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CHORUS:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(bell ringing)
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(playing the blues)
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(honking horn)
5
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,191
D'oh! (screams)
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{\an8}ANNOUNCER: And now, the conclusionof our Thousand Dollar Movie,
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{\an8}Roger Corman's Titanic.
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(screeches to a halt)
9
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,050
-(passengers scream)
-(tinny clink)
10
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{\an8}We're safe now, Clarice.
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{\an8}We made it away from that cursed ship.
12
00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:39,099
{\an8}Now I can relax and take off
this stifling bikini.
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-(struggling)
-Mmm.
14
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,687
-(dramatic music playing)
-(metallic grinding)
15
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Look out! Behind you!
16
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ANNOUNCER: We'll return forthe remainder of the conclusion
17
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,277
after these messages.
18
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{\an8}Well, I'd rather get a message
19
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,281
{\an8}than see another lousy commercial.
20
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{\an8}(electronic voice) People of Earth,
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{\an8}we have traveled all the way from space
22
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{\an8}to attend the most astro-tastic event
23
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,871
{\an8}in the entire universe.
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{\an8}(deejay voice) You said it, Phil.
25
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:07,085
{\an8}It's the Bi-Monthly
Springfield Sci-Fi Convention.
26
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:10,296
ALIEN 1: That's right.It's BI-MON-SCI-FI-CON.
27
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Come meet all your favorite stars.
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Mark Hamill!
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Alf!
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And many more!
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{\an8}ALIEN 2: Plus tag-team robot wrestling.
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{\an8}It's the mighty robotsof Battlestar Galactica
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{\an8}versus the gay robots of Star Wars.
34
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{\an8}(grunts) Ow, ow! Stop!
35
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,025
{\an8}Please, save me, R2!
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{\an8}(beeping)
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{\an8}C-3PO: Oh, you stupid little tramp.
38
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{\an8}-You're so boring. I hate you!
-Ow, ow, ow!
39
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{\an8}Remember, it's BI-MON-SCI-FI-CON.
40
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:43,913
{\an8}Be there... and be square.
41
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{\an8}Well, beats work.
42
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{\an8}Yup. Beats school.
43
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{\an8}Sorry, we're all full.
44
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{\an8}(roaring)
45
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{\an8}Are you sure this is a sci-fi convention?
46
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{\an8}It's full of nerds.
47
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{\an8}-Hi, Lisa.
-Hey, Lisa.
48
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:04,934
{\an8}-Guten tag!
-Hi. (chuckles sheepishly)
49
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:14,903
People, people!
50
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:17,655
{\an8}This man has actually been in outer space.
51
00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,282
Ha! Nobody cares.
52
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,785
{\an8}This is one small step
towards firing your ass!
53
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,747
Hey, wait. I saw that Lost In Space movie.
54
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,207
You are not Dr. Smith.
55
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,001
{\an8}Oh, the pain, the pain...
The pain of it all!
56
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,045
{\an8}(laughing)
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00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,422
{\an8}You have still got it, Dr. Smith.
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00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:36,633
Silence, you nickel-plated nitwit.
59
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,510
My dear boy, I'd be happy
to show you my resume.
60
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:42,055
If you'd care to meet me later
in the food court...
61
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,390
Danger, danger, Bart Simpson!
62
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,060
Someone has mixed an Amazing Spider-Man in
63
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:49,771
with the Peter Parker,The Spectacular Spider-Man series.
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00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:51,105
This will not stand.
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00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:52,941
Pardon me, but I wish to tender
66
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:55,860
a serious cash offer for this stack
of water-damaged Little Lulus.
67
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,695
(groans) "A," that is not water,
68
00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:01,574
it is diet Mr. Pibb. And "B," I... Oh.
69
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,580
Uh...
70
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,583
Tell me, how do you feel
about 45-year-old virgins
71
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:11,960
who still live with their parents?
72
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,254
Comb the SweeTarts out of your beard
and you're on.
73
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:15,588
Don't try to change me, baby.
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00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,424
-(shrill feedback)
-Welcome, futurists,
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00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:21,761
cyberphiles, and the rest of you
dateless wonders.
76
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,888
(cheering)
77
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,099
And now to push this convention
into hyperspace,
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00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,518
the man who put the "star" in Star Wars,
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00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,728
a real burr under Darth Vader's saddle,
80
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:33,940
Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill.
