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1
00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:06,300
THIS is why a man returns
to the place of his birth.
2
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:11,620
I was born in a bed meself. I often
feel the pull of that! Often?
3
00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:14,200
Don't you mean always? Probably.
4
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:19,260
In the pursuit of law and order
I've had to grab my share of gonads.
5
00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:22,220
I hope he's washed his hands!
6
00:00:22,220 --> 00:00:29,400
But eventually, a man comes looking
for peace, scenery, the little pub in the next village... Gone.
7
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,000
Damn! It's a theme pub now.
8
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:38,980
Why does the Almighty permit things
like that? You can forgive the odd earthquake, but theme pubs!
9
00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:41,380
It plays Irish music.
10
00:00:41,380 --> 00:00:47,440
I can see God in all the big things,
but I often wonder about the small.
11
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:52,460
Will he know about riding a bicycle
or how to make a good cup of tea?
12
00:00:52,460 --> 00:00:57,220
Me mum could make a good cup
of tea...when she were sober.
13
00:00:57,220 --> 00:01:04,440
I remember your mother.
When was she sober? From Tuesday till they opened on Friday.
14
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,140
As long as that?!
15
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:47,220
I'm reminded of the old saying that
nothing good comes without effort.
16
00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:52,280
But that was before they'd heard
about careers in senior management.
17
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:57,400
What's that long, creepy thing?
..No, not Truly, the other one.
18
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:02,500
It's a centipede. After all those
years in the city, even I know that.
19
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:09,020
It's got a hundred legs.
Just like the bloke that's next to you on a crowded bus.
20
00:02:09,020 --> 00:02:11,920
They don't have EXACTLY a hundred.
21
00:02:13,140 --> 00:02:17,660
They DO.
That's why it's called a centipede.
22
00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:24,160
But are you a reliable witness?
I was Sergeant Truelove CID. Truly of the Yard.
23
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:29,460
Famous for being accurate except,
when necessary, in the witness box.
24
00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:35,780
Now, repeat after me,
"Centipedes do NOT have exactly one hundred legs."
25
00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,840
All right. Ninety-nine...PLUS ONE!
26
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:43,900
It's just a rough description.
Not meant to be taken too seriously.
27
00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:49,300
Like the marriage vows these days.
It's got ONE HUNDRED legs!
28
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:54,360
I think it's marvellous the way
it keeps them under control.
29
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:58,400
I've got two legs
and I can get THEM entangled.
30
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:05,180
Look at him poking around
with that creepy-crawly. I'd sooner have dead people any time!
31
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:07,700
I'm counting its legs.
32
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:10,520
Here, I'll hold it, you count 'em.
33
00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:16,600
No, don't hurt it! Who's hurting
it? I know how to handle it.
34
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:23,600
Nobody else is going
to handle it. Oh, and what about the things tha's had to handle?
35
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:27,580
A policeman's lot
is not always a happy one.
36
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:31,760
I made it 78.
37
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:38,740
And I'm a trained police observer
with commendations for the neat appearance of my notebook.
38
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:46,140
You were nowhere NEAR its legs.
You were far away enough to send it a postcard! It could be poisonous!
39
00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:49,560
It's NOT poisonous.
Maybe not to you.
40
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:55,120
One bite of you and that's it -
on its back with 78 feet in the air.
41
00:03:55,120 --> 00:04:00,140
It can't be 78 otherwise they'd
call it a seventy-eightipede!
42
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:05,220
No, they wouldn't. They'd open it
out to the nearest round figure.
43
00:04:05,220 --> 00:04:12,720
Speaking of round figures, did you
see Nora this morning? She did look smart. Can you tell the difference?
44
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,020
It's her legs - no wrinkles.
45
00:04:16,020 --> 00:04:23,040
Can we not talk too much about the
ladies? I swore an oath of chastity after my divorce.
46
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:28,420
Now I'm dedicated to eradicating
evil and pursuing the perfect pint.
47
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:35,480
Why did she divorce thee? I think
she resented my being prettier than she was. It was so unfair.
48
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:39,680
I used to say, "Mabel, everybody's
prettier than you."
49
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:43,740
Looks like you're on your own
with the ladies.
