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1
00:00:01,143 --> 00:00:02,404
Chapter 14.
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00:00:02,489 --> 00:00:04,495
There was nothing Tom
enjoyed more than stories
3
00:00:04,580 --> 00:00:06,180
of traveling to distant lands,
4
00:00:06,265 --> 00:00:08,410
and there was nothing that Tom
enjoyed less
5
00:00:08,495 --> 00:00:09,648
than actually traveling.
6
00:00:09,756 --> 00:00:11,057
I can't find my khakis.
7
00:00:11,149 --> 00:00:12,930
The one with the side pocket
for sunscreen?
8
00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:13,838
Mm-mm.
9
00:00:14,065 --> 00:00:16,081
He needs to re-apply
every 15 minutes.
10
00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:18,575
The dermatologist said
he'll literally catch on fire.
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00:00:18,675 --> 00:00:21,697
Tom, you are
the most nervous traveler.
12
00:00:21,797 --> 00:00:23,378
Do you have to go
to Puerto Rico?
13
00:00:23,478 --> 00:00:24,716
Sof�a wants me to see
the village she grew up in
14
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,061
so I can write
15
00:00:26,161 --> 00:00:28,342
about her impoverished
childhood in the memoir.
16
00:00:28,442 --> 00:00:30,304
Now, how many umbrellas
do you think I'll need?
17
00:00:30,404 --> 00:00:32,213
One to none?
18
00:00:32,354 --> 00:00:34,123
I thought this trip
was gonna be a few days.
19
00:00:34,207 --> 00:00:36,065
Yeah, but it's pretty humid
down there.
20
00:00:36,150 --> 00:00:38,470
You got... to expect at least
three pairs of socks per day.
21
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:39,911
Ew.
22
00:00:40,011 --> 00:00:41,288
If you're this anxious
about going,
23
00:00:41,372 --> 00:00:42,753
I can take your place.
24
00:00:42,853 --> 00:00:44,811
Although Sof�a might be more
of a handful than the twins.
25
00:00:44,895 --> 00:00:46,132
- No.
- You know, working on that book
26
00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:47,117
hasn't been all bad.
27
00:00:47,217 --> 00:00:48,318
Thanks to Sof�a,
28
00:00:48,418 --> 00:00:49,775
I've learned
that I'm a ceviche guy.
29
00:00:49,859 --> 00:00:51,000
What?
30
00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:53,041
I've been pushing you
to try ceviche for years.
31
00:00:53,141 --> 00:00:55,643
You said eating raw fish
makes you feel like a pelican.
32
00:00:55,743 --> 00:00:57,485
Well, technically, ceviche
isn't raw fish.
33
00:00:57,585 --> 00:00:59,827
It's cured in acid.
Sof�a taught me that.
34
00:01:01,508 --> 00:01:02,969
Can I go to the movies
after this?
35
00:01:03,069 --> 00:01:04,650
- Sure, sweetie.
- Who all's going?
36
00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:06,752
Just some friends
from school.
37
00:01:07,593 --> 00:01:11,215
- Oof, cold.
- I was like that at her age...
38
00:01:11,315 --> 00:01:12,857
which means you're in trouble.
39
00:01:12,957 --> 00:01:15,699
- Oh, all right.
- Let me just kind of...
40
00:01:15,799 --> 00:01:17,220
Come on.
41
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,677
First she ditches us
on Halloween,
42
00:01:18,761 --> 00:01:20,222
now this attitude.
43
00:01:20,322 --> 00:01:21,664
Teen years are
starting off rough.
44
00:01:21,764 --> 00:01:23,625
I hope Gretchen stays
my little girl forever.
45
00:01:23,725 --> 00:01:26,507
Maybe she'll be a late bloomer
like Tom and require
46
00:01:26,607 --> 00:01:28,205
a medical intervention
to kickstart puberty.
47
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:29,670
Come on.
48
00:01:29,770 --> 00:01:30,991
Maybe it never kicked in.
49
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,192
I wonder if something more
is going on with her,
50
00:01:33,292 --> 00:01:35,050
because she's been especially
cagey with us lately.
51
00:01:35,134 --> 00:01:36,515
I wouldn't sweat it.
52
00:01:36,615 --> 00:01:38,617
She's probably just nervous
to see Cayden.
53
00:01:39,297 --> 00:01:40,758
- Who's Cayden?
- Cayden.
54
00:01:40,858 --> 00:01:42,880
The boy she likes,
55
00:01:42,980 --> 00:01:45,042
whose ass I'll kick
if he breaks her heart?
56
00:01:45,142 --> 00:01:48,244
- Oh, my God, her first crush.
- Why didn't she tell us?
57
00:01:48,344 --> 00:01:50,046
- Yeah.
- And why did she tell you?
58
00:01:50,146 --> 00:01:52,183
Because I'm the cool uncle
that she can confide in.
59
00:01:52,267 --> 00:01:53,384
- Oh, please.
- Like you understand
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00:01:53,468 --> 00:01:55,690
the emotional life
of a teenage girl.
61
00:01:55,790 --> 00:01:58,132
We have a very active
text thread, okay?
62
00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:01,094
Our memes are so crazy,
I don't even understand them.
63
00:02:01,194 --> 00:02:03,376
Okay, well, Shamiah
will come to us
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00:02:03,476 --> 00:02:04,897
when it's something
worth sharing.
65
00:02:04,997 --> 00:02:06,618
Yes, of course. Absolutely.
66
00:02:06,718 --> 00:02:09,080
- And... done.
- Got it.
67
00:02:12,643 --> 00:02:13,624
[upbeat music]
68
00:02:13,724 --> 00:02:15,545
Are those mittens?
