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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,089 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,185 (bell ringing) 3 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,316 (buzzing) 4 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,107 D-oh! (screams) 5 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,167 REV. LOVEJOY: ...And may we burn 6 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:27,670 {\an8}in painful and foul-smelling fire 7 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,757 {\an8}forever and ever. 8 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,843 {\an8}A...men... 9 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,805 {\an8}...onite minister will be giving a guest sermon 10 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,306 {\an8}next Sunday. 11 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:40,016 {\an8}Go in peace. 12 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,018 {\an8}A... (coughs) 13 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,686 Don't make me come up there. 14 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,146 -...men. -HOMER: Whoo-hoo! 15 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,732 MOE: Let me outta here. The guy never stops talking. 16 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:50,860 {\an8}-(stomach growling) -Oh. 17 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,237 {\an8}I'm starving. 18 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,239 {\an8}Mom, can we go catholic 19 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:55,949 {\an8}so we can get communion wafers and booze? 20 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,284 {\an8}No. No one's going catholic. 21 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,370 Three children is enough, thank you. 22 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,789 {\an8}Hang in there, son. I'm taking us out 23 00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:04,874 {\an8}for our traditional Sunday brunch. 24 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,002 {\an8}DRIVER: Idiot! HOMER: He zinged you, Marge. 25 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:09,963 (giggling) 26 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,632 -(gasps) -Brunch is served. 27 00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,509 (smacking loudly) 28 00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:16,469 {\an8}I feel guilty coming here every Sunday 29 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,388 {\an8}and never actually buying anything. 30 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,014 {\an8}Why? We're following the rules. 31 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,643 {\an8}If it has a toothpick in it, it's free. 32 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,063 {\an8}-Hey. -(smacking) 33 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:33,319 Ah, this is my kind of aisle, 34 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,697 soy substitute, whiz-less cheese... 35 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,408 {\an8}(gasps) Oven-roasted cud. 36 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,118 It's packed in its own drool. 37 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,289 {\an8}Gavin, honey, help Mommy pick a cereal. 38 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,332 {\an8}(gasps) How about alfalfa-bits? 39 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:47,750 {\an8}Those suck. 40 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,252 {\an8}I hate this store. 41 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:50,753 {\an8}But, sweetheart, Mommy-- 42 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,547 {\an8}I hate you , too. 43 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,424 {\an8}I want to live with one of my dads. 44 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,508 {\an8}Mmm. 45 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:58,970 {\an8}So you say this product is known as fudge? 46 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,848 {\an8}Yes, just like it was last week. 47 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:02,932 {\an8}If you're going to get snippy, 48 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,309 {\an8}I'll take my business elsewhere. 49 00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,770 Cherry Garcia? Yuck. 50 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,190 {\an8}Honey Bono? Desmond Tutti Fruitti? 51 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,274 {\an8}Ech. 52 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,319 {\an8}Lisa, help Daddy find some normal flavors. 53 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,778 (grunts) 54 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:17,780 Candy Warhol? 55 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,073 Xavier Nougat? 56 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,783 Nah. Nothing made of dead guys. 57 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:21,910 {\an8}What's in the back? 58 00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:24,245 {\an8}-(grunting) -(shivering) 59 00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:26,915 Hurry up! My hands are getting cold. 60 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:27,916 (Lisa sneezes) 61 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,292 Oh, my goodness, Homer, 62 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:30,543 get her out of there! 63 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,794 Ohh! 64 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,466 Ugh. Sherbet Hoover? 65 00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:37,926 Oh. We've got to get you home 66 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:40,136 to a warm blanket and a cold compress. 67 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,304 Whoo! 68 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,514 (grunting) 69 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:44,682 (man clearing throat) 70 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,893 Those are eight dollars a pound, sport. 71 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,436 Hmm. Eight dollars a pound times 72 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,021 say, oh, five pounds is, umm... 73 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,064 Let's see. 74 00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,732 How many pounds in a gallon? 75 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,859 Oh, I can't afford that. 76 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,277 (gasps) Unless... 77 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,366 (sneezes) 78 00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:04,494 (laughing) I told you I'm a financial genius. 79 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:05,870 I buy an eight-dollar lobster, 80 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,747 fatten it into an $80 lobster 81 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:08,957 and eat the profits. 