be that blind.

What?

I ought to enjoy myself,
just being with you.

I wish I could see
what you looked like.

You'd see a happy face.

Now, how about dancing?

Alan, I'm not wearing
these glasses as a disguise.

So your sight's
gone, but there's

nothing wrong with your feet.

You've got fantastic legs.

Now come on, how about a dance?

All right, you
silver-tongued devil.

You asked for it.

Oh Alan, I'm scared.

Don't worry.

I'll be with you every second.

Now come on.

Things I do to keep
you men folk happy.

Cali looks like she's
having a real good time.

Yes.

Alan had a good idea.

[Inaudible]

Yeah.

I've forgotten how
much I love to dance.

Alan, where are you?

Alan, help me.

Where are you?

Where did you go, Alan?

It's all right,
Cali, I'm here.

It's all right.
It's all right.

Get me out of here now.

Cali, it's all right.

No, no, no.

Get me out of here now.

I knew it.

I never should have let
you talk me into this.

Cali, come on.

Don't say anything, just
take me back to the cabin.

That's where I should have
stayed from the beginning.

[Music playing]

Pa: Welcome to mazatl n.

It's sunny and 78 degrees.

Land tours will be
leaving in one half hour.

Be careful what
you say, George.

Sarah may have bugged
a passing whale.

Good bye, George.

And I just want you to
know, it has been terrible.

One more thing.

What?

As you walked away, your
hair glistened in the sunlight,

and it suddenly occurred
to me that Sarah

might have bugged your comb.

Hello?

Hello, Sarah?

It's no use, Alan.

She won't see anybody.

Well, she can't spend the
rest of the cruise in her cabin.

But you know our friend Cali.

She just might.

That was Alan, wasn't it?

It still is.

Alan, please, go away.

Now, what did I do
that was so terrible?

It's not you, it's me.

I'm no good to anybody.

Don't I get a vote on that?

Oh, Alan, please.

Just let me curl up
here where it's safe,

where no one can get at me.

No.

Why?

Come ashore with me, Cali.

Let me show you mazatl n.

Oh god, what are you
trying to do to me?

Show me mazatl n,
how can I see it?

I'll see it for you, Cali.

I'll be your eyes.

Don't you ever give up?

Do you really want me to?

I don't know.

Come on.

Let's go see matzal n.

Trust me.

Kathy, come on.

You cannot do this.

Would you please
put some clothes on?

Why, gopher?

I paid my fare and
I'm getting sun,

just like any other passenger.

Not quite.

Doc, doc, I'm glad you're here.

Doc, tell her the
is bad for her.

Oh, gopher's right, Kathy.

The rays are very bad for you.

They can be very damaging,
dry out your skin,

cause blotching and wrinkles.

Hear that?

Man's a doctor, has a
diploma and everything.

On the other hand, it also
has vitamin d, makes people--

look over here, gopher.

Thank you.

For your scrapbook?

No, for the jury.

The jury?

Evidence of discrimination
against Ms. Somes.

Wait a minute.

A blanket is discrimination?

Gopher, I insist that
she gets the same treatment

as everyone else.

Wendell, believe me, I am
treating her just as I would

any other naked passenger.

Right, doc?

Doc.

Yes.

Right, yes.

Kathy, you don't
have to wear your robe.

Take it off.

Ok, I was just trying to
save her from imprisonment

in a foreign jail.

What are you talking about?

Well, we've now
entered Mexican waters

and they have very strict
laws about young ladies

parading around in
their birthday suit,

and the laws prevail
here, counselor.

How are you going to
establish her American rights

on foreign soil?

Maybe he's got
a point, Wendell.

They'll put her away
for life, Wendell.

In this great country, se or,
even skinny dipping can throw

you right into El slammer.

Well, we have plenty
of time on the trip.

Sure.

We can go ashore
and see the sites.

Good idea.

Much better than being one.

All you did was
postpone the problem.

What are you going to do
when we get out of Mexico?

Well doc, you've got
to look at the situation

optimistically.

A lot of good
things could happen.

What?

Well, coming out of the
harbor, the ship could

hit a rock and sink,
or be torpedoed,

do for some kind of good luck.

Oh hello, Mr. Creighton.

Oh hello, Ms. Vale.

Mr. Creighton, you
know, I've been thinking.

We found that one bug in
your cabin last night.

But like you said,
there is always

the possibility of another.

Doesn't make much
difference anymore.

Half of what they wanted to
overhear just got off the ship.

Oh.

I am sorry.

I guess maybe I should have
gotten off the ship, too.

Being on a cruise
alone is much fun.

Yes, I know.

I'm finding that out.

I don't want to be pushy, but
as long as we're both alone,

maybe we can have dinner.

Misery loves company.

Ok.

Let's make it about 7:00.

And maybe you ought
to get there about

15 minutes early to check for
microphones in the minestrone.

