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1
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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,654 --> 00:00:07,655
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:11,326
♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:14,329
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,423 --> 00:00:17,741
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:21,336
♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,837
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:30,029
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
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TOM (on TV): Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
11
00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:39,038
Our top story: doing laundry and drinking beer.
12
00:00:39,189 --> 00:00:40,931
(clears throat) I'm sorry.
13
00:00:41,066 --> 00:00:43,358
Doing laundry and drinking beer?
14
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,103
Quahog welcomes Duds & Suds,
15
00:00:46,121 --> 00:00:47,771
a new laundromat that serves beer.
16
00:00:47,864 --> 00:00:50,532
So if you want to drink and watch your kid's teacher wash
17
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,034
his only pair of pants, get on down there.
18
00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:54,628
-Ah, cool!
-We should go!
19
00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:56,613
Nothing better
than putting on a warm diaper
20
00:00:56,632 --> 00:00:59,058
right out of the dryer.
21
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,399
(grunts)
22
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,977
Ah, I'm okay! Let's go again!
23
00:01:11,130 --> 00:01:13,146
-(knocking, rattling)
-CHRIS: Shut up! Shut up!
24
00:01:13,299 --> 00:01:14,464
What's the problem?
25
00:01:14,483 --> 00:01:15,465
CHRIS:
What day is it?
26
00:01:15,484 --> 00:01:16,742
Wednesday?
27
00:01:16,969 --> 00:01:19,803
CHRIS: Aka, the one day a week
I have independent study
28
00:01:19,896 --> 00:01:21,896
first period
and get to sleep in!
29
00:01:21,990 --> 00:01:23,323
-So shut up!
-(banging)
30
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,810
Stewie, when I was over
visiting Grandma and Grandpa,
31
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:28,161
humiliating myself to ask them
32
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,755
to keep paying
for your preschool...
33
00:01:29,906 --> 00:01:32,240
I know you don't understand me,
but I understand you.
34
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,318
...I found Chi-Chi!
35
00:01:34,411 --> 00:01:36,336
He's like your doll, Reuben.
36
00:01:36,488 --> 00:01:37,821
I know, I know, I know.
37
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,340
You called Joanna "Joanne"
the other day, it happens.
38
00:01:40,492 --> 00:01:43,009
He was always
very special to me,
39
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:46,163
now I want him to be
very special to you.
40
00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:47,606
What is she even talking about?
41
00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:49,942
-Toy!
-Toy? Oh, oh, toy!
42
00:01:50,093 --> 00:01:51,852
Oh, well,
why didn't you say so?
43
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,338
-Yay, toy!
-Yay, toy!
44
00:01:54,431 --> 00:01:55,839
-(banging)
-CHRIS: Shut! Up!
45
00:01:55,932 --> 00:01:57,341
I'm so sorry, Chris!
46
00:01:57,434 --> 00:01:59,618
I forgot it was Wednesday!
47
00:01:59,769 --> 00:02:01,936
(chuckles): Oh, sorry,
where are my manners?
48
00:02:02,030 --> 00:02:04,181
Chi-Chi, this is Reuben--
Uh, Rupert!
49
00:02:04,199 --> 00:02:05,866
(chuckles): Rupert! I-I meant--
I meant Rupert.
50
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,517
You know that.
51
00:02:07,611 --> 00:02:10,003
(insects trilling)
52
00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:13,781
(whispering): I know
it's not ideal that he's here,
53
00:02:13,876 --> 00:02:15,175
but I can't just throw him out.
54
00:02:15,361 --> 00:02:16,376
Lois would be crushed.
55
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,712
She has, like,
nothing in her life.
56
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,121
Of course I saw his Bible,
57
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:21,723
that's the first thing I saw.
58
00:02:31,801 --> 00:02:32,876
Hey, check it out.
59
00:02:32,895 --> 00:02:34,153
You and Peter have
the same undies.
60
00:02:34,304 --> 00:02:35,303
What are you talking about?
61
00:02:35,397 --> 00:02:36,638
He just wears
run-of-the-mill Hanes.
62
00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:37,990
Yours aren't Hanes?
63
00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:39,641
No, mine are Planes.