82 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,417 Lobsters need saltwater. 83 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,127 I'm way ahead of you. 84 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:18,716 BART: Dad, the fish. 85 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:19,968 Son, I'm still fine-tuning. 86 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,469 Eh-eh. 87 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,595 Uh-oh! 88 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:23,680 Eh-eh. 89 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,057 Perfect. 90 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,433 (sneezes) 91 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,644 Oh, you don't sound so good. 92 00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:31,437 We'd better get you some cold medicine. 93 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,314 No problem, I picked some up at the store! 94 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,732 Oh. 95 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,278 Oh, Homey, 96 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,862 you made breakfast. 97 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,824 Nothing's too good for my one and only. 98 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:46,119 Eat, eat. You're nothing but skin and bones. 99 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:47,453 (sneezes) 100 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,705 Oh. 101 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,707 Oh, how are you feeling, sweetie? 102 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,874 (nasally voice) Much better. 103 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,167 (sneezes) 104 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,129 Oh, my. You're burning up. 105 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,006 I'm going to tell the school you're staying home. 106 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,466 I'm afraid I can't allow that. 107 00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:01,551 Lisa... 108 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,553 Mom, no, wait! 109 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,971 We can make a deal! 110 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,973 You don't have anything I want. 111 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:08,474 Ohh... 112 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:10,935 NARRATOR: The ocean abounds 113 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,437 with fearsome creatures, 114 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,981 but none attacks its prey with more fury 115 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:16,524 than the seaweed shark. 116 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,445 The struggle is soon over. 117 00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:24,115 Oh. You shouldn't be watching the learning channel. 118 00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:25,533 You need to take it easy. 119 00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:27,577 But I'm hardly learning at all. 120 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,203 Why don't you play with one of Bart's 121 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,747 video games instead? 122 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,041 Hugh Downs says they're the latest craze. 123 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,381 -(sighs) -(evil laughter) 124 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,967 Foolish dingo, you must find and devour 125 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,594 the seven crystal babies, 126 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,512 or spend eternity trapped 127 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,681 in deep didgeri-doo! 128 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,183 (evil laughter) 129 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,101 I am so scared. 130 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,978 All right. I guess you're supposed 131 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,938 to go through this stupid door? 132 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,150 Hmm. I wonder what's in this glowing barrel. 133 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:02,278 What? Nunchuks? Those aren't even australian. 134 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,867 Oh, great. So I'm dead now. 135 00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:10,453 Fine. I'm sick of this stupid game anyway. 136 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:13,414 Yes! I am just four power wands away 137 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,124 from an antigravity lozenge. 138 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,627 (gasps) Hope I don't run into that weird little troll. 139 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,711 Hi, Lisa. 140 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,338 LISA: No, pause, pause! 141 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,923 I brought your homework. 142 00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:23,216 We have to read this. 143 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,426 LISA: The Wind In The Willows? 144 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:28,096 It's about a toad and a badger and a mole. 145 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,223 I drawed on mine. (chuckles) 146 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:31,682 Is this my house? 147 00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,518 No. You live in a different house. 148 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:37,146 Choo-choo-choo, whoo, whoo! 149 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,857 Then I shall rule The Down Underverse! 150 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,275 (evil laughter) 151 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,361 We'll see about that, mate. 152 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:49,575 HOMER: Okay, together we weigh 300 pounds. 153 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,494 According to my driver's license, 154 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,413 I weigh 140 pounds. 155 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,373 That means that you weigh, ohh... 156 00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,792 160 pounds. 157 00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,585 Oh-ho-ho! You're doing great. 158 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:00,711 No, no! 159 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,880 Yep! That's it! Bite, bite, bite! 160 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,674 -(knock at door) -MARGE: Lisa? 161 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,261 Oh, sweetie, you look so much better. 162 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:09,637 Ready to go back to school? 