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1
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HORN BLOWS TUNELESSLY
2
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HORN BLOWS LOUDLY
3
00:00:16,540 --> 00:00:19,300
Absolute bargain
from Aunty Wainwright's.
4
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:27,240
I got genuine hog's hair shaving
brush to go with my electric razor.
5
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,860
An authentic historical artefact.
6
00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:32,980
The hunting horn of
Sir Guy of Yorkshire.
7
00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:37,120
Known and feared locally
as Sir Big Guy of Yorkshire.
8
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,900
Oh, I think I've met him.
9
00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:42,200
He's the guy who keeps
the door at the Nag's Head.
10
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,740
Don't scoff.
11
00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:47,200
I have a signed
certificate of authenticity.
12
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,720
Signed by who?
13
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,920
Sir Big Guy himself.
14
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,920
Oh, if he can write,
he's not the man who keeps the door at the Nag's Head.
15
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,800
What are you doing over there?
16
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,560
Came by river.
17
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,500
Could one ask why?
18
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:05,400
I suspected we were being followed
in the High Street.
19
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,560
I have a nose for these things.
20
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,620
Always listen to your nose.
21
00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:12,200
Sooner than to anybody else's,
I agree.
22
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,960
HORN BLOWS LOUDLY
23
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,700
Shut that noise!
24
00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:22,700
If you want to blow your brains out,
be my guest, but not round here.
25
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:26,380
You sound like the Manchester
Express coming through!
26
00:01:26,380 --> 00:01:31,560
I bet you've changed every point
as far as Sheffield. Now shut it!
27
00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:39,100
Why is that tormented creature
so unhappy?
28
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:42,660
She's a bit fierce
on account of stopping smoking.
29
00:01:42,660 --> 00:01:46,280
Just be thankful
she wasn't in bad mood.
30
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,520
She gets worse?
31
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,380
You daren't look.
32
00:01:50,380 --> 00:01:52,800
Which is great
for security purposes.
33
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,400
She scares burglars.
34
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,400
She scares me and I'm inscrutable.
35
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,760
HORN BLOWS
36
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,320
Is that not truly stirring?
37
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,480
Does that not say "Merry England"?
38
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,600
Chivalry, colour, knights, ladies.
39
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,780
Black Death.
40
00:02:52,780 --> 00:02:56,880
You're inclined to be morose with
wet feet. I've noticed this before.
41
00:02:56,880 --> 00:03:00,400
Entwistle does not do good wet.
42
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,320
Mother said stay dry.
43
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,200
Ah-ha. You had a mother, see.
44
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,000
I had to cope alone.
45
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,820
All I've got is a horn.
46
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:10,660
But no matter.
It shall be a great horn.
47
00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:13,860
What are you going to do with it?
Do with it? I'm going to blow it.
48
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:19,220
Ho-ho. The hills will resound to
the horn of Sir Big Guy of Yorkshire,
49
00:03:19,220 --> 00:03:23,940
inventor of the flat cap, breeder
of whippets to the courts of Europe.
50
00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:27,280
Aunty told you that, did she?
She has all the details.
51
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,780
Show him certificate.
52
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,420
Blah blah blah...
53
00:03:34,420 --> 00:03:41,060
"By loyalty and daring he rose
to be Keeper of the King's Ferrets
54
00:03:41,060 --> 00:03:46,660
"until foully slain one black day
at a tripe tasting in Pontefract.
55
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:50,280
"The only time he was
without his horn."
56
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,740
Read it.
57
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,740
Shouldn't this be on vellum?
58
00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:59,100
He was from Yorkshire.
He was economising.
59
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:01,700
He didn't spend much
on his ballpoint either.
60
00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:07,660
If he'd had this with him on that
fateful day, it could have saved him.
61
00:04:07,660 --> 00:04:13,360
And now, where this failed for
Sir Big Guy, let it serve for us.
62
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,680
This will be our rallying call.
63
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,120
HE BLOWS TUNELESSLY
64
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,540
HE COUGHS
65
00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:29,620
One lung's never been the same
since I was forced to go for weeks
66
00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:33,340
without a vest
while undercover as an Eskimo.
67
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:36,840
I was spying on Russian
movements in the Arctic Circle.
68
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,540
Without his vest.
69
00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:42,280
I used it for bandaging
an injured polar bear.
70
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:45,300
Aw!
