All language subtitles for Half And Half s02e18 Good Help Is Hard to Find.eng

[Knocks] Good morning, dees.

Hi.

And hello, little man.

Corn muffin, I decided we're
not gonna use the word "little"

around the baby.
He'll get a complex.

What are you guys doing?

Going through reésumeés
for a new nanny.

What happened to Nina?

She was fantastic.

Ah, when Catherine zeta-Jones
heard through the baby grapevine

how fantastic she was,
she stole her from me.

Now she has my Nina
and my academy award.

Ohh, no.

You know damn well that
should've been me in Chicago.

I was born to
play velma Kelly...

And not just in the mirror...

After your father
had gone to work.

Now, grab some
reésumeés and help, dear.

Ooh, listen to this
one. Monica espinoza.

She cooks, speaks fluent
Spanish and Portuguese,

and is qualified to
operate heavy machinery.

Is that a vacuum?

Oh, I interviewed her yesterday.

She was good, but
she had a nose job

that looked like it had
been done in a mini-mall.

It made your brother cry.

Look, this one wants $25 an
hour. What fool would pay that?

Me.

But Ms. Zeta-Jones made
Nina an offer of $35 an hour

plus the exclusive
use of their yacht.

That nanny nearly dropped
my baby on his head

when she bolted for the door.

♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding
you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy
♪♪ inside of me ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Uh. [Chuckles]

Greetings, theater patrons.

Tonight is the premiere
of my one-man show,

and your presence is both
welcome and mandatory.

An Asian in the sun? Mm-hmm.

It's an intimate journey

through all 26 of my past lives,

beginning with me sprouting
from the earth as a tiny oak

and ending with me in
my current incarnation

as an underpaid receptionist
punching my time card

at a fledgling record company.

It's a tragedy.

So is what happened
when you tried

to hand me one of
these at the urinal.

My shoes are stillwet.

Adam, this is
delicious letterhead.

I know, and I need
you to order some more.

I was only able to
print up a measly 5,000.

Oh, here are the
reports you asked for.

Good morning, Ms.
Owens. I love your suit.

Very gangsta chic.

Now, your car's been
completely detailed,

and I had them add just
a dash of baby powder

to the rear seats,
just the way you like it.

Your lunch has been
ordered and will arrive at 1:00.

If that is all, I will
retire to my desk.

Hey, Kai. You look nice, real...

Can it. Ass-kissing's
not your color.

Mona, now that you've
settled into your new position,

there are some things
I'd like you to handle.

And that is what a v.P. Is
here for, to handle things,

and handling is what
I do because I have...

Hands.

Well said.

Now, I'd like you
to put together a list

of some upcoming groups
you and I can take a look at,

and, uh, call Dante's manager

and tell him we are not
paying his $25,000 hotel tab

and fire Adam.

Little Dee, I can't take much
more of this interview process.

If the next nanny isn't perfect,

I'll simply have to raise
the baby all by myself.

Desperate times call
for desperate measures.

[Cooing]

Well, I have a
really good feeling

about this next woman.

Last name love,
first name Amani.

It's one letter away from
our favorite designer.

It has tomean something!

No, not always. Remember
our cook, Julie Vuitton?

[Knock on door]

Hello. I'm looking
for the thornes?

I'm Amani?

Oh, my...

Ok, I can tell by the
look on your faces

you weren't expecting a man.

Oh! No, no, no!

I mean, why shouldn't
we be expecting a man?

A man can be a Manny... nanny.

Of... of course.

Uh, I'm Dee Dee...

And this is my daughter Dee Dee.

Well, that should be
easy to remember.

Look, honestly, if
you're uncomfortable,

I can just call the service...

Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no, no, no!

Uh, have a seat!

Tell us about yourself.

Well, ok. Um,

after I got my masters in
early child development,

I traveled in France,

and then I got my
first job as an au pair.

And that allowed me to immerse
myself in the French culture

and get paid to do
exactly what I love,

which is take care of children.

After all, they are the very
foundation of our society.

Would you like to
ask me a question?

Do you work out?

