All language subtitles for Because.of.Charley.2021.1080p.WEBRip.1400MB.DD5.1.x264-GalaxyRG

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

A hurricane warning stage

in effect for
southern Cuba

where the eye wall will be
15 miles west of Havana,

currently a category three
storm.

Hurricane Charley will continue
towards the Florida Keys...

♪ I'm so tired of
being here ♪

♪ Suppressed by all
my childish fears ♪

♪ And if you're after me ♪

♪ I wish that you would
just leave ♪

♪ 'Cause your presence
still lingers here ♪

♪ And if you'd only
leave me alone ♪

♪ These wounds won't
seem to heal ♪

♪ This pain is just
too real ♪

♪ And there's just too much
that time cannot erase ♪

♪ When you cried ♪

I'd wipe away
all of your tears ♪

♪ You'd scream ♪

♪ I'd fight away
all of your fears ♪

♪ And I held your hand ♪

♪ Through all of
these years ♪

♪ But you still had... ♪

♪ All of me ♪

And as you can see,

the devastation in Cuba
is heartbreaking.

Bingo! David.

I got it workin'.

I don't believe it.

You're an electronic wizard.

But it's still not okay bringing
home your neighbor's trash.

People are crazy.

- Why would they throw...
- Hang on, Grandpa.

This is David.

- Leigh.
- Mm.

You got in early.

You need me to come
pick you up?

Oh, no, no, that's okay.
We're already in a cab.

I would have let you know
sooner,

but my office has been
calling me non-stop

- since we hit the ground.
- No kidding.

Makes for a great travel
companion, let me tell ya.

- Who we talkin' to?
- Shh.

I'm so sorry, David.

Did I forget to mention
that my grandmother

has decided to
come along after all?

And it seems she's been
making friends

all the way from
New York to Orlando.

You might want to warn
your grandfather.

Yeah. Yeah,
I'll be sure and tell him.

- Tell... Tell me what?
- Never mind.

Huh? And so it begins,
the in-law invasion.

So I'll see you
in a few minutes?

Oh, you're here.

Okay. All right, bye.

You know darn well
they're not just in-laws.

Leigh's my step-sister and your
step-granddaughter,

- so... watch yourself
- Yeah.

Oh. She brought Dorothy
with her.

Oh, joy.

- Get the bags, get the bags.
- Oh, thank you.

- David.
- Leigh, uh...

- It's good to see you again.
- Oh, um...

- Right back at ya.
- Yeah.

I cannot believe
it's been ten years.

Yeah. Yeah.

Would you excuse me
for just a second.

Thank you, Jimmy.
Now call her,

she's freshly divorced and you
know what that means.

Hey!

Thanks, but, um, I'm just still
really vulnerable.

so thank you.

What, are you becoming a nun?

Father David, come give your
Grammy a hug.

Please, it's just David.

I'm not a priest,
I'm a minister.

I work with disadvantaged kids
when they...

Jesus Christ! You just
rolled over my foot.

Oh, my God!

You know
my grandfather's here?

Oh, he is? Otis.

It's just possible I may owe him
an apology.

- Otis.
- Dorothy.

- Ten years.
- Ten years.

- Ten years.
- Ten years. Huh?

Okay, okay, I give up.

Say...

You look like hell.

You seem to be circling
the drain yourself.

So, are we doing a hello kiss
or a lap dance

like we had
at the wedding?

Oh, is that what that was?

I thought you were having
a stroke.

Oh, touche!

So, where's the champagne,
the balloons, the marching band?

Oh, no, no, no, it's just a little
surprise party for Mom and Patrick

to congratulate them on
ten years of wedded bliss.

They're still on the cruise,
though, right?

Yeah, they're sailing back to
Port Canaveral now.

Uh, I'll pick 'em up
in the morning,

and we'll be back by noon
tomorrow and ready to party.

Oh, what time is it?

11:15.

Holy crap,
I'm missing The View!

Come on. I'll show you
where the TV is.

Do you watch The View?

My favorite is that Star Jones.

I don't think she's
a token at all.

- I'm so sorry.
- So there you go.

God's ball! Look at
the size of that thing.

- It takes up half the wall!
- Well...

It is so nice to see you again,
Mr. Smith.

Oh, please, call me Grandpa.

Quite a place you have here.

Don't look at me.

You dad and my daughter wanted
a little retirement cottage,

- so they built this.
- Huh. Some cottage.

Yeah. I don't really live here.

I still have my place
down the road.

Yes. That's right.

The infamous trailer.

- Mm-mm.
- Oh, I'm sorry, uh...

mobile home.

Manufactured housing,
if you don't mind.

I stand corrected.

So... tomorrow will be
ten years together.

Hm. And they said
it wouldn't last.

Huh.

No, people did say that.

I know.
I was one of them.

So where's that charming husband
of yours?

Oh, well, uh...

we just got divorced.

- Oh...
- It's okay.

So what are you two
plotting about?

Oh!

- Excuse me.
- Excuse me. Uh...

- This is Leigh.
- Hey, sweetheart.

Yeah, I thought you'd be on
the plane by now.

- I told you, Brian...
- Those things'll kill you, you know?

Brain cancer,
electromagnetic radiation

right up against your
skull. Mm-mm.

- ...driving down.
- Yes, it is locked.

Fifty years, man and boy in
the electronic business,

- but what do I know.
- ...full time anyway.

Well, that's just great.
Jesus Christ, Brian.

They don't know.
You might as well

stick your head in
a microwave.

- Sorry about that.
- Yeah.

- Uh, you ready?
- Yeah, sure. Oh, thank you.

So, there's fresh towels
in the dresser,

and an empty closet
if you need it.

- Okay, thanks.
- Damnation sons of bitches!

Sorry.

Shit, Fox TV,
what the hell is this?

She curses like a sailor.
Always has.

Special report my ass!

Look, don't even worry about
it. The kids I counsel...

...Star's wedding now?

I hear worse every day.

Grammy.
What is the matter?

This stupid, stinkin',
goddamn... Oh, sorry, Father...

Shit for brains moron has dumped my
program for this dumbass hurricane.

Well, that's because

the dumbass hurricane
might be headed this way.

Will you turn that up?

I gotta piddle.

- Where's the throne room?
- Right down here to your left.

Hey, listen to this.

...barometric
pressure meaning

it is actually
getting stronger.

Uh, maximum sustained winds
have gone from 110

to 135 miles per hour within
the last few hours,

and most notably,

Hurricane Charley
has shifted eastward.

Now, forecast projections
and models indicate that

if it does
keep on this path,

it could very well impact
the panhandle.

Now, this is a very big
fast-moving storm,

so all of Florida

will need to watch out for
these outer bands.

One minute it could be sunny,
next minute it's raining,

and then sunny again,
you can never tell.

That is a big TV.

Yeah.
It's one of those new

wide screen projection monitors.

Now, we expect to be hearing
from Governor Jeb Bush...

This is Leigh.

Michael.
Oh, my God, where are you?

You're wh... I'm gonna
step outside.

You're where?
What?

...so let's go to Devon Lauren
down in Port Charlotte

to show us how Charley may
impact beach erosion.

What?

No. You're gonna have to
speak up because I can't hear...

I know Ian loves his show tunes

but could you ask him to
turn it down...

Yes. Yes.
That is your exit. Great.

You're, like,
two minutes away.

I'm gonna wait out front
and I will see you soon.

Okay. Bye.

There's more of you coming?

Oh. I am so sorry, Mr. Smith,
I didn't mean to wake you.

I wasn't sleepin'.

I was conserving energy.

Preparing for the invasion.

Oh. Right.

♪ I want to climb a mountain ♪

♪ Save someone from hell ♪

♪ Meet someone who knew ♪

- ♪ My father very well... ♪
- Will you focus?

- My dad's house is right here.
- Oh, well, don't turn.

- It's a loop around.
- But... Well, Ian...

- Turn here...
- Okay, okay.

- And then loop around.
- Okay

- Good.
- Okay

Ooh, look.
So this is Celebration.

Yeah. The town that
Disney built.

God, we've
wandered into Stepford.

I think it's kind of nice.

What are... No. No smoking
on this trip, remember?

Behave?

Jawohl, mein fuehrer.

What are you doing?

Why are you opening
the sun roof?

♪ The rain
may never fall unless we say so ♪

♪ You may not let your dog
poop on the lawn ♪

♪ For there's no better spot ♪

♪ For every good robot ♪

♪ For happ'ly ever-aftering ♪

♪ Than here in ♪

♪ Disney-lot ♪

Okay, okay,
get down, get down, get down.

People can see you.
Come on. come on.

- Michael.
- Hey, monkey face.

Super brat.

And you brought
Ian along as well.

Who's holding down the fort?

We've shut it down.

Oh, my God,
what happened?

No, just for two weeks.

We figured we'd make
a vacation out of this.

Yeah after driving this far,

we thought we'd see I-95
to its southern terminus.

Translated, on Sunday, we're gonna
head to the beach house in the Keys.

What about your practice?
What if someone loses a filling?

My junior associate's
got it covered.

- What?
- For two glorious weeks, it'll just be the two of us.

I've got no one to fuss after,
he's got no one to drill.

Except me.

Right. Thank you for
that visual.

I'm gonna help you guys
with your bags.

No, no, no, Leigh, I told you.
We're not staying here.

We got a cheap room at
some pink flamingo hotel.

You don't have to do that,
this place is huge.

Yeah, but it's still Dad's,
isn't it?

- So?
- Where have you been?

Dad may be cool with marrying
a Black woman,

but he's not so open-minded
when it comes to the gay.

Hey, that's Mister Gay.

I thought you two were over
that? He sold you his practice?

Yeah, that was
strictly business.

Best we manage is
don't-ask-don't-tell.

I don't ask, but I do tell.

Okay, guys,
so here's the plan.

Party starts at noon tomorrow,

their due to port early, so we
should have plenty of time.

Uh, Jesse gets in
in the morning and...

I gotta get Jesse to pick up
some sandwich platters

and drinks on the way.

Oh, and there's just a few
friends coming over.

They're told to be here by 11:30 if
they want to be in on the surprise.

So, any questions?

What about this
stupid hurricane?

Uh, that's a Gulf thing.

Port Canaveral should be fine,
sitting on the east coast.

Unless something changes.

Okay, so noon tomorrow, we toast
to ten years of happiness,

and then we're out of here
by, like, 2:00?

