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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:03,786 [dramatic electronic tones] 2 00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:06,354 [cat meows] 3 00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:14,405 [anxious violin, piano music] 4 00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:17,234 - [Radio DJ] Happy Fourth of July 5 00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:19,541 to everybody out in the beautiful US of A tonight. 6 00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:21,978 How about some tunes for those barbecues? 7 00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:22,892 All right. 8 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,462 - Oh yeah, I'm having the best Fourth of July ever. 9 00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:30,552 Driving through these dark ass woods all alone. 10 00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,946 It's cool, it's fine, it's great. 11 00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,862 Fucking kill me. 12 00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:41,345 [patriotic trumpet music] 13 00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:46,959 [engine sputters] 14 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,396 No fucking way. 15 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:50,572 No fucking way. 16 00:00:51,877 --> 00:00:52,748 Shit. 17 00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:04,803 [fireworks booming] 18 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,457 I didn't think I'd be able to hear 19 00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:09,852 fireworks from all the way out here. 20 00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:12,028 [head thuds] [Jennifer growls] 21 00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:13,508 Fucking bullshit. 22 00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:19,731 [foliage rustling] 23 00:01:19,818 --> 00:01:23,039 Look, whoever's out there, this isn't funny, okay? 24 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:27,435 I'm lost and out of my element and I get scared easily. 25 00:01:27,522 --> 00:01:29,698 I'm trying to find my friends, 26 00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,875 my friends that are Navy SEALs. 27 00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:36,008 They have trained experience 28 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:40,056 with kahrv magah or however the fuck you say it 29 00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:42,624 and they're expecting me, 30 00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:45,627 so don't try any shit. 31 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:48,978 'Cause they're gonna find me. 32 00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:54,114 Pull it together, Jennifer. 33 00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:56,986 [Jennifer screams] 34 00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:59,554 [zombie growls, hisses] 35 00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:02,861 [patriotic trumpet music] 36 00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:03,819 No! 37 00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:06,952 No, no, no FUCK 38 00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:09,129 No, no, no, no, oh my god! FUCK! 39 00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:11,696 Oh my god! 40 00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:13,916 Oh my god! 41 00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:18,573 The party. 42 00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:21,097 Everyone's waiting. 43 00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:24,361 I don't think I'm gonna make it 44 00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,146 to the party. 45 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,887 - [Radio DJ] Here's another classic American jam for you. 46 00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:32,500 [tense electronic tones] 47 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:41,987 [patriotic trumpet, violin music] 48 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,017 - Happy Fourth of July, mother fuckers. 49 00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,371 Too Cold. 50 00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:18,807 [Nate panting] 51 00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:20,417 - [Mary] Marcus, it's too cold in here. 52 00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:21,853 - [Marcus] Okay, it's cold in here 53 00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,768 but it's like 100 degrees outside. 54 00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,596 Would you guys rather freeze to death or burn to death? 55 00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,555 - [Mary] If I say burn to death, will you turn the AC down? 56 00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,513 - You'd like that, wouldn't you? 57 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,733 [tires screeching] 58 00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:34,475 Whoa, shoot, I think the car's stuck. 59 00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:38,087 - Okay, can we at least get some fresh air? 60 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,613 - I already feel the sweat coming on. 61 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,615 Ooh. - Get away from me. 62 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,575 - All right, I should probably go check the tire. 63 00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:55,104 - Oh my gosh, did you see this photo Nate just posted? 64 00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:57,933 - Yeah, "Guns out, fun's out." 65 00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,457 He's such an idiot. 66 00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:02,546 - Hey, come on now, he's your brother. 67 00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:04,244 - Half-brother, he's your boyfriend. 68 00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:07,029 I thought you were doing better? 69 00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:10,772 - Yeah, I mean it's not bad, it's just not- 70 00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:14,036 - Great, I think the tires are stuck on both sides. 71 00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:19,607 Let me check the tail light. 72 00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,087 - The tail light? 73 00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,439 Look, I shouldn't have said anything. 74 00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,702 Nate promised me that he was gonna behave tonight. 75 00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:29,181 So we're just gonna have fun. 76 00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:32,533 Right Angela, fun? 77 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,710 - Look at the comments on Nate's picture. 78 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,233 People are even stupider than- 79 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,714 - I thought we agreed no phones on this trip? 80 00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:41,193 - No, we didn't. - No. 81 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,282 - We didn't? - No. 82 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,547 - Oh god, well then who did I make that agreement with? 83 00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:47,287 - I don't know. 84 00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,116 - That's weird. 85 00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:52,770 Okay anyways, listen, 86 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,774 let me check under the car. 87 00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:00,082 - Okay, so what's the plan? 88 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,476 A couple of drinks or college drunk? 89 00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:04,956 - Ooh, college drunk. 90 00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,218 - [Angela] All right. 91 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,046 - All right. 92 00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:10,701 - All right chitters, enough chatting or whatever. 93 00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,224 Let's give this thing a shot. 94 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,878 I'm gonna go ahead and step on the gas here. 95 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:15,750 Angela, you use your little hand and go 96 00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:18,143 from blue to red on the AC thing there or whatever. 97 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,275 Mary- 98 00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:20,581 - Okay, why don't I just get out 99 00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,191 and push while you rev the gas? 100 00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:25,107 - I hadn't thought of that. 101 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,109 See, that's why they pay you the big bucks. 102 00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:28,850 - I know. 103 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:31,766 - Up, up and away. 104 00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,204 - Down, down, down, shit. 105 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,860 Putting all the meats, all the meats 106 00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:40,949 into the freezer for my friends. 107 00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:45,867 [freezer hums] 108 00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:51,699 Good job, Nate. 109 00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:56,007 Ow, damn, that smarts. 110 00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:59,184 [mysterious chiming] 111 00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:01,883 Well now, 112 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:07,802 this party just went from 10 to 1776. 113 00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:27,038 [ominous violin tones] 114 00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:28,344 - Spooky. 115 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:29,301 - Marcus. 116 00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:33,175 This place is a lot creepier than I remember. 117 00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:35,786 - What's so creepy about it out here? 118 00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,571 Is it the fact that we're two miles 119 00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:39,094 away from the closest neighbor? 120 00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:42,053 Or what about the fact that the only road 121 00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:44,404 in and out is a winding gravelly nightmare? 122 00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,363 Or is it that redneck gas station 123 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,757 attendant that told us not to come out here? 124 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:52,803 Or is it the- - Hey, uh, Marcus? 125 00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:55,284 Why do you have a small arsenal in the back of your car? 126 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:58,026 - Oh, Nate wanted me to bring some fireworks. 127 00:06:58,113 --> 00:06:59,810 - Aren't fireworks illegal out here? 128 00:06:59,897 --> 00:07:02,117 - Yeah, because they're super dangerous. 129 00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:03,205 - Yeah. 130 00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:05,599 - Illegal, dangerous. 131 00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:07,252 What about dope as fuck? 132 00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:10,778 [mid tempo dance music] 133 00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,476 Okay, fine. 134 00:07:13,563 --> 00:07:16,305 I'll only bring the ones with labels written in English. 135 00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:17,698 Buzzkill. 136 00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:21,441 [mid tempo electronic music] 137 00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:25,183 - Hello? 138 00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:53,081 - Yo. 139 00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:56,171 One if by land, two if by sea. 140 00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:58,347 You fuckers are here to party with me. 141 00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:03,265 I didn't even hear you guys come in. 142 00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:04,745 You could be getting murdered up here, 143 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,660 I'd never know the difference. 144 00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:07,965 - [Angela] I guess it's good that we weren't then. 145 00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:11,055 - [Nate and Mary] Babe. 146 00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:14,058 - Stop, stop, stop, the sun's still up. 147 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:18,019 - Hey listen, so I brought that sexy Uncle Sam costume. 