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1
00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:10,373
[Emma] Jessop square had
gone opportunity knocks mad.
2
00:00:10,533 --> 00:00:12,613
[Upbeat pop music]
3
00:00:12,773 --> 00:00:14,433
So mum decided that the
grown-ups were going to
4
00:00:14,453 --> 00:00:17,773
have their own version,
jessopportunity knocks.
5
00:00:17,933 --> 00:00:20,093
Mum hadn't decided what
she was going to do for it yet,
6
00:00:20,213 --> 00:00:24,333
but she had decided
she was going to win.
7
00:00:24,493 --> 00:00:26,033
Everyone was looking
for an up-to-the-minute
8
00:00:26,053 --> 00:00:28,213
craze to show off.
9
00:00:28,373 --> 00:00:32,253
Dad was having a go at
this thing called kung fu.
10
00:00:34,893 --> 00:00:38,213
But it wasn't just the grown-ups
who were going to have fun.
11
00:00:38,373 --> 00:00:42,053
[Upbeat rock music]
12
00:00:42,213 --> 00:00:45,173
I'd found my own
brand-new thing.
13
00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:46,493
♪ Domestic flying ♪
14
00:00:46,653 --> 00:00:48,413
♪ and when the
stewardess is near ♪
15
00:00:48,573 --> 00:00:50,773
♪ do not show him any fear ♪
16
00:00:50,933 --> 00:00:52,733
♪ hearbeat,
increasing heartbeat ♪
17
00:00:52,893 --> 00:00:54,773
Ow, Brenda!
18
00:00:54,933 --> 00:00:55,933
Honestly, Tony.
19
00:00:56,093 --> 00:00:57,413
You're not Hong Kong phooey.
20
00:00:57,573 --> 00:00:58,773
Number one super guy.
21
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:00,693
Hello, that's me.
22
00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,693
Jenny, pass me the sticky tape.
23
00:01:02,853 --> 00:01:05,253
This plaster's useless.
24
00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:06,973
I love hobbies.
25
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,493
I tried knife throwing once.
26
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,053
Yeah, with a bread knife.
27
00:01:11,213 --> 00:01:13,213
I've still got the scar.
28
00:01:14,213 --> 00:01:15,733
There you go.
29
00:01:15,893 --> 00:01:16,893
All fixed.
30
00:01:17,613 --> 00:01:19,013
I'm back.
31
00:01:19,173 --> 00:01:20,773
You went to wood too soon, Tony.
32
00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:24,293
You should have started with
something easier, like toast.
33
00:01:24,453 --> 00:01:25,773
Here, hold that, Brenda.
34
00:01:25,933 --> 00:01:27,373
Ridiculous fad.
35
00:01:27,533 --> 00:01:29,453
No, firmly at the sides.
36
00:01:29,613 --> 00:01:31,333
Okay, here goes.
37
00:01:31,493 --> 00:01:32,573
Hi-Yah! Oh!
38
00:01:32,733 --> 00:01:33,493
Saints alive.
39
00:01:33,653 --> 00:01:35,013
Is that wholemeal?
40
00:01:35,173 --> 00:01:36,973
No, hold it out again.
41
00:01:39,413 --> 00:01:40,613
Hi-Yah! Oh!
42
00:01:40,773 --> 00:01:41,773
Holy moley!
43
00:01:42,813 --> 00:01:43,853
That's cooked bread.
44
00:01:44,013 --> 00:01:45,893
It's cooked bread, Tony.
45
00:01:46,053 --> 00:01:49,013
[Toast crunching]
46
00:01:49,173 --> 00:01:50,573
Mum! Dad!
47
00:01:50,733 --> 00:01:53,373
I've seen a thing called a
skateboard and it is the future.
48
00:01:53,533 --> 00:01:54,693
A skateboard?
49
00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:56,273
I don't know what
that is, but, oooh.
50
00:01:56,293 --> 00:01:57,893
It's a death trap on wheels.
51
00:01:58,053 --> 00:01:59,773
I must have one.
52
00:01:59,933 --> 00:02:04,493
All right, but no pads,
no helmet, no skateboard.
53
00:02:04,653 --> 00:02:06,013
Understood.
54
00:02:06,173 --> 00:02:07,673
I think I might be really
good at skateboards.
55
00:02:07,693 --> 00:02:08,953
Can't you try and be
really good at getting
56
00:02:08,973 --> 00:02:10,093
into university instead?
57
00:02:10,253 --> 00:02:11,493
Or being an engineer?
58
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:12,413
I'm 10.
59
00:02:12,573 --> 00:02:13,693
Where are the fun times?
60
00:02:13,853 --> 00:02:15,573
Okay, but you have
to pay for it yourself.
61
00:02:15,733 --> 00:02:16,813
Yes!
62
00:02:16,973 --> 00:02:18,393
There's one in the
window at Roy's toys.
63
00:02:18,413 --> 00:02:20,653
I must get it before
anyone else does.
64
00:02:20,813 --> 00:02:22,733
There is nothing
more important, mum.
65
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,453
So competitive.
66
00:02:24,613 --> 00:02:26,773
I don't know where
she gets it from.
67
00:02:26,933 --> 00:02:31,453
I'm going to go and see
how much I've got saved up.
68
00:02:31,613 --> 00:02:34,373
I wonder what we should
do for the talent show?
69
00:02:34,533 --> 00:02:35,853
You and me should
do disco, Jenny.
70
00:02:35,933 --> 00:02:36,933
It's so now.
71
00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:41,213
Oh no, I can't do the disco.
72
00:02:41,373 --> 00:02:42,773
Yet, Jenny, yet.
73
00:02:44,093 --> 00:02:45,273
So, it's men
versus women, is it?
74
00:02:45,293 --> 00:02:45,933
Ah-ha.
75
00:02:46,093 --> 00:02:47,093
Kung fu it is.
76
00:02:47,173 --> 00:02:48,653
[Grunting]
77
00:02:48,813 --> 00:02:49,813
Ha! Ah!
78
00:02:49,973 --> 00:02:51,253
[Laughing]
79
00:02:51,413 --> 00:02:52,573
We've so got this in the bag.
80
00:02:52,733 --> 00:02:53,533
As if.
81
00:02:53,693 --> 00:02:54,693
Hang on.
82
00:02:54,853 --> 00:02:56,053
Are you even allowed to enter?
83
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,613
Jessopportunity
knocks was your idea,
84
00:02:57,773 --> 00:02:59,873
which means you're in charge,
which is technically cheating.
85
00:02:59,893 --> 00:03:01,573
Providing the vision, yes.
86
00:03:01,733 --> 00:03:02,533
In charge, no.
87
00:03:02,693 --> 00:03:03,813
The Palmers are judging.
88
00:03:03,973 --> 00:03:05,813
Kung fu versus disco.
89
00:03:05,973 --> 00:03:07,893
Oh, it's perfect.
90
00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:11,413
Here, I've got a disco
move for you, girls.
91
00:03:11,573 --> 00:03:14,373
[Mimics funk music]
92
00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:18,693
[Mimics gun cocking and firing]
93
00:03:18,853 --> 00:03:20,973
You can have that for free.
94
00:03:23,493 --> 00:03:25,973
[Chuckles]
95
00:03:26,133 --> 00:03:27,293
[Tony] How much have you got?
96
00:03:27,453 --> 00:03:30,573
77 pence and nine
pounds in pennies.
97
00:03:30,733 --> 00:03:32,573
How am I going to find
the extra three pounds?
