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1
00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:02,994
Joy.
2
00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:05,342
Joy.
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,339
More joy.
4
00:00:07,342 --> 00:00:09,342
All the joy.
5
00:00:09,344 --> 00:00:11,494
Okay, Dave, we're supposed
to be throwing out
6
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:13,319
whatever
doesn't spark joy.
7
00:00:13,324 --> 00:00:15,664
Do you really need
your old BlackBerry?
8
00:00:15,660 --> 00:00:17,580
Oh, my God.
Yes!
9
00:00:17,578 --> 00:00:19,658
This is the first thing
I texted you on.
10
00:00:19,664 --> 00:00:22,334
It reminds me
of you.
11
00:00:22,333 --> 00:00:23,753
Oh, that's so sweet.
12
00:00:23,751 --> 00:00:26,631
But shouldn't I
remind you of me?
13
00:00:26,629 --> 00:00:29,589
Honestly, you remind me
of the phone.
Oh.
14
00:00:29,590 --> 00:00:30,840
All right, fine.
15
00:00:30,841 --> 00:00:33,851
Keep it, but everything
else must go.
16
00:00:33,845 --> 00:00:35,965
It's just so hard to get rid
of this stuff, you know?
17
00:00:35,972 --> 00:00:40,892
I mean, look at
these tiny Jordans.
18
00:00:40,893 --> 00:00:42,693
These were
Asher's first shoes.
19
00:00:42,687 --> 00:00:44,477
Yeah, I know.
20
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:47,690
But he never wore them because
newborns can't walk or dunk.
21
00:00:47,692 --> 00:00:49,532
He will one day.
22
00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:52,357
Ooh!
23
00:00:52,363 --> 00:00:54,703
I got fouled.
Mm.
24
00:00:54,699 --> 00:00:59,329
I am serious, we are finally out
of the fog of having tiny kids.
25
00:00:59,328 --> 00:01:02,998
No more strollers, no more
Baby Bjorns, no more pacifiers.
26
00:01:02,999 --> 00:01:05,329
We are getting our life
and home back.
27
00:01:05,334 --> 00:01:08,884
I mean, every closet in
this house is totally empty!
28
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,470
Is it weird
that makes me horny?
29
00:01:12,466 --> 00:01:14,716
I support
however we get there.
30
00:01:14,719 --> 00:01:17,639
Dude, there is so much
free stuff by your driveway.
31
00:01:17,638 --> 00:01:18,848
You gotta check it out.
32
00:01:18,848 --> 00:01:20,428
I just got this dope
doggie bjorn
33
00:01:20,433 --> 00:01:24,483
and a sack full
of dog pacifiers.
34
00:01:24,478 --> 00:01:26,558
Joanna, that's our stuff.
We're getting rid of it.
35
00:01:26,564 --> 00:01:28,694
Did he have this much crap
growing up?
36
00:01:28,691 --> 00:01:30,571
No,
he had way more.
37
00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:32,568
Our parents gave him
everything he ever wanted.
38
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:37,410
Dave had the biggest Beanie Baby
collection in Connecticut.
39
00:01:37,408 --> 00:01:39,408
I was on the news.
40
00:01:39,410 --> 00:01:41,910
Look, he's just always been
the favorite,
41
00:01:41,913 --> 00:01:43,413
and I've made peace
with it.
42
00:01:43,414 --> 00:01:45,044
That is so not true.
43
00:01:45,041 --> 00:01:47,751
Hi, number one son.
44
00:01:47,752 --> 00:01:49,382
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
45
00:01:49,378 --> 00:01:50,708
Hi, ladies.
46
00:01:50,713 --> 00:01:51,923
I'm sorry that we're late,
but we stopped
47
00:01:51,922 --> 00:01:54,472
by an estate sale
in your driveway.
48
00:01:55,509 --> 00:01:58,509
I got tons
of deep V‐necks.
49
00:01:58,512 --> 00:02:00,262
I'll make it work.
50
00:02:00,264 --> 00:02:01,814
Okay,
everyone please stop
51
00:02:01,807 --> 00:02:03,807
bringing our trash
back in our house.
52
00:02:03,809 --> 00:02:06,599
Yeah.
It is extremely important to me
53
00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:10,074
that all of the closets
stay empty.
54
00:02:10,066 --> 00:02:12,736
We brought you your
favorite bottle of wine.
55
00:02:12,735 --> 00:02:14,275
‐Aw.
‐Oh, no.
56
00:02:14,278 --> 00:02:17,618
Who died? Is it a cousin I know
or I don't know?
57
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,775
Don't know.
Was your cousin Avi.
58
00:02:19,784 --> 00:02:22,084
But that's not
the news.
59
00:02:22,078 --> 00:02:24,578
We're dead broke.
60
00:02:24,580 --> 00:02:28,630
Oh, she's exaggerating, but yes,
we are drowning in debt.
61
00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:29,706
What?
62
00:02:29,710 --> 00:02:31,420
How is that possible?
63
00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:32,710
I mean, I had Kris Kross
64
00:02:32,713 --> 00:02:35,593
and David Cross
at my Bar Mitzvah.
65
00:02:35,591 --> 00:02:37,721
Wait, didn't you just
get back from Cabo?
66
00:02:37,718 --> 00:02:38,968
Yeah, we did.
67
00:02:38,970 --> 00:02:40,760
The Adilmans let us use
their time share
68
00:02:40,763 --> 00:02:44,023
in exchange for us teaching them
how to use the tweeter.