81
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,276
(cheering)
82
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,075
(cheering)
83
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:45,493
Hey, thanks everybody.
84
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,870
You know, I'm here today
as Luke Skywalker,
85
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:51,124
but I'm also here to talk about Sprint.
86
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:54,335
As you can see, you stand to save
upto 17 cents a month
87
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,045
over the more dependable providers.
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(exclaims) Talk about Star Wars.
89
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,300
ALL: Yeah, yeah!
90
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,592
You stupid nerds!
91
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,137
He's trying to save you money
on long distance!
92
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,973
Star Wars, huh? Well, let me ask you this.
93
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:09,684
How many of you have ever dreamed of
being in that movie?
94
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,311
(cheers and applause)
95
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,520
Well, you're in luck,
96
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:13,980
'cause we're going to act out a scene
97
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:16,774
and I'll need a volunteer to play Obi Wan.
98
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,526
-Kenobi?
-Right here, right here.
99
00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:19,861
(crowd murmurs excitedly)
100
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,612
Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, pick me!
101
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,614
My whole life has been
leading to this moment.
102
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:24,741
Ah, like hell it has.
103
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,451
If anybody's going to play Obi, it's me.
104
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:27,869
All right, step away, foolish amateurs.
105
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,662
Just keep back. Keep out of it.
The role is mine.
106
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,290
With the acting and the groupies
and the "Luke, Luke, save me",
107
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:36,461
with the light saber and the...
(imitating light saber)
108
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:38,171
That's not how you...
(imitates light saber)
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00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,464
(shouts)
110
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(all shouting)
111
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,218
We're doomed! Doomed!
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(screaming)
113
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:49,724
Oh, God, can't this town
go one day without a riot?
114
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,519
Ya! Gadzooks. Where are my bodyguards?
115
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,273
Is there anything fluffier than a cloud?
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00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,192
If there is,
I don't want to know about it.
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00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,527
MAN: Oh, dear! Oh, my!
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00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,946
We're screwed. Use your light saber.
119
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:04,906
What, and break it?
120
00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,866
You know, George Lucas
makes me pay for these.
121
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,370
Take him! He's the one you want!
122
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:13,247
Not the hair! Back off,
you freaking dweebs.
123
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,416
Oh, poor Mark Hamill.
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(gasps) That swarm of nerds
is going to kill him.
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00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,504
(grunting)
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00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:21,381
(shouting) Nerds!
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Get out of there! (grunting)
128
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,887
Mr. Hamill, Mr. Mayor, come on!
129
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,098
-Who are you?
-Homer Simpson, nerd buster,
130
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,933
and I'm getting you out of here.
131
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:34,894
(groans) I can't, Homer.
132
00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:36,854
I twisted my ankle.
133
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,564
You guys go on without me!
134
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:41,150
Never! (grunting)
135
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,360
Follow me.
136
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:45,571
(grunts)
137
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:47,532
(strains)
138
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,619
How was I supposed to know
it's not a real spaceship?
139
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:53,329
BART: Dad, over here!
140
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,124
(panting)
141
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,918
Oh, my God!
Someone has to go back in for Maggie.
142
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,378
Forget Maggie. She's gone.
143
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:01,754
I've got Maggie.
144
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,798
Wow, that was close.
145
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,842
Well, thanks a lot, Homer.
146
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:09,137
Well, it's all... Hey, I thought
you twisted your ankle.
147
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,471
Oh, yeah.
148
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:13,307
Well, see, the thing about that is...
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00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:14,559
(screaming)
150
00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:17,395
-(fire alarm ringing)
-(people screaming)
151
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,188
(groaning)
152
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,315
Hey, boss, we were just talking about you.
153
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,110
You call yourselves bodyguards?
You're fired!
154
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:25,903
Fired, huh? (chuckles)
155
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,156
Who else you going to find
to take a bullet for you?
156
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,616
Or have his genitals
hooked up to a car battery?
157
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,578
-I'll tell you who, him!
-Whoo-hoo!
158
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,872
Homer, I don't think you were listening
to what he just--
159
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,958
I said, "Whoo-hoo."
160
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,002
(grumbles)
161
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:50,178
As a bodyguard,
your only loyalty is to your protectee.
162
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,930
Not to your family. Not to your country.
