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1
00:00:36,273 --> 00:00:42,112
'Ey up, could somebody
tell me why we're crawling around 'ere like three duck eggs?
2
00:00:42,113 --> 00:00:48,152
Stop complaining. You're
getting expert, free tuition in how to blend in the background.
3
00:00:48,153 --> 00:00:52,853
Once you've dealt
with his background, could you do something with his foreground?
4
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:55,252
Whoops! Sorry, Norm.
5
00:00:55,253 --> 00:00:57,792
Now pay attention!
The next thing we have to do...
6
00:00:57,793 --> 00:00:59,512
Is go for a drink.
7
00:00:59,513 --> 00:01:01,852
We do NOT go for a drink.
8
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,833
Not even if it
blends in the background?
9
00:01:04,853 --> 00:01:09,312
The next thing we have to do is
learn how to cross an open space.
10
00:01:09,313 --> 00:01:12,473
Hey! Wow, an open space!
11
00:01:13,733 --> 00:01:19,132
I'm fed up wi' this. I am,
I'm really teed off wi' this!
12
00:01:19,133 --> 00:01:22,192
Will you get down, or do
I have to tread on your head?
13
00:01:22,193 --> 00:01:27,373
Oh well, if you put it like that.
I'm prepared to listen to reason.
14
00:01:28,833 --> 00:01:30,912
You can't be fed up already.
15
00:01:30,913 --> 00:01:33,172
Would you like a second opinion?
16
00:01:33,173 --> 00:01:37,272
He's got the concentration span
of a modern football supporter.
17
00:01:37,273 --> 00:01:39,132
What did you say?
18
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,633
Modern football supporter.
19
00:01:45,693 --> 00:01:48,512
Where did you get
that damned thing from?
20
00:01:48,513 --> 00:01:50,112
I swapped it wi' some kid.
21
00:01:50,113 --> 00:01:51,332
What did you give him?
22
00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:57,492
20 fags. You gave a child
20 cigarettes? That's terrible!
23
00:01:57,493 --> 00:02:01,513
My feelings exactly...
I thought 10 would have been plenty!
24
00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:05,852
Fat lot of use trying to
move like a panther round here.
25
00:02:05,853 --> 00:02:10,432
What do you need that thing for?
You're not a football supporter.
26
00:02:10,433 --> 00:02:12,052
He's a rattle supporter.
27
00:02:12,053 --> 00:02:15,752
I am, Norm. Ho-ho!
I like a bit o' rattle.
28
00:02:17,353 --> 00:02:20,393
Put it away! Steady on!
29
00:02:21,213 --> 00:02:24,992
A bloke has to be very careful
putting a thing like this away.
30
00:02:24,993 --> 00:02:28,133
One false move
and your clacker's in a mess.
31
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:34,932
What's this...?
Your trousers are in threads.
32
00:02:34,933 --> 00:02:38,273
Go steady, go steady,
tha'll have me trousers fall apart.
33
00:02:39,273 --> 00:02:41,273
Who makes them, Shredded Wheat?
34
00:02:42,293 --> 00:02:46,392
You stay here and watch me
demonstrate crossing open space.
35
00:02:46,393 --> 00:02:48,672
It won't be dangerous, will it?
36
00:02:48,673 --> 00:02:50,832
It will if 'e pulls these threads.
37
00:02:50,833 --> 00:02:52,992
It won't be dangerous.
38
00:02:52,993 --> 00:02:55,512
I hate watching anything dangerous.
39
00:02:55,513 --> 00:02:57,932
You just watch the road carefully.
40
00:02:57,933 --> 00:03:02,972
Keep your eye on the road,
I'm going to SLIP across the road.
41
00:03:02,973 --> 00:03:06,413
Now you'll hardly see me, you'll
think it's a shadow of something.
42
00:03:12,573 --> 00:03:14,832
Will that be a small
or a large shadow?
43
00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:17,052
Just watch!
44
00:03:17,053 --> 00:03:19,632
I'm going to disappear...
into cover.
45
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,053
I'm going to ground.
46
00:03:28,413 --> 00:03:33,972
If you don't see me for a while...
don't worry. I'll still be around.
47
00:03:33,973 --> 00:03:37,033
Remember, I could be
within inches of you.
48
00:03:46,233 --> 00:03:49,852
I can't see 'im.
Ooh! I can't see 'im.
49
00:03:49,853 --> 00:03:53,192
Remember, he could be
within inches of you.
50
00:03:53,193 --> 00:03:55,072
He's a great dollop!