69
00:02:15,645 --> 00:02:17,647
? ?
70
00:02:20,689 --> 00:02:22,591
But if the gardener
couldn't have been
71
00:02:22,691 --> 00:02:24,792
the Hothouse killer,
then who was?
72
00:02:24,892 --> 00:02:26,894
It was
the brother-in-law, Steven.
73
00:02:27,735 --> 00:02:29,736
Oh, I've heard
this one already.
74
00:02:31,698 --> 00:02:33,199
Hi, honey.
75
00:02:33,299 --> 00:02:36,121
- Are you in the jungle?
- Have you been kidnapped?
76
00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:37,498
We don't have the money
to pay ransom.
77
00:02:37,582 --> 00:02:38,923
What? No.
78
00:02:39,023 --> 00:02:40,364
No, I just want to call you
79
00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:41,982
before I jump off
this 40-foot waterfall.
80
00:02:42,066 --> 00:02:43,807
What?
Oh, he did it!
81
00:02:43,907 --> 00:02:45,168
What?
82
00:02:45,268 --> 00:02:47,970
You're terrified
of heights and water.
83
00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,507
- Yeah, I know.
- This was Sof�a's idea.
84
00:02:49,591 --> 00:02:51,029
She said it'd a fun way
to cap off our trip
85
00:02:51,113 --> 00:02:52,150
before we head to the airport.
86
00:02:52,234 --> 00:02:54,015
Well, you could
just tell them
87
00:02:54,115 --> 00:02:55,376
you have diarrhea.
88
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:56,513
No, I'm gonna go for it.
89
00:02:56,597 --> 00:02:57,818
She's got this crazy way
90
00:02:57,918 --> 00:02:59,195
of pushing me
out of my comfort zone.
91
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,660
An hour ago,
I let an iguana sit
92
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,702
on my head.
93
00:03:02,802 --> 00:03:04,743
What?
Hey, how are the kids?
94
00:03:04,843 --> 00:03:06,224
Are Alejandro
and Esteban asleep?
95
00:03:06,324 --> 00:03:09,747
- "Es-tay-ban."
- Wait, you said it correctly.
96
00:03:09,847 --> 00:03:11,889
Yeah. Sof�a has been
helping me with my Spanish.
97
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,271
Don't worry,
it's not like that.
98
00:03:15,371 --> 00:03:17,113
She's actually sleeping
with our driver.
99
00:03:17,213 --> 00:03:19,835
It's... it's really awkward.
100
00:03:19,935 --> 00:03:21,556
Tom�s, v�monos.
101
00:03:21,656 --> 00:03:23,158
"Tom�s"?
102
00:03:23,258 --> 00:03:24,775
Oh, yeah, it's what Sof�a
started calling me.
103
00:03:24,859 --> 00:03:26,560
It's Spanish for Tom.
104
00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:28,962
Okay, I'm gonna go.
It's my turn to jump.
105
00:03:29,062 --> 00:03:29,819
I don't want
to keep them waiting.
106
00:03:29,903 --> 00:03:31,164
Yeah, yeah, I'd hate for you
107
00:03:31,264 --> 00:03:32,565
to be inconsiderate.
108
00:03:32,665 --> 00:03:34,246
Okay. Love you. Bye.
109
00:03:34,346 --> 00:03:35,407
I'm coming!
110
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,288
[screams]
[phone beeps]
111
00:03:37,388 --> 00:03:40,251
It was
the brother-in-law, Steven.
112
00:03:40,351 --> 00:03:45,094
? ?
113
00:03:45,194 --> 00:03:46,896
Wait, who is Sue?
114
00:03:46,996 --> 00:03:49,278
I thought Abby Wambach
was in love with Glennon.
115
00:03:50,879 --> 00:03:52,780
Oh, I see.
We swapped books.
116
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,502
You were reading Megan Rapinoe.
117
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,583
- Oh...
- Well, I'm invested now.
118
00:03:56,683 --> 00:03:58,305
Yeah.
119
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,406
Oh, hey, sweetie.
How was the park?
120
00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:03,188
Is everything okay?
121
00:04:03,288 --> 00:04:05,190
It's fine.
122
00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:07,672
Okay, clearly,
not everything's fine.
123
00:04:07,772 --> 00:04:09,773
Yeah, did it look like
she's been crying?
124
00:04:11,535 --> 00:04:13,597
Whoa.
125
00:04:13,697 --> 00:04:15,478
Shamiah, are you hungry?
126
00:04:15,578 --> 00:04:17,159
Should I make you
a tofu scramble?
127
00:04:17,259 --> 00:04:18,536
Yeah, we can eat it
while we watch
128
00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:20,682
"High School Musical:
The Musical: The Series."
129
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:21,859
Wow, I finally got
the title right.
130
00:04:21,943 --> 00:04:24,125
[upbeat music playing]
131
00:04:24,225 --> 00:04:25,806
Great.
She's literally tuning us out.
132
00:04:25,906 --> 00:04:27,864
I bet this has something
to do with that boy she likes.
133
00:04:27,948 --> 00:04:29,489
I don't get it.
134
00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:30,546
She knows she can talk to us
about anything.
135
00:04:30,630 --> 00:04:31,891
This is a safe space.
136
00:04:31,991 --> 00:04:33,612
Yeah, it says so right there.
137
00:04:33,712 --> 00:04:35,533
? ?
138
00:04:35,633 --> 00:04:37,795
We do know someone she
feels comfortable talking to.
139
00:04:38,636 --> 00:04:40,177
No, no way.
140
00:04:40,277 --> 00:04:41,698
We need cool uncle Connor.
