All language subtitles for The Nanny s03e09

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ah!

-Hi.
-Hi.

Say, are those flowers
for your girlfriend?

Yeah actually,
they're for my
fiancée.

She's wonderful. We're getting
married in a couple of weeks,

over at the...

Is there something
I can do for you?

Yes. But we hardly
know each other.

Actually, I wanted to order
two-dozen white tulips

to be delivered to my son,
Maxwell Sheffield.

Sorry. That woman has
the last of the
tulips.

Who?

That girl.

[THAT GIRL

I had my eye on those.

Oh, well, I had my eye
on Antonio Banderas,

but I ain't taking him
home either.

Darling, what if I bought you
some plastic flowers

to go with that petroleum
product you're wearing?

Well, as if the
Brits
are so stylish?

News flash, the royal
wedding
pictures looked likeMama's
Family.

These New Yorkers
are so pushy.

Give me the damn tulips.

Hey, my boss sent me out to buy
tulips for his mother,

and I want the old
bat
to like me.

Give me
that.
Give me...

Oh, what are we fighting
about?
You keep it.

There's a whole fresh batch

right there in
the refrigerator.

In that case, you keep
the wilted ones.

Fine.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

SINGER:♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffields' door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny! ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl
we've described ♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red
when everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪

Niles, when I meet
Mr. Sheffield's mother,

do I gotta curtsy

because if I do, this
skirt
turns into a tube top.

Oh, I'm sure you're
exaggerating,

but go ahead, try.

Bad butler.
Anyway,
I think it's
gorgeous.

If she doesn't like it,
tough.
I'm not changing again.

Oh, Miss Fine, is
that
what you're
wearing?

Hell, no.

Thank you.

My mother derives sustenance

from criticizing everything
in my life.

Yeah? So? Oh, I keep
forgetting.

You're not Jewish.

Maxwell, your adversarial
relationship

with your mother is
your own fault.

I find I catch more flies
with honey.

I always thought your
tongue
darted out.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hello, Mother.

Hello, darling.

Oh, look at you.

The spitting image
of your father.

Same eyes, same smile.

All that's missing is the
naked
secretary in your bed,

wearing my pearls.

It's so wonderful to see
you
again, madam.

Liar.

Niles, where are your tails?

He had them cropped when
they did his ears.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, C.C., you're a
stitch.
I missed you.

Maxwell, you should have
her
write a comedy for you.

God knows, you need a hit.

[MAXWELL CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]

Shall I poison
them
at supper, sir?

Niles!

It's two hours away.

Oh, Elizabeth, I can't wait
to tell you

all the exciting things that
are
going on in my life.

Right after I visit
the powder room,
dear.

Oh, please, she'll be done
before you get there.

Is this any better? This
skirt's a designer label.

The label's lovely.
Where's the rest of it?

Oh, I got your
mother
a little present

and lucky for you, I think
I left it upstairs.

Oh, I forgot my handbag.

Oh, you know, on second
thought,
I think it's in the kitchen.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

Oh, I brought my chauffeur
over with me.

I'll just tell him to go.

When did you hire
a new driver?

When your father hired
a new secretary.

Jean Luc.

I had Grandma Yetta make your
mother her famous prune Danish.

I figured, you know,
with all the flying,

the change in water,
she could use it.

That's a lovely
thought,
Miss Fine.

But my mother's not
really
the prune Danish type.

Oh, well, she will be after
she eats ma's stuffed derma.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, I'll get it.

-You?
-You?

What are you, nuts?

You followed me home?

What kind of a psycho case
are you?

Would you get a life,
you fruitcake?

Do you know who that
weirdo was?

That's my mother.

You think she liked me?

[♪♪♪]

Turn around. Let's see
how you look.

Isn't it wonderful?
We could be twins.

Margaret, do take that off.
You look 50.

Uh, grandma, Fran and I sort
of
have a shopping routine.

You see, I buy
outfits
I actually like,

and she looks for a
husband
in the men's department.

Darling, I know you prefer
a more plunging neckline,

but don't you think
we should wait

until you have something
more to plunge into?

Oh, God!

You're so good with her.

C.C., I'm really worried

about this-- this nanny
that Maxwell's hired.

So am I, but I don't
want to say anything...

except she's a
low-life
gold digger

who's trying to move
in
on the family.

Did I tell you she
has
designs on Maxwell?

Oh, please, C.C.

Maxwell would never fall
for a trollop like that.

If he's anything
like his father...

Oh, God.

Well, let's just pray
that she'll take good
care of the children.

All right, honey.
Just hold up your nose.

You're leaving a trail
of blood

even the O.J. jury
couldn't ignore.

Lord, what happened?

We won.

C.C., call a doctor.

Oh, no. It's okay. The coach
said he's fine.

Just to watch out
if he vomits

or falls for no reason.

Okay, sweetie, go upstairs
and get cleaned up.

But scream if your
shoulder
blade pops out again.

You know, just
forget
what I said.