148 00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:20,151 - [Mary] Oh my god, seriously, you brought that with you? 149 00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:22,197 - [Nate] What? It's gonna be so hot. 150 00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:24,852 You're gonna be hot, babe, you are so hot. 151 00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:28,420 - [Mary] Oh my god, stop it, you're being gross. 152 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,771 I'm not doing that shit while Ange and everybody are here. 153 00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,816 - [Nate] Oh come on, it's the Fourth of July. 154 00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,297 It only comes around once a year, please, please? 155 00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:36,820 - No. - I want you. 156 00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:40,998 - We're not doing the sexy Uncle Sam again, okay? 157 00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:43,044 It's weird that you like that. - Hey Nate. 158 00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:46,090 Hey Nate, you have any where I can plug in my air purifier? 159 00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:47,962 I have allergies, you know. 160 00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:50,921 - Yeah bro, plug it into that power strip over there. 161 00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,314 - All right. - Yeah. 162 00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:53,315 Knucks. 163 00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:54,098 Careful of the beer. 164 00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:04,500 - Hey Mary, you want to give me a hand outside real quick? 165 00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:05,414 - Yeah, sure. 166 00:09:18,383 --> 00:09:22,779 - Nate, I understand what you've done with the place. 167 00:09:22,866 --> 00:09:24,259 - Yeah, yeah. 168 00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,130 Thanks, thanks. 169 00:09:26,217 --> 00:09:27,218 - Yeah. 170 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:28,742 - Red, white. - Blue. 171 00:09:28,829 --> 00:09:30,787 - Blue. - Yeah, it's fitting. 172 00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,484 - Yeah, I thought so, I thought so. 173 00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:38,055 Hey, I got the food for you, by the way. 174 00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:41,145 I tried to get the stuff that your mom used to make for us. 175 00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,191 - [Angela] Yeah, it's an honest effort. 176 00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:49,371 - Well hey, thanks for coming back. 177 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,502 - Yeah, of course. 178 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,982 No, I wouldn't want to miss it. 179 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:53,767 - Cool, good. 180 00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:54,898 - Yeah. - Yeah. 181 00:09:54,985 --> 00:09:58,772 And thank you too, by the way. 182 00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:01,165 - Oh, for what? 183 00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:02,471 - For thanking me. 184 00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,343 - Right. - Yeah. 185 00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:07,345 - Yeah, don't mention it. - Cool. 186 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,264 - Hey Nate, what happened to all your tires? 187 00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,049 They're like shredded. - Oh yeah. 188 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:17,573 That winding gravelly nightmare road really tore 'em up. 189 00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:19,140 It's definitely worse since last time. 190 00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:21,142 - How are you gonna get home? 191 00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,579 - That sounds like a problem for future Nate. 192 00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:25,581 - That's right, oh, coming in hot. 193 00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:28,062 - Look at that, it's a snail. - That's cool. 194 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:30,891 - You pussies gotta catch up. 195 00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:36,374 Hey babe, did you invite that girl, what's her nuts? 196 00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:38,115 Juanita, Jamilla? 197 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:39,595 - Jennifer? 198 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,162 - Arguably the most common name in America. 199 00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:45,427 - She picked up a shift at work. 200 00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,342 She'll be here after she gets off. 201 00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:48,909 - Oh, that's awesome, I didn't think she was gonna make it. 202 00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,388 - Oh fuck yes, Jennifer's the best. 203 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,086 - I know, right? She's hilarious. 204 00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:53,957 - That bit that she does when 205 00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:54,915 she acts like a cowboy and she's like "Yippie-ki-yay!" 206 00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:58,875 - "I've got a boot in my snake," or whatever. 207 00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:01,617 - Yeah, oh Jennifer. 208 00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,619 - She's always the life of the party. 209 00:11:03,706 --> 00:11:04,576 - Yeah. 210 00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:12,367 - Hey Nate, what kind of beer is this? 211 00:11:12,454 --> 00:11:14,543 - This is American Bohemian, 212 00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:17,241 the official beer of patriotism. 213 00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:22,203 - That's weird, the first ingredient listed is Americana. 214 00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:23,639 I mean, I guess that's more 215 00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,859 of an idea than a tangible ingredient. 216 00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:27,948 - Oh yeah, well you're just mad because it's not 217 00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:32,039 your bullshit pretentious hipster single malt home-brewed 218 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:36,130 hamster-picked apple ginger kombucha buttplug NPR beer. 219 00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:38,610 - Okay guys, we're here to have 220 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,177 a good time just like we used to. 221 00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:41,613 - Yeah, a good time. 222 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,963 - Remember Spring Break four years ago? 223 00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:44,181 - Mm hmm. - Yeah, 224 00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:45,661 and Summer Break four years ago. 225 00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,228 - And Winter Break four years ago. 226 00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,664 - Yeah. - Yeah. 227 00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:50,318 - And then- - All right, yeah, we get it. 228 00:11:50,405 --> 00:11:51,145 We had a good time four years ago. 229 00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:51,972 - Yeah, I just, 230 00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,584 I just want to have a good time, woo. 231 00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:58,282 - Oh yeah, that's the spirit. 232 00:11:58,369 --> 00:12:00,894 - Well, Evan is gonna be here soon. 233 00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:02,243 - Shut up, Evan's coming? 234 00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:05,463 He didn't respond to my text-vitation. 235 00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:06,682 - Well, he texted me. 236 00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:10,512 - What? 237 00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:12,514 - I guess you guys just drifted apart. 238 00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:16,648 - Yeah, drifted apart? Bullshit. 239 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,390 Beta Beta Betas never drift apart from your Beta bro 240 00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:22,698 'cause Beta bros have the best bonds, baby. 241 00:12:24,526 --> 00:12:28,095 - Babe, why don't you help me take my bags upstairs, okay? 242 00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,010 - Yeah okay, sure. 243 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:30,750 Yeah. 244 00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:34,536 - [Marcus] Oh Nate, those are my bags. 245 00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:42,544 - I'm trying, okay? 246 00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:43,675 You saw me trying, right? 247 00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:46,069 Ah. 248 00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:48,550 Let me get you a towel, Jesus. 249 00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:49,464 - Why? 250 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:54,643 [relaxed guitar music] 251 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,790 [up tempo ensemble guitar music] 252 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:20,321 - Ooh. 253 00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:22,323 Oh yeah. 254 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:24,716 It's party time. 255 00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,243 - I just think that if every other country in the world 256 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:33,073 was a person, that America would be this jacked up cage 257 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,815 fighter who can kick any other country's ass in a fight. 258 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:38,818 - Listen Nate, I appreciate your insight. 259 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,124 I really do but have you taken into consideration 260 00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:44,040 the countries who've existed far longer than the US? 261 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,737 - You don't really have to. 262 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,565 - I'm talking about the countries who've experienced 263 00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:51,700 worse hardships because arguably those countries would 264 00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:54,746 be more hardened and thus, more powerful in a fight. 265 00:13:58,576 --> 00:13:59,839 - Just throw the damn ball. 266 00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:02,450 - All right. 267 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:07,585 Over here, Ange. 268 00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:09,544 Celeb shot. 269 00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:12,764 Oh yeah. 270 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,679 - Bullshit, that doesn't count. 271 00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:16,594 [girls cheering] 272 00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:18,422 That's what I'm talking about. 273 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:19,554 - Nah, bullshit, bullshit, that doesn't count. 274 00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:22,209 [Evan knocks] 275 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:23,863 - [Angela] Hey. 276 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,517 - Hello there. 277 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,041 Bonjour. 278 00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:28,824 Salaam. 279 00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:32,480 Mary, Mary, Marky Mark. 280 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:33,655 - Evan. - What's up, guys? 281 00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:34,656 - I'm so much stronger now. 282 00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:36,179 - Yeah. 283 00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:37,485 Jeez, what's up with that? 284 00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:39,269 - Hey, what's up Ev? 285 00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,532 - Hey Nate, it's good so see you, man. 286 00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,491 - Yep. - Come here, dude. 287 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:45,885 Beta bros. 288 00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,365 Yeah come on, Beta bros. 289 00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:51,673 - I'm not gonna do it. - Do it, Beta bros! 290 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,762 Come on dude, Beta bros 291 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:55,807 or bust. 292 00:14:58,245 --> 00:14:59,855 Yeah, dude. - That was fun times, man. 293 00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:00,812 - For sure. 294 00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:04,381 Well hey, I'll get you a beer. 295 00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:05,513 - Yeah. - Okay. 296 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:06,427 - Thank you. 297 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:13,347 Where's Jennifer? 