All language subtitles for The.House.of.Yes.1997.iNTERNAL.DVDRip.x264-REGRET-English

I'll always remember that day.

Marty and I had just turned 14,

and we went
to an ides of march party.

I went as Jackie onassis,

in a pink Chanel suit and a
pillbox hat and blood on my dress.

Well, ketchup, actually,
and other stuff too,

like macaroni kind of
glued on like brains.

It was more tasteful
than it sounds.

Everybody remembers that day,
exactly what they were doing.

Thank you, Mrs. Kennedy, for
showing us your official home.

This is the white house,
the scene from the south lawn.

This is the Pascal house,
as seen from the front lawn.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mrs. John F. Kennedy.

Where are we now,
Mrs. Kennedy?

This is what is known
as the brown room.

As you can see, there are
many wonderful pieces here.

The style of the room
is dictated by the mantelpiece,

which was the gift of Mrs.
Maurice knowne from des moines, Iowa.

This mantelpiece was donated by Mrs.
Noreen mccune of south bend, Indiana.

It's really a treasure, and I wish
there were more people like Mrs. Knowne.

I wish we had more people
like Mrs. Mccune.

It's through this door that
all the heads of state come.

And here's where
the marine band plays,

and then everyone goes in to
dinner in the state dining room.

I'm rolling.
Oh.

This is where all the
state dinners are given.

There were almost two
a month last year.

This is the main dining room,
where we entertain...

Visiting heads of state
and their wives.

This room has the most architectural
unity in the white house.

I just think that everything in
the white house should be the best,

so when you find a room
like this, it's wonderful.

There's the China room and
the gold room and the library.

This is the broadcast room. This is the red
room. This is the diplomatic reception room.

This is the men's room. This is the green
room. This is Lincoln's cabinet room.

The most formal room in the white
house... this room used to be...

Every room should have
a turnstile...

His office is really
a chamber of horrors now.

Jackie, no!

This used to be daddy's room.

I mean, um,
Mr. Pascal's office space.

We shouldn't be in here.

The dining room and formal room... cabinet
room... China room... broadcast room...

Blue room... men's room...
This is a kitchen!

Just-just a kitchen.

This is the living room,

center for living
and leisure activities...

And boring piano lessons!

Ha-ha!

Come on, Marty!

Daddy-o!

Anthony, help me
masking-tape these windows.

Puttin' those crosses?
Yeah.

The Kennedys aren't puttin'
crosses on their windows.

They could really care.
They have ten other houses.

It's like wearing garlic, those crosses.
It was on the news.

It can't hurt. Yes, it can.
It goos up the windows.

Did Marty call?
Last night.

I know last night. Did Marty call today?
He's bringing a friend.

What? He said he was
bringing a friend.

Male or female?
I don't know.

What did he say exactly?
He said, "tell mom I'm bringing a friend."

Why not me? Why not tell
Jackie, "I'm bringing a friend"?

I think it pertained to groceries,
bedrooms, like that... logistics.

Anthony, tell me everything
Marty said.

He said, "hello, Anthony?"
I said, "yeah, Marty?"

He said, "yeah." We said,
"hey." Marty said, "hey"?

Not like, "hey,"
like, "hey!"

Like a noise.
Like a noise of jubilation.

Marty was jubilant?
At this point in the phone call.

At least he was doing a fair
impersonation of jubilant.

Marty was pretending to be jubilant?
Oh, my god.

What's wrong with Marty?
And who is this friend?

And who is this friend?
Exactly. How did he sound?

He sounded good.
He-he said he was good.

Maybe he was lying. He's not good.
He hates New York.

He's coming home.
For Thanksgiving.

For good.
Did he say that?

I don't know. Did he? No.

- How come nobody told me about this friend?
- Jackie.

Did I tell you your
brother's bringing a friend?

What kind of friend?
I don't know.

Marty's never had a friend before.
Who taped up the windows?

- I did. I saw it on the news. - That
tape leaves goo. It goos up the windows.

Goo is what tape is all about. Goo is
what makes it tape, instead of paper.

A person offers a little
constructive criticism,

and a person gets lectured
on the nature of things.

I came in to ask something.
I can't think what it is.

- Ah, Anthony. Did I make up the
guest room? - How should I know?

A person asks a civilized
question, and the person...

I'll go up and check.
Did you give your sister her medication?

Uh-huh.

Maybe we should do
the chandeliers.

Were you this excited when I came home?
That was different.

You were dropping out of college.
A good college.

So, why did you leave? With Marty
gone, who was gonna take care of you?

Mama.
Yeah, right.

I hear his car. I hear Marty's car.
You can't hear cars.

There's a hurricane. Where's my brush?
I had a hair brush right here.

Are we gonna make a run for it?

Yeah.

What did it look like?

It looked like a hairbrush,
like a brush you brush your hair with.

Was it pink? yes, it was pink, goddamn it.
It was pink.

It was pink, and now it's gone!

I put it upstairs.
I didn't want it around the food.

It wasn't around the food.
The food is in the kitchen.

- It was on the same floor as the food.
- I have a comb.

I don't want a comb.
I want a brush.

Combs straighten your hair out.
I want it to gleam. It is gleaming.

- It is not.
- It is. It is. I need sunglasses almost.

It is?
It is.

Marty!
Uh, Jackie!

- Lesly, this is Jackie-o.
- Hi.

My mother. Anthony.
Meet Lesly.

Lesly and I are engaged.-

I have to find my hairbrush.
Oh, I-I have a comb.

Marty, you're a wreck.
Give me your coat.

I was in a hurricane, mama. I just came
in from a hurricane. Oh, you look thin.

You're thin. You look so thin.
Oh, my god, I sounded like a mother.

Didn't I sound just like a mother?
You are a mother.

I know, but I still
can't believe it.

I look at you people and wonder,
however did you fit in my womb?

Marty, why don't you get the fire really
going like you do? Anthony, you help him.

Squeeze the blower or something.
Lesly and I will check on dinner.

- Can I check on dinner too?
- No, you cannot.

There's going to be girl talk in there.
I like girl talk.

If you were there,
it wouldn't be girl talk, would it?

- Do I have to squeeze the blower?
- No, sweetheart.

You just have to do something
in some other location.

You have a lovely home.

- Home?
- Your house. It's lovely.

Oh, yes, it was. I mean, it is. I mean,
it will be until it gets blown away.

