Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:06,484
Thanks again for having us
over, guys.
2
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:09,661
Your home is beautiful!
They could shoot pornos here!
3
00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:11,141
They have.
4
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:13,622
This B-B-Q
is the least we can do.
5
00:00:13,665 --> 00:00:16,190
Your son defended Toshi's honor
at school!
6
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,061
Oh, it was nothing.
7
00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:20,759
Anyone could've helped him
vandalize that lunch lady's car.
8
00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:28,593
Oh! Oh, Toshi,
one of these days,
9
00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:30,943
you'll have to
teach me Japanese.
10
00:00:30,987 --> 00:00:33,816
Hideki, my man, I gotta say
I'm lovin' it here!
11
00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:36,906
Your house is gigantic,
your pool is dangerously deep,
12
00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:38,951
and I like how you're wearing
dress shoes and socks
13
00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:40,779
with your Speedo.
Powerful look.
14
00:00:40,823 --> 00:00:42,955
Gonna run
to the bathroom.
15
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:45,262
So you know, this is
a massive sign of respect.
16
00:00:45,306 --> 00:00:48,091
I usually just go in the pool,
even at home.
17
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:51,138
Especially at home.
When I'm not swimming.
18
00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:56,621
Where's the bathroom?
They have to dump somewhere.
19
00:00:56,665 --> 00:01:00,669
Unless I was supposed
to go in the pool.
20
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:03,063
Hideki's got
an archery range?!
21
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,977
HIDEKI: Stan, are you
pooping or snooping?
22
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,979
- [gasps]
- I would, too.
23
00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:09,634
We have a lot
of great stuff!
24
00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:12,594
That's our
weekend kitchen...
25
00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:16,119
This room's just an insanely
soft rug to stand barefoot on
26
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,600
while you listen
to the Indigo Girls.
27
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,169
And Triangle Room.
28
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:26,129
But you have
a triangular room.
29
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,392
Why didn't you put
your triangles in there?
30
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:31,134
[laughing]
31
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,181
Oh, Stan!
[laughs]
32
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:36,922
You have truly
created comedy.
33
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,576
Thank you.
34
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,796
You know, a lot of people
don't get my comedy.
35
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:43,059
For instance,
me right now.
36
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,670
[patriotic music plays]
37
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:48,456
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
38
00:01:48,499 --> 00:01:52,329
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
39
00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:55,593
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
40
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:59,380
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
41
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:04,907
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
42
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:07,039
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
43
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,128
Aah!
44
00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:12,958
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
45
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:16,962
[cellphone buzzes]
46
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:19,008
Damn,
someone's blowing up.
47
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:21,880
Uh, think that's you,
Jeff.
48
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:24,056
"Yo, doggy,
wanna join me
49
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:27,059
for a one-on-one guys' weekend
out in the country?
50
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:30,150
Peace, love, and titties,
Klaus."
51
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:31,760
Um...
52
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:34,502
Why don't we have a house
like Hideki's?!
53
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,417
This place sucks
compared to theirs!
54
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,462
I think it's perfect here,
Dad!
55
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,464
I'm just grateful
for everything we have.
56
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:42,292
Then you're a fool, Steve.
57
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:43,965
I don't even wanna think
about what Hideki
58
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:45,034
would say
about this dump.
59
00:02:45,077 --> 00:02:46,862
Well, you're gonna
find out.
60
00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:49,299
I invited him over for dinner
this weekend.
61
00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,736
You did what?!
Hideki can't come here.
62
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,391
He'll think I'm a loser!
Aah!
63
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:57,089
And look at this wall!
This place is falling apart!
64
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,439
How could you
do this to me?!
65
00:02:58,482 --> 00:03:00,658
[sobbing]
66
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:03,400
Mother, which day
are the Yoshidas coming?
67
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:06,229
You see, traditionally,
I take a Sunday stroll, and I...
68
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:09,841
We all know about
your precious Sunday strolls.
69
00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:11,582
Don't worry.
It's Saturday.
70
00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,105
Y-e-es!
