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1
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,352
? The Marseillaise
2
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,957
? Lively Latin music
3
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,957
? Romantic Mediterranean music
4
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,757
? Lively Gypsy music
5
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:54,910
How about the other half?
6
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,957
- Eh?
- Another one of those.
7
00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,680
Oh, ta. Have you got a large one?
8
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,116
I've had no complaints so far. (Laughs)
9
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,600
Seeing's believing.
10
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,911
You won't need a magnifying glass! (Laughs)
11
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,878
PATRON: Ooh!
PUBLICAN: Ha-ha-ha!
12
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,474
PUBLICAN: Here we are.
13
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,429
No, no, no.
Have it on me...if you know what I mean.
14
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,240
Oh! You don't have to draw me any diagrams.
15
00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:18,915
Pity. I was just going to get my ballpoint out!
16
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,198
PATRON: Yeah, and write your name in the frostwith it, I suppose.
17
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:25,956
- Bottoms up.
- Is that what it is? You could have fooled me.
18
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,154
(Thud)
19
00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,560
Evenin', all.
20
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,797
- Hello, Cora.
- Harry.
21
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,758
- The usual, ta.
- Vic,
22
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,356
- would you see to Harry?
- I thought he'd been seen to years ago.
23
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,352
- How are they hanging?
- Empty.
24
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:42,476
Soon fix that up.
25
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,635
Not for me, ta. I've just had dinner.
26
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,315
I hear you're going on your holiday tomorrow,
then.
27
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:55,110
VIC: Just a weekend.
- All right for some. Taking the missus, too?
28
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,431
No, she won't go abroad. Doesn't like flying.
29
00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,477
And someone has to look after the pub.
30
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,631
It's a package deal. 17 quid, all in.
31
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,076
Thank you. W-Where are you going to?
32
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,311
Some new resort in the Med.
33
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,517
Oh, for heaven's sake, Vic. Tell him.
34
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,592
It's a place called Elsbels.
35
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:12,756
Hey!
36
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,116
Elsbels? The island?
37
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,396
HARRY: Tomorrow?
VIC: Yes.
38
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,437
Blimey. There's a coincidence for you.
39
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,911
- What is?
- Sadie's going there on the same trip!
40
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,832
(Harry laughs)
41
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,070
Get away.
42
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,312
That's right, isn't it, Sadie?
You're going to Elsbels.
43
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:34,350
Me? Oh...yes. I thought of going. Why?
44
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,397
Well, Vic's going on the same trip.
45
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:39,632
Really? Well, fancy that!
46
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,915
(Harry laughs)
47
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,310
Have a good trip.
48
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,357
Get off.
49
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,200
Well, that's it. How about a nice cup of tea?
50
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,351
You filthy, rotten, stinking beast.
51
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,478
- What have I done now?
- Don't come the innocent with me.
52
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,517
You and that Sadie Tomkins!
53
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,560
(High-pitched) "Are you going on the same trip?
Well, fancy that! Fancy that!"
54
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,597
Well, I don't fancy that at all.
55
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:09,310
What are you talking about?
It's the first I've heard of it. Straight up.
56
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,313
Don't lie to me.
You've obviously both arranged it.
57
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,950
Arranged it?
If I'd known she was going, I'd have cancelled.
58
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,158
Good, because that's exactly
what you're going to do.
59
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,471
As late as this? I'll lose my deposit money.
60
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,870
You'll lose a damn sight more if you don't.
61
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,077
Oh, have a heart. I need this holiday.
62
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,834
I can't go without it
just cos she's going to be there.
63
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,560
If she's going, you won't be going without it.
64
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,633
What? Cor blimey,
I wouldn't touch her with a bargepole.
65
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,791
No, but you would with anything else.
66
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,952
Oh, no wonder you've never minded
going on holiday on your own.
67
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,511
Now, that's not true.
I've always begged you to come with me.
68
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,910
All right, then. I will.
69
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,117
It's flying...
70
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,157
Flying... You don't like flying. Remember?
71
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,197
I don't like washing floors,
72
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:55,000
but I'd rather do that
than you get some other scrubber.
73
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,232
I'll see the travel agent first thing in the morning.
74
00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:59,117
(Mouths)
75
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,673
Hello there.
76
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,355
Afternoon, Miss Dobbs. Lovely day for it.
77
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,160
That's what they all say,
but it won't get you anywhere.
78
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:12,312
I meant for the Elsbels trip, Miss Dobbs.
79
00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,157
WOMAN: Oh, I say! I'm awfully sorry.
80
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,197
That's all right. Any time.
81
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,954
Let's leave the sightseeing till we get there, eh?
82
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,915
Good afternoon. Lovely day for it.
83
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,435
- That's what they all say.
- I'll bet they do.
84
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:39,070
- Or did you mean the trip?
- No, what I meant was... Never mind.
85
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,153
It's Mr and Mrs Flange,
for the weekend to Elsbels.
86
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,916
If you'd like to take a seat, sir.
You're not due to leave just yet.
87
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,397
- Hello.
- How do you do?
88
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,632
- Are you girls going to Elsbels?
- Yeah, that's right.
89
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,280
Oh, very nice. I'm Vic Flange. That's my wife.
90
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,158
(Dully) Oh. Hello.
91
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,357
Never mind, love. Better luck next time.
92
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,951
The coach is here, and some of the party.
93
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,997
Well, we may as well get them aboard.
94
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,037
Of course. Mr Farquhar...
95
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,318
I want you to know
how thrilled I am to be with you this trip.
96
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,790
I feel we're going to be just wonderful together.
97
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,520
Miss Plunkett, you're squashing my itinerary.
98
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,310
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I keep forgetting what a big girl I am now.
99
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,357
Well, shall we get them out now?
100
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,592
- Why, Mr Farquhar!
- The people for the coach, I mean.
101
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,195
Oh, those. Yes, of course.
102
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:37,638
Good afternoon. You may board the coach now.
Have your tickets ready, please.
103
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,757
Coach? I thought we were going by air.
104
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,196
We have to go by coach to get to the airport.
105
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:45,193
But you didn't say that.
I don't like coaches, either.
106
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,636
Blimey!
You're determined to have a good time.
107
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,790
Ah, thank you. May I wish you both
an extremely happy holiday?
108
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,837
Oh, thanks. Come on, Marge.
109
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,919
- That's enough of that.
- Sorry. My arms are aching.
110
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,437
- Your eyes will be too by the time we finish.
- All right. All right.
111
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:08,433
- Excuse me. Is this the Elsbels coach?
- That's right.
112
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,160
- Oh, good. Excuse me.
- Well, don't mind us!
113
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,754
Pardon us.
114
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,797
Blunt. Mr and Mrs Stanley Blunt.
115
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,191
- Do you have a ticket?
- Naturally. Do we look like stowaways?
116
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,476
No, not at all, but I have to collect them.
117
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,916
Oh, for heaven's sake! Stanley. Tickets.
118
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,630
Tickets, dear?
Yes. Er...in my trousers pocket, dear.
119
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,872
Well, produce them.
Oh, why are you always so helpless?
120
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,599
(Stanley whimpers)
121
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,797
- For heaven's sake, keep still.
- (Whimpers) Aargh!
122
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,918
(Giggling)
123
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,196
Oooh! Back! The back pocket!
124
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,079
Why on earth didn't you say so?
125
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,674
There.
126
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,356
Now, come along,
and stop making such an exhibition of yourself.
127
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:55,036
- Ah, good afternoon, sir. Your tickets?
- Here we are.
128
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:59,160
Thank you, Mr Flange. That's correct.
You're travelling with Miss...
129
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:02,392
Er...no. Mrs. Mrs Flange. Mr and Mrs Flange.
130
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,915
Oh, but I've got you down as with Miss Tom...
131
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,276
No, no. That was all changed this morning.
132
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:12,754
- You've just got married? Oh, congratulations!
- No, no, I...changed the booking.
133
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,196
I was coming on my own,
but then she changed her mind.
134
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,512
- What's the trouble, Vic?
- Nothing, darling. Nothing.
135
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,354
You got it? Two tickets. Mr and Mrs Flange.
136
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:23,671
- If you say so, sir.
- I do say so.
137
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,035
Come on, darling.
138
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,237
I hope there's some young ones.
139
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:35,280
Oh, stop worrying, Marge.
They said a party of young blokes was coming.
140
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,113
I certainly hope so.
141
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,672
Now, don't forget, Eustace, dear.
None of that oily food.
142
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,956
And take your syrup of figs every night.
143
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,636
Yes, Mummy. But do stop worrying.
I shall be quite all right.
144
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:52,237
Oh, I do hope so, dear. But I shall be praying
to Him every night to keep your bowels open.
145
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,791
- That will not be necessary'.
- It's the least I can do.
146
00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,031
Goodbye, dear, and take care.
147
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,600
Yes, dear.
148
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,559
- Ah, good afternoon, sir.
- Oh, hello!
149
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,280
- Have you got a ticket?
- Yes, I have. Have you?
150
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,751
- Of course. I'm the courier for this party.
- How nice.
151
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,991
Ah, Mr Tuttle. You're travelling alone?
152
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,471
Yes, I am. Mummy has to stay behind
to look after the hamsters.
153
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,119
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
154
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,193
- Left alone, they start mating.
- Oh, how interesting.
155
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,351
No, it isn't. It's all over in a flash.
156
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,830
Oh, I meant to tell you, dear.
157
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,560
Keep your woolly vest on, even at night.
158
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,597
Yes, Mummy...and goodbye.
159
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:35,037
Oh, and when you do go,
always put plenty of paper down first.
160
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,077
You will look after him, won't you?
161
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,675
We look after everyone on a Wundatour,
madam.
162
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,117
- Yes, but he's not like the rest.
- I can certainly believe that.
163
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,272
He's very delicate,
and not used to being away from home.
164
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,829
- Excuse me.
- What is it? What do you want?
165
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:50,957
You're blocking their passage.
166
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,350
Yes, and that would never do, would it?
167
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,636
Oh, I'm sorry. Goodbye, dear.
168
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,439
Goodbye, Mummy.
169
00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:59,159
Excuse me.
170
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,118
Thank you.
171
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,031
Hello.
172
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:05,352
- How about these two?
- Quite dishy'.
173
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,478
Mr Tweed, Mr Phipps.
Would you like to take your seat?
174
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,517
Thank you very much.
175
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,679
- Hello.
