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♪ ("IL BARONE ROSSO"
BY LUCIANO MICHELINI PLAYING) ♪
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(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
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(GLASS BREAKS)
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(THUDDING)
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(DOG BARKING)
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♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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(WIND HOWLING)
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Hello?
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♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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(SCREAMING)
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(DOG BARKING)
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♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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So it looks like what happened
is this individual
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broke into your home,
burglarized it,
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and in an apparent attempt
to escape, tripped,
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hit his head, and fell
into the pool and drowned.
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You know, I was sleeping,
I don't know what--
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Well, I heard a noise,
I woke up.
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All right.
And when you came outside,
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did you see or hear anyone?
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No. No. Nothing. Mm-mm.
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All right.
And, sir, your name is?
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Willie Nobody.
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OFFICER: All right. And you
also live on the property?
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Fuck yeah, I live here.
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That's my little bungalow
right there.
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Okay, and I see you don't have
your fence up around
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the perimeter of the pool,
is there a reason for that?
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What? Fence?
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Santa Monica City Ordinance
8.12.150 says you must have
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a fence around the perimeter
of your pool
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of at least five feet
at all times.
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Fence?
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I... Honestly, I don't know
anything about--
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Nobody told me anything
about a fence.
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I bought the house
from somebody. They didn't...
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This is the way it came,
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and nobody said anything
about a fence.
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Well, you are supposed
to have one.
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Am I in trouble?
What does this mean?
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You seem like a decent guy,
so I'm gonna give you a pass,
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but get the fence put in.
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Thank you so much. Thank you.
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♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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-LARRY DAVID:
Can you believe it? -JEFF GREENE: No!
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LARRY: Seeing that in your pool.
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JEFF: Who expects something--
I wouldn't even have dreamed
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-of something like that.
-Imagine! You know, why me?
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-Why you?
-What's in my house?
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-Hi, welcome to Netflix.
-JEFF: Hi.
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Larry David, Jeff Greene
to see Don Winston Jr.
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RECEPTIONIST:
Great. Just give me one sec.
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-Don Jr.
-Don Jr.
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Yeah. Don Jr.
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How do you have a name
like that?
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Must be horrible.
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Trump has really ruined it
for all Don Jrs, hasn't he?
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I would not want that
as my name.
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-Oh, my God.
-All right, Larry.
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-Jeff.
-Thank you.
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-Elevators are to your right.
-Thank you.
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Oh, hey. You going
to Albert Brooks' funeral?
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I have no choice.
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Who throws a funeral for
themselves while they're alive?
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He does. And I have to speak.
He's asked me to speak.
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-No.
-Yeah.
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-Oh, jeez.
-LARRY: Yeah.
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-LARRY: All right.You ready for my pitch? -WOMAN: Yeah.
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The show is called Young Larry.
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It's about my life
when I was like 24, 25.
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I lived in Brooklyn
with my parents.
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And my Uncle Mo lived upstairs
with my grandmother.
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-WOMAN: Mm-hmm.
-Mo was in his 70s.
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He pushed racks
in the Garment Center.
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Would take the subway every day.
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He never spent a nickel
in his life,
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-so he had over a million
dollars saved up. -Uh-huh.
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So, one day, Uncle Mo comes up
to me, and he says...
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-"I'm moving into the city..."
-(CHUCKLING)
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"...and I want you
to live with me,
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and if you live with me,
I'll leave all my money to you."
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-Wow. Wow.
-(LAUGHTER)
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LARRY: So, in the show,
I move in with Uncle Mo.
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And, uh, I do everything
that I can...
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to accelerate his...
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-demise.
-(LAUGHTER)
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So, how does he try to kill him?
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Subtly. You know, like,
giving him terrible food to eat,
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Reuben sandwiches.
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-Oh, God! Okay!
-(LAUGHTER)
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Making him climb up
six flights of stairs,
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telling him
the elevator's broken.
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-(LAUGHTER)
-You know, things like that.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, Young Larry, what's going on
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in his life right now?
Like, what is he doing?
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LARRY: Okay. Very good question.
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-Thank you.
-He's a private chauffeur.
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He drives for an old woman.
I was a private chauffeur.
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I drove this old lady around.
She was blind.
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I never cleaned the car.
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-She had no idea.
-(LAUGHTER)
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And so he has this huge
Cadillac limousine
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at his disposal
that he uses all the time.
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And I was a stand-- I was trying
to be a stand-up comic.
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So I was just starting out
doing my act.
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Oh, that's really interesting.
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You know,
we'll see him do stand-up...
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-DON WINSTON JR: Sure.
-...when he's not chauffeuring
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or whatever and trying
to kill his uncle.
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(LAUGHTER)
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Wow. I love this.
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-I think this is great.
-Really?
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I think we wanna do the show.
And we're in.
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-WOMAN: Yeah?
-MAN: Yes, in!
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You're kidding, really?
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DON JR: I love that. Absolutely.
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-LARRY: Ah! Oh, my God.
-Look at that.
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-Purell? How about that?
-I'm good for now.
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LARRY: I'm not a Purell hoarder.
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Remember, the pandemic,
the hoarders?
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-DON JR: Hell yeah.
-Nasty people.
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-Terrible.
-They're like horse thieves
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-in the old West, aren't they?
-(LAUGHTER)
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Okay. You'll find that
I'm a pleasure to work with.
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Don't give me any notes.
That's all.
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(LAUGHTER)
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I'm not-- I'm not joking.
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(LAUGHTER)
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LARRY:
I'm not joking. It's not a joke.
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-That's great.
-(LAUGHTER)
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♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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Hey. Thanks for lunch.
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Oh, hell yeah.
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Every time we sell a show
that quickly, I'm buying.
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So you're still going
to, uh, Leon's girlfriend's--
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-What's her name?
-Mary Ferguson.
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-Mary Ferguson's dinner party?
-Yeah.
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Leon said she has a nice place.
I wish he'd move in.
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-JEFF: Bringing anyone?
-Yeah. I'm taking Lucy Liu.
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-Really?
-Yeah.
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-How many dates is this?
-This will be our third date.
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Wow.
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Hey. Isn't that Dennis Zweibel?
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JEFF: That is Dennis Zweibel,
yeah.
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You know, he still owes me
6,000 dollars.
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Remember, I fronted
the money for that golf trip?
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Yeah. I paid you.
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Yeah, you did. And everybody
else did except him.
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Well, you know, I, uh...
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I heard he's got
early onset dementia.
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Yeah.
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I better get the money now
before he forgets.
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♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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Hey, Dennis.
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-Oh, hey, Larry.
-Hey, nice shirt.
156
00:07:06,416 --> 00:07:07,375
How's it going?
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-Great. How are you?
-Yeah. Pretty good.
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-Slightly awkward,
but, uh... (LAUGHS) -Yeah?
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Remember the golf trip
six months ago?
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-Uh-huh.
-I put up money for everybody.
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And just a little reminder that,
uh, I don't know,
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you probably forgot all about it
but, uh, you never--
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you never paid me the money
back, so...
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-I didn't forget.
-Well, if you didn't forget,
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how come--
how come you didn't pay me?
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What are you--
What are you doing?
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Like, are you, like,
stalking me?
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Stalking you? Nothing wrong with
a little reminder, is there?
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It's just-- it's rude.
That's all.
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It's just, you know.
It's not necessary.
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It's rude?
I'll tell you what's rude.
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-Yeah.
-You know what's rude?
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-What? What's rude?
-Owing somebody 6,000 dollars
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for six months and never
mentioning anything about it
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and not paying them back,
that's rude.
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-What's wrong with you?
-What's wrong with me?
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-What is wrong with you?
-I think the question is what's wrong with you?
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-Yes, you.
You'd like walk around and... -You owe somebody 6,000 dollars.
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-You didn't forget.
-DENNIS ZWEIBEL: Is that how you see the world?
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You walk around
the world and go...
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-And you didn't pay them.
-..."Oh, there's a guy that owes me money.
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There's a guy that doesn't
owe me money."
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Yeah. The shoe's
on the other foot! Everybody else paid.
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DENNIS: "That guy might
owe me money. Maybe I'll loan him money."
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But not you.
You decided not to pay.
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-I know I owe you money.
-Yeah.
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When I see you at the club,
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-I'll write you a check.
-Fine.
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And then you'll have your money,
and it will be wonderful.
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Oh. Oh, I see.
Oh, I'm the bad guy here.
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You're sick. You have--
you need help.
192
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:19,291
-I'm sick?
-Yeah. You need help.
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00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:20,583
-I'm sick?
-You'll get your money.
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-I didn't do anything!
-You're gonna get your money.
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I'm not the bad guy.
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How-- How would you--
How am I the bad guy?
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LARRY: How's it back there?
Comfortable?
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00:08:30,666 --> 00:08:32,041
-JODI: Oh, it's so nice.
-LARRY: Yeah?
199
00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:33,250
-ALBERT BROOKS: It's perfect.
-You sure you don't want me
200
00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:34,958
-to move up?
-No. Oh, I'm great.
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00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:36,416
You know what,
I am so excited.
202
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:39,416
I can't believe I'm in a car
with Albert Brooks,
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00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:42,916
Lucy Liu, and Jerry David.
I just-- I can't believe
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00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,833
-we're all going.
-Oh, you're so funny.
