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1
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Sync, Edited, Checked by Ikatz
2
00:00:05,652 --> 00:00:07,568
Ooh! Careful, Homer!
3
00:00:07,652 --> 00:00:10,070
There's no time. We're late.
4
00:00:12,444 --> 00:00:14,736
O little town of Bethlehem
5
00:00:14,736 --> 00:00:16,070
O little town of Bethlehem
6
00:00:16,112 --> 00:00:20,821
How still we see the elie
7
00:00:20,946 --> 00:00:23,613
-Excuse me. Pardon me.
8
00:00:23,738 --> 00:00:25,613
- Sorry. Excuse me.
- Hey, Norman, how's it goin'?
9
00:00:25,738 --> 00:00:27,613
So you got dragged down here
too, huh?
10
00:00:27,738 --> 00:00:29,614
- How you doin', Fred?
- Sorry. Excuse me.
11
00:00:29,739 --> 00:00:31,614
- Yeah. 'Scuse me. Oh!
12
00:00:31,739 --> 00:00:34,907
Pardon my galoshes.
13
00:00:34,907 --> 00:00:39,532
Are met in thee tonight
14
00:00:41,741 --> 00:00:44,117
Wasn't that wonderful?
15
00:00:44,117 --> 00:00:48,284
And now
"Santas of many lands,"
16
00:00:48,409 --> 00:00:51,909
as presented by the entire
second grade class.
17
00:00:52,034 --> 00:00:54,535
Oh! Lisa's class.
18
00:00:54,618 --> 00:00:56,910
Frohliche Weihnachten.
19
00:00:57,035 --> 00:00:59,536
That's German for
" Merry Christmas."
20
00:00:59,536 --> 00:01:05,036
In Germany, Santa's servant Ruprecht
gives presents to good children...
21
00:01:05,121 --> 00:01:08,286
and whipping rods
to the parents of bad ones.
22
00:01:11,746 --> 00:01:13,579
Merry Kurisumasu.
23
00:01:13,705 --> 00:01:19,039
I am Hotseiosha, a japanese priest
who acts like Santa Claus.
24
00:01:19,123 --> 00:01:21,622
I have eyes
in the back ofmy head...
25
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:24,999
so children better behave
when I'm nearby.
26
00:01:27,124 --> 00:01:30,290
Now presenting Lisa Simpson...
27
00:01:30,416 --> 00:01:35,709
as Tawanga, the Santa Claus
of the South Seas.
28
00:01:35,792 --> 00:01:37,709
Ooh, it's Lisa! That's ours.
29
00:01:51,794 --> 00:01:56,004
Ah, the fourth grade
will now favor us with a melody--
30
00:01:56,087 --> 00:01:59,670
Uh, medley
of holiday "flavorites."
31
00:01:59,795 --> 00:02:02,296
Dashing through the snow
32
00:02:02,379 --> 00:02:04,796
In a one-horse open sleigh
33
00:02:04,879 --> 00:02:06,797
O'er the fields we go
34
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,964
Laughing all the way
Ha ha ha
35
00:02:09,089 --> 00:02:11,172
Bells on bobtail ring
36
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:14,464
- Isn't Bart sweet, Homer?
37
00:02:14,589 --> 00:02:17,756
He sings like an angel.
38
00:02:17,881 --> 00:02:21,257
Oh, jingle bells
Batman smells
39
00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:23,257
Robin laid an egg
40
00:02:23,382 --> 00:02:25,466
The Batmobile
broke its wheel
41
00:02:25,550 --> 00:02:27,758
The joker got awa--
42
00:02:27,758 --> 00:02:29,967
Jingle bells
Jingle bells
43
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,968
Jingle all
44
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:34,259
The fifth grade will now favour us...
45
00:02:34,259 --> 00:02:39,343
with a scene from Charles, uh, Dickens'
A Christmas Carol.
46
00:02:39,510 --> 00:02:44,012
How many grades does this school have?
47
00:02:44,053 --> 00:02:47,678
" Dear friends of the Simpson family,
48
00:02:47,761 --> 00:02:50,929
"We had some sadness and
some gladness this year.
49
00:02:51,054 --> 00:02:53,429
" First, the sadness.
Our little cat Snowball...
50
00:02:53,554 --> 00:02:56,680
"was unexpectedly run over
and went to kitty heaven.
51
00:02:56,722 --> 00:02:59,346
"But we bought
a new little cat, Snowball I.
52
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:02,180
"So I guess life goes on.
53
00:03:02,222 --> 00:03:06,973
"Speaking of life going on,
Grandpa's still with us, feisty as ever.
54
00:03:07,015 --> 00:03:08,974
" Maggie is walking by herself,
55
00:03:09,016 --> 00:03:12,682
"Lisa got straight A's,
and Bart--
56
00:03:12,724 --> 00:03:15,182
"Well, we love Bart.
