Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:11,360
DOOR KNOCKER RAPS AND SQUEAKS
2
00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:15,420
C'mon, if you're ready.
Stir yourself.
3
00:00:15,420 --> 00:00:19,560
You realise, I'm only learning
to do this for charity.
4
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,860
Get on with it.
5
00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:24,080
S'pose somebody's looking?
6
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,180
It's just you and me!
7
00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:29,040
I don't want that word
spreading round.
8
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,180
I'm not going to brag about it!
9
00:00:36,260 --> 00:00:38,360
DANCE MUSIC ON STEREO
10
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:40,700
C'mon, twinkle toes, follow me.
11
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:45,700
I'm an Indian outlaw
Half Cherokeean Chalktaw
12
00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:49,320
My baby She's Ichikawa
She's one of a kind
13
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,960
All my friends call me Dirtcraw
14
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,460
Village chief is my Papa
15
00:00:54,460 --> 00:00:58,500
He gets his orders from my Mama
She makes him walk the line...
16
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:00,840
Hey!
17
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,300
What now?
18
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:05,880
Shouldn't be faffing about.
I should be bottoming that bedroom!
19
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,000
But it was your idea!
20
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,420
It was all right at the idea stage.
21
00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:13,840
It's a line dance.
We shan't have to get married.
22
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,500
Ooh!
23
00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:48,000
I sometimes wonder if I should
have married Rita Hayworth.
24
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,060
Her mother was all for it.
25
00:01:51,060 --> 00:01:55,220
"Marry him," she said, "and you'll
never be short of excitement."
26
00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:59,060
"And look how well he maintains
his bicycle."
27
00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:02,880
How well would you have maintained
Rita Hayworth?
28
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,580
With only a bicycle repair outfit?
29
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:10,160
She doted on me.
Wanted to buy me a new wheel.
30
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,640
You'd only have felt like a kept man.
31
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,800
Pity she didn't keep him.
32
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,260
It's a wonderful story.
33
00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:24,340
It has everything - romance,
bicycles. Where did you meet her?
34
00:02:24,340 --> 00:02:26,440
We went to the same chippy.
35
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:31,440
One night, she splashed me with
vinegar. She liked you with vinegar!
36
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:33,960
Did she try you with curry sauce?
37
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,700
Or a dip. You'd be ideal with a dip.
38
00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:38,920
Boy meets girl.
39
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:43,440
Girl splashes boy with vinegar.
40
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,120
I like a good love story.
41
00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,340
Hits me every time.
42
00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:51,900
You're inclined to be sceptical,
you lot.
43
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:58,700
PHONE RINGS
44
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:02,740
If that's Mr Teasdale,
don't tell him I'm playing golf.
45
00:03:02,740 --> 00:03:06,760
S'pose he asks? Lie, cheat,
improvise! Think of something!
46
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:10,620
316... Ooh, hello, Mr Teasdale!
47
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,620
We're fine, thank you.
48
00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:15,780
And yourself and Mrs Teasdale?
49
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,320
Barry? Barry's...
50
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,240
..nipped out for a moment.
51
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,620
Yes, that's right, it's his day off.
52
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,320
What does he do usually?
53
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,880
Sometimes he goes...
54
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,480
flying.
55
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,540
Oh, not flying!
56
00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:36,620
I mean, flying out.
57
00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:39,040
Sometimes we both go out.
58
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,360
We do a bit of shopping.
59
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,780
Maybe go for a drive.
60
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,240
He likes to take the car for a run.
61
00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:52,380
Yes, that's true.
Sometimes he plays...golf.
62
00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:02,360
The thing about Rita Hayworth
was, she was my size.
63
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,740
Alvin, you shrunk Rita Hayworth?
64
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,340
What did Aly Khan have to say?
65
00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:14,360
It wasn't HIS Rita Hayworth.
It was a lass from Macclesfield.
66
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,620
Oh, the Macclesfield Rita Hayworth!
67
00:04:16,620 --> 00:04:20,020
I remember her not starring
in Gilda!
68
00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:23,180
Not opposite Glenn Ford. I saw that.
