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00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:09,010
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:13,672
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
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00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:44,955
[APPLAUSE][HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
4
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:48,051
KID CAPRI: Put your hands
together for my main man, Martin Lawrence!
5
00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:03,724
Kid...
6
00:01:05,543 --> 00:01:07,333
Kid Capri, give it up
for my man.
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00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:08,891
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
8
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:12,770
Yeah! Wassup?
9
00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:14,421
I'd like to thank my
partners, Kid 'n Play.
10
00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:16,115
What's up, man?
Thank you for coming out!
11
00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:19,909
Look at them.
They all smooth, "Now, hey."
12
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:24,690
Fart, boy.
Let that shit out.
13
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:26,826
What the fuck you got
on your head?
14
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:31,565
Oh wait, what's up, bro?
You been locked up before?
15
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:37,746
You scarin' white people here.
You know that, don't you?
16
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,753
White people are
looking at you going,
17
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:42,315
"Look at the one up front
with the goddamn thing on his head.
18
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:45,153
"We're not supposed
to be there!
19
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,852
"It's a party
for black people!"
20
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,240
But yo, this is
the Def Comedy Jam
21
00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:50,813
and we're having
a lot of fun here y'all.
22
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:53,809
We got a lot
of talent for you. Guys that you, uh...
23
00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:56,292
You may have seen
on some other shows.
24
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,863
Guys you ain't seen no
goddamn where.
25
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,731
But they here tonight
to have a lot of fucking fun
26
00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:03,173
and y'all are
making it possible.
27
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,990
So, we gonna move on
with the show.
28
00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:07,997
Our first performer
comes to you from Long Beach, California.
29
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,090
Give it up for Ricky Harris.
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00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,130
[APPLAUSE][HIP HOP PLAYING]
31
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:18,441
Wassup?
32
00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:21,534
Wassup? How y'all doing?
33
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,006
Good, good.
34
00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:25,185
Last time I was out here
I did the Apollo.
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That was some scary shit.
Y'all are much better than them motherfuckers
36
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:30,978
because them motherfuckers
will boo your ass.
37
00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,940
Them motherfuckers
booed me when they introduced me.
38
00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:35,549
Like, "Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together.
39
00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:37,200
"All the way
from Long Beach, Mr. Ricky..."
40
00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:41,474
"Boo! Boo, boo,
boo, boo, boo. Boo your ass! Boo!
41
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,640
"Well, say something,
motherfucker!
42
00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:46,687
"Boo!"
43
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,312
I was mad as a motherfucker.
You know that lady that's sitting in the front row?
44
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:57,479
I walked by
her ass and I was like... [KICKING SOUND EFFECT]
45
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:02,878
Boo me, motherfucker.
46
00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:05,141
And I wasn't mad that
they booed me, right?
47
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,095
I was just mad... I don't know
how many millions of people saw that shit.
48
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:10,024
Because my grandmother
live in Louisiana, she called me up.
49
00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:14,279
She's like, "Hi baby.
How you doin'? Well, you got booed.
50
00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:18,114
"Don't worry about it. Hold
your damn head up. Them people booed you.
51
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,634
"Hold on, your grandfather
want to holler at you."
52
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:22,067
My grandfather's in
the background going,
53
00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:23,904
"I don't want to say nothing
to that motherfucker. Tell him I said, 'Kiss my ass!'
54
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:27,082
"Made the whole Harris family
look fucked-up, getting booed.
55
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:29,989
"Tell him I said,
'Kiss my black ass.'"
56
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:32,595
"Your grandfather said hi.
57
00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:35,167
"He holla at you
some other time."
58
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,515
And I was mad, man.
I stayed out here though, and I worked on a film
59
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:41,396
which y'all probably didn't
see me in the motherfucker if you didn't have a VCR
60
00:03:41,438 --> 00:03:43,958
and a pause button in that
motherfucker.
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00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:47,006
My shit was like this.
[WHISTLING]
62
00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:52,796
I ain't bullshitting.
And I want to do films, man.
63
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:55,321
I want to do...
Because I want to do them scary movie films, man.
64
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,315
And love-makin' scenes...