We'll all get blown away
to oz or something.

- Can I help with anything?
- Oh, no. It's all under control.

So, Lesly, how long
have you known Marty?

Um, about six months.
Then, you know him pretty well, do you?

I don't know. I think so. I guess
you've met a lot of Marty's girlfriends.

- No, not really.
- Well, I hope I'm the first fiancee.

Oh, you're definitely the first
and, I hope, the last.

Me too.

I had one great passion in my life.
Do you know what that was?

Your husband? My husband.
Precisely.

I didn't know he was my one
great passion until he was gone.

Till he was gone, my one great passion
was the man I met that night at a party,

any man I met at a party who could
use a new adjective to describe me.

I really have no idea
who my children belong to.

All I know for sure is...

That Jackie and Marty
belong to each other.

Jackie's hand was holding Marty's
penis when they came out of the womb.

The doctor swore to me.
It's in some medical journal somewhere.

Well, I guess I should go
freshen up now. Oh, do.

By all means.
Look at you, you're drenched.

Anthony, did I put clean towels
out on the bed? How should I know?

Go and see.
And show Lesly to the guest room.

Why not my room, mama? You're not
married yet, are you, young man?

Are there sheets on the bed?
Mm-hmm.

Make sure to show her how to jiggle
the toilet so it doesn't run.

Marty, a word.

A word, mama, or many words?
Oh, now, don't get snippy, Marty.

You've been in this house exactly 37
seconds, and you're already snippy.

It's no wonder your father died young. He'd
simply had it with all this snippiness.

A person can die a slow death...

From being snipped at
year after year.

The way he said "salad"
when he meant "solid."

Two of you would not let it go,
like a puppy with a rag doll.

- Daddy didn't die a slow death.
- Let's stick to the subject.

I have no idea
what the subject is.

- I'll tell you what the subject is not.
- No, mama.

That's too broad a category. Tell me
what the subject is. You. A fiancee.

Here. Why? I love her,
and I'm just trying to follow procedure.

Do you love her for any particular reason?
Why, you didn't like her?

I spoke to her for exactly 37 seconds,
Marty. Who is she? What does she do?

She's a waitress in the donut
king on 14th street. Uh-huh.

She smells like powdered sugar.

Marty, men don't marry girls
who smell like powdered sugar.

They have a sweet little affair with them, which
they recall fondly in their twilight years.

Don't be such a snob.
Marty.

Your sister has been out of the
hospital less than six months.

Last week she nearly lost it
because the seltzer water was flat.

And you bring a woman home.

Not just a woman, but a fiancee.
An anti-Jackie.

- Are you trying to push your
sister over the edge? - No.

Well, just what then are
you trying to do? be normal.

It's a little late
for that, young man.

Do you want us to leave?

Yes, I want you to leave at once, without
further ado, as soon as the storm lets up.

If you don't, I'll take away your
sheets, your towels, everything.

- Without "further ado."
- Yes. I'm getting dramatic.

Well, stop it.

What do I tell Lesly?

Tell her the truth.

- The truth. - That your sister's
insane. She'll understand.

Don't say "insane."
She's ill.

Oh, if she were ill, I could give her
an aspirin, I could put her to bed,

I could make her that soup
you're supposed to make.

- Chicken noodle.
- That, exactly. But I cannot.

I mean, I can make the soup.
For heaven's sake, it comes in a can.

I cannot make her well.
I have tried.

I thought it was better that
I come and tell her myself.

It would be better not to tell her at all. It
would be better if you had nothing to tell.

If there's anyone present who knows why
this marriage should not take place,

it is me.

- Why?
- Why what?

Why shouldn't this marriage
take place?

You know why.

Tell me.

Excuse me. I'm going to go baste the
Turkey and hide the kitchen knives.

So, those are the towels.

Do you like them?
'Cause I could get you others.

We have black ones
with Roman scenes on 'em.

Oh, that's okay.
These are dry.

This is just from the car to the door.
Can you believe it?

Yes.
It's a hurricane.

I know.

This is supposed to be
waterproof mascara.

- You look lovely.
- Oh.

Did I show you the toilet thing?

Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

You just jiggle it.

Right. It hasn't worked right since
Jackie flushed Marty's lizard.

Oh, it got in there by mistake?

No, on purpose.

She flushed him on purpose?
I think she was jealous.

- Marty loved that lizard.
- It turned different colors.

Well, I guess you wanna do your
mascara or somethin'. Yeah.

Well, my mom put out Bobby
pins and hair glop, brushes.

Everything you'd need.

So, if you want to do your
hair, you're set.

I do.
What?

Wanna do my hair.
You know, 'cause of the rain and all.

It looks nice the way it is.
Oh, come on.

Oh, well.
Really.

- I guess I'll see you at dinner.
- Yeah.

I hope you like Turkey,
'cause that's what we're having.

Yes. I mean,
it's Thanksgiving.

Did-did I show you the toilet thing?
Yeah.

And the towels?
Oh, right here.

Could you just check and see if there are
sheets, 'cause my mother was all distracted.

Yeah, there are.
And pillows?

Anthony, I don't mean
to be unpolite,

but I'm kind of tired
and all, so...

Oh. Oh!
I'm sorry.

It's just... well,
we've never had a guest before.

Never?

Never.

Hey.
Marty.

The toilet's running.

It's making this strange noise.
What are you doing?

Oh, I don't like these shoes.

They look fine. They skid.
I nearly skidded.

Come here.
No.

Why not?
Lipstick.

Reapply.

Mmm.

You know, Lesly,
we don't have to stay here.

Marty.
What?

Well, it's Thanksgiving.
Nobody cares.

Yeah, but we drove... we could drive back.
We could watch the parade.

It's rained out.
Says who?

The news. They showed bullwinkle blowing
on the side of the Chrysler building.

Well, we can't miss that.
That settles it. We're going.

Let go.
I love your shoes.

Stop it. You've met them.
They've met you. Let's go.

Oh, but they gave me towels
and Bobby pins and everything.

Bobby pins?
It'd be rude.

They won't care.

They don't like me.

They love you.
Oh, I wore the wrong clothes.

No. I was in a
hurricane, you know?

I mean, a person can't look all... well,
when it's raining and it's blowing...

You looked beautiful.
You are beautiful. Kiss me.

They're your family.

You are my family.

Not yet.

Did Marty tell you about me?

