All language subtitles for Last Of The Summer Wine s04e04 Flower Power Cut.eng

Breathtaking.
-Don't do your legs much good, either.

I wonder who's won the 3.30

Don't you feel any sense of humility
at how impermanent we are

in the face of all this grandeur?

Why don't we see who can
whistle the loudest with their fingers in their teeth?

You don't want to waste your
whistle out here in the open air

Maybe you're right
It's much more effective when you use it indoors, as nature intended

That's true.
-Don't encourage him!

Look what it happened when you
used it the last time to speed up the landlord of the Black Bull

They threw us out

There you are, you see. I thought at
the time, "God, that's effective."

I don't wish to be
reminded of that incident

It's the first time
a Dewhurst had been asked to leave a place of refreshment

He didn't ask you to
leave, he told you...

I know what he told me

Can't you lift your mind
for one moment above that kind of sordid detail?

Surely there must be something in all
this magnificence to interest you?

The subtle colours of the hillsides

The ever-changing panorama
of the sky...

You see? You see?

He said there'd be something in all
this magnificence to interest you

Were you looking?

Did you see that?

I landed on the old feet,
just like a leopard

I bet you've got
a few sore spots an' all

Paratrooper's reflex

When you've been trained
like a steel blade, you...

you never lose that fine edge

Would you like us
to turn away, Foggy,

while you have a quiet scream?

I've no regrets that Foggy
dragged us all that way

You get up there amongst all that
magnificent scenery,

you look out over the valleys,

you see Foggy falling
backwards off a wall

Suddenly, it's all been worthwhile

That'll be Murdoch

They're taking him back for
his funeral in t'morning

Alan Murdoch? Aye

I see he still drives
like a lunatic

He was ready to go

Who was?

Murdoch

Just as well, then, isn't it?

Because he went anyway

He was in here only a week before

Don't say that, you fool!

They'll think it was
something he picked up in here

I once picked up
Lily Gilchrist in here

You'd have been better off
with food poisoning

Who ordered salad?

He never looked quite right
in his uniform, Murdoch

Some people never quite achieve
the military finesse

Especially when they
work as a lollipop man

I was thinking of war. Aren't you
going to finish your tea first?

I was thinking of when Murdoch
was called to the colours in 1940

Our kid were called more than once
Called more than once?

Well, they used to call with these
two socking great military policeman with red hats

Typical, isn't it? Typical!

Yes, but their kid was inspired
by the Prime Minister's speeches

No sooner had he heard the words,
"We shall fight them in the hedgerows,"

than they found their kid
struggling gamely in a hedge bottom with a huge lady from the ATS

They were engaged
And we know what at, don't we?

Well, that's the way
it was in wartime

You had to snatch a bit
of pleasure as it passed

I know about the snatching system

She lives in dread of being caught
with me hand under her counter

Will you shut your big mouth?
Whose fault is it?

The wives round here make love
as if it's shoplifting

Get out of here. Get out, get out!
What did I say?

What are you doing?
Come away from that door!

Come away from that door at once

Have consideration
for other people's privacy

It's just getting interesting
Will you sit down?!

Do you realise, there up the hill,
that's the first time

that Murdoch's ever passed us
without raising two fingers?

You must not allow yourself
to become a slave

to an inferior little impulse
like curiosity

Oh, I don't mind being inferior

It's better than
being in Lancashire

It is all a question of
exerting the power of the will

Maybe it's nothing personal. Maybe
Murdoch stopped waving at everybody

The will must be exercised until it
becomes master of all the impulses

Oh, put that thing away!

By 'eck, Foggy, it's marvellous
how you master the impulse

not to leap back and shout,
"Put that thing away."

Here you are, my little beauty
Have a little nibble at that

There we are

You're not going round lopping
the heads off flowers, are you?

Who are you,
Percy Thrower's hit man?

It's already dead

But is it? Well, of course it is
It's been dug up, hasn't it?!

But Murdoch's dead, and they're
are just about to dig him IN

Well, he's better dressed
than he used to be

That's not Murdoch!

Don't look owt like Murdoch

Well, you don't suppose he
has managed to talk anyone into changing places, do you?

You know what's wrong, don't you?

