All language subtitles for The Inbetweeners s01e06 Xmas Party.eng

[theme music playing]

[Will] It was the end
of my first term,

and my personal
report card read,

"Making new friends,
C minus. Must try harder."

Being one of the cool gang...

[imitating engine revving]

[gags]

-[Will] D.
-Nice badge, dickhead.

Not losing my virginity...

Whoo!

Will you put your pants on,
please?

A-star.
But things were looking up.

I'd been elected chairman

of the school's
Christmas prom committee.

All right, I was the
only candidate, but still.

I really wanted
to look the part,

which meant hiring
my first ever suit,

and Simon's dad said
he knew just the place.

Are you sure this is the best
place to hire suits?

Listen, I've been coming here
for years.

Old Mr. Sethi
knows me very well.

He'll do you a good deal
if you mention my name.

It looks a bit old-fashioned.

Neil, the stuff in here never
goes out of fashion.

It's timeless.

Yeah, well, I don't care,

'cause I've already
bought a suit.

Once, Sethi went mental,

because I brought a suit back
covered in grass stains.

If you know what I mean.

Blimey, imagine that.

If you got to hire
the exact same suit

I was wearing the first time
me and your...

All right, all right.
We're going in.

What do you think?

Oh, yes. Very nice.
It is a lovely fit.

I'm not too sure
about the lapels.

Too jazzy?

They are a little
too jazzy, yes.

Is this the sort of suit
a chairman would wear?

But of course,
definitely for a chairman.

Here we go.

'Cause I'm the chairman
of this committee

that's organizing our school's
Christmas prom this year.

That's it.
You've now officially told

everyone you've ever
laid eyes on.

I just think it's important
that people know. That's all.

Yeah, I'm the DJ.
That's far more important.

I said you might get to DJ.

Oh, yes! Very, very nice.

I think it's kind of hideous.
Is it velvet?

-Too jazzy?
-Yeah. Yeah, too jazzy.

And for you, my young friend?
Shall I find you something also?

I suppose so. But I need
something special, yeah?

Something that makes me
stand out.

I will get you something extra
special, something just for you.

You said I could fucking DJ.
Now, don't go back on your word.

Oi, let him DJ. He's part
of my plan to seduce Carli.

What's he gonna do?
Hold her down?

I get breathless
every time I think of her,

and when I see her,
my heart does little flips.

-Are you bent?
-Shut up!

It's just that right then,
you sounded really, really bent.

-Won't her boyfriend be there?
-Who?

Well, her boyfriend.
The massive rugby player.

Him. Yeah. No.
I don't think they're going out.

Or if they are,
then they aren't really.

I don't know. But she never
says that they definitely are.

-So, maybe they aren't.
-Yes.

I mean, that's the most positive
possible way of looking at it.

Here we are.
Just for you. Perfect.

Too jazzy?

[Will] With the prom a few days
away, I was stressed.

But I wasn't the only one
with things on my mind.

I think I'm ready
for a relationship.

You mean you think
you're wanking too much?

-Yes.
-Talking of which...

-[Jay] Miss Timms.
-She's so fit.

It should be illegal
for her to teach biology.

I almost knocked one out
there and then

when we did
the reproduction system.

As something of an outsider,

I'd say that actually,
she isn't very fit at all.

She's just the only adult female
in the school under 30.

-She is so fit.
-No, she isn't.

I mean, she's fine,
but she's no...

She'd definitely get it.

If we could all just concentrate
above the waist for a second,

I need you all at a planning
meeting this lunch.

I've got you some brilliant jobs
lined up

Like what?

Well,
giving out the vouchers

that can be exchanged
for alcohol.

Shit! If we control
the beer vouchers,

we get a pick of the birds.

The drunk birds.

That sounded
just a little bit rapey.

Well, say what you like,
Professor Words.

Thanks to you, we're gonna
be drowning in babes.

I just want the night
to be a success.

I've no interest in babes.

Well, that's handy, 'cause
they've got no interest in you.

Oh, sorry? Who here has pulled
Charlotte Hinchcliffe?

