All language subtitles for The swing of things [ATG 2020] English 720p x265 AAC

- All right. So...
- save the day...

All right. All right.
Here we go. Okay.

Think about the
future, think about...

The power is in... future.

- Tommy, let's go!
- Is inside all of us.

- That's good.
- Let's do this!

- Get rid of the cheap bike!
- Hold on, I'm coming, I'm coming...

- Damn it.
- Come on.

- Tommy.
- I'll take...

Sorry, sorry. Yeah, I know...

- Did you have sex last night?
- No, I didn't...

- I didn't have sex last night.
- I know. But listen, this is important.

This is the biggest
meeting of our lives...

- I know, I know, I know. I'm... I'm...
- And you look stressed out,

and I think you really need to
just go to that conference room

and just jerk one off. It
will make you operate.

Like, through the body.

- I'm not doing this.
- You know what I mean?

Oh, today's a nice day.

You know, you guys
are my best friends.

I really mean it. Okay, puppies.

Don't be mean.

Just come this way. Come on.

Oh.

Oh, God. Uh... oh.

No, that's my leg.

Come on.

Come on. You're
gonna go this way.

- Oh, that's the phone.
- Crazy. Yeah...

Oh, my God. Oh,
no. Okay. This is him.

It's him. Oh, God. This is him.

Get over here. No.

Oh, God.

Come on.

- Get inside.
- Ooh. Now, where have you been?

Come, come, come, come,
come. Come. Gonna make this.

Come on. Come on.

I was walking the dog.

Right... Okay.

Nervous energy before the show.

Yeah... You look like shit.

What's wrong
with the way I look?

You're not gonna believe
who called me today.

I got a call from
the fashion house.

And?

I didn't listen to it, because
I was a little scared...

Okay. You need to stop
being so chickenshit.

- I just wanted to listen to it with you.
- You can handle more than you think.

- Okay. Well...
- Give it to me.

Bonjour. I regret to inform you

that we are declining
to carry your designs.

We wish you the best of luck
with your future endeavors.

AU revoir.

It's okay. There's another
message, there's another one.

Hi, honey. It's Mom.

I'm trying to send you that
thousand dollars you need...

Are you borrowing money
from your parents again?

- I'm such a mess.
- Oh, no, babe...

- Everything's gone wrong.
- No, you're not a mess.

You just... You just
need a little bit of TLC.

That's all.

Hey, look. You're
gonna be great.

Okay? I'll fix you
up. I'll fix all of this.

They're gonna love you.
They're gonna love your designs,

the buyers are going
to give you an order

that'll transcend your
wildest dreams, yeah?

- Yeah?
- I don't know. If you say so.

Okay. All right, love.

Um, but maybe you should
just have a little shower first.

Hello, thank you for calling
Schmiegel Ad Agency.

How can I direct your call?

Tom? One day,
this will all be yours.

I built this whole empire,

and my number one achievement
to this day, MOFO Moonshine.

Look at this art. Look at it.

"Lick, swallow, and
suck. No limes needed."

It's like a Picasso of jizz that
came out of me onto this canvas.

Yeah.

I cannot do no wrong.

He's early, so we are leaving.

- Now.
- All right.

Whoa... Whoa, check this out.

- Holy smokes!
- Hey, hey, wait. No, no, no, no...

How do you turn this thing on?

You're gonna break your neck.
Those things are death traps.

They kill people all the time.
You can't even ride a bike.

You're gonna shoot
through the roof...

Mr. Johnson, if you can
wait one moment to...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. No
man stands in front of the boss.

Unless Little Jerry says so.

Little Jerry, what do you say?

He said it's okay.

All right. What
do you got, Irene?

Um, well, we have the
projection all set up for you.

Come on. Wow me.

Right. Okay. Well, you know,

we were thinking to focus on this
amazing innovation you created, and...

Well, uh, Elon Musk,
he has innovation.

- Next.
- Let's take the future technology

and make it available
for the consumer today.

Apple. Smart and
affordable. Next.

- What do you got?
- Bye-bye.

"Johnson Jetpacks.
Making the future fun again."

What did you say?

"Making the future fun again."

Well, Mr. Johnson, we're a quarter
of the way into the 21st century,

but the future isn't nearly as
cool or wild as we dreamed.

Until today.

By making the future fun, we
open the world's imagination.

- I mean, look at this thing.
- No, I...

It is a beauty!

This isn't just a
jetpack that you created.

It's like a... it's like, uh...

- A vibrator for the mind.
- Yes!

It's like a vibrator
for your mind.

And what does the world need
more than vibration right now?

Nothing. The world
needs vibration.

So why don't you get over
here, just strap on, ride hard,

and blast off in a
Johnson Jetpack?

Tomorrow...

is today.

Idiots...

You're saying it's like sex?

Riding them hard and
wet? Tomorrow is today?

Is that what you're telling me?

I just wanna
apologize, that was...

It's genius! It's brilliant!

Where were you hiding this guy?
You got a Don Draper on your team.

And you, vibrations.
Genius, genius.

Why do you act so
stupid? And who are you?

Uh, my name's Tom.

- Tom.
- Tom,

you're gonna be the new
face of the Johnson Jetpack.

Now put that helmet on. Let
me see you in that jetpack.

- Good, good.
- Uh...

- Model that baby.
- Uh, okay.

Oh, I like it.

I think it's... I
think it's on, man.

I think it's on.
Get this off of me.

Oh... shit.

You pushed the wrong button.

I told you this was stupid.

Excellent! Watch your head.

Stop!

Man, that thing's way faster
than I thought it would be.

Oh! That's gotta hurt.

Oh, my gosh!

What's he doing?

Oh. Good thing he's
wearing a helmet.

Fuck you, Ricky!

Look out!

Hmm.

Okay. The finishing touches.

- All right.
- Don't do too much of that stuff.

- Okay.
- Okay. Just a little.

Why is this mascara so clumpy?

Did it expire? Does
mascara expire?

I don't know. Honestly, I
don't really care what I look like.

It's not like I'm trying
to get picked up.

Yeah, because that
would be a nightmare.

Men are a pointless distraction.

That's kind of the point, babe.

Speaking of distractions, I
sent Molly out for the night.

Thank God. She's a
roommate from hell.

I don't know. I think
that I have enough on.

Is this... Am I
good? Do I look...

You look beautiful.

Honestly, I just really
need this to work.

It's going to be great.

It's gonna be a hit.

Those bitches have
never looked better.

- Do you really mean that?
- Yes, I do.

Okay.

Well, let's go kill it.

Yeah, let's go kill it.

And we have Miss
Kesha Rockefeller Jones.