141
00:04:41,798 --> 00:04:43,396
Okay, first of all,
do not call him that,
142
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,221
and also, I don't like
the idea of Connor
143
00:04:45,321 --> 00:04:47,182
being Shamiah's confidant.
Okay?
144
00:04:47,282 --> 00:04:49,024
In high school,
he went to nine proms.
145
00:04:49,124 --> 00:04:50,825
There was a write-up
about it in the paper.
146
00:04:50,925 --> 00:04:52,827
So he's experienced.
147
00:04:52,927 --> 00:04:54,484
Look, she's shutting us out
for some reason.
148
00:04:54,568 --> 00:04:55,469
We're gonna need his help.
149
00:04:55,569 --> 00:04:56,870
Okay, I can talk to kids.
150
00:04:56,970 --> 00:04:58,972
Right?
It's my job.
151
00:05:00,653 --> 00:05:01,714
'Sup, girl?
152
00:05:01,814 --> 00:05:03,755
Can we come in
153
00:05:03,855 --> 00:05:07,318
and just hang on the floor,
like, listen to some music?
154
00:05:07,418 --> 00:05:10,080
Oh, is that the new Lizzo?
155
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:13,463
Yas queen, I love that,
that bus'ing beat.
156
00:05:13,903 --> 00:05:16,045
Just leave me alone!
157
00:05:16,145 --> 00:05:17,246
Fine.
158
00:05:17,346 --> 00:05:22,089
[cell phone rings]
159
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,370
What's up, Sarah?
160
00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:25,612
Hey, Connor, what's going on?
161
00:05:25,712 --> 00:05:27,189
Just finishing up
a little workout sesh.
162
00:05:27,273 --> 00:05:28,655
Just benched three hundy
163
00:05:28,755 --> 00:05:31,116
for the first time,
kind of an emotional day.
164
00:05:31,557 --> 00:05:33,218
- Please let me hang up.
- Keep going.
165
00:05:33,318 --> 00:05:36,060
- Congrats.
- That's a lot of hundys.
166
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,678
Hey, if you're
in the neighborhood later,
167
00:05:37,762 --> 00:05:40,364
we could use your help
with our garbage disposal.
168
00:05:41,244 --> 00:05:43,926
I'm getting to it.
It's making a weird sound.
169
00:05:45,648 --> 00:05:47,045
Ooh, just got a text
from Shamiah.
170
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:48,270
She wants me to come over.
171
00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,832
She used punctuation.
It's a hot one.
172
00:05:50,932 --> 00:05:52,673
I'm on my way.
And call a plumber.
173
00:05:52,773 --> 00:05:54,595
What do I know
about garbage disposals?
174
00:05:54,695 --> 00:05:59,759
? ?
175
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,640
Hola.
176
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:04,702
- Tom?
- You're back.
177
00:06:06,544 --> 00:06:09,046
And dressed
like you're in a tequila ad.
178
00:06:09,146 --> 00:06:11,304
- Yeah, it's crazy, right?
- The airline lost my luggage,
179
00:06:11,388 --> 00:06:13,329
so I had to get
all new clothes in San Juan.
180
00:06:13,429 --> 00:06:15,371
After all your stress
about what to bring...
181
00:06:15,471 --> 00:06:18,213
That bag had three
of your five favorite hoodies.
182
00:06:18,313 --> 00:06:20,815
- It's just stuff. Yeah.
- It turns up, It turns up.
183
00:06:20,915 --> 00:06:23,697
- I'm sorry, who are you?
- And what's with the gold chain?
184
00:06:23,797 --> 00:06:25,338
Oh, you like?
185
00:06:25,438 --> 00:06:27,660
Sof�a said
it screamed "Tom�s."
186
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,942
Puerto Rico was incredible.
187
00:06:30,042 --> 00:06:33,024
I rode a horse.
I ate ant eggs.
188
00:06:33,124 --> 00:06:34,401
We even trespassed
into an abandoned castle
189
00:06:34,485 --> 00:06:35,867
to drink rum at sunset.
190
00:06:35,967 --> 00:06:37,484
Wow, for someone
who didn't want to go,
191
00:06:37,568 --> 00:06:38,909
you sure had a great time.
192
00:06:39,009 --> 00:06:42,432
Yeah, well, Sof�a has got
this saying,
193
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,233
"You only live once."
194
00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:45,994
- That's a very common saying.
- Yeah.
195
00:06:46,094 --> 00:06:47,972
Well, I guess I just never
really understood it before.
196
00:06:48,056 --> 00:06:49,317
Hey, how was your week?
197
00:06:49,417 --> 00:06:51,799
Well, Alejandro
has an impacted stool.
198
00:06:51,899 --> 00:06:53,120
Camilla called me a monster
199
00:06:53,220 --> 00:06:54,657
when I didn't let her watch
"Gossip Girl."
200
00:06:54,741 --> 00:06:56,138
And even though
I've been doing laundry
201
00:06:56,222 --> 00:06:58,404
non-stop,
this pile never gets smaller.
202
00:06:58,504 --> 00:07:00,422
Well, you'll be happy to know
that these clothes
203
00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:02,127
are dry clean only, so...
204
00:07:02,227 --> 00:07:05,770
Ha-ha.
205
00:07:05,870 --> 00:07:08,732
Yeah, you know,
it must have been really hard
206
00:07:08,832 --> 00:07:10,573
staying here all week,
207
00:07:10,673 --> 00:07:12,455
with me at work,
having to take care
208
00:07:12,555 --> 00:07:13,896
of all this stuff.
209
00:07:13,996 --> 00:07:15,193
Why don't we go out
tomorrow night?
210
00:07:15,277 --> 00:07:16,754
We'll go to Gianno's.
They have a new special.