51
00:03:55,073 --> 00:03:57,232
No... Credit where it's due.
52
00:03:57,233 --> 00:04:02,133
I mean, this moving across
open spaces is much more fun than we thought it would be.
53
00:04:03,153 --> 00:04:04,953
Oh... this rattler.
54
00:04:10,633 --> 00:04:12,312
'Ey up!
55
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,872
A moving bush.
56
00:04:21,873 --> 00:04:23,992
They're quite rare, you know.
57
00:04:23,993 --> 00:04:26,212
Oh, it doesn't surprise me.
58
00:04:26,213 --> 00:04:29,532
What's the great prawn going
to do when he gets on the road?
59
00:04:29,533 --> 00:04:32,772
He's going to leap out like
a shadow and straight across.
60
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,833
Unless he's going to pause halfway
disguised as a white line.
61
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:36,153
There he is...!
62
00:05:45,233 --> 00:05:47,233
Up the terriers!
63
00:05:51,653 --> 00:05:54,453
Wahey! It's the Red Shadow.
64
00:06:00,499 --> 00:06:06,698
I tell you... I tell you,
it isn't every day that you see cyclists run over by a bush!
65
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:08,439
Up the terriers!
66
00:06:09,439 --> 00:06:12,138
Oh no, Norm... We mustn't laugh.
67
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,479
I don't see why not.
68
00:06:14,739 --> 00:06:16,838
I suppose you think it's funny.
69
00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:18,798
What gave you that idea?
70
00:06:18,799 --> 00:06:23,539
I hope tha never comes across
that mob again, they'd lynch thee!
71
00:06:35,619 --> 00:06:36,999
What's up with you lot?
72
00:06:39,679 --> 00:06:41,059
Lost your tongues?
73
00:06:42,079 --> 00:06:43,998
That makes a pleasant change.
74
00:06:43,999 --> 00:06:45,958
Actions speak louder than words.
75
00:06:45,959 --> 00:06:47,759
They do with you.
76
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:53,798
KEEP AWAY!
77
00:06:53,799 --> 00:06:55,898
Did you enjoy that?
78
00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:59,419
Oh aye, I always enjoy
a little grapple with Ivy.
79
00:07:00,459 --> 00:07:02,699
I used to feel the same
and look at me.
80
00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:05,679
No, I... I'm only joking, luv.
81
00:07:09,699 --> 00:07:12,758
Actually, she's never been that
fond of a grapple. No?
82
00:07:12,759 --> 00:07:16,118
No. A bit of wallpapering she can
get enthusiastic about.
83
00:07:16,119 --> 00:07:18,838
Some women
have a black belt in chastity.
84
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:23,419
Aye... and the pity of it is
that I am STILL AVAILABLE.
85
00:07:24,439 --> 00:07:27,739
Sometimes I don't think
they know what they're missing.
86
00:07:29,179 --> 00:07:31,279
With them trousers they MUST.
87
00:07:32,299 --> 00:07:34,118
What's that bit hanging loose?
88
00:07:34,119 --> 00:07:37,078
I never dared to enquire.
89
00:07:37,079 --> 00:07:42,078
Hand-made are these. My Aunt Lizzie
makes them to special order.
90
00:07:42,079 --> 00:07:45,938
Have you done?
No, I haven't done.
91
00:07:45,939 --> 00:07:47,479
Don't take all day.
92
00:07:49,359 --> 00:07:53,658
Who trained your Ivy
to handle customers, Sidney?
93
00:07:53,659 --> 00:07:57,879
Did you send her
to Cosa Nostra, or did she pick it up with the Waffen-SS?
94
00:07:59,119 --> 00:08:03,739
I keep telling her, be nice
to people. Start with me!
95
00:08:09,319 --> 00:08:14,299
Don't upset 'im, Ivy. If 'e gets
excited, his leaves'll fall out.
96
00:08:15,299 --> 00:08:17,938
I don't know...
You try to help people,
97
00:08:17,939 --> 00:08:21,778
you try to get 'em interested
in some healthy, outdoor activity...
98
00:08:21,779 --> 00:08:24,118
Being a tree?!
99
00:08:24,119 --> 00:08:29,558
Not just being a tree.
There's more to it than being a tree. It's the physical exercise.
100
00:08:29,559 --> 00:08:32,979
I mean... how do you think I got
these tiger-tight muscles?
101
00:08:33,979 --> 00:08:35,878
Physical exercise.
