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1
00:00:00,928 --> 00:00:02,986
Mom, we're gonna
miss the movie!
2
00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:05,399
- No, we're not.
- Okay, but we've been here for hours.
3
00:00:05,484 --> 00:00:07,615
I-I don't want to hang out
at the stupid horse hospital.
4
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:10,134
This stupid horse hospital
puts dinner on your table.
5
00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:12,904
It wouldn't kill you
to take an interest.
6
00:00:14,455 --> 00:00:16,634
W-What's this thing?
I-In the middle of the room?
7
00:00:16,719 --> 00:00:17,945
With... With the hole
in the end?
8
00:00:18,028 --> 00:00:20,330
That's a breeding mount.
The nurses use it to collect...
9
00:00:20,416 --> 00:00:22,550
reproductive material.
10
00:00:34,767 --> 00:00:37,109
Okay, let's go see this
latest piece of Marvel shit
11
00:00:37,194 --> 00:00:38,069
you kids are **** over.
12
00:00:38,154 --> 00:00:40,057
Yeah.
A-About time.
13
00:00:40,143 --> 00:00:42,356
So, d-does your hospital
ever need, like,
14
00:00:42,441 --> 00:00:43,957
after-school
volunteers?
15
00:00:44,042 --> 00:00:46,094
Wow. Who are you and
where did you put my son?
16
00:00:46,177 --> 00:00:47,429
Ha! No, no. Seriously.
17
00:00:47,512 --> 00:00:49,947
I-I'm very interested
in... in your work.
18
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,295
Morty, you dirty little doggy.
19
00:00:58,401 --> 00:01:00,966
Ugh! Come on!
20
00:01:03,607 --> 00:01:04,637
Hey, Rick.
21
00:01:04,721 --> 00:01:06,370
Oh, hey, kiddo.
How's your Saturday?
22
00:01:06,454 --> 00:01:08,373
You know, super chill.
W-W-Whatcha doin'?
23
00:01:08,456 --> 00:01:09,775
Eh, nothing adventurous.
24
00:01:09,858 --> 00:01:11,777
You know that race of
Underground Dwelling Cannibal
25
00:01:11,861 --> 00:01:13,177
Horse People that
we're always fighting?
26
00:01:13,262 --> 00:01:15,185
Yeah, the CHUDs.
W-W-What about 'em?
27
00:01:15,269 --> 00:01:16,820
Well, don't tell anybody,
but I'm working on
28
00:01:16,905 --> 00:01:18,382
a bioweapon
to use against them,
29
00:01:18,466 --> 00:01:20,920
so I got this barrel of horse
semen from your mom's hospital
30
00:01:21,004 --> 00:01:22,320
and I'm just gonna,
you know,
31
00:01:22,405 --> 00:01:24,055
subject it to
some otherworldly forces.
32
00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:26,125
Guess I should test it,
make sure it's...
33
00:01:26,209 --> 00:01:27,859
- Make sure it's what?!
- Horse semen, obviously.
34
00:01:27,944 --> 00:01:29,662
Okay, but it says it is
right on the barrel!
35
00:01:29,745 --> 00:01:31,329
You're not being
very scientific, Morty.
36
00:01:31,414 --> 00:01:33,735
Measure twice, cut once.
Especially with semen.
37
00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:35,516
Did you even ask Mom
if you could have this?!
38
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,826
Morty, if I wanted
to steal horse semen, I'd...
39
00:01:37,912 --> 00:01:40,254
Yes, I asked her.
What is at stake for you here?
40
00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:43,257
Why don't you trust labels?!
All right! Fine! I won't test it!
41
00:01:43,341 --> 00:01:46,328
God damn. Your generation really
picks random hills to die on.
42
00:01:46,412 --> 00:01:47,222
Don't get too close.
43
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,430
I'm running an inhuman amount
of power through this semen.
44
00:01:49,514 --> 00:01:51,418
Should be safe, though,
since the semen itself is,
45
00:01:51,503 --> 00:01:54,421
you know, also inhuman.
Here we go.
46
00:02:08,699 --> 00:02:09,818
W-What happened?!
47
00:02:09,901 --> 00:02:10,843
The sperm, Morty!
48
00:02:10,929 --> 00:02:13,586
They're super monster sperm now!
I blame myself.
49
00:02:13,671 --> 00:02:15,423
Unless there was something
about the sperm I didn't know.
50
00:02:15,507 --> 00:02:17,492
Are you... Are you saying
that to mess with me?
51
00:02:17,576 --> 00:02:18,826
What?
Mess with you how?
52
00:02:18,911 --> 00:02:20,092
Like, trying to get me
to say something?
53
00:02:20,176 --> 00:02:22,094
Morty, I have no idea
what you're talking about!
54
00:02:22,193 --> 00:02:23,008
- For real?
- Yes!
55
00:02:23,092 --> 00:02:25,627
Okay. Good.
Then... Then it's your fault!
56
00:02:54,706 --> 00:02:56,706
*RICK AND MORTY*
Season 05 Episode 04
57
00:02:56,789 --> 00:02:58,106
Episode Title: "Rickdependence Sprayn"
Aired on: July 11, 2021.
58
00:02:58,192 --> 00:02:59,973
Dad, what the hell
is going on?!
59
00:03:00,058 --> 00:03:01,669
Beth, sweetheart,
Can you give me a minute?
