Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,620 --> 00:00:08,970
[ethereal music]
2
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:11,825
- LADIES, MAY I HAVE
YOUR PASSWORD, PLEASE?
3
00:00:11,827 --> 00:00:16,757
♪
4
00:00:16,758 --> 00:00:20,028
- PASSWORDS ACCEPTED.
5
00:00:20,034 --> 00:00:22,004
LADIES, WELCOME
TO MY LITTLE HOUSEWARMING.
6
00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:28,585
NOW, ALL THE ALCOHOL
THAT YOU COULD EVER WANT
7
00:00:28,586 --> 00:00:33,276
IS LOCATED RIGHT
IN MY NEWLY REMODELED KITCHEN.
8
00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:34,895
AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE
IN THE KITCHEN,
9
00:00:34,896 --> 00:00:37,996
PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY OUT
TO THE BALCONY.
10
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,340
AND IF YOU DON'T DO
ANYTHING ELSE
11
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:44,144
BEFORE YOU LEAVE HERE TODAY,
PLEASE--
12
00:00:44,137 --> 00:00:48,237
TEE TEE,
TAKE THAT STUPID-ASS MASK OFF!
13
00:00:50,655 --> 00:00:53,205
NOW, LADIES,
14
00:00:53,206 --> 00:00:56,616
PLEASE,
DREAM YOUR WILDEST DREAM.
15
00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:58,550
- EXPLORE YOUR FANTASIES.
16
00:00:58,551 --> 00:01:01,861
- BECAUSE IT IS
MALIK 2.0, Y'ALL.
17
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,142
INDULGE.
18
00:01:03,137 --> 00:01:06,237
GET YOUR FREAK ON.
19
00:01:06,241 --> 00:01:09,591
♪
20
00:01:09,586 --> 00:01:12,656
[aggressive rock music]
21
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:16,515
♪
22
00:01:20,206 --> 00:01:21,336
JUST AS WE'VE BEEN THERE...
23
00:01:21,344 --> 00:01:22,834
- ♪ GOOD MORNING
24
00:01:22,827 --> 00:01:25,477
- GOOD MORNING!
25
00:01:25,482 --> 00:01:26,552
- WHAT UP, DOG?
26
00:01:26,551 --> 00:01:27,551
- WHAT UP, DOG?
27
00:01:27,551 --> 00:01:29,311
[overlapping gibberish]
28
00:01:29,310 --> 00:01:31,210
- MORNING, DAUGHTER.
- HI.
29
00:01:31,206 --> 00:01:32,786
- FRUIT IS COMING.
30
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,243
- LOOK AT THIS.
31
00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:35,831
- IS THIS AMERICAN CHEESE?
32
00:01:35,827 --> 00:01:36,857
- OH, GOD, NO.
33
00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:38,002
IT'S VELVEETA.
34
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,790
- REALLY?
- MM-HMM.
35
00:01:39,793 --> 00:01:41,863
- CAN YOU PICK 'EM, DADDY,
OR CAN YOU PICK 'EM?
36
00:01:41,862 --> 00:01:44,282
- SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
37
00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:45,235
- IT'S OKAY, BABY.
38
00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:47,071
I JUST WANTED US ALL
TO SIT DOWN
39
00:01:47,068 --> 00:01:48,028
AND HAVE A NICE MEAL
40
00:01:48,034 --> 00:01:49,624
AND GET TO KNOW
EACH OTHER BETTER.
41
00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:51,210
- I THINK I KNOW ENOUGH
ABOUT YOU, CHARLENE.
42
00:01:51,206 --> 00:01:52,786
- [laughs]
43
00:01:52,793 --> 00:01:55,593
HER NAME IS CHARDONNAY,
AND SHE'S RIGHT.
44
00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:57,096
NOW THAT WE'RE ALL LIVING
UNDER ONE ROOF,
45
00:01:57,103 --> 00:01:59,283
WE'RE GONNA GET A LOT CLOSER,
AND IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME.
46
00:01:59,275 --> 00:02:00,445
YOU GOT THAT?
47
00:02:00,448 --> 00:02:02,338
- FINE.
LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
48
00:02:02,344 --> 00:02:03,384
I'LL START.
49
00:02:03,379 --> 00:02:05,929
SO WHY ARE YOU LYING
ABOUT YOUR NAME?
50
00:02:05,931 --> 00:02:07,591
- YOU LOST YOUR TURN.
YOU GO FIRST, CHARLENE--
51
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,586
CHARDONNAY.
- ALL RIGHT.
52
00:02:09,586 --> 00:02:10,686
- CHARDONNAY.
53
00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:12,069
- ANYTHING NEW AND EXCITING
AT SCHOOL?
54
00:02:12,068 --> 00:02:13,338
- HMM.
55
00:02:13,344 --> 00:02:15,284
- SALLY GOT HER PERIOD
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PEP RALLY.
56
00:02:15,275 --> 00:02:16,165
IT WAS A HOOT.
- HMM.
57
00:02:16,172 --> 00:02:17,692
- ANYTHING ELSE?
58
00:02:17,689 --> 00:02:19,519
- I'M FAILING ALL MY CLASSES.
59
00:02:19,517 --> 00:02:20,717
- WELL, AREN'T YOU CONCERNED?
60
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,484
I MEAN, YOU ARE GONNA BE
APPLYING TO SOME COLLEGES
61
00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:24,902
PRETTY SOON, RIGHT?
62
00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:26,586
- I'M I- [squeaks]
- YOU NEED TO DO YOUR RESEARCH.
63
00:02:26,586 --> 00:02:29,206
AND IF THERE'S ANYONE
STILL OUT THERE WATCHING,
64
00:02:29,206 --> 00:02:30,926
I THINK COLLEGE IS A WASTE
OF MY DADDY'S MONEY.
65
00:02:30,931 --> 00:02:33,101
- HEY.
66
00:02:33,103 --> 00:02:35,553
HEAR, HEAR.
[laughs] THAT'S MY GIRL.
67
00:02:35,551 --> 00:02:37,341
- COLLEGE IS NOT
FOR EVERYBODY, OKAY?
68
00:02:37,344 --> 00:02:38,834
- IT'S NOT FOR HER.
[laughter]
69
00:02:38,827 --> 00:02:41,517
- 'CAUSE, SEE, THE WORST THING
YOU CAN DO IS LIKE I DID:
70
00:02:41,517 --> 00:02:45,337
RACK UP $80,000 IN SCHOOL LOANS
AND DON'T EVEN USE YOUR DEGREE.
