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(film projector running)
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(bright orchestral music)
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("Oh Tannenbaum")
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♫ Deck the halls with boughs of holly
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♫ Fa la la la la la la la la
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- Mommy, do you think they sing good?
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- They sing well.
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Be more careful with your English.
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- Mommy, what does gay mean?
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- It means, happy.
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- Hmmm.
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♫ Fa la la la la la la la
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♫ Fa la la la la la la la
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- Okay sweetie, hurry up.
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- But Mom, school doesn'tstart for an hour.
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- Well, it's better to be an hour early
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than a minute late.
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Come on.
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Give me a big smile before you go in.
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Nuns don't like frowns.
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- I don't feel like it.
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- Would that change if I told you that we
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are gonna go see Santa after school?
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- Yes.
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(tense orchestral music)
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- My, my, Tony,
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so early.
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I like that.
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How are we today?
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- I am very gay.
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- Gay is evil, Tony.
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Gay is evil.
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Gay is evil.
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- Is that enough Sister Betty?
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- Have you learned your lesson?
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- Yes, Sister Betty.
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- All right.
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(rock music)
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- I'm telling you brother,
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nobody should have ever letthat woman have a license.
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Or any woman for that matter.
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You know what I'm saying?
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- Check it out, check it out,
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three o'clock, look at this.
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- [Driver] Oh my God.
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Delicious.
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- Hey, did you find out wherewe're working at this week?
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- The boss told me it wassome famous guy named Bruce.
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- Bruce?
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I'll bet it's Bruce Springsteen.
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- Naa, he's a Jersey boy.
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I'm thinking it's Bruce Willis,
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who is also from Jersey.
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- Well, what are we doingat your parents' house?
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- [Driver] I gotta run inreal fast, and drop this gift.
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I'm trying to hide it from Sarah.
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- [Passenger] You startedyour Christmas shopping yet?
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- Started?
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Brother, I'm just finished.
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Thank God, I hate shopping.
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- Yeah, so do I.
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- I'll be right back.
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Hey Pop.
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- Hey Sport.
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- Hey Kiddo.
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- I'm not a kid, I'm goingto college next year.
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- Yeah, don't complain to me about it.
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- I hope you wiped your feet.
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You want some breakfast?
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- No, I don't got time.
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- You don't have time.
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- Same difference.
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- I did not raise you toslaughter the English language.
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Oh, oh my Gosh, everybody look.
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- [Voice From Wreath] Ho,ho, ho, Merry Christmas.
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- How cute is this?
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♫ We wish you a Merry Christmas
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♫ We wish you a Merry Christmas
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♫ We wish you a Merry Christmas
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♫ And a Happy New Year- Come on!
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Listen,
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♫ Deck the halls with boughs of holly
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♫ Fa la la la la la la la la
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- Oh, you guys are all Grinches.
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- I hate that song.
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Ma, could you do me a favor?
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Could you put this somewhere?
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Sarah keeps sniffin' around our apartment.
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- BTW, you didn't getsomething stupid again
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this year, did you?
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- What do you mean something stupid again?
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I buy great gifts.
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- OMG, really?
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A twin set of Snuggies?
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- OMG, yes.
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That way she can be comfortable
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when she watches your show, gossip girl.
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What's the matter, Pop?
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Your stock in pork bellies go down?
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- I don't get it.
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Here we have another state
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making it legal for gaycouples to get married,
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and have kids.
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- What's wrong with that?
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- Tony, would you like to tell you mother
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what's wrong with that?
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- Marriage is an institutionbetween a man and a woman.
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Besides, no kid shouldhave to have two fathers.
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- That's right.
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- One's bad enough.
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- I wasn't laughing at that.
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I was laughing at Tony's hair.
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- Okay, it's always nice tomake a stop at the institution,
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but I gotta go to work.
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- You have to go.
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- See, Mom agrees with me.
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Love you Mommy.
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I'll see you later Pop.
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- Okay, Buddy.
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- LAPD, open up.
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(somber orchestral music)
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- Hey hey.
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- [Both] Hey.
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- I don't know, butsomething is telling me
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this is not Bruce Willis' house.
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- That's because it'sBruce Vilanch's house.
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- Who's he?
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- Bruce Ve-what?
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- Are you kidding me?
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Bruce Vilanch, he's huge,
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physically and talent-wise.
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Have you ever heard of a little show
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called the Hollywood Squares?
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I don't mean the oldone that got cancelled,
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I mean the newer one that got cancelled.
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I think he was like center square, man.
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I never watched it, but I mean,
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he's the most respectedwriter in all of Hollywood.
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More importantly, he's my very first
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celebrity slash wealthy, client.
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So you boneheads better do adamn good job for this guy.
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I owe it all to my newhead of design, Steve.
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Steve-O, come out here and meet the boys.
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- Hey guys.
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- He introduced me to BV.
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Bruce Vilanch.
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- So how do you know this Vilanch guy?
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- Oh, my boyfriend Michael
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used to do his hair and makeup
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when he was on the Hollywood Squares.
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- Your boyfriend?
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- Yeah, why?
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- No,
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nothing.
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What do got on your feet there, buddy?
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- Oh, these are my new Pradas.
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Cool, huh?
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- Yeah,
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I mean, I probably wouldn't wear them.
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But, cool.
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- Yeah, I'd love to stay aroundand talk with you ladies,
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about your shoes all day,
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but unfortunately, you got work to do.
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And I've gotta show Stevethe back of the house,
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so let's get going.
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- Bye guys.
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- Bye guys.
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Oh my God.
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- Hey, dead man walking.
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- What's that supposed to mean?
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- Gettin' married right?
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- Yeah.
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- Dead man walking.
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- Yeah, but we stillhave your bachelor party
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to look forward too, right bro?
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- Oh, that's what I'm talking about.
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- I didn't hear him talking about that.
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- Hey, smart move gettingmarried on New Year's Eve.
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You'll never forget your anniversary.
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- Hey, where's the new guy from?
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- It's the boss' nephew.
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- The boss has a fudgepacker for a nephew?
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- Can you believe that?
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- No, poor guy.
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You know I don't understand why anybody
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would choose to get rammed in the--
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- I don't think it's a choice, bro.
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- Oh, it's definitely a choice.
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You know, and it'sstarting to piss me off.
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And every time I turn aroundI get one of these guys
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french-kissing each other in public.
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- Hey guys.
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- Hey.
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- You remind me of someone.
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- A young, Tony Curtis?
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- You're actually moreattractive than he was.
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- Hey guys.
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- Geez.
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- You know what bro, I'd watch out,
201
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because I think that Steve,
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he's going for a piece ofthe south seats there buddy.
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♫ Not to tell you why
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♫ But I would probably be wrong.
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- [Unknown Voiceover]That Christmas tree's
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embarrassing man.
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- Yeah, it's small.
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But it's got big balls.
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- Your tree has elephantitis.
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Hey come on, let's getdown to business here.
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Pick your poison for your bachelor party.
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- All right, let's do this.
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- Well look at all this variety huh?
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You know all this ends whenyou get married, right?
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You know that?
216
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- Yeah, I know.
217
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- Yeah?
218
00:09:37,094 --> 00:09:37,927
Well, look at this.
219
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Hot sex action, 25 cents,
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that's cheaper than a value meal.
221
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- Yeah, cheap sex, that's great,
222
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and, you know, I'm gonna miss it,
223
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,235
but let me tell you something Danny boy,
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00:09:47,235 --> 00:09:49,803
one of these days you are gonna understand
225
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what it's like to truly be in love.
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You know, to really want togive yourself to one person,
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and one person only.
228
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Sarah's awesome.
229
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- Oh, that is so sweet.
230
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You're pussy-whipped.
231
00:10:01,029 --> 00:10:04,278
Oh, whipped, it's a whipped cream dish.
232
00:10:05,198 --> 00:10:07,223
You put some cinnamon in there,
233
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put a little ketchup in there.
234
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- Macaroni.
235
00:10:09,758 --> 00:10:12,359
- Macaroni, garnish it with Macaroni.
236
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And you serve that chilled.
237
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It's good.
238
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- What do you call that?
239
00:10:17,606 --> 00:10:19,518
- Wow, (whistles) look at the time.
240
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Huh, time flies, when you're having fun.
241
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All right, I gotta go.
242
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:23,551
Somewhere there's a happy hour
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and a beer with my name on it.
244
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- He probably has to get to thespice shop before it closes.
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And here, I had no idea youtwo took such an interest
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00:10:31,478 --> 00:10:32,620
in the culinary arts.
247
00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:34,957
- Oh yeah, I even took care of dinner.
248
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- Really?
249
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You made something?
250
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- I made the necessary arrangements.
251
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- Tony, would it kill youto try and cook, just once.
252
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- Not gonna happen.
253
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- [Sarah] Why not?
254
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- 'Cause I'm a man, baby.
255
00:10:50,613 --> 00:10:53,357
- Sweetie, cooking is not feminine.
256
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Loads of guys cook.
257
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Some of the best chefsin the world are men.
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- I'll barbecue.
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- But we don't have a barbecue.
260
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- I know.
261
00:11:02,924 --> 00:11:03,820
(doorbell ringing)
262
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I'll get it.
263
00:11:08,523 --> 00:11:09,356
Who is it?
264
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- Peter Piper's Perfect Pizza.
265
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- Watch this.
266
00:11:13,259 --> 00:11:14,092
- Who?
267
00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:16,308
- Peter Piper's Perfect Pizza.
268
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:17,141
- Who?
269
00:11:18,952 --> 00:11:21,952
- Peter Piper's Perfect Pizza, dude.
270
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:26,142
- Well why didn't you say so?
271
00:11:31,209 --> 00:11:33,092
- What's Bruce Vilanch like?
272
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:35,348
- I don't know, he's never around.
273
00:11:35,348 --> 00:11:36,736
Who cares anyway?
274
00:11:36,736 --> 00:11:37,912
- Well, I care.
275
00:11:37,912 --> 00:11:39,939
You know, I work in public relations.
276
00:11:39,939 --> 00:11:43,506
Knowing about celebritiesis my career Tony.
277
00:11:43,506 --> 00:11:46,339
Anyway besides, he's really funny.
278
00:11:47,136 --> 00:11:48,640
- It's not like we'reworking on Megan Fox's
279
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,140
house or anything,
280
00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:54,103
which I wouldn't careif she was there either,
281
00:11:54,103 --> 00:11:58,270
because she's not really afox so much as she is, homely.
282
00:11:58,792 --> 00:11:59,625
- Homely?
283
00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:00,983
- Maybe not so much with the homely,
284
00:12:00,983 --> 00:12:03,824
but she is definitelynot as beautiful as you.
285
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:04,657
- Right.
286
00:12:09,170 --> 00:12:11,420
- Everything smells delish.
287
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:13,774
- Everything?
288
00:12:15,887 --> 00:12:16,970
- Everything.
289
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:22,337
So, tell me about yourfirst day on the job.
290
00:12:22,671 --> 00:12:24,004
- It wasn't bad.
291
00:12:24,908 --> 00:12:25,991
- Wasn't bad.
292
00:12:26,526 --> 00:12:28,862
Is that all I'm gonna get out of you?
293
00:12:28,862 --> 00:12:30,624
What was it like working for Uncle?
294
00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:31,984
Do you like the other guys?
295
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,901
Tell me about your day.
296
00:12:34,809 --> 00:12:35,976
- It was nice.
297
00:12:36,657 --> 00:12:38,824
It's small, it's intimate.
298
00:12:38,928 --> 00:12:41,261
Everyone seemed pretty nice.
299
00:12:45,628 --> 00:12:48,210
- So, we got a new guy at work.
300
00:12:50,366 --> 00:12:51,199
- Tell me.
301
00:12:52,223 --> 00:12:53,056
- Homo.
302
00:12:53,222 --> 00:12:55,286
- Tony, please don't use that word.
303
00:12:55,286 --> 00:12:57,607
- Well what word do you want me to use?
304
00:12:57,607 --> 00:12:59,638
- Why do you have to label him at all?
305
00:12:59,638 --> 00:13:03,805
Can't he just be a guy youwork with, end of story?
306
00:13:04,554 --> 00:13:07,721
- I think you mean, end of fairy tale.
307
00:13:10,019 --> 00:13:10,936
Fairy tale.
308
00:13:18,049 --> 00:13:19,299
- What's wrong?
309
00:13:19,985 --> 00:13:20,818
- Nothing.
310
00:13:22,881 --> 00:13:25,305
One of the guys at workgave me a weird vibe.
311
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,560
- Weird like what?
312
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:30,477
- Weird like, I think hehas a problem with us.
313
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,333
- In this day and age,
314
00:13:32,881 --> 00:13:35,169
I'm sure you're justbeing overly sensitive.
315
00:13:35,169 --> 00:13:38,220
- All I'm saying is, I'll bethe voted against gay marriage.
316
00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:40,489
- Well then you guysshould get along great.
317
00:13:40,489 --> 00:13:41,322
- What?
318
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:42,960
- Prop eight got me off the hook,
319
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,276
I heard you talking to Glen.
320
00:13:44,276 --> 00:13:46,597
- Oh come on, I was kidding.
321
00:13:46,597 --> 00:13:50,347
- You still don't wantto get married though.
322
00:13:50,932 --> 00:13:52,515
- Here we go again.
323
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:55,533
(soft jazz music)
324
00:14:14,388 --> 00:14:17,453
- Do you really think I'mprettier than Megan Fox?
325
00:14:17,453 --> 00:14:21,620
- Well I think we all knowthe answer to that one.
326
00:14:27,766 --> 00:14:29,349
- I love you, Tony.
327
00:14:30,109 --> 00:14:31,609
- I love you more.
328
00:14:40,677 --> 00:14:42,766
- I'm sure you're right about Tony.
329
00:14:42,766 --> 00:14:44,349
- I know I'm right.
330
00:14:49,596 --> 00:14:50,513
I love you.
331
00:14:54,501 --> 00:14:56,418
- I know what you love.
332
00:14:57,551 --> 00:15:01,092
- Well that was definitelybetter then watching TV.
333
00:15:01,092 --> 00:15:02,425
- Even football?
334
00:15:02,596 --> 00:15:03,928
- Even football.
335
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,722
Well, maybe not the Super Bowl.
336
00:15:13,764 --> 00:15:14,931
- [Danny] You ready for the big day?
337
00:15:14,931 --> 00:15:15,848
- Ho ho ho.
338
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:17,387
- I meant the wedding fool.
339
00:15:17,387 --> 00:15:19,387
- I know what you meant.
340
00:15:19,555 --> 00:15:21,227
- Mike and I went to really nice wedding
341
00:15:21,227 --> 00:15:23,144
in Irvine last weekend.
342
00:15:23,371 --> 00:15:26,067
- Well, no offense but,with all due respect,
343
00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:27,491
I don't think I'd be comfortable
344
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:30,599
if two dudes showed up at mywedding holding hands, ya know?
345
00:15:30,599 --> 00:15:31,431
- Ow.
346
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:34,046
- What happened, you break a nail?
347
00:15:34,046 --> 00:15:35,374
- No, I got my finger caught.
348
00:15:35,374 --> 00:15:36,838
What, are we in kindergarten?
349
00:15:36,838 --> 00:15:39,815
- Why, you want to take a nap with me?
350
00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:42,086
- You're the last person Iwould want to take a nap with.
351
00:15:42,086 --> 00:15:44,959
- Oh, come one Steve, I sawyou checking out my ass.
352
00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:46,775
- The only reason Iwould check out your ass,
353
00:15:46,775 --> 00:15:49,222
is if I needed a placeto show my home movies.
354
00:15:49,222 --> 00:15:51,069
(guys react with hoots and laughs)
355
00:15:51,069 --> 00:15:52,831
- What's he talkin' about?
356
00:15:52,831 --> 00:15:53,861
That's not funny.
357
00:15:53,861 --> 00:15:55,111
Brian, tell me.
358
00:15:56,342 --> 00:15:58,029
Do I have a flat ass?
359
00:15:58,029 --> 00:16:00,345
- I don't know, pull downyour pants so we can all see.
360
00:16:00,345 --> 00:16:02,536
- No, keep your pants on chief.
361
00:16:02,536 --> 00:16:03,369
- Hey Tone.
362
00:16:03,369 --> 00:16:04,202
- Yeah?
363
00:16:04,202 --> 00:16:05,650
- I know someone who wouldlike to check that out.
364
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:06,837
- Well I know it isn't you Jake,
365
00:16:06,837 --> 00:16:09,004
and I know it's you Danny.
366
00:16:09,293 --> 00:16:10,960
So, who could it be?
367
00:16:12,052 --> 00:16:12,885
Steve?
368
00:16:13,587 --> 00:16:14,923
- See, I knew it, you're a homophobe.
369
00:16:14,923 --> 00:16:16,090
- No, I'm not.
370
00:16:18,531 --> 00:16:19,643
What the hell is that thing?
371
00:16:19,643 --> 00:16:23,810
- That there, is a magnificent,working beautiful ornament,
372
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,975
that I found in a neighbor's trash bin.
373
00:16:27,975 --> 00:16:30,146
These people around here are so rich,
374
00:16:30,146 --> 00:16:32,955
that their trash is gonna beon the tree tomorrow night,
375
00:16:32,955 --> 00:16:34,947
at our company Christmas party.
376
00:16:34,947 --> 00:16:37,135
- Oh, you know what boss, I almost forgot.
377
00:16:37,135 --> 00:16:38,554
I can't make it to your party.