163 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:10,972 Uh, I don't know. 164 00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:13,599 (coughing) I mean, I could risk it, but... 165 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,518 No, no, you just stay put. 166 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,479 Wow. You didn't even feel her forehead. 167 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,106 How do I get that kind of credibility? 168 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:22,442 With eight years of scrupulous honesty. 169 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,110 Eh. It's not worth it. 170 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,781 {\an8}Oh, I really need one more day, mom. 171 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,950 I think the germs are regrouping. 172 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,535 Now, for breakfast, I'll have hash browns, 173 00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:33,453 coffee and a short stack. 174 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,954 And would it kill you to heat up the syrup? 175 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:37,748 (tires screeching) 176 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,668 But I... I might infect the other kids. 177 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,670 That's a risk I'm willing to take. 178 00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:44,213 So long! 179 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,299 Welcome back, Lisa. 180 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,009 I trust you got the homework I assigned. 181 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,010 The Wind In The Willows? 182 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:50,344 Oh, yeah, Ralph brought it over. 183 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,222 Perfect. Then I won't need to excuse you from the test. 184 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,765 (gulps) Test? 185 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,934 (Taskmaster's voice): Game over, mate. 186 00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:58,686 Ohh... 187 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,317 Okay, all right. 188 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,861 You can bluff your way through one test. 189 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,988 "Mr. Toad has a red blank." 190 00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:10,156 Okay, skip that one. 191 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,826 "Mr. blank needs a blank in order to blank his blank." 192 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,787 Oh, I am in deep blank. 193 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,706 And the lowest grade in the class... 194 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:20,374 She's going to say my name. 195 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,168 Lisa Simpson, zero. 196 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:23,127 (gasps) 197 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,045 -SKINNER: Lisa... -(gasps) 198 00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:26,297 ...the president of Harvard would like a word with you. 199 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:28,424 Nasty business, that zero. 200 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,761 Naturally Harvard's doors are now closed to you, 201 00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,596 but I'll pass your file along to... 202 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,097 (snickering) Brown. 203 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,099 Hmm. Heck of a school. 204 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,100 Weren't you at Brown, Otto? 205 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,978 Yep. Almost got tenure, too. 206 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,648 (gasps) No! Not Brown, 207 00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:44,941 Brown, Brown, Brown... 208 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,943 Lisa, you're saying Brown an awful lot. 209 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:47,860 Are you okay? 210 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,904 Well, actually, 211 00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,323 I do feel a little feverish. 212 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,200 Ah. Don't worry about the test. 213 00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:55,952 Just get yourself a nice drink of water. 214 00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:58,079 Then come back and finish the test. 215 00:08:58,454 --> 00:08:59,372 (gulps) 216 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,543 I need a miracle. 217 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,379 -Come on. You owe me. -What's up, sis? 218 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,756 -Bart, shouldn't you be in class? -I am. 219 00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:12,134 It's a little something I whipped up at shop, mostly latex. 220 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,219 What are you doing out here? 221 00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:15,555 We've got a test, and I didn't read the book. 222 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,473 I'll get a zero for sure, Bart. 223 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,766 What do I do? 224 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,685 Well, if it was me, I'd just take the zero. 225 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:23,104 -(growls) -Uh, but that's not for everyone. 226 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,439 There's one other possibility. 227 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,984 Hey, I can't go in there. 228 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,319 Relax. There's nothing here you didn't see 229 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,779 when Dad boycotted pants. 230 00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,910 NELSON: Hang on. I'll buzz you in. 231 00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,745 Buzz! 232 00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,247 Teacher and subject? 233 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,790 Miss Hoover, Wind In The Willows. 234 00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:47,211 Hmm-hmm-hmm. Oh. 235 00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,129 Here we go. 236 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:50,798 (gasps) Oh, my god. 237 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,508 These are the answers to the test. 238 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,884 I don't want to cheat. 239 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,928 Hey, hey, these are study aids. 240 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,097 They're for novelty purposes only. 241 00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,890 If a few bad apples use them for cheating, 242 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:01,350 I can't be held responsible. 