205
00:08:44,916 --> 00:08:47,625
Oh, I got my Jews confused
a little bit.
206
00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:49,666
I got my Jews confused?
207
00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:51,291
-She's funny, Albert.
-She's funny.
208
00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:53,500
-Yeah.
-Yeah. Anti-Semitic, but funny.
209
00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:55,041
(LAUGHTER)
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00:08:55,125 --> 00:08:56,666
JODI: You know,
I'm a huge fan of Albert's.
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00:08:56,750 --> 00:08:59,500
And I haven't had sex in year,
so I'm really excited.
212
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:01,875
-Pull over. I'm done.
-(LAUGHTER)
213
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,250
JODI: Oh, no, no!
214
00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:05,666
So, Albert, uh, Larry told me
that you're having a funeral
215
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:08,750
-for yourself?
-Yeah. I call it a live funeral.
216
00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:10,958
-JODI: Right. Oh, that's great.
-So what is that about?
217
00:09:11,041 --> 00:09:14,958
So in the last three years,
I've been to five real funerals.
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00:09:15,041 --> 00:09:16,000
Oh, God.
219
00:09:16,083 --> 00:09:18,000
The idea that people
get together and friends
220
00:09:18,083 --> 00:09:19,750
get together
and say wonderful things
221
00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:23,041
should be done to a person
who can hear it.
222
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:24,666
-I love that idea.
-Yeah.
223
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:26,541
ALBERT: And so it's just
a different way
224
00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:27,625
of thinking about it.
225
00:09:27,708 --> 00:09:30,791
I can't stand that all this
praise is going
226
00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:32,125
to somebody in a box.
227
00:09:32,208 --> 00:09:34,916
You can't stand that the praise
is going to somebody else.
228
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,000
(LAUGHTER)
229
00:09:36,083 --> 00:09:38,458
ALBERT: I will bet money
this catches on.
230
00:09:38,541 --> 00:09:40,250
LARRY: Okay! You're on!
231
00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:42,583
(ALBERT LAUGHS)
232
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,208
JODI: Wait a second.
So he was dead in the pool?
233
00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:47,000
Dead. Completely dead.
234
00:09:47,083 --> 00:09:48,666
How does the guy
get in the pool?
235
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,041
Don't you have a fence?
236
00:09:50,125 --> 00:09:52,333
-Mm-mm.
-ALBERT: That's city code.
237
00:09:52,416 --> 00:09:54,083
MARY FERGUSON: That's right.
It's actually a law.
238
00:09:54,166 --> 00:09:56,291
In Santa Monica,
you have to have a fence.
239
00:09:56,375 --> 00:09:58,125
All right. Can we talk
about something else?
240
00:09:58,208 --> 00:10:01,708
So-- Oh, everybody, uh,
announcement to me.
241
00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:04,500
Mary and I are going
on a trip to Asia.
242
00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:05,875
-JEFF: Really?
-ALL: Wow!
243
00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:08,083
-LUCY LIU: That's great.
-Yeah. In a few months. In a few months.
244
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,375
We already got
our seats picked out already
245
00:10:10,458 --> 00:10:11,416
-on the plane.
-Yeah.
246
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:12,958
Uh, reservations already made.
247
00:10:13,041 --> 00:10:15,625
-And where? China?
-All over that motherfucker.
248
00:10:15,708 --> 00:10:16,791
-Everywhere.
-Everywhere.
249
00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:19,458
By the way, expensive trip, no?
250
00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:22,291
Fuck yeah, it was.
Had to do a little GoFundMe.
251
00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:23,916
-(LAUGHS)
-What did you tell them?
252
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,125
-You must have had a sad story?
-I said I'm taking my baby...
253
00:10:28,958 --> 00:10:31,375
-my baby to Asia.
-(LAUGHTER)
254
00:10:31,458 --> 00:10:33,125
That was it?
And people gave you money?
255
00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:35,208
-Fuck yeah.
-I think it's brilliant.
256
00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:37,250
-I'm gonna try it.
-Come on.
257
00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:40,125
Really. My baby has never seen
a Ferrari.
258
00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:43,458
Please, if you wanna send us
to Italy
259
00:10:43,541 --> 00:10:45,458
to pick it up
from the factory...
260
00:10:45,541 --> 00:10:46,958
(LAUGHTER)
261
00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:48,708
Gosh. Look, I'm gonna go
check on dinner, okay?
262
00:10:48,791 --> 00:10:50,208
I'll come and help you.
263
00:10:50,291 --> 00:10:52,666
Susie, I've been looking at
your bracelet since I got here.
264
00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,250
-Can I...
-Isn't it stunning?
265
00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:55,625
Oh, it's incredible.
266
00:10:55,708 --> 00:10:58,541
I got this at Dennis Zweibel's
jewelry store.
267
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,625
-LARRY: Oh, my God.
-SUSIE GREENE: It looks like an antique.
268
00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:01,833
-LARRY: Dennis Zweibel?
-SUSIE: Yeah.
269
00:11:01,916 --> 00:11:04,291
The guy owes me
6,000 dollars for six months.
270
00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:07,166
I asked him for the money.
He got completely offended.
271
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,916
You don't need to ask him
for money.
272
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,166
I mean, how long
do I have to wait?
273
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:11,541
Six months, a year, ten years?
274
00:11:11,625 --> 00:11:12,916
When are you allowed to ask
a person for their money back?
275
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,208
JODI: I don't know. Nine months?
276
00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:16,666
I'm not the bad guy here.
I didn't do anything wrong.
277
00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:19,041
I loaned him the money!
Maybe you're not the bad guy,
278
00:11:19,125 --> 00:11:20,750
but you need to learn
some compassion.
279
00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:22,583
-(GASPS)
-Oh, my God!
280
00:11:22,666 --> 00:11:24,291
-SUSIE: Wow.
-ALBERT: Oh, jeez.
281
00:11:24,375 --> 00:11:26,541
What did you do?
What did you do?
282
00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:28,250
What did I do?
You plopped down on the couch.
283
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,000
-I didn't plop.
-You plopped.
284
00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:32,208
You are so fucking skinny,
your arms can't even hold
285
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,958
-a fucking glass.
-Oh, get out of here. "Skinny"!
286
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,375
-Puny, puny, puny.
-You plopped down.
287
00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:37,041
You don't know how to sit
on the couch.
288
00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:38,583
-SUSIE: I didn't plop.
-Did she plop?
289
00:11:38,666 --> 00:11:41,041
-Oh, like I'm gonna say.
-Did she plop?
290
00:11:41,125 --> 00:11:42,750
I'm not taking sides on this.
291
00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:45,208
-Oh, my God. What happened?
-ALBERT: The couch is ruined.
292
00:11:45,291 --> 00:11:47,333
-What in the world?
-He was unsteady in his hand
293
00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,291
-and it just...
-She plopped down on the couch
294
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,041
-and it spilled.
-It's gonna stain.
295
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:54,125
-It's gonna stain.
-You know what, we'll pay for it.
296
00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:55,375
What? Excuse me. Excuse me.
297
00:11:55,458 --> 00:11:57,750
-No "we". You'll pay for it.
-No, no. We will chip in.
298
00:11:57,833 --> 00:12:00,333
-I didn't do a fucking thing.
-You're completely responsible
299
00:12:00,416 --> 00:12:02,583
-for that stain!
-Hey, I got a great idea.
300
00:12:02,666 --> 00:12:04,208
Why don't you two start
a GoFundMe page?
301
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,333
-Oh, fuck you, Albert.
-Fuck me?
302
00:12:06,416 --> 00:12:08,458
-Yeah.
-All right. I'm going with plop.
303
00:12:08,541 --> 00:12:10,833
Okay. Look. Everybody, look,
there's dinner outside
304
00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:12,583
on the patio,
let's have a good time.
305
00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:13,791
-SUSIE: Okay.
-Okay?
306
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:15,333
Sorry.
307
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:17,750
She plopped.
308
00:12:17,833 --> 00:12:20,708
-ALBERT:
That was very nice, Mary. -Oh, my God. Total plop.
309
00:12:20,791 --> 00:12:22,541
From beginning to end!
Are you kidding me?
310
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,750
-(THUDS)
-Oh, what the fuck, Larry?
311
00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:27,166
-(GROANS)
-ALBERT: Oh, my God.
312
00:12:27,250 --> 00:12:29,291
-LUCY: Larry?
-LEON BLACK: Holy shit!
313
00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:31,750
-ALBERT: Is he all right?
-You okay?
314
00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:33,791
-LUCY: That's glass, Larry.
-Fuck!
315
00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:35,625
LEON: Oh, my gosh.
316
00:12:35,708 --> 00:12:37,666
(GROANS) Shit, Larry.
317
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:39,916
-Can you stand up on your own?
-Yeah. I'm okay.
318
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,166
-LUCY: Okay.
-Okay.
319
00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:42,833
-So this is glass.
-Yeah. Yeah.
320
00:12:42,916 --> 00:12:44,375
And there's an opening
right here.
321
00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,291
-Okay.
-LUCY: Just hold my hand.
322
00:12:46,375 --> 00:12:47,500
-LARRY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-LUCY: Okay.
323
00:12:47,583 --> 00:12:49,333
There's a step down.
Step down.
324
00:12:49,416 --> 00:12:52,250
Two feeble things in
a fucking row, the fucking wine,
325
00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:54,041
and now he walked
into a fucking glass.
