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The following programme
contains strong language
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00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:05,040
and adult humour from the start.
3
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(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
4
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,800
Hey, Christoph, you...
5
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:20,975
- Hey, Vin.
- You all right?
6
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,319
Yeah. Fine, I'm fine.
7
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,100
You look like shit, man.
8
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,000
- You see patients like that?
- Yeah, you're right.
9
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,040
- I'm not sleeping.
- Oh.
10
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,655
- Got a bifta on you?
- You can't have a bifta at work.
11
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,175
- Fuckin' diagnosing people.
- I can do that with my eyes closed.
12
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,800
Go on, give us a...
Have you got a vape?
13
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,040
- One toot.
- It's strong. Take it easy.
14
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,839
(GRUNTS)
15
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:44,067
Just a bit.
That's enough. That's a good amount.
16
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:47,000
Fuck, dude. You're going to end up
throwing a whitey, man.
17
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,720
That's enough. Your fucking eyes
are bulging out your head.
18
00:00:49,975 --> 00:00:52,775
(SPLUTTERS)
What's going on with you?
19
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,680
My ex. She's getting married again
next weekend.
20
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,199
So, go on. What's the problem, then?
21
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,479
Just making me reflect, Vin. You know.
22
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,320
I've been looking at myself
squarely in the face
23
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,520
- and saying...
- "What a wanker."
24
00:01:07,087 --> 00:01:09,800
Yeah. I mean, who are you?
I'm 50 years old.
25
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,840
I'm just frittering my life away,
26
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:15,320
bedding this endless parade
of fit young women.
27
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:18,879
It's just a blur of knees
and blowjobs.
28
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,279
It's all because of this.
It's so easy now with that.
29
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,679
My life has become
one great big wet orgasm.
30
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,960
- God, how awful!
- Thanks.
31
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,000
Thanks for your sympathy.
32
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,040
I listen to you week in, week out.
33
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:32,639
When I've got a problem,
you're never...
34
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,119
I'm sorry. And I really mean that.
35
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:37,239
I know you love... Er... Maria.
36
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,960
- Melinda.
- Melinda.
37
00:01:40,744 --> 00:01:43,760
If I had a flower
for every time I think of you,
38
00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:47,260
I'd walk in my garden forever.
39
00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:50,640
Tennyson. Poetry.
40
00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:52,760
It's intense.
41
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,960
- It was her favourite.
- Mm.
42
00:01:55,328 --> 00:01:57,000
The human heart, eh?
43
00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,280
It's a capricious and mercurial beast.
44
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:01,320
(PING)
45
00:02:02,069 --> 00:02:03,000
Oh?
46
00:02:03,733 --> 00:02:05,360
- Oh, she's nice.
- No.
47
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:06,839
Look at that. It's blonde.
48
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,159
- It's blonde.
- Look at the mammaries on that!
49
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,999
All right!
You fucking sociopath, Chris.
50
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,680
- I'm doing all right. Bipolar's good.
- Keen hiker.
51
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,160
You're so unprofessional, dude.
You get on my fucking... tits.
52
00:02:19,460 --> 00:02:22,440
- You all right, Mr Bishop?
- Yeah, good, good. You?
53
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,154
- Done summat to your hand?
- No. Nothing.
54
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,280
You're being a bit sheepish.
What have you done?
55
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,960
- Nothing.
- Oh, come 'ed.
56
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,280
Go on.
57
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:33,440
All right, but you can't laugh, yeah?
58
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:34,719
- Yeah.
- Promise?
59
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,200
Yeah, I do.
60
00:02:38,513 --> 00:02:39,559
Ooh!
61
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,560
- (LAUGHS)
- Yeah, all right.
62
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,880
Fuck dude, what have you done?!
63
00:02:46,307 --> 00:02:48,135
An accident with the fish.
64
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:49,720
What do you mean, with the fish?
65
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,119
Are you trying to say
I've been fingering my fish?
66
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,199
What else... what else could it be?
67
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,800
You couldn't even... their arses are...
68
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,399
It's you that suggested fingering -
69
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,040
You're the one doing the gesturing!
What's that?
70
00:03:01,145 --> 00:03:04,680
Fuck's sake, dude! That woman's
really... She's heard that.
71
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:06,260
Fine.
72
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,800
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye to you.
73
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,160
(LAUGHS)
74
00:03:13,185 --> 00:03:14,500
Sorry.
75
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,039
(PHONE RINGS) Bollocks!
What does he fucking want? Hello?
76
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,839
Are you still a petty criminal?
77
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,140
Cheeky bastard!
I'm a professional thief.
78
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,300
I want to hire you.
79
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,140
Hm?
80
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:32,999
Go on, then.
What can we help you with?
81
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,580
Business, Vinnie.
82
00:03:35,220 --> 00:03:37,600
I hear you're a man
that can get things done.
83
00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:41,559
As you're already aware, my ex-wife
is an unpleasant woman.
84
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:45,520
She's manipulative and conniving
and... sexually loose.
85
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:46,799
I can testify to that.
86
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,040
We are still engaged in a bitter
and acrimonious divorce battle.
87
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,439
- Still?
- Still. It's at an impass-ey.
88
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,960
Impass.
89
00:03:54,225 --> 00:03:57,375
That bitch has got my house,
my kids, and half my money.
90
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,959
And I tolerated it. Ha ha!
91
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,919
I was being the height
of fucking reasonable.
92
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,239
But now she's gone too far.
Now she's involved
93
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,920
three beautiful and innocent ladies
that have got nothing to do with it.
94
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,620
Which ladies?
95
00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:13,360
- My classic cars.
- Ooh!
96
00:04:13,982 --> 00:04:17,135
I registered them all in her name.
Tax dodge.
97
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,639
Now she's only gone and fucking
sold them for a pound apiece
98
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,900
to her new boyfriend.
99
00:04:21,780 --> 00:04:23,860
It's not about the money, Vin. It...
100
00:04:25,545 --> 00:04:28,679
I... I just want them cars!
101
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,879
What are you doing, pretending to cry?
102
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,479
Trying to cry there?
Your missus tried to do that...
103
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,799
Remember his missus trying to cry?
(LAUGHTER)
104
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,919
All right, look, I just love
the cars and I want them back.
105
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,039
All right. Where are they
and who's the new boyfriend?
106
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:45,480
I've no idea. But whoever he is,
he must be blind and deaf and...
107
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:49,135
..like getting slobbery blowjobs
from a halitosis gob.
108
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,800
I actually found her
surprisingly fragrant.
109
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:54,156
This whole thing could just be
a ruse to piss me off.
110
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,930
But it's possible she has sold them.
111
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,999
All right, we'll get them back
for you.
112
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,680
- But that's not enough.
- No, this now.
113
00:05:01,728 --> 00:05:04,728
And the same again when the cars
are back in my possession. Deal?
114
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,400
- It's not enough.
- You don't know how much is there.
115
00:05:06,425 --> 00:05:08,160
- How much is there?
- Loads.
116
00:05:08,784 --> 00:05:10,784
Nailed it, Dylan.
117
00:05:11,162 --> 00:05:13,519
All right, misery bollocks,
who do you want to be?
118
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,640
- Good cop or bad cop?
- I'm done with cops.
119
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,280
- No-one does it properly.
- Let's find out who this boyfriend is.
120
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,320
You're miserable today.
121
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,360
Miserable.
122
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,759
- Hello, boys.
- You all right, love?
123
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,920
Yeah. Go and get your mam, will you?
