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1
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:42,640
You don't know if these are designated
the same as in the UK, do you?
2
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:47,360
The way they're numbered,
according to lead size?
3
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,960
Is the numbering system
for pencils universal?
4
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,440
- We would have no way of knowing that.
- No.
5
00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:01,000
Well, it looks like it could be.
I think I'll assume it is.
6
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:07,080
Is your paper in individual sheets
or just in the pads?
7
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:08,320
What?
8
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:12,360
I'll hang on to those while you look around.
9
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,280
Right.
10
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:21,960
Doesn't seem to mention acid content.
It usually says whether it's acid-free or not.
11
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,240
All paper in this country is acid-free.
12
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,760
- Really?
- That's how it goes.
13
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:32,080
Guess it's true what they say
about how far ahead you Americans are.
14
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,840
That's wonderful.
15
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:54,760
- You with an art group?
- No, just on my own.
16
00:04:54,840 --> 00:05:00,080
On some kind of personal tour, then?
17
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,280
No.
18
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:05,760
But you're an artist, right?
You're not a tourist?
19
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:09,720
Harold here is just trying to find out
your purpose in bein' here.
20
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,760
- My purpose?
- He won't be happy till you tell him.
21
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:18,720
I've always wanted
to visit your fine country.
22
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,520
I hope I have enough American money
for all this.
23
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,160
It's the only kind we accept.
24
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:29,480
$48 - that's more than enough, isn't it?
25
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,600
- You OK?
- Sorry. I just need some...
26
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,760
- Coloured pastels?
- Sleep.
27
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:39,080
- For your landscapes?
- I don't do landscapes, just portraits.
28
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:43,680
You've come all the way from England,
in the fall, with all our beautiful foliage,
29
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,960
to draw faces?
30
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:52,080
This comes to...
Look at that. $48 exactly.
31
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:58,280
- You wouldn't know of a good hotel?
- Joanie Fisher usually has rooms.
32
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:03,760
Now her husband - there's a face
that'll move you on to doin' landscapes.
33
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,640
Battlefield Inn. Straight up that street.
34
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:29,440
You want to draw
a portrait of Fisher?
35
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:34,640
- I was just told that his face looked...
- His face looks like road kill.
36
00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:38,240
- But you will ask him?
- I can't wait.
37
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:42,600
There you go, Mr Ware.
Room 11. One of our best.
38
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,440
It's up the stairs on the left.
39
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:58,000
Mr Ware, do you have urgent business
to attend to this mornin'?
40
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,600
Why don't you get a few hours' sleep?
41
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:04,560
Just tell me what time you wanna wake up
and I'll hold all your calls.
42
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,280
There won't be any calls.
I don't know anyone here.
43
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:11,440
- Maybe a call from England.
- Nobody in England knows I'm here.
44
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,840
Oh, God.
45
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:18,760
Sorry. I didn't know jet lag could be like
this. I've never had my hair hurt before.
46
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,560
Oh, Mr Ware.
47
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,320
I don't like to see
one of our guests so gloomy.
48
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:28,160
Why don't you help yourself
to a local-interest brochure?
49
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,520
You might find something to pick you up,
50
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:34,160
give you a little memory or two
to take back to England.
51
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,280
- It's memories that I came here to forget.
- Memories?
52
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:41,880
- Of something, or someone?
- Oh, God...
53
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,680
A woman.
54
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,360
An English woman?
55
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,560
Welsh. Well, half-Welsh.
56
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:01,320
- Half-Welsh and half...?
- Monster.
57
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,080
- My, we are in a bad way.
- What's the bloody point?
58
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,120
The point is, Mr Ware,
you're our guest here,
59
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,760
and part of our job
is to do everything in our power
60
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,760
to ensure our guests enjoy themselves.
61
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:20,360
And if that means one of 'em has
to talk an ex-girlfriend out of their system...
62
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:22,320
Joanie Fisher speaking.
63
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,240
..then so be it.
64
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,400
Hi, Mandy. How are you?
65
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:37,040
Mandy, I just have a small incident
to attend to in the lobby.
66
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,800
A dog? No.
67
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:46,160
No, that's just
one of our friends from England.
68
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,320
I'll call you right back.
69
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:55,120
So listen, while you're asleep I'm gonna
call my friend Mandy, get her to come over.
70
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,480
She is a trained caregiver.
71
00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,240
Oh, God, no. Really, it's fine...
72
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,560
Mandy's wonderful with people,
73
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,400
and she's a first-hand authority
on broken relationships.
74
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,120
She'd just love a psychological challenge
on this scale.
75
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,880
- Here we go.
- I don't think I need...
76
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,440
Here we go, Room 11, Mr Ware.
77
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,240
Here. This'll help you sleep.
78
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:25,280
- I don't take prescription...
- You do now.
79
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,440
Swallow.
80
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,760
Now, you OK to get yourself to bed?
81
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:43,280
I'll speak to Fisher about your suggestion
and we'll see you later, OK?
82
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,360
On some kind of personal tour, then?
83
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,840
To draw faces?
84
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,080
Will you do something for me?
85
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,760
I don't want you to talk,
I just... I want you to think.
86
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,840
I want you to think of
the most peaceful place you've ever been.
87
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,720
If you're willing to do that, then just nod.
88
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,480
You're the caregiver.
89
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:20,360
I want you to make it a place
that's so beautiful and so peaceful
90
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,880
that one day you'd like to go back there
and stay a long time.
91
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:29,440
- If you really think...
- I don't want you to talk. Just nod.
92
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:35,400
I want you to make it a place
that's beyond time and space itself.
93
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,760
Are you doing that?
94
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,080
You're not doing that? Why not?
95
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,680
Why not?
96
00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,720
- You can talk to tell me that.
- Oh, sorry.
97
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:57,160
Sorry, what does that mean,
"beyond time and space"?
98
00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,760
- You don't know what that means?
- No. It's a concept of which...
99
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:06,760
Don't worry about the concept.
Just think of a beautiful, peaceful place.
100
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,440
Do you wanna tell me what it is?
101
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,120
It's a beach.
102
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:16,040
- What kind of beach?
- Sort of a sandy one.
103
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,440
Where is this sandy beach?
104
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,960
- The Canaries.
- The what?
105
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:28,600
The Canary Islands.
Vera and I got a cheap deal.
106
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:33,160
Vera being the person
that you came here to forget?
107
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:36,360
Maybe it's better not to choose
a place you went with her.
108
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:41,680
Try thinking of the most peaceful place
that you've ever been without Vera.
109
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,120
Everywhere I've been, I've been with Vera.
110
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:48,480
There must be somewhere
where Vera wasn't with you.
111
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,640
- Do you wanna tell me where it is?
- A room.
112
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,240
And are you at peace in this room?
113
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,920
Is it a quiet, tranquil room?
114
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:09,120
Do you wanna stay there
for ever and ever?
115
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,240
And there's no Vera?
116
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,160
Colin, there's no Vera?
117
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,040
Sorry.
118
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,360
Listen, you've really helped,
119
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:29,520
but I think this is about as peaceful
as I'm going to get for now.
120
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,960
OK. I'll go.
121
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,600
But can I just ask you a question?
122
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,280
Most people,
when they go through a break-up,
123
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:48,600
they go through a state of shock and they
get depressed and they wanna be alone.
124
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:53,080
I know I did. But they don't usually
fly to the other side of the world.
125
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:58,640
- You and Vera must've been really close.
- I was on her mailing list.
126
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,880
"Mr and Mrs Keith Edwards
request the pleasure of your company
127
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:13,360
at the marriage of their daughter
Vera Samantha to Mr Roger Pelham."
128
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,880
You know this Roger Pelham?
129
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,880
First I've heard of him,
marrying my fiancée.
130
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,280
Vera was your fiancée?
131
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,480
I can see why you'd wanna leave London,
but why come here?
132
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:27,120
- It's none of my business...
- No, not at all.
133
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,080
A person has a right to know
why someone's in their town.
134
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,800
- They seem to here, anyway.
- No, no, I should go.
135
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,600
It was the name, really.
136
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,600
Maybe I got you wrong.
137
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:48,800
Maybe, instead of an emotional voyage,
what you need is a bodily one.
138
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,320
Maybe, instead of asking you
to imagine a beautiful place,
139
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,400
I should take you there physically.
140
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,840
Have you heard of our Spring Gardens?
141
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:03,040
I'm free now and I can take you.
My car's outside. But only if you want to.
142
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:08,680
That's very kind, but I think
I'm meeting up with Mr Fisher shortly.
143
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:15,240
You know, it's the guys that don't think
they need help that need help the most.
144
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,080
You put me in that category?
145
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,680
A guy who flew to another country
just to cry in a motel room
146
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,120
in a town that he only chose
cos it's called Hope...
147
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,920
Yeah, I put you in that category.
148
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,440
- What about tomorrow?
- Cool.
149
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:36,680
Cool.
150
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,840
- Pick me up at about ten?
- Sure.
151
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,720
- Splendid.