She will go "boom,
boom" in your room

in a custom jumpsuit made
of authentic jersey polyester.

Is that my boxed wine? Someone's
gonna have to pay for that.

Molly? What are you doing here?

Tonight is my
doggy fashion show.

I thought you were joking.

Uh, okay.

So, Laura, why don't you get
our next doggy model ready?

And, Molly, why don't
you go to your room?

Now. We can... Kind
of little busy here.

I brought Laura a friend.

Because everyone knows
that she could use a good fuck.

Okay. That's enough.
Just... go to your room.

This one's for you.

- Meet Mateo.
- I'm Matias. He's Mateo.

Mateo. Ma-tat-o.
Who gives a fuck?

He's hot and horny,

and he has hasn't shot
a load in over two weeks.

Get ready because his dick's gonna
be like a McDonald's milkshake machine.

Okay. Isn't she a riot?

Okay. Can you please just leave?

Yeah.

Fine.

I was gonna share, but
since you're being so rude,

I won't. Come on.

Where were we?

Are you sure these
people are real buyers?

Yes. I found them online.
They had great reviews.

Huh. Who's the charmer?

He's a Pet Core representative.
Employee of the month.

- And the cat lady?
- Uh, she's the owner of Feline's Behinds.

- And... Judas?
- Uh, he just showed up.

Oh, okay.

- Laura, why don't you get...
- This isn't happening,

- this isn't happening.
- Our next doggie model?

Yeah, that's my boy, whoo-hoo!

Fuck, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Oh, daddy, hit the spot!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck, daddy! Keep going.

Keep going. Oh, yeah!

Oh, fuck. Slap
that ass! Slap it!

Fuck, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah!

- This house needs an exorcism.
- Oh! Oh, yeah!

Uh, okay. Look,
look, um, just wait.

The... the... tuxedo. Tuxedo.

You haven't seen anything
yet. This is the grand finale.

What kind of bridal party would
it be if your little furry friends,

furry friends couldn't walk
down the aisle with them?

You'll say "I do" to the
exquisite designs of Doggie Style.

Look, I'm just the
cashier for Pet Core.

I think I responded
to the wrong ad. Sorry.

Um, do these come
in human sizes?

Um, also I need to pee,
where's your litter box? Meow.

Uh, where did you
find these morons?

Who's next?

- This was an awful idea.
- Hey, no, no, no, no.

We will come up
with a plan, okay?

Speaking of plans, either
of you have a plan B pill?

Mr. Argentina
forgot to pull out.

Okay, look, you lazy, selfish,
irresponsible nympho alcoholic.

I am not lazy.

And you look awfully
tense. Wanna fuck?

Our roommate is going through
a very difficult time right now.

I think that some words of encouragement
would be very much appreciated.

Sure. Rent's due tomorrow.

I'm gonna kill her in her sleep.

Hey.

Let's have a drink, babe.

We'll get it next time.

Next time.

33

Gold. Something gold.

Gold, uh... Gold, um...

Gold ideas... Gold idea...

Here's your order.

Hey, uh, are you guys hiring?

I've never worked
in a food truck before.

Benny... Benny and
the Jetpacks, yup.

That's a good one.
That's a good... That...

We can put some
good music to that.

- You want an application?
- I'd... Yeah. Sure. Okay.

Thank you.

Oh, lady, and take one of
these. It'll help you chill out.

Thanks. I guess.

Hey, do you have a pen?

Excuse me, do you have a pen?

Nobody has a pen. Great.

I have a pen if you...

don't mind red.

I love red.

- Thanks.
- Uh, here.

- Is this lingerie?
- No, I got it. Don't...

Don't worry about it.

- They're tutus.
- Tutus for dogs. Wow.

I'm a designer.

- Really?
- Yeah.

That's pretty, uh...

- Kind of stupid.
- Brilliant.

- You really think so?
- Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, can I buy one from you?

Do you have a dog?

I don't... No, I
don't have a dog.

Yeah, I'd probably fit it
around one of my legs.

That is the first time I've
smiled in over a week.

Well, you have a nice smile.

- No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do.

No one wants to buy
any of my designs.

Well, I mean, I... I
work in advertising.

I can help you come up with
some new stuff maybe and...

Over dinner or, uh...

Okay. But it... As
long as it's not a date.

What, you got
something against...

- against dating dudes?
- No.

I just told myself I'm
not gonna date anybody

until I make my first
business transaction.

Oh, well, then we...
We gotta get on this.

- Yeah.
- Time's wasting.

Poodle skirts.

Poodle skirts for poodles.

- Okay, you got some good ideas.
- Right? Rottweilers in leather.

Leather jackets
around their butts.

It was electric from
the day we met.

Thanks to everyone for coming

and spending some time
with us before the big day.

We're really looking forward
to the trip with both families.

I've never been happier.

Thank you so much
for saying yes, Laura.

Of course. That was beautiful.

That was beautiful.
Thank you so much.

Hey, did everybody
get enough to eat?

- Oh, yeah.
- It was good.

- I could use...
- It was good. Thank you.

- Another one of these.
- You guys are adorable.

I'm so happy to be
joining your family,

Mr. and Mrs. Rothstein.

Always a pleasure.

- Ahem.
- I'm sorry. It's jetlag.

Oh, what's the matter, Lance?

Nothing. I'm really
happy for you two.

But can I ask?

Why do we all have to fly down

to this Caribbean
hellhole for these nuptials?

Why not have them at
home? Why not Canada?

Lance, you're not even Canadian.

Lance, what's wrong with you?

- Don't you know where you're from?
- Ricky, please shut up.

Oh, you hadn't heard?

I'm an orphan.

Oh, here we go.

I didn't know you were adopted.

Oh, that's true. I'm an orphan.

All I ever really wanted
was to be taken in...

by a kind family
and then finally...

Manfred? Manfred...

these loving parents
came along and adopted me

because they couldn't
have children on their own.

It's... It's true.

Until they did have
a real kid, right?

They were finally
able to conceive

and they had the miracle
biological child, the golden girl,

and she just kind of, I don't
know, just took up all the love

and old Lance just kind
of got lost in the shuffle.

- The hell am I missing here?
- My life.

- Well, that's nice.
- Okay. Well...

You sound successful.

- Wow. It's so soft.
- Sherry, Manfred, Lexi, thank you.

And to your son, Tom,
I'd just like to say, uh,

son, if you break
her heart, I'll kill you.

That's a joke. It's just a joke.

Good speech.

- He's joking, he's joking. It's a joke.
- It's such a funny joke.

Hi, super cute couple.

Can I offer you a
pre-wedding trip beverage?

Actually, I had a question.

