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1
00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:11,340
Phwoar! That dangerous, craggy
rock face reminds me strongly
2
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:15,380
of what used to be waiting for me
when I returned home from work.
3
00:00:15,380 --> 00:00:19,340
I used to be the kind of person
who'd look at this view
4
00:00:19,340 --> 00:00:22,380
and think it was worth the walk
getting here.
5
00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:25,900
A love of nature depends
quite a lot on your knees.
6
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:29,520
I'd sooner be at home
with the little woman.
7
00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,900
You haven't got a little woman.
8
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:35,300
I know, and HE'S supposed
to be working on it.
9
00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:38,620
Don't mind him,
he's pining for a wife.
10
00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:42,160
I'll send him mine round.
But she'll bring her sister.
11
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:44,160
I want one of me own.
12
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,920
You couldn't keep the one you had.
13
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,080
I know. I was younger.
14
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,880
I've got more personality now.
15
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,920
THEY ROAR WITH LAUGHTER
16
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,140
Wait for me!
17
00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,060
A-a-argh!
18
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,000
Eh, up!
19
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,300
Howard's bent his ladder.
20
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:14,220
I think it suits him. I think
he goes well with a bent ladder.
21
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:18,100
I need to get this straightened.
It don't look safe to me.
22
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:23,140
El Lobo doesn't care about safety.
No. Ha-ha! He laughs at safety.
23
00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:27,340
What put the kink in your ladder,
we can't help wondering?
24
00:02:27,340 --> 00:02:32,380
It was a small industrial accident.
Pearl caught you again, did she?
25
00:02:32,380 --> 00:02:37,840
I was climbing out the window,
testing it for fire-escape purposes.
26
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:40,440
Looks like it failed.
27
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,860
She caught me halfway down.
28
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,060
A very nasty place to be caught.
29
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:54,660
Could I make a suggestion?
Wouldn't it be easier to bend Howard to fit the ladder?
30
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:59,460
You come out to get your ladder
repaired, and you get insulted!
31
00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:03,320
Howard, you needn't bring a ladder.
We'd insult you, anyway.
32
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,020
I-I don't think I've got any change.
33
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:18,160
Think?! You don't think?!
Have you checked?
34
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,200
I'm pretty certain I've no change.
35
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,420
Check. Don't stand there guessing.
36
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,520
Jacket! Duh!
37
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:34,140
What's he doing all twisted up,
if it's not a personal question?
38
00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:38,140
He claims he's got no change.
You're not letting him off, then,
39
00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:41,220
on the grounds
of diminished responsibility?!
40
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:46,180
I am NOT. It's a good cause. You
hear such heart-breaking stories,
41
00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:50,220
but I make 'em dig into
their pockets, anyway. Oh, well.
42
00:03:50,220 --> 00:03:54,700
There you go. Well, it's
a fair cop, and we'll go quietly.
43
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:58,440
It's easier to give than go through
all he's going through.
44
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:03,880
Oh! Go over there and search -
before somebody sends for an ambulance.
45
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:12,060
He looks worse than Goff Helliwell,
and HE'S not expected to last more than a week.
46
00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:15,180
Old Goff?
He looked fit enough last time.
47
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:20,360
Well, I knew a Goff Helliwell.
He was fit enough, I promise you!
48
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:26,440
This one isn't.
His wife says he's not expected to see much of next week.
49
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,860
Every little helps. I've no change.
50
00:04:29,860 --> 00:04:34,320
No change?! Go over there with him
and search through your pockets.
51
00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:46,100
You're looking all thoughtful,
philosophical even.
52
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:49,320
What are you thinking about?
Steak-and-kidney pie.
53
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,400
Oh! Philosophical as that.
54
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:57,740
I could just fancy
a nice steak-and-kidney pie, cooked by caring hands, you know?
55
00:04:57,740 --> 00:05:02,300
As a change from your missus.
Don't you think she cares?
56
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:07,980
Yeah, I think she cares. She's just
dead duff at steak and kidney.
57
00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:12,120
Look at that.
That's terrible parking.
58
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:17,680
Not for HER. That's not bad
for HER. I've known her park INSIDE the shop.
