All language subtitles for Home Economics 2x01 - 49ers Foam Finger, $7 (English)

Ahh.

Chapter eight, Tom's family
had gotten used to the idea

that he was writing a novel about them.

And now it felt like the
Hayworths were entering

a new season together...

stronger, connected,

- more devoted than ever.
- Oh, sorry, I got to take this.

- Business call.
- But this is a family brunch.

And this is a business call.

Frank!

All right, what do you guys want
to do the rest of the weekend?

I promised Marina
I wouldn't work on the book.

Isn't hanging out with us
kind of like research for you?

What? No.

No, come on, this is family
time. This isn't research.

Does anyone else want a drink?

Add a beat where everyone's suspicious

that Tom's secretly recording
everything for his book.

Family time, so precious.

Can we do something tomorrow
that's not too pricey?

- Like going to the park.
- Fine by me.

I mean, speaking as an
under-employed American.

Plus, I really don't want the kids
to get used to Connor's lifestyle.

Yeah, last week Camila asked
me where we were summering.

Question for the table, who
wants to see a 49ers game?

Oh, uh, actually,

- we were just saying that...
- Shut up, Tom. In a luxury suite.

Connor, Connor, Connor, Connor!

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

So I'm closing a deal
with this guy, Frank...

huge Niners fan.

He's got this luxury
suite at Levi's Stadium,

and he wants to bring me to a game.

- What kind of deal?
- Frank's got his own hedge fund,

but he's got this pool of money

he's looking to sidecar with my firm

for some more private
small-cap investment typ...

You know what? Stop. It's too boring.

- Right?
- Gretchen.

Look, the problem is, Frank only
has five tickets to the suite,

which means, including the
kids, I can't bring everyone.

- Obviously, Marina's coming.
- That we will.

- Why obviously?
- Because Marina's a fan.

She's the only one here

who knows the 49ers average
time of possession last season.

31 minutes.

- I knew that.
- Yeah, I was gonna say 31.

Possession like spirits?

Guys, look, it's a schmooze situation.

Emily used to have my
back at these things,

but now that we're split, you know,

I need someone who knows
what she's talking about.

What happened to going to the park?

The park's gonna be there next week.

- Luxury suite, Tom.
- Okay.

I guess if Marina's
going, then I'm going.

- Because?
- Because I like football.

What?

Okay, yeah, look, maybe
not as much as Marina,

but I like watching
the old... pigskin fly.

That's funny.

You gotta put stuff
like that in the book.

- I'm serious.
- Tom, you're a lot of things.

Okay? But you're not a sports guy.

When we were kids, no one wanted
to pick you for their teams.

Because they said I was
a good scorekeeper.

Yeah, now hearing that back,

it kind of seems like maybe
they didn't need a scorekeeper.

No, that's an important position.

Okay, are you guys forgetting
that I was a jock?

Freshman year, remember?

I used to get up at 5:30
a.m. every morning

to shave my legs.

Diving team.

That tracks.

But then he had an "injury" that
ended his "athletic career."

I hit the water at an
extremely dangerous angle.

- Mm.
- Sometimes I can still feel the water in my ear.

Okay, fine, Tom, you can come.

- Thank you.
- What about me?

- Us.
- What about us?

Just kind of figured you
guys wouldn't want to come

given the fact that you think anything

with the word "luxury" in
it is automatically evil.

Yeah, well, I also like to be included.

Plus the NFL said that
football is gay now.

So we are everywhere.

Well, Connor, what about these kids?

Please, please, please,

please, please, please.

- Okay, too much.
- Okay, fine. How about this?

I'll buy some reg ticks in the stands.

Alejandro, Esteban,

you guys are gonna have
to sit this one out, okay?

You're clearly Packers fans.

And the rest of you,

can take turns in the luxury suite.

Everybody happy?

Yeah! Ooh!

Connor, Connor, Connor...

Are you ready for some football?

- Garoppolo!
- Garoppolo.

Go 49ers!

Tom, you're trying too hard, man.

Also, come on, what is this?

Cool kids wear it with the tags on.

At least he's trying to belong.

What are you talking about? I belong.

How else would I know that
the special teams unit

is responsible for all kicking plays?

It's so cute, this morning he
was on the Wikipedia page

for "American Football."

Really? He sounded so natural.

All right, the luxury
suite's up this way.

Kelvin, Shamiah, you sure you
guys are good in the stands?

Can we get on the Jumbotron
if we're in the luxury suites?

- I don't think so.
- Then we'll be in the stands.

