All language subtitles for Ten Year Old Tom s01e03.eng

[birds squawking]

- Okay, kids, as you know,

our spelling bee team
is heading on to regionals!

So let's bring them out
to show our support.

First up is...
Dakota.

And Nelson.

- Is Mr. B. okay?
He seems very worked up.

- Give it up for Hector.
And Suzie!

And our team captain...

Rahul!
He ain't no tool!

- Rahul's in the house!

- This is for
the spelling bee team?

- Biggest brain on the block,

pre-med out the womb.
- Okay, Rahul.

Quiet down,
I have something I wanna say.

Now, listen, as proud
as I am of you guys,

this year we wanna just have
a little bit more diversity

on the team.
- You can't be serious.

The team couldn't
be more diverse.

- Okay, that is true.

But I'm talking about
intellectual diversity.

I just don't think events
like these should be reserved

just wealthy
and smart families.

- So you want dumb kids
on the spelling bee team?

- No, not like, super dumb.

Just, like, you know,
average dumb.

Like a little sprinkle
of dumbness on a regular kid.

Like Tom dumb.
- "Tom dumb"?

Oh no, leave me out of this.
- Tom, Tom, the path

to all Ivy Leagues schools
starts here.

- I can't imagine
I'm gonna go to college.

- Your school needs you.
They're chanting your name.

- Are they?
No one's chanting at all.

- We want Tom.
- Oh, don't chant, come on.

- We want Tom, we want Tom.

both: We want Tom.
We want Tom.

- Yay!

- Literally the worst chant
I've ever heard.

- ♪ Now as our poor
young lungs deflate ♪

♪ I'll admit
I've gotten older ♪

♪ Mellowed out, chatting up
those I used to hate ♪

♪ ♪

♪ The feeling that
we're lost will always fade ♪

♪ I present no explanation ♪

♪ Can't expect
our tired patience ♪

♪ To satiate for long ♪

♪ Therein lies a truth
we can sip when we want ♪

♪ Disciples of the flow,
we can float anywhere ♪

[polite applause]

- Welcome to the New Jersey
State Regional Spelling Bee.

- Spelling bee...
time to spell.

There's a time to spell
and there's a time

to--to get up there
and spell things.

- Tom.
- Hey, hey, Dakota.

- We got you a gift.
- A gift?

- It's from the whole team.
- That's incredible.

What is it, a weird little pin?

- It's got the image of a lion

ripping the heart
out of a griffin.

And it says
"Death before Dishonor:

I will die for
my team" in Latin.

- That's a little intense, no?

- Relax, man, don't take
it too literally.

- You want me to relax?
- Yeah, we won't punch you

straight in the mouth
if you spell

a word wrong or anything.
- Punch me in the mouth?

Why are you even talking
about stuff like that?

- No, if we lose
because of you,

we're not gonna...
murder you.

- Why'd you say it like that?
- [laughs]

Of course, we're not gonna
take Tom out back

and beat him with a rusty hoe.

[laughs]
Where would we get a hoe?

- I mean who does that?
Murder somebody

because
they misspelled a word.

[starting bells ringing]
- And they're off.

- Lou, look at you!

You are looking
good today.

- Not as good
as your mom

with her mouth
wrapped around my hey.

- I told you last time I'm not
crazy about those jokes,

but I'm doing good.
Listen.

Give me $100 on
the Knicks taking points.

And give me $250 on the Yanks
just straight up.

- You got it.
- Hey, I have...

Okay, is it between me and you?

- You want to join in with me
and your mom?

- [laughs]
All right, do you guys

do, like, grade school
spelling bee bets

and shit like that?
- Of course I do spelling bees.

I mean, those parents
are maniacs.

We get tons of action
on that stuff.

- Oh, I love it!
Give me ten grand

on Shady Oaks
Elementary to lose.

- Ten grand to lose?
That's your school.

- I'm not proud of it,
but there's a ton of duds

this year.
Just big duds.

- Yeah, that's
what your mom said--ooh!

- Does anyone love
when you do that?

What's the best way
I should react to that?

- All right!

Who's ready to see some
little kids spell some shit?

Let's see some I before
E except after C, that shit.

Let's go!
- All right, Tom,

don't get nervous.

Don't urinate in your pants.

- Tom.
- What's that?

Whose hand is that?
- Look straight ahead.

Don't make eye contact.
Don't turn around.

- Mr. B?

- I'm gonna discreetly stuff
an envelope in your pocket.

I'm not saying
it contains the answers,

but I'm not saying it doesn't.

- What's happening?
I don't wanna cheat, Mr. B.

- Tom, you have
a moral obligation to cheat.

These other kids have worked
hard all year for this.

Rahul's family flew in
from Chennai for this-

- Just for this?
Are they doing

other things while they're here
or is that the whole trip?

- I don't know, Tom,
I didn't ask.

- It's just a long flight.
- For God's sake, son!