Who? Huh?

Me. That's who.

-She only did it for a bet.
-That's not true.

Oh, God, let's not
get into all that again.

It is true.

It's not fucking true.

People don't get fingered
for a bet, Jay.

With the possible exception
of your sister.

-Take that back.
-Actually, I do take it back.

Your mum, on the other hand,

she'd probably get fingered
for a packet of biscuits.

Oh!

-Oh, no!
-Silence!

Oh, no!

[Will] Obviously
no one cool

wanted to help
organize the prom.

So, when it came to
recruiting a crack team,

I wasn't exactly
spoiled for choice.

But while there may be
no "I" in team,

luckily there was a "me".

And if I was to stop
these morons

from screwing up
my big night,

every fine detail
had to be planned.

Right. Welcome.

As you all know, this is the
first ever Christmas prom.

Two things are gonna make
this event successful.

Teamwork
and exceptional leadership.

The first thing
we need to discuss

is the agenda and how that--

-Yes, John?
-Are we going to have food?

Yep. Yep, we will.

If you look at the agenda,

that's item four,
so we'll get to that.

Because I think
we should have food.

I was wondering what type
everyone thought we should have.

Yep. As I say,

that is on the agenda,
so we'll get to that.

Lasagna's nice,
and so are burgers.

You don't need
a plate for burgers,

which gives them
an edge on lasagna.

Yes, John, please.
We'll get to that.

But you can eat burgers
off a plate too.

Listen, lard-arse.

There will be food
so shut the fuck up

so we can get this over with!

-I just wanted you all--
-Shut up!

Right. Right. Okay. Um...

Item one. Venue.

We're having it
in the school hall, obviously.

Item two, band.

We don't need a band. I'm DJing.

After half ten.

I should be DJing
the whole thing!

-Well, they're booked now.
-You're shit at this.

I'd be much better.

I've organized
hundreds of parties.

This is the first ever
Christmas prom,

not a chimps' tea party.

What we want is a good,
structured evening.

What we want is a big mucky
disco and a piss-up.

Hang on.
When have you organized parties?

-All the time.
-I've known you for ten years

and I have never seen you
organize a party.

Bollocks. What about
my birthday party last year?

Your mum organized that.

Yeah, under my supervision.

-And that was a wicked party.
-I fingered a bird.

See? And also, I organize
the Caravan Club parties.

Remember, we have been
to a Caravan Club party.

-And it was shit.
-I fingered a bird.

Well, there you go!

Look, Jay, now's not the time.

Item three.

Seriously, Will,
why are we here?

You've clearly
decided it all already.

No, I haven't.

There's still loads
I need your help with.

Like what?

Like,
who cleans up the next day.

-What item's that?
-Twenty-eight.

For Christ's sake,
just get on with it!

-Okay. Item four, food.
-Oh, good.

-[Jay] She did it as a bet.
-One more time, that's not true.

Say what you like,
I know it was a bet. Ask her.

I will.

Well, there she is over there.
Go ask her now.

I'm not going to ask her now.
I'll ask her later.

-Or tomorrow at the prom.
-Right, course!

Right. Here goes. Phase one.

Carli!

Oh, hi, Simon.

All right, sick-boy boner?

Yeah. Listen, this dance,
you are going, aren't you?

-Yeah.
-Great.

Great.
Maybe we could go together?

I could do with a lift,
yeah, thanks.

Right, a lift. Yeah.

Tom's car's broken,
so that would be perfect.

Great. Got to get here early
to help Will set up.

So, I'll pick you up about 4:00?

4:00?

You want me to get to a prom
that starts at 8:00 at 4:00?

Well, that's what time
I'm getting there.

There'll be loads to do.

So, what? I could turn up
in my evening dress

four hours early
and help you blow up balloons?

You could help scrub the floors.

It might be fun.
You know, all together.

-Are you mentally ill?
-Ha-ha. Good one.

Tell you what,
I'll see you there.

In the evening.

Great. Great.
I'll see you there, then.

You know, since he's met you,
he's become much more of a dick.