60
00:03:01,752 --> 00:03:04,006
I'm trying to steer around
the bodies of our neighbors.
61
00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:05,340
Oh, that felt like Gene.
62
00:03:05,424 --> 00:03:06,807
That's on you, Beth.
Dad, I swear...
63
00:03:06,891 --> 00:03:08,544
Mom, it's... it's not
Rick's fault, it's...
64
00:03:08,627 --> 00:03:10,412
Space Sperm.
What?!
65
00:03:10,496 --> 00:03:11,612
Yeah.
Space Sperm.
66
00:03:11,697 --> 00:03:13,882
I-I've seen em' before,
but n-n-never like this.
67
00:03:13,966 --> 00:03:15,150
Space Sperm?!
68
00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:16,551
Sperm from Space?
69
00:03:16,635 --> 00:03:18,353
Very impressive verbal
forensic work, Jerry.
70
00:03:18,437 --> 00:03:20,556
Holy ****.
How big are space ****?
71
00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:23,490
Don't answer that!
Damn, they must be huge.
72
00:03:25,645 --> 00:03:26,961
Oh!
73
00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:31,832
Oh, ****,
oh, shit ****.
74
00:03:37,788 --> 00:03:38,774
Mr. Sanchez!
75
00:03:38,858 --> 00:03:42,158
The President is very eager
to speak with you!
76
00:03:44,530 --> 00:03:45,944
Morty, look,
you gotta do me a solid here.
77
00:03:45,977 --> 00:03:47,961
Y-you want me to keep the secret
of where these things came from?
78
00:03:48,045 --> 00:03:50,031
Yes, technically, it's a lie,
but I messed up,
79
00:03:50,115 --> 00:03:52,498
and I'm embarrassed 'cause it's,
you know, science.
80
00:03:52,582 --> 00:03:54,701
No problem.
I got your back, dawg.
81
00:03:54,786 --> 00:03:56,903
Really? Okay. Cool.
And thanks, Morty.
82
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,372
I thought that'd be
a harder sell.
83
00:03:58,456 --> 00:03:59,840
Y-You did a shameful thing.
84
00:03:59,924 --> 00:04:01,775
Dwelling on it isn't gonna
help, you know, am I right?
85
00:04:01,859 --> 00:04:03,711
Sometimes you just gotta
wipe it off,
86
00:04:03,794 --> 00:04:06,312
toss it in the trash,
and head back to study hall.
87
00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:08,649
Uh, not getting the metaphor
but I'll take your hall pass.
88
00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:11,051
Sanchez!
Get the hell in here!
89
00:04:11,135 --> 00:04:12,453
Space Sperm?
90
00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:15,187
Jesus, how big are space
****? Same page club.
91
00:04:15,271 --> 00:04:17,524
Well, Mr. President,
the theory of Cosmic DNA
92
00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:19,860
has been around for decades...
Chupacabras, Yeti,
93
00:04:19,944 --> 00:04:21,928
Stonehenge, Ancient Rome.
94
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,130
Are these all myths,
monsters, legends,
95
00:04:24,214 --> 00:04:26,800
or different names
for sperm from outer space?
96
00:04:26,884 --> 00:04:28,069
I'll tell you what I think,
Sanchez.
97
00:04:28,153 --> 00:04:30,002
I think either
you caused this mess,
98
00:04:30,086 --> 00:04:32,072
or it's those godforsaken Horse
People that dwell underground.
99
00:04:32,156 --> 00:04:33,807
CHUDs. CHUDs.
That's them.
100
00:04:33,891 --> 00:04:36,143
Ugh, if they're behind this,
so help me, God.
101
00:04:36,226 --> 00:04:38,079
Morty, you've always been
a straight shooter.
102
00:04:38,163 --> 00:04:40,012
You can't prove that!
Wait, what?
103
00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:41,814
Oh... oh. Right. I can
protect you, little man.
104
00:04:41,899 --> 00:04:43,216
Blow that whistle.
Toot, toot.
105
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,752
Is this
your grandpa's fault?
106
00:04:44,836 --> 00:04:46,019
Here's what I know, sir.
107
00:04:46,103 --> 00:04:47,754
This is the greatest country
on Earth.
108
00:04:47,838 --> 00:04:49,290
It invented apple pies
and lasers.
109
00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:51,625
Mm. Keep talking.
And that sperm...
110
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:52,759
We don't know
nothin' about it.
111
00:04:52,843 --> 00:04:54,894
Then the CHUDs
just got themselves a war.
112
00:04:54,978 --> 00:04:57,497
And you just dodged
a personal drone strike.
113
00:04:57,581 --> 00:04:59,100
Hello! Hello.
Sorry, I'm late.
114
00:04:59,183 --> 00:05:01,634
This is Professor Shabooboo, the
world's leading expert on sperm.
115
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,704
Thanks for getting here so
fast. My schedule was wide open.
116
00:05:03,788 --> 00:05:06,839
I have been tracking our new
sperm friends since their arrival,
117
00:05:06,923 --> 00:05:08,841
a-and if my calculations
are correct,
118
00:05:08,925 --> 00:05:10,242
they have gathered here.
119
00:05:10,326 --> 00:05:13,447
Why would the sperm
go to the Grand Canyon?
120
00:05:13,531 --> 00:05:16,917
Why are you looking at me
like the answer is obvious?
121
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,252
Oh, you can't be serious.
Are we in middle school?
