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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,833 --> 00:00:10,791 ♪ ("IL BARONE ROSSO" BY LUCIANO MICHELINI PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:14,416 --> 00:00:15,583 (CRICKETS CHIRPING) 3 00:00:18,708 --> 00:00:19,750 (GLASS BREAKS) 4 00:00:23,208 --> 00:00:25,541 (THUDDING) 5 00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:26,708 (DOG BARKING) 6 00:00:26,791 --> 00:00:29,875 ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 7 00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:52,708 (WIND HOWLING) 8 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,000 Hello? 9 00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:07,500 ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 10 00:01:24,041 --> 00:01:27,500 (SCREAMING) 11 00:01:27,583 --> 00:01:30,041 (DOG BARKING) 12 00:01:30,125 --> 00:01:33,458 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 13 00:01:37,750 --> 00:01:40,208 So it looks like what happened is this individual 14 00:01:40,291 --> 00:01:42,166 broke into your home, burglarized it, 15 00:01:42,250 --> 00:01:44,666 and in an apparent attempt to escape, tripped, 16 00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,916 hit his head, and fell into the pool and drowned. 17 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,500 You know, I was sleeping, I don't know what-- 18 00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:51,250 Well, I heard a noise, I woke up. 19 00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:52,625 All right. And when you came outside, 20 00:01:52,708 --> 00:01:54,000 did you see or hear anyone? 21 00:01:54,083 --> 00:01:56,500 No. No. Nothing. Mm-mm. 22 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,333 All right. And, sir, your name is? 23 00:01:58,416 --> 00:01:59,583 Willie Nobody. 24 00:01:59,666 --> 00:02:02,000 OFFICER: All right. And you also live on the property? 25 00:02:02,083 --> 00:02:03,333 Fuck yeah, I live here. 26 00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:05,291 That's my little bungalow right there. 27 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,583 Okay, and I see you don't have your fence up around 28 00:02:07,666 --> 00:02:10,166 the perimeter of the pool, is there a reason for that? 29 00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:12,083 What? Fence? 30 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:15,041 Santa Monica City Ordinance 8.12.150 says you must have 31 00:02:15,125 --> 00:02:17,041 a fence around the perimeter of your pool 32 00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:18,833 of at least five feet at all times. 33 00:02:18,916 --> 00:02:20,125 Fence? 34 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,625 I... Honestly, I don't know anything about-- 35 00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:23,875 Nobody told me anything about a fence. 36 00:02:23,958 --> 00:02:26,083 I bought the house from somebody. They didn't... 37 00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:27,208 This is the way it came, 38 00:02:27,291 --> 00:02:29,208 and nobody said anything about a fence. 39 00:02:29,291 --> 00:02:31,125 Well, you are supposed to have one. 40 00:02:31,208 --> 00:02:33,583 Am I in trouble? What does this mean? 41 00:02:35,458 --> 00:02:38,375 You seem like a decent guy, so I'm gonna give you a pass, 42 00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,166 but get the fence put in. 43 00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:42,208 Thank you so much. Thank you. 44 00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:48,833 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 45 00:02:48,916 --> 00:02:51,083 -LARRY DAVID: Can you believe it? -JEFF GREENE: No! 46 00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:52,416 LARRY: Seeing that in your pool. 47 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:54,333 JEFF: Who expects something-- I wouldn't even have dreamed 48 00:02:54,416 --> 00:02:56,750 -of something like that. -Imagine! You know, why me? 49 00:02:57,666 --> 00:02:59,708 -Why you? -What's in my house? 50 00:02:59,791 --> 00:03:01,541 -Hi, welcome to Netflix. -JEFF: Hi. 51 00:03:01,625 --> 00:03:04,458 Larry David, Jeff Greene to see Don Winston Jr. 52 00:03:04,541 --> 00:03:06,250 RECEPTIONIST: Great. Just give me one sec. 53 00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:08,916 -Don Jr. -Don Jr. 54 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,166 Yeah. Don Jr. 55 00:03:10,250 --> 00:03:11,666 How do you have a name like that? 56 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:12,916 Must be horrible. 57 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,625 Trump has really ruined it for all Don Jrs, hasn't he? 58 00:03:15,708 --> 00:03:17,291 I would not want that as my name. 59 00:03:17,375 --> 00:03:19,583 -Oh, my God. -All right, Larry. 60 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:20,875 -Jeff. -Thank you. 61 00:03:20,958 --> 00:03:22,958 -Elevators are to your right. -Thank you. 62 00:03:24,458 --> 00:03:28,041 Oh, hey. You going to Albert Brooks' funeral? 63 00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:30,250 I have no choice. 64 00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:33,833 Who throws a funeral for themselves while they're alive? 65 00:03:33,916 --> 00:03:36,875 He does. And I have to speak. He's asked me to speak. 66 00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:39,958 -No. -Yeah. 67 00:03:40,041 --> 00:03:42,541 -Oh, jeez. -LARRY: Yeah. 68 00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:45,291 -LARRY: All right. You ready for my pitch? -WOMAN: Yeah. 69 00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:47,250 The show is called Young Larry. 70 00:03:47,333 --> 00:03:51,291 It's about my life when I was like 24, 25. 71 00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:53,750 I lived in Brooklyn with my parents. 72 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:58,333 And my Uncle Mo lived upstairs with my grandmother. 73 00:03:58,416 --> 00:04:00,250 -WOMAN: Mm-hmm. -Mo was in his 70s. 74 00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:02,083 He pushed racks in the Garment Center. 75 00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:03,625 Would take the subway every day. 76 00:04:03,708 --> 00:04:05,166 He never spent a nickel in his life, 77 00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:08,250 -so he had over a million dollars saved up. -Uh-huh. 78 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:12,708 So, one day, Uncle Mo comes up to me, and he says... 79 00:04:13,916 --> 00:04:15,958 -"I'm moving into the city..." -(CHUCKLING) 80 00:04:16,041 --> 00:04:17,791 "...and I want you to live with me, 81 00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:21,875 and if you live with me, I'll leave all my money to you." 82 00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:23,625 -Wow. Wow. -(LAUGHTER) 83 00:04:23,708 --> 00:04:26,166 LARRY: So, in the show, I move in with Uncle Mo. 84 00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:30,791 And, uh, I do everything that I can... 85 00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,291 to accelerate his... 86 00:04:34,416 --> 00:04:35,583 -demise. -(LAUGHTER) 87 00:04:35,666 --> 00:04:38,208 So, how does he try to kill him? 88 00:04:38,291 --> 00:04:41,833 Subtly. You know, like, giving him terrible food to eat, 89 00:04:41,916 --> 00:04:43,125 Reuben sandwiches. 90 00:04:43,208 --> 00:04:44,583 -Oh, God! Okay! -(LAUGHTER) 91 00:04:44,666 --> 00:04:46,708 Making him climb up six flights of stairs, 92 00:04:46,791 --> 00:04:48,458 telling him the elevator's broken. 93 00:04:48,541 --> 00:04:50,083 -(LAUGHTER) -You know, things like that. 94 00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:52,166 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Young Larry, what's going on 95 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,708 in his life right now? Like, what is he doing? 96 00:04:53,791 --> 00:04:54,833 LARRY: Okay. Very good question. 97 00:04:54,916 --> 00:04:56,166 -Thank you. -He's a private chauffeur. 98 00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:59,000 He drives for an old woman. I was a private chauffeur. 99 00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:01,333 I drove this old lady around. She was blind. 100 00:05:01,416 --> 00:05:02,416 I never cleaned the car. 101 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,833 -She had no idea. -(LAUGHTER) 102 00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:06,333 And so he has this huge Cadillac limousine 103 00:05:06,416 --> 00:05:08,750 at his disposal that he uses all the time. 104 00:05:08,833 --> 00:05:11,708 And I was a stand-- I was trying to be a stand-up comic. 105 00:05:11,791 --> 00:05:14,333 So I was just starting out doing my act. 106 00:05:14,416 --> 00:05:15,583 Oh, that's really interesting. 107 00:05:15,666 --> 00:05:17,416 You know, we'll see him do stand-up... 108 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:19,333 -DON WINSTON JR: Sure. -...when he's not chauffeuring 109 00:05:19,416 --> 00:05:21,583 or whatever and trying to kill his uncle. 110 00:05:21,666 --> 00:05:22,916 (LAUGHTER) 111 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,041 Wow. I love this. 112 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:26,416 -I think this is great. -Really? 113 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,833 I think we wanna do the show. And we're in. 114 00:05:28,916 --> 00:05:30,000 -WOMAN: Yeah? -MAN: Yes, in! 115 00:05:30,083 --> 00:05:31,166 You're kidding, really? 116 00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:32,166 DON JR: I love that. Absolutely. 117 00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:34,291 -LARRY: Ah! Oh, my God. -Look at that. 118 00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:37,916 -Purell? How about that? -I'm good for now. 119 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,250 LARRY: I'm not a Purell hoarder. 120 00:05:39,333 --> 00:05:41,625 Remember, the pandemic, the hoarders? 121 00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:43,083 -DON JR: Hell yeah. -Nasty people. 