- Splendid.
152
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,840
How do I look?
153
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,240
You have a naturally dramatic face,
Mr Fisher.
154
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:04,600
And hopefully, if this works out, I'll be able
to emphasise that quality even more.
155
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,800
Dramatic, eh?
156
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:12,720
Now, is that a position
that you can hold for 30 minutes or so?
157
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,640
I can do that.
158
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:20,600
If you'd like to put your hands on your lap,
once you've finished your...
159
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:25,160
- Are we allowed to talk?
- Yup, we can talk. Calmly.
160
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:30,040
Mandy told Joanie, who told Tina, who
told me, what happened in your homeland.
161
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,360
- Sorry, could you tip your head...?
- Sorry.
162
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,720
Maybe not quite that much.
163
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:43,200
If you just keep your eyes on a fixed point,
sometimes that way your head stays still.
164
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:47,520
Listen, my friend,
once the pain wears off, I'm tellin' ya,
165
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:51,440
you'll be a better and stronger man
than if it never happened at all.
166
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,760
- If it ever does wear off.
- Sure it does.
167
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,400
That's the one good thing about pain,
it wears off.
168
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,680
You know, I was having a think earlier.
169
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,880
About six months ago, she took up yoga.
170
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,720
She joined a local club,
and it made her happy.
171
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,960
I remember thinking
"How can yoga make anyone that happy?"
172
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:14,720
And especially so when the swami
started one-partner exercises.
173
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,240
- Swami?
- Yes, the swami.
174
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:21,680
He'd pair them off and they'd all sit on
the floor, back-to-back with locked arms,
175
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,080
and they'd pull against each other
and chant things.
176
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,040
Chanting? Oh, boy.
177
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:33,280
And I was just thinking maybe that was it.
They were all paired off,
178
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,840
and that was the moment,
when maybe I lost her.
179
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:44,200
Cos maybe the guy that she was
paired off with was this Roger Pelham.
180
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:50,560
- Colin, would you like a cup of tea?
- No, I'm fine, thanks.
181
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:51,680
Fisher?
182
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,560
I can't turn my head.
I'll have to talk to you later.
183
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:58,800
Should that shadow be coming down
over Fisher's mouth like that?
184
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,760
It's dramatic, Joanie.
185
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:04,400
Fisher has such fine lips.
I hope they'll show.
186
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:09,280
They'll be shown to full effect, Mrs Fisher.
Just as soon as we lose that mayonnaise.
187
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:12,160
I think it's OK to call me Joanie now.
188
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,480
Joanie, let the man work.
189
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,680
So, Roger Pelham?
190
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:25,240
I was just thinking
of all those times when I picked her up
191
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:31,360
and I'd sit in the car waiting for her to come
out of the club, watching them come out...
192
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,520
Just trying to remember
what they all looked like, because...
193
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,960
Well, one of the men I used to see
would've been...
194
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:43,400
Did they have
a kind of glazed expression?
195
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:49,520
Could they be described as "transfixed"?
196
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:57,280
See, from what you're sayin' - delirium
and swamis, chants, glazed expressions -
197
00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:03,520
I hate to say it, my friend, but I think
you have lost your good woman to a cult.
198
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,920
Colin?
199
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,760
Joanie!
200
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:21,120
Colin, all you have any business
thinkin' about at this point is movin' on.
201
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,320
Maybe folks in England
sit around chewin' on the past,
202
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,480
but over here that ain't done much.
203
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,840
Before you get out,
can I just say something?
204
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,960
Of course.
205
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:41,480
Excuse me, I just need a little...
206
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,600
- Do you want some?
- Not this morning, thanks.
207
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,920
You're gonna have to drive us back.
You can drive, right?
208
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,360
On the left I can, but I'm not very...
209
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,880
Over at the Shining Shores
I really feel I'm helping people.
210
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,120
A lot of people never get that feeling...
211
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:11,280
- Shining Shores?
- The rest home where I work. And live.
212
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:25,760
God, when I was in high school,
the things we used to do in there.
213
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,200
Non-botanical things?
214
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:32,200
Non-botanical things!
What-ho, Jeeves!
215
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:37,000
I'm just wondering if this is the best time
for us to be trying to take this in.
216
00:20:55,600 --> 00:21:00,120
You know, if I was back in high school,
I'da just thrown this out in the street!
217
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:05,320
I wouldn'ta cared. Somebody walking
over broken glass - like, who gives a shit?
218
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:10,640
But I'm not like that now. Now
I'm responsible and mature and boring.
219
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:19,920
I'm sorry. It's you that's supposed
to be getting the therapy from this.
220
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,440
Listen, Mandy,
I think if I drive very, very slowly
221
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:28,240
we stand a small chance
of getting back to the motel alive.
222
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,480
- I'm really sorry about this.
- That's OK.
223
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,680
I was just nervous.
224
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,880
- Are we going back to your room?
- Sorry?
225
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,480
- I mean I need some coffee.
- Right, yes. Of course.
226
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,400
We are, like, hardly moving here.
227
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,240
I think you'll find we're moving.
228
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,880
No, no, Mandy, don't...
229
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,320
No, stop... No, no, don't... Seriously...
230
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:37,280
Did you do these?
It's Fisher. That's incredible.
231
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:39,760
- He looks almost...
- Lifelike?
232
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,360
Handsome.
233
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:46,240
And she's beautiful. Who is that?
234
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,920
Sorry.
235
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,000
I decided I'm going to
put together an exhibition.
236
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:57,320
Portraits of people in this town.
Might take my mind off things.
237
00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:01,680
I know every face in town,
so if you need a face-finder, I'm your man.
238
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:06,960
I'm sure you've got better things to do
than to go around looking for faces for me.
239
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,400
- Anyway, coffee.
- Are you happy, Colin?
240
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,320
- Generally speaking, yes.
- Why are you happy?
241
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:18,600
Probably because we're not
being scraped off the front of a truck.
242
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:23,000
No coffee for me, thanks.
Can I ask you a question?
243
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:29,080
Cos you seem like you wouldn't
get mad at me, no matter what I said or did.
244
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,960
- You wouldn't, would you?
- It depends.
245
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,720
I'm gonna do something
I've never done before in my whole life.
246
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,760
I'm gonna close the curtains.
247
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,560
- You've never unbuttoned your blouse?
- Not for this reason.
248
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:50,240
I've taken off my clothes for other reasons,
obviously, but not for this one.
249
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,600
This one being what, exactly?
250
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,520
When I was little,
whenever I got really happy
251
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,680
I got this uncontrollable desire
to take off my clothes.
252
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,680
And when I was little
I was happy a lot, obviously,
253
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,320
so I'd just take 'em off any old where,
254
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:09,000
and people would be shocked
and I'd get in trouble...
255
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,440
It's funny, but with you
I don't even feel self-conscious.
256
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,560
Well, that's good, I think.
257
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:21,080
This is the first time I've ever stripped for
joyfulness with someone else in the room.
258
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,000
And it's wonderful!
259
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,480
Cos when you take off
your clothes in private,
260
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,040
you might be expressing your joy,
261
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:33,200
but you always knew
you had to go off by yourself to do it.
262
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,800
So the joy's never quite complete.
263
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,760
- Incomplete joy.
- Try it yourself if you want.
264
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:45,440
It feels wonderful. It has nothing
to do with sex, if that's what you're thinking.
265
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,360
No, I wasn't.
266
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,880
Most men would think it did,
but I can tell you accept it for what it is.
267
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,800
That's why I feel comfortable enough
to do it with you.
268
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:59,120
Go on. It feels wonderful.
269
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:03,360
- I might just take some of them off.
- Not some of them. All of them.
270
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:08,680
- I'm just not quite as joyful as you are yet.
- You will be once they're off.
271
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,040
I bet you've had sex
with your clothes on.
272
00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:17,360
If I have, it was a long time ago.
273
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,560
See? People with their clothes off
aren't gonna have sex
274
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,760
any more than people with their clothes on
would not have sex.
275
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,480
I think people with their clothes off
probably have it more often.
276
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,880
That might be true, but that's not the point.
277
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:36,440
Although it kinda does seem like we might.
Does it seem that way to you?
278
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,440
I feel like it could go either way.
279
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:45,440
If it does go that way,
maybe we should put our clothes back on.
280
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,280
Back on? To have sex?
281
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:52,920
Because that way we wouldn't risk spoiling
the feeling of joy - the innocent kind of joy.
282
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,880
Why take the chance of spoiling that?
283
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,680
Would we take them back off again
afterwards?
284
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:00,760
What?
285
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,960
I'm just asking if, after we had sex -
if that's the way it went -
286
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,720
would we take our clothes back off
afterwards?
287
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,160
- Don't you wear underwear?
- I left home in a hurry.
288
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,040
I'm starting to feel kinda cold.
289
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:20,200
I guess Joanie and Fisher
are trying to save on the heating.
290
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:29,040
- What are you doing?
- I have no idea.