124
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,240
Mum!
125
00:05:34,004 --> 00:05:39,215
Oh, wow. If it isn't
the useless fish killers.
126
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,480
- What do you two want?
- Hello, Daphne.
127
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,480
Don't Daphne me. Has he sent you?
128
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,000
What does he want this time?
Money related, no doubt.
129
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,519
Yeah, a bit. Your husband,
he's getting a bit frustrated.
130
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,479
This divorce, it's taking
a bit of doing, isn't it?
131
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,839
He's sent us down.
In the spirit of goodwill.
132
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:56,719
He just wants it over
so you can move on with your lives.
133
00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:00,320
- He's got that lass from the shop.
- That skinny Botox bitch?
134
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,599
Yeah, her. And you've got
whoever you've got.
135
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,160
- I hope he's dead nice, an' all.
- Found herself someone nice?
136
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,200
Right, so that's it, is it?
137
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,120
He wants to know who the boyfriend is.
138
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,319
Well, you can tell him from me
139
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:19,680
that I am sucking the D-I-C-K
140
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,600
of every eligible bachelor in Hawley.
141
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,640
Now piss off!
142
00:06:25,381 --> 00:06:26,900
Magenta.
143
00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:30,380
Right. Plan B, stakeout.
144
00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:33,220
Gis a light, will you?
145
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,100
I grew that place, right?
146
00:06:36,380 --> 00:06:38,999
From a fucking spit and sawdust
strip club
147
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,760
to a high-class erotic establishment.
148
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,455
(SNIFFS) And now she, Erin,
149
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:45,839
thinks she can swan in
150
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,439
and make it all feminist burlesque
and suffragette theme nights.
151
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,879
You've got to move with the times.
That's what she's doing.
152
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,300
No, no. I move with the times.
153
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,580
I'm a rolling stone. I gather no moss.
154
00:06:56,605 --> 00:06:59,719
Right. Don't forget,
155
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,740
I am as woke as the next man.
156
00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:06,759
Unless, of course, the next man
happens to be my Uncle Cyril.
157
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,080
Who...
158
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,000
bless his heart, still enjoys rubbing
up against people on busy buses.
159
00:07:13,417 --> 00:07:14,560
Oi oi!
160
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,342
- She's on the move.
- Yeah.
161
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,030
And it looks like...
she is going golfing.
162
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,210
Do make sure you get the enormous
bi-noc-ulars out.
163
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,647
She's fucking right there!
164
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,535
And there's no way she's going
bloody golfing in that outfit.
165
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:30,799
Look at time of day it is!
166
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,999
Maybe she enjoys a round
of twilight golf.
167
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,719
Twilight golf,
that's not a thing, man.
168
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,039
Of course it's a thing.
Everything's a thing.
169
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,660
You think of a thing.
The weirdest thing you can think of.
170
00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:44,374
- Pony Scrabble.
- What?
171
00:07:44,399 --> 00:07:45,680
Pony Scrabble.
172
00:07:46,351 --> 00:07:48,480
That's not a fucking thing.
They haven't got hands.
173
00:07:53,311 --> 00:07:56,513
- Genital chess.
- Gen... Yes! That is a thing.
174
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,775
Does everything have to come down
to sex with you?
175
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:03,140
No, no, sunshine. There's plenty
of things that aren't sex-related.
176
00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:06,359
- Go on, think of one, then.
- Well, I will.
177
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,740
There's...
178
00:08:09,309 --> 00:08:11,480
What is there? What is there?
179
00:08:11,528 --> 00:08:13,319
- Yeah.
- That isn't...
180
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,560
Nice one. Well done, dickhead.
181
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,080
Oh, shit!
182
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,107
Here.
183
00:08:20,598 --> 00:08:21,734
There.
184
00:08:26,863 --> 00:08:28,663
♪ She likes the green ♪ Green
185
00:08:28,703 --> 00:08:30,103
♪ Grass ♪ Grass
186
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,820
♪ Under her shoes
187
00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:36,640
♪ What can I lose cos I got no dough
188
00:08:36,943 --> 00:08:38,639
♪ Oh, no?
189
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:43,143
♪ I'm all alone when I lower my lamp
190
00:08:43,183 --> 00:08:46,583
♪ That's why the lady is a tramp ♪
191
00:08:46,623 --> 00:08:48,623
(GRUNTING)
192
00:08:55,303 --> 00:08:56,880
Hardwick.
193
00:08:57,343 --> 00:09:00,023
♪ That's why the lady is a tramp ♪
194
00:09:10,779 --> 00:09:12,303
Hardwick.
195
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:15,543
They're mine. My pond, my balls.
196
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:18,040
- I... I found them.
- In my pond.
197
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,260
You fat fucking peasant!
198
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:22,759
(CACKLES)
199
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,439
Lousy piece of shit.
200
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,959
- You know him?
- You could say we've got history.
201
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,079
He was horrible to my Cardi.
Come here.
202
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,799
- I'm fine.
- Come here. Come to Mum.
203
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,160
- Isn't he married?
- Yeah, to a fucking heiress.
204
00:09:33,185 --> 00:09:36,948
- She's not an heiress.
- Her dad runs Brisby Sausages.
205
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,719
I think that makes her an heiress.
206
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:41,240
Now he's sticking his pork banger
somewhere else.
207
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:43,359
That's exactly why
we're going to screw him.
208
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,999
How are we going to know
where he stores the cars?
209
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,319
Dylan's right. They'll have garages.
210
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,639
And they won't show it to you
unless you're an enthusiast.
211
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,959
I was listening to a podcast
about the Amphibicar.
212
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,239
Fucking hell! It's all fish, fish,
fish with you, isn't it?
213
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,919
We need to get down to Russell's
bloody golf course.
214
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:03,175
I need you two dressing up
as enthusiasts. Get him chatting.
215
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,655
Find out where them cars are.
But Hardwick knows us, dude.
216
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:07,719
He knows me and you.
217
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:10,159
But he doesn't know Fat Ronaldo
and Captain Hansen, does he?
218
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:13,119
How are we going to pose as car
enthusiasts without a classic car?
219
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,799
My mum's got a really old car.
220
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:18,359
- What's the name of it? Triumph...
- A fucking Triumph? Triumph Herald?
221
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,399
Yeah, that's it.
My grandad left it to her.
222
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,294
When she was emptying his
house out, she found animal porn.
223
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,175
- Which animal?
- What does that matter?
224
00:10:26,215 --> 00:10:28,735
- Just curious. Which animal?
- It was hamsters.
225
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,129
- That's disgusting.
- Can you get it?
226
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,160
What, the porn? The car!
227
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,320
- That would be worth seeing.
- Don't see why not.
228
00:10:35,352 --> 00:10:37,411
- It's just sitting there.
- You've saved the bloody day!
229
00:10:37,412 --> 00:10:40,799
You angel! Take JJ. And if you can
find the porn for our Ashley,
230
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,079
bring it, he's curious.
Who's that girl?
231
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,335
- Oh, yeah. She started last week.
- Staring at you.
232
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,799
- No.
- Shh!
233
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,719
Ahem.
234
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,535
Carol, you should have seen
her face. Boo!
235
00:10:52,567 --> 00:10:56,287
I said it's not Halloween yet. And
she said 'Maybe it is Halloween.'
236
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,879
- Did you see that?
- Oh, piss off.
237
00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,360
- Just go and talk to her.
- And say what?
238
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,400
Just say, like, hello.