- Hello.
176
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,514
Do you mind, please, sitting down?
177
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,035
Who the hell do you think you're talking to?
178
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,234
(Blows raspberry)
179
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,351
(Scottish accent)
Hey, son. Is this for the dirty weekend?
180
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,877
This is the four-day trip to Elsbels,
if that's what you mean.
181
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,917
Same difference, isn't it? Ha-ha'.
182
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,835
- Have you got a ticket?
- Certainly. I don't expect to get it for nothing.
183
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,435
Not the holiday, anyway'. (Laughs)
184
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,672
Oh, Mr Conway, yes.
Would you take your seat on the coach?
185
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,229
Well, I cannae leave it behind, can I?
186
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,630
I'll need it to drive the old point home.
187
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,474
(Laughs raucously)
188
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,392
(Continues laughing)
189
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,437
Hello there. All ready
190
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,398
for a wild weekend, eh?
191
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,559
Oh, well. Maybe not.
192
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,157
Hello.
193
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,035
Well, where's all the crumpet, then?
194
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,077
I don't think they give us any tea.
195
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,114
No. Women. Birds.
196
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,716
Oh. I did notice a couple of young ladies,
back there.
197
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,671
Oh, no, son. That's jail bait, that is.
198
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:43,911
"Touch me and I'll tell my dad" stuff.
199
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:48,639
Hey, that looks a bit more like it!
200
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,030
I'll just give her a hand with her bags.
201
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:54,192
Allow me.
202
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,556
Oh, ta.
203
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,279
Be careful. It's not very well...
204
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,352
fastened.
205
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:01,920
- (Chuckles)
- That's torn it.
206
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,513
Oh, I'll do it.
207
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,469
It took me a long time to get all that in there.
208
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,077
I'll bet!
209
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,077
Men'.
210
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:28,231
We can't possibly leave yet.
There's a party of 12 men to come.
211
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,836
There'. What did I tell you? 12 of 'em'.
212
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,957
Miss Plunkett's checking them now.
213
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,756
Ah. It's all right. Here they come.
214
00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,915
Please'. Please, working'. Why not working?
215
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,957
Standing, leaning on shovels'.
216
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,077
We four and five storeys yet putting up.
217
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:06,480
Work'.
218
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:09,519
There's English people coming
for happy holidays.
219
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,990
You very loving foreman.
220
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,549
We no work like this, so look at this.
221
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:15,596
Thank you.
222
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,433
- Let's go.
- No, no.
223
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,797
It's nice here, look.
224
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:24,237
Are forgetting shovels.
Little shovels. Small diggings.
225
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:35,470
Santa Cecilia'. Floella'. Floella'.
226
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,200
Floella'. Floella'.
227
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:40,395
Floella'.
228
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,633
Floella'.
229
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,598
Floella?
230
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,353
Floella!
231
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,114
Floella'.
232
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,476
Floella?
233
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,472
Floella...
234
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,517
Floella'. The peoples- they are here'.
235
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:11,116
What can I do?
I've got enough troubles with the blooding stove'.
236
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,953
(Stove sizzles)
- Argh'.
237
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,191
Floellas, this is our first guests.
238
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,637
If we not making success,
we are getting the sacks from the owners.
239
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,677
We've got to make them welcome.
240
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,720
Sure, sure, sure.
We'll make them very welcome...I don't think'.
241
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,635
With no blooding food'. And no blooding staff'.
242
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:32,077
OK, OK. It's my fault we got no blooding staff.
243
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,514
Where's Giorgio?
244
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,672
Should I blooding know?
Sitting on his blooding arse, I suppose.
245
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:40,674
Giorgio'. Get off the blooding arse'.
The peoples are here.
246
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,717
Giorgio'.
247
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,791
- Giorgio.
- Si, Papa?
248
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,349
Waking up'. Making readies'.
249
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,432
People coming. A load of sheets.
250
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,477
Si, Papa.
251
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:13,153
Ladies and gentlemens,
welcoming to Palace Hotels.
252
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,800
Oh, we are in the right place, then?
253
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:20,238
Yes. This number one first-class hotel
on islands.
254
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,639
Entering, please, but minding wet cements.
255
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,439
This way.
256
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,477
(They all grumble)
257
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,997
This is very lovings, no?
258
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,073
I beg your pardon?
Oh, you mean lovely? Yes, very nice.
259
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:43,234
Is all brand-news.
Tables not sat in, chairs not sat in, lavatories...
260
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,040
Yeah, we needn't go into that.
Is the manager here?
261
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,158
Er...yes, yes. I fetch him. One moment.
262
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,192
Yes, well,
I think we shall be very comfortable here.
263
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,431
It'll be all right when it's finished.
264
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,797
Oh, you won't let a little thing like that
spoil your holiday?
265
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,793
Welcoming, ladies and gentlemens.
266
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,349
Welcomings. I am Monsieur P�p�.
267
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,033
But you were the doorman.
268
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:15,080
Me? No, no. That's Mario, my brothers.
269
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:19,598
Oh, yes, I see. Well, I'm the representative
of Wundatours. Stuart Farquhar.
270
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:20,955
Stupid what?
271
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,396
Stuart. Stuart Farquhar.
272
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:29,919
- I think he was right the first time.
- Ah, you Mr Farki-Hars. Having letters for you.
273
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,231
Good. I wondered if you were expecting us.
274
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,438
Certainly I'm expecting.
My wife is also expecting.
275
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:38,877
Yes, well...
this hotel doesn't seem to be quite finished.
276
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,476
Not finished? Oh, it's nothing.
A little bit of building to finish.
277
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,472
Four or five floors. That's all.
278
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:48,634
Four or five floors?'.
You have got room for us, though?
279
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:52,031
Glad you mentionings. As a matter of factings...
280
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,032
(Whispers)
281
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:56,680
(Clattering)
FLOELLA: Blooding, blooding stove!
282
00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:01,516
Oh, excuse me.
The chef is not speaking so good English.
283
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,796
Well, could you show us the rooms you have?
284
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:07,032
Me? No, no, no. I fetch the porter.
285
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,077
Porter!
286
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,156
This way, please,
287
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,232
ladies and gentlemens.
288
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:35,554
Well, I think it is outrageous, asking us
to share a room just because we're married.
289
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,597
I...I don't know, dear.
290
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,718
I thought it was quite reasonable,
in the circumstances.
291
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:45,795
Oh, yes, you didn't resist. Any man with half
an ounce of gumption would have refused.
292
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,839
Oh...actually, I thought it might be quite fun.
293
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,513
Fun? Fun?
294
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,115
Well, it is quite some time since we did it.
295
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,317
Erm...shared a room, I mean.
296
00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:01,680
Stanley, you're not going to try to use this
as an excuse to start that nastiness again?
297
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,797
No, dear, of course not. No.
298
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,078
I should hope not.
You know I need a bit of peace and quiet.
299
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,755
Well, I can assure you that I need a bit, too.
300
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,799
Yes, well, we'll just have to try
and make the best of it.
301
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,669
Now, I am going to get undressed
and have a nice hot bath.
302
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,514
Oh, that's a...jolly good idea.
303
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,592
Well?
304
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:25,390
Er, yes, well, I'll just go out onto the balcony.
305
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,156
Don't forget to keep looking the other way.
306
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,837
We've got a shower.
307
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,994
Oh, well, that's something.
Open the windows, and let's get some fresh air.
308
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,037
That's a good idea.
309
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,951
What's the matter with it? It's stuck.
310
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,191
Excusings, please. You liking towels?
311
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,079
Yes, please. Er...excusings.
312
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,756
Do you think you can do something
about the windows? They won't open.
313
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,718
- Not openings?
- No.
314
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,837
Holdings, please.
315
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,311
One minute, please.
316
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,911
It is easies, no? Thankings.
317
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,756
(Knock at door)
- Just a minute.
318
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,511
Please excusings. You like towels?
319
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,080
Stanley'.
320
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,992
Yes, dear? What is it?
321
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,392
- Oh, I say.
- For heaven's sake, Stanley, do something'.
322
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,153
Yes, dear.
323
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,311
Dash it all'.
324
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,357
This isn't good enough.
325
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,352
Can't you see my wife's undressed?
326
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,716
Yes. See, I see.
327
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,237
- She is very lovings. You very lucky mans.
- You think so?
328
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,595
P�P�: Yes.
329
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,239
Big hip...
330
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:14,552
small waist...and boom-boom.
331
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,235
Stanley, will you get him out of here?
332
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,237
Now, look here... Ow'.
333
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,956
I feel as though I were in a cattle market.
334
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,997
Yes, dear, I see what you mean.
335
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,357
(Sighs exasperatedly)
336
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,193
Oh, hello!
337
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,599
Argh'. Stanley'.
338
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,070
- Stanley!
- Coming, dear.
339
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,197
Stanley, there is a man in our bath.
340
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:55,873
What? Well, what sort of man?
341
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:59,670
- What does it matter? They're all the same.
- Well, yes. I'll just go and see...
342
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,717
I say, I'm awfully sorry'.
343
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,029
Argh'.
344
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,877
Not to worry. It's only Mr Tuttle.
345
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,758
But what is he doing in our bathroom?
346
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,275
Your bathroom? But it leads off my room.
347
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:14,840
I think I'm going to go mad.
348
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,230
No, hang on, please, before you go anywhere.
349
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,198
I think I'd better go and check.
350
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,237
(Snorts)
351
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,997
(Switchboard buzzes)
352
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,673
Recep-ti-ons.
353
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,753
- Ah, yes. My wife has a complaint.
- You wanting doctors?
354
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,797
No, no, not that sort of complaint.
355
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,475
She's been to the bathroom,
and there's a man in it.
356
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:41,315
Oh, it's all right.
We not making extra chargings for this.
357
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,677
You don't seem to understand.
This is a private bathroom - no?
358
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:47,719
Is right. Is private between two rooms.
359
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,757
But then that's hardly private, is it?
360
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,196
Oh, for heaven's sake'. Give me that phone.
361
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,591
Hello. I wish to make a strong...complaint.
362
00:22:55,680 --> 00:23:00,709
I've never had a trip like that in all my life...
and with such fearsome people'.
363
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,350
Have you ever seen anything like them?
I swear they're all odd.
364
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:10,555
Isn't that typical?
I'm going to give them a piece of my mind.
365
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,280
Oh, lay off it, Rob. We're only here for four days.