98
00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:34,813
That's months' worth
of pocket money, dad.
99
00:03:34,973 --> 00:03:36,413
Well, you could do jobs for it.
100
00:03:36,573 --> 00:03:38,853
But there are no pits
round here to go down.
101
00:03:39,013 --> 00:03:40,293
Or chimneys to go up.
102
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,133
You're not a victorian orphan.
103
00:03:42,293 --> 00:03:43,733
Have a look in the job pages.
104
00:03:43,893 --> 00:03:45,373
That'll give you some ideas.
105
00:03:45,533 --> 00:03:48,693
Anyway, I've got chopping
to do and I don't mean carrots.
106
00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:51,013
[Mimics kung fu chops]
107
00:03:51,173 --> 00:03:52,533
[Emma] Mum always
said if something
108
00:03:52,573 --> 00:03:54,613
was worth doing, it was
worth doing properly,
109
00:03:54,773 --> 00:03:57,453
efficiently and with someone
else doing the typing.
110
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,093
So, how are we
getting on with our vip
111
00:03:59,253 --> 00:04:01,013
master of ceremonies, Dee?
112
00:04:01,173 --> 00:04:05,373
Well, I rang the who's
manager, like you told me to.
113
00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:06,573
They're not interested.
114
00:04:06,733 --> 00:04:07,973
Oh.
115
00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:08,813
Mick Jagger?
116
00:04:08,973 --> 00:04:10,453
He's a bit busy.
117
00:04:10,613 --> 00:04:12,573
But I do have Tony Bennett.
118
00:04:12,733 --> 00:04:13,733
Tony Bennett?
119
00:04:13,813 --> 00:04:15,173
The Tony Bennett?
120
00:04:15,333 --> 00:04:15,973
Yes.
121
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:16,973
The Tony Bennett.
122
00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,373
From Hollywood?
123
00:04:18,533 --> 00:04:20,533
No, from the news agents.
124
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:21,693
Oh.
125
00:04:22,573 --> 00:04:24,653
And I do have a grand prize.
126
00:04:24,813 --> 00:04:26,133
Oh!
127
00:04:26,293 --> 00:04:27,293
A grand prize?
128
00:04:28,773 --> 00:04:29,613
A washing machine?
129
00:04:29,773 --> 00:04:30,773
A speedboat?
130
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:31,973
A bontempi organ?
131
00:04:32,133 --> 00:04:33,133
No.
132
00:04:33,213 --> 00:04:34,493
An actual trophy.
133
00:04:35,573 --> 00:04:37,613
An actual trophy?
134
00:04:37,773 --> 00:04:38,773
An actual trophy.
135
00:04:38,893 --> 00:04:40,413
Well, let's see it.
136
00:04:43,373 --> 00:04:44,373
Ta-da!
137
00:04:45,053 --> 00:04:46,053
Wow.
138
00:04:47,533 --> 00:04:51,253
There's space for the winner's
name to be engraved there.
139
00:04:51,413 --> 00:04:54,893
Imagine that, first name ever
to be engraved on a trophy
140
00:04:55,053 --> 00:04:57,453
for jessopportunity knocks.
141
00:04:57,613 --> 00:04:59,333
Yes, well, that's
a proper runner.
142
00:04:59,493 --> 00:05:01,153
Given that we're
recording this for history,
143
00:05:01,173 --> 00:05:03,893
I should make clear, you
mustn't feel under any pressure
144
00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,973
to make Jenny and I the winners.
145
00:05:06,133 --> 00:05:07,453
We're not under any pressure.
146
00:05:07,613 --> 00:05:09,613
The winner will be
decided by a clap-o-meter.
147
00:05:09,773 --> 00:05:10,893
A clap-o-meter?
148
00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:13,093
Yes, like the real
opportunity knocks.
149
00:05:13,253 --> 00:05:15,773
Once it's made, it's
up to the audience.
150
00:05:15,933 --> 00:05:16,693
Have you made it?
151
00:05:16,853 --> 00:05:18,053
Just the technological bit.
152
00:05:18,213 --> 00:05:19,533
David designed the blueprints
153
00:05:19,693 --> 00:05:21,653
and gave the
circuit board to Tony.
154
00:05:21,813 --> 00:05:23,093
To Tony?
155
00:05:23,253 --> 00:05:24,773
Hang on, what if
he tampers with it,
156
00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:26,573
gives himself an advantage?
157
00:05:26,733 --> 00:05:27,733
It can't be fixed.
158
00:05:27,853 --> 00:05:29,013
It responds to volume.
159
00:05:29,173 --> 00:05:30,453
Louder the clap, higher it goes.
160
00:05:30,573 --> 00:05:32,573
A bit like me. [Laughing]
161
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:33,493
[Clapping]
162
00:05:33,653 --> 00:05:36,373
[Laughing]
163
00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:39,173
And it means we can enter
jessopportunity knocks as well.
164
00:05:39,333 --> 00:05:41,373
Oh, you're entering
jessopportunity knocks?
165
00:05:41,533 --> 00:05:42,653
What are you doing?
166
00:05:42,813 --> 00:05:45,573
Oh-ho, you'll have
to wait and see.
167
00:05:46,773 --> 00:05:48,853
[Chuckles]
168
00:05:55,613 --> 00:05:58,293
[Clearing throat]
169
00:05:58,453 --> 00:06:00,053
Do you want to pass
me that blueprint?
170
00:06:00,213 --> 00:06:01,453
I just want to check something.
171
00:06:01,613 --> 00:06:03,053
Does this thing actually work?
172
00:06:03,213 --> 00:06:05,073
Because I want you to know
that I know all your tricks.
173
00:06:05,093 --> 00:06:06,093
Tricks?
174
00:06:10,013 --> 00:06:11,013
[Kiss smacking]
175
00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:12,333
I thought you liked my tricks.
176
00:06:12,493 --> 00:06:13,893
Yes, I like those tricks.
177
00:06:14,053 --> 00:06:15,373
But you know what I mean.
178
00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:17,133
Oh, am I cheating?
179
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:18,453
Is that what you mean?
180
00:06:18,613 --> 00:06:20,573
No, Brenda, it's not possible.
181
00:06:20,733 --> 00:06:24,253
Now, we should have
a working clap-o-meter.
182
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:29,133
[Clapping]
183
00:06:30,413 --> 00:06:32,213
[Laughing]
184
00:06:32,373 --> 00:06:34,853
Right, you clap,
but clap louder.
185
00:06:35,013 --> 00:06:36,973
[Clapping and laughing]
186
00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:37,933
Oh, that's super, Tony.
187
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:38,813
Clap again.
188
00:06:38,973 --> 00:06:40,813
[Clapping]
189
00:06:40,973 --> 00:06:42,733
Let's hear it for Tony and Tim.
190
00:06:42,893 --> 00:06:44,373
They're amazing.
191
00:06:44,533 --> 00:06:45,853
Oh! Who's this?
192
00:06:46,013 --> 00:06:47,573
It's Brenda and Jenny.
193
00:06:47,733 --> 00:06:50,133
Jessop square sensations!
194
00:06:50,293 --> 00:06:51,293
Whoo!
195
00:06:52,293 --> 00:06:53,533
Oh, we win the trophy.
196
00:06:53,693 --> 00:06:54,493
Super.
197
00:06:54,653 --> 00:06:55,293
Yeah?
198
00:06:55,453 --> 00:06:56,573
We'll see about that.
199
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:59,133
Know this, Tony,
I'm watching you.
200
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:02,213
Yes, I'm watching you 'n' all.