64
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,051
All pilots wear them.
65
00:02:41,144 --> 00:02:42,494
Look at that, Planes.
66
00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:45,405
"The perfect underwear
for unexpected wind shear."
67
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,250
-Is that, like, farts?
-Yes, that's like farts.
68
00:02:50,896 --> 00:02:52,754
(kids chattering)
69
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,674
Oh, hello, Doug.
70
00:02:55,901 --> 00:02:57,584
-Can I sit here?
-I don't care.
71
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,069
My stop is next.
72
00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,421
I assume you're taking this
to the end of the line?
73
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,074
Out to the land of cheap rents
and tract housing?
74
00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:05,909
My stop's pretty soon, too.
75
00:03:05,928 --> 00:03:07,077
What's on your shoes?
76
00:03:07,170 --> 00:03:09,521
Oh. These are called laces.
77
00:03:09,673 --> 00:03:12,191
I doubt you've ever heard
of them, Mr. Velcro.
78
00:03:12,342 --> 00:03:14,509
I know about laces!
I've just never seen black ones.
79
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,177
Geez. Why are you always
such a dick?
80
00:03:16,271 --> 00:03:17,863
Takes one to know one.
81
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:20,014
Where did you learn that?
That's great!
82
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,849
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That-that wasn't about you.
83
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,109
I-- I'm just...
84
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,204
There's-there's stuff going
on at home.
85
00:03:25,355 --> 00:03:27,372
I'd love to hear about it,
though fair warning:
86
00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:30,434
I know little
of lower-middle class plight.
87
00:03:30,452 --> 00:03:33,545
Eh, it's just this new stuffed
monkey Chi-Chi's making waves
88
00:03:33,697 --> 00:03:34,938
with my old stuffy.
89
00:03:34,957 --> 00:03:36,381
I keep trying to get
rid of the monkey,
90
00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:39,443
but my mom keeps finding him--
and I can tell you're bored.
91
00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:41,253
Far from it, Stewie.
I feel for you.
92
00:03:41,405 --> 00:03:43,630
That actually sounds like
what I'm going through
93
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,890
with Miss Tiggywinkles.
94
00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:46,283
-Really?
-Yeah.
95
00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:48,518
It's really wearing on me.
96
00:03:50,213 --> 00:03:52,973
Hey, I just had a crazy idea.
97
00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:54,900
We might be able to help
each other out.
98
00:03:55,051 --> 00:03:56,217
How's that?
99
00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:58,812
Think about it:
two fellas meet on a train,
100
00:03:58,964 --> 00:04:00,964
and do each other's murders.
101
00:04:01,057 --> 00:04:03,967
I kill Chi-Chi,
you kill Miss Tiggywinkles.
102
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:06,136
Nobody could ever connect us
to the crimes.
103
00:04:06,154 --> 00:04:07,079
Crisscross.
104
00:04:07,230 --> 00:04:09,373
You've got yourself a deal!
105
00:04:11,401 --> 00:04:13,660
Great.
Well, this is my stop.
106
00:04:13,812 --> 00:04:15,812
No, no, no! You can't!
You can't! That's hot lava!
107
00:04:15,905 --> 00:04:18,382
Whoa. (chuckles)
That was close.
108
00:04:26,508 --> 00:04:28,392
♪
109
00:04:29,252 --> 00:04:30,585
Giggity morning, everyone.
110
00:04:30,679 --> 00:04:33,013
Lois, can I see you
in the other room for a second?
111
00:04:33,165 --> 00:04:35,065
-Sure.
-All right!
112
00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:40,170
Peter, what would you like
for breakfast?
113
00:04:40,188 --> 00:04:41,521
Chocolate chip pancakes.
114
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,574
Lois, can I see you
in the other room for a second?
115
00:04:47,103 --> 00:04:49,513
So... Whew. (chuckles)
116
00:04:49,606 --> 00:04:50,956
Uh, what did you want?
117
00:04:51,107 --> 00:04:52,699
-Uh, wa-waffles?
-Yeah, sure.
118
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,585
Lois, can I see you
in the other room for a second?
119
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:01,091
I couldn't perform a third time,
so we just read.