163
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,557
Not to Mu-hammad.
164
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:55,808
Even during Ramadan?
165
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,435
Shut your sass-hole, boy.
166
00:07:57,518 --> 00:08:00,146
These melons represent your protectees.
167
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,230
Throughout this course,
168
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,732
you will protect your personal melon
169
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,026
as if it was paying your salary.
170
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,611
What?
171
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,071
Okay, listen up!
172
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,949
My goal is to assassinate that watermelon.
173
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,535
Your job is to take the bullet. Go!
174
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,370
-(gasps and panting)
-Go, go, go.
175
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,497
Pow.
176
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,165
No...
177
00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:22,293
Well, your dive wasn't bad,
178
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:25,004
but I just didn't believe your "no."
179
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,088
You got to sell it.
180
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:29,800
Remember, your "no"
is what gets you your next job.
181
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:30,927
Now drop and give me 20.
182
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,179
No!
183
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,138
Better.
184
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,310
You ladies are without a doubt
185
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,521
the most sorrowful clique at the dance.
186
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:45,566
Not one of you fit to guard
a Russian rock band.
187
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,235
However, your checks have cleared,
188
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:49,695
so you all graduate. Congratulations.
189
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,656
(cheering)
190
00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,950
And now, in honor of your achievement,
191
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,494
here is the theme song
from the hit motion picture,
192
00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:57,537
The Bodyguard.
193
00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:01,415
♪ And I ♪
194
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:06,837
♪ Will always love you ♪
195
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,381
Yee-haw!
196
00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:14,303
-Clear!
-Oh, for Pete's sake.
197
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,347
The pig is in the poke.
198
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:19,225
You know, I really don't care
for that code name.
199
00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:20,977
-(Snowball meows)
-Look out, Marge! Cat!
200
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,770
-(grunting)
-(Snowball meows)
201
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,189
I know you're excited
about starting a new job,
202
00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,858
but could you just relax for now?
203
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,319
Hold it. What's your clearance?
204
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,737
We just want to get a snack.
205
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,573
Access denied.
206
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:35,825
-But Da...
-(both moaning)
207
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,953
Homer, I don't want you using
your new sleeper hold
208
00:09:39,036 --> 00:09:40,079
on the children.
209
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:42,081
They'll be fine in half an hour.
210
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,000
That's not the point.
211
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:45,084
And another thing,
212
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,962
I asked you to take out
the garbage three days ago
213
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:50,423
and you still haven't... (moaning)
214
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,509
Hmm, still half an hour till dinner.
215
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,803
Oh, well... (moaning)
216
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:56,762
Ow!
217
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:01,601
It's a real honor
to be guarding your body, sir.
218
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,895
Just remember, you represent
the office of the Mayor.
219
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:07,857
So always comport yourself
in a manner befitting...
220
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,400
Quick, honk at that broad!
221
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:11,777
-(car horn blowing)
-(wolf whistle)
222
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,195
Good work, Simpson.
223
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,239
I couldn't be happier
with the way that went.
224
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,285
Hey, Homer, I told you
not to come around here no more
225
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:20,453
till you paid your tab
226
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,121
or at least cleaned up that mess you made
227
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:23,539
in the bathroom. (stammering)
228
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,166
Mayor Quimby? Uh...
229
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:27,710
Homer, why didn't you say
you was with the Mayor?
230
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,129
Shove off, puke-holes! Get out of there!
231
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:32,590
These stools are reserved
for the Mayor and his cronies.
232
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:36,177
Ha! Here's a couple of Duffenbraus,
on the house, of course.
233
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:39,096
Mmm! Semi-imported.
234
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:43,225
-Keep them coming.
-(sighs)
235
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,604
Your generosity is greatly appreciated.
236
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:50,650
Especially during this
health inspection season.
237
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,027
Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Health inspection.
238
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:55,571
That reminds me... (chuckles)
239
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,990
Your change, sir.
240
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,911
We're working on that roach situation,
I swear to God.
241
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,664
Ah, you should see the hospital.
242
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:08,834
(bottles clinking)
243
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,129
And after Moe's, we went to Krusty Burger,
244
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,632
and the Mayor got some more change,
245
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,342
and I ordered a double-double,
246
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,552
but they gave me
the double-double-double-double.
