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1
00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:09,229
-[dramatic music]
2
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,320
-[helicopter blades whirring]
3
00:00:20,237 --> 00:00:22,587
-Agent 587 on site.
4
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:28,331
-Copy that, Corporal Lopez.
You are a go to initiate audit of black site Metaphora.
5
00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:29,416
-[bird chirping]
6
00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:32,253
-[eerie music]
7
00:00:32,423 --> 00:00:33,293
-[skittering]
8
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:35,640
-[Sergeant Agony slurping]
-Are you eating?
9
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:37,078
-No.
10
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:38,784
-Because this
is kind of serious.
11
00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:40,691
-And that's why I'm not eating.
12
00:00:40,866 --> 00:00:41,736
-[dramatic music]
13
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:45,518
-[keypad beeping]
14
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,867
-Doesn't look like
anyone's home.
15
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,398
-Your delta-level clearance
should get you through the front door. Proceed.
16
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,442
[chomps]
17
00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,967
-[keypad warbling]
-[gate creaking]
18
00:00:56,882 --> 00:00:57,972
-[dramatic note plays]
19
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:00,019
-Oh.
-[skittering]
20
00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:04,329
-Wait. Are you eating now?
21
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:05,629
-Corporal Lopez:
It's after me. Aah!
22
00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:07,024
-[dramatic music]
-Send help!
23
00:01:07,197 --> 00:01:09,237
-[gunshots]
24
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:13,247
-Sergeant Agony:
Lopez, come in, come in! Come in. Lopez!
25
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:17,731
A lot of screaming for an audit.
Too much, frankly.
26
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:19,595
-[theme music playing]
27
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:10,134
-[Cooch yawning]
28
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:12,004
Cooch:
Got to make the quesadillas.
29
00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:14,125
-[flames roar]
30
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:16,478
-Ah, shit! Who yanked
the damn pizza stones out of the oven?
31
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:19,398
-When I see a stone in an oven
cooked to perfection, I'm going to eat it.
32
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:22,144
Not trying to be difficult,
but I know myself
33
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:25,966
-"Established superheroes
available for your crime-fighting needs.
34
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,056
"Rates negotiable.
35
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:31,845
[keys clacking]
"Also giving away an Ilega Fluganarg bookcase.
36
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:34,111
"Must be able to pick up.
No dick pics."
37
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,554
-Did you have to mention
the dick pics?
38
00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:39,291
-You really don't get
Craigslist, do you?
39
00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:40,463
-Oh, damn it!
40
00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:42,728
-Something wrong, Saturn?
41
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:45,301
-I've been reading this kick-ass
self-help book to get over The Groaner.
42
00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:49,779
-"It's Not You, It's Them:
Getting Your Ex Back and Keeping Them in Your Life Forever."
43
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,822
Sounds... unhealthy.
44
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:55,957
-Oh, it's sick all right!
But I'm stuck on chapter three,
45
00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:59,612
"Dunk on Their Face By
Getting a Promotion at Work." I'm a superhero!
46
00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:03,098
There aren't any promotions,
not until Rex leaves me the team, of course.
47
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:06,010
-You think Rex is leaving
you the team? [laughs nervously]
48
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,056
Guys, is anyone else
hearing this?
49
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:09,801
-What's so funny?
50
00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:11,412
-I'm just saying,
Rex has a daughter now.
51
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:13,892
-You think he's leaving
the team to Lex?
52
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:17,283
-Of course. I mean, because
blood is thicker than water,
53
00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:19,108
not because
you're a toxic narcissist.
54
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,156
-[dramatic music]
55
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,030
-We'll see about that.
56
00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:26,032
-Rex, I hope you've got
your smelling salts handy,
57
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,426
because this is going
to knock you out!
58
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,080
-Okay, come on.
-I know you and Lex think you can get the word out
59
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,125
by electronic
sandwich board, but--
60
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:38,261
-Craigslist? Who put Lex
in charge? Let's not do that again, right?
61
00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:43,395
-But nothing gets
the peepers popping like a tattoo on Ma Bell's backside.
62
00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:46,231
-You took out an ad
in the yellow pages?
63
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,840
-I backed the wrong horse.
Forget I said anything.
64
00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:51,671
-I got eight full-page ads
for $11.99!
65
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,060
-You were probably
their first call in months.
66
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,854
-The saleswoman did break down
in tears of joy when I placed the order.
