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1
00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:02,735
Do you know what today is?
2
00:00:02,828 --> 00:00:04,178
What, ma?
3
00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:06,785
Your father's and
my 25th anniversary.
4
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,006
Isn't that something?
5
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,175
25 years.
6
00:00:09,270 --> 00:00:10,750
And wouldn't it be wonderful
7
00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:12,316
if you hadn't been divorced
8
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:15,363
for the last 22 of them?
9
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:21,147
I'm not saying
i'm expecting gifts.
10
00:00:21,238 --> 00:00:23,758
So, what do you need
for your new apartment?
11
00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:26,109
Well, i'll let you know
after I see the place.
12
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,380
You haven't seen it yet?
13
00:00:27,462 --> 00:00:28,702
No. I have to get
the key from dad,
14
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,124
but it's the top floor,
15
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:31,644
so it's got to
have a better view.
16
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:33,567
I can probably see the
bay bridge from up there.
17
00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:34,858
And who knows,
18
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,337
maybe it'll even
have skylights.
19
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:39,207
That's how that guy
broke into my apartment.
20
00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:41,952
Well, yeah, ma.
21
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,482
That's what i'm hoping for.
22
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,051
[Knock on door]
23
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:53,228
Hey, we had a deal.
24
00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:57,144
No, you listen to me.
25
00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:59,411
Ok, i'm listening.
26
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:01,100
Hey, baby.
27
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,241
Hey, dad.
28
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:04,503
Hey, doll face. Hey, bad sex.
29
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:08,065
Happy anniversary.
30
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:11,155
I prefer to think of it
as independence day.
31
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:14,676
So, dad...
32
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,140
Do you have the key to
the apartment upstairs?
33
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:17,403
I'd like to start
moving my stuff up.
34
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:18,815
Did I say you could have it?
35
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:21,084
Well, you said if mean
lady Flanagan ever died.
36
00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:24,688
What is the problem, Charles?
37
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:26,130
It is your building.
38
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,956
Or does your wife
control this, too?
39
00:01:28,044 --> 00:01:29,614
Listen.
40
00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:31,268
Call me back in 2 minutes.
41
00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:33,182
My, uh, secretary is, uh...
42
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:36,097
Passing a stone.
43
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:40,271
Mona, i'm sorry.
44
00:01:40,361 --> 00:01:42,361
I kind of promised
it to your sister.
45
00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:43,890
What? Dee Dee?
46
00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:45,113
You mean half-sister.
47
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,022
I thought she was
away at college.
48
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,717
Just graduated...
Top of her class.
49
00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:51,074
And she's gonna be
starting law school at boalt,
50
00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:52,984
which is why she's
gonna be living here...
51
00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:55,159
In mybuilding.
52
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:57,985
Well, why does Dee Dee
have to live in this building?
53
00:01:58,074 --> 00:01:59,954
Can't she live in one
of your other ones,
54
00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:03,082
or maybe a nice, cozy dumpster?
55
00:02:03,862 --> 00:02:05,172
Oh, come on.
56
00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:06,905
Look. It'll be good,
57
00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:08,666
the two of you finally
getting to know each other,
58
00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:11,043
sharing the things
that sisters share.
59
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,701
And Dee Dee's a great kid.
60
00:02:12,784 --> 00:02:14,224
You really never
gave her a chance.
61
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:15,988
Well, maybe it wasn't
all that convenient,
62
00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:18,268
what with Mona growing
up in the city riding the bus
63
00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:20,135
while Princess Dee
Dee spent her summers
64
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:24,357
in the country riding her pony.
65
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,708
Is that what this is about?
66
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:27,888
Mona...
67
00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:30,803
You want a pony?
68
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,504
I'll get you a pony.
69
00:02:33,588 --> 00:02:36,588
Daddy, for me to be
friends with Dee Dee,
70
00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:41,158
the pony would have
to be a mustang...
71
00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:43,598
Convertible.
72
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:46,375
Ok. How about you take
the apartment upstairs
73
00:02:46,470 --> 00:02:48,120
and Dee Dee can
move into this one?
74
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:49,521
Well, I like the part
75
00:02:49,604 --> 00:02:51,434
where I get the
apartment upstairs.
76
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:55,089
Hey, there, you, you, you!
77
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,255
Dee Dee.
78
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,960
Oh, how amazing is this?