- I'm impressed.
- I'm hungry. Ugh.

I can't eat cheese.
Plugs me right up.

Well, where's the pantry?
Let me see what I can whip up.

- If that's okay with you?
- Uh...

You know,
we had breakfast already,

and I gotta watch
my cholesterol.

Your arteries are safe with me.
Observe with awe.

No, I'll just have
a bologna sandwich, thanks.

You most certainly will not.
Excusez moi.

Why do I have to come
all the way to Florida

to see my favorite grandson

when we only live 100 miles
from each other?

That's because you need to
come visit me.

Who's your dentist these days?
Let me see that smile?

Mm, all my own teeth.

- Say "ah."
- Ahh...

Hey, bunny.
Tell me what you think.

What is this?

Oh, my God,
that is good.

So, I'm excited to see
your family again.

Uh, afraid they're
not gonna make it.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Is it the hurricane?

Yeah, I think so. Hold on one second.

This is David.

- Here you go.
- I'm afraid to ask.

And I'm disinclined
to answer.

Truthfully, I'm just making
this up as I go along.

Epicurean improvisation.

So there's no chance for that
bologna sandwich.

This is Leigh.
I swear to God, Brian,

I will turn this thing off.

It is like they are
the same person.

What do you mean?

- Hold on a second...
- I have to go...

- I got another call.
- I have a call.

I rest my case.

I hate cell phones, they're like
an electronic leash.

I love my cell phone.

Oh!

That's just the oven, darling.

So, we're doing this
tapas style.

- Why do we have to be topless?
- Very droll.

No, tapas,
the Spanish sampler style.

Bit of this, bit of that.

How about a bit of
bologna sandwich?

Of course she can use
the center as a community center.

Sorry, Gary, this has
been on the calendar for months.

Have the councilman
give Dian a call.

- Fine.
- Uh-huh.

- I will see you on Monday.
- All right, sounds good.

- Okay, bye.
- All right. Bye.

You see? They're like
a couple of gunslingers.

I mostly just use my phone
to play Tetris.

Sorry about that.

Seriously, the first weekday
I've taken off in like...

five years and suddenly
everyone's lost their minds.

I know what you mean.

My team seems fine,
they just claim they miss me.

Oh, that's right. You've been
here all week, haven't you?

Yeah, me and Grandpa.
Supposed to be bonding.

All right, my darlings,
round one.

Tapas improviso.
Bon appetito.

Ooh, these look great.

- What the hell is this?
- Very creative.

- Thanks, Ian.
- Oh, don't mention it.

Genius needs no thanks.

The second course will follow
momently.

Did he just say "momently"
and is that a word?

Ian is waxing a bit
Shakespearian.

- He's just showing off.
- Ya think?

This needs hot sauce.

Dad loves this stuff called
Jason's Mom's Sauce.

He's gotta have some somewhere.

Ian, where did you
learn to do this?

One wild and wooly summer
in "Barthelona."

I was in Spain once, 1945.

- Just after the war.
- Oh, here we go.

- Do tell.
- Oh, Ian, never say that.

Nothing to tell.

Quick trip up to Pamplona
for the bulls.

A girl named Marisol.
What a night...

Oh, my God, that's good.

What happened to
your boyfriend, Tom?

- I liked him.
- Yeah, everybody loved Tom.

Trouble was,
he loved 'me all back.

- Now, where'd you get this one?
- Who, Ian? In my chair.

Came in for an emergency
crown replacement,

and then a follow-up when
the real crown came in,

- and then...
- A follow-up, huh?

And then a cleaning,

and then I just felt like
I had to ask him out.

You know? Give him a chance to
actually talk to me.

Now,
how old are your kids?

- What?
- Your kids.

Oh, uh, Shona's 12
and Natalie's 10.

And don't pretend
to be interested or else

- I'll pull out my wallet.
- Awe.

- I ran with the bulls once.
- Hold on one second.

I don't know what... I don't know
what I was thinking.

Alcohol was probably involved.

You're using too much cilantro.

There's no such thing as
too much cilantro.

I think Ian is a bit mature
for you.

He's the youngest spirit I know.

Oh, come on, you like Ian.

He's every bit as smart-assed
as you are.

Are you saying that your
good old gray-haired grammy

is a smart ass?

- I used to change your diapers.
- Once.

So who else is sharing the joy?
Is your brother coming as well?

Uh, unfortunately, no.

Jaime's on a second tour
in Iraq.

- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.

I had no idea.

Round two.
Tapas segundo.

- Bring it on.
- Oh, excuse me.

Man with empty plate
coming through.

You must be really worried
about him.

Jaime? Oh, he's pretty good at
taking care of himself.

Right now,
I'm more worried about Jesse.

Haven't been able to get
in touch with her all day.

And she's in Tampa?

Yeah, she's an actress.
Works gig to gig.

But she always answers her phone.
I don't know what happened to her.

Mm. I mean, the hurricane is
moving up the coast.

Maybe she just...

I'll get it.

Hello?
Door's locked!

Come on, somebody.

I'm just out here sweating my
ass off. Anybody?

Anybody. Come on.

Are you kidding me?
Why is the door even locked?

Finally.

Now, out of my way,
I have seriously got to pee.

Whoo!

- Yo!
- Danno!

Good to see you again.

Thanks, man. Hope you don't mind
I tagged along.

Hey. The more the merrier.

So, where are the folks?

We thought we were
gonna be late.

What? Oh, uh, actually,
you're a whole day early.

Party doesn't start
until tomorrow.

You're kidding.
Typical.

Well... surprise!

So this is...

You know we don't do this often
enough for it to not sound odd.

Um, this is
my dad's daughter, Leigh.

Or your step-sister.

That would be only
slightly less awkward.

- Hey.
- Hey. How you doin'?

- Oh!
- Really?

You are such a...
You know what?

Sorry, everyone.
Didn't mean to be rude,

but Mister How-Ya-Doin' here

has no patience for
my tiny bladder.

- Hey, little sis.
- Hey, brother.

Uh, you remember Leigh
from the wedding.

- Hey.
- Uh, this is her brother, Michael, and...

this is Ian,
Michael's, uh...

Live-in chef
and gladiator.

Oh. A gentleman.

Well, I'm glad you're okay.

I've been trying to get
in touch with you all day.

Yeah, somebody might have
broken her phone

when she threw it at me.

- What?
- He had it comin'.

You know what?
That's...

- That's true.
- Mm.

What can I say?

Sometimes, I'm an asshole.

Sometimes?

What's all
the ruckus in here?

Grandpa!

- Hey, Gramps.
- Hey, sweetie pie.

What you doin' here?

Thought you weren't comin'
'til tomorrow.

Wait.

Should I leave and come back
in the morning?

Very funny. Now, when did you
get to be so full of sass?

Well, I am your grandkid, so...

True.

Hey, pipe down!
I'm trying to hear the TV!

What's she yellin' about.

Channels 14
and 31 special report

with chief meteorologist
Carolyn Burns.

Good afternoon,
central Florida.

Well, Charley continues
to move eastward.

You can see the path making
a definite right turn,

which now has the hurricane
tracking towards Tampa Bay.

- Shit.
- Damn it.

- We have to get a hotel.
- What do we do?

Damn, who am I going to call?

Woop. Somebody's calling me!

Somebody's calling me.

I'm gonna be
the last man standing

when the rest of the
world has melted their brains.

Come on, Danno, come on.

Hup!

Little help?

Man, it's so nice out.

Can't believe we're supposed to
be prepping for a hurricane.

- David, come on.
- Yeah.

Hey. I'd forget about it.
Everything's all booked up.

Well, we can't stay here.
Every room here is taken.

Well, your parents won't be
here, we can use their bed.

That ought to wrinkle
their sheets.

How's he do that?

Man. Why is it so nice out?

- David!
- Oh. Right.

I'm not so sure
a hurricane's coming.

That's because we're on
the northeast side of the storm.

Its rotation are
pulling all the clouds away.

When did you get to be
such an expert.

Are you kidding?

No View, no Oprah,
no Judge Judy,

just umpteen hurricane updates.

Practically a goddamn
meteorologist.

- Son of a bitch!
- Well, it is nice out.

I know.

That is why I decided
to come outside...

- and get naked with you!
- Grammy, no!

Wait, Grandpa.
You cannot be serious.

- She did not!
- Right hand to God,

she jumped up off my lap
and peeled off her dress.

At the wedding reception?
How did I miss that?

I don't know.

You were probably dancing with
the wedding singer.

But ask David.

Of course, he may have blocked
it from his memory.

I mean, I can see she's
a free spirit and all, but...

- Yeah.
- Really, that's hard to believe.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Uh-uh.

Come on.
Let's play.

- Two on two.
- Oh, I like the sound of that.

- Behave.
- Seriously, me and David,

you and Michael.

Or me and Ian,
you and David.

No, Danno.
Leave him alone.

- No, thank you.
- Come on.

So, Danno.
Nickname for Daniel, is it?

No, it's its own thing.

- Japanese, actually.
- Oh, really?

- So you're...
- Nope!

- Whoo!
- Hey, hey, hey!

Oh, come on.

Come on in.

Yeah, I get it.
The water's fine.

No, thanks. Maybe later when
you're not...

Oh, don't be such
a stick in the mud

I remember when you were naked
all the time.

When I was two.

Before the world
spoiled you! Come on in!

Well...

if you put it that way.

You ought not be doin' that
in your condition, you know.

My... My what?

You mean,
you're not pregnant?

Grandpa, please don't
tell anyone yet.

Mum's the word.

I'm just thinkin' about my
great-grandson in there.

Grandson? Do you know something
I don't know?

I don't even know
what I don't know.

Here you go.

Bologna and mayo,
hold the cilantro.

Oh, boy.
You know,

I'd starve to death if
I had to count on Sir Light-Loaf

and his topless
sandwiches.

You know,
speaking of topless...

Oh, lord.

Come on, Ian. Let's go.

- One-on-one.
- Mano y mano.

Air ball!

I'll get it.

A little help.
Is that the vernacular?

A little help.

A little help.

A little help?

I got it!

♪ I been on the grind
and I never slow up ♪

♪ Haters always talk
but they never show up ♪

♪ I know what's my time by
the way they show love ♪

♪ Baddest in the town,
all they say is sho' nuf ♪

♪ Sho' nuf,
all they say is sho'nuf. ♪

Oh, my God!