Oh, yes.
What did he tell you?

- How you were.
- How's that?

You know.
Glamorous.

- I spend most of my days with my
head in the toilet bowl. - Oh, well...

Throwing up pills. I can't really
think when I take the pills,

and a person needs to think.

I mean, if a person can't
think, what are they?

Why are you taking the pills?
The doctors make me.

Well, have you talked to them,
about not being able to think and all?

Oh, they'd just think I was
crazy in not taking my pills.

Well, most doctors are men, you know. They
think we're all perpetually premenstrual.

Oh, well, we are. I mean,
except when we're actually having it.

Sex?
No.

You know, "the visitor."

That's what I call it.
Are you saving yourself for marriage?

How do you mean?
Blood on the sheets, all that.

Well, we live together,
Marty and me.

Must be hard, saving yourself for
marriage when you live together.

I'm not saving myself.
No?

You think I should've? If I were getting
married, I'd wanna check out the goods.

Me too.
How were they?

The goods?
Marty?

Oh, I can't describe.

What's the wildest place you've
ever made love? With Marty?

- Yes. - I can't talk like
that about your brother!

Pretend he's not my brother.
I do.

Well, this one time...

- What?
- I can't.

Why not?
It's embarrassing.

If you don't tell me, I'll just get
it out of Marty. Oh, he would never.

- Never what?
- Talk like that.

Marty and I tell each other everything.
Everything?

We're twins.

Did he tell you
about his other girlfriends?

Did he tell you about his other
girlfriends? There was one, he said.

- Did he tell you about her?
- No. What was she like?

Who?
The girl.

She wasn't a girl.
She was a woman.

She was older than Marty.

No, they were almost exactly the same age.
Talk about glamorous.

She was glamorous.

I thought so.
Is she still here, in Washington?

Very much so. I wonder... what?

- No, it's none of my business.
- What?

Well, if he plans to get together
with her while he's home.

- Why didn't he marry her?
- He couldn't.

Why not?
It was a family thing.

Families objected?
Something like that.

- He never told me.
- Men and their secrets.

Not all men have secrets.
We all have our secrets.

♪♪

Jeez.

The fire's gone out already.
The rain must be comin' in.

Where's Jackie-o?

In her room.

What she doing there? I don't know.
Brushing her hair.

♪♪ How's she doin'?

- I-I don't know. She's in her room.
- I mean, generally.

Good. I mean,
good for Jackie.

What does she do all day?

I-I don't know. I mean,
what does anybody do all day?

What do you do all day?
What do I do all day?

What do you do all day?

I don't know.

She reads books.
What kind of books?

Assassination books.
What else?

That's about it.

How many assassination
books can there be? A lot.

Lincoln, McKinley,
Kennedy, king, Kennedy...

All right.
And she watches soap operas.

She likes it especially when they have a
character, that actress leaves the show,

and a new actress steps in
and becomes the character.

Nobody on the show notices
any difference, they just...

Jackie watches soap operas?

I guess you heard
about the seltzer water thing.

That was the last big,
you know...

It was flat.
Yeah.

So what'd she do?

Well, she started screamin' about
bubbles, how there were no bubbles.

So she started boiling
the seltzer water.

When the water started bubbling, she poured the
boiling water back into the seltzer bottle,

which was plastic and started
to melt and kind of melted...

Into her hand
where she was holding it.

She had to go to the emergency
room with third-degree burns.

And on the way home,
whenever mom and I asked her a question,

she'd tell us to,
"stop giving me the third degree."

And she'd laugh,
kind of like, hysterically.

So, she's not what
you'd call "recovered."

Do you think I should stay?

Yes.
Yes, I do.

Uh, you're not supposed
to have that.

What?
The wine.

Isn't there enough?
There's enough, but...

- she's not supposed to have that.
- Why not?

- Because of her medication.
- Not this medication, Anthony.

The one before, I couldn't drink.
They've switched me.

I used to be green.
Now, I'm brown.

I wanted pills to match my eyes.
Color me beautiful.

Mama wants us to leave. She's afraid
I'm gonna push you over the edge.

Oh, I've been over the edge.
Now I'm back.

Lesly doesn't know about the hospital.
Oh?

She knows about the hospital,
but not what kind of hospital.

Does she know about your hospital?
Sort of.

Let me guess.
You had your appendix out?

- You did?
- No.

Hey, Marty,
you wanna show me your scar? No.

I'm sorry about that, by the way.
I didn't mean to maim you.

- I only meant to kill you.
- Well, these things happen.

I've noticed Anthony wears a lot of
layers around me, don't you, Anthony?

Look at him. He's got a t-shirt,
a dress shirt, a vest and a jacket.

I'm wearing a jacket 'cause it's
Thanksgiving. You weren't wearing it before.

- I put it on after Marty got here.
- I appreciate it; It looks nice.

I got it at the treasure trove.
I think it belonged to a Kennedy.

- Why, is there a bullet hole?
- Marty, you're home.

The lady said Mrs.
Kennedy donated a bunch of stuff.

She was pretty sure this was
in the Kennedy batch.

See, Marty,
you turned the household upside down.

Anthony went out
and bought a jacket.

And I went to a lot of trouble to get
sane, so you can't just leave.

Lesly, on the other hand,
is free to go at any time.

I've never been to a hurricane before.
Have you?

Yes.
When?

Before you were born. We went to Virginia
beach. Our motel was on the water.

Mom and dad were drinking rum and Pepsi
out of styrofoam cups and giggling.

All the good stuff happened
before I got born.

- This wine's not very cold.
- Mama forgot to put it back in the icebox.

- I wish I had a piece of ice.
- I'll get you one.

- Oh, don't you go, Anthony. Marty, fetch
me a piece of ice. - I'll get it for you.

Marty's been in the car all day. I'm sure he'd
leap at an opportunity to stretch his legs.

He doesn't know
where we keep the ice.

- Everyone knows where you keep the
ice, Anthony! - I'll get the ice.

Are you gonna be good
when Lesly comes down?

Marty, I'm the hostess. Yeah.

Make sure it's cold.

She's pretty, isn't she? Who?

Who do you think?
I guess.

She doesn't seem like Marty's type.
Do you think she seems like Marty's type?

I don't know.
Now, you and she would make a cute couple.

Wow, I'd bet you're
just the same age.

They're getting married,
Jackie. She's got a ring.