Really?

Yeah, he does seem to think more
and, like, express himself.

Isn't that a good thing?

Does it look like a good thing?

[groans]

-I'm charging you for the chips.
-I never had chips!

Right, then. So tomorrow is your
Christmas party, or prom,

if you will insist on speaking
like our transatlantic cousins.

Myself and Miss Timms
will be attending...

Yes!

...to make sure you enjoy
yourselves sensibly.

Now, obviously
we want you to have fun,

but in order
to make it enjoyable

for everyone,
we have a few rules.

One, everyone will get two

alcoholic drink tokens
and no more.

Frankly, the last thing I want

is to be cleaning up
your dreadful sick,

or even worse,
you putting your arms around me

and telling me that I'm,
"All right for a teacher,"

and that you love me.

Two, this is a school dance
and not the last days of Rome.

[chuckles]

What I mean by this
is no heavy petting.

And I will be the judge
of what constitutes heavy.

-Pervert.
-I heard that.

If I see anything
that I consider too much,

you will be sent home.

Is that clear?

[students mumble]

-Is that clear?
-Yes, sir.

Good. Have a nice evening.

I'll leave you in the hands

of the chairman
of the organizing committee,

God help you, William McKenzie.

-Thanks, Phil. Now...
-Sorry?

-Thanks for that, Phil.
-Phil?

Oh.

It's just 'cause the dance

is outside of school time
so I assumed...

Well, you assumed wrong, Will.

-Very wrong.
-Sorry.

-Right, then.
-Say my name properly.

-Mr. Gilbert.
-Say thank you.

-Thank you.
-Say, "Thank you, Mr. Gilbert".

-Thank you, Mr. Gilbert.
-Better.

Okay.

Um...

Just a few things
to make sure it runs smoothly,

I've got the schedules here.

I've not forgotten about you.
I'll be watching you tomorrow.

And if I see you
anywhere near Charlotte,

I'll rip your fucking
throat out.

Have a nice time.

Well, that's good.

[Will] Brilliantly,
it wasn't just

my reputation
on the line at the prom.

Now it was my life.

It was the moment of truth.
Prom night had arrived,

and as I watched my crack team
setting things up,

it's fair to say
I was shitting myself.

David, don't lean on that,
it'll come down!

Who's written the toilet signs?

Where are the toilet signs?

We're in the school. Everyone
knows where the toilets are.

-They piss in them every day.
-Not everyone will know.

We're meant to have signs.
Pen! Pen!

It's fucking run out.

How can this be happening?
Tonight is a fucking disaster.

It's fine. It's all fine.
It looks good.

Look, people are going to judge
tonight, and therefore me,

as either a huge success
or a massive failure.

You've got balloons.

You're already one up
on any event

the school's had before.
Just relax.

Also, it's very hard to relax

knowing that Donovan
might very well

kick the shit out of me
at some point.

Oh, right.
That makes much more sense.

Anyway, how come you're so calm?

I thought you'd be shitting
yourself about Carli.

No, I'm fine.
Jay's got his end sorted

and I know exactly what to say.

Right. Are you sure you should
trust Jay

with what could be the tenderest
moment of your life?

Yeah. He'll be fine.
It's a good plan.

And can it be worse than puking
on her brother's head?

Maybe. You haven't told me
what it is yet.

What the fuck are you wearing?

Oh, my God! And I thought
our suits were shit.

Ha! Your cock, it looks so tiny.

-It's like an acorn!
-Have you gone mental?

No, this is cool.
Look, I saw it in Nuts.

Girls will fancy me
because I stand out.

You'll stand out
because your cock is minuscule.

Will you stop looking
at my cock?

Mate, I think that's brave.

-Really brave.
-It's so shit.

Actually, maybe I'd better go

stick a couple of socks
down there.

-Any jobs for me?
-Wash your hands afterwards.

Gotcha.

Will, where's the toilets?

Oh, for fuck's sake!

[dance music playing]

[Will] Despite being organized
by my team of geeks,

it actually looked like people
were enjoying the party.