243 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,351 Forget it. 244 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,853 I'd rather get a zero. 245 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,771 Good for you, lass. 246 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,940 I got me a zero once 247 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,693 and my life turned out just fine. 248 00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,903 Oh! Whoa! 249 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,905 That's a nasty clog. 250 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:18,117 Ooh, you've got yourself a partner, have you? 251 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,535 (grunting) 252 00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,329 Keep the change. 253 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,497 WILLIE: Come here, you slippery rascals. 254 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,250 Good news, my delicious friend. 255 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,919 You're going to be a free-range lobster. 256 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,881 Come on, boy. Dig in. 257 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,258 They'll give you a big, strong thorax. 258 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,384 Whoa! 259 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,054 Why, you little... Ah! 260 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,515 Ohh, look at him cower. 261 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,184 Just like the boy. 262 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,853 I can't stay mad at such a helpless little mammal. 263 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:49,023 (giggles) I'm gonna get you for that, you little scamp. 264 00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:50,941 Here! Yeah! Take that, Pinchy. 265 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,152 (giggling) 266 00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,405 I graded this morning's test over lunch 267 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,907 and most of you did quite well. 268 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,993 -I got a B. -No, Ralph. That's an F. 269 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,662 I must have spilled some kahlua. 270 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,163 Perfect, Lisa. 271 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,582 And you got all the extra-credit questions. 272 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,668 Even the one that got cut off by the copy machine. 273 00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,504 Oh,well, I guess I was just on a roll. 274 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:12,880 (groans) 275 00:11:12,963 --> 00:11:14,840 Don't be so modest, Lisa. 276 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:17,134 You earned that A+++. 277 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,719 Actually, there are four pluses. 278 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,429 No, that's drambuie. 279 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:22,473 Mmm. 280 00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,643 Ooh, so plump and juicy. 281 00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,812 Hmm! He's going to boil up nicely. 282 00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:28,854 (slurps) 283 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,190 Well, I guess this is it, old pal. 284 00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:32,942 This is your big day. 285 00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,151 The water's boiling. 286 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,277 Quick. Chuck him in. 287 00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,029 -Uh... -Come on. Chuck him in. 288 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,699 -Okay. -Let's go! In the pot, in the pot! 289 00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:41,033 Ohh. 290 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:46,288 -But, Marge, look at the little guy. -(gasps) 291 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,707 (growling) 292 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:48,958 He looks like an ordinary... 293 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:50,501 Ow! Son of a-- 294 00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,586 Feel that, Marge? He likes you. 295 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,382 And now, for the main course... 296 00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,635 Steamed Maine cabbages. 297 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:01,846 (clears throat) Pardon me for asking, 298 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:03,472 but where the hell's my stupid lobster? 299 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,515 We're not eating Mr. Pinchy. 300 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:05,891 He's part of the family now. 301 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,436 (grunts) 302 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:10,771 Pinchy, I made you some risotto. 303 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:11,689 Dad! 304 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:12,857 BART: What, you got to be kidding me. 305 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,859 What's your problem, veggie? You don't even eat lobster. 306 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,610 No, but I enjoy the smell. 307 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,028 Well, lobster or no lobster, 308 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,905 this is still a very special dinner. 309 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,533 (humming fanfare) 310 00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,493 Lisa broke her own record 311 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,078 by two whole pluses. 312 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,247 Mom, where did you get that? 313 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,875 Oh, it just turned up in the course of my daily rummaging. 314 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,085 By the way, I oiled the hinge on your diary. 315 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:36,881 Aren't you proud of your big sister, Mr. Pinchy? 316 00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,132 Hmm? Hmm? 317 00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:41,510 Oh, I am sick of everyone being so proud of me! 318 00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,138 That's my girl! 319 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:45,765 BART: Ah, cheer up, Lise. 320 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,683 You got a good grade without even reading the book. 321 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,601 That's win-win. 322 00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:49,602 Can't you see the difference 323 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,563 between earning something honestly and getting it by fraud? 