You know, them black...
65
00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:59,757
Because you never see
no black men... Except Wesley Snipes.
66
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:04,814
Man, that motherfucker...
Wesley be fucking in some movies, man!
67
00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,513
He must have that shit
in his contract!
68
00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:10,030
"Am I... Am I fucking?
Okay. I'm in the motherfucker.
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00:04:10,075 --> 00:04:12,335
"I ain't fucking,
I ain't being in the motherfucker."
70
00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:14,522
And his shit be looking
real, man!
71
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:17,518
He be poppin'... I be sayin,
"That shit look too real."
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00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:20,561
I said... I know if that
was me, them motherfuckers would be like, "Cut it."
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00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:22,088
I'd be like, "Uh-uh.
Keep the cameras rolling.
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00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:26,180
"Keep them motherfuckers
rolling!"
75
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,308
I'd be looking all at
the camera, "This can be you!
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00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:35,278
"Oh, this shit is real!
Look, look I'm poppin', pow, pow!"
77
00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:39,277
I'll tear up some ass.
78
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:43,982
I ain't bullshitting.
79
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:46,162
But I want to do
scary movies, man.
80
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,678
Because you never see
no black people in those scary movies, right?
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00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:51,813
You go to a movie
and it's a scary movie, you see a black person...
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00:04:51,856 --> 00:04:53,986
A black person get killed
when the credits and shit rolling.
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00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:57,382
You say, "Look at
that brother... God damn!
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00:04:57,427 --> 00:05:00,777
"Motherfucker didn't make
it past the introduction and shit!"
85
00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:03,392
And I want to do a scary movie
because, you know, that's what's happening.
86
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,223
Them scary movies with
them sound effects?
87
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,311
Because that's what
makes you scared in most scary movies.
88
00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:10,090
My favorite is Jason.
The ax murderer.
89
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:12,395
Yeah, that motherfucker bad
because his sound effects, they like,
90
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:17,582
[IMITATES HORROR
SOUND EFFECTS]
91
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:20,491
Because you know when you
hear that, somebody about to get fucked up, right?
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00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,227
Always be, like,
a white guy.
93
00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:23,978
[HUMMING]
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00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,929
♪ Scooby doo...
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00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:32,285
"Oh, geez. You hear that?
It's going, 'Chuh-chuh-chuh.'
96
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:36,902
"There it goes again,
'Chuh-chuh-chuh.'"
97
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:40,375
That's why you don't
never see no brothas in them movies, man!
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00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,387
'Cause soon as
a brotha hear that shit, he'd be ready to fight.
99
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,389
Brother'd be walking down
the street like
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00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:45,781
[IMITATES HORROR NOISE]
"Okay, where the fuck you at, home?
101
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:49,263
"No, fuck that shit.
I hear the ch-ch shit."
102
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,525
That shit is crazy, man.
103
00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,398
Like, why you don't ever see
no shit like Driving Miss Daisy in the ghetto?
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00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,400
Why you don't see Jason
in the ghetto? Know why?
105
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,622
Because them motherfuckers
wouldn't last in the ghetto.
106
00:05:57,661 --> 00:06:00,841
Jason would be running his ass
out the ghetto like, "Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch."
107
00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:03,542
Trying to get his ass
out the ghetto.
108
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,970
You liable to drive through
a ghetto and see Jason sitting on the curb,
109
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:07,367
freebasin' and shit.
110
00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,720
[INHALING AND
IMITATING HORROR NOISE]
111
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:15,238
And Miss Daisy
would be a ho.
112
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:21,115
"Miss Daisy sure know
how to suck one, homeboy!
113
00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:23,563
"I know she
ain't got no teeth!"
114
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,860
Hey, look.
I'm Ricky Harris. Peace.
115
00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,132
[APPLAUSE][HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
116
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,841
Yo, yo, yo.
117
00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:43,969
Are we having a good time?
We want to thank y'all, so here we go.
118
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,802
We goin' to
keep the show rolling.
119
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,630
Yo, this next brother
coming on, this is my man.
120
00:06:48,669 --> 00:06:50,849
He's a funny motherfucker.
I'm telling you.