79
00:02:58,047 --> 00:02:59,787
I'm so happy.
80
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:01,435
When aren't ya?
81
00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:02,529
Ohh!
82
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,047
Mona, it has been too long
83
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:05,320
since we've seen each other.
84
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:08,452
I mean, look, you have breasts.
85
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,016
Me, too.
86
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:11,372
Oh, wait. Yeah.
87
00:03:11,452 --> 00:03:13,322
I remember the last
time we got together.
88
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,500
You got your bubble
yum stuck in my hair,
89
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:18,416
and they had to shave my head.
90
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:22,250
Just that one side.
91
00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:24,642
And it grew back so nicely.
92
00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:27,986
I swear, we are gonna
have so much fun.
93
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:30,297
Hey, i'm swearing, too.
94
00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:33,044
Hello, cute stuff.
95
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:35,075
Mwah.
96
00:03:35,171 --> 00:03:36,651
Phyllis.
97
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:37,908
Big Dee Dee.
98
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,920
Ohh, look at you.
You never change.
99
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:42,223
Thank you.
100
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:43,459
I guess it's true
what they say.
101
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:45,014
Sometimes our oldest clothes
102
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:46,884
become our best friends.
103
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:50,011
Charles, honey, what do you say
104
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,099
we take a look at Dee
Dee's new apartment?
105
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:54,758
Actually, there's been
a little change of plans.
106
00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:55,973
I'm moving upstairs,
107
00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:57,891
and Dee Dee's moving in here.
108
00:03:57,976 --> 00:03:59,236
Oh, really?
109
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:00,776
Now, why do you
want the one upstairs?
110
00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,415
Is it nicer? Because if it is,
111
00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:04,773
you know, Dee Dee had
her little heart set on that one.
112
00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,293
Mom, I Don't care.
113
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:07,676
This place is great.
114
00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:10,639
Hush, baby. This
doesn't concern you.
115
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,988
Look. I'm sure
there's a solution.
116
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:14,428
You're damn straight.
117
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:15,995
My daughter's
getting that apartment.
118
00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:17,361
I'm sorry. I seem to
have missed a step.
119
00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,347
Why is your daughter getting it?
120
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:20,613
She's older.
121
00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:22,125
Oh, honey,
122
00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:24,698
if that was the case,
you'd have everything.
123
00:04:27,223 --> 00:04:28,793
Look. I Don't
know what it's like
124
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:31,787
on that hot tin
roof you slid off of...
125
00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:33,931
But where I come from,
126
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,672
a promise is a promise,
127
00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:37,893
and Charles promised
that apartment to Mona.
128
00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:39,373
Is that so?
129
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:41,853
Charles, sweetheart...
130
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,943
Did you promise Mona that?
131
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:47,722
All right. How about this?
132
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,939
Whoever guesses which
hand I have the key in
133
00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:51,198
gets the apartment.
134
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,681
How's that sound?
135
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,730
Sounds like an
equitable solution to me.
136
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,376
Lawyer speak.
I'm getting ready.
137
00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:59,041
Mona?
138
00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:00,654
Very few things
sound equitableto me,
139
00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:01,735
so whatever.
140
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:03,169
Mona, go ahead and pick.
141
00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:04,389
I think Dee Dee should pick.
142
00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:05,868
We'll flip to see who picks.
143
00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:07,407
All right. I'll flip.
Why should you flip?
144
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:10,137
For the love of god!
It doesn't matter!
145
00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:11,532
Dee Dee, pick a hand.
146
00:05:11,615 --> 00:05:14,705
Ohh! It's the
pony all over again.
147
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:17,525
Ha! Ha!
148
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,881
2 out of 3!
149
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,241
Ha ha!
150
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:30,766
Well, isn't this cozy?
151
00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:33,859
Everybody happy?
152
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:41,171
Well, i'm very excited
about the sloping ceilings.
153
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,648
I've always wanted to hunch.
154
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,237
Hey, it's not any worse
than your dorm room
155
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,740
sophomore year.
156
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:52,737
And you did get
some action there.
157
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,140
Remember it was so tiny
158
00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:56,533
the only place to sit
was on your company?
159
00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,227
Oh, my god, Spencer.
160
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:02,234
I'm living in a
friggin' tree house.
161
00:06:02,318 --> 00:06:03,538
Don't exaggerate.