71
00:02:45,344 --> 00:02:47,554
- HEAR, H--UM...
I'M SORRY.
72
00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:48,481
- SHE SAID $80,000.
73
00:02:48,482 --> 00:02:50,382
- DID YOU SAY $80,000?
74
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,829
ARE YOU SPEAKING
HYPOTHETICALLY, OR--
75
00:02:51,827 --> 00:02:52,827
- I WISH.
76
00:02:52,827 --> 00:02:54,657
SHOOT, MY B.F.A.
WAS IN COMMUNICATIONS,
77
00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:56,405
BUT THE ONLY COMMUNICATING
I DO AT WORK
78
00:02:56,413 --> 00:02:58,413
IS WITH A BOTTLE OF MASSAGE OIL
AND HOT STONES.
79
00:02:58,413 --> 00:02:59,553
[laughs]
80
00:02:59,551 --> 00:03:01,831
MY CLIENTS CALL ME
DOCTOR AROMATHERAPY.
81
00:03:01,827 --> 00:03:03,377
- $80,000!
82
00:03:03,379 --> 00:03:05,069
1,000.
83
00:03:05,068 --> 00:03:07,138
- RIGHT.
- WHOA.
84
00:03:07,137 --> 00:03:09,967
I'M NO MATHLETE,
BUT THAT MUST HAVE TAKEN FOREVER
85
00:03:09,965 --> 00:03:10,895
TO PAY THAT BACK.
86
00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:12,136
DON'T YOU WORK FOR TIPS?
87
00:03:12,137 --> 00:03:13,517
- WELL, I USED TO, BUT, GIRL,
88
00:03:13,517 --> 00:03:14,827
I GOT A LITTLE SECRET
TO LET YOU IN ON.
89
00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:16,067
- OKAY.
90
00:03:16,068 --> 00:03:19,168
- ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS TAKE ONE CLASS A QUARTER.
91
00:03:19,172 --> 00:03:21,792
THEN YOU CAN DEFER
YOUR LOAN PAYMENTS INDEFINITELY.
92
00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:23,213
- THAT'S WHY
YOU WERE TAKING ARCHERY?
93
00:03:23,206 --> 00:03:26,136
- WELL, THAT AND Ithily]
94
00:03:26,137 --> 00:03:27,717
- YOU KNOW?
95
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:28,694
- SO,
96
00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:31,789
TO JUST DEFER YOUR DEBT,
97
00:03:31,793 --> 00:03:33,723
EVEN THOUGH, EVENTUALLY,
SOMEONE IS GONNA
98
00:03:33,724 --> 00:03:36,244
HAVE TO PAY FOR IT,
AND THAT SOMEONE IS ME,
99
00:03:36,241 --> 00:03:37,451
JOE TAXPAYER.
100
00:03:37,448 --> 00:03:39,448
WHAT DO YOU GOT
TO SAY ABOUT THAT?
101
00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:41,618
- THANK YOU, DADDY.
- MM.
102
00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:43,140
- WELL...
[giggles]
103
00:03:43,137 --> 00:03:45,307
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS,
BUT THIS BRUNCH HAS CERTAINLY
104
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:47,830
MADE ME FEEL LIKE YOU TWO
ARE NOT GONNA MAKE IT.
105
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:50,377
BUT I'M CHEESS WHUPPINGS, RI?
106
00:03:50,379 --> 00:03:52,099
- I GOT THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SIT DOWN
107
00:03:52,103 --> 00:03:54,623
WITH THE FIRST-ROUND DRAFT PICK
BRYCE "THE BLUEPRINT" WESTBROOK
108
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:56,070
AND ASK HIM A FEW QUESTIONS.
109
00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:58,928
BLUE, TELL ME,
WHEN DID YOU REALIZE
110
00:03:58,931 --> 00:04:02,001
THAT YOU WERE SPECIAL?
111
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,760
- I WAS ABOUT TEN.
112
00:04:03,758 --> 00:04:06,688
IT WAS MY SECOND YEAR
OF POP WARNER.
113
00:04:06,689 --> 00:04:09,859
AND THIS KID ON THE OTHER TEAM
WAS, UH, TALKING TRASH
114
00:04:09,862 --> 00:04:11,662
ABOUT HOW SPIDER-MAN
COULD BEAT UP BATMAN
115
00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:13,275
BECAUSE BATMAN DIDN'T HAVE
ANY SUPERPOWERS.
116
00:04:13,275 --> 00:04:14,275
- HMM.
117
00:04:14,275 --> 00:04:15,825
- SO SECOND HALF OF THE GAME,
118
00:04:15,827 --> 00:04:17,137
I JUST TOOK OVER.
119
00:04:17,137 --> 00:04:18,717
THEY COULDN'T STOP ME.
120
00:04:18,724 --> 00:04:20,274
AND AT THE END OF THE GAME,
AFTER WE HAD WON,
121
00:04:20,274 --> 00:04:21,794
I WALKED OVER TO THE KID.
122
00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:23,033
I LOOKED HIM
STRAIGHT IN THE FACE,
123
00:04:23,034 --> 00:04:24,144
AND I SAID, "HEY.
124
00:04:24,137 --> 00:04:25,587
"I DON'T HAVE
ANY SUPERPOWERS EITHER,
125
00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:30,236
BUT YOU COULDN'T BEAT ME."
126
00:04:30,241 --> 00:04:32,721
ALL RIGHT, I HATE
TO ASK THIS QUESTION,
127
00:04:32,724 --> 00:04:34,664
BUT THE TABLOIDS
AND THE TWITTERSPHERE...
128
00:04:34,655 --> 00:04:35,755
- OH, A NEW WORD FOR YOU.
OKAY.
129
00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:37,238
- ARE ALL ABUZZ WITH THESE, UH,
130
00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:39,341
PHOTOS OF YOU KISSING
KEIRA MICHELLE WHITAKER.
131
00:04:39,344 --> 00:04:41,104
IT'S JUICY STUFF.
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU TWO?
132
00:04:41,103 --> 00:04:42,213
- [laughs]
133
00:04:42,206 --> 00:04:43,966
UH, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS, MAN.
134
00:04:43,965 --> 00:04:45,685
YOU KNOW, SHE KISSED ME
ON THE SAME DAY WE MET,
135
00:04:45,689 --> 00:04:46,969
AS A PRANK.
136
00:04:46,965 --> 00:04:48,475
YOU KNOW, HOW SERIOUS
COULD IT BE?