378
00:16:38,554 --> 00:16:40,131
My girlfriend's dragging me to some play
379
00:16:40,131 --> 00:16:41,798
called Cracked Nuts.
380
00:16:42,588 --> 00:16:44,316
- You mean the Nutcracker?
381
00:16:44,316 --> 00:16:45,316
- Something.
382
00:16:46,436 --> 00:16:47,954
- My girlfriend draggedme there last year.
383
00:16:47,954 --> 00:16:48,954
It's boring.
384
00:16:49,906 --> 00:16:50,823
- Whatever.
385
00:16:50,914 --> 00:16:52,666
Save your twenty bucks.
386
00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:56,215
- I wish that we didn'thave to listen to this crap.
387
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:58,311
(music dies)
388
00:16:58,311 --> 00:17:01,991
See, that music was sobad it killed the boombox.
389
00:17:01,991 --> 00:17:03,320
- You know what I wish?
390
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:04,859
I wish we'd get another A list client,
391
00:17:04,859 --> 00:17:06,139
so I could pay you guys
392
00:17:06,139 --> 00:17:08,547
to keep sittin' on yourbutts, shootin' the...
393
00:17:08,547 --> 00:17:09,853
(phone ringing)
394
00:17:09,853 --> 00:17:11,103
Yeah, it's Joe.
395
00:17:11,779 --> 00:17:12,612
Oh,
396
00:17:13,257 --> 00:17:14,090
hello sir.
397
00:17:15,377 --> 00:17:16,294
Yo, oh yes.
398
00:17:17,306 --> 00:17:18,223
Absolutely.
399
00:17:21,038 --> 00:17:22,288
I'd be honored.
400
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:25,037
Two o'clock is perfect.
401
00:17:26,231 --> 00:17:28,564
Thank you very much, Mister,
402
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:30,089
Top.
403
00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:32,400
Okay then.
404
00:17:36,608 --> 00:17:38,941
Wishes do come true, fellas.
405
00:17:39,530 --> 00:17:41,927
We just got the Carrot Top account.
406
00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:43,562
(group gives approving hollers)
407
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:44,979
- Way to go boss.
408
00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:49,498
(Joe singing happy notes)
409
00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:55,253
(bell ringing)
410
00:18:01,479 --> 00:18:03,238
- Welcome to Spudic's Video.
411
00:18:03,238 --> 00:18:06,321
If you don't see it, we ain't got it.
412
00:18:14,502 --> 00:18:16,494
- [Unknown Female Voiceover] Hey, Anthony.
413
00:18:16,494 --> 00:18:17,661
- Hey, Rachel.
414
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:19,772
- You're looking handsome these days.
415
00:18:19,772 --> 00:18:21,605
And um, fit as always.
416
00:18:22,526 --> 00:18:26,359
- Thanks, you're lookingpretty good yourself.
417
00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:28,862
- Movie night, I rememberhow much fun that was.
418
00:18:28,862 --> 00:18:30,870
I almost called you a couple of times.
419
00:18:30,870 --> 00:18:32,990
- Yeah, well why didn't you?
420
00:18:32,990 --> 00:18:33,990
- Been busy.
421
00:18:34,470 --> 00:18:35,607
- Welcome to Spudic's Video.
422
00:18:35,607 --> 00:18:37,158
- [Tony] I got engaged.
423
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,198
- Oh, another one bites the dust.
424
00:18:39,198 --> 00:18:41,430
- Oh, well that is just so sweet.
425
00:18:41,430 --> 00:18:44,262
- I'm sorry, I just meant that um,
426
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:46,532
she's a lucky girl.
427
00:18:47,221 --> 00:18:50,471
- Yeah, she is a lucky girl, isn't she?
428
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,243
- So, when's the big day?
429
00:18:53,395 --> 00:18:54,395
- Two weeks.
430
00:18:55,739 --> 00:18:57,156
- I have an idea.
431
00:18:57,540 --> 00:18:58,623
Why don't you
432
00:19:00,643 --> 00:19:02,324
come over one night this week?
433
00:19:02,324 --> 00:19:03,747
While you're still single,
434
00:19:03,747 --> 00:19:05,580
so we can say goodbye.
435
00:19:06,828 --> 00:19:09,346
- You know there's justone problem with that.
436
00:19:09,346 --> 00:19:10,596
I'm not single.
437
00:19:11,691 --> 00:19:13,298
- [Rachel] But you're not married.
438
00:19:13,298 --> 00:19:15,131
So, she'll never know.
439
00:19:16,571 --> 00:19:17,404
- Yeah,
440
00:19:19,930 --> 00:19:20,763
I'd know.
441
00:19:21,570 --> 00:19:24,153
That's all that really matters.
442
00:19:26,162 --> 00:19:27,495
Nice seeing you.
443
00:19:39,529 --> 00:19:42,362
- Badass cops, and badass robbers.
444
00:19:42,546 --> 00:19:43,546
- I do okay?
445
00:19:47,722 --> 00:19:49,222
- You did amazing.
446
00:19:53,657 --> 00:19:56,490
(easy rock music)
447
00:20:06,088 --> 00:20:08,671
(street noise)
448
00:20:11,281 --> 00:20:13,065
- Hey, the party doesn'tofficially get started
449
00:20:13,065 --> 00:20:15,129
till I see some pigs in a blanket.
450
00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:17,961
Don't worry, the pigs in ablanket will be coming soon.
451
00:20:17,961 --> 00:20:19,304
Who are your beautiful friends?
452
00:20:19,304 --> 00:20:20,504
- Well I hope you don't mind, Joe.
453
00:20:20,504 --> 00:20:22,593
I brought along my bridesmaids.
454
00:20:22,593 --> 00:20:23,760
This is Laura,
455
00:20:24,026 --> 00:20:25,185
and this is Kathy.
456
00:20:25,185 --> 00:20:28,435
- Oh Kathy, Joe, you're very beautiful.
457
00:20:29,007 --> 00:20:31,356
Thank you for coming,and please don't leave.
458
00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:34,083
I don't mean to soundcreepy, in case it does,
459
00:20:34,083 --> 00:20:36,067
I just mean that I amhonored you guys are here,
460
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:37,611
and please don't leave Kathy.
461
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,547
And okay, good to see you guys.
462
00:20:39,547 --> 00:20:40,787
- Joe, wait a second.
463
00:20:40,787 --> 00:20:42,411
I got you a secret Santa gift.
464
00:20:42,411 --> 00:20:43,607
- This is a secret Santa gift?
465
00:20:43,607 --> 00:20:44,440
- Yes.
466
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,544
- And did Tony pick it out?
467
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:46,377
- Yes.
468
00:20:46,431 --> 00:20:50,348
- So I'm guessing thatit's a lesbian porn DVD?
469
00:20:52,188 --> 00:20:53,376
- Honey, there's your chardonnay.
470
00:20:53,376 --> 00:20:56,095
- Oh my God, he just called him honey.
471
00:20:56,095 --> 00:20:59,407
Guy's an apron and a Bundt cakeaway from being a housewife.
472
00:20:59,407 --> 00:21:00,240
- Sarah?
473
00:21:00,485 --> 00:21:01,318
- Steve.
474
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:02,661
How are you?
475
00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:04,452
- [Steve] I'm well, how are you?
476
00:21:04,452 --> 00:21:05,285
- Wow.
477
00:21:06,197 --> 00:21:07,577
- You two know each other?
478
00:21:07,577 --> 00:21:09,668
- Yes, we met when I studied abroad.
479
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:12,668
- I didn't think you studied broads?
480
00:21:13,391 --> 00:21:15,851
- We've actually dated a little,
481
00:21:15,851 --> 00:21:17,731
which is why nothing happened.
482
00:21:17,731 --> 00:21:19,431
- Exactly, this is my Michael.
483
00:21:19,431 --> 00:21:20,451
- I'm the boyfriend.
484
00:21:20,451 --> 00:21:21,571
- Very pleased to meet you.
485
00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:23,238
- You too, gorgeous.
486
00:21:23,612 --> 00:21:25,695
- Oh, so this is the RBI?
487
00:21:25,955 --> 00:21:26,788
- Yes.
488
00:21:26,938 --> 00:21:28,011
- You mean like runs batted in?
489
00:21:28,011 --> 00:21:30,738
Because you know I wasall-state in high school.
490
00:21:30,738 --> 00:21:34,155
- No, like Republican breeding ignoramus.
491
00:21:34,384 --> 00:21:36,538
- Um, so Michael what do you do?
492
00:21:36,538 --> 00:21:37,698
- I'm a hair and makeup artist.
493
00:21:37,698 --> 00:21:39,948
- Does my makeup look okay?
494
00:21:40,204 --> 00:21:42,204
- No, you still look 40.
495
00:21:42,432 --> 00:21:43,561
- [Waiter] Quiche?
496
00:21:43,561 --> 00:21:44,713
- You know what, I'll pass.
497
00:21:44,713 --> 00:21:45,546
- You'll pass?
498
00:21:45,546 --> 00:21:47,209
Great, I have a ton to do in the kitchen.
499
00:21:47,209 --> 00:21:48,641
If anyone asks, it's vegetable.
500
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:51,308
- You know, that's not what I--.
501
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:52,464
You want one?
502
00:21:52,464 --> 00:21:54,213
- Naw, I hate quiche.
503
00:21:54,566 --> 00:21:55,483
- Oh, mmmm.
504
00:21:58,547 --> 00:22:00,147
I have to stop eating like this,
505
00:22:00,147 --> 00:22:01,827
I'm as big as a house.
506
00:22:01,827 --> 00:22:02,660
- [Tony] What are you talking about?
507
00:22:02,660 --> 00:22:04,035
It's a couple of extra pounds.
508
00:22:04,035 --> 00:22:05,350
- Yeah, you're not theone on the bottom, dude.
509
00:22:05,350 --> 00:22:06,183
- Oh.
510
00:22:07,269 --> 00:22:09,769
Oh, I hate to eat and run but,
511
00:22:10,397 --> 00:22:11,981
I'm not feeling very well.
512
00:22:11,981 --> 00:22:12,814
Honey can we?
513
00:22:12,814 --> 00:22:13,647
- Let's go, let's go.
514
00:22:13,647 --> 00:22:14,480
- Okay.
515
00:22:18,822 --> 00:22:20,480
- Thank goodness, I was chasing that guy
516
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,146
all around the room.
517
00:22:22,774 --> 00:22:23,607
Hi.
518
00:22:23,607 --> 00:22:24,440
- Hi.
519
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:25,273
- I'm Laura.
520
00:22:25,273 --> 00:22:26,273
- I'm Brian.
521
00:22:27,123 --> 00:22:29,112
I gotta get another drink.
522
00:22:29,112 --> 00:22:30,585
- Is there a Missus Brian?
523
00:22:30,585 --> 00:22:31,668
- [Brian] No.
524
00:22:34,625 --> 00:22:36,161
- Where's the bathroom?
525
00:22:36,161 --> 00:22:37,528
- Don't you ladies go in pairs?
526
00:22:37,528 --> 00:22:39,512
Steve, why don't you go with her?
527
00:22:39,512 --> 00:22:41,016
- Tony, knock it off.
528
00:22:41,016 --> 00:22:43,322
Come on Kathy, I'll show you.
529
00:22:43,322 --> 00:22:47,405
("The Twelve Days of Christmas")
530
00:22:51,489 --> 00:22:54,138
- All right everyone, canI have your attention?
531
00:22:54,138 --> 00:22:56,187
I know I'm hilarious, andI like to joke around,
532
00:22:56,187 --> 00:22:57,915
but I want to say how honored I am
533
00:22:57,915 --> 00:23:00,370
that you took time out of your busy lives,
534
00:23:00,370 --> 00:23:02,874
to come here to my holiday party.
535
00:23:02,874 --> 00:23:05,624
Christmas is my favorite holiday,
536
00:23:06,035 --> 00:23:08,834
because Christmas isabout family and friends,
537
00:23:08,834 --> 00:23:10,084
and traditions.
538
00:23:10,515 --> 00:23:12,387
My favorite Christmas tradition,
539
00:23:12,387 --> 00:23:13,804
is the mistletoe.
540
00:23:14,181 --> 00:23:15,793
And for those of you who don't know,
541
00:23:15,793 --> 00:23:18,126
this is how mistletoe works.
542
00:23:19,890 --> 00:23:20,723
See?
543
00:23:25,625 --> 00:23:27,626
- I'd better not, I hadthe garlic mashed potatoes.
544
00:23:27,626 --> 00:23:28,459
- Screw it.
545
00:23:28,459 --> 00:23:31,876
- Yeah, yeah, there you go, there you go.
546
00:23:32,257 --> 00:23:33,830
Now I know we don't knoweach other very well,
547
00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:37,913
but I think it might bebad luck if we don't do--
548
00:23:38,491 --> 00:23:42,158
(romantic orchestral music)
549
00:23:43,377 --> 00:23:44,666
You're not my friend so,
550
00:23:44,666 --> 00:23:45,583
okay, okay.
551
00:23:46,969 --> 00:23:48,219
- Guys, please,
552
00:23:50,569 --> 00:23:51,554
if you two kiss,
553
00:23:51,554 --> 00:23:53,416
I swear the pigs in a blanket I just ate,
554
00:23:53,416 --> 00:23:55,136
are gonna be all over this carpet.
555
00:23:55,136 --> 00:23:57,386
- Stop it right there Tony.
556
00:23:57,505 --> 00:23:59,088
Are you telling me,
557
00:23:59,161 --> 00:24:01,657
that you've already had pigs in a blanket?
558
00:24:01,657 --> 00:24:05,157
Honey, I'm gonna get us some, don't worry.
559
00:24:08,664 --> 00:24:10,080
- That is so hot.
560
00:24:11,736 --> 00:24:13,736
- Nice, get a bathhouse.
561
00:24:15,159 --> 00:24:18,000
- You know, I am sick andtired of your homophobic slurs.
562
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,080
- I didn't slur, I said it very clearly.
563
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,329
- Steve, he really doesn'tmean anything by it,
564
00:24:22,329 --> 00:24:23,329
do you Tony?
565
00:24:24,028 --> 00:24:26,695
- Yeah, yeah, I was just jokin'.
566
00:24:26,831 --> 00:24:28,567
Don't be so sensitive.
567
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,823
- Somebody needs to teach you a lesson.
568
00:24:30,823 --> 00:24:31,664
- What are you gonna do?
569
00:24:31,664 --> 00:24:32,497
Hmmm?
570
00:24:32,895 --> 00:24:35,063
You gonna throw pixie dust in my face?
571
00:24:35,063 --> 00:24:37,033
- Tony, stop it, seriously.
572
00:24:37,033 --> 00:24:38,949
- You are such a moron.
573
00:24:39,432 --> 00:24:40,265
You know what I wish?
574
00:24:40,265 --> 00:24:41,098
- What?
575
00:24:41,098 --> 00:24:42,464
What do you wish?
576
00:24:42,464 --> 00:24:44,200
- I wish you were gay,
577
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,307
so you'd know what it waslike to walk in my shoes.
578
00:24:46,307 --> 00:24:50,025
- Oh yeah, well I wishthat you were straight,
579
00:24:50,025 --> 00:24:53,108
so you'd know how disgusting you are.
580
00:24:54,389 --> 00:24:56,416
- Tony, you are the only one
581
00:24:56,416 --> 00:24:59,249
that's being disgusting right now.
582
00:25:01,604 --> 00:25:04,437
- Damn, I didn't mean to say that.
583
00:25:15,288 --> 00:25:16,903
- All right everybody,
584
00:25:16,903 --> 00:25:18,820
it's Secret Santa time.
585
00:25:19,767 --> 00:25:22,350
(sleigh bells)
586
00:25:23,503 --> 00:25:25,420
All right, show's over.
587
00:25:25,555 --> 00:25:26,445
- Great time, Uncle.
588
00:25:26,445 --> 00:25:27,278
10:30?
589
00:25:27,278 --> 00:25:29,066
- Yeah, it's the onlyway I can still party.
590
00:25:29,066 --> 00:25:30,515
You boys be careful out there.
591
00:25:30,515 --> 00:25:32,083
Thank you for coming.
592
00:25:32,083 --> 00:25:32,916
- Laura?
593
00:25:32,916 --> 00:25:34,083
Are you ready?
594
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,563
- Brian wait, okay this is myhome number, my cell number,
595
00:25:36,563 --> 00:25:37,876
my work number, my email.
596
00:25:37,876 --> 00:25:39,377
Sorry I don't have a fax.
597
00:25:39,377 --> 00:25:40,889
- Kathy, are you ready?
598
00:25:40,889 --> 00:25:42,575
- Oh, hey I just want to say
599
00:25:42,575 --> 00:25:44,359
how grateful I am thatyou came to my party.
600
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:45,192
It means a lot to me.
601
00:25:45,192 --> 00:25:47,263
- I'm gonna stay and help clean up.
602
00:25:47,263 --> 00:25:50,903
- And if she said stay, andhelp clean up with me, here,
603
00:25:50,903 --> 00:25:53,223
and it's just us, andwe're gonna clean up,
604
00:25:53,223 --> 00:25:54,991
and so we'd better get started.
605
00:25:54,991 --> 00:25:56,074
So thank you.
606
00:25:56,599 --> 00:25:58,344
Okay, hey, great party huh?
607
00:25:58,344 --> 00:25:59,590
See you later, bye.
608
00:25:59,590 --> 00:26:00,423
- Awesome.