291
00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:33,280
I think I'm stuck between
the innocent joy and the other kind.
292
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:36,040
It's a very strange sensation.
293
00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,520
Come in the bed, Colin.
294
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,000
Yes, OK. Maybe that would help.
295
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,640
We're definitely moving towards
the non-innocent kind now, aren't we?
296
00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:01,760
That's the thing about the innocent kind -
you never know when it'll come or go.
297
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,000
Like right now it's totally gone.
298
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:07,360
Shouldn't I be keeping my shirt on?
299
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:12,600
I think you're making all this much more
complicated than it needs to be.
300
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,920
Actually, it's all just clicked into place.
301
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:24,760
- We don't have to talk about it any more?
- No. The concept's become crystal clear.
302
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,200
Sorry.
303
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:43,160
I think there's one part of me
that still finds this a bit complicated.
304
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,320
It's probably just the first-date thing.
305
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:51,640
- You don't have sex on first dates?
- I don't have first dates.
306
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:19,360
King of the world!
307
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,400
Non-innocent kind.
308
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:24,400
Look, Johnny, my dear old dad wears
his tie tucked into his pants all the time.
309
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,200
Is that Colin Ware, renowned British artist?
310
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,400
Come on in, Colin.
Webster, this is Colin. Show him.
311
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:33,480
Don't say anything,
let him form his own opinion.
312
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,480
Come on, be brave.
313
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,520
Tell us what you think, Colin.
314
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:49,080
- It's the cannon, right?
- I don't know, you tell us. You tell us.
315
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,560
Looks just fine to you, does it?
316
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:55,840
It's maybe just a little more
flesh-coloured than the original.
317
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,840
We can fix the colour.
318
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,760
He's English. He's too polite to say it.
319
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:05,200
- Look at it, Colin. What does it look like?
- Doug, no one wears a tie tucked in.
320
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:11,040
Look, Mr Ware, in your opinion does the
cannon on this tie in any way resemble a...
321
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,360
- What do they call them over there?
- Gee, I don't know.
322
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,000
- A penis?
- A penis. A big, huge penis. Thank you.
323
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,920
Thank you. Jury's spoken.
Take a chair, Ware.
324
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,640
Now go back and have your people
come up with another concept,
325
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,520
not a goddamn Viagra commercial.
326
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:32,000
God, it is hell being a visionary.
327
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:39,480
Ware, have you been able
to try any of our spring water?
328
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:44,280
Now, this spring water comes from deeper
in the earth than your other spring water,
329
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:47,000
so it's older water.
330
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,920
Now, you might not think
you want older water...
331
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:57,880
- Sounds like maybe I do.
- Oh, yes. Old is good, Colin. Old is good.
332
00:33:57,960 --> 00:33:59,880
So says my mineralogy expert,
333
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:04,680
and I do not keep Rock-man Ray
on the payroll just to yank my chain.
334
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,400
Good, don't you think?
335
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,880
It's a very nice fresh taste.
A very nice old fresh taste.
336
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:13,720
You can taste the old, can't you?
Statewide marketing begins next month.
337
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:18,880
We wanted to call it H₂Ope, but we're
having a hard time getting it cleared.
338
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:24,960
Hope Springs Eternal is the working title
right now. Pretty good, don't you think?
339
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,320
So, you have come all the way over here
from the land of 007
340
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:33,640
to draw some pictures of our local people?
For some exhibition? You got a name yet?
341
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,160
- Sorry?
- A name for the show.
342
00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:41,480
Images of Hope:
Birthplace of American Art.
343
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,720
Now that's got a nice ring to it.
344
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:47,040
Yeah.
345
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,960
But how is Hope
the birthplace of American art?
346
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,720
I'm just trying to help. Don't be that way.
347
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,600
So, am I good sitting right here,
au naturel?
348
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,960
- Yeah, you're fine.
- Right about there?
349
00:34:58,040 --> 00:34:59,560
Yeah.
350
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:03,480
How about there? Right about there.
Is that good, right there?
351
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,920
- That's fine.
- How's that?
352
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,040
With the hands up here?
353
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,400
No, too stuffy. Too stuffy.
Just like this. Here we go.
354
00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,760
Hands down here?
355
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,320
Hands there.
356
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,480
This is fun.
357
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,920
- You just use pencils?
- Charcoal, yeah.
358
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:30,400
That's right, you do all the colouring-in
at a later juncture. I moved. Sorry.
359
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:34,040
- No, I don't paint.
- You don't paint?
360
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,960
Young Miss Morton led me to believe
I was sitting for a portrait.
361
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:42,360
- You are.
- A pencil portrait?
362
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,600
Could you stop, please, Mr Ware?
Thank you.
363
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:47,920
Look, Colin...
364
00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:53,440
Every day for three years
I've had to stare at that monstrosity.
365
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:58,480
"You can't take down a painting of the most
important man in Hope's history", they say.
366
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:03,240
I say the most important man in our history
is sitting right here, staring up at that jerk.
367
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:06,560
- Who is that?
- Some Welsh dick.
368
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:11,040
- Welsh?
- Yeah. The guy who founded this place.
369
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:13,680
Somebody Edwards.
370
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,600
Doug Reed.
371
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,320
Yeah, look, Brad, this is all I'm saying:
372
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:24,520
it's the Cannon Ball next week
and we have no goddamn merchandise.
373
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:30,240
Anything. Key-chain replicas, cannon
toothbrush holders for kiddies... Come on!
374
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:33,800
Hey, how about cannon-styled
musical toilet seats
375
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:37,400
that play "Bridge Over Troubled Water"
when you take a dump?
376
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,400
Figure it out, Brad! Get to work!
377
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:47,880
This journal...
378
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,280
- What?
- Of 1741.
379
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,520
Yeah? What about it?
380
00:36:54,600 --> 00:37:01,520
It's this paper... You can tell
by the grain that's it's contemporary.
381
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,880
I mean, it's a fake.
382
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:11,160
It's quite a good fake actually, but it just
seems to have been done on some...
383
00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:14,760
- Computer program?
- Yup, maybe. Or possibly some sort of...
384
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,920
Computer program?
385
00:37:17,240 --> 00:37:20,440
My computer program?
386
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:25,600
- You can produce fake documents?
- Naughty mayor. Naughty, naughty mayor.
387
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:33,320
So listen, Picasso, are you gonna
do me a grown-up painting or not?
388
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:36,920
Because if you could,
I'm telling you, friend,
389
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:41,640
I'll give you the freedom of the town, the
key to the city, you name your pleasure.
390
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:47,280
I cannot tell you what it would mean to me
to have a proper portrait up there
391
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:53,480
of Doug Reed, the man who gave us Hope,
instead of that asshole.
392
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:16,400
Hello. I'm looking for a friend of mine.
Name of Ware.
393
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,600
- Ware?
- Ware.
394
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,600
- Ware, you say?
- Yes. Colin Ware.
395
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:31,000
Let me just look and see
if we have anyone here by that name
396
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:35,280
at the inn or not.
397
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,200
Ware... Ware...
398
00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:43,000
Ware...
399
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,400
Ware...
400
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,160
Room 11. The English guy's in Room 11.
401
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:52,720
- Room 11. Thanks.
- He went out.
402
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,040
- Sorry?
- He went out early this morning.
403
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,560
I thought you didn't know who he was.
404
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:01,360
I remember him now - the artist fella, right?
405
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:06,880
No, he went out at the crack of dawn
with all his artist-fella things.
406
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,040
He's back.
He wouldn't let me in his room to clean.
407
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:13,880
Oh, right.
Thank you again for that, Tina.
408
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,480
You must sign the visitors' book.
409
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:21,720
- Sorry?
- All guests must sign the visitors' book.
410
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,320
- Where is it?
- Where's what?
411
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,920
The visitors' book.
412
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,600
Tina, what did you do
with the visitors' book?
413
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:41,000
We got a visitors' book?
414
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:44,880
What the hell. Shall we just forget
the formalities on this occasion?
415
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,240
Let's.
416
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:26,960
Colin, I know I don't exactly deserve
the red-carpet treatment,
417
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:31,120
but after 5,000 miles
and 20 hotel reception desks,
418
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:34,280
I do think that the least you could do
is invite me in,
419
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:40,240
away from the stares
of the very eccentric management here.
420
00:40:44,240 --> 00:40:48,040
- How did you know I was here, Vera?
- I spoke to Jeremy at the gallery.
421
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:51,880
He told me how excited he was
about this exhibition he's planning
422
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:55,880
of drawings that you've been doing
in America in a place called Hope.
423
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:59,280
Wow. I can see he has every reason to be.
424
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,360
Aren't you on your honeymoon?
425
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:12,400
This isn't going to be smooth, Colin.
426
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,120
It's no use pretending
that anything we say
427
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,320
will make this anything other than
the most awkward moment we've ever had.
428
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,800
No ashtrays. What a surprise.
429
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:27,680
I think we should do what you always say:
rise above our emotions with maturity.
430
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,520
Good fucking wedding, was it?