122 00:05:43,166 --> 00:05:44,708 -Terrible. -They're like horse thieves 123 00:05:44,791 --> 00:05:46,791 -in the old West, aren't they? -(LAUGHTER) 124 00:05:46,875 --> 00:05:50,541 Okay. You'll find that I'm a pleasure to work with. 125 00:05:52,208 --> 00:05:53,583 Don't give me any notes. That's all. 126 00:05:53,666 --> 00:05:55,416 (LAUGHTER) 127 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,791 I'm not-- I'm not joking. 128 00:05:56,875 --> 00:05:57,875 (LAUGHTER) 129 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,541 LARRY: I'm not joking. It's not a joke. 130 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:01,041 -That's great. -(LAUGHTER) 131 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:05,250 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 132 00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,208 Hey. Thanks for lunch. 133 00:06:08,291 --> 00:06:09,416 Oh, hell yeah. 134 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:13,041 Every time we sell a show that quickly, I'm buying. 135 00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:15,375 So you're still going to, uh, Leon's girlfriend's-- 136 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,625 -What's her name? -Mary Ferguson. 137 00:06:16,708 --> 00:06:18,791 -Mary Ferguson's dinner party? -Yeah. 138 00:06:18,875 --> 00:06:21,458 Leon said she has a nice place. I wish he'd move in. 139 00:06:21,541 --> 00:06:24,458 -JEFF: Bringing anyone? -Yeah. I'm taking Lucy Liu. 140 00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:26,458 -Really? -Yeah. 141 00:06:26,541 --> 00:06:29,333 -How many dates is this? -This will be our third date. 142 00:06:29,416 --> 00:06:30,958 Wow. 143 00:06:31,041 --> 00:06:33,583 Hey. Isn't that Dennis Zweibel? 144 00:06:33,666 --> 00:06:35,333 JEFF: That is Dennis Zweibel, yeah. 145 00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:38,250 You know, he still owes me 6,000 dollars. 146 00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:40,333 Remember, I fronted the money for that golf trip? 147 00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:41,750 Yeah. I paid you. 148 00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:44,166 Yeah, you did. And everybody else did except him. 149 00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:46,708 Well, you know, I, uh... 150 00:06:46,791 --> 00:06:49,416 I heard he's got early onset dementia. 151 00:06:50,958 --> 00:06:52,041 Yeah. 152 00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:54,416 I better get the money now before he forgets. 153 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:57,708 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 154 00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:04,291 Hey, Dennis. 155 00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:06,333 -Oh, hey, Larry. -Hey, nice shirt. 156 00:07:06,416 --> 00:07:07,375 How's it going? 157 00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:09,500 -Great. How are you? -Yeah. Pretty good. 158 00:07:11,416 --> 00:07:14,083 -Slightly awkward, but, uh... (LAUGHS) -Yeah? 159 00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:16,458 Remember the golf trip six months ago? 160 00:07:16,541 --> 00:07:18,208 -Uh-huh. -I put up money for everybody. 161 00:07:18,291 --> 00:07:21,208 And just a little reminder that, uh, I don't know, 162 00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:25,125 you probably forgot all about it but, uh, you never-- 163 00:07:25,208 --> 00:07:27,458 you never paid me the money back, so... 164 00:07:27,541 --> 00:07:29,625 -I didn't forget. -Well, if you didn't forget, 165 00:07:29,708 --> 00:07:31,958 how come-- how come you didn't pay me? 166 00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:33,541 What are you-- What are you doing? 167 00:07:33,625 --> 00:07:35,791 Like, are you, like, stalking me? 168 00:07:35,875 --> 00:07:39,250 Stalking you? Nothing wrong with a little reminder, is there? 169 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:40,416 It's just-- it's rude. That's all. 170 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:41,708 It's just, you know. It's not necessary. 171 00:07:41,791 --> 00:07:42,916 It's rude? I'll tell you what's rude. 172 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,208 -Yeah. -You know what's rude? 173 00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:45,791 -What? What's rude? -Owing somebody 6,000 dollars 174 00:07:45,875 --> 00:07:47,833 for six months and never mentioning anything about it 175 00:07:47,916 --> 00:07:50,041 and not paying them back, that's rude. 176 00:07:50,125 --> 00:07:52,041 -What's wrong with you? -What's wrong with me? 177 00:07:52,125 --> 00:07:54,041 -What is wrong with you? -I think the question is what's wrong with you? 178 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,833 -Yes, you. You'd like walk around and... -You owe somebody 6,000 dollars. 179 00:07:56,916 --> 00:07:58,458 -You didn't forget. -DENNIS ZWEIBEL: Is that how you see the world? 180 00:07:58,541 --> 00:08:00,125 You walk around the world and go... 181 00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:01,500 -And you didn't pay them. -..."Oh, there's a guy that owes me money. 182 00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:02,916 There's a guy that doesn't owe me money." 183 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,625 Yeah. The shoe's on the other foot! Everybody else paid. 184 00:08:04,708 --> 00:08:05,791 DENNIS: "That guy might owe me money. Maybe I'll loan him money." 185 00:08:05,875 --> 00:08:08,000 But not you. You decided not to pay. 186 00:08:08,083 --> 00:08:09,666 -I know I owe you money. -Yeah. 187 00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,000 When I see you at the club, 188 00:08:11,083 --> 00:08:12,375 -I'll write you a check. -Fine. 189 00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,291 And then you'll have your money, and it will be wonderful. 190 00:08:14,375 --> 00:08:16,208 Oh. Oh, I see. Oh, I'm the bad guy here. 191 00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:17,875 You're sick. You have-- you need help. 192 00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:19,291 -I'm sick? -Yeah. You need help. 193 00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:20,583 -I'm sick? -You'll get your money. 194 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,708 -I didn't do anything! -You're gonna get your money. 195 00:08:22,791 --> 00:08:24,916 I'm not the bad guy. 196 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:29,000 How-- How would you-- How am I the bad guy? 197 00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:30,583 LARRY: How's it back there? Comfortable? 198 00:08:30,666 --> 00:08:32,041 -JODI: Oh, it's so nice. -LARRY: Yeah? 199 00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:33,250 -ALBERT BROOKS: It's perfect. -You sure you don't want me 200 00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:34,958 -to move up? -No. Oh, I'm great. 201 00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:36,416 You know what, I am so excited. 202 00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:39,416 I can't believe I'm in a car with Albert Brooks, 203 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:42,916 Lucy Liu, and Jerry David. I just-- I can't believe 204 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,833 -we're all going. -Oh, you're so funny. 205 00:08:44,916 --> 00:08:47,625 Oh, I got my Jews confused a little bit. 206 00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:49,666 I got my Jews confused? 207 00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:51,291 -She's funny, Albert. -She's funny. 208 00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:53,500 -Yeah. -Yeah. Anti-Semitic, but funny. 209 00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:55,041 (LAUGHTER) 210 00:08:55,125 --> 00:08:56,666 JODI: You know, I'm a huge fan of Albert's. 211 00:08:56,750 --> 00:08:59,500 And I haven't had sex in year, so I'm really excited. 212 00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:01,875 -Pull over. I'm done. -(LAUGHTER) 213 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,250 JODI: Oh, no, no! 214 00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:05,666 So, Albert, uh, Larry told me that you're having a funeral 215 00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:08,750 -for yourself? -Yeah. I call it a live funeral. 216 00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:10,958 -JODI: Right. Oh, that's great. -So what is that about? 217 00:09:11,041 --> 00:09:14,958 So in the last three years, I've been to five real funerals. 218 00:09:15,041 --> 00:09:16,000 Oh, God. 219 00:09:16,083 --> 00:09:18,000 The idea that people get together and friends 220 00:09:18,083 --> 00:09:19,750 get together and say wonderful things 221 00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:23,041 should be done to a person who can hear it. 222 00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:24,666 -I love that idea. -Yeah. 223 00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:26,541 ALBERT: And so it's just a different way 224 00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:27,625 of thinking about it. 225 00:09:27,708 --> 00:09:30,791 I can't stand that all this praise is going 226 00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:32,125 to somebody in a box. 227 00:09:32,208 --> 00:09:34,916 You can't stand that the praise is going to somebody else. 228 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,000 (LAUGHTER) 229 00:09:36,083 --> 00:09:38,458 ALBERT: I will bet money this catches on. 230 00:09:38,541 --> 00:09:40,250 LARRY: Okay! You're on! 231 00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:42,583 (ALBERT LAUGHS) 232 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,208 JODI: Wait a second. So he was dead in the pool? 233 00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:47,000 Dead. Completely dead. 234 00:09:47,083 --> 00:09:48,666 How does the guy get in the pool? 235 00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,041 Don't you have a fence? 