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? It seems today that all you see ?
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00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:08,174
? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ?
3
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? But where are those
good old-fashioned values ?
4
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:14,472
? On which we used to rely? ?
5
00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:18,309
? Lucky there's a family guy ?
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? Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ?
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? All the things that make us ?
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? Laugh and cry ?
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? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ?
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Happy Halloween, kids!
12
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Happy Halloween!
13
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:48,297
Look, it's Matt Foley
from Saturday Night Live.
14
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,967
I don't know who that is. I just
came from a meeting at work.
15
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,260
Oh, good. Peter, you're home.
16
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:53,803
You can help me pass out candy.
17
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:56,430
Sorry, Lois, I have
to go do a dangerous speedball
18
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,850
and become the least surprising
death in Hollywood history.
19
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,650
Happy Halloween, Meg.
20
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:11,028
Wow, Mayor West. That's some costume.
21
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,530
Well, thank you kindly.
22
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:14,657
It-a me, Borat.
23
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,867
You know, from that picture Borat.
24
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,411
You ever seen it?
25
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,913
Yeah, that movie came out,
like, 15 years ago.
26
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,540
Well, I'd never heard of it,
27
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:25,501
but it was just about the
funniest thing I'd ever seen.
28
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,503
Anyway, have a good evening.
29
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,672
My wife.
30
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,136
"This is my costume"?
31
00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,846
Come on, put in some effort.
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Guys, just 'cause you showed up,
doesn't mean you get an apple.
33
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,726
- Apple.
- We're here for candy!
34
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,185
Kill yourself!
35
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,229
There's a lot of sugar in an apple!
36
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,273
If you saw the numbers,
you'd be shocked!
37
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,858
Trick or treat!
38
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:52,194
Wow, that's the first Frozen
I've seen in 35 seconds.
39
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,280
Oh, my God, I love your pilot costume.
40
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,699
Thank you. I'm actually
John Travolta walking
41
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,618
into my backyard airport in Florida
42
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,620
to fly a passenger jet all by myself.
43
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,997
That's right, I'm just a regular guy.
44
00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:04,373
Your daughter is adorable.
45
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,417
Oh, she's not my daughter.
She's my niece.
46
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,044
My sister and her husband
ran into someone
47
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:11,172
having an adult Halloween party
and didn't have an excuse ready.
48
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,423
Oh, I'm so sorry.
49
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,175
Yeah, it was really tough for them,
50
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,302
but I said earlier, "I'm not gonna cry,"
51
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,429
so I'm not gonna cry.
52
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,556
And hi. My name's Carrie.
53
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,600
Hi, Carrie. My name is Glenn.
54
00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,602
It's really nice talking to you, Glenn.
55
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:27,897
- You, too, Carrie.
- Hey! Candy!
56
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,899
Hey, Brian, check it out!
57
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:35,196
This might be my biggest
candy score ever.
58
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:37,198
Probably thanks to my killer costume.
59
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,532
What are you dressed as?
60
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,119
I'm the "Oh, my God" reaction GIF.
61
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,374
And people get that?
62
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,084
Yeah. Everyone's dressed as GIFs.
63
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,086
Ain't that right, Pop?
64
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,678
Wow. This place is great, Glenn.
65
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,680
Yeah, they can really
microwave eggs here.
66
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,057
You know, I'm so glad you
trick-or-treated at my house.
67
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,475
I finally found someone
68
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,936
I can just say names
from Succession with.
69
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,729
I mean, oh, my God, Kendall?
70
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,565
- Kendall! And Shiv?
- Love Shiv.
71
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:14,193
- And what about Roman?
- Yes!
72
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,695
And Logan.
73
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,446
Oh, Logan.
74
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,823
Oh, look at that dog.
75
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,783
Yeah, who brings a dog to a coffee shop?
76
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:23,536
- I love dogs.
- Without letting me pet it.
77
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,996
Come here, you... dog.
78
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,998
Oh, isn't he so sweet?