71
00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,369
["Jungle Boogie"
by Kool & The Gang plays]
72
00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:19,242
♪
73
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,244
I'm sorry we got
interrupted by...
74
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,464
whatever all that was.
75
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:26,858
Think over my offer, Jeff.
I'll be in my alcove.
76
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,339
I think you know
where it is.
77
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:33,648
["Jungle Boogie"
by Kool & The Gang plays]
78
00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:36,041
I don't know what to do,
babe.
79
00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:37,652
Things tend to get weird
when I hang out
80
00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:39,958
with Mr. Klaus
unsupervised.
81
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:43,092
But it'll be really weird
if you tell him you can't go.
82
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:44,963
He knows you have
nothing going on.
83
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:47,096
- Everyone knows.
- They do?
84
00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:50,142
That's...
flattering!
85
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:54,930
I'm so screwed!
86
00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:56,975
Hideki's like the coolest guy
I know.
87
00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,847
I can't entertain him
in this shitbox!
88
00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:02,329
But this is an easy fix.
Just go buy some new stuff.
89
00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:05,157
With what money? I'm barely
keeping my head above water.
90
00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:08,248
No, dummy, not real money.
Throw it on a credit card!
91
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,554
That's the beauty of credit.
You buy now, you pay later.
92
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,252
Or maybe never!
93
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:14,297
I wish I could,
but the credit-card companies
94
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:17,039
froze me out after I maxed out
12 cards last summer
95
00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:19,476
trying to cut my teeth
on the Funny Car circuit.
96
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,130
Oh.
Well, then, yeah,
97
00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:22,958
Hideki's gonna laugh
at your clown ass.
98
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,613
Thank you! You get it.
No one else does.
99
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,504
I got Steve down there telling
me everything's "perfect"
100
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,138
when it clearly isn't.
101
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,922
- Such a dick.
- Such a dick.
102
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,837
Easy for him to talk.
103
00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:35,362
He's never had to deal with
financial responsibility.
104
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,929
Right? He's never had to
pay off three credit cards
105
00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:40,758
with seven other credit cards.
He's never had one.
106
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,979
Just letting his virgin credit
sit there like a lazy bum.
107
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,937
And it's that dick's fault
you're in this jam.
108
00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:47,461
He's Toshi's friend.
109
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,071
You're right.
Come on.
110
00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:51,160
- We're going to the airport.
- Airport?
111
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:53,423
Seems odd, but I'm with ya,
Stan.
112
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:56,296
Think we'll see any luggage
while we're there?
113
00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:57,906
[airplane flies overhead]
114
00:04:57,949 --> 00:05:00,952
Sorry.
I got held up at security.
115
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:03,955
That was expensive tea, and I
wasn't just gonna throw it away.
116
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:05,217
So, why are we here
anyway?
117
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,263
For this.
118
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,352
I thought you couldn't get
credit cards anymore?
119
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:12,790
I can't. Hi. I'd like to sign up
for a teen credit card.
120
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:15,880
- My name is Steve Smith.
- Whoa.
121
00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:18,970
Hijacking your son's credit?
Love it!
122
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,755
Hey, did you buy
two boarding passes
123
00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:22,626
just to come get
a credit card here?
124
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,110
You know you can do it online,
right?
125
00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:26,848
You can?
Oh, my God, I'm ruined!
126
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,418
This is working great!
127
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,550
Why doesn't everyone
steal their son's identity?
128
00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:35,378
Because Instagram makes people
feel like they
129
00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:37,337
have to be
"good" parents.
130
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,426
So, what do ya think?
Grab a couple lava lamps
131
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:42,254
and a fat stack of Mad magazines
for the coffee table,
132
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,779
- call it a day?
- Stan, Hideki's fancy.
133
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,868
You need to deck
your place out classy
134
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,565
if you want to impress
a guy like him.
135
00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:52,003
Y-Yes, yes, of course.
Like how?
136
00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:54,223
Well, nothing screams
"I'm a cool rich guy"
137
00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:56,312
like art and crystals.