236 00:09:50,125 --> 00:09:52,333 -Mm-mm. -ALBERT: That's city code. 237 00:09:52,416 --> 00:09:54,083 MARY FERGUSON: That's right. It's actually a law. 238 00:09:54,166 --> 00:09:56,291 In Santa Monica, you have to have a fence. 239 00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:58,125 All right. Can we talk about something else? 240 00:09:58,208 --> 00:10:01,708 So-- Oh, everybody, uh, announcement to me. 241 00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:04,500 Mary and I are going on a trip to Asia. 242 00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:05,875 -JEFF: Really? -ALL: Wow! 243 00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:08,083 -LUCY LIU: That's great. -Yeah. In a few months. In a few months. 244 00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,375 We already got our seats picked out already 245 00:10:10,458 --> 00:10:11,416 -on the plane. -Yeah. 246 00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:12,958 Uh, reservations already made. 247 00:10:13,041 --> 00:10:15,625 -And where? China? -All over that motherfucker. 248 00:10:15,708 --> 00:10:16,791 -Everywhere. -Everywhere. 249 00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:19,458 By the way, expensive trip, no? 250 00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:22,291 Fuck yeah, it was. Had to do a little GoFundMe. 251 00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:23,916 -(LAUGHS) -What did you tell them? 252 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,125 -You must have had a sad story? -I said I'm taking my baby... 253 00:10:28,958 --> 00:10:31,375 -my baby to Asia. -(LAUGHTER) 254 00:10:31,458 --> 00:10:33,125 That was it? And people gave you money? 255 00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:35,208 -Fuck yeah. -I think it's brilliant. 256 00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:37,250 -I'm gonna try it. -Come on. 257 00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:40,125 Really. My baby has never seen a Ferrari. 258 00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:43,458 Please, if you wanna send us to Italy 259 00:10:43,541 --> 00:10:45,458 to pick it up from the factory... 260 00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:46,958 (LAUGHTER) 261 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:48,708 Gosh. Look, I'm gonna go check on dinner, okay? 262 00:10:48,791 --> 00:10:50,208 I'll come and help you. 263 00:10:50,291 --> 00:10:52,666 Susie, I've been looking at your bracelet since I got here. 264 00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,250 -Can I... -Isn't it stunning? 265 00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:55,625 Oh, it's incredible. 266 00:10:55,708 --> 00:10:58,541 I got this at Dennis Zweibel's jewelry store. 267 00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,625 -LARRY: Oh, my God. -SUSIE GREENE: It looks like an antique. 268 00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:01,833 -LARRY: Dennis Zweibel? -SUSIE: Yeah. 269 00:11:01,916 --> 00:11:04,291 The guy owes me 6,000 dollars for six months. 270 00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:07,166 I asked him for the money. He got completely offended. 271 00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,916 You don't need to ask him for money. 272 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,166 I mean, how long do I have to wait? 273 00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:11,541 Six months, a year, ten years? 274 00:11:11,625 --> 00:11:12,916 When are you allowed to ask a person for their money back? 275 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,208 JODI: I don't know. Nine months? 276 00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:16,666 I'm not the bad guy here. I didn't do anything wrong. 277 00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:19,041 I loaned him the money! Maybe you're not the bad guy, 278 00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:20,750 but you need to learn some compassion. 279 00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:22,583 -(GASPS) -Oh, my God! 280 00:11:22,666 --> 00:11:24,291 -SUSIE: Wow. -ALBERT: Oh, jeez. 281 00:11:24,375 --> 00:11:26,541 What did you do? What did you do? 282 00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:28,250 What did I do? You plopped down on the couch. 283 00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,000 -I didn't plop. -You plopped. 284 00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:32,208 You are so fucking skinny, your arms can't even hold 285 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,958 -a fucking glass. -Oh, get out of here. "Skinny"! 286 00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,375 -Puny, puny, puny. -You plopped down. 287 00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:37,041 You don't know how to sit on the couch. 288 00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:38,583 -SUSIE: I didn't plop. -Did she plop? 289 00:11:38,666 --> 00:11:41,041 -Oh, like I'm gonna say. -Did she plop? 290 00:11:41,125 --> 00:11:42,750 I'm not taking sides on this. 291 00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:45,208 -Oh, my God. What happened? -ALBERT: The couch is ruined. 292 00:11:45,291 --> 00:11:47,333 -What in the world? -He was unsteady in his hand 293 00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,291 -and it just... -She plopped down on the couch 294 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,041 -and it spilled. -It's gonna stain. 295 00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:54,125 -It's gonna stain. -You know what, we'll pay for it. 296 00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:55,375 What? Excuse me. Excuse me. 297 00:11:55,458 --> 00:11:57,750 -No "we". You'll pay for it. -No, no. We will chip in. 298 00:11:57,833 --> 00:12:00,333 -I didn't do a fucking thing. -You're completely responsible 299 00:12:00,416 --> 00:12:02,583 -for that stain! -Hey, I got a great idea. 300 00:12:02,666 --> 00:12:04,208 Why don't you two start a GoFundMe page? 301 00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,333 -Oh, fuck you, Albert. -Fuck me? 302 00:12:06,416 --> 00:12:08,458 -Yeah. -All right. I'm going with plop. 303 00:12:08,541 --> 00:12:10,833 Okay. Look. Everybody, look, there's dinner outside 304 00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:12,583 on the patio, let's have a good time. 305 00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:13,791 -SUSIE: Okay. -Okay? 306 00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:15,333 Sorry. 307 00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:17,750 She plopped. 308 00:12:17,833 --> 00:12:20,708 -ALBERT: That was very nice, Mary. -Oh, my God. Total plop. 309 00:12:20,791 --> 00:12:22,541 From beginning to end! Are you kidding me? 310 00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,750 -(THUDS) -Oh, what the fuck, Larry? 311 00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:27,166 -(GROANS) -ALBERT: Oh, my God. 312 00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:29,291 -LUCY: Larry? -LEON BLACK: Holy shit! 313 00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:31,750 -ALBERT: Is he all right? -You okay? 314 00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:33,791 -LUCY: That's glass, Larry. -Fuck! 315 00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:35,625 LEON: Oh, my gosh. 316 00:12:35,708 --> 00:12:37,666 (GROANS) Shit, Larry. 317 00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:39,916 -Can you stand up on your own? -Yeah. I'm okay. 318 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,166 -LUCY: Okay. -Okay. 319 00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:42,833 -So this is glass. -Yeah. Yeah. 320 00:12:42,916 --> 00:12:44,375 And there's an opening right here. 321 00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,291 -Okay. -LUCY: Just hold my hand. 322 00:12:46,375 --> 00:12:47,500 -LARRY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. -LUCY: Okay. 323 00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:49,333 There's a step down. Step down. 324 00:12:49,416 --> 00:12:52,250 Two feeble things in a fucking row, the fucking wine, 325 00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:54,041 and now he walked into a fucking glass. 326 00:12:54,125 --> 00:12:55,250 He got one more left. 327 00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:57,000 I'mma drop his ass off at a nursing home. 328 00:12:57,083 --> 00:13:01,708 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 329 00:13:01,791 --> 00:13:03,000 LARRY: All right. 330 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,583 So, uh... 331 00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,041 Yes, I had a really nice night. 332 00:13:07,125 --> 00:13:09,958 And, um, you know what, text me when you get home, okay? 333 00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:11,500 So I know you got home safe and everything. 334 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,833 -Text you when I get home? -Get some rest, 335 00:13:13,916 --> 00:13:16,541 and then we'll talk later, okay? 336 00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:17,916 What? Wait a second. 337 00:13:18,916 --> 00:13:20,333 I thought I would, uh... 338 00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:22,458 -Uh... -Yeah... yeah. 339 00:13:22,541 --> 00:13:24,958 -You know what, you've had a big night... -Go on, go ahead. 340 00:13:25,041 --> 00:13:27,666 ...and, you know, I just feel like it was... 341 00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:31,500 it was a lot for... for you. 342 00:13:31,583 --> 00:13:33,708 -No. It wasn't a lot. -No. You fell. 343 00:13:33,791 --> 00:13:36,125 -I mean, you hit your-- -Oh yeah, yeah. So what? I got a very-- 344 00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:37,833 -You hit your face. -I got a hard head, yeah. 345 00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:39,000 It's not a big deal. 346 00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:41,875 Just go home. Take a bath. Relax. Put your feet up. 347 00:13:41,958 --> 00:13:43,500 Do you have a hot blanket you can turn on? 348 00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:44,666 -Yeah. -Put that on, 349 00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:47,833 -and then just, like, get cozy. -Can I knit as well? 350 00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:50,416 All right. I'm gonna go. 351 00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:51,750 -Goodnight. Okay. -Okay. 352 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,708 Okay. 353 00:13:55,791 --> 00:14:00,000 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 354 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,083 (TOILET FLUSHING) 355 00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:10,458 Whoo! 356 00:14:11,708 --> 00:14:12,791 What's going on in there? 