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1
00:00:03,264 --> 00:00:06,014
I had the best summer in L.A.
2
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,793
Yeah, got your e-mail.
3
00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:11,008
I shopped on rodeo,
4
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:11,918
went to the getty...
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,622
Got your postcard.
6
00:00:13,709 --> 00:00:16,229
And, entre nous,
7
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,320
I indulged in a
little summer fling.
8
00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:21,239
Is he in this trunk?
9
00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:24,235
He was a paralegal
where I did my internship.
10
00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:27,378
By day, I wowed
attorneys in the boardroom.
11
00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:30,332
By night, I wowed monsieur
fling in the bedroom.
12
00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:33,731
Yeah, I had a lot of
excitement in the bedroom, too.
13
00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:35,466
Bugs. This big.
14
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,687
And they flew.
15
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,736
Well, Mona, didn't you go out,
16
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:40,912
meet any guys?
17
00:00:40,997 --> 00:00:42,867
Clearly you didn't
read my e-mail.
18
00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:46,125
Too many freaks,
not enough circuses.
19
00:00:46,698 --> 00:00:48,218
Oh. Well,
20
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,439
wait till you see all
the cute clothes I got.
21
00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,268
I think I even lost weight.
22
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:55,056
I mean, can you believe
there's a size smaller than zero?
23
00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:57,802
The more things change,
24
00:00:57,883 --> 00:01:00,803
the more they suck the same.
25
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:02,316
Welcome home, kid.
26
00:01:04,238 --> 00:01:09,288
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪
27
00:01:09,373 --> 00:01:13,863
♪ you're finding
you, I'm finding me ♪
28
00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:17,433
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪
29
00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:19,252
♪ who brings out the joy ♪
30
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:20,340
♪ brings out the joy ♪
31
00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:23,784
♪ inside of me ♪
32
00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:25,866
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪
33
00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:27,955
♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪
34
00:01:28,044 --> 00:01:31,874
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪
35
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,571
♪ you and me ♪
36
00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:37,098
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪
37
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,760
Mom, having the
chocolate flown in
38
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,244
all the way from Belgium?
39
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:48,634
What has mother always told you?
40
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,887
When it comes to
chocolate, coffee, and men...
41
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,760
Both: The richer, the better!
42
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,290
[Knock on door]
43
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:57,807
Hey, double dees.
44
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:01,380
Oh, god, whatever
you're planning, it's big.
45
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:04,469
I'm gonna have to get my
eyebrows waxed, aren't I?
46
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:07,689
Yes, and as a general rule, yes.
47
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:11,829
We are planning a
surprise anniversary party
48
00:02:11,914 --> 00:02:13,314
for my mom and daddy.
49
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,074
Well, it won't be as much
of a surprise for mom
50
00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:16,181
since she's throwing it,
51
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,436
but daddy will be surprised.
52
00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:20,919
And you might wanna
consult the wax lady
53
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:22,050
about those bristly hairs
54
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,192
on the back of your thighs.
55
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:26,886
What are you looking for?
56
00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,192
My self-esteem.
57
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:30,928
I swear I had it when I came in.
58
00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:32,200
Big Dee Dee: Sugar bear,
59
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:33,612
ever since your
father's heart attack,
60
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:35,631
I've got a whole new outlook:
61
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,370
Spend... live...
62
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:39,991
Love... spend.
63
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:43,033
And that's different how?
64
00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:45,559
It's all about the here and now.
65
00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:46,563
You can't wait
66
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,304
for happiness to go on sale.
67
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:51,425
If you want it, you gotta
go ahead and pay full price.
68
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,089
There is no end to the rewards
69
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,963
of good parenting. Ohh!
70
00:02:55,044 --> 00:02:58,134
So, is it your 25th
anniversary already?
71
00:02:58,221 --> 00:02:59,311
Don't age me, dear.
72
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,396
It's our 24th.
73
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:03,045
And the highlight of the affair
74
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,749
will be a family slide
show focusing, of course,
75
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,707
on daddy with his daughters.