298 00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:14,783 - Oh, she's coming in a couple hours, she picked up a shift. 299 00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,872 - Oh good, I can't wait to see her. 300 00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:18,787 I mean, no offense to you guys. 301 00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,876 She's kinda the life of the party. 302 00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,573 - Oh man, I couldn't agree with you more, Evan. 303 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:23,574 - Definitely. 304 00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:26,534 We suck compared to Jennifer. 305 00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:28,405 - What's that bit she always does? 306 00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:29,667 - Oh, like the cowboy? - Cowboy, yeah, yeah. 307 00:15:29,754 --> 00:15:30,668 - "Yippee-ki-yai." 308 00:15:30,755 --> 00:15:32,540 "Ooh, get a dog, girl" 309 00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:35,543 - "Ooh, I've got a boot in my snake" or whatever. 310 00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,201 - What's that? - What? 311 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,507 - There, right behind your ear? 312 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,207 - What? 313 00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:47,859 - What? 314 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:48,817 - Yes. 315 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:55,693 - Now, let's party like it's 1776! 316 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:56,651 - Let's do it. 317 00:15:57,565 --> 00:16:00,829 [alternative rock music] 318 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:15,626 - Hey Ange, remember when I said 319 00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,368 we should get college drunk? 320 00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:19,413 - Vaguely. 321 00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:24,548 - Do you two know how many times 322 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,595 I could have busted you for drinking in your dorm? 323 00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,727 - Oh what? Yeah right. 324 00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:31,468 Like you would have busted us. 325 00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:34,341 You were drunker than we were half the time. 326 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,736 - Yeah, and you thought we were too cute to bust. 327 00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,216 - Oh yeah? - Yeah. 328 00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:41,913 - Oh yeah? - Yes. 329 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:45,221 - Yeah, is that what it is? - Stop, I'm so ticklish. 330 00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:47,615 - Whatever you say, you fucking lamppost. 331 00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:52,707 [Angela giggling] - I'm so ticklish, stop. 332 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,188 Stop. 333 00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:57,016 - Okay, you pussies [hiccup] ready for a drinking game? 334 00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:59,975 I see you two, let's go. 335 00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:04,023 ♪ Drinking game, drinking game ♪ 336 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,462 Yep. 337 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:09,419 - Hey, 338 00:17:10,899 --> 00:17:11,726 Nate, 339 00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:16,687 why don't we take it a little easy on the drinking? 340 00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:19,690 - Come on Evan, you used to love binge drinking? 341 00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:23,781 - Why don't you come sit down and drink some water with me? 342 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,566 - Here we go. 343 00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:28,786 - Oh I'm sorry Ange, what was that? 344 00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:30,875 - [Evan] Listen, man. 345 00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:34,096 - Pardon me Evan, 346 00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:35,271 I'm just having a conversation with my sister real quick. 347 00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:36,838 - All right, half-sister. 348 00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,492 - Look, I'm just saying, 349 00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:41,451 I think you had a little too much tonight. 350 00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:43,801 - Look, you will tell me 351 00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:45,586 [beer can clatters] 352 00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:46,804 when I've had too much. 353 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,069 - I just did. 354 00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:52,506 - Wait a minute. 355 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,858 - Come on, man, we all want to have a good Fourth but 356 00:17:56,945 --> 00:18:00,949 we don't have to give ourselves fucking alcohol poisoning. 357 00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,690 - Shut up. 358 00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:05,040 Don't tell me how to celebrate America's birthday. 359 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:06,694 I am a patriot. 360 00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,913 - You didn't even vote in the last election. 361 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,567 - [Nate] Okay, I forgot when the election was. 362 00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,308 - You had an election day party. 363 00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:13,440 - [Nate] That's highly unlikely. 364 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,355 - You made up a hashtag for it. 365 00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:18,662 "Hashtag Nate Harmon's election day party BYOB 366 00:18:18,749 --> 00:18:21,448 show up at 4:00 one guest only please." 367 00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:24,015 - Okay Nate, I just think you're being- 368 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,279 - What, oh, you think? 369 00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:28,324 That seems to be the only thing you can do, Angela. 370 00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:29,978 You kinda just think. 371 00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:32,850 Do you think that our forefathers thought 372 00:18:32,937 --> 00:18:34,678 whenever they were founding our great country? 373 00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,898 - [Angela] What? Yeah, I think they did. 374 00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:38,508 - Oh, wrong. 375 00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:40,771 George Washington didn't think whenever 376 00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:43,470 he had to fight off the British and Abe Lincoln 377 00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:46,995 didn't think whenever he had to fight the South 378 00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:51,042 and Andrew Jackson didn't think whenever he had to fight 379 00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:55,873 to be on the $20 bill. 380 00:18:57,658 --> 00:19:01,096 - Bro, do you even know who Andrew Jackson was? 381 00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:02,402 - Nate, will you just listen to me? 382 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:03,968 You're being insane right now. 383 00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:08,669 - Angela, can you just meet me in the middle? 384 00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,368 God, you've been shitting on me ever since you got here. 385 00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:14,718 First it's the beer, then it's the dirt on the walls. 386 00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:16,807 Then it's "Oh no Nate, I fell in the toilet. 387 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,418 Can you please keep the seat down?" 388 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,115 - Okay, well this is my cabin too. 389 00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,465 - Oh, this land is your land? 390 00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:25,686 No, this land is my land and I really think 391 00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:28,776 you're kinda ruining everybody's good time. 392 00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,604 - I'm ruining everyone's good time? 393 00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:32,997 You're so unpredictable, we're all on babysitting duty 394 00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:34,608 making sure you don't blow your foot off 395 00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:37,176 with a firework or drink yourself blind. 396 00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:41,354 - Angela, you know how important this day is. 397 00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:44,052 - Oh, how important this day is to little Nathan. 398 00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:46,620 Yeah, I know, we all fucking know. 399 00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:48,448 It's so important because you get 400 00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,711 to show everyone out patriotic you are. 401 00:19:52,713 --> 00:19:53,801 - Okay. 402 00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:54,976 All right. 403 00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:56,717 You're right, you're right. 404 00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:57,674 I'm sorry. 405 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,462 I'm sorry that I have a deeper understanding 406 00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:05,813 of this great country of ours than you do. 407 00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:08,816 You know what, and I'm sorry that I love America so much. 408 00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,948 - You don't love America, you jackass. 409 00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:12,820 You just love being American because 410 00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:14,952 you think it makes you better than everyone else. 411 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,001 - Wow, that's just really good Ange, really good. 412 00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:21,742 I think you probably just figured me out, huh? 413 00:20:21,829 --> 00:20:23,657 - Yeah and you know, dad would be 414 00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,746 really disappointed in how you're acting right now. 415 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:41,022 Did I win? 416 00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,073 [fireworks booming] 417 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,032 - Whoa, I didn't think we'd be able 418 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,252 to hear fireworks from all the way out here. 419 00:20:58,648 --> 00:21:00,868 - Nathan, you did not go through dad's stuff. 420 00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:05,002 - "We hold these truths to be self-evident, 421 00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:08,745 that all men are created equal. 422 00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:11,139 That they are endowed by their Creator 423 00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:16,753 with certain unalienable rights, that among those are life, 424 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,800 liberty and the pursuit of happiness." 425 00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:22,890 - Okay, cool, are you really gonna 426 00:21:22,977 --> 00:21:25,588 sit here and read me the fucking US Constitution? 427 00:21:25,675 --> 00:21:28,548 - Ha, nope, it's the Declaration of Independence. 428 00:21:28,635 --> 00:21:30,071 Mark one point for Nathan. 429 00:21:30,158 --> 00:21:31,507 - Okay, you know what I meant. - Oh, did I? 430 00:21:31,594 --> 00:21:32,813 Did I know what you meant? 