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00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,667
Oh, good boy.
80
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,794
Yay, my hand smells like you now.
81
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:34,964
Oh, I'm so happy you're a dog person.
82
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,549
I don't think I could be with someone
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00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,259
who doesn't love dogs as much as I do.
84
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,802
Yeah, it's great we like the same things
85
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,303
as soon as you say what you like.
86
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,264
So, what kind of dog do you have?
87
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,433
Well, uh, uh, what kind of dog?
88
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,435
Um... you know, I-I've never noticed.
89
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,562
I... I'm... I'm more attracted
to his spirit.
90
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,313
Oh, they're so special.
91
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:52,857
And you know
what's right around the corner?
92
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:55,025
The strip club where they spit
in your face?
93
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,694
No, the dog park!
94
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,779
For our next date,
we should bring our dogs there.
95
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,740
Next date? Absolutely.
96
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,242
- Oh, and cousin Greg!
- Cousin Greg!
97
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,704
Cousin Greg.
98
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,542
Phew, that tummy time was killer.
99
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,335
Totally blasted my core.
100
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,254
But I think that earns me
a little treat.
101
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,964
What the deuce?
102
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,632
This bag was full last night,
103
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,217
and now half of it's gone.
104
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,053
Oh, my God, I've been robbed!
105
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,393
Rupert, check the jewelry box,
see if anything's missing.
106
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,312
"An engagement ring"?
107
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,022
Oh, ha-ha, very funny, but not the time
108
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,484
to have this conversation...
We've been burgled!
109
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,945
Well, looks like they only stole
some of my Halloween candy.
110
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,655
But they're not going
to get away with this.
111
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,741
Like the fat man when he plays Clue.
112
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,951
Okay, the murderer was "don't care,"
113
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,328
with a "this game sucks"
114
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,330
in the "I regret having children."
115
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:52,208
Clue... you got
someone pregnant nine years ago,
116
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,586
so now you have to play this.
117
00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,008
Thanks for coming with me, Peter.
118
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,301
I need a dog for my date,
119
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,719
but I don't know
the first thing about 'em.
120
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,596
No problem, Quagmire. But just know
121
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,306
I'm gonna spend most of the time here
122
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,683
finding the courage to hold an iguana.
123
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,935
Here he is.
124
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:12,395
I'm not sure I'm ready!
125
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,482
Uh, excuse me, how much is that one?
126
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,526
Oh, he's a purebred Bichon Frise,
127
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,569
so he's $1,500.
128
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:23,489
For a dog?! Um, and-and what's
your return policy?
129
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,783
Is it, like, full money back
within ten days?
130
00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,910
Sir, if you're not interested,
I have to comb feces
131
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,287
out of the guinea pigs' hair
with a wet paper towel.
132
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,832
Go ahead, you can touch him.
133
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,961
It's dry.
134
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,131
Sorry we couldn't get you a dog.
135
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,592
Come on in, we'll have
however many beers it takes
136
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,719
to forget how depressing
the shelter was.
137
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,139
I'll go get those aforementioned beers.
138
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,226
Thanks, word-a-day calendar.
139
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,397
Oh, hey, Quagmire.
140
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,107
Mm.
141
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,567
I mean, mmm, there he is!
142
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,569
Brian the dog!
143
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,863
What's going on here?
Why are you using my full name?
144
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,823
All right, let's cut to the chase.
145
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,241
I like chases.
146
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,868
Okay, look, I'm seeing this woman,
147
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,786
and there's something
different about her.
148
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:13,330
I mean, it's not just that
the sex is great, which it is,
149
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,249
but I appreciate her as a person,
150
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,710
which sounds kind of weird
coming out of my mouth.
151
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,337
Anyway, I told her I have a dog, so...
152
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,381
would you pretend to be my dog?
153
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,596
Well, well, well.
154
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,265
Well, well, well.
155
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,685
Well, well, well.
156
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,854
Brian, come on, I'm serious.
Will you help me out?
