All language subtitles for Bajillion Dollar Properties s02e07 Predator Party.eng

??

Glenn: It's Dean's
birthday tomorrow,

and I've taken it upon myself,
as partner,

to plan a special surprise
for him.

[ Trills ]

Okay, you guys, as you know,
we have Dean's party coming up,

and it is a "Predator" party

because "Predator" was based on
the events of Dean's life.

Chelsea: In olden times,
the 1980s,

Dean was supposedly
in the special forces,

and I guess they had a mission
in South America

that a movie was based on.

Glenn: My mom told me my father
was on that mission.

The actor that portrayed him in
that movie was Carl Weathers.

Victoria: I love Dean more than
money and Vicodin combined,

but there's no way
that happened.

You're trying to tell me
that this guy

that owns
a real-estate company now

was once part of a rescue team

and went to a jungle
and fought an alien?

Glenn: Yes!
Victoria: I mean, come on!

Glenn: Yes, okay?
Baxter: Wouldn't that have made huge headlines?

Glenn: It made a movie.
Isn't that enough for you?

A best-selling movie.

Andrew: It would have been on,
like, a "60 Minutes."

Glenn: "60 Minutes"
couldn't cover it.

Baxter: I've seen the movie,
and at the beginning,

it never says,
"Based on true events."

Chelsea:
It does not say that.

Victoria: Do you have any proof
of this?

Glenn: Yeah, I have proof.

My father died in the jungle
helping Dean escape! Victoria: Okay.

Glenn: My daddy was a hero,
and you shut up!

Amir: I mean, Dean is Glenn's
father, so, come on.

Chelsea:
Hypothetically, what --

what happens at
a "Predator" party?

Glenn: Okay, there are
"Predator"-themed games.

There are
"Predator"-themed snacks.

Maybe Predator will make
an appearance. I don't know.

It's just a way to honor
the fact that Dean comes --

Andrew: So he will.
Glenn: "So he will"...?

Andrew:
Make an appearance.

Glenn: Yes,
Dean will be there.

Baxter: No, Predator.
Andrew: No, the Predator.

You're trying to make it seem
like maybe he won't.

Is he going to?
Glenn: I don't know.

Chelsea:
He's obviously going to.

Amir: You're smiling
whenever you say that.

Andrew: He's going to.

Baxter: Who is gonna be dressed
like Predator who's coming?

Glenn: I don't know. Maybe the
actual Predator will show up.

Baxter: My buddy Trey
has long braids.

He can dress up like Predator.
Chelsea: Let's be careful.

Victoria: Is he a predator?

Chelsea: Let's just make sure
we're not just getting anyone

with braids and calling them
a predator.

It's just gonna get awkward.

Amir: Guys, I think Trey needs
a job. Trey's life matters.

Victoria: Are we gonna give Trey
a background check? Glenn: This Trey idea's out.

Andrew: Can't we just do cowboys
or something?

??

Chelsea: Dean looks
fantastic on the cake. I'm gonna be honest.

Amir: It looks a lot better than
I thought it was gonna look.

Victoria: I mean, I'm against
this idea, but he looks amazing.

Chelsea: It all kind of came
together. I don't mind it.

Dean: Surprise.
Amir: Surprise.

Baxter: Surprise!

Victoria:
We were gonna say it.

Dean: What is this?

Andrew: Cake.

Dean: Why?
Chelsea: For you.

Dean: Have you all forgotten
my zero-tolerance policy

towards cake?

Cake is a dessert
for the very young

and the elderly awaiting death.

It is not sophisticated.

It is not Platinum.
It has no place in this office.

I want this poor excuse
for a dessert

ground down into
the garbage disposal.

Predator: [ Growling ]
Dean: Get a...

No!

It can't be you!
We killed you!

We killed you in the jungle!

Predator: [ Growls ]
Dean: No!

Be gone!
Be gone!

Glenn: Dean, Dean, Dean,
it's not the -- It's me, Glenn.

It's not the Predator.
Okay, this is the Predator.

Dean: Argh!
Chelsea: Take it off! Now!

Glenn: No, I'm Glenn.
Guys, help me.

