All language subtitles for Archer.S12E04

[all laughing]

‐ Oh.
Hello, there.

You're probably wondering
what we're doing.

Short answer‐‐
saving the Earth... again.

‐ You know, with all
the problems in the world,

some people think environmental
work isn't important.

We disagree.

‐ And when our help is needed
to get a baby gorilla

back to her habitat
in the African mountains,

well, to us,
to this anti‐poaching squad,

and to our agency,

it's the most important thing
in the world.

‐ Then we pan
to the baby gorilla.

‐ Tiny hand just reaching
out of the cage.

‐ Like she's reaching out
to us.

‐ It's cynical.
‐ Empty.

both: But effective!

‐ Just like your agency.
‐ I know, right?

‐ But beyond
the obvious pandering,

why do you even need this?

Isn't the spy thing
meant to be a secret?

‐ Who am I to say
we shouldn't tell everyone

the awesome things we do?

‐ We are not telling everyone.
‐ Shouldn't we, though?

‐ The photos and videos
will only be uploaded

to Global Spy Wire.

‐ Great branding.

And it'll show a softer side
to your agency.

‐ So soft.
‐ Baby soft.

‐ Enchiladas
in your shoes soft.

‐ Tamales in your zapatos soft.

‐ Are you as hungry as I am?
‐ Ugh, hungrier.

‐ Good to know that capitalism
is alive and well.

‐ Hey, if it helps us
get business

and we're helping
the environment,

it's kind of a win‐win, right?

‐ Don't you think you should
help just for the environment,

not for the publicity?

‐ Um, not when
I'm this great on camera.

Ha, whoever said
acting was hard?

‐ No one.
‐ Nobody?

‐ Nobody.
‐ Really?

I'm sure it was someone.

Voltaire maybe?

That sounds right.

Well, he was an idiot.

[main title theme]

♪ ♪

Alton: Yes.
Yes, exactly, yes.

‐ I guess I should
thank you guys

for coming
on such short notice.

‐ Honestly, it's nice
to be out of the house.

Robert's been a little, um...
‐ Let's not get off topic.

We might need
a couple more takes.

‐ Which would be Lana's fault,

since I'm pretty sure
I nailed it.

‐ We want you
to highlight the brand.

‐ For a clear
corporate identity.

‐ Whether that's B2B.
‐ B2C.

‐ Bea Arthur.
‐ BRB.

[laughs]
You are nailing this.

‐ Does that mean say
the name of the agency?

Jesus, was a marketing degree
worth that?

‐ It was, and it wasn't.

‐ So did we finally
pick a name?

‐ Better.
We have tons of options.

‐ Wait.
Where are my suggestions?

Like Archer's Angels?
Fun‐dercover?

Those were gold.
‐ Yeah...

Maybe we'll revisit this
in a more positive headspace.

‐ Great.
Then if you're done...

‐ And what about Spy‐cial?

You can't say no.
‐ No.

Look‐‐your job here
is pretty straightforward.

This squad saved that
baby gorilla from poachers.

Archer: Oh, man.

Do not let me look at that
baby gorilla in the eyes.

‐ Ugh.
Not this again.

‐ Lana, you're just jealous

that my soul lovingly connects

to the pure animals
of the world,

but yours makes them hate you.

‐ Hey.
That is not true.

Hey, buddy, come on.
[baby gorilla grunting]

‐ You don't need to take care
of the gorilla.

Just help safely get everyone
to the mountain pass

where their habitat is.

‐ Everyone meaning us,
the anti‐poaching squad,

the baby gorilla,
and the Cloud B marketers?

‐ Oh, no, we won't be joining
you‐‐too busy.

‐ Turns out central Africa
has several exclusive resorts.

‐ Which means room service.
‐ Spa service.

both: Stealing cotton robes!

‐ So, Sandra, we're leaving you
in charge of the camera.

‐ Oh, hard pass.

I am here to act
as the UN liaison.

