All language subtitles for Half And Half s04e10 Sexism in the City.eng

Thanks for helping me, Dee
Dee. I really want to impress chase

- with my knowledge of wine.
- No problem. Now,

this is an Australian cheraz.

I want you to smell it, sip it,

then roll it around
on your tongue

and say the first thing
that comes to mind.

Mmm. Grapey good.

[Laughter]

Unless it's that.

[Knock on door]

Big Dee Dee:
Hello, hello. [Gasps]

Look at all these
open bottles of liquor.

[Laughter]

Am I in heaven or the backseat
of my mother's monte Carlo?

Perfect timing. A
connoisseur has arrived.

Oh, my, yes. Nothing
chases my happy pills faster.

[Laughter]

Mmm. Grapey good.

[Laughter]

That's what I said.

So, Dee, how have
things been progressing

- at the sports agency?
- Fine. Great.

Oh, who am I kidding? It's crap.

I'm halfway through the
six months I was given

to prove myself,
and all I've proven

is that I look really
hot in a business suit.

Well, at least the three
months weren't wasted.

If I don't sign a client of
my own and show my boss

that I'm an amazing agent,

I'll go back to
living on a budget

and making sensible
shopping choices.

I won't go back
to that hellish life.

[Laughter]

When I asked about the agency,

I was really less concerned
with the ins and outs of it

and more concerned
with the rich NBA players

you're meeting, dating,
and potentially marrying.

So, let's start again.

Who're you meeting, dating,
and potentially marrying?

[Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

♪ through this
journey of discovery ♪

♪ you finding you
I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the
joy inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' ♪

♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Ooh. [Ironic laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Hey, Brett. Got a second?

Absolutely. Let's
walk and talk, Thorne.

- Try and keep up.
- I always do.

[Chuckles] Not so far.

[Laughter]

Well, I've put together

a list of athletes
without representation

that I'm going to go after.
Tell me what you think.

Sure. Let's see. Taylor's
rotator cuff is trashed.

Johnson's career
is over next season.

Carmelo Anthony just
signed with bda this morning,

you were like this
close to getting him.

- That's heartbreaking.
- [Laughter]

- Thank you.
- All right.

What about Dwight Mitchell?

[Laughs] You're gonna try
and sign Dwight Mitchell?

That's very cute.
Sounds like a great way

to waste your last
three months here.

Is there something
I don't know about?

Only that every agent
in the sports world

has already gone
after this guy and failed.

Oh. Does every
agent include you?

Well, I wouldn't
technically say I failed...

Oh, so Brett mahoney
failed at something.

Hey, hey! Failed is a
little harsh, all right?

Especially when the
task is impossible.

Dwight Mitchell
doesn't trust any agents.

Oh. Was this before
or after he met you?

[Chuckles] His wife
Elena is an attorney

who negotiated a pretty
decent NBA contract for him.

Besides, he hates
anyone in a suit.

Nice suit by the way.

[Laughter]

His wife can't possibly get
him the endorsements that I can.

That's where the crazy money is.

And in your case, maybe
Dwight didn't hate the suit.

Maybe it was your hanky.

Do you own, like,
a hundred of these?

I really don't know why
you're trying so hard.

It's not likely you're
going to thrive

in this business, Thorne.
Generally speaking,

athletes are more interested

in sleeping with women than
being represented by them.

[Cheerful humming]

Who do you think
you're talking to?

There's no difference
between the two of us.

God says there is.

[Laughter]

I'm tired of you constantly
reminding me that I'm a woman.

At the end of this week,

this woman will have
Dwight Mitchell as a client

and you'll just have your hanky.

You know, Thorne. I
mean, don't get me wrong.

[Stutters] I love women.

My housekeeper's a woman.

You know, my
ex-fiancé is a woman.

And the person ending
this ridiculous conversation:

A woman.

And the person

who's not going to be
working here much longer...

[Laughs] ...A woman.

[Laughter]

Not you. That woman.

[Introductory musical note]

All right.

Here's what I've
learned about wines.

Red needs to breathe,

not all whites
need to be chilled,

and pink goes in a box
in your crazy aunt's trailer.

[Laughter]

Well, keep on learnin'
so I can keep on samplin'.

- [Laughter]
- [Knock on door]

[Mona sighs]

- Look who's here.
- Drew!

[Laughter]

Well, I meant your
father, but whatever.

[Laughter]

I thought you weren't
allowed to watch him

after big Dee Dee
found you asleep

and drew trapped
under a giant pile of wigs.

[Laughter]

Charles: Tonight's an emergency.

Dee spotted Emmy
glasion near the house,

so she grabbed the
maids and the nanny.