71
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:49,400
We used it to infiltrate
their defences.
72
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:56,520
So somewhere
in the Arctic Circle is a loyal polar bear wearing your vest.
73
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,440
Only strips of it.
74
00:04:58,440 --> 00:04:59,960
Now, listen up.
75
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:03,200
This henceforward will be our signal.
76
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,720
Oh, lucky us!
77
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,960
HE BLOWS THE HORN
78
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,200
KNOCKING ON CEILING
79
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,600
Poor soul. How sad.
80
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,840
A bundle of frustrations.
81
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,600
Not bad at nasty as well.
82
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,080
The woman needs some joy in her life.
83
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,820
Doesn't do joy. Does menace.
84
00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:25,260
Well, we must do something
for this woman.
85
00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:28,780
Why are we here
if not to spread a little happiness?
86
00:05:28,780 --> 00:05:31,600
Minding own business
springs to mind.
87
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,900
Suffering humanity is our business.
88
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:37,240
I never knew that.
Did you know that?
89
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,080
Nobody told me.
90
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,940
I've just told you.
91
00:05:41,940 --> 00:05:46,080
Relax. I'll steer you through.
And this time with your vest.
92
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,640
Never leaves my side.
93
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,280
How is polar bear?
94
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:51,920
Oh, fine.
95
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,280
We still write occasionally.
96
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,380
Polar bear writes?
97
00:05:56,380 --> 00:06:02,500
No, it can't write. It just sends
its pad-mark on a postcard.
98
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,440
What does it do for stamps?
99
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,660
That's still classified.
100
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,440
A polar bear that writes!
101
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,600
Morning, you two.
102
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,640
Feels like we're almost neighbours.
103
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,180
I seem to be nearly living here now.
104
00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:34,460
What are you doing
here at this hour?
105
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:37,720
Oh, Toby lets me help him.
At this hour?
106
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,080
Only if I keep quiet.
107
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,200
He's still in bed.
108
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,980
Oh.
109
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:47,800
It's you that starts these rumours.
110
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,000
Good morning, Glenda.
111
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,480
Good morning, Toby.
112
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:52,520
Barry.
113
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,800
Good morning, my captain.
114
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,440
Don't overdo it. It's only golf.
115
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,500
He's not docking the QE2.
116
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:05,600
And what little goodies are you
planning for breakfast, Morton?
117
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,000
I thought...cereal.
118
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,840
No.
119
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,660
No, you weren't planning cereal.
120
00:07:13,660 --> 00:07:18,380
I see you as someone planning
sausage and bacon.
121
00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:24,460
And a few baked beans,
I think, don't you?
122
00:07:24,460 --> 00:07:27,360
The newly-divorced
man's best friend.
123
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,760
Why does Morton do it?
124
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,740
Morton loves to be needed.
125
00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:37,440
Morton has needs of his own.
We shouldn't interfere.
126
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,960
Yes, we should.
127
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,480
Just what I was thinking.
128
00:07:45,580 --> 00:07:49,840
Right now,
I want you to memorise this signal.
129
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,260
I want it engraving on your mind.
130
00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:55,860
This will be our signal.
131
00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:58,800
We've got a signal.
I bet you didn't know that, did you?
132
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,700
Can we exchange it for cash?
133
00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:04,260
You may learn to like
having a signal.
134
00:08:04,260 --> 00:08:06,960
It could be company for your
hog's hair shaving brush.
135
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,700
I told her I use electric razor.
136
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:13,080
I bet you were surprised when you
found you'd bought a shaving brush.
137
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:15,340
She tried it first on my face.
138
00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:17,760
"Of course,"
she said, "it has to be wet."
139
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,200
And you were. Yes.
140
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,660
Off!
141
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,240
Never mind all this babbling.
142
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,780
Can I have your attention?
143
00:08:28,780 --> 00:08:32,780
Now, I propose one long,
sustained note,
144
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:36,840
and when you hear the horn go
"brr-brr, brr-brr"
145
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,840
that means, "To me, team, now."
146
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,680
You drop everything.
147
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,720
HE BLOWS THE HORN LOUDLY
148
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,400
CAR CRASHES
149
00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:59,709
Morton always looks so lonely.
150
00:08:59,709 --> 00:09:03,969
He's got Toby. He's got Toby's
washing, ironing and gardening.