Tiffany's?
I don't know.

I think she has
the sneak for you.

Stop. I do. She's engaged.

So? She only just met you tonight.
Who knows?

These things happen
all the time.

J-Jackie, I'm not gonna... what?

I don't know.

It's okay, Anthony.

I understand.

Understand what?

Just because Marty's attracted to
girls doesn't mean you have to be.

I'm attracted to girls.
Really? Are you sure?

Yes!
Hmm.

Anthony, look.

Isn't that the prettiest
ice cube you've ever seen?

It used to be bigger.
I wonder what happened.

Whatever it was, it happened just
between the kitchen and here.

Look, Marty, your hands are all wet.
Now, there's a clue.

It probably melted on the way.

Oh, my!
Good evening.

- Good evening.
- Is that an evening dress?

I don't know. It certainly
looks like an evening dress.

It's very pretty.
Well, I dressed for dinner.

Would you like a glass
of liebfraumilch?

No, thank you.
I'll just have a glass of wine.

- That's the name of the wine.
- Oh. I don't speak French.

- Who does?
- You do.

- Oh, that's right, I do.
- So, what does that name mean?

In French?

I think it means something German.
Oh.

It means,
"loving mother's milk."

- You speak French?
- No, German.

Well, I know how to say "I
love you" in sign language.

- Let's see.
- Oh.

Cool.

Don't leave this girl alone with
any handsome deaf-mutes, Marty.

- That's my advice to you.
- Jackie.

Tell me, Lesly,
have you ever been to Washington before?

No.

Not even on a field trip?
Not even on a fifth-grade field trip?

No. I mean, my class
went, but I didn't go.

- In fifth grade, really?
- Sixth. Sixth grade.

So, you just snubbed it.
You just snubbed your nation's capital.

Um, my parents
wouldn't let me go.

- What's their number?
- What do you mean?

How could they have ruined a perfectly good
field trip? People like that burn me up.

Don't they burn you up, Marty?
They didn't have the money.

What a lie.
How much could it have cost?

- Too much. - Were you poor?
Did you eat chicken potpies?

Pancakes.
A lot of pancakes.

Pancakes.
Pancakes, Marty.

So, how did you pull yourself out?
Out of poverty, I mean.

I left Pennsylvania.

Well, that was a step
in the right direction, clearly.

Do they have paintings
in Pennsylvania?

- Jackie. Come here.
- Why?

What do you think you're doing?
What do you think you're doing?

You said you were gonna be nice. Just
trying to keep the conversation moving.

Just stop it.

I've never been to Pennsylvania.

I've never even met anyone who's been to
Pennsylvania, much less been from Pennsylvania.

No, Pennsylvania's just this
state that gets in your way...

When you have to go
someplace else.

Why do they call you Jackie-o?

We went to
an ides of march party.

I went as Jackie onassis,
in a pink Chanel suit...

And a pillbox hat
and blood on my dress.

Blood?
Well, ketchup, mostly.

And other stuff too, like macaroni
kind of glued on like brains.

I don't think that's funny.

Nobody else did, either.
Nobody talked to me all night.

I talked to you.

Yes, you talked to me.

Marty, Jackie-o wants
a "drink" drink.

Let's drink rum and Pepsi out of
styrofoam cups. Come on, Anthony darling.

Let's drink rum and Pepsi out of
styrofoam cups. Bring us some ice!

Oh, we're out of ice.
How could we be out of ice?

Mama forgot to refill the trays.
I gave you the last cube.

She's got a stash somewhere.
I know it. the Pepsi's cold.

It's not the same. I'm not talking
about ice. I'm talking about texture.

I'm talking about texture.
In the last hurricane, we had ice.

Mama and daddy had a bucket of
ice in a cooler down the hall.

We just marched down the hall
whenever we had a yen for ice!

A person gets her heart set
on a certain thing.

Yes. A person gets her heart
set on a certain thing.

And if a certain person can't have a certain
thing, a certain person goes insane.

I suppose you think I'm going
insane just to be fashionable.

I don't think you're insane.
You don't think I'm insane?

- No. - You don't think I'm an
eensy, weensy bit insane?

I don't think you're insane.
I think you're just spoiled.

Oh, please. If people are going to start telling
the truth around here, I'm going to bed.

- Does this happen a lot?
- Every goddamn hurricane.

We bought emergency candles.
They're right in the kitchen.

Anthony, did we remember
to buy emergency matches?

Nobody buys matches.
People find matches.

People buy matches, Anthony,
but not people like us.

Oh, mom.
Thanks, mom.

Thank you.
Thanks.

Oh, this'll be fun. I've never had
Thanksgiving dinner by candlelight before.

- Oh, my god.
- What is it?

Dinner. Electric stove.
Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't even think.

Oh. If I'd put in the Turkey one
hour earlier, we'd be impervious.

Does anybody want
cranberry sauce?

- Just cranberry sauce?
- You can eat it raw.

It's not really raw.
It's been precooked.

- Jackie, is that a drink you're drinking?
- This drink?

Yes.
No.

Anthony, is that a drink
she's drinking?

It's liebfraumilch.
Well, take it away from her.

- She said she switched medication.
- She's mistaken. Take it away.

- Jackie, you look tired. Why don't
you go to bed. - I get bored in bed.

Well, I'm going to bed,
and I think everyone should do the same.

- It's still early.
- There's no television and no food.

What else is there
to stay up for?

Conversation.
Oh, that.

That only gets you into trouble.
Take it from one who knows.

Hey, the Kennedy's generator
turned on their security lights.

♪♪

I remember that.
I used to take lessons.

♪♪

♪♪

That was good.
Can I have an at bat?

Mm-hmm.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Boy, it's been a long day.

Not as long as yesterday.
Yesterday was 24 hours.

- I meant with traveling.
- It's no easier staying in one place.

- Take it from one who knows. - Are you
being wise? I think you're being wise.

I knew it would happen one day.
I'd just wake up wise.

- One day I woke up stupid.
- You did?

It was terrible.
What did you do?

I went back to sleep.
That was wise.

I'm tired, Marty.
I-I'm going up.

Are you coming up?
Uh, soon.

Clean towels and a washcloth
are laid out on the bed.

Yell out if you need anything.

What?

♪♪

I did get your letter.
Oh?

I've forgotten his name,
the one who was lousy in bed.