239
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,440
Talk to her like you talk
to one of us.
240
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,079
Hey, how's it going?
241
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,799
You and I should
just go for a coffee together.
242
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,080
- That does it.
- Sexy, that.
243
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,120
That was sexy. That whispery thing.
244
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,600
I'm Vinnie. Do you want to go...
245
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:18,319
- (WHISPERS) ..for a coffee?
- Doesn't work.
246
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,560
- Maybe just leave it.
- It is a shocker, like.
247
00:11:20,585 --> 00:11:23,439
You can piss clean off, Carol!
You stupid forehead!
248
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,439
I'm going to have a stand-up wee.
249
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,040
(GRUNTS)
250
00:11:29,394 --> 00:11:31,640
Right, well, there she is.
251
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,920
She might not even start.
252
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,359
We'll have to give her a bump-start.
253
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,399
Ta-ra-ra bumpt-ee-eh!
254
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,640
(CACKLES)
255
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,040
- Not looking good, is it?
- No.
256
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,519
Can you do it up?
257
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,999
Yeah. And a bloody wash
might make a difference.
258
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,800
- Just touch it up a bit.
- Ooh-er!
259
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,719
Good with his hands, is he, Sugar?
260
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,840
I like a man
who's good with his hands.
261
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,799
(CACKLES)
262
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,079
Yeah. Yeah, he is.
263
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,839
You know, I'm so glad
that you've found someone, darling.
264
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,280
Because she's not a classic beauty.
265
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,775
Quirky, we used to call her.
266
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,599
Quirky little quack quack!
267
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,840
Quack quack quack!
268
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,479
Quaaaack!
269
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,639
(CACKLES)
270
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,520
(SIGHS) Right, who wants a drink?
271
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,919
Great! Quack quack!
272
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,959
(STUMBLES) Ooh! (CACKLES)
273
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,720
What the hell are you doing?
She thinks we're a couple, you know.
274
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:28,439
I just can't stand her going on
about me being single.
275
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,440
It's no difference to you. We'll be
out of here in half an hour.
276
00:12:31,465 --> 00:12:33,360
- Fine.
- Fine.
277
00:12:35,438 --> 00:12:37,920
I don't think you look like a duck,
by the way.
278
00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:41,199
- Thanks.
- Right!
279
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,080
T-T-Top up! (CACKLES)
280
00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:47,300
Oh... Pilau rice.
281
00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:49,060
Nice?
282
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:51,300
Mm.
283
00:12:53,493 --> 00:12:57,720
(SIGHS) Oh, it's so lovely
to see you, sweetheart.
284
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,280
I'm so glad that you're so happy.
285
00:13:00,733 --> 00:13:03,933
And JJ, you seem... lovely.
286
00:13:03,973 --> 00:13:05,653
Mm. Thank you.
287
00:13:05,693 --> 00:13:07,980
He is. He adores me.
288
00:13:08,253 --> 00:13:10,040
- And I adore him.
- Hm!
289
00:13:10,293 --> 00:13:12,293
Oh, good. Good, good, good.
290
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,133
Cos you're like me.
291
00:13:14,516 --> 00:13:16,415
I love a dark-skinned man.
292
00:13:17,110 --> 00:13:20,040
You know, Omar Sharif and...
293
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:22,225
..Mohamadam Ali.
294
00:13:22,265 --> 00:13:23,280
Get 'em up!
295
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,920
But now that you're both here,
296
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:29,799
there is something
that I want to talk to you about.
297
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,060
What is it?
298
00:13:33,318 --> 00:13:34,665
(SIGHS)
299
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:37,040
Oh, my God, are you dying?
300
00:13:37,585 --> 00:13:40,200
- Is Uncle Paulie my real dad?
- No!
301
00:13:41,072 --> 00:13:42,960
Well, it's unlikely.
302
00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:44,860
Then what?
303
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:48,065
Look, me and her dad,
304
00:13:48,105 --> 00:13:51,220
we had a lot of...
(AMERICAN ACCENT) ..problems.
305
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:54,520
- Yeah?
- And one of them was...
306
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:56,975
..the menopause.
307
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,000
- What about it?
- It came very early to me.
308
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,879
A lot earlier
than I've ever told you about.
309
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,120
- How early?
- I was 33.
310
00:14:06,442 --> 00:14:08,480
And your gran had it as well.
311
00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:10,820
- You mean...
- Yeah. So it's...
312
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:12,860
It's... It's thingy!
313
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:14,600
Um... Hereditary.
314
00:14:14,625 --> 00:14:16,880
That's it. Hededitry. I mean...
315
00:14:17,253 --> 00:14:19,196
I do not want to scare you,
316
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,020
but you seem so much in love.
317
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,660
And if you're set on having kiddies,
I would...
318
00:14:24,220 --> 00:14:26,100
I'd just get a move on.
319
00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:28,940
(BEEPING)
320
00:14:28,980 --> 00:14:31,180
Ooh! That's the nan bread.
321
00:14:44,390 --> 00:14:45,940
Are you OK?
322
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,640
I want to be someone's mummy.
323
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:57,100
I want to dress her up
in dungarees and pigtails.
324
00:15:01,660 --> 00:15:03,500
What if I've left it too late?
325
00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:11,380
(SNIFFS)
326
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:18,540
(CRIES)
327
00:15:21,140 --> 00:15:23,140
Gentlemen, meet...
328
00:15:25,187 --> 00:15:26,999
..Teresa. (CHEERING)
329
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,119
Dude! Amazing, man!
330
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,119
Fucking brilliant, dude.
331
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,100
Why did you call her Teresa?
332
00:15:33,828 --> 00:15:35,348
Like Mother Teresa.
333
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,335
I know, but she's a fucking nun
with dry ankles, isn't she?
334
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:40,879
Can you not think of a sexy car name?
335
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,199
All right, but what is
a super sexy car name?
336
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,519
- Scarlett.
- Nicole.
337
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,040
- Carol.
- Ooh.
338
00:15:46,316 --> 00:15:47,560
What?
339
00:15:47,584 --> 00:15:50,160
Doesn't look like the kind of
car that'd be in a porno, love.
340
00:15:50,185 --> 00:15:51,420
(LAUGHS)
341
00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:02,860
Right, follow my lead.
342
00:16:06,529 --> 00:16:09,040
(POSH) You there! You there!
Young man!
343
00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:13,119
Young man! We're from out of town,
looking for a game.
344
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:14,999
Is the owner around, by any chance?
345
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,440
Mr Hardwick? He'll be in his office.
346
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:18,519
I can radio him.
347
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,279
Oh, goodness me,
that would be terrific. Nice one.
348
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,199
What? What are you doing?
What is that stupid accent?
349
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,320
- My posh voice.
- Groundsman to Mr Hardwick?
350
00:16:26,704 --> 00:16:28,559
Adds a touch of class, no?
351
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,239
Just...
It doesn't match your face, so...
352
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,959
What do you mean,
it doesn't match my face?
353
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,719
Will you just speak normally, please?
354
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,559
I'm in character, you clown.
355
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,919
This is method acting, for Rory.
My golf persona.
356
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,720
- Rory?
- That's right.
357
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,160
Worked out a whole back story for him.
358
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:47,599
Believe me, he had a tough childhood.
359
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,159
Oh, for fuck's sake.
In spite of that, he's prevailed.
360
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,439
He's going to meet you
at the terrace. Over there.
361
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:56,100
Oh... Ever so nice.