151
00:09:03,969 --> 00:09:05,729
Morton loves it.
152
00:09:05,729 --> 00:09:08,089
He should have someone of his own.
153
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,369
He needs a good woman.
154
00:09:10,369 --> 00:09:12,089
We ought to find him one.
155
00:09:12,089 --> 00:09:14,849
He couldn't keep the one he had.
156
00:09:14,849 --> 00:09:18,029
Then it's time he had a good one.
157
00:09:18,029 --> 00:09:21,009
I'm not getting involved
in anyone's private life.
158
00:09:21,009 --> 00:09:25,069
Barry! No, I tell a lie.
159
00:09:25,069 --> 00:09:28,489
I am going to get involved
in somebody's private life.
160
00:09:28,489 --> 00:09:29,969
That's my boy!
161
00:09:42,529 --> 00:09:45,549
HORN BLOWS IN THE DISTANCE
162
00:09:45,549 --> 00:09:48,569
We're going to have to bung
that thing up.
163
00:09:48,569 --> 00:09:50,849
Him or horn?
164
00:09:50,849 --> 00:09:53,129
We should start with him.
165
00:09:53,129 --> 00:09:56,429
He could be man with silent horn.
166
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,109
As you would expect
for the Secret Service.
167
00:09:59,109 --> 00:10:01,389
HORN CONTINUES
168
00:10:10,049 --> 00:10:11,929
I've been thinking...
169
00:10:11,929 --> 00:10:13,669
We heard you.
170
00:10:13,669 --> 00:10:17,469
No good comes from thinking,
and we invented thinking.
171
00:10:17,469 --> 00:10:21,069
When one's had the good fortune
to know true love...
172
00:10:21,069 --> 00:10:24,249
Is this the leg you
buried in Siberia?
173
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,889
I don't think so.
174
00:10:25,889 --> 00:10:27,409
You don't know?
175
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:29,449
How many legs you bury?
176
00:10:29,449 --> 00:10:32,009
My memory's been interfered with.
177
00:10:32,009 --> 00:10:34,049
You know I get confused.
178
00:10:34,049 --> 00:10:36,029
There was Maris.
179
00:10:36,029 --> 00:10:39,569
I thought for a while
my true love was Maris.
180
00:10:39,569 --> 00:10:41,209
It was a lovely name.
181
00:10:41,209 --> 00:10:43,909
I knew it meant something to me.
182
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:46,189
You were in love with a Maris?
183
00:10:47,789 --> 00:10:51,889
I'd awake from a dream
whispering her name. Maris.
184
00:10:51,889 --> 00:10:53,469
Who was she?
185
00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:56,009
What had we meant to each other?
186
00:10:56,009 --> 00:10:58,689
Are we still in the Arctic Circle?
187
00:10:58,689 --> 00:11:00,209
No.
188
00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:02,689
They don't have names like Maris.
189
00:11:02,689 --> 00:11:05,769
They're all called Ug or Yek.
190
00:11:05,769 --> 00:11:08,869
Sounds like the guys
in the Nag's Head.
191
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,789
Who was the lovely Maris?
192
00:11:10,789 --> 00:11:13,869
The name was haunting me.
I couldn't sleep.
193
00:11:13,869 --> 00:11:16,609
I bought an orthopaedic mattress.
194
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,189
Are they any good?
195
00:11:18,189 --> 00:11:20,129
You have to persevere.
196
00:11:20,129 --> 00:11:24,049
I recommend you use them along
with an anti-allergy pillow.
197
00:11:24,049 --> 00:11:27,549
The other tip - use your
regular pillow under the foot.
198
00:11:27,549 --> 00:11:30,329
It helps the circulation.
199
00:11:30,329 --> 00:11:33,969
Get on with story. Where was I?
200
00:11:33,969 --> 00:11:36,609
Your circulation was needing help.
201
00:11:36,609 --> 00:11:38,149
I confess it's true.
202
00:11:38,149 --> 00:11:42,029
If you look closely,
I've got a varicose vein just here.
203
00:11:42,029 --> 00:11:45,909
Maybe that's leg you
should have buried.
204
00:11:45,909 --> 00:11:48,229
You don't get these
from being a milkman.
205
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:51,689
That comes from the tension
of years undercover.
206
00:11:51,689 --> 00:11:57,289
The only undercover you've done
is under an electric overblanket.