57
00:03:15,224 --> 00:03:18,182
"The magic of the season
has touched us all.
58
00:03:18,224 --> 00:03:20,475
Marge, haven't you finished
that stupid letter yet?
59
00:03:20,475 --> 00:03:23,726
- " Homer sends his love. Happy holidays.
- Marge!
60
00:03:23,851 --> 00:03:26,143
- The Simpsons."
- Marge, where's the extension cord?
61
00:03:26,226 --> 00:03:29,019
For heaven's sake, Homer.
It's in the utility drawer.
62
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:31,518
Sorry. I'm just a big kid.
63
00:03:31,643 --> 00:03:33,895
And I love Christmas
so much.
64
00:03:35,020 --> 00:03:38,020
D'oh!
65
00:03:38,145 --> 00:03:40,186
All right, children,
let me have those letters.
66
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:43,145
I'll send them to Santa's workshop
at the North Pole.
67
00:03:43,145 --> 00:03:45,187
Oh, please. There's only
one fat guy that brings us presents,
68
00:03:45,187 --> 00:03:47,187
and his name ain't Santa.
69
00:03:47,187 --> 00:03:50,522
Uh-
- A pony?
70
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:54,188
Oh, Lisa, you've asked for that
for the last three years,
71
00:03:54,314 --> 00:03:57,815
and I keep telling you Santa can't
fit a pony into his sleigh.
72
00:03:57,940 --> 00:03:59,815
Can't you take a hint?
73
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,815
But I really want a pony,
74
00:04:01,940 --> 00:04:05,107
- and I've been really good this year.
- Oh, dear.
75
00:04:05,232 --> 00:04:07,941
Maybe Bart is
a little more realistic.
76
00:04:08,025 --> 00:04:09,901
- A tattoo?
- A what?
77
00:04:10,026 --> 00:04:12,317
Yeah! They're cool, and they last
the rest of your life.
78
00:04:12,317 --> 00:04:15,109
you will not be getting
a tattoo for Christmas.
79
00:04:15,234 --> 00:04:18,401
Yeah. If you want one, you'll have
to pay for it out of your allowance.
80
00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:19,902
- All right!
- Homer!
81
00:04:19,902 --> 00:04:21,903
- "Yello."
82
00:04:21,903 --> 00:04:23,903
- Marge, please.
- Who's this?
83
00:04:24,028 --> 00:04:25,903
May I please speak to Marge?
84
00:04:25,986 --> 00:04:28,820
- This is her sister, isn't it?
- Is Marge there?
85
00:04:28,904 --> 00:04:32,320
- Who shall I say is calling?
- Marge, please.
86
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,613
It's your sister.
Oh!
87
00:04:35,696 --> 00:04:38,196
- Hello.
- Hello, Marge. It's Patty.
88
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:42,780
Selma and I couldn't be more excited
about seeing our sister Christmas Eve.
89
00:04:42,906 --> 00:04:46,907
Well, Homer and I are looking
forward to your visit too.
90
00:04:48,907 --> 00:04:51,364
Somehow I doubt
that Homer is excited.
91
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,365
of all the men
you could've married,
92
00:04:53,491 --> 00:04:56,365
I don't know why you picked
one who's always so rude to us.
93
00:04:56,491 --> 00:04:58,783
- Good one, Dad.
94
00:04:58,867 --> 00:05:01,575
Okay, kids,
prepare to be dazzled.
95
00:05:01,658 --> 00:05:04,367
Marge, turn on the juice!
96
00:05:06,868 --> 00:05:09,284
- What do you think, kids?
97
00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:11,285
- Nice try, Dad.
98
00:05:11,368 --> 00:05:13,577
Just hold
your horses, son. Hey, Simpson!
99
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:17,453
- What is it, Flanders?
- Do you think this looks okay?
100
00:05:17,453 --> 00:05:21,244
Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.
101
00:05:21,369 --> 00:05:22,746
- Oh!
- Oh, neato!
102
00:05:22,871 --> 00:05:25,287
It's too bright.
103
00:05:25,370 --> 00:05:27,662
I oughta-- Flanders.
What a big show-off.
104
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,288
- Kids, wanna go Christmas shopping?
- I do!
105
00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:35,831
- All right! The mall!
- Go get your money.
106
00:05:35,956 --> 00:05:39,164
Tell us, Marge. Where have
you been hiding the Christmas money?
107
00:05:39,289 --> 00:05:41,957
Oh, I have my secrets.
108
00:05:42,081 --> 00:05:44,081
Turn around.
109
00:05:47,082 --> 00:05:50,625
- you can look now.
- Ooh! Big jar this year.
