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[Yawns] Well, fell asleep
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reading the dictionary again.
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Classic Zach.
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You guys are probably asking
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yourselves, "hey, what am I
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watching here?
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Slow down."
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Well, brace yourselves, America.
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You are watching exclusive
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behind-the-scenes footage of a
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pre-celebrity.
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Yesterday, I, Zach stone,
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graduated from high school.
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Today is the first day of the
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rest of my life.
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Good. Good, guys.
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Intimate.
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Are any of you guys in the shot?
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No.
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Good. Good.
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Let's keep this professional,
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okay?
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[Quirky music]
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* Zach stone
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* is gonna be famous
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* Zach stone
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* is gonna be famous
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* Zach stone
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* is gonna be famous
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* Zach stone
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* is gonna be famous
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* Zach stone, Zach stone
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I played the game for
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12 years.
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Grades, plays, sports,
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extracurriculars, philanthropy.
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I was a bit of a Woody Allen
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meets Jason statham-
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Ferris Bueller.
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Dude, what the [Bleep] are
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you doing in my room?
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Oh, cut, please.
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I am just...
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dude, what did you do to my
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posters?
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I don't want to have
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clearance issues, Andy.
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Zach, get out. Get out.
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It's over your head. Okay.
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Wardrobe change.
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* hanging with Zach
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I am lucky enough to have two
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loving and open-minded parents
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who are beyond supportive of my
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decision to spend my entire life
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savings on a reality show about
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myself, so...
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It's the dumbest thing you've
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ever done, Zach.
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Not true. Not true.
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You have worked for three
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years at the grocery store
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saving all that money.
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Tons of money.
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Uh-huh, well, are you sure
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you want to spend it on this?
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Uh, yeah, do I want to spend
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my money on my dreams?
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Let me think about that.
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Ding, yes, because I live in
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America.
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Ever heard of it?
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What exactly are you gonna be
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famous for, Zach?
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You don't act or sing.
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You don't even have hidden
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talents.
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You give up on anything that
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takes Patience or discipline.
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You quit piano lessons 'cause
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the stool was uncomfortable.
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Okay, you didn't sit on the
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stool, so you can't talk.
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I can do anything.
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Okay, I can be a famous writer,
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producer, actor, director,
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dancer, crab fisherman, slut.
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Plenty of sluts still go to
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college, Zach.
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Ah, but you don't need to go
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to college to be famous, guys.
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Do you know why?
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Because soulja boy, super
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famous, and can't even read.
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What about all your friends,
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huh?
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In a couple of months, they're
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gonna be leaving, going to
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college.
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There's a lot of bad improv
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going on here, okay, so if we
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could just go first positions.
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Cut.
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So about something else, those
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sports teams, win, lose, pick a
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side.
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[Cell phone rings]
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Get my phone, will you?
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Yup. Okay.
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Thank you.
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Here you go.
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Thank you.
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Yeah.
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Hey.
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Oh, hi, mark.
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Just cheat up to camera a
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little bit.
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Oh, that's too bad.
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No, cheat up. Cheat up.
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I'm so sorry.
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No, no, no, of course we'll help
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out.
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Yeah, okay, we'll see you soon.
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Susan passed away last night.
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Oh, I don't know who that is.
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Ex-step-grandma Susan.
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Grandpa's fourth wife.
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Susan.
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I'm gonna take it again.
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What do you mean you're
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gonna take that again?
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[Sobs]
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Oh, Jesus.
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Zach.
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God.
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[Weeps]
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Really, Jesus? Really?
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Really?
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And scene.
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Nailed it. Oh, my...
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Hey, Zach.
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Okay, sorry.
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A person died, okay?
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I know. I know.
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I know. It is sad.
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But I nailed the sad.
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Zachary.
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Funerals are never fun.
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But I feel like this one has
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potential, you know?
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I mean, this could be exactly
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what I need.
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It's exciting, it's exclusive,
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it's black-tie, there's an
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audience.
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Where better for me to showcase
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my talents?
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You know?
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Hey, Zach.
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That's my good friend Amy.
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[Clears throat]
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Great girl, great girl, but I
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don't really see how she fits
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into this show.
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You know, she's not the goth
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girl, she's not the cheerleader,
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and she definitely doesn't fit
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into the girl-next-door role.
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She actually lives four doors
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down, so...
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Okay, stop, don't be weird.
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Hey, guys, this is my best
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friend Greg leblanc.
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Hello.
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Yay, Greg.
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Hey, yeah, what's up?
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Greg and I, we... we dominated
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high school together.
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It was... it wasn't even fair.
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We banged every cheerleader.
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It was like you, you, you.
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Do we have cheerleaders?
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What about the parties, dude?
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Tell 'em about the parties, the
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ragers.
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Oh, yeah.
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Uh, my bar mitzvah...
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no. Cut.
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Do you know what I'm doing here?
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Do you...
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not right now.
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I am trying to change my
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life, okay?
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We have the chance now.
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We can be anything we want to
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be, okay?
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Could we just like... just kind
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of be ourselves or just be more
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real?
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Yeah, let's be real, Greg.