Nice. Thank you very much.
362
00:16:57,140 --> 00:16:59,880
- Don't draw attention to yourself.
- I know this...
363
00:17:00,737 --> 00:17:01,919
Are you the out of towners?
364
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,239
Yes, aye. Dylan.
Dylan Golding is my name.
365
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,999
And this is my associate.
366
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,700
Rory Finnegan. MBE.
367
00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:10,199
Russell Hardwick, managing director.
368
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,119
So, which club are you from?
Brookworth.
369
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:13,960
Brookworth? I know it well.
370
00:17:14,235 --> 00:17:15,000
- Yeah?
- Yeah...
371
00:17:15,024 --> 00:17:17,024
I know the MD down there.
Michael Fincher.
372
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,159
Oh, Michael. Mickey boy.
The Finchmeister.
373
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,559
- He's a great lad.
- Yeah, he's great, isn't he?
374
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:23,919
And such a nice guy.
375
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,540
Shame though about... what happened.
376
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,119
- Frightful.
- I know.
377
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:29,760
Frightful.
378
00:17:29,784 --> 00:17:32,239
You wouldn't want to be
managing with only one.
379
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:36,399
Definitely better
with more than one. For sure.
380
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,839
So you're after a game, yeah?
Cheeky 18?
381
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,040
That would be great.
382
00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:44,679
We've been driving, you see.
Lots of driving, don't you know.
383
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:48,839
And we rather thought it would be
great to stretch our legs
384
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,820
and swing a few clubs around
the golf... course.
385
00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:55,679
No problem. Strictly speaking,
we're a members club.
386
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:59,400
But I shall just give Mickey a call.
He can vouch for you.
387
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,679
And away you go.
388
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,599
The old cars.
I don't know about you, mate,
389
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,959
I find it really stiffens me up.
390
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,320
- I say old, I mean classic.
- Won't be a sec.
391
00:18:06,345 --> 00:18:08,879
They go like a dream,
but they're not built for comfort,
392
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,460
the old classic cars!
393
00:18:11,260 --> 00:18:13,720
Michael! Russell Hardwick.
394
00:18:13,745 --> 00:18:15,160
Prepare to leg it.
395
00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:18,479
Yeah, how's life?
396
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,919
Fantastic. I've got a couple of
your boys here looking for a game.
397
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,639
Dylan Golding and Rory...
398
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:24,920
- Finnegan.
- Finnegan.
399
00:18:24,945 --> 00:18:25,767
MBE.
400
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,089
Uh-huh. OK.
401
00:18:31,970 --> 00:18:33,720
OK, catch you later.
402
00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:39,399
Course is all yours, gentlemen.
403
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,719
Mickey vouched for you.
404
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:44,039
Oh, Mickey. Good old... Michael.
405
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,519
- We need to get him a drink. Thanks.
- Enjoy.
406
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,960
We'll just fetch our clubs
from the Triumph Herald 1963.
407
00:19:04,682 --> 00:19:06,159
It's like Ford Knox, Vinnie.
408
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,780
There is no way we are nicking
them cars from Hardwick.
409
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:12,359
- He keeps them in a special compound.
- What kind of compound?
410
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,639
Can we not break in?
411
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:16,679
No, the whole thing is guarded.
It's patrolled.
412
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,039
We asked to see them.
He got really paranoid about it.
413
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:24,160
I keep mine under lock and key.
CCTV. Guard dogs.
414
00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:27,580
And a moat with piranha fish.
415
00:19:27,940 --> 00:19:30,500
So dressing up as Rory was pointless.
416
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:35,199
So what you're saying is
we're fucked, aren't we?
417
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,959
- Yes.
- Yeah? All right, fine.
418
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,919
- We'll blackmail him, then.
- Blackmail?
419
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:41,559
This is Hardwick we're talking about.
420
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,959
He's an enormous cockhole.
421
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,039
Remember what he did to our Cardi?
422
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,399
Eh? He thinks he's better
than everybody.
423
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,840
And we've got photographic evidence
of him playing away.
424
00:19:51,105 --> 00:19:52,720
Thomas, give me the phone.
425
00:19:52,837 --> 00:19:54,559
(CLATTERING)
426
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,639
Who would over-arm it like that,
you fucking nutcase?
427
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,600
Oh, dude, he's a vindictive bastard.
428
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,960
He could turn nasty.
429
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,479
His wife's minted.
We could name our price
430
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:07,919
and earn more
than what Bishop's offering.
431
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,840
Exactly. JJ, have a look at that.
432
00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:13,980
Still got his golfing glove on.
433
00:20:14,220 --> 00:20:16,879
Seriously, listen.
All we need to do is work out
434
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,159
how to get photographs off the phone,
435
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,079
show his wife what a twat he is.
436
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,279
Yeah. You need a specific cable.
437
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,279
Christ! Thwarted at the first hurdle.
438
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,079
(PIGEONS FLAP)
439
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:28,920
Ah.
440
00:20:31,046 --> 00:20:33,080
Here he is. Knobhead.
441
00:20:33,335 --> 00:20:37,039
Right, you. All you have to do
is show him these images...
442
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,040
Jesus...
443
00:20:39,523 --> 00:20:41,799
Show him these and ask for the money.
444
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,493
I don't want to do this. He scares me.
445
00:20:43,494 --> 00:20:45,879
You need to go and show him who he's
dealing with, privileged knobhead.
446
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,719
- Leave the pigeon as well.
- I need him. I need the courage.
447
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,199
- You can't take Nigel over there.
- I'm not doing it, then!
448
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,400
- Me and Nigel or nothing!
- Stop snapping, dude!
449
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:54,500
Knobhead!
450
00:20:55,060 --> 00:20:57,480
- Cardi, tuck him in.
- Yes!
451
00:20:58,008 --> 00:21:00,695
Tuck yourself in.
That doesn't even make sense.
452
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,239
It's just Russell Hardwick.
453
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,399
Just that knobhead Russell Hardwick.
454
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,679
Russell. You?
455
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,839
The aquatic golf ball boy.
456
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,240
(GASPS)
457
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,500
Yeah, that's right.
458
00:21:12,780 --> 00:21:15,080
It's me. Well, it's not just me.
459
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,119
There's other people involved as well.
460
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,300
- They're sitting in that van.
- What the fuck?
461
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:22,120
And this is Nigel.
Brains of the operation.
462
00:21:23,641 --> 00:21:25,641
Er... Here's t'photos.
463
00:21:29,425 --> 00:21:31,740
Nice one of you, that. Good angle.
464
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:34,060
Get in.
465
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:37,119
Get in the car if he's asking you
to get in the car.
466
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:38,140
Get in!
467
00:21:44,207 --> 00:21:46,607
You can keep those. Those are copies.
468
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:48,640
Thank you.
469
00:21:49,060 --> 00:21:50,380
So um...
470
00:21:51,180 --> 00:21:52,820
Have you got the cash?
471
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,880
Shall I tell you what happened?
472
00:22:01,060 --> 00:22:02,580
Er... Yeah.
473
00:22:03,180 --> 00:22:06,520
My wife, my beautiful, beautiful wife,
474
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:08,380
Sophia...
475
00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:11,800
..has got an incurable illness.
476
00:22:12,731 --> 00:22:15,960
She's only 52 and she won't see 53.
477
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,080
(ON CAR RADIO) ♪ The Way We Were
478
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,620
I love her.
479
00:22:23,180 --> 00:22:25,560
I do. I love her with all my heart.
