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The following programme contains
strong language,
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00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:05,440
violence, scenes of a sexual nature
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and adult humour from the start.
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My boys are tied up, so I need you
to collect something for me.
5
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Yeah, yeah. No worries. What is it?
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His name's Tony Tillerton.
That's a person.
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Tell me what he's told you, Sara.
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(ALL SCREAM)
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What the fuck have you told Sara?
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00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:30,440
The only thing linking me to that
headless fucking corpse is you...
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and your idiot friends.
They've got nothing on me, Vin.
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For richer and poorer, in sickness
- and -Police!
- Armed police!
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Vincent O'Neil, we are arresting you
on conspiracy to murder.
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You're making a mistake.
You're the first thing in the morning
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and you're the last thing at night.
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JUDGE: 'I sentence you
to six months imprisonment.'
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00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:57,160
♪ GANG STARR: Work
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00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,840
♪ What is it you wanna do
when you grow up?
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00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,600
♪ Ai, yo, I'm gonna be a ti-dop
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00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,280
♪ That's all my eyes can see
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00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,720
♪ Victory is mine
Yeah, surprisingly
22
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,320
♪ I've been laying,
waiting for your next mistake
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00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,560
♪ I put in work
and watch my status escalate
24
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,960
♪ Now I'mma start collectin' props,
connectin' plots
25
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,840
♪ Networkin' like a conference... ♪
26
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,960
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
O'Neil. It's time.
27
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,560
Eh?
28
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Come here, Ernie.
Give me a love, mate.
29
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,840
It's been a pleasure, Vin.
You're a good lad, eh?
30
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,960
Now is that a fucking hard-on? Is it?
31
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,640
It is a hard on! 'Ey, Ernie's finally
got himself a hard-on here.
32
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,400
(LAUGHS)(INMATES CHEER AND WHISTLE)
33
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,440
Fucking wants doing.(CHUCKLES)
34
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,240
Stay away from schools,
you dirty old bastard. (CHUCKLES)
35
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,400
Right then,
if you can just stick yourself
36
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,360
in this end one, please, Mr O'Neil.
Yeah.
37
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,280
And when you're in there, just
- remove your trousers, please.
- Eh?
38
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,400
Don't worry, it's just a precaution.
I'm being released from jail.
39
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,560
I wouldn't be sticking anything up my
- arse.
- Yeah, you'd be surprised.
40
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,280
You're bloody right, I would.
See, the anus is...
41
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:03,240
It's an incredible organ. It's a bit
like the female uterus, actually.
42
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,320
It's capable of expanding
- to great widths.
- Oh.
43
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,120
I've found loads of cool stuff up
- them.
- Go on.
44
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,640
Well, er... I once found a phone.
Oh, yeah.
45
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:16,000
- Drugs, obviously. A gun.
- Eh?
- Hacksaw.
- Fucking hell.
46
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,400
- Um...an MP3 player.
- Crikey.
47
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,240
Christmas lights.
I were like that.(LAUGHS)
48
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,200
- A miniature submarine.
- Why?
49
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,880
- Harry Potter novel.
- Oh, get gone.
- Yeah.
- They're fucking that thick.
50
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,480
Yeah. Deathly Hallows, this one.
600 pages.
51
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(BOTH LAUGH)
So, are we gonna have a
quick peak then?
52
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,360
Oh, you... Come on.
53
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,920
I mean, what's the deal?
54
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,960
Have you always wanted to do this for
a living or what?
55
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,880
I kind of fell into it really.
Saw an opening.
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00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,280
(LAUGHTER)
Hey, hey!
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(SQUELCHING) (GRUNTS)
58
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,680
♪ BARRETT STRONG: Money
(That's What I Want)
59
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,040
Fuck!
60
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,520
Sugar, Sugar, wake up. We're late.
61
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,520
- We're late!
- Fuck.
62
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,560
ERIN: I can't believe I slept in.
63
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,600
I promised him I'd be there.
64
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,960
Did you get bummed?
No, I didn't get fucking bummed.
65
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,640
I bet you've been bloody bummed.
Nah, not really my thing.
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00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,880
(LAUGHS)
- See ya.
- All right, Vin?
- All right, Georgio?
- You OK, mate?
67
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,400
Yeah, not so bad.
- See you next week, Vinnie!
- Fuck off!
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00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,960
♪ That's what I want
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00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,480
♪ That's what I want
# That's what I want... ♪
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00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,880
(HORN BLARES AND TYRES SCREECH)
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(TYRES SCREECH)
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00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,800
(LAUGHS) Come here, mate.
Uncle Vinnie!
73
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,560
Aw! Oh, I've missed you, man.
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00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,160
I've missed you.
I'm sorry I went away.
75
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,560
You look handsome.
- Hi.Hiya.
- Welcome back.
76
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,320
- You all right?Yeah, are you?
- Yeah.
77
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,640
- Did you bring me a spliff?
- Yeah,
- course.
- Ahh! (WOMEN LAUGH)
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00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,080
All right, Sugar? My youth.
79
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,640
That hotel was terrible.
80
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,400
♪ THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS:
I Saw Her Again
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00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,480
(CALLS OUT INDISTINCTLY)
82
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,280
(ERIN LAUGHS)
83
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:14,480
(LAUGHS AND WHOOPS)
84
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,000
Why didn't you want the guys
to pick you up?
85
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,920
I wanted this little bugger
to be the first face that I saw.
86
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,000
(LAUGHS)
87
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:26,160
Eh? Besides, them buggers, they'd
have just forgot, wouldn't they?
88
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:30,160
- Didn't they visit?
- Once or twice
they did. The odd phone
call here and there.
89
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,680
But I got the feeling
they were trying to keep me happy.
90
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,240
How is the weed grow?
Is it all right, yeah?
91
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,360
- Yeah.Yeah?
- Yeah, fine.
92
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,560
Thank fuck for that.
Has McCann been in touch?
93
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,440
No, I don't think so. Has
- he not been in touch with you?
- Mm.
94
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,000
No. I mean, I didn't mention when I
were getting out. Could be that.
95
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,520
You know, maybe he's
just waiting till I get out.
96
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:53,240
It's just as well them buggers didn't
know when I were getting out.
97
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:57,080
They'd have thrown a surprise party,
wouldn't they? You know what I mean?
98
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,200
Mm. Shame.
99
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,200
(CHEERING)
100
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,040
♪ MARLENA SHAW: California Soul
101
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,560
Hey, Vinnie!
102
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,640
- You all right?
- Vinnie.
103
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,840
(ALL CHATTER EXCITEDLY)
104
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,640
- How are you?
- Welcome home, mate.
105
00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,080
(CHATTERING CONTINUES)
106
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,960
Eh?! Oh, it's good to see you.
107
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:25,040
Oh, what the fuck are they
doing here? Shit.
108
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,120
Oi, get hold of our Tyler, will you?
