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1
00:00:00,771 --> 00:00:04,041
(cawing)
2
00:00:04,074 --> 00:00:07,578
It is a dark time
in Staten Island.
3
00:00:07,611 --> 00:00:10,648
A lot of vampires
have been slaughtered.
4
00:00:10,681 --> 00:00:13,183
(grunting, screaming)
5
00:00:14,585 --> 00:00:16,487
Not us, thankfully. We're fine.
6
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,055
But are we?
7
00:00:18,088 --> 00:00:20,057
I don't think we
are. (short chuckle)
8
00:00:20,090 --> 00:00:21,225
NANDOR: The worst part
9
00:00:21,258 --> 00:00:22,593
is that it was our familiar
10
00:00:22,626 --> 00:00:24,295
that did the slaughtering.
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00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:26,397
The worst part is
it was Nandor's
12
00:00:26,430 --> 00:00:28,232
own familiar that
did the slaughtering.
13
00:00:28,265 --> 00:00:30,067
It was Nandor's employee.
14
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,102
Really Nandor's responsibility.
15
00:00:32,136 --> 00:00:33,437
- Yep.
- Talk to Nandor.
16
00:00:33,470 --> 00:00:35,339
It is true that Guillermo
17
00:00:35,372 --> 00:00:38,542
the familiar that all
of us share command of
18
00:00:38,576 --> 00:00:42,146
and responsibility for... is the
one that did the slaughtering.
19
00:00:42,179 --> 00:00:44,315
- Aah!
- NANDOR: But he did it
20
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:47,518
to save our lives from
the Vampiric Council.
21
00:00:47,551 --> 00:00:51,355
Still, he should not have
done so much slaughtering.
22
00:00:51,388 --> 00:00:54,625
I frankly couldn't give a
cat's knuckle about Gizmo.
23
00:00:54,658 --> 00:00:57,461
I mean, he's just kind of
this fluttering lickspittle
24
00:00:57,494 --> 00:01:01,332
that is always bouncing
about, always behind Nandor.
25
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:02,809
- But Nandor likes him.
- LASZLO: Oh, shut up, Colin Robinson.
26
00:01:02,833 --> 00:01:04,468
- You're giving me the pip.
- Yes.
27
00:01:04,501 --> 00:01:06,270
And we are running
out of time here.
28
00:01:06,303 --> 00:01:09,273
Well, I guess I should
just shut the fuck up then.
29
00:01:09,306 --> 00:01:10,674
If you insist.
30
00:01:10,708 --> 00:01:12,142
NADJA: I'm not objecting.
31
00:01:12,176 --> 00:01:13,453
You know, we know
what we have to do.
32
00:01:13,477 --> 00:01:14,721
We have to put
Guillermo to death
33
00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:16,447
before he puts all
of us to death.
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00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,358
- But he saved our lives.
- NADJA: Okay, so we're saying,
35
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:20,117
"Thank you for
saving us, but sorry,
36
00:01:20,150 --> 00:01:21,761
you're our mortal enemy...
You got to die, babes."
37
00:01:21,785 --> 00:01:24,188
But we are still
in imminent danger.
38
00:01:24,221 --> 00:01:26,457
May I remind you all
that we were sentenced
39
00:01:26,490 --> 00:01:29,326
to death by the Vampiric
Council for killing vampires.
40
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,762
- Which he did.
- And then more vampires were killed.
41
00:01:31,795 --> 00:01:34,465
- By him.
- Which means they're gonna send more assassins
42
00:01:34,498 --> 00:01:37,701
over here to get us. And
perhaps our familiar...
43
00:01:37,735 --> 00:01:39,646
- Your familiar, dickhead.
- You hired him, you bloody plonker.
44
00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:42,439
Is the only one
that can protect us.
45
00:01:42,473 --> 00:01:44,375
But how do you know he's
not going to kill us?
46
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:46,610
- It is in his bloods.
- COLIN: Ah, yes.
47
00:01:46,644 --> 00:01:49,380
Francis Galton's
perennial conundrum:
48
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:51,649
- Nature versus nurture...
- LASZLO: Shut the fuck up.
49
00:01:51,682 --> 00:01:53,627
- Speak quiet, Colin Robinson.
- Stop it, Colin Robinson.
50
00:01:53,651 --> 00:01:55,362
DOLL NADJA: Everybody
relax. I have given this
51
00:01:55,386 --> 00:01:56,763
a lot of thought,
and my vote is...
52
00:01:56,787 --> 00:01:58,522
- You don't get a vote.
- Hey!
53
00:01:58,556 --> 00:02:00,124
- Why not?
- Because you are basically
54
00:02:00,157 --> 00:02:01,425
just another version of Nadja,
55
00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:03,136
and so your vote would
be the same as hers,
56
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,504
- which is not fair.
- BOTH: You don't know that.
57
00:02:04,528 --> 00:02:06,463
- Just because...
- Oh, sorry, you go.
58
00:02:06,497 --> 00:02:07,798
- No, you go.
- No, you go.
59
00:02:07,831 --> 00:02:09,133
- Okay, I'll go.
- Okay, fine.
60
00:02:09,166 --> 00:02:10,568
What would your vote be?
61
00:02:10,601 --> 00:02:11,669
Death.
62
00:02:11,702 --> 00:02:13,637
What a brilliant point she has.
63
00:02:13,671 --> 00:02:15,539
I think we should
slumber on this.
64
00:02:15,573 --> 00:02:18,242
We do not have time to slumber!
The Vampiric Council is probably
65
00:02:18,275 --> 00:02:21,054
- out there now searching for us and him as we speak.
- (bell ringing)
66
00:02:21,078 --> 00:02:23,347
Silence! And hark.
67
00:02:23,380 --> 00:02:25,349
That was him.
68
00:02:25,382 --> 00:02:27,251
What could he want?
69
00:02:27,284 --> 00:02:29,453
Perhaps he is warning us
of an imminent danger.
70
00:02:30,487 --> 00:02:32,389
Or maybe his poop bucket's full.
71
00:02:32,423 --> 00:02:34,134
- We must check.
- I hope it's the poop bucket.
72
00:02:34,158 --> 00:02:36,126
Oh, and while you're down there
73
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,128
kill him.
74
00:02:38,162 --> 00:02:40,264
("You're Dead" by
Norma Tanega playing)
75
00:02:40,297 --> 00:02:42,666
? Don't sing if you
want to live long ?
76
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:45,269
? They have no use
for your song ?
77
00:02:45,302 --> 00:02:47,805
? You're dead, you're
dead, you're dead ?
78
00:02:47,838 --> 00:02:50,741
? You're dead and
out of this world ?