102
00:08:35,879 --> 00:08:39,178
It's tha gob
that gets all the exercise.
103
00:08:39,179 --> 00:08:42,979
Wait till you feel the glow
that comes from tiger muscles.
104
00:08:43,999 --> 00:08:45,718
He does talk some twonk.
105
00:08:45,719 --> 00:08:48,418
I should be sorry to lose my flab.
106
00:08:48,419 --> 00:08:50,819
Every sinew like a steel wire.
107
00:08:53,059 --> 00:08:55,218
Absolutely fluent twonk.
108
00:08:55,219 --> 00:08:57,678
It's very underestimated is flab.
109
00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:00,918
I don't think people
appreciate it as they ought to.
110
00:09:00,919 --> 00:09:05,058
I didn't get into this condition
by accident. You have to work at it.
111
00:09:05,059 --> 00:09:07,198
What are you twitching at?
112
00:09:07,199 --> 00:09:09,518
Twitching? These are exercises.
113
00:09:09,519 --> 00:09:13,678
Well, go somewhere else and twitch.
I've got a party coming in a minute.
114
00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:14,778
A party?
115
00:09:14,779 --> 00:09:17,218
A few trippers. You'll see 'em
if you hang on.
116
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,958
On second thoughts, I wouldn't
hang on, not your type really.
117
00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:24,799
Not our type? How do you know?
118
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,679
Sort of a husband's intuition.
119
00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:29,799
They're all health freaks.
120
00:09:30,799 --> 00:09:31,878
Well...?
121
00:09:31,879 --> 00:09:33,978
Healthy outdoor types.
122
00:09:33,979 --> 00:09:38,098
I should have thought we had a lot
in common. WE'RE fitness freaks.
123
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,418
AREN'T WE?
Oh, aye. We're all fitness freaks.
124
00:09:41,799 --> 00:09:43,278
Excuse me...
125
00:09:43,279 --> 00:09:44,698
Excuse me.
126
00:09:44,699 --> 00:09:46,138
Come on, excuse me...
127
00:09:46,139 --> 00:09:47,899
Why, what've you done?
128
00:09:48,919 --> 00:09:50,138
Sorry.
129
00:09:50,139 --> 00:09:52,099
Excuse me!
130
00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:56,438
EXCUSE ME...
131
00:09:56,439 --> 00:09:58,759
Norm, do you think
she's trying to tell us something?
132
00:09:58,839 --> 00:10:01,058
What gives you that impression?
133
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,319
Excuse me.
134
00:10:03,339 --> 00:10:07,218
I don't know about you two,
but I'm determined to stay.
135
00:10:07,219 --> 00:10:10,698
I don't know about you two,
I'm determined to chicken out.
136
00:10:10,699 --> 00:10:12,638
You are staying!
137
00:10:12,639 --> 00:10:14,278
Looks as though tha're stayin'.
138
00:10:14,279 --> 00:10:16,359
Ah well, that's democracy.
139
00:10:18,999 --> 00:10:20,298
Still 'ere?
140
00:10:20,299 --> 00:10:23,398
We intend to stay. I look
forward to meeting these people.
141
00:10:23,399 --> 00:10:28,238
You can stay for me.
But how long will you last, now she's decided you should leave?
142
00:10:28,239 --> 00:10:33,018
We're doing nothing illegal, she
has no reason for throwing us out.
143
00:10:33,019 --> 00:10:34,758
She'll think of something.
144
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,299
Well, she'll find
I can be stubborn too.
145
00:10:38,319 --> 00:10:40,498
I don't know why
you're making a fuss.
146
00:10:40,499 --> 00:10:41,898
You'll find out.
147
00:10:41,899 --> 00:10:44,818
What we've got to do is box clever.
148
00:10:44,819 --> 00:10:47,798
We'll order something else
and we'll make it last.
149
00:10:47,799 --> 00:10:49,098
Ohh...!
150
00:10:49,099 --> 00:10:52,518
Three of your distinctive
cups of tea, please, Sidney.
151
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,519
Tea's off.
152
00:10:55,159 --> 00:10:56,338
Off?
153
00:10:56,339 --> 00:10:57,838
Sorry.
154
00:10:57,839 --> 00:10:59,298
But we've just had some.
155
00:10:59,299 --> 00:11:01,918
Weren't you lucky?
You had the last three.
156
00:11:01,919 --> 00:11:04,498
Love-30. Your service, Foggy.
157
00:11:04,499 --> 00:11:07,118
All right,
we'll have three coffees.