138
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,769
And, to be honest, crystals are
just a good investment anyway.
139
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,360
They're not
just beautiful.
140
00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:03,101
They channel energy,
have healing properties.
141
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,103
They're really magnificent
little objects.
142
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:06,844
You clearly have
a handle on this.
143
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:09,499
You stay here and buy whatever's
going to impress Hideki.
144
00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:11,477
I'm gonna head back and get
started on the dinner menu.
145
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,285
I'm thinkin' we scampi
everything.
146
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:16,680
Great. But before you go,
watch this cool prank.
147
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:21,468
♪
148
00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,121
- Hey!
- Aah! I got caught!
149
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:27,212
I'm sorry.
We got off on the wrong foot.
150
00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:29,650
I'm Roger.
How 'bout I buy you a fresh dog?
151
00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:32,304
[tires squealing]
152
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:34,698
KLAUS: I get up to
Lake Wittenberg every summer.
153
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:37,309
It's so sick.
You'll see.
154
00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:40,878
[tires squeal]
155
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:43,359
And this is the Pig Pen
Bar & Grille.
156
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,754
Had some good nights at the Pen
with Perry and the boys.
157
00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,886
My local crew,
we're like brothers.
158
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,193
Unfortunately,
he's away this weekend.
159
00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:54,979
But we'll still kill it.
This place is quaint as hell.
160
00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,984
This house
is only 400K.
161
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:03,292
You know, Jeff,
if you kicked in $399,000,
162
00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:06,382
- we'd only need 1
- K from another source.
163
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,602
[laughter]
164
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:11,996
Uh-oh. It sounds like
the Pig Pen is goin' off!
165
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,085
[laughter]
166
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:15,826
Sorry,
private party.
167
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:18,307
Wait.
Is that Perry?
168
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:22,877
Perry! Ha ha ha ha!
Get your dumb ass over here!
169
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,315
I thought you were gone, bro?
This is great news!
170
00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:29,579
Yeah. Uh, this is actually
my rehearsal dinner.
171
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:33,148
JEFF: Smart. I wish I had
a rehearsal for this ice cream.
172
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:37,326
[laughs]
He's funny.
173
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:40,938
Y-You're getting married
without your boy Klaus?
174
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,940
We're just having
a small thing.
175
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:45,421
But I'm like 3 inches
in size.
176
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,467
It doesn't get
any smaller than me!
177
00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:49,817
Sorry, man.
178
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:53,211
This is outrageous.
We're boys!
179
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,039
I should be
at that wedding.
180
00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,128
I should be giving a speech,
saying things like,
181
00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:59,348
"Now that you're married,
your dick is in prison!"
182
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,524
Sorry, Mr. Klaus.
183
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:04,614
I'm sure he just completely
forgot you existed.
184
00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:07,791
He can't get married
without me.
185
00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:12,796
So I guess that means
he won't be getting married.
186
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,059
Oh, hey, since I drove,
do you mind
187
00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,757
tossing me a few bucks
for gas?
188
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,672
Just like $200.
189
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:21,326
♪
190
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:22,719
Think we got
enough stuff?
191
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,591
Stan, we got
everything we need.
192
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:26,418
The crystals are assaulting
this place
193
00:08:26,462 --> 00:08:27,811
with good energy
as we speak.
194
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,378
Something's different.
195
00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:31,206
Stan, did you
get a haircut?
196
00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:34,078
No, it's the decor!
I love it, Dad!
197
00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:37,473
Thank you, son. Someday,
it may all belong to you.
198
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,561
That day is today.
199
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:40,258
[doorbell rings]
200
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:43,348
You've got this!
And one final charge-up.
201
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,829
You can't be too careful
these days.
202
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:51,705
Hi, guys!
Come on in.
203
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,620
[groaning]
204
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:55,578
What is it, Hideki?
205
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:59,277
It's just, I-I-I prefer
minimalism.
206
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:02,454
So all this
badly hurts my eyes.
207
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:06,067
Lead me
to the dining area.
208
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:09,070
Mm.