326
00:12:54,125 --> 00:12:55,250
He got one more left.
327
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:57,000
I'mma drop his ass off
at a nursing home.
328
00:12:57,083 --> 00:13:01,708
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
329
00:13:01,791 --> 00:13:03,000
LARRY: All right.
330
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,583
So, uh...
331
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,041
Yes, I had a really nice night.
332
00:13:07,125 --> 00:13:09,958
And, um, you know what,
text me when you get home, okay?
333
00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:11,500
So I know you got home safe
and everything.
334
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,833
-Text you when I get home?
-Get some rest,
335
00:13:13,916 --> 00:13:16,541
and then we'll talk later,
okay?
336
00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:17,916
What? Wait a second.
337
00:13:18,916 --> 00:13:20,333
I thought I would, uh...
338
00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:22,458
-Uh...
-Yeah... yeah.
339
00:13:22,541 --> 00:13:24,958
-You know what,
you've had a big night... -Go on, go ahead.
340
00:13:25,041 --> 00:13:27,666
...and, you know,
I just feel like it was...
341
00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:31,500
it was a lot for... for you.
342
00:13:31,583 --> 00:13:33,708
-No. It wasn't a lot.
-No. You fell.
343
00:13:33,791 --> 00:13:36,125
-I mean, you hit your--
-Oh yeah, yeah. So what? I got a very--
344
00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:37,833
-You hit your face.
-I got a hard head, yeah.
345
00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:39,000
It's not a big deal.
346
00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:41,875
Just go home. Take a bath.
Relax. Put your feet up.
347
00:13:41,958 --> 00:13:43,500
Do you have a hot blanket
you can turn on?
348
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:44,666
-Yeah.
-Put that on,
349
00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:47,833
-and then just, like, get cozy.
-Can I knit as well?
350
00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:50,416
All right. I'm gonna go.
351
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:51,750
-Goodnight. Okay.
-Okay.
352
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,708
Okay.
353
00:13:55,791 --> 00:14:00,000
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
354
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,083
(TOILET FLUSHING)
355
00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:10,458
Whoo!
356
00:14:11,708 --> 00:14:12,791
What's going on in there?
357
00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,541
The fuck you think
going on there?
358
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:16,625
That's where you're going?
359
00:14:16,708 --> 00:14:17,958
This is the bathroom I use
360
00:14:18,041 --> 00:14:20,208
to drop the kids off
at the pool.
361
00:14:20,291 --> 00:14:21,625
Why don't you use your own pool?
362
00:14:21,708 --> 00:14:23,375
I can't drop kids
off at the pool
363
00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:24,625
in that little-ass bathroom.
364
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:26,708
Now if you don't want me to use
this fucking bathroom
365
00:14:26,791 --> 00:14:28,208
all the time, I'll move around.
366
00:14:28,291 --> 00:14:30,208
We got plenty of pools
in this big-ass house.
367
00:14:30,291 --> 00:14:33,958
You can use any of the pools
on that side of the house, okay?
368
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,916
Any of the pools down here.
369
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:40,375
There's one pool, though,
that's completely off limits.
370
00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:41,625
-Okay?
-Mm.
371
00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:43,625
-And that pools where?
-And that pool is up there.
372
00:14:43,708 --> 00:14:45,958
The resort pool
is not available to me?
373
00:14:46,041 --> 00:14:47,791
It's not available to you ever.
374
00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:49,208
How about when you're not there?
375
00:14:49,291 --> 00:14:51,291
No. Never. Never.
376
00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:52,250
-Never?
-Never.
377
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:53,250
-I feel you, though.
-Okay.
378
00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:54,375
Keep your pool
to your fucking self.
379
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:55,375
-Absolutely.
-Okay.
380
00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:57,541
-(KNOCK ON DOOR)
-Oh, that's Albert.
381
00:15:00,083 --> 00:15:01,291
-Albert!
-Hey.
382
00:15:01,375 --> 00:15:02,750
-AB!
-(LARRY LAUGHS)
383
00:15:02,833 --> 00:15:05,041
-Hey, Leon.
-LEON: Hey, hey. What's up, AB?
384
00:15:05,125 --> 00:15:07,083
Thanks for inviting us.
That was fun.
385
00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:08,583
Fuck yeah. Took care
of your ass, didn't I?
386
00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:10,083
-ALBERT: Great time.
-Huh?
387
00:15:10,166 --> 00:15:12,083
Listen, I just stopped by
to pick up a photo
388
00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:14,666
of you, me, and Marty Short
taken at Lincoln Center
389
00:15:14,750 --> 00:15:17,083
that I want for the memorial.
Can I borrow it?
390
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,416
-Sure.
-That's all.
391
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,833
-Yeah. Yeah. It's in there.
-Thank you.
392
00:15:23,083 --> 00:15:25,208
-This memorial!
-(LAUGHS)
393
00:15:25,291 --> 00:15:28,000
ALBERT: Yeah, that's it.
I love this.
394
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:32,000
Hey, uh, what's the dress code
for... the event?
395
00:15:32,083 --> 00:15:35,625
Like any funeral,
the dress code is a dark suit.
396
00:15:35,708 --> 00:15:36,833
Can I bring Mary?
397
00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:41,000
Yeah. Is she a fan?
Has she seen any of my movies?
398
00:15:41,083 --> 00:15:42,166
To be honest, AB,
399
00:15:42,250 --> 00:15:43,833
I haven't even seen
any of your fucking movies.
400
00:15:43,916 --> 00:15:45,708
Okay. Well,
there's two on Netflix
401
00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:47,750
if you wanna watch them
before you come.
402
00:15:47,833 --> 00:15:49,958
By the way, what about you?
Are you all right?
403
00:15:50,041 --> 00:15:52,125
-How's your head?
-I'm good.
404
00:15:52,208 --> 00:15:54,708
-Did you get an MRI?
-Why? Why do you say that?
405
00:15:54,791 --> 00:15:57,166
-You know what a brain bleed is?
-I don't care.
406
00:15:57,250 --> 00:15:58,791
-You don't care?
-LARRY: Yeah. I don't care.
407
00:15:58,875 --> 00:15:59,750
Drop dead.
408
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,833
Hey, then we could have
a real funeral!
409
00:16:01,916 --> 00:16:03,458
-A real one, okay?
-Okay.
410
00:16:03,541 --> 00:16:06,541
And people will say all these
wonderful things about me.
411
00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:08,916
Yes!
Let's keep our fingers crossed.
412
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,375
-ALBERT: All right.
-Maybe I'll die
413
00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:11,416
and it'll be a real one.
414
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,916
And then you'll see
the difference.
415
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,083
You're through?
416
00:16:14,958 --> 00:16:16,583
-Yeah. I guess.
-ALBERT: Okay.
417
00:16:16,666 --> 00:16:19,291
-How's Lucy Liu?
-LARRY: Not good.
418
00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:22,500
Something's off.
Something is very off.
419
00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:23,875
-Yeah.
-LARRY: I'm telling you,
420
00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:26,500
she doesn't look at me
as a sexual being anymore.
421
00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:29,041
Yes, because you walked
into a door.
422
00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:31,500
Big deal. She could've walked
into a glass door.
423
00:16:31,583 --> 00:16:33,041
Well, she didn't, and you did.
424
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:34,625
And that's what
the Three Stooges did,
425
00:16:34,708 --> 00:16:36,750
and they didn't get laid either,
so...
426
00:16:36,833 --> 00:16:37,958
You're right, man.
427
00:16:38,041 --> 00:16:39,541
That little fat motherfucker,
who run on the floor,
428
00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:41,166
like in circles, going...
(WHOOPING)
429
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,041
-ALBERT: He never got laid.
-That motherfucker never got no ass.
430
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:47,250
-I guarantee you.
-Once they see you in that way,
431
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:48,708
like a cripple...
432
00:16:48,791 --> 00:16:51,250
-Mm.
-...there's no sex anymore.
433
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:52,625
You know, it throws them off.
434
00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:54,291
Well, I mean,
you don't know what to do.
435
00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:55,333
Do you take care of them?
436
00:16:55,416 --> 00:16:56,833
I thought they liked
taking care of you.
437
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,708
-Women love taking care of men.
-That's not true
438
00:16:58,791 --> 00:17:00,625
LARRY: No, I disagree.
439
00:17:00,708 --> 00:17:03,416
There's a Munchausen thing
that they have
440
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,541
where they want you sick in bed
and you can't do anything with anybody.
441
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,541
They don't want you to have fun
with anybody else.
442
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,541
And this is it. And now
you're trapped in the bed.
443
00:17:10,625 --> 00:17:13,125
-They love that.
-That's your concept of women?
444
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,458
-Yes.
-ALBERT: Okay.
445
00:17:14,541 --> 00:17:15,541
-Yeah.
-Well...
446
00:17:15,625 --> 00:17:18,250
A normal woman doesn't wanna
take care of you.
447
00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:21,625
She wants to feel
you can... You know.
448
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,625
Hey, a lady wants you to tap
that ass, know what I mean?
449
00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:27,291
I'll tap. I can tap.
Give me a chance to tap.
450
00:17:27,375 --> 00:17:31,333
You tapped the door.
You're never gonna tap her.
451
00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:33,500
Okay. Get out. Get out.
452
00:17:34,625 --> 00:17:36,791
Please come.