247
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:21,097
And then Apu gave the Mayor
lots of change for--
248
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,848
Dad, don't you see what's going on?
249
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,892
That "change" was a bribe.
250
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,852
Oh, honey, don't be so naive.
251
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,396
That's how the world works.
252
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:30,731
Sure, the Mayor takes a few bribes,
253
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:33,442
but he also makes the trains run on time.
254
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,902
No, he doesn't.
255
00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:38,197
Trains are regulated by
the Federal Department of Transportation.
256
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,033
And recent studies
have shown that... (moaning)
257
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,493
Homer!
258
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,083
Thank you, Mayor Quimby
259
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:51,544
for honoring us
with the school milk concession.
260
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:54,296
Well, the good children of Springfield
need their milk.
261
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,174
And I need my...
(coughing and clears throat)
262
00:11:57,258 --> 00:12:00,428
Please accept this kickback
as a token of our esteem.
263
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,971
Thank you, Fat Tony.
264
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,597
However, in the future,
265
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,891
I would prefer a nondescript briefcase
266
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,227
to the sack with a dollar sign on it.
267
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,896
So, how did you get the nickname "Legs"?
268
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,524
Well, that's an interesting story.
(chuckles)
269
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,860
It seems, President Kennedy's father was--
270
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:18,070
Ooh! Mini-cannolis!
271
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:21,115
Hey, I called that!
272
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:22,992
I saw it first. Come back here. (growling)
273
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,244
Hmm. "Milking Room."
274
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,413
-I hope you cows are decent.
-(squeaking)
275
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:31,250
(gasps) Oh! Crap on a crutch!
276
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,251
(screams)
277
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:38,174
(screams) They're milking rats!
278
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,050
Milking rats!
279
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,927
Rats? I'm outraged.
280
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,763
You promised me dog or higher.
281
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,599
(exclaims and gasps)
282
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,601
(gulping)
283
00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:50,436
-Ugh!
-(gulping)
284
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:53,856
-(gagging)
-(gulping)
285
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:56,150
(retching sounds)
286
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,319
(sucking)
287
00:12:58,402 --> 00:12:59,528
Bart, no!
288
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,114
Hey, my milk,
289
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,991
I traded my math book for that.
290
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,701
Dad! What a nice surprise.
291
00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:08,996
(retching noise)
292
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,664
Oh, get that away from me!
293
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,292
Kids, I don't want you
drinking any more milk, ever!
294
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,377
Can I still drink it?
295
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,922
-Go nuts.
-All right!
296
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,131
(gulping)
297
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,800
(gagging)
298
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:27,932
You monster! How could you do that
to the children?
299
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,768
Those wacky gangsters.
What are you going to do?
300
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:33,145
And to think I respected you!
301
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,980
And defended you!
302
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,691
You wouldn't even be alive
if it wasn't for me!
303
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,986
-(shouts)
-(screaming)
304
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:44,240
(gasps) Okay, we'll call it even.
305
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,993
Oh, my God, I killed the Mayor.
306
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,161
All right, stay calm.
307
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,747
I'll just use the body
to stage an elaborate farce
308
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,500
-a la Weekend at Bernie's.
-Help! Help!
309
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:58,462
(gasps)
His corpse is climbing the building!
310
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,131
I'm alive, you idiot. Pull me in!
311
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,385
Wait a second.
312
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:06,345
I'm not saving you unless you promise
313
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:09,014
to get that rats' milk out of the schools.
314
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,891
But the gangsters will kill me.
315
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,017
You're forgetting,
316
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,353
you've got the best bodyguard
in the business.
317
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:16,397
Now promise, or I'll let you
fall to your death.
318
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,857
All right, all right. I promise.
319
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,108
Shake on it.
320
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,276
(screams)
321
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,988
Relax. You're in good hands.
322
00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:25,489
Now, come on, I'll pull you up.
323
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,658
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Not so fast.
324
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:30,286
I can see into
the interns' restroom from here.
325
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:34,582
(groans) Did you know that
this is how F.D.R. met Eleanor? Ah!
326
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:35,791
All right, pull me up.
327
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:41,338
Six queens. Read 'em and weep.
328
00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:43,382
Not so fast.
329
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:45,217
Seven queens.
330
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,219
Freeze, Goombahs!
331
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:51,390
We're shutting you down,
you filthy Italians!