137
00:04:48,482 --> 00:04:50,002
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER.
138
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,000
- HEY, I MARRIED MY WIFE
THE FIRST DAY I MET HER, SO...
139
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,070
[laughs]
140
00:04:54,068 --> 00:04:56,968
- WOW.
HEY, THAT'S, UH--
141
00:04:56,965 --> 00:04:58,135
THAT'S BALLSY.
142
00:04:58,137 --> 00:04:59,517
- NO, I MEAN, IT STARTED OFF
AS A PRANK.
143
00:04:59,517 --> 00:05:00,997
WE WERE DRUNK
AND WENT DOWN TO MEXICO,
144
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,590
AND THEN SHE MARRIED ME
TO TEACH ME A LESSON.
145
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:04,476
IT'S HILARIOUS.
[laughs]
146
00:05:04,482 --> 00:05:06,932
- AND YET YOU'RE STILL WITH
THIS RAPSCALLION?
147
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,521
- RAPSCALLION?
REALLY?
148
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,277
- STANFORD.
- NOT BAD.
149
00:05:10,275 --> 00:05:11,275
- YEAH.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
150
00:05:11,275 --> 00:05:12,205
IT'S PROBABLY JUST ME.
151
00:05:12,206 --> 00:05:13,236
I'M PROBABLY JUST
152
00:05:13,241 --> 00:05:14,621
A LOOK-BEFORE-YOU-LEAP
KIND OF GUY.
153
00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:15,690
YOU KNOW, A PLANNER.
154
00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:17,069
- WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, ROOKIE?
155
00:05:17,068 --> 00:05:18,378
I'M A PLANNER.
I PLAN THINGS.
156
00:05:18,379 --> 00:05:19,309
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
157
00:05:19,310 --> 00:05:20,340
I'M SURE YOU DO.
158
00:05:20,344 --> 00:05:22,104
I MEAN, LOOK,
TEN YEARS IN THE LEAGUE,
159
00:05:22,103 --> 00:05:23,413
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?
160
00:05:23,413 --> 00:05:25,623
THERE'S NO WAY
YOU WOULD JUST STAY MARRIED
161
00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:27,590
TO SOME STRANGER
WITHOUT GETTING A POST-NUP.
162
00:05:27,586 --> 00:05:28,786
YOU'RE NOT A CRAZY PERSON.
163
00:05:28,793 --> 00:05:31,693
- NO.
I'M NOT.
164
00:05:31,689 --> 00:05:33,969
I'M THE OPPOSITE
OF A CRAZY PERSON.
165
00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:35,275
- YOU DIDN'T GET A POST-NUP,
DID YOU?
166
00:05:35,275 --> 00:05:38,275
- NO, I DIDN'T.
167
00:05:38,275 --> 00:05:40,095
WE'RE DEFINITELY CUTTING
AFTER POP WARNER.
168
00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:57,862
- [gasps]
169
00:05:57,862 --> 00:05:59,312
- [grunts]
170
00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,210
WHAT HAPPENED, BABY?
171
00:06:01,206 --> 00:06:03,996
SOMETHING STARTLE YOU AWAKE?
172
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:04,970
- MM.
173
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,335
I THINK SO.
174
00:06:06,344 --> 00:06:08,074
- OH, THAT IS AWFUL.
175
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,548
HEY, SINCE WE'RE BOTH
CONVENIENTLY UP,
176
00:06:10,551 --> 00:06:12,761
I WAS JUST WONDERING,
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
177
00:06:12,758 --> 00:06:15,688
ABOUT YOUR OUTSTANDING
STUDENT LOANS?
178
00:06:15,689 --> 00:06:18,759
I DIDN'T TELL YOU,
BECAUSE THAT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM.
179
00:06:18,758 --> 00:06:20,548
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP
WITH MY STUDENT LOANS.
180
00:06:20,551 --> 00:06:22,001
NOW, GO ON BACK TO BED.
181
00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,660
- UM, YOU KNOW, SWEET POTATO,
182
00:06:23,655 --> 00:06:26,715
UM, I'M MORE THAN HAPPY
TO HELP YOU PAY 'EM OFF.
183
00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:29,594
I'M JUST A LITTLE UPSET
THAT YOU HID SOMETHING FROM ME.
184
00:06:29,586 --> 00:06:32,586
I MEAN, WHAT ELSE
YOU HIDING FROM ME, CHARDONNAY,
185
00:06:32,586 --> 00:06:33,926
IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?
186
00:06:33,931 --> 00:06:37,171
- BABY, I'M NOT HIDING ANYTHING
FROM YOU.
187
00:06:37,172 --> 00:06:38,692
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?
188
00:06:40,827 --> 00:06:43,237
MY FAVORITE MUSIC IS R&B.
189
00:06:43,241 --> 00:06:45,861
MY FAVORITE WRITER
IS ZORA NEALE HURSTON.
190
00:06:45,862 --> 00:06:48,172
AND MY PET PEEVE
IS THE NICKNAME CHAR-CHAR,
191
00:06:48,172 --> 00:06:50,282
BECAUSE MY BROTHER USED
TO TEASE ME ABOUT IT GROWING UP.
192
00:06:50,275 --> 00:06:52,995
- OKAY, I WON'T CALL YOU CH--
193
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,830
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU HAVE A BROTHER?
194
00:06:54,827 --> 00:06:55,787
- YEAH.
195
00:06:55,793 --> 00:06:57,143
WE DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM MUCH,
196
00:06:57,137 --> 00:06:59,097
'CAUSE WHAT'S THE POINT
OF TALKING ABOUT SOMEBODY
197
00:06:59,103 --> 00:07:00,033
ALWAYS IN JAIL?
198
00:07:00,034 --> 00:07:00,974
- UH, I DON'T KNOW.
199
00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:01,965
MAYBE IF HE ESCAPES
200
00:07:01,965 --> 00:07:03,615
AND COMES LOOKING
FOR A FLOPHOUSE?
201
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:06,410
- BABY, YOU KNOW
I'M A GREAT WOMAN.
202
00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:08,693
I'M LOYAL, AND I'M HONEST.
203
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,069
AND YOU KNOW
I GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS.
204
00:07:11,068 --> 00:07:12,478
- YOU GO TO CHURCH?
205
00:07:12,482 --> 00:07:13,792
- WHERE ELSE I'M AT, JASON?
206
00:07:13,793 --> 00:07:15,173
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING
TO PILATES.
