All language subtitles for Half And Half s02e06 Butting In.eng

Yay!

2 with everything, but no
onions on mine. I have a woman.

I'll have Sauerkraut
and onions. I have TiVo.

Did you see that? Unfortunately.

Now that I'm off the market, all
the females want a piece of this.

Spence, it's the
forbidden fruit theory.

When you're in a
committed relationship,

people are more
attracted to you.

Really? 'Cause I was also
thinking maybe it had something

to do with my tree
trunk-like biceps.

I'm usually not this bold,

but I had to approach you.

Excuse me, but how do
you know I'm not his woman?

She's not my woman.

♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding
you I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

So, mom, we've been
missing each other lately.

What's new? Hmm, let's see.

All 4 cats had worms.
That was messy.

They sell Starbucks at
my grocery store now.

Oh! And I bought
an inflatable man,

so now I can drive
in the car pool Lane.

Ok, before you 2
are spooning in bed,

you really need a social life.

Look who's talking.

Please! The last time you dated,

people still had turntables.

Who are you saving it for?

Morgan Freeman.

Hey, guys! I brought
you some dessert.

Phyllis Thorne,
you've got a man!

I have a sixth sense
about these things,

and I am never, never wrong.

Never ever. Admit it.

Ok, yes. I'm seeing someone.

Really? 'Cause
sometimes I am wrong.

Mom, what happened to saving
yourself for Morgan Freeman?

You said it was time to move on.

I just said it.

See how well I take advice?

Well, this is great!
You have a man.

A real man, a breathing man.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I'm a
very private person.

Not with my business you're not.

I'm sorry. It's
just that Earl and I

have only been
dating for a month,

and we decided to
keep it on the q.T.

Till we knew where
it was headed.

A whole month? This is huge.

What does he look
like? What does he do?

Has he made it
to first base yet?

Earl is fine.

Owns his own business,

and I forget
where first base is,

but he's definitely on deck.

And every time I see him,

my heart skips a beat.

Ohh!

That is so precious.

I hope I can still have
those kinds of feelings

when i'm in my golden years.

That didn't come out right.

So when do I get to
meet him? Oh, forget it.

Took me 10 years to reel one in.

I don't want you tipping over the
boat before I've got him in the net.

Ma, I want to be part of the
things that make you happy.

And I haven't
seen you this happy

since you thought your cat scratched
a heart shape in the kitty litter.

Believe what you
want. I know what I saw.

Ma.

Oh, all right. I'll bring
him by tomorrow.

Great. I'll whip up some snacks.

Honey, he ain't
staying that long.

You get a glimpse,
and he's gone.

Why are you 2 acting like you've
never seen me go out with a man before?

[Together] We haven't.

Hey, everybody.

Damn, mamasita,
you clean up good!

Real good.

Thank you, baby. I still got it,

but I'm ready to give it away.

Ok. Spence, did you
bring the extra film?

I couldn't even get
in the drugstore.

Women were rushing me so hard.

I mean, what's a
super-sexy brother to do?

First of all,
super-sexy brothers

don't call themselves
super-sexy.

And second of all, you
tell those heifers in heat

you're in a committed
relationship.

[Knock on door]That's Earl.

Hello, muffin-top.
Just lookin' for li'l Dee.

Phyllis...

Your clothes match.

Aren't you brave, dressing
in front of a mirror these days.

Yes, this is what it
looks like to dress sober.

Come on, mother. We gotta go.

Yeah, thanks for dropping by.

Why are you all suddenly
so anxious for me to leave?

Phyllis: Don't be ridiculous.

We're always anxious
for you to leave.

Hi, I'm Earl.

And obviously lost.

This is a man-free zone.

Hello, handsome.

Hello, beautiful.

Everyone, this is Earl.

My man.

He's tall.

Earl, I'd like you to
meet my daughter Mona.

Hi.this is Spencer.

Dee Dee...

Phyllis: And big Dee Dee.

It's nice to meet you all.

We're so thrilled that someone

is finally taking
out our little Phyllis.

Mother, what are you doing?

If he's dating Phyllis,
he must be blind.

Ok, we've gotta go now.

Forgive them for rushing off.

The big one's gotta
do a drag show.

Tonight, he/she's
doing latoya Jackson.

Really?

He's very convincing.

Although, I could tell
a little around the feet.

So, Earl, have a seat.
Tell us about yourself.

Yeah, like how did you 2 meet?

At a food festival at pier 39.

Our eyes met as we both reached

for a giant Turkey leg.

We decided to share it.

I let her have the skin.

Isn't he romantic?

[Laughing together]

But poultry aside,

the most captivating
thing about Phyllis

is her spirit.

And then those eyes,

and that smile. Ooh.

Old dude's rap is tight!

So tell me, Earl,

what exactly are your
intentions towards my mother?