480
00:22:26,540 --> 00:22:30,039
But for a long time now,
because of the treatment,
481
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:31,679
and the drugs she's been taking,
482
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,220
there's been no...
483
00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:36,480
..physical side to our relationship.
484
00:22:37,220 --> 00:22:39,575
Have you any idea what that does
to a man, eh?
485
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,320
Er... Yeah.
486
00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:43,639
And I know I should feel ashamed
of myself,
487
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,360
but... I just need...
488
00:22:47,858 --> 00:22:48,858
..that...
489
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:50,776
touch,
490
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:51,800
that...
491
00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:54,415
..feel of a woman.
492
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:55,940
And I succumbed.
493
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,560
But if you send those photos
to my Sophia...
494
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:01,860
..it will kill her.
495
00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:04,140
It will. It will finish her off.
496
00:23:04,540 --> 00:23:07,860
Imagine if it was your loved one.
Imagine how you'd feel.
497
00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:11,220
Eh?
498
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,200
Sorry. Sorry.
499
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,800
No, it's...
500
00:23:17,140 --> 00:23:19,280
It's all right. We... We...
501
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,840
We won't tell her.
We won't show the photos.
502
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,760
- Really?
- Yes!
503
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,620
Swear to me.
504
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:28,980
On your pigeon's life.
505
00:23:32,751 --> 00:23:34,880
I swear on my pigeon's life,
all right?
506
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,840
Thank you. You... good, good man.
507
00:23:38,140 --> 00:23:39,420
Thank you.
508
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,799
♪ Like a catfish in the river,
like a flounder in the sea... ♪
509
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,160
Why isn't he carrying anything?
Shouldn't he have a bag?
510
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,200
Cardi... Cardi, where's the money?
511
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,119
Dickhead, why is he driving off?
512
00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:56,077
I couldn't, Vin, man.
I just fucking couldn't.
513
00:23:56,304 --> 00:23:57,920
What the fuck's going on?
514
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,960
- I couldn't.
- Couldn't what?
515
00:24:01,327 --> 00:24:03,120
What are you doing?
516
00:24:05,020 --> 00:24:06,620
He misses the touch.
517
00:24:07,100 --> 00:24:09,239
What does that even mean?
518
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:13,480
Make some noise
for the amazing Baga Chipz!
519
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,520
(CHEERING)
520
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,800
Who's ready for my battered sausage?
521
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,839
Oh, God, look at the state of him!
522
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,280
Look at his weird forehead.
Weird eyes.
523
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,140
He does have weird eyes.
524
00:24:26,420 --> 00:24:28,639
- Is that a couple...
- Wanting a threesome?
525
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,040
- Oh, stop it!
- Oh, my God!
526
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:32,920
You can't rush into this, you know.
527
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:36,039
Trust me, as someone who got
pregnant at the wrong time,
528
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,999
you need to make sure
that you're certain.
529
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:41,780
I wish I had someone
I could even consider a future with.
530
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,760
Men just see me as my job.
531
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,639
Er... Excuse me!
532
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,359
You are beautiful, for starters.
And you're funny.
533
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,140
There's someone out there that would
kill to be with a woman like you.
534
00:24:52,565 --> 00:24:53,720
Not him.
535
00:24:54,627 --> 00:24:57,220
He looks like he smells of fish.
536
00:24:57,980 --> 00:24:59,300
Mr McCann.
537
00:25:01,548 --> 00:25:03,380
We'll catch up later.
538
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,519
Does she know...
about our arrangement?
539
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,820
Oh, no, no. I'll tell her
you were looking for Vinnie.
540
00:25:10,523 --> 00:25:13,452
Here. Incorporate this
into the takings.
541
00:25:13,477 --> 00:25:16,200
And congratulations,
you've had a very good month.
542
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:17,460
Thank you.
543
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:19,980
I'll be seeing you.
544
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:35,119
That's it. We've failed.
545
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,799
We've had the opportunity
to screw him twice now,
546
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,415
- and we've failed.
- Still, hear me out.
547
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,519
We could still send the photos
to his missus.
548
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,519
Unless, right, in his car,
he had this brochure for a car show.
549
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:50,175
The Vintage North. What if
he's taking his classics to that?
550
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,800
- I'm googling that.
- The Vintage North it was called.
551
00:25:53,175 --> 00:25:55,175
Last day for entry is today.
552
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,199
So we're going to need to enter
Teresa, like, now.
553
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,759
We'd better get a shift on with that.
554
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,040
I don't want to miss that,
Christ on a bike.
555
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:03,839
(EXHALES)
556
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,159
- Nice tats.
- Sorry?
557
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,540
I like these.
558
00:26:07,737 --> 00:26:10,562
You like my tattoos? I like your t...
559
00:26:11,539 --> 00:26:14,039
I nearly said tits.
I panicked a little bit.
560
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,679
What I meant...
I like your chain and...
561
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,199
I'm Sugar. I'm Vincent.
562
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,840
Er... Vinnie. Vin... Vin.
563
00:26:21,420 --> 00:26:25,120
Well, good to meet you, Vin,
Vincent, Vinnie, Vin.
564
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:26,319
Oh, shit.
565
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,999
I drink coffee sometimes.
You'll find me doing it...
566
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,639
Um... I do it alone most times.
567
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,340
And I'm wondering...
568
00:26:33,860 --> 00:26:36,119
You... Would... Do...
569
00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,799
Would you like to come... with me...
570
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,660
It'll just be me and you on the day.
571
00:26:42,180 --> 00:26:43,519
Yeah, that sounds great.
572
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,760
Yeah, I'd love a brew.
With you. On the day.
573
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:47,540
Yeah?
574
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:51,300
Oh, look at us two!
Just a couple... of coffee drinkers.
575
00:26:52,140 --> 00:26:54,575
- I drink coffee!
- Shit, dude.
576
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:55,800
That went bad.
577
00:26:56,540 --> 00:26:58,319
What's his name, Harold Shipman?
578
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,160
(DOOR BELL LIKE HUNTING HORN)
Not Harold Shipman!
579
00:27:00,255 --> 00:27:02,580
That doesn't get annoying, does it?
580
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,679
- Harold... Harold Pipsky?
- Hello, gentlemen.
581
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,119
I trust you've come
to fill in the paperwork
582
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:12,119
- to enter the competition.
- Yes.
583
00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:14,719
- And that's the lady, is it?
- Yeah, there she is.
584
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:18,335
Very nice indeed.
Right, I'll get the forms.
585
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:21,800
Her indoors prefers me to keep
car matters out of the house.
586
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:23,977
- Oh!
- Two ticks.
587
00:27:23,978 --> 00:27:24,760
All right.
588
00:27:26,425 --> 00:27:28,559
Looks like he needs a little rod,
doesn't he?
589
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:32,079
A spade, and the pointy ears,
and a four-leaf clover.
590
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,279
- That's a bloody leprechaun.
- It's the same thing.
591
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,279
- No, it's not.
- A leprechaun is just an Irish gnome.
592
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,160
He looks like a gnome.
593
00:27:41,768 --> 00:27:43,768
Are them the forms?
594
00:27:46,136 --> 00:27:47,460
Beautiful.
595
00:27:47,860 --> 00:27:49,620
Can I use your back?
596
00:27:50,220 --> 00:27:51,840
Scrumptious.
597
00:27:52,366 --> 00:27:54,020
Cardi, stay still.
598
00:27:55,100 --> 00:27:57,300
Ever wish you
could take her out for dinner?