69
00:02:44,016 --> 00:02:46,846
Can we just focus
on what's important?
70
00:02:46,852 --> 00:02:49,562
How are you
out of money?
71
00:02:49,563 --> 00:02:51,613
Ah, well, uh, we didn't have
health insurance,
72
00:02:51,607 --> 00:02:55,317
and your mom's knee surgery
a few months back was not cheap.
73
00:02:55,319 --> 00:02:57,659
My "As Seen on TV" business
has been down
74
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,445
ever since I lost
the slanket account.
75
00:02:59,448 --> 00:03:03,828
And sadly, edible coasters
don't sell themselves.
76
00:03:03,828 --> 00:03:06,578
Mm, so you decided the place
to save money
77
00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:09,130
was cutting health care
in your 60s?
78
00:03:09,125 --> 00:03:10,785
60.
79
00:03:12,795 --> 00:03:16,755
Look, I know it sounds crazy,
but insurance is very expensive,
80
00:03:16,757 --> 00:03:19,007
and we take excellent care
of ourselves.
81
00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:20,850
Daddy just stopped
eating red meat.
82
00:03:20,845 --> 00:03:24,015
I'm mostly eating
coasters now.
83
00:03:24,015 --> 00:03:27,055
And I spin twice a week
with Susan Pyser,
84
00:03:27,059 --> 00:03:30,519
but I guess it was too much
because I tore my ACL.
85
00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:31,651
I overspun.
86
00:03:31,647 --> 00:03:32,857
‐You overspun.
‐I overspun.
87
00:03:32,857 --> 00:03:34,687
She overspun.
Who knew?
88
00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:35,942
Me! Hi!
89
00:03:35,943 --> 00:03:37,703
I told you,
like, all the time!
90
00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:40,655
Is this how ghosts feel?
91
00:03:40,656 --> 00:03:42,026
This is, uh ‐‐
This is a lot.
92
00:03:42,032 --> 00:03:43,622
I know.
So stressful.
93
00:03:43,617 --> 00:03:44,867
That's why
we went to Cabo.
94
00:03:44,869 --> 00:03:46,619
What a time.
95
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:52,960
♪♪♪
96
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,630
I can't believe all this time
you've had no money.
97
00:03:55,629 --> 00:03:56,839
Yeah, you should have
just told us the truth.
98
00:03:56,839 --> 00:04:01,719
Ah. Remember how you lied to us
about being gay for so long?
99
00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:04,639
You mean when I was
in the closet?
100
00:04:04,638 --> 00:04:05,808
Yes.
101
00:04:05,806 --> 00:04:07,596
Now, why didn't you
just tell us?
102
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,730
Because I was uncomfortable
and scared and confused.
103
00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,729
Exactly.
Like us.
104
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:18,531
And so now we're coming out
as broke.
105
00:04:18,527 --> 00:04:22,817
We're here, we're broke,
get used to it.
106
00:04:22,823 --> 00:04:25,993
This is not
the same situation!
107
00:04:25,993 --> 00:04:27,753
E‐Everything's
gonna be fine.
108
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:29,865
We're gonna downsize and sell
the house before we lose it.
109
00:04:29,872 --> 00:04:32,082
Yeah, we're hoping Davey'll
renovate our house
110
00:04:32,083 --> 00:04:34,213
as beautifully
as he did yours
111
00:04:34,210 --> 00:04:36,000
and then we can
sell it for double.
112
00:04:36,003 --> 00:04:37,713
You're insanely talented.
113
00:04:37,713 --> 00:04:40,223
Everyone's
talking about it.
114
00:04:40,216 --> 00:04:42,216
But why spend the time
and the money?
115
00:04:42,218 --> 00:04:43,548
I mean, sell the house.
116
00:04:43,552 --> 00:04:45,012
Cash out.
It's already paid off.
117
00:04:45,012 --> 00:04:47,932
Was paid off.
118
00:04:47,932 --> 00:04:50,142
‐Oh, no.
‐Oh, yes.
119
00:04:50,142 --> 00:04:51,642
A few years ago,
we pulled out equity
120
00:04:51,644 --> 00:04:54,234
to pay for that trip
to Africa.
121
00:04:54,230 --> 00:04:57,110
Beautiful continent.
Mm.
122
00:04:57,108 --> 00:04:58,688
It's where
it all began.
123
00:04:58,692 --> 00:05:02,782
Humanity
and our financial woes.
124
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:05,620
Yeah, shopping wasn't
what I expected it to be.
125
00:05:05,616 --> 00:05:08,946
We bought a few things ‐‐
I mean, some jewelry ‐‐
126
00:05:08,953 --> 00:05:11,713
just a few choice pieces.
127
00:05:11,705 --> 00:05:14,625
I got a spear.
It might be haunted.
128
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:18,633
Okay, well, you're gonna
129
00:05:18,629 --> 00:05:20,129
have to upgrade the house
to make a profit.
130
00:05:20,131 --> 00:05:22,471
So I will talk to my crew
about renovating it quickly.
131
00:05:22,466 --> 00:05:23,796
Oh, that's amazing.
132
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,931
And while you're doing
the reno,
133
00:05:25,928 --> 00:05:28,888
we'll stay at
an Air‐BLT.
134
00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:31,019
It's an Airbnb.
135
00:05:31,016 --> 00:05:32,766
Oh, what'd I say?