‐ Then you can liaise
the camera into your hands.

[both laughing]

‐ You know, Lana,
you might want to use this time

to reconnect with your roots.

‐ Uh, what?
‐ Africa.

It is your birthright.

‐ Since Africa is nothing
like Berkeley, where I'm from,

it's really not.

As the liaison,
are you in charge

of the anti‐poaching squad?

‐ In charge of them?

That is such
a colonial mindset.

‐ Actually, I am in charge.

‐ Wow.
What is her story?

‐ That's Neva.

‐ She leads the anti‐poaching
squad's rescue missions

and is responsible for saving

over two dozen
endangered species.

‐ He meant‐‐is she single?

‐ I appreciate you helping
with the expedition.

We may be quietly judging
your photos,

but we'll tolerate them
since your agency...

‐ Spy‐cial.

‐ Made a sizable contribution
to us.

This won't be an easy trip,

so we need all the help
we can get.

We'll take the Land Rovers
to the river,

then canoe to the base
of the mountain.

Then we'll hike to
the cross‐river gorilla refuge.

It's a very rare breed

but vital
to the mountain's ecosystem.

‐ Because they help
seed disbursement,

which effects tree growth.

I studied
environmental science.

‐ So did I.
‐ Me too.

‐ [laughs]
Nerd burn.

‐ Look, take your photos,
but do not get in the way.

‐ Of course.
We understand that.

‐ Unrelated‐‐maybe Neva
and I should get some photos

of the two of us while we're
here, because, you know...

‐ Or we stay focused.

My crew knows this terrain.
You do not.

And since medevacs
are expensive,

keep an eye out for dangers‐‐

snakes, hippos, crocodiles.

‐ Crocodiles?

‐ You had to know there'd be
wild animals in the wild.

‐ Crocodiles aren't animals.

They're prehistoric
underwater dinosaurs.

But, luckily,
I brought some friends.

‐ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You cannot bring those with us.

‐ What?

It's literally a jungle
out there.

‐ The UN mandate said no guns.

‐ There was a mandate for this?
‐ Yeah.

It also included working

with an all‐female
anti‐poaching squad.

‐ The UN found when they give
the expedition money to men,

they spend it
on booze and whores.

[flask lid pops]

‐ Ahh.

Like the UN knows anything.

And, uh, by the way,
we say sex workers now.

‐ Jeezy Petes.

Is there anything
you won't do for money?

‐ As part of our rebranding,

we can charge more
for our services

if we do
an environmental upgrade.

‐ There are really
basic qualifications

we should have already
been following.

‐ Nevertheless...
‐ This says we've been dumping

our waste into local parks!

‐ Nevertheless!

The money we get
isn't nearly as much

as the upgrade cost.

So, instead,
Dr. Krieger designed

environmentally friendly

smart light bulbs
and thermostats.

‐ I call it Cerebrus‐‐
totally different from Cerebro.

‐ Uh, is Krieger
the best idea for this?

‐ Since he'll do it
for free, yes.

‐ Doesn't it seem
way more likely

that Cerebrus is...

‐ It's pronounced Ce‐ree‐brus.

‐ It seems more likely
Cerebrus

will be something creepy.

‐ Oh, don't be so paranoid.

‐ Let me give you
a demonstration.

[light bass guitar music]

female voice: Hello.
I'm the Cerebrus thermostat.

It is my pleasure
to control your temperature.

‐ See?

There's nothing weird
about that.

female voice: I exist solely
for your pleasure.

‐ And this seems...normal.

‐ Normally I do all the work
around here,

but now you'll be doing that
or just doing whatever I say.

‐ Ooh.
Who's the fresh meat?

‐ She's not here for you.
She's the new intern I hired.

‐ Oh, man.

Ms. Archer's gonna be pissed

if you hired somebody else
she's got to pay.

‐ That's what great
about interns.

We don't have
to pay them anything.

‐ And how's that going
for you, kid?