201
00:07:02,373 --> 00:07:03,373
Saucy.
202
00:07:05,853 --> 00:07:08,813
Being 10, I wasn't allowed to
impersonate Russian monks
203
00:07:08,973 --> 00:07:10,853
or train ferrets.
204
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:15,013
Instead, I would have to
go into business on my own.
205
00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:21,093
[Grunting]
206
00:07:21,253 --> 00:07:22,613
You all right, Tony?
207
00:07:22,773 --> 00:07:23,413
What are you doing?
208
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:24,213
Oh, there you are.
209
00:07:24,373 --> 00:07:25,813
Come on, Tim.
210
00:07:25,973 --> 00:07:26,573
We've got to be in tip-top
condition if we're going
211
00:07:26,733 --> 00:07:27,853
to beat the girls.
212
00:07:28,013 --> 00:07:29,613
There's a trophy
to play for, Tim.
213
00:07:29,773 --> 00:07:30,893
A trophy.
214
00:07:31,053 --> 00:07:32,453
I love trophies,
Tony, I love 'em.
215
00:07:32,613 --> 00:07:35,013
But the thing is, I've been
doing some research into disco.
216
00:07:35,173 --> 00:07:36,253
Good man.
217
00:07:36,413 --> 00:07:37,893
Know your enemy and all that.
218
00:07:38,053 --> 00:07:40,073
And it looks like it's all
about club-going, dancing,
219
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,493
fashion, drugs and
sexual promiscuity.
220
00:07:42,653 --> 00:07:43,813
Ah-huh. Right?
221
00:07:43,973 --> 00:07:45,773
Kung fu's mostly just
about time and effort.
222
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,693
Now, Tim, you will know kung fu.
223
00:07:48,853 --> 00:07:49,693
You will know it.
224
00:07:49,853 --> 00:07:51,333
Right.
225
00:07:51,493 --> 00:07:53,293
I think I'd rather know
about the other stuff.
226
00:07:53,453 --> 00:07:54,613
Now, then.
227
00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:56,333
I may have been hasty.
228
00:07:56,493 --> 00:08:00,613
As a feminist, i'm
uncomfortable about enforcing
229
00:08:00,773 --> 00:08:04,293
patriarchal stereotypes by
having women versus men.
230
00:08:04,453 --> 00:08:05,853
Jenny's no good at the disco.
231
00:08:06,013 --> 00:08:07,613
I'm no good at the disco.
232
00:08:07,773 --> 00:08:08,773
Look.
233
00:08:10,053 --> 00:08:12,933
[Upbeat disco music]
234
00:08:20,253 --> 00:08:23,133
[Fingers snapping]
235
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:33,693
♪ d-i-s-c-o ♪
236
00:08:33,853 --> 00:08:35,053
What is that?
237
00:08:35,213 --> 00:08:36,453
It's all I've got.
238
00:08:36,613 --> 00:08:38,053
Wow.
239
00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:39,853
You're in trouble, innit?
240
00:08:40,013 --> 00:08:41,493
No, no, no, I'm not in trouble,
241
00:08:41,653 --> 00:08:44,893
because I will be
doing the disco with Tim.
242
00:08:45,053 --> 00:08:47,013
Thank you, baby Jesus.
243
00:08:47,173 --> 00:08:48,753
Why are you not
picking me for the disco?
244
00:08:48,773 --> 00:08:50,073
Do you remember
that time you danced
245
00:08:50,093 --> 00:08:50,933
at Ian Nash's wedding?
246
00:08:51,093 --> 00:08:51,933
Yeah.
247
00:08:52,093 --> 00:08:53,173
And there's your answer.
248
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,693
You'll be doing
kung fu with Jenny.
249
00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:57,093
I cannot do kung fu with a
pregnant woman, Brenda.
250
00:08:57,253 --> 00:08:59,973
Kung fu is more a state of mind.
251
00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:02,493
It's all about your
yin-Yang, being in Harmony.
252
00:09:02,653 --> 00:09:04,813
Your yin-Yang's
fine, isn't it, Jenny?
253
00:09:04,973 --> 00:09:05,773
Well i...
254
00:09:05,933 --> 00:09:07,053
She's pregnant.
255
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:10,493
She needs to learn self-defense.
256
00:09:10,653 --> 00:09:12,093
She is brutal, Tony.
257
00:09:12,253 --> 00:09:14,173
Oh, you have no idea.
258
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,813
Oh-ho-ho, what's all this, then?
259
00:09:21,973 --> 00:09:24,053
I am now a super spy.
260
00:09:24,213 --> 00:09:26,493
Here, you can all have my card.
261
00:09:29,573 --> 00:09:30,793
I mean, it's
resourceful, Columbo,
262
00:09:30,813 --> 00:09:32,253
but wouldn't a paper
round be easier?
263
00:09:32,413 --> 00:09:33,413
What am I good at?
264
00:09:33,533 --> 00:09:35,253
Hearing stuff and repeating it.
265
00:09:35,413 --> 00:09:36,693
I'm playing to my
strengths, Tim.
266
00:09:36,813 --> 00:09:37,933
She's not wrong.
267
00:09:38,093 --> 00:09:39,213
Right, Jenny, come on.
268
00:09:39,373 --> 00:09:40,973
Let's go and get
on with this kung fu.
269
00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:44,213
And then, we're going
to win that trophy.
270
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,493
No, you won't.
271
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,093
We will.
272
00:09:48,253 --> 00:09:51,013
Tim, get into your
tightest trousers.
273
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:54,853
We have a super advanced
disco class to attend.
274
00:09:55,013 --> 00:09:56,613
Let the games begin!
275
00:09:58,053 --> 00:10:02,013
♪ Everybody was
kung fu fighting ♪
276
00:10:02,173 --> 00:10:05,573
♪ those kids were
fast as lightning ♪
277
00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:06,373
Quick tap.
278
00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:07,973
Ow! Jumble-aye-ah!
279
00:10:08,133 --> 00:10:10,013
Oh, god, that smarts!
280
00:10:10,173 --> 00:10:11,493
Do you need more sticky tape?
281
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:12,913
Oh, you're a ruddy
menace, Jenny.
282
00:10:12,933 --> 00:10:14,253
Sorry.
283
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:17,733
Didn't know I had such
a powerful yin-Yang.
284
00:10:17,893 --> 00:10:18,893
Oh, hello.
285
00:10:20,373 --> 00:10:21,493
What are you doing?
286
00:10:21,653 --> 00:10:22,653
Um, nothing.
287
00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:25,293
Now, is that true?
288
00:10:25,453 --> 00:10:26,513
Because you're
doing that thing you do
289
00:10:26,533 --> 00:10:27,973
with your eyes when you fib.
290
00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:29,533
No, I'm not.
291
00:10:29,693 --> 00:10:31,653
It's almost as if you
think I don't know you.
292
00:10:31,813 --> 00:10:32,653
Well, this is nice.
293
00:10:32,813 --> 00:10:34,253
Hang on.
294
00:10:34,413 --> 00:10:36,693
Has your mother
sent you to spy on us?
295
00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:37,853
No, no.
296
00:10:38,813 --> 00:10:40,173
Yeah, yeah, she has.
297
00:10:41,453 --> 00:10:42,173
Is she paying you?
298
00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:43,773
50p, standard rate.
299
00:10:43,933 --> 00:10:44,933
Right.
300
00:10:45,093 --> 00:10:46,373
Two can play at that game.
301
00:10:46,533 --> 00:10:49,213
Let's cause some
mischief, shall we?