207
00:11:57,289 --> 00:11:59,969
So who was Maris?
208
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,169
That was another disappointment.
209
00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:05,169
I saw her name once
on a market stall.
210
00:12:06,729 --> 00:12:08,229
She was for sale.
211
00:12:09,789 --> 00:12:11,349
Maris Piper.
212
00:12:12,909 --> 00:12:15,509
She was a potato.
213
00:12:15,509 --> 00:12:17,109
You were in love with a potato?
214
00:12:18,709 --> 00:12:23,889
It was a mistake.
I can see where it might be.
215
00:12:23,889 --> 00:12:26,509
I didn't know she was a potato.
216
00:12:26,509 --> 00:12:30,569
I thought she was someone I'd spent
two magical weeks with in Pontypridd.
217
00:12:32,129 --> 00:12:34,809
Not Maris. Maybe Paris.
218
00:12:34,809 --> 00:12:36,449
You and Paris Hilton.
219
00:12:36,449 --> 00:12:39,169
Talk about birds of a feather.
220
00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:42,129
Maybe you took her to Pontypridd.
221
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:43,849
Paris Hilton?
222
00:12:43,849 --> 00:12:45,909
I don't think so.
223
00:12:45,909 --> 00:12:48,869
I can't keep those late hours
any longer.
224
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,829
If I don't get my sleep,
my eyelids twitch.
225
00:12:51,829 --> 00:12:57,109
But I do know in my heart of
hearts...I have known love.
226
00:12:57,109 --> 00:13:00,209
You just wish you
could remember with who.
227
00:13:00,209 --> 00:13:02,049
It'll come back to me.
228
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:09,209
But I remember enough to know that
everyone should experience the joy of it, and that goes for Stella.
229
00:13:09,209 --> 00:13:11,149
You know Stella.
230
00:13:11,149 --> 00:13:13,849
What is it she's short of in life?
231
00:13:13,849 --> 00:13:17,169
Patience? Wrong. Love.
232
00:13:17,169 --> 00:13:20,489
She needs her own man. She had one.
233
00:13:20,489 --> 00:13:21,949
He drank himself to death.
234
00:13:24,289 --> 00:13:27,429
She needs a drier one.
235
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:38,389
You went out yesterday.
236
00:13:38,389 --> 00:13:41,829
Well, so did you.
Not dressed like that.
237
00:13:41,829 --> 00:13:44,369
We're seeing a bit
of the countryside.
238
00:13:44,369 --> 00:13:46,089
It gets us out for an hour.
239
00:13:46,089 --> 00:13:47,729
Where's the harm?
240
00:13:47,729 --> 00:13:50,269
I think it's time I put my foot down.
241
00:13:50,269 --> 00:13:54,429
Yes, you put it down before
you put it in your mouth again.
242
00:13:59,689 --> 00:14:05,349
What are people
going to think when they see you dressed like that at your age?
243
00:14:05,349 --> 00:14:10,089
Watch it!
You're an inch from sudden death.
244
00:14:10,089 --> 00:14:12,309
I don't know who you are any more.
245
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:15,669
All these years I've been
living with a stranger.
246
00:14:15,669 --> 00:14:18,509
And I've been living
with stranger than that.
247
00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:20,549
Oh, stop fretting.
248
00:14:20,549 --> 00:14:22,429
I'll be back to get your tea.
249
00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:27,329
So how long's this
Stella been like that?
250
00:14:27,329 --> 00:14:30,329
Oh, I try not to notice ladies.
251
00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:31,889
Like what?
252
00:14:31,889 --> 00:14:33,769
Well, like Stella.
253
00:14:33,769 --> 00:14:35,749
Since she stopped smoking.
254
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:39,229
Although you could say being
scary runs in the family.
255
00:14:39,229 --> 00:14:41,929
They were all born like that.
256
00:14:41,929 --> 00:14:43,269
Fully feathered.
257
00:14:43,269 --> 00:14:48,349
Pub landladies are tricky, but when
you get one who's stopped smoking...
258
00:14:48,349 --> 00:14:52,069
Like sleeping tiger,
only bigger fangs.
259
00:14:52,069 --> 00:14:55,989
She's all right as long as you don't
poke your finger through the cage.
260
00:14:55,989 --> 00:15:00,969
Have none of you ever thought
of helping the woman? Hey.