Bloody hell.
109
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,040
Oh, sorry, don't stop on my account.
Fuck do you want?
110
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,000
Just came to welcome you back,
Vinnie.
111
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,920
Nice one. Well, you can fuck off now,
can't you, Slater?
112
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,760
Oh, right. OK, sorry. Yeah, I will.
113
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,200
But just for factual accuracy
114
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:46,640
it's, "Fuck off,
Detective Inspector Slater."
115
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,680
Uniform no more.
116
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,720
Isn't that right, Hoskins?
117
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,320
- Boom.
- Mm.
118
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,560
Detective, huh? Well done, Carl.
Maybe now you can investigate
119
00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,360
them reports of a local man
who bums dogs. (SNIGGERS)
Yeah.
120
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,320
Smile it up, arsehole, because
tonight, myself and my team
121
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,560
are paying a visit to your adult
establishment
122
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:12,680
and unless every last licence,
certificate and fucking regulation
123
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:16,800
is up above board and up to date,
I'm closing you down.
124
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,280
And as for you, "mechanic",
125
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,880
I know you're selling stolen wheels
and we're gonna fucking catch you.
126
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,360
And then there's Vincent.
127
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,400
(SOFTLY) Aw.
128
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,920
Little motherless Vinnie. Aw.
129
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,040
"Preventing a lawful burial
of a body."
130
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,000
Is that the best
they could do?
131
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,240
(SCREAMS)
132
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,880
Six months.
133
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,480
I know you've got a weed grow and I
know you're involved with McCann.
134
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:49,080
And I am making it
my personal mission
135
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,880
to ensure that you
and all of your scroaty mates
136
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,920
end up behind bars
137
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,160
for as long as the law will allow.
138
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,040
- Fuck off.
- I thought it was a moment.
I'm sorry. Misread it.
139
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,160
Oi! It were a poodle.
140
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,080
(CHEERING AND LAUGHTER)
141
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,960
Let's just assess the reality
of the situation, right?
142
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,760
Oi, oi. The paperwork for the Rat and
Cutter, I assume all that's fucked.
143
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:23,480
Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, assume cos it's
me in charge it's all gone to shit.
144
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,280
Assume all the admin is in a state
- of fucking disarray.
- Well, is it?
145
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,520
Yeah, as a matter of fact it is.
Yeah.
146
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,520
Hang on, sweetheart. You're supposed
to be co-assistant manager.
147
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,520
You told me you were taking care
of licences, remember?
148
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,760
- Christ, you are useless.
- Dickhead.
Honestly. He is a dickhead
149
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,760
It's gonna be months before we can
sort that bloody paperwork out
150
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:48,440
and run that place legal now. Which
means all we've got is that weed.
151
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,360
So the location, I can't have them
finding that.
152
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,400
Let's go easy on the visits
this time.
153
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,400
There's a bit of a problem with
- that.
- What kind of a problem?
154
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,680
Uh...with the grow.
155
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,120
Oh, hell.
156
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,720
(SHOUTING AND GRUNTING)
Where's the weed?
157
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,440
Eh? Where's the fucking weed?
158
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:08,400
They've fucking taken everything?
McCann's men. Every last plant.
159
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,440
I mean, we're...we are fucked.
160
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,080
No club, no weed.
Fucking Slater and that creature.
161
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,080
Who's that fucking guy he's hanging
out with? That little homunculus.
162
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:21,080
Fucking giving it big licks.
Breathing right down our necks.
163
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,800
How the fuck are we gonna make a
living here?
164
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,640
Summat'll turn up.
165
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:40,520
I know you're in there, Vinnie!
I can fucking see you
on your bed smoking!
166
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:43,720
All right. Shit, dude.
What time is it?
167
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,600
Never fucking mind that.
Just open the door.
168
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,960
What the fuck do you want?
Something's fell into me lap.
169
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,120
- Candy from a baby.
- Yeah?
170
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:57,440
Well, not fucking literally.
Why would I have candy in my lap?
171
00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,640
I'm not a fucking nonce, Vin.
And even if I was,
172
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:05,200
I wouldn't be luring infants
with fucking candy in my lap.
173
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,280
I'd hang about at the swimming pools
or something.
174
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,320
At fucking soft-play centres.
175
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,880
I don't know what I'd do,
but it wouldn't be candy.
176
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,320
You'd be a brilliant nonce. I've no
doubt of it. What do you want, man?
177
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,800
Oh, I've got a job for us.
Gonna earn us all thousands.
178
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,840
What kind of job is it?
179
00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,520
The Great Bull Semen Heist.
180
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,400
Eh? Come on.
181
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,080
- Count me out of that.
- Count you out?
182
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,320
This'll be the easiest dough you've
ever earned in your life.
183
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:39,280
Stealing sex piss
for a fucking angry Gandalf.
184
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,080
I've just come out of jail. Why would
I nick a load of sex piss for you?
185
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,640
I've got Slater breathing down
me neck and everything.
186
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,960
Piss off, Jim, you old cunt.
187
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,720
Fine! I'll fucking take it
to the others then!
188
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,280
Do!'Ey, and when we're all spending
spunk money,
189
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,760
don't you come fucking moaning
to me.
190
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,680
(HEAVY THUD)
- Ow!
- That fucking hurt, twat!
191
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,480
- Fuck off.
- You fuck off.
You fucking old cunt.
192
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,360
(DOOR OPENS)
Hey, Vinnie
You all right, knobhead?
193
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,560
How's it going?
What the fuck is that, dude?
194
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,480
National "Check Yourself" Week.
This is Valerie, my new friend.
195
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,800
Valerie the vagina.
(DEEP VOICE) Hello, Vinnie.
196
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,160
Dude, she wouldn't sound like
- that.
- She would.
197
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,680
That's exactly what she'd sound
- like.
- Would she bollocks.
198
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,880
It's a growler.
How do you expect them to sound?
199
00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:34,760
She wouldn't be growly though, man.
She'd be um... What?
200
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,040
..American, wouldn't she?(LAUGHS)
201
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:41,320
(SULTRY AMERICAN ACCENT) Hey, Vinnie.
(LAUGHS)
202
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,400
No, no, I tell you. In both a
personal and professional capacity,
203
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:47,160
I've come face to face with a
thousand fandangos
204
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,720
and they're ruthless, brutal.
They're like, "Hello, Doctor."Stop.
205
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:54,000
"You look like a bad boy, don't
you?"Fuck off now. Oi."Come here."
206
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,640
Stop. Stop puppeting that minge.
207
00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,400
So, how was prison?
(SIGHS) It was all right.
208
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,440
I think I looked after myself.
I had three meals a day.
209
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,480
I was exercising a bit...
210
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,800
- first week.
- Did you get bummed?
No, I didn't get fucking bummed.
211
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,440
- Really?
