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1
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? Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played
2
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,040
? Songs that made the hit parade
3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:11,210
? Guys like us, we had it made
4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,678
? Those were the days
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116
? And you knew
where you were then
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352
? Girls were girls
and men were men
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? Mister, we could use a man
8
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,891
? Like Herbert Hoover again
9
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? Didn't need no welfare state
10
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? Everybody pulled his weight
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? Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
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? Those were the days ?
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14
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,019
Edith.
15
00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:00,359
I'm home, Edith.
16
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,134
You up there in the library?
17
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,744
Aw, jeez, I hate an empty house.
18
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,819
No beer!
19
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:35,126
Fifteen minutes after
6:00 and she ain't even...
20
00:01:37,832 --> 00:01:39,164
Who the hell am I calling?
21
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,340
Time to read some
more tragedies.
22
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,688
Oh, Archie. Oh, my goodness.
23
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,257
When did you come in?
24
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:43,261
Just before this Road
Runner cartoon started.
25
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:46,698
Well... Well, dinner will
be a little late. I'm sorry.
26
00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:51,369
I was doing my... my Sunshine
Lady work at the home for the aged.
27
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:54,472
Ah, jeez, I told you to stay
away from that home, Edith.
28
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:58,643
You're liable to bring back
some old-time disease.
29
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:04,415
Oh, Archie, the only disease
them poor people got is old age.
30
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,684
That's your
biggest killer, Edith.
31
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,624
Reverend Felcher says
that us Sunshine Ladies
32
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,792
are bringin' hope
to the hopeless
33
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,562
and cheer to the cheerless.
34
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,064
What about some
beer for the beerless?
35
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:29,441
Oh, Archie! You know
what happened today?
36
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:34,512
Mr. Belfield tied his shoelaces.
37
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:37,349
Big deal. So did I.
38
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:40,619
But Mr. Belfield is 88 years old
39
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:44,323
and he ain't tied his
shoelaces for seven years.
40
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:47,258
But today he did it for me.
41
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:51,095
Oh, my. All the other
patients started applauding.
42
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:54,032
I bet they'd bring down the
house if he ever combed his hair.
43
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,302
He don't have none.
44
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,838
But Mr. Belfield got so excited
45
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:04,409
he knocked the glass off the
table that had his teeth in it.
46
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:07,812
And when he stooped to
pick it up, his glasses come off,
47
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:11,215
and I said, "Mr. Belfield,
I'll pick up your teeth."
48
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:13,585
But he couldn't hear
me 'cause his hearing aid
49
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,921
was in the stem of his glasses,
50
00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:17,822
which was under the bed.
51
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:22,093
So he got down on his
hands and knees himself.
52
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,828
Oh, and the poor thing,
53
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:27,732
he could straighten himself
up on account of his arthritis,
54
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:32,604
so it took me and three other
Sunshine Ladies to lift him into his bed
55
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,205
and flatten him out.
56
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,815
You nearly killed a man
forcing him to tie his shoes.
57
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,487
Oh, no, he was grateful.
58
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:51,590
And he said he was gonna
tie 'em again tomorrow,
59
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:55,527
if they don't put
him back on slippers.
60
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,475
Maybe they ought to put him
on roller skates, speed him up.
61
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:02,200
Oh, Archie, some of
them people are so lonely.
62
00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:03,735
They ain't got nobody.
63
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:07,506
Their families just
wanna forget they're alive.
64
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,151
Well, I think I
know a certain wife
65
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:11,676
that wants to forget
her husband is alive.
66
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,422
You didn't even ask
me how was my day.
67
00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:15,280
Oh, how was your day?
68
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,915
Whoa! Finally she
gets around to it.
69
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:20,986
Well, it wasn't a bad day.
70
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,132
In fact, we had
a million laughs.
71
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,601
You know, Stretch Cunningham, he comes
in this morning, this is what he does.
72
00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:29,894
He goes into the can and he
tapes the roll of towels, see,
73
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:33,398
in such a way that the roll spins
around but no towels come off.
74
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:34,966
Now... Oh, Archie!
75
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,802
Guess who went through the
shower today without her walker?