357 00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,541 The fuck you think going on there? 358 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:16,625 That's where you're going? 359 00:14:16,708 --> 00:14:17,958 This is the bathroom I use 360 00:14:18,041 --> 00:14:20,208 to drop the kids off at the pool. 361 00:14:20,291 --> 00:14:21,625 Why don't you use your own pool? 362 00:14:21,708 --> 00:14:23,375 I can't drop kids off at the pool 363 00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:24,625 in that little-ass bathroom. 364 00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:26,708 Now if you don't want me to use this fucking bathroom 365 00:14:26,791 --> 00:14:28,208 all the time, I'll move around. 366 00:14:28,291 --> 00:14:30,208 We got plenty of pools in this big-ass house. 367 00:14:30,291 --> 00:14:33,958 You can use any of the pools on that side of the house, okay? 368 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,916 Any of the pools down here. 369 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,375 There's one pool, though, that's completely off limits. 370 00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:41,625 -Okay? -Mm. 371 00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:43,625 -And that pools where? -And that pool is up there. 372 00:14:43,708 --> 00:14:45,958 The resort pool is not available to me? 373 00:14:46,041 --> 00:14:47,791 It's not available to you ever. 374 00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:49,208 How about when you're not there? 375 00:14:49,291 --> 00:14:51,291 No. Never. Never. 376 00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:52,250 -Never? -Never. 377 00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:53,250 -I feel you, though. -Okay. 378 00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:54,375 Keep your pool to your fucking self. 379 00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:55,375 -Absolutely. -Okay. 380 00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:57,541 -(KNOCK ON DOOR) -Oh, that's Albert. 381 00:15:00,083 --> 00:15:01,291 -Albert! -Hey. 382 00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:02,750 -AB! -(LARRY LAUGHS) 383 00:15:02,833 --> 00:15:05,041 -Hey, Leon. -LEON: Hey, hey. What's up, AB? 384 00:15:05,125 --> 00:15:07,083 Thanks for inviting us. That was fun. 385 00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:08,583 Fuck yeah. Took care of your ass, didn't I? 386 00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:10,083 -ALBERT: Great time. -Huh? 387 00:15:10,166 --> 00:15:12,083 Listen, I just stopped by to pick up a photo 388 00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:14,666 of you, me, and Marty Short taken at Lincoln Center 389 00:15:14,750 --> 00:15:17,083 that I want for the memorial. Can I borrow it? 390 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,416 -Sure. -That's all. 391 00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,833 -Yeah. Yeah. It's in there. -Thank you. 392 00:15:23,083 --> 00:15:25,208 -This memorial! -(LAUGHS) 393 00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:28,000 ALBERT: Yeah, that's it. I love this. 394 00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:32,000 Hey, uh, what's the dress code for... the event? 395 00:15:32,083 --> 00:15:35,625 Like any funeral, the dress code is a dark suit. 396 00:15:35,708 --> 00:15:36,833 Can I bring Mary? 397 00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:41,000 Yeah. Is she a fan? Has she seen any of my movies? 398 00:15:41,083 --> 00:15:42,166 To be honest, AB, 399 00:15:42,250 --> 00:15:43,833 I haven't even seen any of your fucking movies. 400 00:15:43,916 --> 00:15:45,708 Okay. Well, there's two on Netflix 401 00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:47,750 if you wanna watch them before you come. 402 00:15:47,833 --> 00:15:49,958 By the way, what about you? Are you all right? 403 00:15:50,041 --> 00:15:52,125 -How's your head? -I'm good. 404 00:15:52,208 --> 00:15:54,708 -Did you get an MRI? -Why? Why do you say that? 405 00:15:54,791 --> 00:15:57,166 -You know what a brain bleed is? -I don't care. 406 00:15:57,250 --> 00:15:58,791 -You don't care? -LARRY: Yeah. I don't care. 407 00:15:58,875 --> 00:15:59,750 Drop dead. 408 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,833 Hey, then we could have a real funeral! 409 00:16:01,916 --> 00:16:03,458 -A real one, okay? -Okay. 410 00:16:03,541 --> 00:16:06,541 And people will say all these wonderful things about me. 411 00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:08,916 Yes! Let's keep our fingers crossed. 412 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,375 -ALBERT: All right. -Maybe I'll die 413 00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:11,416 and it'll be a real one. 414 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,916 And then you'll see the difference. 415 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,083 You're through? 416 00:16:14,958 --> 00:16:16,583 -Yeah. I guess. -ALBERT: Okay. 417 00:16:16,666 --> 00:16:19,291 -How's Lucy Liu? -LARRY: Not good. 418 00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:22,500 Something's off. Something is very off. 419 00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:23,875 -Yeah. -LARRY: I'm telling you, 420 00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:26,500 she doesn't look at me as a sexual being anymore. 421 00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:29,041 Yes, because you walked into a door. 422 00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:31,500 Big deal. She could've walked into a glass door. 423 00:16:31,583 --> 00:16:33,041 Well, she didn't, and you did. 424 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:34,625 And that's what the Three Stooges did, 425 00:16:34,708 --> 00:16:36,750 and they didn't get laid either, so... 426 00:16:36,833 --> 00:16:37,958 You're right, man. 427 00:16:38,041 --> 00:16:39,541 That little fat motherfucker, who run on the floor, 428 00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:41,166 like in circles, going... (WHOOPING) 429 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,041 -ALBERT: He never got laid. -That motherfucker never got no ass. 430 00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:47,250 -I guarantee you. -Once they see you in that way, 431 00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:48,708 like a cripple... 432 00:16:48,791 --> 00:16:51,250 -Mm. -...there's no sex anymore. 433 00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:52,625 You know, it throws them off. 434 00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:54,291 Well, I mean, you don't know what to do. 435 00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:55,333 Do you take care of them? 436 00:16:55,416 --> 00:16:56,833 I thought they liked taking care of you. 437 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,708 -Women love taking care of men. -That's not true 438 00:16:58,791 --> 00:17:00,625 LARRY: No, I disagree. 439 00:17:00,708 --> 00:17:03,416 There's a Munchausen thing that they have 440 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,541 where they want you sick in bed and you can't do anything with anybody. 441 00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,541 They don't want you to have fun with anybody else. 442 00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,541 And this is it. And now you're trapped in the bed. 443 00:17:10,625 --> 00:17:13,125 -They love that. -That's your concept of women? 444 00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,458 -Yes. -ALBERT: Okay. 445 00:17:14,541 --> 00:17:15,541 -Yeah. -Well... 446 00:17:15,625 --> 00:17:18,250 A normal woman doesn't wanna take care of you. 447 00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:21,625 She wants to feel you can... You know. 448 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,625 Hey, a lady wants you to tap that ass, know what I mean? 449 00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:27,291 I'll tap. I can tap. Give me a chance to tap. 450 00:17:27,375 --> 00:17:31,333 You tapped the door. You're never gonna tap her. 451 00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:33,500 Okay. Get out. Get out. 452 00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:36,791 Please come. Don't worry about the movies. 453 00:17:36,875 --> 00:17:38,708 Although, if you wanna see Concussion, 454 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,791 -that one is on Amazon Prime. -LARRY: He's a doctor, yeah. He's-- he's a doctor, yeah. 455 00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:44,125 -LEON: Okay. Coolio. -LARRY: Yeah, Concussion. 456 00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,750 You got a delivery or something. 457 00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:48,916 Oh, yeah. 458 00:17:50,083 --> 00:17:52,000 Hey, wear a tie. 459 00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:53,916 LARRY: Okay. 460 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,500 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 461 00:17:57,833 --> 00:17:58,875 What's this? 462 00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:00,833 Uh... 463 00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:02,791 Shit. 464 00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:06,500 Santa Monica Municipal Code, fencing regulations. 465 00:18:06,583 --> 00:18:09,000 "Every swimming pool shall completely surround 466 00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:12,000 such body of water or property with a fence 467 00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:15,958 five feet above the adjacent grade at all places." 