So, I have a funny story.
209
00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:12,900
Guess who invited Snot up
to his hotel room last night?
210
00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:15,163
Pete Rose! Yeah.
211
00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:17,141
- So what happened was...
- How's the food, Hideki?
212
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:21,473
The meat loaf is a bit...
stupid.
213
00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:24,868
You mean the...
scampi loaf?
214
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:26,740
Is there anything better
than two men
215
00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,916
sipping brandy
in the master bedroom?
216
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,352
Cigar?
217
00:09:30,395 --> 00:09:32,093
This is the warmest room
in the house.
218
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:34,312
Feel free to
take your shirt off.
219
00:09:34,356 --> 00:09:37,620
Thanks for coming. I hope
you had a nice time, Hideki.
220
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:41,668
Stan, I had...
an above-average time.
221
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:44,279
Thank you,
and goodbye.
222
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,586
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
223
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,457
He had
an above-average time!
224
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,677
There used to be a fly
in this wine.
225
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,113
[gulping]
226
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:54,724
♪
227
00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:57,248
Why are we looking
for Perry again?
228
00:09:57,292 --> 00:10:00,295
I told you, because we're trying
to find Perry
229
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:03,603
so I can give him one of these
lightly poisoned IPAs...
230
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:06,562
- not enough to kill him.
- [laughter]
231
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,304
Yeah. She's gonna make
a great first wife.
232
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,871
[laughter]
233
00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:13,090
Excuse me.
We just want to warm up...
234
00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:15,092
Whaaa?
Is that Perry?
235
00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:16,790
Oh, hey, guys.
236
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,835
Is this the dinner
you were rehearsing for?
237
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:21,708
You're doing great!
238
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:24,058
[laughs]
This guy's really funny.
239
00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:26,321
Like Mad TV funny.
240
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,802
Hey, Perry, sorry if I
made things awkward earlier.
241
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,761
How about a beer,
as a peace offering?
242
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:34,677
Got a real fresh one here
for ya! Pssh!
243
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,592
I'll just leave this
right next to you,
244
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,941
and, uh...
we'll see you around.
245
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,049
Okay, Jeff,
let's get out of here!
246
00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:41,162
Yes!
We did it!
247
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:43,425
By the way, I know I gave you
a hard time in the car,
248
00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:45,993
but good call
on packing your wagon.
249
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:49,474
It was definitely worth
100% of your suitcase space.
250
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:52,086
♪
251
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:54,697
He said he had
"an above-average time"!
252
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,568
What a success.
253
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:58,614
And well done
decorating the place.
254
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,050
I wish
I could take credit,
255
00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,835
but the crystals did
the heavy lifting.
256
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:04,576
Man, you really maximized the
hell out of that credit card.
257
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,448
Credit card? Oh, no, no.
258
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:08,711
That teen credit card barely
covered the sand painting
259
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:11,061
of two Victorian chicks
sixty-nining.
260
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:13,977
No, I had to take out
a $50,000 loan from a loan shark
261
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:15,239
- to buy all that.
- What?
262
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,546
Relax!
We don't have to pay it back.
263
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,722
He made me leave my wallet
as collateral,
264
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:22,420
but all that was in there was
Steve's stupid credit card!
265
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:25,902
It's a common name.
They'll never track it back to our Steve.
266
00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:29,036
And you're certain there wasn't
anything else in that wallet?
267
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:32,039
Yep! I remember moving
everything out to my new Peppa Pig wallet.
268
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:33,780
Could I have missed something?
Possibly.
269
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:36,478
I did it super fast while I was
rushing around Six Flags.
270
00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:38,219
But pretty sure I didn't.
271
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:40,830
I had meth-focus that day.
[clicks tongue]
272
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:43,093
So I'm supposed to
feel "pretty sure"
273
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,705
that a loan shark
won't come hunting my son?
274
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,663
Nope. Can't do it.
Let's call the guy.
275
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,926
Fine.
His name's Mike Donkey.
276
00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:52,102
But I'm telling you,
this really isn't necessary.