76
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,704
Mrs. Freidman.
77
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:44,142
And all because I was giving her a pep
talk all week about getting confidence.
78
00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,310
I said, "Mrs. Freidman,
79
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:49,748
"you can go to the shower all
by yourself if you really want to."
80
00:05:49,816 --> 00:05:51,783
And guess what? She did.
81
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:55,286
Whoop-dee-doo!
82
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,122
Edith, I'm trying to tell
you about my day, here.
83
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,158
Oh, I thought you was finished.
84
00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:03,506
No, I wasn't finished. I didn't
even come to the funny part,
85
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,570
which is when Black
Elmo goes in there
86
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,577
and he starts spinnin'
around the towel roller
87
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:10,101
but the towels
don't come off, see.
88
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,570
Maybe they forgot to
take the wrapper off.
89
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,750
There was nothing
about a wrapper!
90
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:17,020
It was all done with
the Scotch tape, Edith,
91
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:20,245
and it was funny, I
thought. Oh, yeah.
92
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,955
What a lousy laugh.
93
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:34,158
You know, you're losin' all your sense
of humor goin' over to that old folks home
94
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:37,195
and working with all them
back numbers over there.
95
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:41,099
Listen, Edith, when you signed
on as Mrs. A. Bunker 26 years ago,
96
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,200
you signed on for a
permanent job here.
97
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:46,838
Oh, but, Archie, I
enjoy what I'm doing.
98
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:50,809
You enjoy diving under a
bed for an old baldo's teeth?
99
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:53,511
Well, it gives me
a purpose in life.
100
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,714
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
You got a purpose in life.
101
00:06:56,783 --> 00:07:00,619
Let me tell you something,
Edith. You are my what?
102
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:01,720
Wife.
103
00:07:01,788 --> 00:07:05,056
Yeah, and we live in a what?
104
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,658
House. Yes.
105
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,361
Now, put them two things
together, what have you got?
106
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,661
Wife house.
107
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:14,532
No, no, you dingbat! Housewife.
108
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:17,769
And your purpose is the care
and feedin' of your husband.
109
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,749
And your husband
cares to be fed now.
110
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,740
Dinner, dinner,
dinner. Oh, yeah.
111
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:25,343
You see it was frozen. You
see it was frozen when I put it in.
112
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,956
Oh, on top of everything else,
113
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,959
she's giving me one of
them embalmed dinners.
114
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,784
Just remember, Edith,
charity begins at home,
115
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:35,620
and your biggest
charity case is me.
116
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,891
You're away working all day
117
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,426
and so are Mike and Gloria,
118
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:45,596
and that leaves me all
alone here with nothing to do
119
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,744
and nothing to look forward to.
120
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,134
What're you talkin' about?
121
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,080
You're supposed to look
forward to me comin' home
122
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,837
and tellin' you about my day.
123
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:55,740
But your days are all the same.
124
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,576
Stretch Cunningham
always does something funny,
125
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,346
like today, he glued the
paper napkins together.
126
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,315
They wasn't paper napkins!
127
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:05,762
He didn't glue
'em, he scotched...
128
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:08,152
Stop that when
I'm talking to you.
129
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,555
You gotta quit all of
this Sunshine work.
130
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:14,191
Any sunshine you got, you
spread over your husband only.
131
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,361
That's it.
132
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:24,202
That's it.
133
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:30,175
But, Archie, the time I
spend helpin' old people
134
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,710
don't take no time
away from you.
135
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:36,747
Well, it makes me think you
don't care about me no more.
136
00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:40,351
Oh, Archie, that ain't true.
137
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:44,489
Dear Abby says,
138
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:48,993
"Love ain't how much time
a couple spends together,
139
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:53,431
"but what they do with their
time they spend together."
140
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:58,169
Will you control yourself?
We're in the kitchen.
141
00:08:58,237 --> 00:09:02,106
Oh, Archie, see,
what I'm doing is useful
142
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:05,509
and it makes me feel
like I ain't wastin' my life.
143
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:08,245
Wait a... Wait a
minute, wait a minute.