332
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:52,892
-(whispering)
-Oh, right, right.
333
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,768
Filthy Italian-Americans!
334
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,897
Gentlemen, if you would simply consult
335
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,940
my dear friend Mayor Quimby,
336
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:01,692
I am confident this can be--
337
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,694
Not this time, Fat Tony.
338
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,572
The Mayor's office is not for sale!
339
00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,407
(all laughing)
340
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,534
Can you, uh, edit out the laughs?
341
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:16,248
I am not so much disappointed
as I am blinded with rage.
342
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,126
Ooh! The mafia guy's all mad.
343
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,921
Oh, what are you going to do?
Call your Godfather?
344
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,422
Huh? "Oh, Godfather..."
345
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,090
(fake whimpering)
346
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,135
Break it down.
347
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,350
It's pure.
348
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,851
Pull the plug, boys.
349
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,692
Run free, little vermin.
350
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,319
The city is yours.
351
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:50,032
And so, as the rats' milk is returned
to the sewers,
352
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:51,909
the circle of life is complete.
353
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:54,036
Uh, Fat Tony, do you have any comment?
354
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,245
I don't get it.
355
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,789
Everyone loves rats.
356
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:59,083
But they don't want to drink
the rats' milk?
357
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,793
Hmm. Any words for the Mayor?
358
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,503
Hello, Mayor Quimby.
359
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:06,382
I would like to remind you
that accidents will happen.
360
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:09,843
Like the killing of you by us.
361
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,011
Aren't you scared, Dad?
362
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:14,765
I mean, if I were Fat Tony,
and, God willing, someday I will be,
363
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:17,810
I'd just be stewing in my jail cell
getting madder and madder.
364
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,812
Oh, don't worry about that, boy.
365
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,480
He's already out on bail.
366
00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:22,648
Well, I'm off to work.
367
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,400
You're guarding the Mayor tonight?
368
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,527
After Fat Tony swore revenge?
369
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,070
It's my duty, Marge.
370
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,239
Besides, those mobsters don't scare me.
371
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,950
-Bart, would you go start Daddy's car?
-Homer!
372
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,494
What? There's nothing to worry about.
373
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:36,829
Well, then you start it.
374
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:39,123
All right, fine. I'll take a cab.
375
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:42,668
(doorbell ringing)
376
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:46,130
Homer, I'm not sure it's wise
to go out right now.
377
00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:47,965
I was thinking of a quiet evening at home
378
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:51,301
with the, uh... (sighs) wife.
379
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:54,680
Oh, I get it. You're worried about
those mobsters, aren't you?
380
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,974
No, no. I truly do want to stay home
381
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:59,727
with the... (sighs) wife.
382
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,937
You got to snap out of this funk, Mayor.
383
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,148
I'm going to take you someplace
where you can relax
384
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,483
and forget all about gangsters.
385
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:11,989
-Uh, excuse me.
-Yes?
386
00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:13,490
Do you have a table for the Mayor?
387
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,325
Yes!
388
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:16,785
Why do you talk that way?
389
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,371
I had a stroke.
390
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,548
Dear Lord,
please make tonight's production
391
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,009
better than Othello with Peter Marshall.
392
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:34,928
HOMER: Okay, Mr. Burns, Fat Tony,
393
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:37,473
what's-his-name... Fat Tony? (gasps)
394
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:38,766
(exclaims)
395
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:42,019
All right, Fat Tony.
If it's trouble with Quimby you're after--
396
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:46,899
Please, I am only here
as a devotee of the lively arts.
397
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,650
But I do have something for the Mayor
398
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,819
that perhaps you could deliver.
399
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,823
Mayor, Fat Tony asked me to give you this.
400
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,119
You moron! That's the kiss of death!
401
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:00,621
Oh, no! Wait.
402
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,206
Maybe I didn't do it right.
403
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:04,792
Never mind that.
Just go patrol the perimeter.
404
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,213
Ah! Au gratin potatoes.
405
00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:10,839
That's a quality side.
406
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:19,807
Uh... No!
407
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:20,808
(gulps)
408
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:27,815
Potatoes are clean.
The poison must be in the steak.
409
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:33,946
♪ Guys and dolls ♪
410
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:37,491
♪ We're just a bunch of crazyguys and dolls ♪
411
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:38,992
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
412
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,702
♪ Guys and dolls... ♪
413
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,996
This is a conceptual nightmare.