302
00:10:49,373 --> 00:10:50,813
Take that, give
it to your mother
303
00:10:50,973 --> 00:10:53,613
and tell her that Jenny
and I are amazing at kung fu.
304
00:10:53,773 --> 00:10:55,053
Amazing.
305
00:10:55,213 --> 00:10:56,813
That'll put the
wind right up her.
306
00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:59,573
And then come back and
tell us what they're doing.
307
00:10:59,733 --> 00:11:01,293
That's another 50p, please.
308
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,293
Double the spying,
double the money.
309
00:11:03,453 --> 00:11:04,453
Slippery.
310
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:06,333
What do you expect?
311
00:11:06,413 --> 00:11:07,413
I'm a spy.
312
00:11:07,493 --> 00:11:09,093
I'm a super spy.
313
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:10,653
Hi-Yah! Japanese!
314
00:11:10,813 --> 00:11:11,813
[Man] Argh!
315
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,053
Blimey!
316
00:11:14,213 --> 00:11:15,333
You see that?
317
00:11:15,493 --> 00:11:17,053
Jenny can upend a
grown man, Emma.
318
00:11:17,213 --> 00:11:18,853
Go and tell your mother that.
319
00:11:19,013 --> 00:11:20,053
That'll rattle her.
320
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,573
Rattling costs another 50p.
321
00:11:22,733 --> 00:11:23,573
All right.
322
00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:25,693
But I'm trusting
you, Emma, okay?
323
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,853
Pinkie promise.
324
00:11:29,013 --> 00:11:32,613
[Upbeat disco music]
325
00:11:32,773 --> 00:11:34,133
Hello.
326
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:36,653
We're here for the disco.
327
00:11:36,813 --> 00:11:37,893
50p, please.
328
00:11:38,053 --> 00:11:39,253
Tim, 50p.
329
00:11:39,413 --> 00:11:40,413
Right.
330
00:11:44,053 --> 00:11:45,853
Blimey, these are tight.
331
00:11:50,333 --> 00:11:51,693
Psst, mum, psst.
332
00:11:53,373 --> 00:11:54,373
Well?
333
00:11:54,493 --> 00:11:56,213
Are they as awful as I thought?
334
00:11:56,373 --> 00:11:58,333
I need you to be brave, mum.
335
00:11:58,493 --> 00:12:00,013
Jenny can upend a grown man.
336
00:12:00,173 --> 00:12:01,173
Oh.
337
00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:02,333
Do you need me to hold you?
338
00:12:02,453 --> 00:12:04,453
Oh, no, I'm fine.
339
00:12:04,613 --> 00:12:05,973
What about your father?
340
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:07,273
He's looking
pretty amazing, too.
341
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:08,053
Oh.
342
00:12:08,213 --> 00:12:09,573
I'll be honest with you, mum,
343
00:12:09,733 --> 00:12:11,213
you're going to have
to up your game.
344
00:12:11,373 --> 00:12:13,013
Up my game?
345
00:12:13,173 --> 00:12:15,373
Did he tell you to say that?
346
00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:16,333
No.
347
00:12:16,493 --> 00:12:17,613
Hang on.
348
00:12:17,773 --> 00:12:20,013
Did you tell him I sent
you to spy on him?
349
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:20,813
Yeah.
350
00:12:20,973 --> 00:12:22,573
Of all the dirty sneaks.
351
00:12:22,733 --> 00:12:23,573
I'm a spy.
352
00:12:23,733 --> 00:12:24,893
This is what I do.
353
00:12:25,053 --> 00:12:27,013
I'm going to have to
take things up a notch.
354
00:12:27,173 --> 00:12:30,533
Go back and tell him Tim's
hip shakes are so mesmerising,
355
00:12:30,693 --> 00:12:34,893
several women have
had to be hospitalised.
356
00:12:35,053 --> 00:12:36,813
People are queuing
up to see my boogaloo.
357
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:37,973
Tell him that.
358
00:12:38,053 --> 00:12:39,653
That's another 50p.
359
00:12:39,813 --> 00:12:41,753
Don't be ridiculous, Emma,
you know I don't carry money.
360
00:12:41,773 --> 00:12:42,773
Ah.
361
00:12:43,493 --> 00:12:44,493
50p.
362
00:12:46,013 --> 00:12:47,013
Each.
363
00:12:48,173 --> 00:12:50,173
And another one for her.
364
00:12:52,373 --> 00:12:55,213
[Upbeat disco music]
365
00:13:02,773 --> 00:13:04,773
I'll be honest with you,
Brenda, when you said,
366
00:13:04,933 --> 00:13:07,293
"let's go to a disco," this
is not what I had in mind.
367
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,373
["Stayin' alive"
by the Bee Gees]
368
00:13:09,533 --> 00:13:11,533
Eyes on the prize, Tim.
369
00:13:11,693 --> 00:13:12,373
Focus.
370
00:13:12,533 --> 00:13:14,293
Okay, everybody.
371
00:13:14,453 --> 00:13:16,773
And arm up, arm down, arm up,
372
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:20,773
arm down and do
the rollercoaster.
373
00:13:23,293 --> 00:13:24,613
Walk like a duck.
374
00:13:27,213 --> 00:13:28,213
And that's it.
375
00:13:31,253 --> 00:13:32,773
What do you mean, that's it?
376
00:13:32,933 --> 00:13:35,293
I've only seen the trailer
for Saturday night fever once.
377
00:13:35,453 --> 00:13:38,213
That's all I can remember.
378
00:13:38,373 --> 00:13:42,133
You're charging 50
pence for three moves
379
00:13:42,293 --> 00:13:44,093
you've remembered
from watching the trailer
380
00:13:44,253 --> 00:13:46,173
to Saturday night fever once?
381
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:47,333
Yes.
382
00:13:52,173 --> 00:13:56,693
We have a top-flight
competition to prepare for.
383
00:13:56,853 --> 00:14:00,613
I came here expecting
cutting-edge training,
384
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:03,453
not three half-remembered
dance moves.
385
00:14:03,613 --> 00:14:06,013
I want all the
moves from the film.
386
00:14:06,173 --> 00:14:07,333
All of them.
387
00:14:07,493 --> 00:14:10,493
The film's not been
here yet and I'm 15,
388
00:14:10,653 --> 00:14:13,253
so I can't see it
for three years.
389
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:16,813
Hello, children.
390
00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:17,933
[Children] Hello!
391
00:14:18,093 --> 00:14:19,093
Have you got a union rep?
392
00:14:19,253 --> 00:14:22,213
No, of course they haven't.
393
00:14:22,373 --> 00:14:24,653
Well, I have some
terrible news for you.
394
00:14:24,813 --> 00:14:27,853
Your dance teacher has got
you here under false pretences.
395
00:14:28,013 --> 00:14:29,653
Not fit for purpose.
396
00:14:29,813 --> 00:14:31,173
Trading standards.
397
00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:32,133
Can you say that?
398
00:14:32,293 --> 00:14:34,613
[Children] Trading standards.
399
00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:36,053
Well done.
400
00:14:36,213 --> 00:14:37,213
Go and tell your parents.
401
00:14:37,373 --> 00:14:38,653
You can ask for your money back.
402
00:14:38,773 --> 00:14:39,413
This is a shambles.
403
00:14:39,573 --> 00:14:40,333
A shambles!
404
00:14:40,493 --> 00:14:41,093
All right, Brenda, all right.
405
00:14:41,253 --> 00:14:42,253
Not fit for purpose!
