Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:04,120
ENGINE STARTS
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,080
GEAR GRINDS
3
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,320
Oh, here he comes - Mr Mop.
4
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,600
I don't use a mop, as well you know.
5
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:40,880
What are we looking at?
6
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,600
The most boring bloodbath
I've ever seen.
7
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,160
Posh old lady disturbs burglar.
He falls down the stairs
8
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:48,120
and dies. Case closed.
9
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,680
Didn't stretch the DC's expertise.
10
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,160
Poor old girl, though.
11
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,040
Oh, I wouldn't shed
too many tears for her.
12
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,480
She's a pain in the arse. Tony!
13
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,120
What have I told you? Sorry.
14
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,720
He's right.
She's a pain in the arse.
15
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:03,480
Get her precious floorboards clean,
and I'll aim to bring you
something more juicy next time.
16
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,080
Yeah, just no blood on curtains.
17
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,920
You've got a compulsion
to kill - fine.
18
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,440
Do it in the bath!
19
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,480
How come you weren't at Villa
on Saturday?
20
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,600
Someone was sick in my shoes.
21
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,600
Weasel? Of course Weasel.
22
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,240
Why do you keep hanging out
with him?
23
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,560
I don't hang out with him.
24
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,560
I've been asking him to stop
following me since primary school.
25
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,680
Took me ages to get 'em clean.
26
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,560
Poor Mr Mop - always cleaning.
27
00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,320
I don't use a mop, though,
do I, Ruth?
28
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,920
Oh, that's Sergeant Edwards,
if you don't mind.
29
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,920
DOORBELL RINGS
Hello?
30
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,560
Hello, it's Wicky from Lausen.
31
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,440
Who? Lausen, the cleaning company.
32
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:45,720
The police sent us.
33
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,760
Well, you're not the charming
elderly gentleman I spoke to.
34
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,920
No, that's the boss. He sent me.
35
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,800
Although,
when it comes to charm, I...
36
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:53,960
And you are?
37
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,120
Wicky.
38
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,080
And that's on your
birth certificate, is it?
39
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,880
Sorry, Paul Wickstead.
It's Wicky for short.
40
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,160
ID, please.
41
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,200
Step back!
42
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,640
It's not a wide-angled lens, man!
43
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:08,960
Jesus. Sorry, Nana.
44
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,400
Did you call me Nana?
45
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,400
No. You did.
46
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,800
You called me Nana.
47
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,400
Perhaps you'd like to meet Saltren.
48
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:18,920
Kill him, Saltren!
DOG BARKS
49
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,320
Bite to kill! Jesus!
50
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,600
There's no need to set
a bloody dog on me. I'm only...
51
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,640
BARKING STOPS
52
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,680
I don't have a dog. You don't?
53
00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,240
BEEP, DOG BARKS
54
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,280
BEEP, BARKING STOPS
55
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,400
Listen, I'm sorry
about the Nana thing.
56
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,560
Boots off, please!
57
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,120
Oh, I've got covers.
58
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,760
Professionalism at last.
59
00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,200
That vase - how much
do you think it's worth?
60
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,360
Pfft.
61
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:53,800
200 quid.
62
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:58,280
It was valued at auction at £20,000.
63
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,680
Jesus Christ!
What's it doing in the hall?
64
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,720
Exactly.
65
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:05,600
This is not a house where
you may flail your arms around.
66
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,640
In here, your movement
must be poised, thoughtful.
67
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,520
You must be a heron.
68
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:13,360
What must you be?
69
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:16,680
A heron?
70
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,320
A heron.
71
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:21,480
CLOCK CHIMES
72
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,680
So where did it happen?
73
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,520
I'm kidding.
I can see it happened there.
74
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,120
Sorry. Was it awful?
75
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,360
It must have been awful.
76
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:43,520
Devastating.
77
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,080
Absolutely devastating.
78
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,960
Oh, the...the footprints
are from my cat.
79
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,320
She has been disciplined.
80
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:53,960
OK.
BEEP
81
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,720
Primarily surface-level staining.