110
00:06:10,252 --> 00:06:12,253
Oh, Bart,
that's so sweet.
111
00:06:12,253 --> 00:06:14,754
It's the best present
a mother could get,
112
00:06:14,837 --> 00:06:17,296
and it makes you look
so dangerous.
113
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:22,129
- One " Mother," please.
114
00:06:22,254 --> 00:06:24,130
Wait a minute.
How old are you?
115
00:06:24,255 --> 00:06:26,255
- Twenty-one, sir.
- Get in the chair.
116
00:06:32,548 --> 00:06:34,423
Mm-hmm.
117
00:06:34,548 --> 00:06:37,424
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
118
00:06:37,549 --> 00:06:40,424
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
119
00:06:40,549 --> 00:06:43,133
Attention,
all personnel, please keep working...
120
00:06:43,217 --> 00:06:45,133
during the following
announcement.
121
00:06:45,217 --> 00:06:48,718
And now our boss and friend
Mr. Burns.
122
00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:51,134
Hello. I'm proud to announce...
123
00:06:51,218 --> 00:06:54,135
that we've been able to increase
safety here at the plant...
124
00:06:54,219 --> 00:06:56,427
without increasing the cost
to the consumer...
125
00:06:56,511 --> 00:06:58,719
or affecting management
payraises.
126
00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,804
However, for you
semiskilled workers,
127
00:07:01,804 --> 00:07:03,804
there will be
no Christmas bonuses.
128
00:07:03,804 --> 00:07:07,429
- Oh, and one more thing.
129
00:07:07,513 --> 00:07:09,429
Merry Christmas!
130
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:13,013
- Oh, thank God for the big jar.
131
00:07:15,305 --> 00:07:18,305
- Where's that Bart?
132
00:07:24,390 --> 00:07:28,391
But, Mom,
I thought you'd like it.
133
00:07:30,182 --> 00:07:32,974
Yes, Mrs. Simpson, we can remove
your son's tattoo.
134
00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:35,475
It's a simple routine
involving lasers.
135
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,892
- Cool!
- However, it is rather expensive,
136
00:07:37,892 --> 00:07:40,685
and we must insist
on a cash payment up front.
137
00:07:40,768 --> 00:07:42,893
- Cash?
- Mm-hmm.
138
00:07:42,893 --> 00:07:45,893
Thank God for
Homer's Christmas bonus.
139
00:07:47,686 --> 00:07:51,269
- Ay, caramba!
- Now, whatever you do, don't squirm.
140
00:07:51,395 --> 00:07:55,396
you don't wanna get this sucker
near your eye or your groin.
141
00:07:57,479 --> 00:08:01,062
- Ow! Quit it.
142
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:03,063
Ow! Quit it.
143
00:08:03,188 --> 00:08:05,063
Ow! Quit it.
144
00:08:05,146 --> 00:08:07,564
- Ow! Quit it.
- Hey, what's with this?
145
00:08:07,564 --> 00:08:11,356
Ow! Quit it!
Used to be a real boss tattoo.
146
00:08:11,523 --> 00:08:14,774
Mom had to spend the Christmas money
having it surgically removed.
147
00:08:14,898 --> 00:08:17,565
Huh?
148
00:08:18,691 --> 00:08:21,692
It's true!
149
00:08:21,733 --> 00:08:25,441
The jar is empty!
Oh, my God!
150
00:08:25,441 --> 00:08:27,900
We're ruined.
Christmas is canceled.
151
00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:30,067
No presents for anyone!
152
00:08:30,192 --> 00:08:33,901
Don't worry, Homer. We'll just
have to stretch your Christmas bonus...
153
00:08:33,901 --> 00:08:36,235
- even further this year.
154
00:08:36,235 --> 00:08:39,444
- Homer?
- Oh, yeah. My Christmas bonus.
155
00:08:39,569 --> 00:08:42,236
How silly of me.
156
00:08:42,361 --> 00:08:45,362
This'll be the best
Christmas yet.
157
00:08:45,362 --> 00:08:47,362
The best any family
ever had.
158
00:08:51,071 --> 00:08:53,071
Hohoho.
159
00:08:54,113 --> 00:08:56,239
Hohoho.
160
00:08:57,406 --> 00:09:00,072
Hohoho.
161
00:09:01,364 --> 00:09:04,573
Ho ho ho.
162
00:09:04,657 --> 00:09:06,573
Hohoho.
163
00:09:09,366 --> 00:09:12,865
Hmm. I get the feeling there's
something you haven't told me, Homer.
164
00:09:12,907 --> 00:09:16,659
- Huh? Oh. I love you, Marge.
- you tell me that all the time.
165
00:09:16,659 --> 00:09:18,866
Oh, good,
because I do love you.