[singing]

Mind you,
I couldn't afford to relax.

John! John!

Stop eating the burgers!

-He's stressed.
-Yeah.

And to be honest, I think
it's a pretty good party.

And it just got even better.
Here's Miss Timms.

-She actually looks quite fit.
-Very fit.

Very fit indeed.

I'm on soon. You ready, Si?
Have you found Carli yet?

-Not yet. She'll be here soon.
-Another drink?

Better not.
I don't want a repeat

of what happened last time.

-You okay with the plan?
-Yeah. Yeah, I'm on it.

You've got the timings
and everything?

Yeah, to the second.

-Please don't fuck it up.
-I won't fuck it up!

Go on, go and find her.

Right. Here goes.

[Will] As Neil
was about to discover,

the problem with drinking
for Dutch courage

is the next level of drunk up
from that is Dutch dickhead.

So far, so good.

The band rocked,
people largely

found the toilets
without a sign,

and best of all, my throat
remained unripped out.

[students cheering]

Now all I had to worry about
was Jay's DJing.

[music playing]

This isn't on
the approved playlist!

No one likes this one, Jay.

Well, that's it,
it's a disaster.

Hello, stranger.

Oh, um...

Hello.

Is... Is Mark not around?

Why? Were you going to
ask him to dance?

[chuckles]

No. No, I wasn't.

-You all right?
-Yeah.

I just don't know whether
this is any good.

I mean, what makes a cool party?

You and your bloody party, Will.

It's great. Just enjoy yourself.

You're just being nice.

Why would I want
to be nice to you?

Trust me,
I've been to loads of shit

parties and this really
isn't one.

-Really?
-Yeah.

You've done well. For a geek.

Come on,
we're going for a dance.

Oh, I...

I don't really dance,
to be honest.

And I've... Yeah,
I've got stuff to sort out.

Fine. But you owe me
a dance later. Agreed?

Agreed.

-Oh, Charlotte?
-Yeah?

-You know us?
-Yeah.

I wasn't a bet, was I?

Just enjoy your party.
We'll have a dance later. Okay?

-Give us a burger.
-You could say please.

Just give me one.

I've got to be back
up there in three minutes.

Not until you say please.
Manners cost nothing.

For fuck's sake.
Can I have a burger, please?

Of course you can.
Would you like ketchup on that?

Yeah, go on, then. Please.

Your DJing
seems to be going well.

Yeah, it's all right.
Made a few cock-ups.

-Well, no one's noticed.
-It's weird, but...

I feel better when I'm doing it.
Kind of not so tense.

My counselor used to say

that frustration often comes
from wanting to be noticed.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

It's probably why
I exaggerate a bit.

To feel special?

Yeah. It's like sometimes
I feel like

the kids here
don't pay attention to me.

Like I'm so dumb,
I don't matter.

I guess making a few things up
at least makes them notice.

Do you fancy a beer?

I've still got my two tokens.
I don't mind sharing.

Yeah. Yeah, cheers.

I understand how you feel,
you know. Back in a moment.

-You're DJing, aren't you?
-Yeah.

I used to DJ
at a top nightclub in Ibiza.

-Oh, yeah?
-I could get you a regular spot.

You look like
you're really into it.

Yeah.
It's all about being sensitive.

I find it hard to trust,

but when it's just me
and the music, I'm sorted.

-Are you bent?
-What?

It was just right then,
you sounded really, really bent.

I heard. Do you want
to come up to the decks with me?

-Yeah, all right.
-Got them!

You didn't say please.

What about opening up
and trusting?

Oh, fuck off, you fat wanker.

Carli?

-Carli.
-Simon.

-You got here all right, then?
-Looks like it.

-Where's Tom?
-Ugh! That dick!

He's out with his rugby mates.

I left them just as they were
gonna start drinking beer

out of each other's bum cracks.

Right. That's a bit weird,
isn't it?

I don't care,
I'm not interested.

Right. Great.

So, did you want anything
in particular?

Yeah. Yeah,
I did want something.

[music stops]

Why has the music stopped?