This is the regionals.
Nothing is more important.

These kids study
until they vomit.

Now, get out there
and make me proud.

- Do you think it's possible
you take this

a little too seriously?

- Your first word
is...aardvark.

- Aardvark.
Easy.

A to the A to the R to the D
to the V to the A

to the R to the K.
Aardvark, bitches.

- Okay, that whole thing
was very inappropriate.

- I agree, that was too much.
What was that voice I did?

- Okay, our next
competitor is Tom.

- All right, thanks for
having me, everyone.

I'm ready to spell it up.
Throw one at me.

- Tom, your first word
is...armoire.

- Armoire?
- Oh, come on,

not all kids have "armoires."

- Excuse me.
- We have closets

like normal people.
- Ma'am.

- Tom, just spell closet.
- That is not the word.

- Mom, I've got this.
- Yes,

Tom is
one of our best spellers.

- What are you doing?

- Oh, sorry.
- Is your eye okay?

- I was winking.
I'm not a great winker.

- I think it is time for you
to spell the word.

- Oh, God.
- [groans]

- A-R-M-O-I-R-E.
Armoire.

- That is correct!
- Wait, how did he...

- As much as it pains me,

Shady Oaks will
advance to the finals.

- All right, Tom!
- Yes! That was fantastic!

- That's my baby son who knows
how to spell armoire!

- There's my principal.

I did it, what a victory.
What a...

- Tom, get in here.
Close the door, please.

And shove a towel
under the bottom--

really shove it in there good.

And cover your mouth--

- It's not exactly a high-five-

- Cover your mouth
when you talk, please.

- What's going on.
Are you okay?

- Tom, I know you cheated.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

You know, I just didn't want
to let everyone down.

But hey, we won, right?

- No, Tom, that's the problem.
I gamble on these games.

- Wait, you gamble, what?
- Yes.

And I gambled that we'd lose.

That's why
I placed you on the team.

- I'm not following.
Why?

- Our school budget,
it's a mess.

- Okay.
- So I figured out

I'd add a deadbeat kid
like you

to the team...
- Deadbeat?

- And then I'd bet against us,

and then I would win--
- Okay.

- Listen, up.
Then I would take the money

and funnel the winnings
back into the budget.

- Is this the kind of stuff
you do in here all day?

- Tom, I need you to throw
the next match.

- Nah, I think, you know,
that's where I draw the line.

That feels kind of sleazy.

- Tom, you're already cheating!

All I'm asking you to do
is not cheat!

- Well, if you look at it
that way, yeah.

- Yes, that's the way
I want you to look at it.

- So it's either a scheme
or a hoax, is the basic choice.

- Oh, my God,
you could twist and turn

and make anything look wrong.

- This is exhausting.
Talking to you,

it's always exhausting.

- I know,
I'm literally exhausted.

I'm in a bad mood now.

[grill sizzling]
- Oh, this is nice.

Wow, you didn't have to
throw me a barbecue, Mom.

- I did have to throw you
a barbecue,

because I'm so proud
of you, Tom.

My boy is going to
the state spelling bee.

- Glad you're proud, Ma,
glad you're proud.

- What the... Uncle Bill!
- [laughs]

- I cannot believe
you drove down from Boston!

- I wouldn't miss this
for the world, 'ey?

Yeah!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy.

- Oh, okay.
- Come here, hug your uncle,

you goofy, ugly sonofabitch.

Come here!
- That's a bit much.

it's a bit much.
- Why are you fighting?

- That's a bit--it's a bit mu--
- Listen, hey.

Do me a favor, Tommy.
- All right.

- Spell hot dog.

- Uh-oh, tests!

Okay, okay, let's get into it.

- H-O-T-D-O-G.

- Kid's a friggin' genius.
- There it is.

- Look at you with
the big head, with the words.

All right, now spell bun.

- B-U-N-N.
- Great, right.

- Yes.
- Now spell eat, eat.

- E-A-T.
These are pretty easy words,

Uncle Bill.
- Listen, I gotta ask you--

what's the bathroom
situation here?

I mean, do I go to
the bathroom indoors

or is it anything goes?

- No, no, Uncle Bill, it is not
an anything goes thing.

So we're gonna want you
to go indoors.

- All right, you might
wanna check your driveway.

Tommy, I'm so proud of you.

- Thank you.

- As the two biggest duds
in this family,

we gotta stick together.
You know what I'm saying?

- Well, I don't know if people
lump us together like that.

- Oh, they do, no, they do.
- Yeah, well.

- Listen--
[gulping]

if you ever need help,
I'm here for you, okay?

- I've actually got a pretty
big dilemma on my hands.

Can I share it with you?

- I don't know
what dilemma means.

- I just got a problem.

This whole spelling thing
is a lie.

My coach is making me cheat,
but my principal

wants me to not cheat
and throw the match.