Dean: I've got to get
to the chopper!

Glenn: I'm not trying -- Dean,
I'm just trying to help you.

Dean: No!

Victoria: Putting it back on!
Take it off!

Amir: Take the mask off.
Glenn: Help me.

Amir: Take the mask off.

Dean: Get -- Get -- Get
to the chopper, Glenn.

Get to the chopper.
Glenn: Dean, relax.

Baxter: Show him the mask.
It's just a mask.

It's just a mask.
Chelsea: Dean, it's just a mask.

Baxter: This is the Predator.
Dean: [ Moans ] No!

Glenn: Take it away!
Victoria: Bad idea!

Together:
? Happy birthday to you ?

? Happy birthday to you ?

Glenn:
Do you believe me now?!

Do you believe me now?!

Together:
? Happy birthday dear Dean ?

??

Victoria:
I've got great news

for my client
who's selling her house.

Her name is Athena,

and she's an MMA
fighting champion.

Attagirl.

Athena: Hey.

Victoria:
I got an offer for you.

Athena: Bring it in.

Victoria: You want to just
talk outside?

Athena: Come on.
Man: Come on. Jump in.

Athena:
Let's get some gloves on.

Victoria: Oh, yeah, no.
Okay, yeah, no, definitely.

Athena: We don't stop.
Victoria: Okay.

I'm not really warmed up,
but I'm...

Athena:
Throw some gloves on.

Victoria: Great, yeah.

Some, uh -- Some gloves.

Ready for this?
Athena: I'm so ready.

Victoria: 8.2.
All cash.

Athena:
We said 8.4.

Come on.

Victoria:
It's all cash, all right?

And just -- just
a few contingencies.

Athena: I'm sorry?

Victoria:
Well, for one, he --

he wants some money
for basement repairs.

Athena: Really? Really?

What else?

Victoria:
You know, we should do kicks.

You need to work on your kicks.
You seem stiff.

Athena: Wow!
Victoria: I'm being honest.

Athena: I'm the stiff one.
Okay.

Victoria:
A couple more things.

[ Sighing ]

Athena: Yeah, what was it?

Victoria: He really loves
your washer and dryer.

Athena: Washer and dryer
are staying with me, okay?

Victoria: That's fine.

I think we should take
a water break.

Athena: I feel like I don't know
if you got this.

Victoria: It's just the washer
and dryer.

Athena: Contingencies, 8.2,
my favorite washer and dryer.

Victoria: No one's gonna get you
more money than that.

Athena: Who is this guy,
by the way?

Victoria: I don't know,
he's some doctor.

He's a podiatrist or something.

Athena: All right.

Why doesn't he come in here
and chat with me man-to-man?

Victoria: Okay.
I'm not gonna bring him in here.

That's why you have a broker.
I'll talk to him.

Athena: Yeah,
I do have a broker,

and she's not doing her job.

So, bring him in here.
We'll chat it out proper.

Call him, Vic.

Victoria:
Keep working on your kicks.

Athena: Thanks.
Thanks for taking care of that.

Victoria:
It doesn't even hurt.

??

Baxter: Graham,
thanks for coming in.

Andrew: Absolutely.

Graham: I just want to say,
before we start,

I'm really a big fan
of both you guys.

I-I love the show.

I think you guys do a great job

finding people beautiful places
to live.

But I also...

think you guys
are pretty cool.

Andrew: Doing this show is
great advertisement for us.

Baxter:
A lot of our new clients

are actually fans of
"Bajillion Dollar Properties."

Graham: You're, like,
my favorite couple on TV.

Baxter: Ha. Thank you.
Thanks.

We're not together in our...

Graham: Really?

Baxter: Really, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Andrew: Yeah.
Graham: Oh, that's so funny.

Like, the chemistry with you
guys is, like, really palpable.

Baxter: Well, yeah.

Yeah, we've been friends for
a while, but we're actually --

Graham: You're not a couple?
Baxter: We're not together.

Graham: But you're both gay.

Baxter:
I'm gay, and he's not.

Graham: Okay.