431 00:21:33,944 --> 00:21:37,165 [anxious violin music] 432 00:21:38,601 --> 00:21:40,037 Damn, this thing's pretty long. 433 00:21:40,995 --> 00:21:42,605 Uh-huh, here we go. 434 00:21:42,692 --> 00:21:45,042 "We therefore, the Representatives of the 435 00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:48,742 United States of America in General Congress assembled, 436 00:21:48,829 --> 00:21:51,745 appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world 437 00:21:51,832 --> 00:21:56,837 for the rectitude of our intentions, do in the name and by 438 00:21:58,665 --> 00:22:00,536 authority of the good people of these colonies solemnly 439 00:22:00,623 --> 00:22:04,671 publish and declare for the support of this Declaration 440 00:22:06,237 --> 00:22:08,936 and a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence. 441 00:22:09,023 --> 00:22:13,244 We mutually pledge to each other our lives, 442 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:16,857 our fortunes and our sacred honor." 443 00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:19,947 Right there, right fucking there, 444 00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:21,775 George fucking Washington signed it. 445 00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:23,516 - That's not George Washington. 446 00:22:23,603 --> 00:22:25,169 That's John Hancock, dumbass. 447 00:22:33,047 --> 00:22:34,875 - Oh look, there's George himself. 448 00:22:36,703 --> 00:22:38,095 There, now he fucking did. 449 00:22:42,709 --> 00:22:44,580 [Nate humming drunkenly] 450 00:22:44,667 --> 00:22:46,974 Get the fuck away from me. 451 00:22:47,061 --> 00:22:49,890 What in the United States of fuck is your problem? 452 00:22:51,108 --> 00:22:53,067 Oh my god Ange, are you okay? 453 00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:57,027 [Angela grunts] 454 00:22:57,114 --> 00:22:59,116 Oh my god Ange, are you okay? 455 00:22:59,203 --> 00:23:00,770 Are you okay, are you all right? 456 00:23:01,945 --> 00:23:04,644 [ominous tones] 457 00:23:04,731 --> 00:23:06,820 [eerie whispers] 458 00:23:06,907 --> 00:23:08,909 - I hate you, I wish you were dead. 459 00:23:12,173 --> 00:23:14,001 - Hey Angela, this beer wasn't cheap. 460 00:23:14,088 --> 00:23:15,132 - Yes it was. 461 00:23:16,177 --> 00:23:17,961 Here, how much was it? 462 00:23:18,048 --> 00:23:20,660 Five bucks, huh, was it five bucks? 463 00:23:20,747 --> 00:23:22,575 Is this is what you want? 464 00:23:22,662 --> 00:23:23,576 Here. 465 00:23:23,663 --> 00:23:24,707 Yeah. 466 00:23:24,794 --> 00:23:26,100 You know, actually, oh look, 467 00:23:26,187 --> 00:23:27,884 it's your good buddy, Andrew Jackson. 468 00:23:34,761 --> 00:23:36,284 - I don't need this. 469 00:23:37,851 --> 00:23:40,854 What I need is an ice cold American margarita. 470 00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:46,337 Okay. 471 00:23:47,948 --> 00:23:50,994 [electric crackling] 472 00:23:52,169 --> 00:23:53,780 Jesus Christ. 473 00:23:55,390 --> 00:23:57,392 - What the fuck was that? 474 00:23:57,479 --> 00:23:59,089 I thought you said you were gonna behave tonight? 475 00:23:59,176 --> 00:24:01,004 - What was un-behaving about what I did? 476 00:24:01,091 --> 00:24:03,180 - You owe your sister an apology. 477 00:24:03,267 --> 00:24:05,922 - Half-sister and I don't owe her anything. 478 00:24:06,009 --> 00:24:07,663 I can do what I want, it's a free countr-- 479 00:24:07,750 --> 00:24:09,752 - If you say it's a free country, I swear to God, 480 00:24:09,839 --> 00:24:12,320 I'm breaking up with you and hooking up with Marcus. 481 00:24:14,148 --> 00:24:17,891 Apologize to her and then go get the fucking power back on. 482 00:24:17,978 --> 00:24:21,329 - Babe, the breaker is all the way downstairs 483 00:24:21,416 --> 00:24:23,810 and Angela is all the way upstairs. 484 00:24:25,246 --> 00:24:27,074 What can I do for you on this floor? 485 00:24:27,161 --> 00:24:30,251 - In the dark while I'm still pissed off, nothing. 486 00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:33,950 - You guys are such- 487 00:24:34,037 --> 00:24:35,430 - If you say pussies, I swear to God, 488 00:24:35,517 --> 00:24:37,824 I'm breaking up with you and fucking Marcus. 489 00:24:40,914 --> 00:24:42,916 - Calm down, you talking tree. 490 00:24:45,005 --> 00:24:47,486 Let's go, guess this is a job for present Nate. 491 00:24:49,139 --> 00:24:50,880 We'll be back, so try not to take 492 00:24:50,967 --> 00:24:53,100 Angela's side over mine while we're gone. 493 00:24:53,187 --> 00:24:54,884 - Nate, you're really making me- 494 00:24:54,971 --> 00:24:56,669 - [Nate] Oh, I'm so sorry, I can't hear you. 495 00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:57,800 I'm already in the basement. 496 00:25:01,108 --> 00:25:03,197 - So are we gonna have some- - Marcus, no. 497 00:25:09,986 --> 00:25:13,163 Jesus, is it tomorrow yet? 498 00:25:14,208 --> 00:25:17,864 [dramatic electronic tone] 499 00:25:28,918 --> 00:25:30,311 - What the fuck is all this shit? 500 00:25:30,398 --> 00:25:31,834 He couldn't put it in his own room? 501 00:25:33,444 --> 00:25:35,142 I can't believe he did that in front of you guys. 502 00:25:35,229 --> 00:25:36,926 He's such a fucking dick. 503 00:25:37,013 --> 00:25:38,406 - Yeah, I know, you're right. 504 00:25:38,493 --> 00:25:40,277 - And I know Nate, I know he's gonna try 505 00:25:40,364 --> 00:25:42,497 to get back at me for ruining his pathetic little night 506 00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:44,499 and Mary and Marcus didn't say shit. 507 00:25:44,586 --> 00:25:47,458 They never defend me because he's the fun party guy. 508 00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:49,765 Well, it's not funny anymore. - Ange, Ange. 509 00:25:49,852 --> 00:25:51,550 - We're not 20. - Ange. 510 00:26:00,863 --> 00:26:03,083 - He hung a fucking American flag in my room. 511 00:26:07,261 --> 00:26:10,394 - Here, let me give you a shoulder massage, 512 00:26:11,613 --> 00:26:12,571 kinda my trademark. 513 00:26:14,094 --> 00:26:16,096 - Evan, I'm not really in the mood for, 514 00:26:18,098 --> 00:26:19,578 it's your trademark? 515 00:26:21,188 --> 00:26:24,495 - I'm known far and wide for my massages. 516 00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:30,284 - Oh Evan. 517 00:26:31,851 --> 00:26:35,158 I don't think this is good timing, you know? 518 00:26:35,245 --> 00:26:37,987 Because I just was fighting with Nate and- 519 00:26:38,074 --> 00:26:41,338 - Come on, think about how pissed Nate would be. 520 00:26:42,426 --> 00:26:43,950 - Yeah, that would really piss- 521 00:26:44,037 --> 00:26:45,908 - Pisses me off, the fact that she actually 522 00:26:45,995 --> 00:26:48,302 thinks she's so much smarter than me 523 00:26:48,389 --> 00:26:51,958 when spoiler alert, she's actually not. 524 00:26:53,133 --> 00:26:54,003 - Really? 525 00:26:55,744 --> 00:26:59,400 Hey, but didn't she graduate like something cum latte. 526 00:26:59,487 --> 00:27:01,968 - Look, any asshole can make good grades 527 00:27:02,055 --> 00:27:04,927 but I've got smarts where it counts, ow. 528 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,148 - Hey, I know what you mean, gamer. 529 00:27:08,235 --> 00:27:10,585 You see, people think I'm dumb 'cause I'm blond but, 530 00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:14,110 well actually I'm dirty blond, so joke's on them, right? 531 00:27:14,197 --> 00:27:17,853 - Exactly, you know, people underestimate us, Marcus. 532 00:27:17,940 --> 00:27:20,029 But I bet a zombie apocalypse scenario, 533 00:27:20,116 --> 00:27:21,596 I'd be the one that survives. 534 00:27:22,902 --> 00:27:24,991 Ooh, beaker box. - I don't know. 535 00:27:25,078 --> 00:27:27,341 You see, I think Evan would make it pretty far. 536 00:27:29,430 --> 00:27:30,910 [Marcus sneezes] 537 00:27:30,997 --> 00:27:33,173 Oh god, my allergies. 538 00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:36,916 [Nate and Marcus laughing] 539 00:27:41,355 --> 00:27:42,269 What the hell? 540 00:27:42,356 --> 00:27:45,011 - Hello Jennifer, hey. 541 00:27:45,098 --> 00:27:48,928 I haven't heard from you yet and it's kinda freaking me out. 542 00:27:49,015 --> 00:27:50,886 So could you just please give me 543 00:27:50,973 --> 00:27:53,106 a call back when you get this? 544 00:27:53,193 --> 00:27:56,936 [anxious electronic music] 545 00:27:57,023 --> 00:27:58,285 Fuck. 546 00:27:58,372 --> 00:28:00,330 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 547 00:28:04,378 --> 00:28:06,467 Nate, can you just please hurry up? 548 00:28:06,554 --> 00:28:08,208 I don't like being in the dark. 549 00:28:10,732 --> 00:28:12,168 Come on, Jennifer. 550 00:28:16,607 --> 00:28:19,523 [cell phone rings] Oh, thank God. 551 00:28:19,610 --> 00:28:24,137 Jennifer, Jesus, you scared me, I didn't even hear you. 552 00:28:24,224 --> 00:28:25,094 Jen? 553 00:28:32,232 --> 00:28:35,670 [Zombie growls] 554 00:28:35,757 --> 00:28:37,019 Holy fucking- 555 00:28:37,106 --> 00:28:37,977 - Shit. 556 00:28:40,283 --> 00:28:41,197 - Oh my- 557 00:28:41,284 --> 00:28:43,199 - God [screams]. 558 00:28:44,679 --> 00:28:46,681 What the- 559 00:28:46,768 --> 00:28:50,076 - Fuck, I'm sorry, they're making a lot of noise downstairs. 560 00:28:50,163 --> 00:28:51,512 Is it okay if I? 561 00:28:51,599 --> 00:28:53,732 - Yeah, hey, let me play some music. 562 00:28:55,081 --> 00:28:56,299 Can I use your phone? - Yeah. 563 00:29:05,221 --> 00:29:06,570 [blaring guitar, piano music] 564 00:29:06,657 --> 00:29:09,748 It's a little loud. - I know, sexy right? 565 00:29:13,273 --> 00:29:14,230 Oh yeah, ahh 566 00:29:14,317 --> 00:29:15,362 AHHHHH 567 00:29:15,449 --> 00:29:16,711 - Choo! 568 00:29:16,798 --> 00:29:18,365 - You okay, bro? - Yeah. 569 00:29:18,452 --> 00:29:19,975 I have allergies. 570 00:29:20,062 --> 00:29:22,369 [Mary screaming] 571 00:29:22,456 --> 00:29:24,414 Is that Mary screaming up there? 572 00:29:24,501 --> 00:29:27,940 - Yeah, she probably just wants to get a rise out of me. 573 00:29:28,027 --> 00:29:29,419 It's gonna take a lot of 574 00:29:29,506 --> 00:29:32,379 Sexy Uncle Sam for me to forgive you, babe. 575 00:29:32,466 --> 00:29:34,381 - Hey, can you swing that flashlight over here? 576 00:29:34,468 --> 00:29:35,295 - Yeah. 577 00:29:36,426 --> 00:29:39,778 [tense electronic music] 578 00:29:41,692 --> 00:29:44,304 ♪ Bum ba da da da ♪ 579 00:29:44,391 --> 00:29:45,958 [breakers clicking in rhythm] 580 00:29:46,045 --> 00:29:49,657 ♪ Bum ba da da da ♪ 581 00:29:49,744 --> 00:29:50,745 ♪ Bum ba da ♪ 582 00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:52,268 [Mary screaming] 583 00:29:52,355 --> 00:29:53,792 - I think we should do something. 584 00:29:55,315 --> 00:29:57,143 - Fine but if she's fucking with us, 585 00:29:58,057 --> 00:29:59,406 you're sleeping outside. 586 00:29:59,493 --> 00:30:01,495 - Oh boy, camping. - [Mary] No, no, no. 587 00:30:03,105 --> 00:30:05,281 - All right Mary, you've made your point. 588 00:30:07,588 --> 00:30:08,458 - No, no. 589 00:30:12,288 --> 00:30:14,029 [Mary screams] 590 00:30:14,116 --> 00:30:14,813 - Get down. 591 00:30:15,726 --> 00:30:17,467 What's going on, man? 592 00:30:17,554 --> 00:30:19,078 Who is that guy? 593 00:30:19,165 --> 00:30:21,123 - Holy shit, that's George Washington. 594 00:30:22,516 --> 00:30:24,126 Holy shit, that's George Washington. 595 00:30:28,652 --> 00:30:30,437 - That's not George Washington, man. 596 00:30:30,524 --> 00:30:32,352 That's probably just some drunk homeless guy 597 00:30:32,439 --> 00:30:35,398 who stumbled in here wearing George Washington's costume 598 00:30:35,485 --> 00:30:39,402 and started violently attacking your girlfriend with an ax. 599 00:30:41,796 --> 00:30:44,451 [Mary screams] 600 00:30:45,539 --> 00:30:47,454 - I'm not worried about it. 601 00:30:47,541 --> 00:30:49,108 I've seen her kick bigger ass-clown's asses than this clown. 602 00:30:54,896 --> 00:30:57,159 [Washington growls] 603 00:30:57,246 --> 00:30:58,291 Yep, I told you. 604 00:30:59,466 --> 00:31:00,815 He's even wearing zombie makeup. 605 00:31:00,902 --> 00:31:02,556 This guy's clearly trying to fuck with us. 606 00:31:02,643 --> 00:31:04,166 - What a total loser. 607 00:31:06,255 --> 00:31:09,389 [metallic clattering] 608 00:31:13,393 --> 00:31:16,831 [Washington growls] 609 00:31:16,918 --> 00:31:20,139 Holy George Washington's ghost, 610 00:31:20,226 --> 00:31:21,792 it's George Washington's zombie. 611 00:31:23,577 --> 00:31:25,840 - It looks like his corpse has been like reanimated. 612 00:31:25,927 --> 00:31:27,363 - No, he's been 613 00:31:31,367 --> 00:31:32,412 re-elected. 614 00:31:33,413 --> 00:31:36,764 [tense electronic tones] 615 00:31:38,461 --> 00:31:40,202 - Nate, you should do something. 616 00:31:40,289 --> 00:31:42,117 - What am I supposed to do? 617 00:31:42,204 --> 00:31:44,598 He's the first President of the United States of America. 618 00:31:44,685 --> 00:31:47,253 - He's not the President, man, he's a monster. 619 00:31:48,602 --> 00:31:49,777 He's gonna hurt Mary. 620 00:31:50,734 --> 00:31:53,389 [Mary screams] 621 00:31:55,957 --> 00:31:58,525 - You know, I'm gonna bow out of this one. 622 00:31:58,612 --> 00:32:00,092 Leave it to you, good buddy - Oh no. 623 00:32:00,179 --> 00:32:01,484 I actually haven't had much to eat today. 624 00:32:01,571 --> 00:32:02,616 My blood sugar's real low. 625 00:32:02,703 --> 00:32:04,879 - You had 15 empanadas earlier. 626 00:32:04,966 --> 00:32:07,447 - That's bad sugar, I need good sugar. 627 00:32:07,534 --> 00:32:08,883 - Like Splenda or something? 628 00:32:08,970 --> 00:32:10,798 - No, Splenda's actually a lot 629 00:32:10,885 --> 00:32:12,539 worse for you than regular sugar. 