324 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:56,317 Hmm, I suppose, maybe if, uh... 325 00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,695 No. No, sorry, I thought I had it there for a sec. 326 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:01,906 (bell ringing) 327 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,367 Psst, Lisa, check it out. 328 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,203 Tomorrow's fraction quiz. 329 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,496 I'll give you the numerators free, 330 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,539 but the denominators are going to cost you. 331 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,625 I don't want your dirty denominators. 332 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:15,753 -Well, la-dee-da, lady cheaterly. -(gasps) 333 00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:17,296 Can I at least keep you in my rolodex? 334 00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:18,422 No! 335 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,217 I never cheated before and I never will again. 336 00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:24,220 Oh, I almost wish I hadn't gotten away with it. 337 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,346 SKINNER (over speakers): Lisa Simpson, 338 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,389 report to the principal's office 339 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:30,226 to discuss the results of yesterday's test. 340 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:31,393 We never met. 341 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:36,357 SKINNER: I've just received some rather unusual news 342 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,693 regarding your unprecedented A triple plus. 343 00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:43,447 To be honest, I'm surprised and saddened. 344 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,449 Uh, no, not saddened. 345 00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,492 What's the word? 346 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:47,827 Ah, yes. Delighted. 347 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,079 -What? -I'm delighted to report 348 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,539 that your grade 349 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,415 brought the entire school's G.P.A. 350 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,793 up to our state's minimum standard. 351 00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,546 We now qualify for a basic assistance grant. 352 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,841 It's the greatest honor the school has ever received. 353 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,677 And it's all thanks to you. 354 00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,220 Your devotion to scholarship 355 00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:08,472 is a shining beacon to all who... 356 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:10,391 Stop it! I cheated! 357 00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:13,561 Cheated, cheated, cheated, cheated, cheated! 358 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,479 Lisa, what are you trying to say? 359 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,856 I cheated!! 360 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:18,357 (gasps) 361 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,027 SKINER: You cheated? 362 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,864 Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy. 363 00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,282 Why didn't Miss Hoover tell me? 364 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:27,867 She doesn't know. 365 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,368 You're the only one I've told. 366 00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:32,538 Well, then... 367 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,999 one could make the argument 368 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,710 that there really is no problem. 369 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,461 But what I did was wrong. 370 00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,796 Oh, very much so, 371 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,131 but as long as we handle this 372 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,967 in a mature and above all, quiet manner, 373 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,635 we'll still get that grant money. 374 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,846 (chuckles) 375 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,180 Oh, you really scared me there. 376 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:52,182 But we can't accept that money. 377 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:53,142 It's tainted. 378 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,144 Now, now. Leave the money out of this. 379 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:56,896 It's not the money's fault you cheated. 380 00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:59,189 Besides, I've already started spending it. 381 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,524 Check out the new scoreboard. 382 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:03,068 -(fanfare plays) -CROWD: Charge! 383 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,278 (laughs) 384 00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:05,696 I'm still learning all the buttons. 385 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,740 Well, if you're going to cover this up, 386 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,992 I'll just have to go over your head to Super... 387 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,285 -(buzzer sounds) -...intendent... 388 00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:12,953 -(buzzer sounds) -...Chalmers! 389 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,456 (explosion) 390 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,667 Skinner! 391 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,086 I am outraged that you've kept this from me. 392 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,671 You were supposed to call 393 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,798 as soon as the new scoreboard was in. 394 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,675 Tell me, does it play that song "Charge"? 395 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,344 Oh, does it ever! 396 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,220 (grunts) You can't keep this scoreboard 397 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,640 because there's not going to be any grant money 398 00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,934 because I cheated! 399 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,354 Lisa, let's take a walk. 400 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:41,941 A little traveling music, Seymour. 