The wrong thing.
136
00:05:32,768 --> 00:05:35,598
You always say
the wrong thing.
137
00:05:35,604 --> 00:05:38,274
No, you're not staying
at an Airbnb.
138
00:05:38,274 --> 00:05:41,534
You guys can stay here
as long as you need.
139
00:05:42,736 --> 00:05:45,156
Obviously they cannot stay here
as long as they need.
140
00:05:45,156 --> 00:05:46,776
Obviously, but, um,
141
00:05:46,782 --> 00:05:48,332
you just said the opposite
of that to them.
142
00:05:48,325 --> 00:05:50,825
Yeah, because one of us
has to offer to be nice
143
00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:53,158
so one of them can say
"No, no, that's okay,"
144
00:05:53,164 --> 00:05:55,004
and then one of us can say
"Are you sure?"
145
00:05:54,999 --> 00:05:56,329
And then they can say
"Of course."
146
00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:58,633
But they didn't say
"No, no, that's okay."
147
00:05:58,627 --> 00:05:59,837
I can't believe it.
148
00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:01,837
Who doesn't say
"No, no, that's okay"?
149
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,509
My parents.
That is not okay.
150
00:06:03,507 --> 00:06:05,837
I know it's not okay.
151
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:08,513
Look, having them in our space,
it's not a dream.
152
00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:09,852
Actually, I think
this is literally
153
00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:11,677
what your mom dreams of.
154
00:06:11,682 --> 00:06:13,392
Well, think of it
this way.
155
00:06:13,392 --> 00:06:16,312
Maybe having them live here will
give us some of our life back.
156
00:06:16,312 --> 00:06:19,022
You know, they are
built‐in babysitters.
157
00:06:19,023 --> 00:06:21,863
Yeah, the last time
they babysat was not ideal.
158
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:24,199
Some children
like coffee.
159
00:06:24,195 --> 00:06:25,855
And that was
six months ago.
160
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,663
Yeah, Hazel's eye is still doing
that weird thing.
161
00:06:27,656 --> 00:06:29,526
But she's more focused
than ever.
162
00:06:29,533 --> 00:06:32,043
And those free babysitters
are making it possible
163
00:06:32,036 --> 00:06:34,866
for you and I to go see Drake at
the Garden Friday night.
164
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,332
Really?
Mm‐hmm.
165
00:06:36,332 --> 00:06:39,882
Ah, it'd be so nice to see
a concert that's not on ice.
166
00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:42,047
I'm in.
167
00:06:42,046 --> 00:06:46,216
So, uh, now that
we're all alone,
168
00:06:46,217 --> 00:06:48,047
what do you say we...
169
00:06:48,052 --> 00:06:50,262
With my parents in the house?
Mm‐mm.
170
00:06:53,223 --> 00:06:54,773
You wanna watch
"Handmaid's Tale"?
171
00:06:54,767 --> 00:06:57,267
Ooh, baby.
172
00:06:57,269 --> 00:06:58,729
Oh!
Ah!
173
00:06:58,729 --> 00:06:59,899
Right off the bat
they hit you with it!
174
00:06:59,897 --> 00:07:01,357
I know this show
gives us nightmares,
175
00:07:01,357 --> 00:07:04,687
but I just can't wait
to see what happens next.
176
00:07:04,693 --> 00:07:06,243
Knock knock!
177
00:07:06,236 --> 00:07:09,236
Oy, she jumps off the bridge
in this episode.
178
00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:11,739
Well, no need to watch this
now or ever.
179
00:07:11,742 --> 00:07:14,372
Hey, which backpack has
the real soda in it?
180
00:07:14,370 --> 00:07:17,250
Dad, that is
my emergency disaster kit.
181
00:07:17,247 --> 00:07:20,707
Oh, boy, I was wondering
why the Clif Bars
182
00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:23,089
were stored
with the flashlights.
183
00:07:23,087 --> 00:07:24,917
Can I help you guys
with something?
184
00:07:24,922 --> 00:07:26,222
Oh, yeah.
185
00:07:26,215 --> 00:07:28,175
We figured out a way
to pay down our bills,
186
00:07:28,175 --> 00:07:30,385
and we don't even
have to sell the house, either.
187
00:07:30,386 --> 00:07:32,386
We're gonna start
a Facebook fundraiser.
188
00:07:32,388 --> 00:07:34,598
Like everyone else
on the Internets.
189
00:07:34,598 --> 00:07:36,808
Not everyone. Just the people
with actual issues.
190
00:07:36,809 --> 00:07:37,979
Yeah, I love you guys,
but you're just
191
00:07:37,977 --> 00:07:40,847
two irresponsible
baby boomers.
192
00:07:40,854 --> 00:07:43,114
Ouch.
But this is gonna work.
193
00:07:43,107 --> 00:07:44,777
We saw this one girl
from Miami
194
00:07:44,775 --> 00:07:46,025
who raised $80,000
195
00:07:46,026 --> 00:07:47,276
just because
she was colorblind
196
00:07:47,277 --> 00:07:49,277
and needed special glasses
to see blue.
197
00:07:49,279 --> 00:07:51,279
We donated $500.
198
00:07:51,281 --> 00:07:55,121
Dad,
you gotta keep your money!
199
00:07:55,119 --> 00:07:58,119
Now, please, we'd like to get
back to our tragic horror show
200
00:07:58,122 --> 00:07:59,792
that puts us in a weird place
before bed.