Um, when I was
coming onto the plane,

somebody was telling me
about, um, a Club Mile High,

and I was wondering if...

um, is that like a credit card thing
where you have to sign up or do you, um...

Do you get extra
miles from that? Is it...

Rude... Rude people on
this plane... Hey, baby, hey.

- What happened?
- Nothing...

I'm just checking.
Are you... You okay?

You... you seem like you
were just like zoned out.

Not... not really, no.

Yeah, what's... What's going on?

- I just feel anxious and I...
- Oh, the flight?

No, it's just the wedding.

I just wanna make
sure everybody has fun.

I just want this to be great.

Babe, it's gonna be
fantastic. We prepped...

- Okay.
- The shit out of this wedding.

Okay. Just keep telling
me that. I need to hear it.

We prepped the shit out of
this wedding. Say it with me.

- We prepped the shit...
- Prepped the shit

out of this wedding, yeah.

- Okay.
- Yeah, we're good.

Okay. Thanks,
babe. I feel better.

- Great. Now just...
- I feel... I'm just gonna try to sleep.

- Great. Just relax and...
- Okay.

Do you wanna move over one?

No, I really like
the middle seat.

Okay. I need you to
take your hand off my leg.

- That's your leg?
- Yes.

Do you moisturize it?

I need you to remove your hand,

or I'm going to show you why
my favorite movie is Rocky!

Jesus.

Hey.

It's just turbulence.

Ricky doesn't care.

Oh, shit, you broke my nose!

Damn it.

Ladies and gentlemen,
due to severe weather,

we're being rerouted
to the island of Jamaica.

Cabin crew, prepare for landing.

Babe...

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Uh... put your seatbelt on.

- We're here?
- We're close.

Okay. Okay.

Until further notice,

all flights to the Bahamas are
cancelled due to severe weather.

We're supposed to be
getting married in four days.

Babe, it's gonna be fine,
okay? We're gonna get...

How are we gonna find a resort?

I'm... I'll... I'll take care of it.
It's just gonna be a minor hurdle.

- There's no way.
- I think this is very exciting.

Yeah. And pretty scary, eh?

Representative, please.

Your call is very
important to us. Please...

- Get our flights figured out.
- No, no... it's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be great. Okay?
And I'm gonna get a hotel for us,

and we're gonna...
I'm gonna find...

I didn't pack...

- Yeah, mon.
- No seeds and stems, all right?

No guarantees, mon.

Come on, dude, hook
me up, hook me up.

3 In the government
yard in Trenchtown

Oh, what happened to your nose?

Hey, mon! Welcome to my island.

I am a Rasta Man,
a native of Jamaica.

I'm sorry, could you just give
us... Give us one second, sorry.

You like the weed?
You like them girls?

No, we... We just had
an emergency land here,

we're trying to look
for a hotel for my family.

- So, can you just like...
- Yeah, mon. This is fit, my friend.

Real talk, uh, my name is Ira
Goldstein, I'm actually from Long Island.

I work for a hotel in Negril,

and I can get you guys a
great deal, five-star resort.

- We're talking beautiful pools...
- Yeah.

- Hot tubs, luxurious rooms.
- Wow.

- Yeah. Yeah?
- Hot tub, pool?

Okay. Yeah, yeah. You
guys... You guys do weddings?

We do it all,
mon, all inclusive.

What?

Nothing, mon. You look
good, is all. Real good, mon.

Oh, I'm sorry, uh, I'm not...

Oh, I'm not into you in that
way, uh, I'm not gay or anything.

Not... Not that I have any
problem with anybody who is gay.

It's just I tried it out
once before I got married,

and it just really wasn't for
me, you know what I mean?

Me and my wife Lakesha,
mon, we're gonna open up

the most beautiful dry
cleaner right here in Negril.

See, so it's sort of a
family business, mon.

We're gonna call it Jamaican
Ass Do Your Laundry.

We do all your dirty
laundry. Yeah, mon.

Welcome to Hedonism II,
where all your dreams come true.

Winston, I need you to take
over, I got to take a poop.

Welcome, friends.

I'm glad you made it
safely through the storm.

My name is Winston and...

We... We've had a very long day.

Ira said our rooms
would be ready.

Sorry, we're just
really tired, eh.

- And a little emotional.
- Where's the bar?

- Papa?
- Hmm?

Our daughter is only
getting married once... I hope.

And if you wanna sit back,
relax, and massage those toes,

you deserve it.

No, no, no. We deserve it, Mama.

Should I slip into
something more comfortable?

Ooh, I like that idea.

This was my mama's muumuu.

I always liked your mama, eh?

I'll be back.

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

Hmm.

Ooh, jackpot.

Hey, blondie, where you going?

I'm going back to my
room. What are you doing?

Can I join you?

Sure.

- Are you sure?
- Why not?

- Me? Really?
- Yeah.

- Let's go.
- Okay.

- Are you sure?
- Are you gonna take good care of me?

I mean, this isn't
a prank, is it?

Baby, I am the
luckiest guy in the world.

Tell me about it. Maybe we should
just stay here for the rest of vacation.

So down.

Hey, look, I know that this,
you know, isn't what we planned,

and I know the past few days
have been an emotional rollercoaster,

to say the least.

But I promise you, you're gonna
have the wedding of your dreams, okay?

- You do?
- Yeah.

I have a really good
feeling about this place.

Okay. I know it's not
what we planned, but...

I trust you.

- I love you.
- I love you,

- Mr. McGursky-Fairfax Rothstein.
- Oh, no, no, no.

It's Mr. Fairfax Rothstein-McGursky
if we're gonna do that.

Oh, well, looks like you
have some convincing to do.

I don't think so. Okay.

33

This is where
you'll be married...

on your very special day.

What do you think?

We love it.

Wonderful.

Look at these trees!

This place is paradise!

They all look the same.

- You all right there, Papa?
- Right behind you, Mama.

Exactly where I like you.

I trained you well.

- Oh, oh!
- What is it? What is it?

Do you know what that is?

- What is it?
- If I'm right,

the girls at Simonson's
Portage Trail Nature Club

are gonna be green with envy.

I think that's a Lesser
Antilles bullfinch.

- The less... The lesser?
- The lesser.

The only species of bird

where the female eats her
mate after she copulates.

- Oh.
- What's that?

Yes.

- Oh, oh, you okay?
- Yes!

Oh, bird spunk!

Nice.

A souvenir!

Oh, yeah.

Betty Jean Davidson
can't top that.

All right. Close your
eyes, keep them closed.

You're... You're...
Don't ruin the surprise.

All right. Here we go. All right.
Open your mouth, give me...

Give me a little tongue.

