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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:09,010 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:13,672 KID CAPRI: It's the Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam. 3 00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:44,955 [APPLAUSE][HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 4 00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:48,051 KID CAPRI: Put your hands together for my main man, Martin Lawrence! 5 00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:03,724 Kid... 6 00:01:05,543 --> 00:01:07,333 Kid Capri, give it up for my man. 7 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:08,891 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 8 00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,770 Yeah! Wassup? 9 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,421 I'd like to thank my partners, Kid 'n Play. 10 00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:16,115 What's up, man? Thank you for coming out! 11 00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:19,909 Look at them. They all smooth, "Now, hey." 12 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:24,690 Fart, boy. Let that shit out. 13 00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:26,826 What the fuck you got on your head? 14 00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:31,565 Oh wait, what's up, bro? You been locked up before? 15 00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:37,746 You scarin' white people here. You know that, don't you? 16 00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,753 White people are looking at you going, 17 00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:42,315 "Look at the one up front with the goddamn thing on his head. 18 00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:45,153 "We're not supposed to be there! 19 00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,852 "It's a party for black people!" 20 00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,240 But yo, this is the Def Comedy Jam 21 00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:50,813 and we're having a lot of fun here y'all. 22 00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:53,809 We got a lot of talent for you. Guys that you, uh... 23 00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:56,292 You may have seen on some other shows. 24 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,863 Guys you ain't seen no goddamn where. 25 00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,731 But they here tonight to have a lot of fucking fun 26 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:03,173 and y'all are making it possible. 27 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,990 So, we gonna move on with the show. 28 00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:07,997 Our first performer comes to you from Long Beach, California. 29 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,090 Give it up for Ricky Harris. 30 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,130 [APPLAUSE][HIP HOP PLAYING] 31 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:18,441 Wassup? 32 00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:21,534 Wassup? How y'all doing? 33 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,006 Good, good. 34 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:25,185 Last time I was out here I did the Apollo. 35 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:28,242 That was some scary shit. Y'all are much better than them motherfuckers 36 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:30,978 because them motherfuckers will boo your ass. 37 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,940 Them motherfuckers booed me when they introduced me. 38 00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:35,549 Like, "Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together. 39 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:37,200 "All the way from Long Beach, Mr. Ricky..." 40 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:41,474 "Boo! Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Boo your ass! Boo! 41 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,640 "Well, say something, motherfucker! 42 00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:46,687 "Boo!" 43 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,312 I was mad as a motherfucker. You know that lady that's sitting in the front row? 44 00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:57,479 I walked by her ass and I was like... [KICKING SOUND EFFECT] 45 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:02,878 Boo me, motherfucker. 46 00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:05,141 And I wasn't mad that they booed me, right? 47 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,095 I was just mad... I don't know how many millions of people saw that shit. 48 00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,024 Because my grandmother live in Louisiana, she called me up. 49 00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:14,279 She's like, "Hi baby. How you doin'? Well, you got booed. 50 00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:18,114 "Don't worry about it. Hold your damn head up. Them people booed you. 51 00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,634 "Hold on, your grandfather want to holler at you." 52 00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:22,067 My grandfather's in the background going, 53 00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:23,904 "I don't want to say nothing to that motherfucker. Tell him I said, 'Kiss my ass!' 54 00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:27,082 "Made the whole Harris family look fucked-up, getting booed. 