82
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:57,120
Original oak floorboards.
83
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,720
I mean, they're more
porous than some,
84
00:03:58,720 --> 00:03:59,960
but not a disaster.
85
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,320
Yeah, full restoration.
OK, this is a category six.
86
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,960
A category six?
87
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,440
Surface-level staining.
88
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:08,080
You got off very lightly,
believe me.
89
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,000
Yesterday was
a lump hammer killing
90
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,320
in a head teacher's office.
I practically had to torch the gaff.
91
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,320
Oh. No, this is fine.
92
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,800
Don't you worry.
93
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,720
By the end of the day,
it will be a distant memory
94
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,960
that a man bled to death here,
in your home.
95
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,240
To business.
96
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,200
SHE SOBS
97
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,320
I'm sorry.
98
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,840
I'm sorry, it must have been awful.
99
00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:33,280
It's a miracle that I survived.
100
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:36,880
At first, I thought the noise
that woke me must be the cat.
101
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,560
God knows, she's a heavy-footed
madam when she's tired.
102
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,520
When I came to check...
103
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,200
..there he was.
104
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,320
He must have thought that I was...
105
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,200
..I was out,
because he looked shocked.
106
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,200
And that's when he took out
a knife...this big!
107
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,840
Yikes.
108
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,400
He pushed me into the chair
with such a force,
109
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,520
I still feel like I've been skiing!
110
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,320
God, skiing? Shit.
111
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,840
And then he demanded to know
where the jewel safe was,
112
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,600
and I was not going to reveal that.
113
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,200
Hey! Now, that is silly.
114
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,240
Jewellery's not worth dying for...
115
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,480
..unless it's really nice jewellery.
116
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,920
Yours is really nice jewellery,
isn't it?
117
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:20,320
And that is exactly why
I feigned passing out.
118
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,000
Clever girl.
119
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,200
Sorry. Lady.
120
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,640
Person. Go on.
121
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:28,240
Well, I continued
to monitor him through one eye.
122
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,680
Classic half-peep.
123
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,520
Sounds like you played a blinder.
124
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:32,880
Well, a peeper.
125
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,680
Doesn't matter.
Peepy blinders. Go on.
126
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,960
Well, I stealthily observed him
127
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,520
lowering swag through the window,
128
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:43,040
and he... Oh, I can barely
bring myself to say it.
129
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,680
He was... Oh, it was monstrous!
130
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,920
It was awful!
131
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,480
Oh, God, what?
132
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,680
He stood on the sofa!
133
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,360
The cad!
134
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:56,640
I leapt to my feet.
135
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,080
"You!" I said.
136
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,480
"You may break into my home
and rob my possessions,
137
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,480
"but you will not stand
on that sofa in dirty shoes!"
138
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,200
He must have put the knife away
and died of embarrassment.
139
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,280
SHE LAUGHS
Quite the reverse.
140
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:14,640
A smirk crept across
his dastardly lips.
141
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,800
"This is what I think
about your chair,
142
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,400
"you crumpled hag," he said.
143
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:25,120
And with one swift,
awful movement, he did it.
144
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:27,720
What, the rip?
145
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,520
Well, as my grandson would say,
146
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,360
I lost my shiz.
147
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,280
You kicked him in the throat.
I threw a cushion at him.
148
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:36,440
Also good.
149
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,000
It was a heavy cushion?
150
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,440
Well, he gave chase,
151
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,400
following me
to the foot of the stairs.
152
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,720
But I have maintained senior Pilates
153
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,320
and am stronger
than he had bargained for.
154
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,280
We grappled,
but he lost his footing.
155
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,480
He grabbed at the shields,
the clubs,
156
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,200
anything on the wall.
157
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,800
No respect for any one of them.
158
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,400
Then the die was cast.
159
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,480
I watched him tumble,
160
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,680
as if in a dream,
161
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,000
his fall broken...
162
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,080
..by his own head.
163
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,720
Sheesh!
164
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,800
The sound his neck made on impact
165
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,840
will haunt me for life.
166
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,680
It was like...