50
00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:48,780
I'll manage, Norm. I know me duty.
..Why has tha never liked women?
51
00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:53,300
Well, I had a bad experience.
Tha still got married.
52
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,780
That was it.
53
00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:02,360
She moved when they pulled down
Emsley Street. I remember.
54
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:07,800
They should have left Emsley Street
and pulled down the people there!
55
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:12,920
He left her shortly afterwards
to better himself in insurance.
56
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,580
He once sold ME a policy.
57
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:18,580
Oh, did he make any...
58
00:05:18,580 --> 00:05:21,420
suggestions?
59
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:25,220
He suggested I bought more insurance.
60
00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:30,200
Oh. He had a reputation for
being forward with female clients.
61
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,260
Not in MY house, he didn't.
62
00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:39,820
Some people were getting more visits
than he could possibly account for by the premiums.
63
00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:44,220
Hey up! I told thee...
64
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:46,580
no wrinkles!
65
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:49,240
Don't you be looking at me legs!
66
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:53,740
Well, it beats looking at that hat.
Sit yourself down!
67
00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:57,820
Sit down at the table
and I'll bring your tea over!
68
00:05:57,820 --> 00:06:01,900
By heck! You get escorted
to your table now!
69
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:08,120
Do you always take him into places?
He should be outside tied to a drainpipe.
70
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,000
He'd only bark at passers-by.
71
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,700
I would, Norm.
Oof! Oww-ww-wwwww!
72
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:25,540
Hey up, I bet HE'S a laugh a minute.
He's not bothering YOU. There isn't a bother in him.
73
00:06:25,540 --> 00:06:29,080
Maybe he's from Harrogate.
74
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:33,100
I've seen him somewhere...
He's familiar.
75
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:38,160
Hey up, are we going to have a bun?
Not till you wash your hands.
76
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:44,140
What's wrong with me hands? You've
just been handling centipedes. Only gently.
77
00:06:44,140 --> 00:06:45,700
Oh, yes!
78
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,100
Oh, I like the legs, Nora!
79
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:51,120
A touch o' class!
80
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,000
Ohh!
81
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:59,280
Three buns, please. Who's paying?
Not me. I held the centipede.
82
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,140
I counted the legs. Wrongly.
83
00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:06,380
We'll have three buns, Ivy.
84
00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:13,040
It's easier paying than listening
to them. I want something big and sticky-fingered.
85
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,880
Like your Kevin?
Oh, he went straight.
86
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:22,340
Straight into somebody else's house.
He changed when he got married.
87
00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:25,580
Into a suit.
88
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:32,980
He does. He looks familiar.
It's his personality.
89
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:37,420
Probably reminds you of a wardrobe
or a switched-off TV.
90
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,860
MOTOR CHUGS
91
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,700
Way-hey! A little cracker!
92
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,900
STAIR CREAKS
93
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,700
Where do you think you're going?
94
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:28,000
For a stroll, my love. Stroll round
the best bedroom, with a duster.
95
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:34,540
I've just BEEN round with a duster.
Did you do the top of the wardrobe? Yes, I did.
96
00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:41,020
Yesterday I did the top
of the wardrobe, and there wasn't any more dust on it then.
97
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:46,540
If I find any fluff under that bed...
Fluff?! We don't even have DUST.
98
00:08:46,540 --> 00:08:51,600
As every fleck comes in,
I'm waiting to pounce on it.
99
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:55,120
I know what YOU'RE waiting
to pounce on.
100
00:08:55,120 --> 00:09:01,620
Do you realise, we're almost
a dustless environment. We're nearly sterile.
101
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:06,780
I ought to go for a stroll -
just to breathe a few germs.
102
00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:16,920
When I said put on your working
clothes, I didn't mean a suit!
103
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:21,920
These ARE me working clothes.
You can't help me father in a suit.
104
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:27,280
Do I have to help your father on me
day off? He's behind in his project.
105
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:32,780
I thought we could go for a drive
or something. Ooh, let's do that!
106
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:38,380
Ohh... Later, when you've helped me
dad. Now, put on some dirty clothes.