201
00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:01,130
Sure, sure.
202
00:08:01,125 --> 00:08:03,285
Just don't get too attached
to that couple.
203
00:08:03,293 --> 00:08:05,303
In two episodes,
they drown.
204
00:08:05,295 --> 00:08:06,955
Debbie!
Mom!
205
00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:11,971
This is so weird.
206
00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:15,429
I haven't been in your parents'
basement since high school.
207
00:08:15,431 --> 00:08:18,021
And it still smells like
Beanie Babies.
208
00:08:18,017 --> 00:08:20,347
How cool was it
that I was on the news?
209
00:08:20,352 --> 00:08:23,152
It was a great day
for both of us.
210
00:08:23,147 --> 00:08:26,147
I can't believe my parents
are in this situation.
211
00:08:26,150 --> 00:08:28,990
Seriously. Deb and Stew
were always so loaded.
212
00:08:28,986 --> 00:08:32,156
After college, they gave me 10
grand for my independent film.
213
00:08:32,156 --> 00:08:35,116
I never saw that.
I never made it.
214
00:08:35,117 --> 00:08:37,657
Don't do any reno'ing
without me.
215
00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:41,001
Hi, doll.
Hey, Deb‐Deb!
216
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,998
Wow!
Look at the two of you.
217
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,170
You're like handsomer
Property Brothers
218
00:08:45,169 --> 00:08:47,919
from a different
Property Mother.
219
00:08:47,921 --> 00:08:49,261
Let's just go upstairs
220
00:08:49,256 --> 00:08:50,336
and I'll show you
my plans for the bathroom.
221
00:08:50,341 --> 00:08:51,971
Ooh, I got it!
I got it!
222
00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:56,467
How married are you
to facing‐forward toilets?
223
00:08:56,472 --> 00:08:57,932
Very married.
224
00:08:57,931 --> 00:08:59,221
Yeah.
225
00:09:01,226 --> 00:09:02,386
Mom?
226
00:09:02,394 --> 00:09:04,944
Hm?
You okay?
227
00:09:04,938 --> 00:09:06,858
I‐I think I've been
so concerned
228
00:09:06,857 --> 00:09:09,357
about selling the house
I really didn't stop to think
229
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:13,490
what it would feel like
to actually leave it.
230
00:09:13,489 --> 00:09:15,989
I know,
but it's the only way
231
00:09:15,991 --> 00:09:17,491
we're gonna get you
out of this mess.
232
00:09:17,493 --> 00:09:18,833
Mm.
233
00:09:18,827 --> 00:09:20,537
Oh, God,
look at this.
234
00:09:20,537 --> 00:09:23,207
Remember how obsessed
you were with these?
235
00:09:23,207 --> 00:09:24,497
Oh!
236
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,130
Yeah.
237
00:09:27,127 --> 00:09:29,047
You convinced me I was
gonna win a gold medal.
238
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,216
Ah, you made
uncoordinated look fun.
239
00:09:31,215 --> 00:09:33,505
Everyone was talking about it.
No, they weren't.
240
00:09:33,509 --> 00:09:37,509
I was just a dumb kid
with frosted tips
241
00:09:37,513 --> 00:09:40,063
who got his heart broken
by a girl named Kate
242
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:41,597
who spelled her name
with the letter K
243
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:42,890
and the number eight.
244
00:09:42,893 --> 00:09:44,403
Mm.
245
00:09:44,395 --> 00:09:47,015
That was the saddest you'd been
since you found out
246
00:09:47,022 --> 00:09:49,482
Santa was not
for our people.
247
00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:53,950
And that wound is ripped open
every December.
248
00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:58,200
But you cheered me up,
remember,
249
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,410
when you threw that surprise
slumber party down here for me?
250
00:10:00,411 --> 00:10:02,081
Yeah,
that was fun.
251
00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:04,419
Till you got drunk
on Daddy's Zimas.
252
00:10:04,415 --> 00:10:05,535
Oh, yeah.
253
00:10:05,541 --> 00:10:07,251
I got shlammered.
254
00:10:07,251 --> 00:10:08,211
Ohh.
255
00:10:10,879 --> 00:10:13,589
I mean, I spent my whole
childhood in this room.
256
00:10:13,590 --> 00:10:16,180
Well, maybe the Facebook
fundraiser could work.
257
00:10:16,176 --> 00:10:17,756
I mean,
why don't we try it?
258
00:10:17,761 --> 00:10:21,181
If it doesn't, we can always
go back to this plan.
259
00:10:21,181 --> 00:10:22,981
What do you say?
260
00:10:25,310 --> 00:10:26,940
I say sure.
261
00:10:26,937 --> 00:10:29,437
Why don't we
give it a shot.
262
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,440
[ Glass shatters ]
263
00:10:32,443 --> 00:10:36,073
Hey, why do you have a vase
full of dirt on your mantle?
264
00:10:36,071 --> 00:10:39,581
That is my Great Aunt
Rita's ashes.
265
00:10:39,575 --> 00:10:41,445
Okay, shot in the dark.
266
00:10:41,452 --> 00:10:42,952
Is there a slight chance
267
00:10:42,953 --> 00:10:45,043
she wanted them scattered
on your carpet?
268
00:10:45,038 --> 00:10:50,378
♪♪♪
269
00:10:50,377 --> 00:10:52,297
Hi,
everybody on the Internets.
270
00:10:52,296 --> 00:10:53,456
I'm Debbie.