261
00:15:00,969 --> 00:15:03,889
I was in the war. I've done my bit!
262
00:15:05,489 --> 00:15:08,669
You can't just leave her like that.
263
00:15:08,669 --> 00:15:12,769
I've never seen anyone
so starved of affection.
264
00:15:12,769 --> 00:15:14,529
She needs a partner.
265
00:15:14,529 --> 00:15:16,569
And we know just the chap.
266
00:15:16,569 --> 00:15:18,309
Norris Fairburn.
267
00:15:18,309 --> 00:15:20,789
Married three times and change.
268
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:23,509
We happen to know he's
currently on the market.
269
00:15:23,509 --> 00:15:26,389
You're wicked,
you know that, don't you?
270
00:15:26,389 --> 00:15:28,309
You see?
271
00:15:28,309 --> 00:15:30,109
We're helping already.
272
00:15:47,289 --> 00:15:50,969
What about Miss Davenport
at the library?
273
00:15:50,969 --> 00:15:52,769
You've lost me. What about her?
274
00:15:52,769 --> 00:15:55,649
For Morton. They're both unattached.
275
00:15:55,649 --> 00:15:57,369
She's not his type.
276
00:15:57,369 --> 00:15:59,509
Let him decide that.
277
00:15:59,509 --> 00:16:03,909
But Morton's so happy
up a ladder, splashing about.
278
00:16:03,909 --> 00:16:06,769
Not the same as a good relationship,
is it?
279
00:16:06,769 --> 00:16:08,969
I've just trained him in.
280
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,189
Barry, say something.
281
00:16:11,189 --> 00:16:14,269
Yes, Barry. What's your opinion?
282
00:16:14,269 --> 00:16:16,549
Well, yes, definitely.
283
00:16:16,549 --> 00:16:19,009
I think we should...
284
00:16:19,009 --> 00:16:23,649
No question we should...look
at this from every angle and...
285
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:28,309
when you do that, I think it comes
down very clearly to, um...to, um...
286
00:16:28,309 --> 00:16:29,589
I don't know.
287
00:16:30,629 --> 00:16:32,409
You do know.
288
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,309
We get him together
with Miss Davenport.
289
00:16:35,309 --> 00:16:41,169
I feel compelled to ask,
will he still be available to help me round the house?
290
00:16:41,169 --> 00:16:44,949
You'll soon get the hang
of looking after yourself.
291
00:16:44,949 --> 00:16:46,409
I can't wait.
292
00:16:56,969 --> 00:17:01,409
Is anybody going to order anything
or have you just come for the view?
293
00:17:01,409 --> 00:17:03,429
We're expecting one more.
294
00:17:03,429 --> 00:17:07,329
Oh, ye Gods,
I'll have to build an annexe!
295
00:17:11,249 --> 00:17:13,049
You want to see me?
296
00:17:13,049 --> 00:17:14,989
Join us, Norris.
297
00:17:14,989 --> 00:17:16,629
We have a proposition for you.
298
00:17:16,629 --> 00:17:18,829
Norris Fairburn?
299
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:23,909
Weren't you married to
one of Hardwick's lasses? It's possible. I've been around.
300
00:17:26,889 --> 00:17:30,069
You don't look like a serial
bridegroom, Norris.
301
00:17:30,069 --> 00:17:32,509
What's your secret, Norris?
302
00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,869
The moustache.
303
00:17:34,869 --> 00:17:37,969
Reminds the older ones
of Errol Flynn.
304
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:41,489
Reminds me of hairy caterpillar.
305
00:17:41,489 --> 00:17:43,689
Just what you need under your nose.
306
00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:45,489
You want to buy shaving brush?
307
00:17:45,489 --> 00:17:48,669
Remove this? No way.
308
00:17:48,669 --> 00:17:50,889
Is that the reason
for the visit, then?
309
00:17:50,889 --> 00:17:52,909
Do I want to buy a shaving brush?
310
00:17:52,909 --> 00:17:56,529
It could help you get rid
of that thing under your nose.
311
00:17:56,529 --> 00:17:59,089
Pay these two no heed, Norris.
312
00:17:59,089 --> 00:18:01,329
They're inclined to be truthful.
313
00:18:01,329 --> 00:18:03,829
Well, you have to ask.
314
00:18:03,829 --> 00:18:07,009
Is this the cutting edge
of masculine drawing power?