79
00:02:52,376 --> 00:02:55,412
? Now your hope and
compassion is gone ?
80
00:02:55,446 --> 00:02:58,215
? You sold out your
dream to the world ?
81
00:02:58,249 --> 00:03:00,484
? Stay dead, stay
dead, stay dead ?
82
00:03:00,517 --> 00:03:03,254
? You're dead and
out of this world. ?
83
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:11,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
84
00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:15,266
NANDOR: Make sure that you
use the handrail, because
85
00:03:15,299 --> 00:03:17,268
- the stairs are very steep.
- (clattering)
86
00:03:17,301 --> 00:03:19,036
LASZLO: Stupid prick.
87
00:03:19,069 --> 00:03:20,538
NANDOR: When was he last fed?
88
00:03:20,571 --> 00:03:22,282
- COLIN: What day is it?
- LASZLO: Sunday, maybe?
89
00:03:22,306 --> 00:03:24,308
Really? Gosh, it
feels like Saturday.
90
00:03:24,341 --> 00:03:26,277
It's just, like, "Where
did my weekend go?"
91
00:03:26,310 --> 00:03:28,178
(laughing): Am I right?
92
00:03:28,212 --> 00:03:30,156
NANDOR: This is why I said
we should have a checklist
93
00:03:30,180 --> 00:03:31,649
of when he was fed
and who fed him.
94
00:03:31,682 --> 00:03:33,517
(speaking foreign language)
95
00:03:33,551 --> 00:03:35,653
How long has he been down here?
96
00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:37,621
Almost a month. 29 days.
97
00:03:37,655 --> 00:03:40,324
A month, and you've not
decided his fate yet?
98
00:03:40,357 --> 00:03:42,092
Well, I have certainly
been trying to.
99
00:03:42,126 --> 00:03:43,603
A decision like that, there's
a lot of moving parts.
100
00:03:43,627 --> 00:03:45,329
Got it.
101
00:03:45,362 --> 00:03:48,299
Now remember, do not look
him directly in the eyes.
102
00:03:48,332 --> 00:03:50,634
We still do not know
the depths of his power.
103
00:03:50,668 --> 00:03:52,345
I never looked him in the
eyes anyway, so I'm certainly
104
00:03:52,369 --> 00:03:54,271
not gonna start now.
Get the door open.
105
00:03:54,305 --> 00:03:55,706
Stand aside.
106
00:04:01,512 --> 00:04:04,281
- Hi.
- Guillermo, why did you summon us?
107
00:04:04,315 --> 00:04:07,051
- Is there a threat of imminent danger?
- No.
108
00:04:07,084 --> 00:04:09,629
- Stand back! He's lunging at us! -NADJA: Oh!
- Not that I know of.
109
00:04:09,653 --> 00:04:12,590
- My bathroom bucket's full, needs to be emptied.
- NANDOR: Eesh.
110
00:04:12,623 --> 00:04:15,435
- Okay. Maybe one of you big, strong men...
- I'll do it. I'll do it.
111
00:04:15,459 --> 00:04:19,196
I-I think it's important
that I sift through the scat
112
00:04:19,230 --> 00:04:21,799
to see if he's sending
out any secret messages.
113
00:04:21,832 --> 00:04:23,276
- LASZLO: Scat away.
- NANDOR: Good thinking.
114
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,502
NADJA: Um, so, here
are your foods.
115
00:04:25,536 --> 00:04:27,036
- (short chuckle)
- Thank you, Nadja.
116
00:04:28,472 --> 00:04:30,183
- You can just hand it to me. I'm not...
- Stay.
117
00:04:30,207 --> 00:04:32,576
- Not gonna hurt you.
- NANDOR: Nice job.
118
00:04:32,610 --> 00:04:35,212
Yay, more raw chicken.
119
00:04:35,246 --> 00:04:38,148
The prisoner will slide
his bucket of shame
120
00:04:38,182 --> 00:04:40,584
over to the sally port.
121
00:04:40,618 --> 00:04:43,120
And the prisoner
will be reminded
122
00:04:43,153 --> 00:04:45,122
not to make any
sudden movements,
123
00:04:45,155 --> 00:04:48,325
- lest he get the prod.
- I have a name.
124
00:04:48,359 --> 00:04:50,394
Just slide your shit bucket
over to sally's port.
125
00:04:50,427 --> 00:04:52,463
Thank you.
126
00:04:54,331 --> 00:04:56,734
- (Nadja retching)
- NANDOR: Careful.
127
00:04:56,767 --> 00:04:59,203
- GUILLERMO: There you go.
- COLIN: Come to Mama.
128
00:04:59,236 --> 00:05:01,381
GUILLERMO: This is ridiculous.
Can't you just let me out?
129
00:05:01,405 --> 00:05:04,241
- You know I wouldn't hurt you.
- LASZLO: Bullshit. Please remember
130
00:05:04,275 --> 00:05:06,577
that this man is
a vampire killer.
131
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:09,179
I was protecting you!
I saved your lives!
132
00:05:09,213 --> 00:05:11,515
Yes, and we have taken
that into consideration.
133
00:05:11,549 --> 00:05:14,418
But we are still in
discussions about
134
00:05:14,451 --> 00:05:16,287
what your fate is going to be.
135
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,722
Oh, okay. And may I ask
how far along you are
136
00:05:18,756 --> 00:05:21,592
in these discussions? Or is it
one of those things - LASZLO: No.
137
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,370
Where you just linger
and argue with each other
138
00:05:23,394 --> 00:05:24,704
'cause you don't have
a Guillermo next to you
139
00:05:24,728 --> 00:05:26,564
to solve all of your problems?
140
00:05:26,597 --> 00:05:28,341
- This fucking guy. -Insolent!
- You need to prod him.
141
00:05:28,365 --> 00:05:31,302
Hey, hey, hey! The
prisoner will be reminded
142
00:05:31,335 --> 00:05:34,538
to treat his
captors with respect
143
00:05:34,572 --> 00:05:36,407
- and kindness.
- Yes.
144
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,451
- Or he'll taste the wrath of my...
- NANDOR: Do it.
145
00:05:38,475 --> 00:05:40,744
- GUILLERMO: Don't touch the metal.
- Prod. Ow!
146
00:05:40,778 --> 00:05:43,180
- Shit!
- NANDOR: Ay, shit.
147
00:05:43,214 --> 00:05:45,282
- You okay? -No!
- LASZLO: Let's go.
148
00:05:45,316 --> 00:05:46,717
We've lingered here long enough.
149
00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:48,652
He'll just do his
mind magic on us.
150
00:05:48,686 --> 00:05:51,097
- What?