468 00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:17,750 "Let's talk." 469 00:18:19,416 --> 00:18:20,500 Holy shit. 470 00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:21,875 Yeah. I know what the fuck that is. 471 00:18:21,958 --> 00:18:24,833 Someone's trying to come up. Someone's trying to get paid. 472 00:18:26,416 --> 00:18:27,416 It's extortion. 473 00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:32,000 ♪ (MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 474 00:18:49,791 --> 00:18:50,958 Larry David. 475 00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:53,291 At your service. 476 00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:56,250 I'm Marcos. This is my taqueria. You want a taco? 477 00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:57,708 Uh-- 478 00:18:57,791 --> 00:18:59,375 Anyways, let's get down to business. 479 00:18:59,458 --> 00:19:01,541 Yes. Let's. 480 00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:03,875 Ah, you just seem like a nice guy. 481 00:19:03,958 --> 00:19:06,875 I'm a living doll, as my mother would say. 482 00:19:06,958 --> 00:19:10,750 My brother was a nice guy too. But now he's dead. 483 00:19:11,916 --> 00:19:13,333 Yeah, sorry. 484 00:19:13,416 --> 00:19:18,250 It's not your fault that he drowned in your pool. 485 00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:20,083 I mean, I know it. You know that. 486 00:19:21,583 --> 00:19:23,500 But do the courts know that? 487 00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:26,416 Then I started thinking about all the fees and litigation 488 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:29,916 and attorneys and possible jail time. 489 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,833 (SIGHS) That's a lot to handle. 490 00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:35,291 But, you know, you lucked out. You scored a friend. 491 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,583 -Lucky me. -Yeah. 492 00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:40,583 But looking down that tunnel, it's like nothing but money 493 00:19:40,666 --> 00:19:42,625 emptying out of your pockets. 494 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:44,916 Unless... 495 00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:47,750 Unless what? 496 00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:49,500 -My daughter. -Ah. 497 00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:51,208 -She wants to be an actress. -Oh, does she? 498 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:54,875 She's great. Maria Sofia! There she is. Hi, baby. 499 00:19:54,958 --> 00:19:57,708 She'd be perfect for your new show. 500 00:19:57,791 --> 00:19:59,708 What? Her? 501 00:19:59,791 --> 00:20:04,416 "Larry David pilot in dev at Netflix." 502 00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:05,541 -Right? -LARRY: Look. 503 00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:07,291 There's nothing for her in the show. 504 00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:09,166 There's no... there's no part for her. 505 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,916 "Casting the role of Marsha Lifshitz." 506 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,458 That's a Jewish girl from Brooklyn 507 00:20:14,541 --> 00:20:16,291 who's an aspiring ballerina. 508 00:20:16,375 --> 00:20:18,333 -Maria. Maria Sofia. Come here. -LARRY: What? 509 00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:20,500 MARCOS: You gotta meet her. 510 00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:22,250 -Hi, baby. -Hey. 511 00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:23,958 This is Larry David. 512 00:20:24,041 --> 00:20:25,875 -How are you doing? -How you doing? 513 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,625 Tell him about your high school plays. 514 00:20:27,708 --> 00:20:30,125 Dad. Yeah, well, I played Juliet in high school. 515 00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:31,875 I mean, it was amazing. You should have seen it. 516 00:20:31,958 --> 00:20:33,291 Oh, sorry I missed it. 517 00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:35,666 -And she also dances. -Yeah. 518 00:20:35,750 --> 00:20:37,125 -Show him how you dance, baby. -MARIA SOFIA: Oh, okay. 519 00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:38,958 No, no, no. You don't need to show me how you dance. 520 00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:40,416 Okay go. One, two, three. 521 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:44,208 -(BEATBOXING) -(EXHALES TO BEAT) 522 00:20:45,666 --> 00:20:47,083 Re-re-rewind. 523 00:20:47,166 --> 00:20:48,583 (BEATBOXING) 524 00:20:48,666 --> 00:20:50,541 That's very good. Very good. Bravo. Yes. 525 00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,583 -Excellent. Good job. Very good. -Oh, thank you, thank you. 526 00:20:52,666 --> 00:20:54,333 That's not the whole thing. There's a flip at the end. 527 00:20:54,416 --> 00:20:55,541 Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah. 528 00:20:55,625 --> 00:20:57,833 Okay. Go ahead to the table. I'm gonna talk to Larry. 529 00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,791 -Uh, talented girl, for sure. -Thank you. 530 00:21:02,875 --> 00:21:06,666 Thing is, even if she's the best actress in the world, 531 00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:08,208 which she very well could be, 532 00:21:08,291 --> 00:21:10,000 but just not right for this part. 533 00:21:10,083 --> 00:21:12,916 But I know Marsha Lifshitz is that girl right there 534 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,708 eating those leftover tacos. 535 00:21:14,791 --> 00:21:16,375 LARRY: Look, we'll find her something else. 536 00:21:16,458 --> 00:21:17,958 I'll send her picture and resume 537 00:21:18,041 --> 00:21:20,541 to a bunch of agents I know, we can get her started. 538 00:21:20,625 --> 00:21:23,791 That'd be so great. (SIGHS) 539 00:21:23,875 --> 00:21:26,083 I just don't know if you have all the time in the world, 540 00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:29,791 you know, with the lawsuits and possible jail time coming. 541 00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,333 What do we do? 542 00:21:35,458 --> 00:21:37,458 Well, okay, she can, you know... 543 00:21:38,416 --> 00:21:40,625 -She can audition. -Hmm. 544 00:21:40,708 --> 00:21:43,208 -I'll give her an audition. -I got you. 545 00:21:43,291 --> 00:21:47,458 We'll take that audition. And then see you on set. 546 00:21:49,791 --> 00:21:53,416 Suppose I cast her and then, you know, the show gets cancelled? 547 00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:55,041 Shows get cancelled all the time. 548 00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:58,000 As long as you cast her, we're good. 549 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:02,083 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 550 00:22:03,208 --> 00:22:06,166 It's extortion, Jeff! Total extortion. 551 00:22:06,250 --> 00:22:08,208 What-- what are you gonna do? This is crazy. 552 00:22:08,291 --> 00:22:10,958 I mean, you know, he could sue me for everything. 553 00:22:11,041 --> 00:22:12,833 And he could bring criminal charges. 554 00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,833 So is his daughter gonna audition? 555 00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:16,041 LARRY: (SCOFFS) "Audition"! 556 00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:18,083 We'll go through a charade of an audition, 557 00:22:18,166 --> 00:22:20,750 but it's not an audition really. 558 00:22:20,833 --> 00:22:24,750 -She's got the part. -(GROANS) This is a nightmare. 559 00:22:24,833 --> 00:22:26,833 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 560 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,041 -Oh. Hey, Dennis. -Hi, Larry. 561 00:22:31,125 --> 00:22:32,583 LARRY: What are you doing? You going out? 562 00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:34,958 -Yeah. You? -I just quit. 563 00:22:35,041 --> 00:22:36,833 DENNIS: Oh. Not for good, I hope. 564 00:22:36,916 --> 00:22:38,250 -Uh, maybe. -(DENNIS CHUCKLES) 565 00:22:38,333 --> 00:22:40,083 -So sick of it, you know. -Yeah. 566 00:22:40,166 --> 00:22:43,958 Hey, so the last time I saw you, you said, 567 00:22:44,041 --> 00:22:46,083 the next time you see me at the club, 568 00:22:46,166 --> 00:22:47,583 -which is now... -Uh-huh. 569 00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:51,791 ...to remind you about the 6,000 dollars you owe me 570 00:22:51,875 --> 00:22:55,041 and that you would, uh, have a check and pay me. 571 00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,458 That's close, Larry. 572 00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:58,500 Uh, you saw me and you reminded me 573 00:22:58,583 --> 00:23:02,000 of the 6,000 dollars, and I pulled out my checkbook, 574 00:23:02,083 --> 00:23:05,000 and I wrote you a check for 6,000 dollars. 575 00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:06,291 -What? -Yeah. 576 00:23:06,375 --> 00:23:08,125 -I paid you at the farm shop. -No. No, you didn't. 577 00:23:08,208 --> 00:23:09,125 Of course I did. 578 00:23:09,208 --> 00:23:10,666 Dennis, you didn't pay me at the farm shop. 579 00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:13,416 I paid you. I wrote a check to you for 6,000 dollars. 580 00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:15,083 No, you did not. You didn't. 581 00:23:15,166 --> 00:23:17,583 I would remember that, okay, if you paid me. 582 00:23:17,666 --> 00:23:18,875 I remember what you wore. 583 00:23:18,958 --> 00:23:20,958 You wore a green sweater, tan pants, 584 00:23:21,041 --> 00:23:22,416 a blue and white checkered shirt. 585 00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,916 You had an almond decaf latte and a bran muffin. 586 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,750 Now if I know all that, don't you think 587 00:23:26,833 --> 00:23:28,250 I would know if you paid me? 588 00:23:28,333 --> 00:23:30,708 -Why would I lie about that? -I'll tell you what else. 589 00:23:30,791 --> 00:23:32,583 I complimented you on that shirt. 