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Let's see how that works.
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Uh, hey, I'm Zach.
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This is my best friend Greg.
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He shaves once every two hours.
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I shave once every two months.
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We had three girlfriends total
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in high school.
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I've had three girlfriends.
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So three total.
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We sit in the basement all day,
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eating salty, salty foods and
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pirating the latest
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now that's what I call music!
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Albums.
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We didn't pirate.
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* is gonna be famous
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my mom.
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* Zach stone is
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hey, mom, sorry, I can't talk
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to you right now.
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I am... "Get flowers."
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Getting...
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cut the crap, Zach.
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Your brother just called me.
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He told me that the Volvo's
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parked in Greg's driveway.
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Well, Andy's a sociopath,
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so...
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Hello, Gregory.
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You're not on speakerphone.
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Hi, Mrs. stone.
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So Boston college next year,
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huh?
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Yeah, it's... that's whatever.
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Yeah, it's a great school.
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Your parents must be so proud.
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Okay, well, Greg and I are
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just heading into a tunnel now.
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Zach, listen to me, there's
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one more thing.
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We were wondering if you might
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want to do a reading at the
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funeral tomorrow.
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Something... something short.
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A minute tops.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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Give me the spotlight, and I'm
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gonna seize it.
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I will not disappoint you.
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You're the best mother ever.
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I love you. Good-bye.
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Zach...
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gotta let go.
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I'm headlining.
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Out. We're moving.
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It's athletic.
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It's like the amazing race.
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It's urgent, multicultural, and
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a twirl.
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Hood slide, here we go.
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Whoa, easy. Dismount.
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Ow, ow, ow. Here we go.
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Okay, I gotta get home and plan
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my act and then keep running
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with...
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hey, sweetie.
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Holy [Bleep].
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Okay. All right.
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Cut. Why are you...
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dude, I'm trying to talk to
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you.
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Well, it's breaking and
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entering if you broke anything,
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okay?
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Why are you being weird?
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I'm not being weird.
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I've been running errands for my
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mom all week, so...
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yeah, well, you practically
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peeled out trying to get away.
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Well, that's not my fault,
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okay?
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Because this car had a tune-up
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recently and is now equipped
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with horsepower.
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Horsepower?
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Yeah.
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Zach, I'm going to college in
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a couple of months.
290
00:06:30,169 --> 00:06:31,168
Okay, you don't think I know
291
00:06:31,168 --> 00:06:31,967
that, Amy?
292
00:06:31,968 --> 00:06:34,366
Everyone's leaving. Okay?
293
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:35,466
If I don't get famous, I'm gonna
294
00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:36,632
be stuck in this town, working
295
00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:37,799
at a coal mine for the rest of
296
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:38,866
my life.
297
00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:40,032
There are no coal mines here.
298
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:40,900
Yeah, it's a figure of
299
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:41,733
speech.
300
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,299
Zach, you're gonna be fine.
301
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:44,168
You're always fine.
302
00:06:44,169 --> 00:06:45,366
Yeah, how fine am I gonna be
303
00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:46,899
in three months when you're, you
304
00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:47,733
know, off at some frat party
305
00:06:47,733 --> 00:06:48,400
and I'm stuck...
306
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,267
oh, my god, here comes the
307
00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:50,168
frat party speech.
308
00:06:50,169 --> 00:06:51,168
I'm just saying, cover your
309
00:06:51,168 --> 00:06:51,933
cups, okay?
310
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:52,767
Because those boys are
311
00:06:52,768 --> 00:06:53,932
professional date rapers.
312
00:06:53,933 --> 00:06:55,199
It's rapists.
313
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,599
Yeah, well, "tomayto,"
314
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,567
"tomahto."
315
00:06:57,568 --> 00:06:59,199
They both rape.
316
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,466
It's gonna be weird next year.
317
00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:01,632
It's gonna be weird.
318
00:07:01,633 --> 00:07:04,599
Yeah, I know.
319
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:08,599
Mm, does it have to start now?
320
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,599
Oh, [Bleep] Come on!
321
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,032
Are you... are you...[Bleep]!
322
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,199
Come on. Here we go.
323
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,033
Okay, wait, wait, Zach,
324
00:07:15,033 --> 00:07:15,867
you're not backing up.
325
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,166
I'm making my own privacy.
326
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:19,032
I'm making my own privacy, okay?
327
00:07:19,033 --> 00:07:21,166
All right, this... all right, this
328
00:07:21,167 --> 00:07:22,299
solved nothing.
329
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:23,366
So my mom gave me this list of
330
00:07:23,367 --> 00:07:24,532
errands to do for the funeral,
331
00:07:24,533 --> 00:07:25,367
but the problem is she
332
00:07:25,367 --> 00:07:26,200
completely low-balled
333
00:07:26,201 --> 00:07:27,266
everything.
334
00:07:27,267 --> 00:07:30,032
Two dozen roses? Boom!
335
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:31,532
Make that a dozen dozen roses.
336
00:07:31,533 --> 00:07:32,832
Okay, "pick up your uncle mark
337
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:33,667
from the airport"?