- That's probably what he's doing with my cattle prod.
151
00:05:51,121 --> 00:05:53,166
- GUILLERMO: No, don't touch that end, Colin Rob...
- Ow!
152
00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:55,826
- NANDOR: Ay, fuck.
- Shit! That one was on me.
153
00:05:55,859 --> 00:05:58,171
- Not giving you credit for that one.
- GUILLERMO: I don't want credit.
154
00:05:58,195 --> 00:06:01,031
We will make a judgement
about your future shortly.
155
00:06:01,065 --> 00:06:02,399
And who's gonna
protect you, huh?
156
00:06:02,433 --> 00:06:04,101
I'm not asking
157
00:06:04,134 --> 00:06:05,603
for any kind of
special treatment!
158
00:06:05,636 --> 00:06:08,105
I'm just want to protect
you from yourselves!
159
00:06:08,138 --> 00:06:09,406
Laszlo. Laszlo?
160
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,709
- No, Laszlo...
- (electricity buzzing)
161
00:06:11,742 --> 00:06:13,143
COLIN: Ow, Fuck!
162
00:06:15,112 --> 00:06:18,315
Okay, so, day 30
of imprisonment.
163
00:06:18,349 --> 00:06:20,417
Not bad, actually.
164
00:06:20,451 --> 00:06:22,562
I get pretty good Wi-Fi
down here, so I've been able
165
00:06:22,586 --> 00:06:24,622
to rewatch some of my favorites.
166
00:06:24,655 --> 00:06:26,824
Did another round of
Gilmore Girls. (Chuckles)
167
00:06:26,857 --> 00:06:29,193
I can show you around if
you want, give you a tour.
168
00:06:29,226 --> 00:06:32,162
Here, this is my bed.
169
00:06:32,196 --> 00:06:33,631
Here's my mini fridge.
170
00:06:33,664 --> 00:06:37,101
And there's the chicken
they think I eat raw.
171
00:06:37,134 --> 00:06:39,370
And some Yoo-hoos.
172
00:06:39,403 --> 00:06:43,207
And that is where I, um... yeah.
173
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,452
Without me, the vampires
don't know what they're doing.
174
00:06:45,476 --> 00:06:47,578
Like, literally they can't
do anything without me.
175
00:06:47,611 --> 00:06:49,213
They can't even
imprison someone.
176
00:06:49,246 --> 00:06:50,524
You want to see something cool?
177
00:06:50,548 --> 00:06:53,784
Here's a little secret.
178
00:06:58,355 --> 00:07:00,057
What I've been
doing is I've been
179
00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:02,526
sneaking out when
they go into slumber.
180
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,795
Colin Robinson heads
out to work by 9:45,
181
00:07:04,828 --> 00:07:07,164
so I'm up by then.
182
00:07:08,532 --> 00:07:10,377
I've been coming up here
and doing all the things
183
00:07:10,401 --> 00:07:12,279
that need to be done to
keep the house functioning.
184
00:07:12,303 --> 00:07:14,505
? ?
185
00:07:15,372 --> 00:07:16,816
Of course they don't
notice, because
186
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,418
they just think it
happens automatically.
187
00:07:18,442 --> 00:07:20,277
It doesn't.
188
00:07:20,311 --> 00:07:22,246
I do it.
189
00:07:22,279 --> 00:07:24,248
Heads up.
190
00:07:25,282 --> 00:07:27,184
I mean, I should
really just consider
191
00:07:27,218 --> 00:07:28,219
escaping,
192
00:07:28,252 --> 00:07:29,720
And leaving.
193
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,488
And never coming back.
194
00:07:32,456 --> 00:07:34,391
Especially 'cause
they're considering
195
00:07:34,425 --> 00:07:36,060
you know, killing me. (Laughs)
196
00:07:36,093 --> 00:07:37,661
- Thank you.
- But I just wonder what
197
00:07:37,695 --> 00:07:39,697
would happen if I wasn't
here to help them out.
198
00:07:39,730 --> 00:07:41,565
They're like family.
199
00:07:41,599 --> 00:07:42,766
I know
200
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,435
codependent much?
(short chuckle)
201
00:07:50,107 --> 00:07:51,307
(crows cawing)
202
00:07:54,589 --> 00:07:56,358
NADJA: Look, I,
too have developed
203
00:07:56,391 --> 00:07:57,893
a small seed of affection
204
00:07:57,926 --> 00:08:00,228
for Guillermo, but the
vampire code stands.
205
00:08:00,262 --> 00:08:02,431
He killed vampires,
therefore he must be killed.
206
00:08:02,464 --> 00:08:04,399
NANDOR: What about
the warrior's code?
207
00:08:04,433 --> 00:08:06,635
A man who saves your life
in battle should be owed
208
00:08:06,668 --> 00:08:09,204
a debt of eternal
gratitude and mercy.
209
00:08:09,237 --> 00:08:11,573
Ah, yeah, the, uh,
perennial conundrum between
210
00:08:11,607 --> 00:08:14,543
- the warrior code and the vampire code...
- (thud)
211
00:08:14,576 --> 00:08:16,511
What... Uh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, what was that?
212
00:08:16,545 --> 00:08:18,790
NADJA: Oh, you know what, it's
probably one of the black birds
213
00:08:18,814 --> 00:08:20,315
that's been gathering
outside lately.
214
00:08:37,366 --> 00:08:39,334
(Nandor grunts)
215
00:08:39,368 --> 00:08:40,736
(sighs)
216
00:08:40,769 --> 00:08:42,671
How you holding up?
217
00:08:42,704 --> 00:08:45,207
Yeah, comme ci, comme �a.
218
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,142
I don't know what that means.
219
00:08:47,175 --> 00:08:50,212
So... has there been any updates
220
00:08:50,245 --> 00:08:52,714
- on... my fate?
- No.
221
00:08:52,748 --> 00:08:55,183
It's really looking like we're
going to end up killing you.
222
00:08:55,217 --> 00:08:57,452
Well...
223
00:08:57,486 --> 00:08:59,621
- I'm a soldier.
- Yes.
224
00:08:59,655 --> 00:09:02,124
Not a great warrior like
you, of course, but...
225
00:09:02,157 --> 00:09:04,459
- Oh, thank you.
- A soldier nonetheless.
226
00:09:04,493 --> 00:09:06,161
Who saved your life.
227
00:09:06,194 --> 00:09:07,729
And would do it
again in a heartbeat.
228
00:09:08,864 --> 00:09:10,766
'Cause that's the
code I live by.
229
00:09:10,799 --> 00:09:12,634
The code of the warrior.
230
00:09:14,436 --> 00:09:16,238
Yes.