207
00:07:15,172 --> 00:07:16,142
- [smacks lips]
208
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:17,237
WE DON'T EVEN GOT TO TALK
209
00:07:17,241 --> 00:07:18,831
ABOUT OUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS
RIGHT NOW.
210
00:07:18,827 --> 00:07:20,447
IT DON'T MATTER
TILL WE HAVE KIDS, ANYWAY.
211
00:07:20,448 --> 00:07:22,238
- OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA.
212
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,341
KIDS?
213
00:07:23,344 --> 00:07:24,344
- EVENTUALLY.
214
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,414
- UH, EVENTUALLY NOT.
215
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:29,003
UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
216
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,450
SINCE WE'RE SHARING,
LET ME TELL YOU
217
00:07:30,448 --> 00:07:32,998
A LITTLE SOMETHING
ABOUT JASON ARCHIBALD PITTS.
218
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,590
- ARCHIBALD?
- OH, YEAH.
219
00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:37,026
THERE'S YOUR FIRST REVELATION.
MY MIDDLE NAME'S ARCHIBALD.
220
00:07:37,034 --> 00:07:39,104
SECOND REVELATION,
WE ARE NEVER HAVING CHILDREN,
221
00:07:39,103 --> 00:07:41,693
BECAUSE JASON ARCHIBALD PITTS
HAD A VASECTOMY.
222
00:07:41,689 --> 00:07:43,449
SNIP, SNIP.
223
00:07:43,448 --> 00:07:46,378
SPEAKING OF WHICH,
I GOT TO PEE-PEE.
224
00:08:01,517 --> 00:08:02,477
- HOLD UP.
225
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,762
YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?
226
00:08:03,758 --> 00:08:05,478
SO YOU UNDERSTOOD
EVERYTHING I BEEN SAYING?
227
00:08:05,482 --> 00:08:07,282
- YES.
YOU KISSED RICK.
228
00:08:07,275 --> 00:08:09,965
POOKIE CAN'T FIND OUT,
OR SOMEONE WILL DIE.
229
00:08:09,965 --> 00:08:11,205
POW, POW, POW.
230
00:08:11,206 --> 00:08:12,616
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
231
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:14,310
TAKE THAT FAKE-ASS BAG,
ALL RIGHT?
232
00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:15,550
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, ALL RIGHT?
233
00:08:15,551 --> 00:08:17,281
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
234
00:08:17,275 --> 00:08:18,785
- HEY.
- HEY, GIRL.
235
00:08:18,793 --> 00:08:20,723
- WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
- CHILD, NOTHING.
236
00:08:20,724 --> 00:08:22,524
ME AND THAT MAID ARGUING
OVER SALSA.
237
00:08:22,517 --> 00:08:23,967
CHILD, YOU KNOW,
SHE INTO SALSA VERDE.
238
00:08:23,965 --> 00:08:26,025
I'M INTO THAT PICO DE GALLO.
239
00:08:26,034 --> 00:08:28,104
- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO GET RID OF ALL OF THIS?
240
00:08:28,103 --> 00:08:29,073
- YEAH, GIRL.
241
00:08:29,068 --> 00:08:30,758
I GOT TO MAKE ROOM
FOR THE NEW ISH.
242
00:08:30,758 --> 00:08:32,338
- OH, WELL, THIS RECEIPT SAY
243
00:08:32,344 --> 00:08:34,284
YOU JUST GOT THIS NEW ISH
THIS MORNING.
244
00:08:34,275 --> 00:08:35,615
- EXACTLY.
245
00:08:35,620 --> 00:08:39,030
IT'S FOUR HOURS OLD.
THAT'S DAMN NEAR VINTAGE.
246
00:08:39,034 --> 00:08:40,624
- [sighs] TASHA,
- OKAY, YOU GOT ME.CA
247
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:41,860
ALL RIGHT?
YES.
248
00:08:41,861 --> 00:08:43,591
THAT WAS ME AND RICK KISSING
IN THE PARKING LOT,
249
00:08:43,586 --> 00:08:44,616
BUT IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
250
00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:47,100
OH, GOD.
THERE I GO LYING AGAIN.
251
00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:48,413
I'M ALWAYS LYING,
252
00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:50,003
TELLING PEOPLE I'M 41
WHEN I'M REALLY 45.
253
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,280
AND YES, I MAY HAVE HAD
A LITTLE LIGHT WORK DONE,
254
00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:54,475
BUT IT WAS ALL NONINVASIVE
AND ONLY HERE IN THE STATES.
255
00:08:54,482 --> 00:08:56,412
OH, GOD.
THERE I GO LYING AGAIN.
256
00:08:56,413 --> 00:08:57,763
OKAY, LOOK.
257
00:08:57,758 --> 00:09:00,788
ONE TIME--IT WAS JUST ONE TIME
IN MEXICO, ALL RIGHT?
258
00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:03,243
BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME?
HELL, WE IN SAN DIEGO.
259
00:09:03,241 --> 00:09:05,001
- UM...
260
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,170
I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT JASON.
261
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,072
- OH.
SHOOT.
262
00:09:09,068 --> 00:09:10,658
OKAY, WELL, ENOUGH
ABOUT ME RAMBLING ON--
263
00:09:10,655 --> 00:09:13,475
- JASON IS FIXED.
264
00:09:13,482 --> 00:09:14,972
HE CAN'T HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN.
265
00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,205
- OKAY, WELL,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
266
00:09:16,206 --> 00:09:17,966
GIRL, YOU DODGED A BULLET.
267
00:09:17,965 --> 00:09:19,165
HAVE YOU MET THAT BRITTANY?
268
00:09:19,172 --> 00:09:20,692
- TASHA, THIS IS A BIG DEAL.
269
00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:22,759
I'VE ALWAYS DREAMT
OF HAVING KIDS.
270
00:09:22,758 --> 00:09:24,138
SHOOT, SERVES ME RIGOW WHAT?
271
00:09:24,137 --> 00:09:25,097
SOMETHING AIN'T RIGHT.
272
00:09:25,103 --> 00:09:26,383
I DON'T KNOW.
273
00:09:26,379 --> 00:09:29,239
I JUST CAN'T SEE JASON
GETTING HIS TUBES TIED.
274
00:09:29,241 --> 00:09:30,171
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
275
00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:31,722
I MEAN, WHO REALLY DOES THAT,
276
00:09:31,724 --> 00:09:34,974
ESPECIALLY SOMEBODY
SO PARTICULAR ABOUT THEY JUNK?