120
00:05:07,123 --> 00:05:09,141
Morning, beautiful.
121
00:05:09,368 --> 00:05:11,125
I had the Uber guy
sleep outside,
122
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:13,020
so he's ready
when you're ready.
123
00:05:17,559 --> 00:05:19,376
♪
124
00:05:19,394 --> 00:05:22,821
But first, a dump so long
I will be able to read
125
00:05:22,972 --> 00:05:25,449
everything Garfield ever wrote.
126
00:05:27,069 --> 00:05:29,494
(giggles) Jon.
127
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:33,314
Morning, Captain Quagmire.
128
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,892
Hey, did you know
if this plane was a wiener,
129
00:05:35,985 --> 00:05:37,819
we'd be the wiener's eyes?
130
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,913
QUAGMIRE (over P.A.): Hello, this is your captain speaking
131
00:05:40,065 --> 00:05:42,490
from the, uh, cockpit. (giggles)
132
00:05:42,584 --> 00:05:43,991
COPILOT: Lot of penis stuff from you today.
133
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,569
QUAGMIRE: Quiet, you don't talk.
134
00:05:45,587 --> 00:05:48,013
Now please enjoy this in-flight music I brought with me
135
00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:49,514
from my glove compartment.
136
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,683
♪ Ah, well, everybody's heard about the bird ♪
137
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:54,519
♪ B-B-B-Bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word. ♪
138
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:03,195
♪
139
00:06:05,757 --> 00:06:09,368
Guess I'll go for my walk
and leave Chi-Chi all alone!
140
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,996
(Henry Hall's "The Teddy Bears'
Picnic" playing)
141
00:06:15,934 --> 00:06:18,268
♪ If you go down in the woods today ♪
142
00:06:18,361 --> 00:06:21,046
♪ You're sure of a big surprise ♪
143
00:06:21,197 --> 00:06:23,382
♪ If you go down in the woods today ♪
144
00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:26,200
♪ You better go in disguise ♪
145
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:28,778
♪ For every bear that ever there was ♪
146
00:06:28,797 --> 00:06:31,556
♪ Will gather there for certain, because ♪
147
00:06:31,783 --> 00:06:36,645
♪ Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic. ♪
148
00:06:39,141 --> 00:06:41,441
Wow, how far is it from up here?
149
00:06:45,964 --> 00:06:48,073
♪
150
00:06:53,730 --> 00:06:55,497
(glass shatters)
151
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:02,546
Goodnight Moon?
Ugh, God, Stewie's so basic.
152
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,471
Oh, my God, he did it.
153
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:14,340
Oh, no!
I've been out all morning
154
00:07:14,493 --> 00:07:16,751
with lots of witnesses,
and now this!
155
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,178
Chris! Help!
156
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,439
For God's sake, what now?
157
00:07:20,590 --> 00:07:24,000
So, I was out on my walk
with Jane, Ally P., and Ali R.--
158
00:07:24,019 --> 00:07:26,169
both got disastrous haircuts
yesterday,
159
00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:27,446
obviously that stays
in this room--
160
00:07:27,673 --> 00:07:29,489
and I just came in
and found Chi-Chi like this!
161
00:07:29,675 --> 00:07:31,766
Stewie,
do you know what day it is?
162
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,101
It's the next Wednesday.
163
00:07:34,196 --> 00:07:37,180
I believe you're aware of
my Wednesday schedule.
164
00:07:37,199 --> 00:07:38,957
First period,
independent study.
165
00:07:39,108 --> 00:07:40,942
Oh, so you are.
166
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,961
And do you remember
what I like to do
167
00:07:43,112 --> 00:07:45,538
during first period,
independent study?
168
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,114
-Sleep.
-Sleep!
169
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,967
(chuckles):
Oh, you're a quick study.
170
00:07:49,118 --> 00:07:51,303
-(alarm clock blaring)
-(bleep)
171
00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:53,805
LOIS:
Chris, your alarm is going off!
172
00:07:54,032 --> 00:07:56,808
I know!
173
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,102
♪
174
00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:12,065
All right, time to murder
Miss Tiggywinkles.
175
00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:15,142
Oh, never been invited
to Doug's before.