609
00:26:00,918 --> 00:26:04,251
(bright acoustic music)
610
00:26:15,079 --> 00:26:17,981
♫ Space come to me
611
00:26:17,981 --> 00:26:21,726
♫ I don't need anything more to breathe
612
00:26:21,726 --> 00:26:25,246
♫ Built my own legacy of defeat
613
00:26:25,246 --> 00:26:27,912
♫ All by myself
614
00:26:29,879 --> 00:26:32,853
♫ Down comes the sky
615
00:26:32,853 --> 00:26:36,206
♫ Answering my prayer in double time
616
00:26:36,206 --> 00:26:39,853
♫ Lighting up everything in sight
617
00:26:39,853 --> 00:26:42,520
♫ I try to hide
618
00:26:43,672 --> 00:26:46,505
♫ Nowhere to hide
619
00:26:54,396 --> 00:26:58,563
♫ Carefully is to hide the man inside
620
00:26:59,202 --> 00:27:03,202
♫ The child inside a man inside
621
00:27:09,319 --> 00:27:13,486
♫ Carefully is to hide a man inside
622
00:27:14,052 --> 00:27:15,598
♫ A child inside
623
00:27:15,598 --> 00:27:17,506
♫ A man inside
624
00:27:17,506 --> 00:27:20,423
♫ Space come to me
625
00:27:22,461 --> 00:27:23,294
- Wow.
626
00:27:23,775 --> 00:27:26,156
Bounce a quarter up thatass you'd get change back.
627
00:27:26,156 --> 00:27:27,156
- Excuse me.
628
00:27:27,757 --> 00:27:31,424
- Ah, change you knowfor the parking meter.
629
00:27:31,773 --> 00:27:33,140
I need some change.
630
00:27:33,140 --> 00:27:34,676
- There's no meters on this street, dude.
631
00:27:34,676 --> 00:27:37,093
- Oh yeah, would you look at that?
632
00:27:37,093 --> 00:27:38,349
Getting married next week.
633
00:27:38,349 --> 00:27:41,349
- Oh yeah, hey, good luck with that.
634
00:27:41,460 --> 00:27:43,043
- What is going on?
635
00:27:47,214 --> 00:27:48,493
- Wow, I'd like to bang that
636
00:27:48,493 --> 00:27:51,326
like a screen door in a hurricane.
637
00:27:51,828 --> 00:27:54,188
Did I just say that out loud?
638
00:27:54,188 --> 00:27:55,855
- Actually, you did.
639
00:27:57,511 --> 00:27:59,178
Did I just slap you?
640
00:27:59,821 --> 00:28:01,488
- Actually, you did.
641
00:28:04,404 --> 00:28:08,571
♫ Carefully is to hide a man inside
642
00:28:08,838 --> 00:28:13,005
♫ A child inside the man inside you
643
00:28:21,685 --> 00:28:23,814
- Hey girlfriend, I didn'tknow you were coming by.
644
00:28:23,814 --> 00:28:25,481
Why didn't you call?
645
00:28:25,922 --> 00:28:26,755
- What are you doing?
646
00:28:26,755 --> 00:28:28,083
You shouldn't answer the door like that,
647
00:28:28,083 --> 00:28:30,166
you're practically naked.
648
00:28:30,306 --> 00:28:31,139
- What?
649
00:28:31,530 --> 00:28:35,697
Oh my God, you've seen melike this a thousand times.
650
00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:37,886
- Yeah, this time it's different.
651
00:28:37,886 --> 00:28:39,886
- [Woman] Different how?
652
00:28:41,166 --> 00:28:43,206
- Trish, something's happened to me.
653
00:28:43,206 --> 00:28:45,373
- Oh God, you found Jesus?
654
00:28:46,589 --> 00:28:47,506
- No, look,
655
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,712
this is gonna sound really bizarre.
656
00:28:49,712 --> 00:28:52,712
But I've been noticing women lately.
657
00:28:53,377 --> 00:28:55,569
- You've been noticing women.
658
00:28:55,569 --> 00:28:56,905
What are you talking about?
659
00:28:56,905 --> 00:28:57,738
Sit down.
660
00:28:58,473 --> 00:28:59,890
- No, I'll stand.
661
00:29:00,064 --> 00:29:01,763
- [Trish] What is it, tell me?
662
00:29:01,763 --> 00:29:03,513
- I can't explain it.
663
00:29:04,145 --> 00:29:06,345
- Oh honey, I'm sure it's nothing.
664
00:29:06,345 --> 00:29:08,845
- Hey, do you like my new bra?
665
00:29:09,313 --> 00:29:10,146
- Yeah,
666
00:29:11,745 --> 00:29:14,274
so I don't know what it is,but something's going on,
667
00:29:14,274 --> 00:29:18,097
and I've been looking atwomen and feeling something.
668
00:29:18,097 --> 00:29:19,038
- Wait, so what you're telling me,
669
00:29:19,038 --> 00:29:22,612
is after five years ofbeing a proud gay man,
670
00:29:22,612 --> 00:29:25,612
you suddenly are attracted to women?
671
00:29:25,653 --> 00:29:26,486
- Kinda.
672
00:29:28,091 --> 00:29:32,076
- I never heard of a closetedheterosexual before but.
673
00:29:32,076 --> 00:29:32,909
Oh, Steve.
674
00:29:33,508 --> 00:29:34,425
Cut it out.
675
00:29:34,772 --> 00:29:35,689
You're gay.
676
00:29:35,828 --> 00:29:36,908
You're gay gay gay.
677
00:29:36,908 --> 00:29:40,490
- I think I might bea little less gay now.
678
00:29:41,283 --> 00:29:42,866
- So, if I do this,
679
00:29:44,468 --> 00:29:46,385
does that do something?
680
00:29:46,388 --> 00:29:48,971
- Not a 100% sure on that.
681
00:29:50,173 --> 00:29:52,006
- Does this feel good?
682
00:29:52,509 --> 00:29:56,092
- I gotta tell you,I've felt worse things.
683
00:29:56,285 --> 00:29:58,785
- What if I put my hand, here.
684
00:29:59,373 --> 00:30:00,206
Oh my God.
685
00:30:01,316 --> 00:30:02,437
You're not kidding.
686
00:30:02,437 --> 00:30:03,520
- I told you.
687
00:30:04,146 --> 00:30:05,256
- Did you tell Michael yet?
688
00:30:05,256 --> 00:30:06,720
- No, how are you supposedto tell your lover
689
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,470
that you suddenly switchedto the other side?
690
00:30:10,593 --> 00:30:11,926
- Ask Ann Heche.
691
00:30:13,944 --> 00:30:16,944
(gentle jazz music)
692
00:30:18,336 --> 00:30:20,169
- That's kinda funny.
693
00:30:21,064 --> 00:30:24,814
- I don't believe you'rewatching this movie.
694
00:30:24,976 --> 00:30:26,926
- What? It's a cowboy movie.
695
00:30:26,926 --> 00:30:28,816
- [Voice From TV] I can't quit you.
696
00:30:28,816 --> 00:30:31,582
- About two cowboys who fallmadly in love with each other.
697
00:30:31,582 --> 00:30:33,036
Not really you're kind of thing, Tony.
698
00:30:33,036 --> 00:30:33,869
- What?
699
00:30:33,869 --> 00:30:34,702
I, wow.
700
00:30:35,979 --> 00:30:38,812
I guess I wasn't paying attention.
701
00:30:39,508 --> 00:30:40,755
- Are you sure you want to watch a film
702
00:30:40,755 --> 00:30:42,922
and not do something else?
703
00:30:44,961 --> 00:30:46,794
- Um, I'm kinda tired.
704
00:30:48,255 --> 00:30:49,505
- Oh, is it me?
705
00:30:49,855 --> 00:30:51,031
Have I put on weight or something?
706
00:30:51,031 --> 00:30:51,864
- No, no.
707
00:30:53,159 --> 00:30:55,242
- Well what's wrong then?
708
00:30:56,327 --> 00:30:57,994
- Well I don't know.
709
00:31:00,782 --> 00:31:02,175
- If you want to be built like a man,
710
00:31:02,175 --> 00:31:04,113
and have the strength of a bull,
711
00:31:04,113 --> 00:31:05,730
I suggest you use my product.
712
00:31:05,730 --> 00:31:07,730
- I guess I'm just not feeling well.
713
00:31:07,730 --> 00:31:08,563
You know?
714
00:31:09,005 --> 00:31:10,592
It's like wedding jitters or something,
715
00:31:10,592 --> 00:31:12,041
but you look great.
716
00:31:12,041 --> 00:31:12,874
I love ya.
717
00:31:15,431 --> 00:31:18,273
- You can use this foryour biceps, and triceps.
718
00:31:18,273 --> 00:31:19,590
- Could we just go to bed?
719
00:31:19,590 --> 00:31:21,341
- [Guy On TV] It takesjust a few minutes a day.
720
00:31:21,341 --> 00:31:22,174
- Yeah.
721
00:31:26,939 --> 00:31:28,605
- [Guy On TV] 29.99.
722
00:31:32,964 --> 00:31:33,865
It's just that easy.
723
00:31:33,865 --> 00:31:36,169
And I've only been workingout for about six months.
724
00:31:36,169 --> 00:31:37,313
You ready to pump up?
725
00:31:37,313 --> 00:31:39,063
Let's make it happen.
726
00:31:49,722 --> 00:31:52,472
(TV white noise)
727
00:31:55,464 --> 00:31:58,297
(sexy jazz music)
728
00:31:58,818 --> 00:31:59,651
- Hi Tony.
729
00:32:00,872 --> 00:32:02,128
- How do you know my name?
730
00:32:02,128 --> 00:32:05,961
- Take a fresh breathmint, so I can kiss you.
731
00:32:06,464 --> 00:32:07,547
- It's minty.
732
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,833
Wait, what makes you thinkthat I want you to kiss me?
733
00:32:11,833 --> 00:32:15,408
- Oh I seen how you were lookingat me in that commercial.
734
00:32:15,408 --> 00:32:16,991
- Hold on a second.
735
00:32:17,883 --> 00:32:20,050
Why aren't you with Steve?
736
00:32:20,096 --> 00:32:23,012
- I don't know, this is your dream.
737
00:32:25,519 --> 00:32:26,919
♫ Do you want
738
00:32:26,919 --> 00:32:28,888
♫ Do you want
739
00:32:28,888 --> 00:32:30,775
♫ Do you want
740
00:32:30,775 --> 00:32:33,275
♫ Do you want
741
00:32:33,408 --> 00:32:35,158
- Oh that feels good.
742
00:32:36,279 --> 00:32:37,112
Oh yeah.
743
00:32:39,263 --> 00:32:40,930
Oh that feels great.
744
00:32:42,935 --> 00:32:43,768
- Tony?
745
00:32:43,768 --> 00:32:44,601
- What?
746
00:32:44,601 --> 00:32:45,434
- Some dream huh?
747
00:32:45,434 --> 00:32:46,267
- Yeah.
748
00:32:46,463 --> 00:32:47,503
- What about?
749
00:32:47,503 --> 00:32:49,585
- Well, I can't remember.
750
00:32:50,582 --> 00:32:51,878
- Well I hope it was about me.
751
00:32:51,878 --> 00:32:52,711
- Why?
752
00:32:52,838 --> 00:32:56,294
- Because mister soldier'sat full salute right now,
753
00:32:56,294 --> 00:32:58,126
and if you weren't dreamin' about me,
754
00:32:58,126 --> 00:33:00,783
then you were dreamin'about some other woman.
755
00:33:00,783 --> 00:33:04,544
- I promise I wasn'tdreamin' about another woman.
756
00:33:04,544 --> 00:33:07,294
Could we just go to sleep please?
757
00:33:22,101 --> 00:33:24,373
- What's wrong with you two?
758
00:33:24,373 --> 00:33:25,870
- Are you guys mad because we're late?
759
00:33:25,870 --> 00:33:27,237
That's may fault.
760
00:33:27,237 --> 00:33:30,904
I just have to have mysugar in the morning.
761
00:33:34,117 --> 00:33:36,413
- Yeah, we got carried away this morning.
762
00:33:36,413 --> 00:33:38,149
I'm sure you know what it's like.
763
00:33:38,149 --> 00:33:39,232
- Not lately.
764
00:33:40,495 --> 00:33:41,733
- What's going on?
765
00:33:41,733 --> 00:33:43,861
- Steve was just tellingme how he's suddenly
766
00:33:43,861 --> 00:33:45,356
attracted to some women.
767
00:33:45,356 --> 00:33:47,148
And when he saw Trish,
768
00:33:47,148 --> 00:33:48,888
all he could think about was banging her.
769
00:33:48,888 --> 00:33:50,661
- I didn't say I wanted to bang her.
770
00:33:50,661 --> 00:33:52,744
I just said I felt funny.
771
00:33:53,668 --> 00:33:56,588
I don't know, maybe I hada seizure or something.
772
00:33:56,588 --> 00:33:58,772
Can we please just talkabout something else?
773
00:33:58,772 --> 00:34:00,972
- If you're not attractedto me, just say so.
774
00:34:00,972 --> 00:34:01,892
I'm an adult.
775
00:34:01,892 --> 00:34:05,142
I can handle this, maturely and calmly.
776
00:34:05,156 --> 00:34:06,196
- Are you ready to order?
777
00:34:06,196 --> 00:34:08,476
- Can't you see we'rehaving a serious discussion?
778
00:34:08,476 --> 00:34:10,393
- Real calm and mature.
779
00:34:10,971 --> 00:34:11,971
- I'm sorry.
780
00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:17,750
I'll have a house salad, light dressing.
781
00:34:17,750 --> 00:34:20,775
I'm sure butch over here, willhave the meat and potatoes,
782
00:34:20,775 --> 00:34:22,895
being the macho man he is.
783
00:34:22,895 --> 00:34:23,978
- Oh grow up.
784
00:34:24,262 --> 00:34:27,095
- Maybe it's like a 24 hour virus.
785
00:34:27,399 --> 00:34:30,816
We are going to split a vegetarian pizza,
786
00:34:31,479 --> 00:34:33,839
and I'm gonna have theCaesar Salad please.
787
00:34:33,839 --> 00:34:34,672
- Okay.
788
00:34:34,951 --> 00:34:37,046
You know Steve, if you're thinking
789
00:34:37,046 --> 00:34:40,350
of trying it with a woman, I'dbe willing to help you out.
790
00:34:40,350 --> 00:34:44,230
- You're hitting on myboyfriend, right in front of me.
791
00:34:44,230 --> 00:34:45,813
Don't expect a tip.
792
00:34:45,887 --> 00:34:47,606
- Let's start with a beer.
793
00:34:47,606 --> 00:34:49,766
And then I'll have the meat-lover pizza,
794
00:34:49,766 --> 00:34:51,622
large with pepperoni and meatballs.
795
00:34:51,622 --> 00:34:53,205
- [Waiter] Sausage?
796
00:34:53,790 --> 00:34:54,623
- No.
797
00:34:54,623 --> 00:34:56,270
- See, what did I tell you?
798
00:34:56,270 --> 00:34:58,790
It took almost two years toget him out of the closet.
799
00:34:58,790 --> 00:35:00,590
Now he's all the way back there.
800
00:35:00,590 --> 00:35:03,718
He's all the way back in frickin' Narnia.
801
00:35:03,718 --> 00:35:05,051
- I was kidding.
802
00:35:05,134 --> 00:35:06,007
Okay, I was kidding.
803
00:35:06,007 --> 00:35:08,340
I am not attracted to women.
804
00:35:09,343 --> 00:35:10,176
Hello.
805
00:35:10,789 --> 00:35:11,622
- Hey.
806
00:35:13,093 --> 00:35:14,593
- Okay, that's it.
807
00:35:14,965 --> 00:35:15,965
I'm leaving.
808
00:35:17,218 --> 00:35:18,847
I don't want to see you,
809
00:35:18,847 --> 00:35:21,347
until you're back on our team.
810
00:35:22,893 --> 00:35:25,393
- You are definitely straight.
811
00:35:37,350 --> 00:35:38,517
- Hey sweetie.
812
00:35:38,744 --> 00:35:41,661
- Hmmm, something smells delicious.
813
00:35:46,231 --> 00:35:48,695
You ordered from somewhere new.
814
00:35:48,695 --> 00:35:50,527
- I didn't order it, silly.
815
00:35:50,527 --> 00:35:51,527
I cooked it.
816
00:35:51,815 --> 00:35:54,337
That Martha Stewart reallyknows what she's talking about.
817
00:35:54,337 --> 00:35:55,170
- Really?
818
00:35:57,535 --> 00:35:58,952
Wow, looks great.
819
00:36:00,311 --> 00:36:01,144
- Try it.
820
00:36:09,281 --> 00:36:11,925
- Mmmm, darling this really is incredible,
821
00:36:11,925 --> 00:36:13,362
and it was done by you.
822
00:36:13,362 --> 00:36:14,195
- I know.
823
00:36:14,698 --> 00:36:16,155
- Why didn't you cook before?
824
00:36:16,155 --> 00:36:17,187
(bell rings)
825
00:36:17,187 --> 00:36:18,354
- The souffle.
826
00:36:18,674 --> 00:36:20,591
- [Sarah] Wow, souffle.
827
00:36:20,603 --> 00:36:21,436
Tony.
828
00:36:22,746 --> 00:36:25,829
Who is this stranger in my apartment?
829
00:36:30,617 --> 00:36:33,770
- Who is this stranger in my apartment?
830
00:36:33,770 --> 00:36:35,801
- Come on Brady, you suck.
831
00:36:35,801 --> 00:36:37,301
You're kidding me.
832
00:36:37,932 --> 00:36:40,432
You've sucked this whole game.