And, okay, what do you...
What do you think of that one?

- So good.
- Right?

- So good.
- Yeah.

- So, now...
- That's the one.

No, no, no, you gotta try
more, you gotta try them all.

- Oh, my gosh.
- All right.

All right. What do you
think of that one? Oh.

Okay.

That one's really good,
too. Did you try that one?

What?

I think... I think it's
a Caribbean thing.

Yeah. It's the...

Probably the only person
like that we're gonna see.

She probably...
She's a native, I think.

Okay. Okay.

Mr. Manfred, sir.
How you doing, mon?

Bloody Mary, please.

Look, I know you're a very busy man,
you're here on vacation with your family,

but I would love to schedule some
time to talk about my business proposal.

Open up the dry cleaning
here on the island.

Get this, one-hour dry cleaning.

Well, hello, handsome.

Sorry, I'm, uh, I'm actually
married, I don't swing.

- I love me a silver fox.
- We'll talk, Mr. Manfred.

What's your name?

What's a silver fox? I'm
sorry, do we know each other?

- Hi, darling.
- Hi, ladies.

You know, it's been years since
I've had a professional massage.

Not quite sure how I feel about another
man's hands running all over my body.

I think Papa would
prefer it if I had a lady.

Where's the fun in that?

Uh, when's the last time your
husband gave you a proper massage?

You know, you're right.

Papa usually just
likes to get right to it.

Last time your father used his
mouth for anything other than...

- Mom, come on.
- Yes, dear, you're right.

- That's too much information.
- No! Too much. Uh-uh.

I'm sorry. Yes, you're
right. You're right.

- No.
- I apologize. I don't...

I just hope that my masseur
has, like, strong hands, you know.

Hello. Are you ladies ready?

Oh... oh.

Take that off.
Take that ring off.

Oh, my God, yes.

Uh-huh.

Mmm...

Uh-huh.

Mm-hm.

That's great. Yeah.

Mmm...

You know, my family's here.

I didn't realize how
stressful it was gonna be.

Family is just so
boring, you know.

Why bring family? You
should choose your friends.

And I tell you what, I
can be your little friend.

You know, actually, I'm
really excited, though,

I can't wait to
move on with Tom.

I mean, I'm in it
for life. I'm excited.

I can't wait, either.

You see, uh, sometimes
the unexpected detours in life

make the greatest adventure.

That's a little low, sir.

You were booked
for the full package.

- I'm getting married.
- I know.

Congratulations.

This is not what I
meant by full package!

I'm sorry for the bad touch!

Well, that got weird quick.

I know, right?

- Get out!
- Okay.

Nobody touches the
honey pot but Papa Bear!

That is one crazy white woman.

Ah, just what the doctor
ordered. What are you looking at?

- Yes, yes, yes.
- Mom?

Oh, my God, what
kind of a resort is this?

I don't know, but I love it.

Hey, where's the ocean?
That's what I'm talking about.

Yay, get a little piña colada.
Pursue pleasure, indeed.

A swingers resort, Tom?

There is no way
this is gonna work.

We don't have food, flowers,
the little doily things for the table.

Did you see that guy? He
was like a dick with teeth!

So, is this what's it like in
your big American cities, then?

No, it's Jamaica, man.

Fortunately, I'm not a prude,

because everything
around here is having sex,

especially the birds.

Well, this place is paradise!

Lance, my boy. How
was your trip in, son?

Pretty good. Pretty good.

- Hi, Lance.
- Hi, Mom.

- Oh, where are we?
- This is the...

I'm sorry, I'm just a little confused.
Why is everybody so upset?

I mean, what's going on?
I mean, how happy are we

that we're not up in Manitoba
for this wedding, right?

I'm getting married
at a swingers resort.

A swingers resort,
like a nudist colony?

What... are you kidding me?

All right, this all goes back
to Tom. This is Tom's fault.

This is a nudist colony?
You're sick, buddy!

All right. Everybody just calm
down, let's figure out a plan B.

- Yup.
- Hi, there.

I'm Lance, are you the
manager of this place?

Absolutely. Make yourself
comfortable, take your jacket off.

Okay, thank you.

Thanks.

Hey, while you're at it, go
ahead and take your pants off, too.

- I'm sorry?
- If you want.

My pants?

Well, I'm okay, thanks.

How can I help you, Larry?

It's Lance, but that's okay.

- Well, I wanted to lodge a com...
- Oh, you like that?

It's my ex-wife, former guest.

I wanted to lodge a complaint.

Ooh...

You had me worried for a second.

I have a lot of guests come in
here wanting to lodge something,

usually not complaints.

Upper management, at a
beautiful adult swingers resort.

And for the life of me,

I cannot walk out those office
doors without a top or bottom.

Can I help you, Larry?

Well, uh, first of all, this is a topnotch
resort, so congratulations to you.

Um, I was just... Had a
question about the activities.

There's zip line,
paragliding, bungee jumping.

All nude. Those are all totally
nude activities you've mentioned.

That's true.

Actually, the bungee jump is
closed due to an incident last week.

A guy, older fellow... Late
70s, early 80s... jumps.

Old-timer's got incredible form,
his head is at a safe distance,

but his balls extend just enough
to tap the sand really hard.

Put him in the hospital...

died the next day.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Nothing related to
the bungee jump.

My condolences.

I think I understand
what's happening here.

Look, my sister is getting
married this weekend,

albeit to a total putz,

but still, I wanna make
sure it's special for her

and not a sex surge,
do you understand?

33

I got to thank you
for your concerns.

I'm taking baby steps to
improving the staff tact around here,

you know what I mean?

I think you do.

Here's what I'm gonna
do for you, Vance.

To make sure your
stay is comfortable,

I'm gonna give you Groupons to
our best clothing optional classes.

Try to enjoy yourselves.
Take it slow, too.

And that's my advice to you,
Vince, that you do the same.

Oh, look, yoga class,
look at that move.

Oh...

Well, no, that is nude
yoga. She is flexible.

33

No, Bill, can you hear me?

Sure you don't
wanna come with us?

Look, I hate to have to say this,
pal, but, uh, we're enemies now.

You ought to know
something about me, Tom.

I have a certain set of skills.
Do you know what Krav Maga is?

No.

See this, Tom? It's a fist.

And it might be small,
delicate even, like a snowflake,

but it's not the size that
matters. It's what you do with it.

If you so much as harm my
baby sister in the slightest,

not even the splendid Canadian
nationalized healthcare system

will be able to save you.

And by the way, that
hat's fucking stupid.

Lance, you should come, buddy.

We got a bunch of guys, no
women, it's a perfect sausage-fest.