76
00:03:07,796 --> 00:03:09,006
Did you bring your pictures?
77
00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:11,971
I was wondering what
you wanted these for.
78
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,108
Uh, Mona,
79
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,894
there are only 6
pictures in here.
80
00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:18,288
Well, there was a picture
from last Thanksgiving
81
00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:19,722
of you, daddy, and my arm,
82
00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,178
but you thought your
lips looked greasy
83
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,901
and you destroyed it.
84
00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:24,245
Right.
85
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,834
Then I guess I'll have
to work with these.
86
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:27,947
Well, how many do you have?
87
00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:29,253
I'm not sure.
88
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,299
I've still gotta get
grades 4 through 12
89
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,255
out of storage.
90
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:37,347
Camille, these
pictures are incredible.
91
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,924
I mean, how did you get
beyonceé to pose with that lion?
92
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,662
[British accent] I didn't.
We were on safari in Kenya.
93
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:44,704
The lion ran up, I
snapped the photograph.
94
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,709
And I'll tell you, in addition
to singing and dancing,
95
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:50,232
the girl can run.
96
00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:52,095
Oh, and where were these taken?
97
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:53,888
The Australian outback.
98
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,502
I was there while they were
shooting that survivorshow.
99
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:57,804
Snuck over to their camp
100
00:03:57,889 --> 00:04:00,629
and got some really
great nudes. [Laughs]
101
00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,848
Hello, Mr. Probst.
102
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:05,028
Nice boomerang.
103
00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:07,514
Adam, don't you have
something you need to do?
104
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:11,115
Yeah, but I'd be arrested
if I did it right here.
105
00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,652
Sorry about that, Camille.
106
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:18,433
Adam's just a little... Coarse.
107
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:19,559
Coarse?
108
00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:22,570
Yes. It means
"uncouth," "crass,"
109
00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:24,313
"rough-hewn."
110
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,744
Rough-hewn? Where
did you get that?
111
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:29,051
I read, Mona.
112
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:30,841
And all I'm saying is,
113
00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:32,712
when it comes to
Adam's hewn-ness,
114
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:35,324
he's not...
115
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,575
Hewn.
116
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:39,319
So, back to business.
117
00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:40,449
Please.
118
00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:42,241
So with the cover
art you've done
119
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:43,405
and your freelance work,
120
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:44,680
you are obviously qualified
121
00:04:44,762 --> 00:04:47,772
to shoot our new
artist, aristophaneez.
122
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,032
Aristophaneez?
123
00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:50,904
Really?
124
00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:54,206
Not very catchy, is it?
125
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,734
Ok, we're still
working on his name.
126
00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:57,987
[Sighs] I'll cross
it off the list.
127
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,299
Ooh, more nudes!
128
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:02,303
I like those cinnamon buns.
129
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,219
Mmm. Yeah, that's my ex.
130
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,134
And the lady underneath him?
131
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:07,128
His secretary.
132
00:05:07,219 --> 00:05:09,739
The shadows are fabulous.
133
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,311
How can you stand
134
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,068
to have a picture like
that in your portfolio?
135
00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:15,445
I caught my ex-girlfriend
cheating once.
136
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:16,972
I just died inside.
137
00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:20,485
And then I put dog
doo on her car handles.
138
00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:22,759
Wish I'd thought of that.
139
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:25,594
Instead, I keep
this as a reminder.
140
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:27,593
That was the end of that,
141
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:29,625
not the end of me.
142
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,850
Both: Wow.
143
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:35,120
So, do you want me to shoot
this nameless bloke or what?
144
00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:36,294
Yes, definitely.
145
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,209
We would love
for you to shoot...
146
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:39,694
Scaramouche?
147
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:44,818
[Sighs] I'll go
get the contract.
148
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,563
So, Mona...
149
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:48,651
Are you shagging him?
150
00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:50,179
What? No!
151
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:51,812
Spencer and I have
been friends for years.