833
00:36:42,081 --> 00:36:44,164
They were about to score.
834
00:36:45,147 --> 00:36:47,324
Michael, Mike, you're being rude.
835
00:36:47,324 --> 00:36:48,991
- You're being rude.
836
00:36:50,798 --> 00:36:52,048
Well done, God.
837
00:36:53,553 --> 00:36:55,888
Last year, you watchedthe Gay Pride parade.
838
00:36:55,888 --> 00:36:59,055
This year, you'll probably protest it.
839
00:36:59,875 --> 00:37:00,708
God.
840
00:37:03,833 --> 00:37:06,023
- [Voice On TV] All you sinner repent,
841
00:37:06,023 --> 00:37:08,421
whether you're a thief, an alcoholic,
842
00:37:08,421 --> 00:37:11,588
or even a homosexual, we can hear you.
843
00:37:13,134 --> 00:37:15,677
Call this 800 number on the screen,
844
00:37:15,677 --> 00:37:18,037
to find out about our next revival,
845
00:37:18,037 --> 00:37:22,037
where we will drive thosedemons from your soul.
846
00:37:22,093 --> 00:37:22,925
Call now.
847
00:37:22,925 --> 00:37:25,004
- You're such a true gentleman.
848
00:37:25,004 --> 00:37:26,021
I want to reward you
849
00:37:26,021 --> 00:37:29,771
for making me thatdelicious dinner, earlier.
850
00:37:29,957 --> 00:37:32,290
- This show is pretty funny.
851
00:37:32,670 --> 00:37:34,973
- Oh, but you can't have anorgasm to it though, can you?
852
00:37:34,973 --> 00:37:37,765
- No, no, but it's very true to life.
853
00:37:37,765 --> 00:37:39,823
Have you ever watched this?
854
00:37:39,823 --> 00:37:41,406
- No, but whatever.
855
00:37:41,503 --> 00:37:43,462
I've got somethingbetter for you to watch.
856
00:37:43,462 --> 00:37:45,629
- Well honey, I can't see.
857
00:37:45,678 --> 00:37:47,261
This is the climax.
858
00:37:47,717 --> 00:37:48,550
- Climax?
859
00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:50,682
Are you serious?
860
00:37:52,141 --> 00:37:53,701
Tony, are you seeing someone else?
861
00:37:53,701 --> 00:37:54,618
- What? No.
862
00:37:55,637 --> 00:37:58,413
- Well then why are you acting so strange?
863
00:37:58,413 --> 00:37:59,246
- Strange?
864
00:38:00,605 --> 00:38:03,324
A second ago, I was a perfect gentleman.
865
00:38:03,324 --> 00:38:06,491
- Well, gentlemen are overrated, then.
866
00:38:08,661 --> 00:38:10,025
Hmm, night night.
867
00:38:10,025 --> 00:38:13,525
- [Man On TV] Hey, watch it, watch it now.
868
00:38:14,583 --> 00:38:16,750
- [Woman On TV] No, honey.
869
00:38:25,657 --> 00:38:27,915
- All right, so I checked it four times,
870
00:38:27,915 --> 00:38:29,491
and there doesn't seem to be anything
871
00:38:29,491 --> 00:38:31,658
physically wrong with you.
872
00:38:32,214 --> 00:38:33,971
- Look, Doctor Fist,there's gotta be something.
873
00:38:33,971 --> 00:38:35,054
- It's Feist.
874
00:38:36,011 --> 00:38:37,747
I'm sorry, the sign on the door says Fist.
875
00:38:37,747 --> 00:38:41,080
- Theresa, who keeps crossing off the E?
876
00:38:41,739 --> 00:38:44,738
Hold on, I've got something for you.
877
00:38:48,004 --> 00:38:51,254
Take one of these, you'll go for hours.
878
00:38:51,770 --> 00:38:52,603
Trust me.
879
00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:53,955
- Viagra?
880
00:38:53,955 --> 00:38:54,788
- Yeah.
881
00:38:55,098 --> 00:38:57,354
- Look Doc, the problem'snot me getting it up,
882
00:38:57,354 --> 00:38:58,826
it's who I'm getting it up for.
883
00:38:58,826 --> 00:39:01,159
- What're you talking about?
884
00:39:01,252 --> 00:39:03,627
- I'm gay but I'm only attracted to women.
885
00:39:03,627 --> 00:39:06,138
- All right, I got something for you.
886
00:39:06,138 --> 00:39:07,471
Drop your pants.
887
00:39:12,193 --> 00:39:13,026
Try this.
888
00:39:16,843 --> 00:39:17,760
- I'm good.
889
00:39:19,139 --> 00:39:21,331
- So you want to be gay, huh?
890
00:39:21,331 --> 00:39:22,164
- Yes.
891
00:39:22,164 --> 00:39:23,747
- Poof, you're gay.
892
00:39:24,403 --> 00:39:26,355
You lost all your rights.
893
00:39:26,355 --> 00:39:27,188
Happy?
894
00:39:28,090 --> 00:39:29,760
- Okay, so I'm not, right?
895
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:31,889
I mean, at least Inever was, you know but?
896
00:39:31,889 --> 00:39:34,609
- But what exactly is ityou'd like me to do for you?
897
00:39:34,609 --> 00:39:35,821
- I want you to make me straight again,
898
00:39:35,821 --> 00:39:37,577
before my wedding next week.
899
00:39:37,577 --> 00:39:38,410
- Oh,
900
00:39:39,364 --> 00:39:40,197
okay.
901
00:39:40,884 --> 00:39:43,051
Well, there is this thing,
902
00:39:43,284 --> 00:39:44,307
we haven't done it in quite a while,
903
00:39:44,307 --> 00:39:46,504
but I think it could be very effective.
904
00:39:46,504 --> 00:39:50,671
But I am going to need youto take off your shirt.
905
00:39:54,393 --> 00:39:58,560
And, I need you to look at thispictures of hot, naked men,
906
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,590
and I also need you toput your hand in here.
907
00:40:06,495 --> 00:40:08,995
Now, I want you to just relax.
908
00:40:15,727 --> 00:40:18,477
(Tony screaming)
909
00:40:25,375 --> 00:40:26,458
- Jesus lady.
910
00:40:33,152 --> 00:40:35,295
- You suspect your wifeis cheating on you?
911
00:40:35,295 --> 00:40:36,128
- What?
912
00:40:36,486 --> 00:40:38,134
You haven't gotten one thing right.
913
00:40:38,134 --> 00:40:40,487
I'm trying to figure outwhat's wrong with me, here.
914
00:40:40,487 --> 00:40:43,070
- Marlo, shut that damn dog up.
915
00:40:43,374 --> 00:40:45,354
(phone ringing)
916
00:40:45,354 --> 00:40:46,354
- Excuse me.
917
00:40:46,645 --> 00:40:47,812
Hello Michael.
918
00:40:49,061 --> 00:40:49,978
Hi Michael.
919
00:40:50,796 --> 00:40:53,629
No, Michael I will call you later.
920
00:40:55,096 --> 00:40:55,929
Sorry.
921
00:40:57,647 --> 00:41:00,979
- There is someone special in your life.
922
00:41:01,022 --> 00:41:03,105
I'm seeing the initial M.
923
00:41:07,110 --> 00:41:08,443
Michael perhaps?
924
00:41:11,087 --> 00:41:13,254
- You really suck at this.
925
00:41:16,663 --> 00:41:18,830
(gasping)
926
00:41:20,191 --> 00:41:22,358
- Magical Christmas angel?
927
00:41:22,582 --> 00:41:25,165
Switch to a sexual orientation.
928
00:41:25,855 --> 00:41:27,355
Mama still got it.
929
00:41:30,503 --> 00:41:33,503
♫ Call on everybody
930
00:41:34,039 --> 00:41:38,206
♫ But when you're walking keep Jesus
931
00:41:39,031 --> 00:41:42,695
♫ You put your hand in his hand
932
00:41:42,695 --> 00:41:45,445
♫ Don't you know
933
00:41:47,911 --> 00:41:51,328
- Brothers and sisters, I cannot tell you
934
00:41:52,505 --> 00:41:54,255
how proud I am today,
935
00:41:55,470 --> 00:41:58,387
that so many of you have come here,
936
00:41:58,878 --> 00:42:01,628
to purge yourself of evil demons.
937
00:42:01,862 --> 00:42:02,966
Can I get an amen?
938
00:42:02,966 --> 00:42:04,054
- [Audience] Amen.
939
00:42:04,054 --> 00:42:06,054
- Give me an hallelujah.
940
00:42:06,486 --> 00:42:08,225
- [Audience] Hallelujah.
941
00:42:08,225 --> 00:42:09,976
- Feel the love today.
942
00:42:09,976 --> 00:42:13,726
I'm feelin' it, especiallyin the back there.
943
00:42:14,582 --> 00:42:18,749
Now, I ask one of you, one ofyou lucky sinners right now,
944
00:42:19,454 --> 00:42:20,598
to please come on up here.
945
00:42:20,598 --> 00:42:24,764
Who would like to go first,and feel the hand of the Lord?
946
00:42:25,229 --> 00:42:26,413
How about you, son?
947
00:42:26,413 --> 00:42:28,292
Come on, get up here you sinner.
948
00:42:28,292 --> 00:42:29,413
Don't be afraid.
949
00:42:29,413 --> 00:42:30,925
Ain't nobody gonna bite ya.
950
00:42:30,925 --> 00:42:34,588
So everybody, let'sgive this child an amen.
951
00:42:34,588 --> 00:42:35,421
Yes.
952
00:42:36,437 --> 00:42:38,703
Now, what brings you here today?
953
00:42:38,703 --> 00:42:40,203
What ails you son?
954
00:42:40,700 --> 00:42:42,639
- Having homosexual tendencies.
955
00:42:42,639 --> 00:42:43,793
- I need you a little bit louder,
956
00:42:43,793 --> 00:42:45,668
nobody else can hear ya.
957
00:42:45,668 --> 00:42:48,585
- I'm having homosexual tendencies.
958
00:42:49,340 --> 00:42:52,339
- He's having homosexual tendencies.
959
00:42:53,651 --> 00:42:54,724
- Sweet Jesus.
960
00:42:54,724 --> 00:42:57,293
- We do not want him to travel down
961
00:42:57,293 --> 00:42:59,710
this road to hell, now do we?
962
00:42:59,892 --> 00:43:01,309
No, give me a no.
963
00:43:02,653 --> 00:43:05,719
Now, I want you to kneel,I want you to kneel.
964
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:07,479
Kneel down in front of this holy water,
965
00:43:07,479 --> 00:43:09,255
that the Lord has provided for us.
966
00:43:09,255 --> 00:43:10,588
- Save that boy.
967
00:43:10,738 --> 00:43:13,087
- Now I want you to repeatthese words after me.
968
00:43:13,087 --> 00:43:15,837
Say 'em with conviction and love.
969
00:43:16,216 --> 00:43:18,048
I will release myself.
970
00:43:18,778 --> 00:43:20,422
- I will release myself.
971
00:43:20,422 --> 00:43:22,255
- I will purge myself.
972
00:43:22,375 --> 00:43:24,015
- I will purge myself.
973
00:43:24,015 --> 00:43:27,182
- I will rid my body of these lustful,
974
00:43:28,174 --> 00:43:29,424
sinful desires.
975
00:43:30,014 --> 00:43:33,582
- I will rid my body of theselustful, sinful desires.
976
00:43:33,582 --> 00:43:34,415
- Say it.
977
00:43:35,646 --> 00:43:38,206
Lord I ask you to purge this boy
978
00:43:38,206 --> 00:43:41,123
of all his evil, sinful tendencies.
979
00:43:42,382 --> 00:43:43,465
Demon be out.
980
00:43:46,293 --> 00:43:47,460
You are cured.
981
00:43:48,289 --> 00:43:49,701
Give this boy an amen.
982
00:43:49,701 --> 00:43:50,534
- [Audience] Amen.
983
00:43:50,534 --> 00:43:51,701
- Give him an hallelujah.
984
00:43:51,701 --> 00:43:52,837
- [Audience] Hallelujah.
985
00:43:52,837 --> 00:43:55,004
- How do you feel brother?
986
00:43:55,863 --> 00:43:57,765
- I don't feel any different.
987
00:43:57,765 --> 00:43:58,869
- Go ahead, sit down.
988
00:43:58,869 --> 00:44:00,669
It'll take a little timefor it to settle in.
989
00:44:00,669 --> 00:44:01,502
Go on.
990
00:44:02,765 --> 00:44:03,695
Very good, ladies and gentlemen,
991
00:44:03,695 --> 00:44:07,862
let's get a hand for thischild, this child of God.
992
00:44:09,581 --> 00:44:12,163
(drum beating)
993
00:44:17,564 --> 00:44:20,731
(upbeat techno music)
994
00:44:37,580 --> 00:44:40,996
♫ No you can't hide away
995
00:44:43,996 --> 00:44:44,829
- Hey.
996
00:44:44,829 --> 00:44:45,662
- [Bartender] Hey.
997
00:44:45,662 --> 00:44:47,745
- Can I get a chardonnay?
998
00:44:48,046 --> 00:44:50,713
So, all these guys are gay, huh?
999
00:44:55,709 --> 00:44:57,876
- No, it's not chardonnay.
1000
00:44:58,838 --> 00:45:00,574
- Oh, it's so colorful.
1001
00:45:00,574 --> 00:45:01,501
What do you call it?
1002
00:45:01,501 --> 00:45:02,918
- A Cosmopolitan.
1003
00:45:05,093 --> 00:45:07,888
Compliments of Big Harold over there.
1004
00:45:07,888 --> 00:45:09,632
- Oh man, all these cute guys,
1005
00:45:09,632 --> 00:45:11,592
I gotta get hit on, by that?
1006
00:45:11,592 --> 00:45:12,632
- Sorry about that.
1007
00:45:12,632 --> 00:45:13,465
- Hi,
1008
00:45:14,470 --> 00:45:15,387
I'm Harold.
1009
00:45:15,958 --> 00:45:16,958
- Hi Harold.
1010
00:45:17,326 --> 00:45:18,409
- You look so
1011
00:45:20,774 --> 00:45:21,941
uncomfortable.
1012
00:45:23,070 --> 00:45:26,824
Don't worry, I just cameout of the closet myself.
1013
00:45:26,824 --> 00:45:29,454
- Well, congratulationsHarold, good luck with that.
1014
00:45:29,454 --> 00:45:31,102
You maybe should have stayed in, but look,
1015
00:45:31,102 --> 00:45:32,156
thanks for the cosmotician,
1016
00:45:32,156 --> 00:45:34,594
but I'm really with this guy here.
1017
00:45:34,594 --> 00:45:37,370
This is my man, my boyfriend, my dude.
1018
00:45:37,370 --> 00:45:39,120
Many years, together.
1019
00:45:39,882 --> 00:45:40,715
Oh my God.
1020
00:45:40,715 --> 00:45:41,898
- Tony?- Brian.
1021
00:45:41,898 --> 00:45:42,997
- What are you doing here?
1022
00:45:42,997 --> 00:45:45,269
- I'm having a drink, Imean I was passing by,
1023
00:45:45,269 --> 00:45:46,653
and I was thirsty, so I ordered--
1024
00:45:46,653 --> 00:45:47,486
- Yeah, me too.- And he gave me
1025
00:45:47,486 --> 00:45:48,319
this thing.
1026
00:45:48,319 --> 00:45:49,658
I got this, I don't knowwhat the hell this is.
1027
00:45:49,658 --> 00:45:50,696
- Not a beer.
1028
00:45:50,696 --> 00:45:52,424
Wow, a lot of guys in here, huh?
1029
00:45:52,424 --> 00:45:53,336
- I just noticed that.
1030
00:45:53,336 --> 00:45:56,000
- Must be like a fraternity reunion.
1031
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:56,968
- I was just thinking that.
1032
00:45:56,968 --> 00:45:57,801
- Yes.
1033
00:45:57,801 --> 00:46:00,301
- Yes, fraternity, definitely.
1034
00:46:00,768 --> 00:46:01,600
- Oh shit.
1035
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:02,433
- What?
1036
00:46:02,433 --> 00:46:03,393
- What is she doing here?- Who?
1037
00:46:03,393 --> 00:46:04,226
- I gotta find the bathroom.
1038
00:46:04,226 --> 00:46:05,059
- It's right over there.
1039
00:46:05,059 --> 00:46:05,892
- Okay.
1040
00:46:05,892 --> 00:46:08,725
- I mean, I think it's over there.
1041
00:46:09,658 --> 00:46:11,991
- [Sarah] Let's party girls.
1042
00:46:12,494 --> 00:46:13,327
- Hi.
1043
00:46:15,576 --> 00:46:16,659
- Hey, Brian.
1044
00:46:18,106 --> 00:46:19,314
I would never have guessed.
1045
00:46:19,314 --> 00:46:21,086
- It's not what you think.
1046
00:46:21,086 --> 00:46:23,360
- Oh my God, why haven't you called me?
1047
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:24,702
- I ran out of minutes.
1048
00:46:24,702 --> 00:46:25,535
Sorry.
1049
00:46:25,535 --> 00:46:26,452
- Oh, okay.
1050
00:46:27,774 --> 00:46:29,269
- What are you ladies doing here?
1051
00:46:29,269 --> 00:46:33,152
- We're here for Steveand Michael's anniversary.
1052
00:46:33,152 --> 00:46:36,603
Don't worry though, we won'ttell Tony we saw you here.
1053
00:46:36,603 --> 00:46:38,003
- You won't have to.