- I'm not known
for my advice...

- Okay.
- But here it goes:

play by the rules.

If you're honest, you can hold
your head up high

whether you win or you lose.
- That's great advice,

but I'm not a good speller.
I'm going to lose.

- I-I'll--I'll help, okay?
We'll study all weekend.

I'm here, we'll study.
We'll do flashcards,

we'll do spelling books...
- Really?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

We'll learn Latin.
- Learn Latin?

That's great!
We should probably start,

like, right away, right?
- Well, let's dive in tomorrow.

Right now
I'm going to butt chug a beer.

- The word is psittaceous--

of or relating to parrots.

- Hey, judge, are you ready
for Rahul to rock your world?

- I don't have any other choice
but to say yes.

Please spell the word.

- Then peep game.

P-S-I-T-T-A-C-E-O-U-S.

Psittaceous.
S-U-C-K-I-T.

- Excuse me?
- J-U-D-G-E.

Suck it, judge.
[mic thuds]

I am so sorry.
I just get worked up.

I get worked up.

- P-H-A-L-A-E-A-E-N-O-S-I-

- Tom, you're almost up.

Have you reviewed
your secret envelope?

- I don't need
to cheat anymore.

I can win this fair and square.

- No, Tom, you can't.
- I can.

- Your brain is like a small
squirrel's or a ferret's.

- Listen, I've been practicing.
I learned Latin.

- Tom--with whom?
- Just Uncle Bill.

That's all you need to know.

- And what are
your uncle's qualifications?

- I'm not saying
he's an intelligent man, but--

- And what has Uncle Bill
taught you, Tom?

- Listen, Mr. B, I'm sorry;
you steered me wrong.

I'm gonna do this
the honest way.

- Tom!
Oh, my God.

- And when I get
to the Ivy Leagues,

I'm gonna give you a call

from my dorm room
at H-A-V-E-R-D.

- Would that be the university
known as Harvard?

- Different one, diff--I was
talking about a different one.

I spelled it right, trust me.
- Okay, next up,

representing
Shady Oaks Elementary, is Tom.

[polite applause]

- Tommy! Show 'em
what you learned, baby!

- Come on, Tom!
You can do it, baby, come on!

- Yeah, bend this judge over
and show him who's boss!

I agree, that was too much.

There's a line
and I crossed it.

- Welcome, Tom.
I just want to say,

we took your mother's words
to heart last time,

so we're now including simpler
words that all kids would know,

regardless of income
or social status.

So in the spirit of inclusion,
let's begin.

Your word is... Tom.

- Tom?
That's a crazy coincidence.

That's almost too easy, no?
Tom like me?

- Tom as in
"the male of a species,

colloquially used to describe
turkeys or domestic cats."

- Wow, I think I've got it.
T-O-

- Tom, shut up!
- What--what's happening?

- It's a trick question, Tommy.
- Trick? What?

- Reach down inside you
and pull out your Latin.

- My Latin?
My Latin...

- The derivative suffixes...

Carpe diem... Pro bono... In
absentia... Spell bibliophile!

- Bibliophile,
B-L-I-B-L-I-P-I-H-I-L.

- Spell heliotrope!
- Heliotrope, H-E-L-I-O-P-R-N-.

- And Latin!
- Latin, L-A-T-I-N.

- Again!
- Again, A-G-A-I-N.

- You did it! You did it!
That's great!

- I think I know how to spell!
What's happening here?

The correct spelling
of the turkey version of Tom

is...T...

O...

H-M.
[buzzer blares]

- We were looking for T-O-M.

- Oh, man.
- Oh, my God.

- Is someone challenging
the spelling?

T-O-H-M.
Latin base, Latin roots.

- Tom, your team is eliminated,

and you owe us $300
for the microphone.

Thank you, everyone, goodnight.

- Well, that was embarrassing.
- That was bad.

- I'm so sorry, Priya Auntie.

- I can't believe
we flew 20 hours for this.

- Hey, everybody, guess what?

I bought pizzas and enough for
everybody to have their own.

- We lost, miserably.
Why are we here?

- We got annihilated.

Look how disappointed
my family is.

- Look, life's not always
about winning.

And I know that sounds crazy,
but sometimes losing,

it literally builds
more character.

And I just,
I want to thank you, Tom.

Thank you for showing these
kids what it's like to lose,

and also what it's like
to just be a loser.

- Okay.
- To hold your head up high,

even though you know
people call you

a loser behind your back.
Even the adults.

- I don't know if they do that.
- It's commendable.

You push forward with
the stench of failure upon you,

and I just respect it.

- All right, you know what,
let's wrap this up.

- Everybody, here's to Tom.

all: To Tom!

- And here's to losing.
- Let's just do--just "to Tom."

all: To losing!

- Being a loser.

- Hey, what's the bathroom
situation here?

- You're not literally peeing
right now, are you?

- I thought it was okay.

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