Don't worry about the movies.
453
00:17:36,875 --> 00:17:38,708
Although,
if you wanna see Concussion,
454
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,791
-that one is on Amazon Prime.
-LARRY: He's a doctor, yeah. He's-- he's a doctor, yeah.
455
00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:44,125
-LEON: Okay. Coolio.
-LARRY: Yeah, Concussion.
456
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,750
You got a delivery or something.
457
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:48,916
Oh, yeah.
458
00:17:50,083 --> 00:17:52,000
Hey, wear a tie.
459
00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:53,916
LARRY: Okay.
460
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,500
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
461
00:17:57,833 --> 00:17:58,875
What's this?
462
00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:00,833
Uh...
463
00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:02,791
Shit.
464
00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:06,500
Santa Monica Municipal Code,
fencing regulations.
465
00:18:06,583 --> 00:18:09,000
"Every swimming pool
shall completely surround
466
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:12,000
such body of water or property
with a fence
467
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:15,958
five feet above the adjacent
grade at all places."
468
00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:17,750
"Let's talk."
469
00:18:19,416 --> 00:18:20,500
Holy shit.
470
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:21,875
Yeah. I know what
the fuck that is.
471
00:18:21,958 --> 00:18:24,833
Someone's trying to come up.
Someone's trying to get paid.
472
00:18:26,416 --> 00:18:27,416
It's extortion.
473
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:32,000
♪ (MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
474
00:18:49,791 --> 00:18:50,958
Larry David.
475
00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:53,291
At your service.
476
00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:56,250
I'm Marcos. This is my taqueria.
You want a taco?
477
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:57,708
Uh--
478
00:18:57,791 --> 00:18:59,375
Anyways, let's get down
to business.
479
00:18:59,458 --> 00:19:01,541
Yes. Let's.
480
00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:03,875
Ah, you just seem like
a nice guy.
481
00:19:03,958 --> 00:19:06,875
I'm a living doll,
as my mother would say.
482
00:19:06,958 --> 00:19:10,750
My brother was a nice guy too.
But now he's dead.
483
00:19:11,916 --> 00:19:13,333
Yeah, sorry.
484
00:19:13,416 --> 00:19:18,250
It's not your fault
that he drowned in your pool.
485
00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:20,083
I mean, I know it.
You know that.
486
00:19:21,583 --> 00:19:23,500
But do the courts know that?
487
00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:26,416
Then I started thinking about
all the fees and litigation
488
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:29,916
and attorneys
and possible jail time.
489
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,833
(SIGHS)
That's a lot to handle.
490
00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:35,291
But, you know, you lucked out.
You scored a friend.
491
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,583
-Lucky me.
-Yeah.
492
00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:40,583
But looking down that tunnel,
it's like nothing but money
493
00:19:40,666 --> 00:19:42,625
emptying out of your pockets.
494
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:44,916
Unless...
495
00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:47,750
Unless what?
496
00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:49,500
-My daughter.
-Ah.
497
00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:51,208
-She wants to be an actress.
-Oh, does she?
498
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:54,875
She's great. Maria Sofia!
There she is. Hi, baby.
499
00:19:54,958 --> 00:19:57,708
She'd be perfect
for your new show.
500
00:19:57,791 --> 00:19:59,708
What? Her?
501
00:19:59,791 --> 00:20:04,416
"Larry David pilot
in dev at Netflix."
502
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:05,541
-Right?
-LARRY: Look.
503
00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:07,291
There's nothing for her
in the show.
504
00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:09,166
There's no...
there's no part for her.
505
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,916
"Casting the role
of Marsha Lifshitz."
506
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,458
That's a Jewish girl
from Brooklyn
507
00:20:14,541 --> 00:20:16,291
who's an aspiring ballerina.
508
00:20:16,375 --> 00:20:18,333
-Maria. Maria Sofia. Come here.
-LARRY: What?
509
00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:20,500
MARCOS: You gotta meet her.
510
00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:22,250
-Hi, baby.
-Hey.
511
00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:23,958
This is Larry David.
512
00:20:24,041 --> 00:20:25,875
-How are you doing?
-How you doing?
513
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,625
Tell him about
your high school plays.
514
00:20:27,708 --> 00:20:30,125
Dad. Yeah, well,
I played Juliet in high school.
515
00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:31,875
I mean, it was amazing.
You should have seen it.
516
00:20:31,958 --> 00:20:33,291
Oh, sorry I missed it.
517
00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:35,666
-And she also dances.
-Yeah.
518
00:20:35,750 --> 00:20:37,125
-Show him how you dance, baby.
-MARIA SOFIA: Oh, okay.
519
00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:38,958
No, no, no. You don't need
to show me how you dance.
520
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:40,416
Okay go. One, two, three.
521
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:44,208
-(BEATBOXING)
-(EXHALES TO BEAT)
522
00:20:45,666 --> 00:20:47,083
Re-re-rewind.
523
00:20:47,166 --> 00:20:48,583
(BEATBOXING)
524
00:20:48,666 --> 00:20:50,541
That's very good.
Very good. Bravo. Yes.
525
00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,583
-Excellent. Good job. Very good.
-Oh, thank you, thank you.
526
00:20:52,666 --> 00:20:54,333
That's not the whole thing.
There's a flip at the end.
527
00:20:54,416 --> 00:20:55,541
Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah.
528
00:20:55,625 --> 00:20:57,833
Okay. Go ahead to the table.
I'm gonna talk to Larry.
529
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,791
-Uh, talented girl, for sure.
-Thank you.
530
00:21:02,875 --> 00:21:06,666
Thing is, even if she's
the best actress in the world,
531
00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:08,208
which she very well could be,
532
00:21:08,291 --> 00:21:10,000
but just not right
for this part.
533
00:21:10,083 --> 00:21:12,916
But I know Marsha Lifshitz
is that girl right there
534
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,708
eating those leftover tacos.
535
00:21:14,791 --> 00:21:16,375
LARRY: Look, we'll find her
something else.
536
00:21:16,458 --> 00:21:17,958
I'll send her
picture and resume
537
00:21:18,041 --> 00:21:20,541
to a bunch of agents I know,
we can get her started.
538
00:21:20,625 --> 00:21:23,791
That'd be so great. (SIGHS)
539
00:21:23,875 --> 00:21:26,083
I just don't know if you have
all the time in the world,
540
00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:29,791
you know, with the lawsuits
and possible jail time coming.
541
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,333
What do we do?
542
00:21:35,458 --> 00:21:37,458
Well, okay, she can, you know...
543
00:21:38,416 --> 00:21:40,625
-She can audition.
-Hmm.
544
00:21:40,708 --> 00:21:43,208
-I'll give her an audition.
-I got you.
545
00:21:43,291 --> 00:21:47,458
We'll take that audition.
And then see you on set.
546
00:21:49,791 --> 00:21:53,416
Suppose I cast her
and then, you know, the show gets cancelled?
547
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:55,041
Shows get cancelled
all the time.
548
00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:58,000
As long as you cast her,
we're good.
549
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:02,083
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
550
00:22:03,208 --> 00:22:06,166
It's extortion, Jeff!
Total extortion.
551
00:22:06,250 --> 00:22:08,208
What-- what are you gonna do?
This is crazy.
552
00:22:08,291 --> 00:22:10,958
I mean, you know,
he could sue me for everything.
553
00:22:11,041 --> 00:22:12,833
And he could bring
criminal charges.
554
00:22:12,916 --> 00:22:14,833
So is his daughter
gonna audition?
555
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:16,041
LARRY: (SCOFFS) "Audition"!
556
00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:18,083
We'll go through
a charade of an audition,
557
00:22:18,166 --> 00:22:20,750
but it's not an audition really.
558
00:22:20,833 --> 00:22:24,750
-She's got the part.
-(GROANS) This is a nightmare.
559
00:22:24,833 --> 00:22:26,833
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
560
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,041
-Oh. Hey, Dennis.
-Hi, Larry.
561
00:22:31,125 --> 00:22:32,583
LARRY: What are you doing?
You going out?
562
00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:34,958
-Yeah. You?
-I just quit.
563
00:22:35,041 --> 00:22:36,833
DENNIS: Oh.
Not for good, I hope.
564
00:22:36,916 --> 00:22:38,250
-Uh, maybe.
-(DENNIS CHUCKLES)
565
00:22:38,333 --> 00:22:40,083
-So sick of it, you know.
-Yeah.
566
00:22:40,166 --> 00:22:43,958
Hey, so the last time
I saw you, you said,
567
00:22:44,041 --> 00:22:46,083
the next time
you see me at the club,
568
00:22:46,166 --> 00:22:47,583
-which is now...
-Uh-huh.
569
00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:51,791
...to remind you about
the 6,000 dollars you owe me
570
00:22:51,875 --> 00:22:55,041
and that you would, uh,
have a check and pay me.
571
00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,458
That's close, Larry.
572
00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:58,500
Uh, you saw me
and you reminded me
573
00:22:58,583 --> 00:23:02,000
of the 6,000 dollars,
and I pulled out my checkbook,
574
00:23:02,083 --> 00:23:05,000
and I wrote you a check
for 6,000 dollars.
575
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:06,291
-What?
-Yeah.
576
00:23:06,375 --> 00:23:08,125
-I paid you at the farm shop.
-No. No, you didn't.