SHE SIGHS
167
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,400
Someone biting a Crunchie?
168
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:26,080
A mighty oak finally succumbing
to the woodman's axe.
169
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,560
Yeah, that's way better, yeah.
170
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,840
I ran down to find him
gasping in lungfuls of air.
171
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,800
He wasn't dead? I quickly arranged
him into the recovery position.
172
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,200
Someone was a Brownie.
173
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,560
I was a surgeon in the RAF!
174
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,880
SARCASTICALLY: Yeah.
175
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,480
I made him comfortable, but, alas,
176
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,200
with a sickening gurgle...
177
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,400
..he was gone.
178
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,720
Well, I think it's pretty cool
that you even tried to help him.
179
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,680
I have lived long enough
to know the right thing to do,
180
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,080
young man. Ha!
181
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,360
Next birthday...
182
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,600
..I shall be 87 years of age.
183
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,640
Right.
184
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,360
You do not look 87.
185
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,760
SHE CHUCKLES
186
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,880
Oh, that silver tongue of yours
will get you anywhere.
187
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,120
Right, I'd better get on.
188
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,640
I have in mind you might care
for a pot of tea.
189
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,040
I think I better earn it first,
don't you?
190
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,960
And I'll start
by getting that taken away.
191
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,520
What do you mean, taken away?
192
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,160
Sorry, did you want it re-covered?
193
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,600
SHE GASPS
Do you enjoy being
194
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,320
an ignorant pig? Whoa!
195
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:33,360
It's just a sofa.
196
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,440
The Bulldog himself sat there.
197
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,840
You're not talking about
a real dog, are you?
198
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,560
Winston Churchill!
199
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:46,960
Oh, him!
200
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,080
Blimey, doesn't look like
it could take his weight.
201
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,280
How dare you mock the great man!
202
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,240
Well, I mean, he wasn't shy
at the buffet, was he?
203
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,280
Sorry.
204
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,280
Did you meet him?
205
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,960
Fleetingly, as a small girl.
206
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,840
My name is Vivien Hozier.
207
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,200
I am a niece three times removed.
208
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,960
My granny could get
her whole hand in her mouth.
209
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,240
It has a rich history.
210
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,000
Balfour smoked on this very sofa,
211
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,360
Chamberlain sipped tea
from the colonies
212
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,680
long before Winston faced
213
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,440
that twisted Austrian. Who?
214
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,600
Hitler.
215
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,000
Hitler sat on it?
216
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,360
Cool!
217
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,720
Hitler did not sit on it,
for God's sake.
218
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,200
It is a symbol of everything
that defeated him.
219
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:33,920
When we heard that my father
had fallen in Normandy...
220
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:39,800
SHE WAILS: I have mourned
on this very sofa!
221
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,960
Right! I won't get it taken away.
222
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,160
SOFT THUDS
Hey...
223
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:46,680
Sorry.
224
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,680
My dad always said
I've got a smart mouth,
225
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,160
but it's not connected to a brain.
226
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,160
He made up a song about it,
actually.
227
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,160
He's a terrible role model.
228
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,160
You are a simple working man,
229
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,120
I understand that.
230
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:03,320
Yes. Yes.
231
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,160
You just want to do your job
and get home.
232
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,400
I'll do a good job.
233
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,640
Probably can't even read or write.
234
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:10,680
Hang on.
235
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:14,640
Try and see this
as a piece of history,
236
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,560
not somewhere to break wind
and watch television.
237
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,080
Do you have a television?
238
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,440
Yeah.
239
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,480
Yeah, I'm going to get on.
240
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,760
I shall warm the pot!
241
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,520
How many sugars do you take?
242
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,960
I don't take sugar. Oh...
243
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,520
I must say I'm impressed.
244
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,640
You work with devouement.
245
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,560
I think you'll find
I work with acetone.
246
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:56,000
SHE LAUGHS
Another little joke.
247
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,520
Your job makes you happy.
248
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,240
I like that. It's just a job.
249
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,680
WICKY SIGHS
250
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,880
He really did bleed,
this bloke, didn't he?