107
00:09:38,380 --> 00:09:45,320
I don't HAVE any dirty clothes.
Oh, don't tell me father. He'll think you're unnatural.
108
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,720
..And watch WHERE you're strolling.
109
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,420
Where ARE you going?
110
00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:57,960
Wherever the spirit leads.
Especially not there.
111
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:05,840
You're not letting him go
in broad daylight?
112
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:10,680
I can't keep him indoors.
There must be something he could do.
113
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:14,040
Believe me, I've tried.
114
00:10:24,472 --> 00:10:26,572
Excuse me. Now what?
115
00:10:26,572 --> 00:10:30,692
What are you playing at?
I've finished MY bun.
116
00:10:30,692 --> 00:10:36,692
We heard. It sounded like someone
in a rubber Mac being sucked through a revolving door.
117
00:10:36,692 --> 00:10:42,772
It's not fair to torment
other people with pieces of bun! It's not tormenting Clegg.
118
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:45,972
Clegg is not easily excited.
119
00:10:45,972 --> 00:10:48,512
Oh, it's nice of you to say so.
120
00:10:48,512 --> 00:10:55,552
I attribute it all to the benefits
of a low-temperature marriage and regular cocoa.
121
00:10:55,552 --> 00:11:01,112
It puzzles me how tha ever managed
to get married in the first place.
122
00:11:01,112 --> 00:11:03,692
Oh, it wasn't the FIRST place.
123
00:11:03,692 --> 00:11:08,852
It was the third or fourth,
and even then, SHE had to ask ME.
124
00:11:08,852 --> 00:11:13,612
Having said that,
she turned out quite well, really.
125
00:11:13,612 --> 00:11:17,132
I was never short
of a change of vest.
126
00:11:17,132 --> 00:11:21,352
She used to warm my underwear...
every Tuesday...
127
00:11:21,352 --> 00:11:25,392
on a clotheshorse
in front of the fire.
128
00:11:25,392 --> 00:11:27,992
It's amazing how close you get.
129
00:11:29,152 --> 00:11:35,732
The former Mrs Truelove
was made of sterner stuff... until I made her wash her own vests.
130
00:11:35,732 --> 00:11:40,652
Tha did HER washing?! I just
dropped her things in with mine.
131
00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:47,172
Now don't YOU start staring
into space. We've enough with him!
132
00:11:47,172 --> 00:11:50,212
If there IS a heaven...
133
00:11:50,212 --> 00:11:56,592
I hope there's a corner somewhere
on wet winter nights with a coal fire
134
00:11:56,592 --> 00:12:01,952
and respectable married garments
drying together on a clotheshorse.
135
00:12:18,192 --> 00:12:23,012
I wish you'd had some old clothes.
I'm wearing overalls.
136
00:12:23,012 --> 00:12:27,252
Me father'll think
you're wearing a suit!
137
00:12:27,252 --> 00:12:28,432
BANG!
138
00:12:30,372 --> 00:12:36,852
You're not going to send me
in there? I wouldn't - not for anybody but me father.
139
00:12:36,852 --> 00:12:41,912
I'll keep checking up on you.
Don't touch anything electrical.
140
00:12:41,912 --> 00:12:44,352
I'll be off, then.
141
00:12:52,232 --> 00:12:59,412
It's no good, love. I can't send you
in there. I'd do anything for you, but preferably in a suit.
142
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,192
BANG!
143
00:13:04,812 --> 00:13:07,912
Great! Great stuff!
144
00:13:12,852 --> 00:13:16,452
How long
is he just going to sit there?
145
00:13:16,452 --> 00:13:23,452
He looks familiar. He should do.
He's been there an hour. I'm going to ask him who he is.
146
00:13:23,452 --> 00:13:27,192
Hang on! You can't do that!
147
00:13:27,192 --> 00:13:31,352
That's being nosy.
Go and ask the ladies who he is.
148
00:13:34,852 --> 00:13:37,672
SHOP!!
149
00:13:39,532 --> 00:13:42,732
Come here.
What do you want?
150
00:13:42,732 --> 00:13:44,852
It's personal.
151
00:13:44,852 --> 00:13:50,852
I'm not falling for that!