This you've got to see.

♪ Sho' nuf ♪

Come on. Atta girl!

Grandma,
you are a piece of work.

Oh, wow.

Dad went all out on this pool,
didn't he?

♪ Tell me how are we
gonna keep actin' ♪

♪ Like it don't matter
what they say ♪

♪ Tell me how long are we
gonna keep lettin' ♪

♪ These nayers stand
in the way ♪

♪ Nah, not this time,
I wet the palm the shine ♪

♪ I wet the palm and shine,
I'm trumpin' over the... ♪

Take a look at
Beauty and the Breast.

I'm simultaneously turned on
and horrified!

David.

I believe your brother-in-law
is perving on my sister!

Danno,
try not to drool, babe.

So...

brother-in-law.

You two run off and elope?

Don't start with me,
Grandpa.

Start what?

I know you.

"In my day, men and women
got married in the family way

Sometimes before the baby came."

Now, does that really
sound like me?

A little. Yeah.

Mm, fair enough.

Hey, but don't you even think
about marrying the boy?

Truth?

- Not really.
- No?

Not 'til this happened, anyway.

But, I mean,
look at him.

Peter Pan'll grow up
before he does.

Well, he might surprise you
and step up.

Maybe

He doesn't know yet,
by the way, so...

- Know what?
- Grandpa.

I'll bet he does, though.

What makes you think so?

Because he may be foolish,
but he's not an idiot.

Huh.

- Come on!
- What?

Just 'cause I'm on a diet doesn't
mean I can't look at the menu.

And besides, what Jesse doesn't
know won't hurt me.

Huh?

These two aren't actually
married, by the way.

- What?
- Hound-dog over here.

He's not my brother-in-law.

Sorry. I just assumed...

Yeah, well, you know what they
say when we assume.

- Danno!
- Shit!

Come inside!

He's not here.

We're getting
a hurricane update!

Good afternoon,
I'm Barbara West

and we're cutting into
your programming today

because we are concerned
about getting you

the most accurate information
on Hurricane Charley.

Despite what you
just heard on ABC

that Charley was heading
toward the Tampa area,

our meteorologists believe that
it's heading more toward

Central Florida, particularly
toward the Orlando area

and joining us now is chief
meteorologist Tom Terry

in our
Severe Weather Center 9.

Alright, Barbara, this is
the very latest information

and, uh, we're gonna go ahead
and just correct

what you've heard on
the national program.

They obviously are not
paying attention to

the very latest information we
have here in central Florida.

They're going off
the official track from

the National
Hurricane Center,

and we believe that track
has been shifted right now.

You can see the movement
of the storm,

and just follow along
with me,

this red line as it
works its way up...

...then it's gonna go through
the western portions of

Osceola County,
Celebration and Orlando...

I'm gonna go on-line and see
what I can find out

Now, I told you
we need to talk.

You're not hearing me.

I hear you fine.
We need to talk. Got it.

But this isn't the time
or place, okay?

Weather.com
is still saying Tampa.

You guys' place gonna be okay?

I guess it's gonna have to be.
It's too late to head back now.

We're on pretty high ground.
It'll be fine.

Okay.

Damaging winds just passed...

Hey it looks like we got

an email from the cruise line.
Hang on a minute.

What is he saying?

He got an email
from the cruise line.

Huh?
Well, that's just great.

What?

Mom and Dad's ship.
It could be diverted.

What? Do they think the storm's
going to cross the state?

Well, our local guy thinks so
and he's pretty good.

Well, then I guess
they won't mind if

we crack open
the Dom Perignon.

- Grammy.
- You brought a gift?

You brought Dom?

I hid it in the cabinet over
the washing machine.

Okay, the email specifically
said "no presents."

Dom. Wow.

Okay, boys and girls.

We're officially inside
the cone now.

If Charley stays on course,
we're going to get smacked,

and we haven't done anything
to prepare.

We don't have ice,
bottled water, canned goods...

- Booze?
- Except the Dom.

Okay, look, someone needs to
make a supply run.

Great.
Thanks for volunteering

- Oh, me?
- Yeah.

Okay, sure. I will need
a car, then,

and... and some directions.

Uh, I don't know the
neighborhoods either,

but how hard could it be?

Stores. I'll take you.

Like hell, you will.

- David.
- Well, I was gonna stay here

and start battening down
the hatches.

- But sure, I'll go.
- Yeah.

And... And we'll get started on
the battening down stuff.

Take our car.

Thanks. Leigh.

Oh, okay. Let me throw on
some clothes.

Ya think?

And maybe drag a brush
through my hair.

Just give me a couple
of minutes.

No problem.

- Grandpa.
- Hm?

- You gonna be okay?
- I think we'll manage,

but you might want to
put some of that

guidance counselor mojo on your
so-called sister, Leigh.

- What are you talkin' about?
- What am I talk...

I'm talking about this girl
displaying all her goods

in front of God and everybody.

Especially your sister's
not-husband Danno.

She's making trouble.

She goes swimming with her
wacky old Grammy

and because Danno's a letch,
it's her fault? Please.

You should try using some of
that wise-old-man mojo on Danno.

Hmph!

And I'm just calling to
let you know the DPA submission,

as well as July's P&L's,

will be on your desk
first thing Monday morning.

- Jesse?
- Yeah.

And again,
I do apologize.

Have a great weekend.

I'm sorry about that.

Oh, I'd be a fine one to talk.

Tasha says I should get one of
those things implanted.

- You can do that?
- Uh... not yet.

This thing rides high.

- Ian.
- Yeah.

- Huh?
- Yeah.

Listen, um, should I just
try to talk to Jesse?

'Cause she
seems pissed.

Oh, no, that's just Jesse
and Danno, how they are.

It's always something.
You know how it is.

What is that supposed to mean?

Nothing. I mean,
they're not even married,

but they've been together
so long, it's all the same.

You used to be married,
right?

Until about six weeks ago,
yeah.

For eight endless years.

How are you doing?

Wow. You really are a minister,
aren't you?

Okay, um...

I'm fine.

I'm great, actually.

I'm free at last.

God almighty,
I am free at last.

I'm sorry, I...
I don't know why I did that.

Relax. It's okay.
I'm not gonna call

the PC police on you
or anything.

Well, good for you.

Sounds like a marriage that
needed to be ended.

Mm. I mean,
it didn't end in homicide

or with me owing him alimony
so...

I'll say it was a happy ending
all around.

Oh, for the love...

This is Leigh.

Yes, sir.

Yeah.

You got the message.

Ah, the handymen cometh.

- What?
- Nothin'

What are you two up to?

Oh, we're trying to close up
all these shutters.

Oh, well, good luck with that,
fellas.

They seem to be permanently
fastened to the wall.

No, that can't be right.

What's the point of having
shutters if you can't shut 'em?

To add aesthetic appeal.

What?

Hey, welcome to Celebration.

Give me my trailer any day.

Guess we should move this
porch furniture into the garage?

Hey, I'd like to help you boys
but, uh...

- Can I ask what put you in the chair?
- Danno.

Oh, that's okay,
I don't mind.

Don't expect you boys would like
the answer, though.

Life.

I am 84 goddamn years old.

Served in two wars.

Got my head busted
in race riots.

Totaled three cars
over the years.

And none of that
so much as put me

one whole day in the hospital.

Hey, but now I've got
the diabetes and the gout.

And a little bit of
heart trouble.

And here lately, when your folks
think I'm napping,

I hear talk of Alzheimer's.

Man, if life was football,

we'd call this piling on.

- Which two wars?
- Seriously?

Which two wars.
World War II

and Korea.

And, no, I didn't see
any action.

Not the way you'd mean.

We were the "tan soldiers."

I served, all right.

Even so,
I... I won a medal.

Let me guess.
Purple Heart?

Nope. I told you,
never wounded.

Saved a white officer's life.

Least they can do is
pin a medal on me.

Now, quit pestering me and
figure out some other way

to shutter up these windows,
will ya?

- Go ahead.
- Sir, yes, sir.

Uh...

So...

how long have you
and Michael been...

Roommates? Lovers?
Special friends?

Let's just say
bathroom buddies.

About a year now.

He moved in
a few months ago.

Well, good for you.
He seems happy.

You know...
I had a gay affair once.

Do tell.

Sorry.

Did I hear you got
a new promotion?

Mm-hm.

Yeah. Vice President of
Capital Acquisitions.

Whatever that means.

It's really just
a longer job title.

Corner office.

Little bit more money,
lot more hours.

You know.
The kind of job to which

the word "grind"
was invented.

Hm. I'll bet.

a soul-leeching bitch
of a job but...

I'm not complaining.

Never.
Hey, I've been there.

Been where?

- "The grind."
- What?

I was in corporate operations
for years.

Suit and tie,
the whole bit.

Jumping the career ladder from
one company to another.

- Blah, blah, blah.
- Huh.

Well, what happened?

Did you "feel the call"?

Well... short answer. Yes.

But... it was more like

I realized I was waiting
so hard for the call,

that I was missing it.

I'm not following you.

I'm not saying it very well.

Um, but basically I decided
I was being arrogant

about waiting on God to
single me out,

so I quit the rat race
and went looking for Him.

Wow.
You should write a book.

No, go on Oprah.

Be the next big thing.

Look, Leigh, I don't mean to
preach at you,

I'm just sayin'.

If you're miserable,
do something about it.

You know? If you don't like
your job, quit.

I mean,
who's stopping you?

Excuse my expression but
you're free, white and single.

You got out of your
miserable marriage.

Why be married to your
miserable job?

Yeah.

They say that does absolutely
no good, you know.

Taping windows.

They who?

Hurricane experts.

Any wind big enough to
blow out your windows

is not gonna be slowed down
by a little bit of tape.

Oh.
Well, it couldn't hurt.

Yeah, I guess.

I can never tell if he's asleep
or faking it.

He counts on that.

Earlier, he was
telling us war stories.

- Really?
- Well, it was more

Danno prying them out of him.

Yeah, he said he won some sort
of medal in World War II.

Really.

Maybe he did.
I don't know.

Poor thing.

These days, you're lucky to get
the same story out of him twice.

If he earned a medal
for anything,

it was probably for most
potatoes peeled or something.

Hey, that's...
that's kind of mean.

I don't mean to make fun.

I read up on this stuff.

You've heard of Tuskegee Airmen,
stories like that?