431
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:37,240
I have nothing to say in my defence.
I did a terrible thing. A terrible thing.
432
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,200
This is a no-smoking room.
433
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:45,280
I come halfway across the world to explain
and you won't let me have a cigarette?
434
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,600
Explain?
435
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,800
There's no Roger Pelham.
436
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,320
There is no Roger Pelham.
437
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:58,520
Oh, God.
438
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:02,520
I was just so sick of dropping hints
and you failing to spot them.
439
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:03,640
Oh, God, no...
440
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:09,840
We have been engaged for ever. I wanted
to jolt you into action. I made a mistake.
441
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:15,800
- The invitation was a joke?
- No, not a joke. It was just a bigger hint.
442
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,960
The last few weeks
have been a nightmare, Colin.
443
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,760
I have been at my wits' end
since you disappeared.
444
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:26,680
Day after day without a word -
I literally went to pieces.
445
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:29,360
I was calling everyone, all day, all night.
446
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:33,880
When Jeremy finally told me
you were all right, I can't tell you the relief.
447
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:37,560
- I just wept solidly for ten minutes.
- Ten? I'm touched.
448
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,840
All that held me together
was knowing, when this was over,
449
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:44,080
you and I would have
a really good laugh about it.
450
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,440
- Vera...
- The thing is, Col...
451
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,000
Please, just go. Go. Please.
452
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:54,160
But I can't tell you how much...
You're not wearing any underpants.
453
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:58,000
I was a tad preoccupied
when I was leaving the flat.
454
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:02,440
Are you going for a walk? I know how you
like to go for a walk when you want to think.
455
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:08,000
- The last thing I want to do now is think.
- If you have to go out, I'll just wait.
456
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:09,960
Vera, don't wait.
457
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,600
Colin?
458
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:20,320
Colin?
459
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:22,320
- Colin?
- What?
460
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,600
What's this?
461
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:29,640
That's a machine for drying hair, Vera.
It's called a hair dryer.
462
00:43:29,720 --> 00:43:32,320
I know what it is, Colin,
but you don't use one.
463
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:36,920
Is this supplied by the motel?
Is there one like this in every room? Colin?
464
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:42,480
- Can't you answer a simple question?
- A simple one I could. Just not that one.
465
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:49,440
What? It was a joke
and she's not married and she's here?
466
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:53,920
It hasn't affected our relationship
in any way. She just came to apologise.
467
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:59,520
- She's going straight back home again.
- Is she allergic to the telephone?
468
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:06,080
Sorry, do you not want
sleeping people in your exhibition?
469
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:11,240
- He is just asleep, isn't he?
- Like I'd get you to draw a dead person.
470
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:16,640
So, are you just gonna forgive her?
How could you forgive something like that?
471
00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:20,440
It's the only way. Forgive and forget.
472
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:24,080
And do your forgiving while you can,
473
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:31,680
cos when you get to my age
all you can do is the...
474
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:37,400
- The forgetting?
- Yeah, that's it. The forgetting.
475
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:42,400
"My darling Vera..."
476
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:45,760
"Darling"?
477
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,360
"Dear Vera."
478
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,280
"Vera."
479
00:44:55,360 --> 00:45:00,080
"I know that the cruel joke you played on
me was wholly out of character,
480
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:04,320
and although
it hurt me beyond description,
481
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:08,280
I write now, firstly, to thank you
for coming all this way to apologise,
482
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,520
but, more importantly, to tell you..."
483
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:15,480
To haul your bony ass
all the way back again.
484
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:20,840
"More importantly,
to tell you that I forgive you for it 100%."
485
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,200
"As a result of your actions, though,
486
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:27,680
both our lives
have now taken on a new direction."
487
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:31,800
Resuming our physical relationship
would, I believe,
488
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:36,160
cheapen the plateau of mutual affection
that has been born out of this crisis.
489
00:45:36,240 --> 00:45:38,720
Your journey here
was much appreciated,
490
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:42,520
but too much damage has been done
for our romance to survive.
491
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:46,040
- We wish you a pleasant return flight.
- "We..."
492
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,840
Goodbye, Vera. Your friend, Colin.
493
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,760
What is it?
494
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:25,200
I don't know.
495
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:29,240
Just never seems to work out
when I fall in love.
496
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,920
When you fall in what?
497
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,320
What time do you have to be at work?
498
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,520
Soon.
499
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,800
But not that soon.
500
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:03,200
Are you looking forward to that?
You can get all dressed up.
501
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:07,080
It's not as much fun getting dressed up
when you can't do it yourself.
502
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:10,440
You're gonna look better
than the Queen of Hope herself.
503
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:13,080
- Ready?
- Yes.
504
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:19,160
Before we start,
I don't know if Mandy mentioned,
505
00:47:19,240 --> 00:47:21,960
but I'm pretty heavily into the Lord,
506
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:27,280
and I was just wondering if you could just
sort of convey a sort of a...
507
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,840
a feeling of inner happiness.
508
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,960
Something like that, like an inner light.
509
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:37,640
There's two things I want to come through
in the picture. One, that I'm a swimmer.
510
00:47:37,720 --> 00:47:40,200
But two, that I'm also a Christian.
511
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:43,640
You're sure you'll be all right
just standing there, yeah?
512
00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:48,560
Like I say, sir,
God blessed me with fabulous circulation.
513
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:51,280
- Are my goggles straight?
- They're perfect.
514
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:53,800
And, Rob, please, don't call me "sir".
515
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:58,080
Mandy told me what your fiancée
over there in England did to you.
516
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:00,760
- She's in town, right?
- No, she's gone home now.
517
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:02,800
Satan's amazing, isn't he?
518
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:09,360
I mean, one minute you're leadin'
this ordinary life, everything's normal.
519
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:13,120
Then vroom! Satan just creeps up
behind you and sucks you into a cult.
520
00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:15,320
Rob, I'm just doing your mouth now,
521
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:20,200
so would you mind just...
keeping it closed for a minute?
522
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:32,280
Oh, God!
523
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:36,760
Come on, granny.
524
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:51,760
How could anyone do that?
525
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:54,600
- What?
- You're Vera, right?
526
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,440
How could anyone
do something that mean?
527
00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,880
- And you are...?
- Mandy.
528
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:07,960
The mean thing I did. I assume you're
referring to the game I played on Colin.
529
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:09,280
- Yeah.
- Good.
530
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:13,440
Now we've established
your name and what you're talking about,
531
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:17,440
could we also establish
whether you have a red hair dryer?
532
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:20,200
A cheap, plastic, red hair dryer.
Do you have one?
533
00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,160
- Yes, she does.
- Thank you.
534
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:27,360
- Do you smoke, Mandy?
- No. Not since high school.
535
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:29,680
How very healthy.
536
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:32,520
Did you go to school here?
Hope High or something?
537
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:34,560
- Hope Regional.
- Regional.
538
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:38,400
It's over there.
You can't see it from here.
539
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:49,760
You seem like a nice person.
540
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:52,320
- Not really.
- She's an angel!
541
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:54,920
Colin wouldn't be
with anyone who wasn't nice.
542
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:59,680
- I'm sure you're very nice too.
- Yes, I'm sure we're all delightful people.
543
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:01,840
I do feel at a slight disadvantage,
544
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:06,160
knowing only the way to your old school
and the colour of your hair dryer,
545
00:50:06,240 --> 00:50:09,120
whilst presumably
you know rather more about me.
546
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:12,440
- Colin must have talked about me.
- We talk about other things.
547
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,720
- Like what?
- Normal things that people talk about.
548
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:19,400
- Like the weather?
- We've talked about the weather.
549
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:23,040
What sort of day it is?
Whether it's warm or cold?
550
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:24,960
Yeah, or windy.
551
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:26,520
- Or raining.
- Or snowing.
552
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:28,280
- Has it snowed?
- Not yet.
553
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:32,280
Oh, I see. You were just rehearsing
for a future conversation.
554
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:35,800
- Aren't you holding up traffic?
- Is this where you work?
555
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:39,440
- "Whining Whores".
- Shining Shores.
556
00:50:39,520 --> 00:50:41,200
Right.
557
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:45,280
Come on, Mandy. He must have said
something about his life back in England.
558
00:50:45,360 --> 00:50:49,760
- Barely anything.
- Then you don't know about...
559
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:52,840
- About what?
- The operation.
560
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:55,200
What operation?
561
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:58,480
Has Colin not mentioned his father?
562
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:02,840
Presumably Colin hasn't told you
because he is blocking it out.
563
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:08,440
That's why he's staying up here. He's living
in a sort of dream world, drawing away.
564
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:11,200
Beautiful scenery. Beautiful company.
565
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:14,120
Meanwhile, back on Planet England,
566
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:17,000
doctors and hospitals and constant worry,
567
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:20,040
and a very, very sick father.
568
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:23,640
It's why I'm still here.
569
00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:28,240
Someone has to bring him back
to his senses, back to his responsibilities,
570
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,640
back home.