69
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,460
They wouldn't act with her
70
00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:29,160
due to her temperamental
reputation for throwing vinegar.
71
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,360
I was two-timing her.
72
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,020
I told her I always did that.
73
00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:38,880
Was it fair to confine all this
Alvin to just one woman?
74
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,960
Don't stare, it's rude.
75
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,980
Anyone would think we'd never seen
76
00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:59,040
a bloke up to his waist in water
strangling a swan before.
77
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,560
I think he's seeking attention.
78
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,620
The best thing is to ignore him.
79
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:10,160
How do!
80
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,260
How do!
81
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,200
Am I all right this way for Ilkley?
82
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,740
I wouldn't say it's your best route.
83
00:05:20,740 --> 00:05:24,240
I don't suppose you've got
a puncture outfit?
84
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,940
He's got a Swiss army pocket knife.
85
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,200
Name's Jolliffe. How do!
86
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,620
ALL: How do!
87
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,680
Are there many people round here
desperate to get wet?
88
00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:00,500
That's negative thinking. You've got
to point out the advantages.
89
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:04,560
Of getting wet?
There must be some. Think!
90
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,380
I'm surprised you haven't got some.
91
00:06:07,380 --> 00:06:09,600
I'm better with a customer.
92
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,020
and I'm combat ready.
93
00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:13,680
Sharpens the reflexes.
94
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,760
It's not a customer you need -
it's a right muffin.
95
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,260
Here's one now!
96
00:06:21,780 --> 00:06:25,160
I don't like picking on him.
We're related.
97
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,800
Still - mustn't show favouritism.
98
00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:34,020
Are you ready to explore the wonders
of the underwater world?
99
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,360
Is it a bus trip? No.
100
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,940
It's wetter than that.
101
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:55,700
Oh. Aren't you a bit old to play
with rubber ducks? Ohh...
102
00:06:55,700 --> 00:07:00,420
A swan boat. Moonlight on the water,
just you and Howard...
103
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:05,060
I don't let him out by moonlight.
He's enough trouble during the day.
104
00:07:05,060 --> 00:07:11,120
Wives. I think they're all doing
Open University - reading suspicion.
105
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,000
Advanced.
106
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,220
And they pass.
107
00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:20,840
Now, Pearl, allow me to introduce
Leonard Jolliffe.
108
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,880
The swan man of Ilkley!
109
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,740
Never 'eard of 'im.
110
00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:31,720
Well no, I'm only just starting!
I haven't got there yet!
111
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,920
He's got a hole in his dinghy.
112
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,340
Certainly gives that impression.
113
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,400
You've got them as well -
prickly women. Yes - no shortage.
114
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,120
Mine comes complete with her sister.
115
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,300
She's got back-up!
116
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,080
Hello, stranger!
117
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,140
Are you waiting for me?
118
00:08:00,140 --> 00:08:04,000
For you - from me.
119
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,520
Oh...a rubber suit!
120
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:11,860
Oh, Howard, I've heard
about stuff like this!
121
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:18,760
It's a wetsuit!
I want you to wear it!
122
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,300
Shouldn't we wait till it's dry?
123
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,940
Oh! Ha ha! Hm.
124
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:29,240
I'd like you to meet my uncle
from Chesterfield.
125
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,420
Morning! Hiya!
126
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,340
Do you think they suspected anything?
127
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:46,220
I didn't tell him you were playing
golf today.
128
00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:48,560
I just said you play it sometimes.
129
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:52,440
I think there's a leak
in our organisation.
130
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:56,200
Just go, while Mr Teasdale's
nowhere in sight!
131
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,240
Hold it!
132
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,580
Haven't you forgotten something?
133
00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:05,600
First-aid kit, mobile, distress
signal, operating theatre. No.
134
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,600
Come here, Barry!
135
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,860
He could be watching!
136
00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:14,120
Nobody's watching! And it's lawful -
you've got a marriage licence!
137
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,960
They endorse that for speeding.
138
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,040
Let's find out!
139
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,700
Phwoar.
140
00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:28,680
I shall be a bag of nerves
on that first tee.