599
00:27:58,700 --> 00:28:00,460
Wine her, dine her.
600
00:28:00,940 --> 00:28:03,919
Maybe get a little flirty
after a couple of glasses too many.
601
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:05,820
Maybe invite her back
for a bit of coffee.
602
00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:08,999
A tender kiss when the time is right.
603
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:09,980
Exactly.
604
00:28:10,500 --> 00:28:12,679
- Then fuck her brains out.
- What?
605
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:14,440
What? No...
606
00:28:15,060 --> 00:28:17,360
It's all right. I just got...
607
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,280
..carried away with the...
608
00:28:19,820 --> 00:28:21,279
..metaphors. Is it metaphor?
609
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:22,220
Yeah.
610
00:28:22,820 --> 00:28:25,279
And where are you going to put it
anyway? Up the exhaust -
611
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:26,959
Hey! Shall we just leave it there?
612
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,399
Absolutely. I'm sorry to ask this,
613
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,640
but I'm a bit concerned
about the old...
614
00:28:32,601 --> 00:28:35,319
..security.
We can trust everyone, can't we?
615
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,159
Nothing to worry about
on that account.
616
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,080
We're a community.
We all trust each other implicitly.
617
00:28:41,420 --> 00:28:42,519
Fantastic.
618
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,700
Thanks ever so much.
Thank you, mate. All right.
619
00:28:46,180 --> 00:28:49,180
Dude, that is a gnome.
That is a gnome.
620
00:28:49,660 --> 00:28:52,799
- Thanks for coming, Carol.
- Moral support.
621
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,400
Hey. Alex.
622
00:28:54,580 --> 00:28:55,440
Nick.
623
00:28:55,441 --> 00:28:57,940
I work in the travel industry.
624
00:28:58,340 --> 00:29:02,439
Wednesday, we have a black bin
for general waste.
625
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,479
Green for garden clippings.
626
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,319
Sellotape, to me, is like heroin.
627
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,520
I love the look of it,
the smell of it.
628
00:29:09,820 --> 00:29:11,519
There's nothing you can't fix with it.
629
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,860
What about a plate? Or an arm?
630
00:29:15,860 --> 00:29:19,959
She could have a face like a eel
but if she's got the right shoes on,
631
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:24,200
I will ride her like a bronco. Mm!
632
00:29:24,537 --> 00:29:26,340
I do like it out the back.
633
00:29:27,460 --> 00:29:30,300
Out the... In the front, out the back.
634
00:29:31,100 --> 00:29:33,498
- I'm a stripper.
- Not out the back, like.
635
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,177
I was a lesbos for a while
but I'm back into solids now.
636
00:29:37,500 --> 00:29:40,820
I get my kit off and men pay me money.
637
00:29:47,780 --> 00:29:50,362
Sorry, love, that was flat.
Can I have another one?
638
00:29:50,402 --> 00:29:52,855
- Whoa!
- Hey, are you all right?
639
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:53,800
JJ...
640
00:29:54,082 --> 00:29:56,287
Hang on. Got a podcast.
641
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,748
- What's it on?
- Californian droughts of the 1930s.
642
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,199
It is a madness. Back then, yeah,
the wind used to be so strong,
643
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,855
it would blow the dry soil
right up into the sky
644
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,239
and blacken it.
645
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:08,800
- Yeah.
- Oh, really?
646
00:30:08,825 --> 00:30:10,560
Mm. Fascinating.
647
00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:14,080
And this is before all the bloody
global warming as well.
648
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,599
- Where are you going?
- Going home. You?
649
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,600
Yeah, same. I've...
650
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,520
I've had a bit of a bad day.
651
00:30:22,180 --> 00:30:24,680
Do you fancy coming and helping me
drown my sorrows?
652
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,720
Oh, I'm just going to...
653
00:30:27,790 --> 00:30:28,960
Yeah?
654
00:30:31,140 --> 00:30:34,159
There's something I want you to see
from last year's show.
655
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,479
Before the judging takes place,
656
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,680
everybody gathers
for a group photograph.
657
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:39,879
Check out the background.
658
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,495
- They've left their cars.
- Exactly.
659
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,839
And you wouldn't believe how long
it takes to get that photo sorted.
660
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,319
They'll have their keys with them
though.
661
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,639
- Some do, some don't.
- It won't make a difference.
662
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:50,919
Them old cars,
no deadlocks, no immobilisers.
663
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,136
We're gone in seconds.
664
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,119
Do you not know this man, Hardwick?
665
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:55,639
No, never met the man.
666
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:57,879
I don't even know how she met him.
Through the golf probably.
667
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,039
- Or dogging.
- Is this ornamental?
668
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:01,799
No, no, I have got ornamental ones.
669
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,800
- But that will take your head clean off.
- Looks ornamental.
670
00:31:05,244 --> 00:31:08,399
- It isn't.
- What's all this oriental stuff about?
671
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,060
- Why are you so into it?
- I'm a quarter Japanese.
672
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,039
I find that very hard to believe.
673
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,839
When I was married, my wife hated it.
674
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,319
But now I am free to embrace
my cultural identities.
675
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,919
Sorry, where might one find
a washroom?
676
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:22,119
He wants a piss.
677
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,039
Oh, er... Outside, first on the right.
678
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:27,999
- Much obliged, Lord Bishop.
- Stop doing Downton Abbey, love!
679
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,880
- You're doing my head in.
- He loves a period drama.
680
00:31:32,206 --> 00:31:34,440
Ooh! Sorry.
681
00:31:46,158 --> 00:31:48,080
Never met him, is it?
682
00:31:50,567 --> 00:31:54,079
Vin, Bishop's won competitions
all over with his cars,
683
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:55,439
but not in the last three years.
684
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:58,660
He's also pictured with Hardwick
and other lads, smiling away.
685
00:31:58,685 --> 00:32:00,020
Look at this.
686
00:32:01,220 --> 00:32:03,559
What the fuck?
What do you reckon, bit of beef?
687
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:05,080
Looks that way, yeah.
688
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:07,260
Oi!
689
00:32:08,300 --> 00:32:09,320
Good luck!
690
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:10,920
Nice one, fella.
691
00:32:10,945 --> 00:32:13,920
Slippery bastard. What are you up to?
692
00:32:14,420 --> 00:32:16,719
Oh, you've got Rod Stewart on here!
693
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,759
That is awful.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
694
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:21,719
That was for a party, to be fair.
695
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:24,220
What about The Beautiful South,
was that for a party as well?
696
00:32:24,534 --> 00:32:26,403
What the fuck is Bro-se?
697
00:32:26,740 --> 00:32:27,680
Bros!
698
00:32:28,266 --> 00:32:29,160
Bros?
699
00:32:29,161 --> 00:32:30,479
No, Bros. Bros?
700
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,680
Put Bros on, they are my fave.
I promise you're going to love it.
701
00:32:34,154 --> 00:32:35,559
Oh, God.
702
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:37,959
♪ When will I, will I be famous?
703
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,680
As bad as I thought.
704
00:32:39,705 --> 00:32:43,599
Oh, my God, come on! Let the music
run through your veins.
705
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:44,759
No way are you getting me dancing.
706
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:47,160
- Let the brothers Bros enter you.
- No, thank you.
707
00:32:47,691 --> 00:32:50,160
Come on! Just don't worry about
what anyone thinks.
708
00:32:51,079 --> 00:32:52,239
Come on!