571
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:36,240
The truth is, the longer he stays,
hiding away from it all,
572
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:40,000
the less likely he is
to ever see his dad again.
573
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:46,480
You're very nice, I'm sure,
but you're not exactly helping.
574
00:51:48,440 --> 00:51:51,240
I'm sorry if that came out...
575
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:56,480
You couldn't do me a favour, could you?
Just a little one.
576
00:51:56,560 --> 00:52:02,440
I don't want you to feel like an errand girl,
so please say if you'd rather not, but...
577
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:09,120
I was going to drop these off myself, but as
you're probably going over there anyway...
578
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:11,840
You sure you don't mind?
579
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:15,680
It's just the other morning
I noticed he didn't put any on.
580
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:17,960
It'd be great if you'd give them to him.
581
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,160
I'll see you, Mandy.
582
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:37,560
Hello?
583
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:39,760
Hi. It's me.
584
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:46,240
- It's Colin.
- What do you want?
585
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:49,120
You asked me over.
586
00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:00,680
Are you gonna come in
or are you just gonna stand there?
587
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:04,560
It's my apartment.
I can stand where I want in my apartment.
588
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,400
I've never seen one of these.
May I sit in it?
589
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:14,560
- If you have to.
- I suppose the idea is you just
590
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:17,120
sort of lower yourself?
591
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:20,920
Don't be an idiot, Colin.
I'm sure you've sat in one of those before.
592
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:23,360
I've done many disreputable things,
593
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:27,360
but lying about sitting in butterfly chairs
is lower than even I would go.
594
00:53:29,240 --> 00:53:31,680
Though this is probably
the lowest I've been.
595
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:33,840
These are for you.
596
00:53:34,720 --> 00:53:39,520
- That's very nice of you. Thank you.
- Don't thank me. Thank Vera.
597
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:43,600
- You bumped into Vera?
- Yesterday.
598
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:47,480
She said you needed those cos she said
she saw you without them.
599
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:50,560
No, that was when she arrived.
I'd been in the shower.
600
00:53:50,640 --> 00:53:54,480
Colin, you've been cheating on me.
And worse, you've been using me.
601
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:56,240
What has she told you?
602
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:59,240
- I thought we had something special.
- We do.
603
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:02,400
But you never mentioned
the things that matter to you.
604
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:07,080
Do you know how much that hurts me,
to realise how little I mean to you?
605
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:12,960
It was all just a way for you to take your
mind off what was going on in England.
606
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:17,960
- And what is going on in England?
- Your father's surgery.
607
00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:30,200
Vera told you about my father's operation?
Did she tell you what it was for?
608
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:34,200
She couldn't bring herself
to go into much detail.
609
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:37,120
No. That's understandable.
610
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:39,680
- Shall I tell you?
- It's too late.
611
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:44,200
No, I want to tell you. It started last year
when my parents were moving house.
612
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:49,240
They hired a removals company
to shift most of the furniture.
613
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,400
Beds, sofas, and so forth.
614
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:56,280
Some of the smaller stuff - the odd chair,
paintings - they moved themselves.
615
00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:06,400
My father was carrying this chair
up the stairs in the new house when...
616
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:10,760
- It's OK.
- It was a very heavy wooden chair and...
617
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:17,120
- You don't have to tell me.
- No, it's all right. It helps to talk about it.
618
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:24,000
As he was going up the stairs
with this chair, he dropped it,
619
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:26,840
and it landed on his foot.
620
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:32,240
It was all forgotten until a few weeks later
when suddenly his big toe started...
621
00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:34,200
curling in.
622
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:37,080
For months my mother tried
to get him to see somebody,
623
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:40,440
until finally,
as a treat on her birthday, he did.
624
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:44,640
And do you know what
the shocking diagnosis was, Mandy?
625
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:48,880
Ingrown toenail!
Naturally we were all devastated.
626
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,640
His chances of recovery are pretty good.
627
00:55:51,720 --> 00:55:57,360
It's somebody else whose chances of
survival have just plummeted to zero.
628
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:01,320
Perhaps you can understand now
why I kept it from you for so long.
629
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:06,120
Hello?
630
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:08,760
- Mandy, is Colin with you?
- Yeah, he is.
631
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,760
- There's a Vera Edwards on the line.
- Put her through.
632
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:13,920
It's your friend.
633
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:26,440
- Hello, Vera. Have a good flight back?
- I need to talk to you, face to face.
634
00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:30,160
- I won't be back in England until...
- No, I'm still here in Hope.
635
00:56:30,240 --> 00:56:32,480
I'm not going back
until you come with me.
636
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:35,440
Meet me tomorrow at the golf course.
Three o'clock.
637
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:38,960
Yeah, great. That's great.
638
00:56:39,080 --> 00:56:42,640
Well, say hello to everybody back there.
639
00:56:42,720 --> 00:56:46,280
What's the weather like over there?
640
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:49,120
Good. And I'll do it... OK. Bye, then.
641
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,800
So, you like butterflies, then.
642
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:09,720
I'm not going back
until you come with me.
643
00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:19,840
Why are you still here?
And why meet on a golf course?
644
00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:23,440
Cos I can't have this conversation
without having a cigarette,
645
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:27,880
and this is apparently the only place
in the United States where I can smoke.
646
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:31,960
- You got your knickers all right, then?
- Oh, yes. Thank you very much.
647
00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:34,920
- And you got my fax?
- Yes. I was very touched.
648
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:37,200
Just not enough to do anything about it.
649
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:41,040
I presume your friend told you
about the chat we had the other day.
650
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:45,960
Yes, the one about our continuing sex life
and my father's life-threatening operation.
651
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:50,840
Vee, will you just light that cigarette
so we can get whatever this is over with?
652
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:53,920
She seems
like a very sweet person, Mandy.
653
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:58,400
- She's so vivacious and bubbly and fun.
- So you think she's stupid.
654
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:02,880
I can see how you might be charmed
by her childlike spiritual innocence.
655
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:06,920
Is it Mandy with a y, or Mandi with an i
with a little circle above it?
656
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:08,800
Let me tell you something.
657
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:13,600
If you're going to tell me she's Mensa
material, I'll have to get more cigarettes.
658
00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:17,760
Is that her long-term career,
washing old people's bottoms?
659
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:22,120
Which is better? That, or choosing photos
for your vacuous fashion magazine?
660
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:28,000
- Can I get back to you on that one?
- I've had enough. I'm off.
661
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:30,040
Colin, wait. Don't go. Come back.
662
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:33,720
Vera, would you just tell me
what you brought me out here to say?
663
00:58:33,800 --> 00:58:37,960
I love you, and I want you to
stop this nonsense and come back home.
664
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:42,160
- What is that?
- A cigarette. Step any closer and you die.
665
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:45,200
- You can't smoke here.
- You can. My friend read the rules.
666
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:48,520
- Fiancée.
- As long as it doesn't bother... Ex-fiancée.
667
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:51,200
You can't have read the rule that says
668
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:54,360
when you're on the golf course
you play golf.
669
00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:56,920
And you don't seem to be playing golf.
670
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,320
- You have no clubs.
- They were dangerous.
671
00:58:59,400 --> 00:59:02,840
- The rules clearly state...
- Look! My friend and I...
672
00:59:02,920 --> 00:59:06,680
- Fiancée.
- We just needed to have a private talk.
673
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:08,880
We have some personal problems.
674
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:12,080
Quite by chance we find ourselves
on this beautiful course
675
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:14,760
as we try to work through
these difficult issues.
676
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:16,960
- You're right!
- Colin, calm down.
677
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:20,560
This is not the place
to try to come to grips with private matters.
678
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:25,720
If we have impacted negatively on your
enjoyment of the third hole, I apologise!
679
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:29,480
My hysterical ex-fiancée here
is just on her way to the airport,
680
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:33,520
so your enjoyment of the rest of the course
will be just as it should be!
681
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:35,680
- Have a pleasant flight!
- Colin!
682
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:43,280
Colin, it's just a midlife crisis!
You'll get over it!
683
00:59:45,280 --> 00:59:48,120
I hope this one's
better than the last one.
684
00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:51,840
- Martha, it looked good last time.
- I'm not talking about my hair.
685
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:55,720
- I'm talking about your boyfriend.
- What do you know about the last one?
686
00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:59,840
I could tell from the start
it wasn't gonna work.
687
00:59:59,920 --> 01:00:03,120
You approached it
in completely the wrong way.
688
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:07,560
- You never even met him.
- I'm talking about my hair. Do keep up.
689
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:12,560
Anyway, you never know.
This may be your last chance.
690
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:18,320
- Martha, you're not going anywhere.
- I know I'm not. But he may be.
691
01:00:37,520 --> 01:00:39,960
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
692
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:42,520
Thanks.
693
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:53,200
Do you ever think about
my going back to England?
694
01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:58,840
- No.
- No?
695
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:04,560
I have a few other things
going on in my life besides you, you know.
696
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:10,040
- I think about going back.
- You have to make a reservation and stuff.