If you had Maxwell fire
her,
I'd just hate myself.

[POPPING]

Miss Fine.

Yes?

Where were you when the boy
was brutalized?

I was schmearing eggs on
the other team's bus.

Oh, look, when did
you two get so
thick?

Oh, well, for me, it happened
around the 14th,

but she must have had salty
nuts
on the plane.

Maxwell, do
do up your-- your shirt.

I can't distinguish you
from the servants.

Oh, that's easy. I'm the
one
who's actually working.

[FRAN LAUGHS]

Oh, that's a good one.

I can't wait to tell Niles
when
he comes back from the track.

Ma... Mother, do you
mind?
It's hot in my office.

-Oh, I don't remember
coming in there.
-[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You know, sometimes Miss Fine

sits on the edge of my
desk
in one of her outfits.

Yes, well, carry on.

Oh, is he adorable or what?

Boy, when he was
a little baby,

how did you keep
from
biting his tushy?

I guess that prune
Danish
didn't kick in yet.

Bad news, sir.

I'm afraid there's
been
an emergency.

Your mother's been called
back
to London and is packing as
we

Really?

Early April Fool's, sir.

Not funny, Niles.

This is not a good day
to tease me.

Miss Babcock never made it
to the theater.

-I'm afraid she's missing.
-Really?

April Fool's to
the second power.

Mine was funny, sir.
That's just plain cruel.

Maxwell, I have
something
to discuss with you.

Oh, Mother, much as I'd love
to stay and chat,

I'm afraid I have
a meeting with...

Ethel Merman.

Yes.

And I may be a while
because she's dead.

Then I'd better go cancel,
sir.

Maxwell, I'd like to
dismiss your nanny.

Don't you mean
discuss,
Mother?

No.

Mother, why this sudden
interest in my life, hmm?

Did your poodle die?

Well, about this nanny,

I think she has far too much
influence over the children.

I can assure you, Mother,
I don't know what you mean.

Daddy, look at me.
Who am I?

[IMITATING FRAN LAUGHING]

[CHUCKLES] That's very nice,
sweetheart. Now go change.

I can't. I'm playing doctor.

Ooh, ha, are you married?
Ha, ha!

Maxwell, let me make
myself
quite clear.

I know that there's
something going on

between you and
this
nanny person,

and I will not allow it.

Mother, there is nothing
going on between...

Wait a minute.

What do you mean
you won't allow it?

You are a Sheffield, dear.

This woman's not of our class.

Oh, that is preposterous.

Knock, knock. Oh, you've
gotta see this.

Hello, Dolly!
spelled out in SpaghettiOs.

I swear, it poured
right out of the can.

I mean, is that freaky or what?

Maxwell, if you pursue this...

that...that,

I will have no choice
but to disinherit you.

Well, I don't need your money,
Mother, or your approval.

And I'll do whatever
the bloody hell I like.

Oh, don't talk to your
mother
like that.

Miss Fine, will you
marry me?

-[FRAN GASPS]
-What?

Are you out of your...

Oh, let him get a
word
in edgewise, lady.

Maxwell, stop making a
spectacle
of yourself.

Oh... oh, did you think
that was a spectacle?

Oh, no, Mother.

This is.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield, marry you?

Oh, this is all so sudden.

I mean, I'm really gonna
have to think about--
okay.

Oh, God, Niles,

I've really done it
this time.

You're not gonna believe
what I just did.

You mean your attempt
to get back at your mother
for missing you inHamlet

by asking Miss Fine to marry
you
in front of her,

resulting in Miss Fine
skipping
from the room...

singing, "Sadie, Sadie,
married lady"?

Cleaning the intercom
with that big, fat, nosy
ear of yours again, Niles?

No, sir. I just guessed.

You mean I'm right?

I don't know what came over me.
I mean, what am I gonna do?

Well, I'm afraid
you've got no choice, sir.
You have to marry Miss Fine.

You'll honeymoon in Provence.

I'll make the reservation.

Whatever my mother says,
I have to do the opposite.

You see, I'm not happy
unless I defy her.

Well, she deserves it,
sir.
Punish her.

Rub her nose in it.

Oh,bonjour.

Hang up, man. I'm not going
through with it.

Oh, you stupid fool.

Monsieur, au revoir.

The French, sir.

What a rotten thing to do,

dragging Miss Fine into
the middle of all this.

Poor thing has a crush
on me as it is.

Oh, she does, does she?

Oh, come on, man,
wouldn't you?

Yes, well, you've always been
the sunshine of my life, sir.

Oh, I don't know, Niles.

Maybe I'm making
too much of all this.

I mean, surely she
must realize

I just blurted it out in
the heat of the moment?

Yes, she couldn't possibly
have taken me seriously.

Now, Ma, I want the wedding
to be really classy

so don't invite
anyone
from our side.

Oh, Fran, these invitations
are gorgeous.

Invitations?

Ma, I called you
two hours ago

and said I was
getting married.