401 00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,944 (stadium organ music plays) 402 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,571 (grunts) Good lord, what a dump. 403 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:48,572 -(dog barking) -(cat meowing) 404 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,990 It's not surprising this school 405 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,158 was once classified 406 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,869 the most dilapidated in all of Missouri. 407 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,704 -LISA: Hmm? -That's why it was shut down 408 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,122 and moved here, brick by brick. 409 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,582 Look around, Lisa. 410 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:01,001 That grant money could do a lot of good. 411 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,336 Don't you think those youngsters 412 00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,296 deserve a regulation tetherball? 413 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,882 -Ow! -Ohh! 414 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,968 We can buy real periodic tables 415 00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:11,387 instead of these promotional ones from Oscar Mayer. 416 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,722 Now who can tell me the atomic weight of bolgnium? 417 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,724 Oh, delicious? 418 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:16,642 Correct. 419 00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:18,978 I would also accept "snacktacular." 420 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,646 And for the first time ever, 421 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:23,065 our computer lab actually has a computer in it. 422 00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,154 Hi, Lisa. 423 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,490 Hi, Supernintendo Chalmers. 424 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,118 Meow. 425 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:35,911 I'm learnding. 426 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,955 Ah, way to go, Ralph. 427 00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,290 Oh, she's a beaut. You can't beat a coleco. 428 00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,418 How many can I put you down for? A lot? 429 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,460 Please say a lot. 430 00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:44,753 I need this. 431 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:45,796 I don't know. 432 00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:48,132 I'm not even sure we can keep this one. 433 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:49,925 It's up to Lisa. 434 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,135 What do you say, Lisa? 435 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:52,678 Will you keep our little secret 436 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:55,014 for the good of your classmates and your school? 437 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,890 And let's not forget old Gil, huh? 438 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,518 (chuckles) The wolf's at old Gil's door. 439 00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:09,194 Uh... I guess I don't have much choice. 440 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,155 Oh, thank god! 441 00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:12,614 Now let's talk rust-proofing. 442 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:15,534 These colecos will rust up on you like that. 443 00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:16,452 Shut up, Gil. 444 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,328 Close the deal, close the deal. 445 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,415 Relax, boy. 446 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,125 We're not going to cook you. 447 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,835 Enjoy your day at the beach. 448 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:28,047 Ooh, look. Here's a little playmate for you. 449 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,257 (whimpering) 450 00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,761 Hey, you don't have to take that from no punk-ass crab. 451 00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,304 What's wrong with you? 452 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,556 Grr, it's not his fault he's a sissy. 453 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,059 Someone's been coddling him. 454 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,477 Don't look at me. 455 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,853 I wanted to eat him. 456 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,064 Sorry. It's usually the mother. 457 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:47,858 You know, I run a small academy 458 00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:49,318 for lobsters like this one. 459 00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,986 We stress tough love, 460 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,696 daily chores and the like. 461 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:55,157 No. We're not sending the lobster away 462 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,451 to some snobby boarding school. 463 00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:58,952 Arr, I understand. 464 00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,537 It... It's hard to let go. 465 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,164 Eh, tell me this then. 466 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,750 Do you have any spare change? 467 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,711 SKINNER: And now 468 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,213 to present the grant money, 469 00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:12,216 a legendary figure in educational disbursement, 470 00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,551 State comptroller, Atkins. 471 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:17,221 Whoo! 472 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,017 Thank you. 473 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,477 I'm here tonight to honor the girl 474 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,145 whose unprecedented test score 475 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,939 has set a new standard in excellence. 476 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,315 Lisa. 477 00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:29,983 (applause) 478 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:32,778 Thank you. 479 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,363 I know this giant check 480 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,406 is very important to everyone here. 481 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,118 But what's even more important is the truth. 