166
00:09:18,908 --> 00:09:22,034
I don't deserve you as much
as a guy with a fat wallet...
167
00:09:22,034 --> 00:09:24,909
and a credit card that won't
set off that horrible beeping.
168
00:09:25,034 --> 00:09:28,244
I think it does have something
to do with your Christmas bonus.
169
00:09:28,327 --> 00:09:30,244
I keep asking for it,
but--
170
00:09:30,327 --> 00:09:33,828
Marge, um,
let me be honest with you.
171
00:09:33,911 --> 00:09:38,078
- Yes?
- Well, I would--
172
00:09:41,829 --> 00:09:44,538
I-- I wanna do
the Christmas shopping this year.
173
00:09:44,538 --> 00:09:47,205
Uh, sure, okay.
174
00:09:51,038 --> 00:09:54,331
Marge, Marge. Hmm. Let'ssee.
175
00:09:54,415 --> 00:09:56,623
Ooh, look!
176
00:09:56,707 --> 00:10:00,124
Pantyhose.
Practical and alluring.
177
00:10:00,207 --> 00:10:03,499
A six-pack.
Oh! Only 4.99.
178
00:10:03,499 --> 00:10:05,709
Ooh! Pads of paper.
179
00:10:05,791 --> 00:10:09,000
I bet Bart can think of
a million things to do with these.
180
00:10:09,125 --> 00:10:12,501
That just leaves
little Maggie. Oh, look!
181
00:10:12,585 --> 00:10:14,585
A little squeak toy.
182
00:10:14,585 --> 00:10:17,586
It says it's for dogs,
but she can't read.
183
00:10:18,586 --> 00:10:21,711
Ow! Oh, Simpson,
it's you.
184
00:10:21,793 --> 00:10:25,378
- Hello, Flanders.
- Oh, my! What a mess we've got here.
185
00:10:25,503 --> 00:10:27,878
Well, which ones are yours
and which ones are mine?
186
00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:31,170
- Well, let's see.
- Oh, this one's mine. This one's mine.
187
00:10:31,296 --> 00:10:33,795
- This one's mine, and this--
- They're all yours!
188
00:10:33,795 --> 00:10:36,963
- Hey, you dropped your pork chop.
189
00:10:37,088 --> 00:10:40,673
- Gimme that!
- Well, happy holidays, Simpson.
190
00:10:40,797 --> 00:10:45,298
- Gee, this is the best Christmas ever.
- You bet.
191
00:10:54,799 --> 00:10:58,884
What's the matter, Homer? Somebody
leave a lump of coal in your stocking?
192
00:10:58,967 --> 00:11:01,175
You've been sitting there,
sucking on a beer all day long.
193
00:11:01,301 --> 00:11:03,551
- So?
- So, it's Christmas.
194
00:11:03,676 --> 00:11:07,343
- Thanks, Moe.
195
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:09,343
Drinks all around!
196
00:11:09,510 --> 00:11:11,344
What's with
the crazy getup, Barn?
197
00:11:11,511 --> 00:11:16,011
I got me a part-timejob
working as a Santa down at the mall.
198
00:11:16,011 --> 00:11:17,970
Wow! Can I do that?
199
00:11:17,970 --> 00:11:20,845
I don't know. They're
pretty selective.
200
00:11:20,970 --> 00:11:22,845
Do you like children?
201
00:11:22,970 --> 00:11:26,263
What do you mean? All the time?
Even when they're nuts?
202
00:11:26,346 --> 00:11:29,847
- Hmm.
- Uh, I certainly do.
203
00:11:29,972 --> 00:11:31,847
Welcome aboard, Simpson.
204
00:11:31,972 --> 00:11:34,598
Pending your successful completion
of our training program, that is.
205
00:11:34,598 --> 00:11:37,848
Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.
206
00:11:37,973 --> 00:11:40,848
Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.
207
00:11:40,848 --> 00:11:44,016
- What is it now, Simpson?
- Uh, when do we get paid?
208
00:11:44,183 --> 00:11:47,683
Not a dime till Christmas Eve!
Now, from the top.
209
00:11:47,766 --> 00:11:51,641
Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho.
210
00:11:51,766 --> 00:11:54,642
Um, Dasher.
211
00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:57,351
- Dancer.
- Mm-hmm.
212
00:11:57,351 --> 00:11:59,518
- Prancer.
- Mm-hmm.
213
00:11:59,642 --> 00:12:01,519
Nixon.
214
00:12:01,643 --> 00:12:04,935
Comet and... Cupid.
215
00:12:05,019 --> 00:12:06,936
- Donna Dixon?
- Sit down, Simpson.
216
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,936
And what would you like,
little boy?
217
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,437
- You're not really Santa, tubby.
- Why, you little egghead!