414
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,541
I mean, Nathan Detroit
would never wear this.
415
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,626
And this song isn't even in the show.
416
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,628
I don't have time for this.
417
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:52,339
I got 75 shortcakes to strawberry.
418
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,091
Now get out there, Luke.
419
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,384
(sighs)
420
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,638
♪ Guys and dolls ♪
421
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:02,891
♪ We're just a bunch of crazyguys and dolls ♪
422
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:03,976
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪
423
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,853
I want the Mayor dead.
424
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,604
I want his wife dead.
425
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,482
I want his cat and his dog dead.
426
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:11,608
Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait.
427
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,277
Who was before the cat?
428
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,611
(sighs)
429
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,613
Just kill the Mayor.
430
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,825
You're not mad at me, are you?
431
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:23,495
♪ Luke, be a Jedi tonight ♪
432
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,707
♪ Just be a Jedi tonight ♪
433
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:30,169
♪ Do it for Yodawhile we serve our guests a soda ♪
434
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,298
♪ Uh, and do it for Chewie and the Ewoks ♪
435
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,383
♪ And all the other puppets ♪
436
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:39,720
♪ Luke, be a Jedi tonight... ♪
437
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,683
Hey, you're in this number.
438
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:46,727
Get out there and shake that moneymaker.
439
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:49,313
But I'm just here to kill... Ah!
440
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,322
That guy with the knife
sure can dance, huh?
441
00:19:58,405 --> 00:19:59,907
He looks awfully familiar.
442
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,701
I think I saw him in Rent, or Stomp,
443
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:05,120
or Clomp, or some piece of crap.
444
00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:10,375
(cheering and applause)
445
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,920
Hey, pal, that's my headshot up there
446
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,547
next to the pepper steak,
and don't you forget it.
447
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:16,924
You're all talk, Hamill.
448
00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,800
You never even finished Jedi school.
449
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,761
-(grunts)
-(groans) Oh!
450
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,598
-Show's over, Mayor.
-Look out! (grunts)
451
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:28,060
-(groaning and grunting)
-Ah!
452
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:29,853
-Give... Give me that knife!
-No. It's mine.
453
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,396
(whimpering)
454
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,566
Homer... use... the for--
455
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,443
-The force?
-The forks.
456
00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:38,695
-Use the forks!
-Oh.
457
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,406
(both grunting and straining)
458
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,908
-(screams)
-Ya!
459
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,243
-(grunts)
-(screams)
460
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:47,204
Yes!
461
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:50,624
Nobody messes with the Mayor
when Homer Simpson's on...
462
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,000
Oh, crap.
463
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:57,339
Oh, Fat Tony.
464
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,841
What? What did I do?
465
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:08,433
I checked with the doctor.
466
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,227
He said Mayor Quimby's going to be fine.
467
00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:13,230
And I was electric as Nathan Detroit.
468
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:14,356
What did you think of me?
469
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:18,986
Well, I'd say you were luminous,
magnetic... (sighs)
470
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:20,487
incandescent.
471
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,614
Oh, cheer up, Homer.
472
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,574
I think you made a great bodyguard.
473
00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:27,411
Really? Would you say I was magnetic?
474
00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:29,621
-Absolutely.
-Aw.
475
00:21:30,706 --> 00:21:33,875
-REPORTER: Mr. Skywalker!
-(groans)
476
00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:37,170
Homer, I think you know what to do.
477
00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:42,134
(grunting)
478
00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:46,430
-Shoot! I forgot my light saber.
-(groans) all right.
479
00:21:46,513 --> 00:21:48,932
(grunting)
480
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:53,603
-Oh, wait. Here it is.
-(groans and grunts) Get out of the way!
481
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:58,984
♪ I will always ♪
482
00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:01,486
♪ Love you ♪
483
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:05,699
♪ I will always ♪
484
00:22:05,782 --> 00:22:10,454
♪ Love you ♪
485
00:22:10,537 --> 00:22:16,543
♪ I will always love you ♪
486
00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:21,298
♪ I... I will always ♪
487
00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:27,346
♪ Love you... ♪
488
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:42,194
Shh.
489
00:22:44,988 --> 00:22:46,990
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services
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