338
00:07:33,668 --> 00:07:34,766
Not in this piece of [Bleep].
339
00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:37,266
"Hors d'oeuvres."
340
00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:38,432
Okay, that's French.
341
00:07:38,433 --> 00:07:39,300
I recognize that.
342
00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:40,267
But I don't speak French, so I
343
00:07:40,268 --> 00:07:41,799
went with a surefire bet of
344
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,266
glitter.
345
00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:44,167
Wonderful.
346
00:07:44,168 --> 00:07:46,299
Uh, "get deodorant."
347
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,699
I gotta get deodorant.
348
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:48,533
At this point, you guys are
349
00:07:48,533 --> 00:07:49,433
probably thinking, "Zach, you
350
00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:50,932
are clearly throwing an amazing
351
00:07:50,933 --> 00:07:52,432
funeral, well done.
352
00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:53,267
Now you gotta worry about
353
00:07:53,268 --> 00:07:54,866
finding a date."
354
00:07:54,867 --> 00:07:55,866
Kristy was the hottest girl in
355
00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:57,199
my high school.
356
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,167
I never really got the chance to
357
00:07:58,168 --> 00:07:59,266
talk to her, but that was before
358
00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:00,532
I had the best wingman in the
359
00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:01,500
world.
360
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:02,333
Thanks?
361
00:08:02,334 --> 00:08:03,766
Not you. The camera.
362
00:08:03,767 --> 00:08:05,432
Oh, guy with glasses, you've
363
00:08:05,433 --> 00:08:06,666
been promoted to set decorator.
364
00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:08,332
All right, whoo, so just dress
365
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:09,932
the set, make it look romantic.
366
00:08:09,933 --> 00:08:11,166
You want me to dress the set?
367
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:11,933
Romantic.
368
00:08:11,934 --> 00:08:13,166
Usually, when you want to
369
00:08:13,167 --> 00:08:14,166
court a girl, you gotta go
370
00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:15,432
through a whole rigmarole.
371
00:08:15,433 --> 00:08:16,400
You know, you got to... you got to
372
00:08:16,401 --> 00:08:17,666
meet her parents, you got to
373
00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:18,533
talk to her on the phone, you
374
00:08:18,533 --> 00:08:19,400
got to go swimming with her
375
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,333
brother.
376
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,499
But there's only one thing you
377
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,266
need in order to know everything
378
00:08:23,267 --> 00:08:24,766
you need to know about a girl
379
00:08:24,767 --> 00:08:26,699
like kristy Ackerman.
380
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:27,667
The Internet.
381
00:08:27,668 --> 00:08:29,066
Boom. Here we go.
382
00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:30,000
Look, I'm gonna Facebook her
383
00:08:30,001 --> 00:08:31,532
right now.
384
00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:34,166
Hold on one second.
385
00:08:34,167 --> 00:08:35,666
Oh, look.
386
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:36,999
Look, in five seconds, I know
387
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,232
that she likes diet dr pepper,
388
00:08:39,233 --> 00:08:40,232
shades of hot pink, and
389
00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:41,067
Nicki Minaj.
390
00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:42,000
Awesome.
391
00:08:42,001 --> 00:08:43,199
Dislikes banana-flavored candy
392
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,499
and 9/11.
393
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:45,433
Classy.
394
00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:46,400
And her favorite quote is,
395
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,832
"anyone want a piece of this
396
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:49,766
[bleep] Cake?"
397
00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:52,166
Attributed to her.
398
00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:53,067
It's gonna be easier than I
399
00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:53,900
thought.
400
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:59,432
Here we go.
401
00:08:59,433 --> 00:09:03,065
You work fast, dude.
402
00:09:03,066 --> 00:09:04,832
Oh.
403
00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:06,399
Kristy Ackerman.
404
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:07,233
Do I know you?
405
00:09:07,234 --> 00:09:08,599
Yes, I was the grade above
406
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:09,832
you at Redding high.
407
00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:10,899
Okay, what is up with the
408
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,832
cameras and the petals?
409
00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:14,599
Oh, I'm making a little TV
410
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,432
show about myself.
411
00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:17,899
I think I remember you now.
412
00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:19,065
Yes.
413
00:09:19,066 --> 00:09:20,732
You're the guy with the
414
00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:21,667
backpack.
415
00:09:21,668 --> 00:09:24,065
Yes, yes, more of a
416
00:09:24,066 --> 00:09:25,632
briefcase, but...
417
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:26,600
Look, I don't know if you sell
418
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,433
diet dr pepper here...
419
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:28,666
I was sitting in my car, I was
420
00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:29,500
really sad 'cause I was
421
00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:30,999
thinking 9/11 all day, and I
422
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,166
was listening to Nicki Minaj to
423
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:33,232
cheer myself up, and I was
424
00:09:33,233 --> 00:09:34,632
thinking a diet dr pepper would
425
00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:36,065
really hit the spot right now.
426
00:09:36,066 --> 00:09:40,932
I don't know if you sell them.
427
00:09:40,933 --> 00:09:41,800
That is, like, how I start
428
00:09:41,801 --> 00:09:43,399
out every day of my life.