- Sure.
- Okay, but 90% of the Black men that served

served potatoes.

The "Band of Brothers"

didn't include any brothers.

It was June, 1948.

Oh,
the Miss New York pageant,

and I was Miss Syracuse.

I know, shut up.

She was Miss Albany. Her name
was Wanda Jean Watson.

Oh, I always thought that was a
perfect name for a beauty queen.

We shared a room,
we were, what, 19, maybe 20.

- Mm.
- Anyway,

Oh, I can still remember
what she smelled like

after all these years.

Eh, we stayed in touch
for a while,

mostly Christmas cards.

She died in the '80s
of lung cancer.

Never smoked
a day in her life.

Sometimes I still
dream about her.

So, what I want to know is

am I really a lesbian?

Have I... Have I been
unconsciously denying

my true nature
all these years?

Please don't take this
the wrong way.

But in what possible universe
could you imagine I care?

And why does every old woman
that I meet...

really, this happens to me
every Thursday...

feel compelled to confess
their lesbian sins to me?

I'm no expert on lesbians.

I don't even like lesbians.

I mean, A: they're women,

and B: they're women
that like other women.

We have nothing in common.

You kissed a girl once,
get over it.

So, did being "with" the entire
1951 semi-pro softball team

make me a "slut"?

There.

I see clouds coming in.

I don't know how anyone
can live anywhere

where the weather can just
turn on you like this.

Give me a nice friendly blizzard
any day.

Jesse's right.

You boys are just
wasting your time.

Hey.
It's better than nothin'.

Maybe.

I've been through a half a dozen
big hurricanes over the years.

Never had a window
blow out yet.

But then somehow

I always seem to be right in
the middle of that path.

I was in Miami
for Andrew.

Jacksonville when Donna hit.

That was in, what? 1960.

Your mother was just
a little girl.

Donna was my first big one.

I taped the damn widows
and filled the bathtub.

We stocked up on canned goods
you could eat cold.

Middle of that storm,
I thought we were goners.

Boy, the way the wind howled
and the walls shook.

Sound to me like...

Donna was calling my name.

Coming just for me.
Ah...

Okay, you're
weirding me out now.

You and me both, babe.

Power went out,
of course.

After a while,
it was just a...

a big windy rain.

We went on to bed.

Next morning,
I woke up early,

swing my legs out of bed,

plop my feet down into
an inch of water.

Looking out the front door...

nothing but water...

all the way across the street.

I hear a little puttering noise
and here's a young man

coming along in
a little fishing boat.

He waves and hollers,
"Morning."

And I wave right back.

"Watch out for snakes,"
he says.

"I seen three moccasins,
water moccasins, already."

By supper time,

the storm drain cleared,

and it was all just
one big soggy mess.

Well, this is
my first hurricane.

You know, Ian and I have
a place in the Keys.

Mostly rent it out.

Hope it'll be okay.

If this storm is anything
at all like Donna,

you can kiss it goodbye.

Great.

Grandpa.

Your great grandfather's name
was Charley.

So?

So maybe this hurricane
will be the one.

If I hear my name called
this time...

I'll go.

Sorry, Grandpa,
but bullshit.

You guys,
don't pay him any mind.

He's been dying
my whole life.

You know what? He'll probably
outlive us all.

You're spooky old man.
You know that?

Hurricane's
calling your name.

Take it easy, Jess.

We're all runnin' around here
like the sky is falling,

this thing's probably gonna miss
us by like a thousand miles.

You don't know that.

Yeah, besides,
it seems to me that

the sky might actually be
more or less...

- Wasn't anybody talkin' to you.
- Sorry.

Hey, don't mind her.

That's just
the raging hormones talking.

- Grandpa!
- What?

Okay. Fine!

I'm...

pregnant.

Oh, my God!

Danno, come on!

Would you look at the time?

I must have places to go
and people to not tell.

I can't believe you didn't even
think to mention it.

No, I told you
we needed to talk.

I knew it.
I knew it!

- Knew what?
- That you're pregnant.

You've been acting so...
so weird!

- Excuse me?
- And my mom...

- My mom said you were pregnant.
- Your mom.

And sure enough,
you're pregnant.

Please say pregnant some more,
you know, just in case

the neighborhood
didn't hear you, Danno.

Pregnant. Pregnant!
Pregnant!

- She's pregnant!
- You are such an asshole!

And I can't believe that
you told your grandfather

- before you told me!
- I didn't tell him!

The old coot
just figured it out!

Genius.

Well, young man,

you just gonna stand there?

If I was you,
I'd go after that girl.

Jesse.
Jesse.

Hi. We're home.

- Any luck?
- Uh, not much.

Everything was pretty well
picked over.

- So what have we got?
- Just random grabs.

They were completely out of
ice and bottled water.

Yeah, but we did manage to snag
a few packs of batteries,

a couple boxes of wine.

Fresh veg, pasta, cheese,
canned salmon?

Terrific.
This is perfect.

We can have pasta primavera
a la Ian.

Years from now, you will tell
your children

about the night of
"Le Grande Buffet."

Well, okay, I guess.

Don't bother. He's in full
Galloping Gourmet mode.

He'll be sociable again when
it's ready to serve.

Well, more power to him.

Yeah. I thought our shopping
was a bust.

Could have brought back

a six pack of sardines
and a box of Froot Loops,

he still would have managed to
whip up something with

a fancy fake French name.

- Just keep your fingers crossed.
- Michael.

If you'll excuse me, I have to
play sous chef to her highness.

Hey, listen to this!

We should be doing this.

What?

Ah! They say everything
three or four times.

Wait a second.

...hurricane preparedness
checklist.

Flashlights or lanterns are
recommended for every member of...

My night vision sucks.
I want my own flashlight.

Where do they keep
that sort of thing?

Good question.

Grandpa might know,
but I doubt it.

- Uh-uh.
- Everyone, listen up.

I said everyone so that means
you guys in the kitchen, too.

...is widely recommended.
All of these supplies...

I'm pregnant.
Shut up!

First person that says
congratulations

is getting a fat lip.
Got it?

Good.

Now, by the power vested in me
due to being knocked up,

I'm gonna go take a nap,
so keep it down.

- I'll see you all later. Thanks for understanding.
- Jess...

I knew it!

I had no idea.

- Sorry, everybody.
- For what?

Listen, I just found out myself
15 minutes ago.

For sure, that is.

And she found out for sure
herself

just a couple of days ago,
I guess.

She said she didn't know
how to tell me and...

she really didn't know
how to tell you.

What?

I imagine she thought
you wouldn't approve.

From the look on your face,
I reckon she's right.

It's no secret you don't approve
of her living in sin

with Danny boy here.

Ranks right up there with
getting divorced.

Okay.

- Well, she's my baby sister.
- Geez, man.

And I thought I could
come to you for advice.

Ha! Any advice
I would have given you,

- it's a little too late for.
- Just so you know,

for the past five years, I have
asked Jesse to marry me

at least a dozen times.

And a dozen "no" s.

Now she's pregnant.

She's pissed.

And honestly...

I'm afraid to ask her again.

Oh...

- Maybe I should talk to her.
- Oh, I wouldn't do that.

You don't wake a pregnant woman
up from a nap.

I second that emotion.

- Well...
- I think, um...

I think we should track down
some flashlights

batteries, maybe some candles
in case the power goes out.

- Good idea.
- Yeah, it is.

Nap time!

Now you're talkin'.

You check in the kitchen yet?

Uh, not really.

Well, see what you can find.

Uh, Danno, how about
you check in the garage.

And Leigh, why don't you check
in the bedrooms?

- You want to start upstairs?
- Mm-hm.

Just don't wake the beast.

I'm kidding.
Go. Go, go.

Don't wake the beast.

I'm gonna smack him.

Of course,
he'd probably like that.

Thanks for checking up on me.

No problem.

I'm sorry if I disturbed you.

You didn't.

Listen, I'm not ready to
talk right now. Okay?

Yeah. Of course.

Um, is there anything
I can do for you?

Nope. Just...
close the door, please.

Okay.

I found this
with some old camping stuff.

It's empty, though.

Kerosene may be on a workbench
behind my car.

Candles, flashlights...

Come across any candles
or flashlights?

Uh...

All right,
I'll be right there.

Ah, so not much,
just some candles.

That's cool.

I know Mom has a flashlight
somewhere.

- Try the master bedroom.
- Back there?

- Mm-hm.
- Sure.

- Ah...
- Um, maybe in here?

Ah, something.

Whoa. Daddy.
You hippie scoundrel.

- What you got there?
- Oh!

You scared the snot
out of me, man.

Oh. Sorry about that.

So I had a little luck.

Uh, I found a lantern,
some kerosene,

and a big old flashlight.

I'm gonna give it to
your grammy.

Nice how you two
have bonded.

Shut up.

- I got it.
- Oh! Sorry.

What have we here?

- This is not cilantro.
- Yeah.

I feel like a 12-year-old

sneaking around
my parents' room.

You ever find anything?

- What?
- Back when you were 12.

Oh.
No.

Nothin' like that.

Well, I did find my dad's
Playboy collection.

- Sorry I missed that.
- Mm.

Felt like the naughtiest girl in
the world lookin' at those.

Mm.

Hello.

I don't even want to know
what these are for,

but we've got batteries,

and a shoe box full of...
nice smelling candles.

- Um...
- What's this?

Oh, wow.

No way!
These things are so cool.

Somehow, my illustrious ex

wound up with all the
electronics, so...

- Oh...
- No. Wait.

- It's on.
- Is this happening?

- Okay, how about...
- Ladies and gentlemen,

now we see man
in his natural habitat.

All right, friends,

this is what the natives call

the ritual mating dance.

What? The caterpillar,
that's impressive.

Do a little dance.
Do something for the ladies.

Come on.
Oh... Oh!

Drop it. Yes.

Take it off.

Like this?

- Like that?
- Yeah, baby.

- That's good?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Now smack it.
And smack it.

And wipe it, and smack it.

Shh.

What was that?

What is that?

What did you find?

Videos.

Michael's First Birthday.

Oh, wow.
The family archives.

- Yeah.
- Yeah,

I wondered what happened
to these.

VHS's and digital disk.

Mm-hm. That's the stuff
shot with this thing.

And now we have something
more interesting to watch

than the weather.

Right now in Poinciana,

the winds are
really picking up.

Our wind gage has shown us
that the winds are...

What a moron.