59
00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:36,220
Is that your mother-in-law's car
parked down there? Where?
60
00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:39,260
The one with the rear end
out in the road. Yeah.
61
00:05:39,260 --> 00:05:42,660
Do us a favour.
Go and ask her to park it properly.
62
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:46,020
I daren't tell my mother-in-law
to do anything!
63
00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:50,440
I'd have to be kamikaze. Sorry,
you'll have to tell her yourselves.
64
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:56,820
We daren't tell her either.
No. Last time, she was very critical about men in general.
65
00:05:56,820 --> 00:06:01,280
Well, she IS. Yeah.
And, particularly, those in uniform.
66
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:04,420
You can get some nasty wounds
from old ladies.
67
00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:08,400
If you think her parking's bad,
you should see her driving.
68
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,800
Oh, we try not to look.
69
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:23,260
Of all the unsolved questions
of the universe,
70
00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:28,860
what really intrigues me is -
what does Howard need with a ladder?
71
00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:32,540
When you're his size,
you're bound to need a ladder.
72
00:06:32,540 --> 00:06:35,760
Howard needs a ladder
to fasten his boots.
73
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,880
I don't like it. It's sinister.
74
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,780
What's sinister about a ladder?
75
00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:45,580
In the wrong hands, it's sinister.
Oh, I admit they CAN be lethal.
76
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:49,640
No, he's up to something, and sooner
or later, it's going to involve ME.
77
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:53,100
I once saw
three people killed on a ladder.
78
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:57,720
Well, when I say "killed", er...
Actually, one of 'em hurt his foot.
79
00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:03,640
There's a bit of a difference
there. That much exaggeration's a bit ripe, even for ME.
80
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,680
You have to open
with dramatic effect.
81
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:12,060
Who'd be interested
in a ladder story about some muffin who hurt his foot?
82
00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:17,020
It's the storyteller's art.
You learn it in the witness box.
83
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:20,520
It's one thing living next door
to a maniac -
84
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,880
now it's a maniac with a ladder.
85
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:42,220
Goff Helliwell
is going to die next Tuesday.
86
00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:46,760
What time? Are tha sure
he's not just hurt his foot?
87
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,940
Where did you gather this rubbish?
88
00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:52,620
He picked it up whilst
he was being mugged by Nora Batty.
89
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:55,780
She collects all your loose change.
It's for charity.
90
00:07:55,780 --> 00:08:00,240
Nora Batty?! Huh! That's only
an inch short of armed robbery.
91
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,360
Half an inch.
92
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,280
CLUNK!
93
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:32,060
We're going
to have to tell her ourselves.
94
00:08:32,060 --> 00:08:35,400
Go and tell her she's badly parked.
YOU go.
95
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:40,480
How can you
be afraid of old ladies? I'm not afraid of old ladies.
96
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,280
Just THAT one.
97
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:50,180
Mrs Pegden,
y-your car's parked down there,
98
00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:54,420
fairly neatly, but, unfortunately,
mostly on the pavement.
99
00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:58,500
Oh, I'm not just a driver,
you know. I'm a pedestrian.
100
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:02,400
And as a pedestrian,
I'm entitled to the pavement.
101
00:09:07,220 --> 00:09:09,960
Go on!
You know where the car's parked.
102
00:09:13,110 --> 00:09:18,290
To absent friends.
After next Tuesday, to old Goff Helliwell, then.
103
00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:26,030
He looked fine when I saw him
last week. He's just a lad.
104
00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:28,130
How old is he? 78.
105
00:09:28,130 --> 00:09:32,170
He was just within
our recruiting age for t'Greenwood.
106
00:09:32,170 --> 00:09:34,770
You see, cut down in his prime.
107
00:09:36,270 --> 00:09:42,350
I always thought Goff Helliwell
was too awkward to die. I felt sure he'd make some other arrangement.
108
00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:47,510
He's dying on Tuesday
because they told him he wouldn't last past Monday.
109
00:09:47,510 --> 00:09:53,090
Well,
he was a terrible bloke to persuade. You couldn't tell Goff anything.
110
00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:58,290
He wouldn't admit that World War Two
was over until 1960.