To get me to
dinner on time. Bye.

It was a pleasure
meeting both of you.

Same here. You kids have fun.

Do you have cab fare in
case something comes up?

If something comes
up, I won't need a cab.

Ok.

Sorry, this seat is taken.

My friend Meredith
Kessler is sitting there,

and you don't want to
mess with a new yorker.

I don't see anyone.

Then meet my friend Jimmy choo.

Hi.

Don't I know you?

You're, um... Let's see...

I know I know your name.

Give me a minute. It's,
uh... Woman: Denise.

Right! Denise.

Yes, from that time
we met at that place.

And... and you were
with that man you're with.

Oh, you mean my husband,
Earl? Your husband Earl.

Oh, no!

I mean, I know
because I know you

and that's Earl,

and you are
married to him, right?

Right.

You know what? I have to go.

I have trouble with intimacy.

Wait! What did you
say your name was?

Um... olive.

Olive maraschino.

I'm Italian on my
daddy's side. Bye!

I knew Earl was
too good to be true.

What am I gonna do?

Mona, you have to tell
your mom about him.

But she's so happy.

It's been a week
since she nagged me

about popping out
some grandbabies.

You gotta be strong.
You gotta do this.

And, you know,
I'm here for you, sis.

[Moans]

Hey, girls. I'm out of here.

Hey, hey, hey. Let
go of that door knob,

or you'll be picking
up your French tips.

Ooh, fighting words.
What's going on?

I think Mona can
answer that. Mona?

Is it something juicy? I think
Mona can answer that. Mona?

Is something wrong?
I think Mona can...

Ok!

It's obvious Mona's
around here, sis.

Ma, it seems that...

Earl's married,
and I met his wife.

Oh, this can't be happening.

I'm sorry, ma, but
we had to tell you.

I feel so stupid and embarrassed

to put you girls
in this position.

It's not your fault, Phyllis.

Yeah, you didn't
know Earl was married.

Actually, I did.

I just didn't want you to.

But, ma, how could
you keep seeing him

if you knew he was married?

He's not marriedmarried. He's
separated, and they're getting a divorce.

They haven't had a
real marriage in years.

What, they have a fake marriage?

They dress up
in little costumes?

Married is married.

Mona, if Earl says his
marriage is over, I believe him.

Phyllis, they looked
awfully chummy

when I saw them together.
What about his wife?

Nobody thought about
me when I was separated.

Ok, I'm out of
this conversation.

Ma, you really
don't know this guy.

I'm tired of being
without a man.

And at my age, the only
models available are pre-owned.

So what if Earl doesn't
have that new car smell?

I'm gonna hang a pine tree
on his ass and keep driving.

I am not giving him up.

So, what do you make of
this whole Phyllis-Earl thing?

What do you care?

It's just that
something's a bit strange,

a little askew, a smidge wonky.

I don't know what you're talking
about. Everything's normal.

There's nothing to spill. If there
was something to spill, I'd spill it.

[Sigh] You're being
loyal to your sister.

I admire that, and I would
never want you to say something

to betray her trust.

Here, write it down.

"I'm not telling you."

Tee-hee.

Do you like my ring?

10 carats of brilliant
cut, flawless diamonds.

One day it'll be yours.

It's so sparkly.

Tell me what you're
keeping from me,

and you can have it now.

There.

Now you're the prettiest
girl in the whole room.

Ok, but you can't tell anyone

what I'm about to tell you.

Mona told me...

That Phyllis told Earl...

That you're a drag queen.

How dare that lonely cat-herder!

I'll take my ring back now.

But you said I could have it.

Hey, it's a tough world,

and mother wouldn't be doing
her job if she didn't prepare you.

[Snap snap]

I just can't understand
how my mom, of all people,

could be dating a married man.

What's the big deal?

When you're separated, you
have license to date other people.

Says who, a bunch of horny guys?

Are there any other kind?

Hi. I'm randi.

And I'm Rita.

And y'all are both bold.

We're having a
party Friday night.

Want to join us?

With every ounce of my being.

Uh, I mean, uh, no, thank you.

I'm in a... A...

Committed relationship.

An honest guy. What a turn-on.

Too bad we can't fight over him.

Uh, uh, but you can!

I'll hold your blouses!

[Knock on door]

Hi!

I brought Sushi, chocolate,

and a copy of Oprah's magazine.

Oh, look. She's
on the cover again.

Let me guess.

You're trying to butter me up

'cause you're on your way to see
Earl, and you want my approval.

How'd you know that?

You always bring
me my favorite foods

when you don't
want me to be mad.

And you're wearing
your butt-shaper pants.

Well, I am meeting Earl
at the St. Francis hotel.

I think he's gonna tell me
he's finally getting that divorce.