- No! It's not just a big
bum-sex orgy, dude,
212
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,880
the moment you walk in
to fucking jail.
213
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,080
How was your...
214
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,040
- You know... The bipolar?
- Yeah.
215
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,560
Fucking hell.
Yeah, it was all right.
216
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,040
Fuck, I did some thinking in there,
you know.
217
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,840
It's at night,
when they shut that door.
218
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,840
I thought about my mum...
219
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,840
..and how she abandoned me.
220
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,600
Fuck. I mean, I'd done
the same thing to Tyler, hadn't I?
221
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,720
Come on.(SIGHS HEAVILY)
222
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,520
I need occupying.
223
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,480
Otherwise the voices kick in
224
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,440
Why not go back to your old tricks,
get back in with the old gang?
225
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,960
I don't want to end up in
- jail again.
- Well, small scale.
226
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,200
Sell a bit of weed or whatever.
Oh, fuck.
227
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:53,960
Oh, you star.
228
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,320
Dude. It's half decent.
229
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,280
Thanks, Vinnie.
What do you think, Valerie?
230
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,440
(GRUFF VOICE) Abso-bloody-lutely.
Tell him to check his balls.
231
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,800
(LAUGHS)
Good girl.
She's right on message.
232
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:09,400
(MOOING)
So I'm on this date last
- night.
- Sheep-shagging,
233
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,320
as the rest of us call it.
(LAUGHTER)
234
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,840
-'Ey! I'm a fucking catch me.
- Right.
235
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,640
Eligible bachelor, self-made man.
What website are you using?
236
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,480
Desperate-and-Deranged.com.
(LAUGHTER)
237
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,840
Muddy Mates. It's for farmers and
the farming community.
238
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,040
Lot of very mucky women on there.
(LAUGHTER)
239
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,560
Do you wanna hear this fucking
- story or what?!
- Go on.
240
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:33,200
'Right, her name
is Lesley Anne Fisher.'
241
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:36,680
- Posh, yeah.
- And she is a journalist
for a farming magazine.
242
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:40,920
I'm searching for a soul mate,
not some easy minge.
243
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,920
- ALL: Mmm.
- And over a few wines, we
- get talking.
- You were drinking wine?
244
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:48,760
No. I had a pint of stout.
She had the wine.
245
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,560
And the more she drank,
the more she gabbed.
246
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,880
My next feature is on what they call
-"film-star" bulls.
- Oh.
247
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:57,840
- Have you heard of them?
- No.
248
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,840
But I once had a Friesian that was
the spit of Jodie Foster.
249
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,240
(BOTH LAUGH RAUCOUSLY)
250
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,480
What?
251
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,440
Film-star bulls are bulls that carry
the highest-proof semen.
252
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:14,560
Semen with the proven ability to
sire cows with high milk yields.
253
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,600
Right.
254
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,320
But here's the real attraction.
255
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,880
Where a single ejaculation might
normally produce, say,
256
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,400
50 straws -
257
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,280
50 -
258
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,920
a shot from a film-star bull
can produce as many as...
259
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,040
500.
260
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,520
Fucking hell. Super spunk.
261
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,600
Fair play.(MURMURS OF ASSENT)
262
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,520
The bull I'm seeing next week,
Sonny Boy,
263
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:42,680
he's at a secret location
and he's a...
264
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,760
a real A-lister.
265
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:50,120
His frozen semen sold for
500...600 a pop.
266
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,880
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
267
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,240
(CHUCKLES)
268
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,480
Right, just hang fire then.
So 600 quid a pop you're saying.
269
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,720
- Yep.
- And he can do what 500
- shots at his jizzing best.
- Yep.
270
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,480
Jesus Christ. Go on.300,000.
271
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,960
300,000, dude. That's a lot.
Fucking hell. For bull splooge?
272
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,920
It's like gold dust. Hey,
273
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,760
and I've got all the details
of when she's going.
274
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,280
So I suggest we follow her
and her photographer,
275
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:17,080
intercept 'em en route and then go
and nick the knob yoghurt.
276
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,120
We'll do it.
That's a fucking good idea.
277
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,280
All right? They're expecting
278
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,760
a nice lady journalist, so that's
exactly what we'll give 'em.
279
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,360
VINNIE ON WALKIE-TALKIE: Jimbo,
- what's going on?
- Got eyes on, over.
280
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,480
I have visuals
on the target's abode.
281
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,560
Speak fucking normal, you bellend.
282
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,600
Just let us know
when she's setting off.
283
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,720
Raymond... Roger that.
284
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,480
Raymond Roger that?
285
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,120
Ash, do you know what you're doing
- with that camera?
- Yeah.
286
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:48,120
It's a camera. Just point and shoot.
No, you've got to look professional.
287
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,240
"That's it, sweetheart. There we go.
Make love to the lens.
288
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,280
Pout. Hold that, yeah."
289
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,000
Do you want me to do it?
No, dude. Look, why...
290
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,400
why does Ash get to be
the ph-photographer?
291
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,600
Exactly. Should be me on that
magazine. Bit of fucking diversity.
292
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,880
10-4. 10-4!10-4, message received.
Can you tell him
he's doing the wrong code?
293
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,680
The target is leaving the premises.
294
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:12,680
I repeat, the target
is leaving the premises.
295
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,680
Shut the fuck up.
We're gonna cut her off now.
296
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,800
LESLEY ANNE: (SIGHS CROSSLY)
For God's sake. What's this now?
297
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,840
I hate being late.
298
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,560
Hiya. I am so sorry
to wave you down.
299
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,720
My car's broken down
and my charge has gone on my phone.
300
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:34,000
I was wondering if you could call
- the garage for me.
- Well...
301
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,080
we're in a bit of a h-
- Yeah, course we can.
- Yeah?
302
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,720
- I'm really good with cars.
- Oh, thank
- you so much.
- I'll take a look.
303
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,760
Amazing. Thanks.
304
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,960
What's the...what's the problem?
I think it's the back wheel.
305
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,600
When I was driving,
I could hear a clicking sound.
306
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,960
I think it needs a jack up or...
Yeah, sounds like it.
307
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,840
Lesley! Fucking dickhead. What are
you doing? (YELLING)
308
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,480
Get out! Come here, you...
309
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,120
♪ THE HIVES: Main Offender
310
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,440
Oh!
311
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,240
(YELLING)
312
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,800
Argh!
313
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,040
(ROARS)
314
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:15,440
(SHRIEKS)
315
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:19,200
Cardi! Have you knocked him out?
Fucking idiot.
316
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,160
(GRUNTS)
Oh, like it rough, do you?
- Yeah!
- Yeah, yeah.
317
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,560
Well, I can be as rough -
318
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,360
Arghhh!
319
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,360
Get her!(SHRIEKS)
320
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,360
Nice and tight, Ash. She's a
fucking nutcase.(CHUCKLES)
321
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,520
You double-crossing piece of shit!