When HE gets personal, you're struggling for your life!
152
00:13:50,852 --> 00:13:53,392
I'll put me hands in me pocket.
153
00:13:53,392 --> 00:13:58,912
One false move and we'll fillet you
and put you under the grill!
154
00:13:58,912 --> 00:14:04,652
I'm better under a low light
on a well-sprung sofa. What DO you want?
155
00:14:04,652 --> 00:14:07,112
(Who is HE?)
156
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:12,672
(We've no idea, except
he comes in every Wednesday.)
157
00:14:12,672 --> 00:14:19,712
(I've seen him somewhere. His face
is familiar. Tha's right, lass. I'VE seen him somewhere.)
158
00:14:26,612 --> 00:14:30,692
Howard! What are you doing out
at this time?
159
00:14:30,692 --> 00:14:38,192
I hope you've not thrown all caution
to the winds and come to carry me off beyond my furthest expectations.
160
00:14:38,192 --> 00:14:43,252
I'd have to be back for teatime.
There's a always a snag.
161
00:14:43,252 --> 00:14:48,812
I'm on top of all me chores. She
couldn't find anything for me to do.
162
00:14:48,812 --> 00:14:53,452
I don't like you seeing me
in this scruffy overall.
163
00:14:53,452 --> 00:14:57,952
You look ravishing!
I don't know about ravishing...
164
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,712
Oh, I don't know, though.
165
00:15:01,712 --> 00:15:09,432
Are you sure you've finished
all your jobs? Listen, when it comes to housework, I'm hell on wheels.
166
00:15:09,432 --> 00:15:12,052
Ohh, Howard...!
167
00:15:12,052 --> 00:15:14,632
Ohh, Marina...!
168
00:15:14,632 --> 00:15:17,032
Oh, crikey!
169
00:15:31,812 --> 00:15:35,032
I've seen thee afore.
170
00:15:35,032 --> 00:15:40,812
I come here every Wednesday. Long
afore that. The name escapes me.
171
00:15:40,812 --> 00:15:44,612
Duckworth. Duckworth...
Don't go away.
172
00:15:46,192 --> 00:15:50,732
He's a Duckworth.
Well, I suppose somebody has to be.
173
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:54,772
Doesn't ring a bell.
I never forget a name...
174
00:15:54,772 --> 00:15:59,752
except mine, occasionally,
in the pursuit of the perfect pint.
175
00:15:59,752 --> 00:16:02,292
I knew a Gladys Duckworth.
176
00:16:02,292 --> 00:16:07,312
He's probably lovelier than her,
but I don't think he's a Gladys.
177
00:16:07,312 --> 00:16:12,312
She were lovely, my Gladys! She
could open bottles with her teeth.
178
00:16:12,312 --> 00:16:14,852
You've had women with teeth?!
179
00:16:14,852 --> 00:16:19,832
Stick around, kid,
I'll show thee all the moves.
180
00:16:19,832 --> 00:16:23,752
I wonder where he's from...
181
00:16:23,752 --> 00:16:25,892
I'll ask him.
182
00:16:26,992 --> 00:16:31,972
Where does tha come from?
Golden Meadow Gardens.
183
00:16:33,112 --> 00:16:35,712
He's from Golden Meadow Gardens.
184
00:16:35,712 --> 00:16:42,272
Nobody lives in a place
called Golden Meadow Gardens! That's what he said.
185
00:16:42,272 --> 00:16:50,672
People live in places like Station
Road or High Street or Crocketts Terrace, not Golden Meadow Gardens!
186
00:16:50,672 --> 00:16:55,412
Don't mention houses.
I lost a good house in the divorce.
187
00:16:55,412 --> 00:17:00,292
I wonder what kind of swine's
washing her vests there now?
188
00:17:00,292 --> 00:17:02,712
He still loves her!
189
00:17:02,712 --> 00:17:07,032
I deny that.
I've got witnesses - her mother.
190
00:17:07,032 --> 00:17:10,072
Her mother says I never loved her.
191
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:14,592
I mean, writing Golden
Meadow Gardens on an envelope
192
00:17:14,592 --> 00:17:18,672
is enough to seriously disturb
your hormonal drive.