277
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:37,165
- I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER KELLY
TALKING ABOUT HOW
278
00:09:37,172 --> 00:09:39,412
THEY WERE TRYING
TO HAVE MORE DEMON SPAWN.
279
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,763
YOU KNOW, THE ONLY WAY
TO CAST OUT A DEMON SPAWN
280
00:09:41,758 --> 00:09:43,138
IS TO FIRE ANOTHER ONE
DOWN THE HATCH.
281
00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:45,337
THAT'S IN THE BIBLE.
- I DON'T THINK IT IS.
282
00:09:45,344 --> 00:09:47,974
BUT WHILE WE ON THE SUBJECT
OF SINNING,
283
00:09:47,965 --> 00:09:49,995
I DID SEE YOU AND THAT RICK FOX,
284
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,660
AND THERE WAS A LOT MORE
THAN KISSING GOING ON
285
00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:52,825
IN THAT PARKING LOT.
286
00:09:52,827 --> 00:09:53,897
LOOKED LIKE Y'ALL WAS TRYING
287
00:09:53,896 --> 00:09:55,446
TO MAKE THE BEAST
WITH TWO BACKS.
288
00:09:55,448 --> 00:09:56,928
- BLASPHEMY.
- MM-HMM.
289
00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:58,341
BUT DON'T YOU WORRY.
290
00:09:58,344 --> 00:10:01,974
YOUR LITTLE SECRET
PARKING LOT SEX IS SAFE WITH ME.
291
00:10:01,965 --> 00:10:04,065
BUT IT WOULD BE EVEN SAFER
IF I KEPT THIS DRESS.
292
00:10:04,068 --> 00:10:05,278
- GO ON.
- ALL RIGHT.
293
00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:07,135
THE SHOES TOO?
- THAT'S YOURS.
294
00:10:07,137 --> 00:10:09,027
- ALL RIGHT.
295
00:10:09,034 --> 00:10:10,554
OH, MY GOD, THIS PURSE.
296
00:10:10,551 --> 00:10:11,721
- WHAT--N--
297
00:10:11,724 --> 00:10:12,974
THAT'S MY REAL PURSE, THOUGH.
298
00:10:12,965 --> 00:10:14,025
- OH, OKAY.
299
00:10:14,034 --> 00:10:15,414
I'LL JUST LEAVE YOU
WITH YOUR STUFF.
300
00:10:15,413 --> 00:10:17,033
- OH, YEAH, YOU CAN
HAVE THAT TOO IF YOU WANT.
301
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,244
ALL RIGHT, WELL--
- YOU GOOD.
302
00:10:18,241 --> 00:10:19,791
- YOU CAN HAVE IT.
- I KNOW.
303
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,243
- JUST TAKE CARE OF HER.
- I WILL.
304
00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:23,661
- OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW, UM--
305
00:10:23,655 --> 00:10:27,025
- WON'T SAY NOTHING.
306
00:10:27,034 --> 00:10:29,284
- WHAT'S UP, MY MAN?- MY MAN, MY MAN.
307
00:10:29,275 --> 00:10:31,095
THANK YOU SO MUCH
308
00:10:31,103 --> 00:10:32,523
FOR MEETING ME HERE TODAY,
BROTHER.
309
00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:33,717
I TELL YOU.
310
00:10:33,724 --> 00:10:35,484
- I THOUGHT THIS WAS
A BUSINESS MEETING, MAN.
311
00:10:35,482 --> 00:10:37,032
YOU--YOU ON
SOME FREAKY-DEAKY STUFF, HUH?
312
00:10:37,034 --> 00:10:38,554
- [laughing]
313
00:10:38,551 --> 00:10:39,551
YOU A FUNNY MAN.
314
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,001
YOU KNOW, YOU REAL FUNNY.
315
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,690
YOU KNOW, DAYMOND, THE REASON
I HAVE ASKED YOU HERE TODAY
316
00:10:43,689 --> 00:10:45,929
IS BECAUSE I DON'T JUST SEE YOU
AS A FRIEND, MAN.
317
00:10:45,931 --> 00:10:47,551
I ALSO SEE YOU AS A ROLE MODEL.
318
00:10:47,551 --> 00:10:49,451
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, MALIK,
LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT.
319
00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:51,168
THE ONLY REASON I'M HERE
IS 'CAUSE MY PUBLICIST
320
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,622
PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR YOU.
321
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:54,860
AND MOST LIKELY, THAT'S
'CAUSE YOU GUYS WERE SMASHING,
322
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,102
SO WHY DON'T WE JUST
GET ON WITH IT?
323
00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:57,173
- SHE SAID I WAS GOOD, RIGHT?
324
00:10:57,172 --> 00:10:58,832
- SHE SAID YOU WERE SWEATY.
325
00:10:58,827 --> 00:10:59,967
- SHE DID?
- YEAH, WELL, LET'S--
326
00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:01,405
- LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT.
OKAY, YEAH.
327
00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:02,523
OKAY, DAYMOND.
328
00:11:02,517 --> 00:11:03,827
YOU'RE A SHARK.
329
00:11:03,827 --> 00:11:05,857
SO I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE AWARE
330
00:11:05,862 --> 00:11:08,932
THAT SWIMSUIT APPAREL
IS AN $80 BILLION INDUSTRY
331
00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:09,971
IN THE U.S.
332
00:11:09,965 --> 00:11:12,755
NOW, IF I CAN JUST GET
2% OF THAT,
333
00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:15,278
I CAN GENERATE $160 MILLION.
334
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,825
NOW DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?
335
00:11:17,827 --> 00:11:19,657
- YOU MOST CERTAINLY DO.
CONTINUE.
336
00:11:19,655 --> 00:11:23,205
- DAYMOND, I HAVE INVENTED
A BIKINI
337
00:11:23,206 --> 00:11:25,516
THAT DOES AWAY WITH
UNINTENTIONAL BOOTY DISPLAY,
338
00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:27,927
ALSO KNOWN AS THE WEDGIE,
339
00:11:27,931 --> 00:11:32,141
THE NUMBER ONE PROBLEM
FOR WOMEN IN THE SUMMERTIME.
340
00:11:32,137 --> 00:11:35,097
[laughs]
LET THE PRESENTATION BEGIN.
341
00:11:35,103 --> 00:11:36,793
- ♪ I'MA BREAK OUT
AND THEN HIDE EVERY LOCK ♪
342
00:11:36,793 --> 00:11:38,693
♪ I'MA BREAK OUT
AND THEN HIDE EVERY LOCK ♪
343
00:11:38,689 --> 00:11:39,619
- OH, NO.