176
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,478
Whoa! Chalkboard wall? No way!
177
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:20,499
The only limitation is
my imagination.
178
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,507
So fun!
179
00:08:29,918 --> 00:08:31,843
GIRL:
Stay right here,
Miss Tiggywinkles.
180
00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:33,970
Dougie will be home soon
to play.
181
00:08:35,574 --> 00:08:36,473
(door closes)
182
00:08:52,257 --> 00:08:53,590
Beat it, you don't want to see
183
00:08:53,608 --> 00:08:55,700
what I'm about to do
to Miss Tiggywinkles!
184
00:09:06,029 --> 00:09:07,629
Get away from me n...
185
00:09:10,125 --> 00:09:11,791
(gasps) Oh, my God!
186
00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:14,127
-I can't read!
-(door creaking)
187
00:09:15,204 --> 00:09:18,265
-(grunts)
-Here you go, Miss Tiggywinkles.
188
00:09:19,542 --> 00:09:20,300
(gasps)
189
00:09:20,452 --> 00:09:22,543
Miss Tiggywinkles is a real cat!
190
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:23,953
(inhales deeply)
191
00:09:24,047 --> 00:09:26,356
You know what? I can do this.
192
00:09:41,489 --> 00:09:42,639
(purring)
193
00:09:42,657 --> 00:09:44,140
I can't do it!
194
00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,142
I can't kill a cat!
195
00:09:46,161 --> 00:09:49,646
Unless you were in the movie
musical with Rebel Wilson?
196
00:09:49,664 --> 00:09:51,673
I can't do it!
197
00:09:54,577 --> 00:09:56,911
ANNOUNCER: We now return to Baywatch.
198
00:09:57,038 --> 00:09:58,321
All right!
199
00:09:58,340 --> 00:09:59,823
There he is,
200
00:09:59,841 --> 00:10:02,100
the reason our lawn looks
like it has leopard skin pants.
201
00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:03,584
What's up with you lately?
202
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,145
You've been acting really weird
all of the sudden.
203
00:10:05,254 --> 00:10:07,330
"All of the sudden," Brian?
204
00:10:07,349 --> 00:10:09,608
I think what you mean is
"all of a sudden."
205
00:10:09,835 --> 00:10:12,502
Ladies and gentlemen,
that's the author in the house.
206
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:14,838
What's your problem? Why are you
being such a jerk to me?
207
00:10:14,931 --> 00:10:16,097
My problem with you?
208
00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:17,115
Let's see, where do I begin?
209
00:10:17,342 --> 00:10:19,676
You accept food,
clothing and shelter,
210
00:10:19,694 --> 00:10:21,119
yet no responsibilities.
211
00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:23,437
You constantly want to sleep
with my wife,
212
00:10:23,531 --> 00:10:24,848
who is an angel.
213
00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:26,458
Oh, and the hypocrisy.
214
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:28,293
You claim to be an ally
to women,
215
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,037
but I bet you don't even know
Nancy Pelosi's official title.
216
00:10:31,189 --> 00:10:33,131
Sure, I do. She's, uh...
217
00:10:33,282 --> 00:10:35,282
Chuck Schumer's secretary.
218
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:38,285
Forget it, Brian. Now, can you
strap me to this milking table?
219
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:40,722
My wife will be home soon.
220
00:10:45,036 --> 00:10:46,219
Stewie Griffin,
221
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,462
do you want to tell me
why you didn't hold up
222
00:10:48,556 --> 00:10:51,040
your end of the bargain
with Miss Tiggywinkles?
223
00:10:51,059 --> 00:10:52,876
Seriously?
Maybe because you failed
224
00:10:52,894 --> 00:10:54,986
to mention she was a real,
living cat.
225
00:10:55,213 --> 00:10:56,804
Hey, I killed your monkey!
226
00:10:56,898 --> 00:10:58,472
Don't you see
how that's different?
227
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,808
We had a deal.
228
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,385
No, I know.
(stammers) But I just...
229
00:11:02,478 --> 00:11:03,644
I d-- I don't-- I don't think...
230
00:11:03,738 --> 00:11:06,313
Boy, this is really gonna hurt
your reputation
231
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,833
with my kindergarten friends.