277
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:53,800
-[line ringing]
- Yeah.
278
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:56,716
- Hi. Mike Donkey?
- Yeah.
279
00:11:56,759 --> 00:12:00,894
I think someone, uh, stole
my wallet and left it with you.
280
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:03,766
It had a "Steve Smith"
teen credit card in it?
281
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,768
Yep, got it right here.
282
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:08,553
Been using it to weigh down
the lid on my chameleon tank.
283
00:12:08,597 --> 00:12:10,860
Good, good. So there was
nothing else in there
284
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:12,166
besides the card,
right?
285
00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:14,037
Nope, very light wallet.
286
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:15,560
Chameleons are moving it at will.
287
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:17,693
Oh, thank God! I'll...
I'll just cancel the card.
288
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,738
Thanks for your time!
289
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:20,740
No, thank you...
290
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,611
Stan Smith, is it?
291
00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:24,395
On Cherry Street?
292
00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,547
Because, until right now,
I didn't have enough information
293
00:12:26,571 --> 00:12:28,573
to track this kid down,
294
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:31,141
but I just ran a search
on your phone number.
295
00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:33,143
I'm gonna guess your wallet
wasn't stolen
296
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:35,232
and you were thinking of
ditching out on that loan?
297
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:36,581
But you had to double-check
first
298
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:38,211
because this kid
with your same last name
299
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:39,802
is someone important
to you.
300
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:40,934
This guy's good!
301
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,718
What is he, your son?
302
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,242
Cousin?
Non-blood nephew?
303
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,288
You sound like a guy
with a sibling who adopts.
304
00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:49,203
You know,
it doesn't matter.
305
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:50,963
What does matter is,
somebody's gonna pay me
306
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,685
that 50 grand
by 6:00 P.M. tomorrow,
307
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:56,645
or I'm finding the kid
and breaking his legs.
308
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,255
[cellphone beeps]
309
00:12:58,299 --> 00:13:00,605
- [whimpers]
- This is on me.
310
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:02,651
This probably wouldn't have
happened if I gave you
311
00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:05,262
a tiny crystal to put in your
butthole before the call.
312
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,571
How did I get in
this mess?!
313
00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:11,094
All I did
was whatever it took
314
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:13,270
to impress my son's friend's
cool dad!
315
00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:15,707
Stan, Mike Donkey knows
where you live.
316
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:17,492
I think the only way out
is to pay him.
317
00:13:17,535 --> 00:13:20,234
But how do we get 50 grand
in less than a day?!
318
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:22,584
Hey, what if we
counterfeit the money?
319
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:25,041
It doesn't have to be perfect,
just close enough to trick him.
320
00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:27,284
Great thought, but my printer
just crapped out on me.
321
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:29,199
[honking]
322
00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:31,158
- I think it's out of ink.
- Damn it!
323
00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,551
We need something,
or Steve's legs are toast!
324
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:36,554
We could probably get 25 grand
for your SUV, right?
325
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,861
What if we sold it,
then went to Atlantic City
326
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,124
and tried to double that money
up at a casino?
327
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:43,561
And leave my son's
very legs to chance?
328
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,999
Chance? Are you forgetting
we have the power
329
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,001
of the crystals
on our side, Stan?
330
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:50,133
I'm not doubting the crystals
are absolute beasts,
331
00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:52,832
it's just...
maybe there's another way.
332
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,659
Sure, think on it.
Take some time.
333
00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:56,115
But we both know
we're gonna do this,
334
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:57,880
so I'm gonna go ahead
and pack.
335
00:13:57,924 --> 00:14:00,752
♪
336
00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:03,886
Okay. Let's split up
and start chipping away at separate tables.
337
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,975
We're not gonna win 50 grand
grinding away
338
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,455
at five-dollar
blackjack.
339
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,370
We gotta go
balls to the wall.
340
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:11,676
I say we go to the room
and charge up with the crystals
341
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,722
until the last
possible minute.
342
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:16,551
Then we hit the tables at max
power and bet it all on red.