158
00:11:07,119 --> 00:11:09,118
No coffee.
159
00:11:09,119 --> 00:11:11,738
No coffee? No. Sorry.
160
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:14,478
But... what's in that big tin
marked Coffee?
161
00:11:14,479 --> 00:11:16,498
Desiccated coconut.
162
00:11:16,499 --> 00:11:19,538
Well, what's in that tin marked
Desiccated Coconut?
163
00:11:19,539 --> 00:11:21,338
Electricity bills and fuse wire.
164
00:11:21,339 --> 00:11:23,518
Love-40.
165
00:11:23,519 --> 00:11:25,658
Milk! We'll have
three glasses of milk.
166
00:11:25,659 --> 00:11:27,858
Milk's off. Sorry.
167
00:11:27,859 --> 00:11:33,578
'Ey, listen.
Raise the bids, go for something worthwhile. Try bacon and eggs.
168
00:11:33,579 --> 00:11:35,918
We've stopped serving breakfast.
No bacon and egg.
169
00:11:35,919 --> 00:11:37,199
New balls, please.
170
00:11:39,859 --> 00:11:42,778
Yes, well... All right then... Yes.
171
00:11:42,779 --> 00:11:47,398
Yes, I'm sure we've no wish to stay
where we're not welcome.
172
00:11:47,399 --> 00:11:48,798
Oh, I don't mind.
173
00:11:48,799 --> 00:11:51,858
I've 'ad some great times
staying where I'M not welcome.
174
00:11:51,859 --> 00:11:54,839
But I have a feeling in my water
this is not one of 'em.
175
00:11:56,979 --> 00:11:58,798
Get off!
176
00:11:58,799 --> 00:12:02,098
It's not like you, Foggy,
to give in as easily as that.
177
00:12:02,099 --> 00:12:03,318
Give in?
178
00:12:03,319 --> 00:12:06,038
You won't catch a Dewhurst
giving in.
179
00:12:06,039 --> 00:12:08,219
Let go of me, you daft pillock!
180
00:12:10,739 --> 00:12:17,258
A tactical withdrawal,
you see. You mustn't confuse retreat with tactical withdrawal.
181
00:12:17,259 --> 00:12:21,198
Hey, Norm...
Has he creased my jacket?
182
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:24,578
It's difficult to tell
for all them creases.
183
00:12:24,579 --> 00:12:25,859
Oh...
184
00:12:26,899 --> 00:12:32,639
You see...
sometimes it catches the enemy off guard by PRETENDING to retreat.
185
00:12:43,819 --> 00:12:45,558
I'll say this for you, Foggy...
186
00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:49,278
when you pretend to retreat,
it's really convincing.
187
00:12:49,279 --> 00:12:52,778
Aye, it would've fooled me.
I thought it were a REAL retreat.
188
00:12:52,779 --> 00:12:54,778
Never mind what you thought.
189
00:12:54,779 --> 00:12:56,498
I know what I'm doing.
190
00:12:56,499 --> 00:12:58,619
Aye, we all know what tha's doing.
191
00:12:59,399 --> 00:13:01,318
Tha's retreating.
192
00:13:01,319 --> 00:13:07,618
Yes, I knew you'd misunderstand,
I knew military tactics would be lost on you. Pay attention.
193
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:09,738
Why's 'e trying to hit me
with that stick?
194
00:13:09,739 --> 00:13:11,999
Because he hasn't anything heavier?
195
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:17,219
We shall lull the enemy into
a false sense of security, then...
196
00:13:18,259 --> 00:13:20,738
..we shall strike
from a different angle.
197
00:13:20,739 --> 00:13:24,318
Hey! Wow... a DIFFERENT angle.
198
00:13:24,319 --> 00:13:29,598
Any minute, someone is going to be
wriggling on the sharp end of this stick.
199
00:13:29,599 --> 00:13:31,338
Wouldn't that damage my trousers?
200
00:13:31,339 --> 00:13:34,078
Don't talk to me
about your trousers!
201
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:39,838
As a church-going non-smoker with
a few bob in the building society, I don't like to think about them.
202
00:13:39,839 --> 00:13:41,778
What's wrong with my trousers?
203
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,858
It's just a difference
in viewpoint.
204
00:13:43,859 --> 00:13:49,478
I mean, from where YOU are, on
the inside... they probably seem OK.
205
00:13:49,479 --> 00:13:54,338
It's just that from where WE are,
on the outside, they look...
206
00:13:54,339 --> 00:13:56,258
disgusting.