[Drew crying]

Uh, uh... Allow me.

Shh, shh. Shh, shh.

Hey, little man.[Stops crying]

♪ Fais-dos-dos ♪

♪ 'colas, mon petit frere ♪

♪ fais-dos-dos ♪

♪ t'auras du lolo... ♪

What do you think?

His references are excellent

and he seems
more than qualified.

He is perfect.

Andgood with the baby!

I just... i never
prepared myself

for the fact that iwould
have to fire someone.

I mean, in my life, I'm the
one who gets kicked around,

not the one who
does the kickin'.

Finally get some use
out of those big boots.

Spence, how would
you fire someone?

Well, if it were me,

I'd just tell it
to 'em straight,

but I'd do it late on a Friday,

and then jam out of the
building and hide for the weekend

in case the sucker went postal.

Here's what you do: Pretend
you're breaking up with a boyfriend.

I've never done that, either.

Work with me, Mona.

I know it's hard to fire Adam
because he's your friend.

But it's not like
he's good at his job.

True, all he really
does is gossip

and eat the tops off
all the good muffins.

And he's always
barging into our offices.

I was napping on
my couch one time?

When I woke up,
he was spooning me.

Come to think of it, when
great aunt Pearl died,

Adam didn't give me
the message for a week.

Well, in his defense,
she was still dead

when you found out.

Face it, Mona, no matter
how much we like him,

you gonna have to cut him loose.

[Sighs] I know.

Now, he's gonna be
devastated, so give Adam my card

and tell him to make
an appointment quick.

Unemployment insurance
only covers 45 days,

and I do not fix
people for free.

Mrs. Thorne, what is
the point of having me

if you're just gonna spend
the entire day at home?

Why don't you let me do my job,

and you go do whatever
it is that rich mommies do.

Please!

I mean, we do the
same things as the poor.

I mean, we go to the clubs,

spend the day at the spa,

visit our personal
shopper at neiman's.

I mean, we're all just people.

Oh.

Mom! I thought
you'd be at the gym.

You said yourself
that the baby fat

won't just fall off.

I, uh, threw my shoulder out,

you know, in kick boxing... fah!

Um, besides, you know,

I spend a fortune
on your education,

yet you're here.

Ok, ladies.

Drew and I are off to the park

to get our workout on.

So say bye-bye to
mommy and big sis.

Bye. Bye.

Dante's manager returned
your call about the hotel tab,

and he is livid!

Wait, he wanted me to take
this down word for word...

Ooh, can't read it.

Spilled coffee on it.

Adam... Mmm.

Could you sit down for a second?

I need to talk to you
about something,

and it's kind of important.

Is this about the
cute new publicist?

'Cause the handbook says
it isn't sexual harassment

until he tells me to stop.

Adam, how would you feel

if I were able to give
you more free time

so you could focus
on your acting?

I mean, you're so talented.
I'd hate to see it go to waste.

You let it go to
waste last night

when you didn't come to my show.

Oh, I completely forgot.

I passed out 5,000 flyers

and only one person came.

The sing-along was a sing-alone,

and it was the saddest
standing ovation ever.

Good old dad.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I
need to rethink my dreams.

We... i... Don... [groans]

Adam looks really upset.

Did you do the deed?

No, he has no idea
I'm about to fire him.

[Gasps]

He does now.

Adam, I am so sorry you
had to find out this way.

Save it, sister. Ever
since your promotion,

you've been drunk with power.

Plus, you start showing
up every day on time

and expect me to do the same?

It's an outrage!

Well, this can't be
much of a surprise.

Basically, you get
paid to do nothing.

Exactly! Where am I gonna
find another job like this?

Try to look at it
as a good thing.

I'd watch my back if
I were you, Spencer.

You could be
next on her hit list.

Wait. You know something?

I know your type.

Climbing over the bodies of people
you stepped on with your wide-ass feet,

scratching your way to the top with your
chewed-off nails and inflamed cuticles.

You're a ruthless
corporate wolf,

and I'm your adorable
sacrificial lamb!

You know what, Adam?