231
00:09:16,271 --> 00:09:17,916
This is what I've been
trying to tell them.
232
00:09:17,940 --> 00:09:19,474
You are?
233
00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:21,510
There's a code amongst warriors.
234
00:09:21,543 --> 00:09:23,312
- The warriors code.
- Yes.
235
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:27,182
Sadly, I am but a lone
voice crying out in the
236
00:09:27,215 --> 00:09:28,583
wilderness.
237
00:09:28,617 --> 00:09:31,420
(grunts)
238
00:09:31,453 --> 00:09:33,655
Ow. Fucking splinter in my foot.
239
00:09:33,689 --> 00:09:35,424
Which reminds me.
240
00:09:35,457 --> 00:09:37,626
I brought you your dinner.
241
00:09:37,659 --> 00:09:40,228
- The chicken.
- Yes.
242
00:09:40,262 --> 00:09:42,531
I let it warm up to room
temperature for a few days.
243
00:09:42,564 --> 00:09:43,799
Oh... mm.
244
00:09:43,832 --> 00:09:46,134
- I'll leave the light on.
- Thank you.
245
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:47,502
(door closes)
246
00:09:48,470 --> 00:09:50,906
(cawing)
247
00:09:50,939 --> 00:09:53,342
(phone chiming)
248
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,353
I put these security cameras
everywhere just to make sure
249
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,112
the vampires are safe.
250
00:09:57,145 --> 00:09:59,123
Usually, the only alerts I
get are when raccoons get into
251
00:09:59,147 --> 00:10:01,383
the trash cans or Laszlo
goes out to the potting shed
252
00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:03,819
in the back yard
to, uh, whack off.
253
00:10:03,852 --> 00:10:05,854
But...
254
00:10:09,458 --> 00:10:10,658
What the hell?
255
00:10:19,234 --> 00:10:21,145
And you're comfortable
slumbering in your coffin
256
00:10:21,169 --> 00:10:23,605
knowing that bloody Guillermo's
poncing around the house?
257
00:10:23,639 --> 00:10:26,208
We could get locks for our
coffins... inside locks.
258
00:10:26,241 --> 00:10:28,110
Does such a thing even exist?
259
00:10:28,143 --> 00:10:29,754
LASZLO: I can't even slumber
knowing he's downstairs
260
00:10:29,778 --> 00:10:31,847
in that basement, so I've been
261
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,116
busy in my potting shed.
262
00:10:34,149 --> 00:10:36,118
Well, I've continued
263
00:10:36,151 --> 00:10:38,854
to sift through
his stinky pickles
264
00:10:38,887 --> 00:10:41,690
from his toilet bucket,
and I can confirm
265
00:10:41,723 --> 00:10:44,526
he's not smuggling out
any secret messages.
266
00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:46,295
Good work, Colin
Robinson. (clears throat)
267
00:10:46,328 --> 00:10:48,764
But I will continue
to sift through it
268
00:10:48,797 --> 00:10:50,866
on a daily basis in...
269
00:10:50,899 --> 00:10:52,668
- The...
- What?
270
00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:55,170
(all gasping, whimpering)
271
00:10:57,339 --> 00:10:59,174
Stand back!
272
00:10:59,207 --> 00:11:01,543
(all exclaiming)
273
00:11:03,578 --> 00:11:06,481
NADJA: Laszlo, get down!
274
00:11:06,515 --> 00:11:08,250
Ooh! What the heck?!
275
00:11:08,283 --> 00:11:09,785
You hit me with a stake!
276
00:11:09,818 --> 00:11:11,653
Stand back! She's trying
to kill all of you.
277
00:11:11,687 --> 00:11:13,564
See, this is what I'm talking
about. He's a good soldier.
278
00:11:13,588 --> 00:11:16,558
- He's gonna kill us all!
- I'm not trying to kill anyone.
279
00:11:16,591 --> 00:11:18,202
- I'm not trying to kill anyone, either... except for you!
- GUIDE: Great.
280
00:11:18,226 --> 00:11:19,761
- Whoa.
- NANDOR: Good catch.
281
00:11:19,795 --> 00:11:20,762
Thank you.
282
00:11:20,796 --> 00:11:22,397
Chillax, familiar.
283
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,266
We get it: You're
a vampire-killer,
284
00:11:24,299 --> 00:11:26,711
with the stakes and the reflexes
and all that... great job.
285
00:11:26,735 --> 00:11:28,437
- (claps)
- Yay. Now,
286
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:29,814
- may I speak?
- LASZLO: You may speak,
287
00:11:29,838 --> 00:11:31,740
dark shade, but, remember,
288
00:11:31,773 --> 00:11:33,575
no bullshit from thy mouth.
289
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:35,143
COLIN: But before you speak,
290
00:11:35,177 --> 00:11:37,245
how did the prisoner
get out of his cage?
291
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,148
- I'll tell you later.
- Okay, but what about your poop bucket?
292
00:11:40,182 --> 00:11:43,251
I mean, is it empty,
half-empty, mostly liquid,
293
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,696
or are there some Lincoln
Logs in there for me?
294
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:45,854
- Okay.
- GUIDE: Listen, everyone,
295
00:11:45,887 --> 00:11:47,589
I didn't mean to alarm you,
296
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:48,890
but we haven't heard from you.
297
00:11:48,924 --> 00:11:52,160
We sent 87 ravens to summon you
298
00:11:52,194 --> 00:11:54,196
which is a big deal
for our budget.
299
00:11:54,229 --> 00:11:55,773
- Oh, that makes sense... all the ravens.
- (overlapping muttering)
300
00:11:55,797 --> 00:11:57,332
Okay. So you did see them,
301
00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:58,876
and you did nothing,
just like last time?
302
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:02,170
Well, maybe you could
try using the telephone?
303
00:12:02,204 --> 00:12:03,572
We did try the telephone.
304
00:12:03,605 --> 00:12:05,416
It is Guillermo's job
to answer the telephone.
305
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,385
I'm sorry, but why did you
not answer the telephone?
306
00:12:07,409 --> 00:12:09,187
Because you had me in
a cage in the basement!
307
00:12:09,211 --> 00:12:11,213
Always an excuse
with this wise guy.
308
00:12:11,246 --> 00:12:13,582
GUIDE: All right, on to
the business at hand.
309
00:12:13,615 --> 00:12:16,718
I come to you with
a personal message
310
00:12:16,752 --> 00:12:20,422
from the Supreme Worldwide
Vampiric Council.
311
00:12:21,823 --> 00:12:24,559
- Oh, shit.
- Yes, the council that rules
312
00:12:24,593 --> 00:12:26,295
over all other councils.