590 00:23:32,666 --> 00:23:34,750 -You didn't compliment me. -I most certainly did. 591 00:23:34,833 --> 00:23:36,375 You've never complimented me in your life. 592 00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:37,875 There's never anything to compliment you about. 593 00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:39,708 Ask around and see if anyone else remembers 594 00:23:39,791 --> 00:23:41,083 being complimented by you. 595 00:23:41,166 --> 00:23:42,708 I compliment people's outfits all the time. 596 00:23:42,791 --> 00:23:45,166 -You're a bad guy, Larry. -I'm not the bad guy! 597 00:23:45,250 --> 00:23:46,583 -You are the bad guy! -You're the bad guy! 598 00:23:46,666 --> 00:23:48,666 -No. I pay my debts! -It's true. You didn't pay anything! 599 00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:50,166 -I pay my debts! -MAN 1: Larry, Larry, 600 00:23:50,250 --> 00:23:51,791 -leave the guy alone. -MAN 2: Come on, man. 601 00:23:51,875 --> 00:23:53,666 -What are you doing, man? -LARRY: What? 602 00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:55,208 MAN 2: What are you, hassling him for money? 603 00:23:55,291 --> 00:23:56,500 -He's got dementia. -So what? 604 00:23:56,583 --> 00:23:58,458 Dementia's not a license to steal, is it? 605 00:23:58,541 --> 00:24:00,125 Well, how do we know you didn't forget? 606 00:24:00,208 --> 00:24:01,458 What are you talking about? 607 00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:04,708 We heard that you ran into a sliding glass door recently. 608 00:24:04,791 --> 00:24:06,875 Yeah. I walked into the door. I didn't see the door. 609 00:24:06,958 --> 00:24:08,708 How could I? It looks like air. 610 00:24:08,791 --> 00:24:11,500 Everybody's done it. Hey, let me ask you a question. 611 00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:14,083 Have I ever complimented you two guys on anything? 612 00:24:15,041 --> 00:24:16,291 -No. -No. 613 00:24:16,375 --> 00:24:18,791 I didn't tell you I liked your new PING driver? 614 00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:19,916 No, you didn't. 615 00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:23,083 Oh. Must've been somebody else. 616 00:24:23,166 --> 00:24:26,208 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 617 00:24:26,291 --> 00:24:28,250 LARRY: Maybe this Maria Sofia will be okay. 618 00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:31,541 Maybe she won't be as bad as we think. Who knows? 619 00:24:32,125 --> 00:24:33,041 I know. 620 00:24:33,125 --> 00:24:34,875 But it's acting. It's not so hard. 621 00:24:34,958 --> 00:24:37,333 I think anybody can do it. What's the big deal? 622 00:24:37,416 --> 00:24:40,833 What do you do? You say the words, you make a face. 623 00:24:40,916 --> 00:24:42,875 There's-- there's nothing to it. 624 00:24:42,958 --> 00:24:47,583 We're fucked. It's a big bowl of fucks. 625 00:24:47,666 --> 00:24:49,916 -Where's Lucy? -Oh, she's gonna meet us there. 626 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,291 -What's the matter with you? -What are you talking about? 627 00:24:52,375 --> 00:24:56,208 What are you, harassing poor Dennis Zweibel? 628 00:24:56,291 --> 00:24:57,958 You think I don't hear about these things? 629 00:24:58,041 --> 00:24:59,500 -Oh, please. -He's impaired. 630 00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:01,875 I waited six months to ask him for that money. 631 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,083 Six months. I should've asked after a month, 632 00:25:04,166 --> 00:25:05,416 but I was being really nice. 633 00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:08,041 This keeps catching on the chiffon. 634 00:25:08,125 --> 00:25:09,916 It's ruining my whole outfit. 635 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,250 You know what? You're petty. You're just petty. 636 00:25:12,333 --> 00:25:13,541 -LARRY: You think I'm petty? -SUSIE: Yeah. 637 00:25:13,625 --> 00:25:17,833 Huh? Can I tell you a real example of petty? 638 00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:21,250 You plopped down on that couch, spilled the wine on it, 639 00:25:21,333 --> 00:25:22,916 I got charged for the cleaning, 640 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,458 and you didn't even offer to chip in. 641 00:25:25,541 --> 00:25:27,041 Because I didn't plop. 642 00:25:27,125 --> 00:25:29,916 Oh, no. You plopped. You're a plopper. 643 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,791 -You've always been a plopper. -Jeff, did I plop? 644 00:25:32,875 --> 00:25:34,250 -Don't ask me. -LARRY: Yeah, you plopped. 645 00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:36,875 Here's what you did. You went like this. You went like this. 646 00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:40,500 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 647 00:25:46,916 --> 00:25:50,583 Oh, my God. I didn't ask for a reenactment. 648 00:25:51,791 --> 00:25:55,416 Ah! Ah! Stone missing. Stone missing. 649 00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:57,750 How are we gonna find it? It's tiny. 650 00:25:57,833 --> 00:26:00,125 -Do you see it, huh? -I'm looking. 651 00:26:00,208 --> 00:26:01,833 SUSIE: Jesus Christ, Larry. 652 00:26:01,916 --> 00:26:04,875 They ricochet all over the fucking place. 653 00:26:04,958 --> 00:26:06,666 -LARRY: Move your foot. -SUSIE: You know what, Larry... 654 00:26:06,750 --> 00:26:07,958 -You see it? -No. 655 00:26:08,041 --> 00:26:09,916 All right. You know what, Larry? Forget it. Just get out. 656 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,291 I don't wanna drive you to the funeral. 657 00:26:11,375 --> 00:26:12,583 -What? -Just drive yourself. 658 00:26:12,666 --> 00:26:14,458 I don't wanna look at your face in the rearview mirror. 659 00:26:14,541 --> 00:26:15,708 Just get the fuck out. 660 00:26:15,791 --> 00:26:17,166 -What? -Out! 661 00:26:17,250 --> 00:26:19,875 Fine. Fine. Fine. I'll drive myself. 662 00:26:19,958 --> 00:26:21,916 Who the fuck wants to go with you anyway? 663 00:26:23,250 --> 00:26:24,708 And let me tell you something, okay? 664 00:26:24,791 --> 00:26:29,000 I am not a bad guy. Not a bad guy. 665 00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:32,791 A good guy. A very good guy. 666 00:26:33,583 --> 00:26:37,375 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 667 00:26:57,916 --> 00:26:59,000 Hey. 668 00:27:00,208 --> 00:27:01,208 How you doing? 669 00:27:02,375 --> 00:27:03,541 Why so sad? 670 00:27:03,625 --> 00:27:05,041 Why so sad? It's-- 671 00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:07,958 I mean, too soon. 672 00:27:08,041 --> 00:27:10,333 He's upstairs. What's this thing? 673 00:27:11,916 --> 00:27:13,125 The shiva-- The Shavuot. 674 00:27:13,208 --> 00:27:14,875 The rending of the clothes. This is-- 675 00:27:14,958 --> 00:27:17,541 Oh, you're really going Jew-ey here, aren't you? 676 00:27:17,625 --> 00:27:20,833 Oh, that reminds me. Uh, I wrote a few things down. 677 00:27:20,916 --> 00:27:23,625 Is bashert a word that I could use? 678 00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,166 What's the context? 679 00:27:25,250 --> 00:27:29,166 "I'm feeling bashert at the loss of our friend, Albert." 680 00:27:29,250 --> 00:27:31,416 No. Bashert, it means "fate." 681 00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:34,500 I think you wanna say, "I'm feeling a lot of tsuris." 682 00:27:34,583 --> 00:27:35,875 Tsuris? How do you spell that? 683 00:27:35,958 --> 00:27:37,750 T-S-U-R-I-S. 684 00:27:38,708 --> 00:27:40,000 -Tsuris? -Yeah. 685 00:27:40,083 --> 00:27:43,250 Hey, whatever happened to the movie where you were playing me? 686 00:27:43,333 --> 00:27:45,000 -Oh, God. -The character was based on me. 687 00:27:45,083 --> 00:27:46,458 You would... (GROANS) 688 00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:48,375 Yeah, it went away. 689 00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:51,083 They tested it and the audiences didn't really respond 690 00:27:51,166 --> 00:27:52,958 -to the main character. -Really? 691 00:27:53,041 --> 00:27:54,583 They fill out cards with the feedback. 692 00:27:54,666 --> 00:27:57,375 The word that kept reappearing was "repugnant." 693 00:27:57,833 --> 00:27:58,750 Repugnant? 694 00:27:58,833 --> 00:28:01,000 There wasn't much they could do to fix it. 695 00:28:01,083 --> 00:28:02,125 I mean, I thought it was-- 696 00:28:02,208 --> 00:28:04,416 It's possible it was a performance thing. 697 00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:05,958 It's interesting, 'cause they were very specific. 698 00:28:06,041 --> 00:28:09,916 They loved the performance. They hated the character. 699 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,000 Was it a hatchet job on me? What was it? 700 00:28:13,083 --> 00:28:14,875 I think it was pretty true to life. 701 00:28:14,958 --> 00:28:16,916 -Hey, you know what? -Yeah. 702 00:28:17,541 --> 00:28:18,583 It's bashert. 703 00:28:20,125 --> 00:28:21,375 -See, I pick it up. -Yeah. 704 00:28:21,458 --> 00:28:23,583 I pick it up. Tsuris. I'm gonna do tsuris. 705 00:28:23,666 --> 00:28:25,541 Speaking of, um, when am I going up? Uh-- 706 00:28:25,625 --> 00:28:27,666 -Yeah. You're after me. -All right. 707 00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:32,708 -ALBERT: Look, there's Larry! -JODI: Oh, he looks nice. 708 00:28:32,791 --> 00:28:34,125 -ALBERT: He wore a tie. -(JODI LAUGHS) 709 00:28:34,208 --> 00:28:35,791 It's a good crowd. Everybody came. 710 00:28:35,875 --> 00:28:36,958 Oh, my God. 711 00:28:37,041 --> 00:28:39,541 I never thought I would live to see this day. 712 00:28:39,625 --> 00:28:41,083 (LAUGHS) 713 00:28:42,250 --> 00:28:43,541 -LUCY: Larry. -LARRY: Oh, hey. 714 00:28:43,625 --> 00:28:45,541 Hey. I got you a glass of water. 715 00:28:45,625 --> 00:28:47,208 Oh, water? 716 00:28:47,291 --> 00:28:50,000 Yeah. Just to make sure you're not impaired 717 00:28:50,083 --> 00:28:52,125 -when you're up on the podium. -Mm-hmm. 718 00:28:52,208 --> 00:28:55,166 Okay. Something's going on here with you. 719 00:28:55,250 --> 00:28:57,416 Since I walked into the glass door, 720 00:28:57,500 --> 00:29:00,625 you're treating me like I'm a-- like an invalid. 