111
00:09:58,290 --> 00:10:04,650
Huh! He gets an idea in his head,
and you can't shift it with reason, logic or dynamite.
112
00:10:04,650 --> 00:10:07,790
He's been all those years
with Mrs Helliwell.
113
00:10:07,790 --> 00:10:09,850
Shows you how stubborn he is.
114
00:10:09,850 --> 00:10:13,010
Put up with THAT
sooner than admit his mistake.
115
00:10:14,110 --> 00:10:16,150
He liked the ladies in his day.
116
00:10:16,150 --> 00:10:20,810
Do you think we ought to pay
our respects? He's not dead yet.
117
00:10:20,810 --> 00:10:25,130
We could do it while he's still
with us. He might appreciate that.
118
00:10:25,130 --> 00:10:29,510
Oh, he's never appreciated anything
before. But that's just his way.
119
00:10:29,510 --> 00:10:34,050
That's right. He's what
you could call... Awkward. Exactly.
120
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:37,150
We ought to take him
a bit of something.
121
00:10:37,150 --> 00:10:42,210
What do you take a dying man? He's
not going to want a gift voucher.
122
00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:47,250
Let's take him a drink. If he's not
up to it, we'll drink it to him.
123
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:51,210
We'll have to smuggle it
past Mrs Helliwell.
124
00:10:54,510 --> 00:10:58,050
I hate visiting the sick.
I never know what to say.
125
00:10:58,050 --> 00:11:02,130
Ask him what he's going to do with
his collection of cigarette cards.
126
00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:05,930
It doesn't matter.
By being there you show sympathy.
127
00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:10,770
We could have shown it without a
tie. You look smart for a change.
128
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,190
He'll think that's suspicious.
129
00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:20,110
Well, we've got to make it clear
to him that if HE'S prepared to get well, then WE'LL get scruffy again.
130
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:32,330
I wonder what he's dying of. We'll
ask him. Suppose his memory's gone.
131
00:11:32,330 --> 00:11:36,210
Somebody must know.
He can't have kept it to himself.
132
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:40,530
I was once at somebody's sick bed
when they actually died.
133
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:44,930
I knew I'd been very boring, but
I didn't think I was all that bad.
134
00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:51,290
Thanks for coming.
135
00:11:58,310 --> 00:11:59,910
Florrie.
136
00:12:01,810 --> 00:12:04,150
I only saw him last week.
137
00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:08,010
I know. He was fine last week.
138
00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:12,310
Is he allowed visitors?
Oh, aye. He'll want to see you.
139
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,910
Florrie, Florrie...
140
00:12:21,910 --> 00:12:24,850
what's wrong with him?
141
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:28,870
Nothing. How do you mean, nothing?
What's he dying of?
142
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:31,410
Stubbornness. You know how he is.
143
00:12:31,410 --> 00:12:34,990
He's made his mind up.
He's going to die next Tuesday.
144
00:12:34,990 --> 00:12:38,930
Well, yes, we DO know.
We...we know how stubborn he is.
145
00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:42,310
If he's made his mind up,
he probably will.
146
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:48,090
CLASSICAL MUSIC ON RADIO
147
00:12:48,090 --> 00:12:52,770
Lads! Make theeselves comfortable.
RADIO OFF
148
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:57,390
What's this about dying
next Tuesday?
149
00:12:57,390 --> 00:13:00,770
Tuesday. That's it. Finished.
150
00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:06,090
Aren't you supposed to be ill first,
or something?
151
00:13:06,090 --> 00:13:09,450
Oh, bother that.
That gets messy and inconvenient.
152
00:13:09,450 --> 00:13:12,410
Tha can't just die, just like that.
153
00:13:12,410 --> 00:13:17,170
Who says, clever beggar?
Just thee wait. Tuesday it is.
154
00:13:19,730 --> 00:13:23,890
Oh, stop sniffling, Florrie,
I've left thee well-provided for.
155
00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:29,730
Women! If they're not
shouting at you, they're weeping.
156
00:13:30,790 --> 00:13:33,130
Why Tuesday?
157
00:13:33,130 --> 00:13:37,010
She does shepherd's pie on Monday.
I'm not missing that.