251
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,400
And would one...? Would one
have to train to be a...?
252
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,600
A crime scene cleaner? Mm.
253
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,880
Of course one would train.
Yes, of course.
254
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,240
Well, you're a cut above
the woman who does the house.
255
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,720
I mean, she can barely
dress herself.
256
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,400
You like your little role,
don't you?
257
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,720
Well, I wouldn't do it
if I didn't have to, but...
258
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,240
..you do get to see how people live.
259
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:31,040
I mean, I say live -
they're mainly horribly dead,
260
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,280
but it's a taste of another life,
do you know what I mean?
261
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,960
It sounds stupid, but...
262
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,320
Well, go on.
263
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,360
If someone's died
in their own home,
264
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,000
I, uh, I like putting things
right for them.
265
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,600
"Put things right." How noble.
266
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,480
Well, better for things
to be left as they were
267
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,720
in the happy times,
you know, before...
268
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,080
Well, before their brains got
splattered all over the carpet.
269
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,080
Oh, for God's sake, man. Sorry,
270
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,480
but you be thankful
this one was fresh.
271
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,680
If they've been left,
it can be rank.
272
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,360
Rank? You don't want to know.
273
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:08,680
Insects, bacteria - it's gross.
274
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,160
There was one last week...
275
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,920
HE SIGHS
276
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,640
I mean, the stench of decay
in that room,
277
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,520
it was so heavy in the air,
278
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,040
it was like...
279
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,200
It was like my nan had farted
in my mouth.
280
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,160
And she only ate ham.
281
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,600
Oh, God. Don't worry.
282
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,200
That's only when I do work
for the council, you know,
283
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,160
with old people who've...
284
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,320
Died a solitary death, huh?
285
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,880
I'm sure you will live
for many years to come.
286
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:41,120
I shall die at 93,
like all the rest of my family.
287
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,720
Leave me your card.
288
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,320
I should like you
to put things right for me
289
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:46,960
when the time comes.
290
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,600
Oh, I shall pay in advance.
291
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,120
Do you think you'll still
be cleaning in five years?
292
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,520
And she still thinks
I'm just a cleaner.
293
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,040
Observe. Oh, you can leave that.
294
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,840
It's an old stain.
I've tried to get it out
295
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,000
for over a decade. Is that right?
296
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,040
Mm.
297
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,560
Oh...
298
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,400
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
Et voila!
299
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,880
Oh! Looks like the training
paid off, doesn't it?
300
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,240
Oh, it's a miracle!
301
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:21,520
Could I borrow that?
302
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,520
I have a job
it could make light work of.
303
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,240
You'll have to get me to do it.
304
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,480
This stuff's serious.
You have to have a permit.
305
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,320
I once saw it dissolve
an entire mouse.
306
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,360
You are rather good at what you do.
307
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,120
You sound surprised. I am.
308
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,640
Oh, believe me, I am.
309
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:42,080
Not on there!
It's Regency, for God's sake!
310
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,120
This is a very confusing
relationship!
311
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:03,600
Miss Hozier?
312
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,840
Miss Hozier?
313
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,080
Shut up!
314
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:33,280
Oh, my God! Do you want
my heart to explode?
315
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,960
Tell me this isn't yours.
316
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:40,440
This house has been
in my family for generations.
317
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:42,320
It's all mine.
318
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,840
You've got an Aston Martin?
319
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,240
Oh, that old thing.
320
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,680
That old...? This is a Volante.
321
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,800
It's one of the most
beautiful cars ever made.
322
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,200
What is it, a '79?
323
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,480
'80, I think.
324
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,600
'80. 5.3 litre.
325
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,080
Have you any idea
how much this car's worth?
326
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,160
At least five vases.
327
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,280
Do you know what?
328
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,160
I sometimes imagine that
I'm cleaning up for the Mob,
329
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,000
like after someone's been whacked,
330
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,960
and this - this is my getaway car.
331
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,680
It's about the only way
I could afford one.
332
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,040
I thought we had established
that crime doesn't pay.