1054
00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:38,836
- [Sarah] What did you just say?
1055
00:46:38,836 --> 00:46:39,669
- Nothing.
1056
00:46:39,964 --> 00:46:42,435
- I don't see Steve or Michael.
1057
00:46:42,435 --> 00:46:43,811
- Oh, that's strange.
1058
00:46:43,811 --> 00:46:45,788
- I wonder where they are?
1059
00:46:45,788 --> 00:46:49,955
- They're probably goingat it, like cats in heat.
1060
00:46:53,548 --> 00:46:55,965
(rock music)
1061
00:46:56,453 --> 00:46:58,698
- When are you gonna stopwith this ridiculous charade?
1062
00:46:58,698 --> 00:47:01,915
Just admit, you're not readyfor a serious relationship.
1063
00:47:01,915 --> 00:47:03,248
- It's not that.
1064
00:47:05,787 --> 00:47:06,659
I can't explain it.
1065
00:47:06,659 --> 00:47:09,187
Something, something happened to me.
1066
00:47:09,187 --> 00:47:11,171
It's got nothing to do with you.
1067
00:47:11,171 --> 00:47:12,132
- It has nothing to do with me.
1068
00:47:12,132 --> 00:47:13,715
That's the problem.
1069
00:47:14,699 --> 00:47:17,131
We have to go now, we are late.
1070
00:47:17,131 --> 00:47:20,963
Our friends are waiting toshare our joyous occasion.
1071
00:47:20,963 --> 00:47:21,796
- Fine.
1072
00:47:23,891 --> 00:47:25,690
You're not wearing that are you?
1073
00:47:25,690 --> 00:47:29,154
- You gave this to melast Valentine's Day.
1074
00:47:29,154 --> 00:47:31,834
I'm wearing this for you,what's wrong with it?
1075
00:47:31,834 --> 00:47:33,251
- It's too queen.
1076
00:47:34,450 --> 00:47:37,533
- That's it, if you don't straighten,
1077
00:47:40,035 --> 00:47:41,441
unstraighten yourself right now,
1078
00:47:41,441 --> 00:47:43,691
pack your bags and get out.
1079
00:47:43,921 --> 00:47:46,421
- Don't be such a heterophobe.
1080
00:47:46,452 --> 00:47:47,285
Boy.
1081
00:47:58,649 --> 00:48:02,816
- I'm really sorry, myfiance's out here and I just...
1082
00:48:04,097 --> 00:48:06,267
- Let me guess, she doesn'tknow that you're gay.
1083
00:48:06,267 --> 00:48:07,434
- Gay? Me? No.
1084
00:48:08,002 --> 00:48:09,919
No, I mean I'm not gay,
1085
00:48:10,098 --> 00:48:11,123
at least I wasn't.
1086
00:48:11,123 --> 00:48:13,623
Look, I'm working it out okay.
1087
00:48:14,226 --> 00:48:15,643
- I love newbies.
1088
00:48:18,498 --> 00:48:21,248
- Oh my God she's coming in here.
1089
00:48:24,402 --> 00:48:25,369
What are you doing in here?
1090
00:48:25,369 --> 00:48:26,702
Get out of here.
1091
00:48:27,130 --> 00:48:28,585
- Don't worry, she's fine.
1092
00:48:28,585 --> 00:48:31,418
(Tony stuttering)
1093
00:48:35,165 --> 00:48:36,665
- Stop, stop that.
1094
00:48:38,829 --> 00:48:42,829
(women talking over each other)
1095
00:48:43,605 --> 00:48:46,104
- Okay, okay, so just a fling.
1096
00:48:46,186 --> 00:48:47,019
- Love's crossed.
1097
00:48:47,019 --> 00:48:48,815
- My brother comes to this bar sometimes.
1098
00:48:48,815 --> 00:48:51,679
- Honey, I'm not a big fan of surprises.
1099
00:48:51,679 --> 00:48:52,512
- Really?
1100
00:48:52,512 --> 00:48:53,888
I didn't know your brother was gay.
1101
00:48:53,888 --> 00:48:58,055
- Me neither, till I foundhim in bed with my boyfriend.
1102
00:49:00,048 --> 00:49:02,048
- Jesus, would you stop?
1103
00:49:02,583 --> 00:49:05,239
- I think we're interrupting something.
1104
00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:06,322
- Mellow out.
1105
00:49:11,431 --> 00:49:14,263
- I'm curious, shh, shh, shh, shh.
1106
00:49:16,254 --> 00:49:18,171
- Whoa, those are mine.
1107
00:49:18,390 --> 00:49:20,973
Those are mine, those are mine.
1108
00:49:22,598 --> 00:49:23,831
- Is that my brother?
1109
00:49:23,831 --> 00:49:25,914
That might be my brother.
1110
00:49:26,653 --> 00:49:27,736
- Okay, okay.
1111
00:49:28,468 --> 00:49:30,052
She's gone, she's left the bathroom,
1112
00:49:30,052 --> 00:49:32,552
so I'm gonna just do that too.
1113
00:49:36,893 --> 00:49:38,676
- Don't worry, you're safe.
1114
00:49:38,676 --> 00:49:40,175
They already left.
1115
00:49:41,061 --> 00:49:42,311
- Thanks buddy.
1116
00:49:48,113 --> 00:49:50,696
- What the hell was I thinking?
1117
00:49:51,549 --> 00:49:52,382
Did I buy this?
1118
00:49:52,382 --> 00:49:53,215
- Yes.
1119
00:49:58,059 --> 00:49:58,892
- And this?
1120
00:49:58,892 --> 00:49:59,725
- Yes.
1121
00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:02,762
- The gayness of them overwhelms me.
1122
00:50:02,762 --> 00:50:03,745
- We have to go.
1123
00:50:03,745 --> 00:50:06,039
Just pick any fricking coat.
1124
00:50:06,039 --> 00:50:07,840
- If you're gonna yell atme like some drama queen,
1125
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,440
maybe I just won't go.
1126
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:11,273
- You know what, fine.
1127
00:50:11,276 --> 00:50:12,109
Don't go.
1128
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:16,128
- What are you doing?
1129
00:50:16,128 --> 00:50:18,545
- Well, I can't go by myself.
1130
00:50:18,568 --> 00:50:21,151
I will look like a total loser.
1131
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:35,512
(soft jazz music)
1132
00:50:36,311 --> 00:50:38,435
- I totally dated those two guys,
1133
00:50:38,435 --> 00:50:41,352
but they never kissed me like that.
1134
00:50:41,464 --> 00:50:43,547
- I'll get us some shots.
1135
00:50:43,655 --> 00:50:44,488
- Tequila.
1136
00:50:45,133 --> 00:50:47,800
- Some guy offered todo it off of his butt.
1137
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:48,883
- Potty shot.
1138
00:50:50,259 --> 00:50:53,484
- Hey wait, is that Tonycoming out of the bathroom?
1139
00:50:53,484 --> 00:50:54,428
- I doubt it.
1140
00:50:54,428 --> 00:50:57,900
Tony is completely and utterly homophobic.
1141
00:50:57,900 --> 00:51:00,233
- Oh, he's afraid of houses?
1142
00:51:01,349 --> 00:51:03,098
That's gotta be hard.
1143
00:51:04,602 --> 00:51:05,435
- Oh there you are.
1144
00:51:05,435 --> 00:51:06,696
Why did you run away so quickly?
1145
00:51:06,696 --> 00:51:07,579
- Would you just give me--
1146
00:51:07,579 --> 00:51:08,412
- Tony.
1147
00:51:09,898 --> 00:51:11,933
Did you just come out of the bathroom
1148
00:51:11,933 --> 00:51:13,516
door with this guy?
1149
00:51:13,815 --> 00:51:14,648
- No.
1150
00:51:14,648 --> 00:51:15,481
- Yes.
1151
00:51:15,969 --> 00:51:18,019
- Okay fine, what, a coupleof girls go into the bathroom,
1152
00:51:18,019 --> 00:51:18,852
nobody says anything.
1153
00:51:18,852 --> 00:51:20,855
But two guys, and it's a big problem.
1154
00:51:20,855 --> 00:51:22,733
- What are you doing in a gay bar?
1155
00:51:22,733 --> 00:51:25,485
- Ah sweetie, thank youfor letting me borrow him.
1156
00:51:25,485 --> 00:51:27,068
- Nothing happened.
1157
00:51:27,790 --> 00:51:29,045
Could you just please?
1158
00:51:29,045 --> 00:51:31,172
If you just would give us a second?
1159
00:51:31,172 --> 00:51:32,349
Sarah, he's lying.
1160
00:51:32,349 --> 00:51:35,016
- Tony, what are you doing here?
1161
00:51:36,282 --> 00:51:37,615
Are those Prada?
1162
00:51:38,874 --> 00:51:40,487
- Yeah, would you look at that?
1163
00:51:40,487 --> 00:51:42,633
You know I must have switchedshoes with Steve at work.
1164
00:51:42,633 --> 00:51:45,391
- You take your shoes off at work?
1165
00:51:45,391 --> 00:51:46,224
Forget it.
1166
00:51:46,584 --> 00:51:48,584
What are you doing here?
1167
00:51:48,968 --> 00:51:49,801
- Here?
1168
00:51:49,846 --> 00:51:51,278
What am I doing here?
1169
00:51:51,278 --> 00:51:54,278
Well, what are any of us doing here?
1170
00:51:55,222 --> 00:51:56,805
That's really the questionthat you want to know,
1171
00:51:56,805 --> 00:51:58,452
because, what are we all doing
1172
00:51:58,452 --> 00:52:02,202
hurtling through spaceon this big blue rock.
1173
00:52:03,373 --> 00:52:04,873
- No, no, no Tony,
1174
00:52:05,509 --> 00:52:07,861
what are you doing here, in this bar?
1175
00:52:07,861 --> 00:52:11,254
I came here tonight to celebratewith Steve and Michael,
1176
00:52:11,254 --> 00:52:14,509
who I thought you couldn'tstand because they're gay,
1177
00:52:14,509 --> 00:52:15,926
and here you are.
1178
00:52:16,693 --> 00:52:17,602
Of course it's no wonder you think
1179
00:52:17,602 --> 00:52:19,935
I'm prettier than Megan Fox,
1180
00:52:20,245 --> 00:52:24,077
you can't tell the bloodydifference, can you?
1181
00:52:25,626 --> 00:52:27,709
I'm as naive as Laura is.
1182
00:52:28,189 --> 00:52:29,606
No offense Laura.
1183
00:52:29,996 --> 00:52:30,829
- What?
1184
00:52:31,380 --> 00:52:34,036
- Okay see, my therapist thinks that--
1185
00:52:34,036 --> 00:52:36,589
- When have you had a therapist?
1186
00:52:36,589 --> 00:52:37,581
- I only went once, okay?
1187
00:52:37,581 --> 00:52:38,863
And listen, Oprah seemed to think
1188
00:52:38,863 --> 00:52:40,102
that everybody should be in therapy,
1189
00:52:40,102 --> 00:52:41,229
because it's veryimportant for the human--
1190
00:52:41,229 --> 00:52:42,229
- Oh, Oprah.
1191
00:52:43,652 --> 00:52:45,652
This is too much for me.
1192
00:52:46,053 --> 00:52:48,181
Kathy, Laura, I'm leaving.
1193
00:52:48,181 --> 00:52:49,014
- Okay I'm coming.
1194
00:52:49,014 --> 00:52:50,845
I just want to say goodnight to Brian.
1195
00:52:50,845 --> 00:52:52,927
- Laura, just give it up.
1196
00:52:53,852 --> 00:52:55,505
- Hey, I know you haven't called,
1197
00:52:55,505 --> 00:52:56,492
but I figured, you probably don't have
1198
00:52:56,492 --> 00:52:57,492
a lot of minutes on your plan,
1199
00:52:57,492 --> 00:52:58,484
so we can totally text.
1200
00:52:58,484 --> 00:52:59,884
I have unlimited text.
1201
00:52:59,884 --> 00:53:01,437
Or I could get a family plan.
1202
00:53:01,437 --> 00:53:02,342
I mean, it's not like the come over
1203
00:53:02,342 --> 00:53:04,404
and check for a ring, or anything,
1204
00:53:04,404 --> 00:53:05,783
unless you don't want a family.
1205
00:53:05,783 --> 00:53:06,616
Do you not want a family?
1206
00:53:06,616 --> 00:53:07,692
That's like really important to me.
1207
00:53:07,692 --> 00:53:10,106
But, you can let me know, okay?
1208
00:53:10,106 --> 00:53:11,331
But I hope it's a yes.
1209
00:53:11,331 --> 00:53:12,622
Okay, I have to go.
1210
00:53:12,622 --> 00:53:15,289
My friend's having a hard night.
1211
00:53:19,834 --> 00:53:21,157
Good to see you.
1212
00:53:21,157 --> 00:53:21,990
Bye.
1213
00:53:22,915 --> 00:53:23,748
Bye.
1214
00:53:27,170 --> 00:53:28,003
Bye Tony.
1215
00:53:28,003 --> 00:53:28,836
- Yeah.
1216
00:53:29,811 --> 00:53:30,644
Cosmo.
1217
00:53:34,282 --> 00:53:36,199
Could I get that drink?
1218
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:40,647
(upbeat techno music)
1219
00:53:54,870 --> 00:53:59,037
(men talking over each other in alley)
1220
00:54:00,128 --> 00:54:02,045
- Ah, what's up faggot?
1221
00:54:02,067 --> 00:54:04,260
(men taunting and harassing Tony)
1222
00:54:04,260 --> 00:54:06,371
- Hey, where you goin' gay boy?
1223
00:54:06,371 --> 00:54:08,204
- Wanna suck on this?
1224
00:54:08,325 --> 00:54:10,575
- Gay boy, where's the bar?
1225
00:54:10,817 --> 00:54:14,065
- [Unknown Voiceover]Look at this queer, Ray.
1226
00:54:14,065 --> 00:54:14,982
- Go queer.
1227
00:54:20,923 --> 00:54:23,444
- Dude, that is the worstgame I've ever seen you play.
1228
00:54:23,444 --> 00:54:25,984
You ran 'em through like a fag.
1229
00:54:25,984 --> 00:54:28,984
What the hell's the matter with you?
1230
00:54:29,858 --> 00:54:31,441
Hey, you all right?
1231
00:54:32,483 --> 00:54:33,316
- No.
1232
00:54:34,074 --> 00:54:34,991
Not really.
1233
00:54:36,810 --> 00:54:39,059
Danny, you're my best man, right?
1234
00:54:39,059 --> 00:54:39,892
- Yeah.
1235
00:54:39,892 --> 00:54:42,474
- So I could tell you anything?
1236
00:54:42,624 --> 00:54:43,624
- Yeah, man.
1237
00:54:45,673 --> 00:54:46,506
What's up?
1238
00:54:47,146 --> 00:54:48,729
Come on talk to me.
1239
00:54:53,329 --> 00:54:55,246
Would you look at this?
1240
00:54:55,737 --> 00:54:57,070
Everywhere I go.
1241
00:54:59,379 --> 00:55:00,962
Filthy queers, man.
1242
00:55:06,281 --> 00:55:07,114
What's up?
1243
00:55:09,744 --> 00:55:10,577
- Nothin'.
1244
00:55:13,232 --> 00:55:15,065
- I know, Tony and me.
1245
00:55:15,548 --> 00:55:17,381
Sorry yes, Tony and I,
1246
00:55:17,631 --> 00:55:20,089
we'll sort out our problems, I'm sure.
1247
00:55:20,089 --> 00:55:21,256
But thank you.
1248
00:55:22,606 --> 00:55:23,856
I've got to go.
1249
00:55:23,879 --> 00:55:25,080
I'll see you tomorrow.
1250
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:25,913
Love you.
1251
00:55:27,846 --> 00:55:29,218
- So, you haven't talkedto me in two days,
1252
00:55:29,218 --> 00:55:32,318
not that I'm complaining about that but,
1253
00:55:32,318 --> 00:55:33,600
not for nothin',
1254
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:36,965
why are you telling mymom about our problems?
1255
00:55:36,965 --> 00:55:38,638
- How did you know I wastalking to your mother?
1256
00:55:38,638 --> 00:55:42,069
- Well, I know that Lauradoesn't correct your English.
1257
00:55:42,069 --> 00:55:43,652
- You're funny now.
1258
00:55:45,568 --> 00:55:48,401
(soft jazz music)
1259
00:55:50,950 --> 00:55:53,705
Are you sure you don't wantto give these to mister abs?
1260
00:55:53,705 --> 00:55:55,786
- Nothing happened with that guy.
1261
00:55:55,786 --> 00:55:58,504
- Well, what were youdoing in that bar, Tony?
1262
00:55:58,504 --> 00:56:00,345
- I was doing what you told me to do,
1263
00:56:00,345 --> 00:56:02,626
I was trying to be moreunderstanding of the gays.
1264
00:56:02,626 --> 00:56:04,625
I was trying to get to know them.
1265
00:56:04,625 --> 00:56:05,794
- Well, I didn't mean getting to know them
1266
00:56:05,794 --> 00:56:06,770
in the biblical sense,
1267
00:56:06,770 --> 00:56:08,348
in the restroom of a gay bar.
1268
00:56:08,348 --> 00:56:09,181
- Look,
1269
00:56:10,316 --> 00:56:11,483
I'm sorry but,
1270
00:56:12,395 --> 00:56:13,812
nothing happened.
1271
00:56:14,403 --> 00:56:15,236
Okay?
1272
00:56:15,523 --> 00:56:17,690
Five years we're together.