If you put half the effort

into your work as
your catty comebacks,

this might not be
happening to you.

So, little kitten
shows her claws.

And don't even get me started

on those ridiculous outfits.

If you had any real
friends, they'd tell you.

I thought you
were my real friend.

Kick a girl while he's down.

Why are you looking
in the classifieds?

Did you mess up this job?

Tell me you didn't
mess up this job.

No, I just feel guilty about the
way things went down with Adam,

so I thought I'd
help find him one.

There's just not a lot available

for completely unskilled,
unmotivated people

who dress like elves.

Your father found work.

I don't know why
I'm trying so hard.

Adam won't even return my calls.

I'm starting to think
i'm just not cut out

for this kind of
authority over people.

It's a learning process, Mona.

I promise it'll get
easier. When?

When you realize you're not just

Mona the friend and
co-worker anymore.

You're the boss, and
that means doing things

that aren't always popular.

Yeah, that doesn't make
me feel much better.

Well, if you're not
comforted by that,

shed a few tears and think about

all the pretty things you
can buy with that big fat raise.

Including a new
watch for your mother.

What? You don't
want to be unpopular

with me, too, now, do
you? [Knock on door]

So, how'd your
first termination go?

Terrible. I just pray

I never have to do it again.

Well, if you do, just do
what my mom does...

Pay someone else to do it.

So, Dee Dee, where are you going

all pulled together?

Oh, I'm just going
to play with drew.

And since when to you get
so dressed up for a baby?

His eyes can't even focus yet.

You sure you're not
trying to get the baby nanny

to check you out?

You're crazy.

Oh, I don't know. I
met him in the hall,

and that man is ass-tastic!

He made me want to have
another baby so icould hire him.

Am I being that obvious?

Oh, girl!

My life is so unfair.

I never had a hot nanny.

I just got old Mrs.
Henchy down the hall.

She used to take my glasses

so I couldn't leave the room

while she watched her stories.

[Speaking French]

Hello, Amani.

Well, hey, Dee Dee.

What have you two been up to?

Well, we have had
a busy little day.

But mostly we've been
working on drew's French,

so now he can goo en francais.

You are amazing.

We've also been gettin' our
boogie on to the outkast video,

but, uh, I don't know if
that was such a good idea.

I think your other baby
need some attention.

Well, in that case...

It's nap time.

Let me lay you down to sleep.

Mmm... mmm...

Dee Dee... Amani...

Big Dee Dee: Dee Dee? Mommy?

Are you ok?

Oh... of course.

I was just taking a little nap,

dreaming about... Penal codes.

Uh, where's Amani?

Oh, he's trying to get
a stain out of his shirt.

Oh.

Wipe your mouth, Dee.

You got a little
spittle right there.

Hi. You must be Eric
from the temp agency.

Hello. And you
must be miss Thorne.

Call me Mona. Good to
meet you, miss Thorne.

Um, I have your messages,

including one I just
took from somebody

who said he was Dante's manager?

Ooh, did he give
you a hard time?

Nothing I couldn't handle.

He said a bad
word, so I wrote "f"

happy face, happy
face, happy face.

Wow, I can actually read these,

and they're not
a week old and...

They don't smell
like white diamonds.

Welcome to delicious, Eric.

Who are you?

And where's the
petite Filipino guy

that's always telling
me how good I look?

I... i... i fired him yesterday,
like you told me to.

No, I told you fire Adam.

The petite Filipino guy isadam.

No, that's Sammy.

Well, at least that's
what he comes running to

every time I say, "Sammy,
get your ass in here!"

That little guy has
given me the inside dirt

on every person who works here.

So, whatever his name is,

get him back.

Absolutely.

But if I wasn't
supposed to fire Adam,

who was I supposed to fire?

The old guy in marketing
who don't know crack

about what kids
are listening to.

Tyrone? He's 34.

Right. The old guy.

[Chuckles]

Mrs. Thorne, please.

You don't have to do this.

You know, I really
don't get the opportunity

to do these sort
of domestic chores,

but if it means I get
to be close to my baby,

it's what I have to do.