152
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,659
He is so in the "no shag" zone.
153
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:56,274
I mean, we don't even think
of each other as shag-able.
154
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,006
Eww! He has zero shag-ability.
155
00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:01,446
Good god, woman, open your eyes.
156
00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:02,855
Look, it's George
Bush with a book.
157
00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:04,894
You don't see that much.
158
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,149
I mean, who throws a
24th anniversary party?
159
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,358
You know why she's doin' it?
160
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:11,693
I'll tell you why
she's doin' it.
161
00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:12,999
She's doin' it just
to rub my face in it
162
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,114
for the 24th time,
163
00:06:14,199 --> 00:06:16,109
that'swhy she's doin' it.
164
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,591
[Knock on door]
165
00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:20,421
Ma, it's not like big Dee
Dee's skulking around
166
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,950
looking for ways to annoy you.
167
00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:24,254
Hello, sweetness.
168
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,340
Hello, bitterness.
169
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,869
I came to invite you
to my extravagantly
170
00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:30,353
fabu anniversary bash.
171
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,353
I would've mailed this,
but I knew you'd be here,
172
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:35,915
sucking the joy from
your daughter's life.
173
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,834
This is unexpected.
174
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,050
Almost as unexpected
175
00:06:40,138 --> 00:06:42,878
as your new hair
having no tire tracks.
176
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:49,969
Guess the cat died a
natural death this time.
177
00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,061
Oh...
178
00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:53,369
Did one of your 14 go missing?
179
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,676
Wasabi nuts, anyone?
180
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,033
[Grunts]
181
00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:59,072
- Ohh...
- Whew.
182
00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:01,897
Did it suddenly
get tropical in here?
183
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:04,726
Are we having a hot flash?
184
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:06,115
Don't be silly.
185
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:09,168
Women in their mid-30s
do not have hot flashes.
186
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:12,394
What does that
have to do with you?
187
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,573
♪ Here comes menopause ♪
188
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:16,872
♪ right down menopause Lane ♪
189
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,738
♪ here comes menopause ♪
190
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:20,049
Mona: Ma, please? What?
191
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:22,215
The woman came to
invite you to a party.
192
00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:23,231
That's right.
193
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:24,312
Wha...
194
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,710
You are having a surprise party
195
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:28,713
for a man who just
had a heart attack?
196
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,016
I will be there.
197
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:32,712
You will?
198
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,690
Wonderful. I assume you
won't be bringing anyone.
199
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:39,105
No, because he ran off
with some horse in stilettos.
200
00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:42,722
Hence the party. [Nickering]
201
00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,028
Wow, Camille,
202
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,250
I see the photo
shoot went really well.
203
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,560
Mm-hmm. Spencer: Yeah!
204
00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:54,206
The way you
integrated the guitar
205
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,999
andthe torso?
206
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,354
Genius.
207
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,483
Ooh, "genius."
208
00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:02,126
I should be charging more.
209
00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:05,793
This look is perfect for...
210
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:08,226
Adoniss?
211
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:09,493
I rather like that.
212
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,096
Yeah!
213
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,066
The only name left on
the list was "ridiculous."
214
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,841
What was it?
215
00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,969
Ridiculous.
216
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,327
Wait a minute. This is Spencer.
217
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:22,072
Yeah, the sweet thing
stopped by the shoot
218
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:23,633
to see if there was
anything I needed.
219
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,940
Oh, I didn't know you
were gonna do that.
220
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,587
But this is a great candid.
221
00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:29,941
I mean, Spencer doesn't
usually look so good in pictures.
222
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,861
The camera tends
to chunk him up.
223
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,863
It can make a
brother look bloated.
224
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:38,560
Camille, I hope I'm not
out of line asking this,
225
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,558
but my family's having this
226
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:41,890
big anniversary thing Saturday,
227
00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:43,256
and I was wondering
228
00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:45,388
if you'd consider taking
some shots like these.
229
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:47,661
Maybe get a few hundred
of me and my dad?