697
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:12,760
I don't want to go back.
698
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:16,120
- Why not?
- Why do you think?
699
01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:19,360
- You like America?
- Yes.
700
01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:25,440
- That's not the reason. It's something else.
- Our delicious hamburgers?
701
01:01:25,520 --> 01:01:28,400
No, no. It's not the hamburgers.
702
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:31,920
- Our humble, friendly ways?
- Not the humble, friendly ways.
703
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:34,960
Why are you bringing up all this shit?
To torture me?
704
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:38,640
I'm bringing it up
because I don't want to go back alone.
705
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:46,040
- You want someone to go with you?
- Yes.
706
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:48,720
But only if they want to.
I wouldn't kidnap them.
707
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:53,320
I would, but the airlines have got
rather strict on hand luggage lately.
708
01:01:53,440 --> 01:01:59,880
If force wasn't an issue and the person
wanted to come of their own free will,
709
01:01:59,960 --> 01:02:02,040
you'd want them to go with you?
710
01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:07,960
If they weren't too busy with all the many
other things in their hectic life, yes.
711
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:15,440
I'm sure, if they tried very hard, they could
find some time to fit you in their schedule.
712
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:17,600
Oh, really?
713
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:33,600
- What's up?
- See the woman by the pool?
714
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:39,800
- Jesus! What does she think she's doin'?
- No, not the cigarettes, Fisher.
715
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:43,200
That's Vera.
She's back again looking for Colin.
716
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,160
It's really none of our business.
717
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:49,560
Fisher, even you must have noticed
718
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:54,880
that Anglo-American relations are reaching
an all-time high in room 11, right?
719
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:57,680
I heard the headboard, yes, Joanie.
720
01:02:57,760 --> 01:03:02,360
So when Mandy comes tootling back
to Colin's room with this week's groceries,
721
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:05,560
and when there's blood in the pool,
722
01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:09,400
and when there's yellow police tape
wrapped around the entire motel,
723
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:12,240
and when we're on the front page
of the Hope Herald,
724
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:16,080
maybe then you might think
it's some of our business.
725
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:18,280
Just go get rid of her.
726
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:30,480
I'm afraid this is a no-smokin' area.
727
01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:33,040
What, America?
728
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:35,320
I'm Fisher, the co-manager.
729
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:39,360
Oh, does it take more than one person
to run this place?
730
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:48,520
So, you're here in America
on your own, then?
731
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:50,520
- Excuse me?
- You...
732
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:54,200
- You didn't come here with someone else?
- No, I came on my own.
733
01:03:54,280 --> 01:03:56,480
- I'll take your word for it.
- Sorry?
734
01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:58,640
- If you say so.
- Who else...?
735
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:01,840
I don't know who else
you might have brought along.
736
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:05,880
A certain swami, maybe?
Who knows?
737
01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:15,360
I'm afraid you're gonna have to
vacate this area.
738
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:18,080
- We've had trouble with your kind before.
- What?
739
01:04:18,160 --> 01:04:23,360
Besides, we have a maple syrup
convention comin' at three, so...
740
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:25,520
Immediately. Please.
741
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:33,480
Well, you can tell him
I'll keep coming around until he sees me.
742
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:39,320
- It was nice of you to come over.
- Like I had an option.
743
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:45,040
Vera, this has got to stop. You shouldn't be
in America and I shouldn't be in your room.
744
01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:48,680
I feel like I'm being stalked.
You'll be boiling rabbits next.
745
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:53,120
Can we please just stop playing games,
just get back to the way we were?
746
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:58,280
Let's get in my car and drive to New York
and jump on the first plane to London.
747
01:04:58,360 --> 01:05:00,720
- Let's just go home.
- We've become so stale.
748
01:05:00,800 --> 01:05:05,320
Being with Mandy
has taught me something.
749
01:05:05,400 --> 01:05:08,440
You learned something from Mandy?
750
01:05:08,520 --> 01:05:13,320
We haven't been like lovers for years,
you and I. More like brother and sister.
751
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:17,600
- We're more than just a couple. We're...
- An institution. Exactly!
752
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:22,640
Inextricably linked, like
Marks & Spencer, or bacon and eggs,
753
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:25,240
or foot-and-bloody-mouth.
754
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:31,320
We've just been treading water for years,
and it's no good. Life's too short for that.
755
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:35,120
And I'm not saying I never want to
see you again. I'd hate to think...
756
01:05:35,240 --> 01:05:41,560
You know that bit in your fax, about the
"plateau of mutual affection" we've found?
757
01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:43,760
Exactly. We can stay friends.
758
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:46,600
- That mustn't be cheapened.
- Precisely.
759
01:05:48,080 --> 01:05:49,960
Oh, God.
760
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:54,760
I want to cheapen it.
I mean, really cheapen it.
761
01:05:54,840 --> 01:05:57,960
Vera, no. This is not on. It's not on.
762
01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:03,000
I promise you'll find something in your life,
like I found in mine - something exciting.
763
01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:07,760
Like Venice?
You remember Venice, Colin.
764
01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:12,880
Vee, I can't be any clearer
on where we stand.
765
01:06:12,960 --> 01:06:16,880
I'm not leaving until...
No, I am leaving, very soon.
766
01:06:17,320 --> 01:06:19,400
When did you buy this?
767
01:06:19,480 --> 01:06:22,720
Vera, honestly, no,
I'm totally unshakeable on this.
768
01:06:22,800 --> 01:06:26,480
I can feel your resolve stiffening.
769
01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:43,520
This seems the right sort of
spectacularly memorable moment
770
01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:46,320
- in which to finally say goodbye.
- Colin, don't.
771
01:06:46,400 --> 01:06:48,040
Bye, Vera.
772
01:06:48,120 --> 01:06:52,040
- I'm not going.
- No. Vera... Vera...
773
01:06:53,200 --> 01:06:55,320
Bye. Bye, Vee.
774
01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:11,400
Hi.
775
01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:15,880
He's not here yet, the vicar?
776
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:21,080
No, he's not here. There's no portrait.
I just wanted to talk to you.
777
01:07:21,160 --> 01:07:23,240
In church?
778
01:07:23,320 --> 01:07:27,920
I figured it's the only place
we wouldn't end up having sex.
779
01:07:31,360 --> 01:07:33,760
Have you talked to Vera lately?
780
01:07:33,840 --> 01:07:35,560
Vera?
781
01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:39,040
Oh, you mean since the phone call?
782
01:07:41,520 --> 01:07:44,960
Because I think I must be having a problem
with my ears and my eyes.
783
01:07:45,080 --> 01:07:47,720
- Sorry?
- When you talked to her on the phone,
784
01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:52,400
didn't you ask her
what the weather was like in London?
785
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:55,840
- Yes.
- Good. Then my ears are OK.
786
01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:58,760
But that must mean
my eye problem is really serious,
787
01:07:58,840 --> 01:08:04,440
cos last night I drove past the Ivy and there
were all these fire engines and people.
788
01:08:04,560 --> 01:08:08,520
And maybe it's myopia,
but I could have sworn I saw Vera there.
789
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:11,920
But she was in England
giving you the weather report.
790
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:17,440
I thought I saw you too. It looked like you
had your tongue down each other's throats.
791
01:08:17,520 --> 01:08:22,080
But that can't be right because,
according to you, that relationship is over
792
01:08:22,200 --> 01:08:24,640
and I'm the only one for you.
793
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:30,120
But the bad part that makes me think
I should run to the eye doctor right away
794
01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:34,560
is that it looked to me
like she was totally butt-naked.
795
01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:36,720
- She had underwear on.
- Good.
796
01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:39,880
Then there's nothing for me
to worry about.
797
01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:47,040
I'm sorry, Mandy. I should have told you.
I just can't shake her off.
798
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:51,520
I went there specifically to tell her
it was all over. She set the fire alarm off.
799
01:08:51,600 --> 01:08:54,120
- The sex was that good?
- No, there was no sex.
800
01:08:54,200 --> 01:08:59,120
You were telling her it was over, she took
her clothes off and the fire alarm went off?
801
01:09:01,320 --> 01:09:06,240
Actually, that's pretty much
exactly how it happened, yeah.
802
01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:10,160
Well, have a good trip back, Colin.
803
01:09:18,640 --> 01:09:21,400
Do you have a passport?
804
01:09:21,480 --> 01:09:23,040
No.
805
01:09:23,120 --> 01:09:27,520
- Don't you think it might come in handy?
- I don't want one, OK?
806
01:09:27,600 --> 01:09:29,880
What would make you apply for one?
807
01:09:29,960 --> 01:09:33,160
What part of "I don't want one"
don't you understand?
808
01:09:33,240 --> 01:09:36,400
- Having a passport...
- Bye, Colin.
809
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:40,520
I love you, Mandy.
810
01:09:44,520 --> 01:09:47,520
- There is one thing.
- One thing what?