1273
00:56:17,708 --> 00:56:18,803
You don't think that you would know
1274
00:56:18,803 --> 00:56:21,123
if I was a homosexual or not?
1275
00:56:21,123 --> 00:56:23,689
- Well you must admit, it'sbeen a bit confusing of late.
1276
00:56:23,689 --> 00:56:25,356
- You're telling me.
1277
00:56:25,657 --> 00:56:27,074
Listen, tomorrow,
1278
00:56:28,314 --> 00:56:31,063
Christmas day, my parents' house.
1279
00:56:32,433 --> 00:56:34,905
Please, tell me that you're gonna
1280
00:56:34,905 --> 00:56:37,155
be able to do this with me.
1281
00:56:38,852 --> 00:56:40,435
- Of course I will.
1282
00:56:41,449 --> 00:56:42,282
- Thanks.
1283
00:56:44,393 --> 00:56:45,864
(knocking on door)
1284
00:56:45,864 --> 00:56:46,864
I'll get it.
1285
00:56:49,969 --> 00:56:51,553
♫ Deck the halls with boughs of holly
1286
00:56:51,553 --> 00:56:53,425
♫ Fa la la la la la la la la
1287
00:56:53,425 --> 00:56:55,994
♫ Tis the season to be jolly
1288
00:56:55,994 --> 00:56:57,910
- Man I hate that song.
1289
00:57:00,325 --> 00:57:03,075
("Jingle Bells")
1290
00:57:12,824 --> 00:57:15,741
(doorbell ringing)
1291
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:20,247
(knocking on door)(doorbell ringing)
1292
00:57:22,416 --> 00:57:24,264
- Don't you hear the bell?
1293
00:57:24,264 --> 00:57:25,096
- Noop.
1294
00:57:30,487 --> 00:57:31,820
- Hello, lovers.
1295
00:57:32,260 --> 00:57:33,093
- Hello.
1296
00:57:33,162 --> 00:57:34,745
- How are you dear?
1297
00:57:35,020 --> 00:57:36,487
- Well, considering everything,
1298
00:57:36,487 --> 00:57:37,774
I think I'm doing pretty good.
1299
00:57:37,774 --> 00:57:39,441
- Doing pretty well.
1300
00:57:39,924 --> 00:57:41,454
- What's the difference?
1301
00:57:41,454 --> 00:57:42,287
- English.
1302
00:57:43,206 --> 00:57:47,206
Why does everybody wantto butcher the language?
1303
00:57:53,630 --> 00:57:54,547
- Uh, Tony?
1304
00:57:56,749 --> 00:57:57,582
Yo Tony.
1305
00:57:59,921 --> 00:58:00,754
Hey kid.
1306
00:58:02,705 --> 00:58:04,313
What exactly are you doing?
1307
00:58:04,313 --> 00:58:06,345
- I thought I'd help with the dinner.
1308
00:58:06,345 --> 00:58:07,178
- Who are you kidding?
1309
00:58:07,178 --> 00:58:09,345
You can't even make toast.
1310
00:58:10,969 --> 00:58:12,043
- Needs truffle oil.
1311
00:58:12,043 --> 00:58:12,876
- Ah.
1312
00:58:12,876 --> 00:58:14,787
- Actually, he made agourmet Chicken Marsala meal
1313
00:58:14,787 --> 00:58:16,120
the other night.
1314
00:58:16,171 --> 00:58:17,004
- Really?
1315
00:58:17,582 --> 00:58:19,619
I didn't even know he could cook.
1316
00:58:19,619 --> 00:58:20,573
- Turns out there's a few things
1317
00:58:20,573 --> 00:58:22,578
that we both didn't know about Tony.
1318
00:58:22,578 --> 00:58:23,578
- Like what?
1319
00:58:23,715 --> 00:58:26,603
- I think I know my Tony pretty well.
1320
00:58:26,603 --> 00:58:29,520
Hey, what happened the other night?
1321
00:58:29,730 --> 00:58:31,646
- That's our business Mom.
1322
00:58:31,646 --> 00:58:34,770
- Oh, what did my Tony do wrong, Sarah?
1323
00:58:34,770 --> 00:58:36,379
- Yeah, give us all the dirt on Rambo.
1324
00:58:36,379 --> 00:58:38,043
I'd ask if you caught himwatching internet porn,
1325
00:58:38,043 --> 00:58:40,610
but we all know that Tonystill thinks that WWW
1326
00:58:40,610 --> 00:58:42,067
means World Wrestling...
1327
00:58:42,067 --> 00:58:43,275
- Yeah, good one.
1328
00:58:43,275 --> 00:58:44,402
So why is it that they
1329
00:58:44,402 --> 00:58:46,527
automatically assume this was my fault?
1330
00:58:46,527 --> 00:58:48,008
- Well sweetie, it wasn't my fault
1331
00:58:48,008 --> 00:58:50,064
I run into you at a gay bar.
1332
00:58:50,064 --> 00:58:52,397
- Ran into you at a gay bar?
1333
00:58:52,409 --> 00:58:54,326
- This is getting good.
1334
00:58:54,335 --> 00:58:55,752
- You heard that?
1335
00:58:56,178 --> 00:58:57,671
- I hear everything.
1336
00:58:57,671 --> 00:58:58,671
- Oh my God.
1337
00:58:59,271 --> 00:59:00,271
- So, Sarah,
1338
00:59:01,433 --> 00:59:03,463
what were you doing at a gay bar?
1339
00:59:03,463 --> 00:59:05,223
- Well, me and my friends--
1340
00:59:05,223 --> 00:59:06,806
- My friends and I.
1341
00:59:06,975 --> 00:59:08,294
- Sorry, Mary you're correct.
1342
00:59:08,294 --> 00:59:10,279
My friends and I, we went to celebrate
1343
00:59:10,279 --> 00:59:13,180
with my friend Steve andhis boyfriend Michael,
1344
00:59:13,180 --> 00:59:14,774
for their anniversary.
1345
00:59:14,774 --> 00:59:18,941
- Oh well, at least somebody'scelebrating anniversaries.
1346
00:59:19,437 --> 00:59:22,998
- More importantly,what were you doing at a
1347
00:59:22,998 --> 00:59:25,382
place where they sing and wear chaps?
1348
00:59:25,382 --> 00:59:27,578
- You know what Mom, thisturkey looks delicious.
1349
00:59:27,578 --> 00:59:28,443
I think we should eat.
1350
00:59:28,443 --> 00:59:29,690
We should definitely eat.
1351
00:59:29,690 --> 00:59:33,828
- I did not raise my son tohang out with no fruit loops.
1352
00:59:33,828 --> 00:59:37,380
- Any fruit loops, otherwiseit's a double negative.
1353
00:59:37,380 --> 00:59:39,618
- Mary, what the hell are you doing?
1354
00:59:39,618 --> 00:59:42,473
You just find out that yourson's hanging out in a gay bar,
1355
00:59:42,473 --> 00:59:44,957
and you're worried about the floor?
1356
00:59:44,957 --> 00:59:47,585
- Okay, this is how Ideal with things, okay?
1357
00:59:47,585 --> 00:59:48,418
I clean.
1358
00:59:49,322 --> 00:59:51,105
It's easier to clean a floor,
1359
00:59:51,105 --> 00:59:54,057
than change my son's sexual orientation.
1360
00:59:54,057 --> 00:59:56,890
- Ohhhhh, no no no no no no no no,
1361
00:59:58,769 --> 01:00:00,602
no son of mine is gay.
1362
01:00:01,817 --> 01:00:03,484
I mean, look at him.
1363
01:00:03,558 --> 01:00:06,305
He was all-state in highschool for Chrissakes,
1364
01:00:06,305 --> 01:00:08,471
and get that thing off ya.
1365
01:00:12,264 --> 01:00:16,264
- Okay, honey, we loveyou, even if you are gay.
1366
01:00:17,752 --> 01:00:19,252
- But, you aren't.
1367
01:00:19,727 --> 01:00:21,216
- Well what if I was?
1368
01:00:21,216 --> 01:00:23,888
- Uh uh uh, you know I don'tlike them theoreticals.
1369
01:00:23,888 --> 01:00:24,962
- No, no, you know what Pop,
1370
01:00:24,962 --> 01:00:27,379
you're gonna answer this one.
1371
01:00:27,688 --> 01:00:28,879
What if I was gay?
1372
01:00:28,879 --> 01:00:30,247
- Actually it's what if I were gay?
1373
01:00:30,247 --> 01:00:32,359
Not was, the rule in English--
1374
01:00:32,359 --> 01:00:35,526
- [Tony and Sarah] Stop correcting us.
1375
01:00:36,057 --> 01:00:39,057
- I'm an English teacher, it's what I do.
1376
01:00:39,057 --> 01:00:40,974
- But, you are not gay.
1377
01:00:41,778 --> 01:00:43,195
- Oh, maybe I am.
1378
01:00:44,057 --> 01:00:46,345
- You're gonna standthere and argue with me?
1379
01:00:46,345 --> 01:00:48,001
I mean, 'cause the last time I checked,
1380
01:00:48,001 --> 01:00:50,505
this was my house, which makes me king,
1381
01:00:50,505 --> 01:00:53,129
which means I make all the rules.
1382
01:00:53,129 --> 01:00:57,162
And I say, that you arenot gay, and that's final.
1383
01:00:57,162 --> 01:00:59,109
- Yeah, well maybe I should just go, king.
1384
01:00:59,109 --> 01:01:00,537
- Well, maybe you should.
1385
01:01:00,537 --> 01:01:02,346
- This is so going on Youtube.
1386
01:01:02,346 --> 01:01:04,640
- Stephanie, please cut that out.
1387
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,912
- You would put your ownson out on Christmas?
1388
01:01:07,912 --> 01:01:09,272
- I ain't the one throwing him out.
1389
01:01:09,272 --> 01:01:10,313
It's his idea.
1390
01:01:10,313 --> 01:01:12,628
- Don't use the wordain't, it's ludicrous.
1391
01:01:12,628 --> 01:01:13,996
- Oh, what the hell's ludicrous mean?
1392
01:01:13,996 --> 01:01:15,829
- It means ridiculous.
1393
01:01:18,100 --> 01:01:20,350
- I am really proud of you.
1394
01:01:20,978 --> 01:01:22,388
Not for being gay,
1395
01:01:22,388 --> 01:01:24,668
but for knowing what ludicrous means.
1396
01:01:24,668 --> 01:01:27,668
- Which you're being right now, Pop.
1397
01:01:28,044 --> 01:01:29,211
Come on Sarah.
1398
01:01:30,268 --> 01:01:31,100
Come on.
1399
01:01:31,100 --> 01:01:32,517
- I'm sorry Mary.
1400
01:01:35,528 --> 01:01:36,778
- You sit down.
1401
01:01:37,053 --> 01:01:37,886
Sit down.
1402
01:01:37,886 --> 01:01:42,053
- What, I don't even knowwhat the hell happened here.
1403
01:01:49,684 --> 01:01:52,017
- Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.
1404
01:01:53,229 --> 01:01:54,740
♫ We wish you a Merry Christmas
1405
01:01:54,740 --> 01:01:56,508
♫ We wish you a Merry Christmas
1406
01:01:56,508 --> 01:01:58,302
♫ We wish you a Merry Christmas
1407
01:01:58,302 --> 01:02:01,552
♫ And a Happy New Year
1408
01:02:02,475 --> 01:02:04,808
- Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas.
1409
01:02:12,013 --> 01:02:13,513
- That was a mess.
1410
01:02:19,581 --> 01:02:23,565
- Tony, I don't think Ican go through with this.
1411
01:02:23,565 --> 01:02:24,911
I refuse to make the same mistake
1412
01:02:24,911 --> 01:02:28,243
that Liza Minnelli, and her mother made.
1413
01:02:28,437 --> 01:02:32,520
I'm not gonna marry a guythat's on the down low.
1414
01:02:32,820 --> 01:02:35,237
I'm sorry, the wedding's off.
1415
01:02:36,516 --> 01:02:38,670
- I'm sorry about the whole gift thing.
1416
01:02:38,670 --> 01:02:39,837
I just forgot.
1417
01:02:40,836 --> 01:02:42,253
- It's Christmas.
1418
01:02:42,276 --> 01:02:43,620
You could have made some sort of effort.
1419
01:02:43,620 --> 01:02:45,870
You look like a total slob.
1420
01:02:47,005 --> 01:02:48,005
- Who cares?
1421
01:02:48,189 --> 01:02:49,356
Nobody's here.
1422
01:02:49,757 --> 01:02:50,674
- I'm here.
1423
01:02:51,980 --> 01:02:54,396
Thanks for ruining Christmas.
1424
01:03:00,932 --> 01:03:01,833
- That's a smoke show right there.
1425
01:03:01,833 --> 01:03:03,657
That's what I'm talking about.
1426
01:03:03,657 --> 01:03:04,824
- Take it off.
1427
01:03:08,130 --> 01:03:09,473
Merry Christmas to me.
1428
01:03:09,473 --> 01:03:11,306
Merry Christmas to me.
1429
01:03:11,402 --> 01:03:12,402
- Hey, Tony.
1430
01:03:14,473 --> 01:03:18,306
- Jesus, look who jumpedship off the SS Homo.
1431
01:03:19,736 --> 01:03:21,768
- Hey, why the long face, bro?
1432
01:03:21,768 --> 01:03:23,656
- There isn't gonna be a wedding.
1433
01:03:23,656 --> 01:03:26,239
- Come on man, don't be stupid.
1434
01:03:29,785 --> 01:03:30,618
Woo, yeah.
1435
01:03:31,201 --> 01:03:33,368
- You guys got any Cosmos?
1436
01:03:35,041 --> 01:03:35,874
- Cosmos?
1437
01:03:36,624 --> 01:03:37,624
Come on man.
1438
01:03:37,826 --> 01:03:40,496
Get your head in the game, all right?
1439
01:03:40,496 --> 01:03:41,802
Show's about to begin.
1440
01:03:41,802 --> 01:03:44,635
I present to you, Miss Candy Cane.
1441
01:03:47,832 --> 01:03:50,082
- Work down mamacita, yeah.
1442
01:03:51,058 --> 01:03:51,891
- Hungry?
1443
01:03:52,226 --> 01:03:53,194
- No, you know what actually,
1444
01:03:53,194 --> 01:03:55,729
I'm doing that low-carb,it's almost summer.
1445
01:03:55,729 --> 01:03:56,812
- Oh come on.
1446
01:03:56,843 --> 01:03:58,427
Don't make me have to spank you.
1447
01:03:58,427 --> 01:04:01,927
- You can spank me you putalicious cocina.
1448
01:04:02,161 --> 01:04:03,897
(doorbell ringing)- I'll get it.
1449
01:04:03,897 --> 01:04:04,730
Damn.
1450
01:04:05,389 --> 01:04:07,269
- [Candy] Do you want to lick this off?
1451
01:04:07,269 --> 01:04:09,021
- That's okay, I'm lactose intolerant.
1452
01:04:09,021 --> 01:04:11,021
- Me baby me, por favor.
1453
01:04:13,294 --> 01:04:14,127
- Carlos.
1454
01:04:16,020 --> 01:04:17,028
- What are you doing here?
1455
01:04:17,028 --> 01:04:18,268
- I'm in labor.
1456
01:04:18,268 --> 01:04:19,596
- Why didn't you call me?
1457
01:04:19,596 --> 01:04:21,492
- I did, you didn't answer.
1458
01:04:21,492 --> 01:04:23,540
- I must have turned it off by mistake.
1459
01:04:23,540 --> 01:04:25,290
I you sure this time?
1460
01:04:25,364 --> 01:04:27,180
(speaking in foreign language)
1461
01:04:27,180 --> 01:04:28,566
- (speaking in foreign language)
1462
01:04:28,566 --> 01:04:32,649
- (speaking in foreign language)
1463
01:04:35,791 --> 01:04:38,374
- Hey, what are you doing here?
1464
01:04:38,454 --> 01:04:40,687
- Oh, I came to see some jugs.
1465
01:04:40,687 --> 01:04:43,821
- Which one of you boysis gonna lick this off?
1466
01:04:43,821 --> 01:04:44,654
- I will.
1467
01:04:44,654 --> 01:04:45,487
- What do you mean, you will?
1468
01:04:45,487 --> 01:04:47,056
- No no no no no no no no, man.
1469
01:04:47,056 --> 01:04:47,999
With all due disrespect,
1470
01:04:47,999 --> 01:04:49,254
why don't you get your fudge-packin' ass
1471
01:04:49,254 --> 01:04:50,535
outta my apartment, now?
1472
01:04:50,535 --> 01:04:51,368
- Oh dude, it's cool.
1473
01:04:51,368 --> 01:04:52,800
My Uncle told me to come by.
1474
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:53,783
- Yeah, you know what?
1475
01:04:53,783 --> 01:04:54,743
He's cool, leave him alone.
1476
01:04:54,743 --> 01:04:56,912
- No no no no no, it'snot cool, all right?
1477
01:04:56,912 --> 01:04:57,832
This isn't work.
1478
01:04:57,832 --> 01:04:59,249
This is my house.
1479
01:04:59,271 --> 01:05:00,896
All right, you're notwelcome, you're not invited.
1480
01:05:00,896 --> 01:05:01,781
Get your ass out of here?
1481
01:05:01,781 --> 01:05:04,031
- Leave him alone, you RBI.
1482
01:05:05,701 --> 01:05:06,534
- RBI?
1483
01:05:07,837 --> 01:05:09,812
Since when did you start sidin' with fags?