577
00:23:08,208 --> 00:23:09,125
Of course I did.
578
00:23:09,208 --> 00:23:10,666
Dennis, you didn't
pay me at the farm shop.
579
00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:13,416
I paid you. I wrote a check
to you for 6,000 dollars.
580
00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:15,083
No, you did not. You didn't.
581
00:23:15,166 --> 00:23:17,583
I would remember that, okay,
if you paid me.
582
00:23:17,666 --> 00:23:18,875
I remember what you wore.
583
00:23:18,958 --> 00:23:20,958
You wore a green sweater,
tan pants,
584
00:23:21,041 --> 00:23:22,416
a blue and white
checkered shirt.
585
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,916
You had an almond decaf latte
and a bran muffin.
586
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,750
Now if I know all that,
don't you think
587
00:23:26,833 --> 00:23:28,250
I would know if you paid me?
588
00:23:28,333 --> 00:23:30,708
-Why would I lie about that?
-I'll tell you what else.
589
00:23:30,791 --> 00:23:32,583
I complimented you
on that shirt.
590
00:23:32,666 --> 00:23:34,750
-You didn't compliment me.
-I most certainly did.
591
00:23:34,833 --> 00:23:36,375
You've never complimented me
in your life.
592
00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:37,875
There's never anything
to compliment you about.
593
00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:39,708
Ask around and see
if anyone else remembers
594
00:23:39,791 --> 00:23:41,083
being complimented by you.
595
00:23:41,166 --> 00:23:42,708
I compliment people's outfits
all the time.
596
00:23:42,791 --> 00:23:45,166
-You're a bad guy, Larry.
-I'm not the bad guy!
597
00:23:45,250 --> 00:23:46,583
-You are the bad guy!
-You're the bad guy!
598
00:23:46,666 --> 00:23:48,666
-No. I pay my debts!
-It's true. You didn't pay anything!
599
00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:50,166
-I pay my debts!
-MAN 1: Larry, Larry,
600
00:23:50,250 --> 00:23:51,791
-leave the guy alone.
-MAN 2: Come on, man.
601
00:23:51,875 --> 00:23:53,666
-What are you doing, man?
-LARRY: What?
602
00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:55,208
MAN 2: What are you,
hassling him for money?
603
00:23:55,291 --> 00:23:56,500
-He's got dementia.
-So what?
604
00:23:56,583 --> 00:23:58,458
Dementia's not a license
to steal, is it?
605
00:23:58,541 --> 00:24:00,125
Well, how do we know
you didn't forget?
606
00:24:00,208 --> 00:24:01,458
What are you talking about?
607
00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:04,708
We heard that you ran into
a sliding glass door recently.
608
00:24:04,791 --> 00:24:06,875
Yeah. I walked into the door.
I didn't see the door.
609
00:24:06,958 --> 00:24:08,708
How could I?
It looks like air.
610
00:24:08,791 --> 00:24:11,500
Everybody's done it.
Hey, let me ask you a question.
611
00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:14,083
Have I ever complimented
you two guys on anything?
612
00:24:15,041 --> 00:24:16,291
-No.
-No.
613
00:24:16,375 --> 00:24:18,791
I didn't tell you
I liked your new PING driver?
614
00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:19,916
No, you didn't.
615
00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:23,083
Oh. Must've been
somebody else.
616
00:24:23,166 --> 00:24:26,208
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
617
00:24:26,291 --> 00:24:28,250
LARRY: Maybe this Maria Sofiawill be okay.
618
00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:31,541
Maybe she won't be as bad
as we think. Who knows?
619
00:24:32,125 --> 00:24:33,041
I know.
620
00:24:33,125 --> 00:24:34,875
But it's acting.
It's not so hard.
621
00:24:34,958 --> 00:24:37,333
I think anybody can do it.
What's the big deal?
622
00:24:37,416 --> 00:24:40,833
What do you do? You say
the words, you make a face.
623
00:24:40,916 --> 00:24:42,875
There's-- there's nothing to it.
624
00:24:42,958 --> 00:24:47,583
We're fucked.
It's a big bowl of fucks.
625
00:24:47,666 --> 00:24:49,916
-Where's Lucy?
-Oh, she's gonna meet us there.
626
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,291
-What's the matter with you?
-What are you talking about?
627
00:24:52,375 --> 00:24:56,208
What are you,
harassing poor Dennis Zweibel?
628
00:24:56,291 --> 00:24:57,958
You think I don't hear
about these things?
629
00:24:58,041 --> 00:24:59,500
-Oh, please.
-He's impaired.
630
00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:01,875
I waited six months
to ask him for that money.
631
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,083
Six months. I should've
asked after a month,
632
00:25:04,166 --> 00:25:05,416
but I was being really nice.
633
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:08,041
This keeps catching
on the chiffon.
634
00:25:08,125 --> 00:25:09,916
It's ruining my whole outfit.
635
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,250
You know what? You're petty.
You're just petty.
636
00:25:12,333 --> 00:25:13,541
-LARRY: You think I'm petty?
-SUSIE: Yeah.
637
00:25:13,625 --> 00:25:17,833
Huh? Can I tell you
a real example of petty?
638
00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:21,250
You plopped down on that couch,
spilled the wine on it,
639
00:25:21,333 --> 00:25:22,916
I got charged for the cleaning,
640
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,458
and you didn't even offer
to chip in.
641
00:25:25,541 --> 00:25:27,041
Because I didn't plop.
642
00:25:27,125 --> 00:25:29,916
Oh, no. You plopped.
You're a plopper.
643
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,791
-You've always been a plopper.
-Jeff, did I plop?
644
00:25:32,875 --> 00:25:34,250
-Don't ask me.
-LARRY: Yeah, you plopped.
645
00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:36,875
Here's what you did. You went
like this. You went like this.
646
00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:40,500
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
647
00:25:46,916 --> 00:25:50,583
Oh, my God.
I didn't ask for a reenactment.
648
00:25:51,791 --> 00:25:55,416
Ah! Ah! Stone missing.
Stone missing.
649
00:25:55,500 --> 00:25:57,750
How are we gonna find it?
It's tiny.
650
00:25:57,833 --> 00:26:00,125
-Do you see it, huh?
-I'm looking.
651
00:26:00,208 --> 00:26:01,833
SUSIE: Jesus Christ, Larry.
652
00:26:01,916 --> 00:26:04,875
They ricochet
all over the fucking place.
653
00:26:04,958 --> 00:26:06,666
-LARRY: Move your foot.
-SUSIE: You know what, Larry...
654
00:26:06,750 --> 00:26:07,958
-You see it?
-No.
655
00:26:08,041 --> 00:26:09,916
All right. You know what, Larry?
Forget it. Just get out.
656
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,291
I don't wanna drive you
to the funeral.
657
00:26:11,375 --> 00:26:12,583
-What?
-Just drive yourself.
658
00:26:12,666 --> 00:26:14,458
I don't wanna look at your face
in the rearview mirror.
659
00:26:14,541 --> 00:26:15,708
Just get the fuck out.
660
00:26:15,791 --> 00:26:17,166
-What?
-Out!
661
00:26:17,250 --> 00:26:19,875
Fine. Fine.
Fine. I'll drive myself.
662
00:26:19,958 --> 00:26:21,916
Who the fuck wants
to go with you anyway?
663
00:26:23,250 --> 00:26:24,708
And let me
tell you something, okay?
664
00:26:24,791 --> 00:26:29,000
I am not a bad guy.
Not a bad guy.
665
00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:32,791
A good guy.
A very good guy.
666
00:26:33,583 --> 00:26:37,375
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
667
00:26:57,916 --> 00:26:59,000
Hey.
668
00:27:00,208 --> 00:27:01,208
How you doing?
669
00:27:02,375 --> 00:27:03,541
Why so sad?
670
00:27:03,625 --> 00:27:05,041
Why so sad? It's--
671
00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:07,958
I mean, too soon.
672
00:27:08,041 --> 00:27:10,333
He's upstairs.
What's this thing?
673
00:27:11,916 --> 00:27:13,125
The shiva-- The Shavuot.
674
00:27:13,208 --> 00:27:14,875
The rending of the clothes.
This is--
675
00:27:14,958 --> 00:27:17,541
Oh, you're really going
Jew-ey here, aren't you?
676
00:27:17,625 --> 00:27:20,833
Oh, that reminds me.
Uh, I wrote a few things down.
677
00:27:20,916 --> 00:27:23,625
Is bashert a word
that I could use?
678
00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,166
What's the context?
679
00:27:25,250 --> 00:27:29,166
"I'm feeling bashert at the loss
of our friend, Albert."
680
00:27:29,250 --> 00:27:31,416
No. Bashert, it means "fate."
681
00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:34,500
I think you wanna say,
"I'm feeling a lot of tsuris."
682
00:27:34,583 --> 00:27:35,875
Tsuris? How do you spell that?
683
00:27:35,958 --> 00:27:37,750
T-S-U-R-I-S.
684
00:27:38,708 --> 00:27:40,000
-Tsuris?
-Yeah.
685
00:27:40,083 --> 00:27:43,250
Hey, whatever happened to the
movie where you were playing me?
686
00:27:43,333 --> 00:27:45,000
-Oh, God.
-The character was based on me.
687
00:27:45,083 --> 00:27:46,458
You would... (GROANS)
688
00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:48,375
Yeah, it went away.