121
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:54,848
Straight up, 'cause y'all
my motherfuckers. Shut up!
122
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:58,202
Yo, he's from South Carolina
but he lives in Georgia now.
123
00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:01,603
Give it up for my man,
J. Anthony Brown.
124
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,548
[APPLAUSE][HIP HOP PLAYING]
125
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,387
I like that! Shit, yeah!
126
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,482
I'm not a dancer.
I can't dance. You can look at me and tell I...
127
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:16,441
I just learned
this shit here.
128
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:20,826
Just got the motherfucker!
Just... Hey! Hey!
129
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:23,175
People look at you
like you're crazy! "They don't do that shit, man."
130
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:25,225
He can kiss my ass,
motherfucker.
131
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:28,100
I just learned this shit.
That's for goddamn sure!
132
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,932
A lot of these hip hop
motherfuckers out here, man.
133
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:37,326
I do a little jheri curl
check in the room.
134
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:38,369
That's what I'm looking for.
135
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,423
All right!
Don't get scared, now.
136
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,731
Ain't no... I ain't going to
point you out and shit.
137
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,248
That's good. That's good.
Ain't no curls in the room.
138
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,822
Oh, you're on curl street,
brother!
139
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:51,649
You right on
the goddamn street.
140
00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:54,428
And your shit's moist.
I like that.
141
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,564
You gotta keep
your shit moist if you got a curl.
142
00:07:57,607 --> 00:08:01,737
Nuthin' in the world worse
than a dry-ass jheri curl. Because you...
143
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:05,525
Your shit's moist!
You took time to moisten your shit.
144
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:12,446
You was in the mirror
at home before you got here
145
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,542
moistening your shit.
146
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,891
That take a long time
to moisten your shit.
147
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,372
You be in the mirror going...
148
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,941
[MAKING SPRAYING NOISES]
149
00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:32,561
[SPRAYING NOISES CONTINUE]
150
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,850
And then look in the mirror
and go, "I think I need another bottle."
151
00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:09,979
Yeah, this is great.
This is great. I love this shit, man.
152
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:14,207
I'm gettin' older, man.
I'm getting... It's cool. It's cool. Ain't no...
153
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,949
His shit's dry.
God damn!
154
00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,689
God damn!
155
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:24,735
Hey, hey! Your shit's dry!
156
00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:35,141
I... I ain't got no hair.
All right! All right! Lighten up, lighten up.
157
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:38,233
But look, I like this.
This is a younger crowd. See, I'm getting older.
158
00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:40,623
I'm getting older.
Now, you know... You know when you're getting older.
159
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,407
When you get older you speak
different, right?
160
00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,191
Like y'all...
Y'all younger than me.
161
00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:46,625
Y'all speak different.
It's a different type of language.
162
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,333
Y'all, you're hip. It's a hip
language. It's universal.
163
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:53,201
You've seen it.
"Hey Leroy! What's up?"
164
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,334
And the head move.
You ever seen that?
165
00:09:55,377 --> 00:10:00,077
"Hey, man!
What's up? Hey! How you doin'?"
166
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:01,471
Y'all seen that?
It's universal.
167
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,563
I don't give a fuck
where you go, they do it.
168
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,613
Oh, man! What's up?
169
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:12,868
Then... Then when you get
a little older, like my age, you know, my man over here.
170
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:15,476
Like my daddy. My daddy
don't do that shit.
171
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:19,307
Old men speak differently.
Old men speak like this.
172
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:20,837
Watch out, there now!
173
00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,581
[AUDIENCE SHOUTING
AND LAUGHING]
174
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,024
Look out there, young fella!
Watch where... Hey!
175
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:52,430
Love this shit. Nothing in
the world better than makin' people laugh.
176
00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,607
I love it. Best job
in the world. You get to see shit.
177
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,054
You get to talk about shit.
178
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:58,350
They used to have a
commercial in Atlanta,
179
00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,876
when I used to live in
Atlanta, I don't even know if they played it here.
180
00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:02,841
It was the Kool-Aid
commercial? Remember that commercial?
181
00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,619
The lady was on there.
She would come on the radio.