232
00:11:08,985 --> 00:11:10,669
You have kindergarten friends?
233
00:11:10,854 --> 00:11:11,911
(chuckles):
Oh, yeah.
234
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,580
I let them throw pinecones at me
all the time.
235
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:18,009
But now I'm gonna have to
tell them you welshed on me.
236
00:11:18,236 --> 00:11:21,513
(sucks teeth)
Kindergartners hate welshers.
237
00:11:21,664 --> 00:11:23,181
Kindergartners, eh?
238
00:11:23,408 --> 00:11:25,091
You know what? I'll do it.
239
00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:26,242
Good choice, Stewie.
240
00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:28,411
Hey,
m-maybe after all this is done,
241
00:11:28,430 --> 00:11:31,022
I-I could get kindergartners
throwing pinecones at me?
242
00:11:31,249 --> 00:11:33,174
(chuckles):
Whoa, slow down, champ.
243
00:11:33,268 --> 00:11:35,652
They start you
at driveway pebbles.
244
00:11:40,516 --> 00:11:42,683
Ah, Brian, just the man
I was hoping to see.
245
00:11:42,777 --> 00:11:44,202
You don't like cats, do you?
246
00:11:44,353 --> 00:11:46,079
-I hate 'em.
-Sit.
247
00:11:48,024 --> 00:11:50,357
Three of Lois'
sweaty jogging bras.
248
00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:52,769
Have I really been
that good of a boy?
249
00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:54,454
Depends. I got a cat problem.
250
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,363
You get rid of my cat,
this is all yours.
251
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,608
-Done.
-Go ahead, boy.
252
00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:01,035
(sniffing)
253
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,887
Oh, yeah!
254
00:12:03,114 --> 00:12:05,724
She ran fast
because Bonnie was watching.
255
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:12,105
-What happened to you?
-I'm not really sure.
256
00:12:12,215 --> 00:12:14,640
I was in line at the bank,
and this human-sized chicken
257
00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:15,959
cut in front of me.
258
00:12:16,052 --> 00:12:17,627
Well,
I wasn't gonna let that stand.
259
00:12:17,645 --> 00:12:18,795
I had a weird day, too.
260
00:12:18,813 --> 00:12:20,146
I asked, like, seven people
261
00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:22,240
if they were gonna watch
the SpaceX launch.
262
00:12:22,391 --> 00:12:23,967
And I-I don't even know
what that is.
263
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:26,152
Hey, you two are both
acting very strange,
264
00:12:26,304 --> 00:12:28,062
and I think I know what it is.
265
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,990
He's wearing your underwear,
and you're wearing his.
266
00:12:31,142 --> 00:12:32,158
How do you know that?
267
00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:33,993
Well, you know,
when some people go blind
268
00:12:34,145 --> 00:12:35,645
their other senses
are heightened.
269
00:12:35,663 --> 00:12:38,739
When I lost my legs,
I gained a sense of underpants.
270
00:12:38,833 --> 00:12:41,259
What are you talking about?
We didn't switch underwear.
271
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:42,910
Are you sure about that?
Stand up
272
00:12:43,004 --> 00:12:44,988
and let Jojo flip your taggies.
273
00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:47,223
Turn around. Butt-to-butt.
274
00:12:49,585 --> 00:12:51,327
Hanes.
275
00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:52,920
Planes.
276
00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:54,831
(laughing)
277
00:12:54,924 --> 00:12:56,090
Whoo!
278
00:12:56,184 --> 00:12:57,350
What the hell?
279
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,835
We must've accidentally
grabbed the wrong ones
280
00:12:58,928 --> 00:12:59,927
at the laundromat.
281
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,447
Oh, so your boys were
282
00:13:02,674 --> 00:13:03,931
where his boys were.
283
00:13:04,025 --> 00:13:06,493
And your boys were
where his boys were.
284
00:13:07,529 --> 00:13:10,179
BOTH:
Oh, my God!
285
00:13:10,198 --> 00:13:11,772
Hey, what are you guys
talking about?
286
00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:13,792
Peter and Quagmire
exchanged underwear.