Mr. Creighton,
you really don't

think your wife has planted
more bugs on the ship, did you?

Oh yes, but where?

Pa: All visitors ashore, our
ship sails in 15 minutes.

(Singing) La cucaracha,
da, da, da, da, da.

La cucaracha, la cucaracha.

Ole.

Now, what makes me think
you had a great time?

Oh, I think it was perfect.

How did you know it was me?

She never forgets a voice.

What can I get for you?

Dos margaritas, por favor.

She's also a linguist.

Don't mess around
with Cali reason.

Is this a crowded bar
or can anyone sit in?

Oh hi, dora.

How about a drink?

[Inaudible] Refuse.

You think you've
heard Spanish before?

I'll show you Spanish.

Watch this, Isaac.

Make it tres margaritas.

[Laughs]

Oh, dora.

I have seen mazatl n a way
nobody's ever seen it before.

And that's only the beginning.

Tonight, I've arranged
to show you a moon

that you're not
going to believe.

I can't wait.

Pa: Ladies and
gentlemen, we hope you

enjoyed your stay in mazatl n.

Man, I've never been so sorry
to leave Mexico in my life.

Any minute, that nudie
and her lawyer boyfriend

are going to be right
up here on deck.

You're probably right.

We're already passed
the 12 mile limit.

Gopher for your
information, Ms. Somes

intends to sunbathe
right now and right here

among the other passengers.

Wait.

Aren't you going to wait till
we're out of Mexican waters?

We've been underway
for over an hour.

But slowly, Wendell, slowly.

There's an oil shortage.

I mean, we can't be
that far out yet.

Oh look, I can still
see the mountains

and the church steeple
and the enchilada field.

I don't see it.

Well, it's probably
hazy where you are.

Now, can't you just
hear that mariachi band?

The trumpet's too much, huh?

[Trumpet noise]

Forget it, gopher.

May I make a suggestion?

We're not interested in
any more disapproval, Isaac.

Oh, I don't disapprove.

I'm very much in favor
of self-expression,

but I think you're
blowing your best shot.

If Ms. Somes
disrobes here, she is

going to be put into
confinement until we reach port.

At sea, the captain
has complete authority.

There is no first amendment.

So you wouldn't be
testing her rights,

you'd only be breaking the law.

Well, we still would
be making a statement.

Yeah sure, but wouldn't it
be much more effective to do it

in American waters,
where the first amendment

is supposed to protect her?

Like tomorrow morning,
right as the ship

is making its approach
into Los Angeles harbor.

It might be better.

I mean, I don't want to spend
the rest of the trip locked

up, and maybe for nothing.

Ok, then that's what we'll do.

Yeah.

Postponed at least
until tomorrow.

Better than that, I've
postponed it permanently.

Listen, tomorrow
morning at dawn,

we're going to be
hitting a rain storm,

and that storm is
going to follow

us all the way into port.

So they're out of business.

Eh.

You saved it.

Eh.

[Inaudible]

Yes.

About that little nudity
problem, completely in hand.

Well, I'm glad to hear it.

That's the second piece
of good news I've had.

I just received word
that the big rainstorm

is going to miss us.

We'll be going into
port tomorrow morning

under bright, sunny skies.

[Music playing]

Nancy got mad because
I wasn't romantic.

Now that I feel
romantic, she's gone.

Do you still miss her?

No.

Maybe I feel romantic
because you're here instead.

Hey, let's say after this
dance, we go down to my cabin

for a little nightcap?

That might be fun.

Oh, damn.

I forgot, we can't.

My cabin may be bugged.

Well, there's always my cabin.

Cheer up, gopher.

How can I?

If I don't stop the nudie,
the captain will throw

me over the side, and if I do--

they sue you for
a million bucks.

Maybe they could take it
out of my salary, $2 a week.

How long would that take?

Including leap year?

Oh, Isaac, you
have the right idea.

We radioed ahead.

There's going
to be a helicopter

with photographers over the
ship as we enter the harbor.

Thank you, Isaac.

I never thought
they'd go that far.

There's got to be
a way to stop them.

Ok, $2 a week
for a year is $100.

In 10 years, it's $1,000.

In 100 years, it's $10,000.

So I would only owe them
$990,000, unless, of course,

I get a raise.

There is something
that could stop them.

They seem to be in love.

What good would that do?

So they get married and raise a
whole bunch of sunburned kids.

So what?

My suggestion is that you
buy a bottle of champagne.

Get zonked out
of my gourd, right.

No, no.

Send it to them.

Yeah, maybe one thing
will lead to another.

And then let the
decision be theirs.

You're suggesting I
take my last paycheck

and spend it on a bottle
of champagne for the nudie?

Yes.

Isaac, how come I'm the one
with all the mental pressure

and you're the one that's
having the mental breakdown?

Trust me.

Have I ever let you down?

Before I'm overdue.

That movie is so big.

If you stood on tiptoe, I
think you could touch it.