158
00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:42,330
You're not going to do anything...
SILLY on Tuesday, are you, Goff?
159
00:13:42,330 --> 00:13:46,490
I'm going to die. Some people
might think that's silly.
160
00:13:46,490 --> 00:13:49,990
Well,
it's never going to be popular.
161
00:13:49,990 --> 00:13:52,490
How are you going to do it?
162
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:58,410
Will power. They said
I'd never pass me driving test, but I showed 'em, didn't I?
163
00:13:59,470 --> 00:14:01,650
After 33 times.
164
00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:04,730
I had
these clever-dick instructors.
165
00:14:04,730 --> 00:14:09,050
There's only one thing you can do
with that sort - that's ignore 'em.
166
00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:13,090
If it takes thee that long to die,
tha'll outlive us all.
167
00:14:13,090 --> 00:14:17,250
This one I'll do in one. You know
me when I've made me mind up.
168
00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:24,850
We brought you a drink.
169
00:14:24,850 --> 00:14:30,790
Good. It's a beggar
when you have to be dying before somebody brings a drink.
170
00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:33,090
There's no need to go that far.
171
00:14:34,310 --> 00:14:36,670
Is that a Bible? Aye.
172
00:14:36,670 --> 00:14:41,190
I thought I'd better straighten
meself out a bit. Before Tuesday?
173
00:14:41,190 --> 00:14:43,890
I've a fair bit to do.
174
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:56,610
DOOR SHUTS
I hope that's you, Barry. There shouldn't be anyone else with a key.
175
00:14:56,610 --> 00:15:00,830
It's only me. Barry!
Why have you left work?
176
00:15:00,830 --> 00:15:05,470
I've just heard Mr Helliwell's
not expected to live much longer.
177
00:15:05,470 --> 00:15:07,610
I'll have to pay me last respects.
178
00:15:07,610 --> 00:15:11,150
Do we know a Mr Helliwell?
He was me father's friend.
179
00:15:11,150 --> 00:15:13,470
What's he dying of? They didn't say.
180
00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:17,570
Barry, suppose it's contagious?
I'll have to go, love.
181
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:22,010
Can't you just write?
Glenda, he's me godfather.
182
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:27,790
Barry, you never told me you
were linked to the Godfather.
183
00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:32,830
He's not THE Godfather,
184
00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:36,670
he's just A godfather.
Oh, Barry, are you sure?
185
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:43,210
Well, yeah, course. Like I said,
he was a friend of me father's. They weren't in olive oil together?
186
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:47,810
You KNEW my father. He was a
salesman. He used to travel a lot.
187
00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:51,990
Doing what, Barry?
Removing Mr Helliwell's enemies?
188
00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:56,490
He'll probably do it -
189
00:15:56,490 --> 00:16:00,870
if he's made up his mind.
You know what he's like. Crackers.
190
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:02,950
I always think that helps.
191
00:16:02,950 --> 00:16:08,230
People CAN do it
when they make up their mind. Well, look at old Thorneycroft.
192
00:16:08,230 --> 00:16:10,010
He was 102.
193
00:16:11,110 --> 00:16:13,610
Ah, yes, but that's how he was.
194
00:16:13,610 --> 00:16:18,350
It took him a long time to make his
mind up. Goff looks fitter than me.
195
00:16:18,350 --> 00:16:24,070
You'd better be careful, then,
if he asks you what YOU'RE doing next Tuesday.
196
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,890
Why is he so determined on TUESDAY?
197
00:16:26,890 --> 00:16:31,210
It's his darts night. He never got
over being dropped from the team.
198
00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:34,990
He was never there. He was
always retaking his driving test.
199
00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:37,770
Who was teaching him, Edie Pegden?
200
00:16:39,370 --> 00:16:43,330
Somebody ought to remind him
of the finer things of life.
201
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:49,050
Sunsets, birdsong, double top.
He used to like the ladies.
202
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:54,610
He passed that test first time.
Well, maybe THAT could be the cure.
203
00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:59,550
Maybe he ought to be reminded
of THAT. Reminded? In what way?
204
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:07,110
Excuse me, Cleggy.
I know you hate me bursting in,
205
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:12,290
but... Always a pleasure, Howard.
