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1
00:00:01,436 --> 00:00:01,653
.
2
00:00:01,697 --> 00:00:04,178
- All right, quickly finish
shutting up, everybody.
3
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:06,571
I have an awesome
new Miles mission.
4
00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:08,834
We're gonna make him
a deadbeat dad.
5
00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:11,141
- Hold up, wouldn't he
have to be a dad first?
6
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:13,361
Dan,
you're great at this class.
7
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,103
- So I was looking
for dirt on Miles,
8
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:17,539
and I found an old
photograph of us together
9
00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:19,497
with this girl, Theresa,
that he had a fling with.
10
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:23,066
Now, if he had gotten her
pregnant without realizing it,
11
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,199
then their child would now be,
12
00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:28,376
oh, about your age.
13
00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:33,163
What're you do--
Anthony?
14
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,687
Pass the photo around.
15
00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:37,037
Well, look at it first.
16
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,473
Never mind--
anyway--
17
00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:41,041
One of you is gonna bring
this photo to Miles
18
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,433
and say that that's your mom,
19
00:00:42,477 --> 00:00:44,479
and that you're his kid
that he abandoned.
20
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:46,437
Voila.
Deadbeat dad.
21
00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:48,874
And the best part is,
you're gonna tell him this
22
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:52,704
right before he walks on stage
in Detroit for a TED Talk.
23
00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:54,619
It's gonna totally mess
with his head.
24
00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:57,405
It's gonna ruin
his presentation.
25
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,102
The only question
that remains is,
26
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,887
Which one of you can
most convincingly
27
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:04,977
play the role of Miles' kid?
28
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:07,719
Let me see what you guys got.
29
00:01:07,763 --> 00:01:10,070
- I've missed you
ever since I was a--
30
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:11,549
- Too slow.
Too slow.
31
00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:14,944
Okay, Heather.
You're face to face with Miles.
32
00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:17,077
What're you gonna do?
33
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,079
- Well, hey there, big daddy.
34
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:21,516
- Nope.
Mm-mm, wrong tone.
35
00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:24,388
- Am I the only one who feels
like making Miles think
36
00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:26,912
he has a kid might be
going a little too far?
37
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,262
- Miles is lame.
38
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:30,220
He deserves everything
that's coming to him.
39
00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:32,744
He's peddling these
fake philosophies
40
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:36,270
to the ignorant masses
and he knows better.
41
00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:37,923
- Yes.
Devin gets it.
42
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,925
This is exactly what
I've been talking about.
43
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:41,710
Okay, Devin.
So...
44
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:44,147
Tell me how you break
the news to him.
45
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:48,238
- Miles, you're my dad,
and you suck.
46
00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:51,285
- There's our guy, right there.
The Prince of Darkness is back.
47
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,200
I love it.
I'm gonna need to confiscate
48
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,853
that knife from you,
though, bud.
49
00:01:54,897 --> 00:01:56,159
Uh, I think I've let things
get a little bit
50
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:57,421
too loose around here.
51
00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:58,683
Go ahead and finish
crossing the A
52
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,250
on your anarchy thing,
though.
53
00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:01,556
[Ramones'
"Listen to My Heart"]
54
00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:03,123
- One, two, three, four!
55
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,603
- ♪ Next time
I'll listen to my heart ♪
56
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:08,650
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
57
00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:15,744
♪
58
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:22,794
- Hey, Ralphie.
59
00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:24,492
- Hello, ladies.
60
00:02:24,535 --> 00:02:28,148
- We need you to sign off on
the Sadie Hawkins Dance theme.
61
00:02:28,191 --> 00:02:30,193
We're doing '80s again, okay?
62
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:32,978
Leg-warmers and side ponies,
y'all.
63
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,719
- Well, I don't know
if you guys have noticed,
64
00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:37,592
but since
Brenda and I separated,
65
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,464
I have been doing my own thang.
66
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:41,900
- Oh!
67
00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,989
- That's why we came to you,
Durb Daddy.
68
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:47,906
- Thank you, but--but I was
thinking that a good theme
69
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:51,997
for the dance would be...
70
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:54,435
The movie "Congo."
71
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,176
Based on the
Michael Crichton novel.
72
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,655
It's got everything teens love.
73
00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,657
It's got gorillas,
it's got lasers,
74
00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:05,010
it's got a character
named Herkermer Homolka.
75
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:07,665
Oh.
I've seen that look.