Sweetheart, I have been
preparing for this
moment

since before your
embryo
had a yolk sac.

Let's go over the wedding
list
that we made out together.

Alright.

Dead. Dead.

Dead.
Any minute now.

Oh, Ma, gee, this affair
might end up

being cheaper than
we thought.

Maybe you could spring for
the double-stuffed potato.

Do you still want to dance

your first dance
toSexual
Healing?

Oh, no, no.

I filled that out,
like, 20 years ago.

Let's go with
Play That Funky
Music White Boy.

Meanwhile, my gown looks
gorgeous on you.

Can you believe that I was
that
size when I was your age?

Yeah, well, let's not
tell
Mr. Sheffield.

No reason to give
him
a crystal ball.

Oh, by the way, Ma,
you know,

Daddy's gonna give
me away

so you better get his good
hair
out of the fur vault.

All right.

Oh, Morty,

could you stop sucking the
chocolate off the Raisinets?

Remember?

Oh, Fran, you and
Mr. Sheffield.

This is like a fairy tale.

I know. Isn't it great?

And it's so sudden.

You don't even call each other
by your first names

and boom, he pops
the question.

I know. Isn't it great?

And what's amazing
is that he asked you
in front of his mother.

You said they didn't
get along

and that he would do
anything to spite her.

My God, Val, Mr. Sheffield
proposed to me

just to get even
with his mother.

Oh, wow!

Good thing she showed up,
huh?

Val, I can't marry
someone
under false pretenses.

You can't?

Gee, you think you know
a person.

So what are you gonna do?

What any woman in my position
would do.

I'm gonna screw with his
head
so bad

he's gonna look
like
Mister Softee.

[DOORBELL BUZZ]

-Hello, darling.
-I just...

Miss Fine, I mean, Fran.
I mean...

Oh, what difference does it
make
what you call me?

After the honeymoon
night,
it's just gonna be...

[GROWLING]

Oh, I'm so glad
you got my message.

I really wanted to see you.

Uh, Miss Fine...

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,

you want to play that game.
Okay.

You're the boss,
and I'm the nanny.

You give me a raise,
and I'll give you one.

Stop it!

Stop it, Miss Fine.
We're in
your mother's house.

So? The couch has protection.

Miss Fine, there's
something
I have to tell you.

Oh, I knew it. I knew it.

Are you very
upset
with me?

No. I want my parents
to move in with us, too.

Oh, Morty. Did you hear that?

We're moving on up
to the east side.

No, no, no, Sylvia.

Uh, I--I was just trying
to explain to Miss Fine...

Sylvia? Why so formal?
Call me Ma.

We're family.

[SPEAKING YIDDISH]

Oh, sweetheart, I'm
gonna
make you so happy.

The first thing you
hear
in the morning

and the last thing you hear
at
night is gonna be my voice.

[DOORBELL BUZZING]

Oh, look who's here.

Wait, I schmeared you.

Mother, what are you
doing here?

Well, I invited her, honey.

Come on in. We gotta get to
know each other better.

Sit down, Ma.

And if you stick
to the plastic,

don't get up quick
unless
you need a waxing.

Would you like to take off
your shoes, honey?

I got a bunch of slippers
from TWA.

No, no, no. Thank you so much.

I've got something far more
comforting from the
Concorde.

Maxwell,

I only came here because I know
what you're up to.

A mother doesn't raise a son
for the four years

before boarding school
and come away with nothing.

Oh, that was you
for
those four years?

I thought it was Niles
disguised as Kim Novak.

Maxwell, just admit that you're
marrying this girl to spite me.

Oh, hey, now, wait a
minute
there, Ma.

I've lived with this
man
for three years,

and there's no way that he
would
ever use me like that

or play with my
feelings
or hurt me so deeply

that only a Caribbean
cruise
could make up for it.

Well, you obviously don't know
how much my son detests me.

Go on, Maxwell, tell her.

Oh, I don't detest
you,
Mother.

I don't know
you
well enough.

All I do know is you made me
angry enough

to hurt someone I care
very deeply about.

Oh, you're so right,
Maxwell.

We've never been close.
We don't talk.

Perhaps we could
work on that.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

But not now, darling.

Jean Luc is waiting for me.

So all this was just
to torture me?

Yeah.

Was it as good for
you
as it was for me?

Miss Fine, I'm... I'm
sorry to
have done this to you.

But believe me, if I was
going
to marry anyone in the
world

to make my mother
miserable,
it would be you.

Oh, how sweet.

There must be something I can
do
to make it up to you.

-No, there's really not.
-No, please, I insist.
Anything.

-Come on, you're insulting me.
-Are you sure?

Well, maybe three things.

Don't tell Miss
Babcock
for 48 hours.

I promised Niles.

Oh, and someone's
gonna have to tell Ma.

I figured you'd wanna
do that personally.

And then the third thing is,
well, you can return this.

It's what I was gonna wear
on our honeymoon night.

There's nothing in
here
but lip gloss.

Suffer.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]