689
00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:51,083
They tested it and the audiences
didn't really respond
690
00:27:51,166 --> 00:27:52,958
-to the main character.
-Really?
691
00:27:53,041 --> 00:27:54,583
They fill out cards
with the feedback.
692
00:27:54,666 --> 00:27:57,375
The word that kept reappearing
was "repugnant."
693
00:27:57,833 --> 00:27:58,750
Repugnant?
694
00:27:58,833 --> 00:28:01,000
There wasn't much
they could do to fix it.
695
00:28:01,083 --> 00:28:02,125
I mean, I thought it was--
696
00:28:02,208 --> 00:28:04,416
It's possible it was a
performance thing.
697
00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:05,958
It's interesting,
'cause they were very specific.
698
00:28:06,041 --> 00:28:09,916
They loved the performance.
They hated the character.
699
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,000
Was it a hatchet job on me?
What was it?
700
00:28:13,083 --> 00:28:14,875
I think it was pretty
true to life.
701
00:28:14,958 --> 00:28:16,916
-Hey, you know what?
-Yeah.
702
00:28:17,541 --> 00:28:18,583
It's bashert.
703
00:28:20,125 --> 00:28:21,375
-See, I pick it up.
-Yeah.
704
00:28:21,458 --> 00:28:23,583
I pick it up. Tsuris.
I'm gonna do tsuris.
705
00:28:23,666 --> 00:28:25,541
Speaking of, um,
when am I going up? Uh--
706
00:28:25,625 --> 00:28:27,666
-Yeah. You're after me.
-All right.
707
00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:32,708
-ALBERT: Look, there's Larry!
-JODI: Oh, he looks nice.
708
00:28:32,791 --> 00:28:34,125
-ALBERT: He wore a tie.
-(JODI LAUGHS)
709
00:28:34,208 --> 00:28:35,791
It's a good crowd.
Everybody came.
710
00:28:35,875 --> 00:28:36,958
Oh, my God.
711
00:28:37,041 --> 00:28:39,541
I never thought
I would live to see this day.
712
00:28:39,625 --> 00:28:41,083
(LAUGHS)
713
00:28:42,250 --> 00:28:43,541
-LUCY: Larry.
-LARRY: Oh, hey.
714
00:28:43,625 --> 00:28:45,541
Hey.
I got you a glass of water.
715
00:28:45,625 --> 00:28:47,208
Oh, water?
716
00:28:47,291 --> 00:28:50,000
Yeah. Just to make sure
you're not impaired
717
00:28:50,083 --> 00:28:52,125
-when you're up on the podium.
-Mm-hmm.
718
00:28:52,208 --> 00:28:55,166
Okay. Something's
going on here with you.
719
00:28:55,250 --> 00:28:57,416
Since I walked
into the glass door,
720
00:28:57,500 --> 00:29:00,625
you're treating me
like I'm a-- like an invalid.
721
00:29:00,708 --> 00:29:03,250
Things changed
when that happened.
722
00:29:03,333 --> 00:29:04,583
-Oh, did they?
-Yeah.
723
00:29:04,666 --> 00:29:06,708
I don't see you
in a sexual way anymore, so...
724
00:29:06,791 --> 00:29:08,916
Hey, I'm as virile
as I was three days ago.
725
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,625
And I was plenty virile then.
And I'm plenty virile now.
726
00:29:12,708 --> 00:29:14,875
And I can prove it to you.
Let's go upstairs.
727
00:29:14,958 --> 00:29:17,000
Come on. I'll prove it to you.
You wanna test it?
728
00:29:17,083 --> 00:29:18,500
-You wanna test it?
-No. I don't wanna test it.
729
00:29:18,583 --> 00:29:21,000
Test me. Test me.
Come on. I dare you.
730
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:22,625
-Take care.
-LARRY: Test me!
731
00:29:22,708 --> 00:29:24,000
Watch out for glass.
732
00:29:24,083 --> 00:29:27,125
Hey, one day, you're gonna run
into glass. It's unavoidable!
733
00:29:27,208 --> 00:29:29,083
I think we should go.
734
00:29:29,166 --> 00:29:32,916
Larry, let's go.
Thanks for the tie.
735
00:29:34,833 --> 00:29:37,500
Okay. Hey, everybody.
Let's get started.
736
00:29:37,583 --> 00:29:40,875
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
737
00:29:42,166 --> 00:29:45,125
Welcome, everyone.Thank you for coming.
738
00:29:45,208 --> 00:29:48,791
It saddens me personally
to be here today.
739
00:29:48,875 --> 00:29:51,666
Mainly because my dear friend,
Albert Brooks,
740
00:29:51,750 --> 00:29:53,250
is very much alive.
741
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:54,500
(LAUGHTER)
742
00:29:54,583 --> 00:29:56,500
Oh, don't do that.
743
00:29:56,583 --> 00:29:59,208
It would've given Albert
tremendous satisfaction
744
00:29:59,291 --> 00:30:01,333
to see all these people
gathered here
745
00:30:01,416 --> 00:30:04,125
to pay their last respectsto a man
746
00:30:04,208 --> 00:30:06,375
they will see againin less than an hour.
747
00:30:06,458 --> 00:30:08,666
-(LAUGHTER)
-Come on, man.
748
00:30:08,750 --> 00:30:12,791
I'm very sorry
that Albert is faux dead.
749
00:30:12,875 --> 00:30:14,583
Get the next person, please.
750
00:30:14,666 --> 00:30:17,250
'Cause I was going to leave
him some faux money.
751
00:30:17,333 --> 00:30:18,916
(LAUGHTER)
752
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:24,291
And know this, nobody loved
Christ more than Albert.
753
00:30:24,375 --> 00:30:26,000
(LAUGHTER)
754
00:30:26,083 --> 00:30:27,708
Big Jesus guy. Big.
755
00:30:27,791 --> 00:30:30,166
Is that true? Have you accepted
Christ into your heart?
756
00:30:30,250 --> 00:30:31,250
Are you crazy?
757
00:30:31,333 --> 00:30:34,000
Albert is the one
who inspired me
758
00:30:34,083 --> 00:30:36,333
to become a stand-up comedian.
759
00:30:36,416 --> 00:30:37,916
And that, more than anything,
760
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,916
makes me wish
he was really dead.
761
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,708
-(LAUGHTER)
-I hate him.
762
00:30:42,791 --> 00:30:46,916
And now I'd like to bring upanother friend of Albert's
763
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,750
who was also coerced
into doing this, Mr. John Hamm.
764
00:30:50,833 --> 00:30:52,500
(APPLAUSE)
765
00:30:52,583 --> 00:30:53,666
-Ah. Okay.
-I'm so excited.
766
00:30:53,750 --> 00:30:55,208
I can't believe
you know Jon Hamm.
767
00:30:56,208 --> 00:30:57,333
I...
768
00:30:58,291 --> 00:31:02,250
(SIGHS) So much tsuris.
769
00:31:04,916 --> 00:31:06,666
They say laughter
is the best medicine.
770
00:31:06,750 --> 00:31:08,958
And if that is the case, then...
771
00:31:10,125 --> 00:31:13,208
Albert overmedicated us all.
772
00:31:13,291 --> 00:31:14,875
-That's sweet.
-He's funny.
773
00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:16,791
-I know.
-I'm sure many of you
774
00:31:16,875 --> 00:31:18,708
will stand up hereand praise the genius
775
00:31:18,791 --> 00:31:21,666
of this inward-gazingcomedy savant.
776
00:31:21,750 --> 00:31:23,041
And you'd be right to.
777
00:31:23,125 --> 00:31:28,208
He was my absolute, hands-down,favorite comedian of all time.
778
00:31:28,291 --> 00:31:33,125
And now he's been taken
from us far too soon.
779
00:31:33,208 --> 00:31:35,208
Albert was one of the
great American filmmakers
780
00:31:35,291 --> 00:31:38,750
of his or of any generation.
And...
781
00:31:38,833 --> 00:31:40,916
-Where are you going?
-Bathroom.
782
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,250
-I'm after you.
-LARRY: Okay.
783
00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:43,666
Don't let anybody else go in.
784
00:31:43,750 --> 00:31:46,458
JON HAMM: That was the movie
I always wanted to make
785
00:31:46,541 --> 00:31:47,583
about jealousy.
786
00:31:47,666 --> 00:31:49,791
That is how much his art
resonated with audiences.
787
00:31:49,875 --> 00:31:50,916
(LARY EXHALES)
788
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:52,791
JON: Before I got a chance
to know him as a friend,
789
00:31:52,875 --> 00:31:53,958
I was just a fan.
790
00:31:54,041 --> 00:31:56,208
I wish I had one more chance
just to tell him
791
00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:59,041
how much Lost in America
resonated with me.
792
00:32:00,875 --> 00:32:01,958
Oh, my God.
793
00:32:04,041 --> 00:32:06,666
(SCOFFS) He's a COVID hoarder.
794
00:32:07,583 --> 00:32:09,666
Albert Brooks
is a COVID hoarder.
795
00:32:09,750 --> 00:32:12,000
-He's a fucking COVID hoarder.
-(CROWD GASPS)
796
00:32:12,083 --> 00:32:14,791
-Albert's a COVID hoarder.
-Are you kidding me?
797
00:32:14,875 --> 00:32:16,750
-SUSIE: Look at this, Jon Hamm!