313
00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:29,298
Now, do you have a VCR?
314
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,366
- A what?
- How are you spelling that?
315
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,435
V-C-R.
316
00:12:33,468 --> 00:12:34,668
- "Visar."
- No.
317
00:12:39,274 --> 00:12:40,518
- Is this really necessary?
- NANDOR: Yes, it is.
318
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,377
GUIDE: Vampires
all, draw ye near
319
00:12:42,411 --> 00:12:44,112
that ye may receive the message
320
00:12:44,146 --> 00:12:45,690
from the Supreme Worldwide
Vampiric Council.
321
00:12:45,714 --> 00:12:47,249
(whispers): Now press play.
322
00:12:47,282 --> 00:12:49,885
GUILLERMO: That's
rewind. That's pause.
323
00:12:49,918 --> 00:12:51,562
- I'm pressing it.
- COLIN: The Voice is on in a little bit
324
00:12:51,586 --> 00:12:52,797
- can we, uh... -NANDOR: Careful.
- Ugh.
325
00:12:52,821 --> 00:12:54,456
Play.
326
00:12:54,489 --> 00:12:57,326
? ?
327
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:58,760
Hi.
328
00:12:59,895 --> 00:13:01,663
-Nandor the Relentless,
-NANDOR: Yes?
329
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:04,132
Nadja of Antipaxos, -NADJA: Oh!
330
00:13:04,166 --> 00:13:08,603
Leslie "Laszlo" Cravensworth
and Colin Rubenstein,
331
00:13:08,637 --> 00:13:10,105
I applaud you.
332
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,885
Congratulations. With the help
of your bloodthirsty minion,
333
00:13:13,909 --> 00:13:16,211
you have eliminated almost
334
00:13:16,244 --> 00:13:18,580
70% of the most
powerful vampires
335
00:13:18,614 --> 00:13:20,549
in the Tri-State area.
336
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:23,251
What? He's here now?
337
00:13:23,285 --> 00:13:25,496
Right when I'm doing this piece? Tell
him to go - Is he being sarcastic?
338
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,832
It does sound a little bit... not
sarcastic, - to my chambers and wait there.
339
00:13:27,856 --> 00:13:29,634
- What's the other word that sort of means "sarcastic"?
- Okay, where was I?
340
00:13:29,658 --> 00:13:31,226
- Ah, yes.
- Begins with "F."
341
00:13:31,259 --> 00:13:33,662
Lest you think I'm
being facetious,
342
00:13:33,695 --> 00:13:34,730
- That's the word.
- I can assure you
343
00:13:34,763 --> 00:13:36,398
I am not.
344
00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:39,501
"Vampire must never
kill vampire."
345
00:13:39,534 --> 00:13:42,404
Is that not the thing
that we say all the time?
346
00:13:42,437 --> 00:13:44,773
- We do. Uh... some of us do.
- At dinner parties
347
00:13:44,806 --> 00:13:46,284
- I do.
- And at social gatherings, we come and say,
348
00:13:46,308 --> 00:13:47,376
"Hey, how's it going, Jeffrey?
349
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,544
Vampire shall not kill vampire,"
350
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:52,648
just to remind ourselves of
that big law that we made
351
00:13:52,681 --> 00:13:53,815
many, many years ago.
352
00:13:53,849 --> 00:13:55,751
But when a vampire kills, like,
353
00:13:55,784 --> 00:13:58,820
37, 38 vampires?
354
00:13:58,854 --> 00:14:00,289
Well, these are vampires
355
00:14:00,322 --> 00:14:02,557
who know how to get things done.
356
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,760
- Oh, isn't he great?
- (exclaiming) - So this is why
357
00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:06,628
I am pleased to announce that
358
00:14:06,662 --> 00:14:09,498
you four are hereby appointed
359
00:14:09,531 --> 00:14:10,875
- to be the leaders.
- What the fuck?
360
00:14:10,899 --> 00:14:12,634
Of the Vampiric Council -Oh!
361
00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:14,836
Of the Eastern Seaboard
of the New World.
362
00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,514
- GUIDE: Wow. That's sort of.
- Congratulations,
363
00:14:16,538 --> 00:14:18,473
- a surprise even to me.
- Guys. Well done.
364
00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:20,218
- NADJA: Very nice!
- So, sit upon the throne with pride.
365
00:14:20,242 --> 00:14:21,653
- (squeals)
- You are in charge now.
366
00:14:21,677 --> 00:14:24,513
We will be monitoring
your progress.
367
00:14:24,546 --> 00:14:28,150
And with that, I bid you adieu.
368
00:14:28,183 --> 00:14:29,527
- Adieu to you. -Yeah, yeah.
- NANDOR: A dude.
369
00:14:29,551 --> 00:14:31,453
- FML.
- Hell yeah.
370
00:14:31,486 --> 00:14:33,689
I love thrones... They're
my favorite chair.
371
00:14:33,722 --> 00:14:35,357
It is a great honor.
372
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:37,526
But, also, you know,
quite a responsibility.
373
00:14:37,559 --> 00:14:39,328
COLIN: Well, I've
been on the local.
374
00:14:39,361 --> 00:14:41,596
Vampiric Council
for a few years now.
375
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,366
Mainly at an
entry-level position.
376
00:14:44,399 --> 00:14:46,335
I... Well, what can I say?
377
00:14:46,368 --> 00:14:48,503
It's good to be the
king. (chuckles)
378
00:14:48,537 --> 00:14:50,605
Mel Brooks, History
of the World: Part I.
379
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,307
LASZLO: I didn't
become a vampire
380
00:14:52,341 --> 00:14:54,276
to end up a
pen-pushing bureaucrat.
381
00:14:54,309 --> 00:14:57,713
I became a vampire to suck
blood and to fuck forever.
382
00:14:57,746 --> 00:15:01,450
- But you must admit, this is quite an honor.
- I couldn't give a fuck.
383
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:05,120
Push the stop button.
It is the record button.
384
00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:06,631
- GUILLERMO: Should I turn it off?
- Who is he talking to?
385
00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,166
- GUIDE: Just turn it off.
- The red one.
386
00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:09,758
I have done the
bidding for countless
387
00:15:09,791 --> 00:15:12,594
fearsome and legendary councils.
388
00:15:12,628 --> 00:15:14,296
Lords and lady,
389
00:15:14,329 --> 00:15:17,432
I have assisted every local.
390
00:15:17,466 --> 00:15:20,202
Vampiric Council since 1759.
391
00:15:20,235 --> 00:15:21,570
The best of the best.
392
00:15:21,603 --> 00:15:25,107
I now stand charged
with assisting you.
393
00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:26,642
- Nice.
- All right.