55 00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:29,989 "Tell him I said, 'Kiss my black ass.'" 56 00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:32,595 "Your grandfather said hi. 57 00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:35,167 "He holla at you some other time." 58 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,515 And I was mad, man. I stayed out here though, and I worked on a film 59 00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:41,396 which y'all probably didn't see me in the motherfucker if you didn't have a VCR 60 00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:43,958 and a pause button in that motherfucker. 61 00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:47,006 My shit was like this. [WHISTLING] 62 00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:52,796 I ain't bullshitting. And I want to do films, man. 63 00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:55,321 I want to do... Because I want to do them scary movie films, man. 64 00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,315 And love-makin' scenes... You know, them black... 65 00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:59,757 Because you never see no black men... Except Wesley Snipes. 66 00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:04,814 Man, that motherfucker... Wesley be fucking in some movies, man! 67 00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,513 He must have that shit in his contract! 68 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:10,030 "Am I... Am I fucking? Okay. I'm in the motherfucker. 69 00:04:10,075 --> 00:04:12,335 "I ain't fucking, I ain't being in the motherfucker." 70 00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:14,522 And his shit be looking real, man! 71 00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:17,518 He be poppin'... I be sayin, "That shit look too real." 72 00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:20,561 I said... I know if that was me, them motherfuckers would be like, "Cut it." 73 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:22,088 I'd be like, "Uh-uh. Keep the cameras rolling. 74 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,180 "Keep them motherfuckers rolling!" 75 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,308 I'd be looking all at the camera, "This can be you! 76 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:35,278 "Oh, this shit is real! Look, look I'm poppin', pow, pow!" 77 00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:39,277 I'll tear up some ass. 78 00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:43,982 I ain't bullshitting. 79 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:46,162 But I want to do scary movies, man. 80 00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,678 Because you never see no black people in those scary movies, right? 81 00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:51,813 You go to a movie and it's a scary movie, you see a black person... 82 00:04:51,856 --> 00:04:53,986 A black person get killed when the credits and shit rolling. 83 00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:57,382 You say, "Look at that brother... God damn! 84 00:04:57,427 --> 00:05:00,777 "Motherfucker didn't make it past the introduction and shit!" 85 00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:03,392 And I want to do a scary movie because, you know, that's what's happening. 86 00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,223 Them scary movies with them sound effects? 87 00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,311 Because that's what makes you scared in most scary movies. 88 00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:10,090 My favorite is Jason. The ax murderer. 89 00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:12,395 Yeah, that motherfucker bad because his sound effects, they like, 90 00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:17,582 [IMITATES HORROR SOUND EFFECTS] 91 00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:20,491 Because you know when you hear that, somebody about to get fucked up, right? 92 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,227 Always be, like, a white guy. 93 00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:23,978 [HUMMING] 94 00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,929 ♪ Scooby doo... 95 00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:32,285 "Oh, geez. You hear that? It's going, 'Chuh-chuh-chuh.' 96 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:36,902 "There it goes again, 'Chuh-chuh-chuh.'" 97 00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:40,375 That's why you don't never see no brothas in them movies, man! 98 00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,387 'Cause soon as a brotha hear that shit, he'd be ready to fight. 99 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,389 Brother'd be walking down the street like 100 00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:45,781 [IMITATES HORROR NOISE] "Okay, where the fuck you at, home? 101 00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:49,263 "No, fuck that shit. I hear the ch-ch shit." 102 00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,525 That shit is crazy, man. 103 00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,398 Like, why you don't ever see no shit like Driving Miss Daisy in the ghetto? 104 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,400 Why you don't see Jason in the ghetto? Know why? 105 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,622 Because them motherfuckers wouldn't last in the ghetto. 106 00:05:57,661 --> 00:06:00,841 Jason would be running his ass out the ghetto like, "Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch." 107 00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:03,542 Trying to get his ass out the ghetto. 108 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,970 You liable to drive through a ghetto and see Jason sitting on the curb, 109 00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:07,367 freebasin' and shit. 110 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,720 [INHALING AND IMITATING HORROR NOISE] 111 00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:15,238 And Miss Daisy would be a ho. 112 00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:21,115 "Miss Daisy sure know how to suck one, homeboy! 