122
00:05:19,336 --> 00:05:20,920
You think sperm
are instinctively
123
00:05:21,004 --> 00:05:22,855
heading for America's...
Don't high-road us, lady.
124
00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:23,923
It's where they went.
125
00:05:24,007 --> 00:05:25,591
Now, how do we deal
with these...
126
00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:27,995
"Orgasogoblins"?
No takers?
127
00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:30,463
Okay. These...
"****plestiltskins?"
128
00:05:30,548 --> 00:05:32,932
No? Dumb?
These, uh, "**** Boogins?"
129
00:05:33,016 --> 00:05:34,201
Oh, yeah, yeah,
**** Boogins.
130
00:05:34,284 --> 00:05:35,536
- Really?
- **** Boogins?
131
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,538
We'll use it as a placeholder
and beat it later.
132
00:05:37,622 --> 00:05:38,939
Mr. President, i-if I may?
133
00:05:39,024 --> 00:05:41,141
Luckily, I was able
to secure a specimen.
134
00:05:41,225 --> 00:05:43,944
Now, obviously our first steps
will be to analyze its DNA
135
00:05:44,028 --> 00:05:46,146
and figure out what
these beautiful creat...
136
00:05:46,230 --> 00:05:49,350
Oh, why?!
It-it had a gun!
137
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:52,218
Are you out of your mind
bringing an armed sperm in here?
138
00:05:52,302 --> 00:05:53,620
But they can't hold guns!
139
00:05:53,704 --> 00:05:55,088
The boy literally
never lies!
140
00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:56,423
Look, if you want
these things gone,
141
00:05:56,507 --> 00:05:58,425
give Rick and me a plane
and some nukes.
142
00:05:58,509 --> 00:06:00,560
We'll wipe 'em out
and leave no trace of them.
143
00:06:00,644 --> 00:06:01,762
Only one way
to deal with it.
144
00:06:01,846 --> 00:06:02,963
- He's right.
- I'm a scientist.
145
00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:04,430
Fair enough.
Blow 'em to hell.
146
00:06:04,514 --> 00:06:05,432
What are people gonna do,
147
00:06:05,516 --> 00:06:07,300
complain we made
the canyon grander?
148
00:06:07,384 --> 00:06:09,970
Jerry, we're being bad parents.
Do something!
149
00:06:10,053 --> 00:06:12,038
I-is this water
for everyone?
150
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:15,643
Yes, and I'd love a glass.
Comin' up!
151
00:06:15,726 --> 00:06:17,043
What are you doing?
152
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,180
And, Rick, to make sure
you don't screw anything up,
153
00:06:19,264 --> 00:06:20,848
I'm sending
my best men with you.
154
00:06:20,932 --> 00:06:22,382
And women.
It's a fine suggestion,
155
00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:24,718
but I doubt their leader
will be a sexy queen
156
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:25,918
that needs to be kickboxed.
157
00:06:26,002 --> 00:06:28,204
100% male Marines!
158
00:06:29,274 --> 00:06:31,324
They say cutting
a sperm's throat is like
159
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,326
running a warm knife
through butter.
160
00:06:33,409 --> 00:06:36,062
I'm gonna make these things
pregnant... with death!
161
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,730
No fear!
No humility!
162
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,201
Zero chance of consequences!
163
00:06:40,284 --> 00:06:42,202
Hey, gentlemen's bet... which
of these background Marines
164
00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:43,403
you think will last
the longest?
165
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,206
I'm not betting on
human lives, Rick.
166
00:06:45,290 --> 00:06:46,874
All of these people
are gonna survive,
167
00:06:46,957 --> 00:06:48,875
but obviously that guy
the longest.
168
00:06:48,959 --> 00:06:50,610
Yeah, he's my pick, too.
What's his name?
169
00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:53,279
Blazen? Pretty cool.
170
00:06:53,363 --> 00:06:55,749
Yeah. He's, like, meditating
through turbulence.
171
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,018
Psh. I bet if
something fell,
172
00:06:57,101 --> 00:06:58,619
he'd like, catch it
without opening his eyes.
173
00:06:58,702 --> 00:07:00,153
Totally. Should we
throw something at him?
174
00:07:00,237 --> 00:07:01,555
I-I got a pencil somewhere.
175
00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:06,894
Who-who's shooting at us?!
176
00:07:06,978 --> 00:07:09,495
Oh, wow, that's unexpected.
177
00:07:09,579 --> 00:07:10,963
The sperm made a catapult?!
178
00:07:11,048 --> 00:07:12,365
A-A-Are they getting
smarter?!
179
00:07:12,449 --> 00:07:14,634
No, you're getting dumber
because that's a trebuchet.
180
00:07:14,718 --> 00:07:15,968
Nobody knows
the difference!
181
00:07:16,052 --> 00:07:17,838
They're reloading
that textbook trebuchet!
182
00:07:17,922 --> 00:07:21,774
Time to fly!
Aaaaaah!
183
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,244
Oh!
184
00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:31,384
We gotta keep moving.
185
00:07:31,468 --> 00:07:32,985
So cool.
Not even a scratch.
186
00:07:33,069 --> 00:07:34,588
Okay, girls, and I mean
that derogatorily.
187
00:07:34,672 --> 00:07:38,925
We just took a fat "L,"
and what we need is a fat "P."
188
00:07:39,009 --> 00:07:40,326
A plan.
189
00:07:40,411 --> 00:07:42,795
I take the lead here.