1484
01:05:09,812 --> 01:05:13,933
- Since I stopped being aclosed-minded prick like yourself.
1485
01:05:13,933 --> 01:05:15,396
You can stay bro, you're welcome.
1486
01:05:15,396 --> 01:05:16,916
It's my party, right?
1487
01:05:16,916 --> 01:05:20,083
- No thanks, I suddenly feel nauseous.
1488
01:05:22,140 --> 01:05:24,292
- Have a good New Years Eve, man.
1489
01:05:24,292 --> 01:05:25,375
- I will man.
1490
01:05:25,940 --> 01:05:26,773
I'm gonna be at your wedding.
1491
01:05:26,773 --> 01:05:28,606
- Yeah, no, you won't.
1492
01:05:30,899 --> 01:05:33,732
- Come on Tony, I'm your best man.
1493
01:05:37,113 --> 01:05:38,446
- No you're not.
1494
01:05:41,929 --> 01:05:43,429
- My father's gay.
1495
01:05:46,193 --> 01:05:48,693
- Hey, I want my deposit back.
1496
01:06:05,284 --> 01:06:09,451
(men talking over each other in alley)
1497
01:06:09,476 --> 01:06:10,309
- Oh look, here he comes again.
1498
01:06:10,309 --> 01:06:11,142
Hey puto.
1499
01:06:11,435 --> 01:06:14,437
Hey, I told you don'tcome back again, puto.
1500
01:06:14,437 --> 01:06:15,270
- What's the problem guys?
1501
01:06:15,270 --> 01:06:17,438
- You're the problem, Nancy.
1502
01:06:17,438 --> 01:06:20,784
- Listen guys, I used tobe just like you, you know?
1503
01:06:20,784 --> 01:06:21,696
Come on, isn't there something better
1504
01:06:21,696 --> 01:06:23,401
you guys could be doing with your time?
1505
01:06:23,401 --> 01:06:24,234
- Check it out, man.
1506
01:06:24,234 --> 01:06:25,688
Ain't nothing better Icould do with my time,
1507
01:06:25,688 --> 01:06:28,188
then waste it on a cocksucker.
1508
01:06:30,007 --> 01:06:33,339
(grunting and slugging)
1509
01:06:36,063 --> 01:06:37,390
I thought I taught you puto.
1510
01:06:37,390 --> 01:06:38,822
You shouldn't have come man.
1511
01:06:38,822 --> 01:06:41,239
Let's get out of here homies.
1512
01:06:55,942 --> 01:06:57,192
- Thanks kiddo.
1513
01:06:58,950 --> 01:06:59,783
I'm sorry.
1514
01:07:00,486 --> 01:07:01,903
Thanks Stephanie.
1515
01:07:02,414 --> 01:07:05,414
- You can call me kiddo if you want.
1516
01:07:06,349 --> 01:07:09,432
I'm sorry about what happened to you.
1517
01:07:10,662 --> 01:07:13,405
You're not gonna start wearingmy dresses now, are you?
1518
01:07:13,405 --> 01:07:14,822
- Get outta here.
1519
01:07:25,884 --> 01:07:30,051
God, I know it's been along time since I've prayed.
1520
01:07:31,101 --> 01:07:34,018
Actually, it's been about 10 years.
1521
01:07:35,716 --> 01:07:37,299
Are you testing me?
1522
01:07:39,192 --> 01:07:40,365
Am I being punished for something?
1523
01:07:40,365 --> 01:07:43,597
Because I feel like you'retrying to teach me a lesson here,
1524
01:07:43,597 --> 01:07:47,764
but I always thought thatit was wrong in your eyes,
1525
01:07:48,278 --> 01:07:49,111
to be gay.
1526
01:07:51,598 --> 01:07:53,820
Now whatever's going on with me,
1527
01:07:53,820 --> 01:07:57,403
I just wish you couldmake me normal again.
1528
01:07:57,449 --> 01:07:58,282
I'm sorry.
1529
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:02,053
I didn't mean normal, I just
1530
01:08:03,504 --> 01:08:05,171
meant normal for me.
1531
01:08:07,009 --> 01:08:11,009
Anyway, any help you couldsend my way would be,
1532
01:08:12,232 --> 01:08:13,482
really welcome.
1533
01:08:16,807 --> 01:08:17,640
Amen.
1534
01:08:18,416 --> 01:08:21,332
(knocking on door)
1535
01:08:25,745 --> 01:08:26,578
Really?
1536
01:08:28,489 --> 01:08:29,322
- What?
1537
01:08:31,508 --> 01:08:33,758
- Nothing, never mind just,
1538
01:08:34,057 --> 01:08:36,057
what are you doing here?
1539
01:08:37,254 --> 01:08:38,981
- I heard what happened.
1540
01:08:38,981 --> 01:08:40,148
- Yeah, I got,
1541
01:08:41,942 --> 01:08:42,775
mugged.
1542
01:08:43,685 --> 01:08:45,768
- Yeah, I got mugged too.
1543
01:08:46,862 --> 01:08:47,694
Same spot,
1544
01:08:47,901 --> 01:08:49,734
a couple of years ago.
1545
01:08:50,386 --> 01:08:51,973
- You know Steve, I reallyowe you an apology man,
1546
01:08:51,973 --> 01:08:54,056
I've been a real asshole.
1547
01:08:56,054 --> 01:08:56,887
I gotta tell you man,
1548
01:08:56,887 --> 01:09:00,197
I am definitely not thesame man I used to be.
1549
01:09:00,197 --> 01:09:02,614
- Well that's ironic, because
1550
01:09:02,982 --> 01:09:04,065
neither am I.
1551
01:09:04,409 --> 01:09:05,492
- How's that?
1552
01:09:05,647 --> 01:09:07,501
- For one thing, I'm notwith Michael anymore.
1553
01:09:07,501 --> 01:09:09,168
- Oh man, I'm sorry.
1554
01:09:09,509 --> 01:09:11,176
He was a real catch.
1555
01:09:12,757 --> 01:09:13,924
What happened?
1556
01:09:15,252 --> 01:09:17,183
- Just not talking to him anymore.
1557
01:09:17,183 --> 01:09:19,516
- Huh, wow, I mean there are
1558
01:09:20,492 --> 01:09:23,492
a lot of really cute guys out there.
1559
01:09:24,348 --> 01:09:27,431
- Yeah, that's not gonna work either.
1560
01:09:27,622 --> 01:09:28,872
- What do mean?
1561
01:09:29,068 --> 01:09:30,020
- Well Tony, it's obvious.
1562
01:09:30,020 --> 01:09:32,164
You've been hiding yourfeelings for a really long time.
1563
01:09:32,164 --> 01:09:32,997
- Actually--
1564
01:09:32,997 --> 01:09:35,247
- No no no no, just let me,
1565
01:09:37,225 --> 01:09:40,880
you know you're finallydiscovering who you are and,
1566
01:09:40,880 --> 01:09:42,379
well it turns out,
1567
01:09:43,067 --> 01:09:45,400
I'm not who I thought I was.
1568
01:09:47,283 --> 01:09:48,866
Tony, I'm straight.
1569
01:09:49,900 --> 01:09:50,817
- Straight?
1570
01:09:51,641 --> 01:09:53,891
So you mean like, straight.
1571
01:09:55,948 --> 01:09:57,365
- Like, an arrow.
1572
01:09:59,532 --> 01:10:00,365
- So what?
1573
01:10:00,404 --> 01:10:04,337
You've been pretending tobe gay this whole time?
1574
01:10:04,337 --> 01:10:06,420
- Just happened recently.
1575
01:10:08,640 --> 01:10:09,889
- How recently?
1576
01:10:14,083 --> 01:10:15,562
Don't worry, buddy.
1577
01:10:15,562 --> 01:10:17,312
We're gonna fix this.
1578
01:10:17,834 --> 01:10:18,834
- I hope so,
1579
01:10:22,853 --> 01:10:24,139
'cause for the first time I now know
1580
01:10:24,139 --> 01:10:26,639
that I'm in love with Michael.
1581
01:10:27,523 --> 01:10:30,273
I really am in love with him and,
1582
01:10:30,827 --> 01:10:32,410
I miss him so much.
1583
01:10:33,971 --> 01:10:36,138
- So, you haven't changed?
1584
01:10:38,812 --> 01:10:39,812
- No, I did.
1585
01:10:40,919 --> 01:10:42,836
I just love him anyway.
1586
01:10:44,882 --> 01:10:45,953
And now there's nothing in the way,
1587
01:10:45,953 --> 01:10:47,536
not even sexuality.
1588
01:10:49,095 --> 01:10:51,055
I can't picture myselfbeing with anyone else
1589
01:10:51,055 --> 01:10:53,055
for the rest of my life,
1590
01:10:53,055 --> 01:10:54,138
man or woman.
1591
01:10:55,943 --> 01:10:58,360
- Yeah, I know what you mean.
1592
01:10:59,167 --> 01:11:00,334
So your folks,
1593
01:11:02,519 --> 01:11:05,185
are they okay with you know, it?
1594
01:11:06,419 --> 01:11:10,110
- My father hasn't talked tome for close to two years.
1595
01:11:10,110 --> 01:11:12,454
He's the one who wantedme to play football.
1596
01:11:12,454 --> 01:11:13,371
I hated it.
1597
01:11:14,267 --> 01:11:16,517
Except for the locker room.
1598
01:11:16,550 --> 01:11:19,294
No, I really wanted to play soccer.
1599
01:11:19,294 --> 01:11:20,544
- Yeah, me too.
1600
01:11:21,942 --> 01:11:25,275
My dad always said it was a pussy sport.
1601
01:11:30,118 --> 01:11:32,284
I never told anybody that.
1602
01:11:40,725 --> 01:11:42,445
- Are you breaking up with me?
1603
01:11:42,445 --> 01:11:43,741
- We're not dating.
1604
01:11:43,741 --> 01:11:46,908
- Brian, I think I finally understand.
1605
01:11:48,329 --> 01:11:50,579
You're bisexual aren't you?
1606
01:11:50,894 --> 01:11:53,061
- Yes Laura, I'm bisexual.
1607
01:11:53,085 --> 01:11:55,709
I have sex with gay men, and straight men.
1608
01:11:55,709 --> 01:11:56,709
- I knew it.
1609
01:12:00,776 --> 01:12:02,975
- Oh, good, you're all here.
1610
01:12:02,975 --> 01:12:04,948
Listen, something reallyweird is going on,
1611
01:12:04,948 --> 01:12:05,852
and we're not sure what,
1612
01:12:05,852 --> 01:12:09,602
but something happened,and well now I'm gay.
1613
01:12:09,989 --> 01:12:11,906
- And now I'm straight.
1614
01:12:12,060 --> 01:12:15,942
- I think I'm bulimic, I justkeep forgetting to throw up.
1615
01:12:15,942 --> 01:12:17,527
- Guys, don't be ridiculous.
1616
01:12:17,527 --> 01:12:19,036
- No, Sarah it's true.
1617
01:12:19,036 --> 01:12:20,119
- Yeah right.
1618
01:12:23,415 --> 01:12:25,215
- Yeah, what are you doing?
1619
01:12:25,215 --> 01:12:27,510
- I'm just trying to proveto her that I'm straight.
1620
01:12:27,510 --> 01:12:30,486
- Yeah well, could youmaybe prove it another way?
1621
01:12:30,486 --> 01:12:33,638
- You never kissed melike that when we dated.
1622
01:12:33,638 --> 01:12:36,419
Were you really flirting withme at the Christmas party?
1623
01:12:36,419 --> 01:12:38,325
- Yeah, in fact that's when it started.
1624
01:12:38,325 --> 01:12:40,289
I remember I felt a little different.
1625
01:12:40,289 --> 01:12:42,470
- Yeah, you know I rememberfeeling a little different too,
1626
01:12:42,470 --> 01:12:44,022
but I just thought that
1627
01:12:44,022 --> 01:12:45,439
I drank too much.
1628
01:12:46,733 --> 01:12:49,233
Wow, I was really a dick, huh?
1629
01:12:49,398 --> 01:12:50,481
- [All] Yeah.
1630
01:12:50,717 --> 01:12:52,285
- Yeah, you kept insulting me,
1631
01:12:52,285 --> 01:12:54,813
and I remember I wished youwere gay to teach you a lesson.
1632
01:12:54,813 --> 01:12:58,480
- Yeah, and I wishedthat you were straight.
1633
01:12:59,733 --> 01:13:02,244
- That doesn't explain what happened.
1634
01:13:02,244 --> 01:13:04,916
- Maybe all you have todo is wish it undone.
1635
01:13:04,916 --> 01:13:06,324
- Come on Laura get real.
1636
01:13:06,324 --> 01:13:08,253
- No, she's got a point.
1637
01:13:08,253 --> 01:13:10,670
It's no harm in trying right?
1638
01:13:11,836 --> 01:13:12,669
- Okay,
1639
01:13:14,181 --> 01:13:15,309
I wish you were straight.
1640
01:13:15,309 --> 01:13:16,668
No, I mean I wish you were straight,
1641
01:13:16,668 --> 01:13:19,740
but like uncomfortable watchingOlympic wrestling straight.
1642
01:13:19,740 --> 01:13:21,851
- Yeah yeah, exactly, andI wish that you were gay,
1643
01:13:21,851 --> 01:13:22,684
but not just gay.
1644
01:13:22,684 --> 01:13:24,572
I'm talking like super-gay,I mean like Village People,
1645
01:13:24,572 --> 01:13:27,072
cheerleader, hairdresser, gay.
1646
01:13:29,148 --> 01:13:31,065
Well let's test it out.
1647
01:13:45,227 --> 01:13:49,393
Nothing, man we really have tofigure out how this happened.
1648
01:13:50,131 --> 01:13:53,402
- Could have been the angelornament at the boss' house.
1649
01:13:53,402 --> 01:13:55,138
- What are you talking about?
1650
01:13:55,138 --> 01:13:59,305
- Well, at the party whenSteve wished that Tony was gay,
1651
01:13:59,819 --> 01:14:03,770
Tony wished that Steve wasstraight, that angel lit up.
1652
01:14:03,770 --> 01:14:04,937
It was pretty.
1653
01:14:05,451 --> 01:14:08,522
- And you didn't tell us about this, why?
1654
01:14:08,522 --> 01:14:11,331
- Oh, I thought you'dthink I was an idiot.
1655
01:14:11,331 --> 01:14:13,414
- Well, if the shoe fits.
1656
01:14:15,473 --> 01:14:16,473
- The angel.
1657
01:14:16,537 --> 01:14:17,537
- The angel.
1658
01:14:19,600 --> 01:14:22,683
(upbeat jazzy music)
1659
01:14:28,393 --> 01:14:29,310
Boss, boss?
1660
01:14:29,652 --> 01:14:30,485
- What's wrong?
1661
01:14:30,485 --> 01:14:31,536
- Where's the angel?
1662
01:14:31,536 --> 01:14:33,963
- Not that it's any of your business,
1663
01:14:33,963 --> 01:14:36,163
but she stayed at her place tonight.
1664
01:14:36,163 --> 01:14:37,212
Her parents are in town, and we--
1665
01:14:37,212 --> 01:14:40,379
- No no no no no, the Christmas angel.
1666
01:14:40,627 --> 01:14:41,460
- Oh that.
1667
01:14:42,099 --> 01:14:44,298
Oh well, Mister Vilanch wanted it back.
1668
01:14:44,298 --> 01:14:47,302
Apparently someone accidentallythrew it in the dumpster,
1669
01:14:47,302 --> 01:14:49,126
and it means a lot to him or something,
1670
01:14:49,126 --> 01:14:50,073
because he gave me a hard time,
1671
01:14:50,073 --> 01:14:52,942
and I took it right over tohis house yesterday morning.
1672
01:14:52,942 --> 01:14:54,926
- Shit, we need that back.
1673
01:14:54,926 --> 01:14:56,511
We gotta go over there,right now, come on.
1674
01:14:56,511 --> 01:14:57,344
- Stop.
1675
01:14:57,911 --> 01:14:59,578
Are you kids insane?
1676
01:15:00,264 --> 01:15:01,264
It is 10:38.
1677
01:15:02,374 --> 01:15:03,666
I can't have two of my employees,
1678
01:15:03,666 --> 01:15:06,286
going over to my mostesteemed client's house
1679
01:15:06,286 --> 01:15:09,559
and disturbing him in themiddle of the frickin' night.
1680
01:15:09,559 --> 01:15:11,282
- All right, all right, no problem.
1681
01:15:11,282 --> 01:15:12,741
I go see Bruce first thing in the morning,
1682
01:15:12,741 --> 01:15:14,957
I get the angel back in plentyof time for the wedding.
1683
01:15:14,957 --> 01:15:17,540
- Okay, but also, bring donuts,
1684
01:15:18,446 --> 01:15:19,677
and make sure they're fresh.
1685
01:15:19,677 --> 01:15:20,844
He could tell.
1686
01:15:20,933 --> 01:15:25,100
And he also likes thedouble nonfat, mocha grande.
1687
01:15:27,373 --> 01:15:30,493
And you, go to the backfreezer, grab a steak,
1688
01:15:30,493 --> 01:15:31,782
put it on your face.
1689
01:15:31,782 --> 01:15:33,115
Get to bed boys.
1690
01:15:37,508 --> 01:15:38,341
Kids.
1691
01:15:44,061 --> 01:15:44,894
- Well you'd better hurry up,
1692
01:15:44,894 --> 01:15:45,836
because you haven't got much time,
1693
01:15:45,836 --> 01:15:48,128
and we want you on our team.