113 00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:23,563 "I know she ain't got no teeth!" 114 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,860 Hey, look. I'm Ricky Harris. Peace. 115 00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,132 [APPLAUSE][HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 116 00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,841 Yo, yo, yo. 117 00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:43,969 Are we having a good time? We want to thank y'all, so here we go. 118 00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,802 We goin' to keep the show rolling. 119 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,630 Yo, this next brother coming on, this is my man. 120 00:06:48,669 --> 00:06:50,849 He's a funny motherfucker. I'm telling you. 121 00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:54,848 Straight up, 'cause y'all my motherfuckers. Shut up! 122 00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:58,202 Yo, he's from South Carolina but he lives in Georgia now. 123 00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:01,603 Give it up for my man, J. Anthony Brown. 124 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,548 [APPLAUSE][HIP HOP PLAYING] 125 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,387 I like that! Shit, yeah! 126 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,482 I'm not a dancer. I can't dance. You can look at me and tell I... 127 00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:16,441 I just learned this shit here. 128 00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:20,826 Just got the motherfucker! Just... Hey! Hey! 129 00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:23,175 People look at you like you're crazy! "They don't do that shit, man." 130 00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:25,225 He can kiss my ass, motherfucker. 131 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:28,100 I just learned this shit. That's for goddamn sure! 132 00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,932 A lot of these hip hop motherfuckers out here, man. 133 00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:37,326 I do a little jheri curl check in the room. 134 00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:38,369 That's what I'm looking for. 135 00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,423 All right! Don't get scared, now. 136 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,731 Ain't no... I ain't going to point you out and shit. 137 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,248 That's good. That's good. Ain't no curls in the room. 138 00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,822 Oh, you're on curl street, brother! 139 00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:51,649 You right on the goddamn street. 140 00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:54,428 And your shit's moist. I like that. 141 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,564 You gotta keep your shit moist if you got a curl. 142 00:07:57,607 --> 00:08:01,737 Nuthin' in the world worse than a dry-ass jheri curl. Because you... 143 00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:05,525 Your shit's moist! You took time to moisten your shit. 144 00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:12,446 You was in the mirror at home before you got here 145 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,542 moistening your shit. 146 00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,891 That take a long time to moisten your shit. 147 00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,372 You be in the mirror going... 148 00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,941 [MAKING SPRAYING NOISES] 149 00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:32,561 [SPRAYING NOISES CONTINUE] 150 00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,850 And then look in the mirror and go, "I think I need another bottle." 151 00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:09,979 Yeah, this is great. This is great. I love this shit, man. 152 00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:14,207 I'm gettin' older, man. I'm getting... It's cool. It's cool. Ain't no... 153 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,949 His shit's dry. God damn! 154 00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,689 God damn! 155 00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:24,735 Hey, hey! Your shit's dry! 156 00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:35,141 I... I ain't got no hair. All right! All right! Lighten up, lighten up. 157 00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:38,233 But look, I like this. This is a younger crowd. See, I'm getting older. 158 00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:40,623 I'm getting older. Now, you know... You know when you're getting older. 159 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,407 When you get older you speak different, right? 160 00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,191 Like y'all... Y'all younger than me. 161 00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:46,625 Y'all speak different. It's a different type of language. 162 00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,333 Y'all, you're hip. It's a hip language. It's universal. 163 00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:53,201 You've seen it. "Hey Leroy! What's up?" 164 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,334 And the head move. You ever seen that? 165 00:09:55,377 --> 00:10:00,077 "Hey, man! What's up? Hey! How you doin'?" 166 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:01,471 Y'all seen that? It's universal. 