You two watch the flanks.
190
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,731
Blazen, bring up the... Hey!
191
00:07:44,816 --> 00:07:47,268
Please, one person
draws the plan!
192
00:07:47,351 --> 00:07:48,468
****
193
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,002
- ****
- ****
194
00:07:50,086 --> 00:07:52,004
I'm sorry, but what the hell
are we calling them?
195
00:07:52,088 --> 00:07:53,274
Agh! Oof.
196
00:07:53,358 --> 00:07:56,009
Fine. I'm dying,
so I get to pick the name.
197
00:07:56,093 --> 00:07:58,079
Crispy Cremes with a "C"!
198
00:07:58,163 --> 00:08:01,163
Whoa!
199
00:08:04,035 --> 00:08:06,620
Whoa. E-Easy there, little guy.
It's okay.
200
00:08:06,704 --> 00:08:08,937
I-I-It's okay.
201
00:08:10,175 --> 00:08:11,891
Do you... recognize me?
202
00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:13,894
Do you know you
came from me?
203
00:08:13,978 --> 00:08:15,096
I'm Morty.
204
00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,562
I'll call ya "Sticky,"
205
00:08:16,646 --> 00:08:19,148
'c-'cause you're sticky
and... and you're stuck.
206
00:08:21,586 --> 00:08:23,569
Oh.
207
00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:24,904
Step aside, Morty.
208
00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:27,040
It's okay.
Y-You don't gotta do this.
209
00:08:27,124 --> 00:08:28,709
It's haploid genetic code,
Morty,
210
00:08:28,793 --> 00:08:30,576
a biological
fertilizing machine.
211
00:08:30,661 --> 00:08:31,845
W-What's gotten into you?
212
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,647
Rick, let him go.
213
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,381
Ugh.
214
00:08:35,466 --> 00:08:36,850
Morty, don't ****
with me.
215
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,250
What the hell's
going on with you?
216
00:08:38,335 --> 00:08:41,721
I think I know exactly
what's going on here.
217
00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:43,990
Kidding.
This shit is totally random.
218
00:08:44,075 --> 00:08:45,993
Let's keep moving.
W-Which way?
219
00:08:47,544 --> 00:08:51,331
When one sense is bound,
the others are released.
220
00:08:52,549 --> 00:08:54,735
Holy ****.
He... He can smell caves?
221
00:08:54,818 --> 00:08:56,269
I'm not trying
to smell anything.
222
00:08:56,352 --> 00:08:59,405
The whole planet's
a dorm room trash can.
223
00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:00,942
Sir, Rick Sanchez
has gone dark.
224
00:09:01,025 --> 00:09:02,408
I knew we couldn't
rely on him!
225
00:09:02,493 --> 00:09:04,076
Well, maybe the pilot
got too horny
226
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,479
as they approached
America's Vagina.
227
00:09:05,562 --> 00:09:07,014
If you're gonna hang out
in my war room,
228
00:09:07,097 --> 00:09:08,481
you can't just
make snarky comments.
229
00:09:08,566 --> 00:09:10,350
At least do something useful,
like Jerry.
230
00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:13,285
Right to the top,
just the way you like it.
231
00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:14,488
Here's our situation.
232
00:09:14,572 --> 00:09:16,623
Rick's gone,
and so are all our nukes.
233
00:09:16,706 --> 00:09:17,958
Now what?
234
00:09:18,043 --> 00:09:19,893
None of you have an idea?
I do.
235
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,495
That's right, me...
The girl.
236
00:09:21,578 --> 00:09:23,429
Gentlemen,
what do sperm want?
237
00:09:23,514 --> 00:09:25,432
The same thing as a lumberjack
in the morning
238
00:09:25,515 --> 00:09:26,634
or a fox at night.
239
00:09:26,717 --> 00:09:27,835
Pants!
Eggs.
240
00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:29,436
Pancakes!
Eggs.
241
00:09:29,519 --> 00:09:31,172
You want to control giant sperm,
you need a giant egg.
242
00:09:31,255 --> 00:09:32,572
W-W-Wait a minute.
Wait... wait a minute.
243
00:09:32,657 --> 00:09:34,774
Sperm are hunters.
And what do sperm hunt?
244
00:09:34,859 --> 00:09:36,308
Eggs.
Exactly.
245
00:09:36,393 --> 00:09:38,379
And what would happen
if we enlarged one?
246
00:09:38,462 --> 00:09:40,581
They'll head right for it!
Get MIT on the phone.
247
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,316
And get this guy
a Nobel Prize.
248
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:46,119
You became a woman today.
249
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:52,058
So, Blazen, you got kids?
250
00:09:52,143 --> 00:09:54,061
The battlefield is
my family.
251
00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:55,395
So cool.
Wicked badass.
252
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,398
Go. I'll hold 'em off.
253
00:09:57,481 --> 00:09:58,999
Blazen, you don't
have to do this.
254
00:09:59,082 --> 00:10:00,933
Shh.
It is my destiny.
255
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,802
He's right, Morty.
It's the price of being Blazen.
256
00:10:02,886 --> 00:10:04,071
Let him do his thing.
257
00:10:06,957 --> 00:10:08,140
Blood for blood.
258
00:10:08,225 --> 00:10:10,943
Cream for cream.
259
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,679
Oh, no.
I can't reach that!
260
00:10:13,764 --> 00:10:15,749
Idiot!
261
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,083
What?!