630 00:32:12,626 --> 00:32:16,630 - You don't say? - Oh no, I do, you see... 631 00:32:16,717 --> 00:32:20,373 [tense electronic music] 632 00:32:20,460 --> 00:32:24,203 [Washington groans] 633 00:32:24,290 --> 00:32:26,945 [Mary whimpering] 634 00:32:40,001 --> 00:32:43,439 [Washington growls] 635 00:32:43,526 --> 00:32:44,832 Goddammit, fuck. 636 00:32:46,747 --> 00:32:50,142 Stupid ass fucking woods. 637 00:32:50,229 --> 00:32:50,925 Fuck. 638 00:32:52,231 --> 00:32:52,927 Shit. 639 00:32:55,625 --> 00:32:56,496 Dammit. 640 00:32:57,671 --> 00:32:58,759 Fuck. 641 00:32:58,846 --> 00:33:00,152 Shit. 642 00:33:00,239 --> 00:33:01,544 Oh my god. 643 00:33:01,631 --> 00:33:03,155 [Mary screams] [Glass Shatters] 644 00:33:03,242 --> 00:33:04,895 [Washington growls] 645 00:33:11,902 --> 00:33:14,253 Fuck. Goddammit [screaming]. 646 00:33:14,340 --> 00:33:15,994 [car horn blares] 647 00:33:17,038 --> 00:33:19,867 [Engine sputters] 648 00:33:25,873 --> 00:33:27,353 - Did she get it? 649 00:33:28,702 --> 00:33:30,573 - How the fuck am I supposed to know? 650 00:33:30,660 --> 00:33:33,272 I was back here hiding with you, fucking human windmill. 651 00:33:33,359 --> 00:33:36,275 - Oh right, hey, I have feelings. 652 00:33:36,362 --> 00:33:37,058 - Oh. 653 00:33:38,059 --> 00:33:39,713 Hey, I'm sorry man. 654 00:33:41,584 --> 00:33:43,456 - It's all right, man. 655 00:33:47,764 --> 00:33:48,809 - Oh man. 656 00:33:50,550 --> 00:33:52,378 She destroyed a whole case of beer. 657 00:33:53,466 --> 00:33:54,728 That's 11 bucks down the drain. 658 00:33:56,512 --> 00:33:59,559 It's okay, I stashed a few house beers around just in case. 659 00:34:01,909 --> 00:34:03,345 [Mary panting] 660 00:34:03,432 --> 00:34:04,955 Jesus Mary, what happened? 661 00:34:05,043 --> 00:34:05,826 - Are you okay? - Did you kill the zombie? 662 00:34:05,913 --> 00:34:07,436 - Was it epic? 663 00:34:07,523 --> 00:34:08,437 [Mary retches] 664 00:34:08,524 --> 00:34:09,743 - [Mary] Trash can. 665 00:34:09,830 --> 00:34:11,658 - Oh no, no, Marcus. 666 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:15,053 Here, here. 667 00:34:16,315 --> 00:34:19,753 [Mary retching, coughing] 668 00:34:24,627 --> 00:34:27,978 Hey babe, why don't you lie down? 669 00:34:29,458 --> 00:34:32,026 [door rattling] 670 00:34:32,113 --> 00:34:35,290 [Mary screaming] 671 00:34:35,377 --> 00:34:36,857 - What's going on? 672 00:34:36,944 --> 00:34:38,380 Mary, are you okay? 673 00:34:38,467 --> 00:34:39,512 - George Washington was just here. 674 00:34:39,599 --> 00:34:41,383 - No, I wasn't talking to you. 675 00:34:41,470 --> 00:34:43,994 - Mary, oh my god, what did you guys do to her? 676 00:34:44,082 --> 00:34:45,605 - She just fought a zombie. 677 00:34:45,692 --> 00:34:48,042 - All right, you've all had your fun. 678 00:34:48,129 --> 00:34:52,002 Can you just please turn the lights back on 679 00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:55,658 so we can try and enjoy the rest of our night? 680 00:34:55,745 --> 00:34:58,748 - Seriously, zombie George Washington was just here. 681 00:34:58,835 --> 00:35:00,794 - Yeah, Mary chased him off into the woods. 682 00:35:00,881 --> 00:35:02,709 - It was kind of scary. - It was gross. 683 00:35:02,796 --> 00:35:04,928 - It was pretty cool too. - Yeah, Mary and the zombie. 684 00:35:05,015 --> 00:35:06,582 - Yeah, she's a real badass. 685 00:35:06,669 --> 00:35:08,802 - Oh my god, shut the fuck up, okay? 686 00:35:08,889 --> 00:35:10,630 What, so you're trying to tell me that 687 00:35:10,717 --> 00:35:13,589 the corpse of the first President of the United States 688 00:35:13,676 --> 00:35:15,635 came back to life, dragged itself out 689 00:35:15,722 --> 00:35:17,593 of the ground and then broke into our cabin? 690 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,465 - Right. 691 00:35:19,552 --> 00:35:21,902 - And then Mary fought it and chased it into the woods? 692 00:35:21,989 --> 00:35:23,512 - Correct. 693 00:35:23,599 --> 00:35:25,384 - And so the zombie is supposed to be some sort 694 00:35:25,471 --> 00:35:28,126 of lesson about what it means to truly be a patriot? 695 00:35:30,128 --> 00:35:33,043 - I mean, it wouldn't be the worst thing to happen. 696 00:35:33,131 --> 00:35:35,481 - Shut the fuck up, okay? It's not funny. 697 00:35:35,568 --> 00:35:38,397 God, Mary, you're so much better than this. 698 00:35:38,484 --> 00:35:39,876 Why are you playing along? 699 00:35:41,791 --> 00:35:43,141 - We were attacked. 700 00:35:45,186 --> 00:35:49,669 I know that sounds crazy but that thing wasn't human. 701 00:35:53,934 --> 00:35:56,937 - Whoever attacked you was probably 702 00:35:57,024 --> 00:36:01,594 homeless or on drugs, sick or something, okay? 703 00:36:01,681 --> 00:36:04,074 There has to be some sort of rational explanation. 704 00:36:05,554 --> 00:36:06,947 - What's irrational about zombies? 705 00:36:07,034 --> 00:36:08,514 We gotta go somewhere when we die. 706 00:36:08,601 --> 00:36:10,646 - We're not talking about zombies. 707 00:36:10,733 --> 00:36:12,561 - Well, I'm talking about zombies. 708 00:36:12,648 --> 00:36:14,650 - Yeah, he's been talking about zombies all night. 709 00:36:14,737 --> 00:36:17,044 - That's what I'm saying, you're just being paranoid. 710 00:36:17,131 --> 00:36:18,828 - We were attacked. 711 00:36:18,915 --> 00:36:20,439 - So let's call the cops. 712 00:36:20,526 --> 00:36:22,963 - Cops can't do anything about that monster. 713 00:36:23,050 --> 00:36:25,792 Ange, it killed Jennifer, I saw 714 00:36:26,662 --> 00:36:28,142 her body. 715 00:36:28,229 --> 00:36:32,364 Oh my god, her body, where's her body? 716 00:36:32,451 --> 00:36:33,147 - Mar, 717 00:36:34,757 --> 00:36:36,759 I'm sure she's okay, okay? 718 00:36:38,108 --> 00:36:39,588 You're just shaken up, it's okay. 719 00:36:40,589 --> 00:36:42,417 - How about this? 720 00:36:42,504 --> 00:36:45,464 We'll go outside and look for the creep that attacked you. 721 00:36:45,551 --> 00:36:48,467 You guys stay back and call the police. 722 00:36:51,121 --> 00:36:56,126 There's a bunch of us and what, one old dude? 723 00:36:57,693 --> 00:36:59,086 - [Angela] I think that's a great idea. 724 00:36:59,173 --> 00:37:00,609 - Cool, Angela and I will go into the woods. 725 00:37:00,696 --> 00:37:02,089 You guys stay back and wait for the cops. 726 00:37:02,176 --> 00:37:04,744 - Whoa, whoa, whoa there, lover boy. 727 00:37:04,831 --> 00:37:08,008 Are you trying to say that I can't protect my baby sister 728 00:37:08,095 --> 00:37:10,184 and my crying girlfriend and my tall buddy, Marcus? 729 00:37:10,271 --> 00:37:11,925 - No, I'm not saying that at all. 730 00:37:13,709 --> 00:37:15,537 But I'm definitely thinking it now, so thank you. 731 00:37:15,624 --> 00:37:18,671 - I could protect everyone in circles around you, jerk-off. 732 00:37:20,586 --> 00:37:22,457 Marcus, you take care of Mary. 733 00:37:22,544 --> 00:37:24,764 - Yeah, I think splitting up is definitely the way to go. 734 00:37:24,851 --> 00:37:27,419 - No wait, guys, guys, please don't leave me. 735 00:37:27,506 --> 00:37:29,725 - No Mar, we won't leave you, don't worry. 736 00:37:29,812 --> 00:37:32,511 - Don't worry babe, I'll never leave you 737 00:37:34,774 --> 00:37:36,210 aside from right now. - What? 738 00:37:37,733 --> 00:37:38,952 - But I will be here the whole time. 739 00:37:40,736 --> 00:37:45,045 [dramatic violin, rock music] 740 00:37:45,132 --> 00:37:48,657 Pretend I'm this eagle protecting America 741 00:37:50,224 --> 00:37:50,964 and pretend you're America in this scenario. 742 00:37:52,835 --> 00:37:53,706 - What? 743 00:37:56,796 --> 00:37:59,189 - Let's go impeach that mother fucker. 744 00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:00,147 - What? 745 00:38:01,975 --> 00:38:02,845 - Impeach. 746 00:38:03,977 --> 00:38:05,718 You know, like kick his ass but 747 00:38:05,805 --> 00:38:09,025 he's the first President of the United States, so impeach. 748 00:38:09,112 --> 00:38:10,897 I thought it sounded kinda badass. 749 00:38:10,984 --> 00:38:11,898 - It didn't. 750 00:38:11,985 --> 00:38:13,552 - It kinda did. 751 00:38:13,639 --> 00:38:15,293 - No, you can't just add the word 752 00:38:15,380 --> 00:38:17,295 mother fucker to things and expect it to sound badass. 753 00:38:18,818 --> 00:38:19,688 - Shut up. 754 00:38:21,690 --> 00:38:23,605 Let's go into those woods. 755 00:38:24,998 --> 00:38:26,826 Let's get out of these woods. 756 00:38:26,913 --> 00:38:29,263 - Oh no, Nate's scared, we better turn around. 757 00:38:29,350 --> 00:38:30,786 - I'm not scared. 758 00:38:30,873 --> 00:38:32,266 - [Angela] Yes you are. 759 00:38:32,353 --> 00:38:34,094 Why is that so hard for you to admit? 760 00:38:34,181 --> 00:38:35,269 - Ang, I'm starting to think we should head back. 761 00:38:35,356 --> 00:38:37,097 - See, Evan's scared too. 762 00:38:37,184 --> 00:38:38,751 - Yeah, but I haven't been crying for the last half hour. 763 00:38:38,838 --> 00:38:40,622 - I was not crying. 764 00:38:40,709 --> 00:38:42,668 I told you I think there are onions growing in these woods. 765 00:38:42,755 --> 00:38:45,758 - Shh, I think I heard something. 766 00:38:45,845 --> 00:38:48,848 - Yeah, I'm sure you did, we're in the fucking woods. 767 00:38:49,892 --> 00:38:51,503 - Yo, Ange. 768 00:38:51,590 --> 00:38:52,939 - No, you know what? 769 00:38:53,026 --> 00:38:54,070 We've been pointing our flashlights 770 00:38:54,157 --> 00:38:55,289 at trees for the last hour. 771 00:38:55,376 --> 00:38:57,596 You got me, okay? 772 00:38:57,683 --> 00:39:01,600 I know that this is some sort of elaborate joke, 773 00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:03,863 kind of like the Electoral College. 774 00:39:05,255 --> 00:39:06,996 Come on, I thought you'd like that one. 775 00:39:09,825 --> 00:39:11,261 What is it? 776 00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:13,089 - Zombie. 777 00:39:13,176 --> 00:39:14,961 - And let me guess, this one's Abraham Lincoln, right? 778 00:39:15,048 --> 00:39:16,354 Beard, top hat and all? 779 00:39:20,401 --> 00:39:22,969 And he's coming up right behind me. 780 00:39:23,056 --> 00:39:25,624 He has a knife or an ax or something 781 00:39:25,711 --> 00:39:27,843 and he's gonna say something really stupid 782 00:39:27,930 --> 00:39:31,934 and obvious like "Four score and seven years ago." 783 00:39:32,892 --> 00:39:34,197 - Four 784 00:39:34,284 --> 00:39:35,764 score. 785 00:39:37,070 --> 00:39:38,071 - Oh my god. 786 00:39:39,072 --> 00:39:40,334 No way. 787 00:39:40,421 --> 00:39:41,770 - Four 788 00:39:41,857 --> 00:39:42,728 score. 789 00:39:43,946 --> 00:39:46,209 - No way, that's Abraham Lincoln. 790 00:39:46,296 --> 00:39:47,646 - And that's... 791 00:39:49,038 --> 00:39:52,825 [Growls] 792 00:39:53,913 --> 00:39:55,480 I don't know who that is. 793 00:39:55,567 --> 00:39:57,873 - That's Andrew Jackson. - Who? 794 00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,573 - The guy on the 20. - Oh, I love him. 795 00:40:01,660 --> 00:40:03,052 - This doesn't make any sense. 796 00:40:04,358 --> 00:40:06,708 - It all has a logic to it 797 00:40:06,795 --> 00:40:07,927 if you just 798 00:40:08,014 --> 00:40:08,884 understand. 799 00:40:09,798 --> 00:40:11,626 - Four score, 800 00:40:11,713 --> 00:40:13,149 four score, 801 00:40:13,236 --> 00:40:14,803 four score, 802 00:40:14,890 --> 00:40:15,891 four score. 803 00:40:19,765 --> 00:40:21,070 - What are you doing? 804 00:40:21,157 --> 00:40:23,029 - Sorry bro, catch up. 805 00:40:24,073 --> 00:40:27,294 [tense up tempo drumbeat] 806 00:40:31,690 --> 00:40:34,606 - Mr. President, sir, let's settle this 807 00:40:34,693 --> 00:40:37,086 in a sophisticated, dignified, patriotic manner? 808 00:40:38,610 --> 00:40:40,873 [Jackson growls] 809 00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,702 [gunshot booms] 810 00:40:47,053 --> 00:40:49,664 Now Andy, Andy, that wasn't cool. 811 00:40:51,144 --> 00:40:53,233 Come on, you were always my favorite President. 812 00:40:54,974 --> 00:40:57,019 - President? 813 00:40:57,106 --> 00:40:57,977 - Right. 814 00:41:00,109 --> 00:41:02,677 The leader of the free world, Commander-in-Chief. 815 00:41:03,635 --> 00:41:04,287 - Mm-mm- 816 00:41:04,374 --> 00:41:06,812 Mander Chief? 817 00:41:06,899 --> 00:41:07,769 - Exactly. 818 00:41:12,252 --> 00:41:14,733 - Hello Nathaniel, yes it's me, 819 00:41:14,820 --> 00:41:17,649 your favorite President, Andrew Jackson, 820 00:41:17,736 --> 00:41:19,694 the man that's on the $20 bill. 821 00:41:19,781 --> 00:41:20,739 I need you. 822 00:41:22,349 --> 00:41:26,092 - Come on Andy, let's settle this diplomatically. 823 00:41:26,179 --> 00:41:29,617 [Jackson growls] 824 00:41:29,704 --> 00:41:32,272 [Nate whimpers] 825 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:45,285 [anxious electronic music] 826 00:41:48,288 --> 00:41:49,985 - We need to go back for him. 827 00:41:50,072 --> 00:41:51,378 We need to go back for him now. 828 00:41:51,465 --> 00:41:52,988 - We do not. - Now, yes we do. 829 00:41:53,075 --> 00:41:55,774 - We need to stay here for the night. 830 00:41:55,861 --> 00:41:56,905 - What the fuck is wrong with you? 831 00:41:56,992 --> 00:41:58,472 - I'm trying to protect us. 832 00:42:00,082 --> 00:42:01,997 He's dead weight. - He's my brother. 833 00:42:02,084 --> 00:42:02,955 - Half-brother. 834 00:42:04,304 --> 00:42:06,349 You said you wished he was dead. 835 00:42:06,436 --> 00:42:08,090 - This isn't about me, okay? 836 00:42:08,177 --> 00:42:09,701 You never liked Nate. 837 00:42:09,788 --> 00:42:12,965 - I'm not about to let him get us killed. 838 00:42:21,147 --> 00:42:22,714 - Nate and I used to play 839 00:42:22,801 --> 00:42:24,237 in this barn together when we were little. 