Who was lousy in bed? but to be lousy in
bed, you have to be in bed, don't you?

- Who was lousy in bed?
- That actor.

Peter? Peter was lousy in bed?
I can't believe it.

- Tell me about Peter, Anthony.
- Uh, he wears black.

And he has a gap between his teeth.
He has green eyes.

One eye is squinty.
Like sexy, not like disfigured.

He's in love with Jackie,
you can tell.

He gets to hold her coat for her, his heart
breaks into a million pieces on the floor.

So, Peter's in love
with Jackie-o?

- Don't use that word.
- What word?

Love. Love is for tiny
people with tiny lives.

No, Peter and I have
nothing in common.

Now, you and I, Marty,
have a great deal in common.

Parents. DNA.
Bone structure.

He doesn't look
like he'd be lousy in bed.

Anthony, we have something
to tell you.

Let's talk about Anthony. Let's express
some familial concern about Anthony.

- Now, Anthony, why aren't you at school?
- I dropped out.

- He dropped out.
- Yes, I know.

- Why did you drop out, Anthony?
- Why didn't you go off with her, Marty?

We're talking about you now.
We're expressing familial concern.

No, you're not.
We're not?

No, you're playing
the familial concern game.

Don't be so Sincere, Anthony.
It's declasse.

I hear you crying at night
alone in your room.

I hear her crying at night
alone in her room.

You cry at night
alone in your room?

Hey, don't make fun of her.
I won't let you make fun of her.

I wasn't going to make fun of her. I was
going to ask her what she cries about.

What do you think?

You want somebody
for a very long time,

and then you have them.

And they love you.

And they make love to you.

But it's not enough.

This is the truth about sex.

Is that why Peter
was lousy in bed?

I'm not talking
about Peter, Anthony.

Jesus, I'm talking about Marty.

Why did you tell me?
I-I wish you hadn't told me.

Oh, Anthony. You knew.
I did not know.

- Come on. You knew.
- How old were you?

Young.
My whole life?

- Practically your whole life.
- I felt left out.

Little brothers always feel left out.
I felt majorly left out.

- Is that why you went crazy?
- No.

That's why you went crazy.
You were ashamed.

- I wasn't ashamed.
- Well, you should be.

- Oh, Anthony, don't be bourgeois.
- I'm not being bourgeois.

Don't call me bourgeois just
'cause I know right from wrong.

Does Lesly know?
No.

Well, are you gonna tell her?
No.

- You're not gonna tell her.
- How can I tell her? - You just tell her.

Why?
So she knows.

- I'll tell her.
- Don't.

No, she's from Pennsylvania.
She'll understand.

- Entire towns are related.
- So, but that's like cousins.

So? so, you're not cousins.
You're twins.

Well, that explains
a great deal.

Why mama insists on celebrating our
birthdays on the same day, for example.

I thought she was just being
chintzy with the party favors.

It would be bad enough if you were
just brother and sister, but twins!

Your moral outrage
is duly noted, Anthony.

- You are officially a better person
than us. - It's like fucking a mirror!

Anthony
just said "fuck."

I know.
I heard.

Fucking a mirror.
That sounds painful.

Go upstairs.
Go upstairs and tell her, or I'll...

I'll...

- What?
- Be really mad.

Don't!

What?
Do that.

Okay, let's do something else.
Let's do mime. No.

Guess where I am.
I'm in a box, and I can't get out.

- No, I'm in a box, and I can't get out.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

But that wasn't a very good mime,
Marty, because I didn't see that at all.

Why did you have to tell him?
To get him out of the room.

What if he tells Lesly?
He won't.

What if he does?
Are you ashamed?

Of what? of us. Of what we have.

- Had.
- I don't recognize the past tense.

I'm not ashamed.

What are you?
I don't know.

I see other houses.
I see other lives, and...

What?
They're not like mine.

They're not like mine, either.
They could be.

Other lives don't interest me.

That's what we always said. But maybe we said
that because we thought we couldn't have it.

Maybe... we could all
move to Pennsylvania.

I should go up soon.

We're not going to bed until
one of three things happen.

The hurricane ends,
or we run out of rum.

That's two.

Hmm.

Marty?

It's me.

I have to talk to you.
About what?

Stuff.

Well, okay,
but I was just getting ready for bed.

Can I help?

What did you wanna talk
to me about?

Where did you meet Marty?

At a party.

What did he say?

Well, there were no chairs.
There were two chairs.

Marty was sitting in one, and then he
got up, you know, to give me the chair.

I knew he wasn't from New York.

So, you fell in love with him?

No, I thought he was gay.
You did?

Why?
Well, everyone is.

In New York. I mean, not me.
Everyone. Men.

And he was so beautiful,
you know?

Do you think I am?
Beautiful?

Well, you look like Marty. I do?

Uh-huh. 'Cause we're not exactly
sure we had the same father.

I mean, my mother always had the same
husband, but she was kind of a free spirit.

You know, like that?
Does that bother you?

Well, I mean, if it did,
it wouldn't change anything.

I mean, I don't mean to
be buddhistic or anything.

Be what?
Buddhistic.

Oh, that's okay.

So, Lesly, how old are you?
Twenty-three.

Me too.
Oh, I thought you were younger.

Well, I am.
What do you think about sex?

Well, I mean,

sex is good
with the right man, but...

You need to be careful, you know,
especially in New York. Careful.

- Diseases and all.
- Mental diseases?

I guess.

If somebody else fell in love with you
now, what would you do?

Tell them I was engaged.

You-you wouldn't... you wouldn't
maybe check it out?

See if maybe he's got
something to offer, like that?

No.

Do i... do I have a fever?

No.
Are you sure?

Pretty sure.
Could you check again?

Well, you're warm,
but not like a fever.

More like warm.

It's because I'm sitting next to you.
I'm warm because I'm sitting next to you.

Anthony.
What?

I don't know.
You know, like I said.

Lesly, can I hold your hand?
Just hold your hand.

Okay.

How'd you get that scar?

Oh, uh...

Well, Marty and Jackie
were playing French revolution,

and they made me play
Marie antoinette.

Well, Marty's probably going to
be coming up pretty soon, so...

I don't think so.
He's with Jackie-o. So?

Can I hold something else now?
Anthony!

Can I see your knees?
No!

Tell me about when you
lost your virginity. No!

Tell me something.

I don't know what to tell you.

Anything.

Do I have a fever?