They're holed up at neiman's
until the heat dies down.

[Laughter]

Sometimes I think she
loves the help more than me.

Don't just think it.

[Laughter]

Oh, my god.

You would not believe
the day that I have had.

Drew!

[Laughter]

It's like I'm invisible!

Ooh. Cheesy.

[Laughter]

Brett, the person
who's supposed to be

showing me the
ropes at the agency,

is a friggin' pig!

And not only is there
a glass ceiling at work,

but Brett is standing on
it, smiling down at me,

and giving me the finger!

[Laughter]

But you would never treat a
woman like that, would you?

Would you? That's right,

because you know
women can crush men.

[Laughter]

You're scaring my boy.

[Laughter]

You're scaring me.

[Laughter]

What happened?

Brett told me

that I will never be a
successful agent, because...

[Whispering] Athletes
are more interested

in what's between my
legs than between my ears.

- He said what?
- You heard that?

I'm the father of two daughters.

When you started puberty,
my hearing improved.

[Laughter]

Brett's just trying to get
inside my head so I'll fail,

but I cannot
fail. I will not fail.

Daddy, bring drew by
when you're done here

so I can tell him the story
of the little agent that could.

[Laughter]

Wow. Things are so
much different at delicious.

The worst thing I've experienced

is Adam staring
longingly at my chest.

[Laughter]

He does the same thing to me!

[Laughter]

I can't believe my little girl's

got to put up
with this Brett guy.

[Scoffs] I agree.

Creating a hostile
work environment

based on gender
is cause for action.

Kai sent me to a sexual
harassment seminar

after I asked how
many licks it took to get

to the center of a tootsie pop.

[Laughter]

What? It's different
for everybody.

[Introductory musical note]

Hey. What are you doing here?

Probably the same
thing you're doing here.

Good. We'll handle Dee's
little problem together.

Her office is on the 15th floor.

Let's do this, Chester.

My name's not Chester.

[Laughter]

Ooh. Fake name. Smart.

In that case, my
name's not Charles.

It's shaft!

Yeah. That's it.

Shut your mouth.

[Laughter]

[Both laughing]

Oh. Lorenzo.

Hey, Mona, uh,
long time, no see.

Been hiding from me?

Last time I saw you, you
kissed me on the forehead.

There's nothing more to say.

Except she got a man.
How you feel about that?

[Laughter]

Oh. Well, we're still neighbors.

Maybe we can get
together some time.

I guess you didn't
hear me the first time.

She got a man.

[Laughter]

So, it's true what they say?

You really can't
reheat a soufflé?

Oh, you can reheat anything.

Wait, wait. We're
talking about food, right?

[Laughter]

I know your restaurant
has a strict policy

against interrupting patrons,
but I really need to speak

to Dwight Mitchell.
It's just that...

Stop hanging up on me!

[Knock on door]

Hey. We came to cheer you up.

We got million dollar
baby, monsterand kill bill.

And a box of milk duds as
big as your daddy's head.

I wish I wasn't so busy
trying to get to Dwight,

because a movie about killing
men really sounds delightful.

My mom and I swear by
these movie marathons.

Women who are
worse off than you.

Couple of those
movies might skip.

With Mona's life,
we've used them a lot.

[Laughter]

Hey, aren't you
Dee Dee's friend?

- Yeah.
- And I'm Dee Dee's father.

Oh. Very nice to meet you.

We'll see how nice
it is after we're done.

Dee Dee told us how
you've been treating her.

You must've forgot.
Every little girl has a daddy.

[Laughter]

What's going on here, guys?

You know what this is.

[Laughter]

[Elevator bell chimes]

[All laughing]

Well, Brett, I'm glad
we could work out

- our little misunderstanding.
- Absolutely.

My assistant will message
you guys those tickets

first thing in the
morning. Courtside, right?

Cheerleaders up close.
You the man, Brett.

[Chuckles] No, no,
no. You both da man.

[Chuckles]

[Laughter]

- Now, that's how you do it.
- Yeah.

Dee Dee's gonna
thank us when she hears

how we straightened
Brett out, Chester.

It's Spencer.

It's just me. Let
the fake name go.

[Laughter]

Girl, you are wearing
those floors out.

[Laughter]

I'd never admit it to Brett,

but I can't even get
close to Dwight Mitchell.

Cell phone blocked.

E-mail returned.
Home phone click.

I need a new strategy.

What would an
aggressive, conniving,

ruthless man do?

You know what you need?
I'll tell you what you need.

You need a resourceful,
smart, sexy lady.

Ooh, do you think
your mom is available?

[Laughter]

I'm talking about me. I
can hunt down anybody.