207
00:13:58,819 --> 00:14:01,118
Yes, well, er... where were we?
208
00:14:01,119 --> 00:14:03,359
Well, you were about to stab him
with your stick.
209
00:14:04,619 --> 00:14:07,499
Don't do that! Don't do that!
He's not made his will.
210
00:14:08,519 --> 00:14:11,878
His will...? What's HE got to leave?
211
00:14:11,879 --> 00:14:13,938
There's my ferrets!
212
00:14:13,939 --> 00:14:16,878
And he's promised his wellies
to medical science.
213
00:14:16,879 --> 00:14:19,199
Only if they pay the postage.
214
00:14:20,199 --> 00:14:21,879
No, pay attention...!
215
00:14:26,559 --> 00:14:28,038
Yes, right...
216
00:14:28,039 --> 00:14:31,418
Well, my assessment
of the situation is this...
217
00:14:31,419 --> 00:14:37,578
Point 1 - Ivy didn't want
us to stay and mix with her coach party, whoever they may be.
218
00:14:37,579 --> 00:14:41,879
Point 2 - that coach party will
now be sitting down to its meal.
219
00:14:42,899 --> 00:14:46,598
Point 3 - we go down there
and stroll straight into the cafe.
220
00:14:46,599 --> 00:14:48,438
You see?
221
00:14:48,439 --> 00:14:50,559
Tactics!
222
00:14:52,579 --> 00:14:54,398
You see?
223
00:14:54,399 --> 00:14:56,239
Crackers!
224
00:15:07,319 --> 00:15:09,399
They've arrived.
225
00:15:11,839 --> 00:15:18,199
Well, come along, you two.
She can't throw us out, she won't want to upset her other customers.
226
00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:25,619
Whoops! I don't think he's
going to be in there long.
227
00:15:49,079 --> 00:15:51,878
Can't you do SOMETHING, Harold?
228
00:15:51,879 --> 00:15:53,938
Oh, shut up, Phoebe!
229
00:15:53,939 --> 00:15:58,098
That's very positive. I do
admire firmness in emergencies.
230
00:15:58,099 --> 00:16:02,198
Look, this is hardly an emergency,
I've stalled her, that's all.
231
00:16:02,199 --> 00:16:09,098
How ingenious, when
Hermione's waiting for us with the the Lord Lieutenant. Do SOMETHING!
232
00:16:09,099 --> 00:16:10,318
Like what?
233
00:16:10,319 --> 00:16:14,658
It's simply not my sphere, Harold.
It's a MAN'S sphere.
234
00:16:14,659 --> 00:16:16,899
Spheres to you too, darling!
235
00:16:17,899 --> 00:16:21,018
Oh, look! Some poor people.
236
00:16:21,019 --> 00:16:23,099
I expect they'll know what to do.
237
00:16:24,119 --> 00:16:26,738
You could have warned me
about those bicycles.
238
00:16:26,739 --> 00:16:31,639
We 'ad confidence in thee, Foggy.
We knew tha'd be faster than they were.
239
00:16:33,859 --> 00:16:35,239
Hello, there!
240
00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:37,519
Can you help?
241
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:42,198
'Ey up. I think this bloke
thinks he knows us.
242
00:16:42,199 --> 00:16:44,439
Do you think we ought to wave back?
243
00:16:45,699 --> 00:16:48,638
I hate being faced
with these sudden decisions!
244
00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:50,798
I think we ought to ignore him.
245
00:16:50,799 --> 00:16:54,298
He's not waving to us,
the man needs some assistance.
246
00:16:54,299 --> 00:16:57,998
Well, that settles it.
We definitely ought to ignore him.
247
00:16:57,999 --> 00:16:59,319
I don't trust him.
248
00:17:00,339 --> 00:17:03,458
You don't know him,
how can you not trust him?
249
00:17:03,459 --> 00:17:07,578
If he thinks he's going to get any
help from three idiots like us...
250
00:17:07,579 --> 00:17:10,079
how can you trust
judgement like that?
251
00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:16,718
My God! Look at the one in gumboots.
Has he been in an accident?
252
00:17:16,719 --> 00:17:19,218
Well, he seems to be walking
well enough.
253
00:17:19,219 --> 00:17:23,959
The poor can be very useful, but
they're always in some damn disaster.
254
00:17:24,979 --> 00:17:27,279
Whatever you do, DON'T TOUCH HIM!
255
00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:30,599
Why should I touch him? For luck(?)