141
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:32,620
For a golfer, that was a great kiss.
142
00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:34,680
They say it's all in the grip.
143
00:09:43,787 --> 00:09:45,347
Psst!
144
00:09:45,347 --> 00:09:47,747
Come in, Howard.
145
00:09:55,047 --> 00:09:59,087
Can I leave these here
for an hour, Cleggy?
146
00:09:59,087 --> 00:10:02,807
Pearl will never understand
the urge I have
147
00:10:02,807 --> 00:10:06,907
to explore the wonders
of the underwater world.
148
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:11,047
Pearl understands your urges
only too well, Howard.
149
00:10:12,507 --> 00:10:14,887
What...are you alone?
150
00:10:15,987 --> 00:10:17,987
Yes, Howard.
151
00:10:17,987 --> 00:10:20,467
We are alone at last.
152
00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:23,967
Where are the others?
153
00:10:23,967 --> 00:10:27,447
Out there somewhere,
repairing a swan.
154
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,047
Serves me right for asking.
155
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:43,067
What are you doing with that thing?
156
00:10:43,067 --> 00:10:45,867
Everything is in order, madam.
157
00:10:45,867 --> 00:10:49,307
We've been road testing that swan.
158
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:56,447
What's he doing in a frock?
159
00:10:56,447 --> 00:11:00,827
It's not a frock, missus. It's the
uniform of the Swan Man of Ilkley.
160
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,247
It looks like a frock.
161
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:09,587
Where did that come from?
Did someone rub an old lamp?
162
00:11:09,587 --> 00:11:12,207
You'll get used to her. You what?
163
00:11:12,207 --> 00:11:18,047
Her husband must have got used.
He died! Is that "getting used"?
164
00:11:18,047 --> 00:11:22,087
Eats out of my hand.
I'm teaching her line dancing.
165
00:11:22,087 --> 00:11:26,287
Sounds unnatural to me. Wouldn't
teaching her to smile be better?
166
00:11:26,287 --> 00:11:30,547
Hasn't the face for it. She keeps
it ready for the next Depression.
167
00:11:30,547 --> 00:11:32,427
She WAS the next Depression.
168
00:11:39,027 --> 00:11:44,167
He needs a hobby - a new interest.
They help in cases of depression.
169
00:11:45,307 --> 00:11:47,087
I'm not depressed.
170
00:11:48,467 --> 00:11:50,907
No, he always looks like that!
171
00:11:50,907 --> 00:11:52,887
What are his interests?
172
00:11:54,307 --> 00:11:56,287
Uh...
173
00:11:56,287 --> 00:11:59,827
Tell Miss Davenport
what you're interested in!
174
00:11:59,827 --> 00:12:02,007
What sets your motor running?
175
00:12:03,627 --> 00:12:05,787
What sort of thing amuses him?
176
00:12:05,787 --> 00:12:07,867
It's not easy to tell.
177
00:12:09,327 --> 00:12:13,367
I got quite interested...
when I had blood pressure.
178
00:12:13,367 --> 00:12:15,887
I am surprised.
179
00:12:15,887 --> 00:12:19,367
Not just that you have pressure,
but blood!
180
00:12:19,367 --> 00:12:22,807
It was something to talk about.
181
00:12:22,807 --> 00:12:26,087
When people said, "How are you?",
182
00:12:26,087 --> 00:12:29,787
I got quite good at talking
blood pressure.
183
00:12:33,907 --> 00:12:35,707
Has my Howard been in?
184
00:12:35,707 --> 00:12:37,807
He said he was "researching".
185
00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:40,827
He took a book on snorkelling
and left.
186
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:43,347
Does your Howard snorkel?!
187
00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:45,747
Mainly when he lies on his back.
188
00:12:47,287 --> 00:12:50,467
If anyone sees him, send him home.
189
00:12:50,467 --> 00:12:53,707
Would that be in your parameters?
190
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:55,947
Do you like watersports?
191
00:12:55,947 --> 00:12:58,107
I had a goldfish.
192
00:12:58,107 --> 00:13:01,307
A goldfish? I hate that.