230
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,964
I'd be glad to do you a favor.
231
00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:50,921
I've gotta run.
232
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,878
Call me with the details,
233
00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:54,397
and, uh,
234
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:57,010
I'll be sure to bring my
Elton John slimming lens.
235
00:08:57,101 --> 00:08:58,541
It also adds hair.
236
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,242
There's a party on Saturday?
237
00:09:02,324 --> 00:09:03,764
Yes. Pick me up at 8:00
238
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,627
and wear anything but
that orange Sean John.
239
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:07,069
You told me you liked that.
240
00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:08,495
I'm sober now.
241
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,470
Ohh! You heteros and your games.
242
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,604
Why do you do that to him?
243
00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:16,505
Do what? Can't you see?
244
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,429
See what? The truth!
245
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:19,384
I'll say no more.
246
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:20,911
You haven't said anything!
247
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:22,255
Exactly. Get out!
248
00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:23,744
I've already left.
249
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:28,346
And exactly how much is
this surprise gonna cost me?
250
00:09:28,437 --> 00:09:30,347
Daddy, we have
to have the cristal
251
00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:32,529
and the camembert
and the beluga.
252
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:35,835
Oh, chest tightening...
253
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,973
Can't breathe.
254
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:39,055
Ain't nothin' wrong
255
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,340
with your heart, little mister,
256
00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:42,315
and I've got the torn
nightie to prove it.
257
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,763
You got me.
258
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,200
2 times, as I recall.
259
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,412
Oh! Hmm!
260
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:49,760
[Knock on door]
261
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,030
Hey! Oh, dad,
262
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,672
I didn't know you
were gonna be up here.
263
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:55,462
Just passing through on
my way to the poorhouse.
264
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:57,251
Actually, doodlebug,
your father and I
265
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,505
are off to do his
cardiovascular exercise,
266
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,079
a brisk 2-mile walk.
267
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:03,725
That's once around burberry
and twice around neiman's.
268
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,910
Chest tightening...
269
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:08,826
[Beeping]
270
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,735
That's the third
message he's sent today.
271
00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:16,829
Summer fling is starting to
feel more like summer cling.
272
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:20,315
Well, why don't you
wanna see him anymore?
273
00:10:20,402 --> 00:10:21,442
After Neil and I broke up,
274
00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:23,840
I needed a
relationship vacation,
275
00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:25,147
and summer fling and I agreed
276
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:26,933
that there would be no strings.
277
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,407
Well, there were
little fuzzy handcuffs,
278
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:31,498
but no strings.
279
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:32,847
Did you call me up here
280
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,806
just to flaunt your sex life?
281
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:38,455
No. I wanted you to
preview the slide show.
282
00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:40,030
Look...
283
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:42,507
Me and daddy when I was born...
284
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:46,298
Me and daddy the first
time he took me sailing...
285
00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:47,914
And that's you.
286
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:51,775
With dad hiking in
the Grand Canyon?
287
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:55,178
And there we are in
front of the Eiffel Tower...
288
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,053
And at the wailing wall
289
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:58,664
with Whitney and Bobby?
290
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,529
Amazing, right?
291
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,143
Beyond amazing,
292
00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:05,207
especially since I've never
been to any of these places.
293
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,139
But everyone at the
party will think you have.
294
00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:09,321
I am a whiz with iphoto.
295
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:11,537
Look, here I gave you braids
296
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,457
and uncrossed your eye.
297
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:17,326
A year after fate dumped
you on my doorstep,
298
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:19,065
you still don't get it.
299
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,636
Mona, I saw how you
reacted to all the pictures I had,
300
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:24,344
and I just wanted to make
sure you had just as many.
301
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:27,512
But you can't digitally
rewrite family history.
302
00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:29,469
Yes, you can. Control-alt-7.
303
00:11:29,558 --> 00:11:32,388
With iphoto...
enough about iphoto!
304
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,304
This is not my childhood.
305
00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:36,649
Well, I just wanted
there to be a balance.