67
00:03:57,019 --> 00:04:01,109
-And now we have
a 50-pound book to get rid of. Liplor, can you eat this?
68
00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,334
-I guess I could try.
69
00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:07,074
-[helicopter blades whirring]
70
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:13,077
-[heroic music]
71
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:21,961
-[dramatic music]
-In my duties as accountant general,
72
00:04:22,131 --> 00:04:24,871
I monitor the finances
of the United States government. Last year, I uncovered
73
00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:28,217
a black site on a remote island
off the coast of South America,
74
00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:31,048
suckin' up budget
like a black hole.
75
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:35,927
I sent my best agent in
to run an audit. 24 hours ago, I lost contact.
76
00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:39,411
I'm leading the team into
the South American jungle to get her back.
77
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,673
I need your help.
78
00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:45,016
-I thought Dr. Devizo
and his hoodlums were your league of choice.
79
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:49,027
-This mission is off the books.
I need a team that's expendable.
80
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:53,991
Uh-- I mean, can't be tracked
back to me! I mean, I just like you guys better. That's all.
81
00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:55,903
[to himself]
Should've rehearsed this on the ride over.
82
00:04:56,078 --> 00:04:57,378
-Who are the desk jockeys?
83
00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:59,728
-Meet Corporal Fox
and Corporal Render,
84
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:02,738
the finest damn tactical
accountants you'll ever meet.
85
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:06,521
-No one I know earned
their stars and bars by crunching enemy numbers.
86
00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:10,047
-I served in Nam,
Saigon Audit of '75.
87
00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:12,532
Try inventorying a palette
of mimeographs
88
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:16,143
as they're airlifted
out of Saigon under heavy bombardment.
89
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:20,186
-So while we were losing
the first war in U.S. history, you were counting beans!
90
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,543
-Did you call me a bean counter?
91
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,893
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hold up now. Watch the language, everybody.
92
00:05:25,063 --> 00:05:28,593
-Okay. I've heard enough.
We'd love to help, but we're awfully busy.
93
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:31,163
-Oh, really?
94
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,461
We've been monitoring
your little operation, Rex. We saw the damn Craigslist ad!
95
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,068
-It's working. Great!
96
00:05:36,248 --> 00:05:38,558
-No dick pics?
You ever use Craigslist, girl?
97
00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:40,379
You're throwing out a hook
with no bait!
98
00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:42,907
-Hell, is that the bookshelf?
I like it.
99
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:45,351
-Can you get it
out of here today?
100
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:48,039
-My cousin might be able
to borrow a truck and get it out of here this weekend.
101
00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:50,047
-Yeah, no deal.
102
00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:52,439
-It's a pass, Agony.
If you haven't noticed, we're living
103
00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,793
in an abandoned pizza restaurant
because of you.
104
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:57,143
We're not in the mood
to do you any favors.
105
00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:59,403
-Then don't do it for me.
106
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,056
Do it for the military-grade
accountant who's out there lost and alone.
107
00:06:02,231 --> 00:06:05,541
Last time I saw you,
you said all you wanted to do was help.
108
00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:08,503
-[dramatic music]
-Well, this is me asking for help.
109
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:14,936
What do those faces mean?
Do they mean what I think they mean?
110
00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:16,593
-All right. Fine. Let's do it.
111
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:17,987
-Hell yes!
-[hands smack together]
112
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,383
-Move out, let's go!
113
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,378
Hold up, Liplor.
How much do you weigh?
114
00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:23,856
-36 quasarts.
115
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,385
-How many pounds is a quasart?
116
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:27,519
-Thousands, many thousands.
117
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:29,611
-These birds have to be able
to get up in the air.
118
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,130
You gonna have to
sit this one out.
119
00:06:31,303 --> 00:06:33,743
-Thank God.
I have tickets to the opera.
120
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:36,735
I have to buy five seats
to fit my girth, so-- woo!
121
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,918
[laughs]
It was pretty pricey.
122
00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:41,884
-Yes! We got a hit
on the bookshelf.
123
00:06:42,053 --> 00:06:44,363
Liplor, can you hang out
until they show up?
124
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,494
-Oh, I, uh--
125
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,887
-They're like 10 minutes away,
and he's got his own truck.
126
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:51,110
-As long as I'm out of here
by 6:30.
127
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,060
-I can't hear you.