I like you, Rick, I do,
but, uh, I got a meeting.

Lance, son.

That boy...

Won't swim, won't play
hockey, always got an excuse.

This day has been so good.

You boys done got
your sea legs, mon?

Yeah, mon.

- That's what I'm talking about.
- Yeah.

Canadian beer, looks good...

Wow, but it's not.

Moose Knuckle, that's funny.

Tom, Mama says
you designed this label.

Yeah, I did.

Wait, wait. You
designed this label, Tom?

Mm-hmm.

- Oh, that's pretty cool, pal.
- Thanks, Dad.

Can I get you boys some weed?

Home grown, I call it
the Rasta Jew, man.

- That's what I call it, man.
- No, I...

I'd end up on the front
of that boat passed out.

That's what happened
to the captain.

That's why I'm driving the boat.

- Rasta Jew?
- Yeah, man.

- I'm In.
- Yeah, man.

Goddamn.

This is exactly what
my old buns needed.

- Mine, too.
- Oh, oh.

What do you all
know about being old?

I have shoes older
than the both of you.

- I have a present for you.
- Georgia, where'd you get...

- Nice.
- You light that thing up.

Oh! Oh, it's been over 30 years
since I've had a whiff of them, um...

Weed, grass, ganja,
gateway drug, yeah.

You know, it seems
like just yesterday

we were at Kappa Delta Pi, doing
Jello shots off the swim team boys.

Honestly, we'd start
with one up here

- and then you sort of work your way down.
- Hey, Georgia?

Stop, that's my mother-in-law.

At the end of the semester,
I had no gag reflex.

That's the only thing I
got out of college, too.

- Right?
- Honey, I am sure that Sherry and I

both have done things we're not
necessarily proud of in our past.

- I used to be a very dirty girl.
- Mom, stop it.

- No.
- Very. They used to call me Mud Pie.

No!

How you doing?
You got anything, uh,

kind of healthy for somebody
who's trying to get back into shape?

- I got that weed.
- Okay. Thank you.

Looks great. Appreciate it.

I'll have one of those.

You know what? It's
on me, there you go.

It's all-inclusive.

Okay, well, second
one's on me, too.

Oh, you're such a gentleman.

Where I come from, I believe...

It's my theory that a
woman such as yourself

should, you know,
be treated like a lady.

Where are you from?

I'm from Canada by
way of, uh, Mississippi.

How can you be
Canadian from Mississippi?

Well, it's... Uh, it's a little
complicated, you know?

I know complicated.
I was left at the altar.

I woke up yesterday
and my fiancé was gone.

Uh... you were
left at the altar?

I'd like to meet the son of a
bitch, excuse my language,

that left you at the altar.

That was crazy enough
to leave you at the altar

and teach him a thing
or two about chivalry.

What, teach him... Teach
him about some weed?

No, thanks. Not right now, hoss.

You know what?

Let's not even think
about it, all right?

Here's to new beginnings.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Mango-carrot
fusion. Here's to it.

♪ Jamaica is my home ♪

♪ Oh, Jamaica is my home ♪

- Get it?
- Mm-hmm.

- ♪ Jamaica is my home ♪
- That's a small fish.

I know, I thought it
would be a lot bigger.

Sounds like you've been
enjoying yourself, mon.

Yeah, mon.

You gotta get yourself
a nice Jamaican woman

to make you some of that
good jerk chicken, man.

Hey, anybody else
wanna go out for a swim?

No, mon. Don't do it.

The water's beautiful.
Why can't we jump in?

What happens at
Hedonism stays at Hedonism.

But the sea, she remembers, man.

Few years back, some of
the more adventurous guests

would have the hotel ferry
them out right to this spot here.

They'd take the current
all the way back in,

screwing the whole way.

Called it riding
the dolphin, man.

What the hell are
you talking about?

That was before the
real dolphins joined in.

Maybe it was the smell, all them
juices percolating in the water.

First they followed them into the shore,
almost like they was protecting them, mon.

Then one sunset, the dolphin jump
up, knocked the man right off his woman.

Empty bikini washed
up on shore, mon.

Ever since, no
fucking in the lagoon.

And no swimming
in this spot right here.

- I'm not going swimming.
- I'm not going in.

I'm fucking with you guys.

33

Why does...

Why do people always
misinterpret who I actually am?

I don't get it. Everybody
seems to like this guy.

I don't get it. I'm
just... it's over.

Dolphins?

Sherry, Sherry, tell us
some of your wild tales.

All right, that's...
That's it, stop.

I don't think we need to go
there. Maybe just another time?

Chill out.

Chill out, babe, come on.

Oh.

You ladies mind if I join?

Yeah... No.

No. No. Please.

Please.

Um, would you like, um,
to... To suck... I mean, blow...

Um, do... Do you want some?

Ladies, ladies.

- I don't bite.
- Really?

Unless you want me to.

- Fish up.
- Pull, pull it in.

Got it. He's coming
up. He's coming up.

- Pull it and get the hook, Tom.
- He's coming up. He's coming up.

Get the gaff.

Get the hook. There
we go. Keep coming.

You got him. You got him.

Coming up, coming
up, he's coming up.

Grab him, somebody grab him.

- Let me get a pole.
- Here, hold... hold my pole.

- That's a bigger fish than you.
- Look at that.

- Whoo.
- Yeah, baby. Look at that, Tom!

Oh, he's in the water.

- He's in the water.
- Oh, shit, man.

- He's dolphin meat, man.
- Look, you got him.

Ah, dolphin! Dolphin!

- Oh, shit. I'll get him, mon.
- You get him! It's your boat.

Dolphin!

Something got my leg!
Something's touching my leg!

Ayo, weary traveler.

You care for some
dark Jamaican rum?

Don't mind if I do.

I'll take a belt right
out of the bottle.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, change my
perspective a little.

- Yeah.
- It's good. That's good.

I'm Lance. What do you go by?

Island Man.

Ain't got no name.

You got this crafty boat here.

Obviously. You can't be no
island man if you don't have a ship.

Oh. Oh, I am still thinking
about that incredible massage.

Oh... Me too.

Oh, the face he did.

Can't remember the last
time Manfred took me dancing.

Wow. Wow.

Wow. Oh, try this,
Georgia. It's really fun!

You're like a cross between
a unicorn and a stork.

- A stork.
- Georgia.

Oh, oh, oh...

- There you go.
- Are you okay?

Oh, yeah. Something
just popped out.

- Are you sure?
- No, it just popped out.

- What's the matter?
- I don't know.

Then they eventually
had their own child,

you know, their real
kid. Their biological child.

And then they tried
to get rid of you?

No. She never made me feel less than,
she made me feel like her real brother.