218
00:12:11,437 --> 00:12:14,146
No, Homer! If such
an emergency arises,
219
00:12:14,146 --> 00:12:17,021
you just tell them
Santa's vey busy this time of year,
220
00:12:17,021 --> 00:12:20,730
- and you are one of his helpers.
- Oh, I knew that one too!
221
00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:26,231
Homer, why are you
seven hours late?
222
00:12:26,315 --> 00:12:29,231
Not a word, Marge.
I'm heading straight for the tub.
223
00:12:29,231 --> 00:12:31,232
But, Homer,
my sisters are here.
224
00:12:31,232 --> 00:12:33,441
- Don't you wanna say hello?
225
00:12:35,815 --> 00:12:38,608
- Daddy! We're so glad to see you!
- Oh, Dad, you're finally home!
226
00:12:38,733 --> 00:12:42,108
What? Why?
Oh, yeah.
227
00:12:42,233 --> 00:12:44,817
Hello, Patty.
Hello, Selma.
228
00:12:44,901 --> 00:12:47,234
- How was your trip?
- Fine.
229
00:12:47,318 --> 00:12:49,527
- you both look well.
- Thank you.
230
00:12:49,610 --> 00:12:52,818
- Yeah, well, Merry Christmas.
- It's Christmas?
231
00:12:52,818 --> 00:12:55,694
- you wouldn't know it around here.
- And why is that?
232
00:12:55,819 --> 00:12:59,819
- For one thing, there's no tree
- I was just on my way out to get one!
233
00:12:59,903 --> 00:13:01,612
- Can we go too, Dad?
- Yeah, can we?
234
00:13:01,695 --> 00:13:02,904
No!
235
00:13:02,987 --> 00:13:05,612
Sleighbells ring
236
00:13:05,612 --> 00:13:08,238
Are you listening
237
00:13:08,238 --> 00:13:10,988
In the lane
238
00:13:10,988 --> 00:13:13,614
Snow is glistening
239
00:13:13,614 --> 00:13:16,989
A beautiful sight
240
00:13:16,989 --> 00:13:19,990
We're happy tonight
241
00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:23,573
- Walking in a winter wonderland
242
00:13:26,241 --> 00:13:28,492
Hey! What do you think you're doin'?
243
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:30,492
- Uh-oh.
- Hey! Hey!
244
00:13:30,574 --> 00:13:32,658
- Come back here!
245
00:13:35,409 --> 00:13:38,659
So what do you think, kids?
Beauty, isn't it?
246
00:13:38,659 --> 00:13:41,618
- Wow! Yay, Dad!
- Way to go, Dad!
247
00:13:41,659 --> 00:13:45,453
- Why is there a birdhouse in it?
- Uh, that's an ornament.
248
00:13:45,577 --> 00:13:47,911
Do I smell gunpowder?
249
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,745
and then I want some Robotoids.
250
00:13:50,912 --> 00:13:52,953
And then I want
a Goop Monster.
251
00:13:53,079 --> 00:13:54,953
And then I want
a great big, giant--
252
00:13:55,079 --> 00:13:56,954
Aw, son, you don't need
all that junk.
253
00:13:57,121 --> 00:14:00,205
I'm sure you've already
got something much more important--
254
00:14:00,288 --> 00:14:04,789
a decent home and a loving father
who would do anything for you.
255
00:14:04,914 --> 00:14:07,580
Hey, I couldn't afford lunch.
Give me a bite of that donut.
256
00:14:10,457 --> 00:14:12,457
Get a load of that
quote-unquote Santa.
257
00:14:12,581 --> 00:14:14,791
I can't believe those kids
are falling for it.
258
00:14:14,791 --> 00:14:16,957
Hey, Milhouse, I dare you
to sit on his lap.
259
00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:21,583
- I dare you to yank his beard off.
- Ah, touche.
260
00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:23,583
I hope you feel better,
Santa.
261
00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:26,125
Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters
get outta town.
262
00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:28,126
Thanks for listenin', kid.
263
00:14:30,293 --> 00:14:32,126
Hey, Santa,
what's shakin', man?
264
00:14:32,251 --> 00:14:35,960
What's your name, Bart... ner?
Uh, little partner?
265
00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:39,253
- I'm Bart Simpson. Who are you?
- I'm jolly Old St. Nick.
266
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,753
Oh, yeah?
We'll just see about that.
267
00:14:41,878 --> 00:14:44,461
D'oh!
268
00:14:44,544 --> 00:14:48,338
- Homer!
- A word with you in Santa's workshop.
269
00:14:48,462 --> 00:14:51,755
- Cover for me, Elfie.
- I didn't know it was you.
270
00:14:51,838 --> 00:14:53,838
Nobody knows.
It's a secret.