Welcome to Levi's Stadium,

- home of your San Francisco 49ers.
- Whoo.

Look at this place.

Wow.

- Connor.
- Frank.

- Thanks again for the tickets, man.
- Oh, my pleasure.

Say, this is my wife, Georgia.
She never misses a game.

How about your wife? Did you bring her?

Oh, no, I'm actually,
uh, freshly divorced,

but I brought the next best
thing. My brother, Tom...

uh, Tom, move out of the way...

My brother Tom's wife, Marina.

Oh, hi.

I am so used to watching
these games at home.

I just... I cannot believe

that I get to watch Fred Warner
crush somebody in person.

So, you're a football widow, too?

No, what?

No. I love the gridiron.

- Let's have shrimp.
- Some... okay.

? Hit it ?

Check out those moves.

Okay, sure, they're fun to watch
and their moves are fire.

I think I used that correctly.

But they're only here to
support the men on the field.

That's not true. They're
athletes in their own right.

And they do community outreach.

Alexis and Marissa visited a
children's hospital last week.

- I follow their Instagram.
- Really?

I also follow Kaley Cuoco's dog.

I follow a lot of people, okay?

Anyway, can we just,
for once, pretend to like

normal American things?

Yes, yes, of course.

Okay, I will go get us some
normal American vegan nachos.

- That's the spirit.
- Okay.

49ers first down.

So, um, cheerleading isn't Mom's vibe?

She has a very particular vibe.

It's just there was this
cheerleading thing at school,

and I was thinking...

Of trying out?

No.

Never mind, forget it. Don't tell Mom.

So I said, "Uh, yeah,
maybe if I were a Jets fan."

Yo, Marina, you're killing me.

- Thanks, 24KGoldn.
- Your wife is a riot.

Oh, no, she's actually, um...

- Yeah, she really is.
- Oh!

The doctor said the water's
still in there. It's... yeah.

You know, sometimes I can
still hear it sloshing around.

Stop it.

Oh, let them have their fun.

If it's not for you, it's not for you.

I guess it's always
kind of been this way.

Connor would bond with
our dad over sports

and make fun of me for not
being able to catch a ball.

But it's different now.
I mean, we're older.

I could be a sports guy if I want to.

Well, here comes your chance.

I've got Georgia on my mind.

Oh, Jerry, that gets me every time.

Meet my new friend, Tom.

Tom, how you doing? Nice to meet you.

- He's a big football fan.
- Hm.

Well, you know, I guess I dabble.

- How about yourself?
- I guess I know a little about football.

Oh, okay. Do you know
about the special teams?

- Oh, God. Is that Jerry Rice?
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, and he's talking to Tom.

Oh, God.

At the end of the day,
it's all about yards.

You know, which team
has the most yards...

- and downs.
- Really?

- Oh, yeah.
- Tom doesn't know who he is?

- No, not a clue.
- Yeah.

If I had to pick my favorite
down, I'd say 3rd down.

Yeah, no, yeah, 3rd down.

- What's your favorite down?
- Touchdown.

Huh, I didn't know that was an option.

- I'll go over there.
- Okay, honey.

Ooh, stopped at the line.

Over here.

They don't have vegan nachos
here. Can you believe that?

- Oh, crazy.
- Yeah.

Uh, so, I have something
important to tell you.

Did we win? Is it over?

- No, it's still very early in the game.
- Oh.

But while you were gone,

Kelvin told me that he's
interested in trying out

for the cheerleading squad at school.

- What?
- Yeah. What do you think about that?

Wow, I guess I'm... proud of him.

Way to push against the gender norms.

- Yeah.
- Good for Kelvin.

Good for you, Kelvin.

Yeah, yeah, totally.
I'm on the same page.

So, what if I told you that
it was actually Shamiah

- who said that?
- Huh? What? Who?

- So not Kelvin?
- No.

Well, with Shamiah it is a
totally different situation

- because she's...
- Oh, I see.

Okay, so if your son is a cheerleader,
that's progressive,

but if your daughter's a cheerleader,
that's regressive?

Admit it, I got you. Ya burnt.

I'm not burnt. I remain unburnt.

- Ya burnt.
- Okay,

you know that cheerleaders
are viewed a certain way.

By you, yes, you made that very clear

and that's why Shamiah
didn't want to tell you.

She thought you'd be all judgy.

That's ridiculous, I'm not judgy.

You know, calling someone judgy,
that is a form of judgment.

Mm.

You know that there are different
standards for girls and boys.

That's like Feminism 101.