I stopped it.

Because... I need to say that...

I just wanted
to say to you that--

Are you going to ask me
to finger myself again?

No, God, no! No.

I just need to say that...

Um...

Simon, I've had enough
of dickheads today. What is it?

Why are you being so weird?

[students tittering]

-Oh, no. No, it's nothing.
-Nothing?

I was going to say something,
but it's gone now.

What were you going to say?

-I was going to say that--
-[Miss Timms] Neil!

-What the fuck is Neil doing?
-Come here. Oh, go on.

-Neil, what are you doing?
-I love you. Please.

[students laughing]

-[student 1] Boner!
-[student 2] Boner!

Oh, God!

[student 3] Boner.

Every year. Every year
someone has a pop, don't they?

Come on, Sutherland.
Let's get you a glass of water.

-[laughs]
-[music plays]

What's the problem?

I wanted you to come here
with me tonight, yeah?

You decide to go out
with your friends instead.

What's wrong with that?

What do you mean
what's wrong with that?

I had to come here on my own.

I fucking warned you
about talking to Charlotte.

You are taking the piss!

I didn't! I wasn't!
She came over to me!

-Mr. Gilbert! Mr. Gilbert!
-Hey! Put him down!

[music stops]

-Or what?
-Yeah, leave him alone.

[student 1] What's wrong with
you? He ain't even done nothing.

-Don't be a dickhead, Donovan.
-[student 2] Wanker!

[student 3] Yeah, fuck off,
Donovan.

Leave the speccy
short-arse alone.

He's organized a good party.

Yeah, Briefcase is all right,
Donovan. Don't be a tit.

Charlotte.

Thanks. That was really kind.
And really great.

I sort of knew that I'd have
to say a few words of thanks

at some point tonight. So I've
prepared a little speech...

[music starts]

Again. Of course.

Well done, children.

A fairly innocuous jamboree
of adolescent nonsense.

Fear not, the relationships
that some of you

have entered into tonight,

well, they may seem like
everything now,

but they'll be over
in a matter of weeks.

Now, if we can just make it home

without tagging
people's property...

Yeah. I may go to bed
relatively hate free.

Oi! You two! Do you want me
to fetch up my dinner? Go home!

I'm allowed to enjoy this,
aren't I?

Oh, yeah. Well done, mate.
Top night.

Tonight, I win. Party was good,
Charlotte probably not a bet,

and best of all,
Donovan didn't beat me up.

That last one you can
only enjoy over the holiday.

He'll kill you next term.

Did you really enjoy it, though?

Yeah, I had a laugh.
Why did you think I hadn't?

Well, you know. It didn't
exactly go to plan with Carli.

Well... I was standing there,

ready to say
all this stuff to her,

and it just wouldn't come out.

And then I thought,
am I really that bothered?

And then Neil tried
to fuck the teacher.

Oh, leave me alone.

Honestly, she looked like
she was going to slap you.

But I think your erection
scared her off.

-What were you thinking?
-I don't know.

-I think it was the suit.
-It was definitely too jazzy.

I thought Miss Timms
would like it.

Even though she's 30,
is going out with Gilbert,

would go to prison
for snogging you?

Gilbert was all right about it,
actually.

Are you looking forward
to biology next term?

-Not really.
-It should be interesting.

Oi, oi! Guess who just
got a blowy behind the decks?

-Well, not you, obviously.
-Guess again.

Jay, you're my mate. But please,
for once, just don't lie.

-What happened?
-Blowy.

I said, "Please don't lie."

All right, all right. She gave
me a hand job, not a blowy.

[all] Ah!

I knew it was bollocks.

What? I just got a hand job
on the school stage.

That's better than any of you.

Bollocks. It's already
come down from a blow job.

You'll be telling us it was
outside the trousers next.

-It was.
-That doesn't count!

Oh, well, that's not even
a hand job, then!

What has just happened there,

my friend,
is you've spunked yourself.

-That counts.
-Doesn't count.

I haven't cleaned
my cock yet, so...

Does this count?

[all exclaiming in disgust]

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