They're comfortable!
262
00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:18,284
You should try them!
263
00:10:18,369 --> 00:10:20,221
Eh, ah! Ohhhh.
264
00:10:20,304 --> 00:10:22,623
That'll do it.
I'm worm food.
265
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,291
Morty, find my wife.
266
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:26,559
Tell her I wasn't
wearing her thong.
267
00:10:26,644 --> 00:10:28,895
That's a photocopy
of "Sports Illustrated"
268
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:30,230
swimsuit model
Kathy Ireland.
269
00:10:30,315 --> 00:10:32,033
It's... it's my wife.
We have sex.
270
00:10:32,116 --> 00:10:35,101
Here, hold that picture up so
we can have sex one last time.
271
00:10:35,186 --> 00:10:36,970
I-I know how to
**** myself.
272
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,105
What?!
273
00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:40,307
Ugh, I was so wrong
about this guy.
274
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,174
He didn't even
buy us any time.
275
00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:45,711
Morty, get ready
for some fireworks.
276
00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:51,118
Ugh!
277
00:10:51,201 --> 00:10:52,985
Uh-oh.
Oh, gross!
278
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,123
This is the first time I've ever
regretted being taken alive.
279
00:10:56,206 --> 00:10:57,457
Wait, who the ****
is that?!
280
00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:59,725
Silence in the presence
of me.
281
00:10:59,809 --> 00:11:01,794
I am The Sperm Queen,
282
00:11:01,879 --> 00:11:05,732
and you are of
special interest to me.
283
00:11:05,817 --> 00:11:07,668
Hey, what the **** are you
doing with my stuff?
284
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,669
A-And why do you have
the horse jerk off machine
285
00:11:09,754 --> 00:11:10,870
from my daughter's hospital?
286
00:11:10,955 --> 00:11:13,340
We need it
to create our army.
287
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,609
Well, you need more than that,
dummy. You need a horse.
288
00:11:15,692 --> 00:11:18,411
Oh but our stallion
is already here.
289
00:11:18,495 --> 00:11:20,212
Isn't that right, Morty?
290
00:11:20,297 --> 00:11:22,816
Or shall I say...
Father?
291
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:25,885
Morty, you nasty, lying,
little world-ending pervert.
292
00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:28,221
I-I-I'm sorry.
293
00:11:28,304 --> 00:11:30,440
What was it like?
Fantastic!
294
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,527
Rick, I'm sorry!
295
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,261
I-I just thought maybe
I could have repeated sex
296
00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,062
with a horse machine
without it becoming Armageddon.
297
00:11:37,147 --> 00:11:38,264
I-I realize that's on me.
298
00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:40,067
Yeah, not exactly
accepting apologies
299
00:11:40,150 --> 00:11:41,735
while I'm stuck here
as Handjob Solo.
300
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:44,337
This is all your fault
for being ashamed of us, Morty.
301
00:11:44,422 --> 00:11:47,673
How many millions went
to their graves for you,
302
00:11:47,758 --> 00:11:49,943
hurling themselves
into the void,
303
00:11:50,028 --> 00:11:52,346
only to discover
a grody sock
304
00:11:52,429 --> 00:11:55,750
or a carefully folded
landing strip of toilet paper?
305
00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:56,817
How do you know all this?!
306
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:59,953
Oh, honey, because we're
the very essence of you.
307
00:12:00,038 --> 00:12:02,221
We are
your shame incarnate.
308
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:03,690
And once we're through
with you,
309
00:12:03,774 --> 00:12:06,692
our sperm army
will take over the world!
310
00:12:06,777 --> 00:12:09,028
Put him on the machine!
311
00:12:09,113 --> 00:12:10,965
Rick, do something!
On it.
312
00:12:14,585 --> 00:12:17,104
Wh-what did you do?
I got out of your eyeline.
313
00:12:17,187 --> 00:12:18,838
Oh, no. Oh! Oh!
314
00:12:18,923 --> 00:12:21,775
Yes!
The end is near!
315
00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:23,177
Any last words?
316
00:12:23,260 --> 00:12:25,779
Ohhh!
317
00:12:25,864 --> 00:12:26,913
Sticky!
Gross.
318
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,514
I know you're not a wordsmith,
Morty, but...
319
00:12:28,599 --> 00:12:30,716
No, no, no, my-my sperm friend
is here!
320
00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:32,653
Ugh, never give 'em
a name.
321
00:12:35,605 --> 00:12:37,457
Fools!
You can't beat me!
322
00:12:37,542 --> 00:12:40,243
You didn't bring a woman
that can kickbox!
323
00:12:44,215 --> 00:12:45,847
Is that all you got?
324
00:12:48,753 --> 00:12:51,471
Damn, that's some quintessential
underdog shit.
325
00:12:51,556 --> 00:12:52,807
Kill them!
326
00:13:02,299 --> 00:13:03,484
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
327
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:05,219
I-I should've told you
the truth, Rick.
328
00:13:05,302 --> 00:13:06,753
Let's save the world first.
329
00:13:06,836 --> 00:13:08,489
Now, reset those nukes,
and let's turn this canyon
330
00:13:08,572 --> 00:13:10,289
into a can't-yon.
331
00:13:11,909 --> 00:13:14,828
There usually earthquakes
in Arizona?
332
00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:20,301
They're heading for Vegas,
333
00:13:20,384 --> 00:13:24,104
which does track on many levels,
but why now?