Well, I just want to say it's --
I'm just, like, genuinely --

I don't want to geek out
or get weird with you guys.

Baxter: No, no, no, no.
It's just us.

There's no cameras here.
There's nothing.

Don't -- Yeah, no, that's --
Don't worry about it.

Graham: Yeah.

It's just three dudes
looking for a place.

Baxter: Yeah, that's all it is.
The cameras aren't here.

Don't feel like you have to look
at them or reference them.

You know, they're -- they're
just part of the decor,

you know what I mean?

Are you looking
at the microphone?

Don't worry about the mike.
Graham: Okay.

I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.

Baxter: That's all right.
Andrew: No, don't be sorry.

Baxter: Don't feel like you have
to play anything up

or, you know,
reference the camera.

Graham:
I'm looking for a place...

a new place to move into.

Baxter: Okay.

Graham: And I'm excited about
seeing what is out there.

Andrew: That's a good start.
Baxter: Great.

Andrew: Our job right here is
not to worry about this stuff.

It's to worry about you
and make sure

that you get the place
that you need and want.

Baxter: Now, all of these are on
the west side, which you wanted.

Some of them are really west,
you know, on the beach here,

and also we have, like --
have a couple in the hills.

So, if you see something
you're responding to --

Graham: Mm-hmm.

Baxter: Are you looking?
Just look here.

Andrew:
Right down here, Graham.

Baxter: And if you see
a front door that you like...

Graham: Yeah.
Baxter: ...or a yard.

Graham:
This is an actual grass?

Andrew: Retractable turf.

Baxter: Yeah, the drought right
now, so we have -- we have turf.

You can do anything you want
with this yard.

It's up to you.

Graham: Great.

Baxter: I feel like ever since
we talked about the cameras,

you've been staring directly
at them.

If you want, just --
They're not here.

Andrew: Look at this.

Graham: Yeah, this --
Oh, this is great.

This -- This place looks
beautiful.

Um, it's a little outside
of my price range.

I thought Chelsea
had talked to you.

My budget's around $800,000
to about $900,000.

Baxter: Wait, you -- Chelsea
is who referred you to us?

Graham: Mm-hmm.

Andrew:
Did you say 800,000...

$20 bills?

Graham: N-No, $800,000,

and I was hoping to get
a mortgage,

like a 20-to-1 arm.

Baxter: So you don't even have
this in all cash?

Graham: Go halfsies on it?

Baxter: Go halfsies?

Andrew:
We probably wouldn't --

Graham: Do you guys need
another roommate?

Chelsea: If you take food
out of the break-room fridge

that is clearly labeled
"Chelsea's Yum-yums,"

you get got.

??

Glenn:
Yesterday's "Predator" party

was a disaster
of epic proportions

that nearly killed Dean.

But today is a brand-new day.

Amir: What I bring
to the table...

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Dean: Hello.

Victoria: Hello, Dean.
Glenn: Hello, Dean.

Dean: It's time
for our meeting --

human meeting that humans have.

What, uh, properties
are we looking at, team?

Amir: I was just telling
Victoria that I actually

just sold the three-family
in Silver Lake.

Dean: Place your hands
on the table.

Everyone do that.

Everyone just place your hands
on the table.

Thank you.
Chelsea: Okay.

Dean: No one --
No one hold anything.

Put things down.

Andrew: We have a beautiful --
a seven-bedroom.

Baxter: Up in Calabasas.

Dean: Why are you
approaching me?

There's no need.
I can hear you.

Baxter: Okay.

Well, it's just -- It's very --
It's great.

Dean: Hands down. Hands down.
Hands down.

Baxter: It's on -- It's on 16
acres, so it's very secluded.

Dean: Too secluded.
16 acres.

There's so much room to hunt.

It's not -- It's not good.
Don't you see? It's not good.

Amir: You can't hunt
within the city limits.

There's no hunting in Calabasas.

Dean: Well, tell them that.
Tell them that!

Glenn: Dean...
Dean: Pens down.

Glenn: Sorry. Sorry.
Dean: No pens.

Glenn:
So, I've got a property

that's on three acres
in Highland Park, and...

[Coughs]

Dean: What was that?