840 00:42:24,324 --> 00:42:25,804 - No, no, Angela. 841 00:42:26,848 --> 00:42:28,894 We don't have time for this. 842 00:42:30,330 --> 00:42:31,940 From the second I got here tonight, 843 00:42:32,027 --> 00:42:35,204 you've been saying how much you hate Nate. 844 00:42:35,291 --> 00:42:38,338 I know you feel some sort of obligation 845 00:42:38,425 --> 00:42:41,646 to him but he would have done exactly 846 00:42:41,733 --> 00:42:44,083 the same thing to us if he had had the chance. 847 00:42:45,519 --> 00:42:47,347 - How can you say that? 848 00:42:47,434 --> 00:42:50,350 - I can say that because I know who Nate is 849 00:42:51,917 --> 00:42:54,833 and deep down, you know who he is too. 850 00:42:56,965 --> 00:43:00,186 This situation really sucks, it does 851 00:43:01,753 --> 00:43:04,190 but I can protect you, we can survive together. 852 00:43:04,277 --> 00:43:06,018 - I don't need you to protect me. 853 00:43:08,455 --> 00:43:11,763 - Fine, you can protect me. 854 00:43:11,850 --> 00:43:13,199 Semantics, whatever. 855 00:43:14,330 --> 00:43:15,201 Angela, 856 00:43:16,550 --> 00:43:18,421 please trust me. 857 00:43:21,555 --> 00:43:24,906 [relaxed piano music] 858 00:43:24,993 --> 00:43:26,473 ♪ Sweet ♪ 859 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:27,387 - Okay, 860 00:43:28,910 --> 00:43:29,911 I trust you. 861 00:43:30,825 --> 00:43:32,566 ♪ Girl ♪ 862 00:43:34,916 --> 00:43:37,789 [Knife swooshes] 863 00:43:37,876 --> 00:43:40,835 [Lincoln cackling] 864 00:43:52,891 --> 00:43:54,196 [Angela screams] 865 00:44:04,816 --> 00:44:07,079 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, Angela, it's just me, it's just me. 866 00:44:07,166 --> 00:44:08,907 Chill out, chill out. 867 00:44:08,994 --> 00:44:11,083 Oh gross, is that blood? - Evan. 868 00:44:12,258 --> 00:44:13,433 - What? - Evan. 869 00:44:15,348 --> 00:44:17,350 I just watched him die. 870 00:44:17,437 --> 00:44:21,920 - Oh my god, oh my god, hey, hey, come here. 871 00:44:22,964 --> 00:44:25,053 Oh my god. - I'm so sorry. 872 00:44:26,402 --> 00:44:29,275 I'm so sorry, I didn't want to leave you. 873 00:44:29,362 --> 00:44:30,232 - No. 874 00:44:32,017 --> 00:44:35,542 Hey, let's just say, uh, don't worry about it, okay? 875 00:44:35,629 --> 00:44:37,413 - Okay. - All right? 876 00:44:37,500 --> 00:44:41,026 Hey, come on, let's get to the cabin, yeah? 877 00:44:41,113 --> 00:44:42,375 - Okay. - Okay. 878 00:44:42,462 --> 00:44:44,290 - Wait, what happened to Jackson? 879 00:44:44,377 --> 00:44:48,337 - Let's just say we won't have to worry about him. 880 00:44:48,424 --> 00:44:51,819 [Jackson growls] 881 00:44:51,906 --> 00:44:53,691 - I thought you said we don't have to worry about Jackson. 882 00:44:53,778 --> 00:44:56,215 - I said "Lets say we wouldn't have to worry about Jackson." 883 00:44:56,302 --> 00:44:58,434 I don't know, it seemed like the right thing to say. 884 00:44:59,479 --> 00:45:03,309 [anxious mid tempo drumbeat] 885 00:45:04,266 --> 00:45:05,790 - Okay, what now? 886 00:45:05,877 --> 00:45:07,052 - I think we're lost. 887 00:45:07,139 --> 00:45:09,576 - You'd better be joking. 888 00:45:09,663 --> 00:45:11,186 - No, I really don't know where the cabin is. 889 00:45:11,273 --> 00:45:13,101 - Well, it should just be over there. 890 00:45:13,188 --> 00:45:15,147 - Well, it should be but, wait, hold on one second. 891 00:45:16,496 --> 00:45:18,063 Okay yeah, here we go. 892 00:45:18,150 --> 00:45:19,499 So if trees grow towards the north 893 00:45:19,586 --> 00:45:22,067 and moss grows fat on the rolling stone, 894 00:45:22,154 --> 00:45:23,416 then the cabin should be... 895 00:45:25,461 --> 00:45:27,072 Ow. 896 00:45:27,159 --> 00:45:28,421 - Let me look at it. - No stop, get off. 897 00:45:28,508 --> 00:45:30,423 This is my replacement phone. 898 00:45:30,510 --> 00:45:32,555 It's very susceptible to being broken by rocks. 899 00:45:32,642 --> 00:45:33,600 [phone buzzes] 900 00:45:33,687 --> 00:45:35,471 - [Both] Mary. 901 00:45:35,558 --> 00:45:37,256 - Let me talk to her. - No, let me talk to her. 902 00:45:37,343 --> 00:45:38,910 She's my girlfriend. - No, she's my best friend. 903 00:45:38,997 --> 00:45:40,128 - I've known her longer. - I've known her longer. 904 00:45:40,215 --> 00:45:41,086 - Have you kissed her? - Yes. 905 00:45:41,173 --> 00:45:44,002 - What? - What? 906 00:45:45,133 --> 00:45:46,700 - Nate, are you there? - Ow. 907 00:45:48,006 --> 00:45:50,138 - Ange, oh my god, are you okay? 908 00:45:51,705 --> 00:45:53,272 Nate, 909 00:45:53,359 --> 00:45:54,229 Ange? 910 00:45:56,231 --> 00:45:57,929 Hello? 911 00:45:58,016 --> 00:46:02,716 [static crackling, automated message blaring] 912 00:46:04,370 --> 00:46:05,197 Marcus. 913 00:46:07,460 --> 00:46:09,244 I think it got Nate and Ange. 914 00:46:10,332 --> 00:46:12,117 - What about Evan? 915 00:46:12,204 --> 00:46:14,946 - I tried calling but it went straight to voicemail. 916 00:46:15,033 --> 00:46:17,078 - Oh Evan, that's who I made 917 00:46:17,165 --> 00:46:19,124 the no phones on this trip agreement with. 918 00:46:19,211 --> 00:46:23,128 - Marcus, it could just be us out here now. 919 00:46:23,215 --> 00:46:25,652 - Dammit, Nate thought he'd be the last 920 00:46:25,739 --> 00:46:28,481 one alive during a zombie apocalypse scenario. 921 00:46:28,568 --> 00:46:30,135 He's gonna be so disappointed. 922 00:46:31,397 --> 00:46:33,138 - Oh my god. - Hey. 923 00:46:33,225 --> 00:46:35,314 Hey, stop all that, come on. 924 00:46:35,401 --> 00:46:37,142 It's gonna be okay. 925 00:46:37,229 --> 00:46:39,448 - Oh my god. - It's gonna be all right. 926 00:46:39,535 --> 00:46:41,668 [Mary weeps] Hey, hey. 927 00:46:41,755 --> 00:46:43,148 [door bangs] [Mary gasps] 928 00:46:43,235 --> 00:46:44,062 - Marcus. 929 00:46:46,151 --> 00:46:48,544 Maybe we should call the police. 930 00:46:48,631 --> 00:46:50,982 - Yeah right, the police, let's call the police. 931 00:46:52,374 --> 00:46:53,245 What's the number for the police? 932 00:46:53,332 --> 00:46:54,942 - Seriously? 933 00:46:55,029 --> 00:46:56,988 - I'm just kidding, I'm not that fucking stupid. 934 00:46:57,075 --> 00:46:58,076 - Oh my god. 935 00:46:59,599 --> 00:47:01,993 - 1-800-Police-- 936 00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:03,995 - It's 911 Marcus, 911. 937 00:47:04,082 --> 00:47:05,170 - Right, right. 938 00:47:07,781 --> 00:47:08,695 - [Operator] 911, what's your emergency? 939 00:47:08,782 --> 00:47:11,959 - Hi, well, we, I- 940 00:47:12,046 --> 00:47:13,700 - [Operator] Hello, sir? 941 00:47:13,787 --> 00:47:16,007 - Zombies, there's zombies here, you gotta save us. 942 00:47:16,094 --> 00:47:18,357 - [Operator] Sir, this line is for emergencies only. 943 00:47:18,444 --> 00:47:20,185 - This is an emergency. 944 00:47:20,272 --> 00:47:22,230 We're at a cabin in the woods off I-15. 945 00:47:24,450 --> 00:47:26,495 [imitating zombie moans] 946 00:47:26,582 --> 00:47:28,193 Oh my god, they're gonna get her. 947 00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:29,716 Oh no, please don't get me. 948 00:47:29,803 --> 00:47:31,587 Oh, they're getting her. 949 00:47:31,674 --> 00:47:33,502 Oh my god, 950 00:47:33,589 --> 00:47:35,287 they're dismembering her body right in front of me. 951 00:47:35,374 --> 00:47:37,550 Oh no, I don't want to die, Marcus. 952 00:47:37,637 --> 00:47:40,466 I won't let you die, baby, it's gonna be okay. 953 00:47:40,553 --> 00:47:42,163 - Oh my god. 954 00:47:42,250 --> 00:47:44,470 [imitates zombie munching] 955 00:47:44,557 --> 00:47:47,125 - Jesus Christ, they ate her, they just fuckin' ate her. 956 00:47:47,212 --> 00:47:50,128 - [Operator] Sir, sir, you do realize it's 957 00:47:50,215 --> 00:47:53,305 a Federal offense to prank call emergency services, right? 958 00:47:54,262 --> 00:47:56,221 - Well, 959 00:47:56,308 --> 00:47:59,050 well yeah, thanks, bye. 960 00:47:59,137 --> 00:48:00,486 [anxious electronic music] 961 00:48:00,573 --> 00:48:02,444 There, they should be here in no time. 962 00:48:04,490 --> 00:48:06,100 - Oh my god. 963 00:48:06,187 --> 00:48:07,580 - What? 964 00:48:07,667 --> 00:48:09,234 - Oh my god. - Hey, come on, take it easy. 965 00:48:09,321 --> 00:48:12,541 Hey, listen, we'll get the power back on, 966 00:48:12,628 --> 00:48:16,067 get the AC blowing, microwave us some taquitos. 967 00:48:16,154 --> 00:48:17,590 Maybe get some sexy music going on. 968 00:48:17,677 --> 00:48:19,374 - The AC. 969 00:48:19,461 --> 00:48:20,332 Marcus, 970 00:48:21,637 --> 00:48:23,596 the AC, it was blowing in your car 971 00:48:23,683 --> 00:48:25,511 and it seemed to hurt Washington. 972 00:48:25,598 --> 00:48:27,208 Maybe we'll be safe in your car and we can make a getaway. 973 00:48:27,295 --> 00:48:29,080 - Yeah, great, let's get in my car. 974 00:48:29,167 --> 00:48:32,779 - Wait, it died when I was out there before. 975 00:48:32,866 --> 00:48:34,085 - What about Nate's car? 976 00:48:34,172 --> 00:48:35,303 - The tires are shredded. 977 00:48:36,217 --> 00:48:37,610 - What about Evan's? 978 00:48:37,697 --> 00:48:38,785 - I think he took the keys with him. 979 00:48:39,829 --> 00:48:41,657 Can you hot-wire it? 980 00:48:41,744 --> 00:48:43,268 - What do I look like, Hotty McWire? 981 00:48:43,355 --> 00:48:44,747 - What? 982 00:48:44,834 --> 00:48:46,619 - It's fine, we'll pop open the hood 983 00:48:46,706 --> 00:48:49,143 of my car and get that bad boy going in no time. 984 00:48:49,230 --> 00:48:50,710 I've seen a car two before. 985 00:48:51,754 --> 00:48:53,147 - But what about Washington? 986 00:48:57,151 --> 00:49:00,372 [dramatic violin music] [fireworks whistling] 987 00:49:00,459 --> 00:49:02,765 - I think I've got an idea. 988 00:49:05,246 --> 00:49:06,117 I want you 989 00:49:08,293 --> 00:49:11,296 to stay away from us and to not eat us. 990 00:49:13,167 --> 00:49:15,822 - Marcus, this is the dumbest idea you've ever come up with. 991 00:49:15,909 --> 00:49:17,650 - Join the Army. 992 00:49:17,737 --> 00:49:20,131 - You can keep that stupid costume, by the way. 993 00:49:22,698 --> 00:49:23,569 Okay. 994 00:49:24,483 --> 00:49:25,658 I think it should work. 995 00:49:25,745 --> 00:49:28,095 Here, start the car. 996 00:49:28,182 --> 00:49:31,403 [anxious violin music] 997 00:49:35,798 --> 00:49:37,322 [zombie snarls] 998 00:49:37,409 --> 00:49:38,279 Marcus? 999 00:49:39,715 --> 00:49:41,152 - Save yourself. 1000 00:49:45,373 --> 00:49:46,374 Remember me. 1001 00:49:47,288 --> 00:49:48,594 - Marcus, Marcus. 1002 00:49:49,725 --> 00:49:51,858 - As a hero, not a coward. 1003 00:49:59,257 --> 00:49:59,953 - Dammit. 1004 00:50:02,303 --> 00:50:03,739 - Bury me on Halloween. 1005 00:50:05,263 --> 00:50:07,569 I want my funeral to be extra spooky. 1006 00:50:07,656 --> 00:50:08,527 [violent goring of Marcus] 1007 00:50:09,615 --> 00:50:10,703 - Oh, Marcus. 1008 00:50:12,966 --> 00:50:14,620 Oh shit. 1009 00:50:14,707 --> 00:50:16,709 [Mary screams] 1010 00:50:16,796 --> 00:50:18,450 Chill out, asshole. 1011 00:50:21,627 --> 00:50:22,802 - Not so cool, 1012 00:50:24,630 --> 00:50:25,500 is it? 1013 00:50:31,593 --> 00:50:33,378 We'll have a great Fourth of July, he said. 1014 00:50:33,465 --> 00:50:35,119 It'll be fun, he said. 1015 00:50:35,206 --> 00:50:36,598 What the fuck. 1016 00:50:36,685 --> 00:50:37,817 This is what I get for dating a white guy. 1017 00:50:37,904 --> 00:50:39,471 Who's next, Andrew Jackson? 1018 00:50:41,342 --> 00:50:45,477 [Mary screams] 1019 00:50:46,826 --> 00:50:48,828 - What the--Angela, you almost broke my phone. 1020 00:50:48,915 --> 00:50:51,831 I told you it's very susceptible to being broken by rocks. 1021 00:50:53,267 --> 00:50:54,964 Oh man. 1022 00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:56,531 - Well if you would've given me the GPS 10 minutes ago, 1023 00:50:56,618 --> 00:50:58,577 then we wouldn't have been in this situation. 1024 00:50:59,491 --> 00:51:00,927 Now we're even more lost 1025 00:51:01,014 --> 00:51:02,755 and we need to get back to the cabin. 1026 00:51:02,842 --> 00:51:06,411 - Okay, yes, I agree but I don't know where the cabin is. 1027 00:51:06,498 --> 00:51:08,500 - This is so fucking typical, Nate. 1028 00:51:10,328 --> 00:51:12,156 You raise an army of the living dead but your pride 1029 00:51:12,243 --> 00:51:14,506 and stupidity are still the biggest threats to our safety. 1030 00:51:14,593 --> 00:51:18,249 - I raised an army of the living dead? 1031 00:51:18,336 --> 00:51:19,946 How sure are we that this isn't your fault? 1032 00:51:20,033 --> 00:51:21,904 - My fault? 1033 00:51:21,991 --> 00:51:23,515 - This all seems like America trying to teach you a lesson. 1034 00:51:23,602 --> 00:51:24,516 - What lesson, don't get killed by zombies? 1035 00:51:24,603 --> 00:51:25,821 - That's a great lesson. 1036 00:51:28,346 --> 00:51:29,434 - If you'd only shown this much 1037 00:51:29,521 --> 00:51:31,349 initiative when dad got sick. 1038 00:51:31,436 --> 00:51:33,438 - Oh, come on. 1039 00:51:33,525 --> 00:51:35,962 You didn't ask for my help, so I didn't offer it. 1040 00:51:36,049 --> 00:51:38,617 - Well, I shouldn't have had to ask, he was our father. 1041 00:51:38,704 --> 00:51:40,532 - I honored him in my own way. 1042 00:51:40,619 --> 00:51:42,577 - You got drunk and broke into a baseball stadium. 1043 00:51:42,664 --> 00:51:44,536 - It's what he would have wanted. 1044 00:51:45,624 --> 00:51:50,498 [zombie laughing] 1045 00:51:52,283 --> 00:51:57,026 - Okay, I'm not sure what that is but I think we should, 1046 00:51:58,332 --> 00:51:59,377 yeah. 1047 00:51:59,464 --> 00:52:02,554 [tense violin music] 1048 00:52:08,777 --> 00:52:10,649 Come on Nate, let's go. 1049 00:52:10,736 --> 00:52:12,868 - Wait a sec, I had a lot of beers and chalupas tonight. 