394
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:29,111
And now we have these guys.
395
00:15:29,144 --> 00:15:31,213
Which is
396
00:15:31,246 --> 00:15:33,682
whatever, you know,
it's above my pay grade.
397
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:35,517
NADJA: You know, it
isn't just an honor.
398
00:15:35,550 --> 00:15:37,286
It is also a nine-to-five.
399
00:15:37,319 --> 00:15:40,122
You know, full-time working
job. I'm a working woman.
400
00:15:40,155 --> 00:15:43,592
This is now a documentary
about Vampire Council leaders.
401
00:15:43,625 --> 00:15:46,395
I will take you upon tomorrow's
eve to Vampiric Council
402
00:15:46,428 --> 00:15:48,830
headquarters so that you
may assume the throne.
403
00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:50,899
Once the leader of men.
404
00:15:50,932 --> 00:15:53,502
Now a leader of vampires.
405
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:56,371
But one matter still remains:
406
00:15:56,405 --> 00:15:59,074
What to do about Guillermo?
407
00:16:00,842 --> 00:16:03,145
- Do you have to chain me?
- Uh, no.
408
00:16:03,178 --> 00:16:04,479
Then why did you do it?
409
00:16:04,513 --> 00:16:05,647
Well, seemed kind of fun.
410
00:16:05,681 --> 00:16:06,848
All right, get in there.
411
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:09,418
Kneel before your masters, fool.
412
00:16:09,451 --> 00:16:10,652
I will not kneel.
413
00:16:10,686 --> 00:16:13,155
All right, then. Shit.
414
00:16:13,188 --> 00:16:15,557
Who-who took the batteries
out of my proddy?
415
00:16:15,590 --> 00:16:18,126
- Just let him stand there, Colin Robinson.
- We all agreed
416
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,738
- I could prod him one more time.
- Yeah, yeah, well, you tried, and nothing happened.
417
00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:22,373
We have a lot to get
through this evening.
418
00:16:22,397 --> 00:16:24,900
(clears throat) Guillermo
419
00:16:24,933 --> 00:16:27,469
de la... eh...
420
00:16:27,502 --> 00:16:28,770
What is it again?
421
00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:30,806
- Um, Greenberg?
- De la Cruz.
422
00:16:30,839 --> 00:16:32,874
- Oh.
- We have come to a final
423
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:35,143
decision regarding your fate.
424
00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:38,246
All those in favor of revealing
this decision, say aye!
425
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,481
ALL: Aye!
426
00:16:39,514 --> 00:16:40,616
It's unanimous.
427
00:16:40,649 --> 00:16:43,518
In the case of
Guillermo Greenberg
428
00:16:43,552 --> 00:16:44,886
de la Cruz -Not my name.
429
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,223
In the killing of
many, many vampires,
430
00:16:48,256 --> 00:16:51,360
we have come to a final
decision regarding your fate.
431
00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:53,195
We have decided...
432
00:16:54,429 --> 00:16:56,898
- Drum roll.
- Thank you.
433
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,700
(Nadja imitates cymbal crash)
434
00:17:00,168 --> 00:17:01,536
Not to kill you.
435
00:17:01,570 --> 00:17:02,804
NADJA: At least not right now
436
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:03,772
and not for this
particular thing,
437
00:17:03,805 --> 00:17:05,540
but my eyes are on you.
438
00:17:05,574 --> 00:17:07,285
You were shitting yourself
there for a second, weren't you?
439
00:17:07,309 --> 00:17:09,311
- Little bit.
- In fact, for our own protection,
440
00:17:09,344 --> 00:17:11,113
we have decided
441
00:17:11,146 --> 00:17:13,649
to make you a fully-fledged
member of the team.
442
00:17:13,682 --> 00:17:15,183
What?
443
00:17:16,218 --> 00:17:17,786
You're gonna make me a vampire.
444
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,388
-Course we're
fucking not, -What?
445
00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:20,698
- You idiot.
- Fucking kidding me. (Laughs)
446
00:17:20,722 --> 00:17:22,257
NANDOR: No, we're
gonna do something
447
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,592
much better than that.
448
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,203
Do you want to do
another drum roll or...
449
00:17:25,227 --> 00:17:26,471
- I don't think drum roll's...
- NADJA: No. I...
450
00:17:26,495 --> 00:17:28,497
- That is it.
- We are gonna make you
451
00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:30,599
a vampires'
452
00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,401
- bodyguard.
- Ah!
453
00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:33,902
- Hmm.
- NANDOR: Exciting.
454
00:17:33,935 --> 00:17:35,871
Not... not really
what "a fully-fledged"
455
00:17:35,904 --> 00:17:37,815
- "member of the group" kind of person...
- NADJA: Well, excuse me,
456
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,208
it's a big bloody step
up from being a familiar,
457
00:17:40,242 --> 00:17:41,877
and it's way better
than being dead,
458
00:17:41,910 --> 00:17:44,179
- so you gonna take it or leave it?
- Take it.
459
00:17:44,212 --> 00:17:46,548
- Okay. I'll take it.
- NANDOR: Okay, good.
460
00:17:46,581 --> 00:17:49,318
All those in favor of accepting
his acceptance, say aye!
461
00:17:49,351 --> 00:17:51,253
ALL: Aye!
462
00:17:51,286 --> 00:17:53,455
Okay. Great. Unanimous...
Uh, tut, tut, tut...
463
00:17:53,488 --> 00:17:55,657
Before you remove the chains,
464
00:17:55,691 --> 00:17:58,226
there's just, uh, another
thing that you will have to do
465
00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:00,295
for it to be, you
know, finalized.
466
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,664
This thing, it might, uh
467
00:18:02,698 --> 00:18:04,833
might be a little bit
dangerous. For you.
468
00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:06,234
Vampiric hypnosis
469
00:18:06,268 --> 00:18:08,737
is a very powerful tool,
470
00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:10,906
which, if improperly used
471
00:18:10,939 --> 00:18:13,609
by the hypnotizer, can
really mess up the mind
472
00:18:13,642 --> 00:18:15,177
of the hypnotizee.
473
00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:16,378
NADJA: And the twice-as-powerful
474
00:18:16,411 --> 00:18:17,746
double hypnosis can lead
475
00:18:17,779 --> 00:18:19,581
to weak brain or, even worse,
476
00:18:19,615 --> 00:18:21,216
the thoughtless Sallies.
477
00:18:21,249 --> 00:18:23,318
And if things go
very, very tits-up,
478
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:26,288
you end up with full-blown
brain scramblies.
479
00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:28,190
LASZLO: As we both
know, my darling,
480
00:18:28,223 --> 00:18:30,258
from experience, but
take that up a notch.