144
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:12,717
Being married to A.
Bunker is wasting your life.
145
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:19,523
No, Archie! Oh, I love being
with you, Archie Bunker.
146
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:24,662
But you see, you got
your own work to do.
147
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:27,832
See, and I got
nothin' and I get bored.
148
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,701
Listen, Edith,
149
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:33,129
gettin' bored is a very
big part of being married.
150
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,242
Archie, before we was married,
151
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:42,513
you promised me a life
full of fun and excitement.
152
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,593
No, I ain't promise you nothin'.
153
00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:49,187
Oh, yes, you did. And...
And I got proof of it.
154
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,489
In your own words. I
found some old letters.
155
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:55,204
Aw, jeez... When I was
helpin' Mike and Gloria move.
156
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,406
You wrote 'em to
me in the service.
157
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,231
Now, listen, don't hold
me to anything in there.
158
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:03,034
A soldier writes a lot of
things in the heat of battle.
159
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:07,304
The bombs bustin' in the air and the
stink of death starin' him in the face.
160
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:10,441
You wrote this from
Fort Riley, Kansas.
161
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,513
And Fort Riley was
pretty stinko, too.
162
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,281
Don't read it to me.
163
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:20,384
"Dear Edith... She
reads it anyhow.
164
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,722
"I'm sittin' here under
a oak tree in Kansas
165
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:27,358
"hopin' you are not sittin'
under a apple tree in Queens
166
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:31,996
"with nobody else but me,
like the song says. Ha... ha."
167
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:35,166
You put the "Ha...
ha" in capital letters.
168
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,080
That's 'cause it's
supposed to be funny.
169
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,514
You're supposed to laugh there.
170
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,538
Oh. "I..." Why aren't
you laughin' now?
171
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,173
Uh, ha... ha.
172
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:48,012
"I hope you will be waitin' for
me when I come marchin' home
173
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:51,249
"and the world is
safe from democracy."
174
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,151
Now, this is the part.
175
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:59,390
"I want you to walk
with me hand in hand
176
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:02,393
"into the sea of matrimony.
177
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:06,497
"And I promise you'll
never have a dull minute
178
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:09,167
"with your ever-loving Archie."
179
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:12,681
Oh, what're you tryin' to tell
me? That life now with me is dull?
180
00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:16,340
Archie, when you was
courtin' me, it was lots of fun
181
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,542
and always full of surprises.
182
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,311
Like Friday nights,
183
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,681
you used to take me to that Chinese
restaurant Hop Sings for chow mein.
184
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,027
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
185
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:27,351
And you used to give the
waiter them funny orders,
186
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,553
like egg roll over easy.
187
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,928
And... And Robert Fu Yung. Yeah.
188
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:41,166
And wonton soup
with no starch in it.
189
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,768
Oh, and then, you always
used to say to the waiter,
190
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,770
"Bring us our
fortune cookies now
191
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,172
"cause I...
192
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,841
"Wanna see how much
the bill is gonna be."
193
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,720
That one had 'em
layin' on the floor.
194
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:55,446
Oh, Archie, you was
always so romantic.
195
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:59,075
Edith, don't start. I can't
do nothin' when I'm hungry.
196
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:04,255
Oh, them days was so much fun.
197
00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:07,324
What do you mean by that?
You mean it's no fun now?
198
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:10,094
Wasn't you just sittin' on
my lap there a minute ago?
199
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:14,098
Why do you got to go running to the
old people's home lookin' for thrills?
200
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:17,935
Oh, I ain't lookin'
for thrills, Archie.
201
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:21,139
It's just that things
ain't the same no more.
202
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,608
The world was better
when it was the same!
203
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:27,312
I got to be busy
doin' somethin' useful.
204
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:30,114
What do you mean useful?
Useful, what's useful?
205
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:34,685
Givin' shoelace lessons? Pushin'
old lady Freidman into the showers?
206
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,086
I'll tell you what's useful.
207
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:38,589
For a wife, it's
useful to be home.
208
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,858
That's when a wife
is useful. Home.
209
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,995
The problem with the world is
that women ain't home no more.