I already checked before.
Twice. I know.

I think I have a brain tumor.

You do?

And you know what
the big tragedy of that is?

You'll die?
Yeah.

I'll die without ever
having, you know...

You've never... no.

It's not that big a tragedy.

I mean, unless you're with exactly
the right person, it's not that great.

It's not that great?
No.

Like, if they smoke,
they taste like ashes, you know?

Or they, like, stick their tongue in your
ear so much you get, like, chapped ears.

Wow.

Or they're just big liars and will
say anything to get in bed with you.

Lesly.
Mm-hmm.

I don't smoke,
I won't stick my tongue in your ear...

And I will always
be honest with you.

Well, thank you.

But, please.
Anthony, it's... it's too weird.

Doing it with two brothers?
It's like incest.

Lesly, about incest...

I have two words to say to you.

Jackie-o and Marty.

Jackie-o and Marty.

How do you know that?

They told me.

Who told you?
Jackie.

- Huh.
- Then Marty.

Marty too.

I don't believe you.

All right.
Let's go for five.

Ready.

Go.

Mmm.

Oh, there's something I've
been meaning to ask you.

There's this thing I've heard,

and if I thought for one second it
was true, I'd probably kill myself.

Does your fiancee work
in a donut shop?

A donut king, actually.
A donut king?

So, is she, like, the queen?
Are we entertaining royalty?

She would be more like
a donut lady-in-waiting.

So, she's sort of
a-a marginal donut figure?

In all fairness, she is a minor
and not a major donut figure.

It's a chain, you see. There are
women like her all over the city.

- My point, exactly.
- No, my point. My point, Jackie.

There are women like her all over the city.
I know that.

But this one belongs to me.
I have chosen to love her.

- It wasn't thrust
upon me by... - destiny?

I'm going to bed.

Can I come?
No.

- Jackie, I love her.
- Love.

Yes, love. Love.
I'm tired of being above everything.

I wanna be a human being.
Okay, then, let's be human beings.

You don't know how!

You didn't come to my hospital.

You didn't come.

I came.
They didn't tell me.

I came at night.

I'd sit under your window.
I watched you put on your makeup.

I watched you cry it off.

I knew I was the one
making you crazy,

so I left and went to New York.

But I'm not crazy now.
I'm better.

I watch soap operas.
I bake brownies.

Normalcy is coursing through my veins.
I want you to have a life.

I want you to love someone
you're allowed to love.

I miss you.

I miss you so much.

I miss you.

When I was with Peter,

I couldn't come
without seeing your face.

When you make love to that Lesly
girl, do you see my face?

Sometimes.

My face how?

From when?

The night we went to the party.

The ides of march party.

Yes.

You ran into the room.

Your slip.
Pillbox hat.

And heels.
I got to wear heels.

And mama's stockings
with the seams.

You walked over to the couch.

I was waiting for my skirt.

Macaroni wouldn't dry.

And I followed the seams
of your stockings.

Then I was afraid.

So I began the game.

Marty, look.

Marty.

You look lovely.

I have everything.
The dress. Everything.

- The dress?
- The suit. I could put it on.

Don't.
Oh, for old time's sake.

Lesly might come down.
She won't come down.

How do you know?
She won't come down.

- Where you going?
- To Marty's room.

He's not in his room.
How do you know?

Lesly, you don't want to go
down there now. I have to.

Damn.
I broke my heel.

H-Here, give it to me. Let me fix it.
I always carry crazy glue.

- How long does that take?
- I have to read the instructions.

- Oh, Jesus!
- It works overnight.

I can't wait that long.
I'll go barefoot.

Wait. L-Let me fix it for you.
It doesn't need overnight. That was a lie.

Anthony, not five minutes ago, you said
you would always be honest with me.

I lied to keep you here,
upstairs.

I can't stay here.

- Is my shoe ready yet? - Lesly, if you
go down there, you might see something.

I know.
Carnal.

- I know. - So,
why put yourself through it? Don't go.

- Can I have my shoe now?
- No.

Fine.

I have the gun.

- Put it down.
- There's no bullets. See for yourself.

Just give it to me.

But the blank.

They'll hear the blank.
In the storm?

It's getting quiet.

We must be going into the eye.

The best part.

Do you still remember that day?

The day of the party?

The day he was shot.

Everybody remembers that day.
Exactly what they were doing.

The radio was on.

The TV was on.

Mama was crying,
and daddy was crying.

And daddy was leaving.

Finally leaving.

She covered him with her body.

She tried to keep him there.

She'd tried to keep his head on,
but it was falling off.

You be him.

Yes.

And I'll be her.

I'm him.

And I'm her.

Did you see them?
What?

Jackie. Marty.
Uh-huh.

Was I right? Was it carnal? Yes.

No. I don't know.

Told ya not to go.
Didn't I tell you not to go?

You okay?

No.
Sweetie...

Why did you call me that?

I don't know.
It just came out.

My dad used to call me that.

Before.
Before what?

Before he died.
I could call you that again.

It's okay.

I don't know what to do.

I could stay with you.

Stay with me how?

Any way you want me
to stay with you.

With your clothes on.
Or off.

You look like Marty.

You look like Lesly.

Lesly.
Yes?

I love you, Lesly.

Marty.

Jeez. Was I
that terrible?

Supposed to last
longer, isn't it?

How long does, like, Marty last?

Anthony... what?

Well, that's personal.

You won't tell him, will you?
How I was?

- No.
- But you're gonna tell him. About us.

I don't know.
What about honesty?

The importance of honesty
in a relationship?

- Where are my hose?
- Why don't you check the light?

I don't want to.
Why not?

I'm shy.

Lesly, w-we just...

That's different.
That was just something I did.

You have to be with someone for a while
before you let them really look at you.

You let Marty look at you?
Of course.

Anthony, you can't stay here.

I was confused before.

- I was in a state of confusion. - That's
because we were in the heat of passion.

- I wasn't in the heat of passion.
- I'm closin' my ears.

I was pretending
that you were Marty.

And it didn't work.

You're brothers,
but you're different.

Smell different.
Taste different.

Everything.
Oh.

I miss little things.
Like his scar.

You mean, Jackie's scar?

No. Marty's.
On his stomach?

From when he had
his appendix out.

Marty had his appendix out?
Didn't he?

- No. Jackie shot him. - Stop.

She did.
Why?