It is? Of course it is.
206
00:17:12,290 --> 00:17:17,130
Now, who do we know
who might have access to a lady
207
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:22,910
who might put the spark back
into Goff Helliwell? What lady?
208
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:31,650
How big a spark?
Just to see him past Tuesday.
209
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:35,150
Needs someone who can pull him
back from the grave.
210
00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:40,550
Then what? Somebody potent enough
to push him straight back in, if he's not careful.
211
00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:42,690
She could do it, Howard.
212
00:17:42,690 --> 00:17:46,290
Why should you think
I know any lady?
213
00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:54,130
What do you keep turning round for?
I think someone's following you.
214
00:17:54,130 --> 00:17:58,490
Well, why would they be following
ME? I was wondering about that.
215
00:17:58,490 --> 00:18:03,270
But you don't like to ask. Can't
you push this thing a bit faster?
216
00:18:03,270 --> 00:18:05,390
Uh, uh.
217
00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:15,630
Mrs Batty.
218
00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:22,210
Collecting for a good cause. If you
don't mind me saying so, Mrs Batty,
219
00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:26,170
you remind me of Florence
Nightingale - angel of mercy.
220
00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:29,950
Oh, he's got the same golden tongue
as his father.
221
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:32,370
Lady of the Lamp.
222
00:18:32,370 --> 00:18:34,930
It's a collecting tin.
223
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:40,530
You can see how he always spots
these things, my assistant here. Uh-h!
224
00:18:40,530 --> 00:18:47,050
We've got to go, Mrs Batty.
There'll be a man coming round the corner any minute. Nasty character.
225
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:52,270
Never gives to charity.
Don't waste time persuading him to part with his money.
226
00:18:52,270 --> 00:18:54,970
It's not a waste. It's a challenge.
227
00:18:54,970 --> 00:18:58,490
Never gives to charity?
We'll see about that.
228
00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:05,370
I'm sorry,
I can't stop just now, madam.
229
00:19:05,370 --> 00:19:10,250
Are we going to keep dancing, or
are you going to put something in?
230
00:19:18,250 --> 00:19:21,850
Are you sure this is necessary,
Howard?
231
00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:26,230
It's wonderful cover.
Nobody'll ever look twice.
232
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:31,190
I think it's the best I've ever
thought of. Well, if you say so.
233
00:19:31,190 --> 00:19:35,050
You're the master planner,
or so I keep hearing,
234
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:37,130
mainly from you.
235
00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:42,630
We can go
wherever we like with this. No-one's ever going to question us.
236
00:19:42,630 --> 00:19:47,030
It's all perfectly innocent.
There goes another day off.
237
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:50,310
Hello, hello, hello?
238
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:53,550
Giving your love life
a lick of undercoat, Howard?
239
00:19:53,550 --> 00:19:55,890
You've gone quite white, Howard.
240
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:59,510
Did you know there was a lady
at the end of your ladder?
241
00:19:59,510 --> 00:20:01,670
Excuse me, but we've got to go.
242
00:20:01,670 --> 00:20:06,430
We promised to paint an old lady's
fence. It was her one last wish.
243
00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:11,470
Oh, come off it, Howard. Look, we
need to borrow Marina for a while.
244
00:20:11,470 --> 00:20:16,270
I must warn you, I'm only available
for the next 24 hours.
245
00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:22,610
Cheer up, Howard. It's for
a good cause. If old Goff gets over this, he'll be fit for anything.
246
00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:27,890
We need her to restore
the magic to a weary spirit.
247
00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:32,270
And anything goes - as long as
she doesn't beat him at darts.
248
00:20:32,270 --> 00:20:37,770
Oh, well, if it's restoring magic,
how can a young lady refuse?
249
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:41,250
Look, couldn't you
just increase his medication?
250
00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:44,470
We'll have to
when SHE'S finished with him.
251
00:20:44,470 --> 00:20:51,090
Bring your ladder, Howard. She'll
have to go in through the window. Heavens! A bedroom scene.
252
00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:56,910
He's leaving you well-provided for?
He's been very thoughtful.
253
00:20:56,910 --> 00:21:01,030
I hope you've got it in writing.