1694
01:15:48,128 --> 01:15:49,728
- Bruce, if you're Jewish,
1695
01:15:49,728 --> 01:15:51,875
why do you have a magic Christmasangel in the first place?
1696
01:15:51,875 --> 01:15:53,479
- If Bette Midler and Barbra Streisand,
1697
01:15:53,479 --> 01:15:55,123
two bigger Jews than I,
1698
01:15:55,123 --> 01:15:56,947
can put out Christmas CD's,
1699
01:15:56,947 --> 01:15:59,364
I can have a Christmas angel.
1700
01:15:59,994 --> 01:16:03,715
Besides, the magic menorahis impossible to find.
1701
01:16:03,715 --> 01:16:04,548
- Thanks.
1702
01:16:04,548 --> 01:16:05,380
- Really, I've looked.
1703
01:16:05,380 --> 01:16:06,368
I've looked everywhere.
1704
01:16:06,368 --> 01:16:09,951
They laughed me out ofVan Cleef and Arpel.
1705
01:16:14,283 --> 01:16:16,499
- Good, please, tellme you have the angel.
1706
01:16:16,499 --> 01:16:18,706
- Not exactly, but I know where it is.
1707
01:16:18,706 --> 01:16:19,906
Just, we've gotta hurry.
1708
01:16:19,906 --> 01:16:20,947
I'll explain it all on the way.
1709
01:16:20,947 --> 01:16:23,364
- Okay, Sarah hand me my tux.
1710
01:16:23,866 --> 01:16:25,949
I gotta go un-gay myself.
1711
01:16:27,054 --> 01:16:28,668
- You better be back intime for the wedding.
1712
01:16:28,668 --> 01:16:30,335
- I will, I promise.
1713
01:16:33,449 --> 01:16:34,699
I know, I know.
1714
01:16:41,970 --> 01:16:43,289
- It turns out BruceVilanch bought the angel,
1715
01:16:43,289 --> 01:16:45,753
and a bunch of other crapat some school bazaar,
1716
01:16:45,753 --> 01:16:47,217
but they sold the angel by mistake,
1717
01:16:47,217 --> 01:16:48,457
and they made him give it back.
1718
01:16:48,457 --> 01:16:50,141
I just hope we get there in time.
1719
01:16:50,141 --> 01:16:51,812
- What do you mean, in time?
1720
01:16:51,812 --> 01:16:53,874
- Bruce said that the angelwas rumored to be magical,
1721
01:16:53,874 --> 01:16:56,721
which of course, hedidn't believe until us.
1722
01:16:56,721 --> 01:16:57,953
He also went on to say,
1723
01:16:57,953 --> 01:17:00,304
that once the angel isback on top of the tree,
1724
01:17:00,304 --> 01:17:02,240
and in the hands of its rightful owner,
1725
01:17:02,240 --> 01:17:04,544
at the school's NewYears Eve holiday show,
1726
01:17:04,544 --> 01:17:06,941
which they're rehearsingfor right this second,
1727
01:17:06,941 --> 01:17:09,368
all wishes will become irreversible.
1728
01:17:09,368 --> 01:17:12,118
- Well, shut up and drive, butch.
1729
01:17:15,784 --> 01:17:17,744
(tires squealing)
1730
01:17:17,744 --> 01:17:21,084
Holy Mother of God, thisis my old Catholic school.
1731
01:17:21,084 --> 01:17:23,181
- This is where the angel is.
1732
01:17:23,181 --> 01:17:24,172
- I'm not going in there.
1733
01:17:24,172 --> 01:17:26,060
- Hey, do you want toget married to Sarah,
1734
01:17:26,060 --> 01:17:27,291
or do you want to toss guys' salads
1735
01:17:27,291 --> 01:17:29,091
for the rest of your life?
1736
01:17:29,091 --> 01:17:29,924
- Yeah.
1737
01:17:33,715 --> 01:17:37,298
(playful orchestral music)
1738
01:17:47,028 --> 01:17:47,861
Oh my God.
1739
01:17:48,444 --> 01:17:49,944
It's Sister Betty.
1740
01:17:50,707 --> 01:17:52,716
Why did it have to be her?
1741
01:17:52,716 --> 01:17:55,548
She's the reason I was homophobic.
1742
01:17:55,783 --> 01:17:58,950
- Okay, the angel, can we get it back?
1743
01:18:00,038 --> 01:18:02,788
- Yeah, you know what, follow me.
1744
01:18:12,632 --> 01:18:13,799
- Who are you?
1745
01:18:14,998 --> 01:18:17,806
- Well, the Father thoughtthat we could come by
1746
01:18:17,806 --> 01:18:19,389
and help you today.
1747
01:18:20,015 --> 01:18:23,334
- Yes, I'm Sister Ann,and this Sister Tony,
1748
01:18:23,334 --> 01:18:24,584
Tony with an I.
1749
01:18:24,813 --> 01:18:25,896
- Father who?
1750
01:18:26,357 --> 01:18:29,245
- Here, let me help youput that up on the tree.
1751
01:18:29,245 --> 01:18:32,317
- No, I can manage it myself, thank you.
1752
01:18:32,317 --> 01:18:36,381
- But Sister it's a longway up, and you look weary.
1753
01:18:36,381 --> 01:18:40,269
- No, thank you, I've beendoing this myself for 30 years.
1754
01:18:40,269 --> 01:18:43,019
No go away, just get out of here.
1755
01:18:43,983 --> 01:18:45,316
- But we insist.
1756
01:18:46,135 --> 01:18:46,968
- No, no.
1757
01:18:48,376 --> 01:18:49,542
- Let go lady.
1758
01:18:59,822 --> 01:19:01,655
I wish I was straight.
1759
01:19:01,943 --> 01:19:03,610
- I wish I were gay.
1760
01:19:14,761 --> 01:19:16,510
- Little Tony Parisi.
1761
01:19:17,423 --> 01:19:19,090
I should have known.
1762
01:19:19,958 --> 01:19:23,029
Now, why did you say youwished you were straight?
1763
01:19:23,029 --> 01:19:25,966
There's nothing wrong with being gay.
1764
01:19:25,966 --> 01:19:28,383
- What are you talking about?
1765
01:19:28,744 --> 01:19:30,085
You said it was evil.
1766
01:19:30,085 --> 01:19:31,309
You said I was going to hell.
1767
01:19:31,309 --> 01:19:34,892
- Well, that was over20 years ago, my son.
1768
01:19:35,038 --> 01:19:36,621
Get with the times.
1769
01:19:40,645 --> 01:19:42,562
- All right, all right.
1770
01:19:42,773 --> 01:19:44,636
Well, it's been reallynice seeing you Sis,
1771
01:19:44,636 --> 01:19:46,652
but for the love of God,we gotta get out of here.
1772
01:19:46,652 --> 01:19:47,485
I'm late.
1773
01:19:50,004 --> 01:19:53,087
(playful rock music)
1774
01:19:55,813 --> 01:19:56,717
Do you Feel any different?
1775
01:19:56,717 --> 01:19:57,721
- I think so.
1776
01:19:57,721 --> 01:19:58,554
I mean, I don't know.
1777
01:19:58,554 --> 01:19:59,387
You?
1778
01:19:59,387 --> 01:20:01,244
- I don't know, I think so.
1779
01:20:01,244 --> 01:20:02,494
We'll find out.
1780
01:20:04,694 --> 01:20:07,000
(tires squealing)
1781
01:20:07,000 --> 01:20:10,083
(playful rock music)
1782
01:20:12,489 --> 01:20:16,656
♫ Carefully into hide, the man inside
1783
01:20:16,681 --> 01:20:20,848
♫ The child inside the man inside
1784
01:20:28,089 --> 01:20:29,866
- [John] Tony, wherethe hell have you been?
1785
01:20:29,866 --> 01:20:31,241
- [Mary] John, watch your mouth.
1786
01:20:31,241 --> 01:20:32,945
We're in God's house.
1787
01:20:32,945 --> 01:20:35,961
- [John] Ha, what haveyou got on your feet?
1788
01:20:35,961 --> 01:20:37,729
- [Tony] These are my new Pradas.
1789
01:20:37,729 --> 01:20:38,561
Cool, huh?
1790
01:20:49,584 --> 01:20:51,334
- Yeah, food's ready.
1791
01:20:51,889 --> 01:20:52,722
- Here.
1792
01:20:52,722 --> 01:20:54,480
- [Brian] Hey, where are the triplets?
1793
01:20:54,480 --> 01:20:55,968
- They're inside taking a nap.
1794
01:20:55,968 --> 01:20:58,384
- We'll get them up whenthe newlyweds get here.
1795
01:20:58,384 --> 01:20:59,328
- All right, speak of the devils.
1796
01:20:59,328 --> 01:21:00,537
Here they come now.
1797
01:21:00,537 --> 01:21:01,370
- Hey.
1798
01:21:01,419 --> 01:21:02,252
- Hey.
1799
01:21:02,257 --> 01:21:03,571
- Congratulations guys.
1800
01:21:03,571 --> 01:21:06,080
- Thank you, we had to goall the way to Iowa to do it,
1801
01:21:06,080 --> 01:21:07,783
but it was so worth it.
1802
01:21:07,783 --> 01:21:09,828
- Hey where's the best man?
1803
01:21:09,828 --> 01:21:11,978
- He should be right behind us.
1804
01:21:11,978 --> 01:21:13,720
- [Sarah] Hi everyone.
1805
01:21:13,720 --> 01:21:14,609
- Hey guys.
1806
01:21:14,609 --> 01:21:17,450
- Hi, you're finally starting to show.
1807
01:21:17,450 --> 01:21:18,744
- Oh, thank you.
1808
01:21:18,744 --> 01:21:19,592
- Hey bro, for a minute there
1809
01:21:19,592 --> 01:21:20,792
we weren't sure if you had it in you.
1810
01:21:20,792 --> 01:21:22,125
- Naa, whatever.
1811
01:21:23,128 --> 01:21:24,648
Well, I gotta tell you.
1812
01:21:24,648 --> 01:21:26,898
Cosmos are pretty good but,
1813
01:21:27,096 --> 01:21:28,857
nothing beats a Corona.
1814
01:21:28,857 --> 01:21:29,690
Beer me.
1815
01:21:33,305 --> 01:21:35,058
What are you doing here?
1816
01:21:35,058 --> 01:21:38,303
- Tony and Sarah, this ismy new boyfriend Keith.
1817
01:21:38,303 --> 01:21:40,535
- Sorry what happenedthat night at the bar.
1818
01:21:40,535 --> 01:21:42,358
I was going through abit of a rough break up
1819
01:21:42,358 --> 01:21:44,441
and I took it out on you.
1820
01:21:44,495 --> 01:21:46,078
- Apology accepted.
1821
01:21:46,206 --> 01:21:48,672
- Sarah, nothing really happened.
1822
01:21:48,672 --> 01:21:50,367
- Thanks, I appreciate that.
1823
01:21:50,367 --> 01:21:52,450
- It's your loss big guy.
1824
01:21:54,327 --> 01:21:55,752
- Congratulations gentlemen.
1825
01:21:55,752 --> 01:21:56,669
- Hey boss.
1826
01:21:57,222 --> 01:21:59,230
- Wow boss, you look so uh...
1827
01:21:59,230 --> 01:22:00,665
- Stylish.- Yeah.
1828
01:22:00,665 --> 01:22:01,677
- I do look stylish,
1829
01:22:01,677 --> 01:22:04,190
because image is important kids.
1830
01:22:04,190 --> 01:22:05,325
You know, especially in this game
1831
01:22:05,325 --> 01:22:07,658
where perception is reality.
1832
01:22:07,925 --> 01:22:08,997
We're in the big leagues now,
1833
01:22:08,997 --> 01:22:11,607
so sometimes you gotta show it off.
1834
01:22:11,607 --> 01:22:12,830
And I gotta be honest,
1835
01:22:12,830 --> 01:22:16,747
apart from my beautiful,beautiful fiance here,
1836
01:22:16,758 --> 01:22:20,413
good fortune has been my mistressthese last few months and,
1837
01:22:20,413 --> 01:22:21,934
you all here have had
1838
01:22:21,934 --> 01:22:24,885
a very small piece of making that happen.
1839
01:22:24,885 --> 01:22:25,802
Very small.
1840
01:22:27,650 --> 01:22:30,567
- Hey guys, guys, to happy couples,
1841
01:22:32,426 --> 01:22:33,259
to babies,
1842
01:22:35,034 --> 01:22:35,867
to family.
1843
01:22:36,602 --> 01:22:37,435
- To family.
1844
01:22:37,435 --> 01:22:38,935
- [All] To family.
1845
01:22:49,003 --> 01:22:50,299
♫ Just like my style
1846
01:22:50,299 --> 01:22:52,091
♫ Just like my life
1847
01:22:52,091 --> 01:22:56,257
♫ This'll be the end of watchin'those pretty ladies come by
1848
01:23:10,895 --> 01:23:14,830
- Hey, did any of you seewhere Bruce and Laura went?
1849
01:23:14,830 --> 01:23:16,080
- I don't know.
1850
01:23:22,117 --> 01:23:24,284
- I finally converted one.
1851
01:23:24,637 --> 01:23:25,720
- Not really.
1852
01:23:26,143 --> 01:23:30,141
I was thinking about MarioLopez, the whole time.
1853
01:23:30,141 --> 01:23:31,474
- Ha, thank you.
1854
01:23:40,293 --> 01:23:43,293
(upbeat rock music)
1855
01:23:51,011 --> 01:23:54,148
♫ Well your head's down,you've turned around
1856
01:23:54,148 --> 01:23:56,948
♫ Everybody knows what's going down
1857
01:23:56,948 --> 01:23:59,948
♫ And you sit there
1858
01:24:02,861 --> 01:24:06,027
♫ With your hands tied around your drink
1859
01:24:06,027 --> 01:24:08,980
♫ The longer you go the farther you sink
1860
01:24:08,980 --> 01:24:13,147
♫ But you sit there waitingfor the world to change
1861
01:24:14,359 --> 01:24:18,108
♫ It's your life and you are
1862
01:24:19,387 --> 01:24:22,307
♫ So what are you waiting for
1863
01:24:22,307 --> 01:24:25,571
♫ Do you want me here for you
1864
01:24:25,571 --> 01:24:28,490
♫ What are you waiting for
1865
01:24:28,490 --> 01:24:31,762
♫ I think you want me to
1866
01:24:31,762 --> 01:24:34,499
♫ Take you by the hand
1867
01:24:34,499 --> 01:24:37,570
♫ And show you what to do
1868
01:24:37,570 --> 01:24:40,579
♫ What are you waiting for
1869
01:24:40,579 --> 01:24:43,828
♫ Another lame excuse
1870
01:24:45,474 --> 01:24:48,474
♫ It's not too late
1871
01:24:49,102 --> 01:24:51,701
♫ So what are you waiting for
1872
01:24:51,701 --> 01:24:54,822
♫ Do you want me here for you
1873
01:24:54,822 --> 01:24:57,789
♫ What are you waiting for
1874
01:24:57,789 --> 01:25:00,870
♫ Another lame excuse
1875
01:25:00,870 --> 01:25:03,549
♫ What are you waiting for
1876
01:25:03,549 --> 01:25:06,797
♫ Do you want me here for you
1877
01:25:06,797 --> 01:25:09,861
♫ What are you waiting for
1878
01:25:09,861 --> 01:25:12,908
♫ I think you want me to
1879
01:25:12,908 --> 01:25:15,789
♫ Take you by the hand
1880
01:25:15,789 --> 01:25:18,822
♫ And show you what to do
1881
01:25:18,822 --> 01:25:21,678
♫ What are you waiting for
1882
01:25:21,678 --> 01:25:24,928
♫ Another lame excuse
1883
01:25:27,020 --> 01:25:29,764
♫ What are you waiting for
1884
01:25:29,764 --> 01:25:32,749
♫ What are you waiting for
1885
01:25:32,749 --> 01:25:35,476
♫ What are you waiting for
1886
01:25:35,476 --> 01:25:39,058
♫ What are you waiting for
1887
01:25:44,264 --> 01:25:48,431
♫ I believe the two ofyou were meant to be
1888
01:25:50,175 --> 01:25:53,675
♫ In harmony for eternity
1889
01:25:56,999 --> 01:26:01,166
♫ No one has the rightto say that this is wrong
1890
01:26:02,655 --> 01:26:05,887
♫ Then you don't belong
1891
01:26:05,887 --> 01:26:09,887
♫ When the feeling is so strong
1892
01:26:10,111 --> 01:26:12,823
♫ Love is the light that leads us
1893
01:26:12,823 --> 01:26:15,990
♫ From a distant star
1894
01:26:16,319 --> 01:26:20,486
♫ Angels in the heavenslove us just the way we are
1895
01:26:22,901 --> 01:26:27,068
♫ I believe we can believein all kinds of love
1896
01:26:28,938 --> 01:26:33,105
♫ It's the hate I'll never understand
1897
01:26:35,918 --> 01:26:40,085
♫ I believe we can believein all kinds of love
1898
01:26:41,263 --> 01:26:45,430
♫ And we all have the rightto wear a wedding band
1899
01:26:48,213 --> 01:26:51,718
♫ In a world that's gone crazy
1900
01:26:51,718 --> 01:26:54,806
♫ Where push comes to shove
1901
01:26:54,806 --> 01:26:58,889
♫ I believe it's time to believe
1902
01:27:00,657 --> 01:27:03,907
♫ In all kinds of love
1903
01:27:05,106 --> 01:28:05,521
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