Stay here. Thanks!
128
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,720
-[receives text message]
129
00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:59,814
-Oh, so, that's a dick pic.
Truly unpleasant.
130
00:06:59,984 --> 00:07:03,124
-It looks like Agony
found a team for his mission.
131
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:05,642
-[dramatic music]
-Are you sure you don't want help?
132
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:07,426
You said you knew
that island well.
133
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,081
-Oh I do, Optimal Rex.
134
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:15,515
And some skeletons
are better left in their closet.
135
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:19,046
-[rock music]
136
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:22,051
-Do you have to play
the music so loud?
137
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:25,924
-Yes I do, sir.
The radios in these puppies, they don't even have knobs
138
00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:29,577
-Why would anyone
build a facility this far off the mainland?
139
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,543
-That's what we
gonna find out, Rex!
140
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:36,022
-We're going into the jungle.
It's a special kind of hell.
141
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:38,504
-I read all about "Vietnam."
142
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:41,285
Sounded like you boys were
too busy playing rock music
143
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,511
and growing your hair
to win the war.
144
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,900
Well, that's not me, Buster.
145
00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:48,564
I'm not taking a loss
because Mommy forgot to pack my mosquito repellent.
146
00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:50,299
-You look worried.
147
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,170
-If I'm in the jungle
for too long, I'll go feral.
148
00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:55,522
-My spirit guide is the panther.
149
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:58,832
If you lose your way,
I will guide you.
150
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,520
-[sarcastically]
Wow. Thanks, dude.
151
00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,788
Uh, can we change seats?
152
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:05,827
-I know what you're doing.
153
00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,443
-Girls get gas, too,
and it's not like I can--
154
00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:10,098
-Yuck, yuck,
yuck, no!
155
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:12,322
I know you're trying
to take this team from me.
156
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,882
-Did I miss something?
157
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:15,758
-No, but you will.
158
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:18,280
You're gonna wake up one morning
and I'll be leading the League.
159
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:21,814
I'm twice the leader
you'll ever-- oh, wow. You do have gas.
160
00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,459
-I'm sorry.
-[coughing]
161
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:25,553
-What the hell
are you doing?
162
00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:28,032
-Airing this place out.
That's right, I made a command decision.
163
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,383
-Incoming!
164
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,732
-[explosion]
-[dramatic music]
165
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:33,382
-We've been hit!
166
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,816
-We're going down!
Lex, help me!
167
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:38,783
Not too hard,
or we'll tear it apart!
168
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,613
-Look, Rex!
I'm helping, too!
169
00:08:41,782 --> 00:08:43,442
-Brace for impact!
170
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:44,440
-[screaming]
171
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:47,960
-[ground rumbling]
172
00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:50,529
-Out of my way!
She's gonna blow!
173
00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:51,884
Every man for himself!
[sobs]
174
00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:53,973
-Is he gon' be okay?
175
00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:55,752
-You'll learn to stop asking.
176
00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:57,321
-Good job, Lex.
177
00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,763
-Thanks, Dad.
178
00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:02,190
-I don't know. She could've
done better. We move out in 10! Let's go, people!
179
00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:03,537
-We're not going anywhere.
180
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,457
-You hear that, idiots?
Take five!
181
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,592
-What's the problem?
182
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:10,254
-You didn't say anything
about fireballs screaming out of the sky
183
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:12,329
and endangering my team.
184
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,468
-I forgot to tell you
the black-ops mission to an island
185
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,951
that ate one of my men
was dangerous? My bad.
186
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,431
-[groans]
187
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:21,131
-Robobot, can you
fix this thing?
188
00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:24,089
-No, I think we should
let Cooch do it... I'm on it.
189
00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:26,649
-Lex, you stay here
and help Robobot.
190
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:28,957
-Uh, I think I'd better
stay behind, too.
191
00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:32,273
Maybe do whatever you want
Lex to do, but, you know, like a lot better.
192
00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:34,401
-Ranger, Cooch, you're with me.
193
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,234
-Fantastic. It'll give me
a chance to show these boys
194
00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:40,672
that a little jungle
isn't a valid excuse for losing a war.
195
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,541
-You want to change first?
196
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:45,852
-My uniform is a space-age,
polyester-eagle-down blend.
197
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,980
I think I'll be
quite all right, thank you.
198
00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:51,032
-All right. Gear up, team.