-JON: What the fuck?
798
00:32:16,833 --> 00:32:18,333
What are you doing
in the closet?
799
00:32:18,416 --> 00:32:19,791
JON: What's going on here?
800
00:32:19,875 --> 00:32:21,166
LARRY: Look at all
that toilet paper.
801
00:32:21,250 --> 00:32:22,291
And Purell!
802
00:32:22,375 --> 00:32:24,750
First responders could have used
all of that stuff.
803
00:32:24,833 --> 00:32:26,416
Why are people in that closet?
804
00:32:26,500 --> 00:32:28,625
Wait a minute.
Are you really a COVID hoarder?
805
00:32:28,708 --> 00:32:29,708
Hey, hey!
806
00:32:29,791 --> 00:32:31,166
This is unacceptable.
807
00:32:31,250 --> 00:32:32,625
What's going on in here?
808
00:32:32,708 --> 00:32:34,125
The fuck is wrong with you?
809
00:32:34,208 --> 00:32:35,958
You're sitting over there
with a closet
810
00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:37,500
full of fucking toilet paper?
811
00:32:37,583 --> 00:32:38,666
Jesus Christ!
812
00:32:38,750 --> 00:32:40,416
-JON: Unbelievable.
-Have you no shame, Albert?
813
00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:43,166
-Have you no shame?
-Shanda! A shanda!
814
00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:46,708
I just moved in here.
This used to be a CVS.
815
00:32:46,791 --> 00:32:48,958
You know what?
I hope you really die.
816
00:32:49,041 --> 00:32:52,208
Jon, this was beautiful!
Come back!
817
00:32:52,291 --> 00:32:53,916
Come on, Jeff.
We're out of here.
818
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,416
This is a mistake!
819
00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:57,291
You disgust me.
820
00:32:57,375 --> 00:32:59,041
Shame on you, Albert Brooks.
821
00:33:00,625 --> 00:33:03,208
Come back. I've got flu shots.
822
00:33:03,916 --> 00:33:05,250
(DOOR SLAMS)
823
00:33:07,916 --> 00:33:09,833
Maybe we'll try
again next year.
824
00:33:10,625 --> 00:33:12,000
Yeah.
825
00:33:12,083 --> 00:33:14,166
♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
826
00:33:14,250 --> 00:33:16,708
-Fucking Albert!
-I know, right?
827
00:33:16,791 --> 00:33:18,125
-Let's get out of here.
-Yeah.
828
00:33:18,208 --> 00:33:19,833
Oh, hey, babe,
I left my coat outside.
829
00:33:19,916 --> 00:33:21,291
Oh, okay. Okay. Okay.
830
00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:23,125
(MARY GRUNTS)
831
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,416
LEON: The fuck?
832
00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:27,541
-(MARY GROANS)
-Oh, shit.
833
00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:34,375
(MARY GROANS)
834
00:33:35,333 --> 00:33:36,750
LEON: I'm done with her, man.
835
00:33:36,833 --> 00:33:38,666
Once you do that shit,
you can't go back.
836
00:33:38,750 --> 00:33:39,750
You can't unsee that shit.
837
00:33:39,833 --> 00:33:41,875
You can't think of the person
any other way.
838
00:33:41,958 --> 00:33:44,041
I'm sure Lucy Liu
felt the same way.
839
00:33:44,125 --> 00:33:46,125
Even in the fucking
animal world,
840
00:33:46,208 --> 00:33:48,458
when pigeons fly
into a motherfucking glass,
841
00:33:48,541 --> 00:33:50,375
motherfucking office buildings
and shit,
842
00:33:50,458 --> 00:33:52,833
they ostracized
from the other pigeons and shit.
843
00:33:52,916 --> 00:33:55,083
You see a whole school
of these motherfuckers,
844
00:33:55,166 --> 00:33:57,041
whether pigeons or geese
or whatever.
845
00:33:57,125 --> 00:33:59,208
They fucking flying, and there's
one motherfucker back there.
846
00:33:59,291 --> 00:34:00,875
You know why? Because that goofy
motherfucker ran
847
00:34:00,958 --> 00:34:02,375
into a goddamn building
last week,
848
00:34:02,458 --> 00:34:03,833
and they don't fuck
with him no more.
849
00:34:03,916 --> 00:34:04,916
Huh.
850
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,208
That's why Mary Ferguson
had to go.
851
00:34:07,291 --> 00:34:09,583
Well, what are you gonna do?
You paid for the plane ticket.
852
00:34:09,666 --> 00:34:11,541
It's got Mary Ferguson's
name on it.
853
00:34:11,625 --> 00:34:13,666
It's nonrefundable.
What are you gonna do, eat it?
854
00:34:13,750 --> 00:34:17,458
LEON: No. I'm gonna find me
another Mary Ferguson.
855
00:34:17,541 --> 00:34:18,750
What are you talking about?
856
00:34:18,833 --> 00:34:20,625
LEON: I'mma put an ad out.
I'm gonna get them all here.
857
00:34:20,708 --> 00:34:23,250
I'm gonna audition
a bunch of Mary Fergusons.
858
00:34:23,333 --> 00:34:25,666
Find the one I like
and take her ass to Asia.
859
00:34:25,750 --> 00:34:28,416
LARRY: What random Mary Ferguson
is gonna go to Asia
860
00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:31,750
with some stranger
who's probably a sociopath?
861
00:34:31,833 --> 00:34:33,666
You're forgetting
one key thing here.
862
00:34:33,750 --> 00:34:36,208
Free. Who wouldn't wanna
go to Asia for free?
863
00:34:36,291 --> 00:34:38,250
They'll take that chance
waking up dead
864
00:34:38,333 --> 00:34:40,250
for a free trip to Asia.
I promise you.
865
00:34:40,333 --> 00:34:41,791
I think you might
have something.
866
00:34:41,875 --> 00:34:44,416
Okay. I'm gonna take me
a little dip in the pool.
867
00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:46,791
There was a dead body in there
just a couple of days ago,
868
00:34:46,875 --> 00:34:49,291
-just so you know.
-It ain't in there now.
869
00:34:49,375 --> 00:34:52,291
♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
870
00:34:54,333 --> 00:34:55,458
DENNIS: Oh, yeah, Susie.
871
00:34:55,541 --> 00:34:56,791
Boy, you popped this
right out of there.
872
00:34:56,875 --> 00:34:58,416
-SUSIE: I know.
-DENNIS: How did you do that?
873
00:34:58,500 --> 00:35:01,583
-Oh, Larry. You know Larry.
-Yeah. I'm not a fan.
874
00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:03,583
Yeah. Well, he plopped
and then it went flying
875
00:35:03,666 --> 00:35:06,541
in the air and then it came out
and I couldn't find the stone.
876
00:35:06,625 --> 00:35:09,000
But then I remembered, you gave
me a lifetime guarantee.
877
00:35:09,083 --> 00:35:11,625
-So here I am.
-A what? A lifetime--
878
00:35:11,708 --> 00:35:14,041
A lifetime guarantee, Dennis,
you don't remember?
879
00:35:14,125 --> 00:35:15,833
I mean, Susie,
I don't have to remember.
880
00:35:15,916 --> 00:35:19,250
We don't-- We've never given
lifetime guarantees.
881
00:35:19,333 --> 00:35:20,958
Well, you gave me one.
882
00:35:21,041 --> 00:35:22,291
No, Susie, I never said that.
883
00:35:22,375 --> 00:35:24,458
-Yes, you did, Dennis.
-DENNIS: I didn't--
884
00:35:24,541 --> 00:35:25,916
Why would I say that?
885
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,333
-I don't know why.
-That doesn't sound like something I would say.
886
00:35:27,416 --> 00:35:29,541
Maybe 'cause I buy
so much fucking jewelry here.
887
00:35:29,625 --> 00:35:31,041
DENNIS: We appreciate that.
888
00:35:31,125 --> 00:35:34,083
But, Susie, I'm sorry, I just
have no memory of that. (CHOKES)
889
00:35:34,166 --> 00:35:35,833
Let me tell you something,
dementia boy, you gave me
890
00:35:35,916 --> 00:35:37,541
a lifetime guarantee,
and I don't care
891
00:35:37,625 --> 00:35:39,541
if you don't remember
your dog's fucking name,
892
00:35:39,625 --> 00:35:41,875
you're got to fix this
and it's not gonna cost me
893
00:35:41,958 --> 00:35:44,166
a goddamn thing.
You hear me, Zweibel?
894
00:35:44,250 --> 00:35:46,208
-You got it?
-Got it.
895
00:35:46,291 --> 00:35:47,833
I'll be back Friday.
896
00:35:47,916 --> 00:35:51,125
♪ (PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
897
00:36:05,166 --> 00:36:06,583
Mary Ferguson.
898
00:36:06,666 --> 00:36:09,208
Oh. Oh. My bad. (LAUGHS)
899
00:36:09,291 --> 00:36:10,666
-How about you?
-Oh, me?
900
00:36:10,750 --> 00:36:12,208
LEON: Go on inside.
901
00:36:12,291 --> 00:36:14,291
-Hi, guys.
-Hey. Hello.
902
00:36:14,375 --> 00:36:15,583
This is Brady Reiter,
Larry David.
903
00:36:15,666 --> 00:36:17,833
-Nice to meet you.
-LARRY: Hi. Nice to meet you.