162
00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:06,844
A tree house is
way bigger than this.
163
00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:09,801
So, have you seen your
sister since she moved in?
164
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:10,761
Half-sister.
165
00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:12,018
And no.
166
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,500
She came up here
a couple of times.
167
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:16,550
I told her I had a guy up here.
168
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:21,079
She doesn't know me.
169
00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:22,693
Very mature.
170
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:25,123
Ok, Mona. What's the real deal?
171
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:26,230
Why Don't you like that girl?
172
00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:27,595
Because...
173
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:29,821
Ever since the little
Princess was born,
174
00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:32,001
i've been treated like
a raggedy one-eyed doll
175
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:34,477
you shove in the back
of a dusty old drawer...
176
00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:37,398
Or stinky old attic.
177
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:40,144
Oh, look, i'm home.
178
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:41,785
Dee Dee: Mona, help!
179
00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:45,669
What do you think
of this lamp here?
180
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:48,153
Help, Mona! Help!
181
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:50,893
You realize you're gonna
have to go down there.
182
00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:52,665
Why?
183
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,110
'cause she's screaming "help."
184
00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:55,846
Well, maybe if we
wait long enough,
185
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:56,977
she won't need it.
186
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:03,640
Mona! Spiders!
187
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:06,157
All that screaming
was about spiders?
188
00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:07,991
Yes. They're everywhere.
189
00:07:08,079 --> 00:07:09,469
Well, you'll get used to it.
190
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:13,039
Just think of them
as little puppies.
191
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,648
If puppies had 8 legs
192
00:07:14,738 --> 00:07:16,958
and left red, itchy bite marks.
193
00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:18,695
And you know what?
194
00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:19,786
They can climb.
195
00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:21,660
Aah!
196
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:23,485
Damn, my old place looks good
197
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:27,843
when you slap on
a coat of rich girl.
198
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,875
Hi, we haven't met.
199
00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,101
I'm Spencer,
200
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:34,019
and you're surprisingly light.
201
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,365
Dee Dee, they're spiders.
202
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,586
Call an exterminator. See ya!
203
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:42,545
Mona! Mona, wait!
204
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,326
I've never done
anything like that before.
205
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:46,861
Why am I not surprised?
206
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:49,344
So, will you please call for me?
207
00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:50,505
Fine.
208
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,950
But I want the record to reflect
209
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:54,036
that this is really
lame on your part.
210
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:57,035
I happen to have arachnophobia.
211
00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:59,778
It's a medical condition.
212
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:03,219
"Exterminators."
213
00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:04,568
Exterminators.
214
00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:07,308
Oh, really cute exterminators.
215
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:08,789
If I can ever be of service
216
00:08:08,879 --> 00:08:10,769
or if you have any music
needs, just let me know.
217
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,804
I work with Mona in
the a&r department
218
00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:13,933
at delicious records.
219
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:16,495
In fact, I just signed a group.
220
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:20,413
Yeah, i'm ballin'.
221
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:25,200
I'm sorry, but did you
eat something with onions?
222
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,813
Mm-mm-mm.
223
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:33,820
Lookin' for an outfit to
seduce the exterminator.
224
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:35,214
I got to tell you.
225
00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:37,817
I smell more than a
whiff of desperation.
226
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:39,648
Hey, it's better
than the stench
227
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:42,736
of 8-months-without-a-date,
all right?
228
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,176
Besides...
229
00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,612
We made this amazing
connection on the phone.
230
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,750
I mean, it was
like talking to you...
231
00:08:48,832 --> 00:08:49,832
But hot.
232
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:53,526
Hey, wait, wait,
wait, wait a minute.
233
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,060
If I wanted to be hot,
234
00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:57,193
believe me, I can be hot.
235
00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:58,885
[Sultry] Hello, Mona.
236
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,062
Don't do that.
237
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,976
Do what? Eww! That!
238
00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:08,546
Besides, I am not
trying to seduce him.
239
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:11,115
Then definitely wear that.
240
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:15,026
So, what's your
plan with this guy?
241
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,429
Simple.
242
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,992
I'm going to dust
off my do-me pumps
243
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,040
and go meet the bug man.
244
00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:22,865
What do you think?
245
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:26,483
I think you're gonna
be home early tonight.
246
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:30,874
Whoa. You look nice.
247
00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:31,961
Oh, really?