157
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,480
Glenn Quagmire, there are not enough
158
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:40,149
tennis balls in the world for me to...
159
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:42,527
- I have six.
- I'll do it.
160
00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:52,745
Thanks for doing this, Brian.
161
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,330
And remember, just act like a normal,
162
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:56,123
well-behaved, non-talking dog.
163
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,459
- Non-talking?
- Yeah, just bark and stuff.
164
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,502
Bark? Geez, it's been a while.
165
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:01,921
Let me give it a try.
166
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,130
Brack.
167
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,840
"Brack"? What the hell is that?
168
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,467
- I'm finding it.
- Damn it, Brian!
169
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,801
I knew you were gonna
screw this up for me.
170
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,178
I thought you wanted to help.
171
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,513
"Help"? I'm not doing this
because I want to help.
172
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,557
I'm only doing this
so I can have a front-row seat
173
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,184
when you crash and burn.
174
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,852
Okay, first of all,
it's incredibly insensitive
175
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:19,188
to say "crash and burn" to a pilot.
176
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,564
And, second, how dare you?
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00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,733
How dare you, Brian the dog?
178
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,735
You know I'm right... you're
gonna get tired of the sex,
179
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,403
and then you'll move on to the next one.
180
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,738
Oh, 'cause you know everything, right?
181
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:28,948
Well, you're wrong, Brian.
182
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,574
Okay, shut up, here she comes.
183
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,910
Hi, Glenn. This is Dexter.
184
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:35,371
Aw, and who's this little guy?
185
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:38,332
Uh, uh, this is... Harvey.
186
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,292
Named after Weinstein, uh...
187
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,504
'C-Cause you can see his balls
when he answers the door.
188
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,881
I may be dating myself, but in the '90s,
189
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,384
the funniest thing you could do
was show people your balls.
190
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,761
C-Can you start talking now, please?
191
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,388
Sorry, I couldn't hear you
192
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:53,847
'cause my dog was licking my ear.
193
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,392
Oh, thank God. This is my dog, Bob...
194
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,768
Weinstein.
195
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,061
He's man's best friend
196
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,688
because he's very good at keeping quiet.
197
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:03,107
Do you mind if I take
five minutes in the parking lot?
198
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,735
This is Spot.
199
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,074
All right, Rupert,
when the thief comes back
200
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,200
for the rest of my candy,
201
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,495
he'll have to deal
with my latest invention.
202
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,372
Hey, Stewie, what are you d...
203
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,624
Aah! Help! Somebody help me!
204
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,043
I won't survive on the inside!
205
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:25,379
Thief! I've caught you!
206
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,214
Chris?
207
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:28,632
Stewie, get off.
208
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:30,342
I haven't been stealing your candy.
209
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,594
- Dad has.
- The fat man?
210
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,930
He did the same thing to me
when I was younger.
211
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:38,017
The only way to keep him
away from it is to hide it.
212
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,644
And that's why I'm here.
I'm gonna help you.
213
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,938
Really? You'd do that for me?
214
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,315
Of course, Stewie. We're family.
215
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,692
We look out for each other,
216
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,819
like the people on Succession.
217
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,447
Well, don't leave me hanging
like that... throw out a name!
218
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,615
- Tom.
- Oh, Tom!
219
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,744
Can you believe Tom?
220
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,998
Carrie's gonna be here soon.
Can you give me a hand getting
221
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:03,709
- this cat stuff out of here?
- Where is your cat, anyway?
222
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,878
I don't know. No cat owner
knows where their cat is.
223
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,504
Okay, but I still don't know why
224
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,048
you're going through all this trouble.
225
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,924
I mean, you're just gonna bail
and leave her in the dust.
226
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:13,343
- Hey, how's your son, Brian?
- Whoa!
227
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,888
What happened to DEFCON four,
three, and two?
228
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,222
Okay, she's here.
229
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,225
Get off the couch.
230
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,770
- Who is it?
- It's The Purge.
231
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,022
We're here to beat you up.