She is about to get
blown to Oz

just so her boss can show us
how big and scary the storm is.

The only thing that has changed
in the past four hours

is which idiot is standing
out in the hurricane.

You know, no one is
listening to you.

Including me.

Oh.

Wow. It's really
whoopin' out there.

It must be one of those
outer-band squalls

we've been hearing about.

Let me see.

Oh, cool.

So, we found some candles
and stuff,

but mostly,
Leigh found herself a new toy.

Hey.

Ladies and gentlemen,

my first experience
with boxed wine.

It'll probably be your last,
darling. Huh.

Say hi to the camera,
bubby.

- How was your nap?
- Okay.

You guys, come on,
we're making memories.

- Say "hi."
- Huuuu!

One big happy family.

It look like
Ian got something to say.

Madames et monsieurs,

dinner is served in
the main dining room

Come and get it!

- Let's eat, I'm ready.
- I am down to eat.

Come on, Grandpa,
let's eat.

I'm not hungry.

Ah, come on,
it smells great.

Hey, baby,
feeling better?

No.
And don't call me baby.

- Aww...
- I mean it.

David, let me help you
with Grandpa.

Yeah. Can you get
an extra chair

and put it in the dining room?

- Yeah.
- Come on, gorgeous.

I'll walk you in.

Hey, you're already in the will,
kid, lighten up.

Better not forget me
in that will.

Now, you better get that
out of my face

or you're gonna end
up wearing it as a hat.

Hey!

I love this song.

Turn it up!

♪ Hell is the rhythm
you've been on ♪

♪ All the walls
are closin' in ♪

♪ Oh, the nights
feel so dark ♪

♪ And your patience
is growin' thin ♪

♪ There's no
warning signs ♪

♪ When your life
comes so fast ♪

♪ And these are
dark days here ♪

♪ But you know
they never last ♪

♪ And I said ohh... ♪

♪ Am I gonna find
a way back home ♪

I could mud wrestle
my grandmother

for some fresh Parmesan.

So I get the feeling that
life with Ian

is one big cabaret.

Not really.

He's just showing off
for you guys.

Well, he puts on
quite a show.

Aren't you going to eat?

I'm really not hungry.

What the hell is this?

How should I know?
It's tasty, though.

Hm.

Of course, I'd eat
poop on a platter

if the gravy was warm.

You really are a thoroughly
unpleasant old woman,

- do you know that?
- Hm!

I want you to know
I heard you earlier.

You were right.

We, uh...

I really have been
misjudging you.

And I, for one, apologize.

It's no biggie.
I'm used to it.

Nobody can take this face
seriously.

Including your sister.

Well, have a little faith.

She'll come around.

Thanks, man.

Of course,

it might help if you
kept a little more distance

between you and Leigh.
Hm?

Roger that.

You know there's nothing
going on between

Leigh and Danno,
don't you?

I guess.

I don't want to
talk about it, though.

- Yeah, that's cool.
- How is everything?

Can I get you anything?

You think you can care up some
club soda or some Sprite?

- I shall see what I can do.
- Thanks.

Thanks, sweetie.
You're a prince.

Ooh! I've been demoted.
This morning, I was a queen.

I love him.

Hey.

This is all right.

I told you.
They can all cook.

Do you ever
listen to yourself? Huh?

And I suppose all black men
"gots rhythm."

In my experience...

sure.

I give up.

So, any words of wisdom for
living with the pregnant?

For you two?
Learn to duck.

No kidding.

When Tasha was pregnant
with Natalie,

one morning, while I'm minding
my own business,

eating breakfast,
she rubs her belly,

gets this
disgusted look on her face

and says,
"My God, I'm so fat."

- What'd you say?
- Are you kidding?

Wild horses couldn't drag
a word out of me.

Ha!

Which did not prevent her from
telling me to shut up anyway,

bursting into tears,

knocking her breakfast
off the table,

and storming off.

- Wow.
- True story.

- You okay?
- I'm fine.

I'd kill for a big bloody steak
right now.

But then again,
I'd probably eat two bites

and then go lay back down.

Grr, here you are, Madame.

It has some bubbles,
it may be a little bit flat.

- It's perfect.
- You know, I happen to know

we have both ice cream and
pickles if you want them.

You know,
my mom actually swears

she ate that when she was
pregnant with me. Yuck!

No, I don't know, that actually
sounds kinda good.

Maybe I'm pregnant.

Ian.

- Leigh.
- Yeah.

I think I speak for everyone
when I say

sit down and eat. Hm?

He told her!

♪ Why can't we
let this go? ♪

♪ Why can't we
let this go-o-o ♪

♪ Why can't we
let this go ♪

♪ Tonight? ♪

Right now, those of
you in the Celebration area

are experiencing clear skies
and calm winds.

As you can see, rain bands
at any moment

could hit with some pretty
strong thunderstorms...

Oh! Sorry.

Still intact.

...Charley moves
across the county.

Uh, look,
we've got a movie!

Come on!

- What'd you do?
- What's wrong with this TV?

Cable's out.

Who cares?

You know...

we can watch those videos
that we found.

- Oh, yeah.
- Really?

Yes.

Ooh, let's see.

What are we lookin' at?

Home movies.

My God!

Look at that little skippy run.

That's why
I call him Bunny.

Oh, my God.
So cute.

Where did you find this?

- What are you singing?
- The Greatest Love Of All.

You're gonna have to
sing later.

Oh, she's so intense.

Oh, she has a message
to share.

Bunny? Really?

Yes. I think it's sweet.

You don't have
a pet name for Jesse?

I do but she'd kill me
if I told you.

Man, it's past 11:00.

Time flies when you're
incarcerated.

Why don't you go join
the others?

- I can finish up here.
- Ah, no, thanks.

I'm no more part of this so-called
family than you are, mate.

Uh... that didn't
come out right.

No worries. Excuse me
a tick, will you?

Shh...

Why all the sneaking around?

I'm supposed to be on the
nicotine wagon this weekend.

Just being naughty.

I take it Michael
doesn't approve?

Oh, I don't either, really.

Bad for the veneers,
among other things.

At home, I really have
mostly quit.

So you're not a practitioner?

Huh? Oh, no, I, um...

I never took it up but
Jesse smokes a little

Oh.

That won't do now,
will it?

- I never thought of that.
- Well...

- You two seem to be bonding.
- Yes.

We're the outlaw in-laws,
so to speak.

Home movies over already?

Oh, we're just trying to
rig up the camera

so we can watch some
of the new stuff.

I think we got it.

Coming?

- After you.
- After you.

You rewound it
all the way back, yeah?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay. Plug this in for me.

What is taking so long?

- Um...
- Michael.

- I hope it's worth the wait.
- Michael

Will you come plug this in
for me please?

- It's right here, right?
- No, it's this one.

- What? What am I doing?
- The RCA in...

I hope this works.

Guys, guys. Yes!

Here we go.

What... What...

That's not...

Oh. My. God!

Our parents made a sex tape?

I always thought
Patrick was camera shy.

- Eww!
- Turn it off, turn if off.

Turn it off,
turn him off!

Sorry, guys.

- David, turn it off.
- I'm trying.

Turn it off!

What is...

My bad!

More wine.

- I need a big one of those.
- Good idea.

You big pervert!

Wow.

- What you got there?
- Ahh!

And here we see
the consequences of

an unresolved
drinking problem.

Hey, these wine boxes
are tricky.

Mm, right. You know,
everybody knows

that if you're too drunk to
pour yourself another,

the bar should probably
be closed.

- Yeah? Close this.
- Oh! Oo-ah!

Gross.

- Ow! Hey, watch it!
- Uh-huh.

- Hey, be careful.
- Locker room rules, baby.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Come on, gimme that.
- Ooh!

Eww!

Nice.

- Jess. Jess.
- Don't talk to me.

Hey. Baby.

Jess. Jess, come on.

It's just... Uh...

Fuck.

Hey.

You know those are bad for
the baby, right?

That's right.

Our kid's not even born yet and
I'm already a bad mother.

What the hell is going on
with you?

Oh, gee,
I don't know, Danno.

Maybe it's the fact that
the father of my child

can't seem to keep his eyes off
my step-sister.

This just screams old Danno
all over again.

Old Danno? Huh.

So you're saying that
all the effort,

all the progress that
I've made is just...

erased because... I had
a little fun with Leigh?

Oh, right.
A little fun?

You two playing
a game of grab ass,

and God knows what you were
doing in my mom's bedroom.

Like I said,
classic Danno.

You have no idea how alone
I've felt these past two months.

Oh, you felt alone?

Let's pay no attention to
the fact that

you... you hid your pregnancy
from me.

You pushed me away...
you pushed me away,

and I don't know why.

Because you're an asshole.

- Goddamn it.
- What are you doing?

I'm leaving. Let go.
You're hurting me!

You're not going anywhere,
there's a hurricane.

- So what?
- Jess!

Don't touch me!

Fine!
I'll go touch Leigh instead!

Goddamn it, Jesse.

You're the only person
I care about.

You and the baby now.

Our baby.

I'm not gonna let you keep
pushing me away.

I'm gonna keep showing you
how much I care

because I love you.

Even if I am an asshole.

Stop talking, Danno.

Every time you open your mouth,
you're just making it worse.

Let me try to
make things better?

Let's go!

- God, are you guys okay?
- We're fine, just soaked.

And half blind.
Take it easy with that?

- Oh, sorry.
- I'll get you some towels.

Ian, where were
those matches?

I don't know.
It's kinda dark.

- Grammy, knock it off.
- Oh, sorry.

Damn it all,
my torch is dead.

Hang on. I found a bag full of
batteries, uh, under the table there.

Here. Grammy.

- Sorry.
- Where's Grandpa?

- Ooh!
- Grandpa, are you okay?

- Oh, geez.
- Grandpa!

Grandpa,
where's your nitro?

I don't know,
in... in my desk drawer.

- What desk drawer?
- I think he means his trailer.

This is my fault.
Damn it!

I thought I had all his meds
squared away.

Hey, don't worry about it.
It'll pass.

I'll be okay,
it's just my heart.

I've gotta go get his
nitroglycerin.

No, you don't.

I'll go.

You know where
you're going?

Dropped him off last Christmas,
I think.

- I got this.
- All right, well...

take Black Beauty,
she rides nice and high.

Black Beauty? Really?

Nothing compared to
your radiance, darling.