315
00:18:07,009 --> 00:18:09,009
I'm off duty.
316
00:18:09,009 --> 00:18:11,089
Didn't you used to be the milkman?
317
00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:13,289
You once left me a funny egg.
318
00:18:13,289 --> 00:18:15,949
Also left vest with Eskimos.
319
00:18:17,149 --> 00:18:19,609
He's better with potatoes.
320
00:18:19,609 --> 00:18:22,469
You see how effective my cover was.
321
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,889
They all think all
I did was deliver milk.
322
00:18:24,889 --> 00:18:26,509
And funny eggs.
323
00:18:26,509 --> 00:18:28,929
I was incapable
of romance for a week.
324
00:18:28,929 --> 00:18:31,689
But are you ready again?
325
00:18:31,689 --> 00:18:33,969
Try me.
326
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:41,149
Oh... I don't see why...
327
00:18:41,149 --> 00:18:43,229
we can't use the road.
328
00:18:43,229 --> 00:18:47,849
We shall probably never be able
to use a road ever again.
329
00:18:47,849 --> 00:18:50,669
Something else to look forward to.
330
00:18:50,669 --> 00:18:54,389
Wherever there's a road
there are motorbikes.
331
00:18:54,389 --> 00:18:57,429
But they can't all be
Pearl and Nelly.
332
00:18:57,429 --> 00:19:00,809
But we shan't know that
till it's too late.
333
00:19:00,809 --> 00:19:05,289
Sometimes, Howard, I think it is
too late. They could be anywhere.
334
00:19:05,289 --> 00:19:09,249
Sometimes, Howard,
it's necessary to take a few risks.
335
00:19:10,669 --> 00:19:13,109
Although I do hope you
won't misunderstand me.
336
00:19:23,149 --> 00:19:26,069
Are you alone, Miss Davenport?
337
00:19:26,069 --> 00:19:28,009
Seems like forever.
338
00:19:28,009 --> 00:19:30,769
Am I alone? You should try it.
339
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:33,569
On winter nights, I wake at 3.00.
340
00:19:33,569 --> 00:19:36,629
I don't know why. What about summer?
341
00:19:36,629 --> 00:19:38,409
It's light by then.
342
00:19:38,409 --> 00:19:40,509
I wake at 2.11. Every time?
343
00:19:40,509 --> 00:19:42,069
Every time. That's amazing.
344
00:19:42,069 --> 00:19:44,389
Yes, but I'm still alone.
345
00:19:44,389 --> 00:19:46,549
Things could be looking up.
346
00:19:46,549 --> 00:19:48,809
We felt we ought to tell you.
347
00:19:48,809 --> 00:19:51,209
If it's good, yes, you ought.
348
00:19:51,209 --> 00:19:54,189
You have an admirer. It's good!
349
00:19:54,189 --> 00:19:55,789
But continue.
350
00:19:55,789 --> 00:19:58,989
Unattached,
good worker, loyal friend.
351
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:04,329
Pleasant nature, shy with the
ladies but willing to learn.
352
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:06,629
It seems a bit sudden.
353
00:20:06,629 --> 00:20:08,709
I ought to take it slowly.
354
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:11,509
It's always wise to
take these things slowly.
355
00:20:11,509 --> 00:20:15,709
Wise, then you miss
opportunities that way.
356
00:20:15,709 --> 00:20:18,689
Send him along.
We will send him along.
357
00:20:18,689 --> 00:20:20,849
Yes, let's get it over with.
358
00:20:20,849 --> 00:20:23,489
Preliminaries can be so boring,
don't you think?
359
00:20:23,489 --> 00:20:25,989
They will be with this one.
360
00:20:25,989 --> 00:20:29,589
He's fine,
but he'll probably be a little shy.
361
00:20:29,589 --> 00:20:32,789
I like that. Well, I'm flexible.
362
00:20:32,789 --> 00:20:35,409
I'll give most things a chance.
363
00:20:35,409 --> 00:20:37,689
How will I know him?
364
00:20:37,689 --> 00:20:41,189
We'll send him to return
Barry's library book.
365
00:20:41,189 --> 00:20:43,349
Is it overdue?
366
00:20:43,349 --> 00:20:45,409
Does it matter?
367
00:20:45,409 --> 00:20:49,189
Just tell him he needn't wait
for the expiry date.