Let's get this over with.
199
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:54,119
-I guess no one cares how
I'll be filling my time, huh?
200
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:56,899
I'm a person, too!
Just sayin'!
201
00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:00,381
-Come on. Where is this guy?
202
00:10:00,556 --> 00:10:02,246
-[cellphone ringing]
-Ah, hello?
203
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:06,297
What? Oh it's your cousin
that has the pickup truck now?
204
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,865
Not off for an hour?!
205
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,963
Uh... no, no, no.
I guess that's all right.
206
00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:13,962
No, no, I will
definitely be here.
207
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:14,915
-[cellphone beeps]
208
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,622
-Ughh.
209
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:18,794
-[dramatic music]
210
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:19,786
-[flies buzzing]
211
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:26,584
-I'm sorry. What's so hard
about this again?
212
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:31,106
Is it the bugs?
Oh, quick! Better dust off. I think this one's a beetle--
213
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:35,242
[choking]
It's in my mouth! One flew in my mouth!
214
00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:37,067
-You all right, Cooch?
215
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:40,025
-For now, but I could
go feral any second.
216
00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:42,034
-Hold off as long as you can.
217
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,026
Hopefully we won't be here
that long.
218
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:47,118
-Hold it. Lopez disappeared
two clicks from here.
219
00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:50,648
-If we take this second path,
we could surprise whatever took her.
220
00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:52,614
-Don't you mean whoever?
221
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:55,442
-This is dense,
un-passable wilderness, not a path!
222
00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:57,699
-Not yet.
-[ominous music note]
223
00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,224
-[mutters]
224
00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:00,877
-Give the control rod a try.
225
00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:02,181
-Who are you talking to?
226
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:03,837
-Uh, you?
227
00:11:04,011 --> 00:11:05,621
-Weird that you didn't use
my name, but okay.
228
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:07,795
I'm sure it's not because
you never bothered to learn it.
229
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:09,101
-What do you want to hear, dude?
230
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:10,187
-That's what I thought.
231
00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:11,705
-Control rod, please!
232
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,148
-Whatever.
-[engine sputtering]
233
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:15,464
-We should fan out
and secure a perimeter.
234
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,681
-[imitates buzzer]
Mutiny, mutiny! [laughs]
235
00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:19,981
No but seriously, I won't be
following your orders.
236
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,547
-Saturn, Rex--
-Should've told you I was in charge?
237
00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:24,945
Agreed completely.
238
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:28,249
We need fire. I need you
to go gather some pine cones. Where did you go?
239
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,856
Lex? Lex?!
240
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:34,868
-[flames roaring]
241
00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:39,567
-Nope, nope, nope, nope.
No, you were supposed to pick it up today.
242
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,752
How do I know your cousin
has a truck?
243
00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:45,399
Okay, but please hurry.
It's getting late.
244
00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:46,754
-[cellphone beeps]
-[groans]
245
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:50,973
I wonder if Mr. Dick Pic
has a truck.
246
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:56,192
-This is ridiculous!
How do you see an enemy coming with all these bullshit vines?!
247
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,277
-You don't.
248
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:59,535
-Death is all around you.
249
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,369
-Well, I don't like this at all.
This is no way to fight a war,
250
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:04,767
never knowing who's
in front of you, behind you.
251
00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:07,991
And if one more
of these motherfuckers flies in my mouth!
252
00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,382
-Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Cool out, brother.
253
00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:12,985
-I can't!
I've been in the jungle for three hours,
254
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,777
and I might lose
my pinkie toes to pruning!
255
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:18,392
-Maybe you just need
a little jungle medicine.
256
00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:21,569
-Brownies? A taste of home.
257
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,871
-[flies buzzing]
-[Cooch screeching]
258
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:24,696
-Is she gonna be all right?
259
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:27,184
-Not unless we
wrap this up soon. Are we close?
260
00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:28,695
-I'd say so.
261
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,878
This is Lopez's
graphic calculator.
262
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:33,804
Oh, nope, sorry.
That's mine. Must've fallen out of the holster.
263
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,410
-[cellphone clatters]
-God damn it, man!
264
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:38,190
Keep track of your shit!
Look like a real asshole.
265
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,536
I don't know
where the hell we are.
266
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:44,416
-Oh, delicious!
I could've done a tour in 'Nam if the MRE's were this good
267
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:46,589
A little ashy at the end there.