343
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,466
We'll be so juiced,
it's gotta hit!
344
00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:20,685
Smart.
345
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:23,340
- Can you feel 'em working?
- I think so!
346
00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:25,081
Do they make your lower back
tighten up?
347
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,909
[cellphone chimes]
348
00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:29,694
Oh, yeah, I forgot Jabbawockeez
are performing here.
349
00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,934
Hey, if we're just gonna be
sittin' around absorbing energy,
350
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:33,785
we might as well enjoy
the hotel, right?
351
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:35,372
- What about the crystals?
- We'll bring 'em with us,
352
00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:36,527
charge up in luxury.
353
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:37,877
We've earned it!
354
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,748
You're right.
355
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:41,924
We earned this.
356
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:45,275
[indistinct conversations]
357
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,628
♪
358
00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:52,674
[cheers and applause]
359
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:55,546
I guarantee they charged up
before the show.
360
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:58,201
That move's impossible
without crystals.
361
00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:01,465
See ya!
Goin' on my Sunday stroll!
362
00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:04,947
I'm gettin' tired of this
Sunday Stroll shit.
363
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:07,819
Oh, my God,
thank you!
364
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:10,953
["Classic" by The Knocks
plays]
365
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:17,481
♪
366
00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:19,570
♪ Come to me, baby,
don't be shy ♪
367
00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:22,051
♪ Don't be shy,
don't be shy ♪
368
00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:25,663
♪ Come to me, baby,
don't be shy ♪
369
00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:31,452
♪ It was a summer time,
that summer high ♪
370
00:15:31,495 --> 00:15:35,282
♪ Oh, what a masterpiece ♪
371
00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,501
- [cellphone beeps, line rings]
- Hey, boss,
372
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:39,939
we got the kid's beautiful legs
in our sights.
373
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:42,637
Don't move on him yet.
They have a little more time.
374
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,204
And I know
we're working,
375
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,336
but you don't have to
call me "boss."
376
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:49,470
You can call me "Dad,"
Mike Donkey Jr.
377
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,863
♪
378
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:55,258
[inhales sharply]
Here we go.
379
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:57,913
$25,000 on red.
380
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:04,398
Or maybe black!
Stan, what did you do?!
381
00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:09,533
[ball clinging]
382
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,929
Red! I did it!
383
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,149
Hell yeah!
The power of crystals!
384
00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,759
- Mm.
- Mm.
385
00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:20,457
Stan, do we...
double down?
386
00:16:20,501 --> 00:16:22,677
The crystals are
clearly working.
387
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,679
It would solve
a lot of problems.
388
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:27,290
I could finally go nuts
in that Men's Wearhouse.
389
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,466
Let's do it!
390
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:34,558
♪
391
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:37,561
I'm not even gonna watch,
'cause I know we're gonna win.
392
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:39,737
We are so charged,
we could fly to the moon.
393
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:41,043
Ye-ea-eah! Yes!
394
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:42,914
- Red!
- Yeah!
395
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:45,613
- Mm.
- Mm. One more?
396
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,504
I mean, they're basically giving
away money at this point.
397
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,443
We gotta, right?
398
00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:58,930
♪
399
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:01,629
- Yeah! Yes! Yeah!
- Ye-ea-eah!
400
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:05,067
I can't believe we doubled down
and won five times!
401
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,938
Pull over.
I gotta take a leak.
402
00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:09,811
That's the crystals. They have
no patience for toxins.
403
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:12,248
[brakes squeal]
404
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:14,685
We only have an hour
to pay the loan shark.
405
00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:17,819
Might have to pee from the
bathroom doorway to save time.
406
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,473
[car door closes]
407
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:25,131
All right, let's go pay
this scumbag.
408
00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:31,354
Uh, Roger,
does it feel like
409
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,269
the car's riding a little lower
to you?
410
00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:36,751
No, it's...
always been this way.
411
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,625
It's not my fault, Stan!
Look how huge it is!
412
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:44,106
I was powerless to
its lavender pull!