287
00:13:14,019 --> 00:13:15,351
Ha! Classic!
288
00:13:15,444 --> 00:13:17,111
Me, I don't wear underwear.
289
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,280
I just wear trunks.
290
00:13:19,374 --> 00:13:20,523
Tree guy.
291
00:13:20,616 --> 00:13:22,191
That'll hit you
when you're driving home.
292
00:13:23,194 --> 00:13:25,220
Hey, look at this table.
What are you guys talking about?
293
00:13:33,629 --> 00:13:35,555
Oh, hey, I-I, uh...
294
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,816
I didn't-- I didn't know
you take out trash, too.
295
00:13:37,967 --> 00:13:40,634
Yeah, I-I, uh...
Only on trash days.
296
00:13:40,728 --> 00:13:42,636
No, right, of course.
Yeah, no, no, I'm sorry. I-I...
297
00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:44,380
-(kicks ground)
-(sighs)
298
00:13:44,473 --> 00:13:45,806
(chuckles):
I'm not sure what to say.
299
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,325
(chuckles)
I know. It's awkward.
300
00:13:47,552 --> 00:13:49,385
I thought things would go
back to normal
301
00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:51,404
after we traded underwear
yesterday.
302
00:13:51,556 --> 00:13:53,456
(playing "Taps")
303
00:14:07,496 --> 00:14:09,739
I'm gonna have Lois cancel
our dinner plans
304
00:14:09,757 --> 00:14:10,998
with you and Ida tomorrow.
305
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,517
I-I think it's too soon.
306
00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:15,019
Hey, you don't think the guys
are talking about us, do you?
307
00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:16,579
Oh, I don't think so.
308
00:14:16,598 --> 00:14:18,005
Oh, my God.
309
00:14:18,099 --> 00:14:19,858
I still can't believe they wore
each other's underwear.
310
00:14:20,009 --> 00:14:21,751
Like, can you imagine?
311
00:14:21,769 --> 00:14:22,861
I know, right?
312
00:14:23,012 --> 00:14:24,678
Like, icky times a thousand.
313
00:14:24,772 --> 00:14:26,089
Hey, this is crazy,
314
00:14:26,107 --> 00:14:29,016
but what if we wore
each other's underwear,
315
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:30,535
-just for a joke?
-What?
316
00:14:30,686 --> 00:14:32,111
No, that's a terrible idea.
317
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,779
Yeah, just-just joking.
318
00:14:33,932 --> 00:14:35,448
So stupid!
319
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,417
Can I be done now?
320
00:14:42,457 --> 00:14:43,381
(door creaks)
321
00:14:43,532 --> 00:14:45,791
Okay, you go in there,
kill Miss T,
322
00:14:45,944 --> 00:14:47,110
and we'll sneak out the back.
323
00:14:47,128 --> 00:14:48,369
You need a weapon or anything?
324
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,139
She's a cat, I'm a dog.
I'm good.
325
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:55,727
-(Brian barking)
-(rattling)
-(Miss Tiggywinkles snarls)
326
00:14:55,878 --> 00:14:58,021
(Brian growling)
327
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,650
-(rattling stops)
-(Brian growls)
-(Miss Tiggywinkles meows)
328
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:04,736
(loud meow)
329
00:15:06,464 --> 00:15:08,031
It went poorly.
330
00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:14,412
Thanks again for having us over,
Lois.
331
00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:17,140
Zesty Italian?
Oh, I-I just couldn't.
332
00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:18,824
Not this close to bedtime.
333
00:15:18,977 --> 00:15:20,567
(whispers):
You said you were gonna
cancel dinner.
334
00:15:20,662 --> 00:15:23,296
(whispers):
I have zero control
in my marriage.
335
00:15:26,317 --> 00:15:27,833
Whoops. (chuckles)
I dropped my roll,
336
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,502
which is not at all
an invitation for Peter
337
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,554
to have
an under-the-table conference.
338
00:15:40,498 --> 00:15:42,941
Ha! Darn thing's
always coming off.
339
00:15:43,168 --> 00:15:44,567
Excuse me for one moment,
won't you?
340
00:15:47,596 --> 00:15:49,596
-Why did you do that?