211
00:07:16,838 --> 00:07:18,580
Chicken parm, I know.
212
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,760
It's been their new special
for the last three years.
213
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:24,744
Okay. Well, then we'll just
order in, and watch a movie.
214
00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,322
There's a voter suppression
documentary
215
00:07:26,406 --> 00:07:28,107
that Sarah
has been raving about.
216
00:07:28,207 --> 00:07:30,589
- Those are my options?
- Why can't I have adventure?
217
00:07:30,689 --> 00:07:33,071
Why can't I have Tom�s,
218
00:07:33,171 --> 00:07:35,192
the man who jumps
off waterfalls,
219
00:07:35,292 --> 00:07:36,529
who doesn't blink
at losing his luggage.
220
00:07:36,613 --> 00:07:38,635
Why don't I get
that side of you?
221
00:07:38,735 --> 00:07:40,477
We went
on a haunted hayride once.
222
00:07:40,577 --> 00:07:43,079
I've been pushing you
for years to try new things.
223
00:07:43,179 --> 00:07:45,120
Like the nude beach.
224
00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:47,322
Those seagulls were, like,
weirdly aggressive.
225
00:07:47,422 --> 00:07:48,939
For our anniversary,
I said we should get
226
00:07:49,023 --> 00:07:51,285
wedding band tattoos,
and you got physically ill.
227
00:07:51,385 --> 00:07:53,246
Yeah, well,
what if I got an infection?
228
00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:55,528
I can't afford
to lose a finger.
229
00:07:55,628 --> 00:07:56,889
These are my moneymakers.
230
00:07:56,989 --> 00:07:59,251
Around Sof�a Salazar,
nothing seems to scare you.
231
00:07:59,351 --> 00:08:02,053
Heights, eating ants, rum.
232
00:08:02,153 --> 00:08:03,775
- Come on.
- I drank rum for work.
233
00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:06,056
- [scoffs]
- Wha... okay.
234
00:08:06,156 --> 00:08:07,393
Look, it's different
around you.
235
00:08:07,477 --> 00:08:08,818
I can be myself.
236
00:08:08,918 --> 00:08:10,099
I don't have to try so hard.
237
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:12,301
Oh.
238
00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:14,923
So you put in the effort
for Sof�a, but not for me?
239
00:08:16,885 --> 00:08:19,347
I'm gonna go take
my first shower in three days.
240
00:08:19,447 --> 00:08:26,212
? ?
241
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,676
Seriously?
242
00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:33,333
They've been in there
for, like, a half hour.
243
00:08:33,417 --> 00:08:34,414
I need to know
what they're talking about.
244
00:08:34,498 --> 00:08:35,799
You're being ridiculous.
245
00:08:35,899 --> 00:08:37,320
You're right.
246
00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:39,122
I need a glass.
247
00:08:39,222 --> 00:08:40,723
That's not what I meant.
248
00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:42,945
Also, the glass thing
only works in the movies.
249
00:08:45,227 --> 00:08:47,228
- I think I hear something.
- Wait, it works?
250
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:53,293
Wow, not cool, Denise.
251
00:08:53,393 --> 00:08:54,710
And the glass thing
only works in the movies.
252
00:08:54,794 --> 00:08:57,136
- So what's going on?
- Yeah, what happened?
253
00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:59,418
Don't worry,
everything's fine.
254
00:08:59,518 --> 00:09:01,099
And...
255
00:09:01,199 --> 00:09:02,820
- And what?
- And anything.
256
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,303
Oh, you guys want the deets.
257
00:09:06,403 --> 00:09:07,584
Yes, obviously the deets.
258
00:09:07,684 --> 00:09:09,465
Sorry, it's a no-can-do.
259
00:09:09,565 --> 00:09:11,067
I'd be breaking
uncle/niece code.
260
00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,548
What about
brother/sister code?
261
00:09:12,648 --> 00:09:13,468
That's not a thing.
262
00:09:13,568 --> 00:09:14,669
Connor, please.
263
00:09:14,769 --> 00:09:16,271
We're worried.
She was so upset.
264
00:09:16,371 --> 00:09:18,192
Look, it's just
teenage boy drama, okay?
265
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:19,273
She likes him.
266
00:09:19,373 --> 00:09:20,370
She's worried
he doesn't like her back.
267
00:09:20,454 --> 00:09:21,995
And I'm already
telling you too much.
268
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,796
Okay.
Don't rat on me.
269
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:24,917
I hate this.
270
00:09:25,017 --> 00:09:26,214
Your first crush
is an important milestone.
271
00:09:26,298 --> 00:09:27,279
And I wanna be a part of it.
272
00:09:27,379 --> 00:09:29,321
Me too.
273
00:09:29,421 --> 00:09:31,538
I can't believe she'd open up
her heart to you over us.
274
00:09:31,622 --> 00:09:32,939
You're like the jock
in every teen movie
275
00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:34,565
who dates the dorky girl
on a bet.
276
00:09:34,665 --> 00:09:36,566
Hey, that was one time.
277
00:09:36,666 --> 00:09:38,248
And when Gwen
took her glasses off,
278
00:09:38,348 --> 00:09:40,709
she was stunning,
so joke's on you.
279
00:09:41,430 --> 00:09:43,091
I'm just trying to help.
Okay?
280
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,348
I told Shamiah
to talk to you guys about it,
281
00:09:44,432 --> 00:09:45,773
but she said
you won't understand.
282
00:09:45,873 --> 00:09:47,975
Why wouldn't we understand?
283
00:09:48,075 --> 00:09:49,416
Because it's about a boy?
284
00:09:49,516 --> 00:09:51,858
And she thinks we can't
relate because we're gay?