271
00:14:53,838 --> 00:14:55,838
I didn't get my bonus this year.
272
00:14:55,838 --> 00:14:58,131
But to keep the family
from missing out on Christmas,
273
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,048
- I'd do anything.
- I'll say, Dad.
274
00:15:00,131 --> 00:15:03,340
you must really love us
to sink so low.
275
00:15:04,757 --> 00:15:06,632
Now, let's not get mushy, son.
276
00:15:06,757 --> 00:15:08,757
I still have a job to do.
277
00:15:08,757 --> 00:15:10,758
Hey, little ones. Santa's back.
278
00:15:10,841 --> 00:15:12,841
Ho ho-
- D'oh!
279
00:15:12,925 --> 00:15:15,717
Damn it to--
280
00:15:15,842 --> 00:15:18,051
Ah, son, one day
you're gonna know...
281
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,051
the satisfaction of payday.
282
00:15:20,051 --> 00:15:23,426
Receiving a big fat check
for a job well done.
283
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,426
Simpson, Homer?
Here ya go.
284
00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:30,011
Come on, son. Let's go cash
this baby and get presents for--
285
00:15:30,011 --> 00:15:32,928
Thirteen bucks?
Hey, wait a minute.
286
00:15:33,011 --> 00:15:34,929
That's right.
$120 gross.
287
00:15:35,012 --> 00:15:36,929
Less Social Security,
less unemployment insurance,
288
00:15:37,012 --> 00:15:39,012
- less Santa training...
- Santa training?
289
00:15:39,012 --> 00:15:41,013
less costume purchase,
less beard rental, less Christmas club.
290
00:15:41,097 --> 00:15:43,222
- But-- But--
- See ya next year.
291
00:15:43,347 --> 00:15:46,430
- Ohh!
- Come on, Dad. Let's go home.
292
00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:48,390
Thirteen bucks?
293
00:15:48,390 --> 00:15:50,722
you can't get anything
for 13 bucks.
294
00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:53,848
Allright!
Thirteen bigones!
295
00:15:53,890 --> 00:15:56,015
Springfield Downs,
here I come!
296
00:15:56,015 --> 00:15:58,349
- What?
- you heard me.
297
00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:00,350
I'm goin' to the dog track.
298
00:16:00,391 --> 00:16:02,391
I got a hot little puppy
in the fourth race.
299
00:16:02,516 --> 00:16:04,516
- Wanna come?
- Sory, Barney.
300
00:16:04,516 --> 00:16:07,850
I may be a total washout as a father,
but I'm not gonna take my kid...
301
00:16:07,892 --> 00:16:10,184
to a sleazy dog track
on Christmas Eve.
302
00:16:10,351 --> 00:16:14,018
Come on, Simpson.
The dog's name is Whirlwind.
303
00:16:14,102 --> 00:16:16,518
Ten-to-one shot.
Money in the bank.
304
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:18,519
- Uh-uh.
- Ah, come on, Dad.
305
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,394
This can be the miracle that
saves the Simpsons' Christmas.
306
00:16:21,519 --> 00:16:23,395
If TV has taught me anything,
307
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,520
it's that miracles always
happen to poor kids at Christmas.
308
00:16:26,561 --> 00:16:30,313
It happened to Tiny Tim,
it happened to Charlie Brown,
309
00:16:30,354 --> 00:16:32,354
it happened to the Smurfs
and it's gonna happen to us.
310
00:16:34,021 --> 00:16:37,522
Well, okay, let's go.
Who's Tiny Tim?
311
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:41,064
Hey, Moldy, do you
think Santa will be able to find...
312
00:16:41,064 --> 00:16:43,523
ElfCounty
under all this snow?
313
00:16:43,565 --> 00:16:48,316
I doubt it, Bubbles. We'll be
sad little elves this Christmas.
314
00:16:48,399 --> 00:16:50,316
- Oh, no!
- Oh, brother.
315
00:16:50,399 --> 00:16:52,399
- Where's your husband?
- Yeah. It's getting late.
316
00:16:52,482 --> 00:16:55,067
Said he went caroling
with Bart.
317
00:16:55,192 --> 00:16:59,067
We're in the money,
we're in the money
318
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:02,401
We got a lot of
what it takes to get along
319
00:17:02,484 --> 00:17:04,568
I can't believe
I'm doing this.
320
00:17:04,693 --> 00:17:07,694
Can we open
our presents now, Dad?
321
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:10,735
you know the tradition, son.
Not till the eighth race.
322
00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:13,070
Hey, Barney,
which one is Whirlwind?
323
00:17:13,195 --> 00:17:17,070
Number Six. That's our lucky dog
right over there.
324
00:17:17,195 --> 00:17:19,654
He's won
his last five races.