406
00:14:42,293 --> 00:14:42,933
Calm down!
407
00:14:43,093 --> 00:14:44,773
Look at me!
408
00:14:45,893 --> 00:14:47,533
You don't understand, Tim.
409
00:14:47,693 --> 00:14:49,693
Emma's told me Jenny
can upend a grown man.
410
00:14:49,853 --> 00:14:50,693
Really?
411
00:14:50,853 --> 00:14:52,173
We need to up our game.
412
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:53,653
We can't let them beat us.
413
00:14:53,813 --> 00:14:54,573
We'll never hear the end of it.
414
00:14:54,733 --> 00:14:56,733
Look, don't let them rattle you.
415
00:14:56,893 --> 00:14:58,813
We don't need this lot.
416
00:14:58,973 --> 00:15:02,213
In fact, it's given me an idea.
417
00:15:02,373 --> 00:15:03,473
If we can get up to the
Broadway in time for
418
00:15:03,493 --> 00:15:04,613
the seven o'clock, get in,
419
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,293
see the trailer for ourselves,
420
00:15:06,453 --> 00:15:08,093
we can up our game, all right.
421
00:15:08,253 --> 00:15:09,253
Come on.
422
00:15:10,453 --> 00:15:11,293
Thank you.
423
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:12,093
[Brenda] Thank you.
424
00:15:12,253 --> 00:15:13,693
Thank you.
425
00:15:13,853 --> 00:15:14,853
[Children] Bye!
426
00:15:14,893 --> 00:15:16,173
[Child] Good luck.
427
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,933
Everyone's brilliant
at something.
428
00:15:18,093 --> 00:15:20,613
You just have to
find out what it is.
429
00:15:20,773 --> 00:15:22,173
Well, I've found it.
430
00:15:23,693 --> 00:15:25,173
Giving people nosebleeds.
431
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:26,493
Sorry.
432
00:15:26,653 --> 00:15:27,813
Kung fu?
433
00:15:27,973 --> 00:15:30,173
I can't believe it.
434
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:31,633
Do you think I'll be able
to start moving things
435
00:15:31,653 --> 00:15:33,213
with my mind next?
436
00:15:33,373 --> 00:15:34,013
No.
437
00:15:34,173 --> 00:15:34,933
Stop what you're doing.
438
00:15:35,093 --> 00:15:36,533
I have news.
439
00:15:36,693 --> 00:15:37,993
Mum told me to tell you
that people are queuing up
440
00:15:38,013 --> 00:15:39,213
to see her boogaloo.
441
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:40,493
Ha-ha!
442
00:15:40,653 --> 00:15:42,013
She's rattled beyond belief.
443
00:15:42,173 --> 00:15:43,393
Right, we've got
to keep this up.
444
00:15:43,413 --> 00:15:46,133
Now, Jenny can do
one thing really well.
445
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:47,413
I can!
446
00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:48,633
So, we'll bang
on about it, right?
447
00:15:48,653 --> 00:15:49,653
Right!
448
00:15:50,373 --> 00:15:52,093
Oh, here they come.
449
00:15:53,973 --> 00:15:56,293
Looks like you two
have been in the wars.
450
00:15:56,453 --> 00:15:58,213
You can talk.
451
00:15:58,373 --> 00:16:02,653
No, Tony, we are infused
with the powers of disco.
452
00:16:02,813 --> 00:16:03,653
Isn't that right, Tim?
453
00:16:03,813 --> 00:16:05,053
I'm dancin' here!
454
00:16:05,213 --> 00:16:06,213
I'm dancin'!
455
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,493
How was your kung fu?
456
00:16:10,653 --> 00:16:11,933
Not great, by the looks of it.
457
00:16:12,093 --> 00:16:14,613
Turns out I have natural flair.
458
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:16,533
[Tony] Not again, Jenny!
459
00:16:16,693 --> 00:16:17,893
Crikey O'Reilly.
460
00:16:18,053 --> 00:16:19,413
It's all in the wrist.
461
00:16:19,573 --> 00:16:21,293
I told you she could
upend a grown man, mum.
462
00:16:21,453 --> 00:16:23,073
You're going to have a
fight on your hands, Brenda.
463
00:16:23,093 --> 00:16:24,653
We have so got this in the bag.
464
00:16:24,813 --> 00:16:27,013
That trophy will be ours.
465
00:16:27,173 --> 00:16:28,653
I don't think so, Tony.
466
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,493
We've come up with a concept.
467
00:16:30,653 --> 00:16:31,773
Concept, is it?
468
00:16:31,933 --> 00:16:34,533
Tim and I are
recreating the trailer
469
00:16:34,693 --> 00:16:36,013
from Saturday night fever.
470
00:16:36,173 --> 00:16:37,433
It's something that's
never been attempted
471
00:16:37,453 --> 00:16:38,133
in the whole history
of jessop square.
472
00:16:38,293 --> 00:16:39,693
Re-enactment, is it?
473
00:16:39,853 --> 00:16:41,473
Well, look out, 'cause
we've upped our game 'n' all.
474
00:16:41,493 --> 00:16:42,293
We've had an idea.
475
00:16:42,453 --> 00:16:43,093
Have we?
476
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:43,893
Yes.
477
00:16:44,053 --> 00:16:45,493
Shh! Yes, we have, yes.
478
00:16:45,653 --> 00:16:47,493
So, let battle commence
and we'll see who comes
479
00:16:47,533 --> 00:16:48,933
out on top tomorrow.
480
00:16:49,093 --> 00:16:50,453
We're so going
to win that trophy.
481
00:16:50,613 --> 00:16:53,693
No, we are.
482
00:16:53,853 --> 00:16:56,093
We are taking you
down to Chinatown.
483
00:16:56,253 --> 00:16:57,853
Loserville, population, you two.
484
00:16:58,013 --> 00:16:59,773
Diverting at
bad-at-kung-fu-Chester
485
00:16:59,933 --> 00:17:03,253
and terminating at
in-your-faceington-upon-sea.
486
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:05,133
We've so got two beat.
487
00:17:08,013 --> 00:17:09,533
Uh!
488
00:17:09,693 --> 00:17:10,533
Oh.
489
00:17:10,693 --> 00:17:11,693
[Kung fu screaming]
490
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:12,373
[Screaming]
491
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:13,533
All right!
492
00:17:14,413 --> 00:17:17,133
[Upbeat pop music]
493
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,853
[Emma] Jessop square had
never known such a hullabaloo.
494
00:17:22,013 --> 00:17:23,493
There'd been a
fire in a bin once,
495
00:17:23,653 --> 00:17:25,573
which had been mildly thrilling,
496
00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:27,813
but this was on a
different scale altogether.
497
00:17:27,973 --> 00:17:29,373
Great job, Tony!
498
00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:31,773
I can't touch electrical wires.
499
00:17:31,893 --> 00:17:33,213
Makes my tongue go weird.
500
00:17:33,373 --> 00:17:35,133
You know, like when
you pull nylon underpants
501
00:17:35,293 --> 00:17:36,453
out of a hot airing cupboard.
502
00:17:36,613 --> 00:17:37,733
Oh.
503
00:17:37,893 --> 00:17:39,293
Hmm.
504
00:17:39,453 --> 00:17:40,513
I don't know about you
lot, but I feel pumped.
505
00:17:40,533 --> 00:17:41,653
I feel like a lion.
506
00:17:41,813 --> 00:17:42,933
When are we on?
507
00:17:43,093 --> 00:17:44,493
I need to dance
my toes to flames.