Of course we know what's
wrong, he's dead

No, what's wrong is
his tie is not straight

Oh, I think
it would be more than that, Foggy,

I don't suppose that killed him

Well, straighten it

No, it was just an observation

Oh, all right, I'll straighten it

Come out!

Look, do you want it
straightened or don't you?

It's not up to us

It's no good waiting
for Murdoch to do it

I think I'd rather remember him
with his tie not straight

Yes, I don't suppose it
will matter, just this once

Just one thing. What?

When I'm dead,

will you make sure that nobody as
scruffy as me comes to my funeral?

Hey! Good of you to come

It's only proper, Annie

He knew he were dying, you know

Really? Oh, aye

I telled him

"You needn't think you're
getting over this one," I said

"I've seen it all before."
And I had

With my sister's husband

"She'd tell you just
the same," I said

And no doubt she did. Oh, aye

Oh, yes. Lot of empty vases
in the cafe now, are there?

Couldn't you do better than that?

Listen, if Murdoch's got any
complaints, he can change 'em

You are supposed
to write a card as well

Greenfly

You mustn't despise his flowers,
Foggy. Plants are sensitive things

You can hurt their feelings

Scientists have discovered that
they respond to fear and affection

You give me a bunch
of flowers and a few twigs

and I can transform a squad of
fighting men beyond all recognition

Even in the bright sunlight
the trained infantryman can melt into his background like...

What's so interesting
about a bunch of flowers?

Did you see that? See what?
They flinched. Who flinched?

The flowers. One loud, thoughtless
word from you and they flinched

How do you mean, they flinched?
Well, they went like, er...

Rubbish!

One uncomplimentary word from you

and they all shrank into themselves,
all hurt and introspective

He does talk some fanny!

"All hurt and contraceptive"!

What did I say
that was uncomplimentary?

"What's so...

"What's so interesting about
a bunch of flowers?" you said,

in a loud, military voice developed
on the battlefields of Europe

Yeah, and the Middle East

I intended no criticism

Just that you can't remove
all traces of command overnight

I sometimes wonder if the old war
horse can ever really settle down

to this placid grazing
in civilian pastures

What a load of conkers!

He were only a corporal sign-writer!

Well, you try doing classical
Roman capitals under shot and shell

There's only one thing I have got
to say to thee and that's... Argh!!

You've done it now

You feel them, they've
gone completely tense

Did they flinch again?

Well, you'd have missed it
if you weren't watching carefully

It's not as if they're
an excitable species

Placid by nature

Yes. Notorious for hiding
its emotions, is the marigold

Is it? Yes

Well, they are British, you know

If it's sheer plant hysteria
you're looking for,

you've got to get yourself a vase of
that exotic sub-tropical rubbish,

you know, especially that
variegated variety that's all

wind and pistols

I didn't see it move

Did you see it move, Foggy? No

It's not the kind of thing
a trained sniper would miss

Well, it was mainly this fellow
here, but the one next to him has a rather more rugged personality...

Gentlemen, please. We have
a temperamental marigold in here

No, not him. A flower

One word out of place and we could
have pollen all over the place

..his great mercy to take unto
himself the soul of our dear brother

here departed. We therefore
commit his body to the ground

earth to earth, ashes to ashes,
dust to dust, in sure and certain

hope of the resurrection to eternal
life through our Lord Jesus Christ

who shall change our vile body
that it may be like unto

his glorious body, according
to the mighty working,

whereby he is able to subdue...

Thank you, Padre

Very nice, Vicar, thank you

How do you, Vicarage?

Well, I don't reckon owt to funerals

I want to celebrate being alive

I want to feel the blood
rushing through me wellies

I want to do something memorable
to Nora Batty

Come on, let's have a bit of
service in here. Where are you?

Do you mind? Can't you attract
their attention more politely?

All right, you do it

Oh, dear

Shop, please

You big 'nana! Come 'ere

If you want service, press the bell

That's what it's there for

All right

It don't work. How do you know?

You can't hear it
But you can hear it in there!

How do you know? Well, if
they couldn't hear it in there,

they wouldn't answer it,
would they?

It's like the light in
a refrigerator. The what?