193
00:17:18,672 --> 00:17:24,112
Even THAT'S a better address -
number 23, Hormonal Drive.
194
00:17:24,112 --> 00:17:28,192
I never loved her mother,
that's for sure.
195
00:17:28,192 --> 00:17:35,212
That woman could arouse in me
thoughts incompatible with being a policeman. Only THOUGHTS, mark you.
196
00:17:35,212 --> 00:17:39,252
Besides, where could you hide a body
that size?
197
00:17:39,252 --> 00:17:45,072
I wonder where he lived before
Golden Meadow Gardens? I'll ask him.
198
00:17:45,072 --> 00:17:49,772
..Where did tha live
before Golden Meadow Gardens?
199
00:17:49,772 --> 00:17:52,132
Milton Street.
200
00:17:54,672 --> 00:17:58,212
Milton Street.
Now we're getting somewhere.
201
00:17:58,212 --> 00:18:02,212
As long as it's not
Golden Meadow Gardens.
202
00:18:03,632 --> 00:18:08,072
Why CAN'T he help your father?
Mother, look at him!
203
00:18:08,072 --> 00:18:15,092
I keep him immaculate.
How can I let him help me father? Would YOU let him help me father?
204
00:18:15,092 --> 00:18:19,732
I have to put up with the condition
your father gets into.
205
00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:25,472
But you keep him outside. I don't
want to keep my Barry outside.
206
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:28,392
You will when he gets like your dad.
207
00:18:28,392 --> 00:18:33,392
I could do his clerical work.
I wouldn't mind doing his paperwork.
208
00:18:33,392 --> 00:18:38,732
The nearest he gets to paperwork
is standing on it in my kitchen!
209
00:18:39,832 --> 00:18:44,372
Have you seen a small husband
wearing a large smile?
210
00:18:44,372 --> 00:18:50,872
What's he doing out at this hour?
He's finished his chores. Ooh, they do get tricky.
211
00:18:50,872 --> 00:18:53,212
I've run out of work for him.
212
00:18:53,212 --> 00:18:58,672
Funny you should say that. WE know
somebody who needs some work doing.
213
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,712
His first name is Bruce.
214
00:19:02,712 --> 00:19:05,092
..It suits him.
215
00:19:05,092 --> 00:19:08,312
Like a big, quiet golden retriever.
216
00:19:08,312 --> 00:19:08,372
He's like a big lump. I've seen
more action on mortuary slabs. What's he doing here?
217
00:19:08,372 --> 00:19:14,712
It were his day off. He comes here
each Wednesday. He were a Duckworth.
218
00:19:19,832 --> 00:19:22,592
His mother were an Oglethorpe.
219
00:19:22,592 --> 00:19:29,572
You know who he is, then.
He's one of the Duckworths that were at school when we were.
220
00:19:29,572 --> 00:19:32,372
What was his nickname? Scruffy kid.
221
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:36,352
Oh, that narrows it down.
We were ALL scruffy.
222
00:19:36,352 --> 00:19:43,412
Aye, we were ALL scruffy,
except for one or two tulips whose mothers should have known better.
223
00:19:43,412 --> 00:19:47,392
I'm trying to think of his nickname!
I remember yours -
224
00:19:47,392 --> 00:19:49,812
Shirley Temple!
225
00:19:49,812 --> 00:19:54,072
Only while he was wearing
his little sailor suit.
226
00:19:54,072 --> 00:19:58,672
It was a very macho
little sailor suit.
227
00:19:58,672 --> 00:20:02,772
The things you have to do
to attract a bit of custom.
228
00:20:02,772 --> 00:20:07,312
You're at the mercy of the greed
of the man in the street.
229
00:20:07,312 --> 00:20:11,512
You can't remove people's cash
without an anaesthetic!
230
00:20:21,672 --> 00:20:24,332
Hello! Here comes a live one.
231
00:20:24,332 --> 00:20:32,192
This'll teach him to idle about in
broad daylight. Dick Turpin is alive and well and lurking in my shop!
232
00:20:53,672 --> 00:20:59,692
Suspect was well-built.