285
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,780
That can't be it, can't it?
286
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,541
She likes boys and we don't.
287
00:09:55,641 --> 00:09:56,742
We do not.
288
00:09:56,842 --> 00:09:57,983
Yeah, it's pretty obvious.
289
00:09:58,083 --> 00:10:00,625
You have a k.d. lang cookbook.
290
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,242
"Constant Cravings"
has some solid recipes.
291
00:10:02,326 --> 00:10:04,348
I was so afraid
that this might happen.
292
00:10:04,448 --> 00:10:06,149
We need to make it clear
to Shamiah
293
00:10:06,249 --> 00:10:07,806
that we understand
what she's going through.
294
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:09,528
Otherwise, she's just gonna
shut us out completely.
295
00:10:09,612 --> 00:10:12,234
[cell phone chimes]
296
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:13,555
That's Shamiah.
297
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,092
Cayden just posted
his new kicks on the 'gram,
298
00:10:15,176 --> 00:10:17,178
and she needs my help
with a comment.
299
00:10:18,058 --> 00:10:20,140
It's a delicate dance,
might take a while.
300
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:25,564
Oh, she did ask me to tell
you guys just one thing.
301
00:10:25,664 --> 00:10:27,666
What is it?
302
00:10:28,626 --> 00:10:30,628
She wants tacos for dinner.
303
00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:35,052
Can I please watch
"Gossip Girl?"
304
00:10:35,152 --> 00:10:36,933
Why, I didn't realize
you were an adult.
305
00:10:37,033 --> 00:10:40,456
Do you wanna go to jury duty
and pay taxes too?
306
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,797
[car horn honks]
307
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:50,223
? ?
308
00:10:50,323 --> 00:10:51,905
- Tom?
- No. No, no.
309
00:10:52,005 --> 00:10:53,105
It's Tom�s,
310
00:10:53,205 --> 00:10:56,148
and I'm here to show you
a wild night.
311
00:10:56,248 --> 00:10:57,389
Really?
312
00:10:57,489 --> 00:10:59,310
And where did Tom�s
get such a sexy car?
313
00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:01,048
Well, Tom�s knows a guy
in private equity.
314
00:11:01,132 --> 00:11:02,873
Has a mansion,
315
00:11:02,973 --> 00:11:04,490
kind of a mean housekeeper...
It's Connor.
316
00:11:04,574 --> 00:11:05,371
I don't know if you
guessed yet.
317
00:11:05,455 --> 00:11:06,756
It's Connor.
318
00:11:06,856 --> 00:11:08,013
I borrowed his car.
Tell you what?
319
00:11:08,097 --> 00:11:09,334
The babysitter
gets here any minute.
320
00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:10,935
Why don't you go inside,
change into something sexy,
321
00:11:11,019 --> 00:11:14,282
and then get
into this sexy car... sexy?
322
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,523
Oh.
323
00:11:15,623 --> 00:11:18,605
I like the way Tom�s thinks.
324
00:11:18,705 --> 00:11:20,407
Well, get used to it,
325
00:11:20,507 --> 00:11:21,487
because one...
Oh, it's in neutral.
326
00:11:21,587 --> 00:11:22,624
I think I left it in neutral.
327
00:11:22,708 --> 00:11:23,649
Go ahead, you change.
328
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:26,051
And I'll take care of this.
329
00:11:26,151 --> 00:11:30,574
It'll be fine. As long as I...
I think I left the keys inside.
330
00:11:30,674 --> 00:11:32,536
It's good. Go ahead.
Go inside. It's fine.
331
00:11:32,636 --> 00:11:38,060
? ?
332
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,162
It's all good.
It's fine. It's fine.
333
00:11:44,685 --> 00:11:48,148
So where is Tom�s taking me?
334
00:11:48,248 --> 00:11:51,551
How does a seaplane
around the Bay sound?
335
00:11:51,651 --> 00:11:54,633
Wild but expensive.
336
00:11:54,733 --> 00:11:57,115
Money means nothing to Tom�s.
337
00:11:57,215 --> 00:12:00,357
Although he does know his way
around a Groupon.
338
00:12:00,457 --> 00:12:02,879
We'll be sipping champagne
and taking the sights
339
00:12:02,979 --> 00:12:05,401
from 1,500 feet
above sea level.
340
00:12:05,501 --> 00:12:07,323
- Oh.
- That's pretty high up.
341
00:12:07,423 --> 00:12:10,485
Yes, Tom�s is doing
his very best
342
00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:12,127
not to think about that.
343
00:12:12,227 --> 00:12:13,888
[engine guns haltingly]
344
00:12:13,988 --> 00:12:17,491
- Oh.
- Is that a good sound?
345
00:12:17,591 --> 00:12:20,133
I'm just still kind of
getting the feel of it.
346
00:12:20,233 --> 00:12:22,174
Took it pretty slow
on the way over to our house.
347
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:23,736
[car console ringing]
348
00:12:23,836 --> 00:12:24,977
Oh, you know what?
349
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,113
I'm gonna
let this go to voicemail.
350
00:12:26,197 --> 00:12:27,234
He's probably just making sure
351
00:12:27,318 --> 00:12:29,100
I'm taking care of his baby.
352
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,341
Tom, what are you doing?
353
00:12:30,441 --> 00:12:32,302
- Oh, okay.
- I meant to hang up.
354
00:12:32,402 --> 00:12:34,984
I'm just gonna say
what's up bro?
355
00:12:35,084 --> 00:12:36,826
What's up is,
you stole my car.
356
00:12:36,926 --> 00:12:38,307
Lupe just texted me.
357
00:12:38,407 --> 00:12:40,228
No, no, I didn't.