-You dropped all the bread.
341
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,008
-What was I supposed to do?
-Okay, that makes sense.
342
00:15:52,101 --> 00:15:54,935
So, I went to
the underwear doctor and...
343
00:15:55,029 --> 00:15:56,437
you should probably get checked.
344
00:15:56,531 --> 00:15:58,181
They say when you wear
someone's underwear,
345
00:15:58,274 --> 00:15:59,682
you're also wearing
the underwear
346
00:15:59,775 --> 00:16:01,534
of everyone whose underwear
they've worn.
347
00:16:01,686 --> 00:16:02,961
I can't believe this!
348
00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:05,546
I thought I knew you,
Glenn Quagmire!
349
00:16:08,284 --> 00:16:11,452
(chuckles) Here I go again,
filling up on ears.
350
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,862
What's going on here, you two?
351
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,213
You're being very rude.
352
00:16:14,365 --> 00:16:16,957
Lois spent all day overcooking
this meal.
353
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:19,686
We accidentally wore
each other's underwear.
354
00:16:20,796 --> 00:16:22,981
(laughing)
355
00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:25,708
I can't believe you wore
each other's undies!
356
00:16:25,727 --> 00:16:28,319
(laughs)
This is hysterical!
357
00:16:28,546 --> 00:16:29,970
-(banging on wall)
-CHRIS: Shut! Up!
358
00:16:30,064 --> 00:16:31,897
Oh, it's not even Wednesday!
359
00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:33,491
CHRIS:
It's Tuesday night!
360
00:16:33,642 --> 00:16:34,900
That's part of it!
361
00:16:35,053 --> 00:16:36,327
Guys, this isn't funny!
362
00:16:36,554 --> 00:16:38,830
Relax, Peter. It's no big deal.
363
00:16:39,057 --> 00:16:40,072
You don't get it!
364
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,907
Oh, quit being so dramatic.
365
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:44,076
Ladies switch underwear
all the time.
366
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,652
I might be wearing Bonnie's
right now.
367
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:46,987
I don't even remember.
368
00:16:47,081 --> 00:16:49,823
While that is super sexy
and being stored for later,
369
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,342
it's very different for guys.
370
00:16:51,569 --> 00:16:53,327
That's not true,
male friends can be
371
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,512
more intimate
than they used to.
372
00:16:54,663 --> 00:16:56,497
-BOTH: Nope!
-And the lines
of sexuality are
373
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:57,849
-more fluid than ever.
-BOTH: Nope!
374
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,666
And people aren't so quick
to judge or label.
375
00:16:59,761 --> 00:17:03,262
-Please stop.
-Masculinity just doesn't
account for stuff like this.
376
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,598
Look,
guys can share laughs and beers,
377
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:08,675
but we don't share feelings,
emotions, or underwear.
378
00:17:08,770 --> 00:17:11,420
Between male friends, there's
no coming back from this.
379
00:17:11,439 --> 00:17:14,848
He's right. I'm afraid our
relationship is on the skids.
380
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,350
Maybe there's hope
for the future,
381
00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:17,777
but things now are too spotty.
382
00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:19,686
I just don't know if there's
any front-to-back to this.
383
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,522
Our reputations are smeared.
384
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,524
If I wasn't so yellow,
maybe I'd push harder.
385
00:17:23,618 --> 00:17:27,128
But, hey, we had
a really good streak, huh?
386
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,552
What's going on out there, Dad?
387
00:17:34,703 --> 00:17:36,703
We accidentally wore
each other's underwear,
388
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,297
so Mr. Quagmire is moving.
389
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,540
Oh, wow.
390
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,893
Yeah, obviously one of you
would need to.
391
00:17:42,044 --> 00:17:44,062
Peter,
this is completely ridiculous.
392
00:17:44,213 --> 00:17:46,289
Babe. What's done is done.
393
00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:47,973
Look, I don't have
a lot of friends,
394
00:17:48,126 --> 00:17:50,126
it's kind of a problem
on the show.
395
00:17:50,144 --> 00:17:53,296
But if I did, I would never
let anything come between us,
396
00:17:53,314 --> 00:17:55,656
especially a pair of underwear.