76
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,841
Got that look from Brenda
for ten years.
77
00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:11,103
She--
78
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:12,453
She hated all my ideas too.
79
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:15,978
- Um, it's just...
80
00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:17,762
Mary?
81
00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:19,416
- Um, it's just, uh,
82
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,288
obscure movies
that no one's seen
83
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:22,985
don't make great dance themes.
- Mm-mm.
84
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,335
- I'm sorry--
You guys have never seen this?
85
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,859
Okay, guys, you gotta
watch this, all right?
86
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,861
And--and if you still don't
think it's a good idea
87
00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:31,950
for a dance,
then we won't do it.
88
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:34,736
- Okay, that's--that's fair.
- Okay.
89
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,875
♪
90
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:45,529
- Okay, all right,
all right, listen.
91
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,923
Get in there and rattle him.
92
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,230
Rattle him good.
93
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,232
♪
94
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,974
- Uh, if you want a selfie,
we're gonna have to be quick,
95
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:58,107
'cause I've got an awful lot
of people out there who--
96
00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:02,633
- 17 years ago you had sex with
my mom, which makes you my dad.
97
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:08,117
Her?
Oh.
98
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,424
Theresa Cantrell is your mum?
99
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,077
Theresa the teaser,
we used to--
100
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:13,775
- I have a lot of
complicated feelings,
101
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:15,342
and I'm sure you do
as well.
102
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:18,388
I gotta say,
I feel, uh, pretty neglected.
103
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:20,390
A little angry.
104
00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:21,739
Sorry about the timing.
105
00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:25,003
I hope it doesn't
mess up your speech.
106
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:30,095
- A son.
107
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:32,446
Oh, my goodness.
108
00:04:32,489 --> 00:04:35,536
My life just keeps getting
better and better.
109
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:37,233
All right, let's have
a look at you then.
110
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,279
Oh, you're a big lad.
111
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:40,715
Look at those eyes.
112
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,586
Beautiful--They're mine.
113
00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:44,501
And you've got the forehead.
You've--we've--got--
114
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:47,852
You've got the same
highly expressive forehead.
115
00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:49,637
Oh, my goodness me.
- You're on.
116
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:53,423
- Yeah, got it, right.
I've gotta go and do the--
117
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:55,338
And you wait here,
and I'll be back.
118
00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:58,167
- Uh--
119
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,609
Hello, Detroit!
I have a son!
120
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:08,873
Yeah!
121
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,965
Well,
122
00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:16,228
Miles was unfazed.
123
00:05:16,272 --> 00:05:18,666
- It's like the meaner you are
to him, the nicer he is.
124
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:21,669
- What kind of a dork
is thrilled to find out
125
00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:24,149
that he's been saddled
with an unwanted child?
126
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,285
Ah, and that's him
calling me right now.
127
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,286
Yeah?
- Jack.
128
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,635
Hello, old mate.
129
00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:33,071
Do you remember
Theresa the teaser?
130
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:34,986
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, long story short,
131
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:37,989
she had a baby,
and now I have a son.
132
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:40,383
And you'll never guess,
he lives in Toledo,
133
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:41,819
your hometown,
134
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:44,518
which is where I am
right this minute.
135
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,781
Right now?
136
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:49,349
.
137
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:51,786
- So we watched
the movie "Congo."
138
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,222
And it was good.
139
00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:55,398
It was very good.
- Very good.
140
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:58,619
Don't think, just answer.
141
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:01,099
- Easy, when the gorilla
drinks a martini and burps.
142
00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:02,927
- Me too!
143
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:05,756
- And while that is
all very
144
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,151
Um, I'm actually starting
to think, just a little bit,
145
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:11,588
how would you turn that
into a dance theme?
146
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,285
As much as I would love to.
147
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:16,767
- Yeah, Durbin, it's like,
What were you even picturing?
148
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:19,161
- How were you even
gonna decorate, Ralph?
149
00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:20,902
Take the jungle foliage sets
150
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:23,557
from last year's production
of "South Pacific"?
151
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,820
- Oh, my--
Guys, I'm--I'm seeing this.
152
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:26,995
This could work.
- Me too.
153
00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:28,431
I can't believe it.
154
00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,825
I think we're all actually
coming around to "Congo."
155
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,609
both: No!
156
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:34,394
- Uh, stop it, Michelle.