306
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,049
Well, there wasn't any.
307
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:40,312
You grew up really
knowing our father,
308
00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:41,475
and I didn't, ok?
309
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:42,890
I'm sorry my
relationship with him
310
00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:45,049
is too pathetic for
your little slide show.
311
00:11:49,404 --> 00:11:51,474
You'd think Dee Dee would've
learned something about me
312
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:52,843
over the last 12 months.
313
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,669
Why can't she just
leave things alone?
314
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:57,847
Because her mother's an ass.
315
00:11:57,934 --> 00:11:59,504
What does that have
to do with anything?
316
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:03,368
Nothing. I just like to point
it out at every opportunity.
317
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,121
This whole thing
with the pictures
318
00:12:05,202 --> 00:12:07,772
just reminded me how
much dad wasn't there.
319
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,207
Well, you know,
320
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,643
pictures don't necessarily
tell the whole story.
321
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,081
Yeah, but no pictures do.
322
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:16,038
Mona, fixation on the past
323
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,646
is the most significant obstacle
324
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,087
to contentment in the present.
325
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:21,393
I think you just need
to move forward.
326
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:22,219
If that doesn't work,
327
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:23,436
eat a cheesecake.
328
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:26,655
And don't stop till
you hit cardboard.
329
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,356
If this is the best
monsieur Marcel can do,
330
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:32,144
we are clearly facing
a tablecloth crisis.
331
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,055
What do you think?
332
00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:36,104
I think I'm an idiot.
333
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:38,320
Whenever I try to do
anything nice for Mona,
334
00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:40,539
I wind up making her feel worse.
335
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,499
What kind of sister does that?
336
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:45,157
I'm just this
callous, unfeeling,
337
00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:46,812
thoughtless, insensitive...
338
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:49,026
Jump in any time, mom.
339
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:52,506
Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I drifted.
340
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:54,337
Are you ok?
341
00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:55,582
Just feeling a little run-down.
342
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:56,730
What were we discussing?
343
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,039
Mona. Oh. Oh, yes.
344
00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,615
Um, I don't think you
should make a career
345
00:12:59,648 --> 00:13:01,128
out of cheering her up.
346
00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:03,475
I mean, you'd have better
luck finding real diamonds
347
00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:05,915
in Phyllis's jewelry jar.
348
00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:07,532
I just wish things
were different
349
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:08,962
for Mona and daddy.
350
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,959
That's very compassionate
of you, sweetheart,
351
00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:12,491
but you can't turn back time.
352
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:14,454
Well, not without
a good 20 grand
353
00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:17,712
and a surgeon who's discreet.
354
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,410
Good morning, squatters.
355
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:21,685
And where have you
been, young lady?
356
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:24,463
Out late again acting
like some tramp?
357
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,331
After all I've done for you,
358
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:29,984
it just tears me up inside.
359
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:32,200
I'm 3 minutes late,
and what do you care?
360
00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:34,729
I don't. That's my
monologue for tonight.
361
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,474
I am auditioning
for an all-male,
362
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:38,344
all-Asian production of gypsy,
363
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:40,986
and I'm a shoe-in for mama Rose.
364
00:13:41,995 --> 00:13:43,605
A gay-sian gypsy?
365
00:13:43,692 --> 00:13:44,952
Good luck with that show.
366
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:47,261
What are you two doing in here?
367
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:49,348
I've got the adoniss
press release you wanted.
368
00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:51,237
And I brought you a message
from big daddy Charles.
369
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:52,935
He wants you and Dee
Dee to meet him for lunch
370
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:54,662
today at the
Riverdale country club.
371
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,566
Ooh, can I eat
your lean cuisine?
372
00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:59,231
Why, I would love to have
lunch with daddy at the...
373
00:13:59,316 --> 00:14:01,966
Wait a minute. I bet
Dee Dee's behind this.
374
00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,538
Man, when she
decides to work a nerve,
375
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,931
she just puts on spurs
and rides that puppy.