325
00:17:19,654 --> 00:17:22,154
What? That scrawny little
bag of bones?
326
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,864
Come on, Dad. They're all
scrawny little bags of bones.
327
00:17:24,989 --> 00:17:27,363
Yeah, you're right.
328
00:17:27,488 --> 00:17:30,781
I guess Whirlwind is our only hope
for a Merry Christmas.
329
00:17:30,865 --> 00:17:33,156
Attention,
racing fans, we have a late scratch...
330
00:17:33,156 --> 00:17:35,156
in the fourth race.
331
00:17:35,156 --> 00:17:38,241
Number 8, Sir Galahad will be
replaced by Santa's Little Helper.
332
00:17:38,365 --> 00:17:42,365
Once again, Sir Galahad has been
replaced by Santa's Little Helper.
333
00:17:42,448 --> 00:17:44,449
Bart, did you hear that?
334
00:17:44,449 --> 00:17:46,449
What a name!
Santa's Little Helper!
335
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:50,367
- It's a sign! It's an omen!
- It's a coincidence, Dad.
336
00:17:50,367 --> 00:17:53,450
- What are the odds on Santa's Little
Helper? - Ninety-nine to one.
337
00:17:53,534 --> 00:17:59,160
Wow! Ninety-nine times
thirteen equals... Merry Christmas!
338
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:01,162
I got a bad feeling
about this.
339
00:18:01,245 --> 00:18:03,120
- Don't you believe in me, son?
- Uh--
340
00:18:03,286 --> 00:18:06,286
Come on, boy. Sometimes your faith
is all that keeps me going.
341
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:11,287
Oh, go for it, Dad.
342
00:18:11,328 --> 00:18:15,122
That's my boy! Eveything on
Santa's Little Helper.
343
00:18:15,122 --> 00:18:17,538
Three cheers for Brainy!
344
00:18:17,538 --> 00:18:20,123
- Hip hip hooray!
- Yay!
345
00:18:20,206 --> 00:18:22,123
Unadulterated pap.
346
00:18:22,206 --> 00:18:24,706
It's almost 9:00.
Where's Homer anyway?
347
00:18:24,706 --> 00:18:27,707
It's so typical
of the big doof us to spoil it all.
348
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,999
- What, Aunt Patty?
- Oh, nothing, dear.
349
00:18:30,124 --> 00:18:32,125
I'm just trashing
your father.
350
00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:34,125
Well, I wish you wouldn't...
351
00:18:34,125 --> 00:18:38,500
because aside from the fact he has
the same frailties as all human belings.
352
00:18:38,625 --> 00:18:40,500
he's the only father I have.
353
00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:43,292
Therefore, he is
my model of manhood,
354
00:18:43,459 --> 00:18:47,793
and my estimation of him will govern
the prospects of my adult relationships.
355
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,627
So I hope you bear in mind that
any knock at him is a knock at me,
356
00:18:51,627 --> 00:18:56,004
and I'm far too young to defend
myself against such onslaughts.
357
00:18:57,129 --> 00:19:00,295
Mm-hmm. Go watch
your cartoon show, dear.
358
00:19:00,295 --> 00:19:02,296
Come on, Bart.
359
00:19:02,296 --> 00:19:05,130
Kiss the ticket for good luck,
not that we need it.
360
00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:10,797
Here comes
Screwy the mechanical rabbit.
361
00:19:10,797 --> 00:19:12,422
- and they're off!
362
00:19:12,464 --> 00:19:15,673
- Come on, Santa's Little Helper!
- Come on, dog! Go, man, go!
363
00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:18,923
It's Whirlwind in the lane, and
coming up on the left is Quadruped,
364
00:19:18,965 --> 00:19:21,133
followed by Dog O'War
and Fido.
365
00:19:21,175 --> 00:19:24,175
- Go! Come on, boy!
- Go! Come on, get that rabbit!
366
00:19:24,299 --> 00:19:26,800
Dog O'War coming up fast
on the outside.
367
00:19:26,925 --> 00:19:28,925
- Come on, Santa's Little Helper!
- Come on, dog! Go, man, go!
368
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:32,175
And with a lock on last place,
it's Santa's Little Helper.
369
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:36,010
- Don't worry, Dad.
370
00:19:36,093 --> 00:19:39,302
Maybe this is just for suspense
before the miracle happens.
371
00:19:39,343 --> 00:19:42,802
- Come on, you stupid dog! Come on!
- Go, go!
372
00:19:42,844 --> 00:19:45,095
- Run! Run!
- Run, run! Come on, get that rabbit!
373
00:19:45,178 --> 00:19:47,887
- Go, go, Santa's Little Helper! Run!
- Go, go, go!