429
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,233
Get out of here.
430
00:09:44,234 --> 00:09:45,233
We don't sell any here, but I
431
00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:46,466
have one.
432
00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:48,065
Always have an extra.
433
00:09:48,066 --> 00:09:50,266
Oh, my. Personal stash?
434
00:09:50,267 --> 00:09:51,167
Yeah.
435
00:09:51,167 --> 00:09:52,066
[Pop]
436
00:09:52,067 --> 00:09:53,399
Ooh.
437
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,065
Mm. Mm.
438
00:09:56,066 --> 00:09:57,466
That is warm.
439
00:09:57,467 --> 00:09:58,400
Can you believe how much we have
440
00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,333
in common?
441
00:09:59,334 --> 00:10:01,166
I know. It's really weird.
442
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,099
Yeah, it's a good weird,
443
00:10:02,099 --> 00:10:02,933
though.
444
00:10:02,933 --> 00:10:03,767
Good weird.
445
00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:04,600
Mm.
446
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:05,500
I was planning a party, sort
447
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:07,499
of a going-away party.
448
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:08,333
Gonna be the bash of the
449
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:09,167
century.
450
00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:09,999
All my friends are gonna be
451
00:10:09,999 --> 00:10:10,833
there.
452
00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:11,966
If you're interested, there's a
453
00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:12,800
ticket with your name on it
454
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:13,733
literally.
455
00:10:13,734 --> 00:10:15,232
So...
456
00:10:15,233 --> 00:10:16,167
Sure.
457
00:10:16,167 --> 00:10:16,999
Yeah.
458
00:10:16,999 --> 00:10:17,833
I'll go.
459
00:10:17,833 --> 00:10:18,667
Yeah, she'll go.
460
00:10:18,668 --> 00:10:19,667
Just I'll give you my number.
461
00:10:19,667 --> 00:10:20,600
Yes, write down the old
462
00:10:20,601 --> 00:10:22,399
number on that.
463
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,132
There she is.
464
00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:25,499
Ah, so...
465
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,732
Yeah, just write it down.
466
00:10:26,733 --> 00:10:28,065
She's gonna give me her number,
467
00:10:28,066 --> 00:10:29,166
and then she's gonna place it
468
00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:30,166
right in here.
469
00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:30,999
No, here.
470
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,065
She's not, and I'm gonna
471
00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:33,599
place it right in here.
472
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,998
So, yeah, maybe if you show up
473
00:10:34,999 --> 00:10:36,232
early, we can share a slice of
474
00:10:36,233 --> 00:10:38,799
that [Bleep] cake.
475
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:39,799
What'd you just say?
476
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:40,767
You know what, let's just...
477
00:10:40,768 --> 00:10:42,466
Come to the party, and I'll see
478
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:43,300
you there.
479
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:44,233
Have you been reading my fa...
480
00:10:44,233 --> 00:10:45,066
no.
481
00:10:45,067 --> 00:10:46,066
Hot chick may come to the party.
482
00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:47,933
Check. Come on. Yeah, man.
483
00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:51,099
Yes.
484
00:10:51,099 --> 00:10:51,966
Zach, where the hell have you
485
00:10:51,966 --> 00:10:52,767
been?
486
00:10:52,767 --> 00:10:53,500
Running errands for the
487
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:54,300
funeral.
488
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:54,966
Really?
489
00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:55,633
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
490
00:10:55,633 --> 00:10:56,500
'Cause your uncle mark
491
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:57,333
arrived from the airport in a
492
00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:57,999
limousine.
493
00:10:57,999 --> 00:10:58,800
Did it have a minibar?
494
00:10:58,800 --> 00:10:59,700
I hooked him up with a minibar.
495
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:00,600
How are you gonna pay for
496
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:01,467
that?
497
00:11:01,468 --> 00:11:02,499
No, I didn't pay for it, dad.
498
00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:04,065
Mom gave me this.
499
00:11:04,066 --> 00:11:05,166
My credit card? Jeez.
500
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:05,933
Yeah.
501
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:06,767
You're gonna pay me back
502
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:07,600
every penny.
503
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,533
No, 'cause I can't afford a
504
00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:09,367
limousine, let alone a dozen
505
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:10,200
dozen roses.
506
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:10,932
You bought a dozen roses with
507
00:11:10,932 --> 00:11:11,733
this?
508
00:11:11,733 --> 00:11:12,600
No, I bought a dozen dozen
509
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:13,533
roses with that.
510
00:11:13,534 --> 00:11:14,699
You bought 12 dozen roses?
511
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:15,766
Uh, yeah, okay, you know
512
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:16,733
what, you might freak out...
513
00:11:16,733 --> 00:11:17,700
I'm already freaking out.
514
00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:18,533
You know what, never mind
515
00:11:18,533 --> 00:11:19,367
then.
516
00:11:19,368 --> 00:11:20,466
Never mind. I'll just go inside.
517
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:21,300
Where the hell are the
518
00:11:21,301 --> 00:11:23,566
petals?