193
00:13:01,307 --> 00:13:04,927
People keeping goldfish.
I hate it at fairs.
194
00:13:04,927 --> 00:13:06,787
Fish in little bags.
195
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,987
I loved it!
196
00:13:08,987 --> 00:13:12,687
He did. He cried when he buried it.
197
00:13:12,687 --> 00:13:15,087
He keeps a fin in his wallet.
198
00:13:15,987 --> 00:13:18,567
Gets followed by cats.
199
00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:31,507
Why Swan Man, Lenny?
Duckman doesn't do it for me.
200
00:13:33,267 --> 00:13:36,347
Sparrowman. That's more me!
201
00:13:37,507 --> 00:13:39,847
Red Spotted Woodpecker Man?
202
00:13:39,847 --> 00:13:44,807
I don't have any spots. You soon
will have, splashing in canals.
203
00:13:44,807 --> 00:13:50,047
I won't be long. I'll float up
and down a bit, talk to the swans,
204
00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:53,187
and in no time they'll call me...
205
00:13:53,187 --> 00:13:56,027
the Swan Man of Ilkley. A big one?
206
00:13:56,027 --> 00:13:58,287
People in white coats come.
207
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:04,967
And then I'll write
my autobiography.
208
00:14:04,967 --> 00:14:09,847
It will sell if it's called The Swan
Man Of Ilkley. A title like that?
209
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:12,327
They'll be interested.
210
00:14:12,327 --> 00:14:14,527
What's the book about?
211
00:14:14,527 --> 00:14:16,947
Life in a pickle factory.
212
00:14:16,947 --> 00:14:18,767
You need a catchy title.
213
00:14:18,767 --> 00:14:21,847
The Pickle Man Of Ilkley.
I see his point.
214
00:14:22,327 --> 00:14:27,787
Are you up to speed on pickles?
Or is it another advertising ploy?
215
00:14:27,787 --> 00:14:30,607
I spent me life in pickles!
216
00:14:30,607 --> 00:14:34,767
I get fed up with people going,
"Lenny from the pickle factory."
217
00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:38,987
From now on, it will be, "There
'e goes, the Swan Man of Ilkley."
218
00:14:38,987 --> 00:14:44,327
I bet someone says,
"Didn't he used to be Lenny from the pickle factory?"
219
00:14:44,327 --> 00:14:47,307
I'll wither 'em
with contemptuous silence.
220
00:14:47,307 --> 00:14:49,627
Sounds like home.
221
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:54,107
First job is to reach Ilkley.
The swan boat looks past it.
222
00:14:54,107 --> 00:14:57,107
Appearances can be deceptive.
223
00:14:57,107 --> 00:14:59,867
This has been repaired.
224
00:14:59,867 --> 00:15:03,127
And subjected to rigorous testing.
225
00:15:03,227 --> 00:15:05,127
AIR ESCAPES FROM DINGHY'S VALVE
226
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,687
Ooh, look at this!
227
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:13,847
It's big for its size.
228
00:15:15,427 --> 00:15:17,667
Which one of you is Entwistle?
229
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,307
Only one I know is in Hong Kong.
230
00:15:20,307 --> 00:15:23,147
His name's on the truck.
231
00:15:23,147 --> 00:15:26,767
Oh, that Entwistle! Gone sick.
232
00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:30,707
He'll be sick when he gets back -
sold my missus rubbish.
233
00:15:30,707 --> 00:15:34,427
AIR ESCAPES FROM DINGHY
234
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:38,907
Hard to believe of Dr Entwistle.
235
00:15:38,907 --> 00:15:40,407
Doctor?
236
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:45,027
PhD in electrical science.
Man of highest integrity.
237
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,987
He said it was nearly new.
238
00:15:47,987 --> 00:15:50,047
AIR ESCAPES
239
00:15:51,287 --> 00:15:55,647
That's your response, then, is it?
Taking the mickey?
240
00:15:55,647 --> 00:15:59,987
Cease, in the name
of the Swan Man of Ilkley!
241
00:15:59,987 --> 00:16:03,387
Come at me with a stick, would you?