709
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,640
OK! Come on!
710
00:32:54,851 --> 00:32:57,680
Shake your ass.
Pretend nobody's watching.
711
00:32:58,060 --> 00:33:01,691
What would Bros have done if they
worried about what people thought?
712
00:33:01,731 --> 00:33:03,599
This song wouldn't exist.
713
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:05,479
♪ I can't answer that! ♪
714
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:06,900
You're mad.
715
00:33:08,540 --> 00:33:12,920
♪ When will I, will I be famous?
716
00:33:13,051 --> 00:33:16,091
♪ I can't answer,
I can't answer that ♪
717
00:33:20,937 --> 00:33:22,937
(CAR HORNS TOOT)
718
00:33:35,325 --> 00:33:38,455
That X there, that's where
we are now. All right?
719
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,980
The in-competition cars,
they're going to be...
720
00:33:42,940 --> 00:33:44,839
- ..there.
- Why?
721
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,439
Why? They're going to line up
alphabetically.
722
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,239
Alphabetical to what though?
723
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,439
The name of the owner
or the make of car?
724
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,760
It's the name of the owner.
Hardwick's a piece of piss cos...
725
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:58,079
It's halfway, in't it? You're not
good with letters, buddy.
726
00:33:58,080 --> 00:33:59,359
I'm not good with letters.
727
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,060
- Zuh...
- Zed.
728
00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:05,839
Zed... That's our getaway. Through
the gate, gravel path, we're gone.
729
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:07,879
- What's that Q?
- That Q...
730
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,615
..is the cake
stall in case we get hungry.
731
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,480
We're not going for cakes!
732
00:34:13,095 --> 00:34:15,095
We're robbing classic cars, bell end.
733
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:16,560
We are trying to be a cool criminal.
734
00:34:17,020 --> 00:34:20,340
Check your walkie-talkies.
Let's have a go on them.
735
00:34:20,365 --> 00:34:21,860
Testing, testing.
736
00:34:22,260 --> 00:34:24,479
- Mine's not working.
- Have you turned it on?
737
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,720
- No, where's on?
- Big fucking orange button, Cardi.
738
00:34:27,179 --> 00:34:28,679
- Do we know what were doing?
- Yeah.
739
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,600
All right, sound enough.
Positions, then.
740
00:34:33,014 --> 00:34:35,440
Give it here. Do you know
what you're doing, you?
741
00:34:36,124 --> 00:34:37,480
- No.
- No.
742
00:34:37,734 --> 00:34:40,240
Get up there, you. Get up there
and behave yourself.
743
00:34:41,780 --> 00:34:44,935
Cardi, nice one. Behave yourself.
744
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:45,840
Will do.
745
00:34:45,841 --> 00:34:48,120
- No cakes, dude, I'm serious.
- OK, OK.
746
00:34:48,763 --> 00:34:50,060
Hiya.
747
00:34:50,801 --> 00:34:52,860
Oh, hi.
748
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:54,700
I've brought you a...
749
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:56,940
Yeah, thanks.
750
00:34:57,240 --> 00:34:59,039
It's a latte. If that's OK.
751
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:01,760
- Didn't put sugar in.
- No, that's fine, thanks.
752
00:35:06,465 --> 00:35:09,799
So I... I've called you
a couple of times and...
753
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,679
- ..Whatsapped.
- Yeah, I know.
754
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,199
I know you have actually. And...
755
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:14,479
I've been meaning to ring you.
756
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,280
But... the thing is...
757
00:35:17,740 --> 00:35:19,720
..my mum is ill.
758
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:21,239
Yeah.
759
00:35:21,240 --> 00:35:24,580
And um... It's in her... pancreas.
760
00:35:24,940 --> 00:35:27,060
So I had to go and visit her.
761
00:35:27,820 --> 00:35:29,180
Right.
762
00:35:29,780 --> 00:35:31,679
- Pancreas?
- Yeah, yeah.
763
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,999
Interestingly, the man who
discovered the pancreatic duct,
764
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,679
he got murdered
in a disagreement with another man
765
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:39,080
who claimed he discovered it first.
766
00:35:39,820 --> 00:35:42,160
Is it because
you think I just want a baby?
767
00:35:45,989 --> 00:35:47,220
No.
768
00:35:50,138 --> 00:35:51,860
Your mum's not sick, is she?
769
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:53,799
You just haven't called
770
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,580
because you want to pretend
that it didn't happen.
771
00:35:55,700 --> 00:35:57,719
- I'm sorry.
- Is it because of my job?
772
00:35:57,720 --> 00:35:59,300
- No.
- Then what?
773
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,476
You know what? Just fuck off, JJ.
774
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:07,559
I thought you were different.
775
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:09,380
You're just like all the rest.
776
00:36:15,811 --> 00:36:17,380
What is wrong with me?
777
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,900
CARDI: Positioning Teresa
in the main viewing arena. Over.
778
00:36:26,180 --> 00:36:28,735
Are you at that fucking gate, you?
779
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,860
I swear, if you are eating
confectionery, dude...
780
00:36:37,683 --> 00:36:44,620
All competitors, please gather
for the annual group photograph!
781
00:36:46,540 --> 00:36:49,243
- Has anyone got eyes on Hardwick?
- Negative.
782
00:36:49,283 --> 00:36:51,683
His cars are here but
there's no sign of him. Over.
783
00:36:51,723 --> 00:36:54,279
Ashley, get yourself to where
that photo's happening
784
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:56,060
and get eyes on Hardwick.
785
00:36:57,700 --> 00:36:59,615
Me and Tommo are going to head
round the back.
786
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,480
- Wait for the signal.
- I can't see him anywhere, lads.
787
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,640
Me neither. Over.
788
00:37:04,978 --> 00:37:06,440
He's not here.
789
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:09,920
Let's hope John's taken
the lens cap off! (CHUCKLES)
790
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:11,879
Oh! Oh, shit.
791
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,000
- Where is he?
- He's right behind you.
792
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:15,279
Oh, shit.
793
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,240
Mm. Mm.
794
00:37:17,820 --> 00:37:19,420
Original.
795
00:37:20,447 --> 00:37:23,140
Er... What the fuck
are you two doing here?
796
00:37:25,540 --> 00:37:28,040
- Daphne.
- Don't Daphne me.
797
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:31,239
First you're at my door and now
you turn up here. What's going on?
798
00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:34,279
- Into cars. Sun's out.
- You're after his cars, aren't you?
799
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,280
- No.
- No, that's too much.
800
00:37:37,115 --> 00:37:39,115
Heeellp!
801
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:43,840
Oh, fuck, dude!
You're biting my fucking hand off!
802
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:45,880
Stop! Fucking hell!
803
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:47,920
(GRUNTS)
804
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:49,639
Ow!
805
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,959
You've been taking pictures of me,
you perv!
806
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,480
Don't go in there, love.
807
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:56,520
(SHOUTS)
808
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,880
Fuck! She got my dick!
809
00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:01,920
Stop pissing around, dickhead!
810
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:03,660
Daphne!
811
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,000
I see him there now.
812
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,540
He's with the wife.
813
00:38:08,820 --> 00:38:12,680
She's looking fierce healthy
for a dying woman. On the cocktails.
814
00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:13,980
How are you, man?
815
00:38:14,300 --> 00:38:17,340
The gentleman down there,
if he could move in a little bit.
816
00:38:17,365 --> 00:38:20,400
The man in the purple shirt,
move in a little bit.