413
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:47,283
Roger, how much of our winnings
did you spend?
414
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:50,112
Just... all of them?
415
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,593
My boy's gonna get
his legs mangled!
416
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:56,118
I, for one, think Steve's legs
are a small price to pay
417
00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:58,729
for the wonderful weekend
we've shared together!
418
00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:01,602
♪
419
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,908
Any minute now, the wedding
planner is gonna run by,
420
00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:07,173
yelling that the groom's sick
and the wedding's off.
421
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,000
Ooh!
It's gonna be so sweet!
422
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:13,048
I'm sitting extra still, because
if I do, I get s'mores later!
423
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,355
- [footsteps approaching]
- Here we go!
424
00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:17,792
My best man
is violently ill!
425
00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:20,751
No, he's not.
Y-You are.
426
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:24,190
I don't know what happened.
He only had one IPA last night.
427
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:26,931
[breathes deeply]
But the show must go on.
428
00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:30,109
It feels meant to be that
I bumped into you, Klaus.
429
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,285
Would you...
430
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,939
let me borrow Jeff
to be my new best man?
431
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,333
I just love him.
He's so funny.
432
00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:43,600
And now that Perry is married,
his dick is in prison!
433
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:45,994
[laughter]
434
00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:48,083
That was my joke!
435
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,519
I'll give him credit,
it took balls
436
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:52,000
making it his entire speech,
but still.
437
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:54,959
He's gettin' a poisoned IPA!
438
00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:01,140
Oh, no.
Are you kidding me?!
439
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:07,146
These poisoned beers have been
nothing... but... trouble.
440
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,887
I'm gonna call Mike Donkey
and try to get an extension.
441
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,715
- [Crying]
- [Gasps]
442
00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:14,283
Extension denied.
443
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:16,981
Mr. Donkey, please!
Let my boy go!
444
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,722
Break my legs instead!
445
00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:21,072
No, the kid's legs
were the deal.
446
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:24,293
And, unlike you,
I honor my deals.
447
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:27,427
Wait! What if I told you
this giant crystal
448
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,473
is powerful enough
to win any bet we want?
449
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:33,128
I propose we all go
to Atlantic City,
450
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,217
and we'll win what we owe you,
times 10.
451
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,611
Guaranteed.
452
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:40,004
[all whispering]
453
00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:41,745
We're just gonna
break the legs.
454
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,617
[muffled screaming]
455
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:44,922
Come on, guys.
456
00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:46,228
- You can't really...
- Ohh!
457
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:49,318
Ohh! [crying] Ohh!
458
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:51,538
Hmm.
459
00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:53,844
Yeah, I've never had to
go this route before.
460
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,107
The deal was pay
or get his legs broken.
461
00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,066
So, yeah, I guess
we're all square.
462
00:19:58,109 --> 00:19:59,937
Pleasure doing business
with you.
463
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:02,288
[Steve crying]
464
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:07,249
What could have possibly
led to this?!
465
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,120
[sobs]
466
00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:11,210
It's all my fault!
467
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,995
If I wasn't so desperate to
impress someone richer than me,
468
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:16,563
this never would've
snowballed out of control!
469
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,173
Everything's
gonna be fine.
470
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,480
No, it's not!
My boy is broken!
471
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,873
This baby's powerful enough
to heal a hundred legs
472
00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:24,179
in mere minutes.
473
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,268
[screaming]
474
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,966
Shh, let the crystal
do its job.
475
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:32,970
It's woooooorrrrrkkinnnngg.
476
00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:35,712
Your eight brutal weeks
of physical therapy
477
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:39,673
is woooooorrrrrkkinnnngg.
478
00:20:39,716 --> 00:20:43,590
I'm doing it! Come on!
Stroll with me!
479
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:46,506
["Classic" by The Knocks
playing]
480
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:51,902
♪
481
00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:53,382
Aah!
482
00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:56,559
Steve,
you're doing it!
483
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,605
Bye!
Have a great time!
484
00:20:58,655 --> 00:21:03,205
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36399
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