182
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,754
She'd go, "Who drank
all the Kool- aid?"
183
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:10,927
Remember that?
And a little girl would go, "Daddy!
184
00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:13,634
"Daddy drunk
all the Kool-Aid."
185
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:17,021
Oh, people go
into Kool-Aid shock!
186
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:21,507
[SHOUTING] "Oh, god damn!
What lazy bastard drunk all the Kool-Aid?"
187
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,988
They ain't even gonna
swallow that motherfucker!
188
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:36,651
Hold it, now!
189
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,086
I don't beat my kids
anymore. That's what I like about black people.
190
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:41,572
We beat our kids.
We whoop they ass!
191
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:43,533
We beat the fuck out of them!
192
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:46,232
My daddy used to whoop my...
"Come here! Come, come here!
193
00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,930
"Stand right here!
Hold your lips up here! Now get outside and play!"
194
00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:52,802
Whoop yo ass!
195
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:55,322
And then you got these people,
you know who you are.
196
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:58,756
I've seen you in the stores.
Some sad shit. You don't beat the kids.
197
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,675
You just grab
the motherfuckers and shake the fuck out of them.
198
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,630
You know what I'm saying?
199
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:05,508
Just..." Motherfucker!
Whoop yo ass! Goddamn, stole that...
200
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:08,820
"Shake the motherfucker!
Son of a bitch!"
201
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,702
I love you!
Peace out, New York! Thank you. Good night!
202
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,260
[APPLAUSE][HIP HOP PLAYING]
203
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,461
Yo! We gonna keep...
Keep the show going.
204
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:42,458
Yo, this next performer
is a woman.
205
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,460
I'm tellin' y'all,
this is of the baddest women out there.
206
00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:47,383
Yo, she's from
Chicago, Illinois.
207
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,728
Give it up for Adele Givens!
208
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,119
[APPLAUSE][HIP HOP PLAYING]
209
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,259
Wassup?
210
00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:07,786
Do I look like
a fucking lady or what?
211
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,183
Lady's in the house tonight.
212
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:16,144
I like being a fucking lady.
213
00:13:16,186 --> 00:13:18,836
Especially in the '90s,
we can get to say what the fuck we want to.
214
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:19,885
Don't we, girls?
215
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,845
That's right!
And still be a lady!
216
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,421
That's right,
because you know in the old days
217
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,198
they couldn't say the shit
they wanted to say.
218
00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:31,853
They had to fake
orgasms and shit.
219
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:34,898
We can tell niggers
today, "Hey. I want to cum, motherfucker!"
220
00:13:37,773 --> 00:13:40,383
Shit. We got Oprah.
221
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,518
I watch Oprah, goddamn it,
because I ain't got no man.
222
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:45,690
But that's all right,
because between Oprah and my gynecologist,
223
00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:48,607
I'm satisfied!
224
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,833
That's right!
I learnt to appreciate that fuckin' pap smear!
225
00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:58,968
Come out once a year,
bullshit! I'll see you tomorrow, motherfucker!
226
00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,322
Shit.
227
00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:08,628
Ten inches! Of iron!
Hard, safe shit!
228
00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:12,293
When he finish,
I smoke a fuckin' cigarette.
229
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:14,459
Askin', "Was it good
for you, too?"
230
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:16,855
And some women
like foreplay, you know?
231
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:20,079
If you creative
enough you can get foreplay with that fuckin' pap smear.
232
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,950
Oh yeah! All you gotta do
is say some shit like,
233
00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:26,081
"Doc, could I get a breast
exam before the pap smear?
234
00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:28,216
"Maybe a knot
in this motherfucker. Why don't you check it out?"
235
00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:33,961
I know! I know!
I know what you're saying!
236
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:37,053
She's so fucking feminine
and ladylike!
237
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:41,013
She's such a fucking lady!
Yes I am!
238
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,754
No, I like being a lady!
I like to shop.
239
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:44,194
Because ladies like
to shop, don't we, girls?
240
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:45,931
[WOMEN CHEER]
241
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,282
But don't you hate them
bitches that work in the store
242
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:49,111
following you around,
asking you stupid shit?