271
00:10:53,464 --> 00:10:55,304
And I'm Stew,
and we're so honored
272
00:10:55,299 --> 00:10:57,929
to be a part
of the fundraising community.
273
00:10:57,926 --> 00:11:00,926
Very excited for that Miami girl
who can see blue now!
274
00:11:00,929 --> 00:11:03,139
You're welcome!
It's the best color.
275
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:06,100
But we're here to talk to you
about our medical bills.
276
00:11:06,101 --> 00:11:08,271
See, Deb hurt her knee
and needed surgery.
277
00:11:08,270 --> 00:11:11,110
Show 'em
how it bends funny.
278
00:11:11,106 --> 00:11:12,436
Ow!
Do you believe that?
279
00:11:12,441 --> 00:11:14,611
And we run the risk
of losing our house
280
00:11:14,610 --> 00:11:17,950
unless you, our online family,
help us out.
281
00:11:17,946 --> 00:11:20,616
Fortunately, we're living
with our son right now.
282
00:11:20,616 --> 00:11:24,286
He's a good egg. The best egg.
A dinosaur egg.
283
00:11:24,286 --> 00:11:26,076
Everyone's talking about it.
They are, they are.
284
00:11:26,079 --> 00:11:30,129
Personally, I think it's because
I breastfed him for two years.
285
00:11:30,125 --> 00:11:32,665
Sidebar ‐‐ breastfeeding?
Better than sex.
286
00:11:32,669 --> 00:11:33,959
All right, Deb.
Hey, honey...
287
00:11:33,962 --> 00:11:35,302
What?
...said it before,
288
00:11:35,297 --> 00:11:37,337
it's very upsetting information
and hurtful.
289
00:11:37,341 --> 00:11:39,181
Sweetie, you're
my hunka‐hunka.
290
00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:41,086
Mwah.
Mwah!
291
00:11:41,094 --> 00:11:43,264
I think this is going very well.
Oh, me too.
292
00:11:43,263 --> 00:11:46,353
We're gonna make that colorblind
girl look like a total amateur.
293
00:11:56,273 --> 00:11:58,043
Are you guys really going
to see Drake tonight?
294
00:11:58,111 --> 00:11:59,611
Yeah.
295
00:11:59,613 --> 00:12:00,863
And Mom and Dad
are actually helping.
296
00:12:00,864 --> 00:12:03,704
Don't tell me
they're babysitting.
297
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:08,710
Why ‐‐ Just, like, w‐w‐why
wouldn't I tell you that?
298
00:12:08,705 --> 00:12:11,705
Because they were bad
at babysitting us, Dave.
299
00:12:11,708 --> 00:12:12,788
Oh, come on.
300
00:12:12,793 --> 00:12:14,673
They were great!
Were they?
301
00:12:14,670 --> 00:12:18,130
I have two therapists,
four girlfriends, and nine dogs.
302
00:12:18,131 --> 00:12:19,551
Yeah,
but that's you.
303
00:12:19,550 --> 00:12:20,800
You're clearly
slightly difficult.
304
00:12:20,801 --> 00:12:24,221
I was always a very easy child
and very well taken care of.
305
00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:25,721
You had 10 pairs
of Rollerblades
306
00:12:25,722 --> 00:12:27,222
and how many helmets?
It was a different time.
307
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:29,604
Before head injuries?
308
00:12:29,601 --> 00:12:31,901
Maybe they played it fast
and loose with the supervision,
309
00:12:31,895 --> 00:12:33,225
but they're
grandparents now.
310
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:34,730
They're gonna be fine.
311
00:12:34,731 --> 00:12:36,191
Whoa!
Yeah!
312
00:12:36,191 --> 00:12:37,571
Whoo!
313
00:12:37,568 --> 00:12:38,988
Okay, Asher, Asher.
Your turn.
314
00:12:38,986 --> 00:12:40,236
Oh! Fun!
315
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:41,987
What is up, family?
316
00:12:41,989 --> 00:12:44,029
Oh! God!
Asher!
317
00:12:44,032 --> 00:12:45,242
Oh, sweet, sweet boy.
318
00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:46,742
I love you.
319
00:12:46,743 --> 00:12:49,753
There's no candy in me.
320
00:12:49,746 --> 00:12:51,326
Why are we hosting
a quinceañera?
321
00:12:51,331 --> 00:12:53,581
I said your dad could
buy the kids some candy.
322
00:12:53,584 --> 00:12:55,674
He came home
with two piñatas.
323
00:12:55,669 --> 00:12:57,589
Couple dozen Tootsie Rolls
never hurt anyone.
324
00:12:57,588 --> 00:12:58,878
Yes, they did.
They hurt me, Dad.
325
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,550
I only have
four real teeth.
326
00:13:00,549 --> 00:13:01,879
My gums bleed
when I sing.
327
00:13:01,883 --> 00:13:04,013
Aw.
Ta‐da!
328
00:13:04,011 --> 00:13:05,601
Oh, my God!
329
00:13:05,596 --> 00:13:07,006
I let her
do her own makeup.
330
00:13:07,014 --> 00:13:09,024
Doesn't she
look beautiful?
331
00:13:09,016 --> 00:13:12,806
She looks like someone
left a rainbow in a hot car.
332
00:13:12,811 --> 00:13:14,271
I'm a princess!