721 00:29:00,708 --> 00:29:03,250 Things changed when that happened. 722 00:29:03,333 --> 00:29:04,583 -Oh, did they? -Yeah. 723 00:29:04,666 --> 00:29:06,708 I don't see you in a sexual way anymore, so... 724 00:29:06,791 --> 00:29:08,916 Hey, I'm as virile as I was three days ago. 725 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,625 And I was plenty virile then. And I'm plenty virile now. 726 00:29:12,708 --> 00:29:14,875 And I can prove it to you. Let's go upstairs. 727 00:29:14,958 --> 00:29:17,000 Come on. I'll prove it to you. You wanna test it? 728 00:29:17,083 --> 00:29:18,500 -You wanna test it? -No. I don't wanna test it. 729 00:29:18,583 --> 00:29:21,000 Test me. Test me. Come on. I dare you. 730 00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:22,625 -Take care. -LARRY: Test me! 731 00:29:22,708 --> 00:29:24,000 Watch out for glass. 732 00:29:24,083 --> 00:29:27,125 Hey, one day, you're gonna run into glass. It's unavoidable! 733 00:29:27,208 --> 00:29:29,083 I think we should go. 734 00:29:29,166 --> 00:29:32,916 Larry, let's go. Thanks for the tie. 735 00:29:34,833 --> 00:29:37,500 Okay. Hey, everybody. Let's get started. 736 00:29:37,583 --> 00:29:40,875 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 737 00:29:42,166 --> 00:29:45,125 Welcome, everyone. Thank you for coming. 738 00:29:45,208 --> 00:29:48,791 It saddens me personally to be here today. 739 00:29:48,875 --> 00:29:51,666 Mainly because my dear friend, Albert Brooks, 740 00:29:51,750 --> 00:29:53,250 is very much alive. 741 00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:54,500 (LAUGHTER) 742 00:29:54,583 --> 00:29:56,500 Oh, don't do that. 743 00:29:56,583 --> 00:29:59,208 It would've given Albert tremendous satisfaction 744 00:29:59,291 --> 00:30:01,333 to see all these people gathered here 745 00:30:01,416 --> 00:30:04,125 to pay their last respects to a man 746 00:30:04,208 --> 00:30:06,375 they will see again in less than an hour. 747 00:30:06,458 --> 00:30:08,666 -(LAUGHTER) -Come on, man. 748 00:30:08,750 --> 00:30:12,791 I'm very sorry that Albert is faux dead. 749 00:30:12,875 --> 00:30:14,583 Get the next person, please. 750 00:30:14,666 --> 00:30:17,250 'Cause I was going to leave him some faux money. 751 00:30:17,333 --> 00:30:18,916 (LAUGHTER) 752 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:24,291 And know this, nobody loved Christ more than Albert. 753 00:30:24,375 --> 00:30:26,000 (LAUGHTER) 754 00:30:26,083 --> 00:30:27,708 Big Jesus guy. Big. 755 00:30:27,791 --> 00:30:30,166 Is that true? Have you accepted Christ into your heart? 756 00:30:30,250 --> 00:30:31,250 Are you crazy? 757 00:30:31,333 --> 00:30:34,000 Albert is the one who inspired me 758 00:30:34,083 --> 00:30:36,333 to become a stand-up comedian. 759 00:30:36,416 --> 00:30:37,916 And that, more than anything, 760 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,916 makes me wish he was really dead. 761 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,708 -(LAUGHTER) -I hate him. 762 00:30:42,791 --> 00:30:46,916 And now I'd like to bring up another friend of Albert's 763 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,750 who was also coerced into doing this, Mr. John Hamm. 764 00:30:50,833 --> 00:30:52,500 (APPLAUSE) 765 00:30:52,583 --> 00:30:53,666 -Ah. Okay. -I'm so excited. 766 00:30:53,750 --> 00:30:55,208 I can't believe you know Jon Hamm. 767 00:30:56,208 --> 00:30:57,333 I... 768 00:30:58,291 --> 00:31:02,250 (SIGHS) So much tsuris. 769 00:31:04,916 --> 00:31:06,666 They say laughter is the best medicine. 770 00:31:06,750 --> 00:31:08,958 And if that is the case, then... 771 00:31:10,125 --> 00:31:13,208 Albert overmedicated us all. 772 00:31:13,291 --> 00:31:14,875 -That's sweet. -He's funny. 773 00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:16,791 -I know. -I'm sure many of you 774 00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,708 will stand up here and praise the genius 775 00:31:18,791 --> 00:31:21,666 of this inward-gazing comedy savant. 776 00:31:21,750 --> 00:31:23,041 And you'd be right to. 777 00:31:23,125 --> 00:31:28,208 He was my absolute, hands-down, favorite comedian of all time. 778 00:31:28,291 --> 00:31:33,125 And now he's been taken from us far too soon. 779 00:31:33,208 --> 00:31:35,208 Albert was one of the great American filmmakers 780 00:31:35,291 --> 00:31:38,750 of his or of any generation. And... 781 00:31:38,833 --> 00:31:40,916 -Where are you going? -Bathroom. 782 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,250 -I'm after you. -LARRY: Okay. 783 00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:43,666 Don't let anybody else go in. 784 00:31:43,750 --> 00:31:46,458 JON HAMM: That was the movie I always wanted to make 785 00:31:46,541 --> 00:31:47,583 about jealousy. 786 00:31:47,666 --> 00:31:49,791 That is how much his art resonated with audiences. 787 00:31:49,875 --> 00:31:50,916 (LARY EXHALES) 788 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:52,791 JON: Before I got a chance to know him as a friend, 789 00:31:52,875 --> 00:31:53,958 I was just a fan. 790 00:31:54,041 --> 00:31:56,208 I wish I had one more chance just to tell him 791 00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:59,041 how much Lost in America resonated with me. 792 00:32:00,875 --> 00:32:01,958 Oh, my God. 793 00:32:04,041 --> 00:32:06,666 (SCOFFS) He's a COVID hoarder. 794 00:32:07,583 --> 00:32:09,666 Albert Brooks is a COVID hoarder. 795 00:32:09,750 --> 00:32:12,000 -He's a fucking COVID hoarder. -(CROWD GASPS) 796 00:32:12,083 --> 00:32:14,791 -Albert's a COVID hoarder. -Are you kidding me? 797 00:32:14,875 --> 00:32:16,750 -SUSIE: Look at this, Jon Hamm! -JON: What the fuck? 798 00:32:16,833 --> 00:32:18,333 What are you doing in the closet? 799 00:32:18,416 --> 00:32:19,791 JON: What's going on here? 800 00:32:19,875 --> 00:32:21,166 LARRY: Look at all that toilet paper. 801 00:32:21,250 --> 00:32:22,291 And Purell! 802 00:32:22,375 --> 00:32:24,750 First responders could have used all of that stuff. 803 00:32:24,833 --> 00:32:26,416 Why are people in that closet? 804 00:32:26,500 --> 00:32:28,625 Wait a minute. Are you really a COVID hoarder? 805 00:32:28,708 --> 00:32:29,708 Hey, hey! 806 00:32:29,791 --> 00:32:31,166 This is unacceptable. 807 00:32:31,250 --> 00:32:32,625 What's going on in here? 808 00:32:32,708 --> 00:32:34,125 The fuck is wrong with you? 809 00:32:34,208 --> 00:32:35,958 You're sitting over there with a closet 810 00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:37,500 full of fucking toilet paper? 811 00:32:37,583 --> 00:32:38,666 Jesus Christ! 812 00:32:38,750 --> 00:32:40,416 -JON: Unbelievable. -Have you no shame, Albert? 813 00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:43,166 -Have you no shame? -Shanda! A shanda! 814 00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:46,708 I just moved in here. This used to be a CVS. 815 00:32:46,791 --> 00:32:48,958 You know what? I hope you really die. 816 00:32:49,041 --> 00:32:52,208 Jon, this was beautiful! Come back! 817 00:32:52,291 --> 00:32:53,916 Come on, Jeff. We're out of here. 818 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,416 This is a mistake! 819 00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:57,291 You disgust me. 820 00:32:57,375 --> 00:32:59,041 Shame on you, Albert Brooks. 821 00:33:00,625 --> 00:33:03,208 Come back. I've got flu shots. 822 00:33:03,916 --> 00:33:05,250 (DOOR SLAMS) 823 00:33:07,916 --> 00:33:09,833 Maybe we'll try again next year. 824 00:33:10,625 --> 00:33:12,000 Yeah. 825 00:33:12,083 --> 00:33:14,166 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 826 00:33:14,250 --> 00:33:16,708 -Fucking Albert! -I know, right? 827 00:33:16,791 --> 00:33:18,125 -Let's get out of here. -Yeah. 828 00:33:18,208 --> 00:33:19,833 Oh, hey, babe, I left my coat outside. 829 00:33:19,916 --> 00:33:21,291 Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. 830 00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:23,125 (MARY GRUNTS) 831 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,416 LEON: The fuck? 832 00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:27,541 -(MARY GROANS) -Oh, shit. 833 00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:34,375 (MARY GROANS) 834 00:33:35,333 --> 00:33:36,750 LEON: I'm done with her, man. 835 00:33:36,833 --> 00:33:38,666 Once you do that shit, you can't go back. 836 00:33:38,750 --> 00:33:39,750 You can't unsee that shit. 837 00:33:39,833 --> 00:33:41,875 You can't think of the person any other way. 838 00:33:41,958 --> 00:33:44,041 I'm sure Lucy Liu felt the same way. 839 00:33:44,125 --> 00:33:46,125 Even in the fucking animal world, 840 00:33:46,208 --> 00:33:48,458 when pigeons fly into a motherfucking glass, 841 00:33:48,541 --> 00:33:50,375 motherfucking office buildings and shit, 842 00:33:50,458 --> 00:33:52,833 they ostracized from the other pigeons and shit. 843 00:33:52,916 --> 00:33:55,083 You see a whole school of these motherfuckers, 844 00:33:55,166 --> 00:33:57,041 whether pigeons or geese or whatever. 845 00:33:57,125 --> 00:33:59,208 They fucking flying, and there's one motherfucker back there. 846 00:33:59,291 --> 00:34:00,875 You know why? Because that goofy motherfucker ran 847 00:34:00,958 --> 00:34:02,375 into a goddamn building last week, 848 00:34:02,458 --> 00:34:03,833 and they don't fuck with him no more. 849 00:34:03,916 --> 00:34:04,916 Huh. 850 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,208 That's why Mary Ferguson had to go. 851 00:34:07,291 --> 00:34:09,583 Well, what are you gonna do? You paid for the plane ticket. 852 00:34:09,666 --> 00:34:11,541 It's got Mary Ferguson's name on it. 853 00:34:11,625 --> 00:34:13,666 It's nonrefundable. What are you gonna do, eat it? 854 00:34:13,750 --> 00:34:17,458 LEON: No. I'm gonna find me another Mary Ferguson. 855 00:34:17,541 --> 00:34:18,750 What are you talking about? 856 00:34:18,833 --> 00:34:20,625 LEON: I'mma put an ad out. I'm gonna get them all here. 857 00:34:20,708 --> 00:34:23,250 I'm gonna audition a bunch of Mary Fergusons. 858 00:34:23,333 --> 00:34:25,666 Find the one I like and take her ass to Asia. 859 00:34:25,750 --> 00:34:28,416 LARRY: What random Mary Ferguson is gonna go to Asia 860 00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:31,750 with some stranger who's probably a sociopath? 