358
00:12:40,328 --> 00:12:42,070
The Post-It note I left
359
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:44,552
clearly states
that I'm borrowing it.
360
00:12:44,652 --> 00:12:46,169
You don't even know
how to drive a stick.
361
00:12:46,253 --> 00:12:48,074
- Yeah, I do.
- I learned in high school.
362
00:12:48,174 --> 00:12:50,356
You stalled on a hill
and rolled backwards
363
00:12:50,456 --> 00:12:51,837
into Katie French's
lemonade stand.
364
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,639
So I'll avoid hills.
365
00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:57,642
- We live in San Francisco.
- It's nothing but hills, man.
366
00:12:57,742 --> 00:12:59,443
- Hi Connor.
- I'm here too.
367
00:12:59,543 --> 00:13:02,085
We will bring your car back
in one piece, I promise.
368
00:13:02,185 --> 00:13:03,566
Oh hey, Marina.
369
00:13:03,666 --> 00:13:04,703
At least
there's one adult in the car.
370
00:13:04,787 --> 00:13:06,689
Just tell Dom Toretto over here
371
00:13:06,789 --> 00:13:08,850
to back off
on the gas when he shifts.
372
00:13:08,950 --> 00:13:10,492
- Right, that's it.
- Okay.
373
00:13:10,592 --> 00:13:13,414
Good talking to you, man.
Let you go.
374
00:13:13,514 --> 00:13:15,335
Jeez. Freak out much?
375
00:13:15,435 --> 00:13:16,697
I'm still on, Tom.
376
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,178
- Right, okay.
- Bye for realsies.
377
00:13:18,278 --> 00:13:19,499
[laughs]
378
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:22,341
All right, let's get
this wild night back on track.
379
00:13:22,441 --> 00:13:24,843
- Was it off track?
- I didn't notice.
380
00:13:26,244 --> 00:13:28,105
You know what?
381
00:13:28,205 --> 00:13:32,669
Let's open this baby up,
see what she can really do.
382
00:13:32,769 --> 00:13:35,151
Ooh.
383
00:13:35,251 --> 00:13:36,872
Maybe a little fast though?
384
00:13:36,972 --> 00:13:39,634
For Tom�s,
there are no speed limits.
385
00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:41,716
[siren wailing]
386
00:13:41,816 --> 00:13:43,437
Well, legally, there are.
387
00:13:43,537 --> 00:13:50,543
? ?
388
00:13:52,424 --> 00:13:53,981
Why are you replacing
our lesbian memoirs
389
00:13:54,065 --> 00:13:55,727
with the Twilight books?
390
00:13:55,827 --> 00:13:57,904
To demonstrate to Shamiah
that we honor hetero culture.
391
00:13:57,988 --> 00:13:59,610
And that includes vampires?
392
00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:03,253
I just think it would help
if we straighten up the place.
393
00:14:03,353 --> 00:14:04,373
Get it, "straighten up"?
394
00:14:04,473 --> 00:14:05,374
Oh, I got it.
395
00:14:05,474 --> 00:14:06,895
I just chose not to react.
396
00:14:06,995 --> 00:14:09,257
- Okay.
- Is Jane Austen gay?
397
00:14:09,357 --> 00:14:12,099
- She never married.
- [laughs] Goodbye.
398
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:15,142
What about
this large ceramic owl?
399
00:14:15,242 --> 00:14:16,503
Clearly gay.
400
00:14:16,603 --> 00:14:18,384
Sarah, I want Shamiah
to come talk to us
401
00:14:18,484 --> 00:14:19,745
just as much as you do,
402
00:14:19,845 --> 00:14:21,403
but I don't think this is
the best way to go about it.
403
00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:22,547
But we need to show her
404
00:14:22,647 --> 00:14:24,789
that we understand
straight relationships.
405
00:14:24,889 --> 00:14:27,291
So we're gonna watch
"The Bachelorette."
406
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,434
- [laughs]
- Just follow my lead, okay?
407
00:14:31,534 --> 00:14:35,758
And then Tom was like,
"I'll avoid hills."
408
00:14:35,858 --> 00:14:38,079
Hey guys, was ice cream fun?
409
00:14:38,179 --> 00:14:40,842
Do you want to come and sit,
watch some TV with us?
410
00:14:40,942 --> 00:14:42,723
Oh, you guys are a part
of Bachelor Nation?
411
00:14:42,823 --> 00:14:44,621
You could have been in my
fantasy league this whole time.
412
00:14:44,705 --> 00:14:45,861
Yeah, it's, like, one
of our favorite shows.
413
00:14:45,945 --> 00:14:47,463
- Right, Lulu?
- Watch it every Thursday.
414
00:14:47,547 --> 00:14:48,928
- Tuesday.
- Tuesday.
415
00:14:49,028 --> 00:14:51,370
I've literally never seen you
watch it before.
416
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:52,947
What do you think we do
when you go to bed,
417
00:14:53,031 --> 00:14:54,812
just, like, sit around
and knit?
418
00:14:54,912 --> 00:14:58,255
Come sit.
419
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:02,699
Come on in here.
420
00:15:02,799 --> 00:15:03,979
Oh, I hope she picks this guy
421
00:15:04,079 --> 00:15:06,622
because he has the most...
The best muscles.
422
00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:07,758
- You're nailing it.
- [softly] Thank you.
423
00:15:07,842 --> 00:15:11,625
Joe...
424
00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:13,227
Oh, wouldn't.
425
00:15:13,327 --> 00:15:15,548
It's just
so many hunks to choose from.
426
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,150
You know,
how is she gonna pick?
427
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,208
I bet she wishes she could talk
to her parents about it.