333
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,520
DOORBELL RINGS
334
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:22,760
Ah, that'll be Sir James.
335
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,200
Hey, what was it
you wanted me to clean?
336
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,600
Where is the bastard now?
337
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,440
I'll flog him myself!
338
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,000
He died in the struggle.
He fell down the stairs.
339
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,280
Good! I've a mind to go to
the morgue and flog him anyway.
340
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:42,160
Who would do this
to an artefact, Sir James?
341
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,320
They don't know right from wrong!
342
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,920
Morals of a...howler monkey!
343
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:50,040
I'm amazed he didn't do toilet
on it afterwards.
344
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,560
Now, have the police
secured the building?
345
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,960
Oh, they've sent a man,
346
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,800
and he has nailed down
the window for us.
347
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,040
Yeah.
348
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,360
Ah! Total botched job!
349
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,880
They're not trained for anything,
that's the problem.
350
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,800
I remember the time when
a bobby was a military man.
351
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:09,960
Discipline! Nowadays,
it's children in long hats.
352
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,640
Hiya. I know the police sergeant
in charge, actually,
353
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:13,840
and she's very good.
354
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,240
Who the hell are you?
355
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,840
Oh, this is Wicky. He's come
to help clean up the mess.
356
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,000
Ah! A male cleaner!
357
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,440
The world's gone mad.
358
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:23,920
HE GRUNTS
359
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,840
Women in pubs drinking pints.
360
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,040
Two boys taking over
Penny's flower shop.
361
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,160
I'm telling you,
362
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,200
within our lifetime,
we will be swapping clothes
363
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,480
and having sex with robots!
364
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,200
They're looking into that, you know.
365
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,360
Well, apparently, he's trained.
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
366
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,560
He has some special fluid.
367
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,960
You don't need chemicals
on that stair, you need tallow.
368
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,160
What's tallow? Gah, I knew it.
369
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,160
I have some tallow. Oh.
370
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,080
I predicted this when I played golf
with the Chief Inspector
371
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,120
last week.
372
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,280
Oh, there is social housing
a moped ride from here.
373
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,480
All on benefits. Imagine...
374
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,960
They only go out of the house
to rob.
375
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,240
Rest of the time,
they're on their video games.
376
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,720
Won't be long before
they evolve giant thumbs.
377
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,720
And what then, huh? Well,
378
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,400
hopefully, they'll starve to death
379
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,280
because they can no longer open
their precious bags of crisps.
380
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,120
Tallow!
381
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,400
Yeah, good girl.
382
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,120
THEY CHUCKLE
Here.
383
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,200
Apply that.
384
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,640
Sorry, what is this?
385
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,680
BOTH: Mutton fat!
386
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,680
I don't think I'm going to
put that on the carpet,
387
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,400
because I think it might be insane.
388
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,640
There you have it.
389
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,720
Traditional skills lost forever.
390
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,320
Right, until this house
is properly secured,
391
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,080
I want the whole area patrolled.
392
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,000
I'll go and put together a roster
393
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,120
from some of the Pony Club boys.
394
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:47,160
Gay boyband?
395
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,120
You ever been chased
by a mounted man?
396
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:53,960
Not for ages.
397
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,280
A protester I once pursued
soiled himself,
398
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:58,680
front and back,
399
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,480
after merely hearing
the thunder of hooves on turf.
400
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,280
The environment was
the least of his concerns,
401
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,720
I can tell you. Hmph.
402
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:11,440
We will hunt them down like vermin.
403
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,520
You're so kind.
404
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,880
HE KISSES
405
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,480
Yeah.
406
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,800
Bring a shotgun
when I come back tomorrow.
407
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,280
You need a weapon in this house.
408
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,320
HE SHOUTS: A weapon!
409
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,120
Sir James is very well connected.
410
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:44,600
He seems lovely. Mm.
411
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,480
I still can't believe the blood
came this far, you know.
412
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,080
Doesn't make sense
from a neck break.
413
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,360
Where were you standing?
414
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:55,720
Oh... In the middle of the stairs.