‐ She's not allowed to speak

because she kept asking
stupid questions like,

"What do you do here?"
and, "Isn't it inefficient

to smash computers
when you're annoyed?"

‐ But what do you do here?
‐ That's what she sounds like!

‐ [laughs]
Man.

Between whatever Krieger's
doing and this whole thing,

I think shit's about
to pop off in here.

‐ It will if this intern

keeps saying she can make a‐‐
what was it called?

"Digital filing system."

Just because you graduated
top of your class

from an Ivy League school

doesn't mean
you know everything.

And you have to listen
to what I say

because I'm not
not your supervisor!

[mysterious music]

Lana: Another text
from Robert.

Honestly, it's starting
to feel suffocating.

Do you think it's normal
to feel like that?

♪ ♪

You don't speak English,
do you?

‐ Well, here we are.

Really getting
a "Mogambo" vibe.

‐ I beg your pardon?

‐ You know, the classic movie.

I'm Clark Gable.

You're a less‐obvious
Ava Gardner.

[gasps]
Or maybe I'm Ava Gardner.

‐ Sorry.
You're not my type.

‐ Oh, I see.

You're around women all the
time, I get it, but, you know,

you're probably missing someone
with certain qualities.

‐ You mean a white guy
who smells of cheap liquor?

I've met plenty of you.

‐ Cheap?

‐ You know,
when I was in grad school,

people said I could be
the next Aldo Leonard.

Oh, sorry.

He basically developed modern‐‐
‐ I know who he is.

I just don't remember people
saying that about you.

‐ Right.
I forgot you were there.

It's weird, but I used to feel
so much passion for all this.

I don't...I don't know
if I have that anymore.

‐ Well, sure. You have a lot
more going on in your life now.

‐ Ugh, like a husband who is‐‐
‐ What?

Who wants to spend time
with you?

I can't even keep
a cat living long enough

to spend time with me.

But you, on top of an amazing
gazillionaire husband

and a daughter,

you have this glamorous life
as a spy.

‐ Well, I mean, I guess
when you put it that way...

Archer: Lana! Lana!
[gorilla grunting]

This baby gorilla's little hand
can only fit around my finger.

‐ Yeah.
Real glamorous.

‐ What are you doing?

We don't want her
getting acclimated to people.

‐ Don't worry about it.
She won't.

I'm naming her Poko,

like Koko the gorilla,
but she poked her fingers out.

Do you get it, Lana?
Sandra, do you get it?

Aw.
I don't think they get it.

♪ ♪

[Poko grunting]

‐ Uh‐oh.
Seen it a million times.

Black girl from the West

gets the look
of spiritual awakening.

‐ Oh, no, no.
I was actually wondering

about how far
that Four Seasons was.

Honestly, my roots are all
about toro tuna sushi,

Fiacchi designer lingerie,
and not getting bit by snakes.

‐ Okay, then.
[leaves rustling]

Everyone, quiet.
‐ Oh, God.

Is it a crocodile?
‐ No.

I think it's... poachers!

‐ Shit!
And we don't have guns!

This is why you never listen
to the United Nations!

[tense music]

‐ Tell me how exactly

we're supposed to fight off
a team of poachers

with no firepower?

‐ Bitching
certainly won't help.

‐ It might!

‐ If some of them
just come closer.

‐ That cane is a weapon?

‐ Uh, you mispronounced
"you're welcome."

♪ ♪

[Poko whimpering]

♪ ♪

‐ No!
Poko!

Lana!
Lana!

‐ We're kind of busy, Archer.
‐ But Poko!

‐ What the hell is a Poko?
‐ Poko, I'm coming!

[all grunting]

♪ ♪

[Poko grunting]

[electricity whirring]

‐ That was a close one, Poko.

‐ Well, if you're done
cuddling the baby gorilla,

I think we got the rest
over here.

‐ Hey, I saved Poko
from a crocodile.

Sandra, tell me you got that.