210
00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:48,432
Let me ask you somethin'
there, Florence Nightingown.
211
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,435
How much are they paying
you for all this Sunshine?
212
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,181
Nothing. Oh, nothin'.
213
00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:55,017
And that's exactly
what it's worth. Nothin'.
214
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,920
'Cause if it was worth somethin',
they'd pay you somethin'.
215
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,844
Now case closed, Edith.
216
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:07,251
I ain't gettin' paid nothin'
'cause I'm a volunteer.
217
00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:11,055
Well, will you kindly volunteer
to get dinner on that table?
218
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,931
No.
219
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:26,303
I ain't gettin' dinner on the
table until you take that back.
220
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:30,808
Take what back? What you
said about my work being nothin'.
221
00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:32,643
It's helpin' people.
222
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:37,848
And... And I think people
helpin' people is important.
223
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:40,051
Look at the way
it's got you here.
224
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:45,089
You're startin' to cry,
dear. Now don't do that.
225
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,136
Edith, you know
I can't take that.
226
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,026
I ain't gonna take it!
227
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:53,342
Get on the blower here and I'm
gonna call that Reverend Fletcher.
228
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,399
Felcher. Whatever!
229
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:59,269
And I'm gonna tell him that night
just fell on one of his Sunshine Girls.
230
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,305
Oh, no, no, please
don't do that...
231
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:04,575
Oh, you d-don't want me to talk to
him. Now, you talk to him yourself.
232
00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:07,879
No, I won't. Edith,
Edith, that was an order.
233
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:10,147
I ain't takin' no orders.
234
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:11,815
You ain't what?
235
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:21,292
I ain't takin' no orders.
236
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:25,863
I can be a Sunshine
Lady if I wanna be.
237
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:30,834
And I wanna be and I am!
238
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:36,140
You whipped that
phone out of my hand
239
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:40,111
and smashed it down like that?
240
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:43,381
You are in trouble, Edith.
You are in big trouble.
241
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:46,184
No, you are.
242
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:48,686
'Cause I ain't gettin'
your dinner on the table
243
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,355
until you take
back what you said!
244
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,690
Well, I ain't takin'
back nothin'!
245
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:55,860
Let me tell you somethin'.
What I said goes!
246
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:58,210
And you don't got to get
no dinner on the table for me
247
00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,675
'cause I'm goin'
down to Kelcy's.
248
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,600
Oh, no! No, no!
249
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,747
You ain't gonna slam
this door in my face
250
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,883
because this time it's
gonna be your face!
251
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:09,307
And I'm gonna be the slammer!
252
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,394
Is that you, sweetheart?
253
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,237
Hey, you ready for your
welcome home kissy?
254
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:49,413
If you insist, Arch.
Get out of my face, you!
255
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:53,751
What are you doin'
eavesdrippin' over my house?
256
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,753
Ma asked me to
drop off the cleaning.
257
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,156
Is she coming home?
Well, why don't you ask her?
258
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,158
Because I'm mad at her.
259
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,571
Oh, is that why you came
runnin' down the stairs
260
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,795
for your big welcome home kissy?
261
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,067
I figured she was
gonna apologize.
262
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:12,247
Arch, what is wrong with Ma
doin' somethin' that she enjoys?
263
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:15,606
She is supposed to enjoy
here. This house and me.
264
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,775
And not stayin'
overnight with youse two.
265
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:21,145
Get out of here. Wait
a minute, get over here.
266
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:24,748
You see this here?
The Holy Bible, buddy.
267
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,229
The Good Book. You
know what it says in there?
268
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:31,956
It says that a woman should
cleave into her husband.
269
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:36,093
Right here, in this house, is
where Edith's cleavage belongs.
270
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,668
Is that the Gospel
according to Archie Bunker?
271
00:16:43,737 --> 00:16:46,270
No, buddy, first
chapter of Generous.
272
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,476
I'll tell you something
else the Good Book says.
273
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:54,846
Man was created first because
he's supposed to be the boss.
274
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,281
And you know why a
woman was created?
275
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,283
'Cause Adam got tired
of dancing with gorillas.