'Cause she felt like it. He was gonna go
to New York, and she didn't want him to go.

I can't believe you guys.

Are you going to go now?

Let's wait till morning.
Then tell him it's over.

- What's over?
- You and him.

It's not over, Anthony.

We're over.

Over?
How can we be over?

- We just are.
- What if I don't want to be over?

Anthony. Please.

Let me help you with that, dear.

Now, there's croissants
in the kitchen.

They're filled with something.
I forget what.

You can eat yours in the cab.
I'm not taking a cab.

How are you getting
to the train?

I'm not taking the train. Well,
then how are you getting back to New York?

Marty'll drive me.
Marty's needed here.

Marty's needed there.
Oh!

You'll find a replacement.
No, I won't.

You already have.

Were you spying on us? A mother
doesn't spy. A mother pays attention.

Marty won't let me go without him.
He loves me.

You're just a symbol
to him, dear.

A symbol of all
that is good and pure.

I'm not a symbol.

Well, not anymore.

Please don't tell him about Anthony.
Please. It'll only hurt him.

It's a little late to
worry about hurting Marty.

- He never has to know about it. - Now, you
can see that Jackie was a very sick girl.

She needs her family.

She has you.
She has Anthony.

We were beside the point,
as far as Jackie was concerned.

Jackie-o should learn she can't
always have everything her way.

Listen to me, little miss messy.

You have no idea how close you
came to getting badly hurt tonight.

You should feel lucky that
Jackie hasn't decided that...

What she wants is you...
Out of the picture.

Jackie can have everything her way.
She always has.

Is that how you raised them?

People raise cattle. Children just happen.
They don't just happen.

You could read Dr. Spock from now until doomsday,
but children just happen all the same.

This one has blue eyes,
that one's insane.

Well, she can't have Marty.
Marty's mine.

Please. Marty's maybe been sort
of yours for... six months?

He's belonged to Jackie
for 20-odd years.

Really odd.

Leave this morning, or Marty
finds out how you spent the night.

Your choice.

Leave now with your
symbology intact,

or stay and lose Marty anyway.

So what if I slept with his brother?
He slept with his sister!

I'm sure I don't know
what you're talking about.

I'm sure you do.

"Sure."

One can never be sure.

Don't forget your toothbrush.

Oh, don't clean, mother.
Honestly.

Don't we have a maid?
Not anymore.

What happened to her?
She quit, when you shot your brother.

- Oh, that's right.
- What's for breakfast, then?

He speaks.
Croissants.

They're in the kitchen. They're
filled with something. I forget what.

Mm. I guess we'll find out.
Oh, how exciting.

Don't you find life
to be exciting?

What's that gun doing there?

That's not a gun, it's a camera.
It is too a gun.

It's a camera that looks like a gun.
Give it to me.

Relax, mama. It's an empty gun.
How do you know?

I checked.
What is it doing there?

Just being gunlike.
"Gunesque." "Gunonic."

- Where did it come from?
- God?

We were taking a trip
down memory Lane.

- I want it now.
- I'll put it away.

Marty?
I'll put it away.

Mother?
You look so white.

Oh, Jackie.

If it happens again, they'll put you
away, they'll just put you away.

Only if someone finds out.
She must have family somewhere.

What are you talking about?
Lesly.

I'm not going to shoot Lesly.
Just don't.

That's all we need is Marty
mooning over some dead girl.

She's leaving, anyway.

When?
This morning.

- Why?
- I suggested it.

And she agreed?
More or less.

- Is Marty going with her?
- Don't be silly...

If he leaves again, I'll implode!
I'll just implode.

He's staying.

Well, where is she now?
Packing, I imagine.

She's packing?
As we speak.

What if she forgets something?

We'll burn it.

Yes. Yes.
Mm. Mm.

Mm!

What? Wha... oh...
You can't leave like this.

Not in the storm.
I've gotta get Marty out of here.

Can I come?
I wanna go to New York.

Well, uh,
you can't come with us.

Here. Put everything back.
Don't leave.

How can you stay with him
when you know? You know!

I don't know.
I don't know!

We could go to Pennsylvania.
What's the name of your town?

You've never heard of it.
But I want to hear of it.

Anthony, I'm not going to
go to Pennsylvania with you.

I'm not going to New York with you.
I'm not going to the 7-11 with you.

Stop smelling my clothes.

I will never love another woman.

I will go to the desert
and love only sand.

Sand?
What does that mean?

You never go hungry in the desert, Lesly.
You know why?

- Why?
- Because of the "sand which is" there.

Is it away?
Yes.

Did you hide it?
I put it somewhere.

But did you hide it?
Mother...

Only in the sense that I put it
somewhere, and no one saw me put it there.

If I walked into the room where
you put the gun, could I see it?

No.
Then it's hidden.

Don't worry, mama,
we won't bloody the carpets.

You actually think I'm
worried about my carpets?

Aren't you?
A little.

I had to steam-clean last time,

and there's still
sort of a shadow.

Stop!

Stop! Get off!

Get off. Stop!

My! You're up early.
Did you sleep all right?

Why are you wearing
that costume?

Everything else was in the wash.

There's croissants in the kitchen.
No pancakes today, I'm afraid.

- I have to talk to Marty.
- Mm, I wonder what about.

You were supposed to sneak
in my room last night.

Ah! I fell asleep. Did you?

No.
He stayed up.

By yourself?
With me.

Uh, the hurricane took the Kennedy stables.
The horses got loose.

Secret service were
all over the place.

I didn't hear any horses.

What jumped over the moon?
A cow or a horse?

- A cow.
- Oh. I thought it was a horse.

No, a cow.
Ah... wh-what's the rest of it?

Uh, I know silverware
was involved...

"hey, diddle diddle..." Lesly, you're up.
I see you're all packed.

- Yes.
I'll call you a cab.

I don't need a cab.

- How are you getting to the train station?
- I'm going with Marty.

- Marty's going to drive you?
- He's coming with me.

Oh!
I don't think so.

He can decide for himself.

To make a decision,
a person needs all the facts,

and I don't think Marty
has all the facts.

Ah! Anthony. How did you sleep?
Did you sleep all right?

What? Lesly, how did you sleep?
Did you sleep all right?

- Yes, thank you.
- Did Anthony sleep all right?

- Why don't you ask him? - Marty, why
don't you ask your brother how he slept?