268
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,326
-Yep. That's the marijuana.
269
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:50,066
-Excuse me?
270
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:52,287
-Highly concentrated,
military-grade Mary Jane.
271
00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:55,207
Should've told you to
just eat half, but
272
00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,913
[chuckling]
hell, nobody ever listens to that anyway.
273
00:12:58,081 --> 00:13:02,781
-You son of a bitch!
I've tried your devil's weed, and it did not go well.
274
00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:06,866
-Hey, relax. You didn't have
your brothers in arms with you last time.
275
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:09,007
As long as I'm here,
nothing bad can--
276
00:13:09,179 --> 00:13:11,139
-[vine whips]
-[screams]
277
00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:13,712
-Render!
-[vine whips]
278
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,190
-Shit, Fox!
279
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:17,414
-[skittering]
280
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:19,667
-Nope. Uh-uh.
281
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,242
-[gunfire]
-[screaming]
282
00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:24,154
-Aah!
283
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,065
-[screaming]
284
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,239
-[groaning]
285
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:34,337
-Was that necessary?
286
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:36,289
-Hell no! I couldn't figure out
how to shut the damn thing off!
287
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:37,897
Why do you think
I was screaming?
288
00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:39,078
-[growling]
289
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:40,822
-[claws swiping]
290
00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:42,172
-Cooch?
291
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:44,563
-[roaring]
292
00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:46,736
-Looks like your girl
picked up a scent. Let's move!
293
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:50,183
And leave the guns.
Clearly, I should not be touching these things.
294
00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,826
-[bolt tightens]
-All right. Fire it up.
295
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:56,227
-Just so you know, another way
to get my attention would be to say my name,
296
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,970
unless you thought
my name was All Right!
297
00:13:58,141 --> 00:13:59,231
-Just turn the key, dude.
298
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,013
-It's Nate Metzler, by the way!
299
00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,358
-Great... what are you doing?
300
00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:06,408
-[gasoline splatters]
-I'm starting this fire so we don't freeze to death.
301
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:09,594
-It's 110 degrees...
in the shade.
302
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:13,551
-Temperature could drop
at any moment. A true leader is prepared for everything.
303
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:15,992
-[flames roaring]
-Oh, not my legs!
304
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,639
-Should have learned this,
but you're also going to blow up the helicopter, dipshit!
305
00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:21,604
-[suspenseful music]
-[helicopter rumbling]
306
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:23,383
-[groaning]
307
00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:26,038
-Thank God you're here, Lex.
308
00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:30,133
-What?! Bullshit! If she'd
been here with my pine cones, none of this would've happened!
309
00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:33,614
-There aren't pine trees
on tropical islands.
310
00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,655
-Really? Did you look?
311
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:40,051
-If you wanted a fire,
you could've just asked -[ominous music]
312
00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:42,007
-Nate with an E.
313
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:44,485
-We are in the middle
of something here!
314
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:48,056
-This is it. This is where
Lopez went missing.
315
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,585
-Ranger, what's taking so long?
316
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:53,589
-[voice breaking]
While we're asking questions, what is time? Can you see it?
317
00:14:53,762 --> 00:14:58,552
Can you taste it?
No. But as it moves, it moves us.
318
00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:00,073
-Oh, for fuck sake.
319
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:02,287
-Cooch:
Rex? Is that you? -Cooch!
320
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:04,636
-Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi.
321
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:08,856
-What happened? Did you see it?
-Nah, man. I got hit before I saw a thing.
322
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:11,818
I can usually, at least,
smell someone coming--
323
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:14,828
their buttholes, I mean.
That's what I smell, people's buttholes.
324
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,221
-Got it Cooch.
What is this place?
325
00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:21,135
-Oh, Agony, is that you?
326
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:22,831
-Render, are you injured?
327
00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:26,494
[screams]
A little warning, man!
328
00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:28,584
Wait. No blood.
That's a cybernetic arm.
329
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:30,843
-What did this thing want
with your hand?
330
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:35,197
-It needed my embedded
credentials to open the door.
331
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:40,459
-Wait a second. Why does your
arm look like an arm? They can make these things look real now?
332
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:43,375
-Yep, for years.
I have feeling in it, too.
333
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:48,471
-And I've just been walking
around with these forklift tongs stuck to my shoulders?!
334
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,993
You imagine trying to sleep
on these things?!