Glenn: It's just -- I have
a dry...throat right now.

I was just coughing.

Dean:
Keep -- Keep your throat wet.

Glenn: Okay.

Dean: Let's stop talking about
properties for one second

and talk about what we
should be talking about,

which is how the predators
want to hunt us all down.

If you hear clicking,
be sure to --

Mara: Mr. Rosedragon...
Dean: No!

Victoria: Whoa!
Chelsea: Whoa!

Dean: Predators!

Mara: That's the third one
today. [ Chuckles ]

Glenn: Dear God,
I've destroyed him.

??

Victoria: My client Athena
asked me to arrange a meeting

with the foot doctor who wants
to buy her house.

Once he enters her world, he'll
realize who he's dealing with,

plus his broker's
a little bitch.

??

Who the fuck is that?

Athena: Vic, he's not
a podiatrist.

He's The Podiatrist.

Our buddy is a pro wrestler,
not a foot doctor.

Victoria: Oh.

Amir: My client
is Brash Roderick.

He's called "The Podiatrist"

because all of his finishing
moves are foot-related.

The Toe Crusher,
The Devil's Pedicure,

The Hangnail Hurrah!

Brash:
Hey, Blonda Rousey.

Athena: Wow.

Brash: I heard you wanted
to talk to me directly.

Athena: Yeah, I did.
8.4, friend.

Victoria: 8.4, friend.

Amir:
8.2 is a fair offer.

All cash. Easy close.

Victoria: I think we can do
better than that.

Athena: Yep.
Brash: 8.2.

I keep the washer-dryer,

and you clean up that dirty
basement of yours, sweetheart.

Athena: There's a better way
to settle this -- one-on-one.

Why don't you hop
in here, buddy?

Amir: Ohh!
Athena: Bring it in here, buddy.

Amir:
You want to settle this?

You want to get
your bunions shaved?

Athena: Let's negotiate
the agreement here.

Brash: The Doctor is about
to make a house call.

Amir: God...

Give me, like,
a three, two, one.

Holy shit!

My buyer is gonna fight
Victoria's seller?

Ohh. I have a total violence
boner right now.

Ha!

Victoria: Amir, get in
the elevator and hit "B"

'cause you're going down,
brother.

Chelsea: I got a call out of the
blue from the notorious Vitali,

an old client of Baxter
and Andrew's.

He's got a reputation,
but he's incredibly rich.

Apparently too rich for Baxter
and Andrew's blood.

Vitali: Thank you for coming.
Chelsea: Thank you.

I've heard a lot about you.

Vitali: You have?
Chelsea: Yeah.

Vitali: I hope not on any
telephonic devices,

which can be recorded.
[ Laughs ]

Chelsea: Oh, no, no.

I have no ties
to law enforcement.

Vitali: Oh, no, but they listen
to everything.

So seriously, don't ever talk
about me on the phone ever.

Thank you.
Chelsea: No problem.

Whatever you need.
So, what are you looking for?

How can I help you?

Vitali: I am looking for

a modest, uh, third home
in the area,

maybe the $40,
$50 million range.

Chelsea: Um, I'm sorry,

I couldn't help but notice
on your hand...?

Vitali: Oh, this?
Chelsea: Yeah.

Vitali: Oh, this is, um --
I had a --

I was putting something
in the trunk

that didn't want to go
in the trunk.

[ Laughs ]
You know what I mean?

But if anybody asks, it's more
clean to just say, like,

"Uh, I was picking lemons."

[ Laughs ]

Just say, "Yeah,
he was picking lemons."

Chelsea:
Picking lemons, okay.

I'll remember that, in case I'm
talking about you on the phone.

Just kidding.
Vitali: Okay.

Chelsea:
I'm messing with you.

Vitali: I don't want to have
to unscrew you.

Chelsea: Um, what?

Vitali: I just mean if you talk
on the phone about me,

then I'm gonna have to,
you know,

just, boop, boop,
boop, boop, boop.

Boop! Boop!

And then, ch, ch, ch -- Boop!

And then somewhere
very far away...

Ch, ch, ch -- Boop!
Ch, ch, ch.