- Keys?
- In the kitchen somewhere.

Well, if the power's out here,

it's definitely gonna be out
at the trailer.

All right.
I'll need a flashlight.

Here. We'll manage
with candles.

- Hey, wait.
- Here, let me borrow that.

I'll get the keys.

I'm not sure what desk drawer
he means.

You're gonna have to
hunt for it.

- Right hand side.
- There you go.

Little brown bottle with
another tiny bottle inside.

Shouldn't be a problem.

- Well...
- Well what?

Well, Grandpa lives by himself
and he's a bit of a pack rat.

Techie, with lots and lots of
projects going on.

Don't touch anything.

So his place, it's more of a
fix-it-up shop than a home.

Excuse me. I'll have you know
that place is my love shack.

More like Radio Shack.

Grandpa has to sleep on
the couch

because his bed is
covered in junk.

Oh, come on, now,

I'm sure that bed has seen
plenty of sex.

- Here you go.
- Ah, thanks.

All right, gotta go.

Danno Macarthur Dagohoy,
stop right there!

Be careful out there, okay?

Always.

I love you.

Oh!

Ahh... nice care.

Okay.

♪ Sometimes ♪

♪ I wish that I was... ♪

What the hell were they
listening to?

♪ I got the band so
the drinks on me ♪

♪ Everybody in the club
in the VIP ♪

♪ Everybody show me love
when they freak on me ♪

♪ I'm a G-ha ain't no need
to see ID ♪

♪ Sing yourself to sleep
each night ♪

♪ Dream of golden rain ♪

This is good ganja.

♪ ...all your worries
drift away ♪

♪ Out... ♪

I haven't smoked
a joint in 50 years.

It's like
riding a bicycle, I guess.

You don't really forget how.

Oh, I remember
my very first time.

We lived in Nashville
in the early '60s.

My friend Shirley and I

were going to have lunch
at her house.

Yeah, funny, it was... it was
storming then, too.

Big summertime
thunderstorm.

Then she had found
her husband's stash.

"Shotgun won't mind,"
she said,

and we got high as
the proverbial kite.

- Husband's name was Shotgun.
- Of course.

Well, at least that's what
everybody called him.

Now, he got home
that evening

and found Shirley and me
hanging from the rafters.

He cooked up some nachos
or somthin',

and we started tokin' up
all over again.

Our grandma, the dope fiend.

Well, it did get to be
something of a thing.

Oh, Shotgun called himself
the Mayor of Weedville.

What was this Shotgun's
real name?

Oh, I have no idea.

He was some kind of
struggling songwriter.

He sold one big song
to Patsy Cline.

Crazy?

Holy crap.

Grammy, you're talking about
Willie Nelson.

No way.

You smoked dope with
Willie Nelson?

Well, that's a pretty big club.

- Still.
- So, Willie Nelson,

that scruffy old country singer,
was my old smokin' pal?

Ha! Son of a bitch!

Shirley Nelson. I never put
two and two together.

I snorted coke with
Liza Minelli once.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

Well, he could have been
impersonating Liza Minelli,

I could never tell.

You're so full of it.

...is by National
Alert and Warning Authorit...

Way to go, Grandpa.

Yeah, no, thanks.

Don't be such a prude.

Look, I'm not
passing judgment, just...

it's not my thing, okay?

Well, sorry, Reverend.
Must have been some other David

that found that huge bag of weed
on the beach with me and Jaime.

I'm trying to get a call through
to Tasha. Do you mind?

Whatever.

We went to new Smyrna,
mid-winter,

had ourselves an illegal bonfire
on the beach,

took a little moonlight stroll
with our dates,

found this huge plastic bag,
happened to be full of weed.

Lasted us for months,
I swear.

Now, that David didn't mind
sharing a doobie.

Now, if I wasn't in my delicate
condition right now,

I'd be right there with you.

Can't get a call through to
Tasha. Damn it!

Sue me if I don't want to go
trippin' down memory lane right now.

Hey.

I'm sure they're fine, David.

They're probably more worried
about you anyway,

- and, look, we're fine, too.
- I know.

You're both missin' out on
some righteous reefer.

Did you know we have
teeny tiny little mites

living in our eyelashes?

What?

Teensy tiny little
microscopic mites.

Like dust mites,
only smaller.

Living in our eyelashes.

- Are you making that up?
- Nope.

Ain't that right, Grandpa?

I rest my case.

I can feel the palm of my hand.

I believe you people
are stoned.

Hey. Hey, you guys,
listen to this.

...Central
Florida and Florida's East Coast.

Hurricane Charley,

a major and extremely deadly
tropical cyclone

made landfall in
southwest Florida

and is tracking up
the center of the state.

Those in the path are
encouraged to seek safety

within their homes
away from windows.

Hallways along
load-bearing walls,

closets under stairs,

and windowless bathrooms
are all good options.

Evacuate recreational vehicles
and mobile homes immediately.

- Danno.
- Should we be doing this?

I don't know.
This is a big house.

Fairly new.
We probably...

Oh! What the...
What the hell was that?

It's okay, Grandpa.

Can I borrow your phone?

It's... It's not working. I think
the cell towers are down.

Look, everything's
gonna be fine.

Please stop saying that.
I'm not a child.

I know wh...

Okay. I'm sold.
What do you say, people?

This whole house is like
one big window.

Let's get ourselves into
the hallway, okay?

We just gotta hunker down now
for the brunt of this hurricane.

In this house? I might as well
be in my trailer.

♪ 'Cause you know
we down here... ♪

The following
is a tropical storm warning

for central Florida
counties.

Beware of high winds
and flying debris.

Stay indoors away from
windows.

- Holy shit!
- Again the following is...

What the hell was that?

Wait!
What do you mean

we might as well be
in your trailer?

Oh, don't mind him.

These houses are low-bid
masterpieces.

If Charley's got our number,

this place'll come down around
our ears.

All right, Grandpa, that's
enough of that kind of talk.

We're just gonna
get away from the windows

and ride this thing out
together.

Nobody's got
anybody's number.

Oh, my... I just saw a stop sign
flying down the street!

Any old ladies on bicycle?

Get away from
that window!

Come on, people,
we gotta get serious now.

Let's go. Come on.

Okay.

I should point out I'm still
extraordinarily high.

Jess, come on.

What have we done?
We sent Danno out in this.

I sent him out there.

He's gonna be okay.
We have to go. Okay?

Come on, let's go.
Let's go!

All right.

So the power's out here, too.

Let's go!

Oh, my God.

This is a kitchen.

Wow. Geez.

Okay, desk, desk. Bed...

No sex.

Okay. Here we are.

Where are you?

Ah...

There you are.

All right,
my little lovelies.

No point this going to waste in
the rapidly warming icebox.

- Play nice and share.
- What have we got?

In a delicious twist of irony,

which would strain credulity
if fictitious,

we have chocolate, vanilla
and Rocky Road.

Uh, symbolism notwithstanding,

I would prefer chocolate,
please.

Of course.

Grandpa seems to be
feeling much better.

Maybe we shouldn't have
sent Danno out...

Sorry.

- I'll take Rocky Road, please.
- Mm-hm.

Vanilla for me, please.

I know. Shut up.

I never met an ice cream
I didn't like.

I'll have one of each.

So, how long do you think we'll
have to huddle here in the hall?

Until the windows
stop rattling, I guess.

Well, I'm sure the Scotch Tape
the two stooges

put on the windows
will protect us.

Look. We did
the best we could

with the supplies we had.

Oh, it's okay, Bunny.

And will you two knock it off?

The rest of us don't want to see
you two pawing each other.

Oh, bloody hell.

- And I thought my dad was a "phobe."
- Mm-hm.

Look, I'm a little scared.

So sorry if wanting some loving
arms around me offends anyone.

Oh, relax.

That old fart doesn't speak for
the rest of us.

Certainly not me.

You guys, I'm really worried
about Danno.

He should be back by now.

You've seen Grandpa's place.

It's like "Sanford and Sons"
in there.

Oh, I love that show.

Hey. I'm sure Danno's fine.

Oh. Well, if you're sure,
I guess I can relax, then.

Take it easy, Jesse.

- Leigh's just trying to...
- Don't you start too, David.

Leigh doesn't need
another hero.

Leigh can fend for herself.

Right, sis?

Ooh.

Listen. Would anybody mind
if I say a little prayer?

Go ahead, David.

Dear Heavenly Father,

maker of hurricanes...

Sorry.

See us safely through
this storm.

Keep our parents safe at sea...

and watch over our families
not here with us tonight.

Jesse, please.

Thanks for including Danno in
your prayer, by the way, David.

But seriously,
who are you kidding?

"Our parents"?

"Our family"?

There is no "our family."

There's our mom
and their dad.

They seem happy together.
Good for them.

That doesn't make us a family.

Hell, this is only
the second time

we've even met.

Jesse this might not be
the right time...

No, she's got a point.

We don't deserve to
call ourselves a family.

Have we put any energy
into it?

The only time I have seen
my father in ten years

was when he took the trouble
to come see me.

I know my doorman better than
I know my...

so-called family.

So?
So what are you saying?

We didn't choose each other
so we can't be family?

I didn't choose anybody here
but...

No, she's right.
I blame her father.

- What?
- What?

Your dad never even saw
a real live black person

'til he was a teenager.

Sure as hell
never dated one.

But he always had this...
this... this fascination

for colored girls.

- Whoa, whoa!
- Sorry.

I know that's somehow offensive,
but what the hell.

Ever since he saw Leslie Uggams
on Mitch Miller,

he had this thing.

So, you know,
your mother died,

and then Patrick met your
mother...

Times have changed.

They didn't give
a single thought to

the complications
of a "mixed family."

I mean, you were supposedly
adults. Who cares?

It's not like they were
gonna have babies.

- Oh, my God.
- Wow.

How did I let myself
get dragged into this?

Oh, I know. "It'll just be
one stupid party, Ian.

It'll be like
a big vacation, Ian"

Christ on a bicycle, why...

And what, I planned this?

I wanted to hunker down in
a house full of strangers?

Hey! Thanks a lot.

No, I... I didn't mean it.

I didn't want to come to
this damn thing, either.

She came for me.

But I would rather have
a root canal

than stay here with you people

Well, I sure as hell
didn't want to come here.

And you know, at least Dad
managed to visit you.

He always missed my house.

He felt sorry for me

because, you know, I'm the one
with all the marital problems.