519
00:11:23,567 --> 00:11:24,632
[Vacuum running]
520
00:11:24,633 --> 00:11:26,031
Every room in the house.
521
00:11:26,032 --> 00:11:30,167
Do you hear me?
522
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:33,700
You know, this will actually
523
00:11:33,701 --> 00:11:35,166
make a really nice montage.
524
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:36,931
Zach, can you turn that thing
525
00:11:36,932 --> 00:11:38,566
off?
526
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:39,400
I'm trying to work.
527
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:40,167
Yeah, what you writing there,
528
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:40,899
dude?
529
00:11:40,899 --> 00:11:41,633
Nothing.
530
00:11:41,633 --> 00:11:42,300
Nothing.
531
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:43,032
Let's see what nothing looks
532
00:11:43,032 --> 00:11:43,700
like.
533
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:44,567
Hey.
534
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:45,300
"Grandma, I love you.
535
00:11:45,301 --> 00:11:46,466
You'll always be near.
536
00:11:46,467 --> 00:11:47,400
In my thoughts and my heart,
537
00:11:47,401 --> 00:11:50,166
I have you right here."
538
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:54,065
[Snickers]
539
00:11:54,066 --> 00:11:55,466
Oh, what is this [Bleep]?
540
00:11:55,467 --> 00:11:56,367
Mom and dad gave me a poem
541
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,200
reading.
542
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,167
Probably just an opening for
543
00:11:58,168 --> 00:11:59,199
my reading or something, but
544
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,699
this is...
545
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:05,066
I'm doing the reading.
546
00:12:06,932 --> 00:12:07,965
Why would they do that?
547
00:12:07,966 --> 00:12:08,867
Zach, mom and dad have been
548
00:12:08,868 --> 00:12:11,499
yelling at you nonstop.
549
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,166
It's these frigging cameras.
550
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:14,931
You're being a psycho.
551
00:12:14,932 --> 00:12:15,931
Mom asked you to help, didn't
552
00:12:15,932 --> 00:12:16,833
she?
553
00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:17,667
Yeah.
554
00:12:17,668 --> 00:12:23,031
Yeah, and what did you do?
555
00:12:23,032 --> 00:12:24,199
[Knock on doorframe]
556
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,499
Zach, I don't have time right
557
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:26,367
now.
558
00:12:26,368 --> 00:12:27,766
Mom, I'm sorry, okay?
559
00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:28,931
Look, I talked to my supervisor
560
00:12:28,932 --> 00:12:30,031
at the grocery store, I'm
561
00:12:30,032 --> 00:12:31,332
picking up four extra shifts
562
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,931
next week, and I'm gonna pay for
563
00:12:32,932 --> 00:12:34,199
dad's credit card, so it's all
564
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,766
good.
565
00:12:35,767 --> 00:12:37,998
That was responsible of you.
566
00:12:37,999 --> 00:12:38,932
Is there anything else I can
567
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:39,767
do?
568
00:12:39,767 --> 00:12:40,600
I can...
569
00:12:40,601 --> 00:12:41,632
Zach, I've got a room full of
570
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:42,533
people in there who just lost a
571
00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:43,467
loved one, so I want you to stop
572
00:12:43,468 --> 00:12:45,931
all this TV nonsense and put
573
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:49,031
yourself in their shoes.
574
00:12:49,032 --> 00:12:50,499
[Water sloshing]
575
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:51,699
[Water running]
576
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:52,633
I think I finally figured out
577
00:12:52,634 --> 00:12:53,799
what I want to be famous for...
578
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,199
I want to be famous for making
579
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,332
people happy.
580
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,166
Oprah, bono, Mario Lopez... these
581
00:12:58,167 --> 00:12:59,599
people change lives for the
582
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:00,666
better, and that's what I want
583
00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:01,500
to do.
584
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,333
There's a room full of
585
00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:03,233
heartbroken people downstairs
586
00:13:03,234 --> 00:13:05,166
who didn't get to say good-bye
587
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:06,332
to a sweet, old lady named
588
00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:09,931
Susan.
589
00:13:09,932 --> 00:13:11,232
Until now.
590
00:13:11,233 --> 00:13:12,200
[Knock on door]
591
00:13:12,201 --> 00:13:13,831
Zach, you in there?
592
00:13:13,832 --> 00:13:15,432
Uh, yeah, yeah.
593
00:13:15,433 --> 00:13:16,499
Listen, buddy, I spoke to
594
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,732
your mother, and I think I might
595
00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:20,599
have underestimated you.
596
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,633
Or... or something.
597
00:13:28,866 --> 00:13:29,700
Dad.
598
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:30,600
Everybody out. Let's go.
599
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,433
This stuff is expensive.
600
00:13:31,433 --> 00:13:32,267
Outside.
601
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:33,167
Please.
602
00:13:33,168 --> 00:13:34,167
[High voice] It's me, Susan.
603
00:13:34,167 --> 00:13:34,999
Say your good-byes.
604
00:13:34,999 --> 00:13:35,832
Would you stop? Zach!
605
00:13:35,832 --> 00:13:36,667
[Normal voice] All right.