157
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,004
Sorry to hurt your feelings,
Durbin,
158
00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:37,353
but "Congo" as
the dance theme
159
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,008
is the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
160
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:42,576
It's worse than Fish Week.
161
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:43,968
- Brenda hated Fish Week.
162
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:47,189
She said it was
"unsanitary nonsense."
163
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:51,367
But, I guess, all my ideas
are bad,
164
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,021
aren't they?
165
00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:56,807
You know, you guys,
just do the '80s dance and--
166
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:58,679
just do whatever you want.
167
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:04,511
[taps keys forcefully,
vocalizes downtrodden tune]
168
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:07,209
- Guys, this is bad.
He can't know that I live here.
169
00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:09,167
And he can't know
that I teach high school.
170
00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:10,473
- You can always
point out the fact
171
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,170
that you don't
teach anything.
172
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:14,782
- What kind of a twisted
sicko just shows up
173
00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:16,784
to see his abandoned son?
174
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,655
So pathetic.
175
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,309
- Drives all the way
here uninvited.
176
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:23,486
It's like he's so
desperate for love.
177
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:27,011
- Yeah, yeah.
178
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:28,709
You're right.
179
00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:30,667
He's desperate.
We can use that.
180
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:35,019
Okay, so, you need to embrace
your relationship to Miles.
181
00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:37,805
Make him really love you,
and then--
182
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:40,024
Reject him. Hard.
183
00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:42,940
- And then we can see
if old Miles can float.
184
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:44,725
- Uh, too far,
Prince of D.
185
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:46,466
Why don't we just stick
to the emotional crushing?
186
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,206
- I don't know,
I feel like the moral compass
187
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,860
is thumbs down
on this one.
188
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:51,209
- Yeah, and I feel like I'm
pretty thumbs down on you,
189
00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:52,863
Marcus.
- Great.
190
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,866
- Okay, guys, I need some ideas
for Miles bonding time.
191
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,738
What do you guys like to do
with your parents around here?
192
00:07:57,781 --> 00:08:01,219
- You know, the Toledo Walleye
hockey games are fun.
193
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:02,873
My family has season tickets.
194
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,179
And I'm taking
my little brother, Jeffy,
195
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,050
tomorrow night.
196
00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:08,357
- My man.
Dan, that's perfect.
197
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,793
Okay, so, Devin.
198
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:12,492
Tomorrow you'll go sightseeing
with Miles after school.
199
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,538
And then, end the evening
at a Walleye hockey game.
200
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:19,586
Ah, you know how to really
set him up for rejection?
201
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,370
Call him "Dad."
202
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:23,546
Then it's time for
the pièce de résistance.
203
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,766
Tell him you want nothing
to do with him.
204
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,205
♪
205
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:32,686
- Here's to our first
Toledo hotdog.
206
00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:33,687
Cheers!
207
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:36,254
♪
208
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:39,431
I'm gonna need more of these.
209
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:42,913
The archduke of Slovenia said,
"Miles, if you'll not take
210
00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:46,961
my daughter, please have
these antique dueling pistols."
211
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:53,402
♪
212
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,578
Those poachers weren't
coming back--
213
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,667
Ow.
214
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:01,497
- ♪ Me and my man
215
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,413
♪ Me and my main man
216
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:05,675
♪ Me and my man
217
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:07,938
- Oh, thank you.
218
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,201
Look at us!
219
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,421
Wow.
220
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,118
That was so good, wasn't it?
- Yeah.
221
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:17,644
- Right, next,
onto the game.
222
00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:19,689
♪
223
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,517
Come on.
224
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:28,698
crowd: Let's go, Walleyes.
Let's go, Walleyes.
225
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,704
- This is perfect.
226
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:36,619
Matching father-son hats.
227
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,795
- Did you know Miles has a set
of antique dueling pistols?
228
00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:40,667
- Don't get sucked into
Miles' world, okay?
229
00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:42,103
Stay focused.
230
00:09:42,146 --> 00:09:44,975
Go give him the hats,
play the dad card,
231
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,586
break his heart.
Go.
232
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:51,721
- Ooh.
233
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:56,204
- Oh, mate, amazing.
234
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:58,554
A couple of matching
fish bubble hats.
235
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,818
Thank you.
236
00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:03,037
Yep.
237
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,867
Oh, one question.
238
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:09,478
What do I do with
these bad boys?
239
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:11,654
Hey.
240
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:14,657
Oh, what a couple of
willies in a biscuit, then, eh?