If you really want it,
I'll get it for you, Cali.

You're gentle and
you're good, Alan,

and your voice makes me
feel warm and protected.

This is our last night.

Tomorrow, it's back to reality.

I know.

Let's not talk about it.

It'll be here soon enough.

I want to take you home with
me, Cali, show you my ranch.

Maybe I can come
and visit some day.

Not some day, and
not for a visit.

I'm asking you to
marry me, Cali.

Don't say no yet,
not till I finish.

You're what I
wanted all my life.

Oh dear, Alan.

Look at me.

I'm black and I'm blind.

Really, look at me.

I am looking, Cali.

And what I see is a beautiful
woman, a woman that I love.

It's not that simple.

What about other people?

What do you think folks
in that town of yours

is going to say when you tell
them you married a black woman?

We just won't tell them.

We'll say you're
the new housekeeper.

Wonderful.

And what do you
say to the preacher

when he finds out
you're sleeping

with the new housekeeper?

I'll just tell him
it's the only way

I can get you to do windows.

Oh, Alan.

I think you just made me
an offer I can't refuse.

[Music playing]

Kathy, I think you're
a very special girl.

Very special in every way.

Would you testify
to that under oath?

Yes, I would.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Wendell, gopher sent a bottle
of champagne down to my room.

He did?

Yeah.

Card says it's for
both of us, so I really

shouldn't drink it alone.

No, that would be bad
manners, wouldn't it?

Even under the
first amendment.

You know, I really
started feeling

less paranoid about
the bugging right

after Nancy left the ship.

I wonder if I was
overreacting because I

really didn't want Nancy.

How do you feel now?

About as opposite as possible.

I'm glad.

I haven't felt this
good in a long, long time.

Maybe it's because in
your cabin, I feel safe.

[Music playing]

Oh, there it is.

Here it comes.

Hey, it's here.

Bright and early.

Oh, good.

Thanks for the
champagne, gopher.

Oh hey, my pleasure.

We've got a great
day for it, huh?

Lots of good light.

We can get a lot of
real sharp pictures.

You're going to be
in all the papers.

Nothing to start an
album with, right?

Man, if you two
ever have a family,

boy, those kids will sure
have something to take

to school for show and tell.

Yeah, they guys at the office
will get a kick out of it, too.

Yeah, Kathy's
picture will probably

be pinned up in every bar
room wall coast to coast.

Well this is hoping some
way that the first amendment

gets a little plug, you know?

Kathy, I don't think
this is a very good idea.

Well-- well, that is--

what I mean, I don't want
everybody looking at you, uh--

what I'm trying to say is--

you said it.

I did?

Yeah.

I did.

Hey, guys,
[Inaudible] On land.

Maybe some other time.

It's a little chilly this
morning for self-expression.

[Laughs]

Isaac, you are
a genius, my man.

I know, I know.

And there's nothing
I can do about it.

Marion?

Be right there.

Morning.

What the hell is this?

I'm a private detective.

Your wife hired me.

You bugged my cabin?

Why did you bug yours?

You couldn't
possibly have known--

I didn't.

I set this up for you
and your friend, Nancy.

That's why I offered the two
of you my cabin last night.

All set up for old dumbo?

Well, congratulations.

My wife will be grateful.

Check the plug.

It's not connected.

Why?

I'm not sure I know.

It's just-- it's kind of hard
to sabotage someone you like.

Like?

Well, maybe a
little more than that.

What about my wife?

I guess I'll tell
her that I resigned.

Sarah's counting on
a large settlement.

Without your evidence,
she's not going to get it.

Your case will drag.

You may be married
for quite awhile.

What are you doing?

Let's give her
some real evidence.

[Music playing]

We just wanted to say good bye
and thank you for everything.

It was a pleasure
having you aboard, Alan.

You too, Cali, dora.

I hope you had a good time.

Fair enough, I suppose,
considering I lost

my little girl to a rancher.

Stick around, dora.

He might send me back.

Oh, I wouldn't worry
about that too much, Cali.

Not a chance.

It's too hard to find
good help on a ranch.

This hired help is
going to be the best

little rancher you ever saw.

Bye bye.

Good bye.

Thanks for sailing with us.

Hi.

Hey, thanks for
a wonderful trip.

And keep an eye out for us.

We may be back.

I hope so.

And next time, we'll
make sure there aren't

any bugs anywhere on the ship.

Don't have to worry
about bugs anymore.

I have my own exterminator.

Cooper, we want to say
good bye, and thanks.

Without you, Wendell and
I might never have met.

Oh, it's my
pleasure, some of it.

Well, I enjoyed all of it.

Oh, captain.

Yes.

I must tell you how much
we enjoyed the cruise.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I was
so busy this trip.

I wish I could have
spent some time with you.

Well, we might be coming
again on our honeymoon.

Good.

Well, maybe next time, I'll
have a chance to see more.

[Music playing]