508
00:17:44,653 --> 00:17:47,013
There is no way you're
going to win that trophy.
509
00:17:47,173 --> 00:17:48,653
Look, I know we're
going to crush you,
510
00:17:48,733 --> 00:17:50,293
but let's not fall
out about it, okay?
511
00:17:50,453 --> 00:17:51,453
May the best team win.
512
00:17:51,493 --> 00:17:52,653
Good luck, everyone.
513
00:17:52,813 --> 00:17:55,133
No, no, no, no, no
shaking hands, Tim.
514
00:17:55,293 --> 00:17:56,993
Did the Russians and the
Americans shake hands
515
00:17:57,013 --> 00:17:58,573
when they were
racing to the moon?
516
00:17:58,733 --> 00:18:00,653
Well, they were on
different continents.
517
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,493
My point stands.
518
00:18:02,653 --> 00:18:05,413
In normal circumstances, I
am overly fond of the lot of you,
519
00:18:05,573 --> 00:18:07,373
but for the next
hour, I hate your guts.
520
00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:08,533
Understood.
521
00:18:08,693 --> 00:18:10,013
I hope you break your necks.
522
00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:11,333
Thank you, Jenny.
523
00:18:11,493 --> 00:18:12,833
I hope you inflame
your haemorrhoids.
524
00:18:12,853 --> 00:18:14,173
Tony, I hope you get a painful,
525
00:18:14,333 --> 00:18:15,713
but not quite deadly
skin complaint.
526
00:18:15,733 --> 00:18:16,573
Thank you.
527
00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:18,413
Dee, general malaise.
528
00:18:18,573 --> 00:18:21,013
David, anything to
do with your bowels.
529
00:18:21,173 --> 00:18:22,013
Way ahead of you.
530
00:18:22,173 --> 00:18:24,173
Now, can we shake hands?
531
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:29,013
Come on!
532
00:18:29,173 --> 00:18:30,013
Woo!
533
00:18:30,173 --> 00:18:33,173
[Audience applause]
534
00:18:34,733 --> 00:18:36,453
Hello, jessop square.
535
00:18:37,653 --> 00:18:38,653
Hooray.
536
00:18:40,613 --> 00:18:41,253
Knock-knock!
537
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:42,853
[Audience] Who's there?
538
00:18:43,013 --> 00:18:45,373
Jessopportunity knocks!
539
00:18:45,533 --> 00:18:48,933
[Audience] Jessopportunity
knocks who?
540
00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:50,693
No, no, that's it.
541
00:18:52,333 --> 00:18:55,733
So, welcome to the very
first jessopportunity knocks.
542
00:18:57,413 --> 00:19:00,053
[Audience applause]
543
00:19:00,213 --> 00:19:02,893
A talent show unlike no other.
544
00:19:03,053 --> 00:19:05,173
We have a host of contestants.
545
00:19:06,693 --> 00:19:09,533
And to oversee
proceedings, Tony Bennett.
546
00:19:09,693 --> 00:19:12,893
[Applause and cheering]
547
00:19:14,973 --> 00:19:15,973
No, no, no.
548
00:19:16,013 --> 00:19:17,893
From the news agent's.
549
00:19:18,053 --> 00:19:19,693
[Audience groaning]
550
00:19:19,853 --> 00:19:21,453
Tony!
551
00:19:21,613 --> 00:19:24,013
So, the contestants who
get the loudest applause
552
00:19:24,173 --> 00:19:27,173
[audience applause]
553
00:19:28,253 --> 00:19:30,373
Will have their name engraved on
554
00:19:30,533 --> 00:19:32,573
the jessopportunity
knocks trophy.
555
00:19:32,733 --> 00:19:33,813
David.
556
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,853
[Audience] Woo!
557
00:19:36,013 --> 00:19:38,733
[Audience applause]
558
00:19:38,893 --> 00:19:41,073
I have every confidence
you'll come to the right decision
559
00:19:41,093 --> 00:19:42,173
about who wins this trophy.
560
00:19:42,293 --> 00:19:44,573
Every confidence.
561
00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:45,573
Hi.
562
00:19:45,733 --> 00:19:46,493
Every confidence.
563
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,373
So, let's get on with it.
564
00:19:48,533 --> 00:19:50,573
Over to you, Tony Bennett.
565
00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:52,773
[Audience applause]
566
00:19:52,933 --> 00:19:54,653
Tony! Tony!
567
00:19:54,813 --> 00:19:56,813
Is your heart still in
San Francisco, mate?
568
00:19:56,973 --> 00:19:57,973
[Laughing]
569
00:19:58,093 --> 00:19:59,253
First contestant, please.
570
00:19:59,413 --> 00:20:02,093
And it's Terry Blake
from number 12.
571
00:20:02,253 --> 00:20:05,253
[Audience applause]
572
00:20:10,773 --> 00:20:13,893
["Morning has broken"]
573
00:20:18,533 --> 00:20:21,253
[Bells clanging]
574
00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:27,053
[Microphone feedback]
575
00:20:27,213 --> 00:20:29,373
Just so you know, I can
clap very loudly for money.
576
00:20:29,533 --> 00:20:31,653
Emma, spies don't charge simply
577
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:33,133
for recognising brilliance.
578
00:20:33,293 --> 00:20:34,093
I'm on the clock.
579
00:20:34,253 --> 00:20:35,373
Oh.
580
00:20:35,533 --> 00:20:36,673
And I can only clap
loudly for one of you.
581
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:37,693
Right, deal.
582
00:20:37,773 --> 00:20:38,413
Hang on.
583
00:20:38,573 --> 00:20:39,773
There you go.
584
00:20:39,933 --> 00:20:40,953
Early bird catches
the worm, Brenda!
585
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,373
Ugh!
586
00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:43,653
Good luck, dad.
587
00:20:43,813 --> 00:20:44,613
It was a pleasure
doing business with you.
588
00:20:44,773 --> 00:20:45,933
And that's it.
589
00:20:46,093 --> 00:20:46,893
I've got enough
for my skateboard!
590
00:20:47,053 --> 00:20:48,173
Hang on, hang on.
591
00:20:48,333 --> 00:20:49,493
What?
592
00:20:49,653 --> 00:20:51,733
I just paid you to
stay and clap at us.
593
00:20:51,893 --> 00:20:53,373
You always tell me
not to watch things
594
00:20:53,413 --> 00:20:55,253
that might scar me for life.
595
00:20:55,413 --> 00:20:56,413
Yes, off you go, Emma.
596
00:20:56,573 --> 00:20:57,733
Off you go.
597
00:20:57,893 --> 00:20:59,933
Let's hear it for Mary
Bowen and her bells.
598
00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:03,893
[Audience applause]
599
00:21:04,053 --> 00:21:05,253
What a performance.
600
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,413
Next up, a
presentation of kung fu.
601
00:21:13,493 --> 00:21:16,093
[Narrator] Who
is this superhero?
602
00:21:16,253 --> 00:21:17,253
Sarge? No.
603
00:21:20,173 --> 00:21:22,373
Rosemary, the
telephone operator?
604
00:21:22,533 --> 00:21:23,533
No.
605
00:21:24,773 --> 00:21:27,333
Henry, the
mild-mannered janitor?
606
00:21:27,493 --> 00:21:28,493
Could be!