366
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,477
No, I've had enough.
I am taking no more.
367
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:16,710
Hello?
368
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,190
(Buzzing)
- Excusing, please.
369
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,718
- Recep-ti-ons.
- I have a complaint to make.
370
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:29,272
Complaint? Er...one minute, please.
I hand you over to Room Servicings.
371
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,718
Hello, madams? About the bath...
372
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,634
I am handing you over to Room Servicings.
373
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,110
Oh, for heaven's sake'. Hello? Hello?
374
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,680
Ah, Room Service?
375
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:43,800
And about time. Now, listen,
my drawers have got no bottoms in them.
376
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,917
What? Who is that?
377
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,071
I want Room Service.
378
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,072
Well, so do I. Get off the line.
379
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,879
(Rattles phone)
- Room Service?
380
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,111
Ah. It's about our bathroom.
381
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:02,797
(Gasps)
382
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:09,040
I want to complain.
383
00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:13,637
Er...one minute, please.
I giving you Room Servicings.
384
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:14,949
Hello?
385
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,760
I've just found there's no back to my wardrobe.
386
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:21,595
What? What? Who is that?
Is that Room Service? Room Service?
387
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,751
I wish to report a man in my bath.
388
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,309
Oh, go away. Go away!
389
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,710
Er...mind if I shower first?
390
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,031
Oh, go ahead. I'm going to wash my hair.
391
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,039
Hello?
392
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,670
? Cocktail jazz
393
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,717
(Music stops)
394
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:53,719
(Music restarts)
395
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:55,757
(Music stops)
396
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,791
(Electrical fizzing)
397
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:30,237
- Aargh'.
- Blimey.
398
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,472
Vic, what are you doing in here? Get out of here'.
399
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,200
Sorry. If I'd known you were here,
I wouldn't have come.
400
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,751
Yes, all right. Just get out of here quick
before somebody comes in.
401
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,752
You haven't got any soap on that bit.
402
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,272
Get out of here'.
403
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:47,352
You see, I thought this was our bathroom.
404
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,238
I didn't realise there was a door...
405
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,313
What do you think of that?
406
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:56,996
I've never been so shocked and humiliated.
Where's the phone?
407
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:07,512
(Constant buzzing)
408
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,512
(Clamouring voices)
409
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,718
Well, everyone seems happy enough now,
I'm glad to say.
410
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:16,589
There is one matter
I would like to take up with you, Monsieur P�p�.
411
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:20,151
No, no, it's not Monsieur P�p�.
I getting him. You take.
412
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,675
- Me?
- Yes, it's Room Servicings.
413
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,912
- Oh, I see. Yes.
- (Clamouring voices)
414
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,912
Hello. Room Service.
415
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,595
There is a man in my bath...
416
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,400
- ..with no bottom...
- ..and nothing on the other side.
417
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,473
- And as I bent over...
- ..she was standing there, starkers.
418
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:39,280
- When I pressed the thing...
- ..and tried to plug it in...
419
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:42,990
- ..sand shot out of it...
- ..and soaked me from head to foot.
420
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,480
Now it won't work at all.
421
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,517
Just one moment, please.
422
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,432
(Buzzing)
423
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,477
(Explosion)
424
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,836
Oh'. Oh'. Help'.
425
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,354
Argh'. Help'.
426
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,519
Lovely night, anyway. Funny how
everything looks better in the moonlight.
427
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,035
Pity we didn't have it in our bathroom, then.
428
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:06,239
Oh, don't keep on about it. How was I to know
we shared a bathroom with her?
429
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,551
You need not have struck up a conversation.
430
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,472
A gentleman would have left immediately.
431
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,394
I was very embarrassed.
I didn't know which way to look.
432
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:17,360
- You mean at which one.
- Yeah... Oh, no, this is ridiculous.
433
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,877
I bet you're always the same abroad.
You become an animal.
434
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,839
Right.
There's only one way to deal with that, then.
435
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,673
And where are you going?
436
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,116
To get myself doctored.
437
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,553
Ooh'.
438
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,714
- Yoo-hoo! Hello, girls.
- Hello, Mr Tuttle.
439
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,999
I say, how about another little game
before dinner, eh?
440
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,436
No, thanks, Mr Tuttle. Come along, Marge.
441
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,194
Oh'. Hey, I'll get you'.
442
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,875
(Hollers)
443
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:51,795
I think I'll get a breath of fresh air before supper,
Brother Martin.
444
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:55,879
Evening.
445
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,079
Hello there. Are you having one?
446
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:01,675
Yes, thanks. I'll have a beer.
What's it like?
447
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:05,640
Well, I cannae make up my mind
whether it's gnat's or cat's.
448
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,632
You're making me homesick'.
449
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:11,270
MARGE:
Oh, no, Mr Tuttle. No more. You're too old for it.
450
00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:14,592
TUTTLE: Oh, come on. You do enjoy it.
451
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:16,433
LILY: I don't.
452
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:19,274
TUTTLE:
Oh, just once more. Bend over, dear.
453
00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:22,194
MARGE: All right, then, but this is the last time.
454
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,796
TUTTLE: Here I come!
455
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,714
Ooooh'. (Laughs)
456
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,994
- Oh, please let me help you.
- Oh, thank you.
457
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,833
LILY: I can manage.
458
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,550
Oh, all right. I'd like to apologise
for that wardrobe business.
459
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,791
Don't bother. I hope you enjoyed what you saw.
460
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,837
Oh, yes'. I mean...
461
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,957
Oh'. Will you let go of me?
462
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:49,759
(Skirt rips)
463
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:51,194
(Screams)
464
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,313
Here's your skirt.
465
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,995
Your skirt...
466
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,790
Oh, it wasn't his fault. It was an accident.
467
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,073
I'll see to it.
468
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,037
Poor girls. I'll give them a hand.
469
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:21,796
I'm sure they can manage quite well enough
without your help.
470
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:25,636
Jings'.
471
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:29,555
Get a load of that, then'.
472
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,875
That's the best bet of the lot, son.
473
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:38,237
- How do you know?
- Well, I got the old green light, didn't I?
474
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:39,754
You did?
475
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,719
Begging for it... Pity.
476
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,075
VIC: Pity?
477
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,119
Makes it awkward.
You know what happened to her husband.
478
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,157
What did happen to him?
479
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,036
(Whispers)
480
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,431
- Rat poison? She told you that?
- Why? Don't you believe her?
481
00:29:56,520 --> 00:30:00,309
Oh, yes. I was just thinking
of her first husband. Nasty business.
482
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,154
Why, what happened to him?
483
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:04,560
(Whispers)
484
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:06,636
With an axe?
485
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,792
Next morning,
they found him dead in the swimming pool.
486
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:13,430
Hey, George'. Give us a large whisky.
487
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,558
Good evening. Good evening, everybody.
488
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:23,472
And what a lovely one it is'.
489
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,995
There he is now. Go on. Tell him.
490
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:29,198
Er...yes. (Clears throat) Yes, dear.
491
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:33,399
Mr Farquhar, my wife... That is, we...
492
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:37,156
Well, the fact is,
we're not altogether happy about the...
493
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:38,560
Well, that is...
494
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,597
Oh, for heaven's sake, Stanley'.
495
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:45,709
My husband is trying to say that this is the most
appalling hotel in which we have ever stayed.
496
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,200
BOTH: Hear, hear.
497
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,637
Oh, no. Don't be like that.
498
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:54,555
We're the first guests they've ever had.
They're bound to have teething troubles.
499
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,633
More teething troubles
than a crocodile with pyorrhoeia.
500
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:01,350
I am confident that things will get better.
501
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,956
And they need to, if I'm going to get a shower
every time I take a leak.
502
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:09,637
Now, now, I think we'll all feel a lot better
when we've had a good dinner.
503
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:10,756
FLOELLA: Aargh!
504
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:14,117
I can't do with the blooding thing'.
505
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,079
If we are going to get any dinner.
506
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:21,234
Argh'.
507
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,711
Why do we have to have a coke stove?
508
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,872
Why can't we have electric-tricity?
509
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,714
Santa Cecilia'. How many more times?
510
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:34,510
Because coke is more dependable
than the electricities.
511
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,956
But it don't burn'. Look'.
512
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:38,440
Mama, Mama.
513
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,513
All is needing is methylating spirits.
514
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,000
Wait.
515
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:45,799
Watching.
516
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,277
So, cook. Cook!
517
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:52,877
(Sizzling)
- Argh'.
518
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,117
Excuse me, Monsieur P�p�.
519
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,920
We were wondering about dinner.
They're waiting.
520
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:04,870
I'm sorry, Mr Farki-Hars. It's late, I know,
but we are having troubles with the stove.
521
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:06,917
It's all cock, you see.
522
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:10,357
- I beg your pardon?
- Yes, and with no wind, it is not burning.
523
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,397
Oh, you mean coke. Coke stove.
524
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,437
Yes, is right. Cock stove.
525
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,273
But not to worry. Is all right now.
526
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:19,080
Soon you have first-class number-nine dinners.
527
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,595
- Number nine? Oh, good.
- With free wines.
528
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:22,875
Excellent.
529
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,680
- I'll tell them.
- Giorgio!
530
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:30,391
Putting one bottle on each table,
with the compliments of the mismanagement.
531
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:31,880
Yes, Papa.
532
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,350
Mama, Mama'. Hurry with the soups.
533
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:41,996
If you'd all like to take your places.
You'll find the seats clearly marked.
534
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,595
Yes, I'm three.
535
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:46,637
Here we are.
536
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,155
Ah, good evening, ladies and gentlemens.
537
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,675
Bon app�tits. Bon app�tits.
538
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,431
Well, it seems we're sitting with you.
539
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,557
Well, that's the luck of the draw.
540
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:06,438
I haven't been introduced.
541
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:10,639
My name is Blunt. Stanley Blunt.
This is the wife, Evelyn.
542
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:11,949
Delighted to meet you.
543
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:14,595
Vic?
544
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:16,517
Vic!
545
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,115
- What?
- How about an introduction?
546
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:20,998
What are you talking about? You know me.
547
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,037
To Mr and Mrs Blunt.
548
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,555
Who are they? Oh'.
549
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,792
How do you do? I'm Vic. Vic Flange.
550
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,634
This is the wife. Don't laugh. (Laughs)
551
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,596
Oh'. I'm with you.