But before we do that,
we go boop, boop.

And then these things
go very far over here

and very far over here.

Ch, ch, ch -- Boop.
Ch, ch, ch, ch -- Boop.

And then these go boop!

And then these get put
on a drone,

and the drone gets flown
to the middle of the ocean,

and then boop!

And then it's very hard
to find you.

Chelsea: Well, I've always
loved to travel.

Vitali: Notice I did not say
any illegal words.

Not one illegal word.

I'm just telling a little,
fun story.

Ch, ch, ch -- Boop!
Ch, ch, ch -- Boop!

Boop! Boop!
Chelsea: I see.

Vitali: Boop! Boop!
[ Trills ] Boop!

You know what I mean?

So, when can you, you know,
start,

uh, looking for a house for me?

Chelsea: How about Tuesday
at 9:00?

Vitali: I think I'm free.
Chelsea: Okay.

Vitali: [ Laughs ]
Chelsea: Oh! Don't put it on a drone.

Vitali: Ohh!

Ch, ch, ch, ch [Imitates
mechanical whirring] Boop!

[ Laughs ]

[ Both laugh ]

Baxter:
We got you back, Chelsea!

Andrew: We had to fake
our own deaths to do it.

Baxter: We are currently
in hiding.

Andrew: Yes.
Hi, nice to meet you.

Uh [As Ronald Reagan]
my name is Ronald Reagan.

Baxter: [ As Bill Clinton ]
And I'm Bill Clinton.

??

Amir: Come on!
Victoria: Let's do this.

Amir's client thinks he can get
Athena to lower the price,

but he's got another
thing coming,

and it's coming right up
his lily-livered ass.

Amir:
My client, The Podiatrist,

is about to teach
Victoria's client, Athena,

the meaning of the phrase
"lower than asking price"!

Brash: I saw mold
in the basement!

Athena: That's not mold.
That's a mural.

Victoria: Yeah!
Amir: Ohh! God!

Come on, Podiatrist!
Victoria: Attagirl!

Amir: Come on!

Victoria: Yeah, baby!

You get that 8.4!
You get that 8.4!

Brash: [ Groans ]

Athena: Ohh.
Brash: [ Laughs ]

Amir: Right in the pussy!

Victoria:
Give him a 30-year fixed!

Brash: I want you to pay
for that tree

in the front yard to be removed.

Athena: That's not
going anywhere!

Boom!

Victoria: No washer and dryer
for you, asshole.

Brash: I'm not crazy about
the view from the bedroom.

Athena:
I can't move a mountain!

Victoria: Shit!

Brash: I want you to knock off
10 grand.

The school districts
are terrible.

Athena:
You don't even have kids!

Amir: Close the deal!

Victoria: Ohh!

Amir: Yes!

Brash: Let's have a look
at that foot.

Aah!

Amir: All cash! No mercy!

Athena: [ Yells ]

Victoria: Yeah!

Amir: Oh!

Victoria: Not her face!

Brash: The Doctor is in.

Ohh!

Victoria: That's right.
Again.

Ohh!

Both: Ohh!

Amir: 8.4 is fair!

You give -- Come on,
come on, come on!

No, no.

Victoria: If he even touches
her face again,

I swear to God, Amir!
Amir: Stop it!

Victoria:
Her beautiful face!

Keep running!
Amir: [ Moans ]

Athena: 8.3, and I keep
the washer-dryer.

Brash: That's fair.
Victoria: Got a real chair.

Athena: Deal?
Brash: Deal.

Want to get out of here?
Athena: Grab a beer?

Brash: Make it a protein shake,
and I'm in.

Athena: Of course.

Victoria: Give me the chair!
Amir: Let go of the dumb chair!

Victoria:
I grabbed it first.

Amir: It's a chair!
It's a chair!

Victoria: It's my chair!
Amir: It belongs to the gym!

Victoria: I got it first!
Amir: [ Groans ]

Victoria: Shut up!

Amir: Where'd they go?

??

Glenn: This "Predator"-induced
PTSD has broken Dean,

and it's up to me
to un-break him.