No distinguishing features except a dirty nose.
233
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:03,732
Navy-blue jersey.
Always sitting on Myrtle Hobson.
234
00:21:03,732 --> 00:21:08,772
That were me. Oh, was it? Well,
he was always sitting on somebody.
235
00:21:08,772 --> 00:21:11,392
Doreen Patterson.
236
00:21:12,812 --> 00:21:15,832
HE can't be Doreen Patterson!
237
00:21:15,832 --> 00:21:19,212
Not HIM.
That's who he used to sit on.
238
00:21:20,352 --> 00:21:24,132
Coggie! His nickname was Coggie.
239
00:21:24,132 --> 00:21:25,912
Hey up.
240
00:21:25,912 --> 00:21:28,272
I remember Coggie!
241
00:21:28,272 --> 00:21:33,292
That's right. Coggie. Now it looks
as if he's got a handkerchief.
242
00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:40,332
Coggie! It is! It's Coggie!
243
00:21:40,332 --> 00:21:44,592
I've not been called that
for a while. Who are YOU?
244
00:21:44,592 --> 00:21:49,072
Who are WE?
Coggie, tha MUST remember us!
245
00:21:49,072 --> 00:21:54,372
Little Herbie Truelove.
Shirley Temple.
246
00:21:54,372 --> 00:21:56,192
Cleggy.
247
00:21:58,612 --> 00:22:03,212
And tha MUST remember me -
young Simmonite.
248
00:22:03,212 --> 00:22:09,712
Used to let you look at his ringworm
for a ha'penny. Tha could touch it for a penny.
249
00:22:09,712 --> 00:22:14,392
He was doing great
till everybody got ringworm.
250
00:22:14,392 --> 00:22:19,032
Hang on a minute. You must remember
this. Anybody got a pen?
251
00:22:27,072 --> 00:22:30,592
Right. Who was always doing this?
252
00:22:32,612 --> 00:22:36,032
Would you like a gottle of geer?
253
00:22:36,032 --> 00:22:39,072
Yeah! Simmonite!
254
00:22:39,072 --> 00:22:41,932
Bill Simmonite! Oh, ho! Ah, ha-ha!
255
00:22:41,932 --> 00:22:46,732
Oh, the sun has got his hat on!
Hip, hip, hip, hooray!
256
00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:53,892
The sun has got his hat on
and he's coming to out to play... What the blood and stomach pills?!
257
00:22:53,892 --> 00:22:56,052
OUT!
258
00:23:08,192 --> 00:23:10,912
It's a lesson to all of us.
259
00:23:10,912 --> 00:23:17,432
If anybody needed a lesson, it's you.
But what, particularly, is the lesson for US?
260
00:23:17,432 --> 00:23:22,932
Coggie. He's just sitting there.
And that's on his day off.
261
00:23:22,932 --> 00:23:27,952
I suppose the rest of his week
is equally unexciting.
262
00:23:27,952 --> 00:23:32,112
You can get used to unexciting.
Well, we shouldn't.
263
00:23:32,112 --> 00:23:37,492
We should make a vow here and now
never to settle for unexciting.
264
00:23:37,492 --> 00:23:42,232
Life after the former Mrs Truelove
has been unexciting.
265
00:23:42,232 --> 00:23:46,312
I still think
she's got my spare handcuffs.
266
00:23:48,172 --> 00:23:55,192
He were always such a lively lad.
You can't expect him to be still sitting on Doreen Patterson.
267
00:23:55,192 --> 00:23:59,212
Why not?
That's the trouble with growing up.
268
00:23:59,212 --> 00:24:04,312
What do YOU know about growing up?
You never made it. And I never will.
269
00:24:04,312 --> 00:24:09,392
You've got to keep accepting
life's challenges. Or else...
270
00:24:09,392 --> 00:24:11,432
Or else what?
271
00:24:11,432 --> 00:24:13,412
Coggie.
272
00:24:21,592 --> 00:24:23,752
BANG!
273
00:24:23,752 --> 00:24:31,292
METALLIC SPLUTTERING
What was that?! I don't know, but I hope it's never widely available.
274
00:24:31,292 --> 00:24:35,332
It sounds like
a couple of chain saws mating.