And you know what I
did? I acted like a jerk.

I didn't even protect her
the way I should have.

So like you were the
one abandoning them?

All right, look.

Let's go and find your destiny.

Oh, right now?

All right. Let's do it.

I'll have another
old swig of that rum.

Go ahead, son.

Tell your tale to the ocean.

They really never
stopped loving me.

It was more just me.

It was what was going on inside
of me, and I was just insecure of it.

I mean, I never even
did this with my old man.

All right. I'll be your poppy.

Should I be nervous? I can't
quite see the bottom here, Poppy.

Gentlemen, I hope you
had a great day at sea.

- You ready for a party?
- I need to go to bed.

I think I got way
too much sun today.

What the hell are you
talking about, Tom?

I've been waiting this whole darn
time to get into some nasty trouble.

All right. Fine. One drink.

Let's take some shots
and get fucked up.

Welcome to the par-ty.

33

I think I've died
and gone to heaven.

Oh! What have you
done to yourself?

I don't know, I
pulled something.

- Oh, God.
- Oh, and how did you pull that, miss?

Well, it's either dancing or
looking at that beautiful man.

Classic Mud Pie.

Mud Pie and Cotton Candy
are like Thelma and Louise.

Most beautiful bride,
well, this is my stop.

Goodnight, ladies.

- That was fun.
- That was fun.

Your father and I
are so happy for you.

Of course, we were very
worried about you for a while.

I know.

You know, I'm so excited, too.

He really is the
man of my dreams.

Your father's the man of my...

Mom?

Did you... Did you
fall asleep with...

- I'm right here. I'm right here.
- Your eyes open?

- Again?
- I'm right here.

I'm worried about you.

It looked like you fell asleep
with your eyes open. Mom?

Are you okay?

I'll just...

Tits, tits, tits...

tits, tits, tits,
tits, tits, tits...

SWEET... tits, tits,
tits, tits, tits, tits, tits, tits

I can't stand these
goddamn tourists.

Did you hear...?

No. What?

I heard one of them
blew the other one...

His fiancé is gonna be PISSED!

Not as much as she will
be during the wedding.

Yeah... IF there's
a wedding... HAHA.

Tits, tits, tits, tits, tits...

NNNNN... Dicks. Dicks.
Dicks. Dicks. Dicks...

BINGGGGG... Dicks.
Dicks. Dicks. Dicks. Dicks...

I feel like shit.

Oh, hey, sexy.

You really went
all out last night.

Shit.

Don't go.

33

Ricky!

Ricky! Ricky!

Yo, get up, man. What the
fuck happened last night?

Hey, hey, what happened?

- We took some pills.
- We took some pills?

Yeah, I'm sorry. We got
fucked up, had some bananas.

Fuck!

What happened with the girl?

I woke up in her room and...

- Oh, shit. You fucked her.
- No, I didn't fuck her, okay?

- Nice.
- No, that's not nice!

Oh, this is a bachelor
party well done.

- No.
- Yes.

Well, I had my pants on.
I had my shoes on. And...

Oh, that doesn't mean anything.

This is all your fault.

Fuck!

It was a good night.

Let's do it again.

Remember, every man is an island

trying to find his way home.

What did I drink?

Time to go home.

Have faith, and always
follow the current,

no matter how rough and
tough the seas may be.

Now, go on and find
your next adventure.

Ow! Where the hell am I?
I mean, was this guy real?

But not that
direction. Lord God!

You're going the wrong way.

Gosh, I'm so hung over.

You were supposed
to look after him, Ricky.

I did, I think.

What did you guys do last night?

We just passed
out after the hot tub.

I would love to pass
out in a hot tub with you.

I would, I would, I would.

Okay. For the last time, Ricky,

there is no scenario in which
I will ever sleep with you.

Not even... Not even if
there was a nuclear holocaust

and we were the last
people left on Earth.

Not even if I thought it would
cure cancer, Ebola, and AIDS!

Not even if it stopped
people from voting Republican.

I don't wanna get
political with you.

I just wanna have some
sex with you on the beach.

Okay. Ignore them.

What are we gonna do today?

Uh, I think we should probably just
fall asleep on the beach and just...

Hey, banana boy?

I think he's talking about us.

Yeah. I'm banana boy.

Deep throat!

Yep. That's me.

- He's... He's talking to me.
- He's talking to Rick.

This is one of Ricky's things.

- I'm sorry.
- He's a banana...

We... We should
just get out of here

- and go hiking around, or something.
- Yeah.

- Bye, guys.
- Love you, bro.

Bye.

So? That was strange.

What exactly did you
two get up to last night?

We acted like true gentlemen
last night, if you must know.

Okay. This was fun.

- See you soon.
- In hell.

Miss you already.

Oh, hello.

We're here. The...
The... Oh, the...

What she's trying to say is we are here
to see the psychosexual kinesiologist,

who also happens to be a
subdural neuromanipulator.

She's actually a sex coach.

Okay. Well, I just like to
say subdural neurologist

because it makes me feel smart.

Could you go ahead and
sign these first for me, please?

Oh, sure. Sure.

Oh, oh, oh...

I got it.

Oh, you're all right.

"Mindful Sexuality." Uh-huh.

"Water Work. Love Your Leather.

How to Dom Your Inner Sub,
Candle Play: Don't get burned."

Sign me up for everything.

Name.

What address?

All right.

Uh, what's "safe word"?

Whoo. Oh, that's refreshing.

Oh. Howard Freeman, upper
management and DODC here at Hedo II.

I've been watching
you very, very closely

since your arrival here, and...

and I have to say, you really
have a nice way about you.

You're light on
your feet, agile,

and I notice when you walk
into a room, just lights up.

Thanks.

You ever done any
professional dancing?

No, I... I did a high
school, uh, Sound of Music.

♪ The hills are alive ♪

I bet you gave old Plummer
a run for his money, huh?

Hey, speaking of plumbing,
how are your pipes doing, Tom?

They're good.

The dry-cleaning
for your wedding,

it's gonna be nothing short
of perfection and gratis.

What's, uh, what's gratis?

That means on the
house, Tommy boy.

I'll see you at the wedding.

Who the hell was that?

Hi.

This is a double, right?

- Lance, Lance.
- Oh, hi.

Okay. So, something is going on.

- The boys were acting...
- Yeah.

So weird at
breakfast this morning.

- Super suspicious.
- Something's going on.

Something very, very odd
is happening around here.

People were walking past and
they were shouting things like,

"Oh, banana blow job, cock
cowboy," and "deep throat."

And I think...

Ricky gave Tom a
blow job last night.

Uh... Okay.