232
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:30,110
Coming up, one pizza
with alternative crust.
233
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,904
Oh! Yummy, yummy!
234
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,865
Alternative crust pizza is
really good, Brian.
235
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,617
You can't taste the difference.
236
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,577
What aren't you lying to yourself about?
237
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,245
Okay, you want to know the truth, Brian?
238
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,081
Brian the dog? I love her.
239
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,833
You hear me? Love.
240
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,502
This is priceless.
241
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:47,753
I haven't had this much fun
242
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,380
since I went to that graveyard.
243
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,717
Yeah, how do you like how this sounds,
huh?
244
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,762
Try cleaning up this mess
while you burn in hell!
245
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,139
- Peter, you ready to go?
- Almost!
246
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,391
What do you mean you don't like that?
247
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,728
Just try it, maybe you will!
248
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,857
Thanks again for having us over, Lois.
249
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,484
Everything was so delicious.
250
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,402
Oh, my pleasure, Carrie.
251
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,154
Yeah, I've got to say, Glenn,
252
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,490
I've never seen you this happy before.
253
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:19,284
Well, then you've never
seen me at my best before.
254
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,496
And it's all thanks to Carrie.
255
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,456
Aw, not at the dinner table.
256
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,667
I'm sorry, Peter,
I just can't help myself.
257
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,418
I'm crazy about this woman.
258
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,508
Huh?
259
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:44,893
- "Will you marry me?"
- What's this now?
260
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:48,355
Oh, my God, Glenn, yes!
Yes, of course I'll marry you!
261
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,023
Mmm...
262
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,233
Mazel tov!
263
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,277
"Mazel tov"? Where did that come from?
264
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:57,156
From Marvelous Mrs. Mazel Tov.
Y-you should know that, Lois.
265
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,575
Mmm.
266
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,788
Engaged?!
267
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,833
Aw, come on, Quagmire,
you're killing me, man.
268
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,334
Babe, babe, please...
Babe, please stop crying.
269
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,254
Look, every couple needs to
take things at their own speed.
270
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,590
It doesn't mean I love you any less.
271
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,634
Okay, look... how about
we look at rings this weekend?
272
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,469
I-I don't know. Zales, probably?
273
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,598
Well, that's what we can afford
since only one of us has a job!
274
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,932
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
275
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,475
Ugh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
276
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,729
"Why don't you join me
for dinner?" he said,
277
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,732
ruining his life.
278
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:41,283
There he is, the bridegroom to be.
279
00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:44,286
That's right, the very happy
bridegroom to be,
280
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,663
singing to himself. ? Dat da dat dee ?
281
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,081
? Da dee dee, da dee dee. ?
282
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,750
Oh, come on, give it up.
283
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,501
You're out of moves. Checkmate.
284
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,170
Hi, honey, we're home.
285
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,880
Will you help me move in his dog food,
286
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,425
like we're preparing for a flood?
287
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,094
Dexter eats all this?
288
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,347
Not just Dexter, but Dexter and all
289
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,890
his rescue brothers and sisters.
290
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:07,100
Oh, my God, how many are there?
291
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:10,520
Hmm, enough to do a slow pan
with music from Airplane.
292
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:28,163
Is-is that one just a back half?
293
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:31,083
Oh, Backsy? Yeah. She's a fighter.
294
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,210
Well, maybe she should stop fightin'.
295
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:35,087
Okay, I'm gonna go
bring in all their meds,
296
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,422
and then I'll set the 19
different feeding alarms
297
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,800
on your phone. Mm.
298
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,051
Shut up!
299
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,302
I didn't say a word.
300
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,930
I'm just... I'm just thrilled
you're getting
301
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,556
all the happiness you deserve.
302
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,976
I am happy. Parade magazine says
303
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:51,561
owning a dog is the secret
to having a happy life.
304
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,230
You read Parade magazine?
305
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:55,399
If you know a better magazine
for ordering plates
306
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,734
with people's faces on them,
I would like to hear about it.