1050 00:52:12,955 --> 00:52:14,740 [Nate Burps] 1051 00:52:14,827 --> 00:52:18,352 - No seriously, look, the cabin's right there, come on. 1052 00:52:18,439 --> 00:52:21,399 [Jackson growling] 1053 00:52:24,967 --> 00:52:27,318 - 'Mander Chief. 1054 00:52:29,058 --> 00:52:30,538 - This is all my fault. 1055 00:52:32,410 --> 00:52:34,977 - Now's not the best time, Nathan. 1056 00:52:35,064 --> 00:52:38,633 - Everyone else is dead and it's all my fault. 1057 00:52:38,720 --> 00:52:40,505 - You don't know that, okay? 1058 00:52:40,592 --> 00:52:43,029 The car's gone, maybe Mary and Marcus went to go get help. 1059 00:52:44,813 --> 00:52:47,425 - They'll never make it outta here and neither will we. 1060 00:52:47,512 --> 00:52:48,861 I killed Mary, 1061 00:52:48,948 --> 00:52:50,993 I killed Marcus, 1062 00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:52,430 I killed us. 1063 00:52:54,083 --> 00:52:58,000 - If you feel so fucking bad, come and help me. 1064 00:53:00,568 --> 00:53:02,353 That can't be good. 1065 00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:04,790 Nate, come on, we gotta get out of here, come on. 1066 00:53:04,877 --> 00:53:07,619 - What's the use? I'm no good. 1067 00:53:09,142 --> 00:53:11,579 I couldn't be there for dad when he needed me. 1068 00:53:12,972 --> 00:53:15,540 I couldn't protect Mary from the killer zombies. 1069 00:53:15,627 --> 00:53:16,889 I can't protect you. 1070 00:53:18,412 --> 00:53:19,761 - I don't need you to protect me. 1071 00:53:19,848 --> 00:53:21,415 Right now, you need me to protect you. 1072 00:53:23,939 --> 00:53:25,724 Whatever has happened between us 1073 00:53:25,811 --> 00:53:27,769 in the past few years, it's behind us now, okay? 1074 00:53:27,856 --> 00:53:28,857 It doesn't matter. 1075 00:53:30,685 --> 00:53:32,731 I need you to get off your ass and come with me, okay? 1076 00:53:32,818 --> 00:53:34,385 We should stick together. 1077 00:53:38,650 --> 00:53:39,520 Okay. 1078 00:53:42,958 --> 00:53:44,699 A house divided- 1079 00:53:44,786 --> 00:53:46,179 - Against itself cannot stand. 1080 00:53:47,180 --> 00:53:48,312 - Yes. 1081 00:53:48,399 --> 00:53:49,095 Come on. 1082 00:53:50,183 --> 00:53:51,619 - You quoted Lincoln. 1083 00:53:52,707 --> 00:53:53,839 I win. 1084 00:53:53,926 --> 00:53:58,800 [door clatters] [Jackson growls] 1085 00:53:59,714 --> 00:54:02,848 [tense ensemble music] 1086 00:54:10,856 --> 00:54:13,424 [Nate grunts] 1087 00:54:25,436 --> 00:54:27,916 [Nate choking] 1088 00:54:37,665 --> 00:54:38,927 - Nate, run. 1089 00:54:42,583 --> 00:54:46,718 - My compatriot. 1090 00:54:52,985 --> 00:54:54,508 - Brother. 1091 00:54:54,595 --> 00:54:55,248 - Please 1092 00:54:56,554 --> 00:54:58,077 save your strength. 1093 00:54:59,905 --> 00:55:03,212 Enjoy the sweet warmth of the land of the living. 1094 00:55:06,085 --> 00:55:07,086 - Washington 1095 00:55:07,956 --> 00:55:08,827 looks 1096 00:55:10,524 --> 00:55:11,220 human. 1097 00:55:12,134 --> 00:55:13,701 - Hush, my friend. 1098 00:55:15,747 --> 00:55:17,488 Soon enough, you shall too. 1099 00:55:19,011 --> 00:55:19,881 - Then 1100 00:55:20,839 --> 00:55:22,101 when we have our army, 1101 00:55:23,537 --> 00:55:25,626 nothing can stop us. 1102 00:55:27,933 --> 00:55:29,891 This land 1103 00:55:29,978 --> 00:55:31,110 belongs to us. 1104 00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:37,725 Are you ready to take it back? 1105 00:55:40,075 --> 00:55:45,080 [Washington and Lincoln cackling maniacally] 1106 00:56:03,316 --> 00:56:05,144 - Nate, your tapping your foot is freaking me out, okay? 1107 00:56:05,231 --> 00:56:07,146 Help me board up a window or something. 1108 00:56:08,713 --> 00:56:10,541 - Angela, I want to talk to you about something 1109 00:56:10,628 --> 00:56:12,020 and just a warning, it's going to be controversial. 1110 00:56:12,107 --> 00:56:14,283 - Everything you say is controversial, Nate. 1111 00:56:15,807 --> 00:56:17,069 - I don't think I can fight off these zombies. 1112 00:56:17,156 --> 00:56:18,549 - Yeah, I know you can't. 1113 00:56:18,636 --> 00:56:20,725 You're not very coordinated. 1114 00:56:20,812 --> 00:56:23,815 - I mean I don't think I can bring myself to do it. 1115 00:56:26,295 --> 00:56:28,080 - What's that supposed to mean? 1116 00:56:28,167 --> 00:56:30,082 - Look, if this were a legion of the undead 1117 00:56:30,169 --> 00:56:32,258 and they were a bunch of anonymous Joe Schmoes, 1118 00:56:32,345 --> 00:56:34,782 I would have no problem killing them. 1119 00:56:34,869 --> 00:56:39,178 But these, they're former Presidents of the United States. 1120 00:56:44,270 --> 00:56:46,577 - Nate, I'm running out of rousing speeches here. 1121 00:56:46,664 --> 00:56:48,927 - No Ange, you don't get it. 1122 00:56:49,014 --> 00:56:50,015 Washington, Lincoln. 1123 00:56:50,972 --> 00:56:53,148 They are America. 1124 00:56:53,235 --> 00:56:55,760 I mean shit, Andrew Jackson is on the $20 bill. 1125 00:56:55,847 --> 00:56:57,152 - Is that literally the only thing 1126 00:56:57,239 --> 00:56:59,024 you know about Andrew Jackson? 1127 00:56:59,111 --> 00:57:01,026 - I know he was a President. - Yeah, which one? 1128 00:57:01,113 --> 00:57:01,983 What number? 1129 00:57:03,768 --> 00:57:08,512 - I want to say higher than three but less than 50. 1130 00:57:08,599 --> 00:57:13,212 - He was the seventh and he was a piece of shit. 1131 00:57:13,299 --> 00:57:15,127 - You can't say that about a President. 1132 00:57:15,214 --> 00:57:17,303 - Have you heard of the Trail of Tears? 1133 00:57:17,390 --> 00:57:18,870 That was Jackson. 1134 00:57:18,957 --> 00:57:20,785 - No, I haven't heard of that and it 1135 00:57:20,872 --> 00:57:23,048 doesn't matter what he did, he was still the President. 1136 00:57:23,135 --> 00:57:24,615 - Okay, enough Nate. 1137 00:57:24,702 --> 00:57:26,530 I'm clearly not gonna change your mind 1138 00:57:26,617 --> 00:57:29,402 but we have to do something, like get the power back on. 1139 00:57:31,622 --> 00:57:34,625 - I'm sorry, Ange, but I really want to stay here. 1140 00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:38,193 Please stay here with me. 1141 00:57:39,717 --> 00:57:42,023 We can sit and talk, reconnect. 1142 00:57:43,198 --> 00:57:45,723 - Look, I was wrong. 1143 00:57:46,637 --> 00:57:47,986 Okay? 1144 00:57:48,073 --> 00:57:51,555 We don't need each other and at this point, 1145 00:57:51,642 --> 00:57:54,732 I either have to leave you 1146 00:57:54,819 --> 00:57:55,907 or die with you. 1147 00:58:01,042 --> 00:58:05,873 - You know why the Fourth of July is so important to me? 1148 00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:08,920 'Cause that's the last time I saw dad before he died. 1149 00:58:12,445 --> 00:58:15,056 It was the last time the three of us were all together. 1150 00:58:19,017 --> 00:58:21,759 That's why I wanted tonight to be so perfect. 1151 00:58:26,764 --> 00:58:28,461 You're all I have left, Ange. 1152 00:58:30,289 --> 00:58:31,203 You're my sister. 1153 00:58:33,466 --> 00:58:34,946 - Half-sister. 1154 00:58:47,306 --> 00:58:50,918 [breakers clicking] 1155 00:58:51,005 --> 00:58:52,354 [electric crackling] 1156 00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:57,621 [footsteps] 1157 00:58:57,708 --> 00:59:00,319 [Jackson growls] 1158 00:59:04,976 --> 00:59:07,805 [Jackson cackles] 1159 00:59:10,155 --> 00:59:12,897 [Angela groans] 1160 00:59:19,512 --> 00:59:22,297 [Jackson snarls] 1161 00:59:45,843 --> 00:59:49,020 [thudding, squelching] 1162 00:59:57,202 --> 01:00:00,074 [Jackson gurgles] 1163 01:00:02,250 --> 01:00:03,121 What? 1164 01:00:05,776 --> 01:00:07,125 - [Father] "From the desk of Professor 1165 01:00:07,212 --> 01:00:10,128 J. Walter Harmon to my colleagues. 1166 01:00:10,215 --> 01:00:12,217 Please know that if you're reading this, 1167 01:00:12,304 --> 01:00:14,132 it is too late for me. 1168 01:00:14,219 --> 01:00:16,917 Each day, I grow weaker and increasingly paranoid 1169 01:00:17,004 --> 01:00:20,312 of the possibility of my research into the supernatural 1170 01:00:20,399 --> 01:00:22,967 falling into the wrong hands. 1171 01:00:23,054 --> 01:00:24,838 - Dad. 1172 01:00:24,925 --> 01:00:26,753 - [Father] I believe that these documents which I have 1173 01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:29,800 gathered were created by ancient evil spirits made 1174 01:00:29,887 --> 01:00:33,020 to look like significant historical documents. 1175 01:00:33,107 --> 01:00:35,327 These papers function as a gateway 1176 01:00:35,414 --> 01:00:37,982 for the evil spirits to enter our world, 1177 01:00:38,069 --> 01:00:41,725 possess the dead and wreak havoc among the living. 1178 01:00:41,812 --> 01:00:43,944 If any of them are recited-" 1179 01:00:44,902 --> 01:00:46,555 - The Declaration. 1180 01:00:46,643 --> 01:00:48,993 - [Father] "Under the right ritualistic circumstances, 1181 01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:51,822 they theoretically hold the power to raise 1182 01:00:51,909 --> 01:00:55,434 with soulless purpose an army of the undead." 1183 01:00:56,522 --> 01:00:58,263 - None of this makes any sense. 1184 01:00:58,350 --> 01:01:00,526 - [Father] "None of this seems to make any sense to me 1185 01:01:00,613 --> 01:01:04,835 as an academic, but it all has a logic to it 1186 01:01:04,922 --> 01:01:06,837 if you just understand." 1187 01:01:06,924 --> 01:01:08,316 - Well, shit. 1188 01:01:08,403 --> 01:01:10,449 - [Father] "If anything is to happen to me, 1189 01:01:10,536 --> 01:01:13,017 these documents must be destroyed. 1190 01:01:13,104 --> 01:01:17,151 The evil within them is too powerful to go unchecked. 1191 01:01:17,238 --> 01:01:21,112 As I feel myself succumbing to my illness more and more, 1192 01:01:21,199 --> 01:01:22,853 I leave these instructions. 1193 01:01:22,940 --> 01:01:24,898 In the unfortunate event that these 1194 01:01:24,985 --> 01:01:27,335 evil spirits should somehow be awoken, 1195 01:01:27,422 --> 01:01:29,555 one must recreate the conditions under 1196 01:01:29,642 --> 01:01:32,558 which they were summoned in order to banish them forever." 1197 01:01:32,645 --> 01:01:36,388 - Well, that was extremely helpful and incredibly specific. 1198 01:01:36,475 --> 01:01:38,259 - [Father] "This may be the last 1199 01:01:38,346 --> 01:01:41,480 correspondence I make with the world of the living. 1200 01:01:41,567 --> 01:01:44,265 I just pray that the world knows growth, 1201 01:01:44,352 --> 01:01:48,530 strength and tolerance and I hope my children find peace." 1202 01:01:49,531 --> 01:01:51,533 - Damn, thanks dad. 1203 01:01:56,060 --> 01:01:59,193 [low, tense drumbeat] 1204 01:02:06,984 --> 01:02:08,333 Okay, okay, okay. 1205 01:02:09,943 --> 01:02:10,639 Okay. 1206 01:02:12,163 --> 01:02:13,991 "We therefore, the Representatives of the 1207 01:02:14,078 --> 01:02:16,645 United States of America in General Congress assembled." 1208 01:02:17,516 --> 01:02:18,343 Fuck. 1209 01:02:19,910 --> 01:02:21,085 Shit. 1210 01:02:21,172 --> 01:02:23,087 Oh fuck, beer, oh shit. 1211 01:02:24,958 --> 01:02:28,527 Americana, I mean it's more of an idea than a tangible, 1212 01:02:29,528 --> 01:02:31,008 oh fuck, oh fuck. 1213 01:02:32,183 --> 01:02:35,099 [Jackson growling] 1214 01:02:46,023 --> 01:02:48,939 Get off, get off, let go. 1215 01:02:55,032 --> 01:02:56,337 What do you want from me? 1216 01:02:57,251 --> 01:02:58,557 - The documents. 1217 01:03:05,129 --> 01:03:10,134 ♪ Oh beautiful America ♪ 1218 01:03:11,222 --> 01:03:14,660 ♪ From sea to shiny sea ♪ 1219 01:03:15,748 --> 01:03:17,619 [Angela screams] 1220 01:03:17,706 --> 01:03:20,274 - [Angela] Get your fucking hands off me. 1221 01:03:20,361 --> 01:03:21,232 Oh fuck. 1222 01:03:24,713 --> 01:03:25,584 Shit. 1223 01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:30,894 What the fuck, somebody help me! 1224 01:03:30,981 --> 01:03:34,462 Somebody help me, somebody fucking help me! 1225 01:03:40,686 --> 01:03:42,514 Nate, help me. 1226 01:03:42,601 --> 01:03:43,602 - Oh my god. 1227 01:03:45,473 --> 01:03:47,258 All right, all right. 1228 01:03:48,259 --> 01:03:51,001 [Nate humming nervously] 1229 01:03:51,088 --> 01:03:52,002 Breathe. Breathe. 1230 01:03:54,091 --> 01:03:55,135 Breathe. 1231 01:03:55,222 --> 01:03:56,397 Okay. 1232 01:03:56,484 --> 01:03:57,355 They've got Angela, 1233 01:03:58,443 --> 01:04:01,054 that is a bummer. 1234 01:04:02,142 --> 01:04:03,013 It really is. 1235 01:04:04,536 --> 01:04:07,626 But it shows that I was right. 1236 01:04:07,713 --> 01:04:10,455 I was right for staying in here. 1237 01:04:11,804 --> 01:04:13,371 That counts for something, right? 1238 01:04:13,458 --> 01:04:16,461 [wooden clattering] 1239 01:04:19,290 --> 01:04:21,074 They're in the house. 1240 01:04:23,511 --> 01:04:24,382 Shit. 1241 01:04:28,386 --> 01:04:32,303 [anxious ensemble piano music] 1242 01:05:03,464 --> 01:05:05,379 I have to do something. 1243 01:05:07,512 --> 01:05:08,382 After all, 1244 01:05:10,210 --> 01:05:11,559 she's my sister. 1245 01:05:15,737 --> 01:05:16,869 I'm coming, Ange. 1246 01:05:23,876 --> 01:05:25,269 It's hero time. 1247 01:05:26,357 --> 01:05:30,143 [dramatic violin, rock music] 1248 01:05:46,290 --> 01:05:47,552 Let impeachment proceedings 1249 01:05:49,380 --> 01:05:50,207 proceed. 1250 01:05:58,345 --> 01:05:59,564 - It's not here. 1251 01:06:04,395 --> 01:06:06,484 Where is it? 1252 01:06:06,571 --> 01:06:08,268 - I told you, 1253 01:06:08,355 --> 01:06:09,530 those are the only documents that I know about. 