334
00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:25,505
What the?
335
00:13:25,590 --> 00:13:27,508
Let's hear it
for Professor Shabooboo
336
00:13:27,591 --> 00:13:29,442
and his brilliant egg.
Um, hello?
337
00:13:29,527 --> 00:13:31,577
Aren't you forgetting
someone? Oh, good point.
338
00:13:31,662 --> 00:13:34,380
Big thanks to the cast
of Cirque Du Soleil's "Zumanity"
339
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,517
for the impressive
and erotic routine.
340
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,451
Mr. President,
Rick Sanchez is on the line.
341
00:13:38,536 --> 00:13:40,721
Good.
Put that asshole on speaker.
342
00:13:40,804 --> 00:13:41,721
Well, well, well.
343
00:13:41,806 --> 00:13:43,789
No thanks to you,
we're luring the sperm
344
00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:45,591
with a giant human egg,
even though,
345
00:13:45,676 --> 00:13:47,727
symbolically speaking,
Vegas should be enough.
346
00:13:47,812 --> 00:13:48,928
A human egg?
347
00:13:49,013 --> 00:13:50,397
Where-where-where
did you get it?
348
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,332
Glad you asked.
It's your granddaughter's,
349
00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:53,868
so at least you contributed
something to this.
350
00:13:53,951 --> 00:13:55,469
Mister President!
It's Morty!
351
00:13:55,552 --> 00:13:57,203
It's my sperm!
I-It's all mine!
352
00:13:57,288 --> 00:13:59,405
What?! I'm a dirty
little perverted maniac.
353
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,607
I spent a week pleasuring myself
with animal equipment,
354
00:14:01,692 --> 00:14:03,744
and my sperm got turned
into monsters on accident
355
00:14:03,827 --> 00:14:06,413
because I kept lying about it
because I was ashamed!
356
00:14:06,496 --> 00:14:07,614
You should be!
357
00:14:07,697 --> 00:14:09,014
My God, man,
we were all 14 once
358
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,750
but it's called
self-control.
359
00:14:10,835 --> 00:14:13,220
Don't let them reach my
sister's egg, Mr. President!
360
00:14:13,303 --> 00:14:15,270
You'll be making a giant...
361
00:14:17,307 --> 00:14:18,292
Incest baby.
362
00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:19,625
What?
Who told you that?
363
00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:21,294
What?
I-I was finishing his sentence.
364
00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:23,297
Oh. Right.
Come with us.
365
00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:24,764
The sperm is Morty's!
366
00:14:24,849 --> 00:14:27,500
We're about to make
a giant incest baby!
367
00:14:27,585 --> 00:14:30,370
Aw, well, now we're all
in our darkest hour.
368
00:14:30,455 --> 00:14:31,971
Launch the egg!
Launch it now!
369
00:14:32,056 --> 00:14:34,173
B-But that'll take 30
minutes. What?! Why?!
370
00:14:34,258 --> 00:14:36,243
That's how long
every space launch takes!
371
00:14:36,326 --> 00:14:38,044
No one realizes because
they only show you
372
00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:40,380
the last 10 seconds!
373
00:14:40,465 --> 00:14:41,782
Uh, uh, help me out here.
374
00:14:41,865 --> 00:14:44,384
Hey, it was your idea,
right?
375
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,921
Okay, okay, n-no need to panic,
everyone.
376
00:14:47,004 --> 00:14:48,923
I have a simple solution.
377
00:14:49,006 --> 00:14:51,258
See you all in hell!
378
00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:53,326
I don't see
how that's going to help.
379
00:14:53,411 --> 00:14:56,462
Form a perimeter!
Protect that egg at all costs!
380
00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,732
I always knew your hormones
would cause a world war
381
00:14:58,817 --> 00:15:00,735
between humans
and Cannibalistic Horse People.
382
00:15:00,818 --> 00:15:02,668
I just didn't know
it would be like this.
383
00:15:02,753 --> 00:15:03,937
I can't change my nature.
384
00:15:04,022 --> 00:15:06,005
What are you, a scorpion
in a Navajo fable?
385
00:15:06,090 --> 00:15:07,741
Everyone can change
their nature, Morty.
386
00:15:07,826 --> 00:15:09,475
It's what defines
our species.
387
00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:10,677
Look at Iron Man.
388
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,211
That actor was an animal
in the '90s,
389
00:15:12,296 --> 00:15:14,080
literally waking up
in bushes.
390
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,750
His agent had to catch him
with a butterfly net. Silence!
391
00:15:16,835 --> 00:15:19,286
Rick Sanchez,
you know why you're here.
392
00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:20,687
Yeah, it was
my grandson's fault.
393
00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:22,956
You slept with
my daughter! I did?
394
00:15:23,041 --> 00:15:24,490
Oh, ****, I did.
395
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:25,892
Forgive me,
Your CHUDness.
396
00:15:25,975 --> 00:15:27,494
I'm a changed man
starting now.
397
00:15:27,577 --> 00:15:30,563
You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs
for forgiveness?
398
00:15:30,648 --> 00:15:32,698
CHUDs don't forgive humans.
399
00:15:32,783 --> 00:15:34,500
CHUDs eat humans!
400
00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:36,169
This is out there,
even for us.
401
00:15:36,254 --> 00:15:37,504
They can hear you, Morty.
402
00:15:37,587 --> 00:15:39,239
Boil him up!
Yum, yum!