376
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:08,939
So? It's a free
lunch with your pops.
377
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,302
Yeah, but don't you
and I have plans...
378
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,107
[chuckles] Oh, no, I'm cool.
379
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:14,940
Hmm.
380
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:16,768
More odd behavior from Spencer.
381
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,026
Maybe somebody's
trying to tell you something.
382
00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:21,379
Maybe somebody has
to go put on jazz pants
383
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:22,639
for an audition?
384
00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:25,651
Ok, first of all,
they're jazz shorts,
385
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:28,224
and can we leave
the bitchy to me?
386
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:29,782
Ok.
387
00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:33,608
Excuse me.
388
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:36,698
Roberta, could I have another
basket of the olive bread?
389
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,228
Going for 3, are we?
390
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:40,922
What, are you
carb-loading for a marathon?
391
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,670
No, I'm just trying
to fill the time
392
00:14:43,752 --> 00:14:45,932
while I wait for my
dad and my sister.
393
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:48,185
Oh. She called.
She ain't comin'.
394
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:50,717
What?
395
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,373
Dee Dee: Hello?
396
00:14:57,461 --> 00:14:58,551
Dee Dee!
397
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,066
Hey, Mona. You
havin' a good time?
398
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,380
No. Where the hell are you two?
399
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:03,636
What do you mean, "you two"?
400
00:15:03,728 --> 00:15:05,288
Daddy's not there
having lunch with you?
401
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:09,259
Even i'mnot having
lunch with me.
402
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,783
Hold, please. I
have another call.
403
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:12,777
Hello?
404
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:13,998
Dee Dee, honey,
405
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,277
I'm tied up with the
real estate board.
406
00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:17,385
I'm going to need
to reschedule lunch.
407
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:20,221
And tell your
sister I'm sorry, too.
408
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,100
I love you.
409
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:27,231
You know, Mona, [Laughs]
410
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:29,797
One of the nuttiest
things just happened.
411
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:34,235
You are gonna
laugh! Hee hee hee!
412
00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:35,976
He's not coming, is he?
413
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,105
He's not!
414
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:40,417
That's the funny
part! Hee hee hee!
415
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:41,724
I never was.
416
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:43,270
I wanted you two to
have lunch, you know,
417
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:46,680
to make up for the time
you didn't have with him.
418
00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:48,301
And from your chilly silence,
419
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:50,342
it's pretty clear
you're mad at daddy.
420
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:52,297
No. I'm mad at you.
421
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:56,686
Ooh. That wasn't clear
from your chilly silence.
422
00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,261
You know, Dee Dee,
423
00:15:58,348 --> 00:15:59,938
I don't have to go
looking for disappointment
424
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,739
because you always dig it up.
425
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,530
Always!
426
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,713
Roberta, where's my olive loaf?!
427
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:08,922
There you go.
428
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:10,381
And if you're thinking
about dessert,
429
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,934
might I suggest something
from our sugar caddy?
430
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:16,445
Our equal is
particularly fresh today.
431
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:23,935
Ma, if you're here to say I
told you so, please don't.
432
00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:25,416
Is that how you see me?
433
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,806
As someone who
always says I told you so?
434
00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:29,899
I don't necessarily
see you that way
435
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,469
so much as I hear you that way.
436
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,686
So please don't
start in about dad
437
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:35,996
and how unreliable he is.
438
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,952
I would never do
that at a time like this.
439
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,740
I mean, lord knows,
Charles isn't perfect.
440
00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:42,345
He's arrogant, stubborn,
441
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,176
inconsiderate, short.
442
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,924
But he's your father
and that's why I try
443
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,395
not to be negative about him.
444
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:51,045
And I appreciate that.
445
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:52,320
Mona...
446
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:53,842
You know, it's only natural
447
00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:56,535
for you to have certain
expectations of your father.
448
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:57,714
But I was at a place
449
00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,369
where I was
comfortable having none.