242
00:16:07,327 --> 00:16:10,607
Here you are.
Do they never settle down?
243
00:16:10,607 --> 00:16:14,487
Why does Smiler want
a new interest at his age?
244
00:16:14,487 --> 00:16:17,927
You're doing line dancing!
Under pressure.
245
00:16:17,927 --> 00:16:22,507
The vicar wants to get a group
going. I wish I'd never said.
246
00:16:22,507 --> 00:16:25,307
I wish someone else had never said!
247
00:16:25,307 --> 00:16:27,467
I think that's nice, Mrs Batty.
248
00:16:27,467 --> 00:16:30,067
It'll do you good. Do you enjoy it?
249
00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:32,467
I am not enjoying it.
250
00:16:32,467 --> 00:16:35,807
I'll challenge anyone who says I am.
251
00:16:35,807 --> 00:16:40,507
I'm not having people thinking
I'm some silly fluffy-headed bimbo!
252
00:16:40,507 --> 00:16:45,327
I don't think you're
in much danger of that.
253
00:16:45,327 --> 00:16:50,287
But if you end up going down that
route, I'm available for advice.
254
00:16:50,287 --> 00:16:56,087
Don't get her going. She'll
blame me. You opened your mouth.
255
00:16:56,087 --> 00:17:00,007
It's line dancing!
You're not lap dancing.
256
00:17:00,007 --> 00:17:04,687
Not yet. Once you get your feet
on the slippery slope...
257
00:17:15,687 --> 00:17:19,887
I'll say this much for the Swan Man -
he can move in that frock.
258
00:17:19,887 --> 00:17:22,447
Will he return for this old boat?
259
00:17:22,447 --> 00:17:26,267
At the speed he was travelling,
he'll be back any minute.
260
00:17:26,267 --> 00:17:30,707
Good job that fella went after him.
Saved me having to throw him out.
261
00:17:30,707 --> 00:17:33,487
My instinct is to duck.
262
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:37,627
But if you've got the nerve to go
line dancing with Nora Batty...
263
00:17:37,627 --> 00:17:40,347
That's the bravest thing I've heard.
264
00:17:40,347 --> 00:17:42,367
Just need a firm hand.
265
00:17:42,367 --> 00:17:46,947
I told the missus that. "I'll be
master in my own four walls," I said.
266
00:17:46,947 --> 00:17:50,087
When I stop sleeping in the shed.
267
00:17:57,347 --> 00:18:00,967
Good job he were out of condition.
268
00:18:03,327 --> 00:18:07,707
Off you go, Barry. May be rusty -
I've not played for a while.
269
00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:10,487
Nobody's counting, Mr Teasdale.
270
00:18:10,487 --> 00:18:12,127
Herman.
271
00:18:12,127 --> 00:18:13,787
Herman.
272
00:18:19,427 --> 00:18:21,727
Just relax and enjoy.
273
00:18:21,727 --> 00:18:25,227
You can be too self-critical
at this game.
274
00:18:25,227 --> 00:18:27,227
I'm not happy with this grip.
275
00:18:27,227 --> 00:18:29,307
Ever have trouble with your grip?
276
00:18:29,307 --> 00:18:32,067
Only on Mrs Teasdale!
277
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:34,187
Huh? Oh. Oh, right!
278
00:18:34,187 --> 00:18:37,387
No point being too serious -
it's only a game.
279
00:18:37,387 --> 00:18:39,647
I didn't mean that.
280
00:18:46,707 --> 00:18:49,227
Ah, that's not great.
281
00:18:49,227 --> 00:18:51,507
You're going to show me up.
282
00:18:51,507 --> 00:18:53,887
Butterfly.
283
00:18:53,887 --> 00:18:55,927
I can't resist a butterfly.
284
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:58,187
Oh! Oh, I like that.
285
00:18:58,187 --> 00:19:02,527
So relaxed about your golf, you
have time to notice a butterfly.
286
00:19:02,527 --> 00:19:04,947
Wish I could be like that!