Well, that's absolutely
gonna devastate Laura.

But nobody wants to
listen to old Lance. No.

No one wants to listen to Lance.

I've had an idea. All right.

I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna fix this.

I'm gonna figure it out. And then
I'm gonna come find you, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay?

Okay. Just call me in my room.

So, you wanna go
check out the nude pool?

Ah, there's a nude pool.

She'll come, too.

Strange winds are
blowing around here.

A perfect orgasm

is a confluence
of all five senses:

Touch...

Taste...

Smell...

Sound...

And sight.

And unroll to reveal your tools.

We will focus on
one sense at a time.

Placing all of your tools...

Let your hands and your
bodies express your sensations.

Gentlemen.

We are ready for
you to enter us.

You can do this.
Yeah! Yeah, you can.

No, no, stop it.

All right. Come on.

God, I'm a good friend.

Hey, Mr. Ricky.

Do you wanna order a
cold drink for a thirsty girl?

Yeah, I do. A lot of tits
and ass everywhere.

Hey, Ricky!

Whoa!

I knew you come around
for some of that Ricky dick.

Let's go make a
Ricky flick. Come on.

Tantric sexual stimulation,

it's about admitting a desire.

Share a desire.

That's my finger.

Share a fantasy
you've never admitted.

Meow.

Now, experience your sensations.

- Huh?
- There's a beautiful girl, mon.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
She's attractive all right.

Something about her.

You should go talk to her, mon.

Oh, uh, yeah. Actually,
we already met.

She's, you know, she's going
through kind of a hard time.

- She got left at the altar.
- Yeah, mon.

- Yeah. Very sad.
- Broken heart, mon.

- Yeah.
- Hmm.

You should mend that heart
with big Janelle right there.

Get an orgy going. I can watch.

You take her to the romper room,
mon, and you tie her up like a goat.

No. You're not
hearing what I'm saying.

She's a nice girl. She
just got left at the altar.

She's going through
kind of a rough time.

If I were to say something to
her, it'd be like, I don't know.

"Would you like to go for a walk
on the beach?" Something like that.

- You see what I'm saying?
- Yeah, mon. Yeah, mon.

- Yeah.
- She is a really pretty woman.

It does seem like she's
looking over here, though.

She's definitely looking
right at you, mon.

- Hold the gaze.
- Yeah. You think so?

She's almost as
beautiful as my wife.

- You're married?
- Yeah, mon.

So, what are you doing in
this cabana right beside me?

I was noticing your pants.

They're, uh, really nice.

- What kind of pants are those?
- Oh, you're not Jamaican? Where you from?

I'm actually from Long Island.
But, uh, dual citizen, mon.

Uh... Let me, uh...

Let me press these
pants for you, for real.

No, thank you.

By the way, my wife think
you look like Matt Lauer, man.

Oh, yeah? Well, I
don't know if you heard,

he got into a little
trouble back in the States.

Oh, no, mon. She's
gonna be devastated.

Is he gonna be okay?

Have you been
here the whole time?

All right. I think I hear the
waterfall right over here somewhere.

All right. It's just
right over here.

So...

You wanna just
take our clothes off?

33

Are you okay?

Georgia, what did you
discover about Tom and Ricky?

- Uh...
- Did Ricky fellate Tom?

So, uh, Ricky... Ricky
is, um, straight, yeah.

Straight as an
arrow for you, babe.

And, you know, he's
a surprisingly, uh...

deep and, um, spiritual...
Philosophical individual.

Very philosophical. Um,
Shakespeare once said...

- Did you blow Tom?
- Uh...

Why are you looking at her?

Simple question; did
you go down on him?

I'm not sure what happened.
It was a big night out.

We took some pills and Tom
woke up in some chick's room.

- But it's all my fault.
- Okay.

I'm gonna, uh, go
grab a wet wipe.

33

Okay. A guy as dumb as Tom

has to leave a few
clues here and there.

Jesus Christ.

Just you, Lance.

Oh, gee.

Shit. Luckily, this
is all inclusive.

- Ooh.
- Oh.

- Okay.
- Can you get it off?

- Yup.
- Oh.

Ooh!

Dude, what the fuck, man? Shit.

Don't you have any boundaries?

Yeah, I got boundaries.

I also got a couple of questions
for this guy right here, your fiancé.

I just had a little chat
with your best man.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Look, Lance, Tom is a good guy.

I love him and
we're getting married,

and you have to learn
how to just deal with it.

Oh, you want me to deal with it?

Let me tell you something about
this so-called "good guy," all right?

And this hurts me to tell you this,
but he slept with another woman.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no.

Sit down! That's right, honey.

He fornicated with another girl.

- What?
- Yeah. Tell her.

- Explain it to her.
- What is he talking about, Tom?

Yeah, what am I
talking about, Tom?

You know what? Let
me handle this one.

My investigation so far
has yielded the information

that, uh, there is a
woman named Anna.

Does that ring a bell, Tom,
if that's even your real name?

[-I-I... I don't... I don't
know... I don't... I don't...

What, is English your
second language?

- I... Okay...
- Speak!

- Okay.
- Just tell me what happened.

I woke up in another
woman's room and I don't...

- I don't think I did anything.
- Oh, oh, oh.

You woke up in
another woman's room?

- Are you hearing this, honey?
- I... Okay.

I had... I had... I had no shirt
on but my shorts were on.

- My shorts were on...
- His shirt was off

but he thinks he
had his underoos on.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

But my... My shoes
was... My shorts were on...

- She's furious.
- And my...

My shoes were on
and... And I don't...

I wouldn't... I wouldn't do
anything. I know myself.

He thinks that
he had clothes on.

Starting to see
what I mean here?

Dude, that's not...

It's not what you
think. I didn't cheat.

Go walk it off, sis.
I'm right behind you.

You're disgusting. I agree with
what she said a hundred percent,

and so far as I can tell,

you're just one more guy
who cheats on his fiancée.

And I think that
that's just horrible.

And this room's
a goddamn pigsty.

Mom, Dad, I have
to tell you something.

Oh. What the...

What the fuck?

You must be the
bride. Congratulations.

- Hi, honey.
- Mom?

He had us all fooled.

I got to admit, you
did seem pretty happy.

And I'm sorry that I
wasn't more happy for you.

Well, I didn't exactly always make
it easy for you to be happy for me.

You don't have to say that.

I'm just sorry that I never
really tried to understand you.

Hey, to me, you
were the only person

that never really did
understand me, all right?

And, well, I'm sorry I didn't
treat you like a real brother.

Lance, you're better than any
real brother I could ever ask for.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Please, just talk to me. Please.
- Don't talk to me.