241
00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:21,316
- Look, Danny, it's me!
242
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:28,323
Look at that kid, he's amazing.
243
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:31,021
- Dan, tell Jeffy
to stop dancing.
244
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,544
- Hey, you tell Jeffy
to stop dancing.
245
00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:34,198
Because half these people
come to the games
246
00:10:34,242 --> 00:10:35,852
just to see
Jeffy dance.
247
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:40,640
crowd: Let's go, Walleyes!
248
00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:47,255
crowd: Let's go, Walleyes!
249
00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,083
- It was truly breathtaking,
250
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,780
but I had no one
to share it with.
251
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:54,523
I've always wanted to do that.
252
00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:56,699
I heard it's covered
in frozen corpses.
253
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:57,744
- Well, you can.
254
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,702
Devin, you're--
you're a great lad,
255
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,313
and you deserve to see
all the beautiful views
256
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:07,405
and corpses your--
your little heart desires.
257
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:13,368
Oh, nearly.
Nearly.
258
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,502
It kills me to have to do this,
259
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:19,417
but I've got an early flight
to catch back to Stanford.
260
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:22,072
Thank you for today.
I've had...
261
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,509
an amazing time,
and...
262
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:27,861
I'm never gonna forget today.
263
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:31,255
- Thanks... Dad.
264
00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:36,260
- Huh.
265
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:39,742
Come here, son.
266
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:44,486
♪
267
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:45,922
Cheers.
268
00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:49,099
Uh, sorry, guys, can I get out?
Thank you, thank you.
269
00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:51,711
Buh-bye.
Cheerio.
270
00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:57,673
- Hey, hey!
271
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,109
Why didn't you tell him
you hate him?
272
00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:00,284
- I'm sorry,
Mr. Griffin.
273
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:01,764
I hesitated
and ran out of time.
274
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,200
Can we just get Miles
some other way?
275
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:06,769
- No, there is no other way.
This is the way.
276
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:08,336
All right,
come on, let's go.
277
00:12:08,379 --> 00:12:10,730
- Not yet.
I don't wanna wake Jeffy.
278
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,427
- I literally have
to do everything.
279
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:13,689
All right, fine,
give me Jeffy.
280
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,256
Come on.
All right, Jeffy, let's go.
281
00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:16,779
Come on, Jeffy.
282
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:17,780
Okay.
283
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,434
All right.
284
00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:21,653
I'll figure out how to keep
Miles in Toledo another day.
285
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,264
You figure out how to
grow some balls, all right?
286
00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:24,526
Finish him!
287
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,223
- Ah, okay, shh.
288
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:27,964
It's all right.
Come here, Jeffy.
289
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:33,274
.
290
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,583
- Hello, Jack-o!
- Miles-o.
291
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,150
Uh, how'd it go with your son?
292
00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:42,326
It must've felt nice to say
sorry for having missed
293
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:45,025
every significant event
in his entire life,
294
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:48,028
you know, baseball games,
recitals--
295
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:51,074
Aw, his wobbly first step.
296
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:54,643
- Well, I--I didn't exactly
get a chance to
297
00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:55,818
tell him all those things.
298
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,428
- Ah, that's a shame.
299
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,648
I would've killed to hear
my absentee father
300
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:01,432
say sorry to me for missing
all that stuff
301
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:03,478
in my life, you know,
in person.
302
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:05,088
My two cents?
303
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,916
I think it's worth, uh,
sticking around one more day
304
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,526
to tell him all that.
305
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:12,226
- You know Jack, that is
smarter than a seaman's cleats.
306
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:13,923
- That can't be an actual
British expression.
307
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:16,883
- All right, cheerio,
me old China.
308
00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:20,103
- Uh-oh.
- D-D-Durbie Fully Loaded.
309
00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:22,279
- Let me guess,
you guys are here to tell me
310
00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:24,107
that eating
salty soup out of a cup
311
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:26,196
is another one of
my bad ideas?
312
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,894
- No, Durbs, we're actually
here to tell you
313
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:30,331
that we are
totally on board for "Congo."
314
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:33,334
- Like you said before,
it's a bad idea.
315
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,684
- We were talking about it and
realized we're the only ones
316
00:13:35,727 --> 00:13:36,685
who care about
the dance theme.
317
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,252
- Yeah.
318
00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:39,862
- The kids don't pay attention
to the decorations.
319
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,124
They just see them as
something to hide behind
320
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:42,473
so they can
grab up on a butt.