307
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:02,406
Hey, babe, was the Princess
Diana plate important?
308
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,575
Brian, can you hand me
that Parade magazine,
309
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,662
that envelope, that stamp
and that checkbook?
310
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:10,915
Thank you.
311
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,335
Who are we waiting for, Chris?
312
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,878
I called in some professionals.
313
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:19,840
They're gonna take us somewhere
Dad'll never find your candy.
314
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,050
- And where's that?
- I can't say.
315
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,969
There are ears everywhere.
316
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,887
Good morning, Mr. Feldman.
317
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,098
Morning, Chris.
Couldn't help but overhear
318
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,975
you're off on a little trip.
319
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:33,020
Never mind about that, Mr. Feldman.
320
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,480
- See?
- I could hear that.
321
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,151
Get in.
322
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:47,785
You know, I should really be in
a backwards-facing car seat.
323
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,413
They're now saying kids through eight
324
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:54,207
should at least be in a booster seat.
325
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,918
- You have any kids?
- Don't make small talk with these guys.
326
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,128
No, no, it's all right.
327
00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,796
It's nice to have someone
ask for a change.
328
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,424
Yes, I have four children, all dead.
329
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,842
Ah.
330
00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,015
Well, here we are.
331
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:13,101
Quick, hide your candy in the tree.
332
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,603
Is this our backyard?
333
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:18,024
Yes. But we couldn't take
a chance of being followed.
334
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:32,996
Son of a... I'm pinching and lifting.
335
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,390
Oh!
336
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:53,934
Hey, if you're making coffee,
I'll have a...
337
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,227
Whoa, kind of a mess in here.
338
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,104
It's fine. Everything is fine.
339
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,814
I'm happy and in love.
340
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,108
Damn it, Brian, did you leave
the doggy gate open?
341
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,443
No, no, no, stop it.
342
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,404
Peppy, you're allergic
to Frankie's food.
343
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,030
Malcolm, stop humping your brother.
344
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,198
Backsy, outside!
345
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,533
Babe, can you give me a hand
346
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:10,700
moving my furniture
347
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:13,412
all around the room until I find
a place I like for it?
348
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,539
Kind of in the middle
of something, babe!
349
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,707
Ah, the seven-hour itch.
350
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,376
Shut up, Brian.
Why don't you go for a walk?
351
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:20,919
No, no, no, no, no.
352
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,087
No walk. No walk. No, no.
353
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,630
We're not going for a walk.
354
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,758
I gotta stop saying "walk."
I said walk again. And there again.
355
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,094
Honey,
I want to make a stir-fry tonight.
356
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,804
Have we unpacked the wok?
357
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,056
No, no, w-O-K.
358
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,142
W-O-K. She said wok!
359
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:37,102
She said wok.
360
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:39,981
She said wok...
361
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:57,164
My candy, it's all gone.
362
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:59,166
Even my West Hollywood candy.
363
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:02,294
My Twinx bar. My very Milky Way.
364
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,045
My Reese's Penis.
365
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,214
Who's done this to me?
366
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:09,343
Who's taken candy from a baby?
367
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,102
Well, we did it. Cheers.
368
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,271
We sure did, Chris.
369
00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:23,648
- Cool iguana.
- He's dry.
370
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,233
I named him Arid.
371
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:28,529
Thank you, word-a-day calendar,
travel edition.
372
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:39,289
Just met some of Carrie's friends.
373
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,708
They are very excited for her.
374
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,503
- Well, they should be.
- Well, they should be.
375
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,921
And they are.
376
00:16:45,922 --> 00:16:48,924
Anyway, expectations are high.
377
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:53,053
Thank you, everyone, for coming
to our engagement party.
378
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,347
And an extra thanks
to my airline buddies
379
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,556
for organizing it.
380
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:59,059
Uh, folks, our party time tonight is
381
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,186
two hours and 48 minutes.