If you're not inside
the refrigerator,

you don't know whether the light
goes off when you shut the door

You want to be in a refrigerator?

It's the bell, Foggy

The bell, the bell, it doesn't work
See, look

Well, perhaps it does work

But it doesn't work, you big trollop
Look!

There. Come here

Come away from that door!

Come away from that door, will you?!

Knock it down, why don't you?!

Perhaps you'd like me
to dismantle the place,

so you can lay it out on the road
and run over it with a lorry

Tell her it wasn't me banging

Well, don't talk to me,
I'm just waiting for the bus

If you want service, ring the bell

Well, we rang the bell
Well, I never heard it

What did I tell ya? We rang it

Oh, God, the battery's flat

Well, all we want's
a bit of service

Ring the bell and wait

Until they get another battery!

All we want's three cups of tea

Look, you can bear testimony,
can't you? It wasn't me banging

You can be witness
A witness against a Simmonite?

You're asking me to be
a witness against a Simmonite?

Doesn't he know how big your
Eric is in bone-crushing circles?

Big? The bigger they are,
the harder they fall

And our Eric's got a long way to
fall, mate, I tell ya. Up here...

And that's just his left leg!

You've heard of Bonnie and Clyde?

Well, Eric's more
your ugly and Clyde

Oh, who's been
stirring up my missus?

Look, all I need for the completion
of my domestic harmony

is some long gangling twollop
upsetting my wife!

Why me? Has it occurred
to you you might be mistaken?

Every two hours for
the past 25 years

How many times have I told you to
get a new battery for that bell?!

As I recall,
that's the first time, my love

Well, don't be all day about it,
or they'll knock the door down

I can see, even from here,
that you've got some individual

baked fruit pies
We're trying a new line

So am I, with Nora Batty. Oh, aye?

Yeah, well, I weren't getting
anywhere with the old one

No, I tell a lie, there were
that one magical night

when we had a power cut
and I blew out her candle

Oh, yes, and what's
this new approach, then?

I don't see why I should furnish you
with all my trade secrets

How do I know that you won't all
rush away and have your way with her?

Oh, that's a fair question

She's foul-tempered. And horrible

And that's a fair answer. Ah, but
she has a kind of weathered beauty

Oh, yeah?

You know how

beautiful the old public
wash houses look in the moonlight...

and you wonder maybe if
there is a God after all

And suddenly, for a few minutes,
you want to do something reckless,

like comb your hair
or wash your feet

Well, that's all
I want to be with Nora

But I've been romancing her all
this time and it's got me nowhere

Romancing her, he says. You haven't
got a romantic bone in your body

All right then, come on, tell us,

for what professional reasons
did thee remain a bachelor?

I came to the conclusion there
was no place in marriage

for a professional fighting man

There's a place in
my marriage for one

Look at him, look at him! He
wouldn't know what to do with a bird

What we're interested in is,
what are you doing with this new approach to Nora Batty?

It won't be anything as constructive
as smartening yourself up or having a shave?

Women like the untamed
look today, buddy

He looks like an ancient Sex Pistol

Wait, now, can I have
your attention, please? Huh?

I think I may be getting through

What's up with him?

Sad, in't it?

I think funerals upset him

Mind you,
by that look on Murdoch's face,

I don't think it were
doing him much good either

He's read somewhere that scientists
have discovered that plants

can show signs of fear or pleasure

They laughed at Galileo

I should think they did laugh
at Galileo if he was playing teacups to a bunch of daisies

It's no good

Hey, who's gonna wash this lot up?

That's like asking Liberace
to powder his own piano

No, you can't really
pluck at the heartstrings

with just six chipped cups

We need something more musical...

Don't we, fellas, eh?

Here we are, then. Ha!

Yes

An enchanted, quiet spot for
practising on borrowed instruments

It's ridiculous

I don't think I know that,
how does it go?

This whole experiment is ridiculous

Will you put that away?

I only just took it out

The sooner we become proficient
in one simple melody, the sooner

we can get back to the cafe
and continue with the experiment

Yes, well, at least I'm glad
to see you've had

the tact and discretion to choose
a place free from prying eyes

Look, wrap your lips round
that flute and shut your gob!