333
00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:16,691
Mm‐hmm. Remember,
you can also be a doctor
334
00:13:16,690 --> 00:13:19,190
or an astronaut or ‐‐
335
00:13:19,192 --> 00:13:20,192
eh, forget it.
336
00:13:20,193 --> 00:13:21,903
It's been a day.
337
00:13:25,198 --> 00:13:26,908
I'm guessing
that went horribly?
338
00:13:26,908 --> 00:13:28,788
Yeah.
Pretty much.
339
00:13:28,785 --> 00:13:30,285
On top of the chaos
out there,
340
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:33,037
Hazel freaked out
because she lost her Elsa heel.
341
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,790
Why does Elsa
even have a heel?
342
00:13:34,791 --> 00:13:36,961
Girlfriend lives on ice!
343
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,880
That's a bad example
for girls.
344
00:13:42,799 --> 00:13:44,299
Do you want a glass?
No.
345
00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:45,641
Because they're all
over the house
346
00:13:45,635 --> 00:13:47,595
covered in
your mom's lipstick.
347
00:13:49,639 --> 00:13:51,019
You know, maybe we shouldn't
go tonight.
348
00:13:51,016 --> 00:13:52,766
We really don't have to
if you don't want to.
349
00:13:52,768 --> 00:13:53,978
Are you kidding?
350
00:13:53,977 --> 00:13:55,307
Your parents are insane
351
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:56,982
and the house
looks like
352
00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:59,940
someone burglarized
the set of "Double Dare."
353
00:13:59,941 --> 00:14:02,241
We are going
to that concert.
354
00:14:02,235 --> 00:14:03,945
Okay. Great.
Great!
355
00:14:03,945 --> 00:14:05,235
You get me another bottle
of sauvy‐b
356
00:14:05,238 --> 00:14:09,118
and I'll go put on
my good bra.
357
00:14:09,117 --> 00:14:10,947
Good bra, huh?
358
00:14:10,952 --> 00:14:13,252
So you're saying
there's a chance!
359
00:14:13,246 --> 00:14:16,786
♪♪♪
360
00:14:16,792 --> 00:14:19,002
Pardon me, bitches.
I need this more than you.
361
00:14:19,002 --> 00:14:21,842
I'm a mom.
I'm a dad.
362
00:14:21,838 --> 00:14:23,258
Young, cool dad.
363
00:14:23,256 --> 00:14:26,256
Whoo!
This is so awesome.
364
00:14:26,259 --> 00:14:27,759
But I guess it's not cool
to wear
365
00:14:27,761 --> 00:14:30,101
the band's merch
to the concert?
366
00:14:30,097 --> 00:14:31,347
Hey,
should we get molly?
367
00:14:31,348 --> 00:14:32,388
Yeah?
Yeah?
368
00:14:32,391 --> 00:14:33,981
No. No?
369
00:14:33,975 --> 00:14:35,305
I mean, we just threw out
all our pacifiers.
370
00:14:35,310 --> 00:14:37,770
Sorry, I'm just ‐‐
I'm so happy to be here.
371
00:14:37,771 --> 00:14:40,021
It feels so good
to be alone!
372
00:14:40,023 --> 00:14:42,193
Hi!
Oh, no!
373
00:14:42,192 --> 00:14:44,112
What the [bleep]
is happening?
374
00:14:44,111 --> 00:14:46,451
We wanted to surprise you
as a thank you
375
00:14:46,446 --> 00:14:48,696
for letting us
stay with you!
376
00:14:48,698 --> 00:14:49,988
Surprise!
377
00:14:49,991 --> 00:14:51,661
It's us!
378
00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:52,870
Who's with the kids?
379
00:14:52,869 --> 00:14:54,369
Ravi.
Ravi?
380
00:14:54,371 --> 00:14:56,121
Ravi?
I really like him.
381
00:14:56,123 --> 00:14:57,713
He got me this vape.
382
00:14:57,707 --> 00:14:59,707
Ravi doesn't even acknowledge
we have kids!
383
00:14:59,709 --> 00:15:01,669
He calls them
our tiny roommates!
384
00:15:01,670 --> 00:15:02,670
I cannot believe this!
385
00:15:02,671 --> 00:15:04,801
H‐‐ Wait ‐‐ But ‐‐
386
00:15:04,798 --> 00:15:06,718
See what you did?
387
00:15:06,716 --> 00:15:09,296
We just wanted one night away
from our tiny roommates ‐‐
388
00:15:09,302 --> 00:15:10,682
our kids.
389
00:15:10,679 --> 00:15:13,179
Now I have to fix this!
390
00:15:13,181 --> 00:15:15,181
And I already told
all the other dads at drop‐off
391
00:15:15,183 --> 00:15:16,443
I was going
to the Drake show
392
00:15:16,435 --> 00:15:18,095
and now I'm gonna
have to lie about it!
393
00:15:18,103 --> 00:15:23,903
♪♪♪
394
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:25,400
Where are the kids?
Oh, hey.
395
00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:29,412
They're unconscious ‐‐
I‐I‐I mean, asleep.
396
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:31,066
They went down easy.
397
00:15:31,074 --> 00:15:32,744
You know, I gave 'em some milk,
read 'em a book.
398
00:15:32,742 --> 00:15:34,372
I let Asher
do a magic trick.
399
00:15:34,369 --> 00:15:38,829
I, legit, have no idea
where that penny came from!
400
00:15:38,832 --> 00:15:40,332
Wow.
Thank you so much.
401
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:42,753
I'm genuinely surprised.