607
00:21:30,173 --> 00:21:31,893
♪ Hong Kong phooey ♪
608
00:21:32,053 --> 00:21:34,253
♪ number one super-guy ♪
609
00:21:34,413 --> 00:21:36,373
♪ Hong Kong phooey ♪
610
00:21:36,533 --> 00:21:38,893
♪ quicker than the human eye ♪
611
00:21:39,053 --> 00:21:40,973
♪ he's got style,
a groovy smile ♪
612
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:43,133
♪ and a bop that
just won't stop ♪
613
00:21:43,293 --> 00:21:45,173
♪ when the going gets
rough he's super-tough ♪
614
00:21:45,333 --> 00:21:47,333
♪ with a Hong Kong phooey chop ♪
615
00:21:47,493 --> 00:21:48,173
♪ ya ♪
616
00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:50,053
♪ Hong Kong phooey ♪
617
00:21:50,213 --> 00:21:52,213
♪ number one super-guy ♪
618
00:21:52,373 --> 00:21:54,453
♪ Hong Kong phooey ♪
619
00:21:54,613 --> 00:21:56,773
♪ quicker than the human eye ♪
620
00:21:56,933 --> 00:21:59,033
♪ chicka chow, chicka chow,
chicka-chicka-chicka chow ♪
621
00:21:59,053 --> 00:22:03,093
♪ chicka-chop-chop
chopping the bow-wow-wow ♪
622
00:22:05,573 --> 00:22:07,493
Hong Kong phooey!
623
00:22:07,653 --> 00:22:08,733
Fanriffic!
624
00:22:08,893 --> 00:22:12,773
[Audience cheering and applause]
625
00:22:19,293 --> 00:22:21,293
That was a re-enactment.
626
00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:24,453
They've stolen our concept, Tim.
627
00:22:24,613 --> 00:22:25,733
Stolen it.
628
00:22:25,893 --> 00:22:28,293
Can't believe Tony's
Hong Kong phooey.
629
00:22:28,453 --> 00:22:29,173
I never guessed.
630
00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:30,333
Did you?
631
00:22:33,213 --> 00:22:36,053
Don't be ridiculous, Tim.
632
00:22:36,213 --> 00:22:37,593
We can't let them
get away with that.
633
00:22:37,613 --> 00:22:38,673
Brenda, Tony is
Hong Kong phooey.
634
00:22:38,693 --> 00:22:39,333
Oh, for Pete's sake.
635
00:22:39,493 --> 00:22:40,973
Undo your shirt buttons.
636
00:22:41,133 --> 00:22:42,373
We need to play dirty.
637
00:22:42,533 --> 00:22:46,013
And next, we'll be
unleashing the sparkly balls.
638
00:22:46,173 --> 00:22:47,693
It's time to disco!
639
00:22:48,893 --> 00:22:52,893
["Stayin' alive"
by the Bee Gees]
640
00:23:01,853 --> 00:23:04,093
♪ Well, you can tell by
the way I use my walk ♪
641
00:23:04,253 --> 00:23:06,573
♪ I'm a woman's
man, no time to talk ♪
642
00:23:06,733 --> 00:23:08,613
♪ music loud and women warm ♪
643
00:23:08,773 --> 00:23:10,853
♪ I've been kicked
around since I was born ♪
644
00:23:11,013 --> 00:23:13,333
♪ and now it's all
right, it's okay ♪
645
00:23:13,493 --> 00:23:15,813
♪ and you may
look the other way ♪
646
00:23:15,973 --> 00:23:18,173
♪ we can try to understand ♪
647
00:23:18,333 --> 00:23:21,413
♪ the New York
times' effect on man ♪
648
00:23:21,573 --> 00:23:23,053
Yeah, she can dance.
649
00:23:23,213 --> 00:23:26,533
She's with the wrong partner,
of course, but she can dance.
650
00:23:26,693 --> 00:23:27,813
Okay, listen.
651
00:23:27,973 --> 00:23:28,973
I like you.
652
00:23:29,133 --> 00:23:30,493
We can dance together.
653
00:23:30,653 --> 00:23:31,373
That's it.
654
00:23:31,533 --> 00:23:32,533
Just dance together.
655
00:23:32,613 --> 00:23:33,413
Nothing more.
656
00:23:33,573 --> 00:23:34,893
Nothing personal.
657
00:23:36,653 --> 00:23:40,053
[Cheering and whistling]
658
00:23:45,893 --> 00:23:48,333
♪ Well, now, I get
low and I get high ♪
659
00:23:48,493 --> 00:23:50,573
♪ and if I can't get
either I really try ♪
660
00:23:50,733 --> 00:23:52,693
♪ got the wings of
heaven on my shoes ♪
661
00:23:52,853 --> 00:23:55,053
♪ I'm a dancin' man
and I just can't lose ♪
662
00:23:55,213 --> 00:23:57,413
♪ you know, it's
all right, it's okay ♪
663
00:23:57,573 --> 00:23:59,973
♪ I'll live to see another day ♪
664
00:24:00,133 --> 00:24:02,373
♪ we can try to understand ♪
665
00:24:02,533 --> 00:24:04,813
♪ the New York
times' effect on man ♪
666
00:24:04,973 --> 00:24:06,793
♪ whether you're a brother
or whether you're a mother ♪
667
00:24:06,813 --> 00:24:09,333
♪ you're stayin'
alive, stayin' alive ♪
668
00:24:09,493 --> 00:24:11,413
♪ feel the city breakin'
and everybody shakin' ♪
669
00:24:11,573 --> 00:24:13,813
♪ and we're stayin'
alive, stayin' alive ♪
670
00:24:13,973 --> 00:24:18,333
♪ ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin'
alive, stayin' alive ♪
671
00:24:18,493 --> 00:24:22,213
♪ ah, ha, ha, ha stayin' alive ♪
672
00:24:26,053 --> 00:24:27,413
That's it.
673
00:24:27,573 --> 00:24:28,933
We're done, we're
done, we're done.
674
00:24:29,093 --> 00:24:31,893
[Audience applause]
675
00:24:35,693 --> 00:24:36,693
Yes!
676
00:24:40,253 --> 00:24:42,853
[Tony Bennett] Next
up, frank's in first.
677
00:24:43,013 --> 00:24:44,253
You took your clothes off, Tim!
678
00:24:44,333 --> 00:24:45,093
Yes.
679
00:24:45,253 --> 00:24:46,373
[Tony Bennett] Escapologist.
680
00:24:46,533 --> 00:24:48,273
You stole our concept,
Tony, which is cheating.
681
00:24:48,293 --> 00:24:49,573
It wasn't cheating.
682
00:24:49,733 --> 00:24:51,113
We were doing the
opening theme tune
683
00:24:51,133 --> 00:24:53,493
and you were doing a montage.
684
00:24:53,653 --> 00:24:54,413
It's entirely different.
685
00:24:54,573 --> 00:24:55,733
It's like chalk and cheese.
686
00:24:55,893 --> 00:24:57,613
Or two bits of chalk,
but different colours.
687
00:24:57,773 --> 00:24:58,813
It was not a montage.
688
00:24:58,973 --> 00:25:00,453
It was a trailer.
689
00:25:00,613 --> 00:25:03,293
Let's wait and see you
trailer in in last place
690
00:25:03,453 --> 00:25:04,533
in the clap-off, then, eh?
691
00:25:04,693 --> 00:25:05,853
Brilliant pun.
692
00:25:08,413 --> 00:25:10,053
We've got this in
the bag, Brenda.
693
00:25:10,213 --> 00:25:11,533
Everyone loved the kung fu.
694
00:25:11,693 --> 00:25:14,933
Pride comes before a fall, Tony.