256
00:17:31,619 --> 00:17:35,378
Good day, sir... Madam.
What seems to be the trouble?
257
00:17:35,379 --> 00:17:39,278
I'm afraid we're in rather a hurry.
We're due at my wife's sister's.
258
00:17:39,279 --> 00:17:41,878
With the Lord Lieutenant.
259
00:17:41,879 --> 00:17:45,199
Oh, the Lord... Yes, well...
260
00:17:46,419 --> 00:17:48,418
Having a spot of bother, are we?
261
00:17:48,419 --> 00:17:50,199
I think I may have flooded her.
262
00:17:51,719 --> 00:17:54,319
Never mind... It doesn't show.
263
00:17:57,499 --> 00:18:00,878
Yes, not to worry.
I'll get my chaps to lend a hand.
264
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:02,799
My chaps...?
265
00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:05,279
MY CHAPS?!
266
00:18:06,279 --> 00:18:07,959
Don't you start!
267
00:18:10,499 --> 00:18:14,658
Just for once in your life,
try and create a good impression.
268
00:18:14,659 --> 00:18:17,738
Or would you settle for saying
"Goodbye" nicely?
269
00:18:17,739 --> 00:18:23,359
Look - can you stand at the back?
Just try and stay at the back.
270
00:18:28,439 --> 00:18:30,118
Yes, now then... What have we here?
271
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,478
It's an engine, you big lily!
272
00:18:35,479 --> 00:18:37,498
Oh, my God! He's in spasm!
273
00:18:39,339 --> 00:18:41,679
It's an engine! Ha! Haagh!
274
00:18:48,819 --> 00:18:51,159
I could really get fed up wi' this,
I could.
275
00:18:52,179 --> 00:18:53,918
Put your back into it!
276
00:18:53,919 --> 00:18:56,118
I got this bad back, 'aven't I?
277
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,138
Your front's not so clever.
278
00:18:58,139 --> 00:19:02,658
It pays to stay clear of people
who pronounce their aitches.
279
00:19:02,659 --> 00:19:06,238
You say "Hello" to somebody
who speaks nicely...
280
00:19:06,239 --> 00:19:10,618
the next minute they've got you
carrying their bags, pushing their cars...
281
00:19:10,619 --> 00:19:12,698
or backing their horses.
282
00:19:12,699 --> 00:19:15,999
They need a very firm 'and,
do the upper classes.
283
00:19:17,299 --> 00:19:20,238
Lot of experience
of the upper classes, have you(?)
284
00:19:20,239 --> 00:19:24,838
Listen, Glenda.
The Duke of Devonshire once asked for my photograph, didn't he?
285
00:19:24,839 --> 00:19:25,918
What for?
286
00:19:25,919 --> 00:19:28,118
To show to 'is gamekeepers...
287
00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:30,299
so they could shoot me on sight!
288
00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:35,399
I know just how they felt.
289
00:19:36,419 --> 00:19:39,838
Nearing the crest of the hill.
One more heave!
290
00:19:41,559 --> 00:19:43,799
Never mind the sound effects,
just PUSH.
291
00:19:45,279 --> 00:19:49,198
Think that's done it! Ah, splendid.
292
00:19:49,199 --> 00:19:50,898
Much obliged.
293
00:19:53,699 --> 00:19:58,199
Oh, I 'ope tonight's not the night
that Nora Batty finally says yes!
294
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:03,439
I'd sooner push motor cars.
I really would.
295
00:20:05,499 --> 00:20:08,698
Awfully decent of you chaps.
Buy yourselves a drink.
296
00:20:08,699 --> 00:20:11,719
Oh, no, no, no...
there's no need for that.
297
00:20:12,739 --> 00:20:14,279
There is back 'ere.
298
00:20:15,479 --> 00:20:18,198
Yes... please. Take it.
299
00:20:18,199 --> 00:20:20,338
Buy HIM a square meal.
300
00:20:20,339 --> 00:20:24,838
Oh, he'd only drink it.
His lifestyle is VERY irregular.
301
00:20:24,839 --> 00:20:26,618
Please, no details.
302
00:20:26,619 --> 00:20:30,418
'Ey, Phyllis! Tha doesn't
'ave to take it for me.
303
00:20:30,419 --> 00:20:35,618
But if tha doesn't, I would like
to point out 'oo's going to have to pay for the next round!
304
00:20:35,619 --> 00:20:37,379
Oh, very well then...
305
00:20:47,659 --> 00:20:50,138
Right ho, chaps! Down we go!