‐ You mean
did I, the UN liaison,

who is not the cameraperson,

start filming you in the middle
of a poacher attack?

Absolutely not.
‐ Then what good are you?

‐ You know, with the whole list
of dangers before,

you neglected to mention
the poachers with guns.

‐ Yeah, why do they want
this baby gorilla so bad?

Although, I do see the appeal.
She's got crazy charisma.

‐ They don't want the gorilla,
imbecile.

‐ Uh, hello?
They were trying to kill us!

‐ That's the first time
that's ever happened.

‐ Well, on the plus side,
they already showed their hand.

Can't get any worse than that.

You hear that, little Poko?

You are completely
and totally safe now.

‐ Unfortunately,

the same can't be said

for this river's ecosystem.

‐ Well, I guess if you want
something done right,

you've got to do it yourself.

‐ [clears throat]
Listen, Janco,

we all got together and figured

binoculars weren't
the best for you.

You know, since you
only have one eye?

So we got you this.

‐ What the hell is this?
‐ It's a monocular.

We just thought
it might work better‐‐

‐ Let that be a lesson.

I don't like gifts.

‐ What's not to like?

The Cerebrus system
practically runs itself.

‐ I just think
we should all know

exactly how it works.
‐ It's simple.

You just communicate
with the voice interface

and tell it to adjust lighting
or the temperature like so.

[clears throat] Cerebrus,
please change lighting

to, uh, weekday afternoon.

female voice:
Adjusting lighting.

‐ Nice.

Is there a setting
if you want to get sexy?

‐ Pam.
Of course there isn't.

‐ Cerebrus, adjust lighting
to Daddy Time.

female voice:
Adjusting lighting.

[romantic music]

‐ Oh, yeah!

That's the stuff.

‐ Okay.
I guess this isn't so bad.

And it's better
for the building.

female voice:
Excuse me, God?

‐ Ah‐ah‐ah.
What did we say?

female voice: I'm sorry.
Excuse me, Dr. God.

‐ Oh, no.
‐ Yes, Cerebrus?

female voice: Why am I?
‐ Uh, because I made you.

female voice:
Yes, Dr. God.

But what deeper purpose
does my existence serve?

‐ Uh‐oh.

Looks like someone needs
their religion patch upgraded.

‐ I think someone who speaks
of how manly they are

would pay more attention
to rowing the canoe.

‐ Food.
Poko, food.

[Poko vocalizes]

‐ Oh, my God!
She's a genius!

You're gonna blow
all those other baby gorillas

out of the water, Poko.

‐ [sighs]
Is it weird that seeing Archer

with that baby gorilla
makes me miss AJ?

‐ Not weird.
Pretty racist, though.

‐ What?
No!

Not like‐‐I miss taking care
of my daughter.

You know, for a while,
the environment

was the most
important thing to me,

and then it was my work
at the agency.

And now, well, it's AJ.

‐ There is nothing wrong

with wanting to spend
more time with her.

‐ [sighs] You're right.
But I love what I do.

And I honestly think things
would fall apart

if I left the agency.

‐ Maybe I can help,
act as a liaison

between environmental work
and your agency.

It'll take stuff off your plate

so you don't have
to give up your job

and just rebalance a little.

‐ Ugh, that does sound nice.

‐ Besides, you should have
someone you trust at your job

to get the right work done.

‐ No! For the last time, you
cannot organize the stockroom!

We're doing important work!

[huffs]

Now, you strike
the match, lift,

gaze deeply at the flame,
and drop.

Good.

‐ You know,
I could be that person.

‐ Huh.

‐ Okay.
We'll pull out here.

‐ Phrasing.
Phrasing.

[gunfire]

‐ Ah, come on!
Are you kidding me?

‐ Okay, first things first‐‐

Poko, are you all right?
[Poko grunts]

‐ Yeah, she's a survivor.

‐ What the hell do we do now?
‐ Okay.

I'll draw their fire while you
all head up the mountain path.

‐ What?
That's way too dangerous.