167 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,563 I don't give a fuck where you go, they do it. 168 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,613 Oh, man! What's up? 169 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,868 Then... Then when you get a little older, like my age, you know, my man over here. 170 00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:15,476 Like my daddy. My daddy don't do that shit. 171 00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:19,307 Old men speak differently. Old men speak like this. 172 00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:20,837 Watch out, there now! 173 00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,581 [AUDIENCE SHOUTING AND LAUGHING] 174 00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,024 Look out there, young fella! Watch where... Hey! 175 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:52,430 Love this shit. Nothing in the world better than makin' people laugh. 176 00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,607 I love it. Best job in the world. You get to see shit. 177 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,054 You get to talk about shit. 178 00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:58,350 They used to have a commercial in Atlanta, 179 00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,876 when I used to live in Atlanta, I don't even know if they played it here. 180 00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:02,841 It was the Kool-Aid commercial? Remember that commercial? 181 00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,619 The lady was on there. She would come on the radio. 182 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,754 She'd go, "Who drank all the Kool- aid?" 183 00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:10,927 Remember that? And a little girl would go, "Daddy! 184 00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:13,634 "Daddy drunk all the Kool-Aid." 185 00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:17,021 Oh, people go into Kool-Aid shock! 186 00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:21,507 [SHOUTING] "Oh, god damn! What lazy bastard drunk all the Kool-Aid?" 187 00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,988 They ain't even gonna swallow that motherfucker! 188 00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:36,651 Hold it, now! 189 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,086 I don't beat my kids anymore. That's what I like about black people. 190 00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:41,572 We beat our kids. We whoop they ass! 191 00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:43,533 We beat the fuck out of them! 192 00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:46,232 My daddy used to whoop my... "Come here! Come, come here! 193 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,930 "Stand right here! Hold your lips up here! Now get outside and play!" 194 00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:52,802 Whoop yo ass! 195 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:55,322 And then you got these people, you know who you are. 196 00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:58,756 I've seen you in the stores. Some sad shit. You don't beat the kids. 197 00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,675 You just grab the motherfuckers and shake the fuck out of them. 198 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,630 You know what I'm saying? 199 00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:05,508 Just..." Motherfucker! Whoop yo ass! Goddamn, stole that... 200 00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:08,820 "Shake the motherfucker! Son of a bitch!" 201 00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,702 I love you! Peace out, New York! Thank you. Good night! 202 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,260 [APPLAUSE][HIP HOP PLAYING] 203 00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,461 Yo! We gonna keep... Keep the show going. 204 00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:42,458 Yo, this next performer is a woman. 205 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,460 I'm tellin' y'all, this is of the baddest women out there. 206 00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:47,383 Yo, she's from Chicago, Illinois. 207 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,728 Give it up for Adele Givens! 208 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,119 [APPLAUSE][HIP HOP PLAYING] 209 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,259 Wassup? 210 00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:07,786 Do I look like a fucking lady or what? 211 00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,183 Lady's in the house tonight. 212 00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:16,144 I like being a fucking lady. 213 00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:18,836 Especially in the '90s, we can get to say what the fuck we want to. 214 00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:19,885 Don't we, girls? 215 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,845 That's right! And still be a lady! 216 00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,421 That's right, because you know in the old days 217 00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,198 they couldn't say the shit they wanted to say. 218 00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:31,853 They had to fake orgasms and shit. 219 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:34,898 We can tell niggers today, "Hey. I want to cum, motherfucker!" 220 00:13:37,773 --> 00:13:40,383 Shit. We got Oprah. 221 00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,518 I watch Oprah, goddamn it, because I ain't got no man. 222 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:45,690 But that's all right, because between Oprah and my gynecologist, 223 00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:48,607 I'm satisfied! 224 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,833 That's right! I learnt to appreciate that fuckin' pap smear! 225 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:58,968 Come out once a year, bullshit! I'll see you tomorrow, motherfucker! 