552
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:43,958
(Nervously) That's nice.
553
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,236
I expect it's because we're on our own.
554
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,551
Well, I'm not on my own. I'm with Tuttle.
555
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,758
- Oh, I see.
- No, he's supposed to sit here with us.
556
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,355
Oh, well, there is safety in numbers.
557
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:55,590
I hope so.
558
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,878
- Vino.
- Ah, excellent. The wine.
559
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:06,877
"Spanish-type, Australian-French Burgundy.
Produce of Hong Kong."
560
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,073
Clumsy.
561
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,229
Beautiful wine for a beautiful lady.
562
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,840
Well, was that supposed to be a compliment?
563
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:28,479
You'd better taste the wine first.
564
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:31,553
(Laughs) Better watch it.
He'll be pinching your bottom next.
565
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,031
- Not for me, thank you.
- No? Don't drink?
566
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,077
I tried it once and didn't like it.
567
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,356
Oh. Have a smoke?
568
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,352
I tried it once and didn't like it.
569
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,717
- Strange.
- Not at all. My daughter is just the same.
570
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,520
Your only child, I presume. (Laughs)
571
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:49,557
(Laughs)
572
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,396
(Snorts)
573
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:59,078
Oh'. Just in the nick of.
574
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:00,913
(Smoothly) Hello.
575
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,557
Hot soups.
576
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:10,796
- Is good.
- Better get in quick, before it evaporates.
577
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:15,591
For what we are about to receive,
O Lord, make us truly thankful.
578
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,231
I don't think He could have heard you.
579
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:28,717
Er...what is this?
580
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,918
Soups. What you are calling Brown Bristols.
581
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,515
No, Windsor. Brown Windsor.
582
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:38,913
- Yes, yes. Is good, no?
- No, we expected some foreign food.
583
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:43,552
Foreign? That's foreign.
You are not thinking we eating this rubbish?
584
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,917
Well, I hope you show more imagination
with the main dish.
585
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,959
- Ah, that is specialities of the house.
- Ah.
586
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,077
Sausage, beans and chippings.
587
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,117
- Is that all?
- That's plenties.
588
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,157
But isn't there a choice?
589
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:58,357
Choice? Of course you having choices.
590
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:03,037
You can having sausage and chippings,
sausage and beans, or beans and chippings.
591
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,077
That's choices.
592
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:09,873
Choices'.
593
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:14,830
No, not again'. Mama, why are you not using
methylatings like I am telling you?
594
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,437
Is no good'.
595
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,830
Is...good'.
596
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,674
Standing back. Look. Back.
597
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,716
What's happening?
598
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,235
This is not methylatings. This is vinos.
599
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,277
Blooding fools'.
600
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,717
(Both cough)
601
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:46,117
Please excusings.
There's slight technical hitchings.
602
00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:49,598
(All cough)
603
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,434
Oh, for heaven's sake,
let's open some windows.
604
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:56,917
Ow'. Oh, I've been bitten.
605
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,639
(Buzzing)
606
00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:00,677
Mosquitoes. Millions of 'em.
607
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:09,991
Well, everything is all right now, no?
608
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,958
Who is opening the blooding windows?
609
00:37:17,240 --> 00:37:19,709
Floella'. Giorgio'. Getting the flick'.
610
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:47,517
(Clanking and whirring)
611
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:53,797
What the hell is that?
612
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:57,237
Five o'clock!
613
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:58,879
(Drilling)
614
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,477
It's five o'clock.
615
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,833
(Buzzing)
616
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:15,877
Stanley.
617
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,917
- (Snoring)
- Stanley'.
618
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,960
- Stanley...
- Uh?
619
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:27,997
Do you want something, dear?
620
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:32,233
(Shouts) Will you get out of bed
and do something about that dreadful noise?
621
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,277
(Buzzing)
622
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:37,634
(Drilling)
623
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:39,916
My head'. It's splitting.
624
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,993
Oh, what a shocking noise'.
625
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,197
Can you hear it, too?
626
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,636
Well, I'm not standing for that.
627
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:54,034
(Gasps)
628
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:19,799
(Drilling)
629
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:22,031
Come on. We might as well get out of bed.
630
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,995
- Lily!
- What? Argh'.
631
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,193
Vic! Vic!
632
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,078
Look up there.
633
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,917
(Voice drowned out)
634
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,271
- Moira'.
- What is it?
635
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:07,396
Look out'.
636
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:13,751
Oh, really'. Haven't they
ever seen anyone washing before?
637
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,351
Monsieur P�p�, I want a word with you.
638
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:21,480
Mr Farki-Hars'. If it's for complimenting
on breakfast, it was nothings.
639
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:25,793
Oh, you're so right. It was nothings.
No, it's about all this building noise.
640
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,999
It...it's all right, Mr Farki-Hars.
Work is now stopped till Monday morning.
641
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,356
Oh, well, that's one blessing.
642
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,114
I understanding, sir. You like a peace.
643
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,431
No...not just at the moment, thank you.
644
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,796
Peace and quiet. No noises.
645
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:42,714
Oh, yes! Yes, exactly.
646
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:48,472
Ah.
647
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:51,280
Welcome, sir. Are you two on your own here?
648
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,750
- Yeah.
- Yes. What about it?
649
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:55,991
You like to meet nice girls? Elsbels?
650
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:58,356
- Yeah, great.
- Certainly not.
651
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:02,719
What kind of a person does he think I am,
anyway?
652
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:11,436
I have never had such a night.
I am absolutely covered with bites.
653
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:15,594
- What have you been up to, you old devil?
- (Tuts) Mosquito bites. Look.
654
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:20,834
Trouble with mosquitoes- no taste.
I mean, they don't care who they bite.
655
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,151
Well, they're eating better than we are.
656
00:41:23,240 --> 00:41:25,675
I think I'm going up to change now.
657
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,878
And in the meantime, Stanley,
do something about our room.
658
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:31,680
I was cold in the night,
and there was no hot water.
659
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:34,719
The toilet doesn't flush. That coffee is cold.
660
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,757
Oh, and that sun is too hot.
661
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:40,552
Apart from that, she's having a great time.
662
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:51,757
Well, I think I'll just go up and grab a bit of fun.
Er...sun.
663
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:55,517
Bring my sun cream when you come.
664
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:57,557
VIC: All right, love.
665
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:03,913
Do you know, Mrs Flange,
you're an extremely handsome woman?
666
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:04,956
Really?
667
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:09,034
I might even go so far as to say...desirable.
668
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,191
Fancy. Another roll?
669
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:15,513
- Do you believe in free love?
- I prefer bacon and eggs. To rolls, I mean.
670
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:19,116
- You're not answering my question, Mrs Flange.
- Not so fattening.
671
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:20,714
Do you believe in free love?
672
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,315
Well, I'm certainly not paying for it.
673
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:25,357
(Both laugh)
674
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,151
(Shrieks) Mr Blunt'.
675
00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:33,516
I'm sure your wife wouldn't like that.
676
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:36,195
That's just it. She doesn't.
677
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,590
Yes, well, I think I'll go to my room.
678
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,433
Good idea.
679
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,352
Five minutes?
680
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:45,080
Yes. Er...no'. No, I'll...
681
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,117
I'll see you down here later.
682
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,713
- (He growls)
- What are you doing here?
683
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:04,391
I've just come to have a little talk with you,
that's all.
684
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:07,040
Well, I don't want to waste time talking to you.
685
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,112
Good, cos I've only got a couple of minutes.
686
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:10,759
- Oh, no, you don't.
- What's wrong?
687
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:12,877
I've got a bone to pick with you, Vic.
688
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:14,792
Fine. I could do with a nibble.
689
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:18,112
- I had a chat this morning with Bert Conway.
- What about it?
690
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:21,989
He said you told him I drowned
my first husband in a swimming pool.
691
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,390
You told him you poisoned your second one.
692
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:27,598
Well, that was before I knew
he was the only available man.
693
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,752
Oh, have a heart.
It wasn't my fault my wife decided to come.
694
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,674
- Well, I didn't invite her.
- What did you tell Conway?
695
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,719
The truth. You know perfectly well
what my husbands were.
696
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,234
Yes. They were both firemen.
697
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,392
That's right, and both of them died on the job.
698
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:45,230
- Oh, Sadie...
CORA: Vic. are you in the bathroom?
699
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,472
Oh, cor blimey'. Get back inside. Quick.
700
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,116
I...er...I think you dropped something.
701
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,112
Good thing I came along,
because she mightn't have noticed.
702
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,157
Cora, Cora, just a minute.
703
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,960
I say, that's interesting, Brother Bernard.
704
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:09,831
There are directions for finding the tomb
of St Cecilia, the founder of our order.
705
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:11,070
(Dully) Oh, that's nice.
706
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,232
Isn't it?"It is believed to lie in the middle of the island,
707
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,472
about five miles north of the port of Elsbels."
708
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:20,280
If we follow them,
I think we might get somewhere.
709
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:22,511
Do you think we should?
710
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:24,956
Ah, well, that is what we came for, isn't it?
711
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,511
Is it? I thought we were going
to find the tomb of St Cecilia.
712
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,637
That is what I am talking about.
713
00:44:30,720 --> 00:44:34,157
Oh, I'm sorry, Brother Martin.
I was thinking of something else.
714
00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:39,235
If we made an early start,
perhaps we could have lunch in the village.
715
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:41,516
- You fancy that, Brother Bernard?
- Not half.
716
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,554
- Well, let's get started, then.
- Are we going?
717
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:49,429
- Of course. I've just said so.
- Well, I'll just finish my coffee.
718
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:54,276
BROTHER MARTIN: All right. We'll all meet
in front of the hotel in ten minutes' time.
719
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:58,274
LILY: Hello.
- Hello.
720
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:00,079
Lovely, isn't it?
721
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,117
Yes, beautiful.
722
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,513
Come along, Nicholas.
You promised to help me do my hair.
723
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:08,920
Ah, push off.
724
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,310
I see.
725
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:24,639
Ahem.
726
00:45:24,720 --> 00:45:26,791
Oh, hello.
727
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:30,760
Morning. I'd just like to apologise to your friend
about her skirt.
728
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,116
Oh, forget it. Shh.
729
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:36,079
Why don't you get some clothes off
and get some sun?
730
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,959
- No, I couldn't do that.
- Are you really a clergyman?
731
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,158
- No, I'm a brother.
- Oh, you mean a monk?