606
00:13:36,668 --> 00:13:38,266
Get outside.
607
00:13:38,267 --> 00:13:39,566
Go, guys. Just go.
608
00:13:39,567 --> 00:13:40,433
Dad.
609
00:13:40,434 --> 00:13:41,666
Hey, do you understand?
610
00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:43,865
Get out. Get out of my house.
611
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:44,998
Outside.
612
00:13:44,999 --> 00:13:45,932
Where am I supposed to go?
613
00:13:45,933 --> 00:13:46,998
You go to Greg's house for a
614
00:13:46,999 --> 00:13:47,899
couple days.
615
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:49,166
You took away my performance?
616
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:50,232
I can't even be there anymore?
617
00:13:50,233 --> 00:13:51,366
Well, not with that camera
618
00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:52,200
crew.
619
00:13:52,201 --> 00:13:57,166
Are you... dad!
620
00:13:57,167 --> 00:14:00,632
I can't leave, dad.
621
00:14:00,633 --> 00:14:02,066
Literally. My dress is caught.
622
00:14:04,799 --> 00:14:05,567
All I wanted to do was
623
00:14:05,567 --> 00:14:06,300
perform at a funeral.
624
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,200
Is that so hard to ask, god?
625
00:14:07,201 --> 00:14:08,200
Perform at a funeral?
626
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,066
Zach, what are you talking
627
00:14:09,066 --> 00:14:09,899
about?
628
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:10,832
And why do I have to sit in the
629
00:14:10,832 --> 00:14:11,667
backseat?
630
00:14:11,668 --> 00:14:12,667
It's safer back there, okay?
631
00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:15,199
There is less horsepower, okay?
632
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,166
You can never be too safe when
633
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:18,865
driving a vehicle, all right?
634
00:14:18,866 --> 00:14:20,065
That was a stop sign.
635
00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:21,898
Zach, stop the car.
636
00:14:21,899 --> 00:14:22,898
No, it's fine. I'm fine.
637
00:14:22,899 --> 00:14:23,733
I'm paying attention.
638
00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:24,567
Stop the car.
639
00:14:24,568 --> 00:14:26,166
Okay, okay, fine, fine, fine.
640
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:27,366
Fine, all right, are you happy?
641
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,566
I stopped.
642
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:29,400
Is that...?
643
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:31,065
Are you...?
644
00:14:31,066 --> 00:14:32,666
Stay here, okay?
645
00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:34,798
Amy, Amy, dude.
646
00:14:34,799 --> 00:14:35,898
What the hell, Zach?
647
00:14:35,899 --> 00:14:36,732
What? What?
648
00:14:36,733 --> 00:14:37,732
Why won't you let the camera
649
00:14:37,732 --> 00:14:38,567
see me?
650
00:14:38,568 --> 00:14:39,998
'Cause it's complicated,
651
00:14:39,999 --> 00:14:41,166
okay? It's...
652
00:14:41,167 --> 00:14:42,032
Really, are you embarrassed
653
00:14:42,032 --> 00:14:42,700
of me or something?
654
00:14:42,701 --> 00:14:44,499
No, no, why... obviously I'm
655
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,333
not embarrassed of you.
656
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:46,532
Then why are you doing this?
657
00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:48,166
What am... what is this?
658
00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:49,166
What am I doing? Tell me...
659
00:14:49,167 --> 00:14:52,166
cutting me out of your life.
660
00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:54,399
Look, okay, look, these...
661
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,466
Look, these cameras are a way
662
00:14:55,467 --> 00:14:56,831
for me to change things, okay?
663
00:14:56,832 --> 00:15:01,031
And you should... you should be
664
00:15:01,032 --> 00:15:04,066
unedited or whatever.
665
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,632
Wish we had that on camera.
666
00:15:15,633 --> 00:15:16,765
Are we done? Are we...
667
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:17,600
yeah.
668
00:15:17,601 --> 00:15:20,466
Okay.
669
00:15:20,467 --> 00:15:21,599
I just... i just feel like these
670
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,798
cameras, they're... they're making
671
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,199
me choose between the people I
672
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,632
care about, you know, like my
673
00:15:28,633 --> 00:15:31,031
family, and the things I care
674
00:15:31,032 --> 00:15:33,698
about, like my inevitable fame
675
00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:35,765
and fortune.
676
00:15:35,766 --> 00:15:37,798
[Laughs]
677
00:15:37,799 --> 00:15:41,832
So what are you gonna do?
678
00:15:44,066 --> 00:15:45,032
You guys are here.
679
00:15:45,032 --> 00:15:45,899
Where's Zach?
680
00:15:45,899 --> 00:15:46,732
Zach told us to wait out
681
00:15:46,733 --> 00:15:50,567
here, though.
682
00:16:01,866 --> 00:16:02,699
[Church music playing]
683
00:16:02,699 --> 00:16:03,666
Mom, why haven't we started
684
00:16:03,666 --> 00:16:04,500
yet?
685
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,333
Shh, shh.
686
00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:06,167
What?
687
00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:07,032
You haven't even started?