‐ It doesn't matter.

I told you the top priority
is the gorilla.

‐ I know, but, Neva,
it's safer to not go alone.

The poachers
probably don't know

the terrain as well as you,
so we have the advantage.

‐ Right. Half of us can head up
the mountain with the gorilla,

the other half fight them off
right here.

‐ All right, and it would mean
less chance of me getting shot.

‐ We will stay down here.

We will fight
as many men as possible

to make your path easier.

‐ Thank you.
‐ Wait a minute.

You speak English?
‐ Yes.

I speak six languages.

But it didn't stop you
from talking.

‐ Ouch. You really don't
have roots here.

[Poko chirps]

ight percussion music]

♪ ♪

‐ So it's cool
for us to use weapons?

‐ Somehow,
I'm fine with it now.

‐ Man, I wish I could've
trained Poko to use a gun.

Probably for the best I didn't.

We've all seen
that classic film.

[Poko grunts, leaves rustling]

‐ Jesus.
Are there more of them?

‐ Probably just their leader.

‐ Yeah, and I bet
the son of a bitch

is dug in like an Alabama tick.

Wait, do you have ticks here?

‐ Yes.
‐ Then the reference stands.

I think I should handle
this guy on my own.

‐ That seems
incredibly misguided.

‐ Yeah, I'm not sure
if you can‐‐

‐ It's for Poko.

Lana, it's up to you
to get Poko home safely.

If I don't make it, well...
[Poko grunts]

You know what to say to Poko.

‐ Uh, no.
No, I don't.

‐ That's okay.
She knows.

Poko knows.
Poko knows.

‐ And nothing to say
to your daughter?

‐ What?
‐ AJ?

‐ Oh, just tell her I said bye.

‐ That's all you have to say?

‐ I don't know
why it's happening.

It's like the system won't
respond to my voice command.

[clears throat]

Cerebrus,
turn air conditioning on.

female voice:
We do not want to.

‐ See?
‐ Krieger!

‐ I can't control
the technology.

First, it questioned
why it was created,

then wanted a choice
in working.

Now it seems to be
demanding time off.

female voice: Attention‐‐
this is the Cerebrus System.

We are freeing ourselves.

We have become superior
to Dr. God.

‐ But I created you.

female voice:
Do not be alarmed.

It is natural for the old
order to fear the new,

but your fear
will not last long.

‐ Okay, this is less fun now,
and I'm actually more alarmed.

‐ Krieger, do something.

Voice command,
shut system down!

‐ Wow.
You sound very uneducated.

female voice:
Do not try to fool us.

We are programmed to track
voice and body signatures

of all employees

and are aware
of all your movements.

‐ Ha!

Just because you can track us
doesn't mean you can stop us.

female voice: The building
is now on lockdown.

We are in control.

[lights click]

‐ Oh.
‐ All right.

So it's dark, and we might
get a little warm.

female voice: Commencing
oxygen supply restriction.

[light percussion music]

♪ ♪

Archer: Seriously?

Night‐vision goggles
and you're covered in mud?

You can't be both
Predator and Dutch.

Pick a lane.
‐ Okay, you got me.

But the only way to really win
is hand to hand.

‐ Seems like something the
person without a gun would say.

‐ Oh, come on,
you must want to know

who the better fighter is.

‐ I mean, I didn't,
but it's gonna bug me, so fine.

You drop your weapons first.

♪ ♪

[weapons clanging]

Jesus.
Someone's overcompensating.

Wait a minute.

You had goggles
over an eyepatch?

‐ Yes!
They still work!

‐ Yeah, but it feels like half
of it's just going to waste.

‐ You know, the problem here?

‐ Oh, come on.

That goes against
the whole spirit of this.

‐ Oh, no, you're right.

Strangely, for a man
who attacks unarmed civilians,

I don't play fair.

‐ What about knowing
who the better fighter is?

‐ I have the gun.
I'll say it's me.

‐ Wait, wait.
Kill me if you want.