397
00:17:58,394 --> 00:18:00,970
You know what, Lois?
You're right.
398
00:18:00,988 --> 00:18:03,164
Now go tell him not to move.
399
00:18:07,328 --> 00:18:09,295
♪
400
00:18:24,679 --> 00:18:26,646
♪
401
00:18:42,479 --> 00:18:43,955
Quagmire,
402
00:18:44,106 --> 00:18:46,349
I just want to say that you can
wreck a good pair of underwear,
403
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:48,609
but you can't wreck
a good friendship.
404
00:18:48,703 --> 00:18:50,110
That's nice, Peter.
405
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,021
Underwear should never come
between two friends.
406
00:18:52,114 --> 00:18:53,372
Well, it kind of should.
407
00:18:53,524 --> 00:18:55,374
(chuckles):
Yeah, yeah.
It kind of should, yeah.
408
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,209
Will you help me move my stuff
back inside?
409
00:18:57,362 --> 00:18:58,986
Only if I can do it half naked
410
00:18:58,988 --> 00:19:00,212
and in front of
all our neighbors.
411
00:19:00,365 --> 00:19:02,390
Not my first choice, but okay.
412
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:09,397
♪
413
00:19:24,889 --> 00:19:26,572
Miss Tiggywinkles, wake up!
414
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,999
You've got to get out of here!
415
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,171
Oh, my God, you're dead!
416
00:19:33,322 --> 00:19:36,248
-(camera shutter clicks)
-Well, what do we have here?
417
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:38,918
Stewie Griffin, cat murderer?
418
00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:40,753
What? You psycho!
419
00:19:40,905 --> 00:19:42,013
You killed her?
420
00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:45,016
Maybe I did, maybe she died
of natural causes.
421
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:46,350
The only thing that matters is
422
00:19:46,577 --> 00:19:49,145
that now I have
the goods on you.
423
00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:53,733
Oh, that's a terrible photo.
Would you mind doing it again?
424
00:20:00,107 --> 00:20:01,032
(shutter clicks)
425
00:20:01,183 --> 00:20:02,533
Aw, yeah. That's cute.
426
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,035
-Can you send me that?
-No.
427
00:20:04,946 --> 00:20:06,037
Give me that picture!
428
00:20:06,264 --> 00:20:07,613
Hey, Doug.
Sorry about your kitty.
429
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,857
I guess the pet store didn't
have a men's department, huh?
430
00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:13,619
Uh, well, I tried to get a...
431
00:20:13,771 --> 00:20:14,954
(snores then groans)
432
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,697
Hey, I don't want to be
too tired to drive home.
433
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,882
Does this story have an ending?
434
00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:19,608
Later, losers!
435
00:20:19,627 --> 00:20:21,034
I'm five!
436
00:20:21,128 --> 00:20:22,053
(horn honks)
437
00:20:22,204 --> 00:20:24,113
-Who is that?
-That's Tyler.
438
00:20:24,131 --> 00:20:26,298
He's, uh, kind of my Doug.
439
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:27,967
Boy, we all get a Doug, huh?
440
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,469
Yeah, Tyler's Doug is
a drunk stepdad.
441
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,438
-Yikes.
-Yeah.
442
00:20:37,795 --> 00:20:40,738
Well, I'm glad everyone's back
in their regular underwear
443
00:20:40,889 --> 00:20:42,465
and everything's
back to normal.
444
00:20:42,558 --> 00:20:43,724
Me, too.
445
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,743
And thank you for cleaning
the milking table.
446
00:20:45,894 --> 00:20:47,578
Well, we had quite a week
as well.
447
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:48,821
We sure did.
448
00:20:48,973 --> 00:20:50,248
I mean, you got your ass kicked
by a cat.
449
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:53,251
-Well, it was really more
of a draw.
-Yeah, whatever.
450
00:20:53,402 --> 00:20:55,736
Hey, you want to end the show
with a "To Be Continued" meme?"
451
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,162
I-I don't even know
what that...
452
00:20:57,315 --> 00:20:58,631
-(bazooka clicks)
-(loud boom)
453
00:21:02,503 --> 00:21:04,470
♪
33450
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