And you...

you made it perfectly clear
he wasn't welcome.

What?

Say, whose idea was this
joyous soiree, anyhow?

David's.

You're damn right.

Because I was tired of hearing
Mom carrying on

about how she and Patrick
felt like outcasts.

Like they didn't have
a family anymore.

So, yeah,
I thought it was about time

that I do something
about it,

show Mom how wrong she was.

Well, maybe you should have
left well enough alone.

- Damn straight.
- Maybe so.

Maybe I should have know what a
bunch of crybabies you all are,

but no, no, I had this
ridiculous idea

that we're all adults,
and we could suck it up

for one stupid party for
my mom and your dad.

And you said it right there.
Your mom and our dad.

You don't even believe
your own bullshit!

No, no, see, you're deliberately
twisting my words.

- You don't really think...
- No, no, no, no, David.

She hit the nail on the head.

We may all be
a bunch of crybabies,

but at least we're not
hypocrites.

- What?
- You heard me.

No one appointed you the family
guidance counselor.

You twisted everyone's arms
to get us here,

and for what?
So you could lord it over us

how we don't measure up to
your idea of family?

She's right, you know.

Shut up!

Meanwhile,
where's your family, huh?

Why aren't they here
showing everybody

the perfect modern
African-American ideal?

You know damn well they got
grounded by the hurricane.

Bullshit.
We got here.

So did we,
God help us.

Listen.

If you all are trying to prove
what a mistake I made

by setting this whole thing up,
then fine.

Fine, it was my mistake, I wish
I woulda never thought of it.

But that just goes to show that
no good deed goes unpunished.

- Oh, no, you don't.
- What?

You watch your tone, boy.

It's my turn to cry bullshit
on the lot of you.

You each have as much family
here as you really want.

Except you, David.

Jesse's right.

You're a hypocrite, David.

And you're the worst
of any of us.

Somewhere along the way,

you started believing that
you were better than us.

Your faith was more real.

Your family... your own little
self-made family

with your perfect black wife
and your perfect black kids.

And now, David descends from
the mountaintop

to smash his tablets of
indignation

at our idol-worshipping feet!

Well, I say again, David,
bullshit.

See, I remember what you said
when you found out

Jesse was takin' up with
that Filipino boy.

"Couldn't find a black man
good enough for her?"

You don't remember that,
David?

No, and neither do you

because I never said
any such thing.

It's a peculiar thing,
this... this prejudice.

It rears its head at
the oddest times,

and in the damnedest places!

Jesse was shackin' up with
a not-so-black boy,

your hackles rose.

Did you know that my mother,
your great-grandmother,

was so high yellow that
she passed for years.

Her mama was
white as a lily.

My daddy bragged, bragged about
being an octoroon.

You're so proud of
your race.

You're just like your father.

Grandpa.

Except your father,
rest his miserable soul,

was no hypocrite, uh-uh.

He wore his prejudice like
a badge of honor.

Wanted nothin' to do with
no white folks.

He thought "separate but equal"
was a grand idea.

If your father
had still been alive

when Jesse turned up
pregnant with a mixed baby,

boy, his head
would have exploded.

I'm nothin' like my father.

- You don't have the right!
- David. David.

You shut up!
You were only six years old,

what do you know?

My father was
a wife-beating bastard.

If cancer didn't kill him,
me or Jaime would have.

So, no, you don't have
the right.

I have a right to
speak my peace!

I see what I see!

You look just like him!
You sound just like him!

How can I see anything else?

- David. David.
- No, no, no!

- David!
- Why is this happening?

What are you waitin' for,
old man? Huh?

Don't you hear the wind
calling your name?

Hurricane's here!
Why aren't you dead?

Well, who's for bed, then?

- You okay?
- Peachy, thanks.

...this is a warning that

Kissimmee and Celebration are
entering the eye of the storm,

a region of calm weather
in the center of

a strong
tropical cyclone.

The eye wall will be hitting in
approximately 11 minutes

and is considered the most
deadly area of a hurricane.

Winds will be
reversing direction

and accelerating at
an alarming speed.

Again...

Weird. Isn't' it?

Yeah.

It's very strange.

Couple of days ago...

he was asleep in his chair
in the living room.

I stepped outside...

puttering around the yard and...

when I walked back in,
he was wide-eyed.

He looked at me
and he said...

"What are you doing here?"

I think I said, "Just came in to
cool off," or something.

And he stood up out of his chair
and said,

"Get out of my house,
Walker."

He thought I was my father.

Everybody called him Walker.

What did you do?

Turned around,
walked back outside.

When I returned,
he was fast asleep.

That old man hated my father
even more than I did.

If that was possible.

Even put him in
the hospital once.

Walker had to get
a restraining order.

I'm so sorry.

I had no idea.

Of course not.

It's not like we sit around
talking about the good old days.

My mother wouldn't
leave him, though.

Scared to, I guess.

I don't know.

The day I heard Walker had
lung cancer...

I literally thanked God.

I had been praying for
bolts of lightning or...

a runaway truck but...

cancer.

Cancer was better than nothing.

- I was 12.
- Hm.

And now...

wide awake in front of
everyone...

he tells me I'm just like
my father.

That's the worst thing
anyone's ever said to me.

I'm... so stupid.

You okay?

Sure. Thanks for
checking up on me.

I'm so sorry about
the scene downstairs.

No, it's okay, we're just
stressing, I guess.

Yeah, you're right.

I can't believe I let Danno
go out there alone.

It didn't seem like such
a bad idea at the time.

Besides, the storm just...
blew up so fast.

Yeah, but he should really
be back by now.

Well, Grandpa's okay.

And besides, I feel like the
storm's mostly over now, anyway.

Oh. no.
I know hurricanes.

We're in the eye.
In about 20 minutes or so,

it's gonna kick back
up just as fast as it stopped.

- It's gonna hit hard.
- Oh...

So, Danno,

now's the time to
get your ass back here.

I don't need you to
babysit me.

- I'm fine.
- Okay.

I'm gonna go check up on
Grandpa.

I should probably make sure
Ian hasn't fallen out of bed.

May I come in?

If I said no,
would you go away?

No.

Then by all means,
come on in.

Yeah,
these things are great.

I'm gonna have to get me one
when I get home.

Now, that's the dumbest thing
you've said all day.

What?

It's just another nail
in the coffin.

You can walk just fine,
can't you?

But at your age,

spend a couple of weeks
in one of them chairs,

and you're in it for life.
Trust me.

All I did was
sprain an ankle.

Now I'm stuck in
the damn thing.

Well, you got back here okay.

And I'm completely shot.

- Hey, you want it back?
- What for?

I'm not going anywhere.

You just say the word.

Grandpa, you o... Oh!

Hey, sorry,
I didn't mean to interrupt,

just checking up on you.

Do you need anything?

I need you to take it easy.

You're carrying precious cargo,
baby girl.

Sir, yes, sir.

Go on, now, scat.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Otis, I want to
apologize to you.

Ah!

No, I mean it, I have been
pushing your buttons all day.

I hadn't noticed.

Eh, it's just my way of
flirting, I guess.

- Ah, stop it.
- You're pretty darn cute, you know.

Don't be ridiculous.
Cute.

I'm a card-carrying,
grumpy old man.

Phooey, you are
a grizzly old teddy bear.

You don't fool me.

You can say that after that
scene out there? Hm?

Are you kidding?
You're an amateur.

I pointed a loaded gun
at my Andrew once.

- You did not.
- Hm!

It was a... a pellet gun,

but that just because it was
the only gun I had.

I'd have loaded a shotgun
if I had one.

- You're making this up.
- I swear.

I told him to leave
and never come back.

I called him every bad name
I could think of,

which was a lot.
Ooh, it was not pretty.

So what prompted all this?

Oh, the usual.
Caught him cheating on me.

Again.

- Really?
- Well... no, not really.

I never really actually
caught him.

He was too clever
for that.

He always had
a story ready.

Plausible deniability,
you know?

Maybe he really
wasn't cheatin'.

Ooh... Now that
would be a shame,

- because, um...
- Dorothy.

I am just kidding, but...
but my point is, uh...

Yeah.

The more you care,

the more you can hurt
the other person.

Hey,
I'm sorry about before.

I mean, I know we were really
piling up on you back there.

Oh, I, uh...
I probably had it comin'.

But thanks.

I'm sure they're safe.

I know, it's just...

I've been up here for
the past six days.

We've never been apart
this long.

- I uh...
- You miss 'em.

- Nothing wrong with that.
- Yeah.

Hey, big bother.

- You okay?
- I'm fine.

Look, I don't know
what got into me.

Oh, hell, I do.

He didn't really mean it,
though.

- You know that, right?
- I supposed.

I'll make nice
in the morning.

Cool.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

'Night.

I think I'm just gonna
turn in.

See if I can't ride out
this storm asleep.

Sounds like a plan.

I'm gonna blow out some of these
candles and I'll join you.

Wait. I mean...
That's not what I meant.

- What I really meant was...
- Goodnight, David.

- I'll see you in the morning.
- Goodnight.

So, uh,
when did Andrew pass?

1989. Heart failure.

- Your...
- Isabelle.

Of course, Isabelle.
Such a pretty name.

She passed in '92.

Ovarian cancer.

I always thought
I'd go first.

And yet, here I am.

What is it, '98, '99?
What year...

Two-thousand and four.

Oh.

Oh, a year here, a year there.
Who's counting?

You're doin' okay.

No, no, I'm not.

Everybody tiptoes around it
but... I'm losin' it.

What did Reagan call it?
Uh, the long goodbye.

Otis, he had full-blown
Alzheimer's.

You're only suffering
a little "old timers."

- 'Old timers."
- You know, I'm not exactly

sharp as a tack myself.

I can't remember what I had
for breakfast this morning.

Hm...

So...

We've covered our late spouses
and our failing memories.

You know, maybe we do a few
minutes on bowel movements

and hit the geezer trifecta.

No, thanks. Maybe we should quit
while we're ahead, huh?

You're probably right.

Ah, goodnight, Otis.

- Uh, one thing.
- Mm?

Nobody ever calls me Otis.

My friends call me Smitty.

- What?
- Mm-hm.

Of course, right.
All right.

Goodnight, Smitty.

Goodnight, Dorothy.

Dottie.

Um... hi.

Come on in.

You have every right
to be mad at me.

Don't be nice to me.