688
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:07,866
I am so sorry.
689
00:16:07,866 --> 00:16:08,799
Our service was supposed to
690
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,199
begin ten minutes ago.
691
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:11,167
It's just gonna be another
692
00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:11,999
couple of minutes.
693
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,432
Really, I promise.
694
00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:14,267
What's going on?
695
00:16:14,267 --> 00:16:15,167
I messed up.
696
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:15,999
What do you mean, you messed
697
00:16:15,999 --> 00:16:16,832
up?
698
00:16:16,832 --> 00:16:17,766
I think maybe it was all the
699
00:16:17,766 --> 00:16:18,632
commotion at the house and you
700
00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:19,467
in that dress.
701
00:16:19,467 --> 00:16:20,300
Thank you.
702
00:16:20,301 --> 00:16:21,698
But I somehow... i forgot to
703
00:16:21,699 --> 00:16:22,367
confirm the priest.
704
00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:23,333
You didn't get a priest, mom?
705
00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:23,999
Shh, shh.
706
00:16:23,999 --> 00:16:24,799
She's not gonna get into
707
00:16:24,799 --> 00:16:25,632
heaven.
708
00:16:25,632 --> 00:16:26,533
Oh, for heaven's sakes, she's
709
00:16:26,533 --> 00:16:27,300
going to heaven.
710
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:28,200
He's coming. I texted him.
711
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:28,932
He's on his way.
712
00:16:28,932 --> 00:16:29,832
It's just gonna be another
713
00:16:29,832 --> 00:16:30,632
couple of minutes.
714
00:16:30,632 --> 00:16:31,600
It's okay. It's okay.
715
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:32,567
It's okay.
716
00:16:32,568 --> 00:16:33,698
Do you think that you might
717
00:16:33,699 --> 00:16:35,466
be able to give that little
718
00:16:35,467 --> 00:16:37,199
speech that you were gonna give?
719
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,266
You know, the little poem or
720
00:16:38,267 --> 00:16:39,200
something?
721
00:16:39,201 --> 00:16:40,332
Don't overplan.
722
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,167
I'm gonna get this party
723
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:41,999
started.
724
00:16:41,999 --> 00:16:42,966
No, Zach...
725
00:16:42,966 --> 00:16:43,932
You want me to get this...
726
00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:45,166
Zach, what... oh, my... no.
727
00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:47,199
* party started
728
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,032
* my mother approves
729
00:16:48,032 --> 00:16:48,866
no, there's no...
730
00:16:48,867 --> 00:16:50,031
* so we're green-lit
731
00:16:50,032 --> 00:16:51,332
* my mother approves
732
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:52,032
I'm so sorry.
733
00:16:52,032 --> 00:16:52,999
* so we're green-lit
734
00:16:52,999 --> 00:16:53,899
* sorry for your loss
735
00:16:53,899 --> 00:16:54,666
Zachary, Zach...
736
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:55,666
* but you're gonna have
737
00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:57,698
* to wait, wait, wait
738
00:16:57,699 --> 00:16:58,765
welcome, ladies and gentlemen,
739
00:16:58,766 --> 00:16:59,931
to the funeral.
740
00:16:59,932 --> 00:17:01,199
Sorry for the late start, but
741
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,232
that's appropriate for the late,
742
00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:03,066
great...
743
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:07,166
Susan i-forget-her-last-name.
744
00:17:07,167 --> 00:17:08,166
Okay, thank you very much.
745
00:17:08,167 --> 00:17:10,266
It's a sad day, guys.
746
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:11,399
[Sighs]
747
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,065
I knew Susan as well as any of
748
00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:14,999
you.
749
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,332
She was black?
750
00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:18,332
She was black, okay?
751
00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:19,765
She was black.
752
00:17:19,766 --> 00:17:22,598
Deal with it, dad.
753
00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:23,698
Rough start.
754
00:17:23,699 --> 00:17:26,598
Normal. Keep it going.
755
00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:28,831
The priest will be showing up
756
00:17:28,832 --> 00:17:29,732
any minute now, but I would like
757
00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:31,499
to sort of get the festivities
758
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:34,166
started with an original
759
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:35,066
composition.
760
00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:37,898
[Beat-boxing]
761
00:17:37,899 --> 00:17:40,532
* Susan
762
00:17:40,533 --> 00:17:43,166
* we miss you
763
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:44,565
* you were gone too soon
764
00:17:44,566 --> 00:17:46,266
[whispering] * gone too soon
765
00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:48,499
* dub-step remix
766
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,333
* what?
767
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:56,166
[Imitates bass]
768
00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:56,999
* lyrics
769
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,199
* you never, ever lose
770
00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,366
* you always, always win
771
00:17:59,367 --> 00:18:00,731
* we loved your gray hair
772
00:18:00,732 --> 00:18:02,266
* and we loved your pale ski...
773
00:18:02,267 --> 00:18:03,332
Doesn't work. Okay.
774
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,399
Change of pace, guys.
775
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,798
Keep the energy up.
776
00:18:05,799 --> 00:18:07,831
We're in god's house.