287
00:19:11,027 --> 00:19:13,507
RUMBLE OF GOLF BAG WHEELS
288
00:19:15,307 --> 00:19:17,507
Why don't we let them play through?
289
00:19:17,507 --> 00:19:19,767
You're a gentleman.
290
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:24,427
Eh...if you can't take your time
and enjoy it, what's the point?
291
00:19:27,287 --> 00:19:31,167
Will Smiler be any good at it
if he finds a new interest?
292
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:34,527
I bet it wasn't his idea
to find an interest.
293
00:19:34,527 --> 00:19:38,807
I can't imagine him showing enough
interest in finding an interest.
294
00:19:38,807 --> 00:19:43,227
If you're not watching every minute,
they find their own interest.
295
00:19:43,227 --> 00:19:46,167
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!
296
00:19:46,167 --> 00:19:50,367
I asked Smiler in the library
what he was interested in.
297
00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:55,587
He wouldn't say. No. Mine won't
either. He looked confused.
298
00:19:55,587 --> 00:19:58,727
Like Barry if you ask
what he wants to eat.
299
00:19:58,727 --> 00:20:03,107
At least we discouraged Smiler
from getting another goldfish.
300
00:20:03,107 --> 00:20:05,287
I can't stand cruelty to goldfish.
301
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:11,327
And bullfighting. But bullfighters
have a prettier uniform.
302
00:20:11,327 --> 00:20:15,147
That's the only excuse Howard's
not come up with.
303
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,347
"I'm going bullfighting."
304
00:20:17,347 --> 00:20:19,547
Do you think there's any danger?
305
00:20:19,547 --> 00:20:21,587
Not really.
306
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:24,367
He'd lose against the goldfish.
307
00:20:24,367 --> 00:20:29,027
Are you sure that talking Smiler
out of a goldfish was wise?
308
00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:31,887
They'd make an ideal couple.
309
00:20:31,887 --> 00:20:36,227
I don't believe you should have
a pet unless you can cuddle it.
310
00:20:36,227 --> 00:20:39,347
That's been my working principle.
311
00:20:39,347 --> 00:20:42,207
Is there a danger
of wearing them out?
312
00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:46,527
I hope no-one thinks
that's why Howard's less than huge.
313
00:20:46,527 --> 00:20:50,327
Did Miss Davenport find out
what Smiler might be interested in?
314
00:20:50,327 --> 00:20:54,207
Country and Western!
He likes cowboy music!
315
00:20:54,207 --> 00:20:57,667
He's always wanted to sing
with a horse!
316
00:20:57,667 --> 00:21:01,047
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
317
00:21:01,047 --> 00:21:03,987
Oh no!
318
00:21:18,067 --> 00:21:21,067
Why does Swan Man need boat?
319
00:21:21,067 --> 00:21:24,247
You've got to advertise.
Image is everything.
320
00:21:24,247 --> 00:21:26,607
You float in this, they'll notice.
321
00:21:26,607 --> 00:21:30,827
Why does Swan Man
need boat that sinks?
322
00:21:34,707 --> 00:21:36,947
Sound as a bell, now.
323
00:21:36,947 --> 00:21:40,547
Floats like a bell?!
Is that encouraging?
324
00:21:40,547 --> 00:21:44,347
He's only going to Ilkley.
You could get to Norway in that.
325
00:21:44,347 --> 00:21:48,687
Bird Man of Norway? I don't think so!
326
00:21:52,147 --> 00:21:56,067
Cut-throats. They bleed a lot.
327
00:21:56,067 --> 00:21:58,227
Do you mind, when I'm eating?
328
00:21:58,227 --> 00:22:00,427
Can't be squeamish, lad.
329
00:22:00,427 --> 00:22:03,027
Push through the gagging barrier.
330
00:22:03,027 --> 00:22:05,947
Be prepared for unpleasantness.
331
00:22:05,947 --> 00:22:08,587
Like Chief Inspector?
332
00:22:08,587 --> 00:22:10,267
Worse.
333
00:22:10,267 --> 00:22:12,367
Maybe not worse, but different.
334
00:22:12,367 --> 00:22:16,227
What's the worst thing
you've seen squashed on a road?