368
00:20:57,449 --> 00:21:00,489
To be honest, she doesn't
sound like my type.
369
00:21:00,489 --> 00:21:04,009
Take a flyer.
It's all right you saying that.
370
00:21:04,009 --> 00:21:05,989
I'm the one out there
at the sharp end.
371
00:21:05,989 --> 00:21:09,329
Ask him if he plays
musical instrument.
372
00:21:09,329 --> 00:21:13,109
I've told you, I can't play
a musical instrument.
373
00:21:13,109 --> 00:21:15,629
So how come big hit with ladies?
374
00:21:15,629 --> 00:21:17,509
Yes, I was wondering that.
375
00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:20,469
It's personality, isn't it?
376
00:21:20,469 --> 00:21:22,109
Give us a demonstration.
377
00:21:22,109 --> 00:21:24,789
There's Ivy there. Give over.
378
00:21:24,789 --> 00:21:26,789
You can't just operate cold.
379
00:21:26,789 --> 00:21:28,729
Pull choke out.
380
00:21:28,729 --> 00:21:33,889
Stop winding the man up.
I believe he has personality.
381
00:21:33,889 --> 00:21:36,949
I'm convinced. All right, all right.
382
00:21:36,949 --> 00:21:39,369
I'll give you a demonstration.
383
00:22:15,229 --> 00:22:19,369
She's Alvin's neighbour
and Alvin will introduce you.
384
00:22:19,369 --> 00:22:21,409
We'll help you break the ice.
385
00:22:21,409 --> 00:22:24,289
Lots of ice. Needs big break.
386
00:22:24,289 --> 00:22:26,829
Pay no attention.
They're just being...
387
00:22:26,829 --> 00:22:28,749
Honest.
BICYCLE BELL RINGS
388
00:22:30,269 --> 00:22:32,449
Steady on that person!
389
00:22:32,449 --> 00:22:35,469
Sorry. What's the hurry, Morton?
390
00:22:35,469 --> 00:22:38,949
I've got to do Toby's shopping,
pick up his laundry and return
391
00:22:38,949 --> 00:22:40,489
the library book for Barry.
392
00:22:40,489 --> 00:22:42,969
Library book? We can do that for you.
393
00:22:42,969 --> 00:22:44,669
We shall be passing the library.
394
00:22:44,669 --> 00:22:48,049
Are you sure?
No problem. Oh, thanks.
395
00:23:03,849 --> 00:23:07,189
Don't you think we're a bit
old for this sort of thing?
396
00:23:07,189 --> 00:23:09,109
More than a bit.
397
00:23:09,109 --> 00:23:11,029
So why are we doing it?
398
00:23:11,029 --> 00:23:13,989
I felt I had to prove something.
399
00:23:13,989 --> 00:23:16,789
Well, what have you proved?
400
00:23:16,789 --> 00:23:21,449
That motorbikes are colder
than they used to be.
401
00:23:21,449 --> 00:23:23,709
My feet noticed that.
402
00:23:27,889 --> 00:23:32,749
I never thought to say it, but thank
goodness for a hard surface.
403
00:23:32,749 --> 00:23:36,609
We'll have to hide if
we hear a motorbike.
404
00:23:36,609 --> 00:23:41,729
Could that be a ploy, Howard,
just to get me behind a bush?
405
00:23:43,329 --> 00:23:45,409
Don't answer straight away.
406
00:23:45,409 --> 00:23:46,869
Think about it.
407
00:23:48,769 --> 00:23:52,389
They've been
whispering all afternoon.
408
00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:55,489
They're up to something
with Norris Fairburn.
409
00:23:55,489 --> 00:23:58,289
Well, there's only one
something he's interested in.
410
00:23:58,289 --> 00:23:59,949
Mmm, women.
411
00:23:59,949 --> 00:24:01,829
And this time, I think it's you.
412
00:24:01,829 --> 00:24:03,569
Me?!
413
00:24:03,569 --> 00:24:07,149
It should better not be me!
Oh, they're putting him up to it.
414
00:24:07,149 --> 00:24:09,949
Mr Hobdyke thinks you're lonely.
415
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:12,009
He thinks you need a man.
416
00:24:12,009 --> 00:24:15,969
What? After watching them from
behind a bar for all these years?