322
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,040
You should've gone Dutch on the
meal then, shouldn't you?
323
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,040
Dearest wine. And the pudding.
I'm not fucking made of money.
324
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,080
You should've kept your hands
out of your pocket,
325
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,560
instead of fiddling your shrivelled
- old manroot.
- I was rearranging.
326
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:51,200
- Rearranging my arse.
- I'll rearrange
your fucking arse in a minute, love.
327
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,960
What does that even mean?
Dickhead. (TUTS)
328
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,400
Listen, we're not gonna hurt you,
neither of yous.
329
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,200
We just want the address where the
- bull's kept.
- I'll never give it.
330
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:03,600
You can torture me, you can do what
you like, but I'll never ever -
331
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,000
- It's in the sat nav.
- Ohh!(LAUGHS)
332
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,000
He's a good lad. Come here, give me
a kiss. You're a good lad.
333
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,040
Right, now then. You three, take 'em
for a bloody walk.
334
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,360
We're gonna see a man about a bull.
Go on, fuck off.
335
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,520
Cardi, just guide her. Guide her in.
She's a nutcase.
336
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,960
See you later.
337
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:24,040
I don't need you, you look like a
- plank.Come on!
- All right.
338
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,840
TOMMO: Two drops'll give you
enough time to find out
where the vials are stored.
339
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,280
♪ HONEYFEET:
Colonel Haithi's Trunk Juice
340
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,120
(BIRDS CHIRRUPING)
341
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,160
- Wait.
- What is it? What's up?
342
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,600
That is a hawfinch.
343
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,640
Terrific little bird, the hawfinch.
344
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,240
They can exert enough force to crack
open a cherry stone.
345
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,680
Fucking riveting(!)
346
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,280
Come on!
347
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,040
ASH: Remember what Tommo said -
348
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,560
you only need two drops to knock
them out. Right?
349
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:08,960
Smile, Lesley Anne.
350
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,800
You from Total Farming?
Yeah, absolutely.
351
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,160
I'm Lesley Anne
and this is my photographer Ash.
352
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,080
You're Lesley?
Yes. Yes, Lesley Anne.
353
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,040
You sounded older on the phone.
354
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,880
(CHUCKLES) She gets that
all the time. Old-lady voice.
355
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,480
- Don't you?
- I do.
356
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,520
First time I spoke to her
I thought she was a pensioner.
357
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,240
Anyway, you...you must be Ruth.
Yeah.
358
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,120
And my three boys -
Victor, Vernon and Vincent.
359
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,200
V, V, V. A bit of a V thing
going on there.(CHUCKLES)
360
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,960
- The three of you.
- Anyway,
361
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,920
we're very excited to meet Sunny
Boy, aren't we, Ash?
362
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:49,120
- So excited.Yeah.
- I've always found
bulls to be very photogenic.
363
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,160
You won't see a better-looking bull.
364
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,160
If I was a cow, I'd have him inside
me all day long.
365
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,600
Right, shall we start with a quick
chat... This is ready...and a brew?
366
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,280
BOTH: Yeah.
367
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,680
If I have a herd of a hundred cows
and each one is inseminated
368
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,760
three times over a nine-week period,
369
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,040
have a guess how many'll get
pregnant on strong bull sperm.
370
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,440
- I wouldn't know.
- Couldn't say.98%.
371
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,280
Wow.98%!
372
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,560
See my Sunny Boy
has thousands of daughters
373
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,960
in countries all over the
- world, yeah? Tokyo.
- Tokyo.
374
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,640
- Brazil.
- Brazil
375
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,360
- Mozambique.
- Mozambique.
376
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,960
(CHUCKLES)
You mean to say MOO-zambique.
377
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,720
(LAUGHS)
Right. (CLEARS THROAT)
378
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,120
Well, we'd really like to meet him.
379
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,120
Yeah, we really would,
we really would.
380
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,960
But before we do that,
I couldn't get a group snap
381
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,120
of all the four of ye, could I?
382
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,720
Kind of like the human side
behind the animal's success.
383
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,120
Yeah, yeah. Course. Why not?
384
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,000
Thanks.
385
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,320
Lovely. Right, if you assemble
yourselves...
386
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,120
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
387
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,560
♪ THE CASTAWAYS: Liar Liar
388
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,920
♪ Your nose is longer
than a telephone wire
389
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,800
♪ Ask me, baby, why I'm sad
390
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,880
♪ You've been out all night,
know you've been bad
391
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,200
♪ Don't tell me different,
know it's a lie... ♪
392
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,120
Listen, man, I'm sorry I didn't come
to visit you more.
393
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:17,720
Um... Just...you know, I felt so
guilty about you ending up in there.
394
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,920
It's all right. Forget it.
You took a bullet for us
395
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,120
and I'm grateful to you, right?
396
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,040
Any one of us on that Tillerton trip
could've ended up inside, so...
397
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,400
I'm not...
You can't grass on your mates.
398
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,000
I wasn't gonna do that, was I,
you know?
399
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,240
You can't do that. Just like you
can't be telling your missus
400
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,240
shit she doesn't need to know, Dildo.
401
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,680
Have you told her about the fucking
guy who got his head taken off?
402
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,600
She told me she didn't blab.
Of course she fucking did.
403
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,360
Christ on a bike.
Do you believe that?
404
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,400
Don't lose your head.
405
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,720
Fuck!
406
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,640
Well, she... You fucking turnip.
407
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,800
Use your brain, you handsome moron.
408
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,560
Just keep her out of your life.
Yeah, well, I have.
409
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,400
Good.
410
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,960
Fuck, dude. I don't want to go back
inside for anyone. It was terrifying.
411
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,560
- Oh, oh. Are we on?
- Yeah.
Where's he?
412
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,600
Tom! Tommy! Come the fuck on.
413
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,360
Terrible tracksuit. Come on.
414
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,160
(LOCK BEEPS)
415
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,520
(ANIMAL GRUNTS)
416
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,640
There he is...the film star.
417
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,160
Wow. He's a beauty.
418
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,640
Like I told you.
Ruth, walk me through the process.
419
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,240
Before he inseminates the lovely
ladies,
420
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,160
how do you extract the semen?
421
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,280
Simple. We excite him
with a bit of cow spray
422
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,880
and get him to mount another bull
while we... So he's gay, is he?
423
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,200
- No.
- She just said another bull -
He's artificially excited.
424
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,720
Yeah, but he's happy to get up on
the back of another boy and...
425
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,920
..give it a go
Well, he's not fussy, is he?
426
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,840
He just wants to release himself.
For top-quality sperm
427
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,200
he can only be released once every
month or two.
428
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,880
Once you've collected the semen, you
freeze it. Where is that stored?
429
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,200
Shall we just agree that he's bi,
- so?
- Ashley!
430
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,840
- I'm just saying.
- We just collect the
semen in some glass vials and...