226 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,322 Shit. 227 00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:08,628 Ten inches! Of iron! Hard, safe shit! 228 00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:12,293 When he finish, I smoke a fuckin' cigarette. 229 00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:14,459 Askin', "Was it good for you, too?" 230 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:16,855 And some women like foreplay, you know? 231 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:20,079 If you creative enough you can get foreplay with that fuckin' pap smear. 232 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,950 Oh yeah! All you gotta do is say some shit like, 233 00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:26,081 "Doc, could I get a breast exam before the pap smear? 234 00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:28,216 "Maybe a knot in this motherfucker. Why don't you check it out?" 235 00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:33,961 I know! I know! I know what you're saying! 236 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:37,053 She's so fucking feminine and ladylike! 237 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:41,013 She's such a fucking lady! Yes I am! 238 00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,754 No, I like being a lady! I like to shop. 239 00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:44,194 Because ladies like to shop, don't we, girls? 240 00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:45,931 [WOMEN CHEER] 241 00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,282 But don't you hate them bitches that work in the store 242 00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:49,111 following you around, asking you stupid shit? 243 00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,629 Trying to keep you from stealin' and shit? 244 00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:55,903 I hate them hos. Bitches on commission, what I call 'em. 245 00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:59,508 You try on some fucked-up shit, "Oh, girl! That look good." 246 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:02,550 Well, you wear it, bitch. Okay? I try to avoid them. 247 00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:05,247 You know, I'll go to a rack and take eight or nine items off the rack 248 00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:08,115 and go in the fitting room, but they'll knock on the fucking door, won't they? 249 00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:09,208 [KNOCKING SOUND] 250 00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,346 "How do those fit?" 251 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,258 Like, "Gee. They fit perfect, but my purse won't zip up now, bitch. 252 00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:19,439 "Do you have a bigger bag I could use?" 253 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,883 Don't fuck with me when I'm being feminine and ladylike. 254 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,532 I love being a lady now. 255 00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,705 You know, because you can say shit that you couldn't... 256 00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:29,581 For example, I could tell y'all right now 257 00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:33,064 that sometimes I'm in the shower and I gotta pee, 258 00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:36,409 I don't get out that motherfucker. 259 00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:41,289 What for? 260 00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:43,989 Shit. 261 00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:50,082 Hey, I'm thinking the water going down any motherfucking way. 262 00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:54,996 Shit. Why wet up my toilet? Don't you know! 263 00:15:55,041 --> 00:16:00,001 I know what you're thinking, "She's such a fucking lady!" 264 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,136 That's right! I was raised that way. 265 00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:04,658 I like...because men... 266 00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:06,402 I like men. I like y'all. I ain't got none right now, But I like y'all, y'all cool, 267 00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:09,403 but y'all do some stupid shit. 268 00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:12,316 Especially when you got a little old dick. 269 00:16:12,362 --> 00:16:14,672 You do, you do some stupid shit, them little-dicked men do. 270 00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:19,242 You ladies, you ever walkin' down a street, two guys in a car ride up? 271 00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,852 How come it's always that motherfucker on the passenger side that say, 272 00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:23,853 "Hey baby, want a ride?" 273 00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:30,773 What the fuck I'm going to do? Take your place, motherfucker? 274 00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:33,775 Ain't that what you doing? Getting a fucking ride? 275 00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:36,728 Stupid shit, man! Stupid. 276 00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:39,688 And I know by now y'all have noticed, I've got some big-ass lips. 277 00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:43,128 Yeah. I know they some big motherfuckers. 278 00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:46,656 Hey, I know they some big motherfuckers. Yeah. 279 00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,491 All my lips are big, as a matter of fact. 280 00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:55,284 That's right. See! See, here's the kind of motherfucker 281 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:59,978 hollering about blow jobs and he wearin' about a size four. 282 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,279 Little old feet, so you know his dick's small. 