344
00:11:39,620 --> 00:11:41,830
MY HORRIBLE WEDGIE.
345
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,447
WHAT AM I EVER TO DO?
346
00:11:43,448 --> 00:11:44,968
- NO!
A WEDGIE!
347
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,995
THE PLIGHT OF A BIG TUSHIE.
348
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,970
NOW I GIVE YOU
349
00:11:49,965 --> 00:11:53,065
THE STAY-KINI,
BY MALIK WRIGHT.
350
00:11:53,068 --> 00:11:56,068
- ♪ I AM A SINNER
351
00:11:56,068 --> 00:11:59,278
♪ WHO'S PROBABLY
GONNA SIN AGAIN ♪
352
00:11:59,275 --> 00:12:00,275
- WOW.
353
00:12:00,275 --> 00:12:03,755
NOW, THAT IS DISGUSTING, MAN.
354
00:12:03,758 --> 00:12:05,548
- LOOK, WE--WE'RE STILL
WORKING THE KINKS OUT.
355
00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:07,101
BUT DON'T FOCUS
ON THAT, DAYMOND.
356
00:12:07,103 --> 00:12:09,933
I WANT YOU TO FOCUS ON THE FACT
THAT YOU ARE LOOKING
357
00:12:09,931 --> 00:12:14,661
AT A BIG, BUBBALICIOUS,
NUTRITIOUS TUSH
358
00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:15,965
WITH NO WEDGIE.
359
00:12:15,965 --> 00:12:17,065
HMM?
360
00:12:17,068 --> 00:12:19,858
- BABY GIRL,
ARE YOU COMFORTABLE IN THAT?
361
00:12:19,862 --> 00:12:23,002
- WELL, I CAN'T SIT DOWN IN IT.
362
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,340
I CAN'T BREATHE,
AND I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS, BUT--
363
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:27,004
- MALIK, THIS IDEA--
364
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,170
IT'S JUST--
IT'S JUST STUPID.
365
00:12:29,172 --> 00:12:32,212
- BUT WOMEN DON'T
LIKE WEDGIES, DAYMOND.
366
00:12:32,206 --> 00:12:33,716
THAT'S A FACT.
367
00:12:33,724 --> 00:12:37,554
- LADIES, LADIES, IS THAT TRUE?
368
00:12:37,551 --> 00:12:41,281
- IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE
AND EMBARRASSING.
369
00:12:41,275 --> 00:12:44,405
- WELL, I DON'T MIND, 'CAUSE
I KNOW MY MAN LOVES 'EM, SO--
370
00:12:44,413 --> 00:12:46,343
- CARAMEL!
WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING?
371
00:12:46,344 --> 00:12:47,934
YOU'RE A MODEL.
TORI, GET HER OUT OF HERE.
372
00:12:47,931 --> 00:12:48,901
- YES.
GET OUT.
373
00:12:48,896 --> 00:12:49,856
GO.
- OW.
374
00:12:49,862 --> 00:12:51,172
- GO.
- AH!
375
00:12:51,172 --> 00:12:52,902
- NICE JOB, LADIES.
NICE JOB.
376
00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:55,516
- LIKE THE CHARITY
THAT I WORK FOR--I SPONSOR.
377
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:56,967
- [sighs]
378
00:12:56,965 --> 00:12:58,445
- SO YOU'RE IN?
379
00:12:58,448 --> 00:13:01,238
- MAN, YOU CRASH DUMMY,
YOU JUST WASTED MY TIME.
380
00:13:01,241 --> 00:13:02,481
I SHOULD HAVE YOU BODIED, MAN.
381
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,482
- I'M SORRY.
- MM.
382
00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:04,832
- THANK YOU.
383
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,377
- ♪ TRICK, DON'T KILL MY VIBE
384
00:13:06,379 --> 00:13:08,339
♪ TRICK, DON'T KILL MY VIBE
385
00:13:24,931 --> 00:13:26,171
- HOLY MOTHER!
386
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,382
WHAT--
387
00:13:28,379 --> 00:13:29,859
BABY, I THINK THE SPIDER'S BACK.
388
00:13:29,862 --> 00:13:31,282
- [laughs]
CALM DOWN, BABY.
389
00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:32,445
YOU GOOD.
390
00:13:32,448 --> 00:13:34,138
BUT WHILE YOU UP,
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME
391
00:13:34,137 --> 00:13:37,097
EXACTLY HOW A VASECTOMY
IS PERFORMED?
392
00:13:37,103 --> 00:13:38,553
- VERY CAREFULLY.
[imitates rimshot]
393
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,621
- HMPH.
YOU LYING, JASON.
394
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:41,970
I CHECKED YOUR SCROTUM.
395
00:13:41,965 --> 00:13:43,065
- WHAT?
396
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:44,518
- I CHECKED ALL UP
AND ROUND YOUR SCROTUM,
397
00:13:44,517 --> 00:13:45,927
AND THERE IS NO VASECTOMY SCAR.
398
00:13:45,931 --> 00:13:47,761
- YOU CHECKED MY SCROTUM?
399
00:13:47,758 --> 00:13:48,898
- NO SCAR.
400
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:50,446
- OF COURSE THERE'S NO SCAR,
YOU PSYCHO.
401
00:13:50,448 --> 00:13:51,998
I DIDN'T GET SOME BACK-ALLEY
BUTCHER JOB.
402
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,030
I HAVE INSURANCE.
403
00:13:53,034 --> 00:13:54,384
IT WAS NONINVASIVE.
404
00:13:54,379 --> 00:13:55,589
- OH, REALLY?
405
00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:57,406
SO HOW MANY DAYS YOU WAS IN
THE HOSPITAL FOR?
406
00:13:57,413 --> 00:13:58,763
- UM, TRICK QUESTION.
407
00:13:58,758 --> 00:14:00,208
OUTPATIENT SURGERY.
408
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,856
WHAT ELSE YOU GOT,
JOHNNY COCHRAN?
409
00:14:01,862 --> 00:14:03,722
- WHEN DID YOU HAVE YOUR LITTLE
OUTPATIENT SURGERY?
410
00:14:03,724 --> 00:14:05,034
- [sighs]
411
00:14:05,034 --> 00:14:07,974
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
HOW ABOUT JUNE 21, 2007?
412
00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:09,785
IT WAS A WEDNESDAY.
IT WAS RAINING.