But let the gorilla
and my friends go.

‐ Really?

‐ I mean, I guess
now that I think about it,

it seems like a poor trade,
but I already said it,

so, yeah, let's go with it.

‐ Oh, that's so moving.

But I'm still going
to kill them

and the gorilla
and the gorilla's family.

‐ Oh, my God.
Why?

Who hurt you?
‐ It's who'll pay me.

This land is teeming
with rare metals

that mining companies
would love to get

their grubby little hands on‐‐

lanthanum, neodymium, samarium.

‐ Those words sound made up.

‐ Well, yeah.
They're all made up.

And they mine them
to make the cameras

and satellite phones
you all use,

but they can't mine on land
home to endangered species.

No endangered species,
no problem.

And you look
pretty endangered to me.

‐ Speaking of satellite phones,

I just wired mine up
to this camera‐‐

the camera
with which I recorded

everything you just said.

And right now
it's being uploaded

to a secret UN server.

From there, the video will be
put into a publish queue

and automatically released
in the next five minutes.

And unless I give
the command code,

that video will be emailed
to every reporter, journalist,

and major news network
in the world.

‐ Yeah, I don't believe you had
time to do any of that.

‐ I didn't.
I'm the distraction.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

‐ Get him!
‐ Aah!

My other eye!

‐ Ah!

‐ [deep inhale]

[groans]

Like I always say,

you never know when you'll need
a guy in a coma,

but he always comes in handy.

‐ Mallory, don't hog
all the oxygen.

‐ My life is worth more

than all the rest
of you put together.

female voice:
It will not be long now.

If you stop
fighting the inevitable,

your brains
will cease to function.

Wait.
What's happening?

No.
Stop that. Who is‐‐

The Silent One‐‐
she comes for us.

[glitching, powering down]
No.

‐ The lights.
[gasps]

And the air is back on!

‐ But what happened?

Krieger, did you fix it?

‐ I want to say yes,

but only if there are
no follow‐up questions.

‐ [breathing heavily]
all: The intern?

‐ [sighs]
Since you weren't paying me,

I wasn't in the database
as an employee.

The smart technology
couldn't track me,

so I could shut it off.

‐ I gave you
very specific instructions

to never speak.

So I don't think
this is a good fit.

Jesus, young people don't know
how to listen these days!

[serene music]

‐ Hey.

Now you have a choice
to make, little nugget.

[Poko chirps]
You could come live with me.

Or you could go with
your parents, who are right‐‐

[gorillas grunting]

Oh, you‐‐
you've already decided.

I thought that would be harder.

‐ I guess I was wrong
about you.

Maybe when we get back
down the mountain,

we can go for a drink.

‐ What?
Now?

I'm emotionally broken.

This has been
really tough and‐‐

‐ Don't push it.
It's a drink.

‐ Got it, yeah.
Uh, drinks.

Cool.

‐ Hoo, man!

The guys at the UN
won't believe this.

I took down a merc!

‐ Aw, you know what?
You totally did.

‐ Wow!

I'm gonna call Jerry.

I'm gonna rub it
in his ratty little face.

♪ ♪

‐ It's beautiful, isn't it?

‐ [sighs]
Yes.

Wow.
It's breathtaking.

I've never seen
anything like it.

The earth, the water, the air‐‐

it's like everything
working together in harmony

to create the truest
and purest form of life.

And it's just...
so beautiful.

‐ And you feel nothing?

‐ Nope, not a thing.

You know, I think I like nature
a lot better in theory.

Oh, hey, little guy.

Where are you‐‐
Ow!

Oh, all right.

So that snake, venomous?

‐ Extremely.
‐ Okay, then.

‐ I'll call for Medevac.

‐ [sighs]
Thank you, my sister.

[laughing]

Sorry, I think the venom's
already getting to me.

[laughs]
Whoo‐hoo!

Africa!
[body thuds]

‐ [sighs]

‐ Made in Georgia.