904
00:36:17,916 --> 00:36:21,208
I've always loved traveling.
And I've been dying
905
00:36:21,291 --> 00:36:23,083
to go to Asia for years.
906
00:36:23,166 --> 00:36:25,125
Would you have a problem
faking a disability
907
00:36:25,208 --> 00:36:26,875
just so we can get
in those wheelchairs
908
00:36:26,958 --> 00:36:28,750
and they can push our ass
through the airport?
909
00:36:28,833 --> 00:36:31,541
I don't think I would like that.
910
00:36:31,625 --> 00:36:33,166
(GRUNTS)
911
00:36:33,250 --> 00:36:34,875
I want you to eat
this matzah ball. Come on.
912
00:36:34,958 --> 00:36:36,833
-Come on. Munch it.
-Don't put the matzah ball here!
913
00:36:37,458 --> 00:36:39,833
No matzah ball! Eat it!
914
00:36:39,916 --> 00:36:41,208
-MAN: That was great.
-WOMAN: Wow.
915
00:36:41,291 --> 00:36:42,958
-That was great.
-BRADY: Thank you guys!
916
00:36:43,041 --> 00:36:44,541
-You guys have a great day.
-LARRY: Good job.
917
00:36:44,625 --> 00:36:45,875
-BRADY: Bye.
-MAN: Bye.
918
00:36:45,958 --> 00:36:47,500
(LAUGHS)
She's fucking hilarious.
919
00:36:47,583 --> 00:36:48,541
Wow.
920
00:36:48,625 --> 00:36:51,500
Yeah. Well, let's see.
Let's see who else.
921
00:36:52,041 --> 00:36:53,083
Okay.
922
00:36:53,708 --> 00:36:54,791
Next.
923
00:36:55,708 --> 00:36:57,125
-LARRY: Bye.
-(WOMAN LAUGHS)
924
00:36:57,208 --> 00:36:59,125
-Thank you. Thank you.
-Thank you.
925
00:36:59,208 --> 00:37:00,250
LARRY: Thank you.
926
00:37:02,291 --> 00:37:04,500
LEON: Mary Ferguson 5.
Thank you.
927
00:37:04,583 --> 00:37:06,041
Okay. Next.
928
00:37:06,125 --> 00:37:07,916
-No.
-Uh...
929
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:09,916
-LARRY: No.
-MAN: Fantastic. Thanks a lot.
930
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,416
-WOMAN: She's amazing.
-Yeah, she was fantastic.
931
00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:14,458
I don't think so.
932
00:37:16,541 --> 00:37:18,708
-Nah.
-Eh.
933
00:37:18,791 --> 00:37:20,708
Hmm. Next.
934
00:37:20,791 --> 00:37:22,583
I want you to eat
this matzah. Come on.
935
00:37:22,666 --> 00:37:26,083
Ow. It's hot! Larry,
your hands are all over it!
936
00:37:26,166 --> 00:37:27,291
That was great.
937
00:37:27,375 --> 00:37:29,166
-Thank you.
-WOMAN: Thanks, Julia.
938
00:37:30,791 --> 00:37:32,250
-No.
-WOMAN: Okay.
939
00:37:32,916 --> 00:37:34,333
(CLEARS THROAT)
940
00:37:34,416 --> 00:37:36,375
-You ever dated a Laker?
-No.
941
00:37:36,458 --> 00:37:40,166
-How about Clipper?
-I've never dated a Clipper.
942
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,208
Fuckin' dig it.
943
00:37:43,291 --> 00:37:46,875
Suppose we crashed
on a deserted island
944
00:37:46,958 --> 00:37:49,166
and I make it
and you don't make it.
945
00:37:49,250 --> 00:37:50,875
-Is it cool--
-You can eat me.
946
00:37:50,958 --> 00:37:54,333
Oh. Shi...
I think we should do this.
947
00:37:54,416 --> 00:37:55,791
Wait. So am I going?
(LAUGHS)
948
00:37:55,875 --> 00:37:57,333
-Let's do this.
-Let's do it!
949
00:37:57,416 --> 00:37:58,625
What's up? (LAUGHS)
950
00:37:58,708 --> 00:37:59,833
-Ah!
-Ah!
951
00:37:59,916 --> 00:38:01,458
Oh, shit! Oh, oh!
952
00:38:03,791 --> 00:38:06,541
WOMAN: Hi. This is Maria Sofia
Estrada.
953
00:38:06,625 --> 00:38:08,083
-Larry David.
-Hi.
954
00:38:09,125 --> 00:38:10,166
What's up?
955
00:38:10,791 --> 00:38:11,916
Hello.
956
00:38:12,708 --> 00:38:13,750
Did you...
957
00:38:13,833 --> 00:38:15,416
-Oh.
-WOMAN: Oh, headshot.
958
00:38:15,500 --> 00:38:18,041
Yeah. Of course. Of course.
Of course. No problem.
959
00:38:18,125 --> 00:38:19,208
WOMAN: Do you have a resume?
960
00:38:19,291 --> 00:38:21,833
-MARIA: Uh...
-WOMAN: No resume.
961
00:38:21,916 --> 00:38:24,125
And-- Yeah, and your
mark's back there, so...
962
00:38:24,208 --> 00:38:25,458
Oh. There.
963
00:38:25,541 --> 00:38:28,125
Right there. Yeah. Great.
964
00:38:28,208 --> 00:38:29,583
(SIGHS) Okay.
965
00:38:30,958 --> 00:38:33,625
MAN: To me. Eyeline to me.
Whenever you're ready.
966
00:38:35,125 --> 00:38:39,125
Larry, my mother wants to know
if you wanna come
967
00:38:39,208 --> 00:38:40,791
to our cedar Friday night.
968
00:38:40,875 --> 00:38:44,166
Uh, it's Seder.
Uh, nah, I don't think so.
969
00:38:44,250 --> 00:38:48,166
And I want you to meet
my boo-bay.
970
00:38:48,250 --> 00:38:49,416
MAN: Your what?
971
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,291
My grandmother.
972
00:38:51,375 --> 00:38:53,125
MAN: Yeah. I can't be
around old people.
973
00:38:53,208 --> 00:38:54,500
They creep me out.
974
00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:58,125
-Oh, stop.
-MAN: Okay. Fine.
975
00:38:58,208 --> 00:39:01,375
But only on one condition, okay?
You have to finish your lunch.
976
00:39:01,458 --> 00:39:03,208
-I'm full.
-Look, you didn't need to think.
977
00:39:03,291 --> 00:39:04,708
Marsha, seriously,
you're too thin.
978
00:39:04,791 --> 00:39:06,750
You're like a rail. Come on.
979
00:39:06,833 --> 00:39:10,458
This is a good weight for me.
980
00:39:10,541 --> 00:39:13,583
MAN: Okay. But at least
finish the matzah ball, right?
981
00:39:13,666 --> 00:39:14,708
No.
982
00:39:14,791 --> 00:39:16,375
MAN: What is it?
Do you have an eating disorder?
983
00:39:16,458 --> 00:39:18,166
-No.
-MAN: Marsha, I swear to God.
984
00:39:18,250 --> 00:39:20,791
-I want you to eat
the matzah ball -MARIA: Ew! Gross!
985
00:39:20,875 --> 00:39:23,250
-MAN: Come on! Come on!
-Ew! No, stop!
986
00:39:23,333 --> 00:39:24,958
-Stop.
-MAN: Okay.
987
00:39:26,125 --> 00:39:27,041
MAN: Thank you.
988
00:39:27,125 --> 00:39:28,458
-Thanks, Maria.
-Thank you.
989
00:39:28,541 --> 00:39:30,500
-WOMAN: Nice to meet you.
-Oh, that's it?
990
00:39:30,583 --> 00:39:31,625
-Yeah.
-Yeah. That's it.
991
00:39:31,708 --> 00:39:33,416
-Whoo!
-WOMAN: Thank you so much.
992
00:39:33,500 --> 00:39:35,458
-LARRY: Thank you.
-MAN: Thank you.
993
00:39:35,541 --> 00:39:37,083
Ooh, God.
994
00:39:39,916 --> 00:39:41,000
We got her.
995
00:39:41,083 --> 00:39:42,791
-Her?
-LARRY: That's our gal!
996
00:39:42,875 --> 00:39:43,916
-Larry.
-Oh, my God.
997
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,416
All right. Let's go home.
998
00:39:46,500 --> 00:39:49,250
-We still have three more girls.
-LARRY: Yeah. I don't think so.
999
00:39:54,416 --> 00:39:56,541
Some double date.
1000
00:39:56,625 --> 00:39:59,541
Quite a romantic evening
this turned out, huh?
1001
00:40:04,333 --> 00:40:07,875
-Hey. Got any Purell?
-Yeah.
1002
00:40:09,625 --> 00:40:11,625
-LARRY: Oh.
-I ran out of the smaller ones.
1003
00:40:11,708 --> 00:40:13,791
LARRY: That's a big boy.
1004
00:40:13,875 --> 00:40:16,083
Here. Keep it.
I got another one, you know.
1005
00:40:16,166 --> 00:40:20,000
-Thanks.
-(APPLAUSE)
1006
00:40:23,208 --> 00:40:26,750
♪ ("IL BARONE ROSSO"
BY LUCIANO MICHELINI PLAYING) ♪
1007
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:31,350
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