Thank you, Sir Malcolm Sargent

All right then, trio
One, two, three, four

Well, come along, that man

Hang about, hang about,
I'm waiting to ignore Nora Batty

Ignore her? Yes

That's me new approach

I come out and I give her her daily
dose of ignoring. Is it working?

Its driving her crackers

This could be very interesting

I think I'll have a little
blow of my recorder

I like to have a little toot
on me recorder now and again

Not too much, just a...

a little toot

♪ Some enchanted evening

♪ You may see a... ♪

She's putting a damn good
face on it, isn't she?

Get stuffed!

We'd better catch him up

I never liked to leave
a disappointed man with a loaded recorder

Do what? It's alright you scoffing
but ask yourselves this,

what makes certain farmers play
romantic music to their milk cows?

Extreme loneliness? Rubbish

Soothing music
increases the milk yield

I still don't see the point
of warbling at a daisy

I mean, even if he did learn
how to milk a daisy,

would there be any demand for it?
All right, all right

I can see that you don't believe
that these very attractive plants

will respond to music

Highly unlikely. Life is full
of rich surprises, Foggy

Not civilian life. Oh, I miss
the raw excitement of battle

You wanna try that last bus
from Huddersfield

You can't go through life
with a closed mind, Foggy

Well, you don't make corporal
without a wide intellectual curiosity

I was thinking last night,
when I was mending your vest,

how the years go by. How soon it is
when the man you married

when he was young and stupid
turns out to be quite old and stupid!

Did you get that battery for
the bell?! Yes, I did, my beloved

♪ Oh, my beloved! ♪
Oh, give over!

Calm yourself down

Come on, come on, sit down
Sit down

Oh, I knew it wouldn't be long
before the Fuhrer took over. Heil

Now, stage one
Before we play music to the flowers

we have to get them
into the right frame of mind

Now, please raise
your index fingers,

sometimes known as the forefingers

No

Two fingers are not an acceptable
substitute for the forefinger

He means the first or index finger

I know!

Not the one you scratch with,
the one you poke your ear with

I've got it now. I know,
we've seen you scratching it

He's had that for some while
Yes. Well, now, stage two...

Extend the index finger gently
in the direction of the flowers,

until it rests with
a feather-light touch

upon the head
of an individual bloom

Well, come on, get on with it

Right, now what do we do?

Smile. You what? Smile!

It's no good sitting there
frightening them to death

Now I want you to clear your
minds of all hostile thoughts

What a load of...
Especially that one

Right, well, what do we do now?

Begin stroking. You what?!

Start stroking it. Stroking what?

That delicate little head that
your finger was resting on, start stroking it. What for?

How else is it to believe
that you're fond of it?

How else are you to win
its trust and affection?

You see, we live in
a mysterious universe

We have to go through life with
that attitude of quiet expectancy

which belongs to the motorist
parked on a double yellow line

Thank you, thank you. Stage three...

I will have a little bet
with you all, right now,

that if we all play together...

Play together? Give over!

If we play music
to the flowers together...

Ah...

A little bet... A little bet...

That if we combined the power
of our recorders and aim

the full melodious force of the
music at these shy little blooms,

then I will bet you all? 1

that you will all be in
for a surprise...

and...

..a shock

You give us a pound if we play at
them flowers and nothing happens?

Done
Oh, don't waste your money, Clegg

Hang on, prawn face

It's a free country
If he wants to waste his money,

that's his democratic right
Lend us a quid

Right, what are we gonna play?

Greensleeves

Oh, his signature tune, eh?
It's gotta be done with feeling

I have a feeling somebody's
crackers round here

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

Now, if we get no reaction
from them, we win a quid?

Correct. Unless there is
a definite reaction

which surprises you all,
you all win? 1

Now, are we all ready?

Oh, yes, we are ready

Keep your eyes on the flowers,
and wait for the reaction

One, two, three, four

What the devil are you doing now?!

Have you seen yourselves,
three grown men?!

I could get you certified, no bother!

As for you, you weak-brained...

I knew you'd be up to something,
but I never dreamed

that I'd find you tootling in concert
to a vase of flaming daisies!

Greensleeves, if you will!?

You sit there tootling
and they knock the place down!

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