777
00:18:07,832 --> 00:18:10,399
Look at her, guys.
778
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:11,399
She's smiling.
779
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,233
She would have wanted you to
780
00:18:12,234 --> 00:18:13,399
laugh, guys.
781
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,166
Laugh. Laugh.
782
00:18:15,167 --> 00:18:17,166
Via jokes.
783
00:18:17,167 --> 00:18:19,166
Knock, knock.
784
00:18:19,167 --> 00:18:22,166
Who's... who's there?
785
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:22,932
Wilma.
786
00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:25,166
[Softly] Wilma...
787
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:28,432
We'll miss you, Susan.
788
00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:29,267
Really?
789
00:18:29,268 --> 00:18:30,831
You want to be... you want to be
790
00:18:30,832 --> 00:18:31,666
sad?
791
00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:32,831
Well, I'm not gonna let you be.
792
00:18:32,832 --> 00:18:34,332
'Cause we're moving.
793
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:35,831
* we're moving, sue
794
00:18:35,832 --> 00:18:37,399
we're moving, Susan.
795
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,731
And we're moving to the piano.
796
00:18:38,732 --> 00:18:39,599
The piano.
797
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:40,998
* a little song
798
00:18:40,999 --> 00:18:43,998
* to remember Susan by
799
00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:44,899
* I
800
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,898
that stool is very
801
00:18:46,899 --> 00:18:47,998
uncomfortable.
802
00:18:47,999 --> 00:18:52,166
Yeah, okay, keep on... mwah.
803
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:52,932
Okay.
804
00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:54,166
Yeah, just, I want you to...
805
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:54,999
Zach.
806
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,965
Just...
807
00:18:56,966 --> 00:18:59,432
She means a lot to all these
808
00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:00,798
people, okay?
809
00:19:00,799 --> 00:19:03,865
And she's...
810
00:19:03,866 --> 00:19:06,865
She means a lot...
811
00:19:06,866 --> 00:19:11,166
Okay, i... look.
812
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:12,965
Look, I know, I know, I know,
813
00:19:12,966 --> 00:19:13,799
okay.
814
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,031
This is not working.
815
00:19:15,032 --> 00:19:16,731
I don't... all right.
816
00:19:16,732 --> 00:19:18,531
Life...
817
00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:23,531
Life can be really hard.
818
00:19:23,532 --> 00:19:27,267
Let me just...
819
00:19:29,832 --> 00:19:30,865
I've learned this week that you
820
00:19:30,866 --> 00:19:34,631
need to...
821
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:35,532
Need to Cherish people when you
822
00:19:35,533 --> 00:19:38,498
have them, because you don't
823
00:19:38,499 --> 00:19:39,531
know when they're gonna be gone.
824
00:19:39,532 --> 00:19:40,865
It could be... it could be today,
825
00:19:40,866 --> 00:19:41,799
it could be tomorrow, it could
826
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,199
be the orientation week.
827
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,531
The point is, you need to love
828
00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:47,898
people while they're here
829
00:19:47,899 --> 00:19:49,199
'cause you won't get a chance
830
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,065
when they're gone.
831
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:56,366
That's it.
832
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:59,499
That was very nice.
833
00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:16,699
My parents said that I was
834
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,132
the star of the funeral.
835
00:20:19,133 --> 00:20:20,731
I know it's not much, but even
836
00:20:20,732 --> 00:20:22,232
will Smith had to start
837
00:20:22,233 --> 00:20:24,299
somewhere, right?
838
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,631
I'm Zach stone, and the world
839
00:20:25,632 --> 00:20:29,731
may not know it yet, but...
840
00:20:29,732 --> 00:20:34,731
I'm gonna be famous.
841
00:20:34,732 --> 00:20:36,267
Cut. Nailed it.
842
00:20:38,799 --> 00:20:39,632
Next on Zach stone...
843
00:20:39,632 --> 00:20:40,466
I decided what I want to be
844
00:20:40,466 --> 00:20:41,300
famous for.
845
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:42,200
You're gonna be famous for
846
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:42,866
being quiet?
847
00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:43,732
I'm gonna sing, guys.
848
00:20:43,732 --> 00:20:44,666
How's the music coming?
849
00:20:44,666 --> 00:20:45,499
I'm making an album.
850
00:20:45,499 --> 00:20:46,233
Oh, my god, you are?
851
00:20:46,234 --> 00:20:48,132
* I want to text with you
852
00:20:48,133 --> 00:20:49,166
you doing something right
853
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:49,899
now?
854
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:50,899
I'm meeting up with kristy.
855
00:20:50,899 --> 00:20:51,732
My ex-boyfriend Omar, he
856
00:20:51,732 --> 00:20:52,466
works at the punkhole.
857
00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:53,466
You're in Zach's band?
858
00:20:53,466 --> 00:20:54,333
Oh, Zach's in my band.
859
00:20:54,334 --> 00:20:55,665
Actually, we're in our band.
860
00:20:55,666 --> 00:20:56,665
* we're the hotness
861
00:20:56,666 --> 00:20:57,825
* and we don't give a [Bleep]
51916
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