335
00:22:16,227 --> 00:22:19,707
Me foot. Truck backed over it.
336
00:22:19,707 --> 00:22:22,527
Should have applied his foot brake.
337
00:22:22,527 --> 00:22:26,067
It's a laugh a minute with you.
338
00:22:26,067 --> 00:22:28,427
World needs a laugh!
339
00:22:28,427 --> 00:22:30,887
World needs romance.
340
00:22:30,887 --> 00:22:34,667
Do you think there's as much romance
about as there used to be?
341
00:22:34,667 --> 00:22:36,847
Not in our house.
342
00:22:36,847 --> 00:22:42,047
It's sad. When did you last see
a couple holding hands?
343
00:22:51,547 --> 00:22:54,787
Right - press her down.
344
00:22:54,787 --> 00:22:56,667
Check for bubbles.
345
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:59,507
Bubbles? True love! I like it!
346
00:22:59,507 --> 00:23:02,847
You enjoyed your time in Vice Squad!
347
00:23:04,287 --> 00:23:07,647
I used to know Bubbles.
She was a stripper.
348
00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:09,907
Thy never knew a stripper!
349
00:23:09,907 --> 00:23:14,127
I worked with her. Alvin was a
stripper? Not many people know that.
350
00:23:14,127 --> 00:23:16,587
Not many people want to know that.
351
00:23:16,587 --> 00:23:20,787
Now you're working with another
Bubbles - lucky Alvin!
352
00:23:20,787 --> 00:23:23,087
She was a paint stripper!
353
00:23:23,087 --> 00:23:26,887
I thought Mrs Truelove
could do that with her tongue.
354
00:23:26,887 --> 00:23:31,487
She went to the same school as my
missus. Still sleeping in the shed?
355
00:23:31,487 --> 00:23:34,167
Only when we have company.
356
00:23:34,167 --> 00:23:37,947
You showed her who's boss.
You have to.
357
00:23:37,947 --> 00:23:40,107
It's going to be famous, my boat.
358
00:23:40,107 --> 00:23:42,767
She'll end up in a museum.
359
00:23:42,767 --> 00:23:46,547
Not the pickle factory?
No, I've retired.
360
00:23:46,547 --> 00:23:49,507
Now I'm able to live the dream.
361
00:23:49,507 --> 00:23:52,027
Wise man books wake-up call.
362
00:23:54,007 --> 00:23:57,047
Who let go of the boat?
C'mon, who let go of the boat?
363
00:24:02,347 --> 00:24:05,047
Right, man.
364
00:24:05,047 --> 00:24:07,367
Get hold of this, Alvin.
365
00:24:07,367 --> 00:24:09,467
Did we vote on this?
366
00:24:09,467 --> 00:24:11,087
I demand a recount.
367
00:24:11,087 --> 00:24:15,107
You'll be all right. You're used
to swinging through trees.
368
00:24:15,107 --> 00:24:16,647
Suppose I miss?
369
00:24:16,647 --> 00:24:20,667
Nah. Who's going to miss
at this distance?
370
00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:24,227
Answers on a postcard, please!
371
00:24:24,227 --> 00:24:27,187
The winner gets to dry Alvin.
372
00:24:27,187 --> 00:24:30,847
Watch the boat. Don't hurt the boat.
373
00:24:30,847 --> 00:24:35,367
Of course. I'm touched
by all your concern, Lenny.
374
00:24:35,367 --> 00:24:39,987
You'll be all right! I plan these
things down to the last detail!
375
00:24:39,987 --> 00:24:43,927
Ooh! I don't like that word, "last"!
376
00:24:43,927 --> 00:24:47,847
Do you? If you're going to do
dangerous things,
377
00:24:47,847 --> 00:24:51,327
the "last" word is the last word
you want to hear!
378
00:24:51,327 --> 00:24:58,067
Stop cheering him up!
You're undermining his brave and daring...what's the word?
379
00:24:58,067 --> 00:25:00,187
Stupidity.
380
00:25:00,187 --> 00:25:01,627
That's it.