276
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,118
Get away from me!
277
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:04,555
Arch, you can't force
a woman to stop living.
278
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:08,003
Give me one sensible reason
why Ma has to be here all day? Ah!
279
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,762
I'll make it easier for you.
Give me one stupid reason.
280
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,633
Suppose we had
goldfish, they'd die.
281
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:23,641
That's stupid enough. You
wanna know the real reason?
282
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:24,953
No. You're jealous.
283
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,088
What? That's right.
284
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:27,723
Oh, what're you talkin' about?
285
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,314
Jealous of an 88-year-old baldo
286
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,827
who hears through
his eye glasses
287
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,818
and loses his teeth
when he ties his shoes?
288
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,388
Arch, you are jealous because
all of Ma's attention isn't on you.
289
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,858
Ah, let me tell you
somethin' here, Professor.
290
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:43,427
When you've been sailin'
the ragin' seas of matrimonials
291
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,829
as long as me,
292
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:47,443
you'll understand that a
husband is the captain of the ship
293
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,166
and a wife is a deckhand.
294
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:53,036
And when a husband, the captain
says, "Shove up," the deckhand shoves.
295
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:56,707
You better be careful that the deckhand
doesn't tell you to shove your ship.
296
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,846
Are you back?
297
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,235
Gloria wants a loaf of bread.
298
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:07,095
You want me to
get it, Ma? I'll get it.
299
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,152
Well, I could sure
go for a cold beer.
300
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:10,621
Then go for it.
301
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:17,936
Hey, uh, Captain,
302
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,864
when are you gonna tell
the deckhand to shove off?
303
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,800
When are you gonna shove off?
304
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,149
Don't I get a goodbye kissy?
305
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:28,539
Get out of here and
don't you come back!
306
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:34,979
Wait, wait. Wait, wait a
minute. Wait, wait, wait a minute.
307
00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:36,858
I... I wanna tell you somethin'.
308
00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:38,082
What?
309
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,221
I hung up the dry cleaning.
310
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,524
Wait! Wait a minute,
I wanna talk to you.
311
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:49,138
Can't we have a talk, huh?
312
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:51,439
Can't you just sit down over
here? Come on. Come on.
313
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:53,823
Here, sit in my chair there.
314
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,103
Now, ain't that nice?
315
00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:02,106
I just wanna talk.
316
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,450
Talk.
317
00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:09,580
Well, uh, how was your day?
318
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:10,847
Fine.
319
00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:14,251
Ain't you gonna ask
me how was my day?
320
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,360
No.
321
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:18,322
Well, it was lousy.
322
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,823
He tells me anyway.
323
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:31,268
Listen, I just wanna ask you
one very important question,
324
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:34,805
and you don't have to be scared
to give me an honest answer.
325
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:37,208
What?
326
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,143
Are you mad at me?
327
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:42,891
Yes.
328
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,915
Well, you don't have
to be that honest.
329
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:47,251
Wait a minute! Wait a
minute! Wait a minute, Edith.
330
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,531
Wait a minute, I wanna... I
wanna tell you somethin' else.
331
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:52,356
All right. But you know
what I wanna hear.
332
00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:57,294
Listen, I'm takin'
you out to dinner.
333
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,230
That ain't what I wanna hear.
334
00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:01,198
Oh, Edith.
335
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,707
I'm taking you to Hop Sings.
336
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,039
Why?
337
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:12,843
Why? Hop Sings,
Edith, Hop Sings.
338
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,146
That's our old ren-dez-voos.
339
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:31,062
Oh, my. This place ain't
changed a bit in all these years.
340
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:36,266
I think I recognize
that green fly.
341
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:42,673
Well, all right.
342
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,509
Now, let's see what I'm
gonna order for us here.
343
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,112
I'll order for myself. Oh, sure.
344
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,447
Your tea, sir. Yeah,
thank you very much.
345
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,116
Would you, uh, like
to order now, sir?
346
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:56,487
Yes, I would like to order
now. Uh, please get this.
347
00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:59,723
I think I'll have the
egg rolls over easy.