861 00:34:31,833 --> 00:34:33,666 You're forgetting one key thing here. 862 00:34:33,750 --> 00:34:36,208 Free. Who wouldn't wanna go to Asia for free? 863 00:34:36,291 --> 00:34:38,250 They'll take that chance waking up dead 864 00:34:38,333 --> 00:34:40,250 for a free trip to Asia. I promise you. 865 00:34:40,333 --> 00:34:41,791 I think you might have something. 866 00:34:41,875 --> 00:34:44,416 Okay. I'm gonna take me a little dip in the pool. 867 00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:46,791 There was a dead body in there just a couple of days ago, 868 00:34:46,875 --> 00:34:49,291 -just so you know. -It ain't in there now. 869 00:34:49,375 --> 00:34:52,291 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 870 00:34:54,333 --> 00:34:55,458 DENNIS: Oh, yeah, Susie. 871 00:34:55,541 --> 00:34:56,791 Boy, you popped this right out of there. 872 00:34:56,875 --> 00:34:58,416 -SUSIE: I know. -DENNIS: How did you do that? 873 00:34:58,500 --> 00:35:01,583 -Oh, Larry. You know Larry. -Yeah. I'm not a fan. 874 00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:03,583 Yeah. Well, he plopped and then it went flying 875 00:35:03,666 --> 00:35:06,541 in the air and then it came out and I couldn't find the stone. 876 00:35:06,625 --> 00:35:09,000 But then I remembered, you gave me a lifetime guarantee. 877 00:35:09,083 --> 00:35:11,625 -So here I am. -A what? A lifetime-- 878 00:35:11,708 --> 00:35:14,041 A lifetime guarantee, Dennis, you don't remember? 879 00:35:14,125 --> 00:35:15,833 I mean, Susie, I don't have to remember. 880 00:35:15,916 --> 00:35:19,250 We don't-- We've never given lifetime guarantees. 881 00:35:19,333 --> 00:35:20,958 Well, you gave me one. 882 00:35:21,041 --> 00:35:22,291 No, Susie, I never said that. 883 00:35:22,375 --> 00:35:24,458 -Yes, you did, Dennis. -DENNIS: I didn't-- 884 00:35:24,541 --> 00:35:25,916 Why would I say that? 885 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,333 -I don't know why. -That doesn't sound like something I would say. 886 00:35:27,416 --> 00:35:29,541 Maybe 'cause I buy so much fucking jewelry here. 887 00:35:29,625 --> 00:35:31,041 DENNIS: We appreciate that. 888 00:35:31,125 --> 00:35:34,083 But, Susie, I'm sorry, I just have no memory of that. (CHOKES) 889 00:35:34,166 --> 00:35:35,833 Let me tell you something, dementia boy, you gave me 890 00:35:35,916 --> 00:35:37,541 a lifetime guarantee, and I don't care 891 00:35:37,625 --> 00:35:39,541 if you don't remember your dog's fucking name, 892 00:35:39,625 --> 00:35:41,875 you're got to fix this and it's not gonna cost me 893 00:35:41,958 --> 00:35:44,166 a goddamn thing. You hear me, Zweibel? 894 00:35:44,250 --> 00:35:46,208 -You got it? -Got it. 895 00:35:46,291 --> 00:35:47,833 I'll be back Friday. 896 00:35:47,916 --> 00:35:51,125 ♪ (PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 897 00:36:05,166 --> 00:36:06,583 Mary Ferguson. 898 00:36:06,666 --> 00:36:09,208 Oh. Oh. My bad. (LAUGHS) 899 00:36:09,291 --> 00:36:10,666 -How about you? -Oh, me? 900 00:36:10,750 --> 00:36:12,208 LEON: Go on inside. 901 00:36:12,291 --> 00:36:14,291 -Hi, guys. -Hey. Hello. 902 00:36:14,375 --> 00:36:15,583 This is Brady Reiter, Larry David. 903 00:36:15,666 --> 00:36:17,833 -Nice to meet you. -LARRY: Hi. Nice to meet you. 904 00:36:17,916 --> 00:36:21,208 I've always loved traveling. And I've been dying 905 00:36:21,291 --> 00:36:23,083 to go to Asia for years. 906 00:36:23,166 --> 00:36:25,125 Would you have a problem faking a disability 907 00:36:25,208 --> 00:36:26,875 just so we can get in those wheelchairs 908 00:36:26,958 --> 00:36:28,750 and they can push our ass through the airport? 909 00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:31,541 I don't think I would like that. 910 00:36:31,625 --> 00:36:33,166 (GRUNTS) 911 00:36:33,250 --> 00:36:34,875 I want you to eat this matzah ball. Come on. 912 00:36:34,958 --> 00:36:36,833 -Come on. Munch it. -Don't put the matzah ball here! 913 00:36:37,458 --> 00:36:39,833 No matzah ball! Eat it! 914 00:36:39,916 --> 00:36:41,208 -MAN: That was great. -WOMAN: Wow. 915 00:36:41,291 --> 00:36:42,958 -That was great. -BRADY: Thank you guys! 916 00:36:43,041 --> 00:36:44,541 -You guys have a great day. -LARRY: Good job. 917 00:36:44,625 --> 00:36:45,875 -BRADY: Bye. -MAN: Bye. 918 00:36:45,958 --> 00:36:47,500 (LAUGHS) She's fucking hilarious. 919 00:36:47,583 --> 00:36:48,541 Wow. 920 00:36:48,625 --> 00:36:51,500 Yeah. Well, let's see. Let's see who else. 921 00:36:52,041 --> 00:36:53,083 Okay. 922 00:36:53,708 --> 00:36:54,791 Next. 923 00:36:55,708 --> 00:36:57,125 -LARRY: Bye. -(WOMAN LAUGHS) 924 00:36:57,208 --> 00:36:59,125 -Thank you. Thank you. -Thank you. 925 00:36:59,208 --> 00:37:00,250 LARRY: Thank you. 926 00:37:02,291 --> 00:37:04,500 LEON: Mary Ferguson 5. Thank you. 927 00:37:04,583 --> 00:37:06,041 Okay. Next. 928 00:37:06,125 --> 00:37:07,916 -No. -Uh... 929 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:09,916 -LARRY: No. -MAN: Fantastic. Thanks a lot. 930 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,416 -WOMAN: She's amazing. -Yeah, she was fantastic. 931 00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:14,458 I don't think so. 932 00:37:16,541 --> 00:37:18,708 -Nah. -Eh. 933 00:37:18,791 --> 00:37:20,708 Hmm. Next. 934 00:37:20,791 --> 00:37:22,583 I want you to eat this matzah. Come on. 935 00:37:22,666 --> 00:37:26,083 Ow. It's hot! Larry, your hands are all over it! 936 00:37:26,166 --> 00:37:27,291 That was great. 937 00:37:27,375 --> 00:37:29,166 -Thank you. -WOMAN: Thanks, Julia. 938 00:37:30,791 --> 00:37:32,250 -No. -WOMAN: Okay. 939 00:37:32,916 --> 00:37:34,333 (CLEARS THROAT) 940 00:37:34,416 --> 00:37:36,375 -You ever dated a Laker? -No. 941 00:37:36,458 --> 00:37:40,166 -How about Clipper? -I've never dated a Clipper. 942 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,208 Fuckin' dig it. 943 00:37:43,291 --> 00:37:46,875 Suppose we crashed on a deserted island 944 00:37:46,958 --> 00:37:49,166 and I make it and you don't make it. 945 00:37:49,250 --> 00:37:50,875 -Is it cool-- -You can eat me. 946 00:37:50,958 --> 00:37:54,333 Oh. Shi... I think we should do this. 947 00:37:54,416 --> 00:37:55,791 Wait. So am I going? (LAUGHS) 948 00:37:55,875 --> 00:37:57,333 -Let's do this. -Let's do it! 949 00:37:57,416 --> 00:37:58,625 What's up? (LAUGHS) 950 00:37:58,708 --> 00:37:59,833 -Ah! -Ah! 951 00:37:59,916 --> 00:38:01,458 Oh, shit! Oh, oh! 952 00:38:03,791 --> 00:38:06,541 WOMAN: Hi. This is Maria Sofia Estrada. 953 00:38:06,625 --> 00:38:08,083 -Larry David. -Hi. 954 00:38:09,125 --> 00:38:10,166 What's up? 955 00:38:10,791 --> 00:38:11,916 Hello. 956 00:38:12,708 --> 00:38:13,750 Did you... 957 00:38:13,833 --> 00:38:15,416 -Oh. -WOMAN: Oh, headshot. 958 00:38:15,500 --> 00:38:18,041 Yeah. Of course. Of course. Of course. No problem. 959 00:38:18,125 --> 00:38:19,208 WOMAN: Do you have a resume? 960 00:38:19,291 --> 00:38:21,833 -MARIA: Uh... -WOMAN: No resume. 961 00:38:21,916 --> 00:38:24,125 And-- Yeah, and your mark's back there, so... 962 00:38:24,208 --> 00:38:25,458 Oh. There. 963 00:38:25,541 --> 00:38:28,125 Right there. Yeah. Great. 964 00:38:28,208 --> 00:38:29,583 (SIGHS) Okay. 965 00:38:30,958 --> 00:38:33,625 MAN: To me. Eyeline to me. Whenever you're ready. 966 00:38:35,125 --> 00:38:39,125 Larry, my mother wants to know if you wanna come 967 00:38:39,208 --> 00:38:40,791 to our cedar Friday night. 968 00:38:40,875 --> 00:38:44,166 Uh, it's Seder. Uh, nah, I don't think so. 969 00:38:44,250 --> 00:38:48,166 And I want you to meet my boo-bay. 970 00:38:48,250 --> 00:38:49,416 MAN: Your what? 971 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,291 My grandmother. 972 00:38:51,375 --> 00:38:53,125 MAN: Yeah. I can't be around old people. 973 00:38:53,208 --> 00:38:54,500 They creep me out. 974 00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:58,125 -Oh, stop. -MAN: Okay. Fine. 975 00:38:58,208 --> 00:39:01,375 But only on one condition, okay? You have to finish your lunch. 976 00:39:01,458 --> 00:39:03,208 -I'm full. -Look, you didn't need to think. 977 00:39:03,291 --> 00:39:04,708 Marsha, seriously, you're too thin. 978 00:39:04,791 --> 00:39:06,750 You're like a rail. Come on. 979 00:39:06,833 --> 00:39:10,458 This is a good weight for me. 980 00:39:10,541 --> 00:39:13,583 MAN: Okay. But at least finish the matzah ball, right? 981 00:39:13,666 --> 00:39:14,708 No. 982 00:39:14,791 --> 00:39:16,375 MAN: What is it? Do you have an eating disorder? 983 00:39:16,458 --> 00:39:18,166 -No. -MAN: Marsha, I swear to God. 984 00:39:18,250 --> 00:39:20,791 -I want you to eat the matzah ball -MARIA: Ew! Gross! 985 00:39:20,875 --> 00:39:23,250 -MAN: Come on! Come on! -Ew! No, stop! 986 00:39:23,333 --> 00:39:24,958 -Stop. -MAN: Okay. 987 00:39:26,125 --> 00:39:27,041 MAN: Thank you. 988 00:39:27,125 --> 00:39:28,458 -Thanks, Maria. -Thank you. 989 00:39:28,541 --> 00:39:30,500 -WOMAN: Nice to meet you. -Oh, that's it? 990 00:39:30,583 --> 00:39:31,625 -Yeah. -Yeah. That's it. 991 00:39:31,708 --> 00:39:33,416 -Whoo! -WOMAN: Thank you so much. 992 00:39:33,500 --> 00:39:35,458 -LARRY: Thank you. -MAN: Thank you. 993 00:39:35,541 --> 00:39:37,083 Ooh, God. 994 00:39:39,916 --> 00:39:41,000 We got her. 995 00:39:41,083 --> 00:39:42,791 -Her? -LARRY: That's our gal! 996 00:39:42,875 --> 00:39:43,916 -Larry. -Oh, my God. 997 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,416 All right. Let's go home. 998 00:39:46,500 --> 00:39:49,250 -We still have three more girls. -LARRY: Yeah. I don't think so. 999 00:39:54,416 --> 00:39:56,541 Some double date. 1000 00:39:56,625 --> 00:39:59,541 Quite a romantic evening this turned out, huh? 1001 00:40:04,333 --> 00:40:07,875 -Hey. Got any Purell? -Yeah. 1002 00:40:09,625 --> 00:40:11,625 -LARRY: Oh. -I ran out of the smaller ones. 1003 00:40:11,708 --> 00:40:13,791 LARRY: That's a big boy. 1004 00:40:13,875 --> 00:40:16,083 Here. Keep it. I got another one, you know. 1005 00:40:16,166 --> 00:40:20,000 -Thanks. -(APPLAUSE) 1006 00:40:23,208 --> 00:40:26,750 ♪ ("IL BARONE ROSSO" BY LUCIANO MICHELINI PLAYING) ♪ 1007 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:31,350 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 76631

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