481
00:18:30,292 --> 00:18:31,493
To a three-way hypnosis,
482
00:18:31,526 --> 00:18:33,161
well, then you might be
483
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,397
faced with the purple
screaming Henries.
484
00:18:35,430 --> 00:18:37,165
Or worse still
485
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,267
half-man, half-madness.
486
00:18:39,301 --> 00:18:41,203
NANDOR: But desperate times
487
00:18:41,236 --> 00:18:43,305
call for desperate measures.
488
00:18:43,338 --> 00:18:44,840
So, a four-way hypnosis?
489
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,575
NADJA: Yes, and we've actually
490
00:18:46,608 --> 00:18:48,644
never ever done one
of those before, so...
491
00:18:48,677 --> 00:18:50,855
LASZLO: Yeah, and the odds against
you being normal afterwards
492
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:54,216
- are pretty fucking low.
- Do you think I can have a minute to think about it?
493
00:18:54,249 --> 00:18:56,585
The prisoner needs a
moment to think about it.
494
00:18:56,618 --> 00:18:59,321
It's okay. I thought about it.
495
00:18:59,354 --> 00:19:01,423
He's thunk about it.
496
00:19:01,456 --> 00:19:03,759
Okay. And I agree.
497
00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:05,594
- Great.
- Yeah, being alone in that cell
498
00:19:05,627 --> 00:19:07,529
down there gives
you a lot of time.
499
00:19:07,562 --> 00:19:10,265
- Mm.
- And you guys... you're like my family.
500
00:19:10,299 --> 00:19:12,634
It's okay, you don't have
to give us your life story.
501
00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:14,536
- We get it. Should we, uh...
- LASZLO: Yeah.
502
00:19:14,569 --> 00:19:16,138
Assume the position.
503
00:19:16,171 --> 00:19:17,539
What position would that be?
504
00:19:17,572 --> 00:19:19,183
I haven't got a fucking
clue. What is it?
505
00:19:19,207 --> 00:19:20,776
Uh, stand there,
we'll come to you.
506
00:19:20,809 --> 00:19:22,311
- Yes.
- Good idea.
507
00:19:22,344 --> 00:19:25,280
- (Nandor clears throat)
- (all vocalizing)
508
00:19:25,314 --> 00:19:26,615
NANDOR: Quadruple hypnosis.
509
00:19:26,648 --> 00:19:28,317
ALL: Guillermo...
510
00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:31,520
Greenberg de la Cruz,
511
00:19:31,553 --> 00:19:34,323
you will now find yourself
512
00:19:34,356 --> 00:19:36,325
in a trance-like state.
513
00:19:36,358 --> 00:19:37,726
GUILLERMO: Between you and I,
514
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:40,796
vampire hypnosis doesn't
work on me anymore.
515
00:19:40,829 --> 00:19:42,197
I mean, it used to, years ago,
516
00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:43,598
when they first
started doing it.
517
00:19:43,632 --> 00:19:45,400
But I guess after a
while, my body just
518
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,336
got immune to it.
519
00:19:47,369 --> 00:19:51,173
ALL: When you awaken, and for
the rest of your natural life,
520
00:19:51,206 --> 00:19:54,810
you will in no
way harm Nandor...
521
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:57,188
GUILLERMO: And they used to use
it on the stupidest things, too.
522
00:19:57,212 --> 00:19:58,423
Things I would've done anyways.
523
00:19:58,447 --> 00:19:59,681
Gizmo, stop doing that.
524
00:19:59,715 --> 00:20:00,882
Could you do me a small favor?
525
00:20:00,916 --> 00:20:02,651
Fetch me the book,
526
00:20:02,684 --> 00:20:05,253
which is next to
my father's ashes.
527
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:06,888
Do it a bit quicker because
528
00:20:06,922 --> 00:20:09,124
you are interrupting
my magazine reading.
529
00:20:09,157 --> 00:20:13,261
Now go into the basement and
fetch my witch's skin hat.
530
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,396
Don't you fucking dare.
531
00:20:14,429 --> 00:20:15,831
So, yeah.
532
00:20:15,864 --> 00:20:17,642
I just let them think
they can hypnotize me.
533
00:20:17,666 --> 00:20:19,801
Who's gonna know the difference?
534
00:20:19,835 --> 00:20:22,471
- (all chanting)
- Wait, wait, wait. Also...
535
00:20:22,504 --> 00:20:25,340
whenever Colin Robinson
says your name,
536
00:20:25,374 --> 00:20:28,443
you will meow like a kitty cat.
537
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,212
The...
538
00:20:30,245 --> 00:20:31,747
ALL: End.
539
00:20:31,780 --> 00:20:33,358
Colin Robinson, why did
you have to add that bit?
540
00:20:33,382 --> 00:20:35,517
It's for me, all right?! For me!
541
00:20:35,550 --> 00:20:36,618
(exhales)
542
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,354
Guillermo... awaken.
543
00:20:39,388 --> 00:20:40,822
(gasps)
544
00:20:40,856 --> 00:20:42,758
Is your brain fully operational?
545
00:20:42,791 --> 00:20:45,494
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- He's not fine.
546
00:20:45,527 --> 00:20:47,329
He's got that slack
jaw, half-wit look.
547
00:20:47,362 --> 00:20:49,298
Guillermo, you will now
548
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,767
take Colin Robinson's
peen and scrotum
549
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,502
and crush it in your hand.
550
00:20:53,535 --> 00:20:54,670
- What? No.
- Good idea.
551
00:20:54,703 --> 00:20:55,837
LASZLO: Yeah.
552
00:20:55,871 --> 00:20:57,306
NANDOR: He's gonna do it.
553
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,840
I'm afraid I can't, Master.
554
00:20:58,874 --> 00:21:00,876
As much as I would love to,
555
00:21:00,909 --> 00:21:03,111
something compels me not to.
556
00:21:03,145 --> 00:21:05,590
- It worked! Yay! -It worked! (Laughs)
- Yeah, wait, wait, wait! No, no.
557
00:21:05,614 --> 00:21:07,716
- NANDOR: Yes!
- Hold on, hold on. Guillermo?
558
00:21:07,749 --> 00:21:09,751
Meow.(laughing)
559
00:21:09,785 --> 00:21:11,453
It worked.
560
00:21:17,422 --> 00:21:19,925
NANDOR: This building. Eesh!
561
00:21:19,958 --> 00:21:22,427
Still sends shivers
through my bones.
562
00:21:22,461 --> 00:21:23,938
Last time we were
here we were sentenced
563
00:21:23,962 --> 00:21:25,464
to death by the
Vampiric Council.