431
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,880
- Mum?
- The vials, where are they
- stored?
- I feel a bit... Fuck.
432
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:12,400
- Ruth? Where's the freezer?
- It's...
The vials?
433
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:13,800
(HEAVY THUD)
Oh...
434
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,800
Fuck's sake. You ruined that with
all your gay questions.
435
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,440
The bull mounts boys, Erin.(MOOING)
436
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,280
See he's agreeing with us. Oh,
- careful.
- It's all right, calm down.
437
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,760
How much did you put in? The
two of them are out in minutes.
438
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,760
Fucking two, like Tommo said.
(BULL GRUNTS)
439
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:31,200
We need to find the freezer.
- You check in there.
- Yeah, I will.
440
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,320
- You go.
- I'll try and find
the others.(MOOING)
Whoa, Sunny.
441
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:38,120
We're both gay men. All we want is
a few of your baby tears, all right?
442
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,960
(GRUNTING)
Erin!
443
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,520
Hello? Lads?
444
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,800
'Ey, lads? Oh, fuck. You big fucker.
445
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,520
Shit. Jesus Christ, you're fucking
strong, dude.
446
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,560
- Get off!
- Shit.
Have you found any jizz?
447
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,680
I'm saying shit out of joy and
- happiness.
- Fucking shit!
448
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,840
Ooh, shit. You're a good lad.
You're a good lad.
449
00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,720
(BARKS)
450
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,920
Fuck! Shut the door.
451
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,440
- Oh, my God. Tommo!
- What is it?
452
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:06,880
All right, all right.
453
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,280
Remember, it's more scared of you
- than you are of it.
- Is it?
454
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,320
Just open the fucking door.
455
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,760
- Oh, it's got a code.
- Try 1-2-3-4.
456
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,560
It's not gonna be that, is it?
Try 9-9-9-9.
457
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,600
(MOOING)
- No.
- Four zeros.
458
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,440
(KEYPAD BEEPS)
No. We're not getting
in here, are we?
459
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,560
Which is why I specially said
460
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,440
you need to see the frozen jizz
before they pass out.
461
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,760
Obviously two drops was too
- much, wasn't it?
- Have we fucked it?
462
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,800
- Yeah, we've fucked it.
- Fuck!
463
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,120
Unless... DYLAN: Unless what?
464
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,880
Well, unless we take the big lad
here with us.
465
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,040
(MOOING)
466
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,520
'Ey up, it's the police.
What the fuck do they want?
467
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,360
Oh, shit, it's Slater.
They must know we have the bull.
468
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,400
CARDI: Caught red-handed.
469
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:02,560
Afternoon, officer.
It's afternoon, detective.
470
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,160
You're milking it, man. It's starting
to look like harassment, girls.
471
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:10,240
Oh, what's that? It's a search
warrant for the entire site.
472
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,600
A search warrant? What you hoping
to find? Contraband cows?
473
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,880
I've had information that you're in
cahoots
474
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,040
with convicted criminal
Vincent O'Neil.
475
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,640
(LAUGHS)
Ooh, who's told you that?
476
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:25,080
Weed, stolen wheels, sexual
- debauchery.
- Farmers?
477
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:27,400
Fuck off. Too niche even for me,
sweetheart.
478
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,200
Fine. Search.
479
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,480
But I want every vest
and every skiddy Y-front
480
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,880
back where you found it or I'll be
bringing my lawyers in.
481
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,160
- Ladies.
- Bend 'em over, lads.
482
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:46,240
Weird."Bend 'em over."
What are you bending us over for?
483
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,280
- Catch you later.
- Ooh, eh.
484
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,880
Get the bull in the cow shed
and watch out for its blind spot.
What's that?
485
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,840
What's a blind... Jim?
What's a bl... Jim?
486
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:58,760
Fucking hell, man.(SHOUTING)
487
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,320
Come on, big lad.
488
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:03,800
I'm so hot.(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
489
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,880
No! Red! Cardi. Put it away.
490
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,760
- Shit.Knobhead.
- Go on!
491
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,120
♪ SHARHABIL AHMED: Argos Farfish
492
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,160
- Har! Har!
- We've such a big treat for
- you later.
- That's it.
493
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,920
Nice and gentle.
494
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,760
Har! Har!
495
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,920
A big treat after this.
- A big treat after this.
- Grrr!
496
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,160
(SHOUTING)
497
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,120
- Yay!
- Yep.
498
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,560
Right, listen. The way I see it,
we've got a tiny window here.
499
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:37,000
We've got to get matey boy to shoot
his load, collect as much as we can
500
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,960
and then we fuck him off back to
his original owner, right?
501
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,920
Or...we keep the bull.
502
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,960
A-grade wazz,
licence to print money.
503
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,760
Oh, yeah. Like the goose that laid
the g-golden egg.
504
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,680
And how did that end?
How did that end?
505
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:52,040
I fucking don't know. It's like a
cautionary tale, innit, for kids.
506
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,960
To do with greed and shit like that.
I dunno.
507
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,520
- I'm going to Google that.
- Don't...
JJ.
508
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,920
Let's not Google that,
let's fucking YouTube
509
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:03,440
how to wank a ginger bull off.
We can't do it, they use stimulants
510
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,800
and specialised equipment and stuff.
No, no. Way I see it, right,
511
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,640
a wank is a wank is a wank.
512
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,800
The todger, be it human, dog,
badger or bull, responds to touch.
513
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:19,480
Ergo, all we need is to get matey
boy here aroused and merry jizzmas.
514
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,440
Eurgh.
Erin, whack on your Marigolds.
515
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,760
-(SOFTLY) Love you.
- I'm not doing it.
He's actually quite gay though,
516
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,400
Sunny Boy, so a man
- is definitely better.
- Cardi then.
517
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,280
You can fuck off. You do it.
518
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,200
I'm not fucking doing it.
Tommo, you own a sex dungeon
519
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,960
For the umpteenth...
What I own is an erotic parlour.
520
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,080
We don't stretch to bestiality.
There were one time with a rabbit,
521
00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:42,120
- but that were going too far.
- Fucking
rabbit. What could do with a...
522
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:43,960
Listen, do you have, like,
523
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,320
stuff to bring men off
in your horrid dungeon?
524
00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:48,320
Course I do.
What kind of shit do you have?
525
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,840
You name it, mate.
We've got er...tingly lube,
526
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,360
fake gushing vag.
My personal favourite -
527
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,640
the chilli inserter.
Where's that go?
528
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,240
Where the fuck do you think it goes?
Right up the arse,
529
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,160
you fucking great lemon.
530
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,160
Right, we'll get the chilli inserter,
you two dickheads find a sexy cow.
531
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,720
Where's the weed, boys? Where's
the stolen motors?
532
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:12,320
Is that it? Oh, no.
It's a flower vase.
533
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:18,360
Oh, is that 'em?