I've been nothing but bitchy
to you all day.

No.

I have been insensitive.

You should let me
apologize.

Okay.

Oh! Okay, um, so...

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Look, I don't wanna
press my luck,

but I'm worried
about him, too.

A little.

You're allowed.

Thanks.

Listen,
can I sit up with you?

I'm not gonna be able to sleep
knowing more storm is coming.

Sure, I... I'd like that.

Otis, are you all right?

Oh, my God. David!

- David, help! Hurry!
- Grandpa!

Your Granddad's hurt.
Smitty, hang on!

I can't hear him breathing.

- Grandpa!
- Is there anything I can do?

Pray!

Help us, o lord...

What the hell happened?

Oh, thank God.

Walker?

David. You need to get him
out of there if you can.

She's right.

Come on, David, help me get him
out of this mess.

No, no,
we shouldn't move him.

We can't leave him here,
we might as well be outside.

Michael, help me take him to
the master bedroom.

- Get the door, get the door.
- Okay. Yeah.

- Get the tree.
- I'll get this.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

One, two, three.

Okay, careful

Good.

He's barely hanging on.

- He needs his heart medicine?
- Where the hell is Danno?

Michael, you're a doctor.
What do you think?

I'm a dentist.

Uh... standard operating
procedure says

we should give
him a baby aspirin.

Yes. Right, uh...
Jesse, there should be

some low dose aspirin in
the upstairs bathroom.

- I'll be right back.
- Hurry!

Got it.

Danno?

Danno! Danno!

Danno. The Hummer.
It's down the street.

Jesse!

Try to get Grandpa to
take one of these.

Michael.

Anymore flashlights
in the garage?

- No.
- Did find a crowbar.

I found one too.

What are you doing?

- I'm coming with you.
- No, you're not.

- Try and stop me.
- Jesse, be reasonable.

We'll go. Stay here with
Grammy and Grandpa.

Please.

Fine.

- You guys ready?
- Yeah.

Wait. Michael. You're the closest
thing we have to a doctor.

Stay here with your
grandfather.

Okay. Be careful.

- I love you.
- I love you too, Bunny.

Let's do this.

Let's go.

You sure you want those?

- Why not?
- Yes.

You'll see.

That was a bad idea!

Come on, we're wasting time.
Let's go!

Did any of them think to grab
the right tools?

No.

- David.
- I might've known!

Where did you get
a flashlight?

He's okay. But I don't think
he can get out.

Wake up, baby.

Okay. We need to try to
roll this thing off of here.

Right.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

One, two, three.

Again.

One, two, three.

Whoa, whoa!

Baby, are you okay?

I can't move!

The dashboard's
pinning my legs!

- Danno, hold on.
- Look out!

The tree trunk's
too heavy.

Okay, we need to
cut this with something.

I'm gonna go to
the house and try to find...

What?
Like a chainsaw?

You are amazing!

I... I don't know
how to use this!

I can barely operate
a can-opener!

- No. Sorry.
- In the vernacular:

I've got this.

Stand aside, lovies.
I need to harvest this bitch!

We're here.

He's gone.

What are you talkin' about?

He went under again
after you left.

I tried everything I know
but...

I don't suppose you have a portable
defibrillator in the house?

No.

It's not gonna matter
at this point.

- David, it's too late.
- No!

Help me place the pill
under his tongue.

Give him some light.

Come on, old man.

Come on.

I didn't mean it.

Didn't mean it.

I'm sorry.

Isn't there anything
we can do?

Anything?

Guys, I'm so, so sorry.

Listen, um...

I hate to say this...

but I really think we need to
get back in the hallway.

Just until this thing lets up.
Just for a bit.

No, no. No.

What in the blue blazes!

What are you tryin' to do,
kill me?

Grandpa!
Thank God!

Have you all lost your
ever-lovin' minds?

Oh, shut up, you old poop.
You scared us half to death!

- Thank God you're okay.
- We thought you were dead.

Nice call there,
Doctor Doom.

I'm just a dentist.

Okay people, we really need to
get back into the hallway.

- Grandpa.
- Huh?

I'm all right.
Just a little woozy.

Somebody get him
a glass of water.

Right, I'm on it.

We shouldn't move him again.

Look, I'll stay with him, uh,
before you guys go,

can you move the dresser
in front of the glass?

Yes. Guys,
give me a hand.

Here.

Mm.

Thank you.
You're a good man.

And Ian's a good man, too.

Thanks, Grandpa.

Thanks, we're...
we're good now.

I'll be... Well, we'll just be
right outside.

Okay.

Hey, I'll be all right.

You should stay with
the others.

No. You probably have
a concussion.

We need to keep you awake
for a few hours.

Okay.
What the hell happened?

- We thought we lost you.
- Huh?

That's what happened.

A tree fell into your room
and knocked you out cold.

I told you, that hurricane,
it had my number.

Don't start that again.

The hurricane had you,
all right.

Swallowed you up
and spat you back out.

Too much gristle.

You may be right.

- There you go.
- Quit fussin', I'll be okay.

Look, Grandpa...

- I never meant to...
- Boy, shut up

Just shut up.

But Grandpa, I can't believe
I said what I said.

Sticks and stones, son,
sticks and stones.

Forget about it.

I never should have said
what I said, either.

So... bygones?

Bygones.

You know, you do look and sound
just like Walker,

but you're nothing like him.

When I can shake the cobwebs
out of my skull, I know that.

When I was 18...

I almost changed my name.

I had a court date set up
and everything.

I didn't want to be
a Walker anymore.

Jaime talked me out of it.

Said it was like I was trying to
run away from a ghost.

A wise man, that Jaime.

How's he doin'?

Still in Iraq.

But he's fine, though.

Be home by Thanksgiving.

Good.
Now, what about you?

You comin' back up for
Thanksgiving? Hm?

Absolutely.

All right, good. Good.

- Grandpa.
- Huh?

We need to keep you awake for
a little while, okay?

If you say so, son,
if you say so.

So, tell me about Grandma.

How'd you two meet?

Oh, heh.

We met in church.

Fall of 1941.

Just before Pearl Harbor.
Mm-hm.

She was in the choir.

I remember the first time
I ever saw that woman

up there in the loft...

Okay, so this is the morning
after the storm.

♪ Old damn fate of mine ♪

♪ I've been locked away
for a time ♪

♪ Many years
I walked the line ♪

♪ Old damn fate of mine ♪

♪ Oh, now when I escape ♪

♪ When I've gone
and lost this fate ♪

♪ And I can't stay ♪

♪ She's waiting for me ♪

♪ And I can't stay ♪

♪ She set me free ♪

♪ I'm breakin' free ♪

Michael.

- Okay.
- Looks great.

Yeah. You... You do this part.
I'm gonna do this.

- Okay?
- I got it.

Perfect. All right.

Here watch this!

Oh, that's my piece.
Oh, yeah.

Yep.

Maybe a smidgen stale.

Well, we'll toast it.

Over what, a candle?

Jesse, that looks great!

Does it?
Okay, awesome.

How's that, is it even?

- Uh, yeah.
- Yeah? Awesome.

- Hi, honey.
- Wow, David.

The shine on that
is amazing.

Oops, it's the mobile
balloon unit.

Special delivery!

Yes, that's a good idea.

Put some in the kitchen.
Thank you!

Hey, everybody!

I just got off the phone
with the cruise line.

They diverted south.

By the time the storm was up
near Jacksonville,

they were docking in
Port Canaveral.

- Oh, awesome.
- Great.

And they're even providing

a complimentary ride home
for mom and dad.

- Oh, perfect.
- Fantastic.

Sit on down here.

Am I in the way?

What? Oh, no.
This is for you.

Oh, I didn't know
you cared.

Aww...

I thought you might want this,

in case your trailer was
destroyed.

Hey, don't look
so surprised, y'all.

This is real.

- It's real.
- I had no idea.

Man was chokin', I smacked
the Spam out of him,

end of story.

Okay, okay,
but Grandpa,

no kidding.

You're my hero.

- Oh...
- Hear, hear!

The next box is for you.

All right, everybody.
Cheers.

Oh, uh, wait, wait, wait!
David,

did you want to say
a prayer?

- What?
- No, no, I...

- I'd love to say a prayer.
- Yes, please.

- Thank you, Lord!
- Amen!

And I would like to
propose a toast.

Go ahead, Grandpa.

- To Charley.
- To Charley.

Hello?

Oh, guys.
They're here, they're here.

Where the heck are you guys?

Surprise!

Oh, my God. Hey!

♪ I'm so tired of
being here ♪

♪ Suppressed by all my
childish fears ♪

♪ And if you're after me ♪

♪ I wish that you
would just leave ♪

♪ 'Cause your presence
still lingers here ♪

♪ And if only you'd
leave me alone ♪

♪ These wounds won't
seem to heal ♪

♪ This pain is just
too real ♪

♪ And there's just too much
that time cannot erase ♪

♪ When you cried ♪

♪ I'd wipe away
all of your tears ♪

♪ You'd scream ♪

♪ I'd fight away
all of your fears ♪

♪ And I held your hand ♪

♪ Through all of these years ♪

♪ But you still have... ♪

♪ All of me ♪

♪ You used to
captivate me ♪

♪ Under your
resonating light ♪

♪ Now I'm bound by the life
you left behind ♪

♪ Your face,
it haunts ♪

♪ My once blessed dreams ♪

♪ Your voice had
chased away ♪

♪ All the sanity in me ♪

♪ If these wounds
won't seem to heal ♪

♪ If this pain is
just too real ♪

♪ And there's just too much ♪

♪ That time cannot erase ♪

♪ When you cried ♪

♪ I'd wipe away
all of your tears ♪

♪ You'd scream ♪

♪ I'd fight away
all of your fears ♪

♪ And I held your hand ♪

♪ Through all of these years ♪

♪ But you still have... ♪

♪ I've tried so hard ♪

♪ To tell myself ♪

♪ That you're gone ♪

♪ But though you're
still with me ♪

♪ I've been alone ♪

♪ All along ♪

♪ When you cried ♪

♪ I'd wipe away
all of your tears ♪

♪ When you'd scream ♪

♪ I'd fight away
all of your fears ♪

♪ And I held your hand ♪

♪ Through all of these years ♪

♪ But you still have... ♪

♪ All of me, oh ♪

♪ Me, oh ♪

♪ Me, oh, oh ♪

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