Little skill I use when
one of my crazies

skips out on their therapy bill.

You give me the make
and model of Dwight's car,

and I'll call my
friend at the dmv

and get his butt towed
right to your doorstep.

[Laughter]

She can do it, too.

That's how she got my
prom date to show up.

[Introductory musical note]

Good morning.

[Electronic alert beeping]

[Laughter]

[Beeps continue]

Thorne.

Mahoney.

Hey, listen. I just
wanted to thank you

for sending your
father and his thug

to ambush me last night.

I didn't send anybody,

and the only thug my
father has is my mother.

[Laughter]

So, you don't know anyone

by the name of shaft
Thorne or Chester?

[Laughter]

- Oh, no, they didn't.
- Oh, yes, they did.

It seems they're very
concerned with the hard time

you're having fitting
into our little family,

especially shaft.

[Laughter]

You just don't see that kind
of caring in the sports world.

Maybe you're ushering
in a whole new era.

You know, what's next?
Puppies? Crying? Pink uniforms?

[Laughter]

Excuse me. I think I
hear my phone ringing.

Yeah, don't worry, Thorne.

I assured things would
be different from now on,

I also filled the
rest of the staff in

on your special needs.

[Laughter]

Daddy's little girl?

Yeah, I swear I did not do that.

I was the first person to
laugh when I saw it, though.

[Laughter]

In fact, uhm...
I'm still laughing.

[Laughs]

[Introductory musical note]

I can't believe dad and
Spencer had it in 'em,

but if it makes
you feel any better,

nobody's ever stood
up for me like that.

Let me tell you a little story.

The place: The churro
shack. The time...

Am I not suffering enough?

Hey, the little class
has stories to tell, too.

Go ahead, baby. Tell your tale.

I was a young girl
kneading dough

under the hot summer
sun at six flags.

My co-worker, artemio,
would mold his dough

into obscene shapes
and force me to fry them.

Now, I was too
afraid to report him,

so I just ate the
dirty churros quickly

so the children
wouldn't see them.

[Laughter]

Now, I gained 20
pounds that summer

and was fired for not
fitting in my uniform.

That's it? You're my
kid, and I'm bored.

[Laughter]

The point is I always
regretted not fighting back,

and artemio ruined my
love of deep-fried dough.

For a week.

[Laughter]

I can't tell you how many times

I was skipped
over for promotions

because I was a woman,
but I never did say anything,

'cause I needed the job
and I was a single mother

to Ms. Eye patch,
orthopedic shoes,

cavity-in-every-tooth over here.

Dee Dee, you have a
chance to do what we didn't do,

so you've got to show
the guys in your office

that you're not the
incapable, fragile female

they think you are,
and I'm gonna help you,

- because you got me fired up.
- I love it.

Two sisters and a little
boys' club takedown.

Phyllis: Well, how come
only Mona can help?

You're sitting next to the
most vindictive woman in town.

[Laughter]

And by vindictive,
she means crazy.

And by town, she means planet.

[Laughter]

- Well, that was a bust.
- This is my kind of gym.

The 2-year-wait list
just for a membership?

If I can't get a membership,
I can't work out.

It's perfect.

Then we're just gonna
have to go with plan b.

We'll wait for Dwight to
come out after he trains,

then I'll pounce.

His endorphins will be
flowing. He'll be in a good mood

and receptive to my pitch.

Or he'll be tired,
sweaty and annoyed

- at the sight of you.
- [Laughter]

Hey, there's a
coffee cart. I'll treat.

Ok, but let's make it fast.

Thanks, Tony.

Oh, my god! There he is!

[Both] Dwight! Dwight!

Whoa. Slow your roll. I mean,

you ladies are beautiful,
but I'm happily married,

but here's a little something
to remember me by.

Thanks for being fans.

[Laughter]

He thinks I'm just a groupie.

He thinks I'm beautiful.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

Sweetheart, please let
mother take you to dinner

and cheer you up.

Don't you and daddy have to go

to your bay area
realtors cocktail mixer?

Ah, I hate that thing.

All those snobby
society dimwits do

is brag about
their Aston Martins,

their diamonds, and
their stupid little dogs.

It's maddening.

[Laughter]

Well, I'm gonna pass on dinner.

This whole thing at work
has ruined my appetite.

I wish your father
would've taken me

to his chat with Brett.

I'd have shown
that boy's derriere

what I learned as a
Tallahassee rockette.

Your mother can
kick like a horse.

[Laughter]

I knew this job
would be challenging,

but being the only female
has made it even harder.

That's because you're
trying to act like a man.

If you keep doing that,

you'll always be
at a disadvantage.

As a woman, you
have abilities men don't.