695
00:25:15,093 --> 00:25:17,653
This isn't over by a long shot.
696
00:25:17,813 --> 00:25:19,093
Onwards to glory.
697
00:25:20,693 --> 00:25:23,693
And now, our final
contestants of the night,
698
00:25:23,853 --> 00:25:27,213
Dee and David
Palmer from number 35.
699
00:25:27,373 --> 00:25:28,493
Are you ready?
700
00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:29,693
[Audience] Yes!
701
00:25:29,853 --> 00:25:33,173
[Tony Bennett]
Then, take it away!
702
00:25:33,333 --> 00:25:34,853
♪ I got chills ♪
703
00:25:35,013 --> 00:25:37,013
♪ they're multiplying ♪
704
00:25:37,173 --> 00:25:41,493
♪ and I'm losing control ♪
705
00:25:41,653 --> 00:25:45,693
♪ 'cause the power
you're supplying ♪
706
00:25:45,853 --> 00:25:49,773
♪ is electrifying,
electrifying, electrifying ♪
707
00:25:49,933 --> 00:25:51,493
They're doing grease, brilliant!
708
00:25:51,653 --> 00:25:55,373
♪ If you're filled
with affection ♪
709
00:25:55,533 --> 00:25:59,733
♪ you're too shy to convey ♪
710
00:25:59,893 --> 00:26:04,653
♪ meditate in my direction ♪
711
00:26:04,813 --> 00:26:06,053
♪ feel your way ♪
712
00:26:06,213 --> 00:26:08,333
♪ ah ♪
713
00:26:08,493 --> 00:26:10,373
♪ I better shape up ♪
714
00:26:10,533 --> 00:26:11,973
♪ 'cause you need a man ♪
715
00:26:12,133 --> 00:26:13,293
♪ I need a man ♪
716
00:26:13,453 --> 00:26:16,933
♪ who can keep me satisfied ♪
717
00:26:17,093 --> 00:26:19,053
♪ I better shape up ♪
718
00:26:19,213 --> 00:26:20,773
♪ if I'm going to prove ♪
719
00:26:20,933 --> 00:26:22,133
♪ you'd better prove ♪
720
00:26:22,293 --> 00:26:24,533
♪ that my faith is justified ♪
721
00:26:24,693 --> 00:26:25,853
♪ are you sure ♪
722
00:26:26,013 --> 00:26:27,933
♪ yes, I'm sure
down deep inside ♪
723
00:26:28,093 --> 00:26:29,453
♪ you are the one that I want ♪
724
00:26:29,613 --> 00:26:30,653
♪ you are the one I want ♪
725
00:26:30,773 --> 00:26:32,253
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
726
00:26:32,413 --> 00:26:33,733
♪ the one that I want ♪
727
00:26:33,893 --> 00:26:35,013
♪ you are the one I want ♪
728
00:26:35,173 --> 00:26:36,613
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
729
00:26:36,773 --> 00:26:37,773
♪ the one that I want ♪
730
00:26:37,893 --> 00:26:39,093
♪ you are the one I want ♪
731
00:26:39,253 --> 00:26:40,533
♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
732
00:26:40,693 --> 00:26:42,453
♪ the one I need ♪
733
00:26:42,613 --> 00:26:45,093
♪ oh, yes, indeed ♪
734
00:26:45,253 --> 00:26:47,613
♪ you're the one that I want ♪
735
00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:50,573
[Audience applause]
736
00:26:53,973 --> 00:26:57,973
[Electricity booming
and zapping]
737
00:26:58,893 --> 00:27:00,413
Blimey!
738
00:27:00,573 --> 00:27:03,413
It looks like the winners
are Dee and David!
739
00:27:03,573 --> 00:27:05,613
[Audience cheering]
740
00:27:05,773 --> 00:27:07,613
Thank you, thank you.
741
00:27:07,773 --> 00:27:08,853
They're like ruddy ringers.
742
00:27:08,973 --> 00:27:10,253
Professional con men.
743
00:27:10,413 --> 00:27:12,133
I've half a mind to
write to Esther rantzen.
744
00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:14,273
Anyone can win if they
just sing really, really well.
745
00:27:14,293 --> 00:27:16,773
It's just talking
loudly to a tune.
746
00:27:16,933 --> 00:27:18,533
It's the one that we want.
747
00:27:18,693 --> 00:27:19,733
[Laughing]
748
00:27:19,893 --> 00:27:21,013
Never mind, Brenda.
749
00:27:21,173 --> 00:27:22,813
Think of it less as
neither of us winning,
750
00:27:22,853 --> 00:27:26,573
more of us staying married
for the rest of our lives.
751
00:27:26,733 --> 00:27:28,093
Infuriating, but noble,
752
00:27:28,253 --> 00:27:30,453
which is annoying
but very attractive.
753
00:27:30,613 --> 00:27:32,853
Well, we might not
have won the trophy,
754
00:27:33,013 --> 00:27:36,213
but at least we know I've
got superpowers in one wrist.
755
00:27:36,373 --> 00:27:39,493
And that's a big
thumbs up from me.
756
00:27:39,653 --> 00:27:42,213
Everyone had tried their
new thing and given up.
757
00:27:42,373 --> 00:27:46,173
But I wasn't about to let the
same thing happen to me.
758
00:27:48,053 --> 00:27:49,693
I didn't have enough
for the proper stuff,
759
00:27:49,853 --> 00:27:51,453
so I've made my own.
760
00:27:51,613 --> 00:27:52,813
Very resourceful.
761
00:27:52,973 --> 00:27:55,533
The main thing is,
I've got the skateboard!
762
00:27:55,693 --> 00:27:56,813
Have you had a go on it yet?
763
00:27:56,853 --> 00:27:57,853
No.
764
00:27:59,893 --> 00:28:02,973
I want to stare at it for a
bit and then I'll take it out.
765
00:28:03,133 --> 00:28:04,813
Have you made sure it's safe?
766
00:28:04,973 --> 00:28:06,013
No, not yet.
767
00:28:06,173 --> 00:28:07,333
Right.
768
00:28:07,493 --> 00:28:08,613
I'll do it.
769
00:28:08,773 --> 00:28:09,773
Okay.
770
00:28:10,413 --> 00:28:12,133
Testing the skateboard.
771
00:28:13,573 --> 00:28:14,613
[Skateboard cracking]
772
00:28:14,773 --> 00:28:16,813
[Gasping]
773
00:28:16,973 --> 00:28:17,773
Dad.
774
00:28:17,933 --> 00:28:20,253
Brenda, sticky tape!
775
00:28:20,413 --> 00:28:22,053
♪ She ain't got no money ♪
776
00:28:22,213 --> 00:28:24,333
♪ her clothes are kinda funny ♪
777
00:28:24,493 --> 00:28:28,013
♪ her hair is kinda
wild and free ♪
778
00:28:28,173 --> 00:28:32,573
♪ oh, but love grows
where my Rosemary goes ♪
779
00:28:32,733 --> 00:28:37,453
♪ and nobody knows like me ♪
780
00:28:37,613 --> 00:28:39,333
♪ she talks kinda lazy ♪
781
00:28:39,493 --> 00:28:41,533
♪ and people say she's crazy ♪
782
00:28:41,693 --> 00:28:45,213
♪ and her life's a mystery ♪
783
00:28:45,373 --> 00:28:49,173
♪ oh, but love grows
where my Rosemary goes ♪
784
00:28:50,733 --> 00:28:53,133
[Synth music]
785
00:28:53,183 --> 00:28:57,733
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Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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