417
00:24:15,969 --> 00:24:18,869
He thinks you need a bit
of fun in your life. Oh.
418
00:24:18,869 --> 00:24:22,509
He'd like me to have a bit of fun.
419
00:24:22,509 --> 00:24:24,009
I see.
420
00:24:30,289 --> 00:24:31,929
Target sighted.
421
00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:33,189
Bring him in.
422
00:24:38,129 --> 00:24:40,309
What's he gawping at?
423
00:24:40,309 --> 00:24:42,889
He's weird. He was in earlier.
424
00:24:42,889 --> 00:24:47,669
Stella, I'd like to introduce
Norris Fairburn.
425
00:24:47,669 --> 00:24:49,669
Norris Fairburn.
426
00:24:49,669 --> 00:24:52,069
Oh, I've heard of him.
427
00:24:52,069 --> 00:24:56,589
Married Mabel Slater...for a while.
428
00:24:56,589 --> 00:25:00,829
Is that all there is to him? His
eyes must be bigger than his belly.
429
00:25:00,829 --> 00:25:03,689
The profile. Give her the profile.
430
00:25:07,589 --> 00:25:09,569
What's he doing now?
431
00:25:09,569 --> 00:25:11,369
Is he not well?
432
00:25:11,369 --> 00:25:14,449
He was doing it in my
kitchen this afternoon.
433
00:25:14,449 --> 00:25:17,889
Then he pulls out a lipstick
and smears it on his face.
434
00:25:19,689 --> 00:25:22,229
I can't do with men
wearing lipstick.
435
00:25:22,229 --> 00:25:24,329
I'll say this for my Wilf.
436
00:25:24,329 --> 00:25:28,329
When he wore lipstick
it belonged to somebody else.
437
00:25:30,589 --> 00:25:33,389
Stella. May I call you Stella?
438
00:25:33,389 --> 00:25:35,689
No.
439
00:25:35,689 --> 00:25:40,369
Dear lady, if I told you that
you had an admirer,
440
00:25:40,369 --> 00:25:44,789
I would hope that you would seize the
opportunity to end your loneliness.
441
00:25:46,789 --> 00:25:49,349
Go on then, I will.
442
00:25:49,349 --> 00:25:51,989
You will? Yes. Why not?
443
00:25:51,989 --> 00:25:54,669
My mind's made up. I will.
444
00:25:54,669 --> 00:25:56,489
That's it, decision time.
445
00:25:56,489 --> 00:25:57,949
Go for it, Stella.
446
00:26:01,509 --> 00:26:05,429
You're a tad young for me,
lad, but who's counting?
447
00:26:18,329 --> 00:26:21,509
Well, he said he wanted
me to have a bit of fun.
448
00:26:26,769 --> 00:26:27,749
ENGINE HUMS
449
00:26:51,849 --> 00:26:53,209
We're not giving up.
450
00:26:53,209 --> 00:26:55,029
It's not the Hobdyke way.
451
00:26:55,029 --> 00:26:58,029
You can leave it to us.
We'll show you how to give up.
452
00:26:58,029 --> 00:27:01,129
Nonsense.
It was just an embarrassing moment.
453
00:27:01,129 --> 00:27:03,949
We can clear that up and
try again with Norris.
454
00:27:03,949 --> 00:27:06,569
I just wish this thing were louder.
455
00:27:06,569 --> 00:27:09,109
Still, we'll persevere
with this, too.
456
00:27:09,109 --> 00:27:11,109
If we hear it, come running.
457
00:27:11,109 --> 00:27:13,209
That's the spirit. That's my team.
458
00:27:13,209 --> 00:27:15,869
Now wait while I return
this library book for Barry.
459
00:27:23,249 --> 00:27:27,589
I've been asked to return
this book for Barry. Oh!
460
00:27:27,589 --> 00:27:31,249
Oh, it's you, Mr Hobdyke!
461
00:27:31,249 --> 00:27:33,869
Shall we step
through into my office?
462
00:27:42,489 --> 00:27:43,869
ENGINE HUMS
463
00:28:03,249 --> 00:28:05,929
I was hoping to find you here.
464
00:28:12,609 --> 00:28:15,469
HORN BLARES
465
00:28:56,889 --> 00:28:59,069
HORN BLARES
466
00:29:01,629 --> 00:29:01,629
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
467
00:29:01,679 --> 00:29:06,229
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