321
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:44,301
- Mm-hmm, yeah,
it makes no difference
322
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:46,303
whether they're honking on each
other's little
323
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:49,916
behind a jungle in the Congo,
or a big '80s Rubik's Cube.
324
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,352
- I mean, it's true.
325
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:53,876
The--these dances are
a full-on dog park.
326
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,051
- In every way.
327
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,966
I found two poops last year.
328
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,359
Human.
329
00:13:58,402 --> 00:14:00,883
- Ralph,
we just wanna support you.
330
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:03,886
I mean, that means so much
more to us than some theme.
331
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,889
- You guys are the best.
332
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,804
Listen.
333
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,328
Keep this under your hats,
okay?
334
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,678
We don't want some other
school stealing our theme.
335
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:18,161
- We are literally, um, never
telling anyone about this.
336
00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:20,163
Ever.
Okay?
337
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:38,355
- Uh, sorry to interrupt.
338
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:42,403
Is this
339
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:44,709
Ah, hah, there he is.
340
00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:46,233
- Miles,
what're you doing here?
341
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:49,932
- Well, I--I realized that
I never apologized to you,
342
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,586
for missing out on--
well, I've missed--
343
00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:53,501
Missing out on everything
344
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,155
until yesterday.
345
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:57,200
And I wanted to swear to you
that I'm gonna make that right.
346
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:58,941
Money's no object.
You know, whatever it costs.
347
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,290
I'll fly backwards
and forwards.
348
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:04,033
Whatever it takes to--
to be your dad.
349
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:06,209
- I can't do this.
350
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:08,037
You're not my dad.
- No, I--
351
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:09,430
completely understand that.
352
00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,040
And I will work to earn
that title.
353
00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:14,261
- No, I mean it,
I'm not your son.
354
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,962
- But we--we've got the same--
355
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:21,442
Expressive forehead.
356
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,052
- Well, actually,
the forehead's not really
357
00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:24,358
an identifying characteristic.
358
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,926
- Okay, shh, bud.
Who are you?
359
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:32,235
- I didn't mean any of it.
360
00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:34,063
I'm sorry.
361
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:35,456
Wha--I don't--
362
00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:38,328
Oh, I was excited about us.
I--I felt...
363
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:41,462
I was gonna have a fuller life
'cause of you.
364
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:43,638
And then...
365
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,398
You're a monster.
366
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:13,973
Whoa!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
367
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:17,280
Whoo!
Holy crap, uh!
368
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:19,152
Now, if I'm not mistaken,
369
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,067
that is a garbage can
filled with Miles' puke.
370
00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:22,807
Yeah?
371
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,853
And from what I was seeing,
it's 'cause he's a broken man.
372
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,333
Am I right?
Okay.
373
00:16:26,376 --> 00:16:29,249
Well, then this calls
for a celebration.
374
00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:31,077
Uh-uh!
Whoo!
375
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,994
We did it, baby.
Oh, it was glorious, mmm.
376
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:40,216
What's
377
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:49,269
.
378
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,360
I'm sorry,
what is going on here?
379
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:54,883
What--
What's the deal?
380
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:57,755
Guys, we--we succeeded.
Let's celebrate!
381
00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,453
- He's a good guy
and we broke him.
382
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:01,324
For what?
383
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:06,068
- For America!
384
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,591
I don't know.
385
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:09,506
What, are you trying to
guilt me with your silence?
386
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:10,768
That's not gonna work.
387
00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:12,161
Look, it's not like
I don't know
388
00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:13,641
what you guys are thinking
anyway, you know.
389
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:14,946
Anthony's over there like,
390
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,252
I'm judgy Anthony.
391
00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:17,993
You know?
Victor's sitting there like,
392
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,255
I think this may have
393
00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:20,735
gotten out of hand,
Mr. Griffin.
394
00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:21,736
- I think it has.
395
00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:23,085
- And Marcus is like,
396
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:24,782
At the risk of being
397
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:26,436
a permanent virgin,
don't you think you should
398
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,352
come clean and tell Miles
it wasn't Devin's fault?
399
00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:30,745
And Sarika's like,
400
00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:32,094
I think I speak on behalf
401
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,704
of all the nerds
in the whole wide world
402
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,967
when I say you're
a bad guy, Mr. Griffin.
403
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,534
- Sarika's right, as usual.
404
00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:40,102
- Come on, you guys.