402
00:15:42,752 --> 00:15:44,842
Also,
I had sex in your shower.
403
00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:50,050
You have
a beautiful home.
404
00:15:50,051 --> 00:15:52,351
Anyway, just Venmo me
for the babysitting.
405
00:15:52,345 --> 00:15:54,425
Oh.
406
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,481
[ Sighs ]
407
00:15:56,475 --> 00:15:58,265
I cannot believe you showed up
at the concert.
408
00:15:58,268 --> 00:16:00,148
I mean, how did you even
get those tickets?
409
00:16:00,145 --> 00:16:02,055
StubHub.
We splurged.
410
00:16:02,063 --> 00:16:03,233
You splurged?
We splurged.
411
00:16:03,231 --> 00:16:05,731
Don't splurge!
412
00:16:05,734 --> 00:16:07,444
Dad, put down the phone.
Huh?
413
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,454
Three, two, one!
414
00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:10,946
No more screen time,
Dad!
415
00:16:10,947 --> 00:16:12,947
Our fundraiser's
blowing up!
416
00:16:12,949 --> 00:16:14,409
I thought you decided
not to do that?
417
00:16:14,409 --> 00:16:17,119
Well, we did, but David said
we should go for it.
418
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,750
You said, "Go for it"?
419
00:16:18,747 --> 00:16:21,077
No, I mean ‐‐
Yup.
420
00:16:21,082 --> 00:16:23,292
It started making money
as soon as we posted it.
421
00:16:23,293 --> 00:16:25,133
It's up to seven grand.
422
00:16:25,128 --> 00:16:28,048
Like, real American money?
Seven grand?
423
00:16:28,048 --> 00:16:29,968
Yep, it really pulls
on your heartstrings.
424
00:16:29,966 --> 00:16:31,466
Mm.
425
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:37,140
[ Gasps ]
This is on the Internet!
426
00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:39,850
Mom, Dad,
what did you do?
427
00:16:39,851 --> 00:16:44,401
Boy, uh, I did not notice
breasts when we started filming,
428
00:16:44,397 --> 00:16:46,477
but, uh, clearly there
are breasts there.
429
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,993
Dad!
Look, there's one.
There's two.
430
00:16:48,985 --> 00:16:50,815
Dad, stop zooming in
on my wife's breasts!
431
00:16:50,820 --> 00:16:51,990
Now, pi‐pinch 'em
to make 'em smaller.
432
00:16:51,988 --> 00:16:54,818
No, wait, don't do that!
Ew! God!
433
00:16:54,824 --> 00:16:56,994
Guys,
I can put up with a lot,
434
00:16:56,993 --> 00:16:58,503
but putting my wife's boobs
on the Internet
435
00:16:58,495 --> 00:17:00,325
is something I will
never be okay with.
436
00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:02,420
Can you let me speak for myself?
God!
437
00:17:02,415 --> 00:17:04,825
I thought I was getting
my life back,
438
00:17:04,834 --> 00:17:07,254
and instead you
just ruined it!
439
00:17:07,254 --> 00:17:09,134
Ah.
440
00:17:09,130 --> 00:17:12,130
Sorry, ugh,
it was an accident.
441
00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:14,303
David, what can we do?
442
00:17:14,302 --> 00:17:15,512
I don't know.
443
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:18,102
I can't figure that out
for you.
444
00:17:18,098 --> 00:17:20,848
I already have two kids.
I can't take care of two more.
445
00:17:22,978 --> 00:17:25,438
Well, we never wanted to be
a burden to you and your family.
446
00:17:25,438 --> 00:17:26,818
No.
447
00:17:26,815 --> 00:17:29,275
I think you guys
should go.
448
00:17:29,276 --> 00:17:32,066
It's okay. We'll figure this out
on our own.
449
00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:37,280
But before I go,
450
00:17:37,284 --> 00:17:40,954
did I tell you how long
I was in labor with you?
451
00:17:43,206 --> 00:17:46,456
I know, Mom,
72 hours.
452
00:17:46,459 --> 00:17:48,299
73.
453
00:17:50,881 --> 00:17:52,381
'Cause of the head, I know.
Because of that big head.
454
00:18:03,518 --> 00:18:05,218
I didn't know
you had a tattoo.
455
00:18:06,146 --> 00:18:08,896
That's my
C‐section scar.
456
00:18:08,899 --> 00:18:11,149
Whatever it is,
people dig it.
457
00:18:11,151 --> 00:18:12,901
Check out
all these comments ‐‐
458
00:18:12,903 --> 00:18:14,153
"Hey, sexy!"
459
00:18:14,154 --> 00:18:16,414
"I wanna drink
your bath water."
460
00:18:16,406 --> 00:18:18,906
"I work for Saudi Prince.
How much?"
461
00:18:18,909 --> 00:18:20,239
Okay, that one
seems dangerous,
462
00:18:20,243 --> 00:18:22,253
but hey, a compliment's
a compliment.
463
00:18:22,245 --> 00:18:24,245
This is
such a violation.
464
00:18:24,247 --> 00:18:27,247
My naked body for everyone
to see and comment on
465
00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:29,090
and, "Hot knockers!"
466
00:18:29,085 --> 00:18:31,245
Wow.
I'll take it.
467
00:18:31,254 --> 00:18:33,094
So, how long
is this video?
468
00:18:33,089 --> 00:18:34,259
No idea.