413
00:14:09,793 --> 00:14:11,623
I HAD JUST DISCOVERED
A NEW THING CALLED FANDANGO.
414
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:13,070
THE PROCEDURE WAS AT 2:00.
415
00:14:13,068 --> 00:14:15,068
I WAS IN THE THEATER
WATCHING NACHO LIBREBY 5:00.
416
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:17,658
A-WHAT?
417
00:14:17,655 --> 00:14:19,895
YOU KNOW
YOU DONE MESSED UP, RIGHT?
418
00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:22,966
NACHO LIBRECAME OUT IN 2006.
419
00:14:22,965 --> 00:14:25,475
- RIGHT.
WHAT?
420
00:14:25,482 --> 00:14:27,142
DID I SAY NACHO LIBRE?
421
00:14:27,137 --> 00:14:28,137
YOU KNOW WHAT?
422
00:14:28,137 --> 00:14:29,717
IT MIGHT'VE BEEN TOKYO DRIFT.
423
00:14:29,724 --> 00:14:31,314
IT WAS TOKYO DRIFT.
424
00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:33,720
I REMEMBER, 'CAUSE AFTERWARDS,
I WAS DRIVING AROUND ALL FAST,
425
00:14:33,724 --> 00:14:35,034
AND THEN I WENT
AND GOT SOME SUSHI,
426
00:14:35,034 --> 00:14:37,314
'CAUSE IT PUT ME IN THE MOOD.
427
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,620
- OKAY, I DIDN'T GET
A VASECTOMY.
428
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:40,970
- I KNEW IT.
I KNEW IT, JASON!
429
00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:43,445
I TOLD YOUR ASS WHEN I WAS ABOUT
TO BREAK UP WITH YOU
430
00:14:43,448 --> 00:14:45,208
AND GET THIS DAMN MARRIAGE
ANNULLED
431
00:14:45,206 --> 00:14:46,856
THAT I WANTED TO HAVE KIDS.
432
00:14:46,862 --> 00:14:49,282
AND YOU STOPPING ME
MEANT THAT YOU WAS ON BOARD.
433
00:14:49,275 --> 00:14:50,715
- YEAH, I WAS ON BOARD
UNTIL I FOUND OUT
434
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,864
ABOUT YOUR STUDENT LOANS
AND YOUR INCARCERATED BROTHER
435
00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:54,412
AND YOUR RELIGIOUS ZEALOTRY.
436
00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:56,693
WE NEED TO PUMP THE BRAKES
A LITTLE BIT.
437
00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:57,969
- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
438
00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,275
THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE
DRIVING THIS BUS, HONEY.
439
00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,655
AND ONE OF 'EM WANT KIDS.
440
00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:02,715
SO UNLESS YOU WANT ME
441
00:15:02,724 --> 00:15:04,454
TO DRIVE THIS THING
OFF THE CLIFF,
442
00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:05,758
YOU BETTER BE GETTIN' ON BOARD.
443
00:15:05,758 --> 00:15:07,238
NOW I GOT TO GO POOP.
444
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:09,621
I'M GONNA BE BACK,
ABOUT FIVE TO TEN MINUTES TOPS,
445
00:15:09,620 --> 00:15:12,210
AND YOU GONNA TELL ME
IF YOU ON BOARD
446
00:15:12,206 --> 00:15:13,236
WITH THIS BABY THING.
447
00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:15,861
OR I'M WALKING.
448
00:15:15,862 --> 00:15:18,342
[sighs]
449
00:15:39,655 --> 00:15:40,925
FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
450
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:42,101
- WHAT?
451
00:15:42,103 --> 00:15:43,593
MAN, HOW DARE HE MOCK YOU?
452
00:15:43,586 --> 00:15:44,756
THAT'S MY JOB.
453
00:15:44,758 --> 00:15:47,758
- I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW
HOW I THOUGHT
454
00:15:47,758 --> 00:15:49,998
THAT I COULD DO THIS, TEE TEE.
455
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,310
I MEAN, DAYMOND STARTED FUBU
WHEN HE WAS 23 YEARS OLD.
456
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:56,480
I'M A 30-PLUS
SOON-TO-BE EX-BALLER
457
00:15:56,482 --> 00:15:58,792
ACTING LIKE A BUSINESSMAN
IN A BUSINESS SUIT,
458
00:15:58,793 --> 00:16:00,723
AND I AIN'T GOT NO
DAMN BUSINESS.
459
00:16:00,724 --> 00:16:02,284
I'M SPINNING MY WHEELS, BRO.
460
00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:03,685
I'M TIRED, MAN.
461
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:05,309
- [chuckles]
462
00:16:05,310 --> 00:16:07,070
SO YOU TIRED AFTER A WEEK, HUH?
463
00:16:07,068 --> 00:16:08,408
- YEAH.
464
00:16:08,413 --> 00:16:09,973
- LOOK.
465
00:16:09,965 --> 00:16:11,515
YOU'RE ONLY SAYING THIS
'CAUSE THE ROAD'S
466
00:16:11,517 --> 00:16:12,757
GETTING A LITTLE ROUGH
RIGHT NOW.
467
00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:13,758
BUT TRUST ME.
468
00:16:13,758 --> 00:16:15,858
STARTING A BUSINESS
IS A LONG HAUL.
469
00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:17,342
AND IT'S GONNA BE
A WHOLE GANG OF THINGS
470
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:18,834
THAT GET IN YOUR WAY
BEFORE YOU MAKE IT.
471
00:16:18,827 --> 00:16:20,207
- HMM.
472
00:16:20,206 --> 00:16:22,306
- IT'S REALLY NOT THAT DIFFERENT
FROM PLAYING FOOTBALL.
473
00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:25,000
- SO I JUST NEED TO PUSH THROUGH
AND WORK HARDER, HUH?
474
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,140
- YEAH.
475
00:16:26,137 --> 00:16:28,097
SEE,
476
00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:31,073
SUCCESS IS 1% INSPIRATION,
477
00:16:31,068 --> 00:16:33,858
BUT IT'S 99% PERSPIRATION.
478
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:35,242
- WHO SAID THAT?
479
00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:37,031
- BELIEVE IT OR NOT, MY MOM.
480
00:16:37,034 --> 00:16:40,484
- OH, NO, I AIN'T TAKING
NO CRACK WISDOM, DOG.
481
00:16:40,482 --> 00:16:43,832
- JASON, I TOLD YOU
YOU HAD TEN MINUTES TOPS.
482
00:16:43,827 --> 00:16:45,407
WHAT, YOU DOWN HERE
TRYING TO HIDE FROM ME?
483
00:16:45,413 --> 00:16:47,343
- YOU WANT THE TRUTH?
484
00:16:47,344 --> 00:16:49,764
YOUR POOP STINK WAS SEEPING
UNDER THE BATHROOM DOOR.
485
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:50,898
- [scoffs]
WELL, MAYBE IT WAS.
486
00:16:50,896 --> 00:16:52,406
MAYBE IT WAS.
- OH, IT WAS.
487
00:16:52,413 --> 00:16:53,793
I ALMOST CALLED A HAZ-MAT TEAM.
488
00:16:53,793 --> 00:16:55,003
- [laughs]
489
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,690
WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, JASON?
490
00:16:56,689 --> 00:16:58,139
- [sighs]
491
00:16:58,137 --> 00:17:00,137
ARE WE--WE'RE STILL--
WE'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT?
492
00:17:00,137 --> 00:17:01,337
- YEAH.
- [sighs]
493
00:17:01,344 --> 00:17:04,664
MY ENTIRE LIFE
HAS BEEN PLANNED OUT.
494
00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:05,825
- [sighs]
- OKAY?
495
00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:07,447
MY PARENTS KNEW
I WAS GONNA BE A FOOTBALL PLAYER
496
00:17:07,448 --> 00:17:08,518
BEFORE I WAS BORN.
497
00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:09,857
MY FIRST PAIR OF SHOES
WERE CLEATS.
498
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,522
I ALWAYS KNEW WHERE
I WAS GONNA GO TO COLLEGE.
499
00:17:11,517 --> 00:17:13,167
I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT POSITION
I WAS GONNA PLAY.
500
00:17:13,172 --> 00:17:15,172
I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT KIND OF WOMAN
I WAS GONNA MARRY.
501
00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:18,692
AND THEN, OUT OF NOWHERE,
I MEET THIS
502
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:21,099
SASSY BLACK BARTENDER,
503
00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:25,143
WHO'S, YOU KNOW,
$80,000 IN DEBT.
504
00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:26,517
I'M JUST SAYING,
YOU WENT TO FAMU.
505
00:17:26,517 --> 00:17:27,617
HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?
506
00:17:27,619 --> 00:17:28,829
- [scoffs]
507
00:17:28,827 --> 00:17:30,547
THE SAME WAY
YOUR BIG-ASS NIPPLES HAPPENED.
508
00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:33,551
ANYWAY, JASON, MY LIFE
WAS PLANNED OUT TOO, OKAY?
509
00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:34,971
AT TEN YEARS OLD,
510
00:17:34,965 --> 00:17:36,335
I WAS GONNA BE ON STAR SEARCH.
511
00:17:36,344 --> 00:17:37,594
DIDN'T HAPPEN.
512
00:17:37,586 --> 00:17:39,856
15 YEARS OLD,
I WAS GONNA WIN THE OLYMPICS.
513
00:17:39,862 --> 00:17:41,002
DIDN'T HAPPEN.
514
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,790
21 YEARS OLD, I JUST KNEW
515
00:17:42,793 --> 00:17:44,143
I WAS GONNA BE THE QUEEN
OF ZAMUNDA.
516
00:17:44,137 --> 00:17:46,407
- MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE ZAMUNDA
IS NOT A REAL PLACE.
517
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,143
IT DOESN'T EXIST.
THEY MADE IT UP FOR THE MOVIE.
518
00:17:48,137 --> 00:17:49,407
- BABY, THE POINT IS
519
00:17:49,413 --> 00:17:52,413
IS THAT LIFE DOES NOT ALWAYS
HAPPEN AS PLANNED.
520
00:17:52,413 --> 00:17:53,903
BUT HAVING KIDS?
521
00:17:53,896 --> 00:17:56,616
THAT IS JUST ONE GOAL
I'M JUST NOT WILLING TO BEND ON,
522
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:57,660
PERIOD.
523
00:17:57,655 --> 00:17:59,855
- WELL,
524
00:17:59,862 --> 00:18:02,692
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO.
525
00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:05,719
JUST LIKE I SHOULDN'T HAVE
TO LOSE MY SASSY BLACK BARTENDER
526
00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:09,314
JUST 'CAUSE I'M AFRAID
OF THE UNKNOWN.
527
00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:11,970
SO...
[exhales]
528
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,585
AS SCARY AS THE IDEA
529
00:18:13,586 --> 00:18:18,716
OF BRINGING ANOTHER DEMON SPAWN
INTO THIS WORLD IS,
530
00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:21,284
IF THE ALTERNATIVE
IS LOSING YOU,
531
00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:25,205
THEN I WILL RELUCTANTLY
BLESS YOU WITH MY SEED.
532
00:18:25,206 --> 00:18:26,376
- BLESS ME?
533
00:18:26,379 --> 00:18:29,169
BABY, THAT--
[laughs]
534
00:18:29,172 --> 00:18:33,862
THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING
YOU HAVE EVER SAID TO ME.
535
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:34,832
I LOVE YOU.
536
00:18:34,827 --> 00:18:39,717
- [laughs]
537
00:18:39,724 --> 00:18:42,414
DO Y- NO, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
A BABY TODAY OR TOMORROW, OKAY?
538
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:43,973
LET BRITTANY'S LITTLE ASS
LEAVE FIRST.
539
00:18:43,965 --> 00:18:45,655
I DON'T WANT THAT HEIFER
NOWHERE NEAR MY KIDS.
540
00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:48,165
- HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S A GOOD CALL.
541
00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:50,622
- NOW, BABY, MARK YOUR CALENDAR,
'CAUSE IN THREE YEARS,
542
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:51,620
WE GONNA GET IT--
543
00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:53,280
[snapping, singing falsetto]
544
00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:54,615
UNLESS SURVIVORCALLS.
545
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:57,760
I CAN'T BE PREGNANT,
EATING ALL THEM BUGS AND STUFF.
546
00:18:57,758 --> 00:18:58,968
- WHO ARE YOU?
547
00:18:58,965 --> 00:19:00,275
- CHARDONNAY.
- [laughs]
548
00:19:00,275 --> 00:19:01,825
- CHARDONNAY PITTS!
549
00:19:01,827 --> 00:19:03,687
- OH, I LOVE YOU.
550
00:19:03,689 --> 00:19:06,689
- I LOVE YOU TOO.
551
00:19:06,739 --> 00:19:11,289
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38747
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.