811
01:09:48,440 --> 01:09:52,320
If you promise that you'll never
come here again
812
01:09:52,400 --> 01:09:56,280
and that you'll never call me or write me
or try to see me,
813
01:09:56,360 --> 01:09:58,360
ever,
814
01:09:59,120 --> 01:10:05,040
then I'll go to the town hall and, if it seems
so important to you, I'll get a passport.
815
01:10:05,400 --> 01:10:07,080
Do you understand?
816
01:10:07,160 --> 01:10:10,680
You'll only get a passport
if we never see each other again.
817
01:10:11,520 --> 01:10:13,560
Goodbye, Colin.
818
01:10:13,640 --> 01:10:16,480
But if we never see
or talk to each other again,
819
01:10:16,560 --> 01:10:18,960
how will I know you've sent for a passport?
820
01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:21,600
You'll just have to trust me.
821
01:10:23,720 --> 01:10:26,400
- Goodbye for ever, then.
- Don't make a joke of it.
822
01:10:26,480 --> 01:10:29,040
Just plain goodbye, then.
823
01:10:52,640 --> 01:10:57,120
So, these'll be for
your "Images of Hope" exhibition, right?
824
01:10:57,200 --> 01:10:59,520
We liked that, didn't we, Harold?
825
01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:02,160
"Birthplace of American Art."
826
01:11:02,240 --> 01:11:03,920
And how's young Mandy?
827
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:08,520
We don't see much of her
since that fiancée of yours came to town.
828
01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:11,320
Settin' off the hotel sprinklers.
829
01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:14,000
Do you know what colour underwear
I have on today?
830
01:11:14,080 --> 01:11:16,200
Just in case
you need to spread the word.
831
01:11:16,280 --> 01:11:19,160
Word is, you don't wear no underwear.
832
01:11:35,640 --> 01:11:39,080
It's uncanny.
833
01:11:39,160 --> 01:11:42,680
Funny and serious, all at once.
834
01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:46,680
Brash, with just a hint of impishness.
835
01:11:48,280 --> 01:11:51,760
Pulsating with youthful energy,
while at the same time
836
01:11:51,840 --> 01:11:55,840
exuding a passionate sense of civic pride.
837
01:12:01,480 --> 01:12:06,960
Doug, you did say something, didn't you,
about the key to the city and all that?
838
01:12:07,040 --> 01:12:09,920
- Anything I want?
- Anything.
839
01:12:10,000 --> 01:12:13,520
Anything you want.
Doug Reed's word is his bond.
840
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:16,720
You just ask and you shall have it.
841
01:12:20,320 --> 01:12:23,200
Shrewd judge of human nature
that I am,
842
01:12:23,280 --> 01:12:27,120
I sense we're about to have revealed here
843
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:32,000
the dark side of Mr Colin Ware.
844
01:12:37,320 --> 01:12:41,200
Thanks for meeting me, Col.
I have something to show you.
845
01:12:41,280 --> 01:12:45,040
You won't believe it. This morning
Doug called me into his office.
846
01:12:45,120 --> 01:12:47,800
- Doug?
- Doug Reed. The mayor.
847
01:12:47,880 --> 01:12:51,920
- You told him all about me.
- Yes, I think I did mention you in passing.
848
01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:53,960
More than just in passing.
849
01:12:54,040 --> 01:12:58,200
He knew my name was Edwards, he knew
I'm half-Welsh, and he knew I was here.
850
01:12:58,280 --> 01:13:02,800
Which is why he was so very excited.
I've got to show you this.
851
01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:08,720
This is my family tree
852
01:13:08,800 --> 01:13:11,600
going back 300 years.
853
01:13:13,400 --> 01:13:15,560
Doug found this website in Salt Lake City
854
01:13:15,640 --> 01:13:18,880
that has the genealogy
of everybody in the world.
855
01:13:18,960 --> 01:13:24,920
You type in your credit-card details and up
comes your family tree. It's amazing. Look.
856
01:13:25,000 --> 01:13:27,200
Here I am - Vera Edwards.
857
01:13:27,280 --> 01:13:29,520
And there is Alicia.
858
01:13:29,600 --> 01:13:33,440
And then there's my dad.
And there's the person he married.
859
01:13:33,520 --> 01:13:35,920
- Your mother.
- Right.
860
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:38,160
Then there's Grandma Edwards.
861
01:13:38,240 --> 01:13:41,240
That's her maiden name,
except they've spelt it wrong.
862
01:13:41,320 --> 01:13:45,600
- No, they haven't.
- Yes, they have. It's Kendal with one l.
863
01:13:45,680 --> 01:13:48,720
Then you get up here.
This is where it gets good.
864
01:13:48,800 --> 01:13:54,240
Here is Godwyn Edwards
and his wife, Abigail.
865
01:13:55,120 --> 01:14:00,800
Do you know who those two people are?
They're everywhere! Look!
866
01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:04,000
Godwyn Edwards. And Abigail Edwards.
867
01:14:04,080 --> 01:14:06,800
The people that founded Hope
are my ancestors!
868
01:14:06,880 --> 01:14:11,680
- Good heavens!
- I know. I couldn't believe it. It's amazing.
869
01:14:11,760 --> 01:14:13,400
But that's just the start.
870
01:14:13,480 --> 01:14:16,080
- There's more?
- Yes.
871
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:21,160
You know there's this annual Cannon Ball
thing that happens on Saturday?
872
01:14:21,240 --> 01:14:24,880
Apparently that's when they choose
the new Queen of Hope.
873
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:26,520
Queen of Hope?
874
01:14:26,600 --> 01:14:29,880
Doug chooses who will represent the town
as its queen.
875
01:14:29,960 --> 01:14:36,200
The ridiculous thing is, he thinks, because
of my family history, I should apply.
876
01:14:36,280 --> 01:14:39,040
- To be queen?
- I know! It's preposterous, isn't it?
877
01:14:39,120 --> 01:14:42,880
I mean, it's absurd, even for me.
Isn't it?
878
01:14:42,960 --> 01:14:45,720
- Is it?
- I don't know, you see.
879
01:14:45,800 --> 01:14:48,640
Is it something
I should really contemplate doing?
880
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:52,520
I don't know.
What does being Queen of Hope involve?
881
01:14:52,600 --> 01:14:55,600
It's just a week of engagements
and things like that.
882
01:14:55,720 --> 01:14:59,240
And they want the queen to
promote the new mineral water this year.
883
01:14:59,320 --> 01:15:03,960
He wants to build a whole ad campaign
around it. TV spots, public appearances.
884
01:15:04,040 --> 01:15:07,520
- Her picture on the label.
- Presumably you'd have a crown?
885
01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:11,640
There's a whole special outfit.
He showed me lots of old photographs.
886
01:15:11,720 --> 01:15:15,760
- Of lots of old queens?
- Of former incumbents.
887
01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:25,040
I know we're having major differences,
but I could really use your advice on this.
888
01:15:27,200 --> 01:15:29,560
I can't do this.
889
01:15:29,640 --> 01:15:32,360
- I can't go on with this.
- Go on with what?
890
01:15:32,440 --> 01:15:35,440
This. This joke. It's all a joke, Vera.
891
01:15:35,520 --> 01:15:39,920
- What do you mean, a joke?
- This is just a fake. I made it up.
892
01:15:40,000 --> 01:15:44,800
The family-tree thing, anyway. The queen
thing was a Doug Reed embellishment.
893
01:15:44,880 --> 01:15:47,680
I was just so pissed off with you,
894
01:15:47,760 --> 01:15:52,200
with all your tricks and the way
you've been buggering things up for me.
895
01:15:52,320 --> 01:15:55,520
That is so bloody typical of you.
896
01:15:55,600 --> 01:16:00,880
You have never, ever, been able
to share in my excitement about anything.
897
01:16:00,960 --> 01:16:03,680
- It's a fake, Vera.
- It is not a fake, Colin.
898
01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:07,480
It is a fake. Look. "Kendall",
even spelt wrong the way I spell it wrong.
899
01:16:07,560 --> 01:16:12,400
I watched Doug log on and type in
my details. I saw this being printed out.
900
01:16:12,480 --> 01:16:14,600
I saw it with my own eyes!
901
01:16:14,720 --> 01:16:18,720
Of course, because he loaded it all up
in advance! I saw him with my own eyes!
902
01:16:18,800 --> 01:16:21,240
Have you looked closely?
Tom Jones is in there!
903
01:16:21,320 --> 01:16:26,840
- Jones is a very common Welsh name.
- Yes, but married to a Catherine Zeta?
904
01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:47,400
I bet you and Mandy
had a right giggle about this.
905
01:16:47,480 --> 01:16:50,040
We're not together any more.
906
01:16:50,120 --> 01:16:52,200
- Really?
- Really.
907
01:16:54,560 --> 01:16:56,640
It's all over?
908
01:16:57,640 --> 01:17:00,000
Yeah.
909
01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:12,800
You're still not coming home with me,
though, are you?
910
01:17:12,880 --> 01:17:14,680
No.