All of you are gonna be fine.
405
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,757
Okay? Look at me, I'm fine.
You know?
406
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,454
I feel f--
I feel great, actually.
407
00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:45,890
I--I think, um...
408
00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:47,283
I think we did a--
409
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:50,982
I think we did the world a--
a service today.
410
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,462
Hmm?
411
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,508
So you guys can sit there
and stare at me all you want.
412
00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:56,684
That's not gonna--
Not gonna make me feel guilty,
413
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,425
if that's what you're going
for, that's what I'm saying.
414
00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:01,210
I--I feel good.
415
00:18:04,779 --> 00:18:05,823
I'm gonna go piss.
416
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:13,048
♪
417
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,182
Hey, Miles, hey.
418
00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:19,489
- Whoa-ho, hey.
Uh, Jack.
419
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:20,795
Is that you?
420
00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:23,014
- Yes, it's me.
Here in Toledo.
421
00:18:23,058 --> 00:18:25,321
- I don't understand.
What are you doing here?
422
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:27,323
'Cause I, I was here
with my son--he's not my--
423
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:28,977
He's just some--
- I know.
424
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,370
- Guy that pretended--
- I'm gonna explain all that.
425
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:31,893
Look, um...
426
00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:34,156
I never got picked up
by another university
427
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,158
after the whole
Harvard thing, okay?
428
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,726
I've been living here,
in my dead mom's apartment
429
00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,858
and I've been teaching
at this high school, okay?
430
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:44,427
I didn't tell you--
- Because--oh,
431
00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:47,778
because you're ashamed.
432
00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:50,912
- Yeah, something like that.
433
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:54,045
Um, look, Devin is
one of my students,
434
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:56,439
and he's a good kid, okay?
He didn't--
435
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,049
He didn't set out to hurt you.
436
00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:00,095
I mentioned you a few times
in my class, and I--
437
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,966
Oh, oh, I get it.
438
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:04,186
You talked about
my cushy job at Stanford,
439
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:07,189
my many awards,
my numerous celebrity lovers,
440
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,625
and Devin became
obsessed with me.
441
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:09,887
- Yeah, well,
he's not really obsessed--
442
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:12,151
- Devin wanted me
to be his dad.
443
00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:13,369
Kind of sweet when
you think about it.
444
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:15,023
- Yeah,
I wouldn't say he's obsessed--
445
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:19,854
- Jack, you, you, Jack.
You have nothing.
446
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:22,683
But you live here,
in the real world,
447
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:24,119
with all--with real people.
448
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,469
And maybe I need a bit
more of that in my life.
449
00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:29,080
Maybe that's why I believe
his cock-and-balls story
450
00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:31,648
too quickly.
Oh, God.
451
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:33,041
The trials and tribulations
452
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:36,087
of fame and fortune, eh?
- Oh, you--
453
00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:38,612
- Hey, uh, hello--
I've gotta go, mate.
454
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,135
My ride's here.
I can't--
455
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,572
I can't leave Oprah's
private jet waiting.
456
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:43,617
Again.
457
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,445
She was bloody livid last--
458
00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:46,924
Come on, come here.
459
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,926
Beautiful sod.
460
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:52,756
Jack, you know,
461
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,890
maybe the question
462
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:57,979
really is the answer.
463
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,114
- Cheerio.
464
00:20:03,158 --> 00:20:05,987
Hello, mate.
465
00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:08,424
Airport, please.
466
00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:11,471
♪
467
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:21,002
♪
468
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,266
- So you're, uh,
469
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:27,530
back in the good graces
of that phony loser.
470
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:28,966
Happy now?
471
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,794
- Don't care.
472
00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:33,536
- Me neither.
473
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:34,537
- Peace.
474
00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:38,193
♪
475
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,464
- Miles.
- Jacky boy, it's me.
476
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:49,683
Fancy this.
477
00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:52,294
You have inspired me yet again.
478
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,992
- That's great, Miles.
Have fun now.
479
00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:56,646
- W-well, hang on, hang on.
Hang on.
480
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,344
I'm leaving Stanford.
481
00:20:58,387 --> 00:21:02,304
And I'd like you
to take over for me.
482
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:05,264
I mean, with my recommendation
you would be a shoo-in.
483
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:08,049
So, what do you reckon, mate?
484
00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:10,573
Fancy being the head of
Philosophy at Stanford?
485
00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:16,231
♪
34373
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