- Why? - Jackie, why don't you
ask your brother how he slept?

- How'd ya sleep, Marty?
- Your other brother.

How'd ya sleep, Anthony?

What's going on?

Lesly stayed with me last night.

Ah. A quaint Pennsylvania
prenuptial custom.

I am shocked. Young lady,
what do you have to say for yourself?

Call me old-fashioned,
but I'd say the wedding's off.

- It's just as well. I always cry at
weddings. - I've even cried at mine.

- Must have had a premonition.
- Mm.

Get out.
That's right.

Anthony, take this harlot
to the train station.

Get out!

Jackie?
Jackie?

If you really cared for her,
you wouldn't have brought her here.

I wanted to come here.

And you did... come.

Or didn't you?
Don't.

You don't deserve her.

How was he?

I can't tell you.

That good, huh?

It was his first time.

Yeah. Right.

You mean it wasn't?

What do you think?

Then why would he say it?

To get laid.

Well, I'm sorry, but when somebody says
something, I tend to think it's the truth.

It's just the way I am,
the way I was brought up,

and if somebody forgets to mention something,
I wouldn't think to ask, for example,

"did you sleep
with your sister?"

Do you think masturbation
counts as infidelity?

- What do you mean? - When I sleep with
me and not you, am I cheating on you?

Marty, stop it!

I came downstairs before.

- Before when?
- During it. The thing.

What thing?

The thing with the gun.

The costume?

Oh, god.

Warmer. Warmer. Warmer.

Colder. What exactly are you
doing, sweetheart?

He's going to leave again.
Jackie, don't be insane.

- I'm sorry, I mean...
- Warmer. Warmer. Colder.

Jackie!

Colder.

Warmer. Warmer.

Colder. Colder.
Colder. Colder!

Colder, colder, colder,
colder, colder!

Anthony!

Anthony, get your sister her medication.
You know where it is.

No, Anthony.
Don't bother.

I'm fine. Really. I just got
turned around for a second there.

Everything's going to be okay.
I know that. Silly me.

I just haven't had
my coffee yet.

I haven't even
gone to the bathroom.

Mama, will you make us some coffee?
Of course. Of course.

I'm fine.

Do you want me to leave?

You gotta help me.
How?

Talk me back.
Tell me about Sundays.

You and I.
Doin' a Sunday.

We-we get up... right, right.
We get up.

What about the alarm?
Did the alarm go off?

No. No alarm, baby.
It's Sunday.

Oh. Yeah,
it's Sunday.

And w-we don't wake up
till after 11:00,

and I pull the comforter
over your shoulder.

I grab your hand,
and I pull you down onto me.

You have little rings,
mascara rings like a football player.

And you have bad breath,
but I kiss you anyway.

I watch you dress.
I feel sad when you buckle your bra.

"There they go," I think.
"There they go."

Lose my other shoe.
I find your other shoe.

We read menus in the
windows on Avenue a.

And then we go to Noel's cafe,
and I figure out what eggs florentine is.

Like Benedict is Spanish.

- And the waitress says, "toast, or pita?
- " "Toasterpita!"

Oh, what about the newspaper?
We forgot to buy the newspaper.

Later, newspaper comes later. We go to
central park, and you buy me some tulips.

Pink. mm, and I buy you a scarf.

Blue. and a Sunday paper.
We go home.

It's late afternoon,
and the sign comes on.

- "Jesus saves."
- Across the street.

"Jesus salva."

We run a bath.

You wash my back.

Shoulders like wings.

Bird shoulders.

We make love. Then we make coffee
and sit and read the paper.

Marty?

No.

Ye... mm.

Marty, I want you to leave with me.
I want you to leave with me right now.

Yes. All right.

Yes.

Who was that?

I just flushed your car
keys down the toilet.

Marty, give me your keys.
Uh, I don't have them.

Where's your extra set?
Get them. In my room.

At home in New York.
I'll call a cab.

- The phone's dead.
- Don't look at me.

Marty's not gonna stay here with you.
We are leaving for New York this morning.

I don't care how.

Anthony told me about you.
He told me what you did to that lizard.

Oh, Anthony!
Not that old lizard story.

I know what else you did.
I know where the scar came from.

I know why they sent you
to that hospital.

You're a regular Nancy drew.

You're making him crazy.
You wanna make him crazy like you?

Look at yourself.
Look at your clothes.

You're making fun of a woman
who lost her husband.

A man died. A man was murdered.
A man who did something for other people.

What have you ever done
for somebody else?

You really love Marty? think about what
his life would be like here in this house.

Your mom will die.
You'll be left alone.

You'll have babies with webbed feet
you'll have to bury out back in the yard.

My!

Where in the yard?
Where?

Where exactly in the yard?
Marty?

Where do you think we should bury
these babies with webbed feet?

The back yard's getting rather crowded with
corpses. First, daddy's, and now duck babies.

- You killed your father?
- Not me. Mama.

My father left my mother.
Years ago, the day Kennedy was shot.

He tried to leave, but mama shot him.
We buried him by the central air.

They were installing
central air.

There was a hole in the ground,
but not for him... for the air conditioner.

She's confused. You're confused, Jackie.
He left mama. He called a cab.

Well, she covered him with her body.
She tried to keep him there.

Jackie Kennedy, not mama.
Jackie Kennedy!

She tried to keep his head on,
but it was falling off.

- Lesly, go get my suitcase.
- Lesly!

Sorry about all this.

- Anthony, go get her pills.
- Wh-which pills?

I don't know which pills.
One more time, Marty.

- For old times' sake.
- She's got a gun. Get the gun.

- Mama! - One more time,
and I'll give you the car keys.

- I think it's the brown ones.
I-I'll get the brown ones. - Go!

One more time.
That's all I ask.

Then you can go back
to the land of the donut kings.

You be him?

Yes.

And I'll be her.

I'm him.

And I'm her.

Don't worry about Marty.

A close family like ours
has to stick together.

We cleared out a nice place for
him out back, next to daddy,

so he can stay right here,
where he belongs... with me.

That Lesly girl
never really loved Marty.

She hightailed it back to
Pennsylvania the first chance she got.

But I think she'll always
remember that day.

Like I remember
the ides of march.

Where are we now, Mrs. Kennedy?

I'm tired of this, Marty.

Do you want me to stop?

Yeah.
Stop it.

Stop it, Marty.

Stop it.