275
00:24:35,332 --> 00:24:39,592
Enough's enough! That's it!
Finished! Done!
276
00:24:39,592 --> 00:24:46,452
I don't care what she says!
I'm going back to housework! I'll find something!
277
00:24:46,452 --> 00:24:50,972
Howard, what's tha doing?!
I've been helping Wesley.
278
00:24:50,972 --> 00:24:55,012
That explains it.
..Of course, he could be lying.
279
00:24:55,012 --> 00:24:57,472
Where are you going?!
280
00:24:57,472 --> 00:25:00,192
Home! To do a bit of housework!
281
00:25:00,192 --> 00:25:02,912
I thought you'd done it all!
282
00:25:02,912 --> 00:25:05,412
I'll do it again!
283
00:25:05,412 --> 00:25:10,072
How do, lads!
I'm looking for a volunteer.
284
00:25:11,632 --> 00:25:13,612
I'll volunteer.
285
00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:21,112
You don't even know what it is!
I'm not going to end up like Coggie.
286
00:25:21,112 --> 00:25:23,692
What IS your new machine, Wesley?
287
00:25:23,692 --> 00:25:27,992
It's a gem, lads.
It's something I'm REALLY proud of.
288
00:25:27,992 --> 00:25:31,632
An 'eavy-duty garden sucker/blower.
289
00:25:31,632 --> 00:25:37,212
I can do that. I can handle
a heavy-duty sucker/blower.
290
00:25:37,212 --> 00:25:41,412
Handle one?
You once nearly married one.
291
00:25:43,212 --> 00:25:47,352
It's a bit hefty, Wesley.
You'll get used to it.
292
00:25:47,352 --> 00:25:50,412
I told you - it's heavy duty.
293
00:25:52,552 --> 00:25:56,512
How many leaves do you want?
That should do her.
294
00:25:56,512 --> 00:25:58,992
Should make a mouthful for her.
295
00:26:01,772 --> 00:26:08,392
Remember Pearl Harbor.
You're right. He'd be ideal for dropping on a battleship.
296
00:26:08,392 --> 00:26:10,612
Right.
297
00:26:13,632 --> 00:26:20,612
Right, I'll start her,
and when you're ready for vacuuming, you just press that switch.
298
00:26:23,172 --> 00:26:25,632
MOTOR COUGHS AND CHUGS
299
00:26:28,312 --> 00:26:30,792
Right, switch her on!
300
00:26:40,352 --> 00:26:42,832
She's a little cracker!
301
00:26:42,832 --> 00:26:49,392
OK. Now we'll try how she blows.
We're not picking up all those leaves again.
302
00:26:49,392 --> 00:26:52,452
No problem.
We'll try somewhere else.
303
00:26:54,672 --> 00:26:59,632
That's right. ..Hey, there's a man
going in your house.
304
00:26:59,632 --> 00:27:04,012
Oh, it's all right.
I think it's one of ours. ..Oi!
305
00:27:06,072 --> 00:27:08,672
You can get that lot off out here!
306
00:27:08,672 --> 00:27:15,792
You're not going indoors like that!
Did you come straight home? Of course I came straight home!
307
00:27:36,432 --> 00:27:40,872
All right, lads, let's try it here.
This is good.
308
00:27:40,872 --> 00:27:43,392
Right. Switch it on to blow.
309
00:27:43,392 --> 00:27:46,372
SUCKER/BLOWER ROARS
310
00:27:48,032 --> 00:27:51,832
AA-AAGH!!
311
00:27:52,912 --> 00:27:57,032
I must send the former Mrs Truelove
one of those.
312
00:27:57,032 --> 00:28:00,452
I bet you'd take her back. Never.
313
00:28:00,452 --> 00:28:07,452
Not unless we shared the ironing.
I know I'm being hard, but I've had to become like that.
314
00:28:07,452 --> 00:28:11,552
Only half the ironing?
Now, that's REALLY hard.
315
00:28:11,552 --> 00:28:17,292
A man of granite,
is Truly of the Yard. Of course, he could be lying.
316
00:28:17,342 --> 00:28:21,892
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