283 00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:07,066 I couldn't give him no blow job. My big-ass lips, his little old dick! 284 00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:09,383 It wouldn't work! 285 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:12,289 That'd be like trying to give a whale a tic tac, motherfucker. 286 00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:17,035 That shit wouldn't work! It wouldn't work! It wouldn't work! 287 00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:24,696 In my life... 288 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,003 I can't fuck with that, man! 289 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,308 Hey! My name's Adele Givens. Enjoy the rest of the show! 290 00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:33,695 [APPLAUSE][HIP HOP MUSIC] 291 00:17:46,848 --> 00:17:50,108 Woo! Them are some... Ain't she bad? 292 00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:53,506 Them are some nice motherfucking lips. I don't give a fuck. 293 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:57,690 Coming to the stage is, yo, he's a real good brother. 294 00:17:57,728 --> 00:18:01,248 Funny as hell. I think he is most definitely on the rise. 295 00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,257 He's from your hometown, Brooklyn, New York. 296 00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:08,173 Give it up for my man, Reggie McFadden. 297 00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:19,446 Wassup? How you guys doing? I'm happy to be here! 298 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:21,799 Give it up for Martin Lawrence! Workin' hard for you people! 299 00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:26,929 That's my boy right there! 300 00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:29,195 Yeah. So, I'm from Brooklyn. I just came from my cousin's house, man, 301 00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:31,458 and he lives in the projects, man. 302 00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:33,721 We all... We all got... We all got cousins who live in the projects, man. 303 00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:35,854 We hate going there, don't we? You know, I ain't... 304 00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:38,937 Brother... Brother lives on the 20th floor, 305 00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:42,557 and why is it when you go to the projects the intercom never works? 306 00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:44,559 It's always broken! You know, 307 00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:46,081 like you ring the bell, he comes to the window, 308 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,335 [SCREAMING] "Who is it? 309 00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:52,388 "Yo! Yo! 310 00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:54,385 "Who rang the bell? 311 00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:59,177 "Yo! Come inside, Reg! The door's broken!" 312 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,225 You know, door's always broken, and you go inside 313 00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:03,490 and there are, like, roaches crawling all over the place? 314 00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:06,103 You know, you ever see a roach on the wall and the roach sees you, 315 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,145 so he doesn't move? He just stands there like this, like... 316 00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:13,242 "He can't see me. 317 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,810 "I'm gonna stand real still. 318 00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:20,771 "I am ninja roach." 319 00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:23,641 You know, and the whole family was over there. It was like a big dinner. 320 00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:25,564 You know, and we were sitting down eating, 321 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,249 and there was like roaches crawling on the ceiling, and on the walls, 322 00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:32,127 and up on everybody. And nobody said nothing! 323 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,351 You know, we just kept talking like we didn't see the roaches. 324 00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,610 You know, like... 325 00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:39,223 We're like, "Mmm-hmm. Yeah, all right, man." 326 00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:42,215 "So... Yeah!" 327 00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,528 You know, only person complaining was that cousin from out of town. 328 00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:46,884 Like, "What the fuck? 329 00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:48,884 "What's going on in here? 330 00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,839 "Why isn't anybody saying anything? 331 00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:57,105 "Why is everybody so quiet?" 332 00:19:57,152 --> 00:20:01,292 "Y'all see what's happening! What is going..." [SCREAMING] 333 00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:12,822 And when you live in the projects, man, you have to know how to fight. 334 00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:14,303 You know, everybody fights in the projects. 335 00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:15,783 Even the women. The women know how to fight. 336 00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:17,653 They the best fighters in the projects. 