306
00:21:13,899 --> 00:21:16,079
Me trousers is going wi' 'em!
307
00:21:33,719 --> 00:21:35,718
How am I going to get 'ome
like this?
308
00:21:35,719 --> 00:21:39,139
By taking advantage of every
bit of cover, like I taught you.
309
00:21:47,079 --> 00:21:48,799
There you are, you see...
310
00:21:49,839 --> 00:21:51,859
..you look perfectly respectable
from here.
311
00:21:54,599 --> 00:21:58,858
I can't keep walking over 'ere.
I'm goin' to break my flamin' neck!
312
00:21:58,859 --> 00:22:00,859
Promises, promises.
313
00:22:01,899 --> 00:22:06,919
Listen, big Audrey.
It's difficult to keep tha feet over 'ere, the ground's all lumpy.
314
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:12,799
Look at you. You're a fine one to
complain about things being lumpy!
315
00:22:13,859 --> 00:22:19,238
I didn't ask to lose my trousers.
I didn't wake up this morning and say, "Oh, what a lovely day -
316
00:22:19,239 --> 00:22:21,519
"I think I'll lose my trousers."
Oh...!
317
00:22:26,919 --> 00:22:30,578
How do you think I feel, wandering
the Pennines minus me trousers?
318
00:22:30,579 --> 00:22:31,858
How DO you feel?
319
00:22:31,859 --> 00:22:35,978
Well, it's a bit draughty, Norm...
but there's one thing I'm pleased about.
320
00:22:35,979 --> 00:22:38,618
We've noticed
you're keeping it under your hat.
321
00:22:38,619 --> 00:22:39,758
No...
322
00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:43,339
As luck would have it - thank God,
I've got me best underwear on!
323
00:22:45,659 --> 00:22:47,778
I must have had a premonition!
324
00:22:47,779 --> 00:22:50,978
And you don't want
many of those just in your underwear.
325
00:22:50,979 --> 00:22:52,979
I'm coming back over!
326
00:23:01,539 --> 00:23:03,619
OH! Oooh...
327
00:23:04,639 --> 00:23:08,178
Don't you sometimes feel you're
not as elastic as you used to be?
328
00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:10,218
I never was.
329
00:23:10,219 --> 00:23:15,698
That was what was so nice about
my marriage. It never made any excessive demands...
330
00:23:15,699 --> 00:23:17,658
flexibility-wise.
331
00:23:17,659 --> 00:23:19,738
Get back over there.
332
00:23:19,739 --> 00:23:21,858
I'm not going back over there!
333
00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:23,938
It's Swan Lake...
334
00:23:23,939 --> 00:23:26,539
Doesn't he remind you of Swan Lake?
335
00:23:29,159 --> 00:23:31,919
If that's your BEST,
what's the other pair like?
336
00:23:32,979 --> 00:23:37,998
That is something
I do not wish to discuss, other than with close friends.
337
00:23:37,999 --> 00:23:40,398
Will you kindly get
back over the wall?
338
00:23:40,399 --> 00:23:44,478
What for? We all like you better
when you're wearing the wall.
339
00:23:44,479 --> 00:23:49,059
I'm not going back over there!
It's MURDER trying to walk there.
340
00:23:50,079 --> 00:23:52,558
There's somebody coming.
Get back over there.
341
00:23:52,559 --> 00:23:54,618
What are you doing...?
What are you doing?!
342
00:23:54,619 --> 00:23:56,439
Get back over there!
343
00:24:04,699 --> 00:24:07,218
YOU STUPID GREAT PRONG!
344
00:24:07,219 --> 00:24:09,078
I hated throwing him over there.
345
00:24:09,079 --> 00:24:11,718
Sometimes you have to be cruel
to be kind.
346
00:24:11,719 --> 00:24:15,598
Oh, I don't mind being cruel to him,
it's just handling his underwear.
347
00:24:15,599 --> 00:24:17,639
I find it's better not
to think about it.
348
00:24:23,899 --> 00:24:26,479
'Ey up...! That's Nora.
349
00:24:27,499 --> 00:24:29,099
My own true love.
350
00:24:30,099 --> 00:24:32,279
Yorkshire's Joan Crawford!
351
00:24:33,399 --> 00:24:37,038
Well, you just stay on that side
of the wall where you are,
352
00:24:37,039 --> 00:24:39,938
and try and keep
your southern exposure unexposed.
353
00:24:39,939 --> 00:24:42,578
You do right to keep him over there.