415
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,720
So why weren't you covered in it?
416
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,600
I... It must have missed me.
417
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,800
No, no, the spatter pattern means...
418
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,560
It means that you would have been...
419
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,080
Well, I must get on.
420
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,240
Hang on.
421
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,120
What was it you wanted me to clean?
422
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,640
What?
423
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,120
In the other room.
What was it you wanted me to clean?
424
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,360
Oh...
425
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,000
SHE LAUGHS
..it wasn't important.
426
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,920
A brass pig.
427
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,360
A brass pig?
428
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,520
A brass pig, my arse.
429
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,160
Where are you going?
430
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,120
You've done a pretty good job
of getting it clean.
431
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,520
But to make blood undetectable,
432
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,160
you need a specialist fluid.
433
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,680
I'll make a pot of tea.
434
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,720
So he didn't die in the fall?
435
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,440
Well, I thought he had at first.
436
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,400
He really did land badly.
437
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,520
The sound was like a...
438
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,960
Yeah, yeah, mighty oak,
Crunchie. So?
439
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,360
Well, I picked up one of the clubs
he pulled down in the fall.
440
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:17,160
I wanted to be armed
in case he came for me.
441
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,840
For when his broken neck had healed?
442
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,680
I was going to call the police,
443
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,920
I really was, but then I...
444
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,080
..then I saw it again.
445
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,680
How could he?!
446
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,560
All of this heritage destroyed,
and for what?
447
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,600
What?
448
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,560
Not the damn chair again?!
449
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,480
Barely remember picking up the club.
450
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,280
It was a beautiful swing,
under the circumstances.
451
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,480
I've been taking lessons.
452
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,040
One clean stroke...
453
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,840
..and it was done.
454
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,200
You killed him? Well, anyone
would have done the same.
455
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,520
I wouldn't!
456
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,280
Well, what's done is done.
457
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,680
I must get on.
458
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,280
Wait! I can't let this go.
459
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,560
I have to report it.
You murdered him!
460
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:05,200
And who will believe the cleaner?
461
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,240
I knew you didn't respect
the training.
462
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,880
Oh, I have plenty of people
to vouch for my character.
463
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,760
It's not inconceivable that
you dreamt the whole thing up.
464
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,880
An admired member of the community
465
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,760
blackmailed by an unskilled labourer.
466
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:19,920
Unskilled?
467
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,600
I cleaned your lamp!
468
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,200
He was a common criminal.
469
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,400
Who will miss him?
470
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,520
How do you know
what was going on in his life?
471
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,240
He might have a sick child.
Oh, put your violin away!
472
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,520
An eye for an eye -
it's in the Bible.
473
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,280
Oh, yeah. Thou shalt not steal,
474
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,480
or you'll get smacked round the back
of the head with a golf club.
475
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:40,800
How much do you want?
476
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,240
HE SCOFFS
You're not listening.
477
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,160
You could get an education,
you could get a better job,
478
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,160
really make something of your life.
479
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,040
My job means that
I can buy everything I need
480
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,680
and still have enough money
481
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,000
to give myself a hangover
every weekend.
482
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,360
You cannot buy your way out of this.
483
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,240
Well...
SHE CHUCKLES SOFTLY
484
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,880
..I really don't have
much use for that car.
485
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,200
What, the Aston? Yes.
486
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,280
I only use it for popping down
to the shops.
487
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,680
I mean, that's the worst thing
you've said today.
488
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,080
It's an Aston Martin.
489
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,440
Exactly.
490
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,080
Such a waste.
491
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,560
Ah...
492
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,000
I see.
493
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,440
Well, you can forget it.
494
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,760
I couldn't even afford
to insure the damn thing.
495
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,880
Oh, I shall insure it for you.
496
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,640
Let's call it my advance payment
497
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,960
for you making things right for me.
Hm?
498
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,600
Now, I must get on.
499
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,040
I have church later.
500
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:45,520
Miss Hozier...
501
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,360
Please, Wicky.
502
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:54,280
Please?
503
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,120
God, it's beautiful.