It's time to do what
the Internet calls

immersion therapy.

Dean: [ Moaning ]

Glenn:
Dean, this is your cake.

Dean: [ Whimpers ]

I don't eat cake, Glenn.
I have this.

I roll up the corner and I put
it in the corner of my eye,

and I call it my Sharpie
and it makes me feel good.

Glenn: We all have
our coping mechanisms.

We're going to confront
this problem.

Just trust me.
Dean: Trust you?

What are you doing?
Glenn: Just trust me.

Dean: [ Groans ]

Glenn: No, no, no.

Dean. Dean, it's all right.

Dean: No!
Glenn: Dean, it's okay.

Shh. It's okay.
Hey, it's just me.

Hey, the Predator.
I'm being cool.

You're being cool, okay?

No one's trying to kill
each other.

Okay, sorry, sorry.

Dean: Is this a trick?
Glenn: No tricks.

Trust me, okay?
I'm calling a truce.

Dean: Hmm?

Glenn: The Predator wants
to shake your hand.

Dean: [ Straining ] Going...
against every...

instinct.

Glenn: Good. Good, Dean.

Good.

Now, Dean, I want to know why
you're so afraid of me.

Dean: You're a Predator.

Glenn: Yes, I'm a Predator.

Dean: I mean, that's what you
call yourself.

It's not like your name is Jim.
Glenn: I can't change my name.

Dean: Why can't you?

Glenn:
You think I look like a Jim?

Dean: You're scary.

Glenn:
Dean, you defeated me.

Why are you scared of me?

Dean: You killed
my whole platoon!

Glenn: That's it?
Dean: That's kind of a big deal!

Glenn: Everyone in this room,

raise their hand if you've
killed a Predator.

Okay, let's count the hands.
One. That's it.

I'm telling you you're a man of
exceptional talent, skill.

Do you know how much I wanted
to kill you?

Dean: So very much.
Glenn: So much.

Dean: But you couldn't succeed.
Glenn: I know.

Dean: Just like my father!

Glenn:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

There's some issues there.
I want to know about that.

Dean: We were in a canoe.

Father said,
"Crapping my style."

Glenn: Wait, you're crapping
his style or cramping?

Dean: Which is the expression
that everyone knows?

Glenn: Well, Predators know,
"You're crapping my style,"

but you humans say
"cramping my style."

Dean: Yes, so I'm a human.
So which do you think I meant?

Glenn: Oh, okay, you meant
"cramping my style."

Dean: Yes.
Glenn: Right.

He tried to push me
out of a canoe!

Glenn: Fathers, right?

I remember my father had
the same issues with me.

Dean: Really?

Glenn: I wanted to travel
to a distant galaxy

with him to slit the throats

of all these different
alien beings,

and my father said,
"No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm going with my friends."

[ Scoffs ] How do you think
I felt, you know?

Can you believe that?

Dean: I can believe that,
Predator.

Glenn: Anyway,
then I killed my father

and became the head
of the family.

Dean: Lucky.
Glenn: And everything was fine.

Let's resolve this, okay?

Instead of preying on humans,

how about I prey
on your compassion?

I trust you.

See?

Good.

Everything will be okay.

Dean: Thank you, Predator.

Glenn: You defeated me.

Dean: I did, didn't I?
Glenn: Yes, you did.

Dean: [ Chuckling ] You are one
ugly motherfucker.

Glenn: Sounds weird to say
because you killed me,

but...I love you.

Dean:
I love you, too, Predator.

Glenn: Well,
with that being said,

the Predator is going to return

to...the state of Glenn.

Dean: Aha, Glenn.

Thank you, Glenn.
Glenn: Of course.

It was very hot in there.

Dean: Thank you.

Glenn: It's time for
some delicious cake.

Dean: Glenn, get that fucking
cake out of my office!

Glenn:
Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Dean: How many times
must I say it?!

Glenn: Every day.
I'm a slow learner, sir.

Dean: Cake is for those
in hospice care!

Glenn: Okay, I'll just
get out of here.

Dean: Cake.

[ Chuckles ]

Yes.

You're dead! [ Laughs ]

??

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