243
00:14:49,149 --> 00:14:51,629
Trying to keep you
from stealin' and shit?
244
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:55,903
I hate them hos.
Bitches on commission, what I call 'em.
245
00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:59,508
You try on some
fucked-up shit, "Oh, girl! That look good."
246
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:02,550
Well, you wear it, bitch.
Okay? I try to avoid them.
247
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:05,247
You know, I'll go to
a rack and take eight or nine items off the rack
248
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:08,115
and go in the fitting room,
but they'll knock on the fucking door, won't they?
249
00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:09,208
[KNOCKING SOUND]
250
00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,346
"How do those fit?"
251
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,258
Like, "Gee. They fit perfect,
but my purse won't zip up now, bitch.
252
00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:19,439
"Do you have a
bigger bag I could use?"
253
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,883
Don't fuck with me
when I'm being feminine and ladylike.
254
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,532
I love being a lady now.
255
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,705
You know, because you can
say shit that you couldn't...
256
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:29,581
For example, I could tell
y'all right now
257
00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:33,064
that sometimes
I'm in the shower and I gotta pee,
258
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:36,409
I don't get out
that motherfucker.
259
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:41,289
What for?
260
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:43,989
Shit.
261
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:50,082
Hey, I'm thinking the water
going down any motherfucking way.
262
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:54,996
Shit. Why wet up my toilet?
Don't you know!
263
00:15:55,041 --> 00:16:00,001
I know what you're thinking,
"She's such a fucking lady!"
264
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,136
That's right!
I was raised that way.
265
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:04,658
I like...because men...
266
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:06,402
I like men. I like y'all.
I ain't got none right now, But I like y'all, y'all cool,
267
00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:09,403
but y'all do some stupid shit.
268
00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:12,316
Especially when
you got a little old dick.
269
00:16:12,362 --> 00:16:14,672
You do, you do some
stupid shit, them little-dicked men do.
270
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:19,242
You ladies, you ever walkin'
down a street, two guys in a car ride up?
271
00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,852
How come it's
always that motherfucker on the passenger side that say,
272
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:23,853
"Hey baby, want a ride?"
273
00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:30,773
What the fuck I'm going
to do? Take your place, motherfucker?
274
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:33,775
Ain't that what you doing?
Getting a fucking ride?
275
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:36,728
Stupid shit, man! Stupid.
276
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:39,688
And I know by now
y'all have noticed, I've got some big-ass lips.
277
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:43,128
Yeah. I know they some
big motherfuckers.
278
00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:46,656
Hey, I know
they some big motherfuckers. Yeah.
279
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,491
All my lips are big,
as a matter of fact.
280
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:55,284
That's right. See!
See, here's the kind of motherfucker
281
00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:59,978
hollering about blow jobs
and he wearin' about a size four.
282
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:03,279
Little old feet, so you
know his dick's small.
283
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:07,066
I couldn't give him
no blow job. My big-ass lips, his little old dick!
284
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:09,383
It wouldn't work!
285
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:12,289
That'd be like
trying to give a whale a tic tac, motherfucker.
286
00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:17,035
That shit wouldn't work!
It wouldn't work! It wouldn't work!
287
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:24,696
In my life...
288
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,003
I can't fuck
with that, man!
289
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,308
Hey! My name's Adele Givens.
Enjoy the rest of the show!
290
00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:33,695
[APPLAUSE][HIP HOP MUSIC]
291
00:17:46,848 --> 00:17:50,108
Woo! Them are some...
Ain't she bad?
292
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:53,506
Them are some
nice motherfucking lips. I don't give a fuck.
293
00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:57,690
Coming to the stage is,
yo, he's a real good brother.
294
00:17:57,728 --> 00:18:01,248
Funny as hell.
I think he is most definitely on the rise.
295
00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,257
He's from your hometown,
Brooklyn, New York.
296
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:08,173
Give it up for my man,
Reggie McFadden.
297
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:19,446
Wassup?
How you guys doing? I'm happy to be here!
298
00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:21,799
Give it up for
Martin Lawrence! Workin' hard for you people!
299
00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:26,929
That's my boy right there!