Oh, no. It's a porcelain frog.
534
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:19,920
(CHUCKLES)
535
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,520
What's this then, eh?
536
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,080
POLICEMAN: Over here, sir.
537
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,880
Oh, dear.
538
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:31,360
- Weaponry?
- Those are depinned.
They're memorabilia.
539
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,800
Sir.
540
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,760
- And this?
- It's a Luger.
It's from the First World War.
541
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,680
Dangerous weapons.
What has he got planned?
542
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,160
I've got a big one, sir.
- Shall I get it out?
- Go on.
543
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:50,400
You're nicked.
544
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,400
(MOOING)(COAXES)
545
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,080
Er...hello. This one's quite fit.
546
00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,240
- Based on what?
- Nice nose.
547
00:27:57,280 --> 00:27:59,480
He's not going to be looking at her
nose.
548
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,280
Sunny Boy will be looking at
the arse. Look at her arse.
549
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,000
I'm not an expert on arses.
Check the udders then.
550
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,040
- What others?
- Not the others,
the udders of the cow.
551
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,240
The swingy-down bit. Have you
never been on a farm before?
552
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,200
Yes, I've been on a farm.
(SQUELCHING)
Uhh!
553
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,000
(LAUGHS)
I stepped
straight in poo there.
554
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,840
(SPLASHING)
Oh!
555
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:20,560
I fucking slid on that one.
556
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,600
Right, I need go and pick Tyler up.
557
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,880
Any excuse for you to get out of
wanking a bull off.(LAUGHS)
558
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:27,760
Eh? (BOTH LAUGH)
559
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:31,040
Before you go I do need to talk to
- you, actually.
- Oh. Go on.
560
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,400
I've got a bloody problem.
What kind of problem?
561
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,760
A McCann problem.(SIGHS)
562
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,320
He's locked me off.
He's not answering me calls.
563
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,800
There's no communication. It's like
I'm fucking persona non gratis.
564
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,840
- Grata.Grata.
- Yeah.
565
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:48,560
Honestly, I never said a word.
I kept my mouth shut.
566
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,640
The police were offering me less
time if I only grassed
567
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,400
and I kept me fucking gob shut.
Terence who?
568
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,240
Maybe...he wants to stay on the safe
side until things quieten down.
569
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,720
I don't know though.
If I'm no use to him,
570
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,160
then I'm just a worry to him and
that frightens the shit out of me.
571
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,080
He is a ruthless man, Erin. You know?
572
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,560
Come here.
573
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,560
I don't like you worrying.
You'll be fine.
574
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,960
You know...(CLEARS THROAT)
575
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,400
You know that thing you said to me?
Mm.
576
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,960
That you whispered in my ear
- when I got arrested.
- Yeah.
577
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,680
Did you mean it?
578
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:33,560
Yeah.
579
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,640
Yeah, I did.
580
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,520
(SIGHS) But Vin...
I know, it's all right.
581
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,560
You don't have to explain yourself.
582
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,600
I know you've a lot going on,
got your exams,
583
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,240
you wanna get the fuck out of here
cos it's miserable. (CHUNTERS)
584
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:52,200
It just meant a lot to me,
that's all. Hearing that.
585
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,880
Do you know that I fancy you loads?
586
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,520
- Shut up.
- I fancy you...
Shut up...every single day.
587
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,360
Fucking nightmare.
I need to get Tyler.
588
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,920
Get the fuck out of here.
I've got to wank a bull off.
589
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,160
- Oh, Jesus.Come on.
- Get out.
- Get out of it.
- Good luck.
590
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,240
(CHUCKLES)
Right, Vincent,
591
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,280
let's titillate a bull
592
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,960
Anyone seen Jimbo? He's not in his
- house.
- He's not come through.
593
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,600
- Has no-one seen him?No.
- Fuck.
(MOOING)
594
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,000
We'll have to do it ourselves.
How hard can it be?
595
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,600
Boy meets girl, let nature take its
- course.
- JJ, get the fuck in there
596
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,080
and release that cow. Cardi,
get your Tupperware ready.
597
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,600
Oh, Jesus. He's fucking coming for
me. I am not touching that.
598
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,080
Tupperware's a shit idea. Have you
not got a bucket?
599
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,840
Let the crown see the jewels.
600
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:48,080
JJ, gi' over being a fucking mard
arse. What are you reversing for?
601
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,920
Oh, yeah, look at that. She's
sniffing his dick, in't she?
602
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:52,800
Straight in for the BJ. Very nice.
603
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,680
Think of her as one the lads,
- Sunny Boy.
- Come on, sunshine,
604
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,600
she's right next to your chopper.
605
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,640
Fuck, he don't look too interested,
does he?
606
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,120
She looks like she's gonna mount
him!(SIGHS)
607
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:06,440
All right, we'll have to do it
- ourselves. Tommo get in there.
- What?
608
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:10,040
Get in the bleedin' pen!
And take your sex spray.
609
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,680
Come on, Tom. Come on, Tom.
610
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,760
- Christ, it's gritty.
- Gritty?
611
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:19,280
Heavens above, it's enormous.
It's like a French baguette.
612
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,680
- What flavour?
- What flavour(?) Beef.
613
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,440
Can you imagine a beef baguette?
I'm starving.
614
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:28,440
Come on, sunshine, there we go.
Give it up for your Uncle Tommo.
615
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,280
You sound like a paedophile.
Vinnie, you're putting me off.
616
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,240
You're wanking off a fucking
ginger jizz machine
617
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,400
and calling yourself Uncle Tommy.
- You sound like a paedo.
- He's a bull.
618
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,320
He can't understand me.
Then why talk to him?
619
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,600
Because, Dylan,
in case you hadn't realised,
620
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:45,360
I'm pleasuring a fucking bull and I
am trying to... Ahhhh!(MOOING)
621
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,840
Shut up. Get your Tupperware ready.
Good lad. Good lad.
622
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:52,600
- Tommo, come on.
- It's getting hard.
It's getting really fucking hard.
623
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,720
Come on, son, get in there.(GRUNTS)
624
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,080
Wait for it, Tom.(GROANS)
625
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:59,800
- I'm going. Arh.
- Come on, Tom.
I'm cramping.
626
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,200
- No, no, no. Push through.
- Arh.
627
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,320
- I've got to swap arms.
- Don't
stop, he's got a proper throb now.
628
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,480
- He's getting close.
- Take over!
629
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:12,720
Get out of the way.
(GROANS)
- Go on, Tom.
- Fucking...
630
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,560
Tickle his balls.
631
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,640
I swear to God, if I end up
in a fucking psychiatric ward,
632
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,800
we're gonna know what did it.
It's coming.
633
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,040
Get ready, lads! It's coming! Get
ready!(MOOING) Now!
634
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,520
(SPLUTTERING AND GROANING)
635
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,400
- How did we get on?None.