482 00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,953 (all muttering) 483 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,957 Because, after all, education is the search for truth. 484 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:45,999 No. No, it isn't. 485 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:47,918 Don't listen to her. She's out of her mind. 486 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:50,546 And the truth is, we don't deserve this grant 487 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:52,297 and I don't deserve your applause. 488 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:53,799 I cheated on that test. 489 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,884 (audience gasping) 490 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,138 Wait. How dare you condemn this girl? 491 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:01,807 Who among you can honestly say you've never cheated? 492 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,017 On your wives or your husbands? 493 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,727 (all muttering) 494 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,771 What she just did took courage. 495 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,898 And where I come from, Canada, 496 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,024 we reward courage. 497 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,485 So I hereby decree that you keep the grant 498 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,572 and let's give this brave girl the ovation she deserves. 499 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,991 (applause) 500 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,123 Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you. 501 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,917 You got the highest grade in the class. 502 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,587 -But, mom... -The highest grade. 503 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,173 Okay, Lisa's gone. 504 00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:36,300 Places, people. 505 00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:40,888 Oh, man, acting is tough. 506 00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:43,140 I'll be in my trailer. 507 00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:45,434 Ah, good old predictable Lisa. 508 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,353 I knew her conscience was a ticking time bomb. 509 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:49,605 Heads up. 510 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,190 Here comes the real comptroller. 511 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:53,692 COMPTROLLER: This grant ensures 512 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,944 a light bulb in every classroom 513 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,822 and a high-definition TV for the teachers' lounge. 514 00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:00,824 (applause) 515 00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:06,330 Now, where's the little girl who made this grant possible? 516 00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:07,539 Where's Lisa Simpson? 517 00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:11,835 (applause) 518 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:12,878 Come on up here, Lisa. 519 00:20:14,963 --> 00:20:17,132 Now how about that? Smart and modest. 520 00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:19,259 Well, I should be going now. 521 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,303 These giant checks don't hand themselves out. 522 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,306 Okay, people, let's have a round of applause 523 00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,225 for the real comptroller. 524 00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:28,477 -COMPTROLLER: Hmm. -(applause) 525 00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:29,937 CHALMERS: Idiot. 526 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:31,730 I know a liquor store 527 00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:33,815 where we can cash this right now. 528 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,443 (cheering) 529 00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:39,780 LISA: And done. 530 00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:42,282 That's one grade I truly earned. 531 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,493 Ohh, who left these muddy claw prints 532 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,161 on my clean floor? 533 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,079 Sorry, Marge. 534 00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:49,414 Pinchy got all dirty in the yard chasing birds. 535 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:52,834 But don't worry, I put him in a nice, hot bath. 536 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,045 (sniffs) Hey, what smells so good? 537 00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:56,004 Yeah... 538 00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:57,381 Pinchy? 539 00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:58,966 Pinchy? 540 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,301 Oh, Pinchy! 541 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,511 (crying) 542 00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:06,181 (Homer sobbing) 543 00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:11,395 (sobbing loudly) 544 00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:13,897 Oh, man, that's good. 545 00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:16,149 (sobbing loudly) 546 00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:17,442 Pass the butter. 547 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,653 (sobbing loudly) 548 00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:23,490 Are you going to eat that all by yourself? 549 00:21:23,907 --> 00:21:24,992 Uh-huh. 550 00:21:25,492 --> 00:21:27,953 Pinchy would've wanted it this way. 551 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,540 My dear, sweet Pinchy. 552 00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,713 No more pain where you are now, boy. 553 00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:39,423 (grunts) 554 00:21:39,506 --> 00:21:42,759 (sucks) Oh, god, that's tasty. 555 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,804 I wish Pinchy were here to enjoy this. 556 00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,517 (smacking) 557 00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:52,561 Oh, Pinchy. 558 00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:59,192 (theme music playing) 559 00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:40,150 Shh. 560 00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:45,197 {\an8}Captioned by Visual Data Media Services 38161

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