450
00:16:59,453 --> 00:17:00,983
Now thanks to Dee
Dee, I'm wondering,
451
00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:04,073
where the hell was my
father all those years?
452
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,633
Well...[sighs]
453
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:09,160
He may have been there
more than you remember.
454
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:14,120
Pictures of me?
455
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:17,947
And I'm guessing the
guy without a head is dad.
456
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,817
I was more bitter
about the divorce
457
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,038
than even I knew.
458
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:23,607
I'm sorry, sweetheart. Oh!
459
00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:29,402
A box of heads? [Laughs]
460
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,623
What am I supposed
to do with these?
461
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:32,792
Honey, get some glue
462
00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:34,617
and put your
childhood back together.
463
00:17:39,232 --> 00:17:40,622
Looks like you missed one.
464
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:44,241
Actually, I couldn't bring
myself to butcher that.
465
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:48,628
Look how proud
he is holding you.
466
00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:50,499
You are his first born,
467
00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:52,291
and you have a
connection with your father
468
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,725
that no one can ever take away.
469
00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:57,822
You damn sure tried
with the scissors, though.
470
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,336
Thanks, ma.
471
00:18:01,428 --> 00:18:02,338
Ohh!
472
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:04,469
Ok. I'll see you later, baby.
473
00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:06,521
[Knock on door]
474
00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:09,001
I prepped her for you.
475
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:10,958
Hey, Mona!
476
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,272
Hope you like roses.
477
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:14,092
They come from my heart.
478
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,100
Aww.
479
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,232
Actually, they come
from someone else.
480
00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:20,364
They're addressed to you.
481
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:23,277
So I regifted the
flowers from Mr. Fling.
482
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:25,453
Just please hear
me out. I just...
483
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,059
Listen, I'm ok.
484
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:29,019
And I was fine with
my relationship with dad
485
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,888
until you pointed out
what was defective about it.
486
00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,550
And I know it's foreign to you
487
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,294
that somebody could
have a relationship
488
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:36,545
that isn't perfect
489
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,417
and actually be happy with that,
490
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:39,988
but I do and I am.
491
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:41,725
It's how I cope.
492
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,946
Wow, you've really
got this thing with dad
493
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:45,946
in perspective.
494
00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:47,427
I'm talking about you now.
495
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:50,867
You're my sister, and
that's my cross to bear.
496
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:53,385
I didn't see the
change-up coming.
497
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,150
Guess you have a lot
to learn about your sister.
498
00:18:55,177 --> 00:18:56,527
So do you.
499
00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,373
Not really. While you
were away for the summer,
500
00:18:58,398 --> 00:18:59,828
I housesat, remember?
501
00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:04,141
That's a curious, um,
shower head you've got there.
502
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,322
It's therapeutic.
503
00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:07,576
I bet it is.
504
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:13,592
[Sighs]
505
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:17,114
Adam, I'm on my
way... ok, I give!
506
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,509
Your constant verbal assaults
507
00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:19,632
have finally worn me down.
508
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,470
I'm reduced to emotional rubble.
509
00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:24,382
For 62 grueling days, I
have been gossip-free,
510
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:27,077
but a man who wears a
thong can only be so strong!
511
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:29,344
Spencer loves you.
512
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:30,869
He's loved you since college.
513
00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:32,672
He told me so himself at
Jason and Karyn's wedding.
514
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:33,763
He's been fighting it for years,
515
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,131
and it's killing him inside!
516
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,997
Ohh! I'm spent.
517
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,220
Spencer actually told you this?
518
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:42,529
From his own
sensual but manly lips.
519
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:45,136
Yeah, I sensed that something
was going on with him,
520
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:47,187
but is this possible?
521
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:50,283
Trust me, Spencer is
passionate about you.
522
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:51,363
I listen...
523
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:53,191
I see... I know.
524
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:06,806
Huh...
525
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,821
How did I miss that?
526
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:43,461
Woman: Whoo-hoo! [Giggles]
527
00:20:43,511 --> 00:20:48,061
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