I can't even look at you.

Excuse me. Is everything okay?

No, I need a car to
the airport. I'm leaving.

- What about your beautiful wedding?
- It's not happening.

At this point, it's too late.

There is no cabs,
no flights out.

Winston, she's got
to fly out tonight.

I'll get her a cab and the
first flight out in the morning.

It's a great idea.

Tonight, you either stay with
Georgia or you stay with myself.

And buddy, your
ticket's been punched.

Laura, come this way.
Thank you, Winston.

You know, it would've been
such a wonderful wedding.

- Morning, son.
- Morning, Dad.

I don't really know what to do.

I thought it was what
you and Mom have.

Well, your mom and I have...
discovered new things, too.

We've been together a long time
and the flame starts to die a little bit,

you know, not like that
seven-year itch kind of thing,

but something a whole lot more.

You know, so you try something.

You don't think you're
gonna like it, but you do.

So you try something else.

You know, every time I see
you and Laura Jane together, I...

I just think, "Boy,
don't ever lose that."

You think it's too
late to fix this?

Well, son, in the
end, nothing's too late.

Dad, what do I do?

I can't tell you that, son.

That's up to you to decide.

Worst fucking day ever.

Hey, man, can I get a couple,
um, a couple shots, just...

just line them up
here, and I'll take them.

Tommy, you look ridiculous.

So what? You fucked up.

Now listen to me carefully.

I have three words
of advice for you, kid.

Chase your dreams, fulfill your
destiny, and go get a haircut.

You look like a moron.

Quit feeling sorry for yourself.

Sober up, take a
shower and go get her.

And use deodorant. I'm a
hallucination, I can still smell you.

Mr. Tom, hurry up, mon.

She's a runaway, mon.

All right, let's go, let's go.

All right, Andy. Rip
these roads, mon.

All right, let's go. How
long until we get there?

- Two hours, mon.
- Fuck.

He's cute.

- He is hot.
- So wasted.

I couldn't even
take his shoes off.

- That's how loyal he is.
- Wow.

Oh. Who's Laura, anyways?

I don't know. I don't care.

- Oh, man.
- I just love him.

- Laura, I need to throw up.
- It's a shame.

- Laura.
- He loved his fucking girlfriend.

- Who's Laura?
- Oh, fuck!

- Laura.
- Who's that?

All right, thanks, guys.

All right, Tom.

Make sure you tell
her that you love her

and that she's the only
woman in the world,

and you take her to the romper
room and you tie her up like a goat.

All right. Thanks. Yeah.

- Hello?
- Laura?

- Georgia?
- I have something to tell you.

Laura, can you hear me?

- I can't... I can't hear you.
- Laura, he didn't do it.

33

I really... I really messed up,

and I can't stop thinking
about you and I was...

I was... I was running around
the hotel looking for you and...

Stop. I know you would
never do anything to hurt me.

This weekend has
been... It's been crazy,

and with, you know,
the family and...

I can't imagine
my life without you.

- I just-I just had... had to tell you.
- Can you just shut up and kiss me?

Hey, uh, Mr. Manfred, sir.

- Mr. Manfred, sir?
- Oh, my God.

I'm sorry. This isn't
a bad time, is it?

I was hoping I could maybe talk to
you about that business proposal.

Do you have a
few minutes to talk?

How much?

Uh, I'm sorry. I don't...

How much?

How much for you to leave
me and my family alone

for the rest of our lives?

Five hundred?

Half million dollars?

Oh, no, no. No, no, no.
Not a half million dollars,

like, I was thinking $500.

I already got 1,500 saved up

so that would put me at 2,000
which should be a nice nest egg

to open a little dry cleaner
right here on the island.

Who do I make that out to?

Ira Goldstein, sir.

Good job.

Good doing business with you.

On second thought, would
you maybe, uh, pay me in cash?

Check's totally fine.
Don't even worry about it.

Thanks, Mr. Manfred.

Uh, first off, I've been down
here a couple of days now,

and I've gotten the chance
to know both families

and talk to a lot of
people about Tom here,

and I've heard what a
charming, kind, smart fella he is.

And, uh, I'm the
luckiest guy in the world,

because he's gonna take care
of my baby sister, which is great.

And I wouldn't have it
any other way. Thank you.

- Great job, Tommy. I'm proud of you.
- Well, we did it, didn't we folks?

Huh?

Yeah.

I don't think that any of us
thought that we would end up here.

Two great, very
different families.

Laura Jane, I am honored
to call you my daughter.

Um, if... If I could just
take one more second

to say something to
my beautiful wife, Sherry.

For so many years I have
been obsessed with my work.

But I've realized that... the
only thing that matters is you.

But the one thing I
hope these kids learn

is that it doesn't matter
where you are or when it is.

But if you have
the person you love

standing next to
you by your side...

You're in the right
place at the right time.

And if you have that,

you will have something that will see
you through a whole host of hard times,

which include, but
are not limited to,

the occasional dalliance,
premature ejaculation,

no ejaculation, hemorrhoids,

that thing they do where
they grind their teeth,

insomnia, loose teeth,
failing vision, halitosis.

Menopause.

I can't wait to spend the
rest of my life with you.

Give it, boy. Give it. Go.

There's a...

There's a... you
got a dolphin...

Hey! Hey! Look!
Look to your left!

To your left! No, I'm
not waving to you. No!

Retreat.

We'll be back.

I'm great.

You saved my life.

If you can believe it,
I'm terrified of the water.

At least I used to be.

You're my hero.

I'm not a hero.

I'm just Lance.

Lance, kiss me, you fool.

Tits, tits, tits...

tits, tits, tits,
tits, tits, tits...

SWEET... tits, tits,
tits, tits, tits, tits, tits,

33

The director is losing
it in the background.

Just because you don't
know where you are,

doesn't mean you're lost, Lance.

It sounds like something
Poppy would say.

I guess it all worked
out for the best.

That being said,
where the hell am I?

We are about to
have our sixth kid.

And Mr. Manfred, sir, we're
gonna name that kid after you,

and I don't care if
it's a boy or a girl.

Take me.

But you see, that's an area I
actually don't have a complaint about.

Papa, although he
looks large and heavy...

Is large and heavy.

I'd like to dedicate a song

to all the girls that
slept with Ricky.

Uh, uh, uh...

Come back.

Yup.

♪ Ricky's all up in ya ♪

♪ Ricky is a ninja ♪

♪ Ricky's all up in ya ♪

♪ Ricky is a ninja ♪

♪ Ricky's all up in ya ♪

♪ And Ricky is a ninja ♪

♪ All up in Jamaica ♪

♪ Ricky's all up in ya ♪