248
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:34,176
I just threw on whatever.
249
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:37,969
Uh, so...
250
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:39,395
Dee...
251
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:40,931
I have an idea.
252
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:43,705
Why Don't iwait
for the exterminator
253
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,020
and you go get a frappuccino?
254
00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:49,587
I Don't want you to have
to witness the carnage.
255
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:53,456
You know, spiders
scream when they die.
256
00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,809
This is my dream.
257
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:57,379
Huh?
258
00:09:57,466 --> 00:09:58,966
Growing up, i've
always had this dream
259
00:09:58,989 --> 00:10:00,989
that someday we'd,
like, live together
260
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,338
and help each other
261
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:03,557
and be like real sisters.
262
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:05,036
Wow.
263
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:08,216
As a kid, my dream was
that a big dinosaur bird
264
00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:10,043
would swoop down out of the sky
265
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:12,701
and carry you and your
mother off in its beak
266
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,476
and dump you in the sea,
267
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,180
and then me and my mother
268
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,397
would move back
in with my father
269
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:20,487
and be happy forever.
270
00:10:21,185 --> 00:10:22,445
But, you know,
271
00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:25,584
different people,
different dreams.
272
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:28,498
I think I will go get
that frappuccino.
273
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,634
[Knock on door]
274
00:10:32,414 --> 00:10:33,684
Wow.
275
00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:35,196
Wow?
276
00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:37,676
Wow... bugs!
277
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,682
Don't see that every day.
278
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:45,120
Of course, unless
you're a... A...
279
00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:46,469
Exterminator!
280
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:49,868
Which I am, so I do. Heh heh.
281
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,913
But still, uh...
282
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,649
Wow.
283
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:55,703
Come on in.
284
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:58,045
This is my sister Mona.
285
00:10:58,135 --> 00:10:59,475
[Sultry] Hello.
286
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:00,881
How you doing?
287
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:03,714
I'm fine... whoa!
288
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:06,453
So, uh, about those spiders...
289
00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:08,055
Found one.
290
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:16,545
It's like deja vu.
291
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:17,852
She's stealing your man
292
00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:19,848
just like her mama stole mine.
293
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:22,030
There I was, happily married,
294
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,286
flying off with your
father to acapulco,
295
00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:27,339
that bitch comes
rolling down the aisle,
296
00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:29,335
pushing that little cart.
297
00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:32,997
She gives him a wink and
an extra bag of peanuts.
298
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,003
He goes off to the bathroom.
299
00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:36,695
Well, let's just
say friendly skies
300
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:39,743
have never been
so damn friendly.
301
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:43,009
Anyway, this thing
is totally different.
302
00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:45,573
All Dee Dee did was open a door.
303
00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:47,581
That's all it takes
when you're Dee Dee.
304
00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:49,493
Then Don't let
her open the doors.
305
00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:52,578
Youopen the doors.
306
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:54,628
Mom, you're missing my point.
307
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,724
I've spent my whole life
coming in second to her.
308
00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:59,594
But, unfortunately,
309
00:11:59,675 --> 00:12:02,715
the world is made up
of Dee dees and monas,
310
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:05,639
and I ended up a Mona.
311
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,765
Oh, sweetheart,
that is ridiculous.
312
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,897
You know, you always make
everything black or white.
313
00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:11,730
Not everyone is a
Dee Dee or a Mona.
314
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:15,258
Look at me. I'm a Phyllis.
315
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:20,783
Just an older Mona, ma.
316
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,440
How'd you get
to be so negative?
317
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:24,614
Ah-ha! Ha ha!
318
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:26,010
So, Dee Dee's going out
319
00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:28,363
with the beautiful
exterminator tonight?
320
00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:29,923
That's right.
321
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:31,750
And you're just gonna
take this lying down?
322
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:35,358
I've taken worse lying down.
323
00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:40,462
Well, i'm not thrilled
324
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,982
that Dee Dee is out on
a date with my soulmate,
325
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:44,496
but what am I gonna do?
326
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:45,769
He likes her.
327
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:46,852
So that's it.
328
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,860
I'm moving on.
329
00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:51,032
Come on, Spence, let's drink.
330
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,988
[Door closes]
331
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:54,206
Was that her door?
332
00:12:54,295 --> 00:12:55,775
They're back.
333
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,481
Oh, Don't do that.