428
00:15:20,292 --> 00:15:21,689
That's what
the hometown visits are for.
429
00:15:21,773 --> 00:15:23,435
I think I've got homework.
430
00:15:23,535 --> 00:15:25,716
- No. Homework?
- No, we're talking hotties.
431
00:15:25,816 --> 00:15:28,278
You know, your mom and I
were just talking about
432
00:15:28,378 --> 00:15:30,960
which Chris is the foxiest.
433
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:33,402
And I think Hemsworth,
and then Evans.
434
00:15:33,502 --> 00:15:35,324
What do you think, Lulu?
435
00:15:35,424 --> 00:15:37,986
Chris... toph Waltz?
436
00:15:38,666 --> 00:15:40,087
Pratt.
437
00:15:40,187 --> 00:15:41,889
Ah, but there's Pine.
438
00:15:41,989 --> 00:15:44,191
- This is officially weird.
- I'm going to my room.
439
00:15:45,151 --> 00:15:47,974
Okay.
440
00:15:48,074 --> 00:15:49,535
You'd think
I'd be better at this.
441
00:15:49,635 --> 00:15:51,696
I pretended to be straight
for 18 years.
442
00:15:51,796 --> 00:15:54,378
Oh, that's what
you were doing.
443
00:15:54,478 --> 00:15:55,619
I mean, yeah. Yeah.
444
00:15:55,719 --> 00:15:57,341
You guys... you crushed it.
445
00:15:57,441 --> 00:15:58,982
For a second, I was like,
446
00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:00,904
"Did I walk
into a sorority house?"
447
00:16:01,004 --> 00:16:03,906
Have you guys ever met
a straight person before?
448
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,388
? ?
449
00:16:06,488 --> 00:16:10,411
My apologies, officer,
but Tom�s is a rule breaker.
450
00:16:11,852 --> 00:16:15,275
But not Tom,
who's very, very sorry.
451
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:18,317
And an organ donor, if that
helps me with anything over...
452
00:16:18,417 --> 00:16:20,519
No. Okay.
453
00:16:20,619 --> 00:16:22,360
Man, the seaplane leaves
in ten minutes.
454
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:23,801
We're going to miss it.
I'm sorry.
455
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:25,042
It's fine.
456
00:16:25,142 --> 00:16:26,884
The high-speed chase
was exciting.
457
00:16:26,984 --> 00:16:28,205
- No!
- Come on.
458
00:16:28,305 --> 00:16:30,182
I promised you a wild night,
and I'm gonna deliver.
459
00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:31,367
What about this place?
460
00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:33,729
It seems badly lit
and potentially dangerous.
461
00:16:33,829 --> 00:16:35,170
Seriously?
462
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:37,388
You wanna just walk in without
checking the Yelp reviews?
463
00:16:37,472 --> 00:16:38,829
There's a guy passed out
in the curb.
464
00:16:38,913 --> 00:16:41,655
Just one guy? Perfecto.
465
00:16:41,755 --> 00:16:44,337
- Tom�s!
- Stay close.
466
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,098
No idea
what's behind those doors.
467
00:16:46,198 --> 00:16:47,700
[softly] Ay-yi-yi.
468
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,482
? ?
469
00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:52,904
Cash only?
470
00:16:53,004 --> 00:16:54,945
It's 2021.
Who even uses cash anymore?
471
00:16:55,045 --> 00:16:57,467
I always tell you
to carry some just in case.
472
00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:59,569
Okay, first of all, germs.
473
00:17:00,449 --> 00:17:02,351
Second, it makes it harder
to track expenses.
474
00:17:02,451 --> 00:17:05,073
I'm not keeping paper receipts.
475
00:17:05,173 --> 00:17:06,554
They're also covered in germs.
476
00:17:06,654 --> 00:17:07,675
It's fine.
477
00:17:07,775 --> 00:17:09,877
I appreciate that you tried.
I really do.
478
00:17:09,977 --> 00:17:12,919
Let's go home and watch
"Love It or List It."
479
00:17:13,019 --> 00:17:15,021
Or...
480
00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:20,525
Pfft. Yeah, right.
481
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:22,567
No.
482
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,668
S�.
483
00:17:28,431 --> 00:17:30,653
Check out this meme.
484
00:17:30,753 --> 00:17:32,975
- Oh, my God.
- You're savage.
485
00:17:33,075 --> 00:17:34,136
I know.
486
00:17:34,236 --> 00:17:35,777
If Shamiah won't confide
in us,
487
00:17:35,877 --> 00:17:36,914
at least there's someone
in her life
488
00:17:36,998 --> 00:17:39,700
she feels comfortable
talking to.
489
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,461
Yeah, I guess you're right.
490
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,623
I could've used
a cool uncle growing up.
491
00:17:43,723 --> 00:17:46,185
Mine was in
an all-synthesizer band.
492
00:17:46,285 --> 00:17:48,227
Mine made his own yogurt.
493
00:17:48,327 --> 00:17:50,268
Gross.
494
00:17:50,368 --> 00:17:51,949
Hey, guys.
Can we talk?
495
00:17:52,049 --> 00:17:53,431
- What's up?
- Pizza rolls ready?
496
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:56,273
- They're cooling.
- I just want to say,
497
00:17:56,373 --> 00:17:58,675
we're sorry about
all the weirdness earlier.
498
00:17:58,775 --> 00:18:02,157
We were just being silly
and feeling a little jealous
499
00:18:02,257 --> 00:18:04,619
because Uncle Connor knew
about Cayden and we didn't.
500
00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:08,682
- You told them about Cayden?
- You broke the code.
501
00:18:08,782 --> 00:18:10,884
- No, I didn't mean to.