I thought feminism was being
allowed to do whatever you want.

- Ooh, she got you there, bro.
- Okay, thank you.

You are not part of
this discussion, sir.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Whoo!
- Whoo.

See, a lot of people think a
touchdown's worth seven points.

It's really just six.

The seven is like a...

an extra point, if you will.

Or there's what we call
a two-point conversion.

I know. It can be a little confusing.

Hey, big fan. Excuse us for a second.

Also, check out the
chocolate strawberries,

they're delicious, yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm schmoozing, you
know? Talking sports.

You just tried to explain
football to Jerry Rice.

Who's Jerry Rice?

Tom, he's the best receiver of all time.

Oh.

This is why I didn't want
to bring you up here, Tom.

These are important
people for my business.

- Okay, you don't fit in here.
- Oh, well,

I'm sorry if I'm screwing
everything up for you.

If I'm not luxury suite
material, like my wife.

Whoa. If anyone asks, she's my wife.

- What?
- Faithful to the Bay!

That's right, honey. Love you.

Hey, why don't you go switch with Sarah?

Are you kidding?

Yeah, you know what?
I'd rather be in the stands.

You know, with the real sports fans.

Ooh, on second thought,
can you send Denise?

I don't know, Sarah,

sounds like you're proposing

a false choice between
female empowerment

and sex positivity.

- He's got a point.
- Mm-hmm.

All right, who wants the luxury suite?

- Oh, you can go.
- Just in time.

I've had enough of Gloria
Steinem over here.

Hey, Phil gets it.

And he gave me the finger.

How's it going down here?

Oh, you know, just
philosophical discussions

about progressive parenting.
Football stuff.

- Right.
- Go Niners!

Could you not? It's my diving ear.

Maybe Connor's right.

I'm not a fan.

Definitely not a jock.

I just embarrass everyone
by pretending otherwise.

Hey, you don't embarrass me.

I know you're a straight-up nerd.

Ladies and gentlemen,

get ready for our halftime kick contest.

One lucky fan will come down
to try and kick a field goal.

Probably should've just stayed at home.

And that fan is seated in section C214.

Row 16, seat 7.

Tom.

Tom!

Sorry, it's like high tide in there.

What's up?

All I'm saying is, why not make
all the stands luxury suites?

You know, so that everybody
has access to them.

Mm, so Denise didn't want to come or...

Hey, Connor, isn't that your brother?

_

- Ay, Dios m�o.
- What's happening?

This oughta be good.

_

And sign here, and you're
all set for your big kick.

Oh, okay, great. Can you feel my heart?

It's weird. My heart feels weird, right?

That's the adrenaline.
This is actually good.

How is this good?

I have to go kick that ball
in front of 70,000 people.

Plus 15 million watching on TV.

What are you... no. That's not helping.

Listen, you are going to succeed, okay,

because if you do,

we'll get tickets for the luxury
suite for another game.

Oh, well, fantastic.

Yeah, Dad, I can't go back to
sitting in the regular seats.

The luxury suite's nicer than our house.

Listen, why don't you go
run around in the end zone.

I'm such an idiot.

I tried to pass myself
off as a jock for one day

and now I'm gonna fail in front of...

literally the entire world.

Just like I failed in front of Jerry...

- Rice.
- Rice, yeah.

I knew it had something
to do with starch.

Listen, babe, you don't
have to do this, okay.

Look, if I bail now,

Connor's gonna make fun of
me for the rest of my life,

but... I mean, if I go out there,

I... it's gonna be worse.

I don't want this to be the
first thing that Alejandro

and Esteban see when they Google me.

- Es-te-ban.
- I want it to be that book review

from the Sarasota Herald Tribune

that said my writing was... promising.

Listen to me, everything's
going to be fine

as long as you keep your body square.

You plant your foot.
Aim for the sweet spot.

Connect to the top of your
laces, and follow through.

Got it.

Wait, what was the second thing?

I love you, no matter what happens.

No matter what happens?

What could happen?

? 'Cause I like to chill out ?
? Maxin' with the latest fashion ?

? And the ladies gasping ?

I can't believe Uncle
Tom's gonna kick the ball.

What if they ask him to join the team?

Yeah, I don't see that happening.

? Can you feel the music? ?

? Can you feel ?

Okay, 49er fans,

please welcome to the field

our halftime field goal
kicker, Tom Hayworth.

50 bucks he misses this field goal.

50 bucks says he misses the ball.

How are you guys brothers?

He doesn't even look like
he could throw the ball

through the uprights.

Well, you know, he's
got his own skill set.

What? Getting wedgied?

Doesn't even make sense, Frank.

Looks like a shrimp
snuck off the buffet.

Go, go, go, go, Tom.

Go. Go, go, Tom, go.

Go, Tom!

Oh, my God. Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Mom, what are you doing?

Okay. I'm cheerleading,
obviously. Just come here.

Look, I know that I have strong
opinions about some things,

but they're just opinions,
and they're just my opinions.

They don't have to be yours,

so if you want to join the cheer squad,

I will be your number one fan.

I will be out there screaming
the loudest for you.

I'll make sure she doesn't
scream that loud.

Come here, baby. I'm proud of you.

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

And you know if you're doing a herkie,

you want to keep one leg bent.

Hmm.

So you're an expert already. Okay.

Yeah, this feels right.
This is the move.

I'll just get in the car
and start driving.

The road will be my home.

Yes, follow through, I know. Thank you.

- Did Daddy go home?
- Of course not, mi amor.

He's probably just
throwing up somewhere.

Tom!

What'd you come down
here to mock me again?

No, if I wanted to mock you,

I would've brought Frank and Jerry,

they're really having a field
day up there in the suite.

No, I came down here
to, you know, help you.

What about your big business deal?

Frank's a jerk. I just want to make sure

you get the ball through those uprights.

The pole things.

Oh, come on, man. Come on.

You know that's not gonna happen.

You've been making fun of me
about this stuff my entire life.

- Tom.
- You and Dad used to bond over sports...

I was on the outside for a reason.

Tom, if I made fun of you as a kid,

it was just to make myself
feel better. All right?

Not like I was gonna bond
with Dad over science stuff

or, like, bioengineering.

Oh, my God, he was a chemical engineer.

Sports were all we had in common.

Okay, and yes, you sucked at throwing.

And hitting.

And catching. Thankfully, 'cause
you were so good at everything else.

I mean, you said you wanted to
be writer when you were what?

In middle school?

You actually did that, man.

You believed that people
would care to read what you,

of all people, have to say.

Well, I guess the Sarasota
Herald Tribune said I had a...

- relatable voice.
- You are who you are, man.

All right, you're not gonna be a jock

no matter how many
Wikipedia pages you read.

And what happens on that field

is not gonna change the
way I feel about you.

Even if you split your
pants and crap yourself.

Well, I didn't know
that was a possibility,

but now that's in my head.

It's definitely a possibility,

but I do think you can do it.

It's only, like, 20 yards.

Nice catch.

Looking like a football player already.

Yeah, well, you know,

clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

That's a football reference.

You don't have to love football

to love "Friday Night Lights," right?

- Coach Taylor, right?
- Oh, my God, Kyle Chandler.

- Yeah.
- It's insane.

- That's my guy.
- So good.

That's my guy.

Shouldn't they get started?
What happened to Tom?

Wait, look.

- Whoo!
- Hey, there, 49 fans,

please welcome to the field

our halftime field goal
contest kicker, Tom Hayworth.

Hey.

No one else here. Okay?

Just me and you in our backyard.

Whoa!

Oh!

Whoo!

? Come sail away, come sail away ?

? Come sail away with me ?

_

It also air broils at the same time.

I did it. Did I do it? I did it, right?

You did it. You did...

Ah, I'm in so much pain.
Can you believe it?

No, not really. How did you do it?

I... I don't know.

Ooh-hoo-hoo!

Yeah!

That guy stole our Gatorade.

Hey, do you have feeling
back in your... ass?

It's, uh, still pretty sore,

but good news is, the water, it's gone.

Oh, great.

Guys, it's on.

And a final note, at
yesterday's 49ers game

one lucky fan got to attempt
a field goal during halftime.

Look at that, sweetie,
he called you a fan.

Now, the approach looks decent,

he connects and look at that form.

Somebody picked a fight
with gravity and lost.

A little too much follow through.

But they're not even showing my
kick go through the... the...

- Uprights.
- The uprights.

Hey, but at least you made it.

They can't take that away from you.

You're right, I scored a field
goal at Levi's Stadium.

How many other people can say that?

And it turns out, our star kicker
has quite the athletic history.

Oh, my God, no.

I feel badly for the water.

Well, I guess he shaved
his legs for nothing.

- Which is a shame.
- Oh, my God.

How did they get this footage?

- It's not really diving, is it?
- I don't know.

It's more kind of falling.

If you look closely, right there
at the bottom of the pool,

you can see his dignity.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --