All language subtitles for Mad About You S06E21 Paul Slips In The Shower.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.MLLCRK

Oh, most of my
friends love that.

♪ Tell me why ♪
I love you like I do

♪ Tell me who

♪ Can stop my
heart as much as you

♪ Let's take each other's hand

♪ As we jump into
♪ The final frontier

♪ I'm mad about you, baby

♪ Yeah ♪

You sure you didn't see it?

Sorry.

A whole bag of
cookies just disappears?

Sure you bought 2 bags?

Yes. I'm positive. I remember
the guy at the checkout counter

going, "ah, somebody
likes a lot of cookies,"

like I need this guy
commenting on my life.

Wait a second. Didn't we finish
the cookies when my folk over?

Yes, but that was the first bag.

There were, like, two left. Your
father had one, and your mother said,

"Burt, the sugar will kill
ya," and then she ate it.

And we didn't start
the second bag?

No. They aren't here. I got
a craving. I'm really upset.

Well, I'm gonna call the
police and see what they know.

Maybe you ate 'em.

Yes, that's what I did.

I ate an entire bag of
Milano cookies in one shot.

Not impossible.

Yeah, and then,
I didn't tell you

because so shaky is
our relationship, so fragile,

the ties that bind us,
and so heinous a crime...

You tell me, where'd they go?

I don't know. Nobody knows.

You know what? It'll be just
one of those sweet mysteries

Well, I don't like it.

I'm takin' a shower.

I'm finding the cookies.

All right. I'll wash up,
you'll save France.

♪ I'm in the mood

♪ For a shower

♪ Simply because

♪ I enjoy a nice shower

Often before one's death,

one's life flashes
before one's eyes.

Always know I love you.

They're not always the
most profound images.

But when taken together, they do
provide insight into a person's psyche.

Your son Paul has
enormous potential.

Sure. SYLVIA: Well, naturally.

If only he would apply himself.

There's no question the
young man has potential.

There's so much he can do.

There so much I
know he wants to do.

Finished!

Totally empty.

Thank you! Good night, Chicago!

Paul! Paul!

Paul! Paul!

Guess who's living
in Chicago now?

Who?

Your cousin
Victor's wife Marilyn.

I told you they
split up, didn't I?

Yeah. Yes. Yes, you did.

I hate to say I told you so,

but she was never right for him.

Paulie?

What? What are you doing?

Um...

Homework?

Really? And who is that, Judy?

H-hello, Mrs. Buchman.

Hello.

Isn't your mother
expecting you for dinner?

I was just going.

Okay.

Burt, your son is kissing!

Paul, your mother
is your mother.

I know. I know.

You're not gonna change her.

We discuss this all the time.

I don't know why you have to
pay that woman $100 an hour.

I'll make it very
simple for you.

Your mother is
a horrible person.

Okay Period. End of sentence.

Free of charge.

A hundred dollars a week?

When I first met your mother, do you
know what I was making? $65 a week.

60!

Sixty dollars a
week, I was making.

And I think when
Debbie was born,

I gave myself a
raise, a whopping $75.

80! $80 a week!

But $100 a week to talk
about your problems?

Unheard of.

Unheard of!

Didn't we teach you about money?

You see how all the pictures
are facing the same way?

That's fundamental,
very important.

When you see a guy with his
money facing every which direction,

do you know what it
says? The guy's a loser.

Big loser.

Plus, and this is what I want
you to remember, Paulie...

The big bills are on the inside,

and the singles and
the fives on the outside.

Do you know why?

Because that way people don't
see the big bills and rob you?

That's right, my smart boy.

You see? Organized and nice.

You see, you want to put
the applesauce on this side

and the green beans on this side

because they're
very different flavors

and you don't want to get
them confused, you see?

Separate and nice.

He's so his father
it's unbelievable.

All right, first
of all, I'm not,

and, second of all, what
would be so bad if I were?

He always phrases things in
such a way that he can't be wrong.

I don't. No. That's
not... I don't. No, I don't.

And if I did, I do
it less than you.

See? Paul?

That was a little
childish. I caught that.

It's not always
about winning, Paul.

Thank you.

Okay, so how come
when she wins, that's okay?

It'll be your third light.

Don't give her lights.
Give her landmarks.

Third light. It's across
from Monty's house of pies.

You'll see it. There's a
big store across the street.

Pies. A big pie store.

Monty's house of
pies. You know what?

They'll see the "M" from
Monty's... big, like a mountain range.

Do you want to talk to her?

Do you want her to
find it, or don't you?

One of us is doing
this. You or me?

You. Thank you.

But you're doing it badly.

No. See, it's a strip mall

Right after the Cloverleaf turn.

It's the 28th light.

You'll see there's a pet world,

and then there's a baseball
card and memorabilia shop.

You'll see a big
sign, "Doug's Cards."

Make the right, then
you'll see another light.

You know what? You can't miss
it. There's a huge wooden owl.

The owl is gone.
Just look for the light.

Hold on a second. Excuse me.

Is this not exactly the kind of
thing you hate when I do to you?

Does it bother you?

No, but the point is when I
do this kind of thing to you,

you hate it.

Because it bothers
me. I understand.

So, if this bothers
you, tell me.

You're missing my point. The point
is, why can't you see the similarity

between when you do
this and when I do this?

Because when you
do it, it's annoying.

It's the 28th light.

Well, who we marry
says a lot about us.

Meaning what?

Well, for example, Paul,
when you talk about Jamie,

it sounds like you're
talking about your mother.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Meaning
what? That I'm like his mother?

Well, maybe.

In some ways.

Or maybe you're
the exact opposite.

What do you think, Paul?
Is Jamie like your mother?

Um...

You know...

If...

It's...

Who knows? You know?
Really? I don't know.

When in the face of death,

the mind calls forth a dizzying
array of seemingly unrelated images.

Oh, uh...

All right, uh...

I see. Now you...

Ha! What do you think of that?

Paulie, what have we learned?

When you play against my mom...

Both: You ain't never gonna win.

That's correct, my friend.

Everything comes to the surface.

Look at this.

Cigarettes and matches...

Very nice for a 13-year-old boy.

Where'd you find all this?

Where? I found it.

It was just sitting out?

No, it wasn't just sitting out.

It was in a box.

Florsheim shoes.

Inside a bag.

In the closet.

In a bigger box marked
"letters from grandma."

What was I, born yesterday?

You ain't never gonna win.

But, in truth, these images all
may be different expressions

of the same basic desire.

I want to win, Lord!

Look at this.

Oh, for god's sake.

Naked girls, Burt.

I see.

Not only naked, but look.
Look how they're sitting.

And I'm not a prude, Burt.

No, no, no.

I don't know any
one of our friends

who would say Sylvia
Buchman is a prude.

No, no, no. They wouldn't.

Look at this. Can you imagine
if these girls' parents were alive

and they stumbled across this?

They'd... they'd...
they-d... I don't know what.

He just leaves these sitting
around... My brilliant son?

No, he didn't leave
them sitting around.

I looked, I came across.

It was inside a little valise.

In a blanket.

Above the dryer.

In the crawlspace.

Oh.

You ain't never gonna win.

I want to win, lord!

I want to win!

You're not gonna get
anything past Jamie, ever,

So you can just stop tryin'.

Yeah, but why is that?

I was once gettin' my nails done

at this place called Vivian's,
a great little shop I discovered.

And, for some reason, I just
didn't feel like sharin' it with anyone.

Sure.

I see Jamie and I'd just
gotten my nails done,

and she goes, "hi, Fran."

Like that.

"Hi, Fran."

Like there was this little
awkward silence, like, "Fran."

Isn't there anything you're
not sharing with me?"

Oh, stop it.

No. I am telling you,

she has this radar, and it goes
right to the back of your brain.

Well, women, you gotta
understand, are different.

It's not just a man-woman thing.

It's Jamie.

I mean, you can lie to a woman,

you just gotta work
a whole lot harder.

I mean, to be honest with
you, it's almost not even wort

Unless, of course,
you're very, very good.

How did she know I
didn't read the book?

Sweetie... I could
have read the book.

No, no, no. You didn't commit.

I committed. She said,

"Did you ever read
Angela's Ashes?"

And I said, "mm-hmm."

You've never read it.

No, but she doesn't know that.

And I've been meaning to
read it, so that's like something.

It's not like I
never heard of it.

Sweetie, you can't
lie. Just accept it.

What?

You can't. You
don't have it in you.

You're an honest person.

That is a terrible thing to say.

No. It's one of the things
I love most about you.

Let me tell you something.

I could lie as good as anybody.

You really can't.

Hey, of course I can.

Hmm... No, you
can't, but it's okay.

You know what? Now
you're really buggin' me.

Sweetie! Just drop it!

But I used to be
able to lie, didn't I?

When?

I don't know. Before, years ago.

Oh, yeah. Years ago
you were very strong.

I mean, when you
applied yourself,

you could lie like
nobody's business.

What happened was
I did the assignment,

and then I did the
bonus questions, too...

You know, the ones we
really didn't even have to do...

But I didn't like the way those
came out, so I ripped 'em up.

But I wasn't thinking, and I
accidentally ripped up the whole thing.

With the other answers, the
ones we were supposed to do.

So that's why when you
asked, did I do the assignment,

I said, "well, yes, I did
it, but I don't have it."

All right, then.

Sit down.

No. But I mean after
that, as a grownup.

I used to lie, didn't I?

Sure. Yeah.

Yeah. You remember
the girl from Cincinnati?

Who was that?

I don't know her name.

You don't remember her?
She was from Cincinnati.

Her? IRA: No.

Her? IRA: No.

Her? IRA: No.

You mean her? No. She
had, like, reddish hair.

You met her in Florida.

Don't know who
you're talking about.

Oh, yes, you do.
We met her in Florida.

She was on vacation
from Cincinnati.

Her grandmother had a boat.

And my grandmother
got this guy's boat,

so we came down from Cleveland.

Cleveland.

Cleveland.

Yeah, sure. Of
course. Yeah. Right.

You remember all the crap you
told her about you and boats?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's so funny. I
practically grew up on boats.

My... My father had...

He built, actually,
a 40-foot, uh...

So you know what
a storm chaser is?

No. It's a boat.

And from the time
I was, like, three,

I used to always
go out and, uh...

I used to sit on my dad's lap.

You know, he let
me hold the wheel,

and we used to just
sail across the water.

Nobody around for miles, just
me, my old man, and the wind.

Yeah.

I remember, he always
used to say to me,

He said, "son, never forget
that a man and his boat

"Are like 2 hearts
in one soul...

"Caressing each other and holding
each other lovingly and tenderly.

"But always serving
one common master,

which is their dance
across an ageless sea."

I don't know. I've... I just...

I guess I've always
lived my life that way.

I want you to take me
right here and right now.

My god, I was good.

I'm tellin' ya.

What happened to me?

Man, these are good.

You see, Paulie,

the trick is, you have
to balance yourself.

I mean, it's like this
sandwich here, for example.

This is a big sandwich.

Yes.

I mean, you figure between
the salami and the provolone

and the mayonnaise... and
I'm usin' the real kind here...

Mm-hmm. You add it
all up, you're talkin' about,

well, like, uh...
A million calories.

All right.

But everything in
balance, my friend.

What do you suppose
that I had for breakfast?

A smaller one of these?

No, no, no. The
juice of one grapefruit.

That's all?

Just that.

It's all a question of
balance, my friend.

Mmm!

I could stop eatin'
any time I want.

You see what it is? It's
twice the chocolate now.

Now, that's just unfair.

Toying with people's lives.

I could stop eatin'
any time I want to.

Servings per container...

Eight? What, are
they kidding me?

There's no way this is
making it through eight people.

The whole bag?

I ate an entire bag of cookies?

Why didn't you stop me?

Or at least go get me
some milk or somethin'?

And I know you're not supposed
to eat that many cookies.

So I know I'm out of control.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

What? You're not eating.

I'm eating. I've been eating
since I got home from camp.

So you'll eat a little more.

I mean, I'm sure it's connected
to my childhood somehow,

You know, but I don't
know exactly how.

Hmm.

Well, what do you
think it might be?

I don't know.

Hard to say, really.

Maybe, just maybe,

there's, like, a sexual
component, you know?

Because I know it's always
related somehow to sexual things.

I don't know exactly how,

but I'm suggesting
maybe it's that.

Maybe fighting or
wanting to have a fight.

Or my mother. Maybe
it's old anger at my mother.

Maybe Jamie and my mother.

You know, something to
do with the two of them,

maybe something between them.

Maybe something I feel
towards both of them.

Eh...

I just want to win, Lord!

I really, really,
would like to win.

Maybe it's about
winning, wanting to win,

feeling a need to win...

Having a desire to win?

I like to win.

Winning?

Perhaps with anger?

Mixed in there with
the anger, I'm guessing?

With the whole sexual thing.

And a little, like,
my childhood.

Wanting to measure up.

You know, fear of not
measuring up somehow.

My father?

Is it my father somehow?

As the breadwinner, you know,

or, like, the rock
of the family?

Ooh. Uh...

Well, just whatever.

You know, my father in general.

Look, Paul, actually,
I can't help you.

Just a little!

If I could win just a little!

What if you can't?

How's that?

Uh, I say, what
if you can't win?

Do you still want to live?

Yes, but not as much.

Paul...

You... You kill me.

Don't you realize

that there are things much
more important than winning?

Think, man.

Think.

Oh.

Sure.

Oh!

Oh, boy.

Hey, stop. Stop,
stop, stop, stop!

I ate the cookies,
all the cookies.

I ate all the cookies.
Okay, here's the bag.

I hid it in the couch
when you came in.

I wasn't gonna tell
you, but I am, okay?

I... I am the eater
of the cookies.

But I just want you to
understand something.

I could've gotten away with
this if I wanted to, you know.

I mean, I could've
never told you,

and you never would
have known, right?

I mean, before when I told
you that I didn't eat the cookies,

I said, "oh, I didn't
eat the cookies."

You believed me, didn't you?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Which means I can lie to you.

I choose not to.

That's right. I mean, you
could have been looking

for that bag the
rest of your life.

You never would have
found it, you know?

And I would have
won. I would have won.

I would have had
my little secret,

and you would have gone
insane, looking for those cookies.

You would have ended
up in a home somewhere.

I'd have to visit you twice
a month until we're dead.

But I didn't. I didn't,
and you know why?

Why?

I don't want to lie to you.

It makes me feel bad.

I love you.

Everything else
is just silliness.

And if there's anything clogging
up whatever you and I have,

I don't want it, and I
won't let it be there.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So that's why you
weren't gonna tell me,

just so you could
prove you could lie?

Uh-huh.

Wow. Yeah. I know.

But I get it now.
Very clever now.

Well, good.

Can I ask you just one thing?

Go ahead.

Why did you eat 15
cookies in the first place?

They were just very good.

I see. Sure.

♪ I'm gonna take a shower

♪ Because I enjoy

♪ A shower

♪ But

♪ I don't enjoy

♪ Falling

♪ So this way

♪ I maybe won't fall

♪ I put little sticky
things on the tub floor

♪ They will help the friction

♪ So I don't fall

♪ And die