335
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,127
-Son of a bitch!
336
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,610
-[high pitched]
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! What's the deal?
337
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,650
-Something lured us here to open
that door. There's something you're not telling me!
338
00:15:57,826 --> 00:15:59,176
-Okay, okay!
339
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:02,831
This isn't an island...
it's a prison. -[eerie music]
340
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:05,305
-That's also an island.
You know what I mean.
341
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:09,096
-Many countries don't have
the resources to house their supervillains,
342
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:11,712
so for decades,
they sent them here,
343
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:16,633
hundreds of 'em. When I learned
the U.S. government had set up shop here, I had to know why.
344
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:20,021
-Hundreds of supervillains?
But the place is deserted.
345
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:23,236
-And we're gonna find out why.
-[American Ranger chomping]
346
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:29,077
[distorted screams and chomps]
347
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,602
Guys, I found some Wheat Thins
under a desk.
348
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,914
You ever notice how they scream
every time you bite into them?
349
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:38,691
-You brought
the goddamn brownies, didn't you?!
350
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:41,867
-Which one of you
is in charge?
351
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:45,484
-I've been lit on fire
once today, so, uh, Lex, he's talking to you.
352
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,006
-What do you want?
353
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,050
-I want this helicopter
and that pilot to take--
354
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:50,785
-The name's Nate Metzler!
355
00:16:51,749 --> 00:16:53,839
-...to take me off this island
for good,
356
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,973
unless anyone else flies.
That guy seems up his own ass.
357
00:16:57,146 --> 00:17:01,366
-Those flames...
you're the asshole that shot us out of the sky!
358
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:07,422
-Okay, relax. That was
a distress signal. My control was diminished by the procedure.
359
00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:12,341
-Procedure?
-Sorry, the name's Flame Scar. Famous Brazilian supervillain--
360
00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:16,509
at least, I was,
until I was imprisoned with 300 other degenerates.
361
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:20,517
There was no law.
Food was scarce. But we survived...
362
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:23,351
until they showed up.
363
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,130
-Do they have a name, like me,
Nate Metzler?
364
00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:28,086
-What is with this guy?
365
00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:30,884
[clears throat]
They were a shadowy government organization.
366
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:36,100
They rounded all of us up,
did experiments on our powers. We started disappearing,
367
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,932
until one of us
made them stop.
368
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:40,021
-Who?
369
00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:44,763
-What's your status, Fox?
370
00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:48,333
-I'm down a cybernetic ear.
Be very careful, and keep your voice down.
371
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,552
-Render, get this guy
back to the chopper!
372
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:55,641
-Something's using your team's
biometrics to open these doors.
373
00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:00,728
-[eerie music]
374
00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:03,595
-This place has a very,
very bad vibe, man.
375
00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:05,478
-What are you nerds reading?
376
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:09,829
-Dr. Kleptor. Oh, I haven't
heard that name in a long time.
377
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:13,831
He was a crackpot who claimed
he could remove superpowers from villains,
378
00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:18,395
but he got shut down
after Magmalon died on his table. Bastard.
379
00:18:18,575 --> 00:18:20,485
-Looks like he's
back in business.
380
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:24,844
-Power retardant.
They must've used this to weaken the patients.
381
00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:27,236
-This whole room is set up
to harvest powers.
382
00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:28,630
-What for?
383
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,243
-From what it
looks like... that.
384
00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:33,814
-[warbling]
385
00:18:33,982 --> 00:18:37,202
-Open it.
-It's locked with an omega-level holo key. Now I--
386
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:40,077
-Good thing I have a key
of my own.
387
00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:42,429
-[banging noise]
-Oh, son of a bitch!
388
00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:44,299
-You okay, dude?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
389
00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:45,691
-'Cause that looked
like it hurt.
390
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:47,603
-Nope.
-As I was saying,
391
00:18:47,778 --> 00:18:49,948
before this turned into
a dick-measuring contest,
392
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,219
I have omega-level clearance.
393
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,923
-You've had a cybernetic eye
this whole time?
394
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:57,221
-Yep.
395
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,747
-And the eye patch
is because?
396
00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:01,441
-It freaks people out.
397
00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:02,788
-[laser warbling]
-[scanner beeps]
398
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,487
-Female Voice:
Welcome, new user.
399
00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:07,535
Affix gauntlets to fist
for authentication.