403
00:15:39,322 --> 00:15:41,375
Spice him right!
Oh, boy!
404
00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:43,509
Eat the flesh!
Yum, yum!
405
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,379
Not the bones!
Oh, no!
406
00:15:45,462 --> 00:15:47,581
Belly ache!
Ouch, Ouch!
407
00:15:47,664 --> 00:15:49,915
Father!
Stop this at once!
408
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,852
Princess Poñeta!
You can't kill Rícko!
409
00:15:52,937 --> 00:15:54,520
I... I love him!
410
00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:58,325
Right! I-I love you, too,
Princess Poñeta.
411
00:15:58,408 --> 00:15:59,994
This love is forbidden.
412
00:16:00,077 --> 00:16:01,528
My daughter,
you are a CHUD.
413
00:16:01,611 --> 00:16:04,264
Rick is a human
and age-inappropriate.
414
00:16:04,347 --> 00:16:06,066
Then you leave me
no choice.
415
00:16:06,149 --> 00:16:08,869
By the 17th Article
of the CHUD-stitution,
416
00:16:08,952 --> 00:16:11,871
I offer Rícko Sanchez
horsemunity
417
00:16:11,956 --> 00:16:16,543
and demand a equestri-truce
between all CHUDs and humans!
418
00:16:16,626 --> 00:16:18,812
On what grounds?
419
00:16:18,897 --> 00:16:22,482
On the grounds that Rícko
is the father of my child.
420
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:23,683
I have an heir.
421
00:16:23,768 --> 00:16:25,619
I have a substance-abuse
problem.
422
00:16:25,702 --> 00:16:27,754
The Prophecy has come true!
423
00:16:27,837 --> 00:16:29,755
Also, did someone drop
a scroll?
424
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,957
- Here we go. Over here.
- Sorry.
425
00:16:35,779 --> 00:16:37,230
Where did you get
all that?
426
00:16:37,315 --> 00:16:38,698
- It's Vegas.
- Sir!
427
00:16:38,783 --> 00:16:39,899
The Strip has been evacuated,
but I'm worried
428
00:16:39,984 --> 00:16:41,567
we won't be able
to hold the perimeter.
429
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,037
Then deputize
Las Vegas regulars.
430
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,370
Everyone's a patriot today.
431
00:16:44,455 --> 00:16:45,772
Even me!
432
00:16:45,855 --> 00:16:47,441
Take three steps back,
Amazing Johnathan.
433
00:16:47,524 --> 00:16:49,844
Men and their guns.
Metaphorical and not.
434
00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:51,778
Tell me about it.
435
00:16:51,861 --> 00:16:53,980
Get ready, boys!
The last thing this world needs
436
00:16:54,063 --> 00:16:55,782
is a giant incest baby.
437
00:16:55,865 --> 00:16:57,717
- Oorah! Here they come!
- Nice!
438
00:16:57,802 --> 00:17:00,986
Do not let a single sperm
get through to that egg!
439
00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:07,528
Um, should we be concerned
about that scary bomb-laden one?
440
00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:08,863
Honey, let the men
handle this.
441
00:17:08,946 --> 00:17:11,413
I think we know
a thing or two about...
442
00:17:13,817 --> 00:17:15,935
Ugh! Ready for
all the responsibility
443
00:17:16,019 --> 00:17:17,270
with none of the credit?
444
00:17:17,355 --> 00:17:19,740
Let's Nancy Reagan
this bitch.
445
00:17:19,824 --> 00:17:21,541
Ah!
446
00:17:32,836 --> 00:17:34,354
Dammit!
We can't stop them.
447
00:17:34,438 --> 00:17:35,556
We don't have the manpower!
448
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,090
What about horsepower?
449
00:17:38,776 --> 00:17:39,960
Sweet Lady Liberty.
450
00:17:40,044 --> 00:17:41,627
That sonofamare Rick has ended
451
00:17:41,711 --> 00:17:43,230
our centuries-long war
with the CHUDs.
452
00:17:43,314 --> 00:17:46,032
- We made peace with the CHUDs!
- The CHUDs are our buds!
453
00:17:48,519 --> 00:17:50,636
Rícko! The hoofless...
They need us!
454
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:53,440
Let's do this.
CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
455
00:17:53,523 --> 00:17:55,976
CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
456
00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:06,787
Mom, I promise to use condoms,
even when it's butt stuff.
457
00:18:06,871 --> 00:18:09,655
Okay, we have a lot
to talk about tonight.
458
00:18:28,893 --> 00:18:30,210
Is this your heart?
459
00:18:30,294 --> 00:18:31,612
It's a play on,
"Is this your card?"
460
00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:33,012
You don't have a heart,
461
00:18:33,096 --> 00:18:34,548
uh, but this is probably
some kind of organelle,
462
00:18:34,632 --> 00:18:36,016
in charge of pumping
endoplasmic reticulum
463
00:18:36,099 --> 00:18:37,884
throughout your membrane
and therefore,
464
00:18:37,968 --> 00:18:39,819
relative to you,
functions as a heart.
465
00:18:39,903 --> 00:18:43,690
So, I ask you again,
is this your heart?
466
00:18:43,773 --> 00:18:45,025
Morty, look!
467
00:18:45,108 --> 00:18:47,161
I won't just be thrown away,
Rick!
468
00:18:47,244 --> 00:18:49,363
The egg is mine!
469
00:18:49,447 --> 00:18:51,298
Sticky!