1254 01:06:09,617 --> 01:06:11,228 - The Declaration, 1255 01:06:12,272 --> 01:06:14,318 where did you put it? 1256 01:06:14,405 --> 01:06:16,755 - I don't know anything about any Declaration. 1257 01:06:16,842 --> 01:06:19,540 - She lies. - Why are you doing this? 1258 01:06:19,627 --> 01:06:21,151 This goes against everything that 1259 01:06:21,238 --> 01:06:23,414 the Founding Fathers are supposed to stand for. 1260 01:06:23,501 --> 01:06:26,417 - We must destroy the Declaration. 1261 01:06:27,679 --> 01:06:29,507 Then we will be unstoppable. 1262 01:06:30,943 --> 01:06:32,510 - America is sick, 1263 01:06:32,597 --> 01:06:34,381 you disrespect the flag, 1264 01:06:34,468 --> 01:06:37,123 you disrespect each other, you disrespect your leaders. 1265 01:06:37,210 --> 01:06:40,779 - This land needs resurrection. 1266 01:06:42,302 --> 01:06:45,871 The dead shall rule the living in a new era 1267 01:06:45,958 --> 01:06:47,829 of American history. 1268 01:06:50,267 --> 01:06:51,659 - Why don't you just kill me? 1269 01:06:52,617 --> 01:06:54,271 - We wouldn't kill you. 1270 01:06:55,620 --> 01:06:57,883 You and your brother instituted the ritual. 1271 01:06:57,970 --> 01:07:00,886 We wouldn't be here without you. 1272 01:07:04,237 --> 01:07:08,633 - So what, are you gonna use us to bring back slavery? 1273 01:07:10,591 --> 01:07:11,723 - Slavery went away? 1274 01:07:16,902 --> 01:07:18,295 Enough of this. 1275 01:07:24,823 --> 01:07:27,782 - "We the people of the United-" 1276 01:07:27,869 --> 01:07:29,219 - That's not gonna work. 1277 01:07:30,002 --> 01:07:31,525 - Why? 1278 01:07:31,612 --> 01:07:35,834 Oh, because we don't have Americana. 1279 01:07:38,315 --> 01:07:39,011 We 1280 01:07:39,881 --> 01:07:40,752 are 1281 01:07:42,014 --> 01:07:42,884 Americana. 1282 01:07:46,671 --> 01:07:49,891 [tense ensemble music] 1283 01:07:52,677 --> 01:07:55,810 - "We the people of the United States, 1284 01:07:57,334 --> 01:07:59,858 in order to form a more perfect Union." 1285 01:07:59,945 --> 01:08:02,252 - There's nothing perfect about this Union, 1286 01:08:04,254 --> 01:08:05,864 mother fuckers. 1287 01:08:05,951 --> 01:08:08,475 [dramatic violin, rock music] 1288 01:08:08,562 --> 01:08:10,738 [chainsaw revs] 1289 01:08:10,825 --> 01:08:12,479 I forgot to put gas in that. 1290 01:08:12,566 --> 01:08:13,915 [cat screeches] 1291 01:08:17,963 --> 01:08:18,877 No shells in that. 1292 01:08:23,011 --> 01:08:25,753 Nobody move, I'm gonna be right back. 1293 01:08:30,497 --> 01:08:33,892 - "In order to form a more perfect Union." 1294 01:08:35,372 --> 01:08:37,461 - Happy Independence Day, mother-- 1295 01:08:37,548 --> 01:08:38,375 FUCK 1296 01:08:41,552 --> 01:08:42,422 - Go get it. 1297 01:08:46,992 --> 01:08:49,516 - Nate, don't let him get the Declaration. 1298 01:08:49,603 --> 01:08:52,563 [muffled shouting] 1299 01:08:55,435 --> 01:08:56,871 - Get fucked, Abe. 1300 01:09:04,705 --> 01:09:07,491 [Jackson growls] 1301 01:09:08,405 --> 01:09:11,756 [tense electronic music] 1302 01:09:17,022 --> 01:09:19,590 [Nate groans] 1303 01:09:22,636 --> 01:09:23,507 That smarts. 1304 01:09:31,123 --> 01:09:33,995 Stay back, stay back, Mr. Presidents. 1305 01:09:36,998 --> 01:09:39,784 [tense drumbeat] 1306 01:09:56,148 --> 01:09:58,977 [Angela screams] 1307 01:10:10,989 --> 01:10:13,731 [Jackson and Washington cackling] 1308 01:10:13,818 --> 01:10:16,473 [Nate weeping] 1309 01:10:29,050 --> 01:10:31,705 [fireworks booming] 1310 01:10:31,792 --> 01:10:33,577 - Bet you didn't think you'd be able 1311 01:10:33,664 --> 01:10:37,058 to hear fireworks all the way out here, mother fuckers. 1312 01:10:37,145 --> 01:10:38,973 - Ah, hell fucking yeah, babe. 1313 01:10:40,018 --> 01:10:41,411 - That one's for Harriet. 1314 01:10:42,847 --> 01:10:46,938 [tense violin, electronic music] 1315 01:11:07,785 --> 01:11:12,137 - I believe you have something that belongs to me. 1316 01:11:12,224 --> 01:11:14,618 - And I believe you have something 1317 01:11:14,705 --> 01:11:18,404 that belongs to the American people. 1318 01:11:18,491 --> 01:11:20,667 [dramatic rock tones] 1319 01:11:21,886 --> 01:11:25,063 [anxious violin music] 1320 01:11:30,242 --> 01:11:31,809 - Goddammit. 1321 01:11:31,896 --> 01:11:33,811 - Show's over. 1322 01:11:33,898 --> 01:11:37,380 [dramatic operatic music] 1323 01:11:37,467 --> 01:11:40,513 - Ange, oh my god, you're okay, oh my god, oh my god. 1324 01:11:40,600 --> 01:11:42,428 - Come on, we gotta read the Declaration again. 1325 01:11:42,515 --> 01:11:44,125 It's the only way to send those zombies back to hell. 1326 01:11:44,212 --> 01:11:45,431 - What? 1327 01:11:45,518 --> 01:11:46,563 None of this makes any sense. 1328 01:11:46,650 --> 01:11:48,260 - Oh, it all has a logic to it, 1329 01:11:49,740 --> 01:11:51,785 if you just understand. 1330 01:11:54,222 --> 01:11:55,093 - What? 1331 01:12:01,969 --> 01:12:04,494 [Mary gasps] 1332 01:12:09,499 --> 01:12:11,805 - Did somebody order a Declaration of Independence? 1333 01:12:13,024 --> 01:12:14,678 - Nate, you got it. 1334 01:12:22,599 --> 01:12:23,556 - Thank me later. 1335 01:12:25,819 --> 01:12:27,038 Hey babe. - What? 1336 01:12:27,125 --> 01:12:29,127 - Thanks for coming back for me. 1337 01:12:29,214 --> 01:12:30,084 - Oh Nate, 1338 01:12:31,651 --> 01:12:33,523 I think we should see other people. 1339 01:12:33,610 --> 01:12:34,306 - What? 1340 01:12:36,917 --> 01:12:40,051 [Mary gurgles, gasps] 1341 01:12:52,716 --> 01:12:53,586 - Thank you. 1342 01:12:54,326 --> 01:12:56,284 I was looking for this. 1343 01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:05,076 I cannot tell a lie. 1344 01:13:06,817 --> 01:13:08,296 This is gonna hurt. 1345 01:13:09,646 --> 01:13:11,996 - Hey Washington, 1346 01:13:12,083 --> 01:13:14,868 Washington, look behind you. 1347 01:13:14,955 --> 01:13:16,043 The British are coming. 1348 01:13:17,349 --> 01:13:20,221 - I'm not turning around. 1349 01:13:20,308 --> 01:13:22,267 - No seriously, there's like 50 of 'em. 1350 01:13:22,354 --> 01:13:25,183 - Yeah, and it looks like one of 'em's kissing your wife. 1351 01:13:26,314 --> 01:13:27,185 - Martha? 1352 01:13:32,320 --> 01:13:35,846 [tense electronic music] 1353 01:13:39,893 --> 01:13:40,981 - Nate, Nate. 1354 01:13:44,028 --> 01:13:44,942 - Sorry babe, 1355 01:13:45,029 --> 01:13:45,812 ex-babe, 1356 01:13:45,899 --> 01:13:46,683 Mary. 1357 01:13:46,770 --> 01:13:47,640 Yep. 1358 01:13:52,645 --> 01:13:54,691 Holy shit, you saw that, right? 1359 01:13:55,605 --> 01:13:56,693 - Ew, ew, ew. 1360 01:14:03,003 --> 01:14:04,831 - "We therefore, the Representatives of the 1361 01:14:04,918 --> 01:14:08,661 United States of America in General Congress assembled," 1362 01:14:08,748 --> 01:14:11,055 fuck. - Nothing is happening. 1363 01:14:12,012 --> 01:14:13,013 - Americana. 1364 01:14:13,927 --> 01:14:15,276 - What? 1365 01:14:15,363 --> 01:14:16,887 - This is gonna sound so fucking stupid 1366 01:14:16,974 --> 01:14:18,758 but the key to all of this is the beer. 1367 01:14:18,845 --> 01:14:21,631 - Shit, I drank the last two before I came out here. 1368 01:14:21,718 --> 01:14:23,197 Damn you, past Nate. 1369 01:14:23,284 --> 01:14:25,896 - We just need more Americana. 1370 01:14:28,159 --> 01:14:31,728 [patriotic trumpet music] 1371 01:14:33,207 --> 01:14:34,774 - [Nate and Angela] "We therefore, 1372 01:14:34,861 --> 01:14:36,210 the Representatives of the United States 1373 01:14:36,297 --> 01:14:38,822 of America in General Congress assembled, 1374 01:14:38,909 --> 01:14:40,737 appealing to the Supreme Judge 1375 01:14:40,824 --> 01:14:43,609 of the world for the rectitude of our intentions do in the 1376 01:14:43,696 --> 01:14:47,134 name and by authority of the good people of these colonies 1377 01:14:47,221 --> 01:14:50,268 solemnly publish and declare that for the support of this 1378 01:14:50,355 --> 01:14:53,837 Declaration with a firm reliance on the protection 1379 01:14:53,924 --> 01:14:56,709 of divine Providence, we mutually pledge-" 1380 01:14:56,796 --> 01:14:59,669 - God damn America. 1381 01:14:59,756 --> 01:15:01,671 - [Angela and Nate] "We mutually pledge to each other 1382 01:15:01,758 --> 01:15:05,892 our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor." 1383 01:15:09,766 --> 01:15:13,944 - You can't kill me, I am America. 1384 01:15:15,728 --> 01:15:20,037 - No Mr. President, you're not America anymore. 1385 01:15:20,124 --> 01:15:20,994 - No, no! 1386 01:15:36,096 --> 01:15:38,490 - Looks like we're the ones getting re-elected, 1387 01:15:40,318 --> 01:15:41,449 mother fuckers. 1388 01:15:46,803 --> 01:15:50,328 Not gonna lie, that was pretty fuckin' cool. 1389 01:15:51,503 --> 01:15:52,373 - Yeah. 1390 01:15:53,461 --> 01:15:54,506 Yeah, it was. 1391 01:15:57,944 --> 01:16:01,426 [Nate and Angela laughing] 1392 01:16:03,471 --> 01:16:04,777 I mean, you... 1393 01:16:06,953 --> 01:16:07,824 Oh my. 1394 01:16:19,052 --> 01:16:20,750 Did my leg come off? 1395 01:16:20,837 --> 01:16:23,840 [dramatic electronic tone] 1396 01:16:23,927 --> 01:16:26,407 [Nate screams] 1397 01:16:29,323 --> 01:16:31,978 [Nate wailing] 1398 01:16:33,850 --> 01:16:35,155 Am I gonna die? 1399 01:16:35,242 --> 01:16:36,722 - No, you're not gonna die, it's okay. 1400 01:16:36,809 --> 01:16:39,464 - I've never met someone with just one leg. 1401 01:16:39,551 --> 01:16:41,771 Do you need two legs to live? 1402 01:16:41,858 --> 01:16:43,947 - No, hey bud, it's okay, don't worry. 1403 01:16:44,034 --> 01:16:46,253 Don't worry, I'm here for you. 1404 01:16:46,340 --> 01:16:48,125 Don't worry, okay? - Yeah? 1405 01:16:48,212 --> 01:16:51,389 [relaxed piano music] 1406 01:16:55,045 --> 01:16:57,351 We're kinda like a team now, huh? 1407 01:16:57,438 --> 01:16:59,571 - Yeah, we work pretty well together. 1408 01:17:01,138 --> 01:17:03,270 - I couldn't have worked together without you. 1409 01:17:04,881 --> 01:17:06,839 I love you. - I love you, too. 1410 01:17:08,580 --> 01:17:11,409 - Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt this family moment, 1411 01:17:11,496 --> 01:17:12,802 it seems really nice. 1412 01:17:12,889 --> 01:17:14,238 Our ambulance is stuck 1413 01:17:14,325 --> 01:17:16,936 on the gravelly, winding nightmare road. 1414 01:17:17,023 --> 01:17:20,940 Do you think you could walk--? 1415 01:17:21,027 --> 01:17:22,768 Uh...yeah, we'll get you in there. 1416 01:17:22,855 --> 01:17:24,422 We'll get you in there in just a sec. 1417 01:17:26,250 --> 01:17:29,253 We wanted to tell you that this ride is gonna cost 1418 01:17:30,558 --> 01:17:33,779 $9,283. 1419 01:17:33,866 --> 01:17:37,609 - No, he has insurance, so it should be covered. 1420 01:17:38,871 --> 01:17:41,961 - According to this, it's not. 1421 01:17:42,048 --> 01:17:43,267 - Are you fucking serious? 1422 01:17:45,095 --> 01:17:46,531 - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't do well with bad news. 1423 01:17:46,618 --> 01:17:48,489 I don't like delivering it 1424 01:17:48,576 --> 01:17:50,143 but there is more bad news. 1425 01:17:51,231 --> 01:17:53,016 It looks like your insurance 1426 01:17:53,103 --> 01:17:56,149 isn't gonna cover the reattachment of your leg. 1427 01:17:57,107 --> 01:17:58,369 - What? 1428 01:17:58,456 --> 01:17:59,936 - Yeah, it only covers limbs 1429 01:18:00,023 --> 01:18:02,852 that become missing in the hospital. 1430 01:18:02,939 --> 01:18:05,289 - Is that supposed to be some kind of joke? 1431 01:18:05,376 --> 01:18:08,205 - What kind of a fucked up policy is that? 1432 01:18:08,292 --> 01:18:09,423 I mean, that's insane. 1433 01:18:11,121 --> 01:18:12,905 - We got some good news. 1434 01:18:12,992 --> 01:18:14,037 We got some good news for you. 1435 01:18:14,124 --> 01:18:15,908 - Anything, man, please. 1436 01:18:15,995 --> 01:18:16,866 - Yeah. 1437 01:18:19,346 --> 01:18:21,566 They're putting on another fireworks show tonight 1438 01:18:21,653 --> 01:18:24,612 and I think you're gonna be just in time to see it. 1439 01:18:32,490 --> 01:18:33,447 - Are you f- 1440 01:18:33,534 --> 01:18:37,060 [ominous ensemble music] 1441 01:18:42,674 --> 01:18:46,243 [dramatic operatic music] 1442 01:19:34,378 --> 01:19:38,556 [relaxed synthesized guitar music] 1443 01:19:42,560 --> 01:19:45,606 [mid tempo drumbeat] 1444 01:19:51,221 --> 01:19:55,355 ♪ I'm feeling kinda sick ♪ here like a dog in a pit ♪ 1445 01:19:55,442 --> 01:19:59,490 ♪ My head is feeling heavier ♪ than I'd like to admit ♪ 1446 01:19:59,577 --> 01:20:04,060 ♪ So when you come around, ♪ don't be calling my name ♪ 1447 01:20:04,147 --> 01:20:08,673 ♪ I've got another bullet ♪ that has got your name on it ♪ 1448 01:20:08,760 --> 01:20:13,417 [mid tempo ensemble synthesized music] 1449 01:20:28,345 --> 01:20:32,653 ♪ Now we're on the run ♪ taking it to the streets ♪ 1450 01:20:32,740 --> 01:20:37,049 ♪ What's it even matter ♪ if I can't even see ♪ 1451 01:20:37,136 --> 01:20:41,488 ♪ Bleeding out my eyes ♪ because you took them away ♪ 1452 01:20:41,575 --> 01:20:46,580 ♪ Don't say nothing 'cause you ♪ can't even speak, okay, go ♪ 1453 01:21:03,380 --> 01:21:07,601 ♪ walk away, walk away ♪ 1454 01:21:07,688 --> 01:21:11,997 ♪ walk away, walk away ♪ 1455 01:21:12,084 --> 01:21:16,480 ♪ It's on at dawn ♪ 1456 01:21:16,567 --> 01:21:20,571 ♪ It's on at dawn ♪ 1457 01:21:20,658 --> 01:21:24,705 ♪ We don't wanna hurt nobody, ♪ we don't wanna hurt nobody ♪ 1458 01:21:24,792 --> 01:21:29,188 ♪ We don't wanna hurt nobody, ♪ we don't wanna hurt nobody ♪ 1459 01:21:29,275 --> 01:21:34,280 ♪ We don't wanna hurt nobody, ♪ we don't wanna hurt nobody ♪ 1460 01:21:38,154 --> 01:21:41,592 [upbeat electronic music] 1461 01:22:08,184 --> 01:22:10,621 [dramatic electronic tones] 1462 01:22:10,708 --> 01:22:13,189 [cat meows] 98061