And a copy for his solicitor.
254
00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:04,570
Ooh, let's not go all sentimental!
255
00:21:04,570 --> 00:21:07,710
You always
let your heart rule your head.
256
00:21:07,710 --> 00:21:14,990
I don't know why you think
I was so bad. I was always saved from something serious by my giggle.
257
00:21:14,990 --> 00:21:17,470
Yes. That always helps(!)
258
00:21:17,470 --> 00:21:21,250
I was never one for giggling.
We've noticed(!)
259
00:21:22,370 --> 00:21:25,730
How did you keep
a straight face on your honeymoon?
260
00:21:25,730 --> 00:21:29,490
I kept thinking
how much it was costing.
261
00:21:29,490 --> 00:21:33,410
We never had one. Goff
wanted a part for his motorbike.
262
00:21:33,410 --> 00:21:37,870
Ooh, how romantic(!)
I'm glad I never met your husband.
263
00:21:37,870 --> 00:21:40,270
And she didn't miss many.
264
00:21:40,270 --> 00:21:45,030
Oh, Edie! Don't believe everything
you hear from Mrs Medhirst.
265
00:21:45,030 --> 00:21:47,870
She's not an unbiased witness.
266
00:21:47,870 --> 00:21:50,710
I didn't know he belonged to HER.
267
00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:53,670
He said he was from Bolton.
268
00:21:53,670 --> 00:21:59,230
There's some who would be
very careful about going with anybody from Bolton.
269
00:21:59,230 --> 00:22:03,950
He may not be romantic, but at
least he's left you provided for.
270
00:22:03,950 --> 00:22:08,350
He's not gone yet. What makes
everybody think he's going to?
271
00:22:08,350 --> 00:22:13,770
He's got his mind set on it.
It's no good arguing with him. He only gets mad.
272
00:22:13,770 --> 00:22:16,850
Well, he'll only be mad
till Tuesday, won't he?
273
00:22:16,850 --> 00:22:20,350
DOORBELL RINGS
They're coming in droves.
274
00:22:20,350 --> 00:22:26,290
He's never been so popular.
Ye-es. Dying puts a gloss on 'em they've never had in health.
275
00:22:26,290 --> 00:22:28,290
You can say that again.
276
00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:35,090
She let him
become too undisciplined.
277
00:22:35,090 --> 00:22:39,070
If she'd had him under control,
he wouldn't be dying on Tuesday.
278
00:22:40,330 --> 00:22:44,510
Maybe there's another woman.
Maybe he's found love at last.
279
00:22:44,510 --> 00:22:47,870
You're still as daft as a brush,
our Roz.
280
00:22:47,870 --> 00:22:51,590
I know. It's the only thing
that keeps you going.
281
00:22:57,370 --> 00:22:58,790
Again?
282
00:22:58,790 --> 00:23:03,330
Are we only allowed one visit?
Should we come back on Wednesday?
283
00:23:03,330 --> 00:23:08,670
It's just that he's easier
to chat to at the moment. You'd better come in.
284
00:23:10,550 --> 00:23:13,890
I wish you weren't going to see
the Godfather, Barry.
285
00:23:13,890 --> 00:23:18,170
I keep telling you, he's not THE
Godfather. He's just A godfather.
286
00:23:21,490 --> 00:23:26,190
Have you seen the repo man?
Repo man? He's after Tom.
287
00:23:26,190 --> 00:23:32,830
It's a mistake. He thinks I've
got money. You're all dressed up. We're off to see the Godfather.
288
00:23:32,830 --> 00:23:36,070
Only to say goodbye.
I'm not working for him.
289
00:23:36,070 --> 00:23:40,350
Suppose he makes an offer
you can't refuse? She won't be told.
290
00:23:41,770 --> 00:23:43,930
The Godfather.
291
00:23:45,570 --> 00:23:48,350
What are you grinning at?
292
00:23:55,750 --> 00:24:02,390
Hey! Don't open that. I'll be in
a draught. Tha's nesh for somebody who's going to die next Tuesday.
293
00:24:02,390 --> 00:24:06,790
I'd like to die comfy, thank you
very much. Just before EastEnders.