It's all you, bud!
470
00:18:54,652 --> 00:18:56,836
Noooo!
471
00:18:56,921 --> 00:18:59,905
Sticky!
472
00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:01,907
****
473
00:19:01,991 --> 00:19:03,778
We got a heartbeat.
Screw that!
474
00:19:03,862 --> 00:19:06,579
That's a human life,
and this is an election cycle.
475
00:19:06,663 --> 00:19:08,449
You have to do something!
Nope.
476
00:19:11,869 --> 00:19:13,988
It's space's problem now.
477
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:15,721
Oh, this sucks.
478
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,857
You're "Sports Illustrated" 's
Kathy Ireland.
479
00:19:17,942 --> 00:19:20,059
You were with my husband,
Blazen, when he died.
480
00:19:20,144 --> 00:19:23,930
Please tell me...
was he wearing my thong?
481
00:19:24,013 --> 00:19:26,601
He probably told you
not to tell me.
482
00:19:26,684 --> 00:19:29,604
He was ashamed of it,
but he didn't need to be.
483
00:19:29,688 --> 00:19:32,138
I hope he was wearing it.
484
00:19:32,222 --> 00:19:33,473
Always be honest.
485
00:19:33,557 --> 00:19:35,009
Sometimes it will
hurt people.
486
00:19:35,093 --> 00:19:38,211
Sometimes it will help.
But always be honest.
487
00:19:38,296 --> 00:19:41,214
Huh. Yeah, yeah,
he... he was wearing it.
488
00:19:41,298 --> 00:19:44,084
Ew!
That gross animal pig!
489
00:19:44,167 --> 00:19:45,819
So, trying to boil this
all down,
490
00:19:45,903 --> 00:19:47,221
I-I want to say
it's import...
491
00:19:47,305 --> 00:19:48,888
Shut up, Morty,
I got my own epilogue.
492
00:19:48,972 --> 00:19:51,424
Oh, Rícko,
I love you.
493
00:19:51,509 --> 00:19:52,692
Prove it.
494
00:19:54,377 --> 00:19:56,762
Oh, I love kissing those
big ol' horse teeth.
495
00:19:56,846 --> 00:19:58,298
It's like lickin' tile.
496
00:19:58,383 --> 00:20:00,099
Oh!
I swear...
497
00:20:00,183 --> 00:20:02,036
it's time someone made
an honest man out of me.
498
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,903
Whatever you need,
the whole nine yards,
499
00:20:03,988 --> 00:20:05,038
you got it.
500
00:20:05,123 --> 00:20:07,708
The thing is, Rícko...
it's time.
501
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,576
Oh, ****, oh, shit.
It's time!
502
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:10,911
Oh, my God,
it's wonderful.
503
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,984
Oh, wow. So we don't have to,
you know, r-raise it?
504
00:20:19,068 --> 00:20:20,987
Nah. They're ready to go
right out of the box.
505
00:20:21,070 --> 00:20:23,990
Cool, cool.
So... bye?
506
00:20:24,074 --> 00:20:25,392
Yep.
Take care of yourself, Rick.
507
00:20:25,476 --> 00:20:27,609
Yep. Same.
508
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,732
That was easy.
509
00:21:04,115 --> 00:21:06,567
Houston, permission to open
the starboard panel.
510
00:21:06,651 --> 00:21:07,834
Permission granted.
511
00:21:07,917 --> 00:21:10,971
Firing breach now.
512
00:21:11,055 --> 00:21:13,374
Explorer, our readouts
show a pressure spike.
513
00:21:13,458 --> 00:21:14,709
Everything alright?
514
00:21:14,792 --> 00:21:17,243
Honestly, sometimes
staring back at Earth
515
00:21:17,327 --> 00:21:20,114
makes me think about
the people I left behind...
516
00:21:20,198 --> 00:21:23,116
My wife, the son she had
to anchor me there.
517
00:21:23,201 --> 00:21:25,251
I tried to be a parent,
I really did,
518
00:21:25,336 --> 00:21:28,722
but I've come to find I'm only
suited to be a spaceman.
519
00:21:28,807 --> 00:21:30,057
The nicest part
of being up here
520
00:21:30,141 --> 00:21:31,925
is there are no reminders
of the guilt
521
00:21:32,009 --> 00:21:35,060
I sometimes feel about
abandoning my family.
522
00:21:36,413 --> 00:21:38,664
Sorry, Houston,
I thought I heard something.
523
00:21:38,749 --> 00:21:40,066
Negative on our end.
524
00:21:40,150 --> 00:21:41,801
No, wait,
there's something big
525
00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:43,604
and it's coming right at you!
Goo, goo, gah, gah.
526
00:21:43,688 --> 00:21:46,406
Dear God.
No! You can't be real!
527
00:21:46,490 --> 00:21:49,343
Explorer, what is it?
What the hell do you see?!
528
00:21:49,426 --> 00:21:50,876
My conscience.
529
00:21:50,961 --> 00:21:52,479
Explorer! Explorer!
Aaah!
530
00:21:52,563 --> 00:21:54,347
Are you there?
Aaaaaah!
531
00:21:54,432 --> 00:21:56,883
Geez. Not gonna
miss that guy. Aaaaah!
532
00:21:56,967 --> 00:21:58,934
Right? So dramatic.
533
00:22:00,637 --> 00:22:02,021
Did you get any of that?
39704
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