Ok, Mrs. Thorne, let me do this.

Well, that's what I'm here for.

Let me peel this
grape for you, beautiful.

I wouldn't want you to
choke on this tough skin.

[Choking]

Big Dee Dee: It's Harry Winston!

It's flawless.

And so are your abs.

Would you like
something to drink?

How about a Mai Tai?

I don't think a Mai Tai
is appropriate for a baby.

Well, you are the expert.

Hi, guys.

Amani, I think drew
could use some fresh air.

Could you take him
out for a walk, please?

Not a problem. Thank you.

Come on, little man.

♪ Fais-dos-dos ♪

♪ 'colas, mon petit frere ♪

♪ fais-dos-dos... ♪

Uh...

Mom... is everything all right?

You look a little flushed.

It's Amani. He's really
putting me to the test

in ways I'm just, you know,
not used to being tested.

Oh, and look at this. He
took the baby out for a walk

without his blue cap.

It's unacceptable.

He's making me
uncomfortable, too,

but only because I sensed

he was making you uncomfortable.

Which is why I'm uncomfortable,

because you're so uncomfortable.

And you know who
is really uncomfortable

is your father.

Well, if we're all
uncomfortable,

Amani's gotta go.

You know, for the
sake of our comfort.

[Cheerfully] Fancy sausage?

[Dully] Fancy sausage?

Mona: Hey... Adam.

You!

How'd you find me?

I called your emergency contact:

Jimmy at Eduardo's
hair house elegante.

That number's for
hair emergencies only.

I hope you made an appointment.

Would you like to
try my sausage?

Man, don't come at me like that.

Adam, there was a mistake.

You can have your job back.

Why would I want
that dead-end job?

I have a new career
as a meat vendor.

I get to see interesting people

and ask if they want
to sample my sausage.

It works for me.
Here and at the club.

Do I taste apple in this one?

Yes, that's our chicken
and apple andouille.

It's the sassy
sausage of the month.

Kai came to my office
and said "fire Adam,"

but what she really
meant was fire Tyrone.

But what I want to know is

why does she think
your name is Sammy?

If they don't know your real
name, they can't fire you.

Yeah, that worked
out real well for you.

Mmm. This sausage is spicy.

Look, I guess I should
have questioned why

Kai wanted you gone,

but I didn't, and I'm sorry.

Come on!

Put on your headset
and come back to work.

It's just not the
same without you.

Sorry, I have my pride.

I can't come back,
especially after

those terrible things
you said to me.

You hurt my heart.

I know, and I'm sorry,

but my heart hurts, too.

Wish it was my heart that hurt.

My colon's starting
to percolate.

Let me see your hands.

You ain't my mama!

Adam, I saw you break the
2 samples per customer rule.

We warmed them up
at 8:00 this morning.

I thought it best
to get rid of them.

Look, my father John p.
Sassy built this business

with nothing but a pig,

a meat grinder, and a dream.

I don't care if you help me
with my calculus or not...

You're fired.

Ok, I'll come back to delicious.

Yay.

I'll start day after tomorrow.

I'm taking a sick day.

Thanks.

Me, too!

[Quietly] Now, let
Amani down easy.

I don't know about this.

Just because I fired Adam

doesn't mean I like it.

It's emotionally taxing.

Would $100 make it less taxing?

It's not the money.
It's the principle.

200.

300 and I'll make him cry.

Amani, we need to talk.

Amani, let me start off
by saying the Dee dees

think you are doing
an incredible job.

Have you ever considered
taking care of adults?

[Knock on door]

Hey. How was it at work today?

Well, Adam got to work at 11:00,

gossiped till 12:00,
took a 3-hour lunch,

and left at 5:00.

So I guess, uh, back to normal.

Well, good.

Mom hired a new nanny.

She's amazing, but ug-ly!

Guess you're gonna
miss Amani, huh?

Yeah, but I do have these.

Mom has a nanny
cam in the nursery.

46 hours of Amani in
all his baby-lovin' glory.

Margarita time! Whoo-hoo!

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