911
01:17:16,720 --> 01:17:19,720
Sorry, ma'am, there's no smoking.
912
01:17:21,360 --> 01:17:24,320
Are you two finished?
913
01:17:27,080 --> 01:17:29,920
You know, I do believe we are.
914
01:17:30,040 --> 01:17:33,160
I'll be right back with your check, then.
915
01:17:35,320 --> 01:17:38,560
What are you going to do now, then?
916
01:17:38,640 --> 01:17:40,760
Be Queen of Hope?
917
01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:57,080
Colin Ware! Two words!
918
01:17:57,160 --> 01:18:02,680
Two words I have for you, Colin Ware:
class act.
919
01:18:04,160 --> 01:18:09,560
I know history has witnessed a long line
of lunacy from your small island shores,
920
01:18:09,640 --> 01:18:14,880
but for a man of your apparent intelligence
to relinquish from his emotional grasp
921
01:18:14,960 --> 01:18:19,200
that shimmering angel
of sensual splendour...
922
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:20,960
You seem very smitten.
923
01:18:21,040 --> 01:18:25,240
You're taking off? You're not hanging
around for the biggest bang of the year?
924
01:18:25,320 --> 01:18:28,560
Not the biggest bang of your year,
from what I understand.
925
01:18:28,640 --> 01:18:33,840
It's been very, very nice to meet you, Doug.
Thank you for everything.
926
01:18:33,920 --> 01:18:37,440
No, thank you, Colin! Thank you!
927
01:18:37,520 --> 01:18:40,680
Thanks to you,
that terrible, wondrous thing
928
01:18:40,760 --> 01:18:43,760
that poets have sung about
down through the ages
929
01:18:43,840 --> 01:18:51,880
has finally found its way into
the lonely heart of Douglas Elmore Reed!
930
01:19:09,440 --> 01:19:13,440
And now,
please welcome Mayor Doug Reed!
931
01:19:21,840 --> 01:19:23,800
Thank you very much.
932
01:19:24,280 --> 01:19:25,720
And now,
933
01:19:25,800 --> 01:19:28,880
as is our great and cherished tradition,
934
01:19:28,960 --> 01:19:31,120
we get the annual Cannon Ball rolling
935
01:19:31,200 --> 01:19:34,960
with the introduction
of the new Queen of Hope!
936
01:19:40,200 --> 01:19:45,440
Help me welcome her. Raise
your glasses for the new Queen of Hope,
937
01:19:45,520 --> 01:19:48,120
Miss Vera Edwards!
938
01:20:32,560 --> 01:20:34,640
Man the phones, Fisher!
939
01:20:54,000 --> 01:20:58,000
Look, I got this fax from Colin,
from the airport.
940
01:20:58,080 --> 01:20:59,920
- Is it for me?
- For you?
941
01:21:00,040 --> 01:21:02,640
When you make a guy promise
never to get in touch,
942
01:21:02,720 --> 01:21:08,040
they can make the wild assumption that
you don't want them ever to get in touch.
943
01:21:08,120 --> 01:21:14,800
Sorry, honey. But did Colin ever mention
his cousin, Cheswick, over in Ohio?
944
01:21:16,680 --> 01:21:22,640
Colin arranged for this guy to visit,
then forgot to cancel it before he flew off.
945
01:21:22,720 --> 01:21:25,880
He's faxed me asking me
if I would meet this guy
946
01:21:25,960 --> 01:21:28,920
at the gardens
where they had arranged to meet - now.
947
01:21:29,000 --> 01:21:34,240
And I've got to set up the barbecue
at the inn, and the rooms need doing and...
948
01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:39,760
- So you want me to go.
- A free Filet-o-Fisher tonight.
949
01:22:11,520 --> 01:22:13,680
Excuse me. Are you Mandy?
950
01:22:23,160 --> 01:22:25,640
You must be Cheswick.
951
01:22:25,720 --> 01:22:28,560
Yes. That's right.
952
01:22:28,640 --> 01:22:30,720
Pleased to meet you.
953
01:22:34,080 --> 01:22:38,400
I guess you got to know my cousin Colin
pretty well when he was up here.
954
01:22:39,160 --> 01:22:41,760
He's an odd chap, didn't you find?
955
01:22:41,840 --> 01:22:43,920
He's very odd.
956
01:22:46,480 --> 01:22:51,720
Colin told me he promised never to
contact you. Something about a passport?
957
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:54,600
He didn't think it'd break the rules
if I spoke to you.
958
01:22:54,680 --> 01:22:58,640
But he didn't warn me
about your bizarre dress sense.
959
01:23:00,760 --> 01:23:03,600
Do you want to sit down for a minute?
960
01:23:16,440 --> 01:23:20,120
Did Colin tell you about my hobby?
961
01:23:20,200 --> 01:23:24,960
Colin, at first this Cheswick stuff
was really funny, but now it's just irritating.
962
01:23:25,040 --> 01:23:27,960
He didn't tell you about my hobby?
963
01:23:29,520 --> 01:23:31,760
No, Cheswick. What is your hobby?
964
01:23:33,080 --> 01:23:35,200
I collect jewellery.
965
01:23:35,280 --> 01:23:37,960
Can I show you an example?
966
01:23:38,080 --> 01:23:41,280
I picked this up in a store in Columbus
the other day.
967
01:23:41,360 --> 01:23:45,920
It's just a little gold ring
with a thing on it.
968
01:23:46,040 --> 01:23:48,920
I think it's a moth.
969
01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:52,120
Is this a friendship ring or something?
970
01:23:52,200 --> 01:23:58,040
The chap in the store said that it was
an engagement ring, which surprised me.
971
01:23:58,120 --> 01:24:02,720
I thought engagement rings
were silverish, with a diamond.
972
01:24:02,800 --> 01:24:05,880
But no. Apparently they can be
any way you want them.
973
01:24:05,960 --> 01:24:08,240
There's one disappointing thing.
974
01:24:08,320 --> 01:24:15,360
On the bus coming up here, I took it out
to look at it, and I noticed it's second-hand.
975
01:24:15,440 --> 01:24:20,080
Underneath, there's a little heart and two
names, presumably the previous owners.
976
01:24:20,160 --> 01:24:24,960
It's very small but you can just about
make them out - I forget the names.
977
01:24:27,720 --> 01:24:29,840
Mandy?
978
01:24:31,280 --> 01:24:34,040
Perhaps you should take this off.
979
01:24:36,120 --> 01:24:39,960
- Mandy, can you speak?
- I'm sorry. You can put me down now.
980
01:24:40,040 --> 01:24:42,960
- No, I want to carry you.
- No, really. I can walk.
981
01:24:43,040 --> 01:24:45,120
- I want to carry you.
- I want to walk.
982
01:24:45,200 --> 01:24:50,640
Mandy, I'm experiencing an atavistic urge
right now to carry you, OK?
983
01:24:50,720 --> 01:24:53,640
- Where is the car?
- At home. Why? Where are we going?
984
01:24:53,720 --> 01:24:57,880
- I checked back in at the inn.
- You can't carry me all the way back there.
985
01:24:57,960 --> 01:25:04,240
Please don't interfere. My manhood is
crying out to meet this supreme challenge.
986
01:25:06,760 --> 01:25:09,680
Good afternoon,
Mrs Peterson, Mr Peterson!
987
01:25:09,760 --> 01:25:11,840
Just keeping you up to date on things!
988
01:25:17,680 --> 01:25:22,680
- Sorry if this seems a bit primitive.
- Primitive's fine.
989
01:25:22,760 --> 01:25:26,920
- But don't throw your back out, OK?
- I have a back of iron.
990
01:25:57,600 --> 01:26:01,800
I must be getting too heavy now.
991
01:26:01,880 --> 01:26:05,480
Yeah, but we're building a memory here.
992
01:26:47,280 --> 01:26:48,960
Hey, Fisher!
993
01:27:16,680 --> 01:27:19,760
- Well?
- They're engaged.
994
01:27:19,840 --> 01:27:21,920
- Are you serious?
- They just did it.
995
01:27:22,000 --> 01:27:24,200
Why was he carrying her
down the highway?
996
01:27:24,280 --> 01:27:28,120
It's a custom over there,
where Colin comes from.
997
01:27:28,200 --> 01:27:32,000
- To carry people down the highway?
- Highway, roadway, whatever.
998
01:27:32,080 --> 01:27:34,520
It's from an ancient druid ritual, Joanie.
999
01:27:34,600 --> 01:27:36,960
They carry their intended
down a long path
1000
01:27:37,040 --> 01:27:40,520
as a symbolic way of
embarkin' upon the life ahead of 'em.
1001
01:27:41,360 --> 01:27:46,960
I guess it's true about how far behind
the rest of the world the English are.
1002
01:27:51,320 --> 01:27:54,560
- Non-innocent kind?
- Non-innocent kind.
1003
01:27:54,640 --> 01:27:57,040
Lord only knows what they get up to now.
1004
01:28:09,040 --> 01:28:10,560
Oh, God!
87739
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