- Fuck all.
636
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,840
Fuck! (VEHICLE APPROACHES)
What's that?
637
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,840
- It's Jim, it's Jim, it's Jim.
- What?
(SPLUTTERS)
638
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,720
- It's not Jim, it's a 4x4.
- It's not
- them, is it?
- We need to get out.
639
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:46,800
He's got a drill. Why's he got a
- fucking drill?
- How've they found us?
640
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,520
Fuck how they found us. Run.
- Hide. Hide, hide.
- Fuck.
641
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:57,680
VICTOR: He's here.
642
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,160
RUTH: Jesus Christ,
all that semen wasted.
643
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,160
It's warm. They're still here.
644
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,960
Well, find 'em.
645
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,240
We're gonna fucking kill ya!
(COCKS GUN)
646
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:09,080
You no-good sons of bitches.
647
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,400
You lying puke of the devil!
648
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:13,880
To give her her dues,
she's got a way with words.
649
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,040
I am a fair woman.
DYLAN: You're a scary woman.
650
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,880
So, if you come out now,
I'll go lenient
651
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:20,600
- OK.
- Where the fuck are you going?
652
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,840
Come to think of it, we're really in
- the shit here now.Yeah.
- Yeah.
653
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,440
Right, what I'm thinking is this.
654
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,240
One of us runs out,
they will give chase.
655
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,280
The rest of us escape.
656
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,120
- That's a good idea.
- Yeah.
Who's gonna do that then?
657
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,640
Last chance,
658
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,680
you cocksucking whores of Jezebel!
659
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,800
It's biblical, in't it?
Bit homophobic maybe.
660
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,640
It might be.
Just give us that spray.
661
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,640
Do you want tingly or cooling?
662
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,760
- Fucking... Give us tingly.
- Right.
663
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,680
(MUTTERING)
664
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,280
♪ Buona sera, signorina,
buona sera
665
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,920
♪ It is time to say good night
to Napoli
666
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:04,760
Arghh!
667
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,200
♪ Though it's hard for us to
whisper, buona sera
668
00:34:08,240 --> 00:34:11,360
(GUNSHOT)
# With that old moon above
669
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,520
♪ The Mediterranean sea, mmm...
670
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,640
- Where's the others?
- They all went
in different directions.
671
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,240
(MOBILE RINGS)
672
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,440
- Yeah?
- Hey, are you all safe?
Yeah, we're fine.
673
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,480
- Fine.
- Thank fuck. Thought one of us
had been killed for sure.
674
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,240
Where shall me and Tommo meet you?
You and Tommo? Where's Cardi?
675
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:30,800
I thought he was with you.
676
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,720
- Shit.Shit?
- Shit.
(GUNSHOT)
Fuck!
677
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,240
(RINGS)
That's him.
678
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,720
- Cardi?
- We've got your fat friend.
Yeah, we know. We want him back.
679
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,600
You're in no position
to be making demands.
680
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,680
He's covered in my Sunny Boy's gloop
and that's thousands of pounds
681
00:34:52,720 --> 00:34:54,520
dripping down his fat fucking face.
682
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,720
- Sorry.
- We're sorry about that, all
right?
683
00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,600
But you got your bull back.
- How did you find us?
- He's chipped.
Like a car. Trackable.
684
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,680
He's chipped like a car. Dyl, you
were right. Clever innit, really?
685
00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:07,480
But you got him back so, you know,
let's not make a thing out of this.
686
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,880
Let bygones be bygones, you
give Cardi back...
687
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:11,880
If we don't get the frozen semen
back,
688
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,880
this lard-arse goes in the slurry
pit.
689
00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,320
What are you talking about?
Don't play innocent.
690
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,880
Your fat fuck of a friend did that
and he got a slap. Tell 'em!
691
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,400
Yeah. She slapped me hard.
692
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,880
The frozen semen vials are gone,
every one of them,
693
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:27,200
and that's a lot of fucking money.
Fucking stop. Just listen to me.
694
00:35:27,240 --> 00:35:30,240
We might be thieves, but I'm
- telling you we're not liars.
- Well...
695
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,320
We're not liars. And, you know,
we did try to drug you.
696
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,560
- And we tried to steal your bull.
- We
even tried the semen. Didn't work.
697
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,280
We fucking did. We tried to steal the
semen from the freezer
698
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,360
and couldn't get in it. So I'm
telling you, whoever stole that jizz,
699
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:47,320
it wasn't us.
In that case, the fat fuck dies.
700
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:52,520
Oh, fucker. Ring her back. Bastard.
Is she actually gonna kill him?
701
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:55,880
You sure you didn't steal the vials?
Think about that fucking question!
702
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,920
- Straight to voicemail.
- If we didn't
- nick it, who did?
- Fuck knows, dude.
703
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,000
Right, OK, I've got a little
confession to make.
704
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:05,840
'You know when we took her to the
woods?'
705
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:09,280
- I need to pee.
- You don't think we're
gonna fall for that old one?
706
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,280
No, I really do. I swear.
I'm bursting.
707
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,480
Listen, love, I've got a prostate the
size of a hard-boiled egg
708
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:19,400
- and even I don't wanna go.
- You
c-can't let her p-piss her pants.
709
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,240
- Y-Come on.
- Oh, you... (GROANS)
710
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,840
Is this all right here, yeah?
Yeah, yeah. Fine.
711
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,200
Let me get those off you.
712
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:29,920
Go ahead.
713
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:30,960
Turn around.
714
00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:34,760
Turn... Turn around!
Yeah. Sorry. Of course, yeah.
715
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:37,880
- Ohh!
- Cardi!
716
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,560
- Oww!Fuck off!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Come on!
717
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,480
- Right, yeah.
- For fuck's sake!
- Come on!
- Coming!
718
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,480
He fucking said not to let her pee.
719
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:46,840
Hit him.
720
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:49,400
- Ow.Idiot.
- DYLAN: Ten to one
Lesley stole the vials.
721
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,320
I'll do a voice.
Don't do a fucking voice.
722
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:58,240
(HEAVY THUDDING) Fucking hell, you're
- like the fucking police.
- Sorry.
723
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,120
- Lesley Fisher?
- Lesley Anne.
724
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,880
- Package here for you.
- Eh?
Sign here, please.
725
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:08,160
Ha, it's a ruse! Dickhead.
726
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:11,880
What's with all this fucking pink?
I like it.
727
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:15,040
I like toast. I don't peg it all over
me shagging house, do I, dickhead?
728
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,120
Get out of my house.
Have you found owt?
729
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:21,200
- Nothing in the freezer.
- Shit. Look,
them farmers are not fucking about.
730
00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:24,400
(MOBILE PINGS) They're gonna hurt our
- mate. Where's the jizz?
- Vin.
731
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,560
Oh, fuck! There's only you and that
fucking snapper
732
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,000
know where that jizz was kept. It
doesn't take a genius -(SPITS)
733
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,840
- The fuck?