334
00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:03,093
I know, I know.
335
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:04,913
Try this.
336
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:08,880
Was that the sound
of a door closing
337
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:14,362
or a headboard
banging against a wall?
338
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:18,055
Oh! She'd really sleep
with him on the first date?
339
00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:20,055
Oh, my god!
340
00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:22,447
I love her.
341
00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:30,161
Wait, wait, wait. It's quiet.
342
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:32,384
Too quiet.
343
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:34,377
Hey, guys!
344
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,245
Hi! hey!
345
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:38,167
You, you, you!
346
00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:40,342
What are you doing?
347
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:44,128
Uh... it's, you know,
a drinking game.
348
00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:45,744
Oh! How do you play?
349
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,515
Well, uh... First you take
the glasses off the floor
350
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:49,920
and wash them.
351
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:52,743
Then it's pretty
much like regular.
352
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:57,102
It's... not a great game.
353
00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:58,934
It's not much of a lie either.
354
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,622
But still, i'm sure you guys
355
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,969
are having more
fun that I just had.
356
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,189
Your date sucked?
357
00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:05,578
We just didn't connect.
358
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:08,330
All he talked about
was alternative music
359
00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:09,762
and kick-boxing,
360
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,549
and he seemed a little
preoccupied with sex,
361
00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:14,514
like he hadn't
had any in a while.
362
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:17,862
We had nothing in common.
363
00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:26,428
Because he had everything
in common with me!
364
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:29,607
The important thing
is that you, Dee Dee,
365
00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:30,964
need a different kind of...
366
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,044
[Sultry] Guy.
367
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:35,832
Mona, if I had known
you were interested,
368
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,748
I never would have
gone out with him.
369
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,883
Tch. How could you not know?
370
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:41,396
You saw what I had on.
371
00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:43,969
I was serving up sex!
372
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:46,019
But nooo!
373
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,712
You had to be
there with your little
374
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,279
buh, buh, buh, buh,
375
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:52,106
shaking your
buh-duh-duh-duh-dah!
376
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,535
So you got him...
377
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:55,291
Just like you get everything.
378
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:58,292
Just like you've always
gotten everything...
379
00:14:58,375 --> 00:14:59,935
The pony, the braces,
380
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,029
time with myfather
whenever youwanted,
381
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:06,948
which is why I didn't want
you living in this building.
382
00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:09,906
I didn't know
you felt that way.
383
00:15:11,214 --> 00:15:13,134
And for the record,
384
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:16,216
he's myfather, too.
385
00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:21,568
[Slam]
386
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,659
Ooh-Whoo!
387
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,228
That girl's got fire!
388
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:31,885
[Music plays][Knock on door]
389
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:34,113
[Music stops]
390
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:35,414
[Knock knock knock knock]
391
00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:39,202
Hey.
392
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:41,236
Uh... you're a floor too high.
393
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:42,421
No, no, no.
394
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:43,766
Dee Dee sent me up.
395
00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:47,335
Uh... she told me
about your problem.
396
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,511
My problem?
397
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,820
Look, I Don't know
what she told you,
398
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,467
but I Don't have a problem,
399
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:56,651
and I certainly Don't need
a mercy... whatever this is.
400
00:15:56,738 --> 00:15:58,168
In fact, you can tell her
401
00:15:58,261 --> 00:15:59,921
that she doesn't
need to pimp for me
402
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:04,882
because I can get my own
dates, thank you very much.
403
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,364
Clearly, we're talking
about 2 different things.
404
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:11,454
Uh... i'm talking spiders.
405
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,665
What are you talking about?
406
00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:15,925
Something... different
407
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:20,108
that you're obviously
not talking about.
408
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,155
You know, ha ha...
409
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:25,033
I think we've been set up.
410
00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,774
I think i'm gonna kill Dee Dee
411
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:29,245
and become the only
child I was meant to be.
412
00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:33,166
Hey, you're into
funky green dogs?
413
00:16:33,253 --> 00:16:37,343
Yeah. And jamiroqui
and nappy roots
414
00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:38,561
and tra Knox.
415
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,299
We talked about
this on the phone
416
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,960
when I called you to do
Dee Dee's apartment?
417
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,215
Wait, that was you...
418
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:45,217
Yeah.
419
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:47,138
That was an amazing call.
420
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:51,053
It was, wasn't it?