348
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,426
And Robert Fu Young
and wonton soup, no starch.
349
00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:12,169
How'd you know I
was gonna say that?
350
00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:15,473
I was your waiter when
you used to come in here.
351
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:19,610
Hey, that's right. Yeah, I
didn't recognize you at first.
352
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:22,913
You're the guy... Hey, how come you
ain't got no Chinese accent no more?
353
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:25,282
I don't need it now.
I own the restaurant.
354
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:29,686
You see how things go.
355
00:21:29,755 --> 00:21:32,989
You remembered us
after all these years.
356
00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:35,178
Ten cent tippers
you never forget.
357
00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:44,502
Many a guy leaves nothin', huh?
358
00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:46,670
You were always
such a funny man.
359
00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:50,707
Tell me, do you still stick chopsticks
up you nose and bark like a walrus?
360
00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:55,579
You remember that,
too, huh? Good for you.
361
00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:59,049
Well, let me see.
362
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:03,954
I think we'll have the Golden
Dragon Royal Family special.
363
00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:06,490
I'll have chop suey, please.
364
00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:09,526
Oh, yeah. Well, listen, that
sounds good. I'll have that.
365
00:22:09,595 --> 00:22:12,863
Listen, double up on the chop
suey and kill the Royal Family.
366
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:17,134
And... And, boss.
Hey, boss, uh...
367
00:22:17,203 --> 00:22:20,304
Uh, bring us the, uh, fortune
cookies now because...
368
00:22:20,372 --> 00:22:24,175
I wanna see how much
my bill is going to be.
369
00:22:24,243 --> 00:22:26,177
Hey. He even remembered that.
370
00:22:26,245 --> 00:22:28,745
Yeah, it was nice of
him to remember us.
371
00:22:28,815 --> 00:22:32,649
Oh, well, listen, Edith.
You're easy to remember.
372
00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:36,454
And now I wanna
make a little toast to you.
373
00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:40,891
I wanna thank you for 26
beautiful years of marriage
374
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,493
and being such a loving wife.
375
00:22:42,561 --> 00:22:44,006
And I wanna tell
you somethin' else.
376
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:45,395
You know that Reverend Fletcher.
377
00:22:45,464 --> 00:22:47,331
Felcher. Whatever.
378
00:22:49,502 --> 00:22:52,403
He didn't have to make
you no Sunshine Girl,
379
00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:55,172
because you was
always my sunshine girl.
380
00:22:58,677 --> 00:23:00,811
What do you think
of this, Archie?
381
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:01,979
What?
382
00:23:02,681 --> 00:23:04,281
Easy.
383
00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:08,018
Your fortune cookies.
384
00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:11,087
All right, all right.
385
00:23:11,156 --> 00:23:15,726
Let me see. I'll open mine first to
see what my fortune says about me.
386
00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:26,236
"Big winds come
from empty caves."
387
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:36,213
Some of these things
don't make no sense at all.
388
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:38,481
What's yours?
389
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:46,289
"Labor of the heart brings
a life burstin' with rewards."
390
00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:50,894
I think that means volunteer
work could get you a heart attack.
391
00:23:50,963 --> 00:23:55,132
Archie, guess what? I
ain't a volunteer no more.
392
00:23:56,903 --> 00:24:00,905
No? Oh, I knew it. I knew it.
393
00:24:00,973 --> 00:24:04,741
I knew if I'd brung you
here, you'd see the light.
394
00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:08,212
The home don't want me
to be a volunteer no more.
395
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,381
Terrific, Edith. And, remember,
396
00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:12,649
I ain't keepin' you from
doin' what you wanted to do.
397
00:24:12,718 --> 00:24:14,184
It was them that
give you the boot.
398
00:24:14,253 --> 00:24:18,088
They like my work so
much that startin' tomorrow
399
00:24:18,157 --> 00:24:21,391
they're gonna pay me $2 an hour.
400
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:32,903
Here's to us, soldier.
401
00:25:00,065 --> 00:25:02,377
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
402
00:25:02,401 --> 00:25:03,934
before a live audience.
403
00:25:04,305 --> 00:26:04,405
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