400
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:11,111
Note: powers in beta
have not yet calibrated.
401
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:12,890
-[gauntlets beeping]
- Please use caution.
402
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:15,244
-Oh, my God. Is that--
403
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:19,195
-A gizmo that stores superpowers
harvested from hundreds of villains? Yes, it is.
404
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,725
-Maybe one of them
wanted theirs back.
405
00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:24,989
-But once this place
went into lockdown, the gauntlets would be secure,
406
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:30,174
unless some chump
with omega-level clearance marched in here and-- oh, shit!
407
00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:33,043
-[eerie music]
-Close it up. Cooch, Ranger, guard that door.
408
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:35,744
-[growling]
409
00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:37,223
-Agony, hurry!
410
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:38,483
-[dramatic music]
-[laser warbling]
411
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:41,404
-[claws scratching]
412
00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:42,311
-[grunting]
413
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:43,655
-[punching and grunting]
414
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:48,452
-No, no, no, no!
Oh, shit! Oh, no. -Hug time! Aah!
415
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:51,277
-[electricity crackles]
-That ain't right.
416
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:53,801
-[laser warbling]
-[cybernetic eyeball clanks]
417
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:06,213
-Female Voice:
Welcome, new user. Would you like to enter a name?
418
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:08,079
-I know who that is.
419
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:09,900
-Female Voice:
Registration delayed.
420
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:12,208
-Shock and awe.
-Female Voice: Shock and awe.
421
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:13,515
-[gauntlets warbling]
422
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:15,998
-Feet of feather.
423
00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:17,831
-Female Voice:
Feet of feather.
424
00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:19,829
-[gauntlets warbling]
-[whooshing]
425
00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:22,479
-I know who that is.
426
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,436
-She wasn't like the rest of us.
-[dramatic music]
427
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:28,494
-She was soft when she came here
but she was not soft for long.
428
00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:30,052
-[energy powering up]
429
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,709
-When they came to take her,
she was ready.
430
00:20:32,883 --> 00:20:34,493
-[powering up intensifies]
431
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:37,928
-They did not gain her powers.
They lost their lives.
432
00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:40,106
-[powering up intensifies]
433
00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:43,502
-I was freed in the chaos,
but I am not safe from her violence.
434
00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:47,157
We must leave together,
or we die alone.
435
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,863
-[powering up intensifies]
436
00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:50,860
-Sounds like this guy's cool,
Lex, I'll tag back in.
437
00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:53,212
Let me be the first
to welcome you to our little commune.
438
00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:54,342
I am the leader--
439
00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:56,174
-Watch out!
-[flames]
440
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,042
-Huh? Oh, no, no,
son of a bitch! Not again! Whoa!
441
00:20:58,213 --> 00:20:59,613
-[warbling]
-What?
442
00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:01,167
-Fly.
-Can I get a please?
443
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:02,217
-[bones crunch]
-Oh!
444
00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:03,911
-Now.
445
00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:06,698
-[dramatic music]
-[helicopter blades whirring]
446
00:21:06,874 --> 00:21:09,574
-Aah! No!
447
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:12,485
-Female Voice:
Would you like to set username now?
448
00:21:12,662 --> 00:21:13,622
-Yes.
449
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:15,884
-I know who that is.
450
00:21:16,057 --> 00:21:17,927
-Female voice:
Say name when ready.
451
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:19,282
-[gas hissing, helmet releasing]
452
00:21:20,453 --> 00:21:22,543
-Debbie Devizo.
453
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:23,536
-[dramatic music]
454
00:21:25,196 --> 00:21:27,416
-Nate:
Nate Metzler, my name, by the way.
455
00:21:28,852 --> 00:21:29,982
-[theme music playing]
456
00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:50,224
-[brakes squeak]
457
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:53,526
-Hey, my cousin flaked. His bad.
But I brought my Firebird. Do you think it'll fit in here?
458
00:21:53,703 --> 00:21:55,533
-[hip-hop music plays from car]
459
00:21:55,705 --> 00:21:59,835
-[grunting]
It fits.
460
00:22:00,014 --> 00:22:01,894
-[monkey chatters]
-Man: Stupid monkey.
461
00:22:02,059 --> 00:22:03,229
-[paper tearing]
-[monkey cry]
462
00:22:03,409 --> 00:22:04,319
-[slap]
463
00:22:04,369 --> 00:22:08,919
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