354
00:24:42,579 --> 00:24:46,018
Oh, I love the way her lips move.
355
00:24:46,019 --> 00:24:47,438
Look at them lips.
356
00:24:47,439 --> 00:24:51,718
She wipes me out
with them lips... Oooh!
357
00:24:51,719 --> 00:24:55,018
I've always said
he belongs in a field somewhere.
358
00:24:55,019 --> 00:24:56,998
Make 'im stay where he is.
359
00:24:56,999 --> 00:25:00,138
Tell 'im we'll send somebody up
twice a week
360
00:25:00,139 --> 00:25:02,199
to feed 'im a forkful of hay.
361
00:25:03,219 --> 00:25:06,039
Ahh...! She's got a wicked tongue!
362
00:25:07,479 --> 00:25:09,878
When you see her
sitting in her chariot,
363
00:25:09,879 --> 00:25:13,218
you realise she's a dead ringer
for Queen Boadicea.
364
00:25:13,219 --> 00:25:15,838
How do, Wally! How do, Compo.
365
00:25:15,839 --> 00:25:18,478
She'd definitely put the wind
up a Roman legion.
366
00:25:18,479 --> 00:25:21,279
And they didn't wear much
under their jackets either.
367
00:25:22,699 --> 00:25:25,319
Have you seen anything unusual?
368
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,698
Well, if we haven't, it's been
more by luck than management.
369
00:25:29,699 --> 00:25:32,179
Like a pigeon that's lost its way.
370
00:25:34,279 --> 00:25:39,398
I've got a great looking pigeon
with no sense of direction.
371
00:25:39,399 --> 00:25:43,399
I'm going to have to train
the little twit to ring the RAC.
372
00:25:44,759 --> 00:25:47,138
Will it carry a ten-penny piece
in its beak?
373
00:25:47,139 --> 00:25:49,839
No, it'll reverse the charges.
374
00:25:50,879 --> 00:25:55,098
Are we staying here all day,
or are we going for a ride?
375
00:25:55,099 --> 00:25:57,678
Isn't it great when you've retired
376
00:25:57,679 --> 00:26:02,538
and you've got all this spare time
to take the wife out for a ride?
377
00:26:02,539 --> 00:26:04,658
Just stand still a minute, Wally.
378
00:26:04,659 --> 00:26:06,039
Don't move.
379
00:26:09,099 --> 00:26:11,878
Why is 'e lookin' at me coat?
380
00:26:11,879 --> 00:26:16,739
Well, it's a splendid coat is that,
Wally. It's sort of... long.
381
00:26:17,739 --> 00:26:19,838
It's a GREAT coat, is this.
382
00:26:19,839 --> 00:26:23,418
With a coat like that,
you'd never miss your trousers.
383
00:26:23,419 --> 00:26:25,418
Ahhh...
384
00:26:25,419 --> 00:26:27,679
Never miss me trousers...? Ohhh!
385
00:26:28,699 --> 00:26:31,479
No! No... Will you keep still, Wally!
386
00:26:33,739 --> 00:26:35,938
You can't take... No...
387
00:26:35,939 --> 00:26:38,659
Listen... Oh! OOH!
388
00:26:50,479 --> 00:26:54,978
What ARE you doing over there?
Have you still lost that pigeon?
389
00:26:54,979 --> 00:26:57,479
I've lost more than me pigeon!
390
00:27:01,499 --> 00:27:03,858
Get a move on, that man!
391
00:27:03,859 --> 00:27:05,878
It's all right for thee...
392
00:27:05,879 --> 00:27:09,239
What are you complaining about now?
I got you a pair of trousers.
393
00:27:10,779 --> 00:27:13,778
Aye... built for a midget!
394
00:27:13,779 --> 00:27:15,879
Wally's not a midget.
395
00:27:16,899 --> 00:27:18,759
He is from some angles!
396
00:27:21,719 --> 00:27:26,119
Well, I've heard of Y-fronts, but...
V-fronts are something else again.
397
00:27:28,399 --> 00:27:31,599
Will you stop poking about
down your trousers!
398
00:27:32,639 --> 00:27:35,718
You're not conducting
an orchestra down there.
399
00:27:35,719 --> 00:27:38,939
Not even a small band,
if I'm anything to go by.
400
00:27:39,979 --> 00:27:44,659
Well, I'm not walking
along a public highway with him plucking at his heart strings.
401
00:27:45,659 --> 00:27:47,579
We'll go home across the fields.
402
00:27:47,629 --> 00:27:52,179
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