That's where your power lies.

I've never thought
about it that way.

I've been trying to play
this game like a man would.

I've forgotten
what I'm capable of.

Now you're cooking
with estrogen,

and if you have any left over,
you should give it to Phyllis.

She's looking a little nanny
goat-ish around the chin.

[Laughter]

[Introductory musical note]

[Whispering] This
spa is amazing.

Are you sure we're gonna
find Dwight's wife here?

[Whispering] Yeah, pretty
sure, 'cause she's right there!

[Laughter]

Some back-up you are.

You don't even
know who the Mark is.

Ok. Now here's the plan.

I'm going to introduce myself
to Elena, work my magic.

You watch the door.

I don't want to watch the door.

I watched the door at the
gym. You see how that went.

Then clear the room. Do
you think you can do that?

I've been doing it
since elementary school.

[Laughter]

Excuse me, ma'am. It's
time for your treatment.

I've already had my treatment.

Well, it's "buy one,
get one free" day.

In that case, should I
get the saltwater scrub

or the seaweed wrap?

I don't care. Just get out!

[Laughter]

Elena Mitchell? Hi. My
name is Dee Dee Thorne.

And this is the quiet room.
Let's take advantage of that.

[Laughter]

You need some muscle?

You want me to
throw her off her chair?

No. Just watch the door
and wait for my signal.

Ok.

What's the signal?

Just give me some room!

Perhaps you two would be

more comfortable
at the city pool?

[Laughter]

Hi. Sorry. We're...

I'm a sports agent.

Smooth. Maybe next time
you should be the muscle.

[Laughter]

- [Whispering] Shut up.
- Ok.

[Laughter]

And I'll work night and day to
make sure that your husband

gets the best treatment
the sports world has to offer.

Dwight Mitchell belongs at gmg.

You don't think we've
heard any of that before?

Dwight gets
approached every week

by hungry, young agents
giving him the same lie.

Admittedly, none of them
have ever done it in a fluffy robe.

[Laughter]

Well, it's my own unique style,

but the other thing
that none of them have

is my energy,
drive, and passion.

I can promise no one will
work harder for Dwight than me.

I'm proud of the work that
I've done for my husband.

Everyone who comes to us
thinks they can replace me.

Oh, I don't want to replace you!

I want to work with you.

He is a powerhouse
on the basketball court,

you've obviously got the
brains and the business savvy.

I just want to join your team

and take Dwight
to the next level.

Elena, I know that you
have never trusted agents,

but you can trust me,

and I'll have all the men
at gmg working for us.

[Door opens and closes]

Uhm, how much longer
you guys gonna be?

There's a group of
angry women out there

and they're threatening to
snap me with their towels.

[Laughter]

So, Elena, what do
you say? Give me a shot.

[Introductory musical note]

Good morning.

Thorne. Hey, should
I hide in my office?

Any more of your
family on their way in?

[Laughter]

Sorry, mahoney. You
can't get to me today.

Give it time.

[Laughter]

Hey, Dee Dee.

Elena. Dwight. Thanks
for coming down.

My office is right over here.

You look familiar. Have I
turned you down before?

[Laughter]

[Laughs] Well, you know,
I wouldn't technically say...

Yeah, you have.

[Laughter]

I thought I recognized

that... fancy pocket
thing you got.

[Laughter]

What do you have,
like, a hundred of those?

Uhm, why don't you
two wait in my office,

and I'll be in one second?

Hey, Brett.

Would you mind getting
my clients some water?

They may get a little dehydrated

from all the paperwork
they need to go over. Thanks.

Brett: Hey. Hey.

How did you land Mitchell?

Never underestimate
the power of women.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
daddy's little girl needs

to sign the unattainable client,

and feel free to spread
that around the office.

[Laughter]

[Cheerful humming]

[Laughter]

Back to work.

[Introductory musical note]

Ok, shaft Thorne and Chester.

[Laughter]

I understand your male
instinct to protect me,

and I know there
was love behind that,

but if you ever get involved
in my business again,

I cannot be responsible
for my actions.

Honey, I was just trying to...

I know what you were
trying to do. Try less.

[Laughter]

- Did she say "try less"?
- I think she did.

- Talkin' to me?
- The daddy.

Brett mentioned something
about courtside seats.

- She knows about the seats.
- Man.

Hand 'em over.

Show some mercy, woman.

[Laughter]

Show some tickets, shaft.

[Laughter]

Cheerleaders
dancing in front of you

and hot dogs
brought to your seat.

You're taking away all
that's good in the world.

[Laughter]

Now, that's how
you do a shakedown.

[Laughter]

[Introductory theme song]

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