374
00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:52,179
Whirlwind by a countrymile, second,
ChewMyShoe, followed by Dog O'War.
375
00:19:52,304 --> 00:19:54,679
Oh, jeez!
376
00:19:54,679 --> 00:19:58,097
Doesn't seem possible,
but I guess TV has betrayed me.
377
00:19:58,097 --> 00:20:00,680
I don't wanna leave
till our dog finishes.
378
00:20:05,890 --> 00:20:07,765
Ah, forget it.
Let's go.
379
00:20:16,975 --> 00:20:19,683
- Find any winners, son?
- Sory, Dad.
380
00:20:19,767 --> 00:20:22,768
Hey, hey, Simpson!
What'dl tell you?
381
00:20:22,768 --> 00:20:26,060
Whirlwind!
Let's go, Daria.
382
00:20:30,769 --> 00:20:33,936
Beat it! Scram! Get lost!
383
00:20:34,062 --> 00:20:36,770
- you came in
last for the last time!
384
00:20:36,853 --> 00:20:39,144
Look, Dad, it's
Santa's Little Helper.
385
00:20:39,269 --> 00:20:42,145
And don't come back!
386
00:20:42,145 --> 00:20:44,729
Oh, no, you don't! No, no!
Get away from me! Uh-uh!
387
00:20:47,938 --> 00:20:50,521
Oh, can we keep him,
Dad, please?
388
00:20:50,646 --> 00:20:53,939
But he's a loser!
He's pathetic! He's--
389
00:20:56,065 --> 00:20:58,065
A Simpson.
390
00:21:01,148 --> 00:21:03,732
Hmm. Maybe I should
call the police.
391
00:21:03,815 --> 00:21:07,067
- Oh, he'll sober up.
- Yeah. Come staggering home.
392
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,316
Mm-hmm.
Smelling of cheap perfume.
393
00:21:09,316 --> 00:21:11,567
- Homer!
394
00:21:11,609 --> 00:21:14,233
- What? What the-- Who the--
- Look, eveybody,
395
00:21:14,317 --> 00:21:17,902
- I have a confession to make.
- This should be good.
396
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,401
I didn't get
my Christmas bonus.
397
00:21:20,568 --> 00:21:23,235
I tried not to let it
ruin Christmas for eveybody,
398
00:21:23,361 --> 00:21:25,235
but no matter
what I did--
399
00:21:25,361 --> 00:21:28,862
- Hey, eveybody, lookwhat we got!
400
00:21:28,862 --> 00:21:31,737
A dog!
All right, Dad!
401
00:21:31,862 --> 00:21:35,738
- God bless him.
- So love at first sight is possible.
402
00:21:35,863 --> 00:21:38,404
And if he runs away,
he'll be easy to catch.
403
00:21:38,404 --> 00:21:40,613
Oh,
this is the best gift of all, Homer!
404
00:21:40,738 --> 00:21:43,405
- It is? -
Yes. Something to share our love...
405
00:21:43,405 --> 00:21:45,405
and frighten prowlers.
406
00:21:45,405 --> 00:21:47,740
- What's his name?
- Number 8--
407
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:50,531
I mean, Santa's Little Helper.
408
00:22:04,075 --> 00:22:06,785
Rudolph the red-nosed
reindeer
409
00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:10,034
Had a very shiny nose
410
00:22:10,076 --> 00:22:12,911
And if you ever saw it
411
00:22:13,035 --> 00:22:16,077
- you would even say it glows
- Like a light bulb!
412
00:22:16,077 --> 00:22:19,078
-Bart!
- All of the other reindeer
413
00:22:19,078 --> 00:22:21,078
Used to laugh
and call him names
414
00:22:21,078 --> 00:22:23,078
- Like Shnozzola!
-Lisa!
415
00:22:23,078 --> 00:22:25,412
They never let poor Rudolph
416
00:22:25,496 --> 00:22:28,287
- Join in any reindeergames
-Like strippoker!
417
00:22:28,412 --> 00:22:31,789
-I'm warning you two!
- Then one foggy Christmas Eve
418
00:22:31,914 --> 00:22:34,914
- Santa came to say
- Take it, Homer!
419
00:22:34,914 --> 00:22:38,414
Uh, Rudolph get your nose over here
420
00:22:38,498 --> 00:22:41,997
- So you can guide my sleigh today
- Oh, Homer.
421
00:22:41,997 --> 00:22:44,874
Then all the reindeer
loved him
422
00:22:44,874 --> 00:22:47,998
and they shouted out
with glee
423
00:22:48,082 --> 00:22:50,875
Rudolph the red-nosed
reindeer
424
00:22:50,999 --> 00:22:54,584
You'll go down in history
425
00:22:54,584 --> 00:22:56,167
-Like Attila the Hu--
- You little--
32398
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