732
00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:46,234
Well, not exactly. It's an order.
We do missionary work.
733
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:48,437
Oh. Saving fallen women and all that?
734
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:50,432
Well, that's part of it, I suppose.
735
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:53,240
- How many have you saved?
- None. I've just joined.
736
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,950
- Well, if you want to start on us, you're too late.
- I know that.
737
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:01,914
What I mean is, I'm sure you're both capable
of taking care of yourselves.
738
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:05,391
I haven't got much option here'.
Would you do my back for me?
739
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:06,834
What?
740
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:08,877
Oh, yes, of course.
741
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:20,154
Ooh, that's smashing'.
742
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,474
Brother Bernard'.
743
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:29,037
(Squeals)
744
00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:31,993
Oh, that moron'.
745
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,515
Good morning, Mrs Blunt.
746
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,557
Oh.
747
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:55,917
- Stanley.
- Yes, my dear?
748
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:57,957
I'll have my chair over there.
749
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:06,315
Oh, Bert, you must tell me about your hobby.
I just adore old prints.
750
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:09,393
- Really?
- Mm. I've got a couple of beauties.
751
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:12,552
- Yes, I noticed that!
- Oh, saucy!
752
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:14,916
There we are.
753
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,957
Now, how's that, dear?
754
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:18,997
No. Too much in the sun.
755
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:20,799
Oh. Excuse me.
756
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:22,792
Thank you. There we are.
757
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:24,280
Right.
758
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:26,317
Is that all right now, dear?
759
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,357
Too much in the shade.
760
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:44,310
- Don't bother to ask me if I'd like a chair'.
- I wasn't going to.
761
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:48,036
Oh, Cora, come here. Don't be stupid.
762
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:49,873
(Bert laughs)
763
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:55,877
Morning, everybody. (Chuckles)
764
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:01,717
Hang on. Let me give you a hand.
765
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,360
(Angrily) Oh, I can manage, thank you'.
766
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:11,950
Er...may I help you, Mrs Flange?
767
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:13,997
Oh, thank you very much, Mr Blunt.
768
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:25,517
Thank you.
769
00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:28,555
(Mutters)
770
00:48:58,120 --> 00:48:59,474
(Belches)
771
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:07,590
Hello. Hello. Good morning, everybody.
What a lovely day'.
772
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:14,515
- Oh. Well, yes, that's right, enjoy the sunshine.
- That's something you can't muck up.
773
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:18,640
Ah, well, Wundatours
especially chose Elsbels for a holiday weekend
774
00:49:18,720 --> 00:49:21,838
because of its wonderful sunshine record.
775
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:23,149
(Thunder)
776
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:28,237
(Shrieking and screaming)
777
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,911
It's only a shower. It'll clear up later.
778
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,957
It's probably raining in London.
779
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:47,480
Don't blame me. It wasn't my fault
we couldn't find the wretched tomb.
780
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:51,110
- Perhaps it got buried.
- Of course it did. It's underground.
781
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:52,998
Maybe we'll have better luck tomorrow.
782
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:56,118
If we don't have to spend half the day
looking for a toilet for you.
783
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:59,159
Well, I couldn't help that.
After all, I'm only human.
784
00:49:59,240 --> 00:50:01,197
Sometimes I doubt that very much.
785
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,239
Here, that was underground.
Do you suppose it could...
786
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:06,277
Well, it was just a thought.
787
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:09,709
Still raining, I'm afraid.
788
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,156
Oh, how I loathe excursions.
789
00:50:12,240 --> 00:50:16,393
Traipsing round filthy foreign markets,
sitting in sordid nightclubs.
790
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:21,157
Yes, well, I mean...you don't have to go
if you don't want to, do you? Hm?
791
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:25,277
I shall be quite all right on my own.
792
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:29,149
Well, what else is there to do?
Sit around here, doing crosswords?
793
00:50:29,240 --> 00:50:32,756
Well, it's getting on for seven.
Oughtn't you to be...you know?
794
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:35,912
I am waiting for you to go,
so that I can get dressed.
795
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:39,877
(Thunder)
796
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:43,119
Hello.
797
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:53,680
I don't know why you encourage that big nit.
798
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:55,513
Oh, he's nice.
799
00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:00,517
I knew it was a mistake coming here with you.
Anything in trousers.
800
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:03,911
Hark who's talking'.
Anyway, he's not wearing trousers.
801
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,396
(Sadie giggles)
802
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:33,440
Do you mind if I sit next to you?
803
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,477
Not at all, Mr Blunt.
804
00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:39,713
I feel you're the only person
I've got anything in common with on this trip.
805
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:43,271
Well, thank you very much.
It's very nice of you to say so, Mrs Flange.
806
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:46,592
(Chuckles) Good'. Now I've heard everything.
807
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:49,275
Well, thank goodness it's stopped raining.
808
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:51,511
Right. Everyone here, Miss Plunkett?
809
00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:53,159
Yes, I think so.
810
00:51:53,240 --> 00:51:57,120
- What about your wife?
- Oh, that's all right. She's not coming.
811
00:51:57,200 --> 00:51:59,157
She...she has a headache.
812
00:51:59,240 --> 00:52:03,837
- Makes a change from a pain in the neck.
- Wait for me'. Wait for me'.
813
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,471
All right, driver. Off we go.
814
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:22,435
- Have they gone?
- Yes. Oh, I'm sorry, lady.
815
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,160
Oh, how dare they! Where is Monsieur P�p�?
816
00:52:25,240 --> 00:52:28,392
Not here. They have gone out for the evening.
817
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:33,111
What am I going to do? How could Stanley
do this to me? How could he?
818
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:35,157
Er...just a minute, lady, please.
819
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:38,280
You like?
820
00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:39,840
Champagne?
821
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:43,197
Yeah. Make you feel very good. Very happy.
822
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,237
Oh, no, I never...
823
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,678
Yes.
824
00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:53,117
All right, I will. Thank you, Giorgio.
825
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,316
Good.
826
00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:13,475
Excuse me, mister.
You like postcards? Very interesting.
827
00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:15,313
Oh, yes. Miss Plunkett'.
828
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:17,756
- Didn't you want one for your mother?
- Yes.
829
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:20,992
Thank... Oh'. Oh'.
830
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:24,232
- Any good?
- No, I'm afraid they're quite unsuitable.
831
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:26,960
- Oh, are they naughty? Do let me see.
- Certainly not.
832
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:29,032
You filthy beast'. Be off with you.
833
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:32,750
I'm terribly sorry, Miss Plunkett.
I should have known better.
834
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:34,797
What can you do with a man like that?
835
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:37,349
Nothing.
But I know what you can do with a man like me.
836
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:40,433
Mr Flange,
may I remind you you have your wife here?
837
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:43,080
Yeah.
That's what you can do with a man like me'.
838
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:49,714
Oh, Bert, you mustn't. It's much too expensive.
839
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:54,079
- Nonsense. Here, let me put it on for you.
- Oh, thank you.
840
00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:59,032
You've got to have the bracelet, too.
841
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:00,873
Oh, no, I mustn't.
842
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:02,917
Oh, come on. Let me put it on for you.
843
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:06,632
Oh, there you go.
844
00:54:06,720 --> 00:54:09,713
- All right?
- It's beautiful.
845
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,872
You know, I could buy everything here'.
846
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:17,830
Oh, look at this lovely lace set.
847
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:19,798
Oh, very nice.
848
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:21,837
Here. Let me put it...
849
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:24,799
No, thanks. You've bought me quite enough.
850
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:28,112
I wonder what this is. Santa Cecilia's Elixir.
851
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:30,556
Oh, some local quack medicine, I suppose.
852
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:34,236
Oh, no, sir. Is not medicine. Is for l'amoura.
853
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:35,276
Pardon?
854
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:39,593
Liqueur...for making plenty of passion.
855
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:41,239
Get away.
856
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:44,119
Yeah. You try, sir. Is good.
857
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:49,717
Drink it. Drink it.
858
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:53,354
Anything happened?
859
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:04,880
(Growls)
860
00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:12,517
CORA: Oh. I wonder what that place is.
861
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:15,274
The one with the red light outside.
862
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:20,520
Oh...er...I expect that's the local fire station.
863
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:22,557
Well, there are girls in there.
864
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:26,156
Mm? Oh, I expect they're the fire belles.
865
00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:29,916
(Laughs) Oh, Stanley, you're so witty'.
866
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:32,720
CORA: Oh. look.
867
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:34,473
Woo-hoo'.
868
00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:35,994
Hello'.
869
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:38,037
Come in. It's nice inside.
870
00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:41,909
Come and have some fun.Come on. boy. Come in.
871
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:49,432
That was a delicious meal, Giorgio. Perfect.
872
00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:51,876
And for a perfectly delicious lady.
873
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:56,716
(Chuckles) Do you know,
I'm glad I missed that horrid bus now.
874
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:58,757
I too am glad.
875
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:00,877
? Romantic music
876
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:02,917
May I, please?
877
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:05,560
Well, it's been some time since I...
878
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:07,597
Yes, please.
879
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:46,832
Well, here we all are.
Everybody enjoying themselves?
880
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:48,195
No.
881
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:50,237
- Oh. Well, how about you?
- No.
882
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:52,915
Well, never mind.
It's the nightclub soon.
883
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:57,036
(Drunkenly) What have you done with my wife?
884
00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:59,555
Me? I'm afraid I haven't the foggiest idea.
885
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:02,758
Don't give me that.
She's with that twit Blunt, isn't she?
886
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:05,230
I really don't know, Mr Flange.
887
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:08,074
Oh, there's Miss Plunkett. Perhaps she'll know.
888
00:57:08,160 --> 00:57:11,471
- Miss Plunkett!
- Coming, Mr Farquhar.
889
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:14,234
Let's see. How many more are we to come?
890
00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:16,277
I'm not leaving without my wife'.
891
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:19,512
Yes, all right, Mr Flange. All right.
892
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:25,517
(Shouting) Dirty pig'. You insult my fine ladies.
893
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:27,637
We were only playing leapfrog.
894
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:29,632
Porco'. Pig'.
895
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:32,599
Oh, that settles it.
896
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:34,034
Charge'.
897
00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:36,077
FARQUHAR: Oh. no. Mr Tuttle!
898
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:39,198
- They'll kill him!
- We'd better get in there quick.
899
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:41,431
That's the best idea I've heard today.