- Mind my shoes.
You spat on my dick a bit.
734
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:37,960
You ruined my feature, walked me to
the woods like a dog to be put down.
735
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,240
You drugged them, you robbed them.
You deal with the consequences.
736
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:44,680
How do you know we drugged 'em?
Well, I...I...(MOCK STUTTER)
737
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:47,120
Shut the fuck up! Where's that jizz?
738
00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:51,720
Everyone fuck summat up. Grab summat
pink and just fucking... Yes, Ashley!
739
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,000
Go on, boy.
740
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:56,520
OK, OK, OK.
741
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:01,680
Don't touch it.
Hurry the fuck up before they
drown our mate in pig shit.
742
00:38:01,720 --> 00:38:05,160
- Dickhead, what's that?
- Why would I
- look in a garage?
- Nice one.
743
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,680
There's summat doing my head in. The
freezer where they kept the jizz,
744
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:11,960
how did you know the code for that?
Guesswork. It was 1-2-3-4.
745
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,640
- You fucking said that.
- I said that.
- He said that.
- Can we get on with it?
746
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,920
Now, it needs handling carefully.
747
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,960
If it's allowed to get warm,
the whole lot will be ruined.
748
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,920
So, you boys be careful.
Need to be careful with it
749
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,680
(ALL SHOUT OUT)
Oh, shit.
750
00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:30,320
Fuck off, Lesley. What the fuck?
What have you done that for?
751
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:33,560
- You've killed my mate.
- You've fucked
- us.
- I'm gonna fucking go apeshit.
752
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,520
What are all these fucking gloves
- about, Lesley?
- You fucking...
753
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:40,840
I think I might
have just come up with a plan B.
754
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,480
You're going nowhere, you fucking
nightmare. This is too gloopy.
755
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:48,640
- We need to whisk it more.
- Water. Put
some water in it, you knobhead.
756
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,000
What the fuck's that?
That is my plan B.
757
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:55,640
What the fuck's that out of, a shrew?
Give me six and a half minutes
and I'll get you some more.
758
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,080
Fuck me, you better hurry up.
Come on, put some out, bud.
759
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,960
- Guys, come on.
- Whisk then. Whisk!
I'm whisking.
760
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,320
Whisk like your fucking life depended
on it.
761
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,720
♪ THE CAPITOLS: Cool Jerk
762
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:12,560
Shit.
763
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:15,880
You all right?
764
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,120
We've er...got your jizz here.
765
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,080
What are you doing? Got your semen.
766
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,240
- You're late.
- I know, but we sent
you a text. Did you not get it?
767
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,360
Yeah, we got it but, you know,
a deadline's a deadline.
768
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,640
Yes, it is. We're fucking here now
though. Do you want the jizz or not?
769
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:34,120
Course we do. But you see, you've
- caused us a lot of trouble.
- I know.
770
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:37,720
I mean, look at my fucking eyes!
They're still tingling.
771
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:41,000
(CLICKS FINGERS)
'Ey, lads. (HAMMERS CLICK) Lads.
772
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,600
(PANICKED SHOUTS)
Fuck! (AIR HISSES)
773
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,120
- Out the van!
- All right.
774
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:51,600
Fuck.
775
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,320
- Clothes off.
- What? Come on.
776
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,680
You drugged and sprayed us.
You're not tricking us a third time.
777
00:39:58,720 --> 00:40:02,040
And you're fucking late. So I want
it all off. Underpants an' all.
778
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,560
Clothes off now!
Willies out on a farm?
779
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,640
Do you wanna see your mate again?
(HAMMERS CLICK)
780
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:09,720
- Get your hogs out.
- What?
Just get 'em out.
781
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:13,760
- It's fucking freezing.
- Fuck, bro.
JJ, come on.
782
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,320
It's like some weird '70's porno
this, in't it?(CHUCKLES)
783
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,600
Fuck, it's cold.
784
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,440
He's a big lad, in't he?
Yeah, he is a big lad.
785
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,360
He's known for that - Fucking...
Where's Cardi?!
786
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,680
- Check the semen.
- Can't get my
fucking trousers off.
787
00:40:30,720 --> 00:40:32,520
Nippy, in't it?
788
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,280
Is it good? Is it all there?
It's a funny colour.
789
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,000
How do we know you haven't swapped
- that?
- With what?
790
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,280
What would we switch it with in this
- time? Our own?
- Ridiculous.
791
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,680
Fine, but we'll be testing it, yeah?
792
00:40:46,720 --> 00:40:49,600
And if that is not film-star
splat... (CHUCKLES)
793
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:53,280
..I'll be coming after every single
one of you with a fucking scythe.
794
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,240
- What's a scythe?
- I have no idea.
795
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,680
Come on then.
Why does he never say owt?
796
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:05,560
- Right. Here's your fat friend.
- Oh,
- lads.
- Cardi, you all right, love?
797
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,080
Mind them pigs.
Come on, love. You all right?
798
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:09,920
Good lad. Dude, dude, dude.
799
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,320
Fucking touching.
They said they were gonna
800
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,240
t-throw me
in the fucking slurry pit.
801
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:17,960
Well, we're fucking here now, aren't
- we?
- Let's go then.
802
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,640
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- You're joking?
Fucking hell.
803
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,960
Go on then, fuck off.
Nice jacket that.
804
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,960
They were designer them.
805
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,440
This is fucking Jim.
Candy from a fucking baby.
806
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,360
I should have stayed in t'nick.
807
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,160
Get in.
808
00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,960
- Did you get bummed?
- No, I didn't get
fucking bummed, dude. Get in the van.
809
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:43,040
- We'll have some chips.
- Let's get
- t'radio on.
- Sorry about the trouble.
810
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,600
All right.(MUTTERS)
811
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,960
- Do you want chips, Cardi?
- Who's gonna
go in? We're all naked.
812
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,680
Mr McCann.
813
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,720
Hello.
814
00:41:58,720 --> 00:42:00,680
My name's Erin.
815
00:42:00,720 --> 00:42:02,760
I'm a friend of Vincent O'Neil.
816
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:05,520
And?
817
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,720
I've got a proposal.
818
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:16,000
It's me mum. She's dead, Vinnie.
We want our money.
819
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,120
- Get him!
- Jesus.(YELLING)
Arh!
820
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:21,840
If you're looking for a free
funeral, you can go fuck yourself!
821
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,560
I'm burying his mam with dignity.
- Fuck's sake.
- Amazing knees.
822
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,280
- Dickhead.
- They're smashers.
823
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:30,960
There's not a thing on this list we
- won't have done.Buried at sea?
- Fuck.
824
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:35,480
(SHRIEKS)
No, we've got a situation.
We've got a situation as well.
825
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:39,400
Don't fucking come in here!
Argh! (SHRIEKS)
66395
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