337 00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,264 You know, I like to watch them fight. They get into it. 338 00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:21,435 "Hold that bitch. Hold her. Hold her! Don't let her go! 339 00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:24,661 "Hold that bitch! Hold her! Give me the vaseline!" 340 00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:29,271 "I'm gonna kick her ass! I'm gonna kick her ass! 341 00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:32,875 "She did not call me a bitch! She did not say that, did she? 342 00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:35,057 [SCREAMING] "Hold her! Hold her! 343 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:37,626 "Hold my earrings! 344 00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,988 "You don't lose that! Let the bitch go! Come here! Come here! 345 00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:53,693 "Come here, who you callin' a bitch?" 346 00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,730 You know, and then the titty pops out, like... 347 00:21:09,572 --> 00:21:11,102 You know, and I'll be there instigating the fight. 348 00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:12,229 "She called you a bitch, too!" 349 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,271 "Where'd she go?" 350 00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:21,757 [LAUGHING] 351 00:21:23,412 --> 00:21:25,552 And women! Women will always fight other girls, 352 00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:28,418 but a girl will never help her boyfriend fight. 353 00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:30,071 You ever see a guy getting beat up? 354 00:21:30,114 --> 00:21:33,254 His girlfriend is always at the side going, "Stop it! 355 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:36,342 "Stop it! Stop!" 356 00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:38,652 [SCREAMING] "Stop!" 357 00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:41,998 Leave him alone! Leave him alone! 358 00:21:44,172 --> 00:21:47,182 Leave him alone! Stop! Leave him alone! 359 00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:01,889 Stop! Somebody help him!" 360 00:22:01,929 --> 00:22:03,579 Yo, and he's there going, 361 00:22:03,626 --> 00:22:07,626 "Why didn't you help me? I'm getting my ass beat for you!" 362 00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:17,285 Man, you have to be careful now, man. 363 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,116 You have to be real careful in the '90s, man. 364 00:22:19,163 --> 00:22:21,383 So much stuff is going around. 365 00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:24,127 You got to wear that condom, man. A lot of guys don't like wearing condoms. 366 00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:26,608 Now, I had this brother named Fred, man, 367 00:22:26,649 --> 00:22:28,039 he thinks he's too cool to wear a condom. 368 00:22:28,085 --> 00:22:29,955 Now, he walks down the street. I'm like, 369 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,090 "Hey Fred, what happened with that girl the other night?" 370 00:22:33,961 --> 00:22:36,221 "Aw, she didn't even look like she had anything." 371 00:22:36,267 --> 00:22:38,567 That's why he didn't wear... He said, "She didn't look like..." 372 00:22:38,618 --> 00:22:40,098 "How was she supposed to look like?" 373 00:22:40,141 --> 00:22:41,141 [MOANING] 374 00:22:45,189 --> 00:22:47,889 [COUGHING] 375 00:22:54,808 --> 00:23:00,068 "I need a man! Somebody make love to me! Come on!" 376 00:23:00,291 --> 00:23:03,641 [COUGHING] "Come on! 377 00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:11,349 "Come on! You don't need that condom. Take that off." 378 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:16,090 [COUGHING] "Make love to me! Stick it in! 379 00:23:16,133 --> 00:23:17,873 "What do you mean I'm dry? 380 00:23:19,093 --> 00:23:21,013 [COUGHING] "I'm not dry! 381 00:23:23,532 --> 00:23:27,492 "Come on! Come on! Come on!" 382 00:23:31,671 --> 00:23:33,151 The guy's, "I better wear something with this girl." 383 00:23:35,326 --> 00:23:36,326 You know? 384 00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:41,464 It's crazy, man! 385 00:23:41,507 --> 00:23:45,857 You know, that should be like a machine that'll put the condom on for you. 386 00:23:45,902 --> 00:23:47,692 You know, have it right by the bed. You'll be like, 387 00:23:47,730 --> 00:23:49,250 "One second. Wait, wait..." [WHOOSH] 388 00:23:49,297 --> 00:23:50,947 "All right. Come on! Let's go. Who's the man?" 389 00:23:50,994 --> 00:23:53,044 Because, God, you got to wear about five of them, man. 390 00:23:53,083 --> 00:23:55,043 Because they pop. 391 00:23:55,085 --> 00:23:57,385 Condoms pop. Yes, we all been through that. 392 00:23:57,436 --> 00:23:59,346 You know, when the condom pops you don't know what to do. 393 00:23:59,394 --> 00:24:01,054 You run around with your dick like... 394 00:24:13,408 --> 00:24:15,408 "Where's the bathroom? 395 00:24:40,653 --> 00:24:42,963 "You got any more soap?" 396 00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:46,013 Listen, that's my time. My name's Reggie McFadden. Peace. I'm out of here! 397 00:24:59,454 --> 00:25:02,204 Oh, shit! Boy! 398 00:25:02,239 --> 00:25:03,719 Man, y'all... What can I say? 399 00:25:03,763 --> 00:25:05,423 You guys have been a great audience. 400 00:25:05,460 --> 00:25:07,810 I'd like to bring my man out who made this possible, 401 00:25:07,854 --> 00:25:10,554 and me and him would like to thank HBO. 402 00:25:10,596 --> 00:25:14,556 Give it up for my man, Russell Simmons. 403 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,990 [APPLAUSE][HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS] 404 00:25:24,044 --> 00:25:26,134 KID CAPRI: So you just throw your hands in the air! 405 00:25:26,176 --> 00:25:28,786 Everybody! Put them all up in the air now 406 00:25:28,831 --> 00:25:33,141 and let me hear you say hey! You say hey! 407 00:25:33,183 --> 00:25:35,143 Come on and scream! 408 00:25:35,193 --> 00:25:39,743 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34230

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