300
00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:29,195
Yeah. So, I'm from Brooklyn.
I just came from my cousin's house, man,
301
00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:31,458
and he lives
in the projects, man.
302
00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:33,721
We all... We all got...
We all got cousins who live in the projects, man.
303
00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:35,854
We hate going there,
don't we? You know, I ain't...
304
00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:38,937
Brother... Brother lives
on the 20th floor,
305
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:42,557
and why is it when
you go to the projects the intercom never works?
306
00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:44,559
It's always broken!
You know,
307
00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:46,081
like you ring the bell,
he comes to the window,
308
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,335
[SCREAMING] "Who is it?
309
00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:52,388
"Yo! Yo!
310
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:54,385
"Who rang the bell?
311
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:59,177
"Yo! Come inside, Reg!
The door's broken!"
312
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,225
You know,
door's always broken, and you go inside
313
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:03,490
and there are, like,
roaches crawling all over the place?
314
00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:06,103
You know, you ever see
a roach on the wall and the roach sees you,
315
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,145
so he doesn't move?
He just stands there like this, like...
316
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:13,242
"He can't see me.
317
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,810
"I'm gonna stand real still.
318
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:20,771
"I am ninja roach."
319
00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:23,641
You know, and the whole family
was over there. It was like a big dinner.
320
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:25,564
You know, and we
were sitting down eating,
321
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,249
and there was like
roaches crawling on the ceiling, and on the walls,
322
00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:32,127
and up on everybody.
And nobody said nothing!
323
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,351
You know,
we just kept talking like we didn't see the roaches.
324
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,610
You know, like...
325
00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:39,223
We're like, "Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, all right, man."
326
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:42,215
"So... Yeah!"
327
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,528
You know, only person
complaining was that cousin from out of town.
328
00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:46,884
Like, "What the fuck?
329
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:48,884
"What's going on in here?
330
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,839
"Why isn't anybody saying
anything?
331
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:57,105
"Why is everybody
so quiet?"
332
00:19:57,152 --> 00:20:01,292
"Y'all see what's happening!
What is going..." [SCREAMING]
333
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:12,822
And when you live
in the projects, man, you have to know how to fight.
334
00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:14,303
You know, everybody fights
in the projects.
335
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:15,783
Even the women.
The women know how to fight.
336
00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:17,653
They the best fighters
in the projects.
337
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,264
You know, I like
to watch them fight. They get into it.
338
00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:21,435
"Hold that bitch. Hold her.
Hold her! Don't let her go!
339
00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:24,661
"Hold that bitch!
Hold her! Give me the vaseline!"
340
00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:29,271
"I'm gonna kick her ass!
I'm gonna kick her ass!
341
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:32,875
"She did not call me a bitch!
She did not say that, did she?
342
00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:35,057
[SCREAMING]
"Hold her! Hold her!
343
00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:37,626
"Hold my earrings!
344
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,988
"You don't lose that!
Let the bitch go! Come here! Come here!
345
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:53,693
"Come here,
who you callin' a bitch?"
346
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,730
You know,
and then the titty pops out, like...
347
00:21:09,572 --> 00:21:11,102
You know,
and I'll be there instigating the fight.
348
00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:12,229
"She called you a
bitch, too!"
349
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,271
"Where'd she go?"
350
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:21,757
[LAUGHING]
351
00:21:23,412 --> 00:21:25,552
And women!
Women will always fight other girls,
352
00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:28,418
but a girl will never
help her boyfriend fight.
353
00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:30,071
You ever
see a guy getting beat up?
354
00:21:30,114 --> 00:21:33,254
His girlfriend is always at
the side going, "Stop it!
355
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:36,342
"Stop it! Stop!"
356
00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:38,652
[SCREAMING] "Stop!"
357
00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:41,998
Leave him alone!
Leave him alone!
358
00:21:44,172 --> 00:21:47,182
Leave him alone! Stop!
Leave him alone!
359
00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:01,889
Stop! Somebody help him!"
360
00:22:01,929 --> 00:22:03,579
Yo, and he's there going,
361
00:22:03,626 --> 00:22:07,626
"Why didn't you help me?