421
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,230
Listen, uh... Since
it's obvious...
422
00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:56,617
We should have gone
out in the first place,
423
00:16:56,711 --> 00:17:00,631
you wanna go get a cup
of coffee or something?
424
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:02,535
Or something.
425
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,550
Or something?
426
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,553
[Giggling]
427
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:12,423
Oh.
428
00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:16,994
Coming home from your date
429
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,429
at 12:30 A.M.?
430
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:21,775
Not as good as 1:00,
but better than 12:00.
431
00:17:21,866 --> 00:17:24,166
Good night, Dee Dee.
432
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:25,780
Come on, Mona.
433
00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:28,260
Spencer said you haven't
had a date in months.
434
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:31,751
You know you wanna
tell somebody about it.
435
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:33,923
Big mouth Spencer.
436
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:37,229
But I am bursting.
I guess you'll do.
437
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:41,797
And the next thing I
knew, it was midnight,
438
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,496
as he was walking me home.
439
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:45,455
Kiss?
440
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:46,412
Yes, girl.
441
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:47,940
Good kiss?
442
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,423
Let's just say next time
443
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:51,333
he may get a little
more than the lips.
444
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:54,068
Ahh! There's gonna
be a second date! Aah!
445
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,600
Ok, the shrieking thing
we're gonna have to work on.
446
00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:59,635
Mona... Look at us.
447
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,860
Is this great or what?
448
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:03,870
Ok, Dee Dee.
449
00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:06,482
Yesterday you were
pretty upset with me.
450
00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:09,093
So why'd you hook
me up with Brian?
451
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,605
What do you mean?
452
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:12,998
Well, I certainly
wasn't very nice to you,
453
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,102
so you didn't have to
do something nice for me.
454
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,272
I did it because
you're my sister.
455
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:19,708
What's the catch?
456
00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:21,454
Mona... all i've ever wanted
457
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:25,535
was for us to have...
Some kind of relationship.
458
00:18:25,626 --> 00:18:28,276
I mean, look at us.
We're grown women,
459
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,108
and we Don't even
know each other.
460
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,716
I'm cool with that.
461
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,457
Well, i'm not!
462
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:38,158
Do you think that I just
happened to move in here?
463
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:41,597
I could have moved into
any one of daddy's buildings.
464
00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:43,595
You mean you had a choice?
465
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:44,907
Yes!
466
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,693
And I chose to
be with my sister.
467
00:18:47,778 --> 00:18:50,128
That's sick!
468
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:52,476
And twisted.
469
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:55,046
And maybe even a little smart.
470
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,884
Maybe I should rethink
my opinion of you.
471
00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:01,403
Maybe you should.
472
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:03,098
Nah!
473
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,225
You will.
474
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,877
Besides...
475
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,640
You're gonna need me
around for... i Don't know...
476
00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:12,408
Legal advice, moral support,
help with those clothes.
477
00:19:12,499 --> 00:19:15,019
Hey, what's wrong
with my clothes?
478
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,680
Want some ice cream?
479
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:18,034
Ok.
480
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:20,463
But Don't read
too much into this.
481
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:24,030
And i'm gonna
need my own spoon.
482
00:19:25,947 --> 00:19:27,727
Ooh! Oh, my god!
483
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,693
They're back!
484
00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:32,998
Nothing on this planet creeps
me out more than spiders.
485
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:34,704
How do you deal with them?
486
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,652
I Don't have any
spiders upstairs.
487
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,610
I know you think i'm crazy...
488
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,789
Ha ha. Ha ha ha...
489
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:44,355
But will you please
switch apartments with me?
490
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:47,234
For you, twisted sister?
491
00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:48,576
Sure!
492
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:53,324
[Power tool
buzzing]What is that?
493
00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:00,853
Oh, hey, sorry about the noise.
494
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,328
What's going on?
495
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:03,768
Oh, you know my mother.
496
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,274
She thought the place
needed a little work,
497
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:06,441
so she's knocking
down some walls,
498
00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:07,896
putting in a new kitchen.
499
00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:10,909
What are those whirlpool tubs?
500
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,692
Of course she is!
501
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:15,036
Be careful with those skylights!
502
00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:17,956
We've got a whole
lot of sunshine to let in.
503
00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:48,769
Who-hoo! Hahahaha!
504
00:20:48,819 --> 00:20:53,369
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