382
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,729
We know you have lots of choices
383
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,774
for terrible weekend activities,
and we hope to see you soon
384
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:09,152
on an inconvenient weekend
for their destination wedding,
385
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:12,697
which I hear is on a Thursday
in Lisbon, Portugal.
386
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,990
- That's so far.
- Come on!
387
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,367
Yep. Yep.
388
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,327
It's been wonderful meeting
all of Carrie's family
389
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,287
and friends.
390
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,790
I only wish you were all
wearing nametags.
391
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:24,334
Isn't he adorable?
392
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,044
My expectations are high.
393
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,213
You know, I first met Carrie
and her niece
394
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,257
a couple of weeks ago on Halloween.
395
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,343
Thank God they decided
to take that walk.
396
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,929
And now we're headed down the aisle;
397
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,514
a very different kind of walk.
398
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,018
And, Carrie, if I may borrow a line
399
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,436
from our favorite song,
400
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,356
I would walk 500 miles...
401
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:50,444
Stampede!
402
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:22,726
- Isn't he adorable?
- He loves those dogs.
403
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:25,896
I'm hearing a lot of good things
about that guy.
404
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,065
That's it.
405
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,734
Glenn, are you okay?
406
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,110
No, I'm not okay.
407
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,070
I thought I could do this, but I can't.
408
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:35,864
I've been lying to you,
409
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,616
and I've been lying to myself.
410
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,159
There's something you need to know.
411
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,119
I hate dogs.
412
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:46,082
Uh, this party has begun
its initial descent.
413
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,334
That's not even my dog.
414
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:50,337
That's Brian, my neighbor's dog.
He can talk.
415
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:51,755
Brian, say something.
416
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,298
- Brack.
- Bite me.
417
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,675
Glenn... I can't believe this.
418
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,428
So you don't like dogs, that's fine.
419
00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:02,140
But you didn't have to lie and
put me through all of this.
420
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,185
Good-bye, Glenn.
421
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:10,774
Uh, folks, please use caution
as you exit the party
422
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:13,526
as some of your feelings
may have shifted.
423
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,362
Well, well, well.
424
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:18,323
Save it, Brian. I'll concede
that you were right.
425
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,033
But you know what? So was I.
426
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:21,451
Dogs are the worst.
427
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:24,204
And I'm coming for you, Brian the dog.
428
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:26,081
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,
429
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,874
But one day.
430
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,167
Maybe tomorrow.
431
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,044
And when that day comes,
you're gonna say,
432
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:33,588
ooh, Glenn got me good.
433
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,049
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to take a walk.
434
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:38,052
Brack?
435
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:43,265
Oh, no. Stay...
436
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:48,312
You're coming back, though, right?
437
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:57,612
Hey, Brian, I was just over
talking to Quagmire,
438
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,239
and he thought you might
want to take a look
439
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,407
at my new screenplay.
440
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:03,118
- Oh, I-I don't really, uh...
- It's called Ocean's 1.
441
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,912
Between you and me, I can't believe
nobody's done it before,
442
00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:08,331
to say nothing of Ocean's 2 through 7.
443
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:10,625
Yeah, I-I could, uh, take a look, sure.
444
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,168
It's a little long right now.
445
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,920
It's about 430 pages.
446
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:18,217
I have my "all is lost" moment
on page 389, thereabouts.
447
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:22,011
Quagmire!
448
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:25,640
Now, if'n you don't know,
most Hollywood screenplays
449
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:28,560
wrap up at around 110 pages.
450
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:32,188
And if'n it's a comedy, why,
you want it in the 90s.
451
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:35,775
Anyway, they said I could have
these last few seconds
452
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:38,695
to mention something
near and dear to me.
453
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:42,449
So, men, don't be afraid
to have the doctor
454
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:45,368
put a camera up your old saddle masher.
455
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,912
They knock you out now,
and it's a good way
456
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:51,458
to make sure there's no
bad beans in your mess wagon.
457
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,794
We hope you've enjoyed the Family Guy.
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