381
00:25:01,627 --> 00:25:03,927
Is he wearing anything sharp?
382
00:25:03,927 --> 00:25:08,627
He's had no connection with anything
sharp for as long as I can remember.
383
00:25:08,627 --> 00:25:11,587
Off you go. Right.
384
00:25:11,587 --> 00:25:14,887
One, two, three...go!
385
00:25:14,887 --> 00:25:17,327
BRANCH CREAKS
386
00:25:21,887 --> 00:25:25,807
I'm dry! I landed on my nose,
but I'm dry!
387
00:25:26,827 --> 00:25:29,847
Let his nose wreck him, we decided.
388
00:25:29,847 --> 00:25:34,887
These things are planned to the last
detail. Has he got a sharp nose?
389
00:25:34,887 --> 00:25:36,547
Not any more!
390
00:25:36,547 --> 00:25:39,667
I don't want anything sharp
in that swan boat.
391
00:25:39,667 --> 00:25:42,687
He has distinguished squashed nose.
392
00:25:42,687 --> 00:25:46,147
Distinguished
for its breaking power.
393
00:25:46,147 --> 00:25:50,227
Stage one - give Alvin nose burn.
394
00:25:50,227 --> 00:25:54,307
Stage two - get the boat to shore.
395
00:25:54,307 --> 00:25:56,447
How do I do that?
396
00:25:56,447 --> 00:26:00,767
Come along, Bubbles.
Let's hear the captain speak.
397
00:26:00,767 --> 00:26:02,827
Quite simple.
398
00:26:02,827 --> 00:26:06,207
Here - catch this.
399
00:26:08,227 --> 00:26:10,927
Oh-oh-oh!
400
00:26:10,927 --> 00:26:15,427
GURGLING UNDERWATER
Butterfingers.
401
00:26:15,427 --> 00:26:17,627
In you go, Lenny. Fetch your boat.
402
00:26:17,627 --> 00:26:19,707
I'm not swinging out there!
403
00:26:19,707 --> 00:26:22,907
I don't want Lenny landing on me!
404
00:26:22,907 --> 00:26:27,527
It was never this much fun
in the pickle factory. Relax.
405
00:26:27,527 --> 00:26:30,607
Everything's under control.
406
00:26:30,607 --> 00:26:34,307
This is a well-planned operation.
407
00:26:35,607 --> 00:26:38,427
Here, Alvin. Catch this.
408
00:26:40,027 --> 00:26:44,227
Tie it to the swan
and let me have it.
409
00:27:09,807 --> 00:27:11,707
Give us the rope. It's going fine.
410
00:27:13,387 --> 00:27:17,427
Can you catch, Lenny?
Never dropped a pickle.
411
00:27:18,927 --> 00:27:21,127
Boat coming!
412
00:27:39,467 --> 00:27:41,767
Hey! Hey!
413
00:27:43,067 --> 00:27:44,767
Hey!
414
00:27:47,187 --> 00:27:50,887
The hitch-hiking Swan Man of Ilkley.
415
00:27:50,887 --> 00:27:53,547
He'll get there in no time.
416
00:27:53,547 --> 00:27:56,827
You want to bear right after Otley!
417
00:28:10,167 --> 00:28:12,167
Do you think he's barmy?
418
00:28:12,167 --> 00:28:14,327
No - just a little eccentric.
419
00:28:14,327 --> 00:28:16,767
Ha! As barmy as that!
420
00:28:16,767 --> 00:28:18,987
Absolutely.
421
00:28:18,987 --> 00:28:22,687
Trouble with world -
no time to sit and think
422
00:28:22,687 --> 00:28:26,567
about buying reconditioned
washing machine.
423
00:28:29,067 --> 00:28:31,527
Half Cherokeean Chalktaw
424
00:28:31,527 --> 00:28:35,127
My baby she's Ichikawa
She's one of a kind.
425
00:28:46,347 --> 00:28:49,187
Hey! He-hey!
426
00:28:49,187 --> 00:28:52,047
'Hey!'
427
00:28:52,097 --> 00:28:56,647
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
32066
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