469
00:18:34,257 --> 00:18:36,587
We stopped
before it ended.
470
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:41,603
We have two beautiful
grandchildren and amazing kids.
471
00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:43,478
And even
our daughter Joanna,
472
00:18:43,475 --> 00:18:46,475
who's sometimes we have
a trying relationship with,
473
00:18:46,478 --> 00:18:48,438
but mainly because
she's still single
474
00:18:48,438 --> 00:18:50,608
and hasn't given us
grandchildren,
475
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:54,107
is a wonderful person
with an incredible business.
476
00:18:54,110 --> 00:18:56,530
Oh, uh, please check out
pupcuts.net
477
00:18:56,529 --> 00:18:58,279
for all your
dog‐grooming needs.
478
00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:02,621
And as much as I love
braggin' about our beauties,
479
00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:04,289
nothing is better
than bragging
480
00:19:04,287 --> 00:19:06,207
about our daughter‐in‐law,
Rebecca.
481
00:19:06,206 --> 00:19:07,456
Aw.
She's the best.
482
00:19:07,457 --> 00:19:09,287
We love her
like a daughter.
483
00:19:09,292 --> 00:19:12,462
Pupcuts.net.
484
00:19:12,462 --> 00:19:15,132
Well, now I feel
like an ass.
Me too.
485
00:19:15,131 --> 00:19:19,221
Yeah. You guys have been
really hard on them.
486
00:19:19,219 --> 00:19:21,639
I do think I have an idea though
of something we can do.
487
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:24,518
Great. But before you do
anything, take down the video.
488
00:19:24,516 --> 00:19:28,186
The Saudi Prince just
sent me an offer.
489
00:19:28,186 --> 00:19:32,146
Like, would it get us out
of this situation, or...
490
00:19:32,148 --> 00:19:33,608
I'll take the video down.
491
00:19:36,486 --> 00:19:38,316
So, we watched more
of the video.
492
00:19:38,321 --> 00:19:40,491
We love everything you said
about our family,
493
00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:43,490
and I can't imagine how hard
this is for you right now.
494
00:19:43,493 --> 00:19:45,333
Oh, thanks for saying that,
Rebecca,
495
00:19:45,328 --> 00:19:48,328
but posting that video
with your ass hanging out
496
00:19:48,331 --> 00:19:50,501
was definitely
crossing a line.
497
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:52,500
It was my boobs,
but doesn't matter.
498
00:19:52,502 --> 00:19:56,262
Ah, if you keep watching,
it's your ass too.
499
00:19:56,256 --> 00:19:59,256
Anyway, we're very sorry,
and we can appreciate
500
00:19:59,259 --> 00:20:01,009
why you would've been mad.
501
00:20:01,011 --> 00:20:02,511
Oh, thank you, Debbie.
502
00:20:02,512 --> 00:20:05,352
But it was weirdly
a nice self‐esteem boost.
503
00:20:05,348 --> 00:20:07,058
A prince
wants to buy her.
504
00:20:07,058 --> 00:20:09,558
The point is, we think
you should live with us
505
00:20:09,561 --> 00:20:11,351
while Dave renovates
your place.
506
00:20:11,354 --> 00:20:13,274
Ah‐‐ d‐‐
You want us back?
507
00:20:13,273 --> 00:20:14,443
Yeah, we really do.
508
00:20:14,441 --> 00:20:16,531
Oy, I love you guys.
509
00:20:16,526 --> 00:20:19,356
I got the best kids ever!
Oh.
510
00:20:19,362 --> 00:20:21,282
Seriously, anything
you need just ask.
511
00:20:21,281 --> 00:20:24,031
Except our airline miles.
We really want to go to Japan.
512
00:20:24,034 --> 00:20:25,374
Oh, we're actually going
in the fall.
513
00:20:25,368 --> 00:20:28,198
Dad,
stop spending your money!
514
00:20:32,542 --> 00:20:35,052
Now that we're staying
with you guys
515
00:20:35,045 --> 00:20:37,545
you can take advantage
of my home cooking.
516
00:20:37,547 --> 00:20:40,377
Eat some real food
for a change.
517
00:20:40,383 --> 00:20:44,053
Thanks, Debbie, but all
we eat is real food.
518
00:20:44,054 --> 00:20:45,564
Really?
519
00:20:45,555 --> 00:20:48,055
Because all I found is
dried fruit and dark chocolate.
520
00:20:48,058 --> 00:20:52,728
Which, for the record ‐‐
not chocolate.
521
00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:54,729
Okay, Dad, well, why don't you
tell me what you want me
522
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:57,321
to get you from the store,
and I'll pick it up tomorrow.
523
00:20:57,317 --> 00:20:59,237
Perfect.
524
00:20:59,235 --> 00:21:02,065
White's not chocolate,
either.
525
00:21:02,072 --> 00:21:05,412
Okay, bon appétit!
526
00:21:05,408 --> 00:21:08,748
My famous
eggplant parmesan!
527
00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:11,655
Oh.
Thanks, Debbie,
but I'm allergic to eggplant.
528
00:21:11,664 --> 00:21:13,754
I never heard of
such a thing.
529
00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:16,090
Really? I told you
like a dozen times.
530
00:21:16,086 --> 00:21:18,246
I'm allergic
to all nightshades.
531
00:21:18,254 --> 00:21:21,724
Poor thing can't afford
a pair of sunglasses?
532
00:21:27,764 --> 00:21:29,354
♪♪♪
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