I'm getting my ass beat for you!"
362
00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:17,285
Man, you have
to be careful now, man.
363
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:19,116
You have to be real
careful in the '90s, man.
364
00:22:19,163 --> 00:22:21,383
So much stuff
is going around.
365
00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:24,127
You got to wear that condom,
man. A lot of guys don't like wearing condoms.
366
00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:26,608
Now, I had this brother
named Fred, man,
367
00:22:26,649 --> 00:22:28,039
he thinks he's too cool to
wear a condom.
368
00:22:28,085 --> 00:22:29,955
Now, he walks down
the street. I'm like,
369
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,090
"Hey Fred, what happened
with that girl the other night?"
370
00:22:33,961 --> 00:22:36,221
"Aw, she didn't even look
like she had anything."
371
00:22:36,267 --> 00:22:38,567
That's why he didn't wear...
He said, "She didn't look like..."
372
00:22:38,618 --> 00:22:40,098
"How was she supposed
to look like?"
373
00:22:40,141 --> 00:22:41,141
[MOANING]
374
00:22:45,189 --> 00:22:47,889
[COUGHING]
375
00:22:54,808 --> 00:23:00,068
"I need a man! Somebody make
love to me! Come on!"
376
00:23:00,291 --> 00:23:03,641
[COUGHING] "Come on!
377
00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:11,349
"Come on!
You don't need that condom. Take that off."
378
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:16,090
[COUGHING]
"Make love to me! Stick it in!
379
00:23:16,133 --> 00:23:17,873
"What do you mean
I'm dry?
380
00:23:19,093 --> 00:23:21,013
[COUGHING] "I'm not dry!
381
00:23:23,532 --> 00:23:27,492
"Come on! Come on! Come on!"
382
00:23:31,671 --> 00:23:33,151
The guy's, "I better wear
something with this girl."
383
00:23:35,326 --> 00:23:36,326
You know?
384
00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:41,464
It's crazy, man!
385
00:23:41,507 --> 00:23:45,857
You know, that should be
like a machine that'll put the condom on for you.
386
00:23:45,902 --> 00:23:47,692
You know, have it right
by the bed. You'll be like,
387
00:23:47,730 --> 00:23:49,250
"One second. Wait, wait..."
[WHOOSH]
388
00:23:49,297 --> 00:23:50,947
"All right. Come on!
Let's go. Who's the man?"
389
00:23:50,994 --> 00:23:53,044
Because, God, you got to
wear about five of them, man.
390
00:23:53,083 --> 00:23:55,043
Because they pop.
391
00:23:55,085 --> 00:23:57,385
Condoms pop.
Yes, we all been through that.
392
00:23:57,436 --> 00:23:59,346
You know, when
the condom pops you don't know what to do.
393
00:23:59,394 --> 00:24:01,054
You run around with
your dick like...
394
00:24:13,408 --> 00:24:15,408
"Where's the bathroom?
395
00:24:40,653 --> 00:24:42,963
"You got any more soap?"
396
00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:46,013
Listen, that's my time.
My name's Reggie McFadden. Peace. I'm out of here!
397
00:24:59,454 --> 00:25:02,204
Oh, shit! Boy!
398
00:25:02,239 --> 00:25:03,719
Man, y'all...
What can I say?
399
00:25:03,763 --> 00:25:05,423
You guys have been
a great audience.
400
00:25:05,460 --> 00:25:07,810
I'd like to bring my man out
who made this possible,
401
00:25:07,854 --> 00:25:10,554
and me and him
would like to thank HBO.
402
00:25:10,596 --> 00:25:14,556
Give it up for my man,
Russell Simmons.
403
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,990
[APPLAUSE][HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS]
404
00:25:24,044 --> 00:25:26,134
KID CAPRI: So you just
throw your hands in the air!
405
00:25:26,176 --> 00:25:28,786
Everybody! Put them all up
in the air now
406
00:25:28,831 --> 00:25:33,141
and let me hear you say hey!
You say hey!
407
00:25:33,183 --> 00:25:35,143
Come on and scream!
408
00:25:35,193 --> 00:25:39,743
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