504
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,840
PHONE RINGS
505
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:18,760
HE SIGHS
506
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,880
Weasel, what do you want? It was me.
507
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,560
What? I sicked in your shoes.
508
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:23,960
I knew it was you.
509
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,320
Oh, right.
510
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,840
It's just, Jen said you might
have thought it was Fat Carl
511
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,200
and, at first, I was happy,
512
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,080
because you'd be cross with him
instead of me,
513
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,560
but then I thought,
if you end up punching him,
I'll feel bad. It's OK.
514
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,360
I'll clean them
if you leave them in the pub.
515
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:39,640
No, listen, Weasel.
I appreciate you calling.
516
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,760
It's good that you did
the right thing.
517
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:43,600
Hang on, it wasn't my fault.
I'd had a bad...
518
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:44,640
CALL ENDS
519
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,000
HE SIGHS
520
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:50,520
Dammit.
521
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,200
YELL, THUD
522
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:58,600
YELLS AND GROANS
523
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,640
Jesus! What the hell?
524
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,600
Ah, what did I tell you?
525
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,680
24 hours they've had,
526
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:08,520
and I was able to break back in
from the side window!
527
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:09,840
Is that a crowbar?
528
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:13,160
Yes, an everyday crowbar,
and I'm back in!
529
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,240
You people are in league
with the underworld!
530
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,400
I'll have all your jobs.
531
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,600
Right. Well, you're the one
who's broken the law.
532
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,760
Oh, well, we'll see what
the Chief Inspector says about that.
533
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,440
It's called civic duty.
534
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,040
For God's sake! Get out!
535
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,840
I can't. What?
536
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,320
I have my trouser caught.
537
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,360
They're genetically modifying
beef to grow like lettuce,
538
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,120
you know.
539
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:42,720
No more farms...
540
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,560
..just limbless cows on shelves.
541
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:49,560
Be quiet.
542
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,720
FABRIC RIPS, SIR JAMES GROANS
543
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,040
Right.
HE GROANS
544
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:55,480
HE STRAINS
545
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,440
And they're putting chemicals
in the water.
546
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,120
I've seen crows
the size of Labradors.
547
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,960
Go home, you silly man.
548
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,000
Yeah...
549
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:14,800
She's a fine woman, you know,
Vivien Hozier. Good stock.
550
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,480
She deserves something
more than this.
551
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:44,000
Get...off...my...sofa!
552
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,840
Wait... Wait!
553
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:48,960
RIP
554
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,440
SHE SOBS
Oh, no, no!
555
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,080
It's ruined. Look what
you've made me do!
556
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:57,400
It's ruined!
557
00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:58,440
Miss Hozier...
558
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,000
Why don't you understand?
559
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,240
It's my history, it's my family!
560
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:06,720
It isn't. They don't care
about the chair. They've gone!
561
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,600
He didn't deserve what you did,
Vivien.
562
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,960
Well...
563
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,680
..I imagine you...
564
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,480
..you have to make a phone call.
565
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,440
Yes. I'm sorry.
566
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,280
What are you doing with that?
567
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,120
I'm putting it back
where it belongs.
568
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:46,200
My barrister is a great admirer
of my artefacts,
569
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,840
and I'd hate him
to see things out of place.
570
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:49,960
Your barrister?
571
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,040
Yes, he's on his way.
572
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,760
He doesn't think
I'll have a problem.
573
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,040
The circumstances, my reputation...
574
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,600
He doubts it'll even come to court.
575
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,320
You have your way of cleaning up...
576
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,280
..and I have mine.
577
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,000
Right.
578
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,240
SHE SCREAMS
579
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,240
No!
THUD
580
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,560
It was just a sofa.
581
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,560
PHONE RINGS
582
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,200
Well, well, well, Mr Mop.
583
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,960
A call on my private phone.
584
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,520
This is an unexpected treat.
585
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:02,200
What?
586
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:04,680
What's up?
587
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,600
No. No, fine. We'll come now.
588
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,560
OK. Yeah, thanks.
589
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,320
Dammit!
41206
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