900
00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:43,398
Wait for me.
901
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:45,711
Mr Tuttle's in there.
902
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:48,793
- What's going on?
- Oh, your husband's in there.
903
00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:51,111
- What?'.
- With Mr Conway and Mr Tuttle.
904
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,476
Oh, well, he's coming right out of there.
905
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:57,157
(Madame Fifi shouts)
906
00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:59,436
(Vic laughs)
907
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:02,911
Put him down'. Get off, will you?
908
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:05,997
If you please'.
909
00:58:10,600 --> 00:58:13,354
Nicholas'. Nicholas, come back. You'll get hurt'.
910
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:15,830
(Shouting and screaming)
911
00:58:31,000 --> 00:58:34,437
- Please'. Let him go.
- Oh, shove off'. Rescue somebody else.
912
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:39,111
Oh, get off!
913
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:43,793
Get off him'.
914
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:50,273
No, come away. Listen, dear. Come away.
915
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:56,557
Oh, dear! Oh!
916
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,717
(Blows whistle)
917
00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:12,436
Get off'.
918
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:15,958
(Screams)
919
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:25,917
Excuse me.
920
00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:42,993
Argh'. No'. Aargh'.
921
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:47,116
(Bell chimes)
922
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:54,597
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
923
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:56,637
(Clamouring voices)
924
00:59:56,720 --> 00:59:58,473
Please'. Please'.
925
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:00,552
One at a time, gentlemen. No?
926
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:05,590
Yes. Please, let me handle this. All right?
It doesn't do to antagonise these fellows.
927
01:00:05,680 --> 01:00:08,673
Now, then, to start off with,
I feel I should point out
928
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:11,355
that we are all British subjects.
929
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:14,592
I know, and you have my deepest sympathy.
930
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:19,471
Yes, quite. Well, I don't want to make
an international incident out of this.
931
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:22,439
That is most kind of you, sir.
932
01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:26,309
But I must protest most strongly
about being detained in this way.
933
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:27,754
Naturally, sir.
934
01:00:27,840 --> 01:00:31,038
I realise you were only doing
what you thought to be your duty,
935
01:00:31,120 --> 01:00:33,476
and, provided you release us immediately,
936
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:38,351
I think I can safely promise you
you will hear no more about it.
937
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:41,080
Oh, that is a most kind gesture, sir.
938
01:00:41,160 --> 01:00:43,675
I think we can safely make it.
939
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:47,197
And now I will show you
that I too can make an appropriate gesture.
940
01:00:47,280 --> 01:00:48,350
Yes?
941
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:51,634
Damned filth.
942
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:54,030
How dare you? Do you know what you just did?
943
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:56,635
Well, that is a fine old British gesture, no?
944
01:00:56,720 --> 01:01:01,351
You've tried my patience too far.
I know about you people. Give them a uniform,
945
01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:03,352
and they go power mad.
946
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:09,232
Well, I'm not going to bandy words with an
idiotic, jumped-up popinjay like you any more.
947
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:12,791
I demand to see the Chief of Police.
948
01:01:12,880 --> 01:01:14,951
I am the Chief of Police.
949
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:17,555
BERT: You're doing well.
950
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:18,960
Let me try.
951
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:20,713
Chiefy.
952
01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:24,714
We know we're in a spot of bother,
but things can be arranged, can't they?
953
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:25,995
Indeed, sir.
954
01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:29,437
Well, just tell us the charges
and we'll sort something out.
955
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:31,239
With pleasure, sir.
956
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:34,791
You are charged with disturbing the peace,
damage to property,
957
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:38,920
and, most important of all,
assault upon the girls of Madame Fifi,
958
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:41,959
thus resulting in a most serious loss of business.
959
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:45,875
(Chuckles) That's ridiculous.
You know very well they assaulted us.
960
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:47,838
Oh, indeed, sir?
961
01:01:47,920 --> 01:01:52,233
Surely you don't doubt our word
against that of an old boiler that runs a bro...
962
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:54,277
er...broken-down boarding house?
963
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:57,512
Madame Fifi is my sister.
964
01:01:57,600 --> 01:01:59,319
Pass. Next, please.
965
01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:03,474
- Let me have a go.
- Oh, don't be ridiculous. What can you do?
966
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:06,439
Well, at least I can be a little co-operative.
967
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:08,671
Excuse me. Could I have a word with you?
968
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:11,753
Oh, but of course. Please go ahead.
969
01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:15,720
It's rather personal.
Is there somewhere a little more private?
970
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:17,757
Mm, with pleasure.
971
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:19,797
This way, please.
972
01:02:36,240 --> 01:02:39,870
12:30. She's been gone for three hours.
973
01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:41,838
Well, what could they do to her?
974
01:02:41,920 --> 01:02:44,071
Oh, you don't know these foreign police.
975
01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:47,790
I knew a girl once. They got her in there
and shaved all her hair off.
976
01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:50,918
Well, I'm sure she's not having it off... Or am I?
977
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:57,469
With the compliments of the Chief of Police.
978
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:01,117
Hey, what a feast!
979
01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:03,078
FARQUHAR: We're not getting out. though.
980
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:04,833
With grub like this, who wants to?
981
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:11,957
Miss Plunkett'. Are you all right?
982
01:03:12,040 --> 01:03:13,997
Why, yes. I think so, Mr Farquhar.
983
01:03:14,080 --> 01:03:17,869
- You swine'. What have you been doing to her?
- Don't tell him.
984
01:03:17,960 --> 01:03:19,633
Do not worry, Mr Farquhar.
985
01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:21,677
I wish to tell you that you are free to go.
986
01:03:21,760 --> 01:03:25,037
Don't you dare threaten me. I'll...
Free to...? Oh.
987
01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:27,316
If you are prepared to pay for the damages.
988
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:30,359
then I am not going to bring any charges.
989
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:33,319
Just when I was enjoying myself.
990
01:03:56,360 --> 01:03:58,636
Welcoming back, ladies and gentlemens.
991
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:04,318
Tonight I am making for you great ravings-up,
for cheerings-up and raising the low spirits'.
992
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:05,436
No?
993
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:17,480
Erm...have you seen my wife anywhere?
994
01:04:17,560 --> 01:04:18,789
No, sirs.
995
01:04:18,880 --> 01:04:21,315
Giorgio, you seeing Mrs Blunt?
996
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:23,198
Not since this morning.
997
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:25,920
Well, is our room key there?
998
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,674
Oh, no, sir. Is gone.
999
01:04:28,760 --> 01:04:30,752
Giorgio, did you give it to her?
1000
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:33,196
Not half, Papa.
1001
01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:35,237
(Humming romantic tune)
1002
01:04:37,320 --> 01:04:39,630
(Chuckles)
1003
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:53,073
"Liquera por l'amoura." Let's have a go.
1004
01:04:57,600 --> 01:04:59,557
(Belches and splutters)
1005
01:05:03,960 --> 01:05:05,917
Oh, there you are, Stanley.
1006
01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:10,597
All right, all right! I'll do all the talking.
1007
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:15,876
It was all my fault.
I told them to leave without you last night,
1008
01:05:15,960 --> 01:05:18,395
and what's more, I'm damn glad that I did it.
1009
01:05:18,480 --> 01:05:21,439
Oh, so am I, dear. Have some champagne.
1010
01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:23,477
I don't care about... Champagne?
1011
01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:25,472
It's wonderful stuff, Stanley.
1012
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:28,997
What are you talking about?
Didn't you hear what I said?
1013
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:31,549
It was all my fault that you were left behind.
1014
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:34,314
All right, dear. I forgive you.
1015
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:36,119
I don't want to be forgiven.
1016
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:39,193
Then what do you want, dear?
1017
01:05:39,280 --> 01:05:41,192
I want to bloody well assert my manhood'.
1018
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:43,749
Oh, splendid, Stanley.
1019
01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:47,279
All right, then.
1020
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:56,229
What is it, dear?
1021
01:05:58,160 --> 01:06:00,117
I've forgotten what you do.
1022
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:03,352
I'm furious. Absolutely beside myself.
1023
01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:04,954
Yeah. Best place for you.
1024
01:06:05,040 --> 01:06:06,997
Look, I'm warning you, Nicholas.
1025
01:06:07,080 --> 01:06:10,312
If you take that little strumpet to the party,
I shall...
1026
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:14,235
I shall take my ankle bracelet back.
Besides, you've never worn it.
1027
01:06:14,320 --> 01:06:16,277
Oh, come on. We'll have some fun.
1028
01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:19,876
For the last time, Bert Conway,
will you please get out of my room?
1029
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:22,839
What's wrong?
Why won't you come to the party with me?
1030
01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:25,594
Because you only want one thing from me.
1031
01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:28,036
That's not true. I'm quite happy to have the lot.
1032
01:06:28,120 --> 01:06:31,591
Don't you understand?
I don't want just a quick roll in the hay.
1033
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:33,831
I need something that's going to last.
1034
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:37,880
Who says it's not going to last?
We don't go home till tomorrow afternoon.
1035
01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:40,316
Get out'. Get out'.
1036
01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:43,997
- Get out!
- No, no...
1037
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:47,960
- Don't you dare come back'.
- No, I was just...
1038
01:06:48,040 --> 01:06:50,760
Can I believe my ears?
1039
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:54,516
You see nothing wrong or sinful
in taking this girl to the party?
1040
01:06:54,600 --> 01:06:57,638
Well, I don't know if it's going to be sinful
until I try.
1041
01:06:58,720 --> 01:07:02,839
Isn't it enough that you got into a fight over her?
You spent the night in prison.
1042
01:07:02,920 --> 01:07:05,515
- Oh, no, I want far more than that.
- What?'.
1043
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:08,069
Er...I mean...I...
1044
01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:13,110
I like her well enough to...get married.
1045
01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:15,431
Brother Bernard...
1046
01:07:15,520 --> 01:07:17,477
aren't you forgetting?
1047
01:07:17,560 --> 01:07:19,870
You are promised to our order.
1048
01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:22,236
You are going to be wedded to St Cecilia.
1049
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:26,997
Yes, but from what I saw of her in the tomb...
I don't think she'll make a very good wife.
1050
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:55,351
Carnival Night'. Champagne punches.
1051
01:07:55,440 --> 01:07:58,797
Now he's the Richard Burton of Elsbels'.
1052
01:08:01,200 --> 01:08:05,080
Listen, Floella, Mamas.