564
00:21:25,497 --> 00:21:27,833
Had we not escaped
from this cack house...
565
00:21:27,866 --> 00:21:29,768
- I saved them.
- We saved them.
566
00:21:29,801 --> 00:21:31,846
Had we not escaped from
this fluorescent mausoleum,
567
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,705
we'd be fucking dead.
568
00:21:33,739 --> 00:21:35,407
First... thank you.
569
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,010
NANDOR: Does anyone remember
how the elevator works?
570
00:21:38,043 --> 00:21:40,155
NADJA: Nandor, just tell it
to take us to the dungeon.
571
00:21:40,179 --> 00:21:42,181
COLIN: I think it's P3.
572
00:21:42,214 --> 00:21:44,249
(elevator bell dings)
573
00:21:46,985 --> 00:21:48,763
- NANDOR: Oh.
- GUIDE: This is my favorite room.
574
00:21:48,787 --> 00:21:50,165
- NANDOR: This is lovely.
- LASZLO: Very nice.
575
00:21:50,189 --> 00:21:52,791
GUIDE: And I'm sure
you'll all remember
576
00:21:52,824 --> 00:21:54,366
- the judgement chamber.
- LASZLO: No.
577
00:21:54,393 --> 00:21:56,328
NANDOR: How could we forget?
578
00:21:56,361 --> 00:21:59,164
Yes. I remember it well.
579
00:21:59,198 --> 00:22:01,033
The last time we were
in this very room,
580
00:22:01,066 --> 00:22:03,368
we were sentenced to
death and Wesley Snipes
581
00:22:03,402 --> 00:22:06,038
- was right over there on a laptop.
- GUIDE: Right.
582
00:22:06,071 --> 00:22:07,673
And now you're the
ones who will be
583
00:22:07,706 --> 00:22:09,374
sentencing other
vampires to death.
584
00:22:09,408 --> 00:22:11,009
- Yes! -Yes.
- GUIDE: Which
585
00:22:11,043 --> 00:22:12,711
doesn't really make
a lot of sense to me.
586
00:22:12,744 --> 00:22:15,113
(laughs) But, whatever,
above my pay grade.
587
00:22:15,147 --> 00:22:16,381
I am here to serve.
588
00:22:16,415 --> 00:22:17,816
Good for you. That's great.
589
00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:19,785
NADJA: Well, it's
much bigger and
590
00:22:19,818 --> 00:22:21,720
- more impressive than I remember.
- Yes.
591
00:22:21,753 --> 00:22:23,956
Feel a little bit
chilly willies, too.
592
00:22:23,989 --> 00:22:25,433
- Oh.
- NANDOR: It is a little cold.
593
00:22:25,457 --> 00:22:26,935
- GUIDE: These are the wraiths.
- Oh, great,
594
00:22:26,959 --> 00:22:28,694
I'm fucking freezing.
595
00:22:28,727 --> 00:22:30,095
- Oh!
- GUIDE: Do not fear them
596
00:22:30,128 --> 00:22:31,163
- they are here to serve us.
- Thank you.
597
00:22:31,196 --> 00:22:32,898
NANDOR: Thanks a lot.
598
00:22:32,931 --> 00:22:34,375
Darling, it's almost
as soft as you are.
599
00:22:34,399 --> 00:22:36,101
LASZLO: Mm, very nice.
600
00:22:36,134 --> 00:22:38,046
Are they gonna come back
with another one? 'Cause...
601
00:22:38,070 --> 00:22:39,838
Membership has its privileges.
602
00:22:39,872 --> 00:22:41,173
Clearly.
603
00:22:41,206 --> 00:22:43,742
Now, before we get
down to business
604
00:22:43,775 --> 00:22:46,044
(snaps fingers)
- (Nandor exclaims)
605
00:22:46,078 --> 00:22:47,455
- Ooh, nice.
- GUIDE: Which one of you
606
00:22:47,479 --> 00:22:49,982
will assume the Master's Throne?
607
00:22:50,015 --> 00:22:52,150
Is there not a
throne for all of us?
608
00:22:52,184 --> 00:22:55,320
(laughing)
609
00:22:56,488 --> 00:22:58,223
No!
610
00:22:58,257 --> 00:23:00,001
I just... I assumed, you
know, because there is more
611
00:23:00,025 --> 00:23:01,236
than one of us, there will
be more than one throne.
612
00:23:01,260 --> 00:23:02,961
- This is it. Listen.
- LASZLO: Oh.
613
00:23:02,995 --> 00:23:04,463
You're all on the
Vampiric Council,
614
00:23:04,496 --> 00:23:06,140
- All of us?
- But those... All four of you.
615
00:23:06,164 --> 00:23:08,800
But only one of you can
be the supreme leader.
616
00:23:08,834 --> 00:23:11,336
The one who rules
over all vampires.
617
00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:14,806
All vampires in the
local New York area.
618
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,176
And also is the boss over
all the other members
619
00:23:17,209 --> 00:23:19,278
of the Council... only one.
620
00:23:19,311 --> 00:23:21,780
So who will be
the supreme leader
621
00:23:21,813 --> 00:23:23,081
who rules over all others?
622
00:23:23,115 --> 00:23:25,984
- Um...
- Fuck no.
623
00:23:26,018 --> 00:23:28,763
- I'll do it.
- I think I'm probably the best one for it, probably I think...
624
00:23:28,787 --> 00:23:30,055
They're idiots.
625
00:23:30,088 --> 00:23:32,024
Haven't decided
yet, Colin Robinson!
626
00:23:32,057 --> 00:23:33,468
- You will not take it!
- We've to make a decision together!
627
00:23:33,492 --> 00:23:36,828
? King of the nighttime world ?
628
00:23:36,862 --> 00:23:40,199
? You're my headlight queen ?
629
00:23:40,232 --> 00:23:44,136
? I'm the king of
the nighttime world ?
630
00:23:44,169 --> 00:23:47,005
? Come live your secret dream ?
631
00:23:47,039 --> 00:23:50,876
? I'm the king of
the nighttime world ?
632
00:23:50,909 --> 00:23:53,912
? You're my headlight queen ?
633
00:23:53,946 --> 00:23:56,982
? I'm the king of
the nighttime world ?
634
00:23:57,015 --> 00:24:00,919
? I'm the king, now come
live your secret dreams ?
635
00:24:00,953 --> 00:24:04,890
? I'm the king of
the nighttime world ?
636
00:24:04,923 --> 00:24:08,160
? You're my headlight queen ?
637
00:24:08,193 --> 00:24:12,464
? I'm the king of the
nighttime world. ?
638
00:24:12,497 --> 00:24:18,497
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