- It just slipped out.
502
00:18:10,984 --> 00:18:12,485
Okay.
503
00:18:12,585 --> 00:18:15,488
We just want to say that
we're always here to listen,
504
00:18:15,588 --> 00:18:17,489
even if you think
that maybe we can't relate
505
00:18:17,589 --> 00:18:19,991
to what you're going through
because we're gay.
506
00:18:20,952 --> 00:18:22,773
Wait, what?
507
00:18:22,873 --> 00:18:24,875
Why would I care about that?
I'm Gen Z.
508
00:18:26,036 --> 00:18:29,018
Oh, then what is it?
509
00:18:29,118 --> 00:18:30,739
I didn't wanna talk
to you about stuff
510
00:18:30,839 --> 00:18:32,661
because you're my parents.
511
00:18:32,761 --> 00:18:36,404
And you're, like, cringe.
512
00:18:37,004 --> 00:18:39,106
Oh, that's it?
513
00:18:39,206 --> 00:18:41,588
We're just cringe.
We're cringe.
514
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:44,110
Like all the other parents,
we're cringe.
515
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,472
Both: We're cringe,
we're cringe, we're cringe.
516
00:18:46,572 --> 00:18:48,953
- See?
- Yeah, it's hard to watch.
517
00:18:49,053 --> 00:18:51,115
Both: Cringe, cringe, cringe,
cringe, cringe...
518
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:52,316
Oh man.
519
00:18:52,416 --> 00:18:54,358
- Sorry.
- We're just so relieved.
520
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:55,879
Yeah.
521
00:18:55,979 --> 00:18:58,361
Now about Cayden,
522
00:18:58,461 --> 00:19:01,203
just remember that you are
perfect just the way you are.
523
00:19:01,303 --> 00:19:02,604
Okay?
524
00:19:02,704 --> 00:19:04,646
Don't feel any pressure
to change yourself
525
00:19:04,746 --> 00:19:06,007
to make a boy like you back.
526
00:19:06,107 --> 00:19:07,608
Uncle Connor said
the same thing.
527
00:19:07,708 --> 00:19:10,330
Well, you're lucky to have
such a cool uncle.
528
00:19:10,430 --> 00:19:12,772
He also said I have
to step up my sneaker game
529
00:19:12,872 --> 00:19:14,653
since boys love cool kicks.
530
00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:16,695
So he's buying me
a pair of Pump Omnis.
531
00:19:16,795 --> 00:19:19,817
Yeah.
532
00:19:19,917 --> 00:19:21,699
- Whoa, okay.
- Okay, whoa.
533
00:19:21,799 --> 00:19:24,021
I just didn't know
it was gonna hurt this much.
534
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,823
I... I can't look.
Is he almost done?
535
00:19:26,923 --> 00:19:30,946
Ah, he's only on
the R of "Marina."
536
00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:32,907
Come on. Come on.
537
00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:34,789
Are you sure you can handle
the rest?
538
00:19:34,889 --> 00:19:38,992
- No, you're worth it.
- You are so worth it.
539
00:19:39,092 --> 00:19:41,234
And just... why is there
so much blood?
540
00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:43,035
Hey, hey, hey.
541
00:19:43,135 --> 00:19:45,197
Listen, I know tonight
didn't go as you planned,
542
00:19:45,297 --> 00:19:46,758
but it means the world to me
543
00:19:46,858 --> 00:19:48,279
that you put in
the effort, okay?
544
00:19:48,379 --> 00:19:50,281
And this is
a really nice surprise.
545
00:19:50,381 --> 00:19:54,244
Look, I promise to be more
into trying new things.
546
00:19:54,344 --> 00:19:56,526
And I know I'm not
the sexiest guy in the world.
547
00:19:56,626 --> 00:19:59,328
Honey, I know
who I married, okay?
548
00:19:59,428 --> 00:20:00,889
I love Tom�s,
549
00:20:00,989 --> 00:20:03,091
and I would not mind
seeing him again,
550
00:20:03,191 --> 00:20:05,312
but I am happy
to go home with Tom.
551
00:20:10,396 --> 00:20:12,898
In fact, I've changed my mind.
552
00:20:12,998 --> 00:20:15,100
I want to get "Tom"
instead of "Tom�s."
553
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,502
Because she loves me
just as I am.
554
00:20:17,602 --> 00:20:19,604
Absolutely.
555
00:20:20,284 --> 00:20:22,746
And it's two letters shorter.
That looks very painful.
556
00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:24,828
Ahh!
557
00:20:24,928 --> 00:20:26,749
Oh, here's the bone.
He's at the bone!
558
00:20:26,849 --> 00:20:28,711
He's on the bone.
[muffled grunt]
559
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,812
Ah!
560
00:20:33,975 --> 00:20:35,916
[heavy percussive music]
561
00:20:36,016 --> 00:20:37,638
[engine revs]
562
00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:40,320
? ?
563
00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:43,362
[engine revs]
564
00:20:43,462 --> 00:20:45,463
? ?
565
00:20:52,109 --> 00:20:53,986
You've been sitting
in my driveway for 30 minutes.
566
00:20:54,070 --> 00:20:57,533
You're gonna return
the car, or...
567
00:20:57,633 --> 00:20:59,674
Just have a minute
to say goodbye?
568
00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:03,958
Sure, Tom.
569
00:21:05,959 --> 00:21:07,060
Privately?
570
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,202
[sighs]
571
00:21:15,247 --> 00:21:18,269
? ?
572
00:21:18,369 --> 00:21:20,611
[laughs]
573
00:21:23,253 --> 00:21:25,895
[imitating engine]
574
00:21:25,945 --> 00:21:30,495
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