I only trying to send them home happilies.
1053
01:08:05,160 --> 01:08:07,516
We wanting them to remember this holidays.
1054
01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:10,195
Oh, they'll remember it, all right.
1055
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:12,920
The only hotel with a night in prison thrown in'.
1056
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:16,870
Is not my fault'.
1057
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:20,397
Getting on with the work,
and shutting cakehole.
1058
01:08:20,480 --> 01:08:22,437
? Cocktail music
1059
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:27,676
- Good evening.
- (Dully) How do you do?
1060
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:34,831
Well, well, the fun's really started, eh?
1061
01:08:37,120 --> 01:08:40,511
Oh. Ah, this is splendid, isn't it?
1062
01:08:40,600 --> 01:08:44,435
Oh, Monsieur P�p� has really surpassed himself
with this buffet.
1063
01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,477
Yeah. Pity none of it's eatable.
1064
01:08:46,560 --> 01:08:50,110
Oh, I don't know...
Come, come. It's really quite good.
1065
01:08:52,120 --> 01:08:55,830
Moira, dear, a lot depends
on the report they give when they get back.
1066
01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:58,754
For goodness' sake,
do something to brighten it up.
1067
01:08:58,840 --> 01:09:00,194
Whoopee.
1068
01:09:01,840 --> 01:09:06,278
Oh, food. I could do with some,
after all that romping about.
1069
01:09:06,360 --> 01:09:09,512
- Vic, I think I'd like a roll.
- Great. Let's go upstairs.
1070
01:09:09,600 --> 01:09:12,274
- I mean a sausage roll.
- Oh'. (Chuckles)
1071
01:09:21,400 --> 01:09:26,031
Ladies and gentlemens,
champagne punchings'.
1072
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:28,715
Ho-ho'. Helping selves.
1073
01:09:28,800 --> 01:09:32,510
Well, thank you, Monsieur P�p�.
What a splendid idea.
1074
01:09:32,600 --> 01:09:35,752
I'll get them. You finish your sandwich.
1075
01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:47,832
Personally,
I've always found Scotland very exciting.
1076
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:50,515
The swirl of the kilt, the sporran.
1077
01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:52,717
Like to try the punch, love?
1078
01:09:52,800 --> 01:09:54,792
Oh, might as well, I suppose.
1079
01:09:54,880 --> 01:09:57,520
That's my girl.
1080
01:10:17,440 --> 01:10:19,875
- Is it any good?
- I bleedin' hope so, mate.
1081
01:10:24,720 --> 01:10:26,279
Oooh'.
1082
01:10:36,880 --> 01:10:39,952
Hello, Mr Tuttle. How lovely to see you again.
1083
01:10:40,040 --> 01:10:45,434
Cor'. It's nice to see so much more of you,
Mrs Tomkins. May I call you Sadie?
1084
01:10:45,520 --> 01:10:47,591
So...
1085
01:10:47,680 --> 01:10:50,912
- Would you care for a glass of punch?
- Oh, I'd love some.
1086
01:10:51,000 --> 01:10:53,640
- I'll get it.
- Oh, thank you.
1087
01:11:01,440 --> 01:11:04,160
Ah, good evening, gentlemens.
1088
01:11:04,240 --> 01:11:07,711
Please, having good times,
and letting hairs down.
1089
01:11:09,160 --> 01:11:11,834
Maybe a little champagne punchings, yes?
1090
01:11:11,920 --> 01:11:16,073
Oh, could we, Brother Martin,
as it's our last night?
1091
01:11:16,160 --> 01:11:19,437
Oh, well, perhaps it won't do any harm.
But only one, mind.
1092
01:11:19,520 --> 01:11:21,113
Thank you.
1093
01:11:21,200 --> 01:11:24,511
At least it might help
to wash down that wretched food.
1094
01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:26,557
Get stuffings.
1095
01:11:27,640 --> 01:11:30,314
- Sorry I'm late, love.
- It's all right.
1096
01:11:34,560 --> 01:11:37,234
Excuse me.
1097
01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:39,994
Do you mind?
1098
01:11:40,080 --> 01:11:41,878
Manners'.
1099
01:11:41,960 --> 01:11:44,111
Manners yourself.
1100
01:11:46,200 --> 01:11:48,157
Thank you, Brother Paul.
1101
01:12:04,560 --> 01:12:06,313
All gone'.
1102
01:12:06,400 --> 01:12:08,357
(Laughter and shouting)
1103
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:17,800
Don't tell me they enjoy the party.
1104
01:12:17,880 --> 01:12:20,679
Enjoying it? It's going like bombs'.
1105
01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:22,717
? Latin American party music
1106
01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:33,239
All right?
1107
01:12:54,920 --> 01:12:58,755
(Humming)
Hey! More champers! Good old P�p�.
1108
01:12:58,840 --> 01:13:01,116
Or is it Mario? (Laughs)
1109
01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:03,157
Is good punchings, yes?
1110
01:13:03,240 --> 01:13:04,993
Splendid. Splendid.
1111
01:13:05,080 --> 01:13:08,676
And while we're on the subject of quality,
I want you to know, P�p�,
1112
01:13:08,760 --> 01:13:14,040
this is without doubt
the crummiest hotel I've ever stayed in.
1113
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:21,839
(Groans)
1114
01:13:23,200 --> 01:13:25,157
P�p�! P�p�!
1115
01:13:26,440 --> 01:13:28,238
P�p�, come quick!
1116
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:31,119
- What's the mattering with her?
- She sounds distressed.
1117
01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:33,760
She's probably tried some of her own cooking'.
1118
01:13:33,840 --> 01:13:35,797
Is eating like a pig'.
1119
01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:38,440
All right, all right'. Is coming.
1120
01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:42,514
She's tried her own cooking'.
1121
01:13:42,600 --> 01:13:44,080
Don't try any of your cooking'.
1122
01:13:44,160 --> 01:13:46,755
- (Laughs) What's the mattering? Mices?
- Look!
1123
01:13:51,040 --> 01:13:52,440
Santa Cecilia'.
1124
01:13:52,520 --> 01:13:55,433
I say'. You seem to have sprung a leak.
1125
01:13:57,160 --> 01:14:00,358
I knew it was mistakes to build on dry river beds.
1126
01:14:00,440 --> 01:14:02,716
No wonder company getting land so cheap.
1127
01:14:02,800 --> 01:14:06,032
Don't just stand there'. Do somethings.
1128
01:14:06,120 --> 01:14:08,032
What can I doing?
1129
01:14:08,120 --> 01:14:10,510
Plug it'. Oh, plug it.
1130
01:14:10,600 --> 01:14:13,354
Oh, I say, I say'. Watch the language.
1131
01:14:13,440 --> 01:14:17,400
I make like little boy in Hollands.
I sticking thing in.
1132
01:14:17,480 --> 01:14:20,871
Oh'. He'll need an awfully large thing'.
1133
01:14:27,960 --> 01:14:29,917
That's it'. I've done it.
1134
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:33,152
I'm sure the little Dutch boy didn't do it like that'.
1135
01:14:33,240 --> 01:14:35,038
(Both laugh)
1136
01:14:35,120 --> 01:14:37,794
Oh, Monsieur P�p�,
you're wetting your trousers'.
1137
01:14:37,880 --> 01:14:39,951
Wouldn't you in the same situations?
1138
01:14:41,640 --> 01:14:44,633
Oh, come on, Stuart. We're missing all the fun.
1139
01:14:44,720 --> 01:14:46,677
Oh, yes. Excuse us, Monsieur P�p�.
1140
01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:49,992
I'm sure we can rely on you to keep your end up'.
(Laughs)
1141
01:14:50,080 --> 01:14:54,279
? Rolling home, rolling home...
1142
01:14:58,680 --> 01:15:00,876
(Singing continues)
1143
01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:13,549
(Singing stops)
1144
01:15:13,640 --> 01:15:15,757
- Hooray'.
- Here.
1145
01:15:15,840 --> 01:15:18,719
Now give us 'Twas On The Good Ship Venus'.
1146
01:15:18,800 --> 01:15:22,430
I'm sorry, but I don't know the music.
1147
01:15:27,080 --> 01:15:29,959
Oh, our lovely hostess.
1148
01:15:30,040 --> 01:15:33,317
- A drink for our hostess.
- I don't want drink, thank you.
1149
01:15:33,400 --> 01:15:36,120
Nonsense. You must have a drink.
1150
01:15:36,200 --> 01:15:39,876
Everybody must have a drink with Floella.
1151
01:15:39,960 --> 01:15:41,758
Hear, hear.
1152
01:15:56,960 --> 01:15:58,474
(Splash)
1153
01:15:58,560 --> 01:16:00,517
(Big-band music)
1154
01:16:08,200 --> 01:16:10,157
(Laughs)
1155
01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:33,273
Phew, it's hot.
1156
01:16:33,360 --> 01:16:35,920
Would you like to go onto the terrace
for some air?
1157
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:37,957
Ooh, that's a good idea.
1158
01:16:46,720 --> 01:16:48,677
? Romantic music
1159
01:16:54,360 --> 01:16:56,317
Ah, come on.
1160
01:16:58,240 --> 01:17:01,756
Stopping the music'. Stopping the musics'.
1161
01:17:01,840 --> 01:17:04,594
Helpings. not dancing. Helpings.
1162
01:17:04,680 --> 01:17:06,990
Please, helping, someone.
1163
01:17:07,080 --> 01:17:08,639
- What?
- Doh.
1164
01:17:08,720 --> 01:17:12,316
Giorgio! Giorgio, help.
The water is getting underneath the...
1165
01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:14,631
- Please'. We were talking.
- Sorries.
1166
01:17:14,720 --> 01:17:16,916
- Now, where was I?
- About your 'amsters.
1167
01:17:17,000 --> 01:17:19,879
Oh, yes, 'amsters. No'. Hamsters.
1168
01:17:19,960 --> 01:17:23,271
You'd never believe it,
but...11 times in one night'.
1169
01:17:23,360 --> 01:17:25,113
Is unbelievable'.
1170
01:17:25,200 --> 01:17:28,113
Oh, yes, it is.
But you see, they're always escaping.
1171
01:17:28,200 --> 01:17:31,193
I say, if I were to tell you...
1172
01:17:31,280 --> 01:17:33,237
(Rumbling and crashing)
1173
01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:38,077
Please, Mr Conways.