817
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:22,439
(STOPS CALL)
818
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,940
Don't be a dick. Come on.
819
00:38:29,300 --> 00:38:30,860
What are you going to do now?
820
00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:33,519
Hit a woman?
That your style now, is it?
821
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:36,055
You useless fucking fish killers.
822
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:39,855
Look, Bishop just wants his cars back.
823
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,562
I know you're going through
a really shitty divorce.
824
00:38:42,587 --> 00:38:45,695
But them cars out there,
they're his pride and joy.
825
00:38:45,720 --> 00:38:47,884
What the fuck are you talking about?
826
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,679
The cars you've given away,
he wants them back.
827
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:53,520
He's paying us to do it.
828
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,124
Those aren't his cars.
829
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,439
- They're Russell's.
- You what?
830
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:02,760
Fucker! He's using us, dude!
831
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,840
He's fucking using us to steal
Hardwick's cars for him!
832
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:06,760
Fuck!
833
00:39:06,761 --> 00:39:11,760
Because he's jealous of him winning
and he can't win shit!
834
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,639
Useless little dick twat.
835
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:15,760
- Fuck's sake.
- How much is he paying you?
836
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,000
- Five grand.
- Hm!
837
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:19,360
Five grand.
838
00:39:20,340 --> 00:39:22,080
I'll pay you six not to.
839
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:23,500
(SCOFFS)
840
00:39:24,260 --> 00:39:25,120
Ten.
841
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,160
Seven.
842
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:28,200
- Nine.
- Seven.
843
00:39:28,854 --> 00:39:31,760
- Eight and a half.
- Take the seven, god's sakes.
844
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,520
I'll take it.
845
00:39:34,547 --> 00:39:35,840
Knob.
846
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,720
Why are you here anyway?
His wife's round t'corner.
847
00:39:40,100 --> 00:39:42,625
Because we like dangerous lovemaking.
848
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:44,519
Adds a little extra spice.
849
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:46,240
- Course you do.
- Oh...
850
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,960
It's called living, Vinnie.
You want to try it some time.
851
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:51,839
Right, well, bye-bye, boys.
852
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:53,600
- See you, love.
- Daphne.
853
00:39:54,065 --> 00:39:55,420
No.
854
00:39:56,540 --> 00:39:59,280
Nice dealing with you boys.
855
00:40:02,615 --> 00:40:04,927
- You trust her to pay you?
- I don't know.
856
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:06,319
I tell you one thing though,
857
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,559
she might get a kick shagging
other people's husbands.
858
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,879
I get mine stealing cars,
smoking weed,
859
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,200
and hanging out with knobheads.
Change of plan!
860
00:40:15,238 --> 00:40:16,780
Shit! We're on!
861
00:40:23,855 --> 00:40:25,820
Vintage cars!
862
00:40:30,595 --> 00:40:32,140
Oi!
863
00:40:32,371 --> 00:40:35,735
How do you like them apples,
Hardwick, you posh twat!
864
00:40:36,140 --> 00:40:37,960
Come... Oh, no!
865
00:40:40,183 --> 00:40:41,599
Bastards!
866
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,500
Get in the car!
We've got to stop them!
867
00:40:45,180 --> 00:40:47,415
Cardi, put down
whatever you're scoffing!
868
00:40:47,455 --> 00:40:49,360
- We're on our way, lad!
- Standing by.
869
00:40:49,495 --> 00:40:51,320
Come on! Faster!
870
00:40:51,535 --> 00:40:53,520
Cardi, get a bloody wriggle on!
871
00:40:58,967 --> 00:41:01,439
Close the gate, Cardi! Stall them!
872
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,040
Get in the fucking car!
Cone on. What the fuck, dude!
873
00:41:04,240 --> 00:41:06,639
All right, I'm going as fast as I can!
874
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:08,020
Go for it!
875
00:41:10,561 --> 00:41:14,200
Get after them, boys! Get in the car!
Go on, get after them!
876
00:41:19,805 --> 00:41:21,805
Take that, Hardwick. Fuck it.
877
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:33,479
Ash, Cardi, you take
the side road after the bridge!
878
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,239
- Hold on, Cardi.
- Make your way back to JJ's.
879
00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:38,039
Me and Dylan will take it from here.
880
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:41,000
Once they get onto the main road,
don't lose sight of them!
881
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:42,919
I know somewhere I can lose them here.
882
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:44,260
Fuck me!
883
00:41:44,940 --> 00:41:47,020
(TYRES SCREECH)
884
00:42:03,431 --> 00:42:06,640
- Yeah! We lost them, boys!
- Whoo-hoo!
885
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,320
We did it!
We've fucking done it, boys!
886
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:27,360
(CHEERING)
887
00:42:33,185 --> 00:42:34,720
(PHONE RINGS)
888
00:42:38,548 --> 00:42:40,240
- Hello?
- Hi.
889
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,320
How's things?
890
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,360
Yeah, fine. What do you want?
891
00:42:45,700 --> 00:42:47,720
Yeah, look, I've just been...
892
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,000
..thinking about a few things.
And er...
893
00:42:51,540 --> 00:42:54,700
I realise that I've just been
a total idiot.
894
00:42:55,260 --> 00:42:56,900
I could have told you that.
895
00:42:59,060 --> 00:43:02,860
I haven't been with anyone
in a really long time.
896
00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:05,700
I understand.
897
00:43:06,060 --> 00:43:08,680
But that doesn't mean
that I don't like you.
898
00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:10,905
And it definitely doesn't mean
that I don't want to see you again.
899
00:43:10,906 --> 00:43:12,220
I just...
900
00:43:13,118 --> 00:43:14,860
I need to take things slow.
901
00:43:15,980 --> 00:43:17,080
All right.
902
00:43:18,624 --> 00:43:21,840
So, well, if that works for you,
903
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:23,980
and you're still interested...
904
00:43:25,340 --> 00:43:27,980
Well, I'd love to take you
on a date, you know.
905
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:30,760
Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
906
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:32,420
I'll have to check my diary.
907
00:43:32,900 --> 00:43:35,480
- When are you thinking?
- Um...
908
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,520
- How about right now?
- What?
909
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:41,540
Look out your front window.
910
00:43:45,908 --> 00:43:49,199
Your carriage awaits.
OK, but you'll have to wait for me.
911
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:50,780
I can't go for a date
with these armpits.
912
00:43:51,020 --> 00:43:52,460
Give me 15 minutes.
913
00:43:53,300 --> 00:43:55,180
Maybe 20. (LAUGHS)
914
00:43:55,780 --> 00:43:57,399
Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
915
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,079
I've got my podcast anyway.
The history of the pancreas.
916
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,100
OK, OK. OK.
917
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:25,855
Yaah!
918
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,375
Mammy was adamant.
We all had the same dad.
919
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:29,719
I just want to find out.
920
00:44:29,720 --> 00:44:31,599
(CHEERING)
921
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,119
If them two aren't fucking,
I am Uncle Tom Cobbler.
922
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:35,839
He's definitely mixed race, dude.
923
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,679
Are you saying my mother
cheated on her loving husband
924
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:39,519
with a black man? How dare you?!
925
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,759
What the fuck are you doing?
926
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,079
You know Mammy well.
You know she as no saint.
927
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:45,439
Ah, she liked the dick.
928
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,359
There is something in them
he doesn't want us to see.
929
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,639
Don't move or we'll take
your fucking heads!
930
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,039
AccessibleCustomerService@sky.co.uk
931
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:55,480
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