You are not going down there to
be with someone else's husband.

Hello! I'm the mother here.

You need to
remember how you felt

when you were separated

and you lost your
husband to another woman,

but in this case,
you'rebig Dee Dee.

Oh, you have crossed
the line, young lady.

I am not big Dee Dee, and
this is not the same situation.

You keep telling yourself that,

and I'll keep telling myself

this chocolate
won't go to my hips,

and tomorrow,
we'll both be wrong.

Thanks for bringing
over the salsa.

Wait. This expired 2 weeks ago.

Please. An expiration
date is just a suggestion.

Apparently a good one.

[Knock on door]

Hi. Can I help you?

Oh, my god, you're so young.

Uh... thank you.

Before I say anything else,

I just want you to
know how difficult it is

for me to be standing
here right now.

I... I've rehearsed this moment
over and over in my head.

I... i just need you to listen.

I'm all ears. Who are you?

Look, I know the truth about
you and my husband Earl.

I found your address when I
was searching through his pockets.

Yes, I search his pockets.
Who are you to judge?

Ok, he was here, but
he wasn't here to see me.

He was here to
see... Somebody else.

Hey, Mona, which one of these

do you think is more naughty?

Denise.

Olive maraschino.

Olive maraschino?

Yes. Olive maraschino.

Denise: Oh, my god!

You're the one
Earl's been seeing.

Well, I suppose he told
you he was separated

and contemplating divorce.

Well, let me tell you something,

for 20 years... 20 years,
I've cooked his food,

laughed at his corny jokes,

and put up with his
country-ass family.

I'm not giving all
that up without a fight.

Then, I guess we're
all on the same page

because when I realized
that Earl was married,

I broke it off,

and I recently met
the man of my dreams.

Is this guacamole mask edible?

There's my suntanned
Superman now.

Baby, I missed
you so much today.

That's it. You
women are animals.

I'm not leaving my apartment
again without Camille.

Damn, I'm fineness!

I don't know what's
going on here,

but I am not buying it.

Me, either.

I'm gonna track down Earl

and get to the bottom of this.

Oh, you just had to
drag your new man into it.

Hey, the lady bought
olive maraschino!

I went for broke!

Wait, wait, wait.
My mom's with Earl.

We gotta track her down
before Denise takes her down.

I hate to say it, but
life was a lot easier

when your mother wasn't dating!

Mmm. Thank you.

Would you like to dance,

or should I just kiss you now?

Earl, I thought we came here

to discuss your
marital situation.

Ok, you can kiss me now.

Now, stop trying to
change the subject.

Oh, I already
forgot what it was.

Listen, now that we're here,

why not enjoy each other

without all my baggage?

I, um...

Got us a room...

With champagne,

and your favorite... goobers.

Ah.

You dropped your family.

Things are very
complicated, Phyllis.

I'm doing the best that I can.

I'm sure you are,

but how long is
that going to take?

If it was my choice, it
would be over tomorrow,

but, tonight, I
want to be with you.

I know.

But to be safe,

I'd better go up first.

See you upstairs.

Waiter!

Could you see this gets
returned to the front desk, please?

Hold up!

Tired of always
doing the right thing.

If lovin' him is wrong,
I don't want to be right.

No!

No.

Have to live with myself.

God knows, it's
hard enough already.

Now take this key, man, and run!

Run!

Oh, ma, I am so glad we
found you. Where's Earl?

What are you two doing here?

I think Mona can
answer that. Mona?

Ma, Earl is still very
much with his wife.

She came to my apartment.

She was looking for his
mistress, which would be you,

and I know you don't
want to hear this,

especially from me, but this
relationship is a dead end.

And you just got to trust

that there's something
better out there for you.

Ok.

"Ok"?

You said let him go. Done.

I just said it.

Well, when a mother has a
daughter as smart as you, she listens.

On what planet?

Are you playing
mind games with me?

Because if you are, you're good.

I've always been good.

You're just finally catching on.

You know, ma, there
is a bright side to all this.

At least, now you know

you can still open
your heart to a man.

True.

Next time, I just have
to run his license,

get his fingerprints, and
do a background check.

You're a wonderful
daughter, Mona Thorne.

Now move.

And you are ok, too,
despite your parents.

All right, I got to go before
my validation runs out.

I refuse to lose a man
andoverpay for parking.

Wow, I feel so powerful.

Maybe now I can get my mom to
stop wearing her slippers to the movies.

Baby steps, Mona.

Baby steps.

Phyllis.

Big Dee Dee.

I know all about your
sordid little secret.

How dare you call
me a drag queen?!

You only wish you
could pass for a woman.

Enough woman
for a full-size man.

But I am sorry I called
you a drag queen.

Thank you.

Don't thank me. I just don't
want to insult drag queens.

Whoo-hoo!

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