I am worried about the foundations.
1174
01:17:38,160 --> 01:17:40,550
Oh, that's all right. She's not wearing any.
1175
01:17:40,640 --> 01:17:42,677
No, no, in case they are falling out.
1176
01:17:42,760 --> 01:17:47,118
Oh, don't you worry, son.
If they do, I'll stuff 'em back in'.
1177
01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:50,079
Why is nobody listening? (Whimpers)
1178
01:17:51,960 --> 01:17:55,431
Mr Blunts, you look like a man
who is ready to do somethings.
1179
01:17:55,520 --> 01:17:58,479
Funny you should say that.
I was just telling the wife'.
1180
01:17:58,560 --> 01:18:01,792
Oh, Stanley'.
He's trying to get me upstairs, Monsieur P�p�.
1181
01:18:01,880 --> 01:18:05,112
No, no, I show you. On the kitchen floor.
1182
01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:08,193
I say, steady on, old chap.
Remember, we're British.
1183
01:18:08,280 --> 01:18:10,237
I don't know, though. Wow'.
1184
01:18:10,320 --> 01:18:12,710
Oh'.
1185
01:18:12,800 --> 01:18:17,192
Oh'. Please, Mr Flange, you coming with me.
1186
01:18:17,280 --> 01:18:19,237
- Where to?
- We're having a leak.
1187
01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:22,791
- I don't want one.
- No, we're having one below. I show it to you.
1188
01:18:22,880 --> 01:18:26,396
- He doesn't want to see it.
- You're mad. Crazy'.
1189
01:18:28,320 --> 01:18:30,277
I always knew he was a flash type.
1190
01:18:30,360 --> 01:18:35,196
- Ah, Mr Farki-Hars!
- Ah, Monsieur P�p�'. Enjoying yourself?
1191
01:18:35,280 --> 01:18:38,830
Oh, yes, I'm having a smashing time.
I'm having a ball'.
1192
01:18:38,920 --> 01:18:40,877
Oh, I'm not doing so badly, myself'.
1193
01:18:40,960 --> 01:18:43,520
Mr Farki-Hars, you should be going upstairs.
1194
01:18:43,600 --> 01:18:47,640
- Don't be disgusting.
- Oh, I think it's a wonderful idea.
1195
01:18:47,720 --> 01:18:51,919
Oh, I'm not standing any more'.
All you English ever thinking about is sex.
1196
01:18:52,000 --> 01:18:53,229
Oh. nonsense.
1197
01:18:53,320 --> 01:18:55,835
What's that? Excusings.
1198
01:18:55,920 --> 01:18:58,833
These foreigners'. They're so damned excitable.
1199
01:18:58,920 --> 01:19:00,798
They're mad.
1200
01:19:03,920 --> 01:19:06,879
- How about it? Shall we go upstairs?
- Why not?
1201
01:19:08,080 --> 01:19:10,515
(Laughs)
1202
01:19:12,480 --> 01:19:13,914
Helps'.
1203
01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:15,957
You mads!
1204
01:19:16,040 --> 01:19:18,953
(Cracking and knocking)
1205
01:19:19,040 --> 01:19:21,680
- Good night, old boy.
- Good night. Goodbyes.
1206
01:19:21,760 --> 01:19:24,594
He's drunk again'.
1207
01:19:24,680 --> 01:19:27,115
Well, now, Monsieur P�p�.
1208
01:19:27,200 --> 01:19:29,431
What was it you wanted to talk to me about?
1209
01:19:29,520 --> 01:19:33,116
Oh, Mr Tuttles, thank you very much.
Thank you. Help'.
1210
01:19:36,360 --> 01:19:38,317
(Splash)
1211
01:19:46,200 --> 01:19:48,396
How about it, love? Want a nightcap?
1212
01:19:48,480 --> 01:19:50,836
No, thanks. I couldn't take another drop.
1213
01:19:50,920 --> 01:19:52,877
Right. Let's go upstairs.
1214
01:19:59,320 --> 01:20:00,640
(Splash)
1215
01:20:00,720 --> 01:20:02,791
I say, old chap. Do you need any help?
1216
01:20:02,880 --> 01:20:05,315
Help? Why should I need helpings?
1217
01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:06,959
I'm having funs. (Laughs)
1218
01:20:09,400 --> 01:20:12,074
I say, Stanley. There's a hole.
1219
01:20:12,160 --> 01:20:14,436
So there is. That's bad, isn't it?
1220
01:20:14,520 --> 01:20:20,357
No, no, not to worrying. It's mices.
We having very big mices here.
1221
01:20:20,440 --> 01:20:23,877
- I think we'd better go to bed.
- That's a rather good idea.
1222
01:20:23,960 --> 01:20:26,794
Monsieur P�p�,
I may have to complain about this.
1223
01:20:26,880 --> 01:20:29,031
They didn't tell us that you had mices.
1224
01:20:29,120 --> 01:20:33,990
Yes, all right. You complaining about the
mices...and the whole hotel is falling down'.
1225
01:20:34,080 --> 01:20:38,154
Can we go up now, Bert?
It's been a lovely evening.
1226
01:20:38,240 --> 01:20:42,120
Might as well.
Things seem to be breaking up, anyway.
1227
01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:55,076
(Chuckles)
1228
01:20:55,160 --> 01:20:57,994
Open the windows, love,
and let's get a bit of air.
1229
01:20:58,080 --> 01:21:01,756
Right. That's a good idea. Won't be long.
(Chuckles)
1230
01:21:05,880 --> 01:21:07,439
I forgot!
1231
01:21:07,520 --> 01:21:08,920
(Laughs)
1232
01:21:09,000 --> 01:21:10,753
(Laughs)
1233
01:21:12,200 --> 01:21:14,476
(Screams with laughter)
1234
01:21:16,400 --> 01:21:18,471
They put the bloody glass in'.
1235
01:21:18,560 --> 01:21:20,552
(Laughs hysterically)
1236
01:21:27,080 --> 01:21:29,311
It's going to be a bit of a tight squeeze'.
1237
01:21:29,400 --> 01:21:30,959
(Both laugh)
1238
01:21:31,040 --> 01:21:32,997
Room for one on top, eh?
1239
01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:36,357
Standing room only'.
1240
01:21:50,040 --> 01:21:51,997
Oh, God'. I give up.
1241
01:21:52,080 --> 01:21:54,356
No, no. Come on.
1242
01:21:54,440 --> 01:21:56,909
You're not getting off the hook that easily.
1243
01:21:57,000 --> 01:21:59,754
(Laughs) Oh'. Oh'.
1244
01:22:01,400 --> 01:22:03,357
(Both laugh)
1245
01:22:04,600 --> 01:22:06,592
(Knocking at door)
1246
01:22:06,680 --> 01:22:08,956
Oh, it's all right, Bert. You can come in.
1247
01:22:14,720 --> 01:22:16,677
(Creaking)
1248
01:22:22,640 --> 01:22:24,871
(Rumbling)
1249
01:22:24,960 --> 01:22:27,873
Jings'. What's going on out there?
1250
01:22:34,880 --> 01:22:36,837
Bert? Are you all right?
1251
01:22:41,080 --> 01:22:43,720
Fine. Just fine.
1252
01:22:59,120 --> 01:23:01,396
Oh, do hurry up, darling.
1253
01:23:01,480 --> 01:23:03,073
Coming.
1254
01:23:03,160 --> 01:23:05,755
Stand by to repel boarders'.
1255
01:23:05,840 --> 01:23:07,797
(Whinnies)
1256
01:23:13,360 --> 01:23:16,114
(Coughing)
1257
01:23:19,040 --> 01:23:23,557
That does it'. Everybody out'.
Everyone out'. Abandoning hotel.
1258
01:23:25,200 --> 01:23:27,874
Evacuating. Everybody leaving.
1259
01:23:27,960 --> 01:23:29,917
Abandon the hotel'. Leaving'.
1260
01:23:31,720 --> 01:23:33,677
(Screaming)
1261
01:23:33,760 --> 01:23:35,717
Out! Out! Out!
1262
01:23:40,200 --> 01:23:43,272
FARQUHAR: I don't know where we are'.
I can't see where we are.
1263
01:23:43,360 --> 01:23:45,431
Where the hell are we?
1264
01:24:00,240 --> 01:24:02,436
Cor'. Get off.
1265
01:24:02,520 --> 01:24:04,637
- How do you do?
- Hello, Harry. Usual?
1266
01:24:04,720 --> 01:24:08,430
Yes, please. Here, I know what I meant to ask.
How did the holiday go?
1267
01:24:08,520 --> 01:24:12,355
Oh, great. Went with a bang.
Had a smashing time, didn't we, love?
1268
01:24:12,440 --> 01:24:15,433
Yes, I can honestly say
I've never had one quite like it.
1269
01:24:15,520 --> 01:24:17,432
(Both laugh)
1270
01:24:17,520 --> 01:24:19,910
- What...what's the joke, then?
- Private.
1271
01:24:20,000 --> 01:24:22,515
Oh, hey, private! Cheers.
1272
01:24:22,600 --> 01:24:25,399
Yee-agh'. Wey'.
1273
01:24:25,480 --> 01:24:28,200
Could I have another one, please? Thank you.
1274
01:24:28,280 --> 01:24:30,237
Ha-ha! Well, here we are, then!
1275
01:24:30,320 --> 01:24:33,279
(Exchange of greetings)
1276
01:24:36,280 --> 01:24:38,237
Come on in.
1277
01:24:38,320 --> 01:24:41,392
- Hello, my darling.
- Hello. Isn't he here, Vic?
1278
01:24:41,480 --> 01:24:43,836
Of course he is. I promised to look after him. Stu'.
1279
01:24:43,920 --> 01:24:47,072
- Somebody to see you.
- Oh, you!
1280
01:24:47,160 --> 01:24:49,675
Moira'.
1281
01:24:49,760 --> 01:24:53,310
- Right, well, what's it to be, then?
- I'll tell you what. Champagne cup.
1282
01:24:53,400 --> 01:24:54,959
And put a drop of this in it, will you?
1283
01:24:55,040 --> 01:24:57,191
Oh, what a wonderful idea'.
1284
01:24:57,280 --> 01:24:59,272
Oh, no'. Lock all the doors.
1285
01:24:59,360 --> 01:25:01,317
Time. gentlemen. please!
1286
01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:02,436
(All laugh)
99147
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