294
00:24:07,990 --> 00:24:11,850
When the spirit is at
its lowest ebb. Good thinking, Goff.
295
00:24:13,550 --> 00:24:18,550
You won't be dying. THIS is going
to put a spark back into your life.
296
00:24:18,550 --> 00:24:21,670
Spark?
She's more like third-degree burns.
297
00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:27,650
Who is? Unless, of course, it makes
dying seem even more attractive.
298
00:24:27,650 --> 00:24:31,170
Did you think
we came here empty-handed? Mmm?
299
00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:36,110
Goff, you are about to be rushed
into Intensive Care.
300
00:24:39,130 --> 00:24:42,770
I don't like
you going into strange bedrooms.
301
00:24:42,770 --> 00:24:47,570
You know I'd never dream of it,
unless it was a work of charity.
302
00:24:50,350 --> 00:24:56,010
Intensive Care? Oh, and then some!
This is better than a bunch of grapes.
303
00:24:56,010 --> 00:25:00,730
I hope he knows what to do with the
pips. Goff, cast your eyes on that.
304
00:25:00,730 --> 00:25:04,390
It's the sort of thing
tha used to like.
305
00:25:07,070 --> 00:25:08,770
Howard?!
306
00:25:08,770 --> 00:25:11,010
No, not Howard!
307
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:17,630
Where is she? She's just attending
to her hair. I want you to know, I don't approve of this.
308
00:25:17,630 --> 00:25:21,190
Get her up the ladder.
There's a dying man here.
309
00:25:21,190 --> 00:25:24,630
Mr Helliwell
was a friend of my father's.
310
00:25:24,630 --> 00:25:28,530
He's the last person to be involved
in anything improper.
311
00:25:32,430 --> 00:25:34,510
Home, Barry, now!
312
00:25:34,510 --> 00:25:36,670
But I didn't have... Now!
313
00:26:02,270 --> 00:26:04,270
Mr Simmonite?
314
00:26:06,930 --> 00:26:09,270
Who wants to know?
315
00:26:24,570 --> 00:26:26,410
Roz?
316
00:26:26,410 --> 00:26:29,730
It is. It's Roz!
317
00:26:29,730 --> 00:26:31,270
Oh!
318
00:26:31,270 --> 00:26:35,210
Oh, I'd no idea
it was THAT Mr Helliwell.
319
00:26:35,210 --> 00:26:41,450
Roz! Oh, be bothered about dying,
Florrie. I don't know why you let me talk meself into it.
320
00:26:41,450 --> 00:26:43,810
Get inside!
321
00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:08,110
All right. So, tell me, what are you
doing carrying our ladder out here?
322
00:27:09,190 --> 00:27:12,970
Some people carry
Swiss Army pocket knives.
323
00:27:14,330 --> 00:27:16,330
Oh, come on!
324
00:27:23,790 --> 00:27:28,230
By heck, what a recovery, though.
You worked your magic there, love.
325
00:27:28,230 --> 00:27:32,210
Do you think so?
Leapt out of bed, didn't he?
326
00:27:32,210 --> 00:27:35,630
Going the other way. Funny!
327
00:27:35,630 --> 00:27:38,790
Never had
a good sense of direction.
328
00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:43,330
It took him 33 times
to get his licence. Heavens!
329
00:27:43,330 --> 00:27:48,450
I could have been there ages.
You gave him back his vigour.
330
00:27:48,450 --> 00:27:53,650
I did. What a pity I never
got to see his cigarette cards.
331
00:27:53,650 --> 00:27:56,750
What do you collect, Norman?
332
00:27:56,750 --> 00:28:01,550
Terrible rashes.
I'm highly contagious.
333
00:28:01,550 --> 00:28:05,390
That is of no consequence
to an angel of mercy.
334
00:28:05,390 --> 00:28:09,310
We must find something
for your spots.
335
00:28:16,330 --> 00:28:22,530
He sort of stopped believing you
when he saw you'd cut your finger. You didn't tell me it was sharp.
